Welcome to
Marriage in God's Hands.
00:00:29.75\00:00:33.00
I am Alanzo Smith, and
this is my wife June Smith.
00:00:33.03\00:00:37.47
We have been
married for 31 years.
00:00:37.50\00:00:41.07
And we have been doing a
lot of marriage counseling,
00:00:41.10\00:00:44.79
retreats and
seminars all over the world.
00:00:44.82\00:00:48.83
And what we're
going to do for you today,
00:00:48.86\00:00:51.66
we're going to bring some
of those things that we have
00:00:51.69\00:00:58.19
gleaned from these
seminars and let you know.
00:00:58.22\00:01:01.08
What's the interesting
topic that we have for today?
00:01:01.11\00:01:04.95
What husbands
want wives to know.
00:01:04.98\00:01:09.33
Wow! Before we go into that,
we're going to have prayer.
00:01:09.36\00:01:14.00
June, would you pray?
00:01:14.03\00:01:16.59
Father, we thank
You so much for love.
00:01:17.75\00:01:20.52
We thank You for the
sacrifices You've made
00:01:20.55\00:01:24.09
to redeem our families.
00:01:24.12\00:01:25.82
We pray for our
husbands. We pray for our wives.
00:01:25.85\00:01:29.69
We pray that Your Holy Spirit
will fill them with Your grace.
00:01:29.72\00:01:33.31
And Lord we ask
that when You come,
00:01:33.34\00:01:36.23
all our families will be saved.
00:01:36.26\00:01:38.42
In Jesus' name, amen. Amen.
00:01:38.45\00:01:41.72
What husbands
want wives to know.
00:01:42.89\00:01:48.17
Well, well, well, as a
husband, I want to hear.
00:01:48.20\00:01:52.35
Well, what would be the
first thing you would say that
00:01:52.88\00:01:57.07
we husbands want
our wives to know?
00:01:57.10\00:02:01.69
I think before we say
that, we might say that there,
00:02:02.34\00:02:06.03
in the recent times, there is
some research that suggests that
00:02:06.06\00:02:11.59
there are differences
between men and women.
00:02:11.62\00:02:15.55
And as a result,
sometimes the outcomes influence
00:02:15.58\00:02:21.25
our understanding of
our relationships or how
00:02:21.28\00:02:26.05
men and women differ and
how and where they're similar.
00:02:26.08\00:02:29.69
And what I have noticed also,
as we have done our seminars
00:02:31.06\00:02:36.06
and working with couples in
therapy sessions that sometimes
00:02:37.00\00:02:43.47
it's not major things that
cause problems in marriages.
00:02:43.50\00:02:49.79
But sometimes it's
simple things, little things.
00:02:49.82\00:02:53.93
Songs of Solomon describes it as
00:02:53.96\00:02:57.19
the little fox
that spoils the vine.
00:02:57.22\00:03:01.69
And so we're saying
that sometimes it's just some
00:03:01.72\00:03:05.28
little things that
cause marriages to fall apart.
00:03:05.31\00:03:08.67
One of the things that I
hear men talk about frequently
00:03:10.15\00:03:13.23
is the issue of money.
00:03:13.26\00:03:15.87
They have problems with, or most
of the men that we surveyed,
00:03:16.57\00:03:21.56
had problems with the
way their wives spend.
00:03:21.59\00:03:25.24
The way their wives usually
spend outside of the budget.
00:03:25.27\00:03:29.37
So they want them to
live within their budget.
00:03:30.46\00:03:32.32
That's one of their concerns.
That women, for most of the men
00:03:32.86\00:03:35.89
we spoke to, at least, think
that women just like to spend.
00:03:35.92\00:03:38.85
They don't want
to be constrained.
00:03:38.88\00:03:40.32
They don't want to be
told, "this is all I have".
00:03:40.35\00:03:43.40
It almost like they
expect their husbands to have
00:03:43.43\00:03:45.60
an unending
resource financially.
00:03:45.63\00:03:48.50
And so they want us to encourage
women to understand that
00:03:48.53\00:03:53.38
there is always just a
limited amount of money.
00:03:53.41\00:03:58.73
And so you can't just
go shop until you drop.
00:03:58.76\00:04:01.41
Well, why don't we
encourage you ladies,
00:04:01.74\00:04:04.49
you wives that
are listening to us.
00:04:04.52\00:04:06.53
In reality, there are
some things you can do without.
00:04:07.24\00:04:11.67
There are some things you need.
There is necessity, and there's
00:04:11.70\00:04:15.42
some things that
you can do without.
00:04:15.45\00:04:17.38
Some dangers that
we need to look at.
00:04:18.38\00:04:21.25
Mail order catalogs, the use of
credit cards, borrowing money.
00:04:21.28\00:04:26.68
Those are areas
that we need to look at.
00:04:26.71\00:04:29.67
Talking about the credit card,
I have to share this with you.
00:04:29.70\00:04:34.92
I was in line at a
store some time ago,
00:04:36.30\00:04:39.72
and there was this
lady right in front of me.
00:04:39.75\00:04:42.73
And she had a whole cart of
stuff that she had taken up,
00:04:42.76\00:04:48.27
things that she was
buying. When she got to the cash
00:04:48.30\00:04:51.06
register, she pulled out about
7 or 8 different credit cards.
00:04:51.09\00:04:57.04
And each one that
she gave to the lady
00:04:57.07\00:05:03.10
had just a few dollars on it.
And so what she had to do was
00:05:03.13\00:05:07.33
card, after card, after
card, to pay for the goods
00:05:07.36\00:05:10.99
she had in front of her.
She was maxing out each card
00:05:11.02\00:05:13.93
to get to the total amount.
And the funny thing about it,
00:05:13.96\00:05:18.01
after using about 8 or 9 cards,
she still couldn't pay for the
00:05:18.04\00:05:21.70
things she had. She
had to put back some.
00:05:21.73\00:05:23.62
And her response or her remark
was, "Well, it means I just
00:05:23.65\00:05:27.45
need to get another card.
00:05:27.48\00:05:28.84
That is certainly not healthy.
And God has made us stewards
00:05:29.83\00:05:34.95
of the resources He
has blessed us with.
00:05:34.98\00:05:38.28
And He wants us to be
able to live within our means.
00:05:38.31\00:05:42.10
To buy the things that we need,
not always the things we want.
00:05:42.13\00:05:46.32
I like what Timothy
says in Timothy 6:6-8,
00:05:46.82\00:05:52.47
That's a good encouragement.
In a materialistic society,
00:06:11.89\00:06:16.23
it is a challenge
for some families.
00:06:16.26\00:06:18.54
So we're encouraging our
friends to adhere to their
00:06:18.81\00:06:23.16
husbands requests to
live within our means.
00:06:23.19\00:06:26.06
Don't nag.
00:06:27.25\00:06:28.94
We're talking about what
husbands want wives to know.
00:06:28.97\00:06:31.80
Don't nag.
00:06:31.83\00:06:34.17
I think before we say anything
about this topic, we should
00:06:34.20\00:06:37.15
go to the word of God and
hear what the Bible has to say.
00:06:37.18\00:06:40.28
Here's the first text
we're going to put up for you.
00:06:40.31\00:06:42.39
And Proverbs 21:19 says,
00:06:56.08\00:06:59.87
That speaks volumes.
00:07:10.98\00:07:13.61
You know, there
are some women who
00:07:14.21\00:07:16.75
wake up in the
morning and they are nagging.
00:07:16.78\00:07:20.07
They go through the
day and they're nagging.
00:07:20.54\00:07:23.31
And it's time to go to
bed and they're nagging.
00:07:23.34\00:07:25.61
And some will go
through the night nagging.
00:07:25.64\00:07:27.51
And I think that's what
the Bible is talking about
00:07:28.29\00:07:30.35
when it says "a continual
dropping on a very rainy day
00:07:30.38\00:07:34.64
and a contentious
woman are alike. "
00:07:34.67\00:07:37.10
This constant nagging, nagging.
00:07:37.13\00:07:39.89
So what you are
saying is that men, husbands,
00:07:40.51\00:07:44.79
are asking their
wives not to nag.
00:07:44.82\00:07:48.97
They think that it is annoying.
00:07:49.27\00:07:51.96
Yes.
00:07:51.99\00:07:52.96
The Bible talks about Abraham
and an encounter with the Angel.
00:07:54.48\00:08:03.43
And Abraham asks the
Angel if there were 50 righteous
00:08:03.46\00:08:07.70
would he destroy the
city? And then he went to 45.
00:08:07.73\00:08:11.10
Then 40, 35. All
the way down to 10.
00:08:11.13\00:08:16.11
The question that I'm asking, is
this nagging or is it appealing?
00:08:16.14\00:08:21.49
Is there a difference
between appealing and nagging?
00:08:21.52\00:08:25.35
There seems to be a need to
appeal for what you're asking.
00:08:25.56\00:08:33.51
It might be
perceived as nagging.
00:08:34.79\00:08:37.81
Now, I think men might
think the woman is nagging
00:08:37.84\00:08:42.40
but the woman
might think she's merely
00:08:42.43\00:08:44.99
trying to justify her request.
00:08:45.02\00:08:47.79
Ok, but a request is different
from a constant barrage of...
00:08:48.61\00:08:56.12
I guess the bottom line
of what we're saying is,
00:08:56.85\00:08:58.93
know when to quit.
00:08:58.96\00:09:00.82
You can't just make your point
00:09:00.85\00:09:03.58
over and over
and over endlessly.
00:09:03.61\00:09:06.31
You have to get to
the point where you stop.
00:09:06.50\00:09:09.41
That's what men
are asking women to do.
00:09:09.44\00:09:13.16
The next thing that
men are asking of women
00:09:13.99\00:09:18.18
or of their wives
is avoid gossiping.
00:09:18.21\00:09:21.94
Somehow, men don't like
when their wives get involved in
00:09:23.01\00:09:28.78
transmitting
information too much.
00:09:28.81\00:09:32.08
Especially if it
relates to things in the family.
00:09:32.99\00:09:35.96
They don't like that women
take information and tell their
00:09:36.84\00:09:41.49
best friends or
tell their family members
00:09:41.52\00:09:44.45
what's going on in the
home. Men would rather you keep
00:09:44.48\00:09:48.45
what happens in the family
within the confines of the home.
00:09:48.48\00:09:53.29
Gossiping, there's a
funny thing about gossiping,
00:09:53.80\00:09:56.70
is that you never
repeat the story the way it is.
00:09:56.73\00:10:01.34
I remember when I was a
kid, we use to play a game,
00:10:01.37\00:10:04.67
maybe 8, 9, 10 of us would
line up in a straight line.
00:10:04.70\00:10:09.60
And the first child would say
something and whisper something
00:10:09.63\00:10:16.32
in the ear of that
child. And they were to whisper
00:10:16.35\00:10:18.26
to the next child, all
the way up to the tenth child.
00:10:18.29\00:10:21.44
And when it got to the
tenth child they would ask,
00:10:21.47\00:10:23.88
"What did you hear?"
And it's amazing, every time
00:10:23.91\00:10:26.59
what the tenth child said and
what was said to the first child
00:10:26.62\00:10:30.03
is completely different.
00:10:30.06\00:10:32.47
And that's a classic
example of gossiping.
00:10:32.50\00:10:34.88
I think we have all played
that game and you're right.
00:10:35.48\00:10:37.90
It never comes out the
way the message was sent.
00:10:37.93\00:10:41.38
So men really don't want their
wives to be involved in gossip.
00:10:41.41\00:10:46.41
Matthew 12:34 says,
00:10:48.00\00:10:51.73
And Proverbs 18:21 says,
00:11:01.69\00:11:06.04
There's a Chinese proverb
that I think is interesting.
00:11:16.68\00:11:19.38
And we're not
advocating, by any means,
00:11:19.41\00:11:22.17
violence or anything,
but to make a point...
00:11:23.37\00:11:25.67
The proverb says,
00:11:25.87\00:11:26.95
"He who listens to
gossip is just as guilty
00:11:28.53\00:11:32.69
as the one who tells
it. Both should be hanged.
00:11:32.72\00:11:37.27
One by the tongue and
the other by the ear. "
00:11:37.30\00:11:40.88
Again, we are not
advocating physical violence.
00:11:41.57\00:11:44.74
Please, we are not.
00:11:44.77\00:11:45.99
But there's a point
to that Chinese proverb.
00:11:46.02\00:11:48.57
And the point is, the
person who tells the gossip
00:11:48.60\00:11:51.78
and the one who
listens to the gossip,
00:11:51.81\00:11:53.99
are just as guilty
in the eyes of God.
00:11:54.02\00:11:56.68
We're talking about
marriage in God's hands.
00:11:56.71\00:11:59.25
And husbands are
saying, "In order for us to have
00:11:59.28\00:12:03.29
happy, healthy marriages, there
are some things they would want
00:12:03.32\00:12:05.54
their wives to
know and not to do.
00:12:05.57\00:12:07.48
And one of them
is not to gossip.
00:12:07.51\00:12:09.27
Another is they want
their wives to be Godly.
00:12:10.34\00:12:11.82
To be Christ centered.
00:12:11.85\00:12:13.86
To help them establish
and maintain a Christian home
00:12:13.89\00:12:19.21
where they model the attitude
and character of Christ.
00:12:19.24\00:12:22.90
And where they try to
implant the image of Christ
00:12:22.93\00:12:27.30
in the hearts of their children.
00:12:27.33\00:12:29.30
That's important
because the Bible says children
00:12:31.33\00:12:34.95
are a heritage of the Lord.
00:12:34.98\00:12:37.80
And it is the kind of care
that we give to our children,
00:12:37.83\00:12:42.29
and in this case I'm
talking about spiritual care,
00:12:42.32\00:12:45.13
that will reap
dividends in years to come.
00:12:45.16\00:12:49.64
And most of all
life everlasting.
00:12:49.67\00:12:52.11
So, although the husband is
the high priest in the home,
00:12:52.94\00:12:54.99
and it is his responsibility
to command his household
00:12:55.02\00:12:59.58
after righteousness, he's asking
that his wife joins him and
00:12:59.61\00:13:05.39
be his partner, ensuring that
the family alter is maintained
00:13:05.42\00:13:10.27
and that the home maintains
a spiritual atmosphere.
00:13:10.30\00:13:14.00
Well, the next one
we're going to talk about is
00:13:14.51\00:13:16.04
don't be flirtatious.
And we have a lot more
00:13:16.07\00:13:18.34
that we want to share with you.
00:13:18.37\00:13:21.05
What husbands
want wives to know.
00:13:21.08\00:13:23.75
You husbands, don't go away.
You wives, you need to listen.
00:13:23.78\00:13:26.83
Stay right there, because
we're going to be right back
00:13:26.86\00:13:29.65
to talk with you.
00:13:29.68\00:13:31.36
There are many "How
To" books available.
00:13:41.27\00:13:43.17
But there's one that's free
and perfect for every couple.
00:13:43.20\00:13:46.37
"How You Can
Build A Better Marriage"
00:13:46.40\00:13:48.94
Bible-based, matrimonial advice
is given in a light-hearted,
00:13:48.97\00:13:52.96
easy to ready manner, for
those contemplating marriage,
00:13:52.99\00:13:55.72
newlyweds, couples
in their golden years,
00:13:55.75\00:13:58.62
and everyone in between.
Call or write for your copy:
00:13:58.65\00:14:01.19
Welcome back to
Marriage in God's Hands.
00:14:15.97\00:14:19.53
We have been talking about what
husbands want wives to know.
00:14:19.56\00:14:24.58
And so far, we have
been bringing up a number of
00:14:24.61\00:14:28.23
things that husbands
what their wives to know.
00:14:28.26\00:14:31.18
We said at the break we're going
to talk about the next one.
00:14:31.32\00:14:34.46
Don't be flirtatious.
00:14:34.49\00:14:37.01
Why is it husbands want
their wives to know that one?
00:14:37.04\00:14:42.08
It appears that husbands would
like their wives to be loyal.
00:14:42.82\00:14:48.34
They don't like their wives
to play around with other men.
00:14:48.37\00:14:54.10
They want them to act decently,
to ensure that other men
00:14:54.13\00:15:01.72
are aware that they are married
and not to send double messages.
00:15:01.75\00:15:06.62
Some women like the attention,
and they sometimes go too far.
00:15:06.65\00:15:11.70
And when a woman flirts,
she cheapens her husband.
00:15:12.46\00:15:18.20
When you flirt, you
cheapen your husband.
00:15:18.23\00:15:21.08
When the Bible says you
leave mother and father,
00:15:22.31\00:15:25.93
and you cleave,
the notion of cleaving
00:15:25.96\00:15:29.28
can have no flirtatious
living. So husbands are saying,
00:15:29.31\00:15:33.58
"Wives, please, don't flirt.
We don't want you to flirt. "
00:15:33.61\00:15:38.06
Another concern that men
seem to have, is they would like
00:15:38.91\00:15:42.85
their wives to declutter.
00:15:42.88\00:15:45.16
Now, it appears that this
is an issue for some women.
00:15:46.36\00:15:50.05
I would say a lot of women.
00:15:50.86\00:15:53.01
But men seem to have a concern.
And so, the men that we spoke to
00:15:53.31\00:15:57.69
in many of the seminars that we
have done said, "Would you ask
00:15:57.72\00:16:00.96
most of the women to throw out
things that they're not using?"
00:16:00.99\00:16:05.99
You know, one man said his wife
had dresses from college days.
00:16:06.02\00:16:11.97
And her goal is that
one day, she intends to
00:16:12.00\00:16:15.09
fit in those dresses.
00:16:15.12\00:16:16.71
It's a good goal, but
there may not be space
00:16:17.61\00:16:19.60
to contain those clothes.
00:16:19.63\00:16:21.00
And that seems
to be the problem.
00:16:21.03\00:16:22.72
So the husbands would like
wives to not just throw out
00:16:22.75\00:16:27.37
things that they're not
using, but try not to have
00:16:27.40\00:16:30.72
excessive things so
the space is overcrowded.
00:16:30.75\00:16:34.43
And tied to decluttering, wives
also, it's your responsibility
00:16:35.06\00:16:40.38
to make your
bedroom an inviting place.
00:16:40.41\00:16:43.31
Sometimes the bedroom
is not the best of places.
00:16:43.34\00:16:47.39
And you can
really put it together.
00:16:47.42\00:16:49.48
Your home on a whole
should be an inviting place.
00:16:49.51\00:16:53.18
It should be a place when you're
heading home, you feel good.
00:16:53.21\00:16:56.43
You want to get home,
you want to stay home.
00:16:56.46\00:16:58.88
Because it breaths an
atmosphere of cleanliness.
00:16:58.91\00:17:02.45
And remember,
cleanliness is Godliness.
00:17:02.48\00:17:05.90
Husbands also want
their wives to care for them.
00:17:07.33\00:17:11.79
Not just to love them
and to say, "I love you. "
00:17:11.82\00:17:14.96
But to demonstrate that
in the way you care for them.
00:17:14.99\00:17:18.39
So husbands are asking wives to
show interest in their husbands.
00:17:18.42\00:17:23.88
In things that their
husbands are interested in.
00:17:23.91\00:17:25.99
And to show interest in
their husbands self care.
00:17:26.02\00:17:30.35
You know, some husbands
try and really do a good job
00:17:30.38\00:17:34.11
of coordinating their colors
and taking care of themselves.
00:17:34.14\00:17:38.23
But sometimes they need
the attention of their wives.
00:17:38.26\00:17:42.39
And they're asking for
it even though sometimes
00:17:42.42\00:17:44.83
some of them reject it.
00:17:44.86\00:17:47.10
That's true, you know
it is a fact that sometimes
00:17:47.34\00:17:52.07
we men, our color
coordination is a bit off.
00:17:52.10\00:17:57.05
That tie that we put on
with that shirt is kind of off.
00:17:57.42\00:18:01.69
Or that shirt we choose to wear
with that jacket is kind of off.
00:18:01.72\00:18:06.41
And sometimes we kind of
need that feminine touch.
00:18:06.44\00:18:09.88
So yes, we are asking for
the help but when we get it,
00:18:09.91\00:18:14.75
we should not resist it. We
should accept it graciously.
00:18:14.78\00:18:18.06
Because the ladies can really
help to put ourselves together.
00:18:18.09\00:18:21.80
As you're saying that, I
think of a gentleman I had a
00:18:22.65\00:18:24.24
conversation with at church.
And he was telling me that
00:18:24.27\00:18:27.71
his wife tries, his wife usually
on a Sabbath morning when he
00:18:27.74\00:18:31.82
gets dressed, his wife would
say, "Honey, that doesn't go
00:18:31.85\00:18:34.06
well together. "
00:18:34.09\00:18:35.06
But he says, "I
just still wear it. "
00:18:35.07\00:18:37.59
He doesn't see
what's wrong with it.
00:18:39.89\00:18:41.40
And I had to smile, because
at least he was admitting that
00:18:41.43\00:18:44.03
she attempted to help him.
00:18:44.33\00:18:48.26
Let me make it abundantly clear.
00:18:48.57\00:18:50.78
We're not asking you
couples to be materialistic.
00:18:50.81\00:18:54.75
We're not asking you to be
gaudy and what have you, no.
00:18:54.78\00:18:57.89
Not at all. We're saying,
00:18:57.92\00:18:59.39
whatever it is, as
humble as you choose to dress,
00:18:59.42\00:19:03.11
that's your
choice. But whatever it is,
00:19:03.14\00:19:04.94
we can put it together.
If we're going to church,
00:19:04.97\00:19:07.11
we don't just
want to go any way.
00:19:07.14\00:19:09.25
We're going to worship
the Great Almighty God.
00:19:09.28\00:19:12.31
And we should
bring our best self.
00:19:12.34\00:19:15.01
And the best way we
can put our self together,
00:19:15.04\00:19:17.17
no matter what it is, we
can put it together, and we can
00:19:17.20\00:19:20.10
coordinate, and
we can look good.
00:19:20.13\00:19:21.92
We represent a great God.
00:19:21.95\00:19:23.95
And it's not just at church,
the way we present ourselves.
00:19:24.62\00:19:26.91
So, a husband when he sees
his wife in public, for example,
00:19:26.94\00:19:30.41
she should be nicely dressed.
00:19:30.44\00:19:31.91
She should be
coordinated herself.
00:19:31.94\00:19:33.74
And so should he.
00:19:33.77\00:19:35.51
So women are saying they'd
like their husband, not just to
00:19:35.54\00:19:39.15
pull on a t-shirt or a sweater
and go, but make sure it's
00:19:39.18\00:19:44.49
nicely put
together and coordinated.
00:19:44.52\00:19:46.58
Different occasions
call for different dressing.
00:19:46.98\00:19:52.78
Well, here's another one
that men want women to know.
00:19:53.32\00:19:56.24
Be specific when giving praise.
00:19:56.27\00:20:00.69
In other words, don't
be generalized and say,
00:20:00.72\00:20:03.66
"Well, you know,
thanks everything. "
00:20:03.69\00:20:07.70
Yes you're saying
thanks, but you could be
00:20:07.73\00:20:10.75
a little more specific.
00:20:10.78\00:20:12.67
For example, how
can we be more specific?
00:20:12.70\00:20:16.53
Men tend to be pretty concrete.
Not all men, but some men.
00:20:16.73\00:20:19.70
And they want to hear
what you are praising them for.
00:20:20.11\00:20:23.44
You know, it's so funny because
I spoke to a man who said
00:20:23.47\00:20:28.23
whenever his wife praised
him, he would say, "How much?"
00:20:28.26\00:20:32.12
He always thought
there was some request
00:20:32.15\00:20:35.22
that was following the praise.
00:20:35.25\00:20:36.54
So you don't want
to be so predictable.
00:20:36.83\00:20:38.45
But what men are saying is tell
us what you are praising us for.
00:20:38.48\00:20:41.41
So if you're saying...
00:20:41.44\00:20:43.11
"Thank you for
washing the car. "
00:20:43.41\00:20:46.86
Or putting petrol
in the car or whatever
00:20:46.96\00:20:48.84
you're saying thanks for.
00:20:48.87\00:20:50.25
"I appreciate you
going to the bank for me. "
00:20:50.28\00:20:51.94
Be very specific, call
out. Identify what the issue is
00:20:52.15\00:20:56.72
rather just saying.
Well, you're listening to us.
00:20:56.75\00:20:59.98
Maybe your spouse
is sitting beside you.
00:21:00.01\00:21:02.97
Turn to your
spouse and try that now.
00:21:03.75\00:21:05.85
Something that your spouse
did for you today, yesterday,
00:21:05.88\00:21:08.79
or some other time.
Just say, be very specific,
00:21:08.82\00:21:11.61
"I thank you for...
" And name that thing.
00:21:11.64\00:21:14.36
Go right ahead.
Don't be blushed.
00:21:14.39\00:21:16.11
Come on, try it.
See, it sounds good.
00:21:16.14\00:21:18.69
Alright, let's move on.
00:21:18.72\00:21:20.06
Accept yourself for who you are.
00:21:21.74\00:21:25.80
That's important.
Ladies, it's important
00:21:25.83\00:21:29.37
for you to accept yourself.
00:21:29.40\00:21:31.17
Sometimes you
get too carried away.
00:21:31.20\00:21:33.28
You want to be this person,
you want to be that person.
00:21:33.31\00:21:36.69
You have to learn to
accept yourself for who you are.
00:21:36.72\00:21:41.50
So what a husband is saying
is don't compare yourself with
00:21:42.27\00:21:44.09
other women.
00:21:44.12\00:21:45.48
Whoever you are, if
you have concerns about
00:21:45.51\00:21:48.42
your own personal hood,
then do something about it.
00:21:48.45\00:21:50.74
But be
comfortable in your own skin.
00:21:50.77\00:21:52.69
And feel good about yourself.
He loves you for who you are.
00:21:52.72\00:21:58.38
And you need to
love yourself as well.
00:21:58.42\00:22:00.73
I like what the
poet Matthew Arnold says.
00:22:01.03\00:22:04.66
He says, "Resolve to be thyself.
And know that he who finds
00:22:04.96\00:22:09.76
himself, loses his misery. "
00:22:09.79\00:22:12.29
And that is so
true. Just be yourself.
00:22:12.32\00:22:15.99
That's what God wants.
00:22:16.02\00:22:17.33
I like the quote
from St. Francis of Assisi
00:22:18.06\00:22:21.69
who says, "God grant me the
serenity to accept the things
00:22:21.72\00:22:28.02
I cannot change,
the courage to change
00:22:28.05\00:22:31.41
the things I can, and the
wisdom to know the difference. "
00:22:31.44\00:22:35.72
There are things
that we can't change.
00:22:36.35\00:22:38.74
It's just what is.
00:22:38.77\00:22:40.18
But what husbands are saying
is, live within your reality.
00:22:40.21\00:22:45.32
That's good. That is good.
00:22:46.63\00:22:48.53
Bad judgments when it
comes to business transactions
00:22:49.16\00:22:53.79
is something that
men want to emphasize.
00:22:53.82\00:22:58.47
What men are saying, including
the one sitting beside you
00:22:58.50\00:23:02.45
right there, yes, when
you make bad judgments,
00:23:02.48\00:23:06.18
then it limits their ability
to keep including you in the
00:23:06.21\00:23:12.72
decision making process.
You have to show good judgment.
00:23:12.75\00:23:16.75
There are a lot of things going
around now, risky investments.
00:23:16.78\00:23:21.12
Have you gotten
any of those emails
00:23:21.15\00:23:24.41
that talk about you can
invest? There's some rich person
00:23:24.44\00:23:28.98
who died and they have left
them with millions of dollars.
00:23:29.01\00:23:32.96
And if you send them $50,000
you'll get a million and a half?
00:23:32.99\00:23:39.17
Run away from them.
It's not true, it's a hoax.
00:23:39.20\00:23:45.33
And trust me, you are
going to lose your $50,000
00:23:45.36\00:23:48.16
or whatever it is.
As a matter of fact,
00:23:48.19\00:23:50.23
I personally know of individuals
who have invested in those
00:23:50.26\00:23:53.80
kinds of schemes
and they have lost it.
00:23:53.83\00:23:56.31
So we are saying,
stay away from it.
00:23:56.34\00:23:58.78
Men are asking women not to
make bad business decisions.
00:23:58.81\00:24:04.24
Another concern that husbands
have, and we're talking about
00:24:05.98\00:24:10.35
bad judgments. And
one is that sometimes
00:24:10.38\00:24:13.28
wives overspend to
the extent that they
00:24:13.31\00:24:16.37
rationalize the
use of the tithe.
00:24:16.40\00:24:19.48
And so we're asking that
wives understand that their
00:24:19.51\00:24:24.04
commitment to Christ
is paramount and that they
00:24:24.07\00:24:28.48
need to stay within the
confines of their resources
00:24:28.51\00:24:31.80
so that they do not use
the offering or the tithe.
00:24:31.83\00:24:35.85
And that's a very
important issue to talk about.
00:24:36.45\00:24:39.46
When God blesses us,
and when God blesses you,
00:24:39.49\00:24:44.48
you're to be faithful to
Him. And you're to remember that
00:24:44.51\00:24:49.56
that faithfulness includes
returning your faithful tithe
00:24:49.59\00:24:56.04
and giving your
freewill offering.
00:24:56.07\00:24:58.20
It's part of your God
given responsibility and you
00:24:58.23\00:25:00.53
should not put yourself
in such a financial bind
00:25:00.56\00:25:03.38
that you have to compromise
on that which is God's.
00:25:03.41\00:25:07.32
Co-signing is
another bad judgment.
00:25:07.35\00:25:10.86
Often times, a woman may
rationalize, "Well, if I tell
00:25:10.89\00:25:14.81
my husband that my
relatives need me to co-sign,
00:25:14.84\00:25:20.22
or a friend, a very good
friend, he might say no. "
00:25:20.25\00:25:23.13
So what you might do
is go behind his back
00:25:23.16\00:25:25.57
and co-sign anyway.
00:25:25.60\00:25:27.92
Remember, when you
co-sign for someone,
00:25:27.95\00:25:30.56
that loan becomes
yours. What you're saying is,
00:25:30.59\00:25:34.00
"If anything goes wrong, I will
take up the responsibility. "
00:25:34.04\00:25:37.95
And if your husband
should go to do business,
00:25:37.98\00:25:40.16
and he's going to take
out a loan or whatever,
00:25:40.19\00:25:42.30
any transaction, it
will show up on your report.
00:25:42.33\00:25:46.68
So, if you hide
it, he will find out.
00:25:46.71\00:25:49.83
It's just a bad
risky decision to make.
00:25:49.86\00:25:52.91
We need to emphasize
again about anything that a man
00:25:53.78\00:25:58.77
would want a woman to know,
is that she should be Godly.
00:25:58.80\00:26:03.70
We spoke about Godliness with
contentment is a great thing.
00:26:03.73\00:26:08.59
You should be Godly.
You should be spiritual.
00:26:08.62\00:26:11.46
A spiritual woman can
make a home a happy home.
00:26:11.49\00:26:16.69
Here's what God wants from us.
00:26:16.72\00:26:19.89
John 13:34 says, "Love one
another as I have loved you. "
00:26:19.92\00:26:27.39
How has God loved us?
00:26:27.42\00:26:29.16
He has loved us by
giving us His life.
00:26:29.47\00:26:32.92
And He's asking us for
our obedience in return.
00:26:32.95\00:26:36.01
Marriages, when placed in
God's hands will demonstrate
00:26:38.90\00:26:44.18
love for each other.
00:26:44.21\00:26:46.13
"Love one another
as I have loved you. "
00:26:46.16\00:26:48.81
Romans 14:13 says, "Let us
not judge one another anymore. "
00:26:48.84\00:26:56.40
The notion of "anymore" means
that it has been happening.
00:26:56.43\00:26:59.84
Why should we not judge?
00:26:59.87\00:27:02.20
Again, judging sets
ourselves up as superior,
00:27:02.80\00:27:07.48
where God is the only judge.
And while we make mistakes,
00:27:07.51\00:27:11.47
and we might cause error,
we don't want to be the judge.
00:27:11.50\00:27:14.70
So we want to love each
other, support each other,
00:27:14.73\00:27:17.40
and encourage each other.
00:27:17.43\00:27:18.74
So what husbands want
from wives, want wives to know:
00:27:19.31\00:27:22.88
Live within your means.
00:27:22.91\00:27:24.14
Don't nag. Don't gossip.
00:27:24.17\00:27:26.55
Don't be flirtatious. Be
specific in giving praise.
00:27:26.58\00:27:31.08
Accept yourself for who you are.
00:27:31.11\00:27:33.18
Bad judgment and unwise
decisions are bad for business.
00:27:33.21\00:27:37.52
And above all, be a Godly woman.
00:27:37.55\00:27:41.00
Be faithful to your family.
00:27:41.03\00:27:43.03
Keep strong and
may God bless you.
00:27:43.06\00:27:45.37