Welcome to
Marriage in God's Hands.
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I'm Alanzo Smith and I'm
the host of this program.
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I'm June Smith.
And I've been married
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to Alanzo for the last 31 years.
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We have a grown daughter, Lynn.
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And today we'll talk about seven
mistakes parent's often make.
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Before we do that however, won't
you bow with me as we pray.
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Father God, we commit
our marriages into Your hand.
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We commit our
children into Your care.
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We ask for Your
blessings, for Your guidance,
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and for Your love. In
Jesus' name we pray, Amen.
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As I travel around the
world, I see the same problem
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just about everywhere.
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There are truancy
problems, crimes, violence,
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proliferation of drugs.
It's happening everywhere.
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You parents, you have
to keep close to the Lord.
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And you have to keep your
children close to the Lord.
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I like what Ellen G. White
says. Read with me this passage:
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So what this is saying
is that a family that is
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well disciplined, a Christian
family, that follows the
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precepts and principles
of the Lord is as beautiful
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as ophir and gold.
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Wow, that's
awesome. That's awesome.
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Parents need to
understand that sometimes
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they make some mistakes.
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And unfortunately, they
can become costly mistakes.
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Sometimes they make
them and they are not even
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conscious of them. So
we're going to identify
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seven costly
mistakes that parents make.
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We're going to
share each one with you.
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The first mistake is:
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We live in a
materialistic society.
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I think sometimes parents
get caught up with the drive
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to give and to shower their
children with material things.
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Simply because
their peers have it.
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And so, sometimes the children
demand that they have it to.
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And unfortunately, this
does not make them necessarily,
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become very happy.
And of course, it is
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not providing
love to your children.
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You know, I've seen so
many children who get so much.
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And they're not
even appreciative of the
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sacrifices of the things that
their parents are giving them.
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They have toys,
sometimes, in boxes that haven't
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even been opened.
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And for them,
it's just another toy.
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It really means very little.
So it appears, that's not
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really what children need.
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And happiness is not
about what we possess.
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We have seen so many children
in so many parts of the world,
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including this Unites States
of America, who have little
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and yet they are happy.
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So, it's not
about how much we have.
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It's the love that
we show our children.
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That is the important thing,
the love you show your children.
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Isn't that what God did for us?
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God, He gave us many
things, a lot of things.
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But the
greatest gift is His Son.
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John tells us that.
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God's greatest
gift to us is His love.
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And we're to emulate
that by giving to our children
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the greatest gift that we can
give them and that is our love.
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I like how you put it
when you talk about hugs.
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And how we are
to hug our children.
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You know, Virginia Satir
talks about the quantity of hugs
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that a child needs daily
in order to feel secure and to
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grow up emotionally healthy.
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And she identifies
between 8 to 12 hugs per day.
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And I thought, what a great
way to help children affirm
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that they are
special and they are loved.
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The second costly
mistake that parents make is:
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Alliances with their children.
And that is also costly.
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Simply because, when you
form an alliance with a child,
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against your spouse
or against another child,
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that has negative consequences.
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Now we talked about this as it
related to the marriage couple.
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But this also happens
between parents and child.
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And we identified
earlier the relationship between
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Joseph and his dad,
where one child is identified
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as the favored
child. Now think about
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being in a family with
two or three or more children.
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And you all know that
this one child, one sibling,
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is your mom's, or your
dad's, or your parents favorite.
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It leaves you
feeling less than special.
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And that's not what we
want to do with our children.
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We want all our
children to feel grounded and to
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know that they are
special. And to experience love.
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And the difference
between projection and alliance
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is that, where as the
parent who projects onto a child
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may do so out of their own
need for emotional security.
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In the context of alliance, it's
often formed in a negative way
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to go against, to form
a bond against the father,
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to form a bond
against another sibling.
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So alliances in all its forms,
takes on a negative connotation.
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That usually happens when a
parent or the child himself,
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or herself, feels weak and
feels less than able or capable
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to stand on their
own. And so they lean on or
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they get enmeshed in this
relationship with the weakest
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parent, and usually that
makes them feel stronger.
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But in essence, it is
not a very healthy way
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emotionally for that family.
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The third costly
mistake that parents make is:
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lack of
structure and boundaries.
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We spoke about boundaries before
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as it relates to the
husband and the wife.
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But boundaries are important.
Structure within a family
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for the children is
very much important.
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If children are not given rules,
and given boundaries within
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which they perform and
they they function, they're left
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feeling very
insecure. In fact, some parents
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make the mistake of thinking
children want their freedom.
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And they want to
have all the opportunities
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to go when they want,
or to come when they want.
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And when you talk to children
or adolescents in general,
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they don't, they really
want parents to tell them
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what is safe, and what
is good, and what is secure.
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So it is a mistake to think
that you should leave your child
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up to do their own
thing. God gave children parents
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for a reason. And He knew
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that they're young
and impressionable and
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they need to be guided in the
direction that they should go.
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As the Good Book says, train up
a child in the way he should go
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and when he's old, he's
not likely to depart from it.
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Parents, listen to me.
Eli made that same mistake.
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He did not provide
structure for his children.
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There were no boundaries.
And the Bible tells us,
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those children grew up not
loving the Lord, not respecting
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law and authority,
as it were, and we read
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of the tragedy and devastation.
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God intents for
you to be parents.
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It is God's intention for
you to provide care, for you to
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provide nurture,
for you to provide love.
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In providing those, it must be
within the context of structure
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and boundaries.
Nothing is wrong.
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We're not saying that
you are to imprison them.
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We're not saying that you
are to become overbearing.
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What we are saying, children,
as they are growing up,
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they need to grow up in an
environment where there are
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boundaries and
structure. They understand it
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and they respect it.
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The fourth costly mistake that
parents make is what we call:
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Describe this process for me.
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What tends to happen is that
the parent reverses the role
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with the child.
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So, instead of being
the parent and giving limits
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and setting the
rules and the standards
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at which your child functions,
the child takes over and
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the child makes the decision.
And sometimes the child
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instructs the
parents on what they're doing
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and where they're going.
And the parents have little
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authority over the
child. So, when there's a
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role reversal, then
we see parentification,
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the child taking on
the role of the parent.
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So that's the
term. Role reversal.
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Parentification is a
role reversal where the child
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takes on the role of the parent
and the parent takes on the
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role of the child.
I saw that happening.
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Once I was in a store,
we were at the checkout
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counter, and the child
was pulling down just about
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everything in sight.
And the mother kept calling
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and calling to the child.
But she would not respond.
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Eventually the mother, out
of embarrassment I suppose,
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slapped the child. Which was an
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inappropriate thing to
do. Well guess what, the child
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slapped back the
mother. So the mother in her
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embarrassment, she
slapped back the child.
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And it went on back and
forth for a little while.
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And finally, the
mother was the last one,
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the one who got the last slap.
Because it was reaching a point
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where it was too embarrassing
and it was becoming an abusive
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situation here now.
The idea here is that
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there should have been
guidance, and boundary, and
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structure long ago
so that at this point
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the child would have understood.
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The fifth costly mistake
that we want to talk about is:
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It is regrettable but so
true that sometimes children are
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allowed to misbehave.
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And that is often
celebrated within a family.
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And that's a mistake.
00:11:59.05\00:12:00.46
You know when children are
little and cute, and they do
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things or say things, and we
say, "oh they're precocious".
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The reality is the family
members tend to celebrate.
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"Oh, she's two going on
five. " Or five going on twenty.
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But when that same child
performs that inappropriate
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behavior at sixteen,
it no longer is cute.
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And then it becomes a problem.
And so we want to train the
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child right, up front, so that
they learn what is acceptable
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and what is appropriate.
And then hopefully they'll
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grown up to be
healthy and good Christians.
00:12:29.54\00:12:32.16
We have been talking
about seven costly mistakes
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that parents makes.
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So far we have
identified five of them.
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We have to take a
break. When we come back,
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we will talk
about the other two.
00:12:45.37\00:12:47.73
You stay right there.
Don't go away, because
00:12:47.76\00:12:50.92
we'll be coming right
back. And we have some powerful
00:12:50.95\00:12:53.60
stuff to share with
you. Not only are we going to
00:12:53.63\00:12:56.24
talk about those two, we have
many other things to talk about.
00:12:56.27\00:13:00.55
So make sure you
stay right there.
00:13:00.58\00:13:02.93
You're going to
enjoy this time together.
00:13:02.96\00:13:04.88
There are many "How
To" books available.
00:13:17.71\00:13:19.71
But there's one that's free
and perfect for every couple.
00:13:19.74\00:13:22.87
"How You Can
Build A Better Marriage"
00:13:22.90\00:13:25.20
Bible-based, matrimonial advice
is given in a light-hearted,
00:13:25.23\00:13:29.34
easy to read manner
for contemplating marriage,
00:13:29.37\00:13:32.33
newlyweds, couples
in their golden years,
00:13:32.36\00:13:34.98
and everyone in
between. Simply call or write:
00:13:35.01\00:13:36.76
Welcome back to
Marriage in God's Hands.
00:13:52.15\00:13:55.52
We have been talking
about seven costly mistakes
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that parents make.
00:13:59.46\00:14:00.89
And indeed, parents need
to understand the importance
00:14:00.92\00:14:05.55
of not making these mistakes.
00:14:05.58\00:14:08.45
The sixth one that
we want to emphasize is:
00:14:09.85\00:14:16.08
Children go through
developmental stages.
00:14:18.97\00:14:21.08
And they're specific tasks
that they should accomplish
00:14:21.28\00:14:24.99
during each phase.
And when you look at
00:14:25.02\00:14:28.41
some children, you
definitely see that
00:14:28.44\00:14:32.22
they're inappropriately dressed.
They're just engaging in
00:14:32.25\00:14:36.62
activities that
is age inappropriate.
00:14:36.65\00:14:38.68
And you can only conclude
that children are rushed
00:14:38.71\00:14:45.15
into another phase
of their development.
00:14:45.18\00:14:48.28
And that's a mistake.
00:14:48.38\00:14:50.41
Recently I was
talking to a young lady.
00:14:50.44\00:14:53.32
And she talked about a
relationship that she has
00:14:53.35\00:14:56.60
been in for a
long period of time.
00:14:56.63\00:14:59.26
Based on the time
she told me and her age,
00:14:59.47\00:15:02.95
it means that she must
have started that relationship
00:15:02.98\00:15:05.63
when she was thirteen
or fourteen years of age.
00:15:05.66\00:15:09.18
Clearly, that's one of
the signs of rushing puberty.
00:15:09.21\00:15:14.30
A thirteen year old, a fourteen
year old is not ready to engage
00:15:14.33\00:15:18.26
in that kind of relationship.
And the worst part of it is
00:15:18.29\00:15:21.58
when you, as a
parent, encourage it.
00:15:21.61\00:15:24.13
When you, as a parent,
maybe turn your eyes away
00:15:24.16\00:15:29.01
refusing to acknowledge
that this is what's going on,
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and to provide help and
guidance for your child.
00:15:32.37\00:15:36.63
I think there are times
when inappropriate conversations
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are held with a child.
00:15:40.36\00:15:41.59
We talked about
boundaries and limits.
00:15:42.20\00:15:44.24
This is one of them.
There're just some things
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the children should
not have knowledge of
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that's between the
parents or between the adults.
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And unfortunately,
some children are brought
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into these relationships.
It creates an emotional burden
00:15:57.21\00:16:00.24
and it is just
totally inappropriate to have
00:16:00.27\00:16:02.81
the child being
exposed to some of that.
00:16:02.84\00:16:05.49
And when you engage in
inappropriate discussion
00:16:05.69\00:16:09.90
in front of your child or your
children, it also has damaging
00:16:09.93\00:16:16.61
and lasting consequences.
We have to be age appropriate.
00:16:16.64\00:16:20.15
We keep emphasizing
that. Age appropriate.
00:16:20.18\00:16:23.34
When you're in conversation
with your children about
00:16:23.37\00:16:26.64
something that happens
at church, or something that
00:16:26.67\00:16:29.27
happens with a friend or a
neighbor, that is really not
00:16:29.30\00:16:32.30
appropriate, you're
not helping your child.
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Actually you're rushing, you're
pushing the child to grow up
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faster than that child needs to.
00:16:39.07\00:16:41.07
So we're saying,
don't rush puberty.
00:16:41.10\00:16:43.90
Allow the child to
enjoy... As a matter of fact,
00:16:43.93\00:16:46.79
after the child grows up
into a teenager and even older,
00:16:46.82\00:16:50.40
you're going to be longing
to go back to those years
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when you have that
special moment with your child.
00:16:53.61\00:16:56.48
So don't rush it,
enjoy their youthful growth.
00:16:56.51\00:16:59.15
And enjoy it with them.
00:16:59.18\00:17:00.67
The seventh factor that we
want to identify as a mistake
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that many parents make is
one we identify as failure to
00:17:06.91\00:17:11.54
encourage their child or
children to accept the Lord.
00:17:11.57\00:17:13.34
That is a big one.
00:17:16.41\00:17:18.86
Often times, as parents,
you think it's your duty
00:17:19.28\00:17:23.28
to encourage your children to
study hard, to make good grades,
00:17:23.31\00:17:28.56
and that's good.
Nothing is wrong with that.
00:17:28.59\00:17:30.93
You encourage your children
to get into the best schools.
00:17:30.96\00:17:34.47
And that is good.
And you see that as part
00:17:34.50\00:17:36.89
of your responsibility.
But my question to you is,
00:17:36.92\00:17:41.47
do you see it as part of
your responsibility to encourage
00:17:41.50\00:17:46.23
your child to accept the Lord?
00:17:46.26\00:17:48.42
Or do you say, "Well
when they feel like it.
00:17:48.45\00:17:52.22
I'm not going to rush them.
" You just allow them to make
00:17:52.25\00:17:56.08
that decision on their
own. Or is it part of your
00:17:56.11\00:17:59.54
responsibility to help
them, to encourage them to make
00:17:59.57\00:18:03.94
that decision for the
Lord. Parents, listen to me.
00:18:03.97\00:18:08.32
It does not matter how
successful your children are.
00:18:08.35\00:18:12.11
It does not matter how
good a person they marry.
00:18:12.14\00:18:15.93
It does not
matter what they possess.
00:18:15.96\00:18:18.10
If they do not have
Jesus Christ in their heart,
00:18:18.13\00:18:20.98
and as part of their lives,
they will have lost it all.
00:18:21.01\00:18:24.35
That is the most
important gift that you can
00:18:24.38\00:18:27.73
give to your children.
00:18:27.76\00:18:29.64
You know, throughout our
ministry, we have seen that
00:18:29.74\00:18:32.03
as a pervasive challenge.
Where you have a church crusade
00:18:32.06\00:18:36.98
or you have a community outreach
and you encourage children to
00:18:37.01\00:18:40.98
respond and to give
their hearts to the Lord.
00:18:41.01\00:18:43.59
And the parent will say, "Oh
my child is only thirteen or my
00:18:43.62\00:18:47.34
child is too young. "
And yet as you rightly said,
00:18:47.37\00:18:51.06
the child is engaged in
other decisions that may be
00:18:51.09\00:18:55.97
inappropriate, but the parent
doesn't see that as an issue.
00:18:56.00\00:18:59.00
So, we're saying
that's a mistake.
00:18:59.03\00:19:01.30
And hopefully, parents will take
it as a primary responsibility.
00:19:01.33\00:19:04.83
And that's a most
costly one, if you please.
00:19:05.96\00:19:08.53
There are parenting
styles, though, and as your read
00:19:08.56\00:19:10.83
many books, they have different
forms of parenting styles
00:19:10.86\00:19:14.15
that they
purport. I think the most
00:19:14.18\00:19:16.24
common ones that you
will find these days are the
00:19:16.27\00:19:19.59
authoritarian
style, the permissive,
00:19:19.62\00:19:23.33
and of course the authoritative.
00:19:23.36\00:19:25.59
Talk to us on each one.
Let's look at the first one.
00:19:25.62\00:19:28.47
Tell your audience, tell
those parents that are listening
00:19:28.50\00:19:33.44
the good or the bad of
these parenting styles.
00:19:33.47\00:19:37.56
The authoritarian
parent who demands.
00:19:37.59\00:19:40.81
As you suggest, or the word
authority suggests, he is in
00:19:41.95\00:19:44.41
or she is in command.
And usually, that form of
00:19:44.44\00:19:48.97
parenting, or that style
of parenting tends to allow
00:19:49.00\00:19:53.15
children or the other
members of the family to resist
00:19:53.18\00:19:57.64
the authority. And
it's not a good thing.
00:19:57.67\00:19:59.92
Much like in many cultures or
settings, people don't like to
00:19:59.95\00:20:04.42
be dictated to
or to be commanded.
00:20:04.45\00:20:06.90
So, in a family, you
want to have dialogue.
00:20:06.93\00:20:09.79
You want to be able to have
input and to listen and to have
00:20:09.82\00:20:12.68
other people part of
this decision making.
00:20:12.71\00:20:14.81
So the authoritarian style
of parenting is not recommended.
00:20:14.84\00:20:19.72
Now the permissive is, on the
other hand, the opposite of that
00:20:19.75\00:20:22.66
where anything
goes. It's almost like a
00:20:22.69\00:20:24.59
laissez-faire environment where
the parents are not in charge.
00:20:24.62\00:20:28.76
So where as in the
authoritarian there are
00:20:28.79\00:20:30.82
rigid boundaries and the
child is rarely listened to,
00:20:30.85\00:20:34.65
and very rigid
communication patterns.
00:20:34.68\00:20:38.85
In the laissez-faire, or
permissive parenting style,
00:20:38.88\00:20:42.81
the child is the
parent. It's almost like
00:20:42.84\00:20:45.50
parentification takes place.
There's very little instruction
00:20:45.53\00:20:48.32
if any, and the
boundaries are very blurred.
00:20:48.35\00:20:50.90
However, in the authoritative
parenting style, it's more like
00:20:51.20\00:20:57.61
a democratic parenting style.
Where there is free flow of
00:20:57.64\00:21:02.66
communication and the
parents are able to listen to
00:21:02.69\00:21:05.31
their children,
or the other spouse,
00:21:05.34\00:21:07.59
and the
children can do the same.
00:21:07.62\00:21:09.63
So that's a more acceptable
or effective form of parenting.
00:21:09.66\00:21:15.54
Earlier on, we spoke about the
challenges that parents face.
00:21:15.94\00:21:21.34
And we identified some of them.
The truancy, the lack of respect
00:21:21.37\00:21:27.59
that is in the society, etc.
00:21:27.62\00:21:29.47
There are warning signs,
parents, there are warning signs
00:21:30.57\00:21:34.05
that you can observe.
Sometimes at an early stage
00:21:34.08\00:21:37.88
to tell you whether or
not your child is in trouble.
00:21:37.91\00:21:41.29
So let me identify some
of these early warning signs
00:21:41.32\00:21:46.16
that you should look
for. And if you see them,
00:21:46.19\00:21:49.47
that you need to know,
something is not going right
00:21:49.50\00:21:52.41
and I need to do
something about it.
00:21:52.44\00:21:55.77
For example, if your
child is unable to maintain
00:21:55.80\00:21:59.73
wholesome relationships...
00:21:59.76\00:22:02.18
Now peer relationship
is a part of adolescence.
00:22:03.28\00:22:06.10
In fact, it starts
very early in life.
00:22:06.13\00:22:08.64
Children start to
bond with each other.
00:22:08.67\00:22:10.62
And as they grow older
into their development,
00:22:10.65\00:22:12.77
they develop their
own peer relationships.
00:22:12.80\00:22:15.26
But if they're already
exhibiting signs of problems
00:22:15.29\00:22:18.88
in getting along with their
own parents, then that's a sign
00:22:18.91\00:22:22.27
that something maybe
wrong and the child needs help.
00:22:22.30\00:22:26.09
Low self esteem.
00:22:26.12\00:22:28.56
I'm a parent, and I see my
child is having low self esteem,
00:22:29.68\00:22:36.35
parents listening to us,
they have their children,
00:22:36.38\00:22:40.63
and they see signs
of low self esteem,
00:22:40.66\00:22:43.77
tell them, where
do they go from here?
00:22:43.80\00:22:46.97
First, they want to spot
that and try to find out what is
00:22:47.67\00:22:50.13
going on with this
child. Engage the child in a
00:22:50.16\00:22:52.45
conversation, try to
find out what are their fears?
00:22:52.48\00:22:54.71
What are their anxieties?
Children don't feel good
00:22:54.74\00:22:57.14
about themselves, sometimes,
because they've been told
00:22:57.17\00:22:59.47
that they're not capable,
or they're not able, or they
00:22:59.50\00:23:02.38
compete with their peers.
They're not doing as well,
00:23:02.41\00:23:05.03
so they don't feel competent.
So the parent has to try to
00:23:05.06\00:23:08.50
uncover what is the real reason.
00:23:08.53\00:23:10.47
And if you don't have the skills
to do that, then you might
00:23:10.50\00:23:12.86
want to take your child to a
counselor, or somebody who can
00:23:12.89\00:23:15.77
help you understand
how to work at that.
00:23:15.80\00:23:18.49
But the fact is, children are
expected to perform the tasks
00:23:18.52\00:23:23.01
that they should be doing at
each phase of their development.
00:23:23.04\00:23:25.92
And if, as a parent,
you don't see that happening
00:23:25.95\00:23:28.41
then you need to
get the child help.
00:23:28.44\00:23:30.11
Another warning sign
is suicidal ideation.
00:23:30.61\00:23:35.29
Parents, this is not something
that you should take lightly.
00:23:35.79\00:23:39.76
In the United States of America,
for example, over 1 million
00:23:39.79\00:23:45.28
children commit
suicide in any given year.
00:23:45.31\00:23:49.50
And around the world,
the statistics vary, but in
00:23:49.53\00:23:53.40
every country, we have
teenagers, young people,
00:23:53.43\00:23:57.24
who are committing suicide.
When the child talks about
00:23:57.27\00:24:00.94
the feeling of wanting
to hurt, or harm, or kill
00:24:00.97\00:24:04.11
himself or herself, it
is to be taken seriously.
00:24:04.14\00:24:07.74
It's not
something that you overlook.
00:24:07.77\00:24:09.27
Get help for
your child right away.
00:24:09.30\00:24:12.54
Suicidal ideation is something,
as a parent, you must take
00:24:12.57\00:24:16.57
very, very seriously.
00:24:16.60\00:24:18.09
The challenge with that
is, that children don't just
00:24:18.39\00:24:20.45
necessarily come out and say,
"Oh, I'm going to kill myself. "
00:24:20.48\00:24:22.91
But they make statements like,
"I don't want to be around. "
00:24:23.31\00:24:26.51
Or, "I hate this life," or
"I'm going to get out of here. "
00:24:26.54\00:24:30.52
You know, things that indicate
that they feel overwhelmed.
00:24:30.55\00:24:33.92
And sometimes it's like a last
resort where the child is unable
00:24:33.95\00:24:37.64
to solve the problem
that they are confronted with.
00:24:37.67\00:24:40.24
And so they think, "If I
can escape it" and their little
00:24:40.27\00:24:43.41
minds are not very concrete.
So they think, "Oh, I can
00:24:43.44\00:24:46.95
get out of this situation and
then I can come back in the next
00:24:46.98\00:24:49.67
couple of weeks or so. "
Much like the movies project.
00:24:49.70\00:24:53.52
And that is an
issue. So you want to listen
00:24:53.55\00:24:57.16
to your children's conversation.
If you hear them make statements
00:24:57.19\00:24:59.55
that gives you concerns,
you want to get them help.
00:24:59.58\00:25:02.56
Well, what can parents do?
00:25:03.49\00:25:06.49
We're talking
about the early signs.
00:25:06.83\00:25:09.21
What can you do? I'm
sure you're asking us.
00:25:09.24\00:25:12.11
"Yes, I see those
signs. What can we do?"
00:25:12.14\00:25:14.98
First of all, be a
role model for your child.
00:25:15.62\00:25:19.01
A lady said as she was
complaining to her psychologist,
00:25:20.25\00:25:22.96
she said, "You know, I
think my child is doing drugs. "
00:25:22.99\00:25:26.80
So the psychologist said,
"How would you know that?"
00:25:26.83\00:25:29.43
She said, "Well, because I
am missing some of my drugs. "
00:25:29.46\00:25:34.45
Wow, you have to be a
role model for your child.
00:25:34.48\00:25:39.51
That's important.
00:25:39.54\00:25:40.69
So the things you're
asking your child to do,
00:25:41.22\00:25:42.76
you should be doing yourself.
If you want him to go to church,
00:25:42.79\00:25:45.83
if you want him to study
the bible, if you want him to
00:25:45.86\00:25:48.42
progress, then you ought to
be doing and practicing that.
00:25:48.45\00:25:51.48
Spend quality time
with your children.
00:25:51.68\00:25:53.95
That is also important.
00:25:53.98\00:25:55.58
Spending time,
bonding with them.
00:25:55.61\00:25:57.54
Be there for them, hug
them, kiss them, show them love.
00:25:57.95\00:26:01.58
Again not things, love.
00:26:01.61\00:26:03.78
Listen to your children.
Ensure there is a two-way
00:26:04.38\00:26:08.20
communications, not just about
you telling them what to do.
00:26:08.23\00:26:11.31
But you listen to what their
needs are, you listen to what
00:26:11.34\00:26:13.44
their fears are,
what their concerns are.
00:26:13.47\00:26:15.88
Listen to who their friends are.
00:26:15.91\00:26:17.33
And recognize peer
pressure. Peer pressure has this
00:26:18.33\00:26:21.95
awesome power to make
or break your children.
00:26:21.98\00:26:25.64
You have to talk to
them and help them to develop
00:26:25.67\00:26:28.47
their own autonomy,
to believe in themselves,
00:26:28.51\00:26:31.30
believe in their God.
00:26:31.34\00:26:32.42
Love them, nurture
them, care for them.
00:26:32.46\00:26:35.41
But understand the
power of peer pressure.
00:26:35.44\00:26:38.32
And talk to your
children about that.
00:26:38.35\00:26:40.14
Sometimes,
children feel inadequate.
00:26:40.64\00:26:42.35
And they may not be doing well
in school, or they may not be
00:26:42.38\00:26:45.50
performing at the levels
at which they're expected.
00:26:45.53\00:26:47.66
And so they, sometimes,
act out to get your attention
00:26:47.69\00:26:51.91
or to escape the
pressure that they feel
00:26:51.94\00:26:54.37
and often go into deviance.
So, wherever you see this
00:26:54.40\00:26:57.26
happening, we're
saying, get help for your child.
00:26:57.29\00:27:00.59
Because there are
people who are trained and able
00:27:00.62\00:27:03.87
to help your child
understand what they're
00:27:03.90\00:27:06.07
experiencing, and
repair the damage that is done.
00:27:06.10\00:27:10.01
Above all, take it
to the Lord in prayer.
00:27:10.41\00:27:13.87
We keep seeing, except
the Lord build the house,
00:27:13.90\00:27:16.42
they labor in
vain that build it.
00:27:16.45\00:27:18.93
Take it to the Lord.
And some of you parents
00:27:18.96\00:27:21.39
you need to invite
Jesus back into your home.
00:27:21.42\00:27:24.87
You need to allow Jesus
Christ to be the master ruler
00:27:24.90\00:27:29.44
of your heart, of
your lives, of your family.
00:27:29.47\00:27:32.45
and of your children.
00:27:32.48\00:27:34.19
Thank you so much
for listening to us.
00:27:34.22\00:27:36.68
We want you to
have healthy parenting.
00:27:36.71\00:27:39.80
We will be praying for you.
00:27:39.83\00:27:40.99
We want God to
continue to bless you.
00:27:41.02\00:27:43.22
And may you have a happy home.
00:27:43.25\00:27:45.64