Welcome to
Marriage In God's Hands.
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I'm Alanzo Smith your
host for this program.
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I'm June Smith your co-host.
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Before we start our discussion
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on dysfunctional family patterns
I invite you to pray with us.
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Father God, we come in
your precious name asking that
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you will strengthen
families and make us whole.
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We thank you for your
atoning grace and for your love.
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Be with us now we pray.
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In Jesus' name, amen.
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We want to talk about
dysfunctional family patterns.
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We have been talking
about healthy marriages.
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Our hope and dream is for
all marriages to be healthy,
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but we know that's not so.
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We know there are some marriages
that practice dysfunctional
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family patterns.
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Let's talk about some of them.
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I think I want you to read
for us a text in 1 Corinthians.
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This is a very powerful text
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when we are talking about
family and family relationship.
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Paul is talking about the
correlation between the members
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of the body and the body itself.
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It says that they are all one.
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The same is true for the family.
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When we talk about Freudian
psychoanalytic formulation
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we have a concept of
the individual as the IP.
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Share that concept with us
and let us know why that is
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antithetical to what
Paul is talking about.
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The whole notion of the
psychoanalysis approach to
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the way we conceptualize
a problem in an individual
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is that the IP, the identified
patient as we would say,
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is where the problem lies.
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In the concept of the family
however, we're saying that
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one individual in the family
maybe exhibiting a symptom
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of a problem that
resides within the whole family.
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I had a classic example.
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The child was thought to be the
troublemaker, the truancy child.
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The parents felt that this was
a child that was giving trouble
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and something was
wrong with the child.
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On deeper evaluation, it was
discovered that something was
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wrong within the family.
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It was a result of that, why
the child was actually reacting.
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We're saying that, Paul
emphasizes the chemistry of the
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entire members of
the body becoming one.
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The same analogy is
true with the family.
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The notion is that what
affects one member of the family
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affects the entire family.
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Isn't that the
concept of systems theory?
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When we talk about the
system; the family as a system.
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We're not saying we
don't look at the individual.
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We're not negating the fact that
the individual is important.
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What we're saying is you don't
just look at the individual.
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You don't say the husband is
the problem in this relationship
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or the wife is the problem.
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What we're saying is let's see
what's happening in the system.
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What's happening in the family;
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in this marriage that is
causing the problem, rather than
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labeling one person.
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We're saying that families
become dysfunctional because
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sometimes individuals within the
family identify the one person
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who might be exhibiting
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and reflecting the
problems in the family
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as the cause of the problem.
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A deeper look at the system
will reveal the entire system
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has the problem, and
therefore needs to get help.
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Precisely. When we talk about
dysfunctional family patterns
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one of the things we need
to look for is the ability
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of an individual to
differentiate between
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the thinking process
and the feeling process.
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Often times these are blurred.
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How helpful it is for families
to understand the difference
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between thinking and feeling.
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We are complex beings.
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We are made up of thoughts
and ideas, but we are also
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made up of
emotions and our affection.
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We feel, we respond
and we're sensitive too.
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Our experiences...
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What we're trying to say here
is some people operate more so
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in the emotional domain,
and others operate in the
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thinking domain.
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When people operate on those
extremes the family is likely
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to function dysfunctionally.
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If we were to use
a theoretical scale,
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an imaginary theoretical
scale, let's say from 1 to 7.
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We would say from 1 to
2, would be individuals who
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operate off the feeling process.
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Individuals who are at
the other end of a 6 and 7
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are individuals who operate
off the thinking process.
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Between those two extremes
would be the numbers 3,4, and 5.
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That is where you
would find individuals with
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healthy self-esteem.
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Let's take the first
end the ones and the twos;
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the feeling process.
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If I am... In our marriage, if
I as your husband operate only
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off my feeling, and everything
I assess through how I feel?
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What's the danger
there to our relationship?
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The danger is that your likely;
your behavior, your response
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to me will likely be
driven by those feelings
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When sometimes you
might be feeling something but
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the rationale behind it might
be different or might explain
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the feeling a different way.
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If you get an opportunity
to understand what drives
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this feeling and
to explore the ideas
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and the thoughts behind it.
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Maybe my thinking
about my response influenced
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the way you felt, it might make
a difference in the outcome.
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If I'm
understanding you correctly.
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I'm hearing you say
there are some pitfalls
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to the feeling process.
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Individuals who operate
at this level tend to have
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low self-esteem.
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They tend to be
the recipient of verbal
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as well as physical abuse.
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Individuals who are operating
off the feeling process
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they maybe coming
from enmeshed families.
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The notion, the concept
of enmeshment, talk to us
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in terms of how does
that affect family outcomes.
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The whole notion of operating
and relying solely on emotions
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leave one feeling incomplete,
incapable of managing and
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dealing with and
confronting the challenges.
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What one tends to do
is to form an alliance,
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to galvanize somebody else
around them so that they lean
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on this person and
they literally develop
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an almost
suffocating relationship.
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That's often referred to
as an enmeshed relationship.
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We're saying individuals within
a family who operate solely on
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the feeling process tend to take
the blame, to complain; they sit
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and they accept
whatever is given to them.
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The opposite is true.
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Persons on the thinking
process; these are the egotists,
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the persons who
perpetrate verbal abuse
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and the physical abuse.
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Their irrational thinking is:
I'm the boss, I'm the leader,
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I'm in charge,
you do as I say, etc.
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Therein lies the danger;
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somebody who doesn't
feel and who lacks emotions.
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I've spoken to several people in
counseling couple relationships.
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One spouse complains about the
inability of the other spouse
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to respond and be
sensitive to what they are
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experiencing in a marriage.
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Yet they seem to take
care of the family in terms of
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paying the bills and doing
the things that are essential
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to the survival needs.
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This emotional
part is so lacking.
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Yes, the person who operates
in the thinking are rational.
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They are logical and they
tend to function in that regard.
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Within a marriage, to have a
family, or couples not operating
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with these dysfunctional
patterns; what they need to do
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is to be able to
function or to bring together
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the thinking process
and the feeling process.
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There are some things
we have to think through
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and there are some
things we bring to bear
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our emotion on the relationship;
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not just the
thinking, not just the feeling,
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but bringing them together.
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Integration is a
blending of both.
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Although you can give the rules
and you can inflict discipline
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you also can be
sensitive and have emotions.
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Sometimes you might have
to adapt and adjust, because
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of the emotions
that are involved.
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Talking about emotion;
the family emotional system
00:11:05.33\00:11:09.37
is another
dysfunctional pattern.
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There are some families
that are not mentally stable.
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There are some families
that are not emotionally whole.
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Talk to us about the
emotional stability of a family.
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In order for a family to survive
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they need to be
healthy emotionally.
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They will be bruised
but they have to be able to
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brush their knees off and get
up and keep batting as it were.
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If everything that happens
to the family that causes hurt,
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if they were to
just sit and complain and
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wallow in self-pity then
they are not likely to survive
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because life
will bring you blows
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and you've got to
be able to handle that.
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We're talking about the
capacity of the family to cope.
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You have to have
this coping mechanism.
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You have to be able
to adjust to adversity.
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You have to be
able to rise above it.
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There are times when life
will deal us some hard blows,
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some real blows.
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Some of you now, listening to
us, might be experiencing that.
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You may be going through a
crisis, a traumatic situation.
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What do you do? Do
you run away from it?
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You can't afford to do that.
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You have to rise
above the situation.
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You have to be
able to manage it;
00:12:14.61\00:12:16.49
the emotional capacity of
the family to grow and overcome.
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We have a classic
example in the case of Job.
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Job chapter 1, verse 21.
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In that text, Job says, after
all the disaster and calamities:
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That's where it is at.
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We will have challenges.
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You will agree with me
that Job had challenges.
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Yet, in spite of
that, he had resilience.
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He was able to
trust God no matter what.
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That's what we want to
say to our families today.
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We want them to understand that
regardless of what Satan will do
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to cause hurt and harm
they can be confident that God
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will see them through.
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Bounce back, rise
up, don't allow...
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Solve the problem.
Face the challenge.
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You have to be
emotionally healthy
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and you have to be
emotionally strong.
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We're going to take a break
here but, we will be right back.
00:13:19.84\00:13:24.03
Don't go away. Stay with us.
00:13:24.06\00:13:25.61
When we come back we have a
lot of things to talk about.
00:13:25.64\00:13:28.22
We want you to have strong
families and healthy marriages.
00:13:28.25\00:13:32.45
There are many how to books
available, but there is one that
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Bible-based matrimonial advice
is given in a light-hearted
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easy to read manner for
those contemplating marriage,
00:13:56.49\00:13:59.27
newlyweds, couples
in their golden years,
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and everyone in between.
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Simply call or write for
your free copy of this booklet,
00:14:03.96\00:14:07.94
Welcome back to our program,
Marriage In God's Hands.
00:14:19.99\00:14:25.13
We have been talking about
dysfunctional family patterns.
00:14:25.16\00:14:30.10
We're saying we have
to find a way of avoiding
00:14:30.13\00:14:34.29
these family patterns.
00:14:34.32\00:14:36.37
Murray Bowen talks about some
of these theoretical concepts
00:14:36.40\00:14:41.89
he is the one that
developed this concept of
00:14:41.92\00:14:44.96
the family projection system.
00:14:44.99\00:14:47.86
Family projection, is
that a healthy situation
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for us to be doing?
00:14:53.34\00:14:55.50
We're talking about
dysfunctional patterns.
00:14:55.53\00:14:58.31
Clearly, when a
member of the family projects
00:14:58.34\00:15:02.99
their own insecurities or
their own desires on a child
00:15:03.02\00:15:08.58
that can be a very
dysfunctional thing for a child.
00:15:08.61\00:15:11.81
No, it is not a
healthy thing to do.
00:15:11.84\00:15:14.27
In fact, some
parents live vicariously
00:15:14.30\00:15:18.04
through their children.
00:15:18.07\00:15:19.38
They may have had
goals for example in life
00:15:19.41\00:15:22.27
that they were unable to achieve
and they are blessed with
00:15:22.30\00:15:26.75
a child or two or more
and they are going to ensure
00:15:26.78\00:15:31.11
that their goals are
achieved in their children.
00:15:31.14\00:15:34.02
That reminds me of the father
who insisted his son should go
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to a particular school.
00:15:38.66\00:15:40.32
There was a conflict in
the family because the mother
00:15:40.35\00:15:43.55
wanted her child to
go to a different school.
00:15:43.58\00:15:47.23
It created a deep
rift in the family.
00:15:47.26\00:15:50.24
On further development of
the issue we realized the father
00:15:50.27\00:15:58.64
had three brothers
and all three brothers
00:15:58.67\00:16:02.43
went to this
school in particular and
00:16:02.46\00:16:04.22
their children
went to that school.
00:16:04.25\00:16:07.14
He was the only one who
did not go to the school.
00:16:07.17\00:16:09.75
You could understand
why he was now emphasizing
00:16:09.78\00:16:13.13
now why he wanted his
son to go to the school.
00:16:13.16\00:16:16.08
He was now
projecting onto the son.
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Sometimes it happens in
the way we align ourselves
00:16:18.83\00:16:21.61
in little coalitions
almost with our children.
00:16:21.64\00:16:24.69
One child could be
identified as the favorite child
00:16:24.72\00:16:28.85
or the special child.
00:16:28.88\00:16:30.65
That child is the
person that the parent will say
00:16:30.68\00:16:36.12
certain family secrets
to or will even talk about
00:16:36.15\00:16:39.68
certain issues in their
couple relationship to and they
00:16:39.71\00:16:42.64
lay an enormous
emotional burden on that child.
00:16:42.67\00:16:46.23
We're saying that family
projection is not a healthy
00:16:46.26\00:16:49.94
approach or a
healthy thing to do.
00:16:49.97\00:16:51.68
When you project onto a
child you need to understand the
00:16:51.71\00:16:54.78
emotional
maturity of that child.
00:16:54.81\00:16:57.92
While you think the child
is mature enough to handle it
00:16:57.95\00:17:01.02
the child may not be able to.
00:17:01.05\00:17:02.85
As you said that,
recently, I had a call
00:17:02.88\00:17:05.33
from a woman that I counseled.
00:17:05.36\00:17:06.91
She was very annoyed that
her son, who is a young adult,
00:17:06.94\00:17:10.41
seemed to be
insensitive to her needs.
00:17:10.44\00:17:13.67
When I inquired what the issues
were, her son was in essence
00:17:13.70\00:17:17.66
saying, Mom I don't want to hear
00:17:17.69\00:17:20.16
what's going on
between you and Dad.
00:17:20.19\00:17:21.78
She thought that was
insensitive, but she was
00:17:21.81\00:17:23.92
discussing all the problems
and conflicts that she was
00:17:23.95\00:17:26.89
having with her husband.
00:17:26.92\00:17:27.92
It's like dumping on the child.
00:17:27.95\00:17:29.11
Dumping this on the
child and as you said
00:17:29.14\00:17:30.11
and as you said the
child just wants to be a son.
00:17:30.12\00:17:33.39
He doesn't want to be a
counselor to his mother.
00:17:33.42\00:17:36.20
There's a classic
example in the Bible.
00:17:36.23\00:17:38.87
It's a story of Joseph.
00:17:38.90\00:17:41.33
Jacob had this
special love for Joseph.
00:17:41.36\00:17:45.84
He had 12 sons but you
know Joseph was special.
00:17:45.87\00:17:49.58
He bought him this special coat.
00:17:49.61\00:17:52.78
He was treated in
a very special way.
00:17:52.81\00:17:55.21
He projected onto this
son more than all the others.
00:17:55.24\00:17:59.29
Listen to what the text says:
Genesis 37; verses 3 and 4.
00:17:59.32\00:18:05.35
That's exactly what
we're talking about.
00:18:29.08\00:18:31.13
They hated him
and would not speak.
00:18:31.16\00:18:32.14
Isn't that the result when
you project onto your child?
00:18:34.29\00:18:37.44
Unfortunately, that's an
extreme case of sibling rivalry,
00:18:37.47\00:18:43.62
but that tends to be the
outcome when a child is favored.
00:18:43.65\00:18:47.71
Every child is a gift.
00:18:47.74\00:18:49.67
Children are gifts from God.
00:18:49.70\00:18:52.55
Every child is special,
regardless of how skilled
00:18:52.58\00:18:57.87
and talented one
child may be over the other.
00:18:57.90\00:19:00.19
One child may even have a
dysfunction or disability.
00:19:00.22\00:19:03.85
That child is just as special.
00:19:03.88\00:19:05.92
Parents need to respond to their
children as equal as they can
00:19:05.95\00:19:11.83
so that one child is
not favored over the other.
00:19:11.86\00:19:15.01
Sometimes they project
onto that child to kind of form
00:19:15.04\00:19:18.00
a bonding against the spouse.
00:19:18.03\00:19:20.93
That's not good.
00:19:20.96\00:19:22.44
That's another
unhealthy pattern that occurs.
00:19:22.47\00:19:24.71
Instead of speaking I've
had couples who come in and they
00:19:24.74\00:19:27.45
complain about; my
husband doesn't speak to me.
00:19:27.48\00:19:30.14
He tells my daughter what
it is he wants to say to me.
00:19:30.17\00:19:33.56
So the daughter will come and
say dad says dad.. da.. da...
00:19:33.59\00:19:36.53
rather than dad
speaking directly
00:19:36.56\00:19:38.34
or mom speaking directly.
00:19:38.37\00:19:39.84
I have another case.
00:19:39.87\00:19:41.01
I really thought
it was even humorous.
00:19:41.04\00:19:42.94
Where this husband was
upset at something that happened
00:19:42.97\00:19:46.55
between he and his wife.
00:19:46.58\00:19:47.70
Instead of having a conversation
with his wife about it
00:19:47.73\00:19:50.18
he actually
communicated to her in prayer.
00:19:50.21\00:19:52.74
When they did have worship and
they were praying he would say
00:19:52.77\00:19:57.19
Lord help my wife to know
whatever it is he wanted to say
00:19:57.22\00:20:00.57
to his wife rather than
saying it directly to her.
00:20:00.60\00:20:03.85
She, of course,
was annoyed at this.
00:20:03.88\00:20:06.70
People use dysfunctional
patterns and it perpetuates
00:20:06.73\00:20:10.86
the conflicts and the problems.
00:20:10.89\00:20:12.52
What happens, in many
cases, is that when you project
00:20:12.55\00:20:19.05
onto a child that child later
on can experience what we call
00:20:19.08\00:20:24.07
what Murray Bowen
refers to as emotional cut-off.
00:20:24.10\00:20:27.77
If you project onto a child; you
select your favorite child and
00:20:27.80\00:20:31.00
keep projecting and dumping on
or putting on responsibilities
00:20:31.03\00:20:36.22
onto that child that
is not age appropriate.
00:20:36.25\00:20:38.85
When that child reaches the
age of maturity, where it's time
00:20:38.88\00:20:43.51
to go off to college, you
find that the child may select
00:20:43.54\00:20:47.05
a school that is far away from
home and will not even choose
00:20:47.08\00:20:51.99
to come back on holidays,
Christmas, Thanksgiving,
00:20:52.02\00:20:55.16
whatever it is.
00:20:55.19\00:20:56.16
They find a summer job, they
find a holiday job because they
00:20:56.17\00:20:59.72
want to stay away from
home they're just tired
00:20:59.75\00:21:01.49
they're just
tired of the dumping.
00:21:01.52\00:21:02.85
They have emotionally cut
themselves off from the family.
00:21:02.88\00:21:06.00
We are not by any measure
suggesting that children who
00:21:06.03\00:21:09.46
go far away to school
are all trying to get away
00:21:09.49\00:21:14.24
from a difficult situation.
00:21:14.27\00:21:16.00
Yes, that is one way children
sometimes try to deal with
00:21:16.03\00:21:19.59
and cope with the burden and the
emotional strain that is placed
00:21:19.62\00:21:23.98
on them when they
feel projected onto.
00:21:24.01\00:21:26.50
Emotional cut-off is also a
way of saying to your parents,
00:21:26.53\00:21:33.78
I don't want to be bothered.
00:21:33.81\00:21:35.61
I have been stifled.
00:21:35.64\00:21:37.24
Earlier on we talked
about enmeshed relationships.
00:21:37.27\00:21:40.67
What we are saying is
when children live in enmeshed
00:21:40.70\00:21:44.13
relationship where they
are smothered, where they don't
00:21:44.16\00:21:47.08
have autonomy and independence
to some degree and some extent.
00:21:47.11\00:21:50.71
Age appropriately..
00:21:50.74\00:21:51.71
Yes, they get to the point where
they want to get away from it.
00:21:51.72\00:21:55.05
They want to break
out of that family.
00:21:55.08\00:21:56.84
They want to be on their own.
00:21:56.87\00:21:58.69
If you practice dysfunctional
patterns; of dumping,
00:21:58.72\00:22:03.32
projecting on, having emotional
unstable relationships,
00:22:03.35\00:22:08.43
this could be one of the
end result... emotional cut-off.
00:22:08.46\00:22:12.82
It's amazing how behaviors get
transmitted from one generation
00:22:12.85\00:22:18.04
to the next.
00:22:18.07\00:22:19.04
We have another
phenomenon that Bowen identifies
00:22:19.05\00:22:22.06
as transferring;
generational transference.
00:22:22.09\00:22:27.49
When you have certain
dysfunctional behaviors
00:22:29.88\00:22:35.04
occurring in one
nuclear family it does not mean
00:22:35.07\00:22:40.20
that's where it starts.
00:22:40.23\00:22:41.42
It could be that behavior was
in their parents, and in their
00:22:41.46\00:22:46.54
grandparents, and it could be
two or three, and even sometimes
00:22:46.57\00:22:49.83
four generational deep.
00:22:49.86\00:22:51.06
We're talking about
multi-generational transmission.
00:22:51.09\00:22:54.56
Yes, and it's
unfortunate, but it is so true.
00:22:54.59\00:22:58.31
You could marry someone, or you
could fall in love with someone
00:22:58.34\00:23:01.42
and be living with this
individual and you don't
00:23:01.45\00:23:04.67
understand what they are
bringing to the relationship.
00:23:04.70\00:23:07.99
and how far back, how
deep, how engraved it is.
00:23:08.02\00:23:11.82
That can be very, very
disruptive to the relationship.
00:23:11.85\00:23:16.68
It is amazing how
complex relationships are.
00:23:16.71\00:23:20.78
When we are talking
about challenges in a marriage,
00:23:20.81\00:23:24.14
we're saying dysfunctions occur,
00:23:24.17\00:23:26.77
because some of these
phenomenon's exist, so
00:23:28.05\00:23:30.13
the more people understand that
these are situations that occur.
00:23:30.16\00:23:35.08
Hopefully, they can
better cope and they might even
00:23:35.11\00:23:38.77
reach out to get help,
to further understand how
00:23:38.80\00:23:41.52
that feature is playing
out in their relationship.
00:23:41.55\00:23:44.65
Multi-generational
transmission processes can be
00:23:44.68\00:23:48.65
extremely
dysfunctional in a family.
00:23:48.68\00:23:51.02
Instead of dealing
with the here and now,
00:23:51.05\00:23:53.58
dealing with
what's in front of you.
00:23:53.61\00:23:55.61
...What both of
you have to manage.
00:23:55.64\00:23:58.54
You find that you're dealing
with things that happened
00:23:58.57\00:24:02.01
way back and it's coming to bear
in your current relationship.
00:24:02.04\00:24:06.74
It may not
relate to your spouse.
00:24:06.77\00:24:09.47
No, but it is destroying
the health of the relationship.
00:24:09.50\00:24:12.79
It is destroying the marriage.
00:24:12.82\00:24:14.09
That is something
we need to understand.
00:24:14.12\00:24:16.15
The Bible talks
about Abraham and Sarah.
00:24:16.18\00:24:20.94
You remember there was
this family and Abraham
00:24:20.97\00:24:24.29
was going down to Egypt.
00:24:24.32\00:24:25.92
He knew he had a beautiful wife.
00:24:25.95\00:24:27.57
He said to his wife,
00:24:27.60\00:24:29.03
Say, I pray thee
when you get down to Egypt
00:24:29.06\00:24:33.12
say that you are my sister.
00:24:33.15\00:24:36.39
Hello, I think I have
a message for all the men
00:24:36.42\00:24:40.58
who are married out there.
00:24:40.61\00:24:42.01
Your wife is not your sister.
00:24:42.04\00:24:46.17
Your wife is your wife;
not your sister, not at all.
00:24:46.20\00:24:50.00
We could say
Abraham blew it this time.
00:24:50.03\00:24:52.18
Yes, he did!
00:24:52.21\00:24:53.18
He's a great guy;
Abraham is a good man,
00:24:53.19\00:24:56.11
but for this one time.
00:24:56.14\00:24:57.69
We understand the implication.
00:24:57.72\00:24:59.96
If Sarah would have gone
and said that and demanded
00:24:59.99\00:25:03.25
what they wanted
look at the implication.
00:25:03.28\00:25:07.61
Listen, are we talking
about multi-generational
00:25:07.64\00:25:10.25
transmission issues
and how we pass them on.
00:25:10.28\00:25:12.69
Abraham did that. Guess what?
00:25:12.72\00:25:15.25
His son came and
did the very same thing.
00:25:15.28\00:25:18.78
Isaac did that with Rebekah.
00:25:18.81\00:25:21.11
Isaac was going down to
Gerar and Isaac said to Rebekah
00:25:21.14\00:25:24.70
When we get there, say
that you are my sister.
00:25:24.73\00:25:29.22
Same thing his father did... I
don't think his father told him
00:25:29.25\00:25:32.49
to do it but he learned he grew.
00:25:32.52\00:25:35.04
It passed on from one
generation to the next.
00:25:35.07\00:25:38.11
Look what happened when he
grew up and he had children.
00:25:38.14\00:25:41.90
It happened in
his family as well.
00:25:41.93\00:25:45.95
Rebekah listened to the
discussion that took place
00:25:45.98\00:25:54.20
between her husband and her
son, and she practiced deceit
00:25:54.23\00:25:59.21
with her favorite son
she always projected onto.
00:25:59.24\00:26:02.91
The deception
started with father Abraham.
00:26:02.94\00:26:06.01
It came to his son.
00:26:06.04\00:26:07.86
Now we see it's moving down
from one generation to the next.
00:26:07.89\00:26:12.15
Some of the very same
issues that we're facing
00:26:12.18\00:26:15.88
in contemporary societies
are examples that occur
00:26:15.91\00:26:20.62
even way back
then in biblical times.
00:26:20.65\00:26:23.13
Precisely. In order for us
to understand some of the things
00:26:23.16\00:26:30.05
that impact the
relationship sometimes we...
00:26:30.08\00:26:33.95
not sometimes... all the
time... we encourage individuals
00:26:33.98\00:26:38.08
who are contemplating marriage
to do premarital counseling
00:26:38.11\00:26:42.24
because that's important.
00:26:42.27\00:26:43.82
For us to live as God would
have us live... for us to have
00:26:43.85\00:26:48.72
healthy marriages... for us to
have marriages put in God's hand
00:26:48.75\00:26:52.73
we need to make good preparation
and careful preparation.
00:26:52.76\00:26:56.90
That is where
premarital counseling comes in.
00:26:56.93\00:27:00.29
These concepts:
emotional cut-off,
00:27:00.32\00:27:02.19
family multigenerational
transmission...
00:27:02.22\00:27:07.16
issues, emotional
system of a family,
00:27:07.19\00:27:10.01
and the thinking and
feeling process of individuals
00:27:10.04\00:27:13.72
are all pitfalls that
we need to try to avoid.
00:27:13.75\00:27:17.91
They are dysfunctional
patterns in marriages.
00:27:17.94\00:27:20.43
They destroy your marriages.
00:27:20.46\00:27:21.69
Understand them and try
to grow healthy marriages.
00:27:21.72\00:27:25.02
When a marriage is challenged
it doesn't necessarily mean
00:27:25.05\00:27:28.16
that the challenge is
caused by the two people.
00:27:28.19\00:27:30.73
No, they are external forces
the power of the subsystem.
00:27:30.76\00:27:35.12
Well, we are happy that
you are listening with us and
00:27:35.15\00:27:38.20
we want to
invite you to continue
00:27:38.23\00:27:39.84
Marriage in God's Hand.
00:27:39.87\00:27:41.57
May God bless you, and may you
grow healthy, happy, marriages.
00:27:41.60\00:27:45.46