Participants: Willie and Wilma Lee
Series Code: MGH
Program Code: MGH000038
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00:29 Welcome to Marriage in God's Hands. We are glad to have
00:34 you with us today, and we hope that you'll stay with us, 00:37 and my co-host, who is Wilma Lee, I'm Willie Lee, the host. 00:42 We're happy to have you with us today as we talk about 00:45 - "In Sickness and in Health". - And when we talk about 00:50 in sickness and in health we know that we need a lot 00:53 of prayer because there are needs for divine healing, 00:57 and God can provide that for us, so let us pray together. 01:02 Thank You Lord for having You as our healer because we realize 01:08 that there are many things that happen in this world in which 01:12 we cannot control it, but You are the ultimate controller 01:17 - and the ultimate healer. - And Lord, we are thankful 01:21 that You have not only promised to heal, but to comfort, 01:24 and that you've sent the Holy Spirit to be our comforter, 01:28 and we thank You for that, and we ask all of these things 01:32 in the lovely name of Jesus, amen. 01:38 We're glad to be with you again, and as you can see once again 01:42 we've utilized what has been a traditional phrase of the vows 01:49 "in sickness and in health" to locate our theme for this 01:54 particular program today. There are many things that 02:00 are involved with being in good health, and yet, there are many 02:06 times that good health eludes us, and it affects not only 02:14 1 person in the marriage, it affects the marriage. 02:18 Of course, we could also talk about the health of the marriage 02:21 as well, couldn't we, as well as the health of the individuals 02:23 in the marriage. 02:25 I think that often times we take 02:28 health for granted, and we only talk about physical health as 02:33 a part of who and what we are, but there are so many factors 02:38 to health, there's the emotional health, there's the spiritual 02:42 health, and there are the holistic part of health 02:48 that affects a marriage, and if one partner in the marriage is 02:53 not healthy, then the marriage is not healthy. 02:57 I think that's what John was talking about in 3 John 2 03:01 when he says "Dear friend, I hope all is well with you, " 03:05 "and that you are as healthy in body as you are strong" 03:09 - "in spirit. " - The New Living translation 03:12 really helps us to locate a holistic concept there, 03:18 that's probably true in most relationships, that we often 03:26 misjudge a single purpose and not see the holistic 03:33 purpose in which God wants us to be in good health. 03:38 So what are some of those things that you see just right off 03:42 the top of your head that we might approach as a reason, 03:48 - or a state of good health? - Well, I think often times we 03:52 don't talk about emotional health. We talk often about 03:59 being down, sometimes it's depression and sometimes it's 04:04 not a serious case of depression, it's just some of 04:07 those times when you're just down. I know that I'm one 04:10 of those persons who needs sunshine. So when we have 04:14 a bunch of days when it rains, or it's cloudy, I need light, 04:19 so I'm not necessarily as bright and as sunny as I might be, 04:25 so I'm kind of down, but the Bible says that 2 are better 04:29 than 1, so I depend on you to be the sunshine. 04:33 - You are my sunshine. - Yeah, to keep me going 04:37 on those days when I don't have sufficient outdoor sunshine. 04:43 I guess there are some things that you can help with in that 04:46 way even though...let's talk about this thing a little bit 04:51 because a lot of times we confuse the issues 04:54 of depression, sometimes there is a physiological or 05:01 an emotional cause for a depressed state, or there is 05:06 just a feeling of being down. And none of them really 05:12 have to be clinical depression, there can be other reasons 05:17 for it, but in a relationship where you have that occurring 05:24 too often, what are some of the things that we maybe we ought 05:28 to be look at as a response to that in order to help our 05:34 mate, or to help our marriage to improve? 05:38 Well see, that's why we've talked about dialogue and why 05:42 it is so important to be able to share feelings because if you 05:47 have a relationship that's based on dialogue then it's very 05:51 easy to talk about how you're feeling, and if you're 05:55 comfortable sharing feelings then your spouse will hear what 06:00 you're feeling because they'll not only listening with their 06:02 ears, they'll be listening with their heart, and they can hear 06:07 what's happening, they'll hear the hurts, they'll hear all 06:11 of the things that are really going on, and they'll be 06:15 listening also to the non-verbals, they will be 06:20 picking up things and in that conversation they'll be able 06:26 to pick up on things that maybe the other person won't even 06:31 realize they're expressing. So they'll be able to share 06:36 with them what they are hearing in their sharing. 06:40 And it also helps, I suppose, for that person to be able 06:44 to share that. Sometimes just the sharing of it where it's 06:47 heard and where it's understood as a valid reason for being 06:53 like I am, or at least expressing the feeling that is 06:59 within me, sometimes if you don't have that a depressed 07:04 state, or down period, can exist for a longer period, 07:08 but if you can share it, you can get it out, and there are 07:11 2 instead of 1 then there is a way to help your mate to feel 07:16 on the upside of life because then you can enter into not 07:21 only a dialogue with them where you've been able to locate 07:25 what that is, but then you're ready to also say 07:27 "Well, is this something we need to really pray about? " 07:31 "Is this something where we need to ask God for help" 07:34 "and for assistance? " And/or is it also something 07:38 where we need to say "When is the last time that you've had" 07:42 "a check-up? When is the last time you've seen the doctor" 07:45 "and had a complete physical? Maybe there's more than" 07:50 "1 reason for these things happening. " 07:52 Wouldn't you say that's probably true? 07:55 And that's also another chance to say "And I will go with you" 07:58 because when we care about one another we don't leave 08:03 the other spouse to go and face these things by themselves 08:08 because sometimes that feeling is just being afraid. 08:12 Of course, we know that "perfect love casteth out all fear", 08:20 - isn't that right? - That's true. 08:22 So when there's a loving relationship that gives support 08:25 you can help the other overcome that fear. 08:29 Sometimes we're afraid to hear something that we may not 08:32 have control over, so that's why prayer and action, 08:39 and response is important when there's a question about 08:43 good health in either of the spouses. 08:47 I'm reminded of that story that Dr. Archibald told us 08:52 about how he had the heart problem, but his wife had 08:55 the pain and she kept going to have the exams for the pain, 09:03 but because of her persistence he went and found out he had 09:07 blockages in 4 parts of his heart and without her 09:11 persistence he could have had a massive heart attack and died, 09:15 so sometimes God gives warning in strange ways, but because 2 09:22 people are attuned to each other and it has to do with health, 09:26 - look what happened to him. - Well, that's a very good story 09:31 and it's also something that we need to take into consideration. 09:37 Maybe you need to have more dialogue or communication 09:42 or conversation with your spouse and share feelings. 09:47 We have a tendency at times to hide or to cover feelings 09:51 because we don't want to create a problem for the other person. 09:56 Sometimes hiding that, or covering that can lead to a more 10:01 serious problem if you don't take care of it soon. 10:06 And we're talking about the physical/emotional part of 10:10 the life, they are tied together, are they not? 10:13 Very much so and because they are and because we are very 10:18 closely tied to each other as spouses a lot of times we know 10:22 things even when they're not shared. 10:26 Oh really? How would you know something, 10:29 for instance, what kind of signals would you 10:31 - pick up in me? - I remember when I thought 10:35 that we were buying stock in Tums because you ate 10:41 them a lot, but you weren't talking about it. 10:47 I was utilizing something to cover a symptom, is that 10:51 - what you're saying? - Yes, that's what I'm saying. 10:54 And we found out that that symptom was really covering 11:00 - stress. - Aha, but you weren't talking 11:03 about it, so there was no way to see if it was something we 11:08 could adjust, or something we could deal with, or any other 11:13 - way. - Well, you know, if you're 11:16 attentive to one another and you're close enough to each 11:19 other on a regular basis you can pick up upon those things 11:23 and you can know about and help one another to be in good 11:27 health because it's not just about diet and eating, 11:31 even though that's very important, it's also about how 11:34 the outside world is affecting you and your spouse, and how 11:39 you might be reacting to that, or responding to that. 11:43 I think that that's what spouses do for one another because you 11:48 create the culture within the home so that the home becomes 11:53 a place where it is comfortable and becomes a safe place 11:58 for people to come to, particularly your spouse, 12:03 so that it is a comfortable place. 12:05 It's a safe place and a welcoming place. 12:08 - Definitely. - So that you can pursue 12:11 and provide a healthy atmosphere and environment so that when 12:17 things do go wrong you can see them. A lot of times maybe 12:20 there's so much tension and stress in marriage relationships 12:25 that people might have that you often do not hear, 12:29 and do not see, and cannot understand that there are 12:33 things that are taking place that are causing some of those 12:37 stressful ways, or some of those stressors that create 12:42 illness, because stress does create illness. 12:45 It definitely does, and if you don't have somewhere where 12:48 you can go where it's not stressful then how can you 12:53 compete with what's going on outside? 12:57 Yes, the home, the marriage needs to be a healing 13:00 environment, doesn't it? We can say that, and it's 13:02 something that we need to make sure others understand. 13:06 Create a healing environment for your spouse, let that 13:10 healing be in you as it is in Christ, and let it be in your 13:14 spouse and be responsive to one another because maintaining that 13:18 good, healthy feeling will help you to have a happy 13:23 and a fruitful marriage. We'll be right back because 13:26 we have some other exciting things to talk about in health. 13:38 There are many "How to" books available, but there's one 13:41 that's free, and perfect for every couple: 13:43 "How You Can Build a Better Marriage". 13:46 Bible-based matrimonial advice is given in a light 13:49 hearted, easy to read manner for those contemplating marriage, 13:53 newly weds, couples in their golden years, and everyone 13:56 in between. Simply call or write for your copy of this amazing 14:00 little booklet, a handy little tool to help build a better 14:03 marriage. 14:14 Welcome back to Marriage in God's Hands. We're talking about 14:17 marriage in sickness and in health, so we want you 14:22 to continue with us in our discussion, and we also want you 14:26 to dialogue with your spouse because we're going to be 14:31 touching on some things that are very current things that are 14:35 happening around us in the world today and how they might 14:38 affect a marriage, and how they might affect the people in 14:42 that marriage in ways that are unhealthy, and we want to talk 14:47 about how God is there for us. 2 Corinthians 1:3,4 says: 14:52 "All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. " 14:57 "God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort, " 15:02 "He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can" 15:06 "comfort others. When they are troubled we will be able" 15:10 "to give them the same comfort God has given us. " 15:16 So this really speaks to the point, when you have a marriage 15:20 relationship God can utilize the strength of the comfort 15:25 that God gives to one in order to pass it on and help 15:29 the other partner in marriage. You know, I guess I like that 15:34 word "comfort" because when God told His disciples that He 15:39 would send them another comforter I'm always reminded 15:43 of comfort as that quilt, that blanket that you could draw 15:47 around you because it just makes it very close, very cozy 15:54 and very next to you, and that means that this is not something 15:59 distant, this is something very practical and up close. 16:03 - and very personal. - Intimate. 16:06 Yes, and who better to really help a partner or a spouse 16:11 except the one who is the most intimate person in that 16:16 relationship and because your children are displaced a lot of 16:20 times and cannot be there, either they're too young or 16:24 they're too busy building their lives, so you get to grow 16:29 together and you get to know your spouse pretty well, and 16:32 can pick up on things that are happenings and also deal with 16:36 things that are sometimes catastrophic that come into 16:41 a relationship. I can recall times when my father went 16:48 through Alzheimer's and his spouse had quite a chore trying 16:57 to adjust to the fact that there was an illness that was between 17:02 them, that it wasn't him as a person because the personality 17:06 began to be accentuated in certain ways, and she was taking 17:11 it personally and it was difficult to remind her that 17:15 this is a disease, that this is an illness speaking in him, 17:23 and that it's not personally against you. 17:26 Spouses are the best people though to adjust to some 17:32 difference that has happened in sickness, and ultimately 17:34 if you live long enough you will come to a time when you need 17:39 somebody. So what happens during those times when one spouse 17:44 begins to deteriorate and not be able to help themselves 17:48 - as much? - It is a very challenging 17:52 situation, but when you stand there on your wedding day, 17:57 young, fresh, you don't think about what you're saying: 18:01 "In sickness and in health" because that seems so far 18:05 removed and the person, particularly as we are seeing 18:10 more and more people live longer and we're seeing 18:12 Alzheimer, the person who suffers from Alzheimer is not 18:16 that person that you stood next to on that wedding day. 18:20 They may look the same, but they certainly don't behave the same. 18:24 So then you have to call on that God who is comfort because 18:29 that is the only way you could make it through no matter 18:34 what other support you have. That person that you know 18:38 and you love is no longer there, but your commitment to 18:42 the marriage, your commitment to that person is what carries 18:46 - you through. - That's why it's good, I feel, 18:50 to have a relationship that builds for the long run 18:56 because things do change. Sometimes it's not an illness 19:02 that is catastrophic that cuts off the life and then just 19:05 leaves the other one alone, sometimes in that person 19:09 life is diminished and you still have to be there. 19:13 So if there has not been a real love and a real closeness, 19:17 an intimate understanding built between the 2 spouses then 19:24 there are going to be some difficult times, and you must 19:27 pray to God that God will allow the strongest spouse to remain 19:34 to pass on, as the verse says, to comfort and to give the help 19:40 - to the needy spouse. - That's true. What is so 19:48 prevalent now is that there are people who are now caring for 19:53 an aging, or aging parents, so the health issue now becomes 19:59 on a marriage that "What do you do as you parent parents? " 20:04 Well that involves then sometimes 2 people because 20:09 you're talking about an in-law relationship, and that means 20:13 that as a married couple you can no longer look at one 20:19 side of the family in a different way than other 20:24 than your parent, because even though they may not be your 20:29 blood parent you have married into that family and it becomes 20:33 your family. So you need to build those relationships early 20:39 in your marriage because the time may come when you will be 20:43 the only source of help as a couple to your aging parents, 20:47 as you've said. What are some of the things that you really need 20:49 to expect to have help with and to be strengthened as you 20:55 reach out, let's say like in your mother, for instance, 20:59 even though she's fairly healthy at her age, 21:04 there are things that she needs assistance with. 21:08 Well, I think the greatest challenge as you look at parents 21:12 aging is that suddenly the roles are reversed and we've 21:15 become more of the parent to you parent because there are 21:20 things that you suddenly have to be responsible for in their 21:23 lives, and it's not something that you ever expected to have 21:28 to do, so there's this kind of role reversal that's not in 21:35 - the rule books. - There's no rules that govern 21:37 - that? - No. 21:40 And plus, let's admit that it's different in every personality 21:43 and temperament, and a lot of times depending upon your 21:46 relationship younger, that relationship when the roles 21:50 reverse you still have those same temperaments 21:56 and it's not always easy. So one of you in your marital 22:04 and spousal unit, one of you needs to be there to bring 22:08 comfort to the other who's going through some difficult 22:13 adjustments because when you get back from handling 22:16 the situation or dealing with something that didn't turn out 22:19 exactly like you planned, somebody needs to be there 22:23 to make sure that you are still feeling okay about yourself 22:30 because parents have an affect on you even when 22:32 the role is reversed, they have 22:34 a way of putting you in your place. So when you come back 22:37 home you kind of test your sanity, "Am I really okay? ", 22:43 after that, so the other person says "Yes, you are okay, " 22:47 "you've done the best by your parent, and it's a good thing" 22:50 "that you're there and I love you for it". 22:54 So maybe those are the kinds of things that happen in 22:57 a marriage, that if you have a good relationship that you've 23:00 built up and the communication has been good, and the comfort 23:04 is there when you have the need, then it's easier. 23:07 Well, it's also important for the spouse who's parent, it is 23:13 not to be supportive because it is a challenge for 23:17 a relationship to have to be responsible for another adult 23:23 because this is also a time in life where a lot of times 23:27 the couple has planned "This will be our time for us to do" 23:32 "things that we have put aside because hopefully we'll have" 23:35 "no children to be responsible for and it will just be the" 23:39 "2 of us", and then now here's another person for whom we now 23:43 have responsibility. So it is a challenge, this is a health 23:48 challenge that couples don't usually plan for, so it's 23:53 another challenge to the marriage that couples don't 23:57 think about until they're faced with it. 23:59 That's right, they may not be either an old aged need, 24:05 it might be a younger aged need, you might still have children in 24:09 a home, teenagers, or younger, that you are still trying 24:14 to launch, or trying to prepare for the world 24:18 and you may have a parent who needs 24:21 help also, so that puts an extra stress when you're talking 24:25 about sickness in "sickness and in health", 24:28 that puts another stressor on the marriage. 24:31 All the more why you really need to have a strong spiritual 24:34 connection and a strong marital connection during those 24:39 difficult times. I wonder what it's like sometimes when 24:43 an accident happens and it causes an injury. 24:47 I can remember an accident happened to me and you had 24:50 to do all the driving for me, you have to help me get dressed, 24:54 you have to help do a lot of things for me and I didn't 24:58 - consider myself so old. - Well, I don't know how you 25:02 felt, I thought it was rather interesting because it was 25:06 certainly a challenge for a while, but we managed it 25:11 and I guess that was a health issue, huh? 25:15 Yeah, well it does test you, doesn't it, and it tests your 25:19 relationship, and I think the point is more than anything else 25:23 that whenever there is anything out of the norm, be it mental, 25:28 emotional or physical, or all of the above, that there must 25:34 be a holistic health, a sense of health to your relationship 25:39 with God and with one another so that when those times come 25:44 you have the flexibility to be able to move in whichever 25:48 direction you need to move and to do what needs 25:50 to be done to keep the marriage going. 25:53 I guess you also have to have a sense of humor. 25:56 You've got to have a sense of humor, and we got that, 25:58 let me tell you, we hope that you've got a sense of humor too, 26:01 but we also pray that you have a real connection with God, 26:07 in sickness and in health. Let's pray right now for 26:12 ourselves and for each married couple that might be having 26:17 this challenge. Dear Lord, we are grateful 26:20 to know that You are a God who is there for all seasons and 26:25 all reasons. Help us as a couple to also have that same 26:33 ability that because of Your comfort of us and Your 26:36 strengthening of us that we will also be able to strengthen one 26:41 - another. - And we thank You Lord 26:44 because You are the Great Physician and You know us, 26:47 and You know every need that we have, that You can come close 26:51 and be near for each and every situation, in the lovely name 26:55 of Jesus we pray, amen. 27:01 Well, we've certainly covered a lot of different things 27:04 without a lot of detail, but we are hopeful that you are 27:08 ultimately able to dialogue about these things, 27:11 that you can communicate with one another, even before they 27:15 happen and even afterwards, that through prayer and through 27:19 being close in your most intimate moments that you'll 27:22 see that your marriage is truly in God's hands, and that you 27:27 have the support and the strengthening that you need even 27:30 as we have found. And we ask you to stay by 27:33 for the next episode of Marriage in God's Hands. 27:36 But until then, may God bless you in your communication 27:41 and in your prayer life as a couple. |
Revised 2014-12-17