Welcome to Marriage in
God's Hands. We are glad to have
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you with us today, and we
hope that you'll stay with us,
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and my co-host, who is Wilma
Lee, I'm Willie Lee, the host.
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We're happy to have you
with us today as we talk about
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- "In Sickness and in Health".
- And when we talk about
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in sickness and in health
we know that we need a lot
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of prayer because there
are needs for divine healing,
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and God can provide that
for us, so let us pray together.
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Thank You Lord for having You
as our healer because we realize
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that there are many things that
happen in this world in which
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we cannot control it, but
You are the ultimate controller
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- and the ultimate healer.
- And Lord, we are thankful
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that You have not only promised
to heal, but to comfort,
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and that you've sent the
Holy Spirit to be our comforter,
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and we thank You for that,
and we ask all of these things
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in the lovely
name of Jesus, amen.
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We're glad to be with you again,
and as you can see once again
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we've utilized what has been
a traditional phrase of the vows
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"in sickness and in health"
to locate our theme for this
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particular program today.
There are many things that
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are involved with being in good
health, and yet, there are many
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times that good health eludes
us, and it affects not only
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1 person in the marriage,
it affects the marriage.
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Of course, we could also talk
about the health of the marriage
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as well, couldn't we, as well
as the health of the individuals
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in the marriage.
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I think that often times we take
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health for granted, and we only
talk about physical health as
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a part of who and what we are,
but there are so many factors
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to health, there's the emotional
health, there's the spiritual
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health, and there are
the holistic part of health
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that affects a marriage, and if
one partner in the marriage is
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not healthy, then the
marriage is not healthy.
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I think that's what John
was talking about in 3 John 2
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when he says "Dear friend,
I hope all is well with you, "
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"and that you are as healthy
in body as you are strong"
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- "in spirit. " - The
New Living translation
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really helps us to
locate a holistic concept there,
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that's probably true in most
relationships, that we often
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misjudge a single
purpose and not see the holistic
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purpose in which God
wants us to be in good health.
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So what are some of those things
that you see just right off
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the top of your head that
we might approach as a reason,
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- or a state of good health?
- Well, I think often times we
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don't talk about emotional
health. We talk often about
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being down, sometimes it's
depression and sometimes it's
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not a serious case of
depression, it's just some of
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those times when you're
just down. I know that I'm one
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of those persons who
needs sunshine. So when we have
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a bunch of days when it rains,
or it's cloudy, I need light,
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so I'm not necessarily as bright
and as sunny as I might be,
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so I'm kind of down, but
the Bible says that 2 are better
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than 1, so I depend on
you to be the sunshine.
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- You are my sunshine.
- Yeah, to keep me going
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on those days when I don't have
sufficient outdoor sunshine.
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I guess there are some things
that you can help with in that
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way even though...let's talk
about this thing a little bit
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because a lot of
times we confuse the issues
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of depression, sometimes
there is a physiological or
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an emotional cause for a
depressed state, or there is
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just a feeling of being
down. And none of them really
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have to be clinical depression,
there can be other reasons
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for it, but in a relationship
where you have that occurring
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too often, what are some of the
things that we maybe we ought
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to be look at as a response
to that in order to help our
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mate, or to help
our marriage to improve?
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Well see, that's why we've
talked about dialogue and why
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it is so important to be able
to share feelings because if you
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have a relationship that's
based on dialogue then it's very
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easy to talk about how
you're feeling, and if you're
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comfortable sharing feelings
then your spouse will hear what
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you're feeling because they'll
not only listening with their
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ears, they'll be listening with
their heart, and they can hear
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what's happening, they'll
hear the hurts, they'll hear all
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of the things that are
really going on, and they'll be
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listening also to the
non-verbals, they will be
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picking up things and in that
conversation they'll be able
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to pick up on things that maybe
the other person won't even
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realize they're expressing.
So they'll be able to share
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with them what they are
hearing in their sharing.
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And it also helps, I suppose,
for that person to be able
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to share that. Sometimes just
the sharing of it where it's
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heard and where it's understood
as a valid reason for being
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like I am, or at least
expressing the feeling that is
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within me, sometimes if
you don't have that a depressed
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state, or down period,
can exist for a longer period,
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but if you can share it, you
can get it out, and there are
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2 instead of 1 then there is
a way to help your mate to feel
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on the upside of life because
then you can enter into not
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only a dialogue with them
where you've been able to locate
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what that is, but then
you're ready to also say
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"Well, is this something we
need to really pray about? "
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"Is this something where
we need to ask God for help"
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"and for assistance? "
And/or is it also something
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where we need to say "When is
the last time that you've had"
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"a check-up? When is the last
time you've seen the doctor"
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"and had a complete physical?
Maybe there's more than"
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"1 reason for
these things happening. "
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Wouldn't you say
that's probably true?
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And that's also another chance
to say "And I will go with you"
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because when we care
about one another we don't leave
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the other spouse to go and
face these things by themselves
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because sometimes that
feeling is just being afraid.
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Of course, we know that "perfect
love casteth out all fear",
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- isn't that
right? - That's true.
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So when there's a loving
relationship that gives support
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you can help the
other overcome that fear.
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Sometimes we're afraid to
hear something that we may not
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have control over, so
that's why prayer and action,
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and response is important
when there's a question about
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good health in
either of the spouses.
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I'm reminded of that
story that Dr. Archibald told us
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about how he had the
heart problem, but his wife had
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the pain and she kept going
to have the exams for the pain,
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but because of her persistence
he went and found out he had
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blockages in 4 parts of
his heart and without her
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persistence he could have had
a massive heart attack and died,
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so sometimes God gives warning
in strange ways, but because 2
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people are attuned to each other
and it has to do with health,
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- look what happened to him.
- Well, that's a very good story
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and it's also something that we
need to take into consideration.
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Maybe you need to have
more dialogue or communication
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or conversation with your
spouse and share feelings.
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We have a tendency at times
to hide or to cover feelings
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because we don't want to create
a problem for the other person.
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Sometimes hiding that, or
covering that can lead to a more
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serious problem if you
don't take care of it soon.
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And we're talking about
the physical/emotional part of
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the life, they are
tied together, are they not?
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Very much so and because
they are and because we are very
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closely tied to each other as
spouses a lot of times we know
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things even when
they're not shared.
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Oh really? How
would you know something,
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for instance, what
kind of signals would you
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- pick up in me? - I
remember when I thought
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that we were buying
stock in Tums because you ate
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them a lot, but you
weren't talking about it.
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I was utilizing something
to cover a symptom, is that
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- what you're saying? -
Yes, that's what I'm saying.
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And we found out that that
symptom was really covering
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- stress. - Aha,
but you weren't talking
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about it, so there was no way
to see if it was something we
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could adjust, or something
we could deal with, or any other
00:11:08.73\00:11:13.26
- way. - Well,
you know, if you're
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attentive to one another
and you're close enough to each
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other on a regular basis you
can pick up upon those things
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and you can know about and
help one another to be in good
00:11:23.98\00:11:27.66
health because it's not
just about diet and eating,
00:11:27.69\00:11:31.93
even though that's very
important, it's also about how
00:11:31.96\00:11:34.94
the outside world is affecting
you and your spouse, and how
00:11:34.97\00:11:39.58
you might be reacting to
that, or responding to that.
00:11:39.61\00:11:43.50
I think that that's what spouses
do for one another because you
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create the culture within the
home so that the home becomes
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a place where it is comfortable
and becomes a safe place
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for people to come to,
particularly your spouse,
00:11:58.82\00:12:03.40
so that it is a
comfortable place.
00:12:03.43\00:12:05.92
It's a safe place
and a welcoming place.
00:12:05.95\00:12:08.36
- Definitely. - So
that you can pursue
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and provide a healthy atmosphere
and environment so that when
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things do go wrong you can
see them. A lot of times maybe
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there's so much tension and
stress in marriage relationships
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that people might have
that you often do not hear,
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and do not see, and
cannot understand that there are
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things that are taking place
that are causing some of those
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stressful ways, or some of
those stressors that create
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illness, because
stress does create illness.
00:12:42.86\00:12:45.34
It definitely does, and if
you don't have somewhere where
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you can go where it's not
stressful then how can you
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compete with
what's going on outside?
00:12:53.16\00:12:57.14
Yes, the home, the
marriage needs to be a healing
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environment, doesn't it?
We can say that, and it's
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something that we need to
make sure others understand.
00:13:02.93\00:13:06.20
Create a healing environment
for your spouse, let that
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healing be in you as it is
in Christ, and let it be in your
00:13:10.66\00:13:14.53
spouse and be responsive to one
another because maintaining that
00:13:14.56\00:13:18.55
good, healthy feeling
will help you to have a happy
00:13:18.58\00:13:23.15
and a fruitful marriage.
We'll be right back because
00:13:23.18\00:13:26.86
we have some other exciting
things to talk about in health.
00:13:26.89\00:13:31.67
There are many "How to"
books available, but there's one
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"How You Can Build
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Bible-based matrimonial
advice is given in a light
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hearted, easy to read manner for
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newly weds, couples in
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in between. Simply call or write
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little booklet, a handy little
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marriage.
00:14:03.87\00:14:05.69
Welcome back to Marriage in
God's Hands. We're talking about
00:14:14.27\00:14:17.17
marriage in sickness and
in health, so we want you
00:14:17.20\00:14:22.43
to continue with us in our
discussion, and we also want you
00:14:22.46\00:14:26.94
to dialogue with your
spouse because we're going to be
00:14:26.97\00:14:31.11
touching on some things that
are very current things that are
00:14:31.14\00:14:35.38
happening around us in the
world today and how they might
00:14:35.41\00:14:38.66
affect a marriage, and how
they might affect the people in
00:14:38.69\00:14:42.54
that marriage in ways that are
unhealthy, and we want to talk
00:14:42.57\00:14:47.35
about how God is there for
us. 2 Corinthians 1:3,4 says:
00:14:47.38\00:14:52.36
"All praise to God, the Father
of our Lord Jesus Christ. "
00:14:52.39\00:14:57.52
"God is our merciful Father
and the source of all comfort, "
00:14:57.55\00:15:02.28
"He comforts us in all
our troubles so that we can"
00:15:02.31\00:15:05.97
"comfort others. When they
are troubled we will be able"
00:15:06.00\00:15:10.49
"to give them the same
comfort God has given us. "
00:15:10.52\00:15:16.17
So this really speaks to the
point, when you have a marriage
00:15:16.20\00:15:20.32
relationship God can utilize
the strength of the comfort
00:15:20.35\00:15:25.66
that God gives to one in
order to pass it on and help
00:15:25.69\00:15:29.75
the other partner in marriage.
You know, I guess I like that
00:15:29.78\00:15:34.61
word "comfort" because when
God told His disciples that He
00:15:34.64\00:15:39.49
would send them another
comforter I'm always reminded
00:15:39.52\00:15:43.27
of comfort as that quilt,
that blanket that you could draw
00:15:43.30\00:15:47.70
around you because it just
makes it very close, very cozy
00:15:47.73\00:15:54.18
and very next to you, and that
means that this is not something
00:15:54.21\00:15:59.13
distant, this is something
very practical and up close.
00:15:59.16\00:16:03.49
- and very personal. - Intimate.
00:16:03.52\00:16:06.16
Yes, and who better to really
help a partner or a spouse
00:16:06.19\00:16:11.90
except the one who is the
most intimate person in that
00:16:11.93\00:16:16.36
relationship and because your
children are displaced a lot of
00:16:16.39\00:16:20.94
times and cannot be there,
either they're too young or
00:16:20.97\00:16:24.65
they're too busy building
their lives, so you get to grow
00:16:24.68\00:16:29.28
together and you get to know
your spouse pretty well, and
00:16:29.31\00:16:32.39
can pick up on things that are
happenings and also deal with
00:16:32.42\00:16:36.36
things that are sometimes
catastrophic that come into
00:16:36.39\00:16:41.49
a relationship. I can
recall times when my father went
00:16:41.52\00:16:48.66
through Alzheimer's and his
spouse had quite a chore trying
00:16:48.69\00:16:57.29
to adjust to the fact that there
was an illness that was between
00:16:57.32\00:17:02.14
them, that it wasn't him as a
person because the personality
00:17:02.17\00:17:06.89
began to be accentuated in
certain ways, and she was taking
00:17:06.92\00:17:11.91
it personally and it was
difficult to remind her that
00:17:11.94\00:17:15.60
this is a disease, that this
is an illness speaking in him,
00:17:15.63\00:17:23.61
and that it's not
personally against you.
00:17:23.64\00:17:26.88
Spouses are the best
people though to adjust to some
00:17:26.91\00:17:31.99
difference that has happened
in sickness, and ultimately
00:17:32.02\00:17:34.82
if you live long enough you will
come to a time when you need
00:17:34.85\00:17:39.24
somebody. So what happens during
those times when one spouse
00:17:39.27\00:17:44.41
begins to deteriorate and
not be able to help themselves
00:17:44.44\00:17:48.36
- as much? - It
is a very challenging
00:17:48.39\00:17:52.10
situation, but when you
stand there on your wedding day,
00:17:52.13\00:17:57.48
young, fresh, you don't
think about what you're saying:
00:17:57.51\00:18:01.86
"In sickness and in health"
because that seems so far
00:18:01.89\00:18:05.66
removed and the person,
particularly as we are seeing
00:18:05.69\00:18:10.14
more and more people
live longer and we're seeing
00:18:10.17\00:18:12.35
Alzheimer, the person who
suffers from Alzheimer is not
00:18:12.38\00:18:16.10
that person that you stood
next to on that wedding day.
00:18:16.13\00:18:20.24
They may look the same, but they
certainly don't behave the same.
00:18:20.27\00:18:24.20
So then you have to call on
that God who is comfort because
00:18:24.23\00:18:29.96
that is the only way you
could make it through no matter
00:18:29.99\00:18:34.16
what other support you
have. That person that you know
00:18:34.19\00:18:38.02
and you love is no longer
there, but your commitment to
00:18:38.05\00:18:42.26
the marriage, your commitment
to that person is what carries
00:18:42.29\00:18:46.87
- you through. -
That's why it's good, I feel,
00:18:46.90\00:18:50.03
to have a relationship
that builds for the long run
00:18:50.06\00:18:56.40
because things do change.
Sometimes it's not an illness
00:18:56.43\00:19:02.28
that is catastrophic that
cuts off the life and then just
00:19:02.31\00:19:05.52
leaves the other one
alone, sometimes in that person
00:19:05.55\00:19:09.55
life is diminished and
you still have to be there.
00:19:09.58\00:19:13.93
So if there has not been a
real love and a real closeness,
00:19:13.96\00:19:17.39
an intimate understanding
built between the 2 spouses then
00:19:17.42\00:19:24.68
there are going to be some
difficult times, and you must
00:19:24.71\00:19:27.80
pray to God that God will allow
the strongest spouse to remain
00:19:27.83\00:19:34.32
to pass on, as the verse says,
to comfort and to give the help
00:19:34.35\00:19:39.98
- to the needy spouse.
- That's true. What is so
00:19:40.01\00:19:48.46
prevalent now is that there are
people who are now caring for
00:19:48.49\00:19:53.70
an aging, or aging parents,
so the health issue now becomes
00:19:53.73\00:19:59.48
on a marriage that "What do
you do as you parent parents? "
00:19:59.51\00:20:04.32
Well that involves then
sometimes 2 people because
00:20:04.35\00:20:09.32
you're talking about an in-law
relationship, and that means
00:20:09.35\00:20:13.50
that as a married couple
you can no longer look at one
00:20:13.53\00:20:19.70
side of the family in a
different way than other
00:20:19.73\00:20:24.45
than your parent, because
even though they may not be your
00:20:24.48\00:20:29.49
blood parent you have married
into that family and it becomes
00:20:29.52\00:20:33.35
your family. So you need to
build those relationships early
00:20:33.38\00:20:39.15
in your marriage because the
time may come when you will be
00:20:39.18\00:20:43.22
the only source of help as a
couple to your aging parents,
00:20:43.25\00:20:47.15
as you've said. What are some of
the things that you really need
00:20:47.18\00:20:49.75
to expect to have help with
and to be strengthened as you
00:20:49.78\00:20:55.06
reach out, let's say like
in your mother, for instance,
00:20:55.09\00:20:59.23
even though she's
fairly healthy at her age,
00:20:59.26\00:21:04.72
there are things that
she needs assistance with.
00:21:04.75\00:21:08.46
Well, I think the greatest
challenge as you look at parents
00:21:08.49\00:21:12.18
aging is that suddenly the
roles are reversed and we've
00:21:12.21\00:21:15.53
become more of the parent
to you parent because there are
00:21:15.56\00:21:20.03
things that you suddenly have
to be responsible for in their
00:21:20.06\00:21:23.56
lives, and it's not something
that you ever expected to have
00:21:23.59\00:21:28.12
to do, so there's this kind
of role reversal that's not in
00:21:28.15\00:21:35.34
- the rule books. -
There's no rules that govern
00:21:35.37\00:21:37.96
- that? - No.
00:21:37.99\00:21:40.25
And plus, let's admit that it's
different in every personality
00:21:40.28\00:21:43.01
and temperament, and a lot
of times depending upon your
00:21:43.04\00:21:46.84
relationship younger, that
relationship when the roles
00:21:46.87\00:21:50.76
reverse you still have
those same temperaments
00:21:50.79\00:21:56.06
and it's not always easy.
So one of you in your marital
00:21:56.09\00:22:04.25
and spousal unit, one of
you needs to be there to bring
00:22:04.28\00:22:08.45
comfort to the other who's
going through some difficult
00:22:08.48\00:22:13.06
adjustments because when
you get back from handling
00:22:13.09\00:22:16.00
the situation or dealing with
something that didn't turn out
00:22:16.03\00:22:19.18
exactly like you planned,
somebody needs to be there
00:22:19.21\00:22:22.97
to make sure that you are still
feeling okay about yourself
00:22:23.00\00:22:30.15
because parents have
an affect on you even when
00:22:30.18\00:22:32.53
the role is reversed, they have
00:22:32.56\00:22:34.48
a way of putting you in your
place. So when you come back
00:22:34.51\00:22:37.84
home you kind of test your
sanity, "Am I really okay? ",
00:22:37.87\00:22:43.40
after that, so the other person
says "Yes, you are okay, "
00:22:43.43\00:22:47.40
"you've done the best by your
parent, and it's a good thing"
00:22:47.43\00:22:50.88
"that you're there
and I love you for it".
00:22:50.91\00:22:54.37
So maybe those are the
kinds of things that happen in
00:22:54.40\00:22:57.32
a marriage, that if you have
a good relationship that you've
00:22:57.35\00:23:00.52
built up and the communication
has been good, and the comfort
00:23:00.55\00:23:04.62
is there when you have
the need, then it's easier.
00:23:04.65\00:23:07.96
Well, it's also important for
the spouse who's parent, it is
00:23:07.99\00:23:13.35
not to be supportive
because it is a challenge for
00:23:13.38\00:23:17.91
a relationship to have to be
responsible for another adult
00:23:17.94\00:23:23.31
because this is also a time
in life where a lot of times
00:23:23.34\00:23:27.44
the couple has planned "This
will be our time for us to do"
00:23:27.47\00:23:31.97
"things that we have put aside
because hopefully we'll have"
00:23:32.00\00:23:35.72
"no children to be responsible
for and it will just be the"
00:23:35.75\00:23:39.22
"2 of us", and then now here's
another person for whom we now
00:23:39.25\00:23:43.42
have responsibility. So it
is a challenge, this is a health
00:23:43.45\00:23:48.03
challenge that couples
don't usually plan for, so it's
00:23:48.06\00:23:53.48
another challenge to the
marriage that couples don't
00:23:53.51\00:23:57.26
think about until
they're faced with it.
00:23:57.29\00:23:59.74
That's right, they may not
be either an old aged need,
00:23:59.77\00:24:05.73
it might be a younger aged need,
you might still have children in
00:24:05.76\00:24:09.41
a home, teenagers, or younger,
that you are still trying
00:24:09.44\00:24:14.51
to launch, or trying
to prepare for the world
00:24:14.54\00:24:18.34
and you may have
a parent who needs
00:24:18.37\00:24:21.26
help also, so that puts an
extra stress when you're talking
00:24:21.29\00:24:25.81
about sickness in
"sickness and in health",
00:24:25.84\00:24:28.10
that puts another
stressor on the marriage.
00:24:28.13\00:24:31.24
All the more why you really
need to have a strong spiritual
00:24:31.27\00:24:34.95
connection and a strong
marital connection during those
00:24:34.98\00:24:39.44
difficult times. I wonder
what it's like sometimes when
00:24:39.47\00:24:43.65
an accident happens
and it causes an injury.
00:24:43.68\00:24:46.98
I can remember an accident
happened to me and you had
00:24:47.01\00:24:50.92
to do all the driving for me,
you have to help me get dressed,
00:24:50.95\00:24:54.35
you have to help do a lot
of things for me and I didn't
00:24:54.38\00:24:58.19
- consider myself so old.
- Well, I don't know how you
00:24:58.22\00:25:02.29
felt, I thought it was rather
interesting because it was
00:25:02.32\00:25:06.88
certainly a challenge for
a while, but we managed it
00:25:06.91\00:25:11.86
and I guess that
was a health issue, huh?
00:25:11.89\00:25:15.09
Yeah, well it does test you,
doesn't it, and it tests your
00:25:15.12\00:25:19.20
relationship, and I think the
point is more than anything else
00:25:19.23\00:25:23.45
that whenever there is anything
out of the norm, be it mental,
00:25:23.48\00:25:28.12
emotional or physical, or all
of the above, that there must
00:25:28.15\00:25:34.56
be a holistic health, a sense
of health to your relationship
00:25:34.59\00:25:39.39
with God and with one another
so that when those times come
00:25:39.42\00:25:44.87
you have the flexibility to
be able to move in whichever
00:25:44.90\00:25:48.28
direction you need to
move and to do what needs
00:25:48.31\00:25:50.64
to be done to keep
the marriage going.
00:25:50.67\00:25:53.19
I guess you also have
to have a sense of humor.
00:25:53.22\00:25:55.98
You've got to have a
sense of humor, and we got that,
00:25:56.01\00:25:58.48
let me tell you, we hope that
you've got a sense of humor too,
00:25:58.51\00:26:01.23
but we also pray that you
have a real connection with God,
00:26:01.26\00:26:07.03
in sickness and in
health. Let's pray right now for
00:26:07.06\00:26:11.97
ourselves and for each married
couple that might be having
00:26:12.00\00:26:17.03
this challenge. Dear
Lord, we are grateful
00:26:17.06\00:26:20.71
to know that You are a God
who is there for all seasons and
00:26:20.74\00:26:25.48
all reasons. Help us as a
couple to also have that same
00:26:25.51\00:26:33.07
ability that because of
Your comfort of us and Your
00:26:33.10\00:26:36.46
strengthening of us that we will
also be able to strengthen one
00:26:36.49\00:26:41.42
- another. - And
we thank You Lord
00:26:41.45\00:26:44.19
because You are the Great
Physician and You know us,
00:26:44.22\00:26:47.41
and You know every need that
we have, that You can come close
00:26:47.44\00:26:51.31
and be near for each and every
situation, in the lovely name
00:26:51.34\00:26:55.94
of Jesus we pray, amen.
00:26:55.97\00:27:01.24
Well, we've certainly covered
a lot of different things
00:27:01.27\00:27:04.61
without a lot of detail,
but we are hopeful that you are
00:27:04.64\00:27:08.94
ultimately able to
dialogue about these things,
00:27:08.97\00:27:11.90
that you can communicate with
one another, even before they
00:27:11.93\00:27:15.47
happen and even afterwards,
that through prayer and through
00:27:15.50\00:27:19.25
being close in your most
intimate moments that you'll
00:27:19.28\00:27:22.84
see that your marriage is truly
in God's hands, and that you
00:27:22.87\00:27:27.10
have the support and the
strengthening that you need even
00:27:27.13\00:27:30.21
as we have found.
And we ask you to stay by
00:27:30.24\00:27:33.53
for the next episode of
Marriage in God's Hands.
00:27:33.56\00:27:36.52
But until then, may God
bless you in your communication
00:27:36.55\00:27:41.71
and in your
prayer life as a couple.
00:27:41.74\00:27:45.19