Welcome to Marriage in God's Hands. 00:00:30.46\00:00:33.42 We are glad to be back with you. My name is Willie Lee, 00:00:33.61\00:00:36.21 your host, and our co-host is Wilma Lee. 00:00:36.39\00:00:40.53 Welcome. Today we talk about marriage and forgiveness. 00:00:40.63\00:00:44.76 And that's a very, very important topic because 00:00:44.97\00:00:49.86 it has a sense of freedom about it. 00:00:49.96\00:00:53.35 And God provides us with that freedom through forgiveness. 00:00:53.55\00:00:57.11 And we will pray with each other now as we begin. 00:00:57.21\00:01:01.61 Thank you, Lord, for knowing before we even know 00:01:01.82\00:01:06.97 how much we need You, how much we need forgiveness 00:01:07.07\00:01:11.57 and what it will do for us in our marriages. 00:01:11.67\00:01:15.64 And we ask you to be with us today to understand it 00:01:15.84\00:01:19.25 from the heart in every way. 00:01:19.35\00:01:22.11 Lord, we thank You because You have given us 00:01:22.31\00:01:24.96 the greatest model of forgiveness when You died for us 00:01:25.06\00:01:28.54 on the cross. We can't help but be amazed 00:01:28.64\00:01:32.89 that You would love us so much. 00:01:32.99\00:01:35.14 In the name of Jesus we pray, Amen. Amen. 00:01:35.34\00:01:39.49 Well, today we embark on a journey... 00:01:40.78\00:01:44.53 a journey that God planned 00:01:44.73\00:01:48.11 even before the foundation 00:01:48.31\00:01:50.27 of the world. 00:01:50.37\00:01:51.45 Because He knew we'd be here and we would need to know 00:01:51.56\00:01:55.37 what footsteps to follow. And we have the footsteps of Christ 00:01:55.47\00:01:59.23 who represented forgiveness and who actually accomplished it 00:01:59.33\00:02:03.90 for us through the cross. 00:02:04.00\00:02:06.22 But a lot of times - uhh - our marriages get stuck. 00:02:06.42\00:02:12.15 And a lot of the reasons for that hinge upon 00:02:12.55\00:02:17.34 the fact that forgiveness is not being offered, 00:02:18.59\00:02:23.85 granted, or asked for. 00:02:23.95\00:02:28.13 Well, I think because 00:02:28.33\00:02:29.96 forgiveness is... 00:02:30.06\00:02:31.88 well, not forgiveness but 00:02:31.98\00:02:33.65 those two words "I'm sorry, " 00:02:33.75\00:02:35.99 "I was wrong" are probably 00:02:36.09\00:02:38.89 some of the most difficult words to say 00:02:39.00\00:02:42.15 and probably are not said. 00:02:42.35\00:02:45.44 It's just... You know that I meant it 00:02:45.54\00:02:48.72 so we don't say it. 00:02:48.82\00:02:50.65 So, acknowledgement of the need for forgiveness 00:02:50.85\00:02:55.62 is maybe the first part. We can't get to forgiveness 00:02:55.72\00:03:00.39 and we can't know how to exercise it 00:03:00.49\00:03:03.56 without an acknowledgement that someone needs to start it 00:03:03.66\00:03:07.96 somewhere. Oh, definitely. 00:03:08.06\00:03:10.36 And usually that's not something anybody wants to talk about. 00:03:10.46\00:03:15.78 Well, God didn't mind talking about it in the very beginning 00:03:15.98\00:03:19.51 after man sinned in Genesis 3:15. 00:03:19.61\00:03:22.07 The promise is based upon His setting into motion, 00:03:22.17\00:03:25.87 from the foundation of the world a plan that included forgiveness 00:03:25.97\00:03:30.34 that He would be able to grant to man and actually 00:03:30.48\00:03:35.00 take care of the sin problem that exists in our lives. 00:03:35.14\00:03:40.04 But more accurately in Jeremiah the 31st chapter 00:03:40.34\00:03:44.36 I'd like to read a verse of scripture, 00:03:44.46\00:03:47.72 a passage of scripture in chapter 31 of Jeremiah. 00:03:47.82\00:03:51.89 If you have your Bibles, you might like to turn 00:03:52.00\00:03:54.74 in your Bibles to Jeremiah 31 and read along with us. 00:03:54.84\00:03:59.83 I am reading beginning with verse 31. 00:04:00.03\00:04:03.65 It's a very important passage because it sets the base 00:04:03.85\00:04:09.10 with God's promise being fulfilled. 00:04:09.20\00:04:13.56 "The day will come, says the Lord, 00:04:13.76\00:04:16.81 when I will make a new covenant with the people of Israel 00:04:16.91\00:04:20.11 and Judah. This covenant will not be like the one I made 00:04:20.21\00:04:24.25 with their ancestors when I took them by the hand 00:04:24.36\00:04:27.59 and brought them out of the land of Egypt. 00:04:27.69\00:04:30.61 They broke that covenant 00:04:30.71\00:04:33.90 though I loved them as a husband loves his wife, 00:04:34.01\00:04:38.17 says the Lord. But this IS the new covenant 00:04:38.27\00:04:42.64 that I will make with the people of Israel on that day. " 00:04:42.74\00:04:47.42 The Lord said this to them... He says: 00:04:47.52\00:04:51.16 "I will put My laws in their minds, I will write them 00:04:51.26\00:04:56.38 on their hearts. I will be their God 00:04:56.48\00:05:00.37 and they will be My people. And they will not need to teach 00:05:00.47\00:05:05.19 their neighbors nor will they need to teach their families 00:05:05.29\00:05:09.28 saying: 'You should know the Lord' 00:05:09.38\00:05:13.84 for everyone from the least to the greatest 00:05:13.94\00:05:18.54 will already know me, says the Lord. 00:05:18.64\00:05:21.59 And I will forgive their wickedness 00:05:21.69\00:05:25.13 and I will never again remember their sins. " 00:05:25.23\00:05:30.67 Wow! That's quite a promise! 00:05:30.87\00:05:33.56 First you're going to forgive 00:05:33.77\00:05:35.49 and then you're not going to remember. 00:05:35.59\00:05:38.29 And that covers both areas that we want to talk about today. 00:05:38.69\00:05:42.92 But God started it. He says I'm not asking you 00:05:43.12\00:05:46.90 to do this without My already... not... I've already done it. 00:05:47.00\00:05:51.78 I've already set it in motion. 00:05:51.98\00:05:53.52 And He says that the day will come when you won't have to tell 00:05:53.73\00:05:57.57 your neighbor because everyone will already know. 00:05:57.68\00:06:00.11 And that's a fantastic promise. 00:06:00.31\00:06:03.90 That means that God is taking the responsibility 00:06:04.00\00:06:07.27 for providing forgiveness and for getting the word out 00:06:07.37\00:06:11.65 to everyone that forgiveness is available 00:06:11.75\00:06:14.57 and that when He forgives He remembers the sin no more. 00:06:14.67\00:06:19.71 I thought it was interesting, though, that He talked about 00:06:19.92\00:06:22.50 like a husband and a wife. Um-hmm. 00:06:22.60\00:06:24.97 Does that mean that He expects husbands and wives 00:06:25.17\00:06:29.45 to forgive each other? 00:06:29.55\00:06:30.80 Well, since God says that His wife is the church, 00:06:31.00\00:06:35.64 Christ's wife is the church, 00:06:35.74\00:06:38.19 He sets that example, and in Ephesians 5 He uses that 00:06:38.40\00:06:43.57 and then talks about the mystery of Jesus Christ 00:06:43.67\00:06:48.00 as the husband of the church - the wife. 00:06:48.11\00:06:51.12 But then He says but that's also I'm talking about 00:06:51.22\00:06:54.49 husbands and wives too. 00:06:54.59\00:06:56.62 And so this is another illustration of that mystery 00:06:56.82\00:07:00.94 that God has set in motion in which He says: 00:07:01.05\00:07:04.76 "I want to build my relationships in the family 00:07:04.86\00:07:09.49 upon the way a husband and wife treat each other 00:07:09.59\00:07:13.21 with forgiving love. " 00:07:13.31\00:07:15.55 Well, I hope forgiveness isn't a mystery 00:07:15.65\00:07:17.62 because then we're really in trouble! No! No! 00:07:17.72\00:07:20.11 Oh, OK. It's not forgiveness that's the mystery. 00:07:20.21\00:07:22.38 It's how the church and Christ and husbands and wives 00:07:22.48\00:07:26.29 are supposed to be matched and mated and modeled - 00:07:26.39\00:07:30.86 oh, oh - through the family. 00:07:31.06\00:07:32.94 So, God first modeled on the cross 00:07:33.14\00:07:35.35 and in His relationship with us. 00:07:35.45\00:07:37.34 Now we are to also model that for the world 00:07:37.44\00:07:41.11 so that the world can see what forgiveness is all about 00:07:41.21\00:07:44.13 when they watch the relationships between husbands 00:07:44.23\00:07:47.39 and wives. OK. So that's a tremendous promise. 00:07:47.49\00:07:50.92 But we need to apply it in a practical way 00:07:51.02\00:07:53.55 because to just spiritualize it does not accomplish it. 00:07:53.65\00:07:57.17 I think you are right, and It think that's probably 00:07:57.38\00:07:59.78 where a lot of people get in trouble with forgiveness 00:07:59.88\00:08:02.36 because when we just move it 00:08:02.56\00:08:04.79 to the spiritual plane, 00:08:04.89\00:08:06.81 then we are really confused 00:08:06.92\00:08:08.93 about it. And I always think of David in Psalm 51. 00:08:09.03\00:08:13.67 And, you know, I have a particular affinity for 00:08:13.77\00:08:18.38 The Message. And Psalm 51:10 in The Message Paraphrase says: 00:08:18.48\00:08:23.90 "God, make a fresh start in me. Shape a Genesis week 00:08:24.00\00:08:29.26 from the chaos of my life. " Wow! 00:08:29.36\00:08:31.62 And I think that's what we're talking about when we're 00:08:31.72\00:08:34.41 talking about forgiveness. We want a fresh start, 00:08:34.51\00:08:37.88 and we want a Genesis week: creation - yes - 00:08:37.98\00:08:41.99 in the chaos of our life. Cosmos... Cosmos versus chaos. 00:08:42.09\00:08:45.63 Yes! Isn't that something? God created cosmos. 00:08:45.73\00:08:48.86 He created a perfect world, 00:08:48.96\00:08:51.19 a perfect environment. 00:08:51.29\00:08:53.77 And God says that can be 00:08:53.88\00:08:55.04 re-created through forgiveness 00:08:55.14\00:08:57.85 by coming to God and letting Him 00:08:57.95\00:09:00.85 take the chaos of our lives and creating once again 00:09:00.96\00:09:05.16 the unity and the peace that comes... that happens only... 00:09:05.26\00:09:09.88 through God. And that's the uniqueness that we want to share 00:09:09.92\00:09:14.51 with couples today. And we'd like to share 00:09:14.61\00:09:16.70 a little bit more of that with you. 00:09:16.81\00:09:19.29 So, I guess one of the first things that has to happen 00:09:19.49\00:09:23.35 with forgiveness is that you have to acknowledge 00:09:23.45\00:09:26.38 that you need to be forgiven. 00:09:26.48\00:09:28.14 Well, I think it's that AND 00:09:28.34\00:09:31.65 sometimes the acknowledgement needs to be 00:09:31.85\00:09:36.41 that forgiveness is needed in the relationship. 00:09:36.61\00:09:41.02 Too often we want to place the blame on one person 00:09:41.22\00:09:45.35 and then say that person needs to acknowledge 00:09:45.65\00:09:51.61 they are wrong and ask for forgiveness, and I'm not 00:09:51.71\00:09:55.13 going to say anything or do anything until that happens. 00:09:55.23\00:09:58.33 Oh, you mean it takes two? 00:09:58.53\00:10:00.79 Oh, we are back to dialogue again? Again! 00:10:00.99\00:10:04.02 Back to dialogue. The dialogue needs to take place 00:10:04.22\00:10:07.25 so that each of us in the marriage... 00:10:07.35\00:10:09.81 both the husband and the wife... 00:10:09.91\00:10:11.42 must see the marriage as needing help, 00:10:11.62\00:10:14.82 the marriage as needing support, 00:10:15.02\00:10:18.70 the marriage as needing power to move and to grow. 00:10:18.90\00:10:22.54 And if we both work toward it and not worry about 00:10:22.74\00:10:25.97 who needs to get the forgiveness peace started, 00:10:26.11\00:10:29.10 but let both work toward forgiveness taking place. 00:10:29.23\00:10:33.44 Ah, so now we are talking about commitment. That's right. 00:10:33.64\00:10:37.56 Because we are committed to this marriage relationship - 00:10:37.77\00:10:41.70 that's right - and we want it to last for a long time, 00:10:41.80\00:10:45.08 so we will dialogue about how we work this thing out. 00:10:45.28\00:10:48.88 That's right. And not necessarily just the blame 00:10:48.98\00:10:52.02 but to admit how I feel about not having forgiveness 00:10:52.12\00:10:56.59 being processed and not having reconciliation taking place. 00:10:56.69\00:11:00.70 Even Jesus spoke about that when He says: 00:11:00.90\00:11:03.47 "If you have... if someone has aught against you 00:11:03.67\00:11:06.42 or you have aught against the other, 00:11:06.52\00:11:07.91 you leave your gift at the altar and you go back and make sure 00:11:08.01\00:11:12.69 that everything is OK before you come and give your gift. " 00:11:12.79\00:11:15.81 Ummm. So that means even in our personal prayers 00:11:16.01\00:11:18.88 if there is something that's hanging up 00:11:18.98\00:11:20.81 and that... making our marriage feel stuck 00:11:20.91\00:11:24.75 in one place without being able to move forward, 00:11:24.85\00:11:26.95 whether you are the person in the wrong 00:11:27.06\00:11:29.19 or maybe you have not done wrong, 00:11:29.29\00:11:31.47 you should take the responsibility 00:11:31.57\00:11:33.87 of seeing to it that there is some type of confrontation 00:11:33.97\00:11:37.74 in a loving way through dialogue to talk about where we 00:11:37.84\00:11:42.18 might get stuck and where we might be able to unstick it 00:11:42.28\00:11:46.24 and move forward with our relationship. 00:11:46.34\00:11:49.04 Well, you know, that's something we talked about in the 00:11:49.24\00:11:51.84 gifts of the Spirit: 00:11:51.94\00:11:53.22 the willingness to have a sweet relationship. 00:11:53.32\00:11:58.83 Yes! And you know, we are not alone. 00:11:58.93\00:12:03.56 The world has understood that there cannot be a completion 00:12:03.67\00:12:08.34 of reconciliation in a marriage relationship between two people 00:12:08.44\00:12:13.56 unless forgiveness takes place. 00:12:13.67\00:12:15.71 They don't want to acknowledge God necessarily in the world 00:12:15.91\00:12:18.82 but they have done research and have found out 00:12:18.92\00:12:21.57 that when forgiveness takes place there is progress 00:12:21.77\00:12:25.68 and growth in relationships 00:12:25.79\00:12:28.38 and that the relationship gets off of that sticky part 00:12:28.58\00:12:33.84 and moves on and flourishes when forgiveness takes place 00:12:33.94\00:12:37.83 in a relationship. So, without talking about God - 00:12:37.93\00:12:40.79 wow - even the world is understanding that forgiveness 00:12:40.89\00:12:44.11 is a necessary part of relationship building. 00:12:44.21\00:12:47.58 That's interesting. And here God has told us 00:12:47.78\00:12:50.80 this so long ago, and all we have to do 00:12:50.90\00:12:53.88 is acknowledge and use what He gives us. 00:12:53.98\00:12:56.59 That's what it comes down to. 00:12:56.79\00:12:58.80 And that's why we are going to spend some time today talking 00:12:59.00\00:13:01.93 about forgiveness and the components of forgiveness, 00:13:02.03\00:13:05.09 the parts of it, and some things that we may not 00:13:05.19\00:13:08.60 have thought about forgiveness before. 00:13:08.71\00:13:10.86 So we will share some of those special times 00:13:10.97\00:13:13.70 when we come back from a short break. 00:13:13.80\00:13:16.87 But if your marriage partner is not there, 00:13:17.07\00:13:21.16 if your spouse is not with you, go get them. 00:13:21.26\00:13:23.30 Come back and let's study a little bit more 00:13:23.40\00:13:27.10 and find out how forgiveness takes place. 00:13:27.20\00:13:29.93 There are many how-to books available, but there's one 00:13:38.76\00:13:41.71 that's free and perfect for every couple: 00:13:41.81\00:13:44.12 How You Can Build A Better Marriage. 00:13:44.22\00:13:46.59 Bible-based matrimonial advice is given in a light-hearted, 00:13:46.79\00:13:50.54 easy-to-read manner for those contemplating marriage, 00:13:50.64\00:13:53.19 newlyweds, couples in their golden years, 00:13:53.29\00:13:56.20 and everyone in between. 00:13:56.30\00:13:58.01 Simply call or write 00:13:58.21\00:13:59.36 for your free copy of this 00:13:59.46\00:14:00.56 amazing little booklet. 00:14:00.66\00:14:01.77 A handy little tool 00:14:01.98\00:14:03.23 to help build a better marriage. 00:14:03.33\00:14:04.85 Welcome back to Marriage in God's Hands. 00:14:14.98\00:14:17.36 We've been talking about 00:14:17.46\00:14:18.65 forgiveness. 00:14:18.75\00:14:19.76 And forgiveness is not a foreign 00:14:19.96\00:14:21.82 thing to us because most 00:14:21.92\00:14:24.02 Christians already repeat 00:14:24.12\00:14:27.17 the Lord's Prayer, and in that prayer it says forgive us 00:14:27.27\00:14:31.11 our sins - or our debts - as we forgive 00:14:31.21\00:14:35.18 those who sin against us - or trespass against us - 00:14:35.28\00:14:39.08 our debtors. So, God has already 00:14:39.18\00:14:42.61 said that unless there's forgiveness 00:14:42.71\00:14:45.69 that we extend toward others, we cannot receive it from Him. 00:14:45.89\00:14:51.88 So, share something that will help us 00:14:52.08\00:14:55.94 in this problem area of trying to acknowledge the need 00:14:56.04\00:15:00.58 for forgiveness. You know, sometimes I think 00:15:00.68\00:15:03.02 we repeat that not realizing 00:15:03.13\00:15:05.48 what we're actually saying. 00:15:05.59\00:15:07.42 We're saying that if we don't 00:15:07.52\00:15:09.50 forgive others, 00:15:09.60\00:15:11.60 God don't forgive me. Yes. 00:15:11.70\00:15:13.96 It's almost like a covenant that we are saying 00:15:14.16\00:15:16.44 we expect to keep our part so that you will keep Your part. 00:15:16.54\00:15:20.02 Yes. And if we really thought about that, 00:15:20.22\00:15:24.05 we wouldn't take that very lightly because, you know, 00:15:24.25\00:15:29.31 it's again. It's like the company stuff. 00:15:29.41\00:15:31.60 We bring out that for outsiders but we can walk around for days 00:15:31.70\00:15:36.45 and weeks and hold grudges and issues with people 00:15:36.55\00:15:40.99 that we live with and think that's OK. 00:15:41.09\00:15:44.12 OK. But that's probably because, you know, there is not 00:15:44.22\00:15:49.56 forgiveness for some things. Aren't' there?... 00:15:49.66\00:15:51.15 Some things are just so terrible and they hurt so badly 00:15:51.35\00:15:54.33 that we need to make people jump through a few hoops 00:15:54.44\00:15:57.21 before forgiveness takes place so they won't forget it. 00:15:57.31\00:16:00.67 No, that's not our responsibility first of all. 00:16:00.87\00:16:05.85 If I recall correctly, Romans 12 tells us 00:16:06.06\00:16:09.97 that the Lord says vengeance is His and HE will repay. 00:16:10.07\00:16:14.41 So we don't get to do that. 00:16:14.51\00:16:16.48 So it's not payback? No! 00:16:16.68\00:16:18.75 Then if there's not payback, then what about these things 00:16:18.95\00:16:22.60 that I have a difficult time forgiving in others? 00:16:22.70\00:16:27.04 Are there some things that really cannot be forgiven? 00:16:27.24\00:16:31.81 We have to forgive, but that does not mean - you know... 00:16:32.01\00:16:36.70 Sometimes we say I'll forgive it but I won't forget it. 00:16:36.80\00:16:39.79 Um-hmm. No, you can't forget it because humans have this 00:16:39.90\00:16:43.96 marvelous thing that God has given us called a brain. OK. 00:16:44.06\00:16:47.08 And somewhere up there as long as you are in charge 00:16:47.29\00:16:51.09 of your capabilities and facilities, 00:16:51.19\00:16:53.67 it's there... you can't forget it. 00:16:53.78\00:16:56.59 But I Corinthians tells you that love does not keep score. 00:16:56.79\00:17:01.33 Oh, wow! If I don't keep score... 00:17:01.53\00:17:04.54 'cause I can remember how many times something has happened 00:17:04.64\00:17:08.41 to me, and I'm saying well until something changes 00:17:08.51\00:17:11.74 I'm not going to forgive. Unless that person 00:17:11.84\00:17:13.96 can promise me they are not going to do it again... 00:17:14.07\00:17:16.36 So, how do I move on from that? 00:17:16.46\00:17:20.45 And what is forgiveness all about? 00:17:20.55\00:17:23.10 Forgiveness means that the next time you do it 00:17:23.30\00:17:26.16 it's the first time. Oh! 00:17:26.26\00:17:29.70 Are you telling me that I get a fresh start every time 00:17:29.90\00:17:34.33 with forgiveness? Remember Psalms 51:10? 00:17:34.43\00:17:39.46 "Lord, give me a fresh start. " If God gives me a fresh start, 00:17:39.66\00:17:44.74 then in our relationship I give you a fresh start. 00:17:44.84\00:17:48.36 So, between us as husband and wife then, we need to make sure 00:17:48.56\00:17:53.91 that we are not holding back something or denying something 00:17:54.01\00:17:57.52 because we haven't felt like forgiving, number 1, 00:17:57.62\00:18:01.47 or either we think it's too difficult to forgive that 00:18:01.57\00:18:06.17 because it hurt too much and it was such a terrible thing. 00:18:06.27\00:18:10.18 Exactly. Because we must give forgiveness as we experience 00:18:10.38\00:18:15.38 forgiveness. Oh, so that's the basis of forgiveness. 00:18:15.48\00:18:18.96 In other words, if I have been forgiven, 00:18:19.16\00:18:22.55 if God has been willing to forgive me, 00:18:22.66\00:18:25.37 then I must not withhold forgiveness from others. 00:18:25.57\00:18:29.57 Exactly! Isn't that what we pray? 00:18:29.60\00:18:32.39 Yes it is. That IS what we pray. 00:18:32.59\00:18:34.86 It just doesn't sound quite like that because of the Bible 00:18:35.06\00:18:38.32 language the way it's been put in the Bible, 00:18:38.46\00:18:40.00 but that's exactly what that means. 00:18:40.10\00:18:42.32 So forgiving does not mean that we don't forget. 00:18:42.58\00:18:46.41 It just means that we don't 00:18:46.54\00:18:48.28 bring that up and say: "Oh, you did that before so... " 00:18:48.38\00:18:52.16 I Corinthians says we don't keep score. 00:18:52.36\00:18:56.37 OK. So, if that's the case, then forgiveness takes place 00:18:56.57\00:18:59.83 because someone has already paid? Because, obviously, 00:18:59.93\00:19:05.31 if we don't make the person pay, somebody has to pay for wrong. 00:19:05.41\00:19:10.23 So, I guess, maybe Christ must be our substitute. 00:19:10.43\00:19:15.66 Through Christ, that sin, that wrong, 00:19:15.86\00:19:19.66 has been paid for on the cross. Yes! 00:19:19.76\00:19:23.16 So forgiveness is not only substitutionary, 00:19:23.36\00:19:26.04 it's grace based - OK - because you're getting something 00:19:26.14\00:19:30.02 you don't deserve. 00:19:30.12\00:19:31.63 All right. So, you can't earn forgiveness. 00:19:31.83\00:19:33.99 No. And you can't make a person earn it... earn the right 00:19:34.09\00:19:37.01 to be forgiven. No. Forgiveness is given out of love. 00:19:37.11\00:19:41.66 So how can I be assured, then, that if I forgive you, 00:19:41.86\00:19:46.45 you won't turn around and do it again? 00:19:46.55\00:19:49.12 You can't... because I'm human. 00:19:49.32\00:19:52.31 And that's the human frailty... that it just might happen again. 00:19:52.51\00:19:58.08 But that's no reason to withhold forgiveness, because 00:19:58.28\00:20:01.69 Christ did not withhold it from us just because we might 00:20:01.80\00:20:06.17 infringe upon that again. 00:20:06.27\00:20:09.08 Exactly. Now, there is a place for dialogue, 00:20:09.28\00:20:12.15 because if I care about you - um-hmm - and you tell me about 00:20:12.25\00:20:15.35 your feelings and you tell me what my behavior did 00:20:15.45\00:20:19.46 to make you feel uncomfortable, then I'm going to be aware 00:20:19.56\00:20:24.74 that you didn't like that. And if I really, really care, 00:20:24.84\00:20:29.58 I'm going to try not to do that again. 00:20:29.68\00:20:31.65 All right. So the intention, the effort, and the willingness 00:20:31.85\00:20:36.02 for change is what you expect. 00:20:36.12\00:20:38.95 Not that it's an accomplished fact that it will never 00:20:39.16\00:20:41.08 happen again. Yes, because I am human. 00:20:41.19\00:20:44.95 I still walk with feet... not wings... 00:20:45.15\00:20:47.46 so I'm capable of hurting your feelings again. 00:20:47.66\00:20:51.23 But there's always room for forgiveness again. 00:20:51.43\00:20:55.12 All right. And that's the promise I have to be assured of 00:20:55.33\00:20:59.04 that God provides. So it's through Him that it happens. 00:20:59.14\00:21:02.52 Not me alone doing it, but Christ has done it first 00:21:02.73\00:21:07.91 and I pass it along to you as my spouse. 00:21:08.01\00:21:11.49 Well, there's another area that we are concerned about 00:21:11.69\00:21:16.69 sometimes, and that is that I may not feel like forgiving. 00:21:16.79\00:21:22.77 I may still be hurting. 00:21:22.88\00:21:25.77 I may still not have enough belief in you as a person 00:21:25.97\00:21:31.44 and I feel that if I forgive you it will set up some situation 00:21:31.64\00:21:37.18 later on that I'll be sorry about. 00:21:37.28\00:21:39.77 So, shouldn't I wait till I feel more like it... 00:21:39.97\00:21:43.36 and then when I feel better then I can forgive? 00:21:43.46\00:21:46.63 Feelings where forgiveness is concerned 00:21:46.83\00:21:50.51 don't really fit because forgiveness is a principle 00:21:50.61\00:21:54.74 not a feeling. So you're saying that the act 00:21:54.84\00:21:58.39 of forgiving is something that is done whether or not. 00:21:58.49\00:22:02.53 In other words, I release that person 00:22:02.63\00:22:05.28 I release the obligation whether I feel like it or not 00:22:05.38\00:22:08.98 because that's what God expects of me. 00:22:09.08\00:22:11.90 Exactly. See, we are back to talking about that freedom 00:22:12.10\00:22:14.88 that God gives. And that's based upon God's grace. Exactly. 00:22:14.98\00:22:19.91 Well, you know, we can go into many different aspects 00:22:20.01\00:22:23.27 of that, and I have not found in the Word of God... 00:22:23.37\00:22:26.26 I don't know about you... I have not found in the Word of God 00:22:26.45\00:22:28.42 any sin that He will not forgive 00:22:28.52\00:22:31.95 that man commits against another. 00:22:32.05\00:22:35.07 You know, in the study of God's 00:22:35.27\00:22:38.71 Word, I'm always amazed at 00:22:38.81\00:22:41.12 how longsuffering He is 00:22:41.22\00:22:43.28 and how willing He is 00:22:43.48\00:22:45.13 to forgive us. 00:22:45.23\00:22:46.43 And how, even on the cross, He was willing to say 00:22:46.73\00:22:50.87 "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do. " 00:22:50.97\00:22:53.87 Yes. And if God can give up His life 00:22:54.07\00:22:57.22 and forgive in those circumstances, 00:22:57.32\00:23:00.99 I don't think there's anything in our relationship 00:23:01.09\00:23:04.65 that we can't communicate about and forgive one another. 00:23:04.75\00:23:09.55 And certainly, through prayer, 00:23:09.65\00:23:12.02 we ought to be able to work things out. 00:23:12.12\00:23:14.16 Well, that's God's plan for us, isn't it? 00:23:14.36\00:23:16.41 That we actually, through prayer, gain the opportunity 00:23:16.61\00:23:21.21 and the power to extend forgiveness. 00:23:21.31\00:23:24.60 Because it comes from God. 00:23:24.81\00:23:26.01 We cannot forgive another unless we are empowered by God. 00:23:26.21\00:23:31.19 In fact, there a special power that James talks about. 00:23:31.29\00:23:34.50 In James 5:16 he says: 00:23:34.61\00:23:37.39 "If we would pray for one another, 00:23:37.42\00:23:41.55 we would be... " What? Healed. "we would be healed. " 00:23:41.65\00:23:44.28 So there's healing available for our problems, 00:23:44.38\00:23:48.88 for our sinfulness, for our misgivings in marriage. 00:23:49.08\00:23:54.55 And if we would learn to pray, 00:23:54.75\00:23:56.93 if we would learn to pray for one another 00:23:57.13\00:24:01.14 and with one another, God would bring the healing 00:24:01.24\00:24:04.94 into our relationship and place it on a much better basis. 00:24:05.04\00:24:09.61 And that's worth reaching for, 00:24:09.81\00:24:12.83 and it will help to unstick some of those sticky issues 00:24:12.93\00:24:17.17 that stop us from growing our marriage in the right direction. 00:24:17.27\00:24:21.28 And, you know, usually that text is used for physical healing. 00:24:21.48\00:24:25.72 Um-hmm. But sometimes there are emotional hurts. 00:24:25.92\00:24:28.57 OK. Sometimes there are other types of hurts in relationships, 00:24:28.67\00:24:32.57 and God will heal those as well if we'll just pray for and with 00:24:32.67\00:24:37.40 each other. You know, you have hit upon something that 00:24:37.50\00:24:40.77 we don't often speak about. 00:24:40.88\00:24:43.76 But because of the very sensitive nature of the mind 00:24:43.96\00:24:48.94 and the heart of man... as the Psalmist says: 00:24:49.04\00:24:53.80 "Who can know it? " Because there are some parts of us 00:24:54.00\00:24:57.74 that don't really get healed until something outside of 00:24:57.85\00:25:01.70 ourselves happens. And a lot of times 00:25:01.80\00:25:05.63 we can go into depression. We can experience 00:25:05.73\00:25:10.97 real low periods because there is not the healing. 00:25:11.07\00:25:14.54 We can help each other as a couple - 00:25:14.74\00:25:17.75 yes - in promoting good health yes - 00:25:17.85\00:25:21.49 and healthy relationships - yes - through prayer and 00:25:21.59\00:25:24.44 through forgiveness. Yes. We actually set people free. 00:25:24.54\00:25:27.40 And the text says: "If Jesus makes you free, 00:25:27.60\00:25:31.93 then you are free indeed... you are free indeed. " 00:25:32.03\00:25:34.44 And that's a real joy and a real happiness. 00:25:34.64\00:25:37.30 And it provides, I feel, it has provided us 00:25:37.50\00:25:41.27 through time with the opportunity to go and grow 00:25:41.37\00:25:46.36 our marriage even further than it's ever been before. 00:25:46.46\00:25:49.47 That's what forgiveness does: it sets you free. 00:25:49.68\00:25:52.39 Well, the Word of God says: "If you confess your sins, 00:25:52.59\00:25:55.58 He is faithful and just to forgive you and to cleanse you 00:25:55.68\00:25:59.32 from all unrighteousness. " 00:25:59.42\00:26:01.30 Let's stop and pray right now, and ask God as couples 00:26:01.50\00:26:06.06 if He would not forgive us 00:26:06.16\00:26:08.10 when we have withheld forgiveness. 00:26:08.21\00:26:11.48 Dear Lord. We know that it's the human thing 00:26:11.68\00:26:16.20 that stops us from doing what is right and best for us. 00:26:16.30\00:26:20.70 But we ask you that in Your divine power 00:26:20.90\00:26:26.00 provide us now with the opportunity to see 00:26:26.10\00:26:30.24 a new thing happening in our relationship 00:26:30.34\00:26:33.71 that forgiveness can happen. 00:26:33.81\00:26:35.76 And we ask it to happen for us now. 00:26:35.96\00:26:38.81 Thank you, Lord, for forgiving us first. 00:26:39.01\00:26:42.09 And now let us share that forgiveness with each other 00:26:42.29\00:26:45.25 and experience the joy and delight that comes from 00:26:45.35\00:26:48.86 being free in Thee. In the name of Jesus we pray, 00:26:48.96\00:26:52.38 Amen. Amen. 00:26:52.58\00:26:54.26 We hope that you have exercised with your spouse 00:26:54.46\00:26:59.48 the opportunity to dialogue and to talk about those areas 00:26:59.58\00:27:03.62 of getting stuck. We can tell you from experience that 00:27:03.73\00:27:08.31 when we have allowed that to take place and we enter 00:27:08.41\00:27:11.66 into those communications with each other that would bring up 00:27:11.76\00:27:16.07 those issues and then present them to the Lord 00:27:16.17\00:27:18.39 and to each other, we feel so much better after the fact. 00:27:18.49\00:27:22.73 We may not feel better before, but I guarantee you 00:27:22.84\00:27:25.72 through faith extending yourself toward God will help you to 00:27:25.82\00:27:29.05 extend that forgiveness - yes - and it will help to free up 00:27:29.16\00:27:32.23 that relationship, and you can grow your marriage 00:27:32.33\00:27:35.28 and you can reflect the very essence of who God is 00:27:35.38\00:27:40.64 as a forgiving, loving God. 00:27:40.74\00:27:42.96 God bless you today. 00:27:43.16\00:27:44.66