Participants: Willie and Wilma Lee
Series Code: MGH
Program Code: MGH000029
|
00:30 Welcome to Marriage in God's Hands.
00:33 I'm Willie Lee, your host for this program, 00:37 and my co-host, of course, is my partner... 00:41 and that's Wilma Lee. 00:43 Welcome! Today we're going to talk about intimacy... 00:47 a re-definition. 00:49 Before we begin, let's just offer a word of prayer. 00:54 Dear Lord, it's so good to have you in our lives. 00:58 We don't know what we would do without you. 01:02 But since we don't have to, we'll rejoice and celebrate 01:05 your presence even as we talk today about how we can stay 01:10 in Your hands and follow Your plan for our marriage. 01:14 In Jesus' name, Amen. 01:18 Now that we have established 01:20 that God has a plan, and that 01:23 plan can help us rejoice 01:26 along the way... can help us 01:27 celebrate. We want you to also understand that there are some 01:33 components to marriage in God's hands that will make it 01:38 very special. It's not a component that we are 01:42 unaware of. It's just that this particular component has been 01:47 profaned by the world and it has become something 01:50 other than what God planned. 01:52 Yes, well, marriage totally 01:55 has become other than what 01:56 God has planned. 01:58 And it's our joy and delight 02:00 when we talk about marriage in God's hands to talk about 02:04 restoring the whole image of marriage. 02:07 And so we have to talk about restoring the image of God in 02:11 marriage because, you know, it's fascinating to me to find out 02:16 what marriages cost now days. No, I should back that up 02:21 and say what weddings cost... - there you go, all right - 02:25 now days... because people only plan for a wedding, 02:29 they do not plan for a marriage. 02:31 Well, what we are talking about today really doesn't cost 02:35 because we know that after that special day that is supposed 02:40 to be in the world the epitome and the peak of marriage... 02:44 it's the zenith of marriage... 02:46 and it usually goes downhill from there. 02:48 God's plan has it just the opposite. 02:51 A wedding is just the commencement, just the beginning 02:55 and then it takes off and forever goes up. 02:58 But we must have what God started in the beginning with 03:01 Adam and Eve. Yes. Because we found out that 03:04 even after sin, we read in Genesis the 3rd chapter and 03:08 verse 8, that God came walking in the garden like He usually 03:12 does, looking Adam and Eve and couldn't find them. 03:17 So, there was an intimate relationship that they had 03:20 together AND with God. 03:23 So that intimacy is what we're going to talk about today 03:26 because we need to re-define it back in the image of God. 03:32 And so, first and foremost, that means that intimacy does 03:36 not just mean sex. 03:38 Oh, my, she said the word, didn't she? 03:42 But yet isn't that where the world, isn't that what you have 03:44 found out: that intimacy must be defined according to whoever 03:50 wants to promote a special something you wear or something 03:55 you put on or an activity that you do? 03:58 That if it doesn't reach that that the world has ascribed 04:03 that it's erotic... that there is not intimacy 04:07 unless you do that? The world has sort of put us in a mold. 04:11 We want to break that mold today a little bit, 04:13 and go back to God's plan for intimacy. 04:16 And God's plan was that there would be a man and a woman 04:22 and Him. And so that first defines intimacy: 04:28 that there must be God in the middle and a man and a woman 04:33 who are walking and talking with God. 04:36 So, communication is in the center of that, but... 04:39 it's more than just talking, it's more than just walking... 04:44 even though today there are a lot of activities that I'm sure 04:48 you enjoy that are good physical activities: walking, talking, 04:52 running and talking. I guess if I was running 04:54 I wouldn't be doing a lot of talking! 04:56 I don't think so. I don't think those two go together. 04:59 I know they wouldn't for me! 05:01 So it has to be a walk that's a little bit more in line 05:05 with one other in order to promote more than just the 05:08 physical exercise... it promotes a heart to heart. 05:12 And so there are some ideals that God has placed there. 05:16 First of all, I think you mentioned the fact that it's 05:18 with God, and that must be promoted. 05:21 There ought to be a spiritual intimacy that each mate has 05:24 with God. Do you have time with your Bible? 05:28 Do you as an individual, as a spouse, go off to yourself 05:33 and read your Bible and pray about you and God 05:37 and then come back and have moments of devotion or 05:40 moments of time discussing and sharing what you have grown 05:45 into in your talk with God? 05:47 There must be an intimate relationship with God first 05:50 as an individual and then with each other. 05:53 I think there's a law of physics - you're right - the closer two 05:57 bodies are to a third body the closer they are to each other. 06:02 Yes, and God operates within His laws in all areas of life... 06:07 be it natural law or the relational laws. 06:11 So, it's amazing to us and a surprise sometimes 06:16 when God does exactly the same thing that 06:21 we see in nature. 06:23 But, God hasn't messed up with nature; 06:26 it's man that messes up with nature. 06:28 So we need to stop messing with "Mother Nature, " don't we? 06:32 And do it God's way. Yes! 06:35 So, you have four components that you share. 06:40 Where will you start with your sharing of that today? 06:42 Well, before we get there I'd like to talk about 06:46 the fruits of the Spirit. OK, let's do that. 06:48 But it comes from the message because in an intimate marriage 06:53 where we are re-defining, we have to talk about commitment. 06:57 OK. Because we can't use the throw-away method 07:03 for an intimate marriage. 07:06 OK. So you are saying that commitment is one of those 07:10 values that helps to make for an intimate... How so? 07:15 Because, you know, again, we have to go back to where we are 07:19 in today's society. Unfortunately, I've had the 07:25 displeasure of watching some of these programs like 07:29 Bridezilla. And it's amazing to me that, 07:35 first of all, anybody would allow themselves to be filmed 07:39 and secondly... and to be titled... Bridezilla. 07:43 And secondly, that people would spend an awful amount of money 07:49 for a day and they have no clue what they are going to do 07:54 after this day. But if some of these fellows 07:58 are really going to marry these women after this behavior, 08:02 I'm afraid, I'm very afraid. But commitment is not anything 08:08 that's ever discussed in all of these programs. 08:11 So it seems to me it's like: Well OK if this doesn't work out 08:15 Hmmmm. OK, so you are speaking of commitment 08:18 to the concept of marriage as a 08:23 method of staying together, and building and growing 08:26 forever marriages? YES! YES! Oh, it's not just for the 08:30 wedding time? NO! But it's so much fun having weddings. 08:34 NO! It's not just for the wedding, it's for a life... 08:38 it's for a life-long relationship. 08:40 There is something about wedding vows for better, for worse... 08:45 If we didn't even go to the 08:48 richer, poorer, sickness, health 08:49 just for better, worse... 08:51 And you make it through all of those in your marriage, too. 08:54 You DO get through all of those. That's right. 08:57 So you need to have a sense of commitment to the marriage 09:02 as well as to the person. 09:04 Because you have to have a concept that "I'm in this, 09:08 and I plan to be in this. " 09:11 So, a wedding vow that is taken 09:14 is not just a set of words 09:16 you say during a certain time. 09:18 It's actually a form of a covenant with God. 09:22 Did you make a covenant with God in your marriage? 09:26 Did you start with the idea that this is forever 09:31 with God and with my spouse? 09:34 And that's where you're starting... Yes. 09:37 And I'd like for you to listen to Galatians 5:22-23 09:41 as The Message Paraphrase puts it: 09:44 "For what happens when we live God's way? 09:47 He brings gifts into our lives much the same way that fruit 09:52 appears in an orchard. Things like affection for others, 09:55 exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness 10:01 to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, 10:06 and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things 10:11 and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitment, 10:16 not needing to force our way in life, and able to marshal 10:21 and direct our energies wisely. " 10:23 Wow, that's a mouthful, isn't it? Yes! 10:26 And it's a whole lot to talk about because that's a level 10:30 of commitment that sounds very much like 10:35 God planned for this thing to be for eternity. 10:39 Yes, He did. But there are enough things in there 10:42 to make it fun. OK. So you're saying it's enjoyable. 10:45 It's not stick in it for better or worse, and if it gets worse 10:50 just stay there anyway because, you know, there's a way of 10:53 thinking in the world today, and part of the way that... 10:55 I don't know if you've heard this or experienced this: 10:58 that people are saying that if your marriage is not bad, 11:02 it's bad to stay in a bad marriage with your children 11:07 experiencing everything that's going on in your marriage. 11:10 God has another plan, folks, from what I'm hearing. 11:13 That it doesn't have to be bad; it never HAS TO BE bad. 11:17 You go through bad times and difficult 11:20 and challenging periods of time, 11:22 but God has a plan for it to be a commitment 11:26 for a great marriage for a long time. 11:29 He says "exuberance about life. " That doesn't sound 11:33 like drudgery to me... or a stick in the mud, huh? NO! 11:36 So, when we talk about marriage commitment, first of all 11:41 we have to understand that God is committed to marriage. 11:44 He will uphold a marriage, and He will bring happiness and joy 11:49 to a marriage. So if He has a commitment, we ought to have 11:52 a commitment with His commitment and we ought to have a 11:56 commitment to each other to do our part in making sure 12:00 that the marriage stays exciting and viable. 12:05 When I say viable, that means that it's something 12:08 that is worth staying in. 12:10 That it's something that's good for both of us. 12:13 And of course, this talks about we develop a willingness 12:17 to stick with things. So, we're not in this because we 12:21 have to be, it's because we want to be. 12:24 So, when we look at Galatians 5:22 and 23 12:27 the fruit of the Spirit now is applied to what we bring 12:32 to the marriage itself. That if we bring those values 12:36 that are in Galatians 5:22-23, the Spirit provides us with them 12:41 that it will make the marriage a great marriage. 12:45 And two people will bring these fruits... not just one. 12:48 Oh, you mean, I thought maybe the wife does everything, right? 12:53 Oh, no. You're confused. And the man just goes out and 12:55 hunts and brings home the bread. No, no, no, you're confused. 12:58 Remember the two bodies close to the third body? 13:02 Oh, so our staying together with God in this... 13:06 This is a contract, a covenant with God and a commitment 13:11 with God - yes - for the marriage to be great 13:13 that two people make. OK. 13:15 Then we're ready to move on and we will move on 13:18 and discover some of the very special, practical ways 13:21 that we can discover that make our marriage not only 13:26 just a committed marriage but a marriage that's exciting 13:29 and fun and intimate. 13:39 There are many how-to books available, but there's one 13:42 that's free and perfect for every couple: 13:44 How You Can Build a Better Marriage. 13:47 Bible-based matrimonial advice is given in a light-hearted, 13:51 easy-to-read manner for those contemplating marriage, 13:53 newlyweds, couples in their golden years, 13:56 and everyone in between. 13:58 Simply call or write for your 14:00 free copy of this amazing 14:01 little booklet. 14:02 A handy little tool 14:03 to help build a better marriage. 14:17 Welcome back to Marriage in God's Hands. 14:20 I'm your host. I'm Willie Lee 14:23 with our co-host, Wilma Lee. 14:26 And we're here to continue our discussion about intimacy. 14:31 A re-definition of intimacy. 14:34 So, now that we've established some ground rules... 14:39 First of all, the spiritual connections. 14:41 Because even after there was Cain and Abel 14:47 there was an altar experience, there was a giving to God. 14:51 And, of course, when you give to God, God imbues you with 14:56 the Holy Spirit's fruits, and you have talked about that. 15:01 Are there some practical ways that that comes out in the 15:05 communication that you can share with us? 15:08 Or how we related to each other as husband and wife 15:11 in practical ways. Share some of those steps of intimacy 15:16 or elements of intimacy that will make it special 15:20 that's not just sexual. It might be some sexuality ultimately 15:25 but... before that... Well, I think that there are 15:28 4 basic components of intimacy 15:31 that you have to have 15:33 in building an intimate relationship. 15:35 And the first one I think of is 15:37 time because you can't build an intimate relationship in haste. 15:43 OK. You have to have time. 15:46 Well, I'll give you five minutes of quality time. 15:50 Um, um... you're confused because if you have to define it 15:55 as quality time then first of all we're already in trouble. 15:59 So, time means that kind of time that you give that you're not 16:05 checking your watch. You don't have your PDA set. 16:09 You don't have your beeper on, 16:12 and your cell phone isn't going to ring. 16:14 You know it's the time that, back in the day when we were 16:18 kids, it was you walked me to the corner, 16:21 then I walked you back. And then when you got home, 16:24 you called me on the phone and we talked. 16:28 And then the parents said: "Well, didn't you just see them? 16:30 Can't you hang up the phone? " It's that kind of time. 16:34 Oh, you're talking about after marriage time is like it was 16:38 before marriage? YES! Oh, OK. 16:42 So, that's one of those elements of intimacy: that time is given 16:48 by both of them to each other? YES! 16:52 OK. And what happens when that time... what does that time do? 16:55 Is it just that we get bored with each other, or what? 16:59 No. You defined it. It's the before marriage time that you 17:04 have after you get married but you're still married. 17:07 OK. So, you're talking about maybe time for dates. 17:10 When's the last time you've been on a date with your spouse? 17:13 Intentional dates. When you get around to it, 17:17 is that what you're saying? That instead of that, then you 17:19 have to have planned - yes - time together. 17:22 Yes. Now, that's when you pull out your PDA and you mark down 17:26 this time is for... and it cannot be scratched over. 17:30 OK. Or, you pull out your cell phone - because it has an 17:33 organizer in it - and you can have an alarm that goes off 17:36 and says "This time belongs to... MY HONEY, 17:39 MY SWEETIE, whatever that pet name is. " 17:43 OK. So, that's the kind of time that doesn't allow the 17:48 interruptions and on that time period, or within that time 17:53 period, do we make sure also that there is no problem 17:58 with interruptions from others? 18:01 It's date time. What do you do on dates? DATE! 18:06 OK. So, we're talking about a time that we give to each other 18:11 exclusive of anyone else. 18:14 Exactly. All right, so that's an important part of building 18:19 intimacy. YES. You can't have it... 18:22 Unless it's bleeding profusely - um hmm - or on fire, 18:25 it's not an emergency. OK. 18:27 Well, you've heard that. Have you had some time recently 18:30 and have you planned some time intentionally to spend 18:36 with your spouse? It doesn't have to be a lot of money 18:39 exchanged... even though it's nice to do something 18:42 that costs a little bit, that you invest in. 18:44 Because I can think of no better investment than to invest 18:48 in the one you love. 18:50 Hmmm. I like that! 18:51 But anyway, moving on to the next component... 18:54 and then there's that word again: commitment. 18:57 You have to be in it for the long haul. 19:01 It can't be "Baby, baby, I love you but I'll be over 19:05 tonight if it doesn't rain. " 19:06 That doesn't sound like much commitment to me! 19:10 In some of these times right now, you wouldn't be over 19:13 for very much, would you? Not at all. 19:16 In other words, rainy days should not allow you 19:21 to have a... no time available for you. 19:27 Because there are rainy days in our lives. 19:29 I know you have rainy days. 19:31 There are rainy days in our lives when things just happen 19:34 that we hadn't planned for, and it makes it very difficult 19:37 to manage the job or manage the children 19:40 or manage some things that are going on in our lives. 19:43 So, there's got to be a commitment for me toward you 19:48 that is above and beyond the rainy days. 19:51 When the rainy days are over, then we have to make up for it. 19:54 And there are definitely rainy days in marriages. 19:58 So, if there isn't that commitment through the 20:01 rainy days to hold me, to put up the umbrella, 20:05 to bring out the rain coat, we're in trouble. 20:08 OK. So, it's not only time, we are talking about a commitment 20:13 to be there... BE THERE... 20:17 Don't be somewhere else when you need to be there. 20:21 Or don't run when you see the tough times coming. Wow! 20:24 Yeah, I guess we can create some moments, can't we? 20:28 Things can come up all of a sudden that I need to do 20:31 because I'm uncomfortable. There's going to come a time 20:34 in a marriage, and we'll talk about that along the way, 20:38 when there are no more children to occupy your time 20:42 or when there's retirement or a job. 20:45 What's going to happen then if you haven't made a commitment 20:48 now - exactly - to love the person you're with 20:52 and that you are in love with and creating those special 20:57 moments for? Better yet, in like with. 20:59 In like with as well as in love - yes - with. 21:02 OK. Well, that takes care of that. What's next? 21:04 Humor! Ahhh, I can understand that! 21:09 Can you now? Oh, yeah! Laughter makes the heart 21:12 grow merrier. Yes, and life is serious. 21:17 Um-hmm. But we sometimes take ourselves far too 21:19 seriously, and so consequently 21:23 there's not a lot of laughter 21:25 and humor in our relationships. 21:28 And sometimes Christians are very, very poor at humor. 21:33 Oh, really? Yes! 21:35 Because I think they don't think God has a sense of humor. 21:39 Well, I think that is too bad because I love to laugh. 21:44 I love to have a merry heart 21:47 and to have an enjoyable time. 21:49 I guess I see too many 21:52 Christians who don't look very happy to begin with. 21:56 I think you're right. But, you know, I know that 21:58 God has a sense of humor 22:00 because I look at myself every morning in the mirror. 22:02 And you laugh? Oh, definitely! 22:05 And I know God must too! You think He laughs with you? 22:07 Oh, yes. And relationships that don't have a sense of humor 22:12 are in trouble. OK. Now, there are a lot of things that are 22:16 to be said about that because they are beginning to discover 22:19 even among physical science, MD's, 22:24 as well as those who are in the social sciences, 22:28 that there are things that are emitted in our system 22:34 when our brain is happy. 22:37 You mean endorphins? 22:40 Endorphins, yes. Yeah! 22:43 Things that we work hard trying to get so we feel good. 22:46 You can have them for free... just laugh! 22:48 That's right! They are also a healing potion. Yes. 22:53 I have seen situations that have been very difficult, 22:55 and when a couple has at least one of them in there who is 22:59 willing to make light of themselves - 23:01 never make light of the other person - 23:02 exactly - you make light of yourself - then you are able to 23:07 recover quite well, quite gracefully, 23:11 when you are handling something very sensitive 23:14 and very difficult. And to laugh together is the beginning of 23:19 that relationship all over again. It creates something 23:21 brand new that's very special. That's right. 23:23 And the fourth component is one that I think we very often 23:29 forget, and that's flexibility. 23:31 Because it means no one gets everything they want 23:35 all of the time. Now I lived in a house 23:39 with two sisters. I know that. 23:42 I couldn't have made it out if I tried to get my way 23:45 all the time. Well, I think that when we first got married 23:50 I had a few things to learn... being kind of the only... 23:55 And... One of the only children. 23:59 Yes. My parents raised two only children. They were kind of 24:01 confused, and being kind of strong-willed with someone 24:05 else who was quietly... Are you strong-willed? 24:08 Oh, yes. Oh, my. And you, too! 24:10 Oh, am I? Just quietly so! Oh, OK. 24:13 It was kind of a tug-of-war for us there for a while. 24:17 Um-hmm. But I learned that if we were going to be in this 24:20 marriage for more than 5 minutes nobody was going to get 24:25 everything they wanted all of the time. 24:27 Well, let's count the cost. That 5 minutes has turned into 24:31 40 years, and I think I've gotten enough of what I needed 24:36 because, of course, I've gotten you... and that was a bonus! 24:40 Hmmm. I wasn't born with you. I was given that as a gift, 24:43 remember? Yes. So we have something special 24:46 to give to each other if we will allow that... 24:49 You are saying if we would allow the other person to 24:52 get their way, we create a joy and a satisfaction 24:56 in seeing the other person joyful and happy and receiving 25:01 for a change. It's better to give than to receive. 25:07 It sounds like a spiritual principle... yes... 25:09 that fits right in here. And those kinds of moments 25:12 create intimacy. Isn't that right? 25:14 They definitely do. 25:16 And you certainly can't have humor if you don't have 25:18 flexibility. Well, you know, with the humor, 25:23 with the flexibility - sometimes getting your way, 25:26 sometimes the other person getting their way - it sounds 25:30 like we are giving gifts to each other on a regular basis. 25:33 Something good and very special 25:35 that creates an intimate setting. 25:38 Now, we haven't talked a lot about sex, but I can imagine 25:42 that with all of those four elements and a real commitment 25:45 to marriage going, that it wouldn't take too much, 25:49 would it, for the sexuality to be increased? 25:52 Sex is a natural gift out of those four components. Ahhh. 25:56 Because a relationship that is built on true intimacy 26:00 then sex is a natural gift. 26:03 So, the sexuality rises out of those elements of intimacy 26:08 and because sexual intimacy that is par excellence; 26:13 It is on a level above and beyond most. 26:17 Yes. All right. Well, that's something worth working toward, 26:19 don't you think? I think so! 26:20 We can work on it together. 26:22 Let's pray together and ask God for help in developing 26:26 an intimacy that God would approve of. 26:29 Loving Father in Heaven: Thank you so much 26:32 for our being able to share with one another and 26:35 give to one another and exercise these elements of intimacy 26:39 because we want most of all to be intimate with you 26:43 but we also want to share that with one another 26:46 and create a wonderful marriage. 26:49 Thank you so much for your love, 26:51 In Jesus' name we pray, Amen. 26:56 We hope that you have been able to sit next to that person 27:01 that you are in a relationship with while we have been 27:04 talking about some of these things... some of them 27:07 happening in our lives... but we are sure that some of them 27:10 have happened in yours. It's good to go back and talk 27:13 about some of those moments because you have had them. 27:16 But putting them together intentionally in order to create 27:20 an intimate environment will help to re-create your marriage. 27:25 So, let's re-define intimacy. 27:28 Let's take it away from Hollywood. 27:29 Let's give it to Christ and make Him the center of our joy. 27:34 And then His joy will become our joy. 27:38 We are hoping for the joyful reunion of your marriage 27:42 with Christ. |
Revised 2014-12-17