Welcome to
Marriage Heart to Heart!
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We're Tom & Alane Waters
with Restoration International
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Today we're talking
about: you too can have
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a marriage
that's heart to heart!
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So, we hope you
have a paper and pencil
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as we begin today's session.
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Yes we can! We've
proved it haven't we?
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Yes! We can have a marriage
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heart to heart!
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They can have
one too, can't they?
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Absolutely!
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It's for everyone!
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It's not exclusive!
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But we've talked over this
last number of weeks and months
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about simple ways that
each one of us can experience
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a marriage that's
truly heart to heart,
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heart to heart with God
and heart to heart with the one
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that God has given us
to spend our lives with.
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So, we're gonna talk this time,
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this is actually our
final program for the series and
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we're going to go back
and look at some of the things
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just to recap what God
has done and wants to do
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in your experience!
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I like what you
say: what God can do!
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God can, He's the
initiator of love!
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And e can rekindle
that love! - That's right!
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He can rekindle that romance!
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He can make it new again!
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He can build security
in a marriage He'll trust!
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And that's all what God can do!
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if we are willing
to cooperate with Him!
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With Him all
things are possible!
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That's right! And we have seen
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marriages first
hand through our own
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communication with the people
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dead, dying marriages,
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Some that were ready to
go on to the divorce courts.
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We have seen those people
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turn from marriages
that were nearly destroyed
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and be revitalized to
be revived and restored.
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And today they are
marriages that are truly
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heart to heart with
God and one another!
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And that's encouraging!
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We've seen it in our
own marriage! We had to,
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not that we were
heading for divorce but
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we hit some pretty
hard bombs at the beginning!
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- That's right! -
And we had to go back
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and start renewing what it was
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at the beginning
of our relationship,
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knowing that God
was leading in that.
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And to build from that point
on, stop trying to be right,
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stop trying to argue my
point and get it away my way,
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not any way but my way,
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and see what God
can do when we're
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willing to work
together with Him!
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That's right!
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We need to go right back
to the beginning of the series
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because we talked about there
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how we could
learn to become one.
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And, you know,
one of the things that
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made an impression on
me and I think some of,
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probably many of
our viewing audience
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remember an old, old story:
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Johnny Lingo.
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How he came to
an island and he was
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looking for a wife. And
if you remember the story
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it's a very simple
but very touching story.
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On that island the
native peoples there
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they measured the
value of the woman
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that was going to
be married in cows.
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And, you know, they were
sitting around talking about
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how many cows their
man had paid for them.
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And Johnny Lingo comes
and he finds this girl who
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apparently is quit homely,
shy, intimidated because of
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how she had been beaten down.
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Her whole life she had
been beaten down and made to be,
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feel like she had no
self worth, no self dignity.
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But Johnny Lingo saw in her
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the deep things that
no one else was seeing.
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And you may
remember if you ever saw
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this or heard the
story that he ended up paying
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ten cows for her.
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And you know, all
the women of the village
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were talking about,
well: "She might get one cow,
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or maybe two cows! ", you know.
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They were four cow women and
there was a five cow woman or
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always different,
they were bragging about
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how many cows. And
Johnny Lingo comes with
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ten cows. And
obviously her father
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when he sees this
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passes out from the shock of
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how the value that
he's putting on his daughter
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to marry her. What
does he see in this
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in this woman?
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And then he
takes her away for the
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the time of
their honeymoon and the
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time to becoming acquainted,
"the two shall become one".
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And when she comes back
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she's hardly recognized by the
people of the village because
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now this woman who
has been downtrodden
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and has no self worth
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is beautiful because
Johnny Lingo has seen the beauty
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of this woman.
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And the message
doesn't need to be lost on us!
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I don't care what
you have gone through,
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where you find
yourself in your marriage,
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we can begin and ideally
both husband and wife begin
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to place the real
value that God has on us
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and the real desire
of what He can make us
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as husband and wives we can have
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a marriage
that's heart to heart!
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And so, when we begin
with "the two shall become one"
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we talk there about how
that can happen, how we need to
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allow God to work in us that
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I can make a view the
things God wants me to help you
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to become the woman that God
wants you to be and vice versa.
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That's what marriage
is about, it's to improve
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both of us,
right? - That's right!
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And so we're no longer
Me! It's the "us focus"!
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- That's right! -
And that's what we talked
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about next: how do we move
from what I want and my focus,
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my selfishness in the
marriage to think about how
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the decisions
and the things we do
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affect us in the
marriage. Our communication
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how we spend our
money all these things
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that are very
important in a marriage
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that it's done mutually:
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Us! - That's right!
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Our thoughts
are about us instead
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of just myself,
or just yourself!
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And I think, you know,
when we got into the marriage
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first of all we didn't
understand the two "me's"
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we didn't understand
the strong "me focus".
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And God began to
show us. And when I was
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thinking about
the two becoming one
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it was fitting
you into my lifestyle.
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I didn't understand! I
didn't mean to be that way but
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because I was in the "me
focus" I was trying to fit you
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into my lifestyle! I wanted
to keep all of my old things
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going and just
integrate you into it!
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I wasn't thinking
about how you were feeling
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or what it meant to
you. So we needed to learn
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to move from that "me
focus" to the "us focus".
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Which began to lead us
into that enduring commitment
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which we began to
talk about in that program
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how we can have an
enduring commitment.
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Because when we
made our vows, those vows
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said that they were
enduring Till Death Do Us Part!
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But is that how we're
relating in our marriage?
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Is that the way that
we're treating one another?
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We need to
allow God to make that
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an enduring
commitment for our marriage!
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What is true love? We
talked about that also.
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1 Corinthians 13:
"Love bears all things,
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love believes all
things, love endures all things
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and love hopes for all things! "
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And that's what we
need in our marriages!
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With God working in my
heart, with God working
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in the heart of my husband,
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our marriages truly
can be heart to heart!
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And little things
will not irritate us and
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we don't have to
argue our way through things
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to try to be right!
True love will endure
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a difference of opinion!
True love will be spontaneous
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to love that other person
in the most difficult moments!
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That's right!
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Ands taking that 1
Corinthians 13 and making it
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practical has had a powerful
influence in our marriage.
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You know, there's so much,
even in professed Christianity
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today that we know
and say about the Bible,
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God's Word, our
Guide, the Lamp unto our feet
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and a light unto our path!
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But let's take some
of these simple passages.
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It's called the Love
Chapter and rightly so.
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But it's not enough! I
used to have, you know memorized
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but that didn't
really do any practical good
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in our marriage did it? I even
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wrote you for if you remember
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a paraphrase of
that Love Chapter.
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- Personalized it!
- I personalized it!
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But God needed to bring
that personalized into my life!
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And I just wanna
entreat you that if you want
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to have that
experience of what true love is,
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take 1 Corinthians and
ask God to make it a personal,
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practical part of
your love experience.
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So, we will learn to be
patient with one another.
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- That's right! - We
learn to be kind and gentle
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And then that lead us into
our next part of the series
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in developing respect.
And you and I have recognized
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how little respect many
people have in their marriages.
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And it's not because they
mean for to happen that way!
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It's because it
just isn't there!
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They respect other
people, they respect the people
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at the bank or at
the grocery store,
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or their employer,
their fellow employees
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but when it comes to
the husband and wife respect
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it really hasn't been there.
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And we need to cultivate that
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and develop
that in our marriage.
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And as that's been
developing in our marriage
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you respect my opinions on
things and my perspectives.
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That wasn't
always the case early on!
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- That's right! -
And I also respect
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your opinions and your
understanding of things.
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And so that respect
will also then be countered
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with restraint in ourselves.
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That's the only way it can
happen, if I really respect you
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I will learn to be
restraint of the spirit
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to be determined
not to injure you
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by my words or my
actions or my passions.
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That's right!
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So, respect and restraint
really go hand in hand!
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They're inseparable! If
we really respect each other
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then we will allow
the Lord to restrain us.
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And in that restraint
He will make us new people.
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It's not gonna: "Ok I'm
not gonna say this right now!"
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it's gonna change how we think!
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So those responses
don't even wanna come up!
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Yes! So, does that mean
we just bite our tongue?
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No! We may have
to at the beginning!
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That's right! 'Cause
I can remember sometimes
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when the Lord has
helped me develop respect
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and cultivate that restraint
but there were times that
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everything inside of
me wanted to say it but I
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bit my tongue so to speak!
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But God began to show us
that when He's working in us
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we don't have to
bite our tongues!
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And God will show you
that too as we move forward
00:11:36.88\00:11:40.82
in developing respect
and cultivating restraint
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God will show us that His power
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can go beyond biting our tongues
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and change us
from the inside out!
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And you know, it may seem
like biting our tongue at first.
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It's because it's
our natural response.
00:11:53.49\00:11:55.56
But it may be the call of
the Spirit that we wanna say it
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but we're willing to be
restraint of the spirit.
00:11:59.25\00:12:01.51
And it may feel like it's a
biting of the tongue initially
00:12:01.58\00:12:04.67
but as we get
accustom to responding to
00:12:04.70\00:12:07.15
the Spirit of Christ
calling to our hearts
00:12:07.18\00:12:09.60
it's no longer a
difficult restraint
00:12:09.63\00:12:13.03
or a biting of the
tongue the feeling like I can't.
00:12:13.07\00:12:15.95
It's a desire to be surrendered
to that still small voice
00:12:15.99\00:12:21.06
and to know that God
has something better for us!
00:12:21.09\00:12:24.25
Yes! And that led us
into then talking about
00:12:24.28\00:12:27.77
making the best of
the roles in marriage
00:12:28.23\00:12:31.63
and really getting the highest
00:12:31.66\00:12:34.65
out of those roles. Rather
than it being in contention
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and trying to take
over each other's roles
00:12:38.42\00:12:41.28
we went back to the
beginning. We looked at how
00:12:41.32\00:12:43.73
God just
established the original roles
00:12:43.76\00:12:48.37
for man and woman and how
sin came in and affected those
00:12:48.41\00:12:51.65
roles and then how God
has worked to restore that
00:12:51.96\00:12:55.25
in the marriage
through the years.
00:12:55.50\00:12:57.14
It's not that one
is less than the other
00:12:57.18\00:12:59.87
but God has given us distinctive
roles in the marriage
00:12:59.91\00:13:02.68
for the betterment of
both husband and wife.
00:13:02.71\00:13:04.91
And as I've learned to be
a submissive wife in the Lord
00:13:04.95\00:13:09.08
to you I found
the joy of what true
00:13:09.11\00:13:11.72
womanhood can be in a marriage!
00:13:11.76\00:13:14.30
Yes! And it's been an
encouragement to me to be
00:13:14.34\00:13:16.47
the man who truly loves his
wife as Christ loved the Church
00:13:16.51\00:13:20.33
and gave Himself for it!
00:13:20.36\00:13:22.84
But we need to
take a break right now.
00:13:22.87\00:13:24.54
We hoe you'll stay with us!
00:13:24.57\00:13:26.49
We'll be back in just a
moment to continue talking
00:13:26.52\00:13:29.12
about how you can have
a marriage heart to heart!
00:13:29.16\00:13:31.75
There are many "How
to?" books available,
00:13:39.89\00:13:41.74
but there's one that's free
and perfect for every couple:
00:13:41.78\00:13:45.14
how you can "Build
a Better Marriage".
00:13:45.17\00:13:47.64
Bible-based, matrimonial advice
00:13:47.67\00:13:50.05
is given in a lighthearted,
easy-to-read manner,
00:13:50.09\00:13:52.65
for those
contemplating marriage,
00:13:52.68\00:13:54.24
newlyweds, couples
in their golden years,
00:13:54.28\00:13:57.13
and everyone in-between.
00:13:57.16\00:13:58.81
Simply call or
write for your free copy
00:13:59.40\00:14:01.26
of this amazing little
booklet, a handy little tool
00:14:01.30\00:14:04.14
to help build a better marriage.
00:14:04.17\00:14:06.08
Welcome back where
we were talking about
00:14:14.31\00:14:16.67
how we can make our
marriages heart to heart.
00:14:16.71\00:14:19.32
In this closing program
of our series we've been
00:14:19.36\00:14:22.41
just going back and
recapping the main points
00:14:22.45\00:14:25.43
of how this can be a reality
in each of our marriages!
00:14:25.47\00:14:29.14
So finding
forgiveness is a very vital part
00:14:29.40\00:14:32.28
of having a
marriage heart to heart!
00:14:32.31\00:14:33.70
- Absolutely! - Learning to say
00:14:33.73\00:14:35.03
"I'm sorry honey!
Will you forgive me?"
00:14:35.07\00:14:37.58
And be specific about what it is
00:14:37.61\00:14:39.61
that I've done to
offend you! - That's right!
00:14:39.65\00:14:41.35
And the
offering true forgiveness
00:14:41.38\00:14:43.80
in my heart even if you
don't ask me to be forgiving.
00:14:44.53\00:14:48.72
That's very
important and that leads us
00:14:48.75\00:14:50.49
then to the next
program where we talked about
00:14:50.53\00:14:54.36
the grave for faults.
00:14:54.84\00:14:58.09
Your faults should
find a grave in my heart,
00:14:58.47\00:15:01.23
they shouldn't be
given to other people.
00:15:01.27\00:15:04.00
It should be a sheltering
love that we have for each other
00:15:04.56\00:15:07.56
that we don't talk about the
faults of one another out there
00:15:07.59\00:15:10.56
to other people who don't
understand those situations.
00:15:10.59\00:15:14.10
Or even to each other. You
know, if we only talked about
00:15:14.22\00:15:17.61
what I don't like about
you or how you disappoint me
00:15:17.65\00:15:21.01
that's only gonna
deteriorate the marriage.
00:15:21.04\00:15:24.26
So, our heart truly
should be that grave for faults.
00:15:24.30\00:15:28.08
And not even, you
know not that we can't say
00:15:28.11\00:15:30.19
"Honey I'm not
sure about this!",
00:15:30.22\00:15:31.93
not that we can't communicate
on a very deep an honest level;
00:15:31.97\00:15:34.94
- That's right! -
But it should not be
00:15:34.97\00:15:36.00
the focus of our communication.
00:15:36.03\00:15:37.75
And it should not be
something that's rehearsed
00:15:37.79\00:15:39.63
over and over and
over! Which brings us
00:15:39.66\00:15:41.75
to the next topic that we had.
00:15:41.78\00:15:43.37
It was building our
marriage on a Sure Foundation!
00:15:43.41\00:15:46.61
The importance of
having the Scriptures,
00:15:46.64\00:15:49.20
guide us in all of the
decisions that we make!
00:15:49.23\00:15:52.51
and all of the laws of our home
and how we treat one another
00:15:52.55\00:15:56.24
that is truly our Sure
Guide, God's Holly Word!
00:15:56.27\00:15:59.79
That's right! And if we
will take the Word of God
00:15:59.82\00:16:03.31
off the shelf so to speak,
00:16:03.34\00:16:05.24
of the night stand
and we will bring It
00:16:05.59\00:16:07.86
into the practical
places of our hearts.
00:16:08.31\00:16:11.14
And allow God to
change us! His Word will be
00:16:11.17\00:16:13.97
and has been for
us a Sure Foundation
00:16:14.42\00:16:17.25
for a marriage
that's heart to heart!
00:16:17.28\00:16:19.27
And if we're in God's Word
then we're gonna be desiring
00:16:19.92\00:16:23.75
to be in prayer as
well, to meet the needs.
00:16:23.78\00:16:26.80
And so we talked
about prayers of love;
00:16:26.84\00:16:29.83
very meaningful
that have been a growing
00:16:29.90\00:16:32.84
part of our growing
love in our marriage!
00:16:32.88\00:16:35.79
And it's helped us then
to develop common goals.
00:16:36.70\00:16:40.21
One of the greatest challenges
that couples face today
00:16:40.25\00:16:44.34
is everything
around them is so busy.
00:16:44.37\00:16:47.02
And we need to look
at what are the goals
00:16:47.40\00:16:50.39
that we have in life and
form those goals together!
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Talk about it and
expand our thinking from
00:16:53.62\00:16:57.51
getting through a day to
where we wanna be in our home
00:16:57.55\00:17:00.95
in our marriage,
in our lives together!
00:17:00.98\00:17:03.15
Form those common
goals with the Lord Jesus
00:17:03.18\00:17:05.67
and with one another!
- Which hen led us into
00:17:05.71\00:17:08.17
setting priorities.
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You know, it' very
interesting that sometimes
00:17:10.16\00:17:12.29
priorities get set for us
and they almost funnel us into
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what we have to do.
00:17:16.14\00:17:17.54
And we found that if
we're going to be successful
00:17:17.58\00:17:20.52
in meeting the goals
that we believe are important,
00:17:20.56\00:17:23.47
then we need to
set our priorities.
00:17:23.56\00:17:25.67
And carve out the time to
make those priorities a reality.
00:17:25.71\00:17:29.61
And for us those
priorities that we set
00:17:30.69\00:17:34.84
gave us time to communicate,
effective communication.
00:17:34.88\00:17:38.43
That's what we talked about next
00:17:38.46\00:17:39.68
the need for
effective communication.
00:17:39.72\00:17:42.01
Without communication
we're sure to dissolve
00:17:42.05\00:17:46.59
the love in our
hearts for each other.
00:17:46.62\00:17:48.50
Communication is what
draws our hearts together
00:17:48.54\00:17:50.77
just like it does with
God! When we communicate
00:17:50.81\00:17:52.93
with Him our heart is
drawn to Him. And when
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we communicate with each other
00:17:55.09\00:17:56.53
in effective communication
our hearts grow closer together.
00:17:56.57\00:18:00.19
Well, part of that
effective communication
00:18:00.37\00:18:02.81
was when we talked
about "Please Understand Me".
00:18:03.21\00:18:06.19
Do you like to be understood?
00:18:06.85\00:18:08.79
Always! You don't
have to agree with me
00:18:08.83\00:18:11.14
but I do like to be understood!
00:18:11.17\00:18:12.75
Yes! And that's something
that we found is very important.
00:18:12.79\00:18:15.77
I don't think anybody
likes to be misunderstood!
00:18:15.80\00:18:19.43
Taking time to communicate but
00:18:20.04\00:18:22.39
taking time to really understand
00:18:22.42\00:18:24.70
not just to hear, not to
finish half uttered sentences
00:18:24.74\00:18:29.84
but taking time to
understand what is your wife,
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your husband
really trying to say!
00:18:33.29\00:18:35.38
So, then we have
to deal with things
00:18:36.42\00:18:38.00
that break communication.
And we dealt with those
00:18:38.04\00:18:41.52
in our personal life. We
identified some of those areas
00:18:41.56\00:18:44.37
in our life that were
communication breakers.
00:18:44.40\00:18:47.36
"You always do
this!", "You never!"
00:18:47.39\00:18:50.28
And those types of responses
00:18:50.31\00:18:53.30
although they
seem real in the moment
00:18:53.34\00:18:55.86
are untruthful statements.
00:18:55.89\00:18:57.18
And they break
down communication.
00:18:57.22\00:18:58.56
We talked about
many - That's right!
00:18:58.59\00:19:00.10
things that break
communication down.
00:19:00.14\00:19:01.62
Sometimes it's silence,
sometimes it's our posture
00:19:01.65\00:19:04.52
so we need to be
sensitive that we don't use
00:19:04.81\00:19:07.86
communication
breakers but we look for ways
00:19:07.90\00:19:10.81
to effectively
communicate. - That's right!
00:19:10.84\00:19:13.72
And one of the most effective
ways to build communication
00:19:13.92\00:19:18.23
is to be honest in our
communication! Real integrity
00:19:18.48\00:19:22.94
if that's there we call
it transparent communication.
00:19:23.70\00:19:27.74
That means there's nothing that
I can't talk about with you!
00:19:27.78\00:19:31.50
And that's important, isn't it?
00:19:31.94\00:19:33.59
We couldn't always
say that on our marriage!
00:19:34.10\00:19:35.98
No we couldn't!
Neither one of us could!
00:19:36.01\00:19:37.82
Because there were things
that maybe we thought or we did
00:19:37.86\00:19:40.01
that we really didn't want
the other person to know about.
00:19:40.04\00:19:42.16
So it was hard
to be really honest.
00:19:42.19\00:19:43.95
Or we were afraid of how
the other person would react.
00:19:43.99\00:19:46.53
So, honesty in communication,
real integrity and transparency
00:19:46.73\00:19:51.51
is vital to having a
marriage that's heart to heart.
00:19:51.54\00:19:55.44
And so is learning
how to manage our money!
00:19:56.08\00:19:59.00
- Oh, is that
important? - Absolutely!
00:19:59.03\00:20:01.50
So many marital
disagreements happen because of
00:20:01.54\00:20:04.76
"Who spent what?" or "You
got this and it cost how much?"
00:20:04.80\00:20:07.98
or "You didn't tell me that
you did this with the money!"
00:20:08.01\00:20:11.16
And so managing our money
is a very important part of
00:20:11.32\00:20:15.73
effective marriage to
build it heart to heart!
00:20:15.76\00:20:19.17
That's right! You
know a lot of marriages are
00:20:19.21\00:20:22.59
floundering because of
the financial pressures
00:20:22.89\00:20:25.68
that they find themselves under.
00:20:25.71\00:20:28.41
We need to honestly deal through
00:20:28.44\00:20:31.11
the money matters that
00:20:31.14\00:20:33.16
are there every day! If
we're not it creates a barrier
00:20:33.20\00:20:36.79
between us!
00:20:36.82\00:20:38.16
And we wanna learn how
to move from the discord
00:20:38.20\00:20:42.46
to harmony, from the
arguing to the understanding.
00:20:42.49\00:20:46.72
That's what God
wants us to experience!
00:20:46.87\00:20:48.75
And that's what
we're learning and it's
00:20:48.78\00:20:50.63
an on growing process isn't it?
00:20:50.66\00:20:52.60
- Yes it is! - And
I'm thankful to say that
00:20:52.64\00:20:54.81
there isn't discord in our
marriage but we have harmony!
00:20:55.35\00:20:57.84
It's beautiful! I
love to be with you!
00:20:57.87\00:21:00.11
We love to be with each
other and there's nothing
00:21:00.15\00:21:02.30
that we'd rather do
that makes more happy
00:21:02.33\00:21:04.80
than to be in
each other's presence!
00:21:04.83\00:21:06.21
That's right! And it
wasn't always that way!
00:21:06.25\00:21:08.98
We always enjoyed each
other but we didn't enjoy it
00:21:09.14\00:21:12.78
and it didn't have
the same meaning because
00:21:12.81\00:21:15.60
particularly in the
early times there was
00:21:15.63\00:21:18.39
some disaccording notes!
00:21:18.42\00:21:21.54
And to have harmony
in the marriage means
00:21:22.03\00:21:24.47
the foundation of
having harmony in the family.
00:21:24.51\00:21:27.03
- That's right! - So that makes
00:21:27.06\00:21:28.68
a huge difference!
00:21:28.71\00:21:30.23
Well, we can't do
that if we don't deal with
00:21:30.27\00:21:33.07
our emotions properly. And
that's what we talked about
00:21:33.10\00:21:35.12
after that.
Because if we have discord
00:21:35.15\00:21:38.30
we need to look for ways
00:21:38.71\00:21:41.40
to regain that harmony
through the Lord Jesus.
00:21:41.44\00:21:44.20
And so handling our
emotions was something that
00:21:44.24\00:21:46.97
we both recognized
not something that you
00:21:47.00\00:21:49.19
just needed to recognize
But emotions play themselves
00:21:49.23\00:21:53.01
out in anger, frustration,
irritation all kinds of things
00:21:53.05\00:21:56.80
that we both needed to recognize
00:21:56.83\00:21:59.59
to allow Go to come in and
as we surrendered ourselves
00:21:59.62\00:22:02.92
to Him;
00:22:02.95\00:22:04.05
And you can move away
from those emotional reactions
00:22:04.09\00:22:09.25
that you find
happening almost spontaneously.
00:22:09.28\00:22:12.72
And you can regain
that harmony in your family
00:22:12.75\00:22:16.12
by dealing effectively with
the Lord for those emotions.
00:22:16.16\00:22:19.94
And it makes a huge
difference doesn't it?
00:22:19.97\00:22:22.60
- It does! - For
both of us! I mean
00:22:22.63\00:22:24.84
my response if God
is managing my emotions
00:22:24.88\00:22:28.91
then I am now more effective in
00:22:29.35\00:22:33.34
clearing up a
misunderstanding that may be
00:22:33.54\00:22:36.09
between us or vice versa.
00:22:36.12\00:22:38.30
And if we're both
willing to do that
00:22:38.34\00:22:40.16
it's even that
much greater. - Amen!
00:22:40.20\00:22:41.95
But you know, sometimes
it's difficult for people.
00:22:41.99\00:22:44.87
They've been in,
they feel helpless,
00:22:45.04\00:22:48.09
they feel they've gone too far,
00:22:48.12\00:22:50.41
they feel they're
inadequate, insufficient
00:22:50.45\00:22:53.53
to manage their
problems. And there is a time
00:22:53.57\00:22:56.58
when an outside source
to help a couple to maintain
00:22:56.62\00:23:00.11
that marriage or to
begin to rebuild that marriage
00:23:00.15\00:23:03.61
is necessary.
00:23:03.64\00:23:04.74
- That's right! -
And we spent quite a bit
00:23:04.78\00:23:07.00
of time talking
about the three areas of
00:23:07.03\00:23:09.32
counseling, you know
that is important when
00:23:09.36\00:23:11.54
you're seeking an
outside source for help!
00:23:11.58\00:23:13.73
Yes! One of
those was to make sure
00:23:13.76\00:23:16.85
that it wasn't
just a sympathy session,
00:23:16.89\00:23:19.81
that would not
just going to find out
00:23:19.84\00:23:22.67
you know, how good I am and
how terrible this other person
00:23:23.06\00:23:25.58
is and that we
need this counselor to
00:23:25.61\00:23:28.06
be sympathetic to my side.
00:23:28.09\00:23:30.11
And that the Lord's
principles from His Word
00:23:30.76\00:23:33.56
are what we can
count on! - That's right!
00:23:33.59\00:23:36.36
So, if counseling is made
available at the appropriate
00:23:37.63\00:23:43.24
time it will help
us keep love alive.
00:23:43.27\00:23:45.44
And that's what
we talked about next.
00:23:45.47\00:23:47.61
Are you doing those things
that keep your love alive?
00:23:47.73\00:23:51.53
Are you making the commitment
00:23:51.56\00:23:54.03
to do things like you
do for all the other things
00:23:54.21\00:23:57.03
your business, your
you know, the activities
00:23:57.06\00:24:00.43
that you commit to socially,
your Church responsibilities?
00:24:00.47\00:24:03.49
Are you making a
commitment to keep love alive?
00:24:03.65\00:24:07.17
in your marriage?
00:24:07.28\00:24:08.62
Even the commitments we
make to please ourselves.
00:24:08.66\00:24:11.34
if we put as much
energy in trying to please
00:24:11.37\00:24:13.49
the other person as we do
to try to please ourselves,
00:24:13.52\00:24:16.81
our love for the other person
would be alive and growing!
00:24:16.84\00:24:20.12
- That's right! - And
we talked about the need
00:24:20.15\00:24:22.19
to develop moral purity!
How to keep the marriage pure;
00:24:22.53\00:24:26.23
How we deal with our thoughts;
How we conduct ourselves;
00:24:26.27\00:24:29.94
our deportment, even
the way we dress ourselves.
00:24:29.97\00:24:33.02
Are we dressing modestly? The
importance of that moral purity
00:24:33.06\00:24:36.61
in the marriage that keeps the
marriage very close and secure
00:24:36.64\00:24:40.50
and the trust there.
00:24:40.53\00:24:42.31
Yes! And last
time we talked about
00:24:42.58\00:24:44.74
mutually meaningful intimacy.
00:24:44.77\00:24:47.94
And we really spent quite
a bit of time talking about
00:24:48.07\00:24:50.74
how that happens
throughout the day.
00:24:50.77\00:24:53.91
Because if there's not
mutually meaningful intimacy
00:24:53.95\00:24:58.51
in every aspect of life
00:24:58.54\00:25:00.87
to show how much my
wife really means to me
00:25:01.17\00:25:04.40
then how can we
expect it to suddenly become
00:25:04.44\00:25:07.64
mutually meaningful
as we close the day?
00:25:07.96\00:25:11.55
So it's a part of
both of us! - That's right!
00:25:12.55\00:25:15.01
It's not just you towards
me. The wife has much to do
00:25:15.04\00:25:18.89
to encourage that
in her husband as well.
00:25:18.92\00:25:21.12
That's right! You
know, as we come to the close
00:25:21.15\00:25:24.03
of these series
there's some verses
00:25:24.06\00:25:25.93
that I think are very beautiful
00:25:25.96\00:25:28.51
that I wanna
bring to each of you.
00:25:28.54\00:25:31.06
They're words that
come from John 17:21
00:25:31.82\00:25:35.89
and they're part of
the prayer of Jesus for us.
00:25:35.93\00:25:40.36
John 17:22 to 24 it says:
00:25:41.08\00:25:43.93
"that they may be
one, even as we are one:
00:25:43.96\00:25:48.07
I in them, thou in me,
00:25:48.70\00:25:51.97
that they may be
made perfect in one;
00:25:52.01\00:25:55.45
that the world may know
that thou hast sent me,"
00:25:56.19\00:25:59.52
Jesus wants the world to know
00:25:59.96\00:26:02.24
that God sent Him in
the World to save the World
00:26:02.28\00:26:04.98
and one of the ways
that He's trying to do that
00:26:05.02\00:26:07.65
is through the unity and
the harmony in the marriage.
00:26:07.69\00:26:10.29
Because it's a
representation of the union
00:26:10.74\00:26:12.46
of Christ to His people.
00:26:12.49\00:26:14.29
"that thou hast sent
me, and hast loved them,
00:26:15.26\00:26:17.52
and hast loved me.
Father, I will that they also,"
00:26:17.56\00:26:23.05
That's us! That's you!
00:26:23.08\00:26:25.34
They're listening,
viewing this program.
00:26:25.38\00:26:28.50
He says: "Father, I
will that they also, whom
00:26:28.78\00:26:32.36
thou hast given me,
be with me where I am; "
00:26:32.40\00:26:35.95
That's our privilege!
00:26:35.98\00:26:37.85