Welcome to
Marriage Heart to Heart!
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We're Tom & Alane Waters
with Restoration International
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We hope you have a paper and
pencil. We're gonna be talking
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about the ways that
we can develop mutually
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meaningful
intimacy in our marriages.
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Sounds like a great topic!
- It's a very important topic!
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It's something that
we've been developing
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more and more over the years.
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You feel that our
intimacy is mutually meaningful?
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Absolutely! It gets
better all the time!
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Why am I
emphasizing the word mutually?
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Because, sometimes in
marriages it's not mutually
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meaningful to both people.
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- That's right! - I
think there are many women
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today who suffer
because their husband
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is more interested in that
sexual act than in developing
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the intimacy that's
important to a woman.
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That's right!
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And really intimacy is
important not just to the woman.
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I found in my own experience
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that even though it
tends to be view that way
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that the closeness and all the
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things that
happen through the day
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it makes it more
meaningful for me as well
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to have that
mutually meaningful intimacy.
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So we're gonna be talking about
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several areas today
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because in many marriages
as we have the opportunity to
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work with many couples,
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it has
degenerated to a sexual act.
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And that's how many
people view intimacy today.
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And it's partly because of
the busyness of the lifestyles
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that we live in,
in this world today.
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But I hope as we go
through today's program,
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that you'll see that there
is mutually meaningful intimacy
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for the marriage relation!
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The sexual act is just
one aspect of intimacy.
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It's the whole
intimate relationship
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it's based on learning
to be one with each other
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and developing
respect - That's right!
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for the other
person in the marriage!
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And learning how to be
restrained and knowing how
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to say "I'm sorry"
and "I forgive you" or
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"Would you forgive me?"
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That's all a
part of the intimacy
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that becomes mutually
beneficial to both of us.
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That's right!
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When the Bible talks
about "the two shall become one"
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when it talks
about that oneness for me
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as a man it's very
important that I'm doing
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everything that I
can do through the day,
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through the
experience of marriage,
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to make that oneness with
you what it really can be.
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That I'm truly reaching out to
you, meaning the needs outside
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of that special
relationship that happens
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as a combination of real
love and real closeness that
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through the day I
am meeting your needs.
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That you can depend
on me, that you can lean
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upon my affections; that you can
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count on me to be there for you.
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And when that's happening,
when I'm giving you time
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to communicate,
when I'm listening to you
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listening with my
heart and not just
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my head, listening to
understand all those things
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prepare the way
for true intimacy.
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I know that, that has really
grown in our relationship and
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it has brought such comfort and
such security in our marriage
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knowing that
that's how you really feel
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and I sense it all day long.
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We don't have to
necessarily be together
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to know that that's there.
And it really strengthens me
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and my relationship to
you and it makes me desire
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to want to be more
for you than I am today
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or than I was
yesterday, today and tomorrow
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to even be more for
you than I am today.
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And one of the
things in that intimacy that
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is very important to
me is our communication.
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You know, there's' times that
I just like to talk about things
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and I like your opinion about
things and you don't always
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care about what I
wanna ask you like, you know:
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"Which pillow do you think
looks better on the couch?"
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"This one or this one?"
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And it's amazing, those
little interaction between us,
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when you're willing to
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hear and give your
opinion even though you
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could care less
about it makes our intimacy
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more mutually meaningful.
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And you know, well I like
that when sometimes you say:
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"Well why do you ask
me? Because you really have
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a preference. "
But sometimes I don't!
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Or picking the checks you know,
we've picked checks together
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What kind of, you know,
pattern doing one on those.
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You know, it's fun! Those little
things make a huge difference!
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So, the message here,
there's nothing intimate about
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picking checks
together right? - That's no!
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There's nothing intimate
about getting my opinion on
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what pillow looks
better on the couch.
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Really, what you're saying is
that in every aspect of the life
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that you'd like to
have an interaction
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that's mutually
meaningful together.
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So that if that's happening
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then it makes what most
people focus on as the intimacy
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more fulfilling. Because
we're together in every aspect
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of life. You know, there's
a reference in Ephesians 4
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in verse 2 it says: "With
all lowliness and meekness,"
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Right there that's tough
for men, those words lowliness
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and meekness. Because
today everything in society
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and I speak in general terms
here, but everything in society
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tends to push men
to a different image.
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Lowliness and
meekness doesn't seem to fit
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for the society that we live in.
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And yet what this is talking
about, meekness is in no way
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aligned with,
with a weakness in men.
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Meekness is really allowing
myself as a man to be sensitive
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to Christ! And there by
to become sensitive to you!
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The verse goes on and says:
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"with longsuffering,
forbearing one another in love;"
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That forbearing, that
means that when you're asking me
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to look at the checks
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I could care less about
the pattern on the checks.
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Ok? As long as I
can read the writing
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that needs to go on the checks.
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But what I'm doing when
I enter into that with you
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is I'm setting aside
just how I view things.
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We've learned so much in
this intimacy of getting away
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from the "me focus",
which we've talked about
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in this series a few
times, the different aspects.
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Getting away from the "me focus"
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and looking at the "us focus"
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in every aspect of our marriage.
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And when that happens
and I do that and you do that
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it leads to the
culmination of the intimate
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response in a marriage,
that privilege that God
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has given a husband and wife
to have and to enjoy together.
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But it all
starts early in the day!
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It starts by
respecting - That's right!
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each other and be
interested in each other.
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And the more that we
have that in our relationship
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the more it develops into:
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we just wanna
spend more time together!
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And we have a
deeper understanding then
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where each other's coming from.
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And we have more
tolerance for our mistakes
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in each other! -
Yes! Because we're really
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understanding, our hearts are
communicating with each other.
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And I think that what we wanna
point out to each one of you
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and I hope that this is
the experience you're having.
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I hope that you're not just
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viewing the act of intimacy
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in a very isolated
compartment. Because if you are
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it's not very fulfilling. And
I know especially for a woman
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you know, what's the contrast.
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You know, it's not very
fulfilling if this meaningful
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intimacy isn't being extended
into all aspects of the day.
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Well, the woman feels used.
She feels like she's an object
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that has to perform a
certain act or has to be there
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at a certain time to meet a
sexual drive in her husband.
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That's not any part
of her! She has no desire
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to participate in that. And
so she feels victimized in that.
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And it's very, it's very
destructive to a marriage.
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It destroys love, pure love.
It doesn't force, it doesn't
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take advantage of pure
love gives. And as we give
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we give back, we
receive and it becomes
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mutually a blessing
to both! - That's right!
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So, if that
woman feels that way,
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and I'm thankful
that, you know, even though
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we didn't
understand this early on,
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you never felt to
that degreed but as you
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reached out to me.
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Sometimes we've talked to
women that when they start
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feeling victimized or as
one woman put it to us recently
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she was fearful because
she felt like she was coming to
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the close of
the day and she knew
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what her husband was expecting.
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And she was almost
fearful of that experience.
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What can you do, as a
wife in that situation
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other then just withdraw
and clam up to reach out
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to help the husband
in that situation to
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want to participate
mutually in that experience?
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I think it's for us as women
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that we have to go beyond
how we're feeling at the moment.
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And we have to
recognize, maybe it's a weakness
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in our husband, that he
has; and to really love him
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with a godly love,
even in the act of intimacy.
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And from that point encourage
the interaction in the day
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and start giving
him positive comments
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of what she appreciates
about him. Or if he flares-up
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and speaks in angry tones:
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"Honey I know that that's really
not how you feel in your heart!"
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"And I love you! And I want
you to know that I love you!"
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That kind of response
will help to break down
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the drive in the man just
to get his physical needs met.
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And it will help to
soften him to see what a gift
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God has given him in a
wife like that who's willing
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to do all she can do for
him. - Yes! And I think one
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of the things that's been
a blessing in our marriage
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is the way that you have
been willing to understand
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me and some of my stresses
and some of the pressures.
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Because you've
said to me many times:
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It doesn't matter what
you're doing in the day.
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You can be thinking about me!
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Now I don't understand
exactly how that works
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because I become very
focused on what I'm working on
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whatever the
project is or you know,
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whatever I'm involved
in, whether counseling
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or writing a message or;
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You seem to be
able to integrate both.
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And you've been very
sensitive to me to entreat me
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and to draw me in a positive
way, in an encouraging way
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so that I can let go
of some of the things.
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And I believe a lot of
men out there today, and maybe
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I could say this for
women too, but speaking for men
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we have so many pressures
that we face in dealing
00:11:24.24\00:11:27.32
with real life
issues. We can be so burdened
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in so many directions that
we come to the end of the day
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and it's only then
that we switch gears.
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And I've seen that if
I'm willing to make my wife
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a priority and communicate that
to her, it doesn't have to be
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through big things and it
doesn't have to take large
00:11:44.90\00:11:47.84
portions of time; that,
that response becomes mutually
00:11:47.87\00:11:50.77
encouraging to one another.
00:11:50.81\00:11:53.04
And I think for us as
women, we have the opportunity
00:11:53.24\00:11:56.51
to nurture that in them.
We shouldn't condemn them
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because they
don't think about us
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the way we may think about them.
00:12:02.22\00:12:04.18
We can do things to encourage
that in a positive way.
00:12:04.22\00:12:07.96
And how we respond,
even getting up and having
00:12:07.99\00:12:10.29
a nice breakfast
for him in the morning.
00:12:10.33\00:12:12.33
And taking time to help
him with a simple project that
00:12:12.36\00:12:17.33
he needs to get done. Or putting
a little note in his lunch
00:12:17.37\00:12:19.87
if he's gonna be gone
all day. Or leaving a message
00:12:19.90\00:12:22.20
on his cell phone to say: "I'm
just thinking about you honey. "
00:12:22.24\00:12:24.77
"And I just want you to
know I really love you!"
00:12:24.81\00:12:26.99
"And I'm looking forward
to you coming home today!"
00:12:27.03\00:12:29.18
It prepares our
mind in a positive way
00:12:29.21\00:12:31.95
for what can take
place in the evening hours.
00:12:31.98\00:12:35.05
And it also gives him
the opportunity to know
00:12:35.09\00:12:38.12
that your heart is
a safe place for him!
00:12:38.16\00:12:40.62
And in spite of his
weaknesses, in spite of his
00:12:40.66\00:12:44.12
central focus or
one point focus he can
00:12:44.15\00:12:49.19
receive your love through
that in an understanding heart.
00:12:50.12\00:12:53.58
So, we need to
create an environment.
00:12:54.12\00:12:56.39
We need to work to
create an environment.
00:12:56.43\00:12:58.63
If I don't like some of
the things that you're doing
00:12:58.67\00:13:00.69
or I don't think you're
sensitive to me in some areas
00:13:00.72\00:13:04.05
or vice versa we can do
much to create an environment
00:13:04.08\00:13:07.40
that is mutually
meaningful which will lead to
00:13:07.43\00:13:10.64
a very mutual experience
in that privilege of marriage
00:13:10.68\00:13:15.26
that often gets
focused on alone.
00:13:15.29\00:13:17.54
Well, we need to
take a break right now
00:13:17.95\00:13:20.01
and when we come back
we're gonna talk about
00:13:20.04\00:13:22.23
some other ways that we can make
00:13:22.26\00:13:24.92
our intimacy mutually
meaningful! Stay with us!
00:13:24.96\00:13:30.16
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Welcome back! We were
talking about how we can make
00:14:13.89\00:14:17.15
our intimacy
mutually meaningful for
00:14:17.18\00:14:21.06
each within the marriage.
00:14:21.09\00:14:22.90
And I wanna just go
back to something that
00:14:23.11\00:14:25.62
we talked about a little bit.
00:14:25.65\00:14:27.68
You know the
pressures, the job pressures,
00:14:27.84\00:14:31.04
the financial pressures,
the daily life we live in;
00:14:31.08\00:14:34.18
and I don't think anybody
will be surprised to hear me
00:14:34.22\00:14:37.29
say this is
moving faster and faster.
00:14:37.32\00:14:40.10
And the
pressures are increasing.
00:14:40.13\00:14:42.84
And I think most people, at
least the polls that we get as
00:14:42.88\00:14:46.02
we talk to people
and as we look around us
00:14:46.05\00:14:48.72
is just an increasing pressure.
00:14:48.75\00:14:51.29
Wouldn't you say
that's true honey?
00:14:51.33\00:14:52.62
- Absolutely! -
And I think one of the
00:14:52.66\00:14:53.88
things that we see happening
is in that kind of situation
00:14:53.92\00:14:58.85
that tends to kill love!
00:14:59.51\00:15:03.18
Not that we
intentionally say, well:
00:15:03.22\00:15:05.76
"I don't wanna have
time for my wife!" or;
00:15:05.80\00:15:07.68
It's not that at all! It's
that we just find ourselves
00:15:08.30\00:15:11.33
being robbed of that
time that builds love.
00:15:11.36\00:15:14.14
And so, what ends up
happening is that the
00:15:14.17\00:15:16.88
the intimacy in marriage either
becomes almost non existent
00:15:16.92\00:15:20.85
and there's a separation
that occurs or that love
00:15:20.88\00:15:25.76
that's not being
nurtured turns into lust,
00:15:26.13\00:15:30.65
lust dominating the intimacy
and this is not fulfilling
00:15:31.04\00:15:36.71
really to
either husband or wife.
00:15:36.74\00:15:39.36
One of the things that's been
helpful to us is to recognize
00:15:39.40\00:15:42.49
that we have to not
fill our days so full
00:15:42.52\00:15:46.47
that we have no
time for each other.
00:15:46.50\00:15:48.80
And that was not easy for
us at the beginning! I mean
00:15:48.84\00:15:51.69
We're do it people, we're
go oriented and we're driven.
00:15:51.72\00:15:55.67
And we have responsibilities
for raising a family, we have
00:15:55.71\00:15:59.55
you know real challenges and
bills that need to be met and;
00:15:59.59\00:16:03.40
- And they're good things!
- They're all good things!
00:16:03.43\00:16:05.14
It's not like we taking
something that's terrible!
00:16:05.17\00:16:06.85
That's right! And it's
part of life but we have
00:16:06.88\00:16:09.57
to put some controls
on that. - That's right!
00:16:09.61\00:16:12.25
And we began to say: We're
going to not fill our days so
00:16:12.29\00:16:16.07
full, we're gonna leave off
00:16:16.10\00:16:19.18
the evening hours
for us as a family!
00:16:19.22\00:16:21.30
- Yes! - And for us together
00:16:21.33\00:16:22.92
as a couple there has to
be time every day to build
00:16:22.96\00:16:27.06
our relationship that's
not just built in an act of
00:16:27.10\00:16:31.17
intimacy at
night! - That's right!
00:16:31.20\00:16:33.10
And that not filling our days
so full has been a tremendous
00:16:33.14\00:16:37.05
blessing to develop more
mutually meaningful intimacy.
00:16:37.08\00:16:40.82
And I think we need
to encourage each of you
00:16:40.85\00:16:44.38
it's going to be a
choice to carve out that time
00:16:44.41\00:16:47.91
so that you
have time in the day.
00:16:47.94\00:16:50.49
Or in the evening whenever it
fits for both of your schedules
00:16:50.53\00:16:55.11
to have time together so
that when the evening hours come
00:16:55.14\00:16:59.17
and it's time to go to bed
that you are together in heart
00:16:59.20\00:17:03.20
and you're
together in your love!
00:17:03.23\00:17:05.42
And it makes it
much more enjoyable.
00:17:05.46\00:17:07.98
That's right!
Much more fulfilling!
00:17:08.02\00:17:10.55
- Much more
meaningful! - That's right!
00:17:10.58\00:17:13.08
Mutually meaningful intimacy!
00:17:13.11\00:17:16.22
You know, there may be
some, some out there who are
00:17:16.45\00:17:19.68
saying: "That's great! I mean
I like what you're saying! But
00:17:19.72\00:17:24.61
we're passed that point!
I don't have any feelings
00:17:24.90\00:17:28.55
left for my
husband or for my wife! "
00:17:28.58\00:17:31.34
You know, you may
find yourself in a position
00:17:31.38\00:17:35.23
that is devastating
and yet you know that
00:17:35.27\00:17:39.05
separation, divorce is
not where God is leading you.
00:17:39.09\00:17:43.71
And that He wants to
rebuild your marriage!
00:17:43.74\00:17:46.43
You know, there's a
verse that's for all of us!
00:17:46.91\00:17:49.74
But if you're in that
situation let me share
00:17:49.77\00:17:52.57
this verse with you.
It's taken from John 15.
00:17:52.61\00:17:55.38
This is a command of our
Lord in verse 17 it says:
00:17:56.36\00:18:00.24
"These things I command
you, that ye love one another. "
00:18:00.28\00:18:05.54
I like the fact that
Jesus is commanding us here!
00:18:06.14\00:18:08.97
He's commanding us
to love one another!
00:18:09.00\00:18:11.47
I thought that happens
spontaneously! Isn't it?
00:18:11.51\00:18:13.40
Yes! And He's saying: Look
if you don't have love right now
00:18:13.44\00:18:16.25
it still needs to happen!
00:18:16.28\00:18:18.84
And obviously He's
giving us the opportunity
00:18:18.88\00:18:21.95
to fulfill that
command! But there's
00:18:23.02\00:18:24.80
some things that need to happen!
00:18:24.83\00:18:26.54
And what I wanna
encourage our viewers with today
00:18:26.58\00:18:29.48
is: you have made commitments
00:18:29.51\00:18:32.44
to make so many
things in your life work.
00:18:32.48\00:18:35.77
You've made commitments to
meet the financial pressures
00:18:35.81\00:18:39.32
that you face to pay your
bills, to meet your mortgage
00:18:39.35\00:18:42.83
to do whatever you
need to do on that line.
00:18:42.86\00:18:45.56
You've made commitments
to found the education
00:18:45.59\00:18:48.41
of your children, to
get them to school on time.
00:18:48.45\00:18:51.20
You've made commitments to
be successful in your work!
00:18:51.24\00:18:54.30
Maybe you own
your own business or
00:18:54.33\00:18:57.11
you work for someone but
you have made commitments that
00:18:57.15\00:18:59.80
are almost automatic
00:18:59.83\00:19:01.90
The Devil hates marriage!
He hates that union because
00:19:01.94\00:19:06.96
rightly understood and
rightly entered into it
00:19:06.99\00:19:09.15
it is the union
that represents Christ
00:19:09.18\00:19:12.28
to His people, the union
of Christ and His Church.
00:19:12.32\00:19:15.94
And so, the Devil works harder!
And I wanna encourage you,
00:19:15.98\00:19:18.35
we wanna
encourage you today that you
00:19:18.38\00:19:21.00
would do something similar
to all the other commitments
00:19:21.30\00:19:25.84
that you've made and you say:
00:19:25.87\00:19:28.39
"I will not let this go!"
00:19:28.42\00:19:30.87
Not just the act! Not just
that privilege of marriage,
00:19:30.91\00:19:34.20
not just the intimacy,
but that you will make time
00:19:34.80\00:19:37.98
that you will commit time
to rebuilding the marriage.
00:19:38.02\00:19:41.17
If there's no
feeling left in you
00:19:41.20\00:19:43.19
God can rekindle those
feelings! Can He honey?
00:19:43.23\00:19:46.24
Absolutely! He can do it
in me! He can do it in you!
00:19:46.27\00:19:49.90
But I can't do it
in you! - That's right!
00:19:49.93\00:19:52.04
So I have to cooperate
with God to make that choice!
00:19:52.08\00:19:55.03
And that's what our
responsibility is! Each one
00:19:55.06\00:19:57.86
in the marriage,
whether a husband or a wife
00:19:57.89\00:20:00.44
that it's the
choices that I have to make
00:20:00.48\00:20:02.96
or that you have to
make! I can't wait for you
00:20:03.00\00:20:05.96
so that my feelings come back!
00:20:05.99\00:20:07.69
- Yes! - I have
to work! I have to
00:20:07.73\00:20:09.68
to choose to let God put those
feelings in my heart for you!
00:20:09.72\00:20:14.26
And let God change the way
I think and the way I feel!
00:20:14.29\00:20:18.93
And then I can
respond to you differently!
00:20:19.25\00:20:20.98
And then that
actually encourages you
00:20:21.01\00:20:23.61
to develop those
feelings to me, for me
00:20:23.64\00:20:26.21
that I'm desirous of having!
00:20:26.24\00:20:28.37
Yes! And I've seen
that so many times in action
00:20:28.41\00:20:31.27
and in our home!
00:20:31.30\00:20:33.06
Because when you're
thinking in those terms for me
00:20:33.10\00:20:36.22
which you often do and
we've learned over the years
00:20:36.25\00:20:39.34
the blessing of doing that;
00:20:39.37\00:20:41.28
many times you'll do
something very special,
00:20:41.56\00:20:45.21
very simple but
it's an expression.
00:20:45.24\00:20:48.33
You know, you may put
candles on the table or
00:20:48.37\00:20:51.12
you may do some
little touches like that.
00:20:51.16\00:20:53.88
And that gives me a message!
00:20:53.91\00:20:56.71
And that message is that
you're thinking about me!
00:20:57.17\00:21:00.54
And if I don't happen
to be thinking about you,
00:21:01.16\00:21:04.04
I don't happen to
have my focus there,
00:21:04.07\00:21:06.34
that brings me back to that!
00:21:06.37\00:21:09.51
And it's like: "Oh yes!"
00:21:09.55\00:21:12.66
"This is why our lives
are so mutually meaningful!"
00:21:12.69\00:21:18.14
"This is how my
wife thinks of me!"
00:21:18.66\00:21:21.72
'Cause I may be completely
off in some other world.
00:21:21.76\00:21:24.69
And that's not wrong!
00:21:24.72\00:21:26.46
But this brings me back
00:21:26.72\00:21:28.79
again and gets me
thinking about you
00:21:28.83\00:21:31.82
and wanting to
interact with you!
00:21:31.85\00:21:34.77
That's why you don't
mind when I sit on the bed
00:21:34.81\00:21:36.82
and watch you work,
do you? - That's right!
00:21:36.86\00:21:38.82
Not that I don't have
other things to do myself
00:21:38.86\00:21:41.37
but sometimes when I'm
busy and you know, your desk
00:21:41.41\00:21:43.58
and your office where
you do all your counseling is
00:21:43.61\00:21:46.42
downstairs in our bedroom,
your desk is there. And so
00:21:46.46\00:21:48.98
I may be folding laundry or
something and I'll just come
00:21:49.01\00:21:51.50
in the room and sit
down the bed, just sit there
00:21:51.53\00:21:53.83
and watch you for a
few minutes. And you know,
00:21:53.87\00:21:56.17
it's not to distract
you from work, it's just to
00:21:56.20\00:21:58.43
spend a little time with
you, to be in your presence.
00:21:58.47\00:22:02.11
And, you know, there's
my heart good and I see that
00:22:02.14\00:22:05.71
it used to bug you but now
you kind of enjoy it, don't you?
00:22:05.75\00:22:09.32
Yes! Well, it used to
kind of bother me, because
00:22:09.35\00:22:12.65
I couldn't really
understand how can you be
00:22:12.68\00:22:15.75
so interested in the
midst of the heat of the day
00:22:15.88\00:22:19.09
with all the things going on,
00:22:19.12\00:22:20.85
interested just to
come down and sit on the bed
00:22:20.89\00:22:23.83
and look at me! That
used to really, it's like:
00:22:24.22\00:22:27.79
"How can that be?" because
I'm such a one track person.
00:22:27.83\00:22:30.97
But some of that
has encouraged me
00:22:31.39\00:22:34.18
over the years
to be able to say:
00:22:34.21\00:22:36.91
"Lord, make me sensitive today!
00:22:36.95\00:22:39.60
In the midst of all the
things that I need to do
00:22:39.64\00:22:43.24
that do need to be done,
00:22:43.27\00:22:44.95
make me sensitive!"
And you've been amazed
00:22:44.99\00:22:47.34
that times at the things
that God, His little promptings
00:22:47.37\00:22:51.31
that He has made me
aware of to come up and just
00:22:51.34\00:22:54.92
give you a little gentle hug
or a little kiss on the cheek or
00:22:54.95\00:22:59.42
put my arms around
you just to encourage you.
00:22:59.45\00:23:02.42
That has quite an
impact doesn't it?
00:23:02.45\00:23:04.20
It has a huge impact!
Just to be standing at the sink
00:23:04.24\00:23:06.79
and doing the dishes
and the next thing I know
00:23:06.82\00:23:08.66
out of the blue you come
up behind me and put your arms
00:23:08.70\00:23:11.38
around me and give
me a kiss on the neck!
00:23:11.41\00:23:12.84
And it just, you
know, it takes all of what
00:23:12.87\00:23:14.94
10 or 15 seconds at the most?
00:23:14.97\00:23:17.17
But it can change the
focus, my focus and your focus
00:23:17.21\00:23:21.39
toward one another instead
of just getting through the day
00:23:22.26\00:23:24.86
and doing all the things that
we have to get done in the day.
00:23:24.89\00:23:27.46
That's right! And I
think, you know, what we want
00:23:27.49\00:23:31.08
you to come aware with
as we've talked about this,
00:23:31.12\00:23:34.68
those are little messages
that we give to each other.
00:23:35.52\00:23:39.44
It's not sentimentalism!
It's saying: "I care about you!"
00:23:39.47\00:23:43.36
The reason I married you
00:23:43.39\00:23:46.36
is because there's
no one else in the world
00:23:46.40\00:23:48.80
that I wanna be
with! There's no one else
00:23:48.84\00:23:51.21
that I wanna spend my life with!
00:23:51.24\00:23:53.43
So if we can take that and
put that in the perspective
00:23:53.46\00:23:56.80
what are we saying?
00:23:56.83\00:23:58.81
That, that person, the
only time we're gonna have
00:23:58.85\00:24:01.05
for them is for that special
privilege of marriage and
00:24:01.09\00:24:04.93
it's just gonna be, you know,
00:24:04.96\00:24:07.66
a focus there? No!
00:24:07.69\00:24:09.42
The message is
that I care for you!
00:24:09.46\00:24:12.27
That I want to meet your needs
00:24:12.30\00:24:16.14
in every aspect of life.
00:24:16.43\00:24:18.83
And that's been very powerful!
I tell you we don't know
00:24:18.94\00:24:22.75
how marriage can
continue to get any better!
00:24:22.78\00:24:25.60
But does it get
better? - It does!
00:24:25.63\00:24:27.34
It just, sometimes I
tell you I don't know
00:24:27.38\00:24:29.74
how can it be any
better! And sometimes I feel
00:24:29.77\00:24:32.33
so much love for you
I can't even express it!
00:24:32.37\00:24:34.90
I have more there
than it can come out!
00:24:34.93\00:24:36.70
But it's that heart,
that's what mutually meaningful
00:24:36.74\00:24:39.92
intimacy is that
heart connection.
00:24:39.95\00:24:42.15
- Yes! - When that is there
00:24:42.18\00:24:43.52
our hearts are connected:
marriage heart to heart,
00:24:43.56\00:24:46.46
then the act of intimacy,
that marriage privilege
00:24:46.49\00:24:50.36
is meaningful to both of
us! And it's what we wanna do!
00:24:50.40\00:24:54.13
We wanna express
ourselves in that ultimate.
00:24:54.16\00:24:57.02
Yes! So, we wanna
encourage the people then
00:24:57.06\00:24:59.89
that if that's not there,
00:24:59.92\00:25:02.23
if it's not there
because you're too busy;
00:25:02.40\00:25:05.43
if it's not there because
you've got too much going on
00:25:05.88\00:25:08.72
in your life and you haven't
been able to nurture love;
00:25:08.75\00:25:12.38
if it's not there because
you've been fighting too much;
00:25:12.41\00:25:16.01
Maybe the reason you're
fighting so much is because
00:25:16.04\00:25:18.62
you haven't made the one
that God has put by your side
00:25:18.98\00:25:22.70
important enough in your life!
00:25:22.73\00:25:24.66
And God wants to change that!
00:25:24.69\00:25:26.57
And that can begin
to change right now!
00:25:26.61\00:25:29.58
Right now, on this very
day, that can begin to change!
00:25:30.11\00:25:33.97
So we need to renew our vows!
00:25:34.00\00:25:37.08
Maybe nor
verbally but in our hearts!
00:25:37.11\00:25:39.32
- Amen! - To renew that love
00:25:39.35\00:25:40.99
that romance, that oneness,
that closeness with each other.
00:25:41.03\00:25:45.09
That's right! And if, again,
if that seems foreign to you,
00:25:45.13\00:25:49.16
if you don't
feel like doing that
00:25:49.19\00:25:51.92
the Lord Jesus Christ,
00:25:51.95\00:25:54.05
the One Who we say is
the Lord of our lives,
00:25:54.36\00:25:57.25
Savior of our lives will save us
00:25:57.80\00:26:00.60
to the outermost
if we'll come to Him!
00:26:00.64\00:26:02.15
He will give us that
if we will pray for it!
00:26:02.19\00:26:04.69
If you will specifically
begin to pray for the things
00:26:04.73\00:26:07.33
that are not working
for you God will begin
00:26:07.36\00:26:10.05
to specifically answer
those prayers and bring
00:26:10.09\00:26:13.04
that mutually
meaningful intimacy back into
00:26:13.08\00:26:15.96
all of your marriage which will
culminate in the beautiful union
00:26:16.00\00:26:19.97
the physical union
of the two becoming one.
00:26:20.00\00:26:22.85
The two of us need to become
one in Christ! Don't we first?
00:26:23.23\00:26:26.73
As we become one
in Christ together
00:26:26.76\00:26:29.55
then He leads us to that
mutually meaningful intimacy
00:26:29.59\00:26:33.39
of the physical
union to one another.
00:26:33.42\00:26:36.74
So this is really
the personal challenge!
00:26:37.49\00:26:39.75
We may have to lay
down the newspaper,
00:26:39.78\00:26:41.97
shut down the computer, get
off the phone or turn of the TV
00:26:42.01\00:26:45.32
to have that
time! - That's right!
00:26:45.35\00:26:47.63
You know, it isn't gonna
necessarily be easy or automatic
00:26:47.67\00:26:50.26
We need the Lord to
give us the grace to do it!
00:26:50.29\00:26:53.03
- We do! - So let's
go to Him right now!
00:26:53.06\00:26:55.25
Father in Heaven we
thank You for the opportunity
00:26:55.58\00:26:57.58
to come to You
with all of our needs!
00:26:57.61\00:27:00.06
We need You to
make our marriages
00:27:00.09\00:27:03.33
mutually
meaningful in their intimacy!
00:27:03.37\00:27:06.14
And we thank You that
You'll do this for us as we
00:27:06.18\00:27:08.68
turn our hearts to
You! In Jesus name Amen!
00:27:08.71\00:27:11.99
Well, we look forward to
having you join us next time
00:27:13.90\00:27:17.64
as we talk about
making our marriages
00:27:18.00\00:27:21.36
heart to heart,
heart to heart with God
00:27:21.39\00:27:24.72
first, which provide the
way for us to be heart to heart
00:27:25.12\00:27:29.25
with the one He's given
us to stand by our sides!
00:27:29.28\00:27:33.27
We know the difference
He's made in our lives
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and we know you want
that difference in yours!
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So join us next time on
Marriage Heart to Heart!
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