Participants: Tom Waters, Alane Waters
Series Code: MGH
Program Code: MGH000024
|
00:31 Welcome to Marriage Heart to Heart!
00:32 We're Tom & Alane Waters with Restoration International 00:36 Today we're gonna be talking about 00:38 six ways to keep our marriages morally pure. 00:41 So we hope you have a paper and pencil with you today. 00:46 Moral purity 00:48 what a subject for today! 00:50 - Very needed subject! - Yes! Because there's 00:53 a degeneracy happening 00:55 in our world that's obvious to everyone! 00:58 And everyone is being bombarded from every area 01:03 of life with the moral impurity of this generation. 01:07 So, six ways! 01:10 You know when we got married 01:12 I didn't understand a lot of things! But there was one thing 01:15 for sure that I understood: that my eyes 01:19 needed to be for you! 01:21 Kind of amazing when you think about 01:23 what I didn't understand and how selfish I was 01:26 when we first got married. We didn't understand 01:29 a lot of the things about the "me focus" 01:31 moving to the "us focus" but 01:34 I understood that my eyes should be for you! 01:37 And I made a commitment I'm sure you remember. 01:40 I made a commitment, A covenant with my eyes 01:44 for you, with you and with the Lord. And it's made 01:49 a powerful impact in our marriage. 01:52 It really has! And it's given me a lot of security 01:55 knowing that! And it's helped me to trust you 01:58 even through those rough times at the beginning of our 02:01 marriage. And the Lord put in my heart: "If you're gonna 02:03 keep your eyes for me then I needed to do 02:07 everything I could do to be attractive to you 02:09 through our marriage, the way that I saw it to be attractive 02:13 when we were courting. 02:15 And I think this is something that each one of us 02:17 need to recognize. Us wives if we want our husband's 02:20 eyes to be for us then we have the opportunity 02:26 to encourage that in our husbands by how we 02:29 take care of ourselves. Do we look nice for them? 02:32 Do we look appealing to them? 02:34 Are we willing to do our best for them? 02:37 And that will help us, help them with that commitment! 02:41 We know, it's interesting that God's Word even has 02:46 an answer for this covenant that I'm talking about 02:50 in Job the 31 chapter and the first verse. 02:56 It says here: "I made a covenant with mine eyes" 03:00 Here's Job saying "I made a covenant with my eyes!" 03:04 For what purpose? It says: why then should I look upon a maid? 03:09 Well, I realized that 03:12 I made a covenant to you for marriage. 03:17 I gave God some vows and I made those vows publicly before 03:22 a lot of witnesses at our wedding. 03:24 Why not also make a covenant 03:27 with you as a part of that marriage vow 03:30 that I would have a covenant with my eyes, 03:33 that I didn't need to be looking at other women. 03:36 Now, obviously when I say this 03:39 did Job go around with blinders on his eyes? 03:42 He says: Why should I look at another mate? 03:45 So, we know Job was a very influential man. 03:48 So did he go around with some kind of blinders like horses 03:52 ware sometimes to keep his eyes directed forward? 03:55 Certainly not! 03:57 But looking at a woman or seeing a woman pass by; 04:02 I mean we're on airports a lot of times and, 04:04 in fact not long ago my wife 04:07 as we were sitting there she said: "Honey 04:10 look at that lady! 04:12 Isn't she beautiful? " 04:13 Do you remember that dear? - Yes I remember that! 04:16 Now here's my wife, I've made this kind of commitment to her 04:19 and now she trusts me so much that she can 04:23 say: "Look at this beautiful woman 04:25 walking down the airport! " 04:26 Well, I didn't particularly think that, 04:28 that woman was so beautiful but 04:30 that's because you can trust me! 04:32 So, it isn't that we can't look at another woman, 04:36 man as they may walk by 04:38 or that we have to shut our eyes every time 04:41 we have a woman, we wouldn't be able to do that 04:43 when she comes into our view. 04:45 The key here with this covenant 04:47 that I've made is 04:49 what am I taking a second look for? Ok? 04:53 If I'm taking a second look 04:56 at a woman that walks by 04:57 what's the reason? 04:59 Is there an improper reason that I'm looking the second time? 05:03 That's where we make this covenant, 05:05 that's what we're looking at the purpose for. 05:07 So the first point then is this to make a covenant 05:10 with our eyes. And it doesn't just mean for men 05:12 Although the Scriptures address it from a man's perspective. 05:15 - That's right! - But women need to make 05:17 that same commitment, that same covenant. 05:20 In the society that we live today, women are just as 05:25 morally impure shall we say? Aggressively impure 05:29 as traditionally has been men in past generations. 05:32 They certainly are more aggressive today! 05:35 I mean it's obvious! Even though - Definitely! 05:36 out there in the dating scene 05:38 it's obvious that women are much more aggressive 05:40 in relationships than they were you know, back in our day. 05:46 That wasn't all that long ago, but 25 years ago! 05:47 That's right! But women need to, we as women need to make 05:51 that same covenant with our eyes that when we see a man 05:54 that we don't look at that man to lust after him 05:58 or to start thinking thoughts of: "Oh, you know, 06:00 well I wish my husband looked like him!" or 06:02 maybe it's not so much the out world looks, it's what we see 06:06 how they relate in their work place or in the Church. 06:09 And they start saying: "Oh, I wish my husband could be like 06:12 him!" and become to stunner with our husband. 06:15 We need to guard the avenue of our eyes! 06:20 So, the second area: 06:22 dress. 06:23 How does dress effect, you know, moral purity? 06:27 How we choose to dress as women affect moral purity! 06:32 We can either be a stumbling block to men 06:37 or we can be, help maintain the purity of our marriage 06:40 by how we dress. And I know for me and my experience, 06:44 in my life I've chosen to dress with modesty. 06:48 I found the blessing of that! No low cut tops 06:52 or midriff showing or minis or tight cloths! 06:55 All of those things that we see prevalent every where we go 06:59 it's in billboards it's in advertisements, 07:02 it's on the street it's in our face constantly! 07:04 It's in the Church today! All those things 07:07 only deteriorate the moral integrity of a marriage! 07:11 And really what happens is that dress makes a statement 07:15 and sometimes those statements are misinterpreted. 07:18 There are maybe people even listening now that 07:21 don't mean to be immoral or to be degrading moral purity 07:25 by how they dress. It may be just how they were raised. 07:29 But if as we start evaluating I know that you 07:32 began to evaluate that early in our marriage 07:35 and started recognizing that, 07:37 you know, if you want me to stay pure and 07:41 stay with you, watch your influence also on other men. 07:45 and what's the effect that you may be having in your dress. 07:49 And it also works for men! 07:51 I think that men, we have to be also recognizing that 07:56 well, the question mat not be a low cut top. 08:00 We can talk about are we dressing modestly? 08:03 Are we conducting ourselves with proper reserve 08:07 in how we carry ourselves in those kinds of things. 08:11 I found that when I began to dress more modestly, 08:14 because I wasn't always as modest as I am today, 08:17 that I actually found a respect of men for me growing 08:22 like you know, you go to - That's right! 08:23 store on the old days, you know, when you 08:25 used to have to open the door 08:26 and you pull the open. 08:28 Those were the old days! Now anywhere you go, almost 08:30 it has little lights as you're coming in 08:32 and the door is open for you. But I made an interesting 08:37 observation that whenever I was in more dress down attired 08:41 like tight jeans and T- shorts or shorts 08:44 or whatever I found that almost always I opened the door 08:48 for myself. But if I was going to the same store 08:51 it doesn't matter what aged man, it could have been 08:54 a young man or an older gentleman, 08:56 and if I had on a feminine attire that was modest 09:01 always I had someone open the door for me! 09:03 And I thought that was very interesting, 09:05 even today I experience that. - That's right! 09:06 Recently we were at 09:09 a National Park and we were going into one of those stores, 09:12 they didn't have the automatic openers. 09:14 And this young boy, he couldn't been 18 or 19 at the most 09:19 and he saw me coming and the girl that he was with 09:22 opened the door for herself. When I got to the door 09:24 this young man opened the door for me and I was 09:27 going in there, you know, dressed very modestly 09:29 and femininely. And we can draw out 09:32 the finer virtues of a man 09:35 - Amen! by learning to let God 09:37 have our hearts and how we dress in modesty. 09:41 And let God help us to develop that 09:45 moral purity in our marriages. 09:48 The third area that we like to talk about is deportment. 09:51 Deportment what is that? It's how we carry ourselves, 09:54 it's how we approach people, it's how we interact with people 09:58 You know, 10:00 unfortunately back in my 10:03 high school years 10:05 I was known as a flirt. And I'm not proud of that 10:09 but that's who I was back then. 10:11 And so, how I carried myself it was not unusual for me to be 10:16 very flirtatious with the other girls in the school. 10:20 And you can get a reputation for that and 10:23 you can be known in your deportment 10:26 for how you conduct yourself. 10:28 And now, as my dear wife knows, 10:31 that's not a part of my life anymore. 10:33 But how we conduct our business, how we interact 10:37 how we get in people's space, how we 10:41 you know, our tone of voice and 10:43 our inflections of voice can determine how we 10:47 interact with someone and what 10:49 that does in the area of moral purity! 10:52 The deportment that we have 10:54 reflects what's really in the heart 10:56 because we cat on the outside 10:59 what's really on the inside! - Yes! 11:01 And the more we act out thinking 11:04 that you know, we can stop ourselves or 11:06 this is just a little bit of flirtatiousness. 11:09 It's just an opportunity for the Devil to open the door 11:14 wider and wider to fall into temptation. 11:16 And it may seem innocent at the beginning 11:19 but it progresses very quickly! - That's right! 11:21 And it destroys the moral purity of a marriage. 11:24 And it causes a lot of insecurity in 11:26 a marriage relationship, between a husband and a wife, 11:29 and it works both ways. It also causes jealousies 11:32 to begin to develop! And, you know, all of those 11:37 factors begin to weaken that commitment in marriage. 11:41 That's right! 11:43 So, what else can we do? 11:45 What else? What's the fourth area? 11:48 The fourth are that we wanna talk about is 11:51 what we see with our eyes, what we choose to read 11:55 with our eyes! Because what we put in to our mind is what 12:00 we live in our thoughts and what begins 12:03 to become experienced in our lives. 12:05 So, for us in our marriage we have made the agreement 12:09 that we will not put anything, we would not read anything 12:13 that is going to cause us to start to 12:16 loose the moral purity in our marriage! 12:20 So, reading, how about hearing? 12:24 Things we listen to! 12:25 Music today has an incredible impact in people's lives. 12:29 The kinds of music that we listen to can either be 12:32 uplifting us or can actually be degrading in the moral purity. 12:37 Because everything in our society 12:39 is downgrading morality today! 12:42 So, what's really we're talking about the senses! 12:44 - Yes! - What we hear! 12:46 What we see, even some of the smells we smell 12:50 all are part of maintaining or destroying 12:53 the purity in our marriages! - That's right! 12:56 So, there's advertisements, the billboards, 12:59 the magazine advertisements, everywhere you go 13:03 we are bombarded by those things. 13:05 Are we going to study those things and look at them 13:07 and lust after them or are we going to see it and say: 13:11 "I don't want that to be a part" And we change our thoughts, 13:14 we change the direction of our eyes. We change, 13:17 we choose to change the direction of our thoughts! 13:20 Well, and right now we need to make a break. 13:23 So, we want you to stay with us! 13:26 We'll be back in just a moment! 13:39 There are many "How to?" books available, 13:40 but there's one that's free and perfect for every couple: 13:44 how you can "Build a Better Marriage". 13:47 Bible-based, matrimonial advice 13:49 is given in a lighthearted, easy-to-read manner, 13:51 for those contemplating marriage, 13:53 newlyweds, couples in their golden years, 13:56 and everyone in-between. 13:57 Simply call or write for your free copy 14:00 of this amazing little booklet, a handy little tool 14:03 to help build a better marriage. 14:14 Welcome back! We've been talking about moral purity 14:17 and how it affects the marriage. 14:19 We've just been talking about the things that we read, 14:22 the things that we see. And there's a Scripture that 14:26 really brings this right in the focus 14:28 if we look at it and consider it practically. 14:30 It's taken from Philippians the fourth chapter in the 8 verse 14:34 it says: "whatsoever things are true, 14:38 honest, just, pure, 14:42 lovely, of good report; 14:45 if there be any virtue, 14:49 or praise, think on these things. " 14:53 Now, I know that for many, that is a 14:55 a familiar verse and yet 14:58 I wonder if it is a familiar experience. 15:01 I know for us that a lot of times we knew 15:04 these Bible verses and yet now bringing them into 15:08 our experience has made a huge difference. 15:11 If we really look at these words 15:13 then it takes in everything we read. 15:16 It takes in everything we view. 15:19 It takes in every aspect of where our senses are taking us. 15:24 And so, it's very important that 15:26 we take these words, especially as Christians and say: 15:30 "How are these applying in my real life today?" 15:34 God gave us our senses. He gave us those to enjoy 15:37 the things of beauty and holiness and righteousness. 15:39 That's how He created us! And He wants us to keep that focus 15:44 and use our senses which are gifts to us for that purpose. 15:48 So we have to consider, we can't always stop 15:50 what we see or what we hear but 15:52 we have to consider what are we doing with 15:54 within our thoughts - That's right! 15:56 when it comes in! Are we really managing those thoughts? 15:58 You know, if you're on the computer 16:00 and we have a computer and you have the internet. 16:03 I mean you can be going for something 16:05 that you're looking for and here can be something 16:06 that flashes on the screen. Sometimes I've been shocked 16:10 to see what comes up there, to look you know. And you don't 16:13 have to look. I mean they - That's right! 16:15 flash on, they grab your attention, your eyes naturally 16:18 go there, but what do we choose to do with that? 16:21 Do we look at? Do we read it? Do we study it? 16:23 Or are we willing to click it off? 16:25 - That's right! - And I know some people 16:26 that put blocks on their computer. They don't want 16:28 that kind of thing on there. 16:30 And there are many things that we can do practically 16:33 to keep the moral purity in our marriage. 16:36 - That's right! - The more pure we are 16:38 in our marriage the more fulfillment we have 16:43 in the intimacy of our marriage. 16:45 The less pure we are in our marriage and the more 16:47 we let our thoughts wonder out there about someone else, 16:51 even if it's just a look, how does she look, 16:53 how does he look, 16:55 destroys the intimacy in the marriage! 17:00 So, let's challenge our viewing audience 17:02 with what are you really doing? 17:04 If you wanna have a marriage that's heart to heart 17:07 what are you doing with real life? 17:10 Not the theories, you know this verse talks about 17:13 whatsoever things are true, honest, lovely, of a good report 17:17 and the virtue in it 17:19 If we would take just this one verse 17:22 it would cover what we're talking about today 17:25 If we allow Christ to make this practical. 17:28 Anything that comes to us on the television, 17:31 through advertising, the magazines that come 17:34 into the home, any of those things if we really let God 17:38 govern us in those things, it's gonna have an effect 17:41 on our moral purity. - That's right! 17:43 Even the music we listen to. 17:45 The music is an avenue that - That's right! 17:47 can come right in and we can be caught up with the music 17:51 and miss the lyrics that are going on. 17:53 And the lyrics can be planting thoughts in our minds 17:56 that will lead us down to impurity, 18:00 down the road. - That's right! 18:02 And so, even the music we listen to, we have to have 18:05 be sensitive that we are putting only those things 18:08 that are good in our minds. 18:11 And music is a choice! We can't always choose 18:14 when we walk into a store what we hear. But we can choose 18:16 to tune out what we're hearing there. 18:19 And when we engage our minds, when I engage my mind 18:22 in the store that music doesn't affect me. 18:24 But when I tune in to that music it begins to affect me. 18:28 And everything in the world is designed 18:30 to destroy moral purity. - Yes! 18:33 Everything that Satan has done! 18:35 Well, I'm thankful that we decided, when we got married 18:39 not to have a television 18:40 in our home. - Me too! 18:42 I'm very thankful for that! - I mean, yes it's true that 18:45 television is a tool. It can be a positive tool 18:48 if it's used appropriately. But there's not much on there. 18:52 And I think our viewing audience recognizes that 18:57 there's so much damaging material that comes on TV, 19:01 that if we're not guarded 19:04 we won't maintain purity, because the kind of nature 19:07 the flash wants to naturally draw 19:09 into those things that are not appropriate. 19:12 And so, it's been a blessing in our home 19:14 not to have that temptation to deal with. 19:17 And our young people have often said: 19:20 "How do people have time for TV? 19:23 Where's the time for TV? We have so many other things 19:26 that we enjoy doing that we wouldn't even know 19:29 how they have time for the television. " 19:32 The sad thing is that many people 19:34 make time for the TV at the expense of the 19:36 the more blessed things in the marriage and 19:39 in the enjoyment and recreation of a family. 19:41 That's right! Well, you know sometimes peoples say: 19:43 "Well, I only look at good programs!" 19:46 and we can be selective in choosing our programs. 19:49 But we can't choose the commercials and 19:51 the advertisements that come on. 19:52 - That's right! - And there's a human curiosity 19:55 that's in all of us to question, to wonder, 19:59 to look for. What's on the other side of that? 20:02 You know, so, the television 20:05 can be a tool that's very destructive to moral purity. 20:08 And the fifth area that we wanna talk about today 20:11 is the area of inappropriate familiarity with one another. 20:16 And I think we see a lot of that displayed 20:20 in all kind of the program and on TV today. 20:23 We see it every were we go 20:24 undue familiarity. You know, the flirtatious talking 20:29 or the flirtatious gestures, the 20:33 jesting and the joking, all of those things 20:36 break down that moral purity! - That's right! 20:38 That's right! Even improper touching 20:42 that happens in the workplace. 20:44 It's very common in businesses that people will 20:47 touch each other inappropriately. 20:49 Lots of hugging and things like that, that 20:52 are not really appropriate and all those things 20:56 they lead to a familiarity that's not appropriate. 20:59 If you find yourself, just think about own experience, 21:03 how you relate in the marriage with your own wife 21:06 or your husband and then how you relate 21:09 in some of your social settings or in your employment settings. 21:12 It's often easier to convey the idea that you're very 21:17 loving, lovable person, 21:19 and you're wonderful. - Happy! 21:20 Yes! You're just a happy person and everything 21:23 when that's not really what's being conveyed in the home! 21:27 And often times that undue, improper familiarity 21:33 leads to stress in the marriage and leads to inappropriate 21:38 relationships over here in this situation. 21:41 It's so common! We see it even in the Church, 21:44 the Christian Church today! It's every where you go! 21:47 You know, 30- 40 years ago you wouldn't see 21:49 that kind of conduct in a work place. 21:52 You know it would be bar type conduct! 21:55 Now it's every where you go. - Yes! 21:57 And, you can't always trust, I mean you may think you're pure 22:01 but you don't know what's in 22:02 the thoughts of the other person. 22:04 And I know there have been many marriages destroyed 22:07 through this avenue. You know, and I knew a young lady, 22:11 a beautiful young woman, happily married 22:13 and she got the opportunity to be an executive secretary 22:17 for the president of a large firm 22:19 and she went in there with the thoughts: 22:22 "This is going to be a career advancement!" 22:24 She was pure, she was simple, she was wholesome. 22:28 But her boss wasn't a moral man! He was an immoral man! 22:32 She didn't know this! In his thoughts 22:34 he did not have purity. He was not only for his wife! 22:39 He used his time to look at other women and 22:42 let his mind go on that. 22:44 And so, as they began working she was very efficient, 22:47 she was a very good secretary and he appreciated that 22:50 and started complementing her and complementing her. 22:53 Then he had projects he needed her to stay for after work. 22:56 And she felt secure, she felt needed, she felt 22:59 important and you know, the work needed to get done. 23:02 And then it was a little touch on her shoulder. 23:04 And then pretty soon it was him coming to her desk 23:06 and touching her hand. And it went from that to, you know 23:10 "Good-morning! Glad to see you!" 23:11 and a good-morning embrace and a hug goodbye. 23:14 And eventually led them to immoral acts! 23:17 - That's right! - And it was a subtle 23:21 destruction of the purity! 23:24 - That's right! - And the sad thing is 23:26 is that in the very act of adultery 23:29 she lost her marriage through this. 23:31 And the man, who was the immorally pure man 23:35 - Impure man! - He's the impure man! 23:37 He's the one who was able to keep his marriage. 23:41 But it didn't change what he did! 23:42 It was still a problem that he had! 23:44 That's right! 23:47 So, what are we gonna do? 23:49 If you find yourselves in situations that you think are 23:53 just the way it's socially acceptable today 23:57 I tell you there are things that are socially acceptable 24:00 today, there are completely unacceptable to the Lord! 24:03 And if you find yourself in one of those situations 24:06 And you're trying to comfort yourself that it's ok, 24:09 other people do it 24:11 get away from that kind of unfamiliar 24:16 too familiar, improper kind of conduct in your workplace, 24:20 in your Church setting, in your social settings, 24:23 because it's very destructive to the moral purity 24:26 of your own marriage! 24:27 Often times I'll put my hand out when I go to greet someone 24:30 to let them know, a man know that, 24:33 you know this is what I'm comfortable with! 24:35 And I've often said to you: "Honey!" 24:37 I shouldn't say often but there have been times I said to you: 24:39 "Honey, I'm not comfortable around this person!" 24:42 God helps us, when we make the decision to be morally pure 24:46 He helps us gain discernment 24:49 when someone may be different in their thoughts 24:53 towards us than we are towards them. 24:55 - That's right! - And you've always been there 24:56 to be that security, that barrier, that protection for me. 25:01 And I really count on you for that! 25:03 It's been very interesting, you know, as my wife 25:05 mentioned this particular perception, 25:09 this inside. She has never been wrong! 25:12 And I can think of several individuals 25:15 over our 25 years of marriage that 25:17 Alane has come to me and she said: 25:19 "Honey, there's something morally impure about that man! 25:24 And I'm very uncomfortable 25:25 when he tries to get into my space. " 25:28 And in all of the cases that is happened 25:32 it has been demonstrated that that person was morally impure. 25:36 And it's incredible to me that God gives that kind of insides 25:40 if we're really desiring of choosing moral purity. 25:42 Amen! That's what God wants to do for us! 25:44 He desires us to keep our moral purity. 25:46 Well the sixth area we'd better talk about 25:49 to our viewers today is the area that we can 25:52 all participate in, like the other ones we've discussed. 25:54 And that is trough prayer. We can pray that God 25:57 will create in us a clean heart! - Amen! 26:00 That's something we can do actively, daily, 26:02 even in a moment of temptation. Even in a moment of 26:06 being not sure how the situation is gonna come 26:09 we can ask the Lord to give us a pure thought, 26:13 a pure heart! - Amen! And He will! Because 26:16 God will do for us what we cannot do for ourselves! 26:19 But we need to be willing to ask! We need to recognize 26:22 our need! And this is a need today! 26:25 And as we come to the close of this session today 26:28 I'd like us to pray especially for the needs 26:31 of our viewing audience as well as ourselves 26:33 for this moral purity! 26:36 Father in Heaven we know that 26:38 we live in a very degenerate society that is continuing to 26:42 go down hill. We pray that as Christians 26:45 we will be living Christians, that we will allow You 26:48 to work in us, to truly create in us clean hearts 26:51 and that we will manifest those clean hearts 26:53 in our own marriages. That we will guard these six areas, 26:57 these avenues of moral impurity, 27:00 that we can have strong homes and that we can represent You 27:04 to a hurting and dying world! 27:06 In Jesus name Amen! 27:10 Well, you know, we're looking forward to next 27:13 next time we get together! 27:15 Meaningful intimacy! Mutually meaningful intimacy 27:21 is a subject that we're looking forward to talking about! 27:24 Because it won't just be meaningful for one person 27:26 in the marriage! It will be meaningful for both! 27:29 And we want you to have a meaningful experience 27:32 in your marriage! So, join us next time 27:35 on Marriage Heart to Heart where we'll be talking about 27:38 something that's meaningful to each marriage 27:40 that will take us closer to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ! 27:45 We look forward to seeing you back! 28:26 Captions and translations by ChMS: www.chms.ro |
Revised 2014-12-17