Participants: Alane Waters, Tom Waters
Series Code: MGH
Program Code: MGH000023
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00:31 Welcome to Marriage Heart to Heart!
00:33 We're Tom & Alane Waters with Restoration International 00:37 Today we're gonna be talking about 00:39 ways to keep our love alive in our marriages. 00:41 And that's a very exciting topic. So we hope you 00:43 have a pencil and paper because we're gonna be looking 00:47 at some simple things that we can do, every one of us can do, 00:50 to keep our love alive. 00:53 It's fun keeping love alive isn't it? 00:55 - It is! - You know in 00:57 God's Word, actually talks about how to keep love alive. 01:01 And probably one of the ways that our viewers 01:04 might not have thought of this, 01:07 in Ecclesiastes the 9th chapter 01:10 and the 9th verse. 01:12 It says that we need to: "Live joyfully with the wife" 01:16 that God has given us. 01:18 - Does that keep love alive? - Yes it does dear! 01:21 I'm always happy when you live joyfully with me! 01:24 Yes! And you're a joy to live with! 01:27 You know, 01:29 there's no one that I'd rather spend time with 01:32 than my wife. 01:34 How does that make you feel? 01:37 Very special! 01:39 Does that help keep love alive? - Absolutely! 01:41 I feel the same way about you! You know that! 01:45 So, today we're gonna be talking about 01:48 six ways that we can keep love alive! 01:53 And you know, there's dozens of ways that we can do it. 01:56 And things that we've done over the years 01:58 that have really kept love alive for us; and keep it growing. 02:02 It's not just enough to keep it alive! 02:04 It needs to be alive and well! 02:06 - Right? Growing. - That's right! 02:07 To me being alive is healthy and vibrant and growing. 02:11 That's what life is! It's something that grows! 02:13 We have a plant and it's alive. It's not stagnant it grows. 02:17 - That's right! - And that's the way our 02:18 marriages need to be. 02:19 So we're gonna talk about six very simple, 02:23 not costly ways. Now we can talk about more 02:27 but we're gonna talk about ways that nobody 02:29 really has an excuse not to use. 02:33 Now, you might have your own ways of keeping love alive 02:35 and that's fine. 02:36 But if you do, maybe you'll add to 02:39 with some of the things we're doing. 02:42 First one that we saw very important was 02:45 little attentions often. 02:47 It's interesting when we were first courting 02:49 it wasn't hard to do all kind of things 02:52 that made us know that we were thinking about each other. 02:55 But sometimes when we get into 02:59 life and we get into routine and we get into the pressures 03:03 and our own desires, those little things can 03:08 quietly get left out. 03:13 - Not even intentionally! - Not intentionally! 03:16 You know, sometimes it is just so many things 03:19 that push their way into life, 03:21 that try to smother 03:25 keeping love alive! 03:27 You know, one of the things that I've always appreciated, 03:29 when we're talking about the little things, 03:32 is the little notes that you give me 03:34 when I'm gonna be gone. 03:36 Those little notes, I've come to expect them 03:39 when I go. And sometimes I'll give you little notes 03:44 but I'm not as good at it as you are! 03:46 Those little notes keep love alive! 03:49 A little note in the lunch that you've prepared for me 03:53 when I'm on the airplane and I open it up and 03:57 I'm not disappointed if, you know, it's not there every time 04:01 but I've come to expect that there's gonna be 04:03 something there. When I unpack my suitcase 04:07 I expect that I'm going to find a little note 04:10 tucked here and there. When I open my Bible 04:13 to have my quiet time I expect that there will be a little note 04:17 that keeps love alive! And keeping love alive means that 04:21 it makes me look forward to coming home! 04:25 It also keeps my thoughts on you. I'm already 04:29 anticipating your return before you ever leave and 04:32 I'm writing my thoughts simply 04:35 of what I'm gonna be doing with my time in your absence 04:39 whether it's just for the day, for a few hours or for a week 04:42 or however long it may be. 04:44 It's a simple thing. That's what Luke 16:10 talks about. 04:47 "He that is faithful in that which is least" in little things 04:50 will be "faithful also in much". And I think that can really 04:53 apply to our marriages. If we're faithful in the little things 04:56 in our marriage to keep love alive 04:58 we're gonna be faithful in bigger areas of our marriage 05:01 where the temptations may come 05:03 but we don't have to fall to those temptations. 05:05 One of the greatest things I enjoy is 05:09 making sure that when you leave or when you come home 05:13 I am there to either give you a goodbye kiss, 05:18 a goodbye hug or a greeting. 05:21 And in my heart it keeps my love alive for you 05:24 and I know you like it too and I always look forward to 05:27 you standing in the window when I have to leave, 05:30 even to go to town for a few hours 05:32 and you're in the window, waving goodbye. Or when you 05:35 hear me or anticipate me and you know when I'm gonna be 05:37 coming, that I see you outside of the house, around the corner 05:42 and then you give me a little wave to greet me back. 05:45 That's very, very special! 05:47 You know, I think what we wanna emphasize to 05:50 each of our viewing audience is 05:52 it doesn't have to be complicated. 05:55 It's the little things. And you know, if you'll stop and think, 05:59 and we don't do enough reflecting sometimes 06:02 that some of life's happiness 06:05 is made up in the little things. 06:08 It's not the big things that make up life! It's the little 06:12 daily things that we might even say are monotonous sometimes. 06:16 But if we wanna keep our love alive we need those 06:19 little things. And I know that 06:22 making the bed, making our bed 06:26 you know, is a little thing. 06:28 And yet you never expect that I'd do that. 06:32 It's never been my job to make our bed. 06:35 But often because my desk is there in our bedroom, 06:39 and that's where I spend a lot of my time during the day, 06:43 that's often something that I wanna do 06:45 because you've got so many other things to do. 06:48 So making the bed it's just a little thing 06:50 that I like to do for us. 06:53 And I really appreciate that! And it's interesting 06:56 on the days that it's not made I never feel like: 06:59 "Oh, I wonder how come he didn't make it today?" 07:01 I never have that expectation that you make the bed 07:04 after 25 years. If it's not made I joyfully do it 07:07 but when it's made it's very special! 07:09 Even after 25 years! - Yes! 07:12 The little ways that we can express that love; 07:15 one of the things you do that I really like 07:19 you know what I'm gonna say don't you? 07:22 You put on cologne for me almost every day! 07:25 Yes! And I think about you and when I put that cologne on 07:30 that's often why, you know, when we're out traveling 07:33 I'm not always as faithful to put it on because 07:38 I'm just out among the people. 07:40 But when I'm thinking of you I'm doing that for you. 07:45 It's a little thing to keep love alive! 07:48 And I know that! And I really like that! 07:51 And I make sure that your supply never runs out! 07:53 That's right! 07:55 You know, some people listening viewing right now 08:01 may not necessarily feel like doing anything 08:05 to keep love alive. Can we go on our feelings? 08:08 No! They're not safe! 08:10 They're never safe! They're never safe! 08:12 Feelings are not a safe guide! 08:14 And so, we wanna encourage you 08:17 that even if you don't feel like doing some of the little things 08:21 that keep love alive, you can make a choice. 08:25 And that choice will be so much better 08:27 if that choice is made under the inspiration of Jesus Christ! 08:32 If you will allow Him to give you ideas; 08:35 sometimes I just ask the Lord: 08:37 "Lord what can I do for my wife?" 08:41 and He'll give me ideas! Doesn't He dear? 08:44 Yes! Sometimes they're very, I'm very surprised at 08:48 some of the ideas that the Lord gives you. 08:50 And we can't go by our feelings! - That's right! 08:54 If we do, especially those negative ones, 08:57 we're destined to fail. 09:00 That's right! So, if a man out there for example, 09:04 right now is listening and he jus got so much going on, 09:07 he's got so much pressure 09:10 can he keep love alive even if he doesn't feel 09:14 like he has time to do it? 09:16 Absolutely! It's the littlest things that can happen 09:19 that will keep it alive! And one of the greatest way 09:22 he can keep it alive in a little thing, 09:24 which leads us to point number 2, 09:26 is communication. If he calls his wife on his cell phone 09:30 for two minutes and even leaves a message or 09:33 when he gets to work: "Honey I'm at work. " 09:35 "I was thinking of you on my way in to work today!" 09:38 That would make a huge difference in her day! 09:40 - That's right! - A huge difference in her day! 09:42 And so those little things lead us to better communication, 09:46 which is the second point of keeping our love alive: 09:49 communication daily! - Amen! 09:52 So, is that gonna happen spontaneously? Is that just 09:55 you know everybody just has lots of time to communicate 09:58 so it's just gonna be there for us? 10:01 It wasn't that way for us! Well, I should say we have time 10:04 to talk about what we wanna talk about with who 10:07 we wanna talk with! - That's right! 10:10 We really do! It really comes back to making a choice! 10:14 And the whole experience of marriage 10:16 and having a marriage heart to heart is all about our choices! 10:19 That's really the Christian experience! 10:21 And so, for us communication became very important 10:26 because I really had time to talk to who I wanted to talk to 10:29 about what I wanted to talk, but even if I had 10:30 to stay up late at night, get up early in the morning. 10:34 And so I have shifted my need for communication 10:38 and my communication, what I wanna share with you! 10:42 And that has made 10:44 a big difference! - Is that make you feel 10:47 like you're important to me, 10:49 when I take time to communicate with you? 10:52 Always! It doesn't matter what I wanna talk about. 10:55 If you give me your time I feel that I'm important to you! 10:59 And if I feel I'm important to you and I sense that from you 11:03 then my love for you grows and I know 11:06 your love for me grows as well! - That's right! 11:08 You know, one of the other things that in communication 11:11 that's important and sometimes we can take it for granted 11:14 and that is expressing appreciation. 11:17 I look for opportunities to express appreciation 11:20 for the things that Alane does in our home. 11:24 When we sit down at the meal table and we offer the blessing 11:28 I like to express my appreciation to her and 11:32 it's part of what we do in our home 11:34 that I give her a little kiss 11:37 when I finish the prayer or whoever is praying. 11:40 And it's an expression of "I'm thinking, I care for you" 11:44 "I appreciate what you're doing" 11:46 It's nice to be appreciated and those little 11:48 appreciations go long way in communication. 11:52 One of the things that has really being good for us 11:56 in our communication and I have to say 11:58 that you lead in this, 12:00 is often you'll invite me out for a little walk. 12:03 Because I can be consumed by everything in the house 12:06 I have to get done; - That's right! 12:07 But you'll say: "Honey why don't we go for a walk?" 12:10 And I'm really not motivated to go out and walk 12:13 for the sake of walking, I enjoy it once I get out there 12:16 if I can put aside all the other things I have to do. 12:19 But I'm motivated because I know it's time with you 12:23 that you are captive audience. 12:26 Yes, our walk and talk time has become very special. 12:30 Again, we just wanna encourage you. 12:32 You may think you're too busy! 12:34 I tell you I never run out of things to do in this ministry 12:39 work that God has called us to, 12:41 and I don't think you ever run out of things to do! Do you? 12:44 - Never run out of things to do! - So, one of the problems 12:46 that we all face in keeping love alive 12:50 is making time. Making time to communicate, 12:54 making time to do those little attentions, whatever it is 12:58 we need to make time. 13:01 It won't just happen spontaneously! 13:04 So, if you wanna keep love alive 13:06 then we're gonna be taking a break, 13:08 we want you to stay with us 13:10 and we're gonna talk about a few more things 13:12 that we can do to keep love alive! 13:15 The next thing we're gonna talk about is 13:18 time for each other, how we spend that time. 13:21 So, stay with us! 13:24 Making love alive! 13:40 There are many "How to?" books available, 13:42 but there's one that's free and perfect for every couple: 13:45 how you can "Build a Better Marriage". 13:48 Bible-based, matrimonial advice 13:50 is given in a lighthearted, easy-to-read manner, 13:53 for those contemplating marriage, 13:55 newlyweds, couples in their golden years, 13:57 and everyone in-between. 13:59 Simply call or write for your free copy 14:01 of this amazing little booklet, a handy little tool 14:04 to help build a better marriage. 14:16 Welcome back! We've been talking about keeping love alive 14:21 and I know that you wanna keep your love alive! 14:24 So, honey what other ways can we keep love alive? 14:27 Taking time for each other, that was very easy to do. 14:30 It's very easy to do at the beginning of a marriage 14:33 or relationship, but when we get into life 14:36 with the pressures of work, the pressure of education 14:39 the pressures of raising a family, 14:41 the pressures of even our own hobbies or sports 14:45 or entertainments 14:48 we find we loose time or each other. 14:50 And when we loose time for each other 14:52 we loose communication and we start to loose 14:56 touch with each other. - That's right! 14:58 So, taking time we have to carve it out! 15:01 That's right! and I found that 15:04 I thought that I was taking enough time. 15:07 And I realized that it was being swallowed up 15:09 by everything else. It was being swallowed up 15:11 by my employment. You know when we were first married 15:15 trying to be involved in my career 15:19 taking time to do all the Church work that we were involved in. 15:24 And there's nothing wrong with being involved in 15:28 good things! Certainly there's nothing wrong 15:29 with being involved in Church work. 15:31 But take a little self test, take a little inventory 15:34 and that's what we did. That's what I did as a man, 15:38 as a husband, as a father I began to realize that I was 15:41 investing so much time, even in good things, 15:45 even things for the Lord! And I started finding out that I 15:49 I didn't had time for the Lord! 15:51 So busy doing things for the Lord that I didn't have 15:53 time for the Lord? What a sad state of fears! 15:56 But it was true! I was so pushed and I didn't have time for you! 16:00 I didn't have time for the children! 16:02 And so, as you know I began to do what I called: 16:06 "the add subtract and invest" 16:10 Every time I looked at adding something else into my schedule 16:14 I said: "Where am I going to subtract?" 16:19 And you know what I found out? 16:21 A very interesting thing: whenever I added more 16:24 things into my life 16:26 always two areas that I saw subtracting automatically: 16:31 time with God, cause I was tired, get in the bed later 16:35 and wanted to get up as early; 16:36 Time with God started to go and time for my wife and children. 16:41 And I said: "Something's wrong with this!" Didn't I honey? 16:43 Yes! So did I: "Something's wrong with this!" 16:46 "Something's not right here!" So I look at this: 16:49 if I'm gonna add, let's be realistic about where 16:51 I'm going to subtract. 16:53 Where do I really wanna invest my time? 16:55 Add subtract invest! 16:57 And I tell you I started making some commitments to the Lord 17:00 about where I was gonna spend my time. 17:02 And I wanted to be able to give a reasonable amount of time 17:06 to my employment. I wanted to be able to get a reasonable 17:10 amount of time to my church family. 17:13 And I wanted to be able to give 17:15 a reasonable amount of time to my family and to my Lord! 17:19 And I tell you to start to bring those things into balance 17:22 was not an easy thing. And the Lord began to show me 17:26 where I could start cutting out of my life. And 17:29 one of the areas that I really had to deal with was my sports. 17:33 I was very involved in sports and 17:36 I needed to deal with that area. 17:39 And I began to do that, to invest it in my family 17:44 and in the Lord. And I tell you 17:46 I've never regretted that decision. 17:48 And neither have I. 17:50 Taking time it makes our marriages grow, 17:54 it makes them healthier, happier and in taking time 17:58 to plan to do things with each other or as a family. 18:02 - That's right! - That's very important! 18:03 That's one of the things we do in our time together 18:06 as we plan simple things that are gonna be highlights 18:09 in our family life. It may be planning a camping trip 18:12 something very simple. It doesn't cost a lot of money 18:15 to go to a park and pitch a tent. 18:18 It may be as simple as planning a picnic. 18:20 But taking time to plan together 18:24 makes life stay interesting for us. 18:28 That's right! Which leads us into the next area: 18:32 number four is keeping love alive by anticipation. 18:36 Isn't the anticipation great? 18:38 - I love to anticipate time with you! 18:41 You know, sometimes we think of anticipation 18:44 for things that are out there. 18:47 And we can make the anticipation happen in here, 18:52 in the marriage, in the family. 18:54 And so it's great to be able to take the time 18:58 to plan things that we can anticipate, special things 19:03 that we can look forward to, that we will plan together. 19:07 So here we have communication, we're taking time 19:09 and now we're creating anticipation. 19:13 You know when you think about whatever you're 19:15 looking forward to or you think about your children 19:17 what they anticipate and looking forward to 19:19 something special ahead. Anticipation 19:22 is a part of keeping love alive! 19:25 And then when it happens it builds memories. 19:28 And the memories are long. It's all the planning memories, 19:30 the fun you had planning it together, 19:33 doing it together and the living it again together 19:36 in our memories and that's very special anticipation. 19:40 You know if we anticipated our husbands return 19:44 from work every day 19:46 we might have a different marriage in our home. 19:49 If we anticipated to receive our husband back 19:52 with happiness and joy, looking forward to his return 19:57 it has made a huge difference in our marriage! 19:59 - Yes! - It can be that simple 20:00 anticipating what it's gonna be like, you know, 20:03 when we're together again at the end of the day. 20:05 Yes! and that's one of the things, you know, 20:08 as you were saying that, the little things. 20:12 I always looked forward and still look forward 20:15 to coming home. I'm thankful that the Lord has given us 20:17 the opportunity to minister together. So 20:19 you know, as a family we travel together and we 20:21 minister together but I always look forward to coming home. 20:25 But one of the things that you did that was a little thing 20:28 but it was important, is how you took care of yourself. 20:32 You know, lot of wives today, lot of people that we know 20:36 that we've heard stories about, you know, they dress up 20:40 great for Church, they dress up for their occasions, 20:44 they look great but what are they like at home? 20:48 And you, not that you dressed up in your church best 20:52 but you took care of yourself and you do take care of yourself 20:56 and you keep me anticipating coming home to you. 21:01 And that's keeping love alive! 21:04 I look forward to it 21:06 every time you come home. 21:08 I don't look forward to you having to leave 21:10 but I do look forward to you coming home. 21:11 Another thing that we found very effective in our marriage 21:15 to keeping love alive is to pray together. 21:18 - That's right! - We've prayed separately, 21:20 we've prayed together in worship, 21:21 but now we take a special time every day 21:24 and we don't miss it for anything! 21:26 No matter how late it is or if we're separated 21:30 even on the phone we'll communicate 21:32 and we'll pray together. That helps to keep our love alive! 21:36 - That's right! - And I really 21:37 appreciated those special prayer times together. 21:41 And they have been very special and continue to be. 21:44 And, you know, keeping love alive 21:49 is not just thinking of the marriage. 21:53 You know, as we have prayed more together 21:57 it has grown our relationship to keep our love alive 22:01 for our Heavenly Father! - That's right! 22:04 We have seen more of what He is doing for us 22:07 and what Christ is continuing to do for us. 22:10 Not just what Christ did for us on the cross of Calvary 22:13 but what Christ is doing for us day by day. 22:16 So only is it keeping our love alive 22:19 but it's keeping our love alive with our Heavenly Father. 22:23 And we talked about this in one of our other programs 22:26 "Prayers of Love", we talked about in more detail. 22:30 But if you are not praying together 22:33 with the one that God has given you to stand by your side 22:36 if you find yourself even saying right now 22:40 "I don't feel like praying with that person!" 22:44 "I'm just keeping my distance!" 22:46 Here again: don't go on the feelings that you have! 22:50 Maybe that's exactly what they need! 22:53 Maybe that's what the wife needs or the husband needs is 22:56 one of you to say, you know: 22:58 "We need to close our day together in prayer!" 23:02 And maybe that will open up for you a new love! 23:06 Rekindle that first love that may have been lost 23:11 to begin to keep love alive! 23:13 The other thing we've done during that prayer time 23:16 is to recount the blessings of the day. 23:19 - Yes! - And talk about those! 23:21 And that keeps our love alive, again for our Heavenly Father 23:25 but for each other and for the family and for our friends 23:28 and our extended family. 23:30 It's God's Plan! - That's right! 23:34 So it's been a real blessing in our home! 23:37 The sixth area that we wanna talk about is daily affection. 23:40 That will help keep love alive too! 23:43 You know, it's interesting that when you're courting 23:46 oh, you just can't wait until you have that first held hand or 23:50 that first time he puts his arm around you, 23:53 or that first kiss, they're all very special. 23:56 But they can be just as special every day! 23:58 - That's right! - Little affections, 24:01 ways we express affection daily to one another 24:05 will help keep our love alive! 24:07 That's right! And, you know, the thought that keeps 24:10 coming back to me is 24:11 maybe you don't feel like. Maybe these people out here 24:15 don't, some of them don't feel like it! 24:16 We haven't always felt like it ourselves all the times. 24:18 But what's so important is that we can choose! 24:23 We choose to do so many other things. I mean don't you 24:26 have days when you don't feel like going to work? 24:30 So what do you do? Well I hope you don't just 24:33 not show up! 24:35 No, you go to work because you need to do it! 24:37 Because you need employment, you need to have an income! 24:40 It's a very simple example! But it's a very practical example 24:44 that proves that each of us can do what we need to do 24:49 to keep going in life even if our whole heart 24:52 doesn't feel like it at the moment. 24:54 So we wanna encourage you, if you don't feel like affectionate 25:00 don't wait for the feelings to come back! 25:03 Start making the choice to start 25:06 putting your arms around your wife, your husband. 25:10 Start initiating something to rebuild the affection 25:15 and you will find that as you do this and surrender to Christ, 25:18 as He is helping you, as He is prompting you 25:21 to take her hand or put your arm around her 25:24 that He will rebuild and rekindle 25:28 and keep those affections alive! 25:32 The kisses that you give me after every meal 25:34 that was your idea and I can remember the first time 25:37 you did that: "Wow that's really neat!" 25:39 I felt really special, you know, to you! 25:42 And it told me that you were thinking of me. But then 25:44 it happened the next meal and the next day, and the next day 25:48 and the next at all the meals. And 25:50 - Getting tired of it? - Not at all! Not at all! 25:52 I will never get tired of your kisses! Sometimes 25:54 I'm preoccupied and I think at something else I have to do 25:57 or put on the table and you usually grab me by the hand 26:00 before I get out of the chair, say: "Honey!" 26:03 And I always am willing to sit down and get my kiss! 26:05 Well I'd like if I'd grab you by the hand right now! 26:07 Ok! 26:09 We wanna keep love alive! 26:12 And we want you to be able to keep love alive! 26:15 Because as you keep your love alive 26:20 you will have a marriage that's heart to heart! 26:22 I think it would be good to pray together 26:24 for our love and their love. Shall we do that? 26:27 Father in Heaven we come to You because You 26:29 are the Author of love, You're the Author of marriage and 26:33 You are the one hat can keep our love alive! 26:36 Lord I thank You for the wife that You've given me 26:38 to stand by my side to be a help mate. 26:41 And Lord I pray for every husband and wife 26:43 that's listening, every young person that 26:46 may be anticipating marriage that they will choose 26:49 to accept the love that You have for them 26:52 to begin to kindle the right love and keep love alive 26:55 in our hearts. In Jesus name Amen! 26:59 Well, 27:01 next time we're gonna talk about a very interesting subject 27:05 moral purity. We need it in the generation that we live in! 27:10 Moral purity in a very degenerate age! 27:14 I hope that you will join us next time! 27:17 Because if we wanna have a marriage that's 27:20 truly heart to heart with the one God has given us 27:24 and truly heart to heart with the One 27:27 Who has given us everything, our Heavenly Father 27:30 then moral purity is a very important 27:34 in degenerating part of society that needs to be rebuilt. 27:38 So, join us next time 27:40 as we talk about moral purity for a marriage heart to heart! 28:25 Captions and translations by ChMS www.chms.ro |
Revised 2014-12-17