Welcome to Marriage Heart to Heart! 00:00:31.16\00:00:33.57 We're Tom & Alane Waters with Restoration International 00:00:33.61\00:00:36.98 Today we're gonna be talking about 00:00:37.55\00:00:39.19 ways to keep our love alive in our marriages. 00:00:39.23\00:00:41.61 And that's a very exciting topic. So we hope you 00:00:41.64\00:00:43.95 have a pencil and paper because we're gonna be looking 00:00:43.99\00:00:47.13 at some simple things that we can do, every one of us can do, 00:00:47.17\00:00:50.59 to keep our love alive. 00:00:50.62\00:00:53.08 It's fun keeping love alive isn't it? 00:00:53.38\00:00:55.06 - It is! - You know in 00:00:55.09\00:00:57.24 God's Word, actually talks about how to keep love alive. 00:00:57.67\00:01:00.77 And probably one of the ways that our viewers 00:01:01.62\00:01:04.33 might not have thought of this, 00:01:04.36\00:01:07.02 in Ecclesiastes the 9th chapter 00:01:07.05\00:01:09.68 and the 9th verse. 00:01:10.06\00:01:11.55 It says that we need to: "Live joyfully with the wife" 00:01:12.05\00:01:16.67 that God has given us. 00:01:16.70\00:01:18.21 - Does that keep love alive? - Yes it does dear! 00:01:18.76\00:01:21.76 I'm always happy when you live joyfully with me! 00:01:21.79\00:01:24.76 Yes! And you're a joy to live with! 00:01:24.79\00:01:27.51 You know, 00:01:27.63\00:01:29.16 there's no one that I'd rather spend time with 00:01:29.37\00:01:32.40 than my wife. 00:01:32.43\00:01:34.39 How does that make you feel? 00:01:34.78\00:01:36.74 Very special! 00:01:37.00\00:01:38.87 Does that help keep love alive? - Absolutely! 00:01:39.09\00:01:41.36 I feel the same way about you! You know that! 00:01:41.48\00:01:45.19 So, today we're gonna be talking about 00:01:45.22\00:01:48.24 six ways that we can keep love alive! 00:01:48.39\00:01:52.87 And you know, there's dozens of ways that we can do it. 00:01:53.25\00:01:56.37 And things that we've done over the years 00:01:56.40\00:01:58.47 that have really kept love alive for us; and keep it growing. 00:01:58.51\00:02:02.20 It's not just enough to keep it alive! 00:02:02.52\00:02:04.69 It needs to be alive and well! 00:02:04.72\00:02:06.20 - Right? Growing. - That's right! 00:02:06.24\00:02:07.65 To me being alive is healthy and vibrant and growing. 00:02:07.69\00:02:11.24 That's what life is! It's something that grows! 00:02:11.27\00:02:13.92 We have a plant and it's alive. It's not stagnant it grows. 00:02:13.96\00:02:17.17 - That's right! - And that's the way our 00:02:17.20\00:02:18.17 marriages need to be. 00:02:18.18\00:02:19.24 So we're gonna talk about six very simple, 00:02:19.28\00:02:23.08 not costly ways. Now we can talk about more 00:02:23.11\00:02:26.88 but we're gonna talk about ways that nobody 00:02:27.21\00:02:29.23 really has an excuse not to use. 00:02:29.26\00:02:33.01 Now, you might have your own ways of keeping love alive 00:02:33.05\00:02:35.22 and that's fine. 00:02:35.25\00:02:36.59 But if you do, maybe you'll add to 00:02:36.63\00:02:39.20 with some of the things we're doing. 00:02:39.23\00:02:41.39 First one that we saw very important was 00:02:42.54\00:02:45.12 little attentions often. 00:02:45.15\00:02:47.38 It's interesting when we were first courting 00:02:47.74\00:02:49.90 it wasn't hard to do all kind of things 00:02:49.93\00:02:52.37 that made us know that we were thinking about each other. 00:02:52.41\00:02:55.42 But sometimes when we get into 00:02:55.77\00:02:59.00 life and we get into routine and we get into the pressures 00:02:59.03\00:03:02.99 and our own desires, those little things can 00:03:03.02\00:03:08.20 quietly get left out. 00:03:08.91\00:03:12.70 - Not even intentionally! - Not intentionally! 00:03:13.10\00:03:16.16 You know, sometimes it is just so many things 00:03:16.19\00:03:19.22 that push their way into life, 00:03:19.25\00:03:21.30 that try to smother 00:03:21.71\00:03:25.27 keeping love alive! 00:03:25.70\00:03:27.10 You know, one of the things that I've always appreciated, 00:03:27.18\00:03:29.60 when we're talking about the little things, 00:03:29.63\00:03:31.99 is the little notes that you give me 00:03:32.02\00:03:34.71 when I'm gonna be gone. 00:03:34.74\00:03:36.53 Those little notes, I've come to expect them 00:03:36.95\00:03:39.13 when I go. And sometimes I'll give you little notes 00:03:39.17\00:03:44.14 but I'm not as good at it as you are! 00:03:44.17\00:03:46.22 Those little notes keep love alive! 00:03:46.78\00:03:49.88 A little note in the lunch that you've prepared for me 00:03:49.92\00:03:53.41 when I'm on the airplane and I open it up and 00:03:53.73\00:03:56.43 I'm not disappointed if, you know, it's not there every time 00:03:57.15\00:04:01.00 but I've come to expect that there's gonna be 00:04:01.52\00:04:03.66 something there. When I unpack my suitcase 00:04:03.69\00:04:07.35 I expect that I'm going to find a little note 00:04:07.38\00:04:10.35 tucked here and there. When I open my Bible 00:04:10.39\00:04:13.31 to have my quiet time I expect that there will be a little note 00:04:13.35\00:04:17.12 that keeps love alive! And keeping love alive means that 00:04:17.67\00:04:21.26 it makes me look forward to coming home! 00:04:21.29\00:04:25.32 It also keeps my thoughts on you. I'm already 00:04:25.94\00:04:29.22 anticipating your return before you ever leave and 00:04:29.26\00:04:32.12 I'm writing my thoughts simply 00:04:32.15\00:04:35.70 of what I'm gonna be doing with my time in your absence 00:04:35.74\00:04:38.95 whether it's just for the day, for a few hours or for a week 00:04:39.29\00:04:42.86 or however long it may be. 00:04:42.89\00:04:44.23 It's a simple thing. That's what Luke 16:10 talks about. 00:04:44.27\00:04:46.96 "He that is faithful in that which is least" in little things 00:04:47.00\00:04:50.17 will be "faithful also in much". And I think that can really 00:04:50.32\00:04:53.25 apply to our marriages. If we're faithful in the little things 00:04:53.29\00:04:56.19 in our marriage to keep love alive 00:04:56.22\00:04:58.25 we're gonna be faithful in bigger areas of our marriage 00:04:58.28\00:05:01.06 where the temptations may come 00:05:01.09\00:05:02.96 but we don't have to fall to those temptations. 00:05:03.27\00:05:05.88 One of the greatest things I enjoy is 00:05:05.91\00:05:09.20 making sure that when you leave or when you come home 00:05:09.24\00:05:13.07 I am there to either give you a goodbye kiss, 00:05:13.10\00:05:16.59 a goodbye hug or a greeting. 00:05:18.11\00:05:21.48 And in my heart it keeps my love alive for you 00:05:21.52\00:05:24.87 and I know you like it too and I always look forward to 00:05:24.91\00:05:27.79 you standing in the window when I have to leave, 00:05:27.82\00:05:30.51 even to go to town for a few hours 00:05:30.54\00:05:32.67 and you're in the window, waving goodbye. Or when you 00:05:32.71\00:05:35.15 hear me or anticipate me and you know when I'm gonna be 00:05:35.18\00:05:37.55 coming, that I see you outside of the house, around the corner 00:05:37.59\00:05:41.97 and then you give me a little wave to greet me back. 00:05:42.00\00:05:44.98 That's very, very special! 00:05:45.01\00:05:47.48 You know, I think what we wanna emphasize to 00:05:47.85\00:05:50.39 each of our viewing audience is 00:05:50.42\00:05:52.91 it doesn't have to be complicated. 00:05:52.94\00:05:55.40 It's the little things. And you know, if you'll stop and think, 00:05:55.79\00:05:59.12 and we don't do enough reflecting sometimes 00:05:59.15\00:06:02.38 that some of life's happiness 00:06:02.59\00:06:05.43 is made up in the little things. 00:06:05.46\00:06:08.27 It's not the big things that make up life! It's the little 00:06:08.62\00:06:12.45 daily things that we might even say are monotonous sometimes. 00:06:12.49\00:06:16.29 But if we wanna keep our love alive we need those 00:06:16.76\00:06:19.18 little things. And I know that 00:06:19.21\00:06:22.61 making the bed, making our bed 00:06:22.97\00:06:25.98 you know, is a little thing. 00:06:26.16\00:06:28.43 And yet you never expect that I'd do that. 00:06:28.47\00:06:32.02 It's never been my job to make our bed. 00:06:32.05\00:06:35.53 But often because my desk is there in our bedroom, 00:06:35.57\00:06:39.48 and that's where I spend a lot of my time during the day, 00:06:39.52\00:06:42.80 that's often something that I wanna do 00:06:43.22\00:06:45.29 because you've got so many other things to do. 00:06:45.33\00:06:47.98 So making the bed it's just a little thing 00:06:48.02\00:06:50.64 that I like to do for us. 00:06:50.67\00:06:53.31 And I really appreciate that! And it's interesting 00:06:53.69\00:06:56.45 on the days that it's not made I never feel like: 00:06:56.49\00:06:58.98 "Oh, I wonder how come he didn't make it today?" 00:06:59.01\00:07:01.49 I never have that expectation that you make the bed 00:07:01.53\00:07:04.43 after 25 years. If it's not made I joyfully do it 00:07:04.47\00:07:07.34 but when it's made it's very special! 00:07:07.37\00:07:09.92 Even after 25 years! - Yes! 00:07:09.95\00:07:12.42 The little ways that we can express that love; 00:07:12.46\00:07:15.77 one of the things you do that I really like 00:07:15.81\00:07:19.09 you know what I'm gonna say don't you? 00:07:19.12\00:07:20.94 You put on cologne for me almost every day! 00:07:22.01\00:07:25.39 Yes! And I think about you and when I put that cologne on 00:07:25.42\00:07:29.97 that's often why, you know, when we're out traveling 00:07:30.00\00:07:33.63 I'm not always as faithful to put it on because 00:07:33.78\00:07:38.29 I'm just out among the people. 00:07:38.32\00:07:40.02 But when I'm thinking of you I'm doing that for you. 00:07:40.48\00:07:45.28 It's a little thing to keep love alive! 00:07:45.31\00:07:48.03 And I know that! And I really like that! 00:07:48.06\00:07:50.75 And I make sure that your supply never runs out! 00:07:51.01\00:07:53.68 That's right! 00:07:53.71\00:07:55.10 You know, some people listening viewing right now 00:07:55.84\00:08:00.51 may not necessarily feel like doing anything 00:08:01.22\00:08:05.31 to keep love alive. Can we go on our feelings? 00:08:05.58\00:08:08.31 No! They're not safe! 00:08:08.34\00:08:10.01 They're never safe! They're never safe! 00:08:10.05\00:08:12.74 Feelings are not a safe guide! 00:08:12.77\00:08:14.90 And so, we wanna encourage you 00:08:14.93\00:08:16.99 that even if you don't feel like doing some of the little things 00:08:17.03\00:08:21.38 that keep love alive, you can make a choice. 00:08:21.41\00:08:25.29 And that choice will be so much better 00:08:25.68\00:08:27.44 if that choice is made under the inspiration of Jesus Christ! 00:08:27.90\00:08:31.64 If you will allow Him to give you ideas; 00:08:32.11\00:08:35.95 sometimes I just ask the Lord: 00:08:35.98\00:08:37.70 "Lord what can I do for my wife?" 00:08:37.86\00:08:41.39 and He'll give me ideas! Doesn't He dear? 00:08:41.88\00:08:44.35 Yes! Sometimes they're very, I'm very surprised at 00:08:44.39\00:08:48.02 some of the ideas that the Lord gives you. 00:08:48.05\00:08:50.20 And we can't go by our feelings! - That's right! 00:08:50.43\00:08:54.08 If we do, especially those negative ones, 00:08:54.11\00:08:57.11 we're destined to fail. 00:08:57.61\00:08:59.34 That's right! So, if a man out there for example, 00:09:00.09\00:09:03.99 right now is listening and he jus got so much going on, 00:09:04.02\00:09:07.67 he's got so much pressure 00:09:07.70\00:09:10.11 can he keep love alive even if he doesn't feel 00:09:10.59\00:09:14.48 like he has time to do it? 00:09:14.51\00:09:16.86 Absolutely! It's the littlest things that can happen 00:09:16.90\00:09:19.88 that will keep it alive! And one of the greatest way 00:09:19.92\00:09:22.87 he can keep it alive in a little thing, 00:09:22.90\00:09:24.85 which leads us to point number 2, 00:09:24.88\00:09:26.52 is communication. If he calls his wife on his cell phone 00:09:26.56\00:09:30.55 for two minutes and even leaves a message or 00:09:30.91\00:09:33.26 when he gets to work: "Honey I'm at work. " 00:09:33.29\00:09:35.57 "I was thinking of you on my way in to work today!" 00:09:35.61\00:09:38.21 That would make a huge difference in her day! 00:09:38.24\00:09:40.30 - That's right! - A huge difference in her day! 00:09:40.33\00:09:42.34 And so those little things lead us to better communication, 00:09:42.38\00:09:46.58 which is the second point of keeping our love alive: 00:09:46.61\00:09:49.20 communication daily! - Amen! 00:09:49.23\00:09:51.79 So, is that gonna happen spontaneously? Is that just 00:09:52.19\00:09:55.22 you know everybody just has lots of time to communicate 00:09:55.25\00:09:58.25 so it's just gonna be there for us? 00:09:58.28\00:10:01.03 It wasn't that way for us! Well, I should say we have time 00:10:01.71\00:10:04.86 to talk about what we wanna talk about with who 00:10:04.89\00:10:07.19 we wanna talk with! - That's right! 00:10:07.22\00:10:10.07 We really do! It really comes back to making a choice! 00:10:10.11\00:10:14.25 And the whole experience of marriage 00:10:14.28\00:10:16.42 and having a marriage heart to heart is all about our choices! 00:10:16.46\00:10:19.60 That's really the Christian experience! 00:10:19.63\00:10:21.71 And so, for us communication became very important 00:10:21.75\00:10:26.29 because I really had time to talk to who I wanted to talk to 00:10:26.33\00:10:29.22 about what I wanted to talk, but even if I had 00:10:29.25\00:10:30.94 to stay up late at night, get up early in the morning. 00:10:30.98\00:10:34.25 And so I have shifted my need for communication 00:10:34.28\00:10:38.16 and my communication, what I wanna share with you! 00:10:38.20\00:10:42.05 And that has made 00:10:42.45\00:10:44.55 a big difference! - Is that make you feel 00:10:44.97\00:10:47.71 like you're important to me, 00:10:47.74\00:10:49.25 when I take time to communicate with you? 00:10:49.29\00:10:51.93 Always! It doesn't matter what I wanna talk about. 00:10:52.54\00:10:54.98 If you give me your time I feel that I'm important to you! 00:10:55.02\00:10:59.31 And if I feel I'm important to you and I sense that from you 00:10:59.34\00:11:03.45 then my love for you grows and I know 00:11:03.68\00:11:06.11 your love for me grows as well! - That's right! 00:11:06.15\00:11:08.26 You know, one of the other things that in communication 00:11:08.50\00:11:11.28 that's important and sometimes we can take it for granted 00:11:11.31\00:11:14.06 and that is expressing appreciation. 00:11:14.09\00:11:17.09 I look for opportunities to express appreciation 00:11:17.48\00:11:20.68 for the things that Alane does in our home. 00:11:20.71\00:11:23.46 When we sit down at the meal table and we offer the blessing 00:11:24.02\00:11:27.81 I like to express my appreciation to her and 00:11:28.16\00:11:32.38 it's part of what we do in our home 00:11:32.41\00:11:34.59 that I give her a little kiss 00:11:34.62\00:11:36.84 when I finish the prayer or whoever is praying. 00:11:37.19\00:11:40.12 And it's an expression of "I'm thinking, I care for you" 00:11:40.42\00:11:44.33 "I appreciate what you're doing" 00:11:44.36\00:11:46.06 It's nice to be appreciated and those little 00:11:46.10\00:11:48.84 appreciations go long way in communication. 00:11:48.88\00:11:51.59 One of the things that has really being good for us 00:11:52.34\00:11:56.22 in our communication and I have to say 00:11:56.25\00:11:58.39 that you lead in this, 00:11:58.42\00:12:00.48 is often you'll invite me out for a little walk. 00:12:00.52\00:12:03.46 Because I can be consumed by everything in the house 00:12:03.65\00:12:06.34 I have to get done; - That's right! 00:12:06.37\00:12:07.79 But you'll say: "Honey why don't we go for a walk?" 00:12:07.83\00:12:10.69 And I'm really not motivated to go out and walk 00:12:10.73\00:12:13.52 for the sake of walking, I enjoy it once I get out there 00:12:13.56\00:12:16.11 if I can put aside all the other things I have to do. 00:12:16.15\00:12:18.67 But I'm motivated because I know it's time with you 00:12:19.15\00:12:23.59 that you are captive audience. 00:12:23.94\00:12:26.50 Yes, our walk and talk time has become very special. 00:12:26.92\00:12:30.51 Again, we just wanna encourage you. 00:12:30.54\00:12:32.42 You may think you're too busy! 00:12:32.45\00:12:34.45 I tell you I never run out of things to do in this ministry 00:12:34.77\00:12:39.16 work that God has called us to, 00:12:39.19\00:12:40.96 and I don't think you ever run out of things to do! Do you? 00:12:41.20\00:12:44.03 - Never run out of things to do! - So, one of the problems 00:12:44.07\00:12:46.87 that we all face in keeping love alive 00:12:46.90\00:12:50.07 is making time. Making time to communicate, 00:12:50.11\00:12:54.04 making time to do those little attentions, whatever it is 00:12:54.08\00:12:58.34 we need to make time. 00:12:58.50\00:13:01.15 It won't just happen spontaneously! 00:13:01.41\00:13:04.11 So, if you wanna keep love alive 00:13:04.14\00:13:06.36 then we're gonna be taking a break, 00:13:06.39\00:13:08.58 we want you to stay with us 00:13:08.61\00:13:10.56 and we're gonna talk about a few more things 00:13:10.60\00:13:12.95 that we can do to keep love alive! 00:13:12.98\00:13:14.95 The next thing we're gonna talk about is 00:13:15.25\00:13:17.85 time for each other, how we spend that time. 00:13:18.48\00:13:21.51 So, stay with us! 00:13:21.81\00:13:24.86 Making love alive! 00:13:24.90\00:13:27.92 There are many "How to?" books available, 00:13:40.22\00:13:42.33 but there's one that's free and perfect for every couple: 00:13:42.37\00:13:45.58 how you can "Build a Better Marriage". 00:13:45.61\00:13:48.28 Bible-based, matrimonial advice 00:13:48.31\00:13:50.50 is given in a lighthearted, easy-to-read manner, 00:13:50.54\00:13:53.17 for those contemplating marriage, 00:13:53.20\00:13:54.72 newlyweds, couples in their golden years, 00:13:55.03\00:13:57.47 and everyone in-between. 00:13:57.50\00:13:59.24 Simply call or write for your free copy 00:13:59.63\00:14:01.66 of this amazing little booklet, a handy little tool 00:14:01.70\00:14:04.70 to help build a better marriage. 00:14:04.73\00:14:06.71 Welcome back! We've been talking about keeping love alive 00:14:16.43\00:14:20.53 and I know that you wanna keep your love alive! 00:14:21.21\00:14:24.49 So, honey what other ways can we keep love alive? 00:14:24.53\00:14:27.78 Taking time for each other, that was very easy to do. 00:14:27.81\00:14:30.71 It's very easy to do at the beginning of a marriage 00:14:30.74\00:14:33.63 or relationship, but when we get into life 00:14:33.66\00:14:36.50 with the pressures of work, the pressure of education 00:14:36.54\00:14:39.17 the pressures of raising a family, 00:14:39.20\00:14:41.17 the pressures of even our own hobbies or sports 00:14:41.21\00:14:45.46 or entertainments 00:14:45.49\00:14:47.51 we find we loose time or each other. 00:14:48.30\00:14:50.64 And when we loose time for each other 00:14:50.67\00:14:52.94 we loose communication and we start to loose 00:14:52.98\00:14:56.25 touch with each other. - That's right! 00:14:56.28\00:14:58.72 So, taking time we have to carve it out! 00:14:58.75\00:15:01.16 That's right! and I found that 00:15:01.19\00:15:04.00 I thought that I was taking enough time. 00:15:04.90\00:15:07.85 And I realized that it was being swallowed up 00:15:07.89\00:15:09.74 by everything else. It was being swallowed up 00:15:09.77\00:15:11.55 by my employment. You know when we were first married 00:15:11.59\00:15:15.09 trying to be involved in my career 00:15:15.12\00:15:18.96 taking time to do all the Church work that we were involved in. 00:15:19.18\00:15:23.84 And there's nothing wrong with being involved in 00:15:24.56\00:15:27.78 good things! Certainly there's nothing wrong 00:15:28.15\00:15:29.65 with being involved in Church work. 00:15:29.68\00:15:31.23 But take a little self test, take a little inventory 00:15:31.27\00:15:34.55 and that's what we did. That's what I did as a man, 00:15:34.58\00:15:38.00 as a husband, as a father I began to realize that I was 00:15:38.04\00:15:41.43 investing so much time, even in good things, 00:15:41.46\00:15:45.04 even things for the Lord! And I started finding out that I 00:15:45.08\00:15:49.27 I didn't had time for the Lord! 00:15:49.30\00:15:51.30 So busy doing things for the Lord that I didn't have 00:15:51.34\00:15:53.40 time for the Lord? What a sad state of fears! 00:15:53.43\00:15:56.65 But it was true! I was so pushed and I didn't have time for you! 00:15:56.69\00:16:00.62 I didn't have time for the children! 00:16:00.65\00:16:02.81 And so, as you know I began to do what I called: 00:16:02.85\00:16:06.89 "the add subtract and invest" 00:16:06.92\00:16:10.26 Every time I looked at adding something else into my schedule 00:16:10.90\00:16:14.58 I said: "Where am I going to subtract?" 00:16:14.85\00:16:18.20 And you know what I found out? 00:16:19.40\00:16:21.04 A very interesting thing: whenever I added more 00:16:21.08\00:16:24.55 things into my life 00:16:24.58\00:16:26.64 always two areas that I saw subtracting automatically: 00:16:26.68\00:16:31.50 time with God, cause I was tired, get in the bed later 00:16:31.88\00:16:35.59 and wanted to get up as early; 00:16:35.76\00:16:36.82 Time with God started to go and time for my wife and children. 00:16:36.86\00:16:41.40 And I said: "Something's wrong with this!" Didn't I honey? 00:16:41.95\00:16:43.71 Yes! So did I: "Something's wrong with this!" 00:16:43.74\00:16:46.35 "Something's not right here!" So I look at this: 00:16:46.38\00:16:48.99 if I'm gonna add, let's be realistic about where 00:16:49.02\00:16:51.60 I'm going to subtract. 00:16:51.63\00:16:53.43 Where do I really wanna invest my time? 00:16:53.47\00:16:55.74 Add subtract invest! 00:16:55.77\00:16:57.87 And I tell you I started making some commitments to the Lord 00:16:57.91\00:17:00.57 about where I was gonna spend my time. 00:17:00.60\00:17:02.84 And I wanted to be able to give a reasonable amount of time 00:17:02.88\00:17:06.80 to my employment. I wanted to be able to get a reasonable 00:17:06.83\00:17:10.13 amount of time to my church family. 00:17:10.16\00:17:12.98 And I wanted to be able to give 00:17:13.02\00:17:15.81 a reasonable amount of time to my family and to my Lord! 00:17:15.87\00:17:19.20 And I tell you to start to bring those things into balance 00:17:19.23\00:17:22.53 was not an easy thing. And the Lord began to show me 00:17:22.56\00:17:26.01 where I could start cutting out of my life. And 00:17:26.04\00:17:29.40 one of the areas that I really had to deal with was my sports. 00:17:29.44\00:17:33.32 I was very involved in sports and 00:17:33.35\00:17:36.56 I needed to deal with that area. 00:17:36.59\00:17:39.73 And I began to do that, to invest it in my family 00:17:39.77\00:17:44.42 and in the Lord. And I tell you 00:17:44.45\00:17:46.31 I've never regretted that decision. 00:17:46.34\00:17:48.17 And neither have I. 00:17:48.20\00:17:49.91 Taking time it makes our marriages grow, 00:17:50.42\00:17:54.44 it makes them healthier, happier and in taking time 00:17:54.48\00:17:58.49 to plan to do things with each other or as a family. 00:17:58.52\00:18:01.98 - That's right! - That's very important! 00:18:02.01\00:18:03.43 That's one of the things we do in our time together 00:18:03.47\00:18:06.46 as we plan simple things that are gonna be highlights 00:18:06.50\00:18:09.60 in our family life. It may be planning a camping trip 00:18:09.63\00:18:12.70 something very simple. It doesn't cost a lot of money 00:18:12.74\00:18:15.14 to go to a park and pitch a tent. 00:18:15.17\00:18:18.37 It may be as simple as planning a picnic. 00:18:18.41\00:18:20.88 But taking time to plan together 00:18:20.91\00:18:23.85 makes life stay interesting for us. 00:18:24.22\00:18:28.71 That's right! Which leads us into the next area: 00:18:28.75\00:18:32.53 number four is keeping love alive by anticipation. 00:18:32.56\00:18:36.31 Isn't the anticipation great? 00:18:36.59\00:18:38.13 - I love to anticipate time with you! 00:18:38.17\00:18:40.99 You know, sometimes we think of anticipation 00:18:41.64\00:18:44.68 for things that are out there. 00:18:44.71\00:18:47.61 And we can make the anticipation happen in here, 00:18:47.64\00:18:52.04 in the marriage, in the family. 00:18:52.07\00:18:54.49 And so it's great to be able to take the time 00:18:54.86\00:18:58.73 to plan things that we can anticipate, special things 00:18:58.77\00:19:03.51 that we can look forward to, that we will plan together. 00:19:03.80\00:19:07.30 So here we have communication, we're taking time 00:19:07.33\00:19:09.88 and now we're creating anticipation. 00:19:09.91\00:19:13.08 You know when you think about whatever you're 00:19:13.12\00:19:15.20 looking forward to or you think about your children 00:19:15.24\00:19:17.45 what they anticipate and looking forward to 00:19:17.48\00:19:19.64 something special ahead. Anticipation 00:19:19.67\00:19:22.82 is a part of keeping love alive! 00:19:22.85\00:19:25.48 And then when it happens it builds memories. 00:19:25.86\00:19:28.07 And the memories are long. It's all the planning memories, 00:19:28.11\00:19:30.93 the fun you had planning it together, 00:19:30.96\00:19:33.08 doing it together and the living it again together 00:19:33.12\00:19:36.83 in our memories and that's very special anticipation. 00:19:36.86\00:19:40.96 You know if we anticipated our husbands return 00:19:40.99\00:19:44.89 from work every day 00:19:44.92\00:19:46.74 we might have a different marriage in our home. 00:19:46.78\00:19:49.57 If we anticipated to receive our husband back 00:19:49.60\00:19:52.32 with happiness and joy, looking forward to his return 00:19:52.36\00:19:55.78 it has made a huge difference in our marriage! 00:19:57.30\00:19:59.45 - Yes! - It can be that simple 00:19:59.48\00:20:00.53 anticipating what it's gonna be like, you know, 00:20:00.57\00:20:03.14 when we're together again at the end of the day. 00:20:03.17\00:20:05.56 Yes! and that's one of the things, you know, 00:20:05.60\00:20:08.46 as you were saying that, the little things. 00:20:08.50\00:20:11.33 I always looked forward and still look forward 00:20:12.18\00:20:15.12 to coming home. I'm thankful that the Lord has given us 00:20:15.16\00:20:17.33 the opportunity to minister together. So 00:20:17.36\00:20:19.52 you know, as a family we travel together and we 00:20:19.56\00:20:21.83 minister together but I always look forward to coming home. 00:20:21.87\00:20:25.40 But one of the things that you did that was a little thing 00:20:25.43\00:20:28.82 but it was important, is how you took care of yourself. 00:20:28.85\00:20:32.21 You know, lot of wives today, lot of people that we know 00:20:32.62\00:20:36.60 that we've heard stories about, you know, they dress up 00:20:36.63\00:20:40.35 great for Church, they dress up for their occasions, 00:20:40.39\00:20:44.08 they look great but what are they like at home? 00:20:44.11\00:20:48.59 And you, not that you dressed up in your church best 00:20:48.99\00:20:52.11 but you took care of yourself and you do take care of yourself 00:20:52.15\00:20:55.80 and you keep me anticipating coming home to you. 00:20:56.63\00:21:01.00 And that's keeping love alive! 00:21:01.49\00:21:04.03 I look forward to it 00:21:04.39\00:21:06.43 every time you come home. 00:21:06.91\00:21:08.12 I don't look forward to you having to leave 00:21:08.16\00:21:09.98 but I do look forward to you coming home. 00:21:10.02\00:21:11.77 Another thing that we found very effective in our marriage 00:21:11.81\00:21:15.35 to keeping love alive is to pray together. 00:21:15.38\00:21:18.14 - That's right! - We've prayed separately, 00:21:18.27\00:21:20.37 we've prayed together in worship, 00:21:20.40\00:21:21.89 but now we take a special time every day 00:21:21.93\00:21:24.82 and we don't miss it for anything! 00:21:24.85\00:21:26.86 No matter how late it is or if we're separated 00:21:26.90\00:21:30.45 even on the phone we'll communicate 00:21:30.48\00:21:32.61 and we'll pray together. That helps to keep our love alive! 00:21:32.65\00:21:36.36 - That's right! - And I really 00:21:36.39\00:21:37.44 appreciated those special prayer times together. 00:21:37.48\00:21:41.29 And they have been very special and continue to be. 00:21:41.45\00:21:44.54 And, you know, keeping love alive 00:21:44.97\00:21:49.17 is not just thinking of the marriage. 00:21:49.20\00:21:53.37 You know, as we have prayed more together 00:21:53.52\00:21:57.23 it has grown our relationship to keep our love alive 00:21:57.67\00:22:01.26 for our Heavenly Father! - That's right! 00:22:01.29\00:22:04.43 We have seen more of what He is doing for us 00:22:04.46\00:22:07.23 and what Christ is continuing to do for us. 00:22:07.27\00:22:09.97 Not just what Christ did for us on the cross of Calvary 00:22:10.01\00:22:13.21 but what Christ is doing for us day by day. 00:22:13.24\00:22:16.83 So only is it keeping our love alive 00:22:16.86\00:22:19.20 but it's keeping our love alive with our Heavenly Father. 00:22:19.73\00:22:22.78 And we talked about this in one of our other programs 00:22:23.15\00:22:26.67 "Prayers of Love", we talked about in more detail. 00:22:26.70\00:22:29.87 But if you are not praying together 00:22:30.02\00:22:32.94 with the one that God has given you to stand by your side 00:22:33.11\00:22:36.65 if you find yourself even saying right now 00:22:36.97\00:22:40.65 "I don't feel like praying with that person!" 00:22:40.69\00:22:44.34 "I'm just keeping my distance!" 00:22:44.48\00:22:46.51 Here again: don't go on the feelings that you have! 00:22:46.55\00:22:50.09 Maybe that's exactly what they need! 00:22:50.55\00:22:53.30 Maybe that's what the wife needs or the husband needs is 00:22:53.34\00:22:56.23 one of you to say, you know: 00:22:56.43\00:22:58.92 "We need to close our day together in prayer!" 00:22:58.96\00:23:02.17 And maybe that will open up for you a new love! 00:23:02.53\00:23:06.69 Rekindle that first love that may have been lost 00:23:06.72\00:23:10.85 to begin to keep love alive! 00:23:11.23\00:23:13.42 The other thing we've done during that prayer time 00:23:13.96\00:23:16.54 is to recount the blessings of the day. 00:23:16.57\00:23:19.59 - Yes! - And talk about those! 00:23:19.62\00:23:21.77 And that keeps our love alive, again for our Heavenly Father 00:23:21.81\00:23:25.33 but for each other and for the family and for our friends 00:23:25.36\00:23:28.85 and our extended family. 00:23:28.88\00:23:30.80 It's God's Plan! - That's right! 00:23:30.84\00:23:34.57 So it's been a real blessing in our home! 00:23:34.61\00:23:36.76 The sixth area that we wanna talk about is daily affection. 00:23:37.13\00:23:40.81 That will help keep love alive too! 00:23:40.84\00:23:43.29 You know, it's interesting that when you're courting 00:23:43.67\00:23:46.09 oh, you just can't wait until you have that first held hand or 00:23:46.13\00:23:50.73 that first time he puts his arm around you, 00:23:50.76\00:23:53.59 or that first kiss, they're all very special. 00:23:53.62\00:23:56.19 But they can be just as special every day! 00:23:56.23\00:23:58.77 - That's right! - Little affections, 00:23:58.80\00:24:01.57 ways we express affection daily to one another 00:24:01.61\00:24:05.63 will help keep our love alive! 00:24:05.66\00:24:07.13 That's right! And, you know, the thought that keeps 00:24:07.42\00:24:10.17 coming back to me is 00:24:10.20\00:24:11.90 maybe you don't feel like. Maybe these people out here 00:24:11.94\00:24:15.19 don't, some of them don't feel like it! 00:24:15.22\00:24:16.73 We haven't always felt like it ourselves all the times. 00:24:16.77\00:24:18.90 But what's so important is that we can choose! 00:24:18.93\00:24:23.45 We choose to do so many other things. I mean don't you 00:24:23.84\00:24:26.58 have days when you don't feel like going to work? 00:24:26.61\00:24:29.80 So what do you do? Well I hope you don't just 00:24:30.20\00:24:33.46 not show up! 00:24:33.57\00:24:35.21 No, you go to work because you need to do it! 00:24:35.35\00:24:37.65 Because you need employment, you need to have an income! 00:24:37.69\00:24:40.60 It's a very simple example! But it's a very practical example 00:24:40.64\00:24:43.98 that proves that each of us can do what we need to do 00:24:44.01\00:24:48.84 to keep going in life even if our whole heart 00:24:49.31\00:24:52.95 doesn't feel like it at the moment. 00:24:52.98\00:24:54.58 So we wanna encourage you, if you don't feel like affectionate 00:24:54.62\00:24:59.84 don't wait for the feelings to come back! 00:25:00.48\00:25:03.09 Start making the choice to start 00:25:03.12\00:25:06.36 putting your arms around your wife, your husband. 00:25:06.39\00:25:10.16 Start initiating something to rebuild the affection 00:25:10.63\00:25:14.84 and you will find that as you do this and surrender to Christ, 00:25:15.11\00:25:18.84 as He is helping you, as He is prompting you 00:25:18.87\00:25:21.79 to take her hand or put your arm around her 00:25:21.83\00:25:24.74 that He will rebuild and rekindle 00:25:24.77\00:25:28.42 and keep those affections alive! 00:25:28.83\00:25:31.31 The kisses that you give me after every meal 00:25:32.25\00:25:34.67 that was your idea and I can remember the first time 00:25:34.71\00:25:37.48 you did that: "Wow that's really neat!" 00:25:37.51\00:25:39.88 I felt really special, you know, to you! 00:25:39.91\00:25:42.25 And it told me that you were thinking of me. But then 00:25:42.55\00:25:44.88 it happened the next meal and the next day, and the next day 00:25:44.92\00:25:48.06 and the next at all the meals. And 00:25:48.09\00:25:50.01 - Getting tired of it? - Not at all! Not at all! 00:25:50.05\00:25:52.37 I will never get tired of your kisses! Sometimes 00:25:52.41\00:25:54.66 I'm preoccupied and I think at something else I have to do 00:25:54.70\00:25:57.36 or put on the table and you usually grab me by the hand 00:25:57.39\00:26:00.02 before I get out of the chair, say: "Honey!" 00:26:00.05\00:26:02.65 And I always am willing to sit down and get my kiss! 00:26:03.01\00:26:05.25 Well I'd like if I'd grab you by the hand right now! 00:26:05.29\00:26:07.50 Ok! 00:26:07.53\00:26:08.79 We wanna keep love alive! 00:26:09.66\00:26:11.80 And we want you to be able to keep love alive! 00:26:12.16\00:26:14.87 Because as you keep your love alive 00:26:15.22\00:26:19.36 you will have a marriage that's heart to heart! 00:26:20.07\00:26:22.53 I think it would be good to pray together 00:26:22.63\00:26:24.31 for our love and their love. Shall we do that? 00:26:24.35\00:26:27.05 Father in Heaven we come to You because You 00:26:27.53\00:26:29.93 are the Author of love, You're the Author of marriage and 00:26:29.97\00:26:33.12 You are the one hat can keep our love alive! 00:26:33.15\00:26:36.27 Lord I thank You for the wife that You've given me 00:26:36.72\00:26:38.73 to stand by my side to be a help mate. 00:26:38.76\00:26:41.44 And Lord I pray for every husband and wife 00:26:41.47\00:26:43.78 that's listening, every young person that 00:26:43.82\00:26:46.06 may be anticipating marriage that they will choose 00:26:46.10\00:26:49.16 to accept the love that You have for them 00:26:49.58\00:26:52.24 to begin to kindle the right love and keep love alive 00:26:52.28\00:26:55.19 in our hearts. In Jesus name Amen! 00:26:55.22\00:26:58.55 Well, 00:26:59.81\00:27:00.95 next time we're gonna talk about a very interesting subject 00:27:01.66\00:27:04.85 moral purity. We need it in the generation that we live in! 00:27:05.66\00:27:10.18 Moral purity in a very degenerate age! 00:27:10.57\00:27:14.13 I hope that you will join us next time! 00:27:14.16\00:27:17.13 Because if we wanna have a marriage that's 00:27:17.17\00:27:20.07 truly heart to heart with the one God has given us 00:27:20.11\00:27:23.43 and truly heart to heart with the One 00:27:24.31\00:27:26.98 Who has given us everything, our Heavenly Father 00:27:27.02\00:27:29.90 then moral purity is a very important 00:27:30.13\00:27:33.81 in degenerating part of society that needs to be rebuilt. 00:27:34.15\00:27:37.88 So, join us next time 00:27:38.28\00:27:40.40 as we talk about moral purity for a marriage heart to heart! 00:27:40.63\00:27:45.41 Captions and translations by ChMS www.chms.ro 00:28:25.20\00:28:28.21