A promise 00:00:01.98\00:00:03.68 to love 00:00:03.72\00:00:06.04 in good times 00:00:06.77\00:00:08.29 and bad 00:00:08.32\00:00:10.01 for richer 00:00:11.85\00:00:14.28 or poorer 00:00:14.32\00:00:16.72 forsaking all others 00:00:17.46\00:00:19.52 as long as 00:00:19.55\00:00:21.34 you both shall live 00:00:21.38\00:00:23.14 MARRIAGE In God's Hands 00:00:25.44\00:00:26.68 Marriage Heart to Heart with Tom and Alane Waters 00:00:26.72\00:00:29.62 Welcome to Marriage Heart to Heart! 00:00:31.28\00:00:33.13 We're Tom & Alane Waters with Restoration International 00:00:33.17\00:00:36.74 Today we're going to be talking about 00:00:36.94\00:00:39.45 when counseling is necessary. 00:00:39.48\00:00:41.14 We want to look at three vital keys in counseling 00:00:41.18\00:00:43.87 so we hope that you have a paper and pencil. 00:00:43.91\00:00:46.57 So is counseling necessary sometimes? 00:00:46.81\00:00:49.31 It is, sometimes necessary! 00:00:49.34\00:00:51.70 You know, the sad thing is, is that many people 00:00:51.93\00:00:54.40 go to too many of the wrong people to get counseling 00:00:54.44\00:00:57.96 when it really isn't necessary. 00:00:57.99\00:01:00.23 They just really want to tell their story to somebody. 00:01:00.27\00:01:03.53 So we want to talk about today when it's necessary 00:01:04.38\00:01:08.24 and how to go about getting the right kind of counsel 00:01:08.63\00:01:11.79 when it is necessary. 00:01:11.82\00:01:13.60 You know, sometimes honey, people feel inadequate. 00:01:13.94\00:01:16.56 They just don't feel like they're equipped, 00:01:16.59\00:01:18.54 that the problems may not be all that big 00:01:18.58\00:01:20.46 and every problem is resolvable through Christ. 00:01:20.50\00:01:23.53 But some people feel inadequate or they feel 00:01:23.98\00:01:27.34 the pain is too great, the hurt is too deep. 00:01:27.53\00:01:30.88 Some people don't feel that they can express themselves right. 00:01:31.40\00:01:36.08 I remember a couple that came to, 00:01:37.72\00:01:40.24 actually came to me at one of our family camps. 00:01:40.27\00:01:43.41 And I remember the desperation in his voice 00:01:44.03\00:01:47.81 and he said: " I feel like we need counseling!" 00:01:48.31\00:01:52.33 He was desperate to get help and he said: 00:01:53.00\00:01:56.07 "But I don't wan to break the sacred circle!" 00:01:56.10\00:01:59.14 "I know that there is a sacred circle around every home!" 00:01:59.52\00:02:03.81 And he said: "I want to be sensitive not to do that!" 00:02:03.84\00:02:07.01 And so he said: "I feel like we need counseling 00:02:07.49\00:02:09.87 but I don't know if my wife really wants to get counseling 00:02:09.91\00:02:13.76 and I'm afraid of going outside of that family circle! 00:02:14.22\00:02:19.44 I'm afraid of breaking it by going to someone! " 00:02:19.47\00:02:22.89 He said: "Can you tell me what should I do?" 00:02:22.98\00:02:26.17 And I said: "Well, I certainly respect you 00:02:26.21\00:02:29.37 for not wanting to break that sacred circle! " 00:02:29.40\00:02:31.52 Too many people today are breaking that sacred circle, 00:02:31.56\00:02:34.62 unnecessarily bringing friends and family 00:02:34.65\00:02:37.00 in that can't really help them! 00:02:37.03\00:02:38.52 I said: "But if you are at a point 00:02:39.04\00:02:40.67 in your marriage where you 00:02:40.70\00:02:42.56 are not finding the answers and things are going to 00:02:42.60\00:02:46.33 what we call the fatal cycle and the communication 00:02:46.36\00:02:50.06 is getting more and more difficult. " 00:02:50.09\00:02:52.00 Then I said: " If you're gong to break that sacred circle 00:02:52.04\00:02:55.68 from within then you need to consider that it may be 00:02:55.71\00:02:59.32 time to get Godly principled counsel. " 00:02:59.35\00:03:03.99 So he said: "Well, I'm going to go back and talk to my wife!" 00:03:04.35\00:03:06.55 Well, a few hours later, as you remember honey, 00:03:06.58\00:03:09.95 he came back and he said: "We need time together!" 00:03:10.25\00:03:13.41 "Can we set an appointment?" So we 00:03:13.44\00:03:15.21 we set up an appointment and we began to 00:03:15.25\00:03:19.24 share with this couple. And within the first, probably 00:03:19.28\00:03:23.65 few minutes, ten minutes maybe of sharing together 00:03:23.74\00:03:27.08 this woman began to share with us 00:03:27.11\00:03:31.53 that not only was she about to break 00:03:32.20\00:03:36.09 that sacred circle, 00:03:36.55\00:03:38.66 she had already planned her suicide. 00:03:38.80\00:03:42.05 And this was not going to be an attempt! 00:03:42.43\00:03:44.59 It was well planned out! 00:03:44.62\00:03:46.88 Her husband did not have any idea how far 00:03:47.07\00:03:51.04 she had gone in this process and how desperate they were. 00:03:51.27\00:03:55.06 But I thank the Lord that He was sensitive 00:03:55.09\00:03:57.76 that they needed help! 00:03:58.03\00:03:59.79 So that utter helplessness that she experienced 00:03:59.86\00:04:02.40 and that I think he experienced, 00:04:02.43\00:04:04.68 led them to seek counsel. Even though it's not comfortable 00:04:05.00\00:04:08.28 to open up your weaknesses and your problems to someone else. 00:04:08.32\00:04:11.57 Well, let's talk about three areas 00:04:11.88\00:04:14.53 that we need to be sensitive to when we seek counseling. 00:04:14.57\00:04:18.42 This is very important! You know, so often, 00:04:18.85\00:04:21.74 when people want to share about the problems in their marriage 00:04:21.78\00:04:26.07 it's all to tell about how bad the other person is. 00:04:26.45\00:04:30.05 And that is one of the most important keys in counseling 00:04:30.34\00:04:35.12 is that you don't go to the counselor 00:04:35.15\00:04:37.19 to put the other person down! You go to the counselor 00:04:37.41\00:04:40.63 to seek a solution and a resolution. 00:04:40.66\00:04:42.89 - Yes, the story must come out! - That's right! 00:04:42.93\00:04:45.87 But it's not going there to tell all my side of the story; 00:04:46.00\00:04:49.97 to gain sympathy for myself! 00:04:50.00\00:04:52.11 And I think this is one of the greatest 00:04:52.15\00:04:54.54 deadly aspects of counseling or sharing, 00:04:55.44\00:04:58.61 thinking that people are going to be getting counsel 00:04:58.65\00:05:00.98 is that they go to share their 00:05:01.01\00:05:04.17 their experience to gain sympathy for the position. 00:05:05.02\00:05:08.63 Why they are in the mess that they're in their marriage. 00:05:08.67\00:05:11.51 And so the most important thing to start with is that 00:05:11.99\00:05:14.66 when we seek counsel from someone else 00:05:14.69\00:05:17.11 that we go there not to gain sympathy for my position 00:05:17.93\00:05:22.30 but we go to really express 00:05:22.61\00:05:25.65 what's happening from our perspective: 00:05:25.69\00:05:27.61 my husband from his perspective. 00:05:27.64\00:05:29.26 And then that individual is seeking to restore. 00:05:29.70\00:05:32.77 I can remember 00:05:32.80\00:05:34.57 one lady who called and she said: 00:05:34.96\00:05:37.41 "We are in trouble! We are in trouble!" 00:05:39.60\00:05:42.24 She and her husband were separated and 00:05:42.27\00:05:45.01 they were now at the point of fighting 00:05:45.05\00:05:47.78 over who's going to have the child. 00:05:47.81\00:05:49.77 And she wanted help, she wanted counseling. 00:05:50.28\00:05:52.80 She was at the end! 00:05:52.83\00:05:54.89 But she started to share all 00:05:54.93\00:05:57.83 her side of the story to gain sympathy 00:05:57.87\00:06:00.23 for why she chose to walk away from her husband. 00:06:00.37\00:06:03.53 And in that situation 00:06:04.17\00:06:06.16 it's very important that the counselor seeks God 00:06:06.29\00:06:09.22 for direction as well! 00:06:09.25\00:06:11.08 And as I was listening to her I said: 00:06:11.16\00:06:13.34 "Do you really love your husband?" 00:06:13.38\00:06:15.53 And there was this pause on the phone. 00:06:16.38\00:06:18.66 "Well, yes I do!" "- Well 00:06:18.85\00:06:20.64 do you really love your husband? "; 00:06:21.08\00:06:22.97 another long pause: 00:06:23.46\00:06:25.01 "Yes I really do!" 00:06:25.05\00:06:26.57 "And you love him but you're in a separation. Now you're ready 00:06:27.08\00:06:30.84 to consider divorce. You're fighting over a child. 00:06:30.87\00:06:33.29 But yet in your heart you still love your husband. " 00:06:33.33\00:06:35.74 And I shared with her this verse that the Lord showed me 00:06:36.08\00:06:39.16 many years ago, that helped to change 00:06:39.19\00:06:41.62 my position in our marriage. And it was a positive 00:06:41.66\00:06:44.97 influence in our marriage. 00:06:45.00\00:06:46.31 It's found in 1 Corinthians 7:14: 00:06:46.34\00:06:48.66 "the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife" 00:06:48.70\00:06:52.92 - Amen! - Now that unbelieving husband 00:06:52.95\00:06:55.22 isn't necessarily a husband who isn't of the same faith 00:06:55.26\00:06:58.43 or doesn't believe in God. 00:06:58.64\00:07:00.01 It means a husband who is struggling in his own person, 00:07:00.18\00:07:03.52 in his own Christian walk, that he 00:07:03.55\00:07:06.39 isn't really believing in what God can do! 00:07:06.67\00:07:08.98 If the wife will hold on to the Lord she can be 00:07:09.12\00:07:12.69 a tool in God's Hands to change that situation. 00:07:12.72\00:07:15.91 And that husband can be sanctified or brought 00:07:15.94\00:07:19.10 to the Lord through her influence. 00:07:19.13\00:07:21.39 And as I shared that with her that day 00:07:21.71\00:07:23.90 it was very encouraging and she broke down 00:07:24.65\00:07:26.63 and then she started crying and she says: 00:07:26.67\00:07:28.58 "I really don't even want to be separated from my husband!" 00:07:28.62\00:07:30.72 "I just didn't know what to do! My pain and my hurt is so deep 00:07:30.75\00:07:33.53 and his anger is so intense that we just 00:07:33.68\00:07:36.35 separated for survival! " 00:07:36.38\00:07:38.83 And within just a couple of days she was back in the home 00:07:39.00\00:07:41.65 and they were starting to work through things. 00:07:41.68\00:07:44.17 And it was exciting to see! And I challenged her: 00:07:44.20\00:07:46.66 "Pray for God to do a miracle!" 00:07:46.69\00:07:48.11 She says: "You don't understand!" 00:07:48.14\00:07:49.49 "My husband is a workaholic! He works 12-14 hours a day 00:07:49.53\00:07:53.19 5-6 sometimes 7 days a week! " 00:07:53.48\00:07:56.18 You know, no wonder there's stress in the marriage! 00:07:56.88\00:07:59.36 I said: "Just pray that God will put it in his heart!" 00:07:59.39\00:08:02.41 you know, and I encouraged her to attend 00:08:02.44\00:08:04.14 a family camp meeting. 00:08:04.17\00:08:05.22 She said: "There's no way! When is the next one?" 00:08:05.26\00:08:07.91 I said: "Next week!" "No way is this going to happen!" 00:08:07.95\00:08:10.57 And one week later or it was a little longer than a week 00:08:11.01\00:08:13.49 they were there! He, - That's right! 00:08:13.78\00:08:15.48 The Lord provided the opportunity! 00:08:15.52\00:08:17.78 And they are a very happy couple! 00:08:17.82\00:08:20.59 Yes! It's the joy in seeing people 00:08:20.63\00:08:23.37 responding to proper counsel, 00:08:23.74\00:08:27.34 Biblical Godly counsel, 00:08:27.37\00:08:29.80 giving them hope again. Because I remember when, the first 00:08:30.13\00:08:33.79 time you talked to that lady and how hopeless she felt. 00:08:33.83\00:08:37.46 And then in such a short time, within, you know, 00:08:37.49\00:08:41.01 a couple of weeks to see the testimony that they had 00:08:41.04\00:08:44.53 was so powerful! 00:08:44.56\00:08:46.71 As she was allowing God to deal with her hurt 00:08:46.75\00:08:50.05 it was the encouragement her husband needed 00:08:50.38\00:08:52.72 to deal with his anger. 00:08:52.75\00:08:54.32 And they were both being restored simultaneously. 00:08:54.36\00:08:57.65 And it brought a beautiful relationship! I mean the peace 00:08:57.69\00:09:01.20 and the joy that's in the home, the love 00:09:01.23\00:09:03.09 that radiates between them whenever we see them. I mean 00:09:03.13\00:09:05.51 it's just like, you know those love electrons 00:09:05.54\00:09:07.86 are going back and forward. You can just see it 00:09:07.90\00:09:10.47 in their experience. - Yes! And that's what we want 00:09:10.51\00:09:13.05 other people to recognize. 00:09:13.08\00:09:15.30 You can have a marriage that's heart to heart! 00:09:15.34\00:09:18.63 Don't let the Devil tell you that 00:09:18.77\00:09:20.72 it only works for other people, and it can't happen for me 00:09:20.75\00:09:23.77 and my problems are too difficult, 00:09:23.80\00:09:25.96 because there is Life Changing Power 00:09:26.14\00:09:30.34 in the Gospel of Jesus Christ! Power to change your situation 00:09:30.69\00:09:34.81 and to give you solutions to the difficulties that you're facing! 00:09:34.84\00:09:38.93 The second area that we need to talk about is 00:09:38.96\00:09:42.11 "Alright! We need to seek counseling!" 00:09:42.21\00:09:45.42 So, where do we go for counseling? 00:09:46.06\00:09:48.35 I remember one couple that called and they said: 00:09:48.51\00:09:52.19 "You know? We are so afraid of counseling! 00:09:52.22\00:09:56.76 We know the kind of work that your ministry does. 00:09:56.80\00:09:59.85 And we know of some of the results that 00:09:59.88\00:10:02.21 God has blessed with. " 00:10:02.24\00:10:04.28 But they said: "We went to 00:10:04.44\00:10:06.50 our Pastor unfortunately. 00:10:07.13\00:10:09.44 And we thought that we were going to get Godly counsel 00:10:09.52\00:10:12.76 and one week later we came to Church and we find out 00:10:12.79\00:10:16.76 that nearly the entire Church knew the inside story 00:10:16.79\00:10:20.75 of our pain and suffering! " 00:10:20.86\00:10:22.66 That is tragic! 00:10:22.69\00:10:23.81 So, realize that if you've come to a place 00:10:24.17\00:10:28.04 that you need counseling, that you need to then go to someone 00:10:28.08\00:10:32.47 who's going to provide you unbiased counseling. 00:10:32.50\00:10:36.96 They're not your friend and they're going to take your side 00:10:37.25\00:10:39.54 and they're going to say: "Yes! Your husband, your wife or 00:10:39.58\00:10:41.80 or whatever is terrible and you ought to get rid of them!" 00:10:41.84\00:10:44.07 Because we hear a lot of people stories and many times 00:10:44.67\00:10:48.57 they're coming saying: 00:10:48.60\00:10:49.66 "You know, everybody in my Church is telling me 00:10:49.70\00:10:52.18 that I need to get rid of husband! " 00:10:52.21\00:10:54.50 "You're the first person that's telling me 00:10:54.64\00:10:56.24 that there's a solution and that I don't have to get rid of 00:10:56.28\00:10:59.72 my husband! " So you want to go to an unbiased counselor 00:10:59.75\00:11:03.78 in someone that you can be confident 00:11:04.09\00:11:07.18 is not going to tell your story to the other people around. 00:11:07.22\00:11:11.25 Now, there may be times when there may be a family member 00:11:12.29\00:11:15.42 who can truly take that position 00:11:15.45\00:11:17.46 and be unbiased - That's right! 00:11:17.50\00:11:19.46 but it's not very often that that happens. 00:11:19.50\00:11:21.96 And so that's very important that the person 00:11:21.99\00:11:24.42 that is being sought for counseling 00:11:24.45\00:11:26.70 that person has a walk with God and they only 00:11:27.05\00:11:30.50 give counsel based of the principles of God's Word. 00:11:30.54\00:11:33.96 Otherwise we are subject to man's ideas, man's wisdom, 00:11:34.15\00:11:38.61 man's philosophies and psychology 00:11:38.64\00:11:41.31 that always lead to a dead end street! 00:11:41.35\00:11:44.47 They may bring about some 00:11:44.50\00:11:46.29 external changes in the marriage but 00:11:46.33\00:11:48.18 the deeper heart work isn't there! That deep heart work 00:11:48.22\00:11:51.46 only comes from Jesus Christ! And that's why it's important 00:11:51.50\00:11:54.71 that we seek a Christian counselor! 00:11:54.74\00:11:58.41 So, the third area is that it comes from Biblical principles. 00:11:58.45\00:12:03.13 You know, I found that even in counseling with people 00:12:03.67\00:12:07.53 who may not see things exactly the same way or even be 00:12:07.56\00:12:12.08 of our faith or even be calling themselves Christians, 00:12:12.11\00:12:16.60 those people are desirous of what God's Word offers! 00:12:17.02\00:12:21.62 And if we bring that to them in a very personal practical way 00:12:21.73\00:12:26.04 they can see first hand the Power of God's 00:12:26.07\00:12:28.89 Life Changing Word! 00:12:28.92\00:12:30.82 So the first area was: 00:12:30.85\00:12:32.72 "Don't go to a counselor to get sympathy!" 00:12:33.34\00:12:35.48 "Don't go to someone to get sympathy!" 00:12:35.51\00:12:37.62 That's right! - Find a Godly counselor 00:12:37.65\00:12:40.65 who's going to use the third aspect, the third key 00:12:40.69\00:12:43.82 Biblical principles for that counseling! 00:12:44.13\00:12:46.70 Ok! so it's not for self pity and sympathy. 00:12:46.97\00:12:49.74 It's finding someone that you can have confidence in 00:12:50.27\00:12:53.14 that's got a demonstrated walk with God 00:12:53.71\00:12:56.40 and is abiding with those principles. 00:12:56.44\00:12:59.06 And then you can see that the counsel that 00:12:59.10\00:13:01.11 they're going to share it's coming from those principles, 00:13:01.14\00:13:04.13 from the principles of God's Word. 00:13:04.17\00:13:06.42 Those three things are very powerful and we've seen 00:13:06.83\00:13:10.58 the effect of those things in many, many peoples lives. 00:13:10.61\00:13:14.33 We need to take a break now! 00:13:14.91\00:13:16.41 When we come back we're going to be talking about 00:13:16.45\00:13:19.69 more of the things that we can experience 00:13:19.72\00:13:22.15 if we need counseling, that can make the life changing 00:13:22.19\00:13:25.14 difference so that we can have a marriage heart to heart! 00:13:25.17\00:13:28.09 Stay with us! We'll be right back! 00:13:28.53\00:13:30.40 There are many "How to?" books available, 00:13:39.51\00:13:41.46 but there's one that's free and perfect for every couple: 00:13:41.50\00:13:44.83 how you can "Build a Better Marriage". 00:13:44.86\00:13:47.24 Bible-based, matrimonial advice 00:13:47.86\00:13:49.67 is given in a lighthearted, easy-to-read manner, 00:13:49.71\00:13:52.45 for those contemplating marriage, 00:13:52.48\00:13:53.71 newlyweds, couples in their golden years, 00:13:53.75\00:13:56.82 and everyone in-between. 00:13:56.85\00:13:58.51 Simply call or write for your free copy 00:13:59.07\00:14:00.82 of this amazing little booklet, a handy little tool 00:14:00.86\00:14:03.90 to help build a better marriage. 00:14:03.93\00:14:05.73 Welcome back! As we're talking about 00:14:15.93\00:14:18.49 when we need counseling 00:14:18.52\00:14:20.92 what do we do? 00:14:20.95\00:14:22.51 I want to just share with you that 00:14:24.05\00:14:26.01 one of the modern psychologies that's out there, 00:14:26.59\00:14:29.76 that's very prevalent 00:14:29.79\00:14:31.73 wants you to rehearse all these things all these things 00:14:31.77\00:14:34.83 that you've gone through. We were at another of our 00:14:34.86\00:14:37.89 family camp meetings and a couple came to us 00:14:37.92\00:14:40.86 and she was having a terrible time working through 00:14:41.08\00:14:44.84 the past. She had been sexually abused as a child 00:14:45.63\00:14:48.87 and in her teenage years. 00:14:48.90\00:14:51.04 And the counseling that she was receiving 00:14:51.19\00:14:53.14 was only making her more fearful, 00:14:53.17\00:14:55.21 it was only making it more alive in her mind 00:14:55.25\00:14:58.48 and more difficult to trust her husband, who was not 00:14:58.52\00:15:01.56 the one that she needed to be distrusting at all! 00:15:01.93\00:15:05.03 He was trying in every way to work through this and 00:15:05.10\00:15:07.56 tenderly bring her through. 00:15:07.59\00:15:09.20 And, you can remember, as we sat with them 00:15:09.62\00:15:12.83 that evening, talking together alone, 00:15:12.86\00:15:15.21 that she was going through a terrible trauma. 00:15:15.64\00:15:18.34 And part of the reason was because of the counseling 00:15:18.57\00:15:21.57 that she had been going through was asking her 00:15:21.60\00:15:25.31 to dig up all the past. Now, the "motives" were good! 00:15:25.35\00:15:29.34 Ok? Dig up all the past, write out as much of it as she could 00:15:29.38\00:15:34.44 remember, then burn it! 00:15:34.76\00:15:38.69 Now, 00:15:40.02\00:15:40.99 that may sound very good but I wanna tell you 00:15:41.00\00:15:43.12 that I've dealt with more than a few 00:15:43.15\00:15:45.26 that have come from this kind of psychological philosophy 00:15:45.57\00:15:50.74 that we need to bring this stuff all up, 00:15:51.06\00:15:53.59 get it out on the paper, 00:15:53.62\00:15:55.20 process it and burn it! 00:15:55.71\00:15:57.96 But I want to ask you something 'cause 00:15:58.24\00:15:59.99 I know that's true from my wife. 00:16:00.03\00:16:01.75 If she makes a shopping list, a grocery list let's say 00:16:02.38\00:16:06.63 to go to town what do you think happens 00:16:06.66\00:16:09.32 if she walks out the door and forgets her grocery list? 00:16:09.36\00:16:13.86 Here's the question: 00:16:13.89\00:16:15.45 Do you remember better because you've written it down? 00:16:16.37\00:16:19.66 Or would you've been better off not having a list at all 00:16:19.70\00:16:22.96 and never writing anything down? 00:16:23.07\00:16:24.59 What happens in that situation? 00:16:24.63\00:16:26.12 We always remember better what we write down! 00:16:26.45\00:16:28.31 - That's right! - I mean all through school 00:16:28.34\00:16:30.13 we're taught to take notes so we remember what we've heard. 00:16:30.17\00:16:32.78 - That's right! - And so this idea of 00:16:32.81\00:16:34.89 writing everything that's been bad in your life 00:16:34.93\00:16:37.50 and write it down how you felt about it and who 00:16:37.54\00:16:40.24 the people were and what happened in detail 00:16:40.27\00:16:42.90 only brings it very vivid. It has to be relived, relived, 00:16:42.94\00:16:47.02 relived in the mind! - That's right! 00:16:47.05\00:16:49.11 And it's not easily forgotten! 00:16:49.39\00:16:52.24 And I know that it made it difficult for this lady 00:16:52.36\00:16:56.50 because all of the distrust of the past, 00:16:56.53\00:17:00.66 because of the pain she went through and the trauma 00:17:01.12\00:17:03.53 she went through with men made it very difficult 00:17:03.57\00:17:05.95 for her to believe that her husband really loved her! 00:17:05.98\00:17:09.18 Because she had never experienced true love! 00:17:09.21\00:17:11.81 All through childhood and her teenage years 00:17:11.85\00:17:14.06 prior to her marriage she never experienced 00:17:14.10\00:17:16.28 pure holy love a man would give a woman. 00:17:16.69\00:17:20.21 And so, it made it very difficult for her to believe 00:17:20.30\00:17:22.37 it was possible. And the battle was very great in her mind. 00:17:22.41\00:17:26.40 That's right! 00:17:26.55\00:17:28.01 Well, let's talk about the Biblical principle 00:17:28.16\00:17:30.63 because we believe that God's Word has a solution 00:17:30.98\00:17:35.41 to every problem. 00:17:35.85\00:17:37.65 It has a principle or a group of principles that we can go to 00:17:37.95\00:17:41.80 to help formulate what do we do in these situations. 00:17:41.83\00:17:45.91 Philippians 3 the 13th and 14h verses says that 00:17:46.05\00:17:51.51 "forgetting those things which are behind" 00:17:51.68\00:17:54.30 - Doing what? - Forgetting them! 00:17:54.77\00:17:56.83 Don't recall them! Don't bring them back! 00:17:56.86\00:17:58.49 - Don't rehearse them! - Don't rehearse them! 00:17:58.52\00:18:00.11 But "forgetting those things which are behind, 00:18:00.23\00:18:03.02 and reaching forth unto those things which are before" 00:18:03.05\00:18:07.76 What would that mean? 00:18:07.79\00:18:09.28 "Reaching forth unto the things which are before"? 00:18:09.31\00:18:11.07 That means looking for the new things that in thins case 00:18:11.63\00:18:16.67 her husband was trying to offer her. 00:18:16.70\00:18:19.15 - The reality of what - That's right! 00:18:19.50\00:18:21.07 he had in his heart for her! He truly loved her! 00:18:21.10\00:18:23.97 The past, he wasn't interested in her past! 00:18:24.14\00:18:26.70 He loved her for who she was! - That's right! 00:18:26.88\00:18:29.05 And that's where she had to put her thoughts! 00:18:29.08\00:18:31.19 Yes! And then it goes on and it says: 00:18:31.34\00:18:34.05 "I press toward the mark for the prize 00:18:34.45\00:18:37.82 of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. " 00:18:37.85\00:18:40.90 It's Christ that will help us go through this process. 00:18:42.10\00:18:45.47 And it is for the prize and of course, this verse 00:18:45.78\00:18:49.55 talks about the ultimate prize that's out there for us, 00:18:49.58\00:18:52.37 the eternal life, receiving the Crown of Life. 00:18:52.40\00:18:55.38 But it's also talking about a process here 00:18:55.69\00:18:58.27 that we can experience, that we can go through together 00:18:58.30\00:19:01.01 with the Lord. He will help us forget! 00:19:01.34\00:19:04.27 And one of the ways that He helps us forget 00:19:04.30\00:19:06.43 is He gives us better thoughts to think! 00:19:06.46\00:19:08.54 - That's right! - He gives us a new way of 00:19:08.57\00:19:10.46 of dealing with instead of living in the old lies 00:19:10.49\00:19:13.18 He gives us the truth of the present circumstances 00:19:13.39\00:19:16.72 that we can build up on and grow into. 00:19:16.75\00:19:19.44 That's why I think He tells us through the Apostle Paul 00:19:19.77\00:19:22.64 that we need to think on those things that are 00:19:22.93\00:19:25.65 pure, holy, just good and lovely. 00:19:25.68\00:19:29.19 That's what we need to spend our time dwelling on. 00:19:29.37\00:19:31.06 It doesn't mean that we ignore real needs 00:19:31.09\00:19:34.16 but some of the old past, the things that we failed in. 00:19:34.19\00:19:37.81 Or that we'd been taken advantage of 00:19:37.84\00:19:40.07 or ravaged by in the past. 00:19:40.10\00:19:42.12 We can leave those thoughts behind and 00:19:42.15\00:19:44.91 choose to think on what is truth, what is reality! 00:19:45.31\00:19:49.46 And for her, for her reality was 00:19:49.49\00:19:52.31 her husband really loved and cared for her! 00:19:52.34\00:19:54.19 And she developed trust in him. 00:19:54.22\00:19:56.16 And she developed respect for him as a man! 00:19:56.19\00:19:59.01 And their marriage grew beautifully! 00:19:59.04\00:20:00.51 And she trusted him! 00:20:00.54\00:20:02.35 And you could see the difference. I mean they just 00:20:02.39\00:20:04.38 blossomed as a couple when that took place! 00:20:04.41\00:20:07.32 It's so beautiful because it's nice 00:20:07.35\00:20:09.37 to be able to tell the end of these stories. Because 00:20:09.40\00:20:12.15 these are real people. These are not stories that we've 00:20:12.18\00:20:15.04 read in a book or heard on a tape. These are real people 00:20:15.07\00:20:18.20 that we know who's lives have been 00:20:18.49\00:20:21.65 eternally changed because of the principles of God's word; 00:20:22.34\00:20:26.32 because they weren't just going for counseling 00:20:26.35\00:20:30.19 to get sympathy. They were coming to receive 00:20:30.48\00:20:34.65 Biblical Godly counseling. They were coming to have 00:20:34.68\00:20:38.09 a confidence that the person that they were talking to, 00:20:38.12\00:20:41.42 that we were not going to share this with anyone else 00:20:41.45\00:20:44.94 as we never do! And so there's hundreds of people 00:20:45.21\00:20:49.32 that would fit this description that we're making right now. 00:20:49.35\00:20:52.21 But these people never have to be concerned 00:20:52.24\00:20:55.89 that their names will ever be used or that they will be 00:20:56.24\00:20:58.90 identified by any particular things that they went through. 00:20:58.93\00:21:02.06 So it's nice to be able to tell the end of these stories 00:21:02.43\00:21:04.40 and to know what that couple and their families 00:21:04.43\00:21:07.25 are experiencing today. Because there's hope 00:21:07.28\00:21:10.07 in the Gospel of Jesus Christ! - There is! There's hope! 00:21:10.16\00:21:13.69 There's power and there's peace! 00:21:13.82\00:21:16.02 And then we experience that joy that God 00:21:16.05\00:21:19.19 wants us to experience in our marriages. 00:21:19.22\00:21:21.16 - Amen! - And that's what's exciting! 00:21:21.19\00:21:22.42 You know, you don't just have to write it down 00:21:22.45\00:21:23.93 though, to remember it, to have it cause those things. 00:21:23.96\00:21:26.80 I remember one woman. Well, this is happened 00:21:26.83\00:21:29.17 more than a few times. You know she, 00:21:29.20\00:21:31.65 she and her husband were in difficulties. And they were 00:21:31.68\00:21:34.08 trying to work it out and then 00:21:34.11\00:21:35.61 they would make progress and then they would, 00:21:36.03\00:21:37.98 she would fall back in some of her old ways of thinking. 00:21:38.38\00:21:40.91 And they were really struggling. 00:21:41.19\00:21:42.73 And finally a dear friend of theirs convinced them to seek 00:21:42.76\00:21:46.63 this particular individual to counsel with. 00:21:46.66\00:21:49.25 And the person came with good recommendations. 00:21:49.28\00:21:52.19 Now, it's interesting that the lady, 00:21:52.60\00:21:55.14 the wife in this situation had a caution. 00:21:55.17\00:21:57.78 And I want to highlight this! 00:21:57.85\00:21:58.82 She wasn't quite comfortable with it 00:21:58.83\00:22:00.78 But because her dear friend suggested 00:22:00.82\00:22:02.81 that she get counseling, she put her trust in that friend 00:22:02.84\00:22:05.96 instead of in the cautions that God had given her. 00:22:05.99\00:22:08.44 So they proceeded with the counseling. 00:22:08.47\00:22:10.78 And at the end of that she said: 00:22:11.39\00:22:13.55 "All he wanted to know is what happened!" 00:22:13.92\00:22:15.93 "What did you go through? How did you feel 00:22:15.96\00:22:19.61 when these were taking place in your life? " 00:22:19.64\00:22:22.43 And at the end of it all she got physically ill 00:22:22.70\00:22:27.24 from having to again relive that past that was so ugly 00:22:27.31\00:22:31.98 and so demoralizing to her. 00:22:32.01\00:22:34.82 She got physically ill and instead of it 00:22:34.85\00:22:38.85 helping her husband to understand where she came from 00:22:39.34\00:22:41.64 because of her response and just having to relive it 00:22:41.92\00:22:45.06 it created a bigger golf between them. 00:22:45.36\00:22:47.83 And they've had to, you know, recover from that 00:22:47.86\00:22:51.67 and begin again, you know. 00:22:51.98\00:22:54.27 There's been things in your past that I don't know about; 00:22:54.30\00:22:56.56 there's been things in my past that you don't know about. 00:22:56.59\00:22:59.20 It doesn't have to change our love for one another! 00:22:59.27\00:23:02.16 And it's not because it wouldn't be a willingness 00:23:02.28\00:23:04.13 to share that past. But we've said to leave that past behind 00:23:04.16\00:23:08.54 if it's not necessary 00:23:08.60\00:23:10.23 for building the future that we need. 00:23:10.26\00:23:11.75 - That's right! - It's not because we've been 00:23:11.78\00:23:13.74 hiding it from each other or that we refuse to talk about it. 00:23:13.77\00:23:17.29 So, we need to challenge you 00:23:18.42\00:23:20.69 again as we've been challenged ourselves 00:23:20.72\00:23:23.06 and as we have been able to encourage other people. 00:23:23.15\00:23:25.86 We need to challenge you that today, if you find 00:23:26.14\00:23:29.90 yourself in a problem that seems unsolvable, 00:23:29.93\00:23:35.01 that you feel like there's, you know, 00:23:35.04\00:23:37.17 "We're just not getting past this! What do we do?" 00:23:37.20\00:23:39.97 Well, stop going to people that can't help you! 00:23:41.07\00:23:45.16 Stop going to friends that will only support your side! 00:23:45.19\00:23:48.61 Stop going just for sympathy to say: 00:23:48.99\00:23:52.31 "I want you to see it my way!" 00:23:52.34\00:23:54.15 All those things won't help you! 00:23:54.18\00:23:56.03 If you find yourself in need of counsel 00:23:56.59\00:23:59.86 then the first thing that you need 00:24:00.17\00:24:02.44 is to let the Lord have your heart to begin with. 00:24:02.74\00:24:06.83 Because if He has your heart 00:24:07.16\00:24:10.25 then He has the position to heal your heart. 00:24:11.06\00:24:15.23 If all you wanna do is change the other person 00:24:15.60\00:24:18.48 it's very difficult, because God wants to change us first. 00:24:18.51\00:24:21.88 Or he wants to begin changing us 00:24:21.91\00:24:24.05 while He then can be changing both of us 00:24:24.17\00:24:26.83 at the same time. 00:24:26.95\00:24:28.42 So we encourage that you start first with the Lord. 00:24:28.51\00:24:31.98 And if you feel that you need help beyond God 00:24:32.55\00:24:35.66 and the Word, that written Word that's there 00:24:35.69\00:24:38.00 then pray earnestly that God will direct you 00:24:38.19\00:24:41.97 to just the person that you need to counsel with. 00:24:42.00\00:24:45.89 And again, go to that person and make sure 00:24:45.92\00:24:49.28 that your story, your experience, your 00:24:49.31\00:24:53.86 situation will be confidential. 00:24:54.37\00:24:57.04 And make sure that they are going to take 00:24:57.63\00:25:01.09 an unbiased position in counseling with you. 00:25:01.12\00:25:04.33 - That's right! - As well as they are going 00:25:04.36\00:25:06.40 to share with you principles from the word of God 00:25:06.43\00:25:09.11 on finding the true solution to heal your marriage. 00:25:09.31\00:25:12.95 That's right! 00:25:13.24\00:25:14.52 Well, He is the Solution! 00:25:15.39\00:25:17.74 - He is the Mighty Counselor! - Amen! 00:25:18.10\00:25:21.94 And He is the one that wants to give us the best! 00:25:22.31\00:25:25.53 He may have to use somebody else! 00:25:25.56\00:25:27.79 But He wants to be our Counselor! 00:25:27.82\00:25:30.09 And I think it would be fitting for us as we 00:25:30.44\00:25:32.51 close this program to go to the Mighty Counselor 00:25:32.86\00:25:36.73 And if you find yourself in a difficult position 00:25:37.35\00:25:40.36 maybe you can enter into this pray with us 00:25:40.47\00:25:42.73 for that Mighty Counselor to begin to make 00:25:42.76\00:25:45.14 the difference in your life! 00:25:45.17\00:25:46.36 So we pray together? 00:25:46.39\00:25:47.70 Father in Heaven we do thank You for 00:25:48.92\00:25:51.29 the assurance that You are the God of all flesh. 00:25:51.97\00:25:55.72 And there's nothing too hard for You! 00:25:55.90\00:25:58.16 That You do have the solution to every problem. 00:25:58.48\00:26:01.14 And we come to You for the many people 00:26:01.92\00:26:05.47 today. Maybe someone who's viewing this program, who is 00:26:05.50\00:26:10.22 desperately in need of Your Saving Power; 00:26:10.25\00:26:15.45 Lord, if they need that Power, 00:26:16.23\00:26:19.55 may You work in their hearts and may You connect them 00:26:19.58\00:26:21.90 if necessary, with someone who can be a tool in Your Hands 00:26:21.93\00:26:25.59 for their restoration! In Jesus name Amen! 00:26:26.32\00:26:29.94 Well, next time we get together, 00:26:32.44\00:26:34.78 and we hope that you'll be joining us next time, 00:26:34.81\00:26:37.55 we're going to be talking about something 00:26:37.58\00:26:39.10 that's a lot of fun! 00:26:39.70\00:26:41.47 - Keeping our love alive! - That's right! 00:26:41.66\00:26:44.42 - It's fun isn't it? - It is! It's one of my most 00:26:44.87\00:26:46.77 favorite topics! 00:26:46.80\00:26:48.81 Keeping love alive! 00:26:49.31\00:26:51.39 You know, we want you 00:26:51.73\00:26:53.65 to have a marriage that's heart to heart. 00:26:53.81\00:26:56.03 And we know that the missing link for us 00:26:56.67\00:27:00.57 was having a relationship with God 00:27:00.98\00:27:04.75 that was heart to heart first! 00:27:05.08\00:27:06.93 We cannot not hold on God! 00:27:07.03\00:27:09.17 We cannot separate God from our marriage 00:27:09.20\00:27:12.55 and expect to have a marriage that's heart to heart. 00:27:12.58\00:27:15.47 So, next time we're together we're going to be talking about 00:27:15.80\00:27:18.80 the ways that we can keep love alive! 00:27:18.83\00:27:22.06 As we keep that love alive with our Heavenly Father, 00:27:22.75\00:27:25.66 with our Personal Saviour 00:27:25.98\00:27:28.05 we will be able to keep love alive in our marriage! 00:27:28.08\00:27:31.99 We have a marriage that's heart to heart! 00:27:32.72\00:27:35.48 And we want you to have a marriage that's heart to heart! 00:27:35.51\00:27:39.70 So we hope we'll see you next time! 00:27:40.36\00:27:41.99 Keeping love alive! 00:27:42.30\00:27:44.44 Captioning and translations by Christian Media Services 00:28:27.49\00:28:29.82