Marriage Heart to Heart with Tom & Alane Waters 00:00:26.49\00:00:28.56 Welcome to Marriage Heart to Heart! 00:00:30.01\00:00:31.94 We're Tom & Alane Waters with Restoration International 00:00:31.98\00:00:35.42 And we hope you have a pencil and paper today 00:00:35.85\00:00:38.34 because we're going to be talking about 00:00:38.37\00:00:40.02 moving from discord to harmony in our marriages. 00:00:40.05\00:00:43.14 Nobody likes discord! Do they honey? 00:00:44.13\00:00:45.94 Nobody likes discord! 00:00:45.97\00:00:47.26 - I don't like it! - I don't either! 00:00:47.30\00:00:49.38 You like to hear music discordant? 00:00:49.41\00:00:51.41 No! It always makes me turn it off! 00:00:51.44\00:00:53.37 That's right! And I don't think any of us really 00:00:53.41\00:00:55.34 wants to discord when we're listening to 00:00:55.37\00:00:58.58 the beautiful harmonies of a quartet or a choir 00:00:58.62\00:01:01.63 we like that sound! It feels right! It moves our souls! 00:01:02.18\00:01:05.88 But when there is that disaccording note or that 00:01:05.91\00:01:09.05 off tune, none of us like it! 00:01:09.25\00:01:11.50 And I don't think any of us like having the discord 00:01:11.54\00:01:15.10 in our marriage relations. So 00:01:15.50\00:01:17.67 we're gonna talk about that today! 00:01:17.85\00:01:19.49 We wanna have a harmonious marriage! We wanted to 00:01:19.94\00:01:22.60 be beautiful and pleasant to listen to, 00:01:22.63\00:01:25.43 pleasant to experience! - That's right! 00:01:25.46\00:01:27.53 I remember a family that we met at one of our 00:01:28.02\00:01:30.74 Restoration International seminars. 00:01:30.92\00:01:33.15 And, 00:01:33.70\00:01:34.67 they came to us, if you remember, 00:01:34.68\00:01:36.64 and they were having discord in their family. 00:01:36.68\00:01:39.76 But they were talking about 00:01:40.12\00:01:41.38 the discord with their young people. 00:01:41.42\00:01:43.20 They were having teenage rebellion problems. 00:01:43.39\00:01:47.36 But as we listened to them, if you remember, 00:01:47.69\00:01:49.80 we started recognizing that 00:01:50.14\00:01:52.34 a lot of the discord that was happening in their young people 00:01:52.38\00:01:55.11 was because of the discord 00:01:55.70\00:01:57.21 that was happening between the two of them. 00:01:57.25\00:01:59.31 And so, if you remember too, that week end 00:02:00.21\00:02:03.18 we spent some time, some very personal time with 00:02:03.21\00:02:05.98 with that couple. 00:02:06.01\00:02:07.62 And they began to open up and share a little bit 00:02:07.65\00:02:10.16 about what was really happening between them 00:02:10.20\00:02:12.66 that was causing things to go on off harmony in their home. 00:02:12.70\00:02:15.75 That's right! It was evident as set and listen to them 00:02:16.41\00:02:19.79 talk that the problem wasn't just the young people, 00:02:19.83\00:02:23.18 but that the stress between the husband and wife 00:02:23.21\00:02:25.57 was so intense, 00:02:25.60\00:02:27.30 there was so much - That's right! 00:02:27.34\00:02:29.19 conflict between them that they 00:02:29.23\00:02:31.01 could not and didn't know how to reach their young people. 00:02:31.05\00:02:34.15 The young people said: 00:02:34.18\00:02:35.36 "Well if this is the way you're gonna be 00:02:35.40\00:02:37.31 I'm gonna do what I wanna do! " 00:02:37.34\00:02:38.78 That's right! 00:02:38.81\00:02:39.78 It was a blessing as we had the opportunity 00:02:40.12\00:02:42.84 to talk to this couple that 00:02:42.96\00:02:45.98 they ended up coming and visiting us 00:02:46.27\00:02:48.81 and actually making quite a sacrifice to come, 00:02:49.05\00:02:53.11 to make the distance, to pay for their 00:02:53.20\00:02:55.89 travel to come and visit in our family for a period of time. 00:02:55.99\00:02:59.97 And they began to open up what was really happening 00:03:00.58\00:03:03.34 in their hearts. And 00:03:03.37\00:03:04.54 I'll never forget the day we were sitting out on the 00:03:04.93\00:03:07.95 the front porch. 00:03:08.28\00:03:09.33 Do you remember what happened out there 00:03:09.55\00:03:12.04 in some of the things that he began to reveal to us? 00:03:12.07\00:03:14.82 Yes! He was very open and very honest 00:03:15.41\00:03:19.40 and very blatant in what he had to say. 00:03:20.09\00:03:22.34 And it was very painful to hear his words. 00:03:22.38\00:03:24.60 He says: "I don't love my wife! 00:03:24.63\00:03:27.06 I've never loved my wife! 00:03:27.09\00:03:28.94 I've lived with her for 20 years and I haven't loved my wife! " 00:03:28.98\00:03:32.40 Yes! And that, you know, what was painful was hearing that 00:03:32.74\00:03:36.03 but not only that but 00:03:36.24\00:03:38.61 what was very painful was knowing that 00:03:38.65\00:03:41.04 he was saying these words 00:03:41.07\00:03:43.15 and his wife was sitting right there with him. 00:03:43.18\00:03:46.07 And I remember what you said! Do You remember the words that 00:03:46.94\00:03:49.48 came out when he said that he could not love his wife? 00:03:50.04\00:03:53.67 I said: "Why can't you love her?" 00:03:54.01\00:03:55.49 That's a very basic question! 00:03:55.52\00:03:58.07 You know, my heart was breaking for her 00:03:58.23\00:04:00.28 and yet I knew that they were both having problems 00:04:00.32\00:04:03.87 but I said: "Why can't you love her?" 00:04:04.19\00:04:06.39 And he said: 00:04:06.84\00:04:07.90 "I've tried! I've tried to love her!" 00:04:08.12\00:04:10.83 "I just can't!" 00:04:10.86\00:04:12.01 And you know, for many people 00:04:12.05\00:04:13.54 that has been something that they've experienced. 00:04:13.58\00:04:16.52 They try but they can't! Because we've only tried 00:04:16.55\00:04:19.46 with human love! - That's right! 00:04:19.49\00:04:20.89 And that's what I shared with him that day. 00:04:20.93\00:04:22.61 "Your human love is not sufficient to love her!" 00:04:22.77\00:04:26.15 "But God's love working in your heart, 00:04:26.56\00:04:29.16 Divine love with human love can conquer anything! 00:04:29.42\00:04:33.83 And you can love your wife! " 00:04:33.86\00:04:35.60 That's right! 00:04:35.63\00:04:36.60 You know what was beautiful 00:04:36.69\00:04:39.04 was to know in our hearts 00:04:39.82\00:04:41.64 as we worked with many many couples 00:04:42.02\00:04:44.54 and many families to know 00:04:44.57\00:04:46.72 that deep in his heart, even though he was making a cry 00:04:47.11\00:04:51.29 of "I can't love her!" 00:04:51.51\00:04:53.16 "It will actually be better for my children 00:04:53.32\00:04:55.44 if I'm out of this family! " 00:04:55.47\00:04:57.40 While he was saying those things 00:04:57.71\00:04:59.58 we could hear the cry of his heart that he wanted 00:04:59.97\00:05:02.52 to love his wife! 00:05:02.55\00:05:04.07 And so, we had a beautiful weekend together that weekend. 00:05:04.26\00:05:07.60 And 00:05:08.23\00:05:09.67 we began to talk about a verse that I think 00:05:10.27\00:05:13.41 every listener here, every one of us needs to understand 00:05:13.59\00:05:17.68 better than we do. It's taken from Luke 9:24. 00:05:17.80\00:05:21.08 And it says there: "For whosoever will save his life 00:05:21.81\00:05:25.54 shall lose it. " 00:05:25.88\00:05:27.45 It's an interesting thought. Whosoever would save his life. 00:05:27.62\00:05:30.86 I think all of us 00:05:30.89\00:05:32.90 at least when self is in throne, when self is in control, 00:05:33.20\00:05:37.01 when we have the me focus 00:05:37.04\00:05:39.00 we wanna save ourselves, we look for ways. 00:05:39.38\00:05:41.62 And he was really looking for a way to save himself. 00:05:41.66\00:05:44.22 But the verse goes on and it says: 00:05:44.54\00:05:46.26 " but whosoever will lose his life for my sake, " 00:05:46.46\00:05:50.44 that's for Christ sake. 00:05:50.47\00:05:52.24 "shall save it. " 00:05:52.60\00:05:53.94 And we began to talk there together 00:05:54.56\00:05:57.32 with them, if you remember, about the me focus 00:05:57.85\00:06:01.33 versus the us focus. 00:06:02.71\00:06:04.53 The casting of blame, whenever we get into the me focus 00:06:04.86\00:06:08.32 if you wanna know a barometer 00:06:08.35\00:06:10.03 for the me focus 00:06:10.20\00:06:11.90 it begins to cast blame. 00:06:11.99\00:06:13.80 It begins to point a 00:06:13.94\00:06:15.54 you know "If my wife wouldn't" 00:06:15.58\00:06:17.47 "If my wife would stop doing this," 00:06:18.03\00:06:19.94 or "if I could get my wife to do this" 00:06:19.98\00:06:21.86 It begins to justify why I say what I say, 00:06:22.00\00:06:25.47 why I take the positions that I take 00:06:25.50\00:06:27.80 that's the me focus! 00:06:27.83\00:06:29.49 And it's only looking at serving self. 00:06:30.11\00:06:32.90 It's really the self pity that happens. 00:06:33.29\00:06:36.81 So, 00:06:37.45\00:06:38.49 we began to talk about how 00:06:38.79\00:06:41.48 he particularly, but both of them, 00:06:41.52\00:06:43.67 how he could surrender himself 00:06:43.70\00:06:46.46 by faith, not his circumstances, not what he'd been 00:06:46.81\00:06:50.22 through for the last 20 years, but by faith 00:06:50.25\00:06:52.65 he could surrender himself if he really wanted 00:06:52.68\00:06:55.05 to see his discord in his own heart 00:06:55.39\00:06:59.02 and in his own marriage 00:06:59.36\00:07:00.70 turn to harmony. 00:07:00.96\00:07:02.24 And he asked us a question that day. 00:07:03.76\00:07:05.90 "What is the key to the happiness I see in you?" 00:07:05.94\00:07:09.76 "What is the key to the happiness I see in your family?" 00:07:09.88\00:07:12.78 And you know, that day we shared with him: 00:07:12.81\00:07:14.90 it is not about me and it's not about my husband 00:07:14.94\00:07:17.95 it's about what God wants to make us. 00:07:17.98\00:07:20.67 And really learning how to surrender ourselves to Him 00:07:20.71\00:07:23.91 that we have harmony with Him 00:07:24.07\00:07:26.16 and when we have harmony with Him, 00:07:26.19\00:07:27.69 we have harmony with one another. 00:07:27.73\00:07:29.18 And that was the key we shared with him that day. 00:07:29.22\00:07:31.83 That's right! 00:07:31.86\00:07:32.83 Well, you know, he was 00:07:33.01\00:07:34.82 wrestling with that selfishness just like each one of us 00:07:35.13\00:07:39.44 and each one of you has experienced. 00:07:39.47\00:07:41.96 And I think that you know what it's like! 00:07:42.31\00:07:44.27 I know what it is when self wants to raise up in me, 00:07:44.31\00:07:47.56 what it feels like! 00:07:47.59\00:07:49.24 And you can feel the discord inside, 00:07:49.39\00:07:52.17 you can feel the disharmony with God. 00:07:52.21\00:07:54.96 And certainly you begin to experience 00:07:55.30\00:07:57.89 the discord between husband and wife 00:07:58.12\00:08:00.37 or in the family circle. 00:08:00.42\00:08:01.99 And so, he was experiencing that 00:08:02.11\00:08:04.84 he was wrestling with that. 00:08:04.87\00:08:06.63 And as we went through that weekend 00:08:06.67\00:08:08.78 it was so beautiful to watch 00:08:08.81\00:08:11.39 his heart changing. 00:08:11.96\00:08:13.66 And as his heart began to change 00:08:14.00\00:08:16.46 to watch what began to happen in his wife's heart. 00:08:16.68\00:08:21.12 And then 00:08:21.57\00:08:23.36 to see what began to happen in the hearts of some teenagers 00:08:23.46\00:08:27.08 that they originally wanted to talk to us about 00:08:27.41\00:08:29.34 with their problems. 00:08:29.37\00:08:30.98 After that weekend they attended that next week 00:08:31.42\00:08:34.46 a Restoration International Family Camp Meeting. 00:08:34.49\00:08:37.50 And we had an opportunity to share more 00:08:37.62\00:08:39.66 with them at that time. 00:08:39.69\00:08:41.26 And it wasn't too long after that camp meeting 00:08:41.30\00:08:44.19 that we got a special letter in the mail. 00:08:44.22\00:08:46.24 Do you remember that? - Very beautiful! 00:08:46.28\00:08:48.27 A beautiful letter and 00:08:48.67\00:08:50.98 I want you to listen to the words 00:08:51.83\00:08:54.21 that this man wrote 00:08:54.67\00:08:56.52 after an experience that was almost bringing their marriage 00:08:56.56\00:09:02.31 to an end. Listen to the words: 00:09:02.50\00:09:04.30 He said: "You probably don't know how close I was 00:09:05.17\00:09:08.90 to the edge of a deep canyon ready to jump down 00:09:08.93\00:09:12.59 into darkness. You probably remember how rebellious I was 00:09:12.63\00:09:16.71 at your home on that Friday night and Sabbath 00:09:16.74\00:09:19.14 but you held your peace and remain calm and firm. 00:09:19.64\00:09:23.36 You treated me with love and with respect. 00:09:23.49\00:09:26.37 The greatest impact on me was on Sabbath morning 00:09:26.74\00:09:29.68 at family worship 00:09:29.71\00:09:31.40 on how to be happy. " 00:09:31.43\00:09:33.05 That was our topic that day. 00:09:33.09\00:09:34.67 - That's right! - How we can be happy! 00:09:34.71\00:09:37.48 That was a special worship that morning. 00:09:37.94\00:09:41.25 Our family worships have always been special in our home. 00:09:41.29\00:09:44.28 I was trying to make them very practical for our own 00:09:44.34\00:09:48.50 marriage and our own children. 00:09:48.53\00:09:50.40 But that particular morning we were looking at how 00:09:50.71\00:09:53.51 do we have a happy family. 00:09:53.54\00:09:55.78 And it was powerful to not even knowing at the time 00:09:56.08\00:09:59.77 what an impact it was having in his life. 00:09:59.80\00:10:02.24 But on Sunday morning, 00:10:02.55\00:10:04.14 he says in his letter: 00:10:04.17\00:10:05.69 "On Sunday as we were sitting on the porch 00:10:05.73\00:10:08.86 Alane with tears in her eyes said: 00:10:09.19\00:10:11.45 "Why can't you love her?" 00:10:11.76\00:10:14.62 These words nearly pierced my heart. 00:10:15.47\00:10:18.63 At the camp meeting I was impressed with the messages 00:10:19.37\00:10:21.64 but there was still a resistance in my heart 00:10:21.67\00:10:24.32 that I could not explain! " 00:10:24.35\00:10:26.69 And I know that some of you listeners right now 00:10:26.85\00:10:28.63 may understand that resistance. You may be experiencing it 00:10:28.67\00:10:32.26 in the discord that you're having. 00:10:32.42\00:10:34.50 And you may be wanting to blame that discord 00:10:34.94\00:10:37.41 on your wife: "Oh my wife doesn't understand me!" 00:10:37.45\00:10:39.79 "If my wife would change!" 00:10:39.82\00:10:41.15 He was experiencing that resistance. 00:10:41.92\00:10:43.37 Then he goes on and says: "But 00:10:43.40\00:10:45.42 that resistance was taken away from me slowly, 00:10:45.85\00:10:50.83 message after message until it was completely removed. " 00:10:51.15\00:10:55.93 And then the letter continues on: 00:10:58.74\00:11:00.90 "When you approached me on that Sabbath afternoon Tom, 00:11:01.04\00:11:04.19 one week from being in your home, you asked me 00:11:04.22\00:11:06.93 this question: 00:11:06.96\00:11:08.28 "Are you really committed?" 00:11:08.70\00:11:10.95 And I think that's a question we all need to ask ourselves. 00:11:10.98\00:11:13.91 Are we really committed? 00:11:13.94\00:11:15.92 If we are then God can solve anything and everything. 00:11:16.18\00:11:20.25 "That was the question and then you said: 00:11:20.50\00:11:22.94 "I prayed for you that you would be committed. " 00:11:22.98\00:11:26.28 And that's something we need to be doing for one another 00:11:26.64\00:11:29.31 and for others, we need to be praying for them. 00:11:29.34\00:11:32.82 That's right! 00:11:33.23\00:11:34.28 And I wanna read his commitment to you 00:11:34.32\00:11:36.79 because it was beautiful as he shared us in the letter. 00:11:36.83\00:11:40.96 He says: "Here is my commitment: 00:11:41.85\00:11:43.94 I will do everything, go anywhere, 00:11:44.84\00:11:49.17 leave nothing undone 00:11:49.44\00:11:52.50 to see my wife 00:11:52.85\00:11:54.55 and each of my children in Heaven! " 00:11:54.93\00:11:58.64 What a commitment! 00:11:59.72\00:12:01.34 A beautiful commitment to see what he was willing to do 00:12:01.88\00:12:05.86 in that experience. 00:12:06.58\00:12:08.49 That was what? Almost two years ago? 00:12:09.07\00:12:11.49 Yes! I remember the day that letter came in. 00:12:11.53\00:12:14.24 What rejoicing it was to hear that level of commitment 00:12:14.28\00:12:17.50 from a man who refused to love his wife because 00:12:17.53\00:12:20.37 he thought it was impossible to love his wife, 00:12:20.40\00:12:23.21 - That's right! - and hadn't loved her 00:12:23.24\00:12:25.45 their entire marriage and was preparing to 00:12:25.49\00:12:27.67 leave the marriage and leave his family 00:12:28.00\00:12:30.25 to in just a few days time 00:12:30.77\00:12:33.84 changing and letting the Power of God work in him 00:12:34.18\00:12:36.73 and making that commitment to her. And 00:12:36.76\00:12:38.94 that letter was just a joy in our home. 00:12:39.28\00:12:42.20 Well, it was a tremendous blessing 00:12:42.65\00:12:44.95 not just the letter of course but to see what's happening 00:12:46.07\00:12:49.25 in their family over these last two years. 00:12:49.75\00:12:52.91 We just wanna encourage you 00:12:53.71\00:12:55.60 that if you find yourself in discord 00:12:55.64\00:12:58.58 maybe it's very serious discord, maybe it's 00:12:58.78\00:13:00.68 not that serious, whatever, 00:13:00.71\00:13:02.98 we wanna encourage you 00:13:03.08\00:13:04.76 that the Lord Jesus Christ has the solution for your discord. 00:13:05.39\00:13:10.08 No matter what it is, no matter who's fault it is 00:13:10.45\00:13:13.89 if you are willing to allow God to work in you, 00:13:13.92\00:13:17.53 you will find the answer that you're looking for. 00:13:17.56\00:13:21.14 You will be able to move to a marriage that's heart to heart! 00:13:21.49\00:13:25.05 We need to break right now and we look forward to having you 00:13:25.36\00:13:28.45 join us in just a moment. 00:13:28.89\00:13:31.41 There are many "How to?" books available, 00:13:39.81\00:13:41.70 but there's one that's free and perfect for every couple: 00:13:41.74\00:13:45.25 how you can "Build a Better Marriage". 00:13:45.28\00:13:47.63 Bible-based, matrimonial advice 00:13:48.13\00:13:50.01 is given in a lighthearted, easy-to-read manner, 00:13:50.05\00:13:52.75 for those contemplating marriage, 00:13:52.78\00:13:54.33 newlyweds, couples in their golden years, 00:13:54.37\00:13:57.24 and everyone in-between. 00:13:57.27\00:13:58.87 Simply call or write for your free copy 00:13:59.29\00:14:01.29 of this amazing little booklet, a handy little tool 00:14:01.33\00:14:04.27 to help build a better marriage. 00:14:04.30\00:14:06.05 Welcome back! 00:14:15.39\00:14:16.73 We've been talking about God bringing discord 00:14:16.77\00:14:20.80 to harmony in our lives, in our marriages. 00:14:21.19\00:14:23.93 And we were sharing with you about 00:14:24.63\00:14:26.80 a couple, actually a family that was experiencing 00:14:26.84\00:14:30.77 tremendous discord and then what God has been doing 00:14:30.81\00:14:34.71 of the last two years in their lives. 00:14:34.74\00:14:37.13 It's been exciting to see what's happened in two years! 00:14:37.56\00:14:40.37 - That's right! - I mean, the miracle 00:14:40.40\00:14:43.05 of seeing this man really love his wife! 00:14:43.09\00:14:45.67 And you can see it! I mean it radiates from him, 00:14:45.71\00:14:49.11 and you can see her, - He's not having to try, is he? 00:14:49.14\00:14:51.05 He's not having to try! 00:14:51.08\00:14:52.73 It's something God's put in his heart, 00:14:52.77\00:14:54.82 he's cooperating with the Lord in that. 00:14:54.86\00:14:56.88 And you know, when you see his wife, 00:14:57.35\00:14:59.12 you can tell the difference! In fact I remember even asking her 00:14:59.16\00:15:02.05 "How is it been?" and she says: 00:15:02.08\00:15:03.64 "I can tell the difference, God has worked in his life!" 00:15:03.68\00:15:05.84 And that, that's just as much a modern day miracle 00:15:05.87\00:15:08.33 as it was when Jesus was here and He healed the leprous and 00:15:08.37\00:15:11.61 He raised the dead and He cast out demons. 00:15:11.64\00:15:14.58 That Miracle Power of Jesus Christ is present 00:15:14.91\00:15:18.49 in this world today if we're willing to accept that 00:15:18.52\00:15:21.19 and let Him make the difference in our lives! 00:15:21.42\00:15:23.40 And that's the exciting thing that we saw in this couple 00:15:23.80\00:15:26.10 they are no longer the same. 00:15:26.23\00:15:28.98 And, you know, his love continues to grow deeper 00:15:29.18\00:15:32.34 and deeper and becomes more and more fine-tune. 00:15:32.37\00:15:34.95 And it's not just had an effect in their marriage 00:15:35.31\00:15:38.23 but it's exciting to see the results in their family! 00:15:38.26\00:15:41.15 You know, the teenagers 00:15:41.47\00:15:43.65 who were, one of them at 18, nearly 18, 00:15:43.69\00:15:46.73 ready to walk out the door 00:15:46.76\00:15:48.23 and turn his back on the family. 00:15:49.22\00:15:51.18 He's happy to be at home at 20, he's got direction in life. 00:15:51.49\00:15:56.07 He respects his father, he loves his family 00:15:56.18\00:15:59.53 and he loves the Lord! 00:15:59.95\00:16:01.19 And he's dedicated himself to serving the Lord. 00:16:01.32\00:16:04.23 In that transformation of the father, the influence 00:16:04.27\00:16:07.15 that's had in the family. - That's right! 00:16:07.18\00:16:09.66 I think that the beautiful thing is, 00:16:10.02\00:16:12.04 and I wanna encourage each listener here 00:16:12.47\00:16:15.30 it isn't just loosing our life 00:16:16.02\00:16:21.43 for Christ sake, 00:16:21.82\00:16:23.54 you know, that verse that we read there, Luke 9:24 00:16:23.69\00:16:26.58 that if we try to save our lives if we try to save ourselves 00:16:26.62\00:16:30.32 to preserve ourselves 00:16:30.35\00:16:32.19 we're gonna end up loosing our way. 00:16:32.23\00:16:34.53 But if we're willing to let self die 00:16:34.66\00:16:36.98 and give ourselves unreservedly to Christ 00:16:37.25\00:16:40.29 it isn't just going to impact my life 00:16:40.33\00:16:43.34 it's going to impact my wife's life, it's going to impact 00:16:43.65\00:16:47.46 my, our young people's lives and that's the beauty 00:16:47.49\00:16:51.51 that God is trying to bring from discord to harmony! 00:16:51.92\00:16:56.42 And, you know, not everyone experiences discord 00:16:57.20\00:16:59.83 in their to this degree. - That's right! 00:16:59.86\00:17:02.05 It starts in the little things but 00:17:02.08\00:17:04.14 if we are willing to work with the Lord, in the little things 00:17:04.18\00:17:07.51 to loose our life for His sake and to see how He wants 00:17:07.94\00:17:11.05 to give us a change then we see 00:17:11.08\00:17:14.57 the little bit of disharmony turn into a beautiful harmony. 00:17:14.61\00:17:17.77 We don't have to wait until that it's so terrible 00:17:17.88\00:17:21.06 that we can't stand it anymore, 00:17:21.09\00:17:22.59 and we're looking for anyway out of it! 00:17:22.63\00:17:24.53 Wherever we find ourselves from the littlest discord 00:17:24.81\00:17:28.06 to the most serious discord that's where God wants 00:17:28.43\00:17:31.49 to take us and He wants to turn that into harmony in our lives! 00:17:31.53\00:17:35.32 And that's the thing that I wanna reflect on 00:17:36.06\00:17:39.38 for just a moment with each of you as our viewers. 00:17:39.42\00:17:43.57 This crisis point, whether you're standing on the edge 00:17:44.56\00:17:47.98 of an abyss like this man was, ready to 00:17:48.01\00:17:50.96 jump off as it were in this case, ready to leave his family. 00:17:51.66\00:17:56.27 He was so close to leaving his wife and his young people. 00:17:56.30\00:18:00.88 Whether you're there, and I know that they may be 00:18:02.80\00:18:05.51 some people who are there, even now as we're sharing this 00:18:05.55\00:18:10.01 or whether you're just experiencing a what we might 00:18:10.75\00:18:14.51 call the every day simple trials of life that can bring 00:18:14.55\00:18:18.28 discordant lack of harmony in the home. 00:18:19.67\00:18:23.71 What this man saw and what I came to see 00:18:24.43\00:18:27.49 and continue to see in my own life and my own marriage 00:18:27.53\00:18:30.17 is that we come to a point where we have a need. 00:18:30.61\00:18:34.36 That need we're either going to try to 00:18:34.71\00:18:37.91 fill or fulfill by getting what I think I want 00:18:38.18\00:18:42.57 and how I think I can preserve myself. 00:18:42.60\00:18:45.09 Or we're going to get it by what 00:18:45.12\00:18:47.77 God needs to do to make the difference in my life! 00:18:48.08\00:18:51.27 And in order for that to happen, 00:18:51.86\00:18:53.42 that means we have to turn away from the Devil's program 00:18:53.46\00:18:57.59 You know he has the program that the grass is always 00:18:57.68\00:18:59.69 greener on the other side, 00:18:59.72\00:19:01.15 maybe if you found some other women you'd have a better life! 00:19:01.19\00:19:04.13 Maybe if you could have less pressure you'd be a better man! 00:19:04.57\00:19:07.51 No! God wants to take us right where we are 00:19:08.29\00:19:11.40 and this man saw that need, didn't he? 00:19:11.43\00:19:13.61 - He saw the need! - He saw the need! 00:19:13.85\00:19:15.20 He recognized what God was calling for him to do. 00:19:15.60\00:19:18.61 He recognized what the Devil was calling him to do. 00:19:18.64\00:19:21.62 He made a choice that every one of us needs to make 00:19:22.04\00:19:25.15 not once in our lives but daily. 00:19:25.18\00:19:27.43 Sometimes, many times in the day. 00:19:27.72\00:19:29.27 That's right many times a day. He made a choice 00:19:29.31\00:19:32.24 to let go of self, to surrender himself to Christ! 00:19:33.07\00:19:36.38 And then he began to experience as you said the miracle 00:19:36.51\00:19:39.76 life changing Power. 00:19:40.17\00:19:41.46 No different than what the demoniacs experience, 00:19:41.78\00:19:43.96 the man by the Pool of Bethesda who was crippled for 38 years. 00:19:44.15\00:19:47.69 This is life changing power 00:19:47.72\00:19:49.84 and it's the Power of the Gospel of Jesus Christ! 00:19:49.88\00:19:52.29 It's interesting to know that when we're willing 00:19:53.61\00:19:56.61 to let Christ have us the little things that so easily upset us 00:19:56.65\00:20:02.10 are no longer issues. 00:20:02.37\00:20:04.51 You know, it's sometimes the external circumstances 00:20:04.62\00:20:07.97 they cause us to be frustrated 00:20:08.40\00:20:10.27 but we tend to take it out on those that we love, 00:20:10.31\00:20:13.04 those who are the closest to us. 00:20:13.32\00:20:15.14 And those little external things, sometimes 00:20:15.18\00:20:18.07 create internal problems. 00:20:18.10\00:20:20.15 And God, it doesn't matter what our problems are, 00:20:20.56\00:20:22.72 if they're external or they're internal 00:20:22.75\00:20:24.42 God wants to change that. He wants to make us 00:20:24.46\00:20:27.22 in harmony with Him and harmony with each other. 00:20:27.25\00:20:29.98 And that's the joy we've seen 00:20:30.12\00:20:32.03 because when we face ourselves 00:20:32.06\00:20:33.94 we know the solution is in Christ! 00:20:34.34\00:20:36.40 And when we're willing to let Him have us 00:20:36.76\00:20:38.72 then we find that joy and we have harmony with each other! 00:20:39.02\00:20:42.76 And the little things or the big things no longer 00:20:42.82\00:20:45.20 are the issues that we thought they were. 00:20:45.44\00:20:48.06 That's right! And, you know, we used to try, 00:20:48.39\00:20:51.39 just like most of us try, 00:20:51.42\00:20:54.71 Alane and I used to try to 00:20:55.10\00:20:57.59 change our discordant situations by 00:20:58.01\00:21:01.41 getting the other person to change. 00:21:02.07\00:21:04.09 - Changing each other right? - Yes! Because thought 00:21:04.13\00:21:06.16 you know, If I can get you to see it my way 00:21:06.19\00:21:08.59 you thought If you can get me to do it your way 00:21:08.69\00:21:11.56 then certainly there will be harmony, there will be 00:21:11.59\00:21:14.43 no more discord. 00:21:14.72\00:21:15.69 But you know, you can never find harmony 00:21:16.07\00:21:19.72 when you're trying to find it self's way. 00:21:20.12\00:21:22.48 And so, 00:21:23.08\00:21:24.05 being willing to loose our life 00:21:24.74\00:21:27.45 for Jesus sake, 00:21:27.77\00:21:29.38 being willing to give up for your sake, 00:21:29.67\00:21:33.03 the beauty of it is it's the more I give up for you 00:21:33.75\00:21:36.44 for Jesus sake the happier man I am. 00:21:36.84\00:21:39.60 And the more that I chose 00:21:41.77\00:21:43.36 to let the Lord lead in my life the happier I am! 00:21:44.24\00:21:46.87 - That's right! - And the more I see 00:21:46.90\00:21:48.12 the good in you, and I think that's what was so 00:21:48.16\00:21:50.48 impactive and that's why we share this experience 00:21:50.51\00:21:52.80 of this couple, because their lives were so far apart, 00:21:52.94\00:21:58.90 as he said: "ready to go on to darkness", 00:21:59.63\00:22:02.91 he knew it! And yet he wanted help! 00:22:02.94\00:22:05.82 Because he really didn't wanna go there 00:22:05.86\00:22:08.71 but he saw no other way out. 00:22:08.74\00:22:10.10 And I think that's the way it is for many people. 00:22:10.13\00:22:12.24 We really don't wanna loose our marriage, but because 00:22:12.38\00:22:15.81 we don't think there's another way 00:22:15.84\00:22:17.94 we keep following down this track that is just 00:22:18.35\00:22:22.85 propelling us to do things that we would never 00:22:23.14\00:22:27.81 in a right mind think we would ever do. 00:22:27.84\00:22:30.44 We don't realize the cost of those kind of decisions. 00:22:30.48\00:22:34.06 And I think we all need to recognize that 00:22:34.46\00:22:38.75 when we have those thoughts 00:22:39.03\00:22:41.82 and we wanna start blaming the other person 00:22:41.86\00:22:44.92 and we're not happy where we are in our marriage, 00:22:44.96\00:22:47.53 when those thoughts start to come 00:22:47.56\00:22:49.27 that's the moment! That's the moment 00:22:49.68\00:22:51.62 we need to cry out to the Lord and say: 00:22:51.66\00:22:53.57 "Lord I need your help!" 00:22:53.60\00:22:56.16 So, 00:22:56.58\00:22:58.00 let us personally challenge you today. 00:22:59.18\00:23:01.67 And whenever I say that I often remember that 00:23:03.01\00:23:06.66 I'm not gonna challenge you to anything that God 00:23:06.69\00:23:10.31 is not challenging me with, 00:23:11.10\00:23:13.88 has already challenged me with or 00:23:13.98\00:23:15.89 continues to challenge me with. 00:23:15.92\00:23:17.80 And that is if you, today, are finding yourself 00:23:17.90\00:23:21.74 in discord, no matter how small it is, 00:23:22.11\00:23:24.64 that needs to be addressed, not in the other person. 00:23:25.94\00:23:30.23 You need to be willing 00:23:31.11\00:23:33.15 by God' Grace to be willing to say: "Lord 00:23:33.62\00:23:36.72 what is it in me? What is it that's happening in me? " 00:23:38.33\00:23:41.26 Even though everything inside of you may be saying: 00:23:41.29\00:23:44.19 "It's not my fault! It's not me! It's her!" 00:23:44.22\00:23:48.15 No! 00:23:49.88\00:23:51.12 Even if it is her, God knows that. 00:23:51.43\00:23:54.35 Let God reveal to you 00:23:55.77\00:23:57.48 what He wants to do to make your discord 00:23:57.67\00:24:01.58 turn to harmony! 00:24:02.01\00:24:03.13 That will prepare you to reach her if she really has a problem, 00:24:03.17\00:24:07.01 better than anything you can do in selfishness. 00:24:07.36\00:24:11.23 So the challenge is not just for other people 00:24:12.16\00:24:14.36 it's for ourselves too! - That's right! 00:24:14.39\00:24:16.73 It's a day by day! It's a challenge but 00:24:16.76\00:24:19.09 it's not a negative thing. It's very positive 00:24:19.31\00:24:21.96 because we want to have harmony. And when 00:24:21.99\00:24:24.61 we experience that harmony 00:24:24.64\00:24:26.35 we experience the peace and the joy that it brings. 00:24:26.39\00:24:28.74 - That's right! - Ad so it may seem 00:24:28.77\00:24:30.10 challenging at first. It did to us at first. 00:24:30.14\00:24:33.27 It did to this man at first, a very big challenge. 00:24:33.31\00:24:36.02 But when we make that step as we let the Lord work in our hart 00:24:36.43\00:24:41.04 and He changes us with divine Power, mixing divine 00:24:41.07\00:24:45.06 love with our human love, 00:24:45.09\00:24:47.35 when that happens 00:24:47.68\00:24:49.14 it gets easier and easier and easier and that's 00:24:49.67\00:24:51.66 what he's experienced and that's what we've experienced. 00:24:51.70\00:24:53.55 And many others have experienced the same thing. 00:24:53.58\00:24:56.29 - It's exciting isn't it? - It's very exciting! 00:24:56.35\00:24:58.35 It's good news! 00:24:58.38\00:25:00.06 It's part of the Gospel. 00:25:00.43\00:25:02.49 The hole Gospel of Jesus Christ is taking 00:25:02.58\00:25:06.22 the discord of our lives 00:25:06.25\00:25:08.94 and making them harmonious. 00:25:08.98\00:25:11.60 It's taking the music that's out of harmony 00:25:11.64\00:25:14.74 in us and bringing us back into harmony! 00:25:14.79\00:25:18.71 And, you know, the beauty of it is 00:25:18.74\00:25:20.07 is that when we allow God to do that, 00:25:20.29\00:25:22.42 when we start allowing Him to really change that 00:25:22.65\00:25:26.01 the music that starts playing in our lives, 00:25:26.04\00:25:29.29 the harmonious, melodious, nice to listen to music 00:25:29.95\00:25:34.05 in a marriage 00:25:34.48\00:25:35.58 a marriage that's heart to heart 00:25:35.89\00:25:37.67 that music just can't stay 00:25:38.00\00:25:40.82 to yourself. 00:25:41.51\00:25:43.00 It's the music of the Gospel. It's the harmony 00:25:43.11\00:25:46.31 of life in Jesus Christ. 00:25:46.34\00:25:48.92 And we want that experience for you. And the Devil 00:25:49.13\00:25:53.06 hates for you to have that experience 00:25:53.09\00:25:55.95 and he will tell you all kinds of lies! 00:25:55.99\00:25:58.82 He will tell you: "If you give up on yourself, if you do 00:25:59.24\00:26:02.83 it God's way you're not gonna be happy! 00:26:02.86\00:26:05.16 You won't be able to do the things you wanna do! " 00:26:05.20\00:26:07.30 But I can tell you from my own experience 00:26:08.66\00:26:10.71 that those are lies of the Devil! 00:26:11.22\00:26:13.66 I've never been a happier man! We have never had 00:26:13.97\00:26:18.27 a happier marriage then when we're willing 00:26:18.30\00:26:21.56 to let go of self and do what God is calling us to do! 00:26:21.60\00:26:26.46 I hope you'll make that choice today! 00:26:27.11\00:26:29.15 I hope that you'll be willing to give up 00:26:29.54\00:26:32.86 and let God take your discord and turn it into harmony! 00:26:32.90\00:26:36.64 Honey would you close us in prayer? 00:26:36.67\00:26:38.46 Sure! 00:26:38.49\00:26:39.71 Father we recognize that we do need You 00:26:40.09\00:26:42.72 and we recognize that with You everything is made beautiful! 00:26:42.97\00:26:46.26 And that is the need that each of us have 00:26:46.72\00:26:49.52 individually and especially also as couples. 00:26:49.55\00:26:52.81 We just pray that we would be willing 00:26:52.92\00:26:55.64 to turn our hearts to You 00:26:55.67\00:26:57.35 to let You live in us in such a way 00:26:57.66\00:27:00.12 that we can experience that true beauty and harmony 00:27:00.37\00:27:02.93 that only You can make! 00:27:02.96\00:27:04.25 And that it would shine in our marriage 00:27:04.75\00:27:06.47 and through our families an to all those around us. 00:27:06.51\00:27:09.76 In Jesus name Amen! - Amen! 00:27:09.79\00:27:11.84 We hope you'll join us next time! 00:27:13.24\00:27:15.35 We're gonna be talking about something that will 00:27:15.67\00:27:18.33 aid in this process of turning discord into harmony. 00:27:18.70\00:27:22.85 It's Handling our Emotions. 00:27:24.32\00:27:25.94 Now, emotions that's a woman's thing, right, honey? 00:27:25.98\00:27:29.54 Well, women often are viewed as emotional people 00:27:29.57\00:27:33.10 but man do have emotions too! 00:27:33.13\00:27:35.31 Ok! Well we want you to join us nest time! 00:27:35.35\00:27:38.27 We want you to have a marriage heart to heart 00:27:38.51\00:27:41.15 and that can happen in Jesus Christ! 00:27:41.18\00:27:43.93 Captioning and translations Christian Media Services 00:28:24.84\00:28:28.13