Marriage Heart to
Heart with Tom & Alane Waters
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Welcome to
Marriage Heart to Heart!
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We're Tom & Alane Waters
with Restoration International
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And we're looking forward
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to our time together
today as we share with you
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more heart changing,
life changing principles.
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So we hope you have
your paper and pencil ready.
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We're gonna be talking
today about the importance of
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having honesty and
integrity in our marriage
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not just in our
communication, that's vital
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but in every
aspect of our marriage.
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Really honesty is
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a springboard
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for a lot of things that happen
or don't happen in a marriage.
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And
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we found in our
early marriage that
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to be transparent
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is not necessarily
an easy thing to do.
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That's right!
It's not always easy!
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Because you only wanna present
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a best to your spouse!
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You don't want
him to really know
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some of the things that you
really may be struggling with.
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Yes! You don't
wanna be misunderstood.
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We went through some of
that in our early marriage,
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didn't we?
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Yes we did! And it started
sometimes in little things
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but probably the
most influential, powerful
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experience that we
ever had in this area
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was the time that we were
just moving to the country
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and living in that
little travel trailer there.
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And you didn't know it
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but I was struggling
with my spiritual life.
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And I wanted more than anything
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to
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be a real Christian
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and yet I felt like I
was failing, failing, failing
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all the time!
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And we would have
made the commitment to
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have morning
worship personal and
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take that time for God every
day and that had been our habit
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but it seemed like the
more I did the worst I got.
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And I was finding
myself quite discouraged.
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Well, it was something
that it was very interesting
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and I think, that kind of
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pushed us into that scenario.
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And I'm
thankful that it happened
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and that was we moved from
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a big beautiful house
in the suburbs of Chicago
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to a little fifth wheel trailer
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while we were
building our home in Montana.
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And that little trailer
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became a huge
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well, at first it
didn't seem like a blessing
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but it became a huge blessing
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because it was in
that little trailer
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with the five of us,
our three little children,
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that we started to see
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who we were not!
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We weren't always getting
the pets on the back, there
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that we were getting
in our suburban lifestyle
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and working at
the hospital and being
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prominate in church work.
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Now we were just
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facing who we really were.
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And it was uncomfortable.
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It was uncomfortable!
I wasn't used to having
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that much time
with you every day,
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and being in such a confined
space with the children.
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And I wasn't so used to
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you know, occupying them
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with good occupation.
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But in a small space
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you're very closed
together all the time.
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-Yes! -And I remember one
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morning in particularly
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I was sitting up
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on the bed, over the fifth wheel
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and you were down at the
little kitchen table below
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and I could see you down
there, just a few feet from me
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and we were each
having our quiet time.
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Our children
were still all asleep
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and I was looking
down there at you as
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you were studying your Bible
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and it just seemed
like you had everything
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together.
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And at that time I was..
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-I wouldn't believe that
you could be thinking that!
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But anyway.
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-Well, that's the way
I felt and that's what
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I was experiencing from you.
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And I found myself
struggling because I
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knew that there
were things in my life
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that really weren't right.
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And I was not wanting to
reveal those areas to you
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or to anyone.
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And as I sat there
that morning and I was
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supposedly reading I felt like:
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"Is there any help for me?
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I mean is there any
more hope for me??!"
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Because the harder I tried
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it seemed like
the more I failed.
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And I was very discouraged.
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And you know, when my mind
started going down that track
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my heart became very heavy
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and I began to cry silently.
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And all of a sudden
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I mean, totally out of the blue
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you just get up
and start walking up
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into the little
bedroom, and it's like:
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"Oh no! What am I gonna do!?"
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and I tried dry my tears
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really quick and take that
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gulp, you know, to try to
get that lump out of my throat
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and
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you caught me!
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-Yes I caught you honey!
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And it was a
providential catching you.
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Because I just looked up there
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and I noticed
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I could see something wasn't
right in your countenance.
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And I went up
there and I'm so thankful
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because this was
another turning point
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in our
experience. I'm so thankful
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that you were
willing at that time
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to be honest
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and to be vulnerable.
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And I was very
honest and very vulnerable.
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And I wasn't sure
if you're gonna be
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disappointed with me. I
didn't really think you were
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but you know, sometimes
when you're feeling very low
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that you think the other person
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isn't gonna be accepting of you.
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And that's the way I
was feeling, you know,
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"Do I really tell
him like I feel like
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I'm a failure in every
way? I'm a failure as mother,
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I'm a failure as a wife,
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I'm a failure in my
spiritual experience
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I'm a failure as a Christian."
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You know, and
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you can just imagine those
emotions that were crushing
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in on me.
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You weren't really a
failure in any of those areas.
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That was a
perception and isn't it amazing?
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And I think that the
people out there listening
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have probably
experienced some of these things
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It's, it can be very
overwhelming when you feel like
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everything is going wrong
and it's not working right
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and the Devil
just loves to come in
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and causes a
feeling of hopelessness.
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Well, I was honest with you.
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That's right!
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And I told you,
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I mean I just opened up.
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And I believe, like
you said that God's timing
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was perfect, didn't that?
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Fully honest, things that I
had not shared with you before.
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And
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in that sharing process
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you were so
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tender and so open
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and I said: "But
I see you down there
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and you have your act together
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and I'm never gonna make it!"
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You know, "maybe the world
would be better off without me"
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I mean not to that extreme but,
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that's kind of, you know some of
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the thoughts that come in there.
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And
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you said: "Honey
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I've seen you up
there study and I
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think you have your act together
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and I was the one
who's failing -That's right!
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You know, and I
think it's important for
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for the people
understand out there
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that
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sometimes this is happening
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not intentionally
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not because we're saying:
"I'm gonna be dishonest!"
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but that we don't want
to open and expose that
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part of us
that's so vulnerable and
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and what if they
don't understand.
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And
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it's a blessing that I
was really entering into your
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experience because
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I was looking up
there you, thinking
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how consistent you were
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and I could count on
you always being there
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morning by morning,
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and it was a real
encouragement to me
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while I was
struggling in my own heart
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with not
feeling like I was being
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all that God wanted me to be.
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And so, that led us
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in a turning point
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in our experience.
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From that day forward
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we were committed
to never loose touch
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with who we
really were spiritually.
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And I was so thankful.
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That morning we
made a commitment
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to each other! And
you've heard us say this
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we made a
commitment, we have made so many
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powerful
commitments in our marriage,
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and
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let's face it,
without making commitments
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that are wordy of
a marriage or wordy
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of whatever we'll
making those commitments on
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we're not gonna be successful.
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And so, that day
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we made a resolve that we
were going to start spending
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a part of our quiet time
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in study together.
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And so,
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do you remember what we did?
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I do!
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You suggested that we
get the book "Desire of Ages"
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and that's a beautiful book
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on the life of
Christ! -That's right!
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And you said:
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"Let's take this and
let's read it very slowly,
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chapter by
chapter and see how Christ
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lived successfully in
His life in this world."
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That's right!
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"And then let's
share at the end.
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You read your, you
know, you read the chapter
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I'll read the chapter
and the last 15 minutes
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let's come together and let's
share what we've each learned."
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And that was so
encouraging to me.
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-It was powerful!
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-It was powerful!
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And it not only
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bound us together
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spiritually
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but it bound
our hearts together.
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And from that point forward
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I have been opened
and honest with you
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in every aspect of my life!
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Amen! And that
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I saw some things I
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had insides into you
that I never had before,
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deep insides,
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in that time
that we had together.
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And I wouldn't have
traded that for anything.
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So, if you find yourself
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in a situation where
you don't really know
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spiritually where
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your wife, your husband is
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we wanna encourage you
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that you open your heart
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open your heart first to God
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and be willing to
admit your need and then
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open yourself up in honesty
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and true integrity
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to the one that God
has given you in your life.
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Honey why don't you share
that verse from Ecclesiastes?
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It's a very powerful
verse, it's actually two verses
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Ecclesiastes 4:9 and 10 it says:
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"Two are better than one;"
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Haven't we found
that to be the case?
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-Definitely!
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"Two are better than
one;" and here's why:
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"For if they fall, the
one will lift up his fellow:
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but woe to him that
is alone when he falleth;
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for he hath not
another to help him up."
00:10:02.60\00:10:05.17
This is so powerful because
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this is where we
should find ourselves
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in honesty and integrity
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in a marriage that's
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heart to heart. We
should be encouraging,
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helping rather than criticizing
00:10:17.65\00:10:20.23
pushing one another down and
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fault finding.
00:10:22.69\00:10:23.77
We should be seeing the one,
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when I saw you that morning
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tears,
00:10:27.87\00:10:28.84
quietly, you didn't
know I was seeing that,
00:10:29.40\00:10:31.76
but I wanted to
come up and encourage you
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little that I know,
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that in us
opening that conversation
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that we would be
encouraging one another.
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And God would use this for
a turning point in our lives.
00:10:42.40\00:10:45.21
But this was an
illustration where
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you often have come to me
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and you've encouraged me
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you've helped to
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encourage my spirit to
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to buoy me back up
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when we were going
through a difficult time.
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This is what the
"two are better than one;"
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when one falls the
other can be there to help.
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And in this opened
and honest relationship
00:11:05.22\00:11:07.46
that we have
00:11:07.85\00:11:08.82
I can be free with anything
00:11:09.52\00:11:10.99
even telling you some of
the mistakes I've made or
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you know, not to
unload on you a hard day
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but to honest
where I failed in the day
00:11:16.28\00:11:18.33
and, you know, how
the Lord has redirected me
00:11:18.68\00:11:21.48
to take care of
that with the children
00:11:21.80\00:11:23.31
if I was wrong
with the children.
00:11:23.34\00:11:24.99
But to be honest, and
that's helped our children
00:11:25.03\00:11:27.05
to see that -That's right!
00:11:27.08\00:11:28.69
-you know,
00:11:28.72\00:11:29.69
they can trust that
what has to represent to you,
00:11:29.77\00:11:32.42
you know, some
00:11:32.45\00:11:33.91
husbands come home
00:11:34.23\00:11:35.42
and their wife unloads
this terrible thing on them
00:11:35.78\00:11:38.71
and the children
are feeling like:
00:11:38.92\00:11:39.89
"Oh this didn't happened!
It wasn't really that bad!"
00:11:39.90\00:11:42.04
Because it isn't
from their perspective
00:11:42.07\00:11:43.88
So,
00:11:44.18\00:11:45.15
we share the not so good things
00:11:45.16\00:11:47.42
but we try to share them always
00:11:47.46\00:11:50.05
in the real experience
as they really happened.
00:11:50.34\00:11:53.68
Not exaggerated, you
know, trying to frame it so that
00:11:54.90\00:11:57.91
you'll come to
some certain conclusion.
00:11:58.26\00:11:59.75
That's right!
00:11:59.78\00:12:00.75
You know, one of the things
that we've noticed and we've
00:12:00.76\00:12:02.51
talked about this
before, when it comes to honesty
00:12:02.54\00:12:04.79
our children have
seen our mistakes honestly,
00:12:05.47\00:12:08.42
they have seen us
00:12:08.45\00:12:10.13
honestly confess those mistakes,
00:12:10.31\00:12:12.35
get up and keep moving on.
00:12:12.95\00:12:14.46
But you know,
we've been in homes
00:12:14.78\00:12:16.23
where the parents
are actually teaching
00:12:16.83\00:12:19.92
dishonesty to their children
00:12:19.95\00:12:21.91
by precept and example,
00:12:22.45\00:12:24.08
by their own example
and the way they handle
00:12:24.73\00:12:26.73
their interactions and
00:12:26.76\00:12:28.02
mother's hiding things.
00:12:28.35\00:12:29.61
I mean, I remember one mother
00:12:29.65\00:12:31.72
where she was
hiding the fact that
00:12:32.09\00:12:34.96
she was involved in a vice that
00:12:35.00\00:12:37.84
everyone
00:12:37.87\00:12:38.84
in her family found out
00:12:39.10\00:12:41.05
but she didn't
know they found out.
00:12:41.09\00:12:42.89
And I mean, it's very hurtful
for the young people, but
00:12:43.28\00:12:45.79
it's not just
those real hard areas
00:12:46.53\00:12:49.48
because we've also seen parents
00:12:49.60\00:12:51.61
who are, I think
almost inadvertently,
00:12:52.14\00:12:54.46
teaching their
children to be dishonest.
00:12:54.49\00:12:56.78
Imagine this:
00:12:57.40\00:12:58.75
this lady gets
00:12:59.38\00:13:00.55
a phone call
00:13:01.35\00:13:02.32
and here's the scenario
00:13:02.33\00:13:03.49
that happened:
00:13:03.95\00:13:04.92
she gets a phone call,
00:13:05.95\00:13:07.01
her daughter answers the phone
00:13:08.15\00:13:09.76
and when she let's her
mother know who's calling
00:13:10.74\00:13:13.82
her mother has this response:
00:13:13.85\00:13:15.63
"Oh no!"
00:13:16.36\00:13:17.49
"I hate talking to her!"
00:13:18.17\00:13:19.94
Ok now, there's the impression
00:13:21.15\00:13:22.54
ok?
00:13:22.93\00:13:23.90
Now
00:13:23.91\00:13:24.88
her mother goes to the phone,
00:13:24.89\00:13:26.20
picks up the phone
00:13:26.91\00:13:27.96
and begins to talk like this:
00:13:28.31\00:13:30.30
"Ho, it's so good
to hear from you!!"
00:13:30.55\00:13:33.20
"It's wonderful!"
00:13:33.84\00:13:34.81
and she's
closing the conversation
00:13:34.93\00:13:36.45
and at the end
of the conversation
00:13:36.48\00:13:37.97
her daughter hears this:
00:13:38.00\00:13:39.25
she's closing like this:
00:13:40.53\00:13:41.92
"Oh, it was so
nice to talk to you!"
00:13:42.42\00:13:44.08
She hangs up the phone
00:13:44.94\00:13:46.10
what she says to
her daughter next
00:13:47.60\00:13:49.67
"I can't stand! I wish
that woman wouldn't call me!"
00:13:50.38\00:13:53.20
She's being honest
00:13:54.33\00:13:55.95
about her feelings
00:13:56.41\00:13:57.40
to her daughter
00:13:57.84\00:13:58.81
but she's being dishonest
00:13:59.91\00:14:01.43
in the way she's
handling the phone call.
00:14:01.68\00:14:03.67
And so, her daughter is
getting a mixed message.
00:14:04.41\00:14:07.31
Obvious that mother doesn't
like talking to this other lady
00:14:08.17\00:14:11.61
but it's also obvious that
00:14:12.20\00:14:13.42
mother's not being
honest in how she's handling
00:14:13.46\00:14:15.60
this other lady.
00:14:16.01\00:14:16.98
So, here you see a
role model happening
00:14:17.14\00:14:19.78
in a parental situation
00:14:20.12\00:14:21.53
that should not be happening!
00:14:21.95\00:14:23.20
It's a powerful illustration
00:14:24.85\00:14:26.97
of the role
model that we can have
00:14:27.45\00:14:29.77
on our children, the impact
that makes in their lives.
00:14:29.91\00:14:32.22
We need to take
a break right now
00:14:32.85\00:14:34.48
and we'll come
back to talk about
00:14:34.51\00:14:36.54
how we can have more honesty
00:14:36.87\00:14:38.61
and integrity in our marriages.
00:14:39.13\00:14:41.10
Stay with us!
00:14:41.40\00:14:42.37
There are many "How
to?" books available,
00:14:47.02\00:14:48.82
but there's one that's free
and perfect for every couple:
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how you can "Build
a Better Marriage".
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Bible-based, matrimonial advice
is given in a lighthearted,
00:14:55.18\00:14:59.60
easy-to-read manner, for those
contemplating marriage,
newlyweds, couples in their
00:14:59.64\00:15:04.03
golden years, and everyone
00:15:04.38\00:15:05.60
in-between. Simply call or write
for your free copy of this
amazing little booklet, a handy
00:15:06.46\00:15:11.07
little tool to help build a
00:15:11.42\00:15:12.89
better marriage. Welcome
back! We've been talking about
00:15:18.11\00:15:19.83
honesty and
integrity in the marriage.
00:15:19.86\00:15:21.55
And you know
honey, one of the things
00:15:21.94\00:15:23.21
I've appreciated about you
00:15:23.24\00:15:24.65
is that you're willing
to be honest before God.
00:15:25.00\00:15:27.45
And that's the most important,
because when we're honest
00:15:27.85\00:15:29.86
there
00:15:29.89\00:15:30.86
I know you're
gonna be honest with me
00:15:30.87\00:15:32.00
as a husband,
00:15:32.03\00:15:33.00
you're gonna be honest as
a father with your children,
00:15:33.12\00:15:35.12
you're gonna be
honest with your friends,
00:15:35.15\00:15:37.18
you're gonna be
honest in your busyness
00:15:37.30\00:15:39.11
adventures,
00:15:39.73\00:15:40.70
in every aspect. And I remember
00:15:40.71\00:15:43.36
there's been more than a
few occasions when you've been
00:15:43.53\00:15:45.89
under a lot of pressure
00:15:46.53\00:15:47.86
to conform to follow
after somebody else's
00:15:48.26\00:15:51.47
ideas.
00:15:51.78\00:15:52.75
And
00:15:52.94\00:15:53.91
even though it
was very difficult
00:15:54.14\00:15:56.10
the honesty of your heart,
00:15:56.13\00:15:57.50
you stood for what was right!
00:15:57.68\00:15:58.95
Being honest before God
00:15:59.51\00:16:00.75
and honest to the principles
00:16:00.79\00:16:02.06
that you
believe in from His Word
00:16:02.10\00:16:03.75
you stood alone and I
really respect you for that!
00:16:04.17\00:16:06.70
You're not
perfect! And neither am I
00:16:06.95\00:16:08.49
but I really
appreciate that honesty!
00:16:08.79\00:16:10.53
And that gives me security,
00:16:10.56\00:16:12.26
trust and confidence in
you as the leader in the home.
00:16:12.68\00:16:15.33
And I wanna
encourage that in you!
00:16:15.65\00:16:17.44
Thank you! Well,
it is encouraging!
00:16:17.48\00:16:19.24
And, you know, when I
started recognizing that
00:16:19.84\00:16:22.34
if I was going to
be a real Christian
00:16:22.37\00:16:24.24
I needed to be a living
Christian in every area!
00:16:24.82\00:16:27.63
And
00:16:28.45\00:16:29.42
that includes honesty,
00:16:29.56\00:16:30.59
honesty of the
heart, the motives.
00:16:30.93\00:16:32.82
And the Bible says in
00:16:33.49\00:16:34.50
Psalm 25:21:
00:16:34.84\00:16:37.06
"Let integrity and
uprightness preserve me;
00:16:37.28\00:16:41.59
for I wait on thee."
00:16:41.62\00:16:43.15
I wanna be preserved!
00:16:44.22\00:16:45.26
I want our
marriage to be preserved!
00:16:45.47\00:16:47.32
And the Proverbs 11 says:
00:16:48.13\00:16:49.70
"The integrity of the upright
00:16:49.74\00:16:51.28
shall guide them"
00:16:51.62\00:16:53.08
So,
00:16:53.44\00:16:54.41
we need this!
00:16:54.42\00:16:55.39
It's another one of those
00:16:55.51\00:16:56.76
Sure Foundations that
we've been talking about
00:16:57.20\00:16:59.32
from God's Word.
00:16:59.65\00:17:00.62
I know we've
talked with other couples
00:17:02.22\00:17:03.92
and this issue of
honesty and integrity has been
00:17:03.96\00:17:06.67
something that's, you know,
been difficult for some people.
00:17:06.70\00:17:09.45
That's right!
00:17:09.48\00:17:10.45
I mean, we
00:17:10.46\00:17:11.43
we weren't really that honest!
00:17:11.44\00:17:12.90
I mean we were honest but
00:17:12.93\00:17:13.99
you know, there's
again those things
00:17:14.03\00:17:15.63
that you don't
wanna really have to
00:17:15.66\00:17:17.23
to let him know, you
wanna try to with on your own.
00:17:17.65\00:17:19.53
And that's good!
That's where we need to start
00:17:19.84\00:17:21.82
but if we're not
finding the victory in that,
00:17:21.99\00:17:24.17
if we're not able to work
through it, if we haven't found
00:17:24.21\00:17:27.63
the answer for
00:17:27.66\00:17:28.79
then we need to go
to the one who loves us
00:17:28.97\00:17:30.81
-That's right!
-more than anyone!
00:17:30.84\00:17:31.81
And that's our spouse!
00:17:32.06\00:17:33.09
Yes!
00:17:33.12\00:17:34.09
And bear our heart in honesty!
00:17:34.10\00:17:35.35
I remember one
couple and, you know,
00:17:35.39\00:17:37.61
they were sharing with us and,
00:17:37.64\00:17:39.15
actually it's been
more than one couple, and
00:17:39.76\00:17:41.60
the husband has had
some real challenges
00:17:41.92\00:17:44.04
in some of the things
that he was choosing to look at
00:17:44.23\00:17:46.67
on the internet. -That's right!
00:17:46.70\00:17:47.86
And the willingness
to come before his wife
00:17:48.19\00:17:51.44
with honesty
00:17:51.47\00:17:52.67
saying: "I don't want this!"
00:17:53.04\00:17:54.72
"But I need your help!"
00:17:55.32\00:17:56.40
You know, if we start when
00:17:57.04\00:17:58.09
when the problem is little
00:17:58.41\00:17:59.71
it's much easier to remedy!
00:18:00.06\00:18:01.69
That's right!
00:18:01.72\00:18:02.69
And, you know, it
was hurtful to her,
00:18:02.70\00:18:04.37
but she saw he
was calling to her.
00:18:04.65\00:18:06.44
He was looking to her
00:18:06.47\00:18:08.94
to be a help mate for him,
00:18:09.05\00:18:10.54
to help him have the
victory in that area,
00:18:10.76\00:18:12.72
her as kind of
the skin on, you know
00:18:13.03\00:18:15.79
the actual person
there to nurture him.
00:18:16.14\00:18:18.29
That's right! And, you
know, it's so important because
00:18:18.67\00:18:21.67
it did hurt her!
00:18:22.28\00:18:23.47
But,
00:18:24.05\00:18:25.02
the beauty of it is that
00:18:25.16\00:18:26.13
she was able to go pass to
her and recognize that he was
00:18:26.14\00:18:28.66
being honest and
vulnerable with her
00:18:28.69\00:18:30.52
and that he was doing it
because he wanted to preserve
00:18:30.82\00:18:32.98
their marriage.
00:18:33.29\00:18:34.26
That's right!
00:18:34.27\00:18:35.24
You know, that other situation
00:18:35.25\00:18:36.78
where the man
00:18:37.40\00:18:38.63
didn't go to his wife
00:18:39.17\00:18:40.49
and we know many
of these situations,
00:18:40.85\00:18:42.84
but he didn't go to his wife
00:18:43.31\00:18:44.80
and as a result
00:18:46.29\00:18:47.54
those thoughts kept
00:18:47.87\00:18:48.99
getting stronger and stronger!
00:18:49.61\00:18:51.55
And if he could have gone to her
00:18:52.47\00:18:53.89
and just open those
thoughts while they were young,
00:18:54.19\00:18:56.80
while they were just
starting up in his mind,
00:18:56.83\00:18:58.97
but he was
fantasizing about situations and
00:18:59.60\00:19:02.92
what ended up happening
00:19:03.52\00:19:04.60
in this case is this man just
00:19:04.89\00:19:06.32
continued on
00:19:06.63\00:19:07.61
and that grew
from something that was
00:19:08.27\00:19:10.27
you know, just a
thought of his mind
00:19:11.02\00:19:12.63
until one day
00:19:13.26\00:19:14.33
he was driving
through an intersection
00:19:16.05\00:19:17.86
and
00:19:19.30\00:19:20.27
the stop light camera
00:19:20.28\00:19:21.59
caught him going
through a yellow light.
00:19:21.96\00:19:23.85
But that camera
didn't just catch him
00:19:24.38\00:19:27.40
it caught a women
00:19:28.37\00:19:29.82
sitting next to him in his seat
00:19:30.15\00:19:32.07
with his arm around her.
00:19:32.68\00:19:34.39
Now, he didn't know
that this had happened.
00:19:35.97\00:19:37.57
And so,
00:19:38.04\00:19:39.01
a few weeks later
00:19:39.03\00:19:40.00
his wife met him at the door
00:19:40.89\00:19:42.10
and you remember
what happened, dear.
00:19:42.14\00:19:44.05
Oh yes!
00:19:44.24\00:19:45.21
She asked him a
very direct question.
00:19:45.61\00:19:47.53
Yes! And then he
wasn't very honest with her.
00:19:47.87\00:19:50.33
And then she pulled out
00:19:50.77\00:19:51.95
this set of photographs:
00:19:52.76\00:19:54.86
front view,
00:19:55.73\00:19:56.72
side view,
00:19:57.38\00:19:58.35
back view!
00:19:58.70\00:19:59.67
And he was caught!
00:20:01.16\00:20:02.30
And you know
00:20:03.39\00:20:04.36
that's really what it
says in Proverbs 11:3.
00:20:04.64\00:20:07.41
It says: "but the perverseness
00:20:07.44\00:20:09.54
of the transgressors
shall destroy them."
00:20:09.58\00:20:12.24
And I tell you
00:20:13.40\00:20:14.37
that marriage
00:20:14.59\00:20:15.56
went through some very
00:20:16.13\00:20:17.42
painful times, because
00:20:17.73\00:20:20.26
he was caught! He
didn't come to his wife
00:20:20.59\00:20:22.30
expressing the pain
00:20:22.33\00:20:24.03
that he was
experiencing in his thoughts and
00:20:24.71\00:20:27.37
be honest with his integrity
00:20:27.57\00:20:29.54
he was hiding it.
00:20:29.86\00:20:30.87
And the sin got worst and worst
00:20:31.04\00:20:33.29
until he was caught in his sin.
00:20:33.63\00:20:35.42
Thank the Lord
that he was caught
00:20:36.41\00:20:38.55
before it was too late!
00:20:38.95\00:20:40.12
And thank the Lord that
there's always forgiveness
00:20:41.72\00:20:44.21
-That's right!
-and we can experience
00:20:44.24\00:20:46.06
that forgiveness
to restore a marriage.
00:20:46.09\00:20:47.88
So, we have to
ask our viewers to
00:20:48.48\00:20:50.76
be honest in your heart!
00:20:50.79\00:20:52.76
Are you living a secret life?
00:20:52.96\00:20:55.30
Behind the closed doors?
00:20:55.93\00:20:57.32
Are you going places
you shouldn't be going?
00:20:57.66\00:20:59.79
Doing things you
shouldn't be doing?
00:20:59.82\00:21:01.20
Looking at things you
shouldn't be looking at?
00:21:01.24\00:21:02.99
Reading books or magazines
00:21:03.02\00:21:05.06
that your wife or your husband
00:21:05.28\00:21:06.95
would not want you to
be looking at or reading?
00:21:07.39\00:21:09.96
Those are very
important questions
00:21:10.53\00:21:12.75
because all
things will be revealed!
00:21:12.79\00:21:14.98
There will be nothing hidden
00:21:15.59\00:21:16.68
and nothing is
hidden -That's right!
00:21:16.72\00:21:17.77
-from the sight of God!
00:21:17.80\00:21:18.82
And that alone
should help us to remember
00:21:19.41\00:21:22.39
to always live honestly
00:21:22.86\00:21:24.69
and with integrity!
00:21:25.02\00:21:26.22
And that's right! And I
think if there's something
00:21:27.13\00:21:29.27
that our viewers
00:21:29.30\00:21:30.77
as they're listening,
00:21:31.07\00:21:32.04
if you are involved in something
00:21:32.05\00:21:34.09
just think about this now,
00:21:34.81\00:21:36.00
if you are
involved in something,
00:21:36.04\00:21:37.59
some thought process,
00:21:37.62\00:21:39.16
something on the internet,
00:21:39.77\00:21:41.13
something that you're reading,
00:21:41.16\00:21:42.49
some
00:21:42.75\00:21:43.72
television
program, whatever it is
00:21:43.91\00:21:45.57
if you're involved in something
00:21:45.75\00:21:46.89
that you
00:21:47.53\00:21:48.50
are feeling some
conviction about,
00:21:48.89\00:21:50.62
something that you
wouldn't be comfortable
00:21:50.66\00:21:53.24
sharing with your
wife or with your husband
00:21:53.27\00:21:55.82
that's the Holly Spirit
00:21:57.02\00:21:58.12
speaking to your heart!
00:21:58.77\00:21:59.74
If you find yourself
in a position where you
00:21:59.75\00:22:01.76
are rationalizing,
00:22:01.79\00:22:03.43
where you're justifying
00:22:04.03\00:22:05.45
"Well it's
because my wife never...!"
00:22:05.79\00:22:07.49
If you're in that position
00:22:08.56\00:22:09.68
the first thing
that needs to happen
00:22:10.91\00:22:12.91
is that you begin to ask God
00:22:13.43\00:22:15.88
to change your heart.
00:22:16.88\00:22:17.96
Because if
you're in that position,
00:22:19.08\00:22:20.25
it's gonna be very difficult
for you just to feel like
00:22:20.29\00:22:22.55
going and being vulnerable
00:22:22.58\00:22:24.60
with your husband, with your
wife whatever the situation is.
00:22:24.99\00:22:27.89
You need to be asking God
00:22:28.52\00:22:30.06
the same God that's
making you uncomfortable,
00:22:30.41\00:22:32.85
the same Holy Spirit
00:22:33.23\00:22:34.56
that is bringing some conviction
00:22:34.60\00:22:36.19
about you dishonesty
00:22:36.22\00:22:37.28
and about the
things that you're doing,
00:22:37.79\00:22:39.20
maybe the things
that you're seeing
00:22:39.66\00:22:41.56
when your wife thinks
you're just doing busyness
00:22:41.74\00:22:44.97
on the internet
00:22:45.00\00:22:46.04
and she finds out
00:22:46.08\00:22:47.09
that she's, that her
husband is doing some things
00:22:48.03\00:22:50.75
behind the
scenes on the internet
00:22:51.07\00:22:52.42
that are totally inappropriate,
00:22:52.46\00:22:53.78
if the Spirit of Lord
00:22:54.13\00:22:55.43
is bringing conviction there
00:22:55.61\00:22:57.00
then turn to the Lord first
00:22:57.36\00:22:58.72
and ask Him to
give you the grace
00:22:58.76\00:23:00.96
to surrender yourself to Him
00:23:01.30\00:23:03.03
and be willing to become honest.
00:23:03.35\00:23:05.96
Because,
00:23:06.19\00:23:07.16
I tell you no matter what
00:23:07.17\00:23:08.18
the consequences are
00:23:08.21\00:23:09.85
honesty
00:23:10.79\00:23:11.76
is always the best policy!
00:23:12.01\00:23:13.56
That is a worldly saying
00:23:13.77\00:23:15.41
but it is very true!
00:23:15.77\00:23:17.26
And you know, it's
not just in some of those
00:23:18.36\00:23:20.19
relationship issues of honesty
00:23:20.22\00:23:22.28
it's in other aspects
of the marriage. I mean
00:23:22.66\00:23:24.55
honesty in -That's right!
00:23:24.58\00:23:25.69
how the money is being used.
00:23:25.73\00:23:26.81
And are you sneaking
things on the side or
00:23:27.14\00:23:29.33
buying things that the
other person doesn't know about.
00:23:29.66\00:23:32.33
I mean
00:23:32.57\00:23:33.54
there's all aspects of honesty
00:23:33.55\00:23:35.35
in the marriage that
we have to deal with,
00:23:35.39\00:23:36.78
honesty in our communication,
00:23:37.14\00:23:39.00
honesty in our
00:23:39.33\00:23:40.85
relationships
outside of the home,
00:23:41.63\00:23:43.88
with our other family
members. -That's right!
00:23:43.92\00:23:45.42
It just gets, it's all inclusive
00:23:45.76\00:23:48.32
it's all involved in our lives.
00:23:48.35\00:23:50.88
That's right!
00:23:50.91\00:23:51.88
So,
00:23:52.30\00:23:53.27
we have found
00:23:53.59\00:23:54.70
that as we have been
willing to be honest,
00:23:55.00\00:23:57.16
has it ever been painful?
00:23:58.03\00:23:59.27
Painful sometimes and
embarrassing sometimes.
00:24:00.24\00:24:02.98
But we have found
00:24:03.42\00:24:04.48
that in spite of those things
if we are willing to be honest
00:24:04.64\00:24:07.72
and now
00:24:08.05\00:24:09.02
there's nothing
that we can't talk about!
00:24:09.22\00:24:11.00
That's right!
00:24:11.34\00:24:12.31
Am I saying that
honestly and truthfully?
00:24:12.77\00:24:15.26
-Absolutely!
00:24:15.29\00:24:16.26
And that is a
powerful statement!
00:24:16.27\00:24:18.98
Because we have
known so many marriages,
00:24:19.18\00:24:21.43
our is being one of them,
00:24:21.85\00:24:23.19
that there were things that we
00:24:23.49\00:24:24.46
had a difficult
time being honest about.
00:24:24.47\00:24:26.68
We can be opened and honest
to talk about anything now!
00:24:27.69\00:24:31.35
And there's nothing hidden,
there's nothing unresolved.
00:24:32.02\00:24:34.77
Everything it's
been brought out,
00:24:34.96\00:24:36.42
everything it's
been worked through
00:24:36.45\00:24:37.88
and everything it's
been honestly communicated.
00:24:38.20\00:24:41.98
No secret hidden agendas.
00:24:42.31\00:24:45.16
So, we wanna encourage you
00:24:45.69\00:24:47.07
that you
consider your motivations,
00:24:48.02\00:24:50.28
consider where you
are in your experience,
00:24:50.56\00:24:53.10
are there
things that are hidden,
00:24:53.13\00:24:54.76
things that are uncomfortable
00:24:55.39\00:24:57.03
now is the time to face them!
00:24:57.52\00:24:59.37
Don't wait!
00:24:59.69\00:25:00.66
Honey do you wanna share the
personal challenge with them?
00:25:01.21\00:25:03.36
We'd like you to
begin right where you are
00:25:03.98\00:25:06.21
as Tom just said, open
your heart up before God
00:25:06.25\00:25:09.15
and let Him
00:25:09.18\00:25:10.28
be the One to reveal to you
00:25:10.58\00:25:12.34
the areas in your life
00:25:12.37\00:25:13.74
that need to be righted
00:25:13.99\00:25:15.27
in your marriage
00:25:15.44\00:25:16.41
and in your own
relationship to God!
00:25:16.55\00:25:18.19
And then to other relationships
if there's those areas as well.
00:25:18.31\00:25:21.50
But begin today to
open your heart to God
00:25:21.55\00:25:24.60
and enjoy
00:25:24.63\00:25:25.93
the cleansing
Power of Jesus Christ
00:25:26.54\00:25:29.74
to give you
freedom from dishonesty.
00:25:29.98\00:25:32.12
And I wanna encourage
00:25:32.75\00:25:33.85
the person on the
other end of the honesty.
00:25:34.53\00:25:36.65
You know, if your
husband comes to you,
00:25:37.06\00:25:39.14
after seeing this program,
00:25:39.47\00:25:41.67
and he says to you:
00:25:42.10\00:25:43.07
"Honey I just, I've
got to be honest with you!
00:25:43.11\00:25:46.04
I haven't been doing right!"
00:25:46.45\00:25:47.74
We wanna also
encourage you, the one that
00:25:48.85\00:25:51.07
hears this vulnerable honesty,
00:25:51.69\00:25:53.66
let God have you
00:25:54.54\00:25:55.92
with a tender forgiving spirit.
00:25:56.26\00:25:58.46
Let Christ work in you
00:25:59.22\00:26:00.43
to make the difference
00:26:01.02\00:26:02.32
that only He can make!
00:26:02.43\00:26:03.81
So, both sides of the equation
00:26:04.20\00:26:06.13
need a power
outside of ourselves!
00:26:06.16\00:26:08.32
Both sides of this honesty issue
00:26:08.36\00:26:10.49
one of us may need to
be honest, the other may
00:26:10.78\00:26:12.87
need to be
00:26:13.21\00:26:14.18
open
00:26:14.19\00:26:15.16
to accept and forgive
00:26:15.17\00:26:16.14
and to be able to repair
00:26:16.39\00:26:17.83
the damage in
Christ and move forward.
00:26:18.32\00:26:20.64
So,
00:26:21.41\00:26:22.38
in order to do that
00:26:22.39\00:26:23.36
we need to surrender to Christ
00:26:23.39\00:26:24.93
and I believe we need
00:26:25.55\00:26:26.72
communion with Christ
00:26:27.33\00:26:28.72
to go through that.
00:26:29.06\00:26:30.03
And I think it would
be a blessing right now
00:26:30.08\00:26:31.45
if we could close
together in prayer.
00:26:31.66\00:26:33.30
Do you wanna pray honey? -Sure!
00:26:33.33\00:26:34.82
Father we are thankful that You
00:26:36.80\00:26:38.35
are all knowing and
that You reveal to us
00:26:38.77\00:26:41.38
even some of the motives
00:26:41.41\00:26:42.56
that we may not understand,
that are in our hearts.
00:26:42.60\00:26:44.81
We pray for honesty
and integrity in our lives
00:26:45.47\00:26:48.00
and in our marriages Lord,
00:26:48.42\00:26:49.75
that we can have
security and happiness and peace
00:26:50.08\00:26:52.91
and harmony there.
00:26:53.62\00:26:55.23
And we pray also Lord
for a spirit of forgiveness
00:26:55.83\00:26:58.48
and of restoration.
00:26:59.07\00:27:00.09
In Jesus name Amen!
00:27:00.44\00:27:01.68
Amen!
00:27:02.08\00:27:03.05
Well, we hope that
you'll join us next time!
00:27:04.29\00:27:06.90
We're going to be
talking about money matters.
00:27:07.23\00:27:09.74
There's money matter??
00:27:11.27\00:27:12.26
Do we need money??
00:27:12.63\00:27:13.69
We know we need money
00:27:14.37\00:27:15.62
and we know that
the love of money
00:27:16.20\00:27:18.55
is the root of all evil!
00:27:18.89\00:27:20.19
So, if we can
separate those two things
00:27:20.58\00:27:22.51
and when we get
together next time
00:27:23.15\00:27:24.69
we're gonna be talking about
00:27:24.72\00:27:26.13
how we can deal
with the money matters
00:27:26.73\00:27:29.46
that really
matter in our marriages!
00:27:29.66\00:27:31.50
Marriages that we
want to be heart to heart
00:27:32.05\00:27:35.52
and that will only happen
00:27:36.35\00:27:37.65
as we're heart to
heart with Jesus Christ
00:27:37.78\00:27:39.76
and heart to heart
with the one we love.
00:27:40.18\00:27:42.66
Marriage in God's Hands
00:27:47.15\00:27:48.88
Executive Producer Danny Shelton
00:27:48.92\00:27:51.45
Director Jozsef Palhegyi
00:27:51.48\00:27:54.27
Video Kristin Stewart
00:27:54.30\00:27:56.78
Audio Timothy S. Dial
00:27:56.82\00:27:59.47
Floor Director Mitch Owen
00:27:59.50\00:28:02.12
Cameras Robbie D. Canton
Randy Carney Mitch Owen Jeremy
00:28:02.15\00:28:07.16
Steenson
Lighting Thimoty S. Dial
00:28:07.19\00:28:09.68
Set Design Douglas Garcia
00:28:09.72\00:28:12.22
Set Decoration Jodi Duncan
00:28:12.25\00:28:14.68
3D Animation Jason
Wilhelm Kyle Warren
00:28:14.72\00:28:18.11
Production Coordinator
Dee Hilderbrand Cheryl Volsch
00:28:18.14\00:28:20.25
Produced by Three
Angels Broadcasting Network
00:28:25.66\00:28:28.37