Participants: Alane Waters, Tom Waters
Series Code: MGH
Program Code: MGH000016
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00:34 Welcome to Marriage Heart to Heart!
00:35 We're Tom & Alane Waters with Restoration International 00:39 And we're looking forward 00:41 to today's program with you. 00:43 We're gonna be talking about communication breakers. 00:45 So, we hope you have your pencil and paper ready 00:47 as we begin. 00:49 You know, there are all kinds of things that 00:51 break communication. 00:54 And we're gonna be talking about how we can 00:57 overcome those communication breakers, 00:58 because we wanna have a marriage 01:00 that's truly heart to heart. 01:03 You know, communication breakers 01:05 are actually what lead to this fatal cycle. 01:07 And we've talked about this fatal cycle 01:10 in some of our earlier programs. 01:12 That fatal cycle which then leads often to divorce. 01:17 So, if communication begins to break down 01:20 we start that fatal cycle, 01:21 and it's not safe to stay in that fatal cycle. 01:25 That's right! That fatal cycle draws us apart. 01:28 And puts barriers between us. 01:31 So, one of the communication breakers 01:33 that we experienced in our home early on 01:36 was the absolute statements. 01:40 "You always...!" and "You never..!" 01:45 It seemed like any time that we 01:47 were starting to be in the me focus 01:49 those kind of statements started 01:51 flow from us to each other. 01:53 "You always do that!" "You never do that!" 01:56 "You always say that!" 01:58 And those kind of thoughts 01:59 those kind of words 02:01 would almost always derail us in our communication 02:05 and cause us problems. 02:06 So, is it safe to say then that 02:09 when we're saying words 02:11 like: "You always..!" 02:13 "Why you never...!?" 02:16 in those tones of voice 02:18 that it's pretty safe to say 02:19 we are in the me focus. 02:22 We're not really looking at being very understanding. 02:25 And we're thinking just about my perspective. 02:29 First of all these statements aren't even true statements. 02:32 And secondly they take us away 02:33 from the issue that we're discussing 02:36 on to a different issue that has no relevance to 02:39 the things being discussed. 02:40 It's kind of a side tracking because now 02:43 if you've made me feel like 02:45 or I feel, or you can't make me feel like 02:48 but if I get the idea that "I always..!" 02:50 and "I never..!" 02:52 then that kind of raises a 02:54 a defensive response: 02:56 "Well, last time I didn't say that!" 02:59 And so you say "I always..!" 03:01 and I didn't say it last time we got into it, so 03:04 it's a side track! 03:06 And pretty soon we can be off into something that 03:08 has no relevance 03:10 to where we started. 03:12 And we find ourselves quite upset. 03:14 Over something that it was never an issue to start with. 03:17 So, we've made a decision in our home, 03:19 a commitment that we're not going to let 03:21 these kind of communication breakers 03:23 destroy our communication. 03:25 - That's right! - And we've agreed 03:27 that if these come up in our conversation, 03:30 which sometimes they still do, 03:32 that if the person who speaks catches themselves they 03:35 can correct themselves. 03:36 That's right! 03:38 And if not the other person in the conversation 03:39 or if we're having a family council 03:41 anyone in our home 03:43 anyone of our children have permission to respectfully say: 03:47 "Mother you just said: "You always..!" 03:50 And that gives me the opportunity 03:51 as the offender to say: 03:53 "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that! 03:55 You don't always. 03:57 what I mean to say is: 03:58 often" and then I can continue 04:00 my sentence or my statement. 04:02 And it's been very effective in our home 04:05 as a way to remedy these communication breakers. 04:08 Very helpful. 04:10 The second area that we wanna talk about 04:13 is bringing up the past. 04:15 You know, it's so easy 04:16 especially if we're in the "me focus" 04:19 and we know how 04:20 we can move out of that "me focus" 04:23 to the "us focus" but, 04:25 these communication breakers often 04:26 happen or are stimulated when we're in the "me focus". 04:29 So if we're in that "me focus" 04:31 it's easy to start bringing up the past 04:33 and it's a real communication breaker. 04:36 Because if we're holding 04:37 the other person in the past 04:39 do you like that dear? 04:40 You like to be held in the past? 04:42 No! I like to be who I am today! 04:43 Ok! 04:45 So, even if your 04:47 words or your actions 04:50 remind me of something that's happened in the past 04:53 it's not gonna do us any good 04:55 to go back to the past or blame you 04:58 for the past 04:59 to help resolve this present situation. 05:01 And you probably remember that one couple 05:03 that we had in our home, it's a classic example of this. 05:07 This couple they were in our home, 05:10 it was probably over ten years ago, 05:13 and right from the very beginning 05:15 we could see that they could not 05:18 communicate about anything, it seemed. 05:21 And as we were sitting together trying to talk 05:23 about their problems 05:25 and how their communication was being broken down 05:28 one of the things that we observed 05:30 was that they were always, 05:32 at least in the communication that we were having with them, 05:37 always bringing each other back in the past. 05:39 They wouldn't let it go! 05:41 And so, what was ended up happening if you remember 05:45 is they were both 05:47 holding each other in the past. 05:48 And they weren't living very much their life in the present 05:51 and as result 05:53 they were living a pretty miserable experience. 05:55 Their past was destroying their present relationship. 05:58 That's right! 05:59 They wouldn't let the other one out of the 06:00 out of their past. And if it's not good 06:03 why go back and relive it and relive it and relive it? 06:05 Let's get out of this! If it's not that good let's get out 06:08 and move forward! 06:09 That's right! 06:10 If we can take the past out of the picture 06:13 and we're willing to start living a present life 06:16 we'll have a better past. 06:18 if we get that dealing in the past out of there. 06:21 Well, it was time for us to go for our walk and talk time, 06:26 which is something that we've done for years. 06:28 And so, we invited this couple 06:31 while we went for a walk 06:32 and we were gonna head one direction 06:34 and we invited them: "You go the other direction. " 06:37 And we gave them a couple of simple rules 06:39 for communication. 06:40 We said: 06:41 "On this walk that you take together, 06:43 while we go out and have our time together, 06:46 we want you 06:48 to remember what it was 06:50 that attracted you to one another!" 06:52 You remember that? 06:53 "What it was that really made it meaningful for you 06:56 in your early, your courtship and prayer to marriage 07:01 and talk about what it was there 07:03 that made it so meaningful. 07:05 Why you were brought together? 07:07 And then we want you to each try to focus 07:11 your attention on the positive things 07:15 that you liked about that person 07:16 in your early married life. 07:18 Don't talk about anything else from the time you leave 07:23 this house until we come back together!" 07:25 And do you remember how they came back? 07:27 They came back a different couple then what they left. 07:30 I think it was quite eye opening and quite challenging for them. 07:34 But they were willing, they wanted 07:36 - to regain that unity, - That's right! 07:38 they wanted to regain that relationship. 07:40 And they were willing to take that suggestion 07:43 and to discipline themselves on that walk. 07:46 And when they came back 07:48 they were holding hands, they were happy and they had 07:50 broken that fatal cycle. 07:52 That's right! 07:53 That fatal cycle that, you know, 07:54 once we get start down this track it just is like a 07:57 you know, something that sucks us down 07:59 and we just find it very difficult to get out of it. 08:02 And not only that, but it gave them new ground 08:05 to start and to advance in their communication. 08:08 And now it's incredible to see this couple. 08:11 They enjoy each other, they have no problems in 08:13 their communication. - That's right! 08:15 It's exciting to see what can happen and how we can change. 08:18 Yes! And that's 08:20 that's what's exciting. And we wanna encourage you 08:23 as a viewing audience that 08:25 sometimes it just takes a launching off point 08:29 in these communication breakers. 08:31 Somebody 08:32 in the marriage needs to be willing to be 08:35 vulnerable to start making a difference. 08:38 And this was a lunging off place for them. 08:40 They went back to a very positive time 08:42 in their lives and 08:44 they started a new life together really. 08:47 That's what ended up happening. 08:50 Well, let's talk about number three, 08:53 the next communication breaker, and 08:55 believe me, there's many more 08:57 communication breakers that we could talk about 08:59 but time would not permit. 09:00 So, number three 09:02 is the screamer, 09:04 the yeller! 09:06 Those really loud over powering voices 09:10 you know, that come out of real irritation 09:13 that come out of the passions or even rage sometimes. 09:18 And those loud voices 09:21 actually carry with them 09:23 a spirit of force. 09:25 You know, it's interesting 09:29 when I talk with someone we do a lot of 09:32 seminars internationally different countries. 09:34 And it's, I kind of smile about it because 09:37 sometimes when I'm talking to people 09:39 who are speaking a different language 09:42 I somehow think 09:44 and I know it isn't true, but somehow 09:45 I find myself 09:47 if I speak louder 09:49 and slower 09:51 maybe they'll understand my English. 09:55 My family has laughed at me 09:56 that's a little bit of exaggeration, but 09:59 isn't that true? Sometimes we somehow think 10:02 that if I can just get my point across 10:06 you will understand! 10:08 And it doesn't change the understanding at all! 10:11 What it does, it communicates a deeper message. 10:13 if it's done in the passion, and frustration and anger. 10:16 That's right! 10:18 It's understood in a language barrier, because 10:20 it happens naturally. 10:21 But in a home, in a marriage, 10:23 where there's already communication problems 10:26 loud voices only intensifying the problem. 10:28 They don't solve anything. 10:30 - Yes! - So this is an area that 10:32 we have had in our home in the past a long time ago. 10:35 And I'm thankful it's a long time ago. 10:37 And we agreed again 10:39 we made another commitment 10:40 that this was no longer gonna be a part 10:42 of how we communicated in our home. 10:44 That's right! 10:45 And we hope that each one of you 10:47 listening today 10:49 will take notes and 10:51 make these type of commitments 10:53 even if it's just you, a single person listening 10:57 it can make such a difference 10:59 in how you respond to your spouse 11:01 that it will encourage them to start talking to you 11:04 in the same spirit and in the same tone 11:06 in which you talk to them. 11:08 In fact a good example of that is 11:10 I remember once I had laryngitis and I started 11:12 whispering all around the house. 11:14 That's right! 11:15 And the hole family whispered until my voice was back. 11:18 That's right! 11:19 Just by my influence. 11:20 So, by our influence of speaking in a normal 11:23 tone of voice we can 11:25 help to diminish these loud yelling 11:29 sharp responses. 11:31 I remember that and that's actually a very powerful 11:34 example because it wasn't 11:37 that I went around to the children and said: 11:40 "Now, mother can't use her voice so, 11:43 let's all make mother feel better!" 11:45 "Talk real quietly and whisper. " 11:48 But it was by beholding. 11:50 You know, there's a law, a law in the mind that says 11:53 "By beholding we become changed. " 11:55 And as we tuned in to you 11:59 we started talking like you were talking. 12:02 You know, that's another communication breaker. 12:04 Though if we can take that 12:06 there's the person, and we've known couples 12:09 personally, who have gone into the 12:11 they talk so quietly 12:13 or they mutter. 12:15 And sometimes muttering 12:16 is really just a reflection of self 12:19 not speaking clearly. 12:21 And we know one couple that 12:23 the man couldn't hear that well 12:25 and it seemed like the wife actually 12:27 kind of prodded him 12:30 by talking quietly. 12:31 And then she'd say 12:33 something like: "Well 12:34 how come you're not answering me?!" 12:36 Now, she said that 12:37 so he could hear. 12:38 And he's saying: 12:40 "Well, I didn't know you were talking to me. " 12:42 And it created frustration. 12:44 So, communication breakers 12:46 can happen from talking real loud 12:49 or muttering and talking so quietly that 12:52 the person is frustrated and can't really hear. 12:55 I know in our home too 12:57 in that loudness aspect sometimes 12:59 we've find it even more. 13:02 And sometimes 13:03 one of our children or you can say 13:05 you sense a spirit of intensity. 13:07 Not that the voice is escalating 13:10 but that there's a spirit of intensity there. 13:13 So we've agreed that we're gonna be allies 13:15 and not enemies. 13:16 We are here to work together 13:18 to conquer, you know, this life here, 13:21 together. 13:22 And so, we wanna help each other. 13:24 So now, we'll even say: 13:26 "Honey 13:27 I'm sensing a little intensity in your voice 13:29 or in the spirit that's there" - That's right! 13:33 And by having agreed to that ahead of time 13:35 when you say that to me or when I say that to you 13:39 it doesn't bring the defensiveness 13:41 that it could if it hadn't had been discussed before. 13:44 'Cause we're allies now. 13:45 That's right! We're not enemies! 13:46 And I think that concept of being allies 13:48 it was very impactive for us as we 13:51 we recognized that when would start letting that 13:54 self focus come in we started being enemies 13:56 and we didn't wanted to be enemies. 13:58 I mean I love my wife, she loves me 14:00 but we'd start going to our corners and 14:04 when we realized that we can be allies against 14:06 the common foul it's the Devil 14:09 and the selfishness that is so nit to the Devil 14:12 that comes out of us. 14:14 The Devil is our enemy! Self is our enemy! 14:16 And so we aren't enemies together! 14:18 So, when we started agreeing that 14:20 we're gonna be allies together 14:22 what a difference it made! 14:23 We're allies now! 14:25 We're not enemies! 14:26 And so, when we recognized this happening 14:28 we're gonna work together 14:30 through this and against our common foul 14:33 with the Lord. 14:35 So, 14:36 we need to talk about some more communication breakers 14:38 but we'll be back 14:39 in just a moment after we take this break! 14:41 So stay with us! 14:48 There are many "How to?" books available, 14:50 but there's one that's free and perfect for every couple: 14:53 how you can "Build a Better Marriage". 14:55 Bible-based, matrimonial advice is given in a lighthearted, 14:59 easy-to-read manner, for those contemplating marriage, 15:02 newlyweds, couples in their golden years, 15:05 and everyone in-between. 15:07 Simply call or write for your free copy 15:09 of this amazing little booklet, a handy little tool 15:12 to help build a better marriage. 15:19 Welcome back! 15:20 As we were talking about 15:22 communication breakers. 15:24 And I'm sure you've been able to relate to these. 15:26 Maybe they don't all affect you but 15:28 they've all affected us and 15:29 the one that I wanna talk about next, 15:31 the fourth communication breaker 15:34 it's one that really broke the communication 15:37 in our early marriage. Didn't it dear? 15:39 Yes! 15:41 I call it "driving on ice". 15:43 It goes something like this: 15:48 I'm looking straight ahead. 15:50 I don't turn to look at my wife. 15:52 I am really acting like 15:55 I've got to concentrate on my driving. 15:56 And we have met so many couples, 15:59 now it may sound funny, 16:00 but we have met so many people 16:02 that struggle with this. 16:03 The husband acts like he's got nothing to say. 16:07 He's got to concentrate on his driving 16:09 he's looking straight ahead, 16:11 and he's wife is just 16:13 left there in the car. 16:14 How does that make you feel? 16:16 Lonely! 16:18 It was a tough area for us at the beginning 16:21 because we were used to talking about everything 16:23 - Yes! - and freely, 16:25 and anytime. 16:26 And now we had all this half hour to work 16:29 or 45 minutes to and from work every day. 16:33 And first: you weren't a morning person, 16:35 then you had to drive intensely going home, 16:38 even if it wasn't winter and there was no ice. 16:41 It was like you were just 16:43 stow right there, you know, behind the wheel. 16:45 You know, and I would try to talk and share 16:47 but it's like you weren't really hearing 16:48 or not interested. 16:49 You know, what really upset you 16:51 I remember the day, 16:53 and husbands tune in to this if you have this problem 16:55 because I remember the day that 16:57 one of my buddies road with me in the car 17:01 and my wife 17:02 being gracious 17:03 took the back seat. 17:06 What to my driving on ice then dear? 17:10 You were like you were on a tropical island 17:11 with no pressures at all, like you had so much to say. 17:16 And your head turned so many times 17:18 to your buddy sitting next to you. 17:20 And I thought: 17:21 "What's wrong with me?" 17:22 It was terrible, wasn't it? 17:23 It was pretty hurtful. 17:24 Well, these silences 17:27 they're not silences that are golden 17:30 they're silences of self. 17:32 And it's interesting 17:34 we spend a lot of time in airports as we travel 17:37 and we've made some very interesting observations. 17:40 We could probably go around 17:44 in the airport, just randomly, 17:45 go around and tell you 17:48 where the married couples were 17:50 and where the friends are. 17:53 Or where the married couples are 17:54 and where the ones in a dating relationship are. 17:58 It is very interesting because 18:00 many of the married couples 18:02 are no longer communicating. 18:05 They've got their newspaper, 18:06 their book, they've got whatever they're doing 18:09 or they're sitting with a blank stare on their face 18:11 or watching the television 18:13 because they're not communicating. 18:15 Their communication is broken. 18:17 Isn't that true? 18:18 Yes! I mean everywhere you go you see it. 18:20 In fact I remember getting on the airplane once 18:22 and the flight attendant said: 18:24 "Are you newlyweds?" 18:25 I said: "No!" 18:27 She said: 18:28 "Well,!" You know I asked her: "Why?" 18:29 "Well, because you guys look like you love each other" 18:31 "So, well we do! We're husband and wife! 18:32 I mean we've been married for years!" 18:35 And then the same flight attendant, 18:37 a few weeks later, 18:38 thought maybe I was pregnant because 18:39 I was so happy just 18:41 talking to my husband. I mean isn't that normal? 18:44 But it's not really normal. 18:46 - And that's the said part! - It is! 18:47 And we wanna break that cycle! 18:49 - That's right! - That fatal cycle! 18:50 And silence needs to be broken! 18:52 We need to learn how to communicate 18:54 even if it's a little uncomfortable. 18:56 That's right! 18:57 So the next area that we wanna talk about 19:00 is similar to that, 19:01 another communication breaker. 19:03 And that's called "sleep". 19:05 Now we all need sleep! 19:07 Everyone of us do! 19:08 But sometimes 19:10 when we go to bed 19:11 you and I like to talk. 19:13 Oh, that's a great talk time! 19:14 It's a great talk time 19:15 and I think many couples like that 19:18 but if one of the spouses 19:22 begins to snore 19:23 within the first few minutes 19:25 it can be a serious communication breaker. 19:28 Honey do I snore? 19:31 Yes! You do snore! 19:32 So that sounds like I'm the culprit in this. 19:34 Well I've fallen asleep on you too. 19:36 And it's not that it's wrong, - That's sure! 19:37 - but we have, 19:39 in our home we've decided that 19:41 if we are tired 19:43 and we sense that we're starting 19:45 to drift off and asleep 19:46 when our spouse is telling us something 19:48 that's important to them 19:50 that we will say something like this: 19:52 "I'm sorry, I'm dozy" or "I'm getting tired" 19:55 "Can we set a time to talk about it tomorrow?" 19:57 "Don't take it personally!" 19:58 "Don't take it personally!" 20:00 So, 20:01 if we don't 20:03 if we don't have that kind of communication 20:06 just to keep falling asleep night after night, after night, 20:09 after night, after night! 20:10 The other one feels like: 20:12 "I'm not being cared for. 20:13 He doesn't really care for me. He doesn't really.. 20:16 He's not really interested. Does he really love me? 20:18 And it leads into questions 20:21 that should never be being raised in a marriage. 20:24 That's right! 20:26 So, that's a communication breaker! 20:27 It is! Well, 20:30 the sixth area that we wanna talk about 20:33 is "laughter and tears". 20:35 Now before you jump to any conclusions 20:39 you know laughter in and of itself 20:41 is not a communication breaker. 20:43 We enjoy good hearty laughter 20:46 in our marriage and in our home. 20:47 Yes! And we have it fairly, regularly. 20:50 And shedding tears, 20:51 there's nothing wrong with shedding tears. 20:53 I know, there are a lot of men 20:54 that had been raised with this idea that 20:55 it's not ok that to have tears or to show emotion. 20:59 That's an improper thought, but 21:01 listen as we talk about how 21:04 that affects in the wrong way. 21:06 Do you remember? 21:08 In the early part of our marriage we 21:09 learned a lot of tough lessons 21:11 in the first part of our marriage. And I'm thankful 21:12 that we learned them, now, because our love 21:15 was enduring love! 21:16 That's right! Because we did love each other! 21:19 Even though we were finding these struggles. 21:21 It's what brought us through that! 21:22 Yes! 21:24 That's right! 21:25 You used to laugh 21:26 at what I considered some of the most 21:28 inappropriate times. 21:31 You remember that? - Oh yes! 21:34 And sometimes my laughter 21:37 broke communication 21:38 because it was upsetting to you. 21:40 And it wasn't, because I wasn't caring 21:42 but sometimes 21:45 it wasn't appropriate for me to laugh. 21:47 I remember asking you one time, so 21:50 "What do I have to do? Cut my hand off? 21:53 And then you won't laugh!?" 21:57 Sometimes is just how circumstances strike you. 22:01 And so I have to be sensitive 22:02 that I just don't start laughing at the circumstances 22:05 that happened that caused you pain. 22:07 Now, it didn't take me long to realize that 22:09 you weren't really laughing at me but that's 22:12 you know, it was pretty hard to separate that at first. 22:14 - Yes. And now you - It's like: Oh it's that funny? 22:15 that I just smashed my finger!?" Right? 22:18 And now you've learned to laugh 22:20 and we've learned to laugh together. 22:21 And so you can laugh when I fall down on the ice as well. 22:24 But 22:25 what is the other aspect that I had 22:27 and this was the problem that I had, 22:29 is sometimes I would laugh when 22:31 things weren't funny. I mean not those kind of things, but 22:34 - The pressure! - When we.. The pressure, 22:36 stress, under stress, not knowing how to respond. 22:39 You know, we could be in a difficult situation 22:42 and I would just break out laughing. 22:44 I never understood that! 22:46 At least for a while! 22:47 It was a stress relief but it didn't relive the stress 22:50 because 22:51 you know, it only made you more upset. 22:53 "So how could you laugh at this?" 22:54 - Yes! "- This isn't funny!" 22:57 So, laughter is good in a marriage! 22:59 But it has to be understood 23:02 in how is used. Laugh with someone and not at them. 23:05 Yes! And 23:06 aren't you glad we're not in those kind of stressful 23:09 situations in our marriage anymore? 23:11 - Oh yes! - Isn't that a blessing? 23:12 - It is a blessing! 23:13 And that what we wanna encourage you with. 23:15 You can really have a marriage that's heart to heart 23:19 with God 23:20 and the one that you love! 23:22 Now, what about the tears? 23:24 You know, tears can be a communication breaker too. 23:27 Now, they don't need to be! 23:29 But definitely we have found that 23:30 tears do affect 23:33 the communication. 23:35 Because 23:36 again in our early 23:38 our early marriage 23:39 there were times that your tears 23:42 really made me feel guilty! 23:45 Ok? 23:46 And because I really didn't understand that 23:49 that full surrender and I didn't understand how to 23:52 be kept by the Grace of God 23:53 in that situations in our marriage 23:56 that guilt would still have an impact on my communication. 23:59 And so, 24:00 that would cause me to change my direction of, 24:03 you know, 24:05 conversation. 24:06 But I wasn't really, I wasn't really dealing with my heart 24:09 but those tears 24:11 and you know, you've heard of 24:12 women, I haven't heard of any men doing this, 24:14 but you've heard of the women that 24:15 - you know, - if they get pulled over 24:17 they will try the tears routine. 24:19 And it doesn't always work! Does it? 24:21 But it often does have it's effect 24:24 and it's not the right kind of effect. 24:26 So if tears are shed 24:28 to try to create that effect that's a wrong motivation. 24:32 - They kindle a response. - That's right! 24:34 And 24:35 you know, it may cut communication, 24:37 it may bring on guilt, 24:38 it may be: "Here we go again!" 24:41 "We're gonna go down this old track again!" 24:44 Or 24:45 it may bring on: 24:46 "I'm just gonna let her do it! I'm gonna 24:48 just.. It doesn't matter! 24:49 I just wanna have peace! I don't wanna have this..!" 24:51 And so, 24:52 it's a wrong solution! 24:55 Tears should not be used 24:57 as a means to get what someone wants! 24:59 Because that breaks communication. 25:01 We need to resolve and solve our problems 25:04 without the tears 25:05 - That's right! 25:06 - for the real solution. 25:07 Well, 25:08 the last area that we wanna talk about, 25:10 and again, we could talk about 25:11 many communication breakers, 25:13 and you need to decide what it is in your 25:15 marriage that's breaking communication but 25:18 jesting, joking and foolishness 25:22 this was also a part of our early marriage. 25:24 And these little foolish witticisms and 25:27 you know, one-upmanship 25:29 and I'll make a dig on you 25:31 and you come back with one better on me, 25:34 Isn't that destructive 25:36 to communication? Really? 25:37 It is! Because it's always degrading someone else 25:41 or putting them down 25:42 in order to get somebody to laugh 25:43 or to put ourselves up. 25:45 Somebody is always at the expense 25:46 of those kind of comments. 25:49 They're very destructive! 25:50 Ephesians 5 verse 4 says: 25:53 "Neither filthiness, 25:54 nor jesting 25:56 which are not convenient: 25:57 but learning to walk in love. " 26:01 That's the other side, that's the 1 Corinthians 26:03 they've been talking about 26:04 learning to walk in love. 26:06 You know, many people 26:08 and we've seen this 26:09 over and over again, 26:10 they get into this kind of superficial 26:13 what I call it is "filler conversation". 26:16 And I used to do a lot of it, 26:18 you know, and before we were married. 26:21 But it's "filler conversation", it's 26:23 filling in blanks and it's really what it's saying is 26:26 "I can't talk to you deeply. 26:30 And so, I'm gonna fill in spaces. " 26:32 And it's not right! And what ends up happening 26:34 we've dealt with and ministered to many couples. 26:36 who have gotten so shell in their communication, 26:38 that they had nothing 26:40 that they can't talk about any of the real issues. 26:42 So, 26:43 we need to get this out of our communication 26:46 and move to the personal challenge for the people. 26:48 You wanna share a little bit of their personal challenge 26:50 with them right now? 26:53 Identify your weak areas 26:56 and look for a way to resolve it. 26:57 Make those commitments, 26:59 the changes that you're gonna do in your family 27:01 and your relationship 27:02 to have a marriage that's heart to heart. 27:05 Well, let's pray that that commitment can be made 27:07 in the Lord. 27:09 Father in Heaven 27:10 we need You for every commitment and 27:13 if we're making commitments 27:14 about the things that break communication 27:16 we need Your Grace! Help us to be able to identify 27:18 those things, 27:20 and to be able to move forward 27:21 with a marriage that's truly heart to heart. 27:23 In Jesus name Amen! 27:26 We hope you'll join us next time 27:29 as we talk about 27:30 honesty and integrity. 27:32 Oh, what an important part of a marriage 27:35 that's gonna be truly heart to heart, 27:38 heart to heart with our Lord and Savior 27:41 and heart to heart with the girl we love. 28:25 Captioning and translations by 28:28 Christian Media Services www. chms. ro |
Revised 2014-12-17