Welcome to
Marriage Heart to Heart!
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We're Tom & Alane Waters
with Restoration International
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And we're looking forward
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to our time together
with you again today!
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We're gonna be talking
about setting priorities.
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Do you remember the last
program where we were talking
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about forming common
goals. Today we wanna talk about
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how we set
priorities to reach those goals.
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So we hope that you
have a paper and a pencil
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as we begin today's program.
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So how did you do
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since the last time
that we were together,
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when we talked about how we
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formed some of our goals?
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How did you deal in taking time
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and making time? Now
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you may have said:
"Yes we need that time!"
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But did you actually
carved out that time?
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Did you make the
time to sit down together
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and look at what
goals you wanted to have?
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Because if we don't know
the goals that we're agreeing on
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how are we going
to set the priorities?
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And that's what we're
gonna talk about today.
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How we set the priorities
to accomplish those goals.
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You know,
sometimes we set the goals
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but we don't take the time to
set the priorities to reach them
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That's right!
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And what happens is,
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is we that life
becomes more frustrating again,
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more stressful.
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And we become discouraged
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because we have
these goals out there
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but they're not
really being met,
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because we've never set
priorities to reach those goals,
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to get there.
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So, there's
discouragement that comes in
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or sometimes even guilt.
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So setting priorities has been
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an exciting thing in
our family. And we keep
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not just setting the priority,
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but we change our life
to meet those priorities.
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and then we reevaluate that.
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And it's been such a
blessing in our home.
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That's right!
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So, let's look
at the three goals
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that we talked about
for our home last time.
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Because we wanna
take those three goals
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that we felt were
vitally important,
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and then we wanna talk about
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how we went around when about
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setting those
priorities to accomplish it.
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So, our first one, was having
a vital connection with God.
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Without this vital connection
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to a power outside of
ourselves we are powerless,
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we can't do it! Can we dear?
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No!
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- We've already to
many times! - We tried.
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So Jeremiah 29:13 says:
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"You shall seek me
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and find me
when you shall search
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for me with all your heart"
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Well? That means we
needed to take more time
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than we were taking
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to spend time
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in God's Word,
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because we talked
about this Sure Foundation
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but if we're not in God's Word
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we're not gonna
have a Sure Foundation.
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And so, if we're not seeking God
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we're not going to be able
to have this vital connection
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this power that we need to
really live the Christian life,
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to really have a
marriage that's heart to heart.
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So, we made some decisions
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on making time
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for God in the morning
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rather then these five minutes,
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a quick, you know,
reading and out the door.
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I remember when we
made that commitment
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and we decided, we
were gonna get 30 minutes
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earlier.
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I mean that's not a lot of time!
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We usually waste
more than 30 minutes a day
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- But it was a
start. - It was a start.
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That's where we started.
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And I remember, you
know, the excitement,
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the enthusiasm that we had.
We had our two young girls and
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we were gonna start getting
up a half an hour earlier
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just to seek the Lord, so
that we could begin the day.
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Because we knew that
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if we waited to try to fit
Him in somewhere else in the day
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He just never would get
fit in. - It doesn't work.
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So the very first
morning, when we got up,
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so did our girls.
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Remember that?
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Oh yes!
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Oh, that wasn't too bad,
but the next morning they
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got up again.
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And they had never woken up.
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You know, I mean
they were always good
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about getting up
at their regular time.
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So, I started setting the
alarm clock earlier and earlier
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and earlier.
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And they kept waking up
early and early and earlier
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and the earlier they woke up
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the more traumatic
was their wakening.
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I mean screaming,
crying, hysterical.
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So it was very hard
to even get them calm.
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And it was quite
concerning to us.
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Yes! And after we
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saw this happening
over and over again
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for a few days
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we were using some of
our quiet time together
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to seek the Lord
why is this happening.
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We begin to realize
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that the Devil does not
want us taking this time.
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Now, he doesn't care
if we go through some
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formality, ok?
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A quick prayer and
then we're out the door.
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But what the Devil
does not want to happen
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is for us to gain
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a vital connection with
the Power of Jesus Christ
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because when that happens
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the Devil trembles
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because he knows he begins
to loose his power in our lives
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and we begin to live
real Christian lives.
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So, we recognized
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that the Devil was
beginning to harass our girls.
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They were waking up screaming
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early in the
morning, just screaming.
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And they were contented
and would sleep normally.
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So we went to the Lord
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if you
remember, that next night,
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we went to the Lord
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and we got on our
knees and we really
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pleaded with the
Lord for our girls.
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And the blessing was
that that next morning
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the Lord put a hedge about us.
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At least that's
how I visualized it.
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He put a hedge about us
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and we did not have
that problem from then on.
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That was very encouraging
to me. That helped motivate me
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to know that the
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priority we were making
with God first thing in the day
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was something that
was important to Him.
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And needed to be
that important to us
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that He would
do that in our home
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for us and
working with our children.
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And it's been, it's been
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something we've
done ever since then.
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That's right!
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And it's been a real blessing.
And in that morning time
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we started establishing
our personal prayer life.
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And we've already talked about
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prayers of love.
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But that's very important
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that we take the time every day
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- To pray and
commune with God. - Yes!
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for our personal needs.
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And the other thing
that we began to do was
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instead of just reading
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something
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we began studying.
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And I wanna encourage you,
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there's a difference
between taking the Word of God
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and just reading it. Reading is
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is important
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but studying is more important.
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If we'll take God's Word
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and we'll begin to study
for a practical application
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for our lives
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so that the Words of God
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become words like
they were for Jeremiah.
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"I found thy
word and I did eat it
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and thy word became the
joy and rejoicing of my soul.
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That means that for Jeremiah
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the Word of God
became a part of him.
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And that's what
God wants for us.
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So, just reading
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for us was not enough!
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It was beginning to study
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and understand
how this applies to me
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and how I can
bring it into my marriage
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and my family.
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And that also encouraged us to
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start studying for things
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that we knew we
needed in our lives.
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And for me it was how to be
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a better wife
and a better mother.
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Because that's
where I live every day.
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And for you out there, you women
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instead of
looking for generic topics
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study God's Word
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for how you can be a
better wife and a better mother
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in your home. And
see the difference
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that God can
really make in your life.
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And then the other thing
that I really enjoy doing
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was when we would finish,
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I would come to
you and share with you
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what I had learned,
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and you would share
with me what you had learned.
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And that was
encouraging because we could
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glean from each other study time
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and get a bigger blessing.
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Ok.
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So we hope that
you will take the time
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not only to
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find the common
goals that you believe in
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and that you believe
will change your family
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and that will
advance your family but
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then take the time
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to set the priorities
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and then follow
through with those priorities.
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The second area
that we talked about
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was the happy home.
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Now, this seems very basic.
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Does anybody wanna
have an unhappy home?
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No!
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No?!
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Nobody wants to
have an unhappy home
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or an unhappy marriage.
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I don't get married, none
gets married to be unhappy!
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We get married to
fulfill happiness in our lives.
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So we've come to
understand that if we wanna have
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a truly happy
home then we need to
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make some differences
in the choices we make.
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Because it's not
gonna happen by accident.
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Because everything is working
against having a happy home.
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So one of the things that
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we started doing was
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beginning to have regularity
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in our lives.
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Now, why is
regularity important?
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Well, everything
in life is successful
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anything that grows
and blooms has regularity.
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Every business that's successful
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has regularity. - That's right!
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In my nursing, I had regularity.
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I had to be to work on time,
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I had my responsibilities
with my patients on ICU.
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These meds had
to be given on time.
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These treatments
need to be done on time
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for the life, for the safety
for the healing of that person.
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And we've just
translate that into our life.
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If we want our home to be happy
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certainly
knowing how the day flows
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we'll remove a lot of
the anxiety, a lot of the
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fretfulness because
everybody is anticipating
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what's happening next.
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And so we're flowing together.
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- That's right! -
So, setting a schedule
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and having
regularity in the home
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became very important to us.
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That's right! And I
think the lack of regularity
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is creating a lot of
confusion in people's homes.
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Because sometimes,
mother and father may be ready
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for breakfast before
father gets off to work
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and the children
may or may not be there.
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Some mornings they
may have family worship
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and then other
mornings they don't,
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and that creates an
atmosphere of confusion.
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So if wanna have an atmosphere
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that's a little taste of Heaven
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then regularity is
something that we found
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was very beneficial.
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That regularity I
found important because
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there was a tendency to think
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that when the children were
little and I was at home with
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them, you know,
during the week and I
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worked on the week ends
when you were home with them
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that I could just, you know,
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let them get up
when they wanted to
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and let them kind of
eat when they wanted to,
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and those kind of
thoughts, you know,
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and I'd go here and I'd go
there. Because it was a concept
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that you're just an at home mom,
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like you really didn't do
anything if you're at home.
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Well, we do a lot at home.
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And I found that the
blessing of the regularity
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to make the dispositions
of myself and my children
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even happier by having
that regularity in the home.
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My children had a regular time
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that they would
come to the table
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and we had a regular nap
time and a regular play time.
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And
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I had to discipline myself
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from not just following
what ever I thought of to do
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for the day whether that
was to go to the park or go
00:11:00.18\00:11:02.93
recreational shopping or do this
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or go to the girlfriend's house.
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I started having some
regularity in the day.
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And I saw a
tremendous difference
00:11:09.30\00:11:11.17
in our children. The
security, the happiness,
00:11:11.51\00:11:13.84
the
cooperativeness! - That's right!
00:11:13.93\00:11:15.37
Which made me
00:11:15.73\00:11:16.78
you know, I was more
receptive for you to come home
00:11:17.24\00:11:19.52
because my day
was already better
00:11:19.55\00:11:21.56
from just being home
and having regularity.
00:11:21.59\00:11:24.21
That's right!
00:11:24.24\00:11:25.21
And it's the same
00:11:25.38\00:11:26.35
with the cleanliness
and the order of the home.
00:11:26.36\00:11:29.26
You know, it was
a blessing for me
00:11:29.79\00:11:31.83
when we began understanding
how important it is. And again
00:11:31.99\00:11:35.28
if you look at
successful businesses
00:11:35.31\00:11:37.56
whatever you look
at that has success
00:11:38.16\00:11:40.62
there's always order.
00:11:40.65\00:11:42.59
There's cleanliness,
there's that regularity.
00:11:42.93\00:11:46.43
And I know that
coming home to our home
00:11:46.83\00:11:49.25
when things were taking care of
00:11:49.28\00:11:51.60
and it was restful
00:11:51.63\00:11:53.01
and peaceful
00:11:53.42\00:11:54.39
it's very different than a lot
of the homes that we've been in
00:11:54.58\00:11:57.80
and a lot of the
stories that we've heard
00:11:58.23\00:11:59.93
as we've talked with
couples who are struggling.
00:11:59.97\00:12:02.71
This is one of the things
00:12:03.16\00:12:04.28
that creates
00:12:04.59\00:12:05.66
chaos in the home
00:12:06.10\00:12:07.69
and creates a
00:12:07.92\00:12:10.02
well, a dysfunctional
(...?)..in the home.
00:12:10.06\00:12:12.83
I know, just you know,
having a place for the scissors
00:12:13.70\00:12:16.64
and everybody
puts the scissors back
00:12:17.20\00:12:18.64
and everybody knows
where to find the scissors
00:12:18.67\00:12:20.50
It's the little things like
that make a huge difference.
00:12:20.98\00:12:24.14
'Cause it can
be very frustrating
00:12:24.17\00:12:25.40
if somebody
00:12:25.82\00:12:26.94
is asked to get the scissors
00:12:27.64\00:12:29.43
and they go to the place
the scissors are supposed to be
00:12:29.91\00:12:32.36
and the scissors aren't there.
00:12:32.83\00:12:33.98
What does that do?
00:12:34.01\00:12:35.28
It creates the potential for
00:12:35.66\00:12:38.15
some
frustration, some irritation.
00:12:38.18\00:12:40.20
They are the little
things - Sharp words.
00:12:40.62\00:12:41.94
- That's right!
00:12:41.97\00:12:42.94
"No the scissors aren't here. "
00:12:42.95\00:12:43.99
"Oh, yes they are!"
00:12:44.38\00:12:45.35
"No!"
00:12:45.36\00:12:46.33
You know, and then you find out
00:12:46.34\00:12:47.31
somebody didn't put the
scissors back where they go.
00:12:47.32\00:12:48.81
It's a simple
example, but life is made up
00:12:49.10\00:12:51.59
of simple things
00:12:51.62\00:12:53.53
day by day. - That's right!
00:12:53.97\00:12:55.34
And I found that by
having the home in order
00:12:55.55\00:12:58.32
and having a
place for everything
00:12:58.35\00:13:00.10
has
00:13:00.29\00:13:01.26
brought an atmosphere of peace,
00:13:01.69\00:13:03.13
because we know
where to find things.
00:13:03.16\00:13:05.21
And it removes the potential
00:13:05.67\00:13:08.24
for unnecessary
eruptions in the home.
00:13:08.28\00:13:11.08
Unnecessary temptations to
irritation, anger, frustration,
00:13:11.12\00:13:14.72
impatience, whatever,
however one expresses themselves
00:13:14.75\00:13:18.32
in those kind of situations
00:13:18.55\00:13:19.92
that happen frequently when
there's disorder in the home
00:13:20.11\00:13:23.93
So,
00:13:24.18\00:13:25.15
is it safe to say
that it really doesn't take
00:13:25.68\00:13:27.96
much more time
00:13:28.48\00:13:29.94
and in reality less time
00:13:30.30\00:13:32.04
if I come up and put
my coat where it goes
00:13:32.26\00:13:34.67
when I come home,
00:13:35.17\00:13:36.14
or put my shoes where they go
00:13:36.44\00:13:38.05
or any of those things
00:13:38.43\00:13:40.07
rather then just
thrown it across the chair
00:13:40.11\00:13:42.27
or just kicking them off
00:13:42.68\00:13:43.88
in the room where I step in?
00:13:44.42\00:13:46.59
It actually takes less time
00:13:47.46\00:13:48.90
and creates a
more restful atmosphere
00:13:49.29\00:13:51.70
if we keep it in order.
00:13:51.73\00:13:52.93
That's right!
00:13:52.96\00:13:53.93
And I really, you
know, have been blessed
00:13:53.94\00:13:55.73
by my mother
teaching me that in my home.
00:13:55.77\00:13:57.79
That's right!
00:13:57.98\00:13:58.95
I mean, I can
remember as a child coming home
00:13:58.96\00:14:00.57
and loving to be there
when I came home from school
00:14:00.61\00:14:03.03
because
00:14:03.06\00:14:04.03
it was inviting, it
was clean, it was orderly.
00:14:04.07\00:14:07.00
I mean it wasn't
spotless, I mean,
00:14:07.03\00:14:08.73
you know the walls weren't shiny
00:14:08.77\00:14:10.44
it was lived in home.
00:14:10.47\00:14:11.69
But there was order in the home.
00:14:11.73\00:14:13.78
And it was just such a blessing.
00:14:13.82\00:14:15.84
And that as a
child to go to a home
00:14:16.23\00:14:19.15
that didn't have that
00:14:19.18\00:14:20.60
I found it very disruptive in
my heart, you know, in my spirit
00:14:20.64\00:14:24.96
even as a child. So it affects
not just husband and wife
00:14:25.28\00:14:27.91
it affects
everybody in the home.
00:14:28.29\00:14:29.61
Well, one of the other things
00:14:29.64\00:14:30.96
that we felt was very important,
00:14:30.99\00:14:32.28
and I'm thankful that
we set this as a priority,
00:14:32.31\00:14:34.36
is the respectful
spirit in the home
00:14:34.81\00:14:37.76
with the helpful courtesy.
00:14:38.05\00:14:39.53
And that has made
a huge difference.
00:14:39.97\00:14:41.70
Because when
there's a helpfulness there
00:14:42.11\00:14:44.39
and when there's respect,
00:14:44.42\00:14:45.47
one of the things
that we set in our family
00:14:45.80\00:14:47.60
when we had one of our
00:14:48.01\00:14:48.98
family councils talking
about setting our priorities
00:14:48.99\00:14:51.32
is that we wanna
have a respectful
00:14:51.73\00:14:54.19
atmosphere. Our children
can come to us with anything.
00:14:54.62\00:14:57.79
My wife can come to
me with anything and I
00:14:57.82\00:15:00.27
can go to her
because we've agreed
00:15:00.30\00:15:02.63
that we will come respectfully
00:15:02.66\00:15:04.35
and we will
listen and understand.
00:15:04.73\00:15:06.52
And it makes a
very nice atmosphere.
00:15:06.96\00:15:09.44
Doesn't mean we
always agree on everything
00:15:10.30\00:15:11.98
but we come in a
respectful spirit
00:15:12.01\00:15:13.93
and we work through it
in a respectful manner.
00:15:14.27\00:15:16.65
So really what we're
saying is that in our home,
00:15:16.69\00:15:19.04
and I know we've
done this many times,
00:15:19.07\00:15:20.80
we have our goal
00:15:21.14\00:15:22.29
and we have set priorities
00:15:23.12\00:15:24.31
but we reevaluate:
are we meeting those goals
00:15:24.70\00:15:28.01
by these priorities?
00:15:28.04\00:15:29.40
And how are we
doing in maintaining
00:15:29.80\00:15:32.63
these priorities in our life?
00:15:32.66\00:15:33.83
- That's right!
- So we continue to
00:15:33.87\00:15:34.99
reevaluate. And as the
needs in the home change
00:15:35.03\00:15:38.19
as the young people grow older
00:15:38.61\00:15:40.44
and the times are
different, or their education
00:15:40.68\00:15:43.58
or the work situation
changes, whatever it may be
00:15:43.62\00:15:46.49
we change with that.
00:15:46.87\00:15:48.32
But we reestablish those
same things back in place,
00:15:49.13\00:15:52.74
maybe under new times.
00:15:52.77\00:15:54.08
Well we need to talk about
00:15:54.65\00:15:56.10
the third goal that we set
00:15:56.14\00:15:57.52
and how we then made the
priorities to fit that goal.
00:15:57.56\00:16:00.72
But we need to
take a break right now
00:16:00.75\00:16:02.35
and we hope you stay with us
00:16:02.86\00:16:04.20
as we continue talking about
00:16:04.23\00:16:05.99
how we set the priorities to
have a marriage heart to heart.
00:16:06.03\00:16:09.62
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00:16:36.59\00:16:38.83
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00:16:38.86\00:16:40.61
Welcome back! As we
were talking here about
00:16:46.34\00:16:49.07
not just
forming the common goals
00:16:49.62\00:16:51.81
but how then we set
the priorities to make sure
00:16:52.55\00:16:55.56
that we take time
00:16:55.88\00:16:56.85
to implement these goals.
00:16:57.10\00:16:58.85
Honey I think you wanna share
00:16:59.60\00:17:00.97
a few thoughts about
some of the practical side of
00:17:01.36\00:17:03.68
how we can really
implement some of these things.
00:17:04.52\00:17:07.24
Well, we wanna have a
marriage that's heart to heart.
00:17:07.70\00:17:09.60
That means we have to
have time for each other
00:17:09.63\00:17:11.70
That's right!
00:17:11.73\00:17:12.70
to communicate, to
spend with each other
00:17:12.71\00:17:14.27
to do things together.
00:17:15.07\00:17:16.12
And so by
00:17:16.56\00:17:17.55
implementing these
priorities in our lives,
00:17:18.33\00:17:20.46
setting these priorities
and bringing them into reality
00:17:20.50\00:17:23.20
has helped to
establish that time.
00:17:23.63\00:17:25.26
One of the things I
remember doing in our home
00:17:25.29\00:17:28.02
at your suggestion
00:17:28.39\00:17:29.52
was using an answering machine,
00:17:29.67\00:17:31.32
when not, you know, those
were the years before voicemail,
00:17:31.36\00:17:33.63
we when out and
bought answering machine.
00:17:33.86\00:17:35.34
Because it seems that every time
00:17:35.56\00:17:36.91
you think you're gonna
have time with each other
00:17:36.95\00:17:39.19
the telephone rings.
00:17:39.56\00:17:40.62
And we didn't do
very good at just
00:17:40.66\00:17:42.22
letting it ring, did
we? - Well we're like
00:17:42.26\00:17:43.46
everybody else. If the phone
rings, you get up and answer it
00:17:43.50\00:17:45.98
I mean that's like you
know just a responsive.
00:17:46.01\00:17:48.52
It's a human
response. - You know to that
00:17:48.55\00:17:50.43
signal you know,
like conditioning.
00:17:50.80\00:17:52.58
That's right!
00:17:52.61\00:17:53.58
And having that little
00:17:53.59\00:17:55.24
answering
machine there at first,
00:17:56.42\00:17:57.88
you know, we
could screen the calls
00:17:57.91\00:17:59.34
or we can just turn it down
and get back to somebody later.
00:17:59.72\00:18:02.46
And so, that really helped us,
00:18:02.86\00:18:04.35
I mean now we have
voicemail but that was one
00:18:04.39\00:18:06.44
thing we did to
carve out that time
00:18:06.47\00:18:08.39
to help us to have
00:18:08.83\00:18:09.80
a marriage heart to heart
00:18:09.84\00:18:10.81
in a practical priority
that we did in our home.
00:18:10.82\00:18:13.58
That's right!
00:18:13.61\00:18:14.58
We did actually a lot of things.
00:18:14.87\00:18:16.35
You know, one of
the best decisions that
00:18:17.63\00:18:19.15
we made
00:18:19.59\00:18:20.56
before we were married
00:18:20.64\00:18:21.76
was no TV.
00:18:22.13\00:18:23.17
That's right!
00:18:23.62\00:18:24.59
Have you ever regretted that?
00:18:24.63\00:18:25.73
I have never regretted! I
have praised you many times
00:18:26.16\00:18:28.70
for your willingness to
00:18:28.73\00:18:30.47
to lead out on that.
00:18:30.84\00:18:31.91
You know, and we
asked our children
00:18:31.95\00:18:34.29
you know, how they felt about,
00:18:36.00\00:18:37.77
you know, lots of
other people have TVs
00:18:37.81\00:18:40.25
and all of our
children have told us
00:18:40.29\00:18:42.70
many times
00:18:42.73\00:18:43.85
"We don't know
how people have time
00:18:44.55\00:18:47.45
for watching TV!"
00:18:48.30\00:18:49.41
"It seems like some
families" they've said
00:18:49.45\00:18:51.43
"just spend hours
watching the television. "
00:18:51.94\00:18:54.39
And
00:18:54.76\00:18:55.73
the blessing in our home is
00:18:55.74\00:18:56.71
that we've taken
many of those hours
00:18:56.72\00:18:58.63
that could've been spent there
00:18:58.66\00:19:00.43
and we've used them to
make our home a happy place.
00:19:00.76\00:19:04.17
We've used them
to bike together,
00:19:04.58\00:19:06.27
to take walks together.
00:19:06.60\00:19:07.90
I mean when is
the last time that you
00:19:08.33\00:19:10.82
just took one of your
children out for a walk
00:19:10.86\00:19:13.60
all by themselves?
00:19:13.63\00:19:14.74
And the only desire that you had
00:19:15.08\00:19:16.95
was just to let them know
how much you care for them
00:19:16.99\00:19:20.42
and find out how their life is?
00:19:20.45\00:19:21.82
This is something we do
regularly and have for years.
00:19:21.86\00:19:24.75
And to take you for
walks, we do it daily.
00:19:24.78\00:19:27.74
Yes.
00:19:27.77\00:19:28.74
And we wouldn't
really take that time
00:19:28.75\00:19:31.20
if we were
00:19:31.61\00:19:32.80
glue to a TV
00:19:33.19\00:19:34.16
or all the other things that
00:19:34.17\00:19:35.98
often take up
communication time.
00:19:36.31\00:19:38.05
It's interesting that
00:19:38.08\00:19:39.68
the television is a
counterfeit to real life.
00:19:39.72\00:19:42.37
Real is being with each
other and doing things together
00:19:42.40\00:19:45.39
and communicating.
00:19:45.42\00:19:46.53
And a television puts
you into a false atmosphere
00:19:46.89\00:19:50.95
a counterfeit.
00:19:50.98\00:19:52.26
And people begin to
think that's real life.
00:19:52.30\00:19:54.14
Yes!
00:19:54.17\00:19:55.14
That's not real life
at all! That's Hollywood!
00:19:55.15\00:19:57.29
Real life is living
with each other in our home,
00:19:57.33\00:20:00.01
together, being happy
00:20:00.04\00:20:01.33
and spending that time
together as husband and wife
00:20:01.63\00:20:04.18
spending that with our family
00:20:04.21\00:20:05.46
through the years
with our young people.
00:20:05.50\00:20:07.20
We've done so
many things together
00:20:07.67\00:20:09.35
that
00:20:10.08\00:20:11.05
they have thanked
us for many times.
00:20:11.06\00:20:12.49
And we have a great
relationship with all of them.
00:20:12.53\00:20:15.31
And it's a blessing.
One of the other things is
00:20:16.01\00:20:17.79
we got rid of our
00:20:17.82\00:20:18.88
recreational shopping.
00:20:19.79\00:20:20.98
Yes! I did!
00:20:21.39\00:20:22.36
- That was more your thing.
- Yes it was more my thing.
00:20:22.37\00:20:24.71
It took a lot of time!
00:20:24.74\00:20:25.98
- It did! It really
did! - Not to mention that
00:20:26.02\00:20:26.99
few extra dollars.
00:20:27.00\00:20:27.99
Yes! Well, I just,
00:20:28.03\00:20:29.16
in case I saw anything
that I thought we could use
00:20:29.20\00:20:31.25
you know?
00:20:31.28\00:20:32.25
'Course I would've make
sure it was on a bargain
00:20:32.26\00:20:33.80
try to be economical about it.
00:20:33.83\00:20:35.31
But even if we
didn't need it right?
00:20:35.34\00:20:36.67
Right dear.
00:20:37.24\00:20:38.23
But the other thing, I
quit that recreational shopping
00:20:39.66\00:20:43.10
because I wanted
more time with you.
00:20:43.13\00:20:44.91
Yes!
00:20:44.94\00:20:45.91
And you wanted me to have
more time with the children.
00:20:45.92\00:20:47.59
That meant that I wasn't
out there making an income,
00:20:47.99\00:20:50.57
I was being devoted and
dedicated to razing our family.
00:20:50.61\00:20:53.06
Yes!
00:20:53.09\00:20:54.06
And to keep you from
having to work extra hours
00:20:54.07\00:20:56.46
then I needed to
change how I spent the money
00:20:57.05\00:20:59.77
or at least part of that money.
00:20:59.80\00:21:01.23
And I have to be honest too,
00:21:02.06\00:21:03.03
because
00:21:03.05\00:21:04.02
I had to give up some of my
00:21:04.49\00:21:05.91
extra curricular
sports activities.
00:21:06.68\00:21:08.62
I know I was the team Chaplin
00:21:09.37\00:21:11.11
and they said they
really needed me but
00:21:11.15\00:21:12.63
I realized that I had
so many things going on
00:21:12.92\00:21:15.49
and I did, our lives were
so busy doing good things!
00:21:15.78\00:21:19.51
Not bad things!
00:21:19.54\00:21:21.02
Our lives were
full of good things!
00:21:21.44\00:21:23.21
And we came to realize that if
00:21:23.64\00:21:25.39
we don't make
some decisions about
00:21:25.43\00:21:27.15
all the good things
00:21:27.59\00:21:29.31
for the best things in life,
00:21:29.71\00:21:31.56
the best things are
gonna get crowded out.
00:21:31.60\00:21:33.66
And as we said earlier,
00:21:34.07\00:21:35.30
one of the best things
that gets crowded out of
00:21:36.12\00:21:37.91
a busy life style
00:21:37.94\00:21:39.01
is real time, to make a vital
connection with Jesus Christ.
00:21:39.39\00:21:43.23
And so, also for the happy home.
00:21:43.88\00:21:45.69
We saw the time was
being crowded out and so
00:21:46.47\00:21:49.08
I made, what for me
were some hard decisions,
00:21:49.34\00:21:52.05
and cut out a lot of
those extra sport activities and
00:21:52.52\00:21:55.19
reinvested that time
into you and our children.
00:21:55.22\00:21:58.48
And I've never
regretted that investment!
00:21:58.79\00:22:01.23
And neither have we.
00:22:01.53\00:22:02.66
Well, should we talk
about the third area?
00:22:04.74\00:22:06.25
Yes!
00:22:06.28\00:22:07.25
Ok.
00:22:07.26\00:22:08.23
Parenting in agreement
00:22:08.24\00:22:09.97
You know, as part
of having a happy home
00:22:11.23\00:22:13.50
we found that
parenting in agreement is vital.
00:22:13.98\00:22:16.54
Romans 15:5
00:22:16.57\00:22:18.08
talks about being like minded.
00:22:18.61\00:22:20.91
We wanna create an atmosphere
00:22:21.66\00:22:23.34
where the
children don't feel like if
00:22:23.77\00:22:26.70
they "can't get from dad
00:22:27.09\00:22:29.03
maybe I can work mom. "
00:22:29.57\00:22:31.28
Right? - That's right!
00:22:31.35\00:22:32.54
And that happens a lot. I mean
00:22:32.62\00:22:34.11
children are normal. I
did the same thing you know,
00:22:34.99\00:22:37.74
if my dad said no, well of
course I'd go to my mother.
00:22:37.77\00:22:40.49
But I'm thankful
that she was very wise.
00:22:40.94\00:22:44.37
"What did your father say?"
00:22:44.87\00:22:46.22
If I went to my
father, because mother said no:
00:22:46.68\00:22:48.28
"What did your mother say?"
00:22:48.31\00:22:49.58
This is a real key
to happiness in the home
00:22:50.10\00:22:52.76
and for a good happy marriage.
00:22:53.17\00:22:54.68
Because children,
00:22:54.71\00:22:55.93
they're not
intentionally trying to work
00:22:55.97\00:22:57.53
mother and father apart
00:22:57.56\00:22:58.74
but it happens, shall we say
00:22:59.11\00:23:00.90
somehow innocently,
00:23:00.93\00:23:01.90
because they're just
focused on their selfish wants.
00:23:01.91\00:23:03.99
What they want.
00:23:04.02\00:23:04.99
- That's right! - Yes!
00:23:05.00\00:23:05.97
So, that's been a blessing.
00:23:06.08\00:23:07.85
And the way that we've
come to gain that blessing
00:23:08.23\00:23:11.72
in part of our quiet time,
00:23:12.09\00:23:13.48
we began studying the
principles of God's Word
00:23:13.52\00:23:16.41
for how we could
parent in agreement
00:23:16.81\00:23:19.43
made a huge difference.
00:23:19.89\00:23:21.10
You know, when I look
back at my early experience
00:23:21.88\00:23:24.43
I was out the door
with a quick prayer
00:23:25.22\00:23:27.14
and maybe, you know, a
quick devotional reading
00:23:27.18\00:23:30.44
I was not taking time
00:23:30.83\00:23:32.51
to really know God's Plan
00:23:33.25\00:23:35.44
as a parent,
00:23:35.78\00:23:36.75
as a husband.
00:23:36.76\00:23:37.73
And so as we began taking time
00:23:38.28\00:23:39.77
and studying the
principles of godly parenting
00:23:39.80\00:23:42.81
and working with our children
00:23:43.15\00:23:44.22
what a difference it
made in our experience!
00:23:44.59\00:23:46.81
I remember the main
area that really helped us
00:23:47.46\00:23:51.29
was sometimes I would
feel a caution about something
00:23:52.09\00:23:54.99
something concerning the
children and you would say:
00:23:56.40\00:23:58.17
"Well, what's
the problem with it?"
00:23:58.20\00:24:00.47
Ok? "What's the
problem with it?" Right?
00:24:01.13\00:24:02.84
This is where a lot
of husbands and wives
00:24:02.87\00:24:04.55
start to get into problems.
00:24:04.58\00:24:06.36
Because I can't tell
you what the problem is.
00:24:06.94\00:24:09.23
I just don't
feel right about it.
00:24:09.26\00:24:11.14
Yes!
00:24:11.17\00:24:12.14
But you want me
to give you a reason
00:24:12.15\00:24:13.85
and if my reason is good
00:24:13.88\00:24:15.25
then you, and when
you accept that reason
00:24:15.58\00:24:17.12
then we can agree.
00:24:17.28\00:24:18.39
Yes!
00:24:18.42\00:24:19.39
But we have found that
00:24:19.40\00:24:20.72
sometimes those
cautions as we've termed them
00:24:21.56\00:24:23.90
we don't always
have a reason that we
00:24:24.24\00:24:26.80
can identify at that moment.
00:24:26.83\00:24:28.56
And so, our agreement has
been: if you have a caution
00:24:29.35\00:24:32.48
or if I have a
caution about something
00:24:32.87\00:24:34.86
we don't move
forward to say: "Yes!"
00:24:34.89\00:24:37.23
until that caution is removed.
00:24:37.26\00:24:39.11
That's right!
00:24:39.14\00:24:40.11
You know, it's the Lord Jesus
00:24:40.12\00:24:41.49
who sends us those
cautions, it's not the Devil.
00:24:41.53\00:24:43.77
He's not gonna caution us
00:24:43.80\00:24:44.86
- That's right. -
and say: "Hey watch out
00:24:44.90\00:24:46.16
because just around the corner,
00:24:46.19\00:24:47.42
I've got something
that's gonna trip you up,
00:24:47.45\00:24:49.08
or trip your young people up. "
00:24:49.11\00:24:50.39
He's trying to unties us
00:24:50.86\00:24:52.74
and to unties them.
00:24:52.77\00:24:53.75
And so,
00:24:54.19\00:24:55.16
these cautions
and that agreement
00:24:55.28\00:24:56.97
has been a real
blessing. I remember
00:24:57.00\00:24:58.66
one particular
time when this was
00:24:59.08\00:25:01.82
brought home in a
very practical way.
00:25:02.85\00:25:05.02
Yes!
00:25:05.05\00:25:06.02
Our young people
wanted to go on a hike
00:25:06.03\00:25:07.67
with some other youth
00:25:07.70\00:25:08.99
from the church group
00:25:09.03\00:25:10.31
- I remember.
00:25:10.34\00:25:11.31
And they came and
then what they did?
00:25:11.56\00:25:13.43
They asked us if they could go.
00:25:13.46\00:25:15.06
And that right there,
we should say: "Parents
00:25:15.10\00:25:18.56
that is a big plus in
today's society because
00:25:18.60\00:25:22.03
they asked!"
00:25:22.06\00:25:23.54
They've showed you something
about the level of respect
00:25:23.58\00:25:25.63
and the happiness at
the home and the desire to
00:25:25.66\00:25:28.56
to work together as a family.
00:25:28.59\00:25:29.89
They asked. Not they you
just run off with their friends
00:25:29.93\00:25:32.56
and they're gone.
00:25:32.59\00:25:33.56
And, I don't remember
what you've said, but I said:
00:25:34.58\00:25:37.61
"I'm not sure I'm
comfortable with it.
00:25:38.57\00:25:40.00
I just have this caution. "
00:25:40.03\00:25:42.16
And we've learned
00:25:42.19\00:25:43.40
over much experience
00:25:43.71\00:25:45.29
and in raising our young
people and working together
00:25:45.79\00:25:48.15
in a marriage heart to heart,
00:25:48.18\00:25:49.76
that those cautions have always
00:25:51.01\00:25:52.57
brought us to the right answer.
00:25:53.01\00:25:54.57
That's right!
00:25:54.67\00:25:55.64
And so, there was no debate.
00:25:55.65\00:25:56.92
And we
00:25:57.35\00:25:58.39
we expressed to the young people
00:25:58.79\00:26:00.34
that we did not want
them to go on this hike.
00:26:00.70\00:26:03.26
And they accepted it.
And that was beautiful.
00:26:03.29\00:26:05.82
Which, that's another
area that many parents
00:26:06.15\00:26:08.63
because they're not
parenting in agreement,
00:26:08.66\00:26:10.24
because there's confusion,
00:26:10.27\00:26:11.30
the young people rebel,
they don't wanna agree with it.
00:26:11.81\00:26:15.09
But they accepted it
00:26:15.51\00:26:16.73
and the beauty of it,
before the day was over
00:26:17.71\00:26:19.72
our young people
got to see the fruit
00:26:19.96\00:26:22.15
of some of what happened
00:26:22.18\00:26:23.45
with that other
group of young people.
00:26:23.49\00:26:25.06
And they were thankful
they were not involved in that.
00:26:25.92\00:26:28.53
- And - And you were too.
00:26:28.56\00:26:29.68
we were thankful. And also
00:26:29.72\00:26:30.81
the Lord opened a
beautiful opportunity
00:26:31.24\00:26:32.72
with some other young people
00:26:32.75\00:26:34.51
that ended up not
going on that hike,
00:26:34.55\00:26:36.35
and they were able
to sit down together
00:26:36.78\00:26:38.38
with their
instruments and play music.
00:26:38.41\00:26:40.61
They had a
beautiful afternoon together.
00:26:40.65\00:26:42.78
And it turned out better than
if they have gone on the hike.
00:26:42.82\00:26:45.36
That's right!
00:26:45.54\00:26:46.62
And so, now we need to
bring the personal challenge
00:26:47.23\00:26:49.36
to our viewers.
00:26:49.39\00:26:50.74
You need the goals! But
you need more than the goals!
00:26:51.15\00:26:55.01
You need to set
these priorities and then
00:26:55.04\00:26:57.39
carry through, make the
time to carry them through.
00:26:58.11\00:27:00.41
And then evaluate how
you're doing. And most of all:
00:27:01.11\00:27:03.09
Don't give up! Persevere!
00:27:03.12\00:27:04.97
And let's ask God to bless
us as we set these priorities
00:27:05.15\00:27:08.44
Father in Heaven we
thank you for the opportunity
00:27:09.30\00:27:11.17
to set priorities
00:27:11.20\00:27:12.19
that are based
on your principles.
00:27:12.59\00:27:14.57
And we need Your Grace,
Your Wisdom and Your Power
00:27:14.60\00:27:17.13
to accomplish them.
00:27:17.16\00:27:18.21
And we thank You
in Jesus name, Amen!
00:27:18.66\00:27:20.79
Well, we look forward
to seeing you next time
00:27:22.68\00:27:24.63
as we're going
to be talking about
00:27:25.09\00:27:26.75
Affective Communication.
00:27:26.78\00:27:28.33
And we're excited
about this because
00:27:28.37\00:27:30.16
we're gonna be talking about it
00:27:30.19\00:27:31.31
in four of our programs
00:27:31.72\00:27:33.17
because communication
is vitally important.
00:27:33.61\00:27:35.80
If we wanna have a
marriage heart to heart
00:27:36.23\00:27:38.58
we need communication
00:27:38.61\00:27:40.26
that's going to
make the difference
00:27:40.72\00:27:42.66
for eternity.
00:27:42.69\00:27:43.66