Welcome to
Marriage Heart to Heart
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We are Tom & Alane Waters
with Restoration International
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And we're looking forward
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to our time
together with you today
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as we talk about more principles
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in building a happy home, a
marriage that's heart to heart.
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Today, we're gonna be talking
about Forming common goals.
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So we hope that you
have a paper and a pencil
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and as we talk
about this subject
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that you will take notes,
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so that you can form
those goals in your home too.
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You know, some of these goals
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are so basic, they get messed.
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I mean, that's how
it was for us early on.
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We didn't recognize
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some of the things that we
needed to be talking about or
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setting goals for.
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It seems like for many
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the work a day, push
and try to make a living
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just swallows up time.
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It swallows up life.
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And so, to take the time to
sit down and form common goals
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isn't often
happening in marriages.
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We tried to talk about thinking
we had formed common goals
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but they really
werent very many started
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when we first got married.
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That's right!
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I mean they were
pretty generic and
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not specific.
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That's right!
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But our plans were.
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You know, it's interesting that
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a top executive from a very
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knowledge company
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and he was very
successful, he called me
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on the telephone and
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he began talking to
me and he shared with me,
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"You know I do all
these things, and I
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govern all these people, I have
all these millions of dollars
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that I'm responsible for. "
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And he says:
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"The people love me here!
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I'm very respected!
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And you remember the story.
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I mean he was
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he was doing everything right
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in his company.
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And he was telling me
that he had all these goals
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that he set and you know,
he's got these evaluations
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to find out how
the company is doing.
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And they're meeting all
of their marketing goals.
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All that stuff!
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And then he says to me:
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"So, why am I calling you?"
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He said: "Here I
have all these experience
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and I'm being successful here
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in this company.
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But I'm not being
successful in my own home.
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I'm struggling with
knowing how to have these
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kinds of goals and objectives
and evaluation process
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in my day to day life,
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in my own marriage, my
own family, my own finances. "
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And I think that this top
executive is not so much unlike
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all of us
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If we don't make
time, if we don't take time
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to really
formulate or form these goals
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then life is gonna crowd
out the most important things
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for marriage and family.
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Well, that's what we
found happening to us,
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and I think it
happens to a lot of people.
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Life is so busy!
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There's so many things to do!
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I mean we came
back from our honeymoon
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and we started
work the next morning.
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We just dived right into right?
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That's right! We were
both working full time
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and have, you
know, responsibilities,
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we were under stressful careers,
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and it just start consuming
and so you get through each day.
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And then, you know,
make it to the next day
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and to the next day
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and we don't really look that
far in the future or if we do
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it's just to a sort distance.
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It's not out where we really
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need to be looking
at our lives ahead of us
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and what are we
gonna do with our lives,
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because we're consumed by life.
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Yes, it was
interesting as I talked with him
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and he was very
opened, very honest
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and I
appreciated his vulnerability
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especially in the
position that he was in.
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But, you know, as he was
asking me for encouragement
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and some words of advice on
how to proceed with his family
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he hadn't made goals
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in some of the
most basic things.
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And that's what
we began recognizing
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in our own experience.
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That we had not made the goals
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in some of the most
basic areas of our life.
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And that's what we're
gonna be talking about today
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we just simply we
gonna be sharing with you
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some of the
things that came to us
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and how the Lord
began to work in our lives
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in this area.
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Another thing that we found is
that the goals that we did have
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were temporal.
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And we need to set
those temporal goals.
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I mean we talked about when
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we could afford to
buy our first home.
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And, when we should change
out the car and get a new car
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or an updated car, a
newer car than what we had.
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And those were temporal
goals and we need to talk about
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those but there's
goals far beyond that
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that we need to be looking at
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that are the most
important goals in life.
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- That's right!
- And that is where
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are we heading spiritually?
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Where are we gonna
end up for eternity?
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- Yes! - That's
the goal, that we
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really need to be turning into.
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And I think for you and
I in our marriage early on
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we were not aware
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that, yes, I
mean we had the goals:
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"Some day we wanna
be in Heaven!" Right?
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That's right!
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That's where everybody
wants to end up, in Heaven.
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I hope so!
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And so, that's a goal we had,
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but it was out there somewhere.
I'll use the word nebulous.
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It's like: ok we go
to church every week,
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we participate in certain
activities in the church,
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and therefore that's
just almost like it's
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considered an automatic
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that that's there
where you wanna be.
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Or I'm a basically
good person, you know,
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I don't steel from my neighbor
and that kind of things.
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So, well, I wanna be in Heaven!
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But what is it really mean?
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What is Heaven like? I
mean we have to start looking at
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these goals and
making them practical.
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- And making them
real - That's right!
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in our lives.
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That's right!
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And for us,
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and I thank the Lord for
what began to happen to us.
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Because one Friday night
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one quiet Friday evening
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in the mist of our busyness
and when I talk about busyness
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we were both in our
professional careers
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and both of us were
very active in our church
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worked involved in
giving Bible studies.
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I was a personal
ministrys director of a very
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very large
church, 13000 members.
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And so, we were busy
people, weren't we honey?
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It seemed like we
were busy all the time!
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From the time the
alarm went of in the morning
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until we fell in the bed at
night, which was quite late.
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And part of our busyness,
quite honestly, part of our
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pushing pressure of live
was the same as many of you
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are experiencing.
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And that is trying to answer
all these another people's goals
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Ok?
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You've got the goals at your
work and you've got the things
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that you have put on you
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when you accept
responsibilities in your church,
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and you've got
community things, and you've got
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all these different activities,
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and what begins - Family needs.
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Yes! And what happens is it
begins to really squeeze out
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the real deep family needs.
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And we find
ourselves on the run.
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And that's why I said
this quiet Friday evening.
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We were just
sitting at home at that time
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we just had our two
little girls. Josiah wasn't born
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yet, and we were
sitting there together.
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The girls were
just playing together
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in their little Footie pajamas.
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I remember that scene.
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And I ask Alana's a question.
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And it wasn't something
I've been thinking about
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and I really
believed it in looking back,
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this was something Lord
put in my heart. I said:
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"Honey, what's the
most important thing
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that you can
accomplish in this life?"
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And I remember, when I
asked you that question, I mean
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I didn't even,
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it seemed like I didn't
know where was coming from.
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And it wouldn't have surprised
me, you were just finishing up
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your bachelor's degree
if you would've just said:
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"Well, I think maybe I
might get my master's degree
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in nursing". I mean, it wouldn't
have surprised me at all.
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But that's not
how you responded.
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Well,
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I have to say that when
you asked me that question
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it took me back. I mean
it got me totally off guard.
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I was, I mean we've been
having good communication
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and enjoying the
evening, enjoying our children,
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just sitting there
watching them playing.
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And they were happy
and you know, it was just
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such a close family time.
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I was just soaking
the whole environment in.
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And for you to come off
with a question like that
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it's like: "Wow!
Where did that come from?"
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It was a pretty
heavy question wasn't it?
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Yes it was!
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And I didn't
answer you immediately.
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- Do you
remember that? - Oh yes!
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I usually, when
you ask me a question,
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I usually answer
you very quickly.
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Even if I don't
know sure the answer,
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I'll try to at
least respond to you.
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But that evening I
just set there quietly.
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And what happened in
those moments of silence
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is I believe took my thoughts
back to just that evening.
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How beautiful it was. I mean
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the stress was gone,
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we were together as a family,
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I was really
toned into the children,
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you and I were
having great communication,
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- Yes!
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all these things
that were more rare
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than, you know, every day real.
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That's right!
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And as I thought about that
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and I looked at
our children and I saw
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you know, the joy that they had
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that..
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the simplicity,
the trust! - Yes!
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The security, the
love that was there
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I just thought:
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I wanna see our children
in the Kingdom of Heaven.
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That was the thought I
had. And so I said to you:
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"To see our girls in
the Kingdom of Heaven!
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And to see them
receive the crown of life. "
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And when you said that to me
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you know that I didn't have
a very quick response either.
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When she said those words to me
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"To see our children
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in the Kingdom of Heaven
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to receive the crown of life. "
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Oh it hit me!
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Here I was involved in
all these Bible studies
00:10:15.18\00:10:17.98
and in church work and
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personal ministrys director
and I was honest hearted.
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I wasn't a hypocrite. We
werent living hypocritical
00:10:22.92\00:10:25.86
lives. But it just hit me!
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And I believe the Holy
Spirit was speaking in my heart.
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Because what
struck me in that moment
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was
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then something's got to change.
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Something's got to change!
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And I realized
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that it's us
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that has to change.
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And it just hit me that night!
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But the exciting thing was
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God didn't leave us
there, that night! Did He?
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Because, before
we left that evening
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we got down on our knees
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before the Lord.
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And we made a
commitment that night
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we made nailed together
and we made a commitment.
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And I said
00:11:07.75\00:11:08.72
to my Heavenly Father:
00:11:09.18\00:11:10.20
"I will go anywhere.
I will give up anything.
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I will do
whatever You ask me to do
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if I can hear the
words: "Well done!
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Thou good and faithful servant!"
00:11:20.60\00:11:22.43
And see the crown of life!
00:11:23.13\00:11:25.29
Placed on the
heads of my children. "
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And we've never
turned back from that day.
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No we haven't!
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And our lives
began to change that day!
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And all with the
blessing, as we look back
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now, the ages that
are young people are
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to see that God
began that work that night!
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But He didn't go from there
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to where we are
without some choices.
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That's right!
00:11:51.39\00:11:52.36
I remember that night
when you said that to me:
00:11:52.37\00:11:55.35
"than something
has got to change!"
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You said it was such
conviction, such force
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- That's right! - that wow!
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It's us!
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I mean: It's us
00:12:06.08\00:12:07.50
that has to change! - Yes!
00:12:07.54\00:12:09.11
The realization that
the way we were living
00:12:10.59\00:12:13.40
just going to church and doing
things with good intentions
00:12:13.87\00:12:17.54
and the love for the
Lord the best we understood
00:12:17.57\00:12:19.88
that there was real change.
Because you and I both knew
00:12:20.87\00:12:24.27
that we really weren't living
00:12:24.30\00:12:26.35
Christ like lives.
00:12:28.08\00:12:29.14
Cause we still had
too much self in us.
00:12:29.91\00:12:32.70
Yes!
00:12:32.73\00:12:33.70
And we knew the little
struggles that we had between us
00:12:33.71\00:12:36.26
and sometimes
00:12:36.29\00:12:37.26
the little struggles
I had with the children.
00:12:37.27\00:12:38.42
And when you said that,
00:12:38.86\00:12:40.17
that we were the
ones who had to change
00:12:40.21\00:12:42.19
that was very impactive to me.
00:12:42.68\00:12:44.19
Well, it struck me because
00:12:44.76\00:12:46.17
I hadn't been thinking
about anything like that.
00:12:46.68\00:12:48.67
In fact we had been so busy
00:12:48.96\00:12:51.17
as many of you are in this time
00:12:51.68\00:12:54.44
in Earth's
history, as we were so busy
00:12:54.47\00:12:56.61
doing good things, we were
looked up to in the church,
00:12:57.04\00:12:59.28
we were just a young
family. We were looked up to
00:12:59.68\00:13:02.80
for all the work that
we did and our enthusiasm.
00:13:02.84\00:13:05.93
And as I said earlier,
weren't hypocrites, were we?
00:13:06.37\00:13:08.50
We were doing the
best we understood!
00:13:09.12\00:13:10.80
But, the difficulty
was, and the eye opening part
00:13:11.39\00:13:14.77
of it that night for us was
00:13:14.80\00:13:15.77
we were doing all these
things but God began to show us
00:13:15.78\00:13:19.28
that we were doing
it in our own strength.
00:13:19.73\00:13:21.91
We weren't understanding
the power of Jesus Christ.
00:13:22.36\00:13:25.74
I didn't know how to deal
with my irritation toward you.
00:13:26.13\00:13:28.88
I didn't know how
to deal with some,
00:13:28.91\00:13:31.11
we've been given a Bible study.
00:13:31.14\00:13:32.54
Remember that one night we gave
a Bible study on consecration?
00:13:32.57\00:13:36.09
And the people, they
surrendered themselves and
00:13:36.72\00:13:40.11
we saw them baptized,
what a blessing privilege
00:13:40.15\00:13:43.51
to lead them to
Christ. But do you remember
00:13:43.82\00:13:45.84
what we were doing all
the way home that night?
00:13:45.87\00:13:47.86
Yes!
00:13:47.89\00:13:48.86
- We were arguing!
00:13:48.87\00:13:49.84
- And I don't remember
about what, but I remember
00:13:49.85\00:13:50.82
- We were arguing,
we were at each other!
00:13:50.83\00:13:53.04
And the Lord just
began to open our eyes that
00:13:53.75\00:13:56.04
we were not who
we thought we were.
00:13:56.07\00:13:58.59
And I tell you friends that
00:13:59.45\00:14:00.64
at that point
00:14:01.81\00:14:02.78
God began to show us that
we needed to set some goals,
00:14:03.46\00:14:08.25
If we really wanted to see
00:14:09.13\00:14:10.50
our children
receive the crown of life,
00:14:10.53\00:14:12.66
if we wanted to hear the: "Well
done thou good and faithful
00:14:13.08\00:14:15.92
servant" we
needed to set some goals
00:14:15.95\00:14:19.66
and make some changes.
00:14:19.69\00:14:20.87
And we need to
take a brake here,
00:14:22.28\00:14:23.25
and when we come
back, we're gonna talk about
00:14:23.26\00:14:25.24
the goals God began to
show us, that we needed to set
00:14:25.86\00:14:29.39
to be a successful family.
00:14:29.83\00:14:31.61
To have a marriage
that's truly heart to heart.
00:14:32.07\00:14:34.50
Stay with us!
00:14:34.53\00:14:35.50
There are many "How
to?" books available,
00:14:40.57\00:14:42.34
but there's one that's free
and perfect for every couple:
00:14:42.73\00:14:45.55
how you can "Build
a Better Marriage".
00:14:46.03\00:14:47.91
Bible-based, matrimonial advice
is given in a lighthearted,
00:14:48.67\00:14:53.13
easy-to-read manner, for those
contemplating marriage,
newlyweds, couples in their
00:14:53.51\00:14:57.69
golden years, and everyone
00:14:58.10\00:14:59.35
in-between. Simply call or write
for your free copy of this
amazing little booklet, a handy
00:14:59.90\00:15:04.69
little tool to help build a
00:15:04.72\00:15:06.60
better marriage. Welcome
back! We've been talking about
00:15:13.69\00:15:15.11
forming common goals.
00:15:15.14\00:15:16.37
And you remember that
special Friday evening
00:15:16.40\00:15:18.23
we were telling you about.
00:15:18.26\00:15:19.48
Well, there's one other part of
it that really struck my heart.
00:15:20.02\00:15:23.31
And that is that
God motivated us.
00:15:23.68\00:15:26.04
He used our
children to motivate us
00:15:26.08\00:15:28.41
in our spiritual walk.
00:15:29.33\00:15:30.62
Because we were
consumed with life.
00:15:30.97\00:15:32.58
And do you
remember honey, what I said?
00:15:32.91\00:15:34.71
How good God was!
00:15:35.22\00:15:36.51
That He could, He knew
the cord to strike in my heart
00:15:37.01\00:15:41.48
- Amen! - that would turn
00:15:41.51\00:15:42.67
my eyes fully on Him
00:15:42.70\00:15:44.36
and make Him number one
00:15:44.40\00:15:46.03
was my children.
00:15:46.82\00:15:47.96
Because
00:15:48.31\00:15:49.28
I wanted them, about
anything else to be in Heaven.
00:15:50.16\00:15:52.71
And that night when
you said that to me:
00:15:53.43\00:15:55.08
"Than something's got to
change and that something's us"
00:15:55.12\00:15:57.32
I realized that I needed
to be different because I
00:15:57.35\00:16:01.31
wanted my
children to be in Heaven!
00:16:01.34\00:16:02.99
And therefore God used
our children, my children
00:16:03.47\00:16:06.05
to motivate me to
motivate us for those changes.
00:16:06.08\00:16:09.33
And so, that night,
that prayer of commitment
00:16:09.67\00:16:11.67
we began immediately and
this is an important part
00:16:11.70\00:16:14.70
to begin
immediately to make time.
00:16:15.07\00:16:17.82
That night we began to make time
00:16:17.85\00:16:20.57
to look at the
goals we had in life.
00:16:21.67\00:16:23.72
First of all we
had to make the time
00:16:23.75\00:16:25.89
and secondly we
have to take the time.
00:16:25.93\00:16:28.06
They're very different!
00:16:28.51\00:16:29.64
We have to make it, plan for it,
00:16:30.00\00:16:32.42
not let anything
come in to take it away.
00:16:32.46\00:16:34.98
And we take that time then
00:16:35.01\00:16:36.71
and we accomplish
what we have set out to do.
00:16:36.74\00:16:39.28
That's to begin to
form those common goals.
00:16:39.31\00:16:41.84
That's right!
00:16:41.87\00:16:42.84
And we began then looking
at these more life changing
00:16:42.85\00:16:48.38
and long lasting goals
00:16:48.41\00:16:50.65
that would make a difference
00:16:51.02\00:16:52.15
to really see our children
in the Kingdom of Heaven.
00:16:52.19\00:16:55.01
They've continued to be
a motivation to us both.
00:16:55.04\00:16:57.83
So we wanna talk about
00:16:58.25\00:16:59.47
the goals that we
sat. Now we could tell you
00:17:00.62\00:17:03.21
many goals that we have sat
00:17:03.24\00:17:05.09
but we're gonna
talk about three.
00:17:05.66\00:17:07.32
And these are three of
the most important goals and
00:17:07.73\00:17:12.43
the most basic
for us and our family.
00:17:12.46\00:17:15.32
And these are
springboards for you.
00:17:16.21\00:17:17.83
We're sharing this with
you, so you can have an idea
00:17:18.37\00:17:21.17
of what we're talking
about in our goal setting,
00:17:21.56\00:17:24.59
in forming these things that
will last for a life time and
00:17:24.62\00:17:27.45
- For eternity! - by
God's Grace for eternity!
00:17:27.48\00:17:29.29
That's right!
00:17:29.32\00:17:30.29
So the first one
00:17:30.39\00:17:31.36
for us was:
gaining and maintaining
00:17:32.01\00:17:34.80
a vital connection
to the Power of God.
00:17:35.10\00:17:38.01
Now, that may seem strange,
00:17:39.01\00:17:41.53
maybe automatic,
but we came to recognize
00:17:41.97\00:17:44.79
that we did not have
this vital connection.
00:17:44.82\00:17:47.61
He that hath the Sun hath life.
00:17:48.21\00:17:50.17
He that hath not
the Sun hath not life.
00:17:50.74\00:17:53.69
It doesn't say "He
that knows Scripture. "
00:17:53.74\00:17:56.73
It doesn't say: "He
that goes to church. "
00:17:57.25\00:17:59.35
It doesn't say
"He that professes"
00:17:59.69\00:18:01.46
It says: "He that
hath the Sun hath life!"
00:18:01.82\00:18:04.36
And we didn't have
that Power working in us.
00:18:04.87\00:18:07.97
We did not
understand the practical Power
00:18:08.43\00:18:11.05
of the Gospel of Jesus Christ,
00:18:11.08\00:18:13.05
the life changing Power!
00:18:13.08\00:18:14.91
We did a lot of good work,
00:18:15.37\00:18:16.56
we were involved in
a lot of good programs,
00:18:17.12\00:18:19.01
but we did not understand!
00:18:19.58\00:18:21.16
And our hearts were good,
00:18:21.20\00:18:22.51
we wanted it! - That's right!
00:18:22.55\00:18:23.83
We desired it.
And that's why, again,
00:18:24.23\00:18:26.34
we weren't living
hypocritical lives.
00:18:26.38\00:18:28.46
We were doing the best we could
00:18:28.49\00:18:30.73
but we just
didn't have the power.
00:18:30.76\00:18:32.93
We do a lot of gritting
our teeth and trying hard
00:18:32.97\00:18:35.25
and what a
difference when we began
00:18:35.76\00:18:37.99
to set as our first
00:18:38.02\00:18:41.25
goal
00:18:42.33\00:18:43.30
Was to gain and maintain
00:18:43.62\00:18:45.69
a connection to the
Power of Jesus Christ.
00:18:46.37\00:18:48.52
That meant we
needed to change something
00:18:48.97\00:18:50.56
in how we are prating our daily
life, isn't that right dear?
00:18:50.60\00:18:53.31
Yes! Because we
talked about being in Heaven.
00:18:53.34\00:18:55.30
We wanted to be in Heaven,
00:18:55.33\00:18:56.30
we want our
children to be in Heaven.
00:18:56.31\00:18:57.61
But we had really no
time for God! And I think
00:18:58.07\00:19:00.48
that's the way it
is in a lot of homes.
00:19:00.51\00:19:01.77
That's right!
00:19:01.80\00:19:02.77
God was pretty
much cut out because we
00:19:02.78\00:19:04.55
were just too busy for Him.
00:19:04.58\00:19:05.55
Or too busy doing
things that we call
00:19:05.95\00:19:08.06
"things we're doing for God".
00:19:08.09\00:19:09.17
And that is
something that we know.
00:19:10.12\00:19:12.90
And as we have
worked with many families
00:19:13.57\00:19:16.74
over years in this ministry
00:19:16.77\00:19:18.43
this is not a struggle
that just we had together.
00:19:18.86\00:19:21.76
We recognized that
if we are going to have
00:19:22.70\00:19:24.95
a vital connection with God
00:19:24.98\00:19:26.39
and maintain that
connection, we need to take time
00:19:27.25\00:19:29.92
morning by morning
00:19:30.44\00:19:31.62
that we would
take time for prayer,
00:19:32.01\00:19:34.48
real communion with God.
00:19:34.51\00:19:36.31
You know, I used to get up
00:19:36.62\00:19:37.94
just in enough
time to get my breakfast
00:19:38.45\00:19:41.09
get a quick reading
00:19:41.12\00:19:42.21
and have a quick prayer,
maybe a five minute prayer,
00:19:42.25\00:19:44.82
and out the door.
And I tell you those
00:19:44.85\00:19:45.92
five minute prayers
00:19:45.95\00:19:47.21
are not enough to sustain
00:19:48.03\00:19:50.31
that vital connection with God.
00:19:50.84\00:19:52.35
And my mind was racing with
all the things that I had to do
00:19:52.85\00:19:55.51
anyway. So we're
talking about setting a goal
00:19:55.54\00:19:58.86
forming a goal
that puts God first
00:19:59.40\00:20:02.69
in our lives,
00:20:02.98\00:20:03.95
first in our marriage.
00:20:03.96\00:20:05.10
And taking time to
make His Word practical,
00:20:05.56\00:20:08.67
taking time to have what
we call: two way communion
00:20:08.71\00:20:11.34
it's not enough for us
just to pour out ourselves
00:20:11.37\00:20:13.97
to God. He wants to
pour something back into us.
00:20:14.51\00:20:17.14
He wants to commune
with us. - That's right!
00:20:17.17\00:20:19.01
And so, that began to be
00:20:19.38\00:20:21.54
our first and most important
00:20:22.04\00:20:24.56
life changing goal.
00:20:24.83\00:20:25.99
The second one,
that we talked about was
00:20:27.00\00:20:28.12
to have a happy home.
00:20:28.15\00:20:29.52
Now, we had a happy home
00:20:30.20\00:20:32.00
most of the time.
00:20:32.37\00:20:33.41
At least what we
understood happiness to be.
00:20:33.90\00:20:36.02
It was good as
everybody else we knew.
00:20:36.05\00:20:37.45
That's right! And
00:20:37.48\00:20:38.50
but it wasn't
happy all the time.
00:20:39.46\00:20:40.96
Is that idealistic that we can
have a happy home all the time?
00:20:41.00\00:20:44.76
Well it might sound
idealistic but I believe
00:20:44.79\00:20:47.79
and we believe
together now like we
00:20:47.82\00:20:49.77
we have for
years, that our homes
00:20:50.12\00:20:53.40
can be a little taste of Heaven.
00:20:53.43\00:20:56.68
And we've experienced that
00:20:57.22\00:20:58.27
how many times have
people come into our home?
00:20:58.30\00:21:00.62
And one of the
things they've said before
00:21:01.13\00:21:03.65
they were there too long is:
00:21:03.68\00:21:05.21
"The atmosphere here
00:21:06.00\00:21:07.41
is so peaceful.
00:21:07.89\00:21:09.21
It's so restful,
how does this happened?"
00:21:09.73\00:21:12.38
Well, I think we can have a
little bit of Heaven on Earth.
00:21:13.42\00:21:16.67
Well, absolutely! Because
00:21:16.70\00:21:18.42
God wants our homes to be
like we want to live forever.
00:21:18.46\00:21:22.42
Amen!
00:21:22.45\00:21:23.42
We don't wanna have fighting
and yelling and contention
00:21:23.43\00:21:27.04
and discord here
00:21:27.07\00:21:28.49
and then think we're gonna
live forever after happy there.
00:21:28.95\00:21:32.07
That's right!
00:21:32.10\00:21:33.07
What motivates us,
what motivates our children
00:21:33.08\00:21:35.21
if they think that
Heaven is their final home
00:21:35.74\00:21:38.00
or their eternal home,
why would they wanna be there
00:21:38.04\00:21:40.63
if they don't find peace
and happiness here on this home?
00:21:40.67\00:21:42.97
That's right!
00:21:43.00\00:21:43.97
This is the parallel,
this is the mirrored image
00:21:43.98\00:21:46.02
that we have the opportunity
to develop that home.
00:21:46.05\00:21:48.58
And that became - That's right!
00:21:48.61\00:21:49.58
a goal. It's interesting
00:21:49.59\00:21:51.04
that we would set
something so basic
00:21:51.08\00:21:53.53
as a goal in our home.
00:21:53.56\00:21:54.77
And for you listening out there,
00:21:54.96\00:21:56.94
I mean we've shared this before
00:21:56.97\00:21:58.88
and people said: "Wow, that's
just so, I mean so fundamental
00:21:58.92\00:22:02.17
so basic, I mean we would never
00:22:02.20\00:22:03.65
thought about
making that a goal in
00:22:03.68\00:22:05.06
our home and in our
lives, in our marriage.
00:22:05.10\00:22:06.76
But we've missed it
in the simple things!
00:22:07.62\00:22:10.49
We think we understand
them, we think they are in place
00:22:11.20\00:22:13.40
and we move
over the top of them.
00:22:13.43\00:22:15.08
And they're not
being accomplished. "
00:22:15.11\00:22:16.73
And so, for us to really
put that as a goal in our home
00:22:17.12\00:22:20.20
that we were going to
try to do everything we could
00:22:20.24\00:22:23.29
to make our home a
little Heaven on Earth.
00:22:23.32\00:22:25.44
You know, the day that Alison,
our oldest daughter Alison
00:22:25.48\00:22:29.58
she said to us, one day,
and I know you remember this.
00:22:30.01\00:22:33.38
I've never forgotten it.
00:22:33.41\00:22:34.74
We were sitting
at the meal table
00:22:35.17\00:22:37.16
and she said: "You know,
00:22:37.97\00:22:38.94
if there was no
Heaven to look forward to
00:22:39.98\00:22:42.89
I wouldn't wanna live
my life any differently
00:22:43.31\00:22:46.37
than we live it in our family. "
00:22:46.82\00:22:48.77
She said:"I love living life
the way we live it in our home!"
00:22:48.80\00:22:52.64
Oh, I tell you,
00:22:53.06\00:22:54.03
that broke my heart!
00:22:54.54\00:22:55.62
Because what more
could a parent ask for?
00:22:55.66\00:22:58.45
We want a happy home, and to see
00:22:59.34\00:23:01.21
that fruit being born out
00:23:01.88\00:23:03.44
is it worth
making that kind of goal?
00:23:03.92\00:23:05.88
It has been! And you
know that the little things
00:23:06.37\00:23:08.42
that we've changed in our lives
00:23:08.45\00:23:10.30
to accomplish that
00:23:10.57\00:23:11.76
have been insignificant.
There's been no loss
00:23:12.94\00:23:15.81
of anything. - That's right!
00:23:15.84\00:23:16.81
It's all been gain.
00:23:16.82\00:23:18.15
Everything it's been gain.
00:23:18.53\00:23:19.68
That's right!
00:23:19.71\00:23:20.68
Well, we're
telling these folks here
00:23:20.69\00:23:24.09
about these goals.
00:23:24.12\00:23:25.30
I think what
they also need to know
00:23:25.79\00:23:27.17
is that when we
get together next time
00:23:27.63\00:23:30.04
we're going to be
talking about more specifics
00:23:30.08\00:23:32.83
on how we achieve these goals.
00:23:32.86\00:23:35.01
Today we're just trying
to give you some ideas of
00:23:35.05\00:23:37.38
goals to became
important, foundational
00:23:37.41\00:23:40.30
to us in our marriage.
00:23:40.33\00:23:41.91
Well, we're gonna talk about
00:23:42.37\00:23:43.58
how we really went after
those goals and the specifics,
00:23:43.62\00:23:47.90
next time we get together.
00:23:48.37\00:23:49.38
But you know, there's
a verse that I remember
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Psalm 133 verse 1 it says:
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"Behold, how good and how
pleasant it is for brethren"
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could we say kindred?
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- Husband and wife
maybe? - "to dwell together"
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- The husband and wife.
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What a blessing "to
dwell together in unity!"
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Is God asking too much of us?
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To have a home that's
a little bit like Heaven?
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I don't think so!
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It's been a wonderful
blessing in our experience.
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The happier home is here.
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The happy we
are in our marriage,
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the happier our children are,
our youth, our young adults,
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the greater and the
more anticipation we have to
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Heaven, cause it's only
gonna get that much better.
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That's right!
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Well, we'd better
move on to number three.
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Yes! We just
gonna give you three.
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There's more that you can do,
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but this is just a little
kick start for you, we can say.
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The third area wanted to
establish in our home the goal
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was to parent in agreement.
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If we're gonna have a happy home
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then we have to be able
to parent with agreement.
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That's right!
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Romans 15:5 says: "Now, the
God of patience and consolation"
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now here we got God describe
this being a God of patience
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and that's what
He's looking for.
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He can give us that
patience as parents.
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"the God of patience
and consolation grant you"
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that's us.
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grant you to be likeminded
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one toward another"
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Isn't that beautiful?
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God is wanting
us to be likeminded.
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And as we talked about
in our Sure Foundation,
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this is where as
we go to God's Word
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and find there the
real principles, that's how
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we can become
likeminded towards one another.
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Thats right! And it's been
such a blessing in our home
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to have made this
a goal in our lives
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that we're gonna
parent in agreement.
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Because you and I are much
happier in this in our home.
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Oh, absolutely! And it's made
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such a difference as
we've gone to God's Word
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to look for those principles
to parent in agreement.
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It has drawn us together.
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And it has, it's
improved our communication
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as we've been trying to be fair
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and train our children properly
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it's been a
training process for us.
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Absolutely!
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So that's exciting!
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Well, we would like to
give you a personal challenge
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that you first make time
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to form those goals for
your family and your marriage
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and then that
you take that time.
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It's not enough to make the
time. We have to be there to
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take the time to accomplish
it, to form those goals
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that will begin to change
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your marriage and
make it heart to heart.
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That's right! They've
got to carve out time because
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everything around us
is working against us.
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You know, just everything
it's a push and pressure so
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take that time!
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And right now I
think it would be great
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if we could take time
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just to go to God
and ask Him to bless us
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in forming these
common goals. Shall we pray?
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Father in Heaven what a
privilege it is to come to You.
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We know that You can
help us form common goals
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as we give
ourselves to You, Lord
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as our viewers
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are contemplating the
need in their own lives
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give them grace
and understanding.
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That Your will
can be accomplished
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through Jesus
Christ we pray. Amen!
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We look forward to
seeing you next time
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as we talk about how we
move forming these common goals
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to setting the priorities.
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Two very distinct things.
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It's one thing to set
the goal isn't it honey?
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It's another thing
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to make the priorities
to really follow through.
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So we wanna encourage you
to be back with us next time
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where we talk about
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setting the priorities to make
these common goals a reality
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so that we can have a marriage
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that's heart to heart
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with God and the one we love!
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Marriage in God's Hands
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