Welcome to
Marriage Heart to Heart
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We are Tom & Alane Waters
with Restoration International
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And we hope you have
your paper and pencil.
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Today we're gonna be talking
about Finding Forgiveness!
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And we know that
if you take notes
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you remember more what you hear.
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Well, there're two phrases.
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They're simple
phrases aren't they dear?
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Simple phrases that
are very often hard to say!
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And I think our viewing audience
since you gave the title there
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might know what they are.
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"I'm sorry!" and
- "I forgive you!"
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Those are pretty short,
pretty easy to say, aren't they?
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Sure, you teach a
two year old to say that!
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It's verbally(?) right!
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Sure!
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So, why do you
think it's so hard
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to say those two phrases?
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What's the missing
ingredient if it's hard?
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You really don't feel like it!
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Right!
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When our self is crossed,
when somebody has upset us
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or somebody has done us wrong,
has hurt us, whatever it is
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without the Grace and
Power of Jesus Christ we
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really aren't capable of
saying a real "I'm sorry!"
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or "I forgive you!"
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Oh, yes! And many of
you if you're parents
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you may find that
you say to your child:
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"What do you say?!"
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And what do they say?
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"I'm sorry!"
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We don't want those rote
memorized phrases because those
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first of all they don't
really come from the heart,
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they could just
become, you know, something:
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"Well, I have to
say this or do this!"
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But I found in my own experience
when I am struggling with
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saying "I'm sorry!"
or "I forgive you dear!"
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When I'm struggling with that
it's because I'm struggling with
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truly being surrendered
to Christ in that moment!
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I'm holding on
to the "me focus".
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Or I wanna have,
you know, my way!
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Or I wanna the way
it feels good to me or
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the way I might
think it's gonna feel good.
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And that brings no
happiness! - That's right!
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And the lack of forgiveness
in a marriage and the lack
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of being able to say "I'm
sorry, would you forgive me?!"
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is destroying many couples.
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- That's right! -
Because, when you don't
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tell me you're sorry then it's
something that begins to build,
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putting there those walls up
between us again, those bricks
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that we talked about earlier.
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Putting bricks in those walls
that put a barrier between us.
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If I wanna tell you I'm
sorry I need to be very clear
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about what I'm sorry about!
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And not put the blame:
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"I'm sorry but if you
hadn't have said that then I
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wouldn't have
responded that way!"
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Because that's not a
true "I'm sorry"! That's not
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a true apologies, not a
true confession and repentance
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which the bible speaks of.
It's just a superficial response
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that is what we've learned
to do to try to make ourselves
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feel better, but we really
don't have the inner peace.
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We wanna find that
inner peace in our own heart
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and then that brings
us to peace between us!
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It's really an
age-old problem, isn't it?
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- It is! - I
mean it goes way back!
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In fact if you have your Bibles
in Matthew the 18th chapter
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in verse 21,
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we hear a question coming
from Peter, good old Peter
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He was often like we are,
he was pretty quit to share
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what was on his mind and
in this particular situation
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Peter is already feeling
pretty good, he says here:
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"Lord, how oft shall
my brother sin against me,
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and I forgive him?
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till seven times?"
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Now, Peter is feeling
pretty good about this because
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he wants to show
the Lord, this is Peter.
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And maybe the others around him!
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Yes maybe the other
disciples that are around him.
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He wants to show that
he is going farther than
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the traditions of the day.
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Because the rabbis they
said, you know, if somebody
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need a forgiveness 3
times your duty was done!
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Now Peter he's
saying seven times
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"is seven times enough Lord?"
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And than we find Jesus
answer, here in verse 22:
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"Jesus saith unto him",
and on to us today as well,
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"I say not unto
thee, Until seven times:
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but, Until
seventy times seven. "
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That's a lot of times!
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And you know, I don't
think Jesus meant there that
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we're ought to
start keeping score.
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You know, if there's a
problem in the marriage that..
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- I got my
score-pad you got yours!
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- That's right!
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- For hundred ninety lines?
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And while you just hit
your 490 Jesus was trying to
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teach us a lesson that He
does not weary in forgiving us!
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And He doesn't want us
to keep score and be weary
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in forgiving one another.
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That's right! And this is
very important in our marriages!
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I remember, we had been
married a few years, we had had
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our first child by
this time and we both
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struggled with this area
of really saying "I'm sorry!"
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from the heart.
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And really being
willing to forgive each other.
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And so, I remember this
particular day: you were going
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to take your students from
X-ray, your X-ray students up to
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Wisconsin to go
skiing. Do you remember that?
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Yes!
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And you were the
program director and every day,
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each year I should
say, you gave your students
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Yes, we didn't get
to do it every day!
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That would've been nice right?
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Each year you would
take your students up there
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to go skiing, to Wisconsin.
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And the years
before I had gone with you.
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I take the day of at
work and I would join you
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and enjoy the day together
being with you and your students
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and just have a
nice winter outing.
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Well, when children
come along your life changes!
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And now e had a new born at
home and you were on your way
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and I was thinking
about you all day long.
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I was thinking: "Oh, I wander
what slopes are going down" and
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"I wonder what
they're doing for lunch" and
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all this kind f thoughts
'cause my heart was with you,
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my thoughts were with
you. And I was really enjoying
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your day with you and
you didn't even know it.
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That's right!
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So I was really looking
forward to you coming home!
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And I counting down those
hours in the day till I knew
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you were gonna be home.
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And that time came and it went.
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But you weren't home. And
so, you know how our minds are
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how my mind works anyway and I
think this is true for everybody
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When things don't go as
planned, our mind creates
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a whole new scenario of what
has happened to cause the delay.
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That's what my mind did that
evening when you weren't home
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when I anticipated you from the
previous experience that we had,
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I thought: "Oh,
maybe they decided to do
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one more run down the
slopes and that could take
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another extra hour by the
time you get all the students
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to go down the slopes!"
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And that hour went by,
and you still weren't home and
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so I created another scenario:
"Maybe they decided to stop
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and get something
to eat on the way home"
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That was a good scenario.
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That was a good scenario! Right?
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I have to say I was learning,
it was better than my old track!
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Right? I was starting to learn
to give the best construction.
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But after another hour or
more went by I started to feel
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a bit anxiousness.
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That anxiousness began to build,
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so I started doing what most
of us do as Christians at least
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when we start to feel anxiety
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and a little bit of
fear we start to pray.
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And that's what I did, I started
to pray that the Lord would
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bring you home safe.
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And more time went by
and you still weren't home.
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Then something happened
in my mind I started creating
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other scenarios
that weren't so good.
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Other situations that could've
happened: "Somebody got hurt"
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"What if they
were in an accident?"
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So when these thoughts
started floating my mind
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Now your mind is
working over-time.
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I started to panic
inside, and I started praying
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you know pleading
with God, begging God
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that He would bring you
home safe! And I made promises
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like this: "Lord if You
bring him home, I promise
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I'll never be
mean to him again!"
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Sounds wonderful!
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"If You bring him home Lord
I promise I'll be kind to him
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all the time! I
really do love him Lord!"
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Well, I still didn't come home!
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And you still didn't come
home! And finally, several hours
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had gone by. I
think at least four.
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You even called the
Police, I think, didn't you?
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I did! I was so desperate, I
called at the Police Department
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of our local town, to
see if there's been a report
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of an accident. And the
officer or the dispatcher said:
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"Where would he
had been?" I said:
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"Somewhere between
Wisconsin and Illinois"
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And they laughed at me.
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I realized how foolish that was!
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But, you know, we
don't think clearly in those
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kind of situations.
Well then I heard your car
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coming down the alley.
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And I knew it was our car! And
I knew it was you coming home.
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even though it was very
late. And I was so excited
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about you being home, I
could hardly wait to open
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the back door.
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And see you come down the steps.
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And then you came
around the corner.
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I didn't have any
bandages on my head.
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You came around the
corner and down the steps
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after you put the
car in the garage.
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And I said: "Honey
I'm so glad you're home!"
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And then you
said: - And then I said:
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"Where have you been?"
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"Oh, we stopped to get pizza!"
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"You did?"
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"Yes!" "- Pizza?"
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"Yes, we got pizza!"
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"Four hours? It took you
four hours to eat pizza?"
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"Well, we got a lot of pizza!"
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Then I asked you a
question that it's very typical
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for a wife to ask a husband:
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"Why didn't you call me?"
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And I answered unfortunately
in maybe what's typical
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for some of you husbands,
at least it was typical for me
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back then. It's
not typical any more!
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But I said:
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"I didn't think about it!"
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Yes! That's right!
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Because everything
started to change then!
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Yes! All my joy and my
love and my romance turned in..
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All those confessions of
"I'll never..., I'll trust him.
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"I'll be kind to him the
rest of my life Lord, I promise
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Ill treat him nicely!"
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Well, we lost all
that in about 30 seconds.
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Less than that I think!
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Because you hurt my feelings!
And as soon as that thought hit
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and those feelings responded,
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you know, you said: "I'm sorry!
I mean I just didn't think of it
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And I really was!
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And you really were,
but it wasn't good enough!
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That's right! Not for all the
agony that you'd gone through!
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That's right! I had
been four hours in misery!
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And in my selfishness I wanted
you to know I wasn't happy!
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You we're gonna pay for that!
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- You know? - That's right!
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So when I'm sorry in that
situation is not good enough!
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It has to be a
little bit of penitence.
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A little bit
of... - That's right!
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That's our human
understanding, and that's why
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we had conflict,
right? - That's right!
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So I left and I went to bed and
I had what I term a "cold war"
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I began the "cold war": "Now
I'm just not gonna talk to you!"
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Yes!
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And it caused conflict! It
caused hurt! It caused pain!
00:11:58.84\00:12:01.70
It took a small little thing,
you know, a misunderstanding
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or a mess-up if
you wanna say that!
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And it turned it
into a big situation.
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So, what do we do in
those situations? I mean
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what happened? Why
couldn't you forgive me?
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Because it wasn't in my heart!
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And that's why we have to
have God working in our hearts.
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That's right!
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Jesus says: "Father forgive them
for they know not what they do"
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And this is the Spirit
of forgiveness that we need
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to come to
understand in our marriages!
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That's right! That's Luke 23:34:
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"Father, forgive them; for
they know not what they do"
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You know, many times this is
the true Spirit of forgiveness
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because many times like
that day when I came home
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from the ski
trip, I had a great day!
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Until you got
home with your wife!
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I had a great time!
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And when I found out
what I had caused you
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I was sorry! -
And you really were!
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I was! I was sorry!
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- But... - But the
problem wasn't you!
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The problem was me!
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So I really wasn't sorry enough.
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Right? Or I wasn't
sorry the right way?
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The way my
selfishness wanted it!
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Yes! And that is what I
wanna talk about for a moment.
00:13:15.10\00:13:17.71
with the
viewing audience because
00:13:17.74\00:13:19.50
what happens here
is that first of all
00:13:19.96\00:13:23.36
the forgiveness isn't coming
from God in that situation!
00:13:23.89\00:13:26.99
My wife said: "I forgive you!"
00:13:27.79\00:13:29.10
But there was no
real forgiveness.
00:13:29.45\00:13:31.66
And the forgiveness
was only gonna come to her
00:13:32.14\00:13:36.23
if I did the right kind
of penitence or I showed that
00:13:36.79\00:13:40.50
I was really sorry enough!
00:13:40.53\00:13:41.93
And this wasn't just
something that you experienced.
00:13:42.37\00:13:45.68
Now, we use this illustration
but I struggle with this too!
00:13:45.72\00:13:48.99
- I think most people
do! - There were many times!
00:13:49.02\00:13:52.15
I think so, and many
times that I would try to say:
00:13:52.18\00:13:55.41
You know, you'd come to me
and say that you were sorry.
00:13:55.45\00:13:58.65
And I'd say: "Well,
what are you sorry for?"
00:13:59.82\00:14:02.15
And you would share with me some
aspect of what it taken place.
00:14:03.48\00:14:07.72
- And.. - You would say: "That's
00:14:08.18\00:14:09.66
not what I want
you to be sorry for!"
00:14:09.70\00:14:11.07
Yes! That's not what I
wanted you to be sorry for!
00:14:11.10\00:14:12.99
You need to be sorry for this!
00:14:13.02\00:14:15.02
And that's not the forgiveness
that Jesus is talking about here
00:14:16.23\00:14:18.92
Jesus said: "Father forgive them
for they know not what they do!"
00:14:20.20\00:14:25.30
And that Spirit of forgiveness
can only come from Christ!
00:14:26.19\00:14:29.62
You know?
00:14:30.14\00:14:31.11
That we've said these
things throughout these series,
00:14:31.27\00:14:35.80
that everything that's
going to make the difference in
00:14:36.29\00:14:39.22
our marriage really comes from
the Giver of life and marriage.
00:14:39.26\00:14:43.58
It's gonna come from Christ!
00:14:44.08\00:14:45.44
And we need to talk
about how we get beyond this.
00:14:46.33\00:14:49.49
And so, we're gonna
take a break right now but
00:14:50.30\00:14:52.39
stay with us! Because when
we come back from the break
00:14:52.43\00:14:54.98
we're gonna talk about
how we can have this kind of
00:14:55.02\00:14:59.20
forgiveness and how it works
in practical, day-to-day life in
00:14:59.51\00:15:03.09
the marriage. There are
many "How to?" books available,
00:15:08.88\00:15:10.61
but there's one that's free
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how you can "Build
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is given in a lighthearted,
00:15:17.03\00:15:19.84
easy-to-read manner, for those
00:15:19.94\00:15:22.54
contemplating
marriage, newlyweds, couples in
00:15:22.57\00:15:25.26
in their golden years,
and everyone in-between.
00:15:25.29\00:15:27.65
Simply call or write
for your free copy of
00:15:27.69\00:15:30.18
this amazing little
booklet, a handy little tool
00:15:30.28\00:15:32.98
to help build a better marriage.
00:15:33.01\00:15:34.82
Welcome back! Where
we've been talking about
00:15:40.49\00:15:42.92
Finding Forgiveness
00:15:42.95\00:15:44.87
Honey I think you were
getting ready to share something
00:15:45.24\00:15:47.27
before went into the break.
00:15:47.30\00:15:49.05
We found that the
lack of real forgiveness
00:15:50.40\00:15:52.86
in our marriage
was destroying us!
00:15:52.89\00:15:54.36
- That's right! -
And I think it destroys
00:15:54.40\00:15:56.00
many couples
from the inside out!
00:15:56.03\00:15:58.62
Because when we
harbor a lack of forgiveness
00:15:58.98\00:16:01.66
or we won't
offer that forgiveness,
00:16:01.69\00:16:03.74
we find bitterness
start to grow in the heart.
00:16:03.78\00:16:06.35
And that is deadly
to any relationship!
00:16:07.00\00:16:09.63
And so, we have to understand
how to find forgiveness.
00:16:10.26\00:16:13.69
And how to be truly sorry, the
way the Scripture talks about.
00:16:13.72\00:16:17.23
And I, as you and I went
back and began to look because
00:16:17.53\00:16:21.00
we saw the
weakness in our marriage.
00:16:21.03\00:16:22.57
We identified it as a
problem as we went back
00:16:22.61\00:16:25.23
in Scripture and began to
study what is true confession
00:16:25.27\00:16:29.06
and repentance and forgiveness.
00:16:29.09\00:16:30.38
We began to see a new
dimension that we had not
00:16:30.42\00:16:33.36
experience before. That
means I need to be specific
00:16:33.39\00:16:36.30
in what I'm sorry for:
"I'm sorry that I spoke
00:16:36.33\00:16:38.86
those words to you!
Will you forgive me?"
00:16:38.89\00:16:40.94
And then I don't put on
any "ands" or "buts" or "ifs"
00:16:41.63\00:16:45.68
or "ors" on there. I
simply state my problem,
00:16:45.71\00:16:49.42
what I have done that was
wrong and ask to be forgiven.
00:16:49.46\00:16:52.36
That's my part in it!
Your part would be to truly
00:16:52.96\00:16:56.17
offer me that forgiveness!
00:16:56.20\00:16:57.74
Well, there's no barriers there!
00:16:58.22\00:17:00.31
That you grant
me that forgiveness.
00:17:00.34\00:17:03.81
And when you tell me:
"Honey I'm sorry" you know
00:17:04.20\00:17:06.02
"that I said that!",
"I'm sorry I did that!"
00:17:06.05\00:17:07.80
or "I'm sorry I left the
trash" or whatever it may be
00:17:07.84\00:17:10.12
I can be free to forgive you
the same way Christ forgives us.
00:17:10.64\00:17:13.92
True freedom in forgiveness!
00:17:13.95\00:17:16.01
It will strengthen our marriage!
00:17:16.51\00:17:17.85
And it creates an
environment that's safe
00:17:17.89\00:17:21.48
- Yes! - To be in the marriage!
00:17:21.51\00:17:22.93
That there is
forgiveness, you know
00:17:23.40\00:17:25.27
that's what real
Christianity is about!
00:17:25.31\00:17:27.11
Because when we come to
Christ we have the assurance
00:17:27.15\00:17:31.30
that if we're willing to
confess our sins He is faithful,
00:17:31.80\00:17:34.78
he will always
be faithful to us,
00:17:34.81\00:17:36.83
to forgive us and unclamps
us from that sin so we can
00:17:36.87\00:17:40.00
move on! - That's right!
00:17:40.03\00:17:41.13
We need that environment.
We need a safe environment.
00:17:41.16\00:17:43.28
But what about the people?
00:17:43.31\00:17:44.75
The people that keep doing
the same thing over and over
00:17:45.97\00:17:50.39
and over again?!
00:17:50.42\00:17:51.39
Well, the Bible has
something to say about that too!
00:17:51.42\00:17:53.37
That's right!
00:17:53.40\00:17:54.37
And I think we need
to read that right now:
00:17:54.72\00:17:56.08
Jesus said this in Luke
17 versus 3 and 4; it says:
00:17:57.40\00:18:01.27
"if he trespass against
thee seven times in a day"
00:18:01.30\00:18:05.14
Now we're talking
about one day here.
00:18:05.17\00:18:07.06
"seven times in a day,
and seven times in a day turn
00:18:07.67\00:18:11.79
again, saying, I repent"
00:18:11.82\00:18:14.81
- That means "I'm sorry!"
00:18:15.49\00:18:17.16
Yes!
00:18:17.19\00:18:18.16
- "Would you forgive me?"
00:18:18.17\00:18:19.14
- Isn't that what it
means? - "Seven times "
00:18:19.83\00:18:21.38
- In the same day?
For the same problem?
00:18:21.41\00:18:23.67
And here's what Jesus
says: " thou shalt forgive him"
00:18:24.34\00:18:28.54
It's not my words!
00:18:29.28\00:18:30.40
That's what Jesus is
encouraging us to do!
00:18:30.43\00:18:33.20
Not only He is encouraging
us to do that but He's giving us
00:18:33.70\00:18:36.44
the Grace to do it!
00:18:36.47\00:18:38.18
- That's His
Spirit of forgiveness.
00:18:38.21\00:18:40.28
I mean think at
how many times a day
00:18:40.32\00:18:42.12
He needs to forgive us!
00:18:42.15\00:18:43.69
That's right!
00:18:43.72\00:18:44.69
I'm so glad that He doesn't
worrying of forgiving me.
00:18:44.70\00:18:46.95
But I wanna bring on something
today that's very important
00:18:46.99\00:18:51.56
and that is that true
forgiveness does not mean
00:18:52.39\00:18:56.48
that we just continue
to unable this sin, ok?
00:18:56.52\00:19:00.58
And I wanna share with you,
the listening, viewing audience
00:19:01.32\00:19:04.63
a situation that happened.
I got a phone call from a man
00:19:04.67\00:19:07.95
and he was complaining
00:19:08.47\00:19:10.88
and upset because he's
wife just would not let him
00:19:11.61\00:19:15.58
out of his old mold.
00:19:15.61\00:19:17.83
"Just keeps holding me in the
past. She just won't let it go!"
00:19:18.45\00:19:20.87
"And I am so tired of
it!" And he was looking to me
00:19:21.42\00:19:24.76
Ok? - For sympathy probably.
00:19:25.38\00:19:26.82
- To give him some sympathy.
00:19:26.86\00:19:28.23
And as I listened,
and you know I always pray
00:19:28.27\00:19:32.78
in these conversations.
00:19:32.81\00:19:34.27
And as I was praying the
Lord brought this thought to me:
00:19:34.31\00:19:37.39
just to ask him
this simple question:
00:19:37.42\00:19:39.13
"Is this only in the past or is
this really what you continue to
00:19:40.32\00:19:44.29
live in your marriage today?"
00:19:44.32\00:19:45.96
Well, there was
kind of an awkward pause
00:19:46.66\00:19:48.28
and he began to express
that he as in reality he was
00:19:48.32\00:19:53.14
he was still living it.
00:19:53.17\00:19:55.12
Well, we end up getting
the wife on the phone too
00:19:55.15\00:19:58.72
and she said: "I have forgiven
my husband! I love my husband"
00:19:58.76\00:20:02.52
"I want our marriage to work
but I cannot allow him to keep
00:20:02.56\00:20:06.29
abusing me physically
and abusing the children!"
00:20:06.32\00:20:09.09
So, is there a place
where true forgiveness
00:20:10.03\00:20:14.47
God given forgiveness can
take place?! And yet we cannot
00:20:14.50\00:20:18.43
tolerate the abuse.
00:20:18.46\00:20:19.75
Absolutely! There has to
be a line that's strong there!
00:20:20.79\00:20:24.12
And that's what
happened in this situation.
00:20:24.62\00:20:26.54
I tell you, in the counseling
that we do we rarely want to
00:20:27.49\00:20:31.72
deal with a
separation experience but there
00:20:31.75\00:20:34.33
is a place for
proper separation.
00:20:34.36\00:20:37.63
And that separation is a
separation that's designed
00:20:38.04\00:20:42.27
to bring restoration.
00:20:42.30\00:20:43.70
And as I talked to this couple,
00:20:44.04\00:20:45.90
we came to the place in
the conversation where I agreed
00:20:46.95\00:20:50.82
that this lady did have
the Spirit of forgiveness,
00:20:50.85\00:20:53.83
she was loving her
husband but she could not go on
00:20:53.87\00:20:56.38
with the physical
abuse that was taking place!
00:20:56.42\00:20:58.90
And I continued to counsel this
couple over the next few weeks
00:20:59.35\00:21:03.24
and months.
00:21:03.27\00:21:04.24
The good news is
that that husband
00:21:04.81\00:21:07.90
in one of our later
phone calls said: "This was
00:21:08.26\00:21:11.67
the very thing that I
needed to restore my marriage"
00:21:11.70\00:21:14.53
He said: "My wife did
have a Spirit of forgiveness!
00:21:14.89\00:21:17.60
She did love me! She
loved me enough to draw a line
00:21:18.05\00:21:21.51
on this abuse in the home!"
00:21:22.52\00:21:24.20
And it was beautiful to see
that couple come back together.
00:21:24.73\00:21:27.72
and were to meet that couple
today and their family you
00:21:28.38\00:21:31.90
would not know that
there had ever been abuse!
00:21:31.93\00:21:34.98
You would not know that there
had ever been a separation!
00:21:35.02\00:21:37.53
In this case the forgiveness
that God put in the wife's heart
00:21:38.15\00:21:42.68
and the true love,
that was there for her,
00:21:43.15\00:21:45.93
restored that marriage and
they're a beautiful family today
00:21:45.96\00:21:48.86
I know!
00:21:48.89\00:21:49.86
So the point is: there is a
place for forgiving seven times.
00:21:49.87\00:21:54.99
But not necessarily a
place for continuing to unable
00:21:55.42\00:21:58.74
this abuse that's going on.
00:21:59.26\00:22:00.45
That's right!
00:22:00.48\00:22:01.45
So we have to know
what God is asking us to do.
00:22:02.14\00:22:05.20
We have to understand
He's will for our situation.
00:22:05.24\00:22:08.27
And look for ways to restore
it. If I have a spirit of love
00:22:08.74\00:22:12.09
toward you that I
wanna restore I'm not gonna
00:22:12.12\00:22:13.92
keep bringing up
your past. - That's right!
00:22:13.95\00:22:15.70
If you make the mistake
today, it's a present mistake.
00:22:15.74\00:22:18.41
Even if it's something you
did yesterday or the day before.
00:22:18.87\00:22:21.71
And as I respond to
you with true forgiveness
00:22:22.25\00:22:25.42
it encourages you to
start treating me different.
00:22:25.87\00:22:28.75
That's right!
00:22:28.78\00:22:29.75
And so there is a
need for a boundary there,
00:22:29.76\00:22:32.78
when there's those types
of abuses. But many people
00:22:32.82\00:22:36.70
bail out of marriages
because of emotional abuse.
00:22:37.25\00:22:40.31
That's right!
00:22:40.34\00:22:41.31
And other types, and it
becomes very subjective.
00:22:41.32\00:22:43.76
"What is it? Is it
because you hurt my feelings?"
00:22:43.80\00:22:46.48
"And therefore
you're abusive to me?!"
00:22:46.93\00:22:48.43
Because that gets very
difficult to understand.
00:22:48.47\00:22:51.10
And what we need to
do is challenge ourselves
00:22:51.13\00:22:53.69
to understand that Spirit
of forgiveness and be the first
00:22:53.73\00:22:57.28
to say: "I'm sorry!"
00:22:57.31\00:22:58.51
in a situation
where there's conflict,
00:22:58.55\00:23:00.30
- That's right! -
be the first to take
00:23:00.33\00:23:02.01
responsibility, even if my
part's only 5% of the problem.
00:23:02.05\00:23:05.82
As I see it, be the first
one to say "Honey, I'm sorry!"
00:23:05.85\00:23:09.30
So is there a place
00:23:09.76\00:23:11.00
for forgiveness? Or maybe
I can ask you this question:
00:23:11.73\00:23:14.19
Is there
anything that's too hard
00:23:14.68\00:23:16.68
for God to give
us forgiveness in?
00:23:16.71\00:23:18.68
What if a husband it's
unfaithful to the marriage vows?
00:23:19.06\00:23:23.16
And the wife has
Biblical grounds.
00:23:23.19\00:23:25.48
Is there still a possibility
if that wife loves her husband,
00:23:25.80\00:23:28.88
that there is
forgiveness available?
00:23:28.91\00:23:30.64
Absolutely!
00:23:30.67\00:23:31.79
Because God
offers that forgiveness!
00:23:31.83\00:23:34.62
And there's no sin too
grave that He can't forgive!
00:23:34.66\00:23:36.54
And so when we accept that
love and in fact we know more
00:23:37.43\00:23:41.10
than a few couples
who had this experience.
00:23:41.13\00:23:43.06
And the wives, particularly
they're the ones who've been
00:23:43.58\00:23:45.87
the one, you know,
cheated on, so we say.
00:23:45.90\00:23:48.98
They have found that
Grace, that love from God
00:23:49.41\00:23:52.41
to come through their
heart to their husband.
00:23:52.44\00:23:55.41
- I know. - That really forgave
00:23:55.44\00:23:57.10
their husband.
00:23:57.13\00:23:58.32
And they looked for ways
to honor him, even in his
00:23:58.69\00:24:02.86
unhonorable
choices, shall I say.
00:24:04.08\00:24:06.37
And they have helped to restore
that marriage through their
00:24:07.14\00:24:09.84
through their love, and through
their forgiveness as genuine.
00:24:09.87\00:24:12.43
They don't live in the past!
They don't rehearse the past!
00:24:12.47\00:24:15.00
They don't hold the
husband in the past!
00:24:15.03\00:24:16.74
They say "I forgive
you!" And they do what can
00:24:17.29\00:24:20.01
to restore the marriage.
00:24:20.04\00:24:21.27
And it's a beautiful situation
to see those marriages healed.
00:24:21.98\00:24:24.49
Because in reality, he
really does love his wife!
00:24:25.07\00:24:27.49
That's right! And I remember
one of those couples that
00:24:28.53\00:24:31.85
we worked with.
00:24:31.88\00:24:32.88
That everyone was telling her:
"This guy is good for nothing!"
00:24:33.67\00:24:38.91
- "Get rid of him!"
- "He'll never change!"
00:24:39.47\00:24:40.58
That's right! "Get rid of him!"
00:24:40.61\00:24:41.91
And she was getting nothing
but this kind of encouragement
00:24:42.39\00:24:46.20
in that direction.
00:24:46.23\00:24:47.20
And, I know that the day
she called you and talked to you
00:24:47.87\00:24:51.81
you were the first person
00:24:52.33\00:24:53.76
that gave her encouragement
in the other direction.
00:24:54.60\00:24:56.84
Do you remember what
you told her that day?
00:24:56.87\00:24:58.44
I said:"If you want to love
your husband, God can give you"
00:24:59.36\00:25:02.26
that Spirit of forgiveness!"
00:25:02.29\00:25:03.62
That's right!
00:25:03.65\00:25:04.62
"And God will put the deeper
love in your heart for him,
00:25:04.63\00:25:07.38
the way God loves us!"
00:25:07.41\00:25:08.87
"And God working in your heart
can brake your husbands heart,
00:25:08.91\00:25:12.25
and restore him!"
00:25:12.28\00:25:13.64
And he was restored!
And she was, you know,
00:25:13.94\00:25:16.60
their family has healed.
00:25:16.63\00:25:17.73
- I know! - And it
is such a joy to see
00:25:17.77\00:25:19.92
their family! I mean
they're a whole family!
00:25:19.96\00:25:22.06
- That's beautiful! -
And he loves his wife!
00:25:22.09\00:25:24.16
And she loves him! And
there's nothing between them!
00:25:24.19\00:25:26.50
And it was beautiful to hear him
00:25:27.35\00:25:28.63
describe how he
saw the forgiveness!
00:25:29.47\00:25:33.03
And what it did,
the deep forgiveness,
00:25:33.74\00:25:36.11
that she gave to him.
00:25:36.90\00:25:38.10
And how she found
that forgiveness in Christ.
00:25:38.14\00:25:40.59
Because as he
described that situation
00:25:40.98\00:25:43.87
and what it did
to brake his heart,
00:25:44.25\00:25:46.33
we saw a husband and wife
00:25:47.18\00:25:49.06
restored!
00:25:49.95\00:25:50.93
We saw the power
of Grace, you know,
00:25:51.66\00:25:53.58
our listening audience
needs to know that, that same
00:25:54.11\00:25:56.65
miracle working power
is available for you today!
00:25:56.69\00:25:59.20
Not just for these people we've
seen in the past! And not just
00:26:00.00\00:26:02.91
for the people in the Old
Testament that had their eyes
00:26:02.94\00:26:05.64
you know, the sight restored
and they walked again and
00:26:06.12\00:26:09.53
the leprous were healed.
00:26:09.56\00:26:10.73
This is a real today
Message of Salvation!
00:26:11.08\00:26:16.33
The miracles are possible today!
00:26:16.76\00:26:18.40
And in closing
00:26:19.17\00:26:20.14
we should give them a
little personal challenge,
00:26:20.97\00:26:22.92
that if there's anything
today between you and the one
00:26:23.28\00:26:27.53
that you have given your life
pledged your life to be with,
00:26:27.57\00:26:30.95
your wife, your husband.
If there's anything there
00:26:30.98\00:26:33.31
that's come to your
mind, if there's unforgiveness
00:26:33.35\00:26:35.65
unresolved conflict,
there are things there
00:26:35.68\00:26:38.22
we wanna say that God can
give you that forgiveness!
00:26:38.73\00:26:41.98
God can give you that
ability to say "I'm sorry!"
00:26:42.02\00:26:45.24
God can help you
begin to communicate again.
00:26:45.69\00:26:47.98
And it's only as we're willing
00:26:48.59\00:26:50.89
to turn to God
that we will find that.
00:26:51.51\00:26:54.14
And I think it would be
nice if you closed us in prayer,
00:26:54.58\00:26:57.00
as we turn there at the
end of this time together.
00:26:57.54\00:27:01.19
Father we do thank
You for Your word and
00:27:03.03\00:27:05.01
for it teaches us about
how forgiveness really works.
00:27:05.04\00:27:08.11
And I just pray that in each
of our hearts we will desire
00:27:08.82\00:27:11.53
to experience Your
forgiveness for our problems,
00:27:11.56\00:27:15.43
and your
forgiveness working through us,
00:27:15.46\00:27:17.48
to others, toward
others Lord, that we can have
00:27:17.88\00:27:20.16
true peace and
happiness and harmony
00:27:20.19\00:27:22.32
in our homes and in our
marriages. In Jesus name Amen!
00:27:22.90\00:27:26.02
Amen!
00:27:26.79\00:27:27.76
Next time we get together
we're going to be talking about
00:27:28.74\00:27:31.11
the Grave for faults
00:27:31.14\00:27:33.83
Don't miss this one!
00:27:34.92\00:27:35.89
Because it's going to help us in
dealing with this forgiveness.
00:27:36.59\00:27:40.44
You can have a
Marriage Heart to Heart!
00:27:41.15\00:27:43.88
God bless you!
00:27:44.27\00:27:45.24
Captions and subtitles
by Christian Media Services
00:28:25.46\00:28:28.05