Welcome to
Marriage Heart to Heart
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We are Tom and Alane Waters
with Restoration International
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and we hope you brought a paper
and pencil along, because we
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remember about 10% of what we
hear. That means we forget 90%.
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So by taking notes and
writing things down that impress
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your heart you can
develop your marriage into
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a heart to heart relationship!
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Last time that we were
together we were talking about
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Developing Respect
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Today we're going to talk
about: Cultivating Restraint!
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They go hand in
hand! Don't they, honey?
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They do!
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They accent each other!
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So, I wonder how the people did
last time with their homework!
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Their challenge.
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We had a little
homework of our own didn't we?
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Yes we did!
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Cultivating that kindness.
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And you want to tell them
what you did for me last night?
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while you were
cultivating kindness?
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I gave you a nice head massage!
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Oh, it was wonderful!
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Husbands! You need to get
a really great head massage!
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It's wonderful to relax
you! Especially after you've
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had a busy day at the office!
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Get a nice head massage.
That was cultivating kindness!
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That's what my
wife was doing for me!
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Developing Respect! Right?
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That's right!
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And today we want to talk
about: Cultivating Restraint!
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And that's something
that goes hand in hand!
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You can't really
separate them. Because if I'm
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developing respect for
you, than I'm also learning
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how to be restrained myself.
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I remember a long time
ago, even before we were married
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we had one of
those conversations.
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You now, where we talk about
everything. This one particular
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night we were talking
about when we were married
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would we have pets?
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And if we would,
what kind we would have?
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Do you remember
that conversation?
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Well, I remember you sharing
this conversation with me.
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Well, we both grew up
in different settings.
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A grew up in suburbia
and you grew up on the farm.
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And so, my vote for an animal,
for a pet was to have a cat.
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And your vote was a dog!
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And, in my home the
cat was a house cat!
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It was in the house
and out of the house.
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And in your home
the cat was in the barn.
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Very efficient cats! Yes!
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You called them
"mousers", right?
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And I didn't think that that
was too impressive. But anyway
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obviously we didn't agree
at that time. This is what
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I remember.
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Clear back in
our engagement time.
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And so, as time went on
and we came to the solution
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that we would have a
pet when we had children.
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And if we had a
girl we would have a cat.
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And if we had a
boy we would get a dog.
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It was kind of one of
those gender things, you know.
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So, I remember when we
first had our first child.
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Allison we named her.
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And I reminded you
of this conversation.
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Oh yes you did!
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I said honey, we've got
a girl we can get a cat!
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And how did I respond
to that? Do you remember?
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You had no recollection of the
conversation at all. In fact,
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I figured, that
because you love cats so much
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that you have probably
dreamed about this conversation.
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Because I don't
remember it ever happening!
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And I
remembered it very clearly!
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And that's where we get
in conflict in a marriage!
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When one person
remembers a conversation,
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and it's clear to them! And
of course they don't believe
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they'd made it up!
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And the other person
doesn't have any idea
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of the
conversation ever taking place.
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There we have the
recipe for conflict!
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So how do we deal with
this kind of situations?
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Well, we found a solution
and that was to just not to get
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any pet at that time!
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Then when we had our
second child we named her Emily.
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And I reminded you again of
this pre-marriage conversation.
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And you still
didn't remember it!
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I'm starting to
remember it better now.
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Now, that I've
heard this a few times!
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Because I reminded
you so much of it, right?!
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Right!
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But, we had a choice to make.
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Do we get upset?
Do we loose respect?
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Do we loose our
personal restraint? Because
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I have to be right?
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Or are we willing to
look for another alternative?
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Well, we did have a third child!
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And his name was Josiah!
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And we didn't get a dog!
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We didn't get a dog!
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And I didn't try to remind you
about that conversation, right?
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That's right! You didn't!
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But, it's interesting
that through the years
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this little topic has come up in
our marriage from time to time.
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And we needed to learn
through this experience.
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How to develop restraint.
How to cultivate that restraint.
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And even as a mother with the
children when they were young
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I can remember going to
this store, and you'd see these
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corkboard boxes out- front,
you know. Of course Id knew
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what there were in there. Right?
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Kittens of course! And you
know they're free! And I would
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take the children up and
they go: "Oh mommy! Mommy!
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Can I get one of these?"
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And I would
say: "No, not today!"
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"It's not going to be good for
us to take a kitty home today!"
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And I never said: "I
want a cat! It's your father!"
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"You've got to convince your dad
that he needs to get you a cat."
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That is undermining you and your
desires and wishes in the home.
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And so, it was interesting
the first time our children ever
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learned, and they
were all teenagers.
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That I wanted a cat and you
didn't want a cat in the home.
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Was when they heard us talking
about respect and restraint.
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Yes! -Because many
wives get what they want.
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They use the children
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as a cover-up for
their personal desires.
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That's right! And
daddy comes home from work
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and the children meet
him at the door: "Daddy!"
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"Look what we got today!"
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"And where is mother hiding?"
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Well she's usually
vacated to the kitchen,
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or in the back
bedroom, or out the back door!
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She doesn't want to face him!
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Because she knows she
hasn't really respected his
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leadership, his
authority, his desires.
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And she hasn't been
willing to be restraint herself.
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And so, the children get brought
in. And they become a tool.
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That begins to divide the home.
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Well, I appreciated
the way you handled that.
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I didn't even know some of
this was going on with these
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little boxes of kitties and the
children learnt to read and said
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"Oh, they're free! These
are free! Can we get these?"
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But, I appreciated the restraint
that you were developing there.
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In wanting to
honor me as a husband.
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And I think we both agree
that it was better that we
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didn't have pets with the kind
of schedule we had at that time.
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That's right!
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So, let's talk
about the definition
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for Restraint!
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Because, one of the
blessings that we've learned
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there's many words that
we use in our vocabulary and
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many times we don't
have the understanding.
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What we've done in our marriage
is we've gone back and we've
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looked at some of this key terms
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like this one today "restraint".
Let's talk about that.
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And let's define the
word in the first person.
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This has always been official
not somebody else out there.
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Ok, it means that
if I restrain myself
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I will hold back or hinder any
action, any word, any passion,
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that is going to be
harmful to you, or to any other.
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I'm going to be able to be
restrained now, I can't do that
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in myself. I've tried that.
Have you ever tried to restraint
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a passionate word?
A word of irritation?
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Bite the tongue?
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We can try to bite the tongue,
or we can bite our tongue.
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But we can't
change our countenance.
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We really can't. If
it's not in our hearts we
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can force ourselves not to
say something or bite the tongue
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but if it's not in our hearts,
if we're not really surrendered
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than we're not going to be
able to control the countenance.
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That's right! That's why we
have to ask God to change us
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from within. And there've been
many times He has done that.
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I mean, I can feel
this certain irritation.
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And when I recognize the
feelings and I know each one
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of you out there knows
what I'm talking about.
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There's a physical
manifestation a physical feeling
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that you feel, starting
to come up inside of you.
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And that is an unrestraint
me, an unrestraint self.
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And when those feelings
come, the physical manifestation
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that's a call that God
wants to change what's happening
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inside, that we can respond to
the out world circumstances, we
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can respond to the conversation
in a different way. We can
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be restraint. God can give
us something better to speak
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that will change the direction
of our communication, change
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the direction of the out come.
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And keep the
home a happier place.
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And our Marriage Heart to Heart.
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That's right! And we can look
at this restraint in terms of
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1 Corinthians 13. - Absolutely!
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Because it says there that
we should not be easily provoked
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Well, our humanity
is easily provoked!
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Our natural response is
provocation when self is crossed
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But if we are allowing
ourselves to be in Christ,
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to be surrendered to Him,
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than we don't have to be
provoked by the things that
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create misunderstandings.
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And it says there, in defining
restraint that "it does not
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behave itself in unseemly way.
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We don't have to flare up
in these.. in our irritation.
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That can be restraint and
governed by Christ. I think
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the problem, and I know for us
and the problem with many of you
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is: we cannot do
this in ourselves!
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We cannot restraint
ourselves! That's why we try
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to bite our
tongues or grit our teeth.
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We try hard but
we need Jesus Christ!
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To restraint us! To
put a watch on our mouth.
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And it's only as we're
willing to surrender to Him
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and if that will take place,
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for our marriage!
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That's right! So
restraint, companions respect
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and the more my
respect grows for you
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the more willing I am to
be restraint of the Lord.
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Not just our passions but even
sometimes my wants or my desires
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or my... you know, these things.
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Be restraint in order to
make a harmonious marriage.
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And that's what we really
want God to do in our lives.
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And that's what we saw our
great need in this area because
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we were failing. Because we
didn't have respect & restraint.
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That's right!
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We loved each other and I
believe this is what a lot of
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you are facing.
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That you really love each other,
you have a basis of love in
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your marriage. But you haven't
learned the importance of
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true respect and restraint
in the marriage! And God
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Wants to give us that!
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He does! And it's in the
little things of every day.
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Yes! -It's in the little things
that He calls to us to restraint
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in myself, to restraint
even the thoughts that I have
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to not think those thoughts,
to restraint what I want
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to do at the moment that
can be just off-the-cuff.
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You know, just I go do this!
And loose my focus for the day.
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We need to develop that
restraint in Him! And in the
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little things of every day
as where we practice it because
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it's amazing how many
little irruptions a couple can
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experience through a
day! In minor issues.
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That's right! -And when we
find Christ is the key and we
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recognize our great
need then we don't have those
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little irruptions anymore!
00:12:04.83\00:12:06.31
That's right!
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Well, we want to talk about
the two areas that we discussed
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last time we were together.
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About how we develop respect
and this goes hand in hand
00:12:13.30\00:12:17.72
with how we cultivate restraint.
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So, let's talk
about the first one.
00:12:20.74\00:12:23.01
Cultivating the
spirit of kindness!
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That's a very important!
And Ephesians 4:32 says:
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"Be kind, one to another!"
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And last time we were together
we were talking about how
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important it is that
it's not just kindness to
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everybody else out there.
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But how we're developing and
cultivating that kindness here.
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So, we're going
to share with you
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a couple of simple illustrations
about how we have been
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cultivating this
restraint in our own marriage.
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Cultivating the restraint
through the tool of kindness
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in the home. - That's right!
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Yes! You probably
remember not that long ago,
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I came down to
your desk one day,
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That's in our
bedroom where your office is.
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Your office is there just on
the other side of our bed there.
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And Id said to you:
"Honey, what would you like
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for dinner today?"
00:13:18.60\00:13:20.01
And it was in my heart! I
wanted to do something special
00:13:20.05\00:13:23.82
for you! But what you didn't
know is that just before I
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came down the
stairs to your office,
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I had realized that we
need to be eating in 30 minutes.
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And I had given it no thought.
And so I thought: "Well Ill
00:13:35.24\00:13:40.35
just come down and ask you
00:13:40.38\00:13:41.58
what you wanted" -
That was kind of you!
00:13:42.10\00:13:44.20
Yes! I was thinking about
you 'cause I needed ideas!
00:13:44.23\00:13:46.67
Now, here's the interesting
thing. Do you remember what
00:13:46.70\00:13:48.87
happened that day? 'Cause
often Ive asked you what you
00:13:48.91\00:13:50.96
want. And usually you said:
"Oh, I don't care, whatever
00:13:50.99\00:13:53.01
you want to fix!" - Yes!
As I remember, you didn't
00:13:53.04\00:13:55.55
really give me the opportunity
to tell you what I wanted.
00:13:55.59\00:13:59.76
No, you didn't!
00:13:59.79\00:14:01.23
And that's what
the Lord Brought to me.
00:14:01.27\00:14:03.72
As soon as I asked you the
question before I even gave you
00:14:04.09\00:14:06.48
a chance to
respond I said to you:
00:14:06.51\00:14:09.34
"How about granola, toast
and fruit? How does that sound?"
00:14:09.38\00:14:14.14
"Fine! I like granola!"
00:14:14.75\00:14:16.70
"I like fruit, I
like toast!" So..
00:14:17.38\00:14:19.73
I wasn't upset! - Not at all!
00:14:19.76\00:14:21.57
And I felt like my mission was
accomplished! I felt like now.
00:14:21.61\00:14:25.11
And I had
direction! And I had an answer!
00:14:25.14\00:14:27.25
And that I was pleasing you! And
that was not your idea at all!
00:14:27.29\00:14:30.09
And that's the funny thing!
00:14:30.12\00:14:31.20
And specially since you could
get that thing done easily.
00:14:31.24\00:14:34.21
That's right! - In 30 minutes!
00:14:34.24\00:14:35.74
And less than that! Right?
00:14:35.77\00:14:37.14
So, as I was walking back
up the stairs to the kitchen
00:14:37.81\00:14:40.57
The Lord reminded
me: "cultivate kindness!"
00:14:41.66\00:14:43.90
I wasn't restraint! I
asked you a question, and before
00:14:44.63\00:14:48.23
I even gave you
a chance to answer,
00:14:48.26\00:14:50.05
I filled in!
00:14:50.08\00:14:51.63
I got you to agree with me!
And now, I did my own thing!
00:14:52.04\00:14:54.75
And it really struck me! I mean,
you know, sometimes it's this
00:14:55.32\00:14:59.07
moments of silence when
the Spirit calls to our hearts
00:14:59.10\00:15:02.17
that gentle still small voice.
00:15:02.20\00:15:03.99
"You aren't restraint!"
00:15:04.47\00:15:05.62
I wasn't restraint! I
wasn't cultivating kindness!
00:15:07.05\00:15:09.55
I really wasn't thinking
about you! So at that moment
00:15:09.59\00:15:12.53
as soon as I recognized
it, on my way up to stairs,
00:15:12.56\00:15:15.43
I said: "Ok! Lord give me a
better idea!" And by the time
00:15:15.47\00:15:18.72
I got to the kitchen,which isn't
very far away, cause we have a
00:15:18.76\00:15:21.27
small home. I had a
whole new menu planned!
00:15:21.30\00:15:24.67
Home made pizza, a nice
salad, gourmet vegetables.
00:15:25.43\00:15:29.90
And you couldnt
even smell it cooking.
00:15:30.61\00:15:32.87
That's right!
00:15:32.90\00:15:33.87
In that time that
it took me to do that
00:15:35.74\00:15:37.61
I found such joy! And this is
what I really want to emphasize
00:15:38.15\00:15:42.41
to our viewers today. When
we are willing to be restraint
00:15:42.44\00:15:46.67
we find that God Gives us
joy and doing things maybe
00:15:47.31\00:15:50.20
we wouldn't have wanted to do!
00:15:50.23\00:15:51.68
Or had no desire to do!
00:15:52.24\00:15:53.62
But when we're willing to
be restraint and choose to do
00:15:53.66\00:15:57.66
a better way something
that would be kind or thoughtful
00:15:58.21\00:16:01.75
toward our spouse, we
find that inner joy! And that's
00:16:02.31\00:16:05.42
what happened that day!
00:16:05.45\00:16:06.44
I found the joy of
cooking that meal for you.
00:16:06.81\00:16:09.49
I even sat the table nice, had
candles, flowers on the table,
00:16:09.52\00:16:13.37
I went and turned the
music on and I called you:
00:16:13.97\00:16:15.98
"Come to dinner dear!"
00:16:16.01\00:16:17.30
Oh, it was
wonderful coming to the table!
00:16:18.53\00:16:21.39
But I think we're
going to pause right there!
00:16:21.94\00:16:23.38
And you're going to find
out the surprises that I found
00:16:23.42\00:16:26.93
when I came to the table,
00:16:26.96\00:16:28.54
that afternoon. Stay with us!
00:16:29.10\00:16:31.10
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00:16:36.96\00:16:38.70
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00:16:57.48\00:17:01.01
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00:17:01.04\00:17:02.95
Welcome back! Where
we've been talking about
00:17:09.10\00:17:11.33
Cultivating Restraint!
00:17:11.36\00:17:13.19
Now, you're waiting to find out
my reaction when I go upstairs,
00:17:13.93\00:17:18.63
I've been called to the meal and
I'm thinking that I'm going up
00:17:18.67\00:17:23.34
to granola, fruit and toast.
00:17:23.37\00:17:25.90
And I would've been happy
with that! Wouldn't I dear?
00:17:26.58\00:17:29.11
Always easy to please!
00:17:29.81\00:17:31.06
But what a delight! I didn't
just go up to granola, fruit,
00:17:32.32\00:17:37.13
and toast. When I got
to the top of the stairs
00:17:37.16\00:17:40.13
I smelled the pizza!
00:17:40.88\00:17:44.60
I heard the music playing. And
I saw the candles on the table.
00:17:45.53\00:17:51.82
Quite a difference,
wasn't it dear? In my reaction?
00:17:52.80\00:17:55.51
Oh yes! That
wasn't my motivation!
00:17:55.99\00:17:58.80
My motivation was to
do something nice for you.
00:17:59.45\00:18:01.48
Well, you were
cultivating kindness!
00:18:01.51\00:18:03.20
You were thinking about
yourself there, at first
00:18:04.19\00:18:05.77
weren't you? Getting things done
quick. - Oh yes! Just about me!
00:18:07.09\00:18:09.70
That's right! And
easy! - Quick and easy!
00:18:09.73\00:18:11.71
But when I got there and saw
what my wife had done for me,
00:18:12.43\00:18:16.19
just that simple kindness!
00:18:16.22\00:18:18.61
Do you think that
had an impact on me?
00:18:18.65\00:18:20.64
I have to tell you, that
if it would have been granola,
00:18:21.27\00:18:24.16
fruit and toast, the meal would
have been over pretty quick.
00:18:24.19\00:18:28.83
And I would've been
back to what I needed to do!
00:18:29.64\00:18:31.66
But with the candles on
the table and with the nice
00:18:32.10\00:18:34.85
music playing and
with the delightful meal
00:18:34.88\00:18:37.38
that you provided and
that romantic atmosphere,
00:18:37.42\00:18:42.39
we lingered at the table.
And when the meal was over
00:18:42.97\00:18:47.07
we enjoyed some real nice
communication time together.
00:18:47.10\00:18:51.13
It was very nice! And it's so
neat to see how God can change
00:18:51.17\00:18:55.19
something so small
into something so grand.
00:18:55.22\00:18:59.53
That's right!
00:18:59.56\00:19:00.53
And I just want to encourage
you, it's not the big things!
00:19:00.79\00:19:04.50
You don't have to
plan some great event,
00:19:04.53\00:19:07.62
to show some kindness!
00:19:08.67\00:19:11.02
to your wife or to your husband.
00:19:11.49\00:19:13.12
It's the simple things!
You can take a simple activity
00:19:13.54\00:19:17.05
of the day and just by being
thoughtful as Alane was to me
00:19:17.09\00:19:20.57
in that situation, you can
be cultivating kindness! Which
00:19:20.60\00:19:24.23
is really a restraint of
the natural selfish nature!
00:19:24.26\00:19:29.46
So let's talk about the
second area that we challenged!
00:19:30.47\00:19:33.50
In developing respect!
Also now how it affects and how
00:19:34.03\00:19:37.92
we bring it into
cultivating restraint.
00:19:37.95\00:19:40.21
That's right! "- Be determined!"
00:19:40.24\00:19:42.01
It's a big
word! - All inclusive!
00:19:42.69\00:19:44.89
"Be determined never to injure
your spouse!" the other person.
00:19:44.93\00:19:50.34
"By your words, your
actions, your expression,
00:19:50.37\00:19:53.92
your countenance, your reaction"
00:19:53.95\00:19:55.80
"Be determined!"
00:19:56.32\00:19:57.70
I remember the day that we
got a phone-call from a couple
00:19:59.09\00:20:02.60
that was really in a crisis.
00:20:02.63\00:20:04.50
And as they were sharing with
us, really the only time that
00:20:05.30\00:20:09.01
they could talk to us
and they really had a need
00:20:09.04\00:20:12.89
was during our
special family time.
00:20:13.23\00:20:15.11
And as you know, we could
be on the phone all the time.
00:20:16.10\00:20:19.65
In the work that we
do in this ministry.
00:20:19.68\00:20:21.40
And so, we guard that
family time, specially
00:20:22.32\00:20:26.10
And so, they said: "could we
just have a little bit of that
00:20:26.66\00:20:31.46
family time?" Do you
remember that situation?
00:20:31.49\00:20:33.82
Oh yes!
00:20:33.85\00:20:34.82
And so, we talked about it and
we talked about the need that
00:20:35.25\00:20:39.08
they had and we agreed
that we would get back with them
00:20:39.11\00:20:42.22
and they could call us in the
evening during our family time.
00:20:42.26\00:20:44.88
We also agreed that we
would try to keep it short!
00:20:46.21\00:20:49.88
Do you remember that? - Yes!
00:20:49.91\00:20:51.76
And so, we could go back
to what we had planned for
00:20:51.80\00:20:55.28
that evening!
00:20:55.31\00:20:56.28
Well, that phone call came in!
00:20:57.30\00:20:59.17
And it was beautiful because
we work together, Alane and I
00:21:00.32\00:21:03.79
we love to work together in this
ministry! And with our family.
00:21:03.83\00:21:07.71
It's a family ministry and
it's been a blessing to be able
00:21:07.74\00:21:11.05
to share not just my perspective
but your perspective in these
00:21:11.08\00:21:14.62
difficult circumstances. And
so we shared with this couple.
00:21:14.66\00:21:18.17
We were able to give
them some principles and some
00:21:18.20\00:21:20.68
practical application.
00:21:20.71\00:21:21.68
And I thought we're done! That's
it! We've accomplished it!
00:21:21.71\00:21:25.96
And I was ready to get off
the phone and you can remember
00:21:26.55\00:21:28.84
you know, I was kind
of closing it out and
00:21:28.87\00:21:31.43
You did a good job
at closing it down dear!
00:21:32.64\00:21:34.19
You weren't quite
ready yet though, right?
00:21:34.23\00:21:35.71
Well I thought at something
else I wanted to say that
00:21:35.75\00:21:38.46
we hadn't talked about but
after I heard your conversation
00:21:38.50\00:21:41.69
I thought, you know: "This
would probably be encouraging"
00:21:41.72\00:21:44.87
and then give some directions,
so I wanted to keep sharing
00:21:44.91\00:21:48.03
a little longer! - That's right!
00:21:48.06\00:21:49.51
Well I just gracefully
boot out if the conversation and
00:21:50.00\00:21:53.86
my dear wife continued on
and I have to remember I'm down
00:21:53.89\00:21:57.72
on my desk,
downstairs in our bedroom.
00:21:57.75\00:22:00.53
She's upstairs in the
little ministry office upstairs
00:22:01.23\00:22:05.75
out of living room, so
00:22:05.78\00:22:06.84
as you were continuing talking,
I was making my way to come up
00:22:08.46\00:22:13.80
to where you were.
00:22:13.83\00:22:14.90
And here's what I
was thinking about doing:
00:22:15.91\00:22:17.98
I was just gonna give a
simple signal, I was gonna go
00:22:18.43\00:22:21.31
up to stairs, get to the
top of the stairs and when I
00:22:21.35\00:22:24.20
got my wifes attention,
00:22:24.23\00:22:26.43
You know how you do
that! Just look at her and..
00:22:26.97\00:22:29.89
and when I got her attention
I was just gonna give her
00:22:29.93\00:22:32.54
the signal!
00:22:32.57\00:22:33.54
Remember that dear? -
Yes! Oh yes I remember!
00:22:36.68\00:22:39.77
You've used that a
few times, haven't you?
00:22:39.81\00:22:42.14
So I came to the top
of the stairs. We had made
00:22:42.18\00:22:44.62
this agreement: I came
to the top of the stairs and
00:22:44.65\00:22:46.75
I got your attention.
00:22:46.78\00:22:48.12
But before I got there,
00:22:48.87\00:22:50.47
A lot of things happened
on our stairs, don't they?
00:22:50.89\00:22:52.80
Yes!
00:22:52.83\00:22:53.84
That moment is a good
time! - Is a good place!
00:22:53.88\00:22:57.49
And from the bottom of the
stairs to the top of the stairs
00:22:57.53\00:23:00.95
The Lord had called to my heart!
One those simple promptings
00:23:01.43\00:23:04.65
to my heart, no audible voice.
00:23:04.68\00:23:07.36
Lord was calling to me
that I could have restraint!
00:23:07.99\00:23:12.74
I didn't have to
give the "cut" sign!
00:23:13.26\00:23:16.53
Here's the thought
The Lord put in my heart:
00:23:18.41\00:23:20.17
"When you get to
the top of the stairs,
00:23:21.24\00:23:22.69
when you get your
wifes attention just smile!"
00:23:23.27\00:23:27.90
"Just smile!"
00:23:28.74\00:23:30.00
So between the bottom of the
stairs and the top of the stairs
00:23:30.78\00:23:33.78
I had surrendered to The Lord
and I had allowed Him to change
00:23:33.81\00:23:36.78
my heart! Change my
agenda and what happened when I
00:23:36.81\00:23:39.97
caught your attention
at the top of the stairs?
00:23:40.01\00:23:43.10
Well, I sensed you looking
at me! So I turned around
00:23:43.14\00:23:46.10
'cause obviously my back
was to the stairs, the top
00:23:46.14\00:23:48.96
of the stairs where you
come up. And as I turned around
00:23:49.00\00:23:51.79
and looked at you, I
really expecting to get this.
00:23:51.82\00:23:54.72
So I was a little hesitated
not to turn around right away.
00:23:55.56\00:23:58.63
I was looking at you! - I
knew you were looking at me!
00:23:58.66\00:24:00.96
So, when I turned
around and I saw you smiling
00:24:01.77\00:24:04.12
it just totally melted my
heart. Because I knew it was
00:24:05.25\00:24:08.71
from within. It was
one of these pasted on!
00:24:08.74\00:24:13.66
I've seen those smiles:
"Ok, we're going to do it!"
00:24:13.70\00:24:15.87
"We're going to be
happy about it!" you know.
00:24:15.90\00:24:18.20
It wasn't one of those!
It was so genuine! It was
00:24:18.24\00:24:20.49
just like: "You're free to talk
as long as you want to talk"
00:24:20.53\00:24:24.19
And I knew that you
were thinking about me.
00:24:25.62\00:24:29.41
You didn't hurt me. You didn't
want to hurt my feelings or
00:24:29.45\00:24:32.50
even potently that
wouldn't had hurt my feelings
00:24:32.53\00:24:34.48
if you've said: "Cut!"
00:24:34.51\00:24:35.62
Because I knew that the most
of the things have been covered
00:24:35.66\00:24:38.86
and we could talk
later, another time.
00:24:38.89\00:24:40.89
But, you were determined
not to even risk the potential
00:24:41.40\00:24:46.36
of a misunderstanding.
00:24:46.39\00:24:47.94
And that's what God
wanted to do in your heart. And
00:24:48.68\00:24:51.11
that's what He
wanted to do for us!
00:24:51.14\00:24:52.47
Because He wants us to develop
that restraint, to cultivate
00:24:52.51\00:24:56.18
that restraint and
be determined not to
00:24:56.21\00:24:58.70
injure the other person.
00:24:58.73\00:24:59.96
And so, I have to tell
you I was so motivated to get
00:25:00.69\00:25:03.66
off the telephone!
00:25:03.69\00:25:04.66
'Cause I wanted to
spend more time with you!
00:25:04.67\00:25:06.80
Because it just, it's like a
magnet drawing to each other.
00:25:06.84\00:25:09.97
That's what it does! It's
like that glue that adhesive
00:25:10.01\00:25:12.98
You now, let no man separate
that glue, that we want to
00:25:13.02\00:25:16.05
be together. We want to be
with each other, in each others
00:25:16.08\00:25:19.27
presence because it's peaceful,
it's happy, it's joyful.
00:25:19.30\00:25:22.46
Yes!
00:25:22.49\00:25:23.46
And that's what we want
each of you to experience.
00:25:23.75\00:25:27.33
It's not as though: Ok we
understand all this and we do
00:25:27.84\00:25:31.12
it right all the time! But
in our marriage which really
00:25:31.16\00:25:34.41
has become a Marriage
Heart to Heart!, we have
00:25:34.44\00:25:38.15
come to understand this things.
00:25:38.18\00:25:39.97
And they're practical,
they're real in our lives.
00:25:40.44\00:25:42.47
And the thing that's
so beautiful about this is
00:25:43.09\00:25:45.29
that if we're
willing to do this,
00:25:45.32\00:25:46.96
if we're willing to
really have respect and
00:25:47.94\00:25:51.25
to cultivate restraint,
it really reflex back on us.
00:25:51.29\00:25:54.97
The kindness that we share
to one, that reflex back on us!
00:25:55.50\00:25:59.34
And I think what we wanna do now
is bring a personal challenge
00:25:59.85\00:26:03.51
to you folks!
00:26:03.54\00:26:05.07
Because we want you to
experience this kind of
00:26:05.54\00:26:09.27
respect, this kind of
restraint in your marriage.
00:26:09.31\00:26:13.01
Honey do you wanna lead them
into the personal challenge?
00:26:13.65\00:26:16.56
The next time you find
yourself in the "me focus"
00:26:17.20\00:26:20.50
where the "me"
wants to be expressed,
00:26:20.53\00:26:22.87
be willing to be restraint
of God and look for a way to
00:26:23.50\00:26:26.64
change the focus and cultivate
a kindness towards your spouse
00:26:26.68\00:26:31.10
and see the difference!
00:26:31.13\00:26:32.40
Not just in your relationship
but even in your own heart!
00:26:32.44\00:26:36.02
That's right! And if we
move out of the "me focus"
00:26:36.05\00:26:38.95
into the "us focus"
which we've talked about before
00:26:39.52\00:26:41.72
then it will prepare
us for the second area!
00:26:41.75\00:26:44.82
And that is that we are
determined not to injure
00:26:45.49\00:26:49.38
the other person in
our words, in our thoughts,
00:26:49.42\00:26:53.28
'Cause our thoughts
lead to action and reactions.
00:26:53.94\00:26:56.27
even in our countenance that we
will not injure the other person
00:26:56.31\00:27:00.71
The only way that's gonna happen
is as we give ourselves to God!
00:27:01.23\00:27:04.72
And allow Him to work in us!
00:27:04.75\00:27:06.55
So I think it would be
great if we prayed right now!
00:27:06.58\00:27:09.03
Let's bow our heads!
00:27:09.73\00:27:10.81
Father in Heaven we thank
You for the opportunity to come
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to You! You have the
solution the Grace, the Power!
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We need your Godly
restraint in our marriages.
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And I pray Father that we
will so cooperate with You!
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That You can change us into
the people that we need to be!
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In Jesus name
we thank you! Amen!
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We're going to be talking
about establishing our roles
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in marriage next
time we get together!
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We want you to have a
Marriage Heart to Heart!
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Join us!
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Captions and subtitles
by Christian Media Services
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