The following
program features real clients
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discussing sensitive issues.
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The views and opinions
expressed in this program
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don't necessarily reflect
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that of 3ABN's
Dare to Dream Network.
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Viewer discretion is advised.
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Hi, I'm Dr. Kim Logan-Nowlin,
and welcome to Live to Be Well.
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Thank you for taking
time out to join us today
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on the Dare to Dream Network.
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Please let our friend
know that we are on the air.
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Today I am blessed to
have Mr. Robert Royster,
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a friend and mentor
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since I was a young lady
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at the Burns Avenue
Seventh-day Adventist Church.
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Welcome, Mr.
Royster, how are you?
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Thank you, Dr. Nowlin,
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and thank you for
inviting me here today.
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Oh, it is a pleasure.
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You know, just to sit
down and talk together.
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I just want to start
by tell us what you do.
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What is your profession?
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I'm a funeral director,
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senior director
at the funeral home.
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I've been in
licensed director for,
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celebrating my 50th year
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as a licensed director
in the State of Michigan.
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Fifty years? Fifty years.
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My firm is
celebrating 100 years this year
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and I'm celebrating 50.
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Fifty years. Congratulations!
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Thank you. God has blessed me.
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He gave me my
three score and 10 plus.
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Three score and ten plus.
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Now let's start off
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when you are a member
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of the Burns
Seventh-day Adventist Church,
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parents very involved, active,
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I remember your
parents very well.
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Then going on from there,
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you went on to
Pine Forge Academy.
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Correct.
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And then from there
you went on to, where?
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Oakwood University,
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was Oakwood College at the time.
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I started off in church school.
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It was Berean.
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That is now Peterson-Warren.
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And I went to Pine
Forge, class of '64.
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Oh, my.
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I went from there
to Oakwood University
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in Pre-Mortuary Science.
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I'm the only one in the yearbook
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with Pre-Mortuary Science.
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The only one.
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And I left there
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and went to Wayne State
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University School
of Mortuary Science.
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How do you feel God
led you into that field?
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Why would you make a
decision to go into that field?
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Do you feel He called you?
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I didn't realize the
calling until much later.
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But I always wanted
to be a businessman.
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There was used
to be Mr. Underwood
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was an insurance man
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back in the day that
would come by the home
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and get your money.
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And he always
had a shirt and tie,
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and I was a kid
and I want to do that.
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And when I grew older,
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Mr. Cantrell was on
Cantrell Funeral Home
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but prior to that
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he worked at other funeral homes
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and I used to watch him.
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And he had this
long wagon with curtains
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and then we as kids, we
used to see that at church.
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And then I had a
hero in high school,
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I read about AG Gaston
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and AG Gaston was a
person born in a log cabin.
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He started off as
a funeral director,
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funeral home.
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And just reading
his life history,
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he started off in a log cabin
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and ended up a
multi-billionaire.
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He owned 18 funeral
homes down in Alabama,
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conference center, hotel,
schools, insurance companies.
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And just reading about
him and his theory of life,
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never borrow more
money than you have.
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You only need to sue.
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And I used to
read about this guy
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and I was just enamored
of this guy and his growth.
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When he died, he was 103.
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Hundred and three?
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But when he sold his business,
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he could have been
a multi-billionaire
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over and over again.
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Wall Street was upset
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because he sold
everything back to the workers,
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all 18 funeral homes
he sold to the managers.
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The school, he
sold to the teachers,
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the insurance company,
he sold to the workers.
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His logic was
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I can never spend all this money
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and I'll give back to
those who helped me get here.
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And I love just the
way he handled life.
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Now I remember when you
came back home from school,
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and, you know, that
we would get so excited
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when you all come back
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from boarding school and college
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because we used
to wonder, I said,
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"Where did
everybody go in August."
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When after school or
college, and you will come home,
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but you still will
extend a helping hand.
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And I know you did to me.
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And I remember and the reason
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why expectations
are not overrated
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is because the expectations
you have placed on me
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the way I was associated
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with different
people in the church.
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And one time,
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you just pulled
me aside and said,
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"You know, what are you doing?
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You know, who
you're associating with?
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What is your mindset?"
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And I was like,
"Oh, my goodness!"
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And right then and there,
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I knew, I had to, you
know, the expectation,
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and I had expectation, my
grandmother, Pauline Taylor,
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my family rooted in the church.
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But to have someone
just pull you aside,
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you weren't about basketball
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and going in, you
were about learning,
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and being meticulous
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and how you carry
yourself and sit up in church.
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I never saw you slouching.
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And the one
thing, you love the Lord.
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You love the Lord. Tell me why?
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With you, I remember,
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I was told that it's
not what's on the plate
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that makes the meal.
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You were sitting next table.
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You can have a steak and egg,
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sauce, steak and
potato and salad,
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wrong people at your table,
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inner gesture.
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You got a peanut
butter and jelly sandwich,
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put the right
people at your table,
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you dine well.
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You were with friends.
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And they weren't
your type of friends.
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And if you want to know
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what a child or person
is going to be in life,
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it's not who they talk to
on the phone or the internet,
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it's look what their friends are
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and then you will define
where they're going in life.
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The certain people that
you had around you at that time
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were not your friends.
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It was not you.
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I knew you as a kid,
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because David was in
the same class I was,
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your uncle.
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I know your brother Derek,
you know, and I know, Kim.
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These people that you were with,
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not that they were no good,
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it's just wasn't your level.
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And they were taking
you in another direction.
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And I understand them.
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But when I saw you with them,
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where are you going,
what you're doing girl.
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And what I meant was,
what are you doing with them.
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Now, it's not that I'm so old.
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It wasn't that I was a
teacher or anything like that.
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David was my boy.
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I mean, David was my friend.
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Well, he wasn't around.
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I know your
parents, you know my parents.
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And I didn't know
where you were going,
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what you were doing
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and what you would
do if I weren't around.
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I'm just home from
school, what you're doing?
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Yes.
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You know, and it was
a wake up to you and,
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but you immediately
corrected what you were doing.
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Oh, yes.
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And that told me, you know,
you never give advice to people
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who don't ask.
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They'll never receive it
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in the atmosphere
in which you give them.
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And when I gave you
that little tip, you changed.
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I did. I did.
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I stopped associating
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and they thought I was
what we're not good enough.
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No, it's not that I'm
on a different direction,
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different path.
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You and Sister
Lucille Shade and Amroden
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that you three
were my wake up calls.
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And I knew I could
do better with myself.
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Not judging anyone else,
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and I saw the way that
again you loved the Lord,
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your father loved the Lord,
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your mother, she
loved praising the Lord.
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Sister Royster and I
was just a little girl,
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but she would love and
your father would come in,
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tall and strong in
that brown trench coat,
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that nice hat,
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and he was then there
praising God leading out.
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And so with that,
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recognizing that
you've had some challenges.
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Let's talk about the
loss of your daughter?
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Well, I was a funeral director.
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I had been one
for about 10-15 years.
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And I had my eldest daughter,
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who was at the
University of Michigan,
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she had gone
through in three years,
00:09:16.72\00:09:19.12
already accepted in law school.
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She was doing pre-recs,
00:09:21.92\00:09:23.96
so she came home for
the first time one summer
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and she was
stepped out on the porch
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and she was rolling her hair.
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Someone came by
shooting at someone else,
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shot my daughter.
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I was lost.
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I was in so much pain
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and loss so many tears
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that I never
thought I could cry again.
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I was at the house
for two days in a room,
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hadn't bathe, I'm sitting there,
00:09:58.89\00:10:01.50
at on the sun,
porch floored room.
00:10:01.53\00:10:05.77
And everyone's waiting on
me 'cause I'm the director,
00:10:05.80\00:10:09.64
I'm the funeral
director of the family,
00:10:09.67\00:10:11.14
so nobody bothered me.
00:10:11.17\00:10:13.61
And I was in another world.
00:10:13.64\00:10:16.34
A friend of mine came over
who owns another funeral home,
00:10:16.38\00:10:19.41
not the one where I was working.
00:10:19.45\00:10:21.75
He came in and start
talking about football.
00:10:21.78\00:10:25.29
When we retire,
00:10:25.32\00:10:26.65
we're going to go and travel
to the different HBCU classics
00:10:26.69\00:10:30.33
and watch the games.
00:10:30.36\00:10:31.89
And he came in talking about
what is Harvard going to do,
00:10:31.93\00:10:36.77
you know, Florida
A&M was good this year,
00:10:36.80\00:10:38.67
Tennessee state is better,
00:10:38.70\00:10:40.40
but Livingstone is
going to get them on.
00:10:40.44\00:10:42.60
He just starts
talking about football.
00:10:42.64\00:10:44.41
And he got me into it,
then all of a sudden, he said,
00:10:44.44\00:10:48.28
"What are you going to do?"
00:10:48.31\00:10:51.21
I said, "Oh my."
00:10:51.25\00:10:54.32
He says,
00:10:54.35\00:10:55.82
"What you do is
you pick the day,
00:10:55.85\00:10:58.82
pick the place, pick the time,
00:10:58.85\00:11:02.22
and we'll do the rest."
00:11:02.26\00:11:04.26
And he's talking
about his firm, other firm,
00:11:04.29\00:11:09.30
the firm I work with.
00:11:09.33\00:11:11.10
And they were
going to come together
00:11:11.13\00:11:12.83
my friends in mortuary site
00:11:12.87\00:11:15.00
and do everything for me.
00:11:15.04\00:11:16.71
Don't worry about it.
00:11:16.74\00:11:18.11
That experience
00:11:23.55\00:11:28.52
changed my entire life,
00:11:28.55\00:11:30.79
especially when it comes
to services and funerals.
00:11:30.82\00:11:34.39
I critiqued everything,
00:11:34.42\00:11:36.26
not knowing that
I was doing that.
00:11:36.29\00:11:39.16
There were times prior to that,
00:11:39.19\00:11:42.00
get away, get away,
let the people breathe.
00:11:42.03\00:11:45.80
But when it was my turn, I
needed someone to touch me.
00:11:45.83\00:11:50.51
What you going
out to church for?
00:11:50.54\00:11:52.27
Funeral's inside the church?
00:11:52.31\00:11:54.61
But when it was my turn,
00:11:54.64\00:11:56.54
I couldn't breathe.
00:11:56.58\00:11:58.65
There were so many
things that I was told.
00:11:58.68\00:12:02.78
When the head director
was closing the casket,
00:12:02.82\00:12:07.79
"Wait a minute, hold on,
00:12:07.82\00:12:10.86
let me tuck my
baby in for the night."
00:12:10.89\00:12:15.13
And when I got there, I
had some words with her.
00:12:15.16\00:12:20.84
And then I took the
overlay and I tucked it down.
00:12:20.87\00:12:23.41
If you know the overlay,
it goes over the casket,
00:12:23.44\00:12:25.77
and then I
brought it up to her neck
00:12:25.81\00:12:27.58
as though I was tucking her in.
00:12:27.61\00:12:30.45
And then I closed her slowly
00:12:30.48\00:12:33.45
and still had that conversation.
00:12:33.48\00:12:36.42
This is my time
with you, my baby.
00:12:36.45\00:12:39.99
We were extremely close.
00:12:40.02\00:12:43.06
She could start a
sentence and I could finish,
00:12:43.09\00:12:45.29
that's how close we were.
00:12:45.33\00:12:48.30
On the way to the cemetery
00:12:48.33\00:12:50.10
there are people laughing
as we're going along outside.
00:12:50.13\00:12:53.50
And I'm saying,
00:12:53.54\00:12:54.87
"Why you people
laughing, my daughter died."
00:12:54.90\00:12:58.57
They didn't know my daughter.
00:12:58.61\00:13:00.51
But it taught me not
to laugh at services.
00:13:00.54\00:13:02.94
So everything that was going on.
00:13:02.98\00:13:06.28
I brought it back to
when I returned to work.
00:13:06.31\00:13:10.62
And I start doing
it to the families.
00:13:10.65\00:13:14.02
It was a way of my
being on the other side.
00:13:14.06\00:13:17.86
And having firsthand knowledge,
what you were going through.
00:13:17.89\00:13:22.50
And so I was much more sensitive
00:13:22.53\00:13:25.07
to your feelings.
00:13:25.10\00:13:26.43
And I did a lot of listening.
00:13:26.47\00:13:29.14
Funeral directors have to listen
00:13:29.17\00:13:31.67
and not talk so much
00:13:31.71\00:13:33.34
to get a mood where you are.
00:13:33.38\00:13:36.01
And then I will
come to where you are
00:13:36.04\00:13:38.81
in your challenge of grief.
00:13:38.85\00:13:40.75
All that lesson came
from my daughter's death,
00:13:40.78\00:13:44.92
even to the point
where it was years later,
00:13:44.95\00:13:47.46
and I'm at a new firm.
00:13:47.49\00:13:50.83
I have a huge service here.
00:13:50.86\00:13:53.60
I got seven limos,
the church is packed.
00:13:53.63\00:13:59.00
Only one limo driver knew me
00:13:59.03\00:14:01.37
and knew my
experience with my daughter.
00:14:01.40\00:14:03.74
None of the other
drivers I knew at the firm.
00:14:03.77\00:14:06.78
When I get out I
go in as a director,
00:14:06.81\00:14:09.28
they will come to
me and share with me
00:14:09.31\00:14:12.05
all the
particulars about the church
00:14:12.08\00:14:13.92
who's in charge,
where they're sitting,
00:14:13.95\00:14:16.12
what the preacher said,
00:14:16.15\00:14:17.49
if he's going to commit that,
00:14:17.52\00:14:18.85
they'll bring all
that information to me,
00:14:18.89\00:14:20.22
the director,
00:14:20.26\00:14:21.59
but the person
who brought it to me,
00:14:21.62\00:14:22.96
hugged me and said
you're going to be all right.
00:14:22.99\00:14:25.63
I'm thinking he's talking
about you are new at this firm,
00:14:25.66\00:14:28.40
not knowing about my daughter.
00:14:28.43\00:14:31.10
When I walked into the church,
00:14:31.13\00:14:32.50
bam, at the front of the church,
00:14:32.53\00:14:34.04
there's my daughter's caskets,
same casket, same hardware.
00:14:34.07\00:14:39.21
As I walked down,
my heart is beating.
00:14:39.24\00:14:43.04
There's a young lady in
there, same age as my daughter,
00:14:43.08\00:14:47.88
same university,
00:14:47.92\00:14:52.25
same cause of death,
00:14:52.29\00:14:54.02
a little
different, it's the gunshot
00:14:54.06\00:14:56.56
but she was talked into
coming to her boyfriend's home
00:14:56.59\00:15:01.96
to get her belongings.
00:15:02.00\00:15:04.30
And when she got there,
00:15:04.33\00:15:06.07
he killed her stating
if no one can have you,
00:15:06.10\00:15:10.24
if I can't have you no one can.
00:15:10.27\00:15:12.17
And here, same age young lady
had everything going for her,
00:15:12.21\00:15:18.71
and somebody shot her.
00:15:18.75\00:15:21.72
I've got to direct this funeral.
00:15:21.75\00:15:25.02
And you can't cry at
a funeral as a director,
00:15:25.05\00:15:30.43
you lose respect
from the families.
00:15:30.46\00:15:32.83
What you crying for?
This ain't your family.
00:15:32.86\00:15:34.46
So you can't cry.
00:15:34.50\00:15:35.83
So you're holding everything in.
00:15:35.86\00:15:37.20
So when you have those tears,
00:15:37.23\00:15:39.43
you're trained to
just take that handkerchief
00:15:39.47\00:15:42.54
and just wipe the sweat off
00:15:42.57\00:15:43.91
your brow to come
down on your eyes,
00:15:43.94\00:15:45.37
but I'm trembling.
00:15:45.41\00:15:47.24
The minister is right there.
00:15:47.28\00:15:49.64
As I'm getting ready
to close, I'm trembling.
00:15:49.68\00:15:52.08
He knows me.
00:15:52.11\00:15:53.48
He steps around
the pulpit and he says,
00:15:53.52\00:15:56.18
"Royster, are you okay?"
00:15:56.22\00:15:57.89
"I got this pastor, I got this."
00:15:57.92\00:15:59.85
But then the father
gets up and he stops me.
00:15:59.89\00:16:04.03
And he says,
00:16:04.06\00:16:05.39
"Before you do
this, Mr. Director,
00:16:05.43\00:16:08.13
let me say
something to my daughter."
00:16:08.16\00:16:11.00
The same thing, I
said to my daughter,
00:16:11.03\00:16:14.70
he was saying same thing.
00:16:14.74\00:16:16.94
Now you talking
about blowing my hair.
00:16:16.97\00:16:19.24
Now I'm trying
to be professional,
00:16:19.27\00:16:21.11
trying to stand
there and be strong.
00:16:21.14\00:16:24.85
But I'm trembling.
00:16:24.88\00:16:26.98
My eyes are red.
00:16:27.02\00:16:29.05
And so when he touched
me on the back, he says,
00:16:29.08\00:16:33.29
"Tuck my baby in for the night."
00:16:33.32\00:16:35.02
Same thing I said.
00:16:35.06\00:16:38.59
And as I close, I
locked and sealed.
00:16:38.63\00:16:41.60
I presented him
the key to the casket.
00:16:41.63\00:16:44.53
And I walked out.
00:16:44.57\00:16:47.07
The drivers of the limo
00:16:47.10\00:16:48.67
who don't know
what my history was
00:16:48.70\00:16:50.81
with my daughter,
00:16:50.84\00:16:52.17
they're looking at
me like, "Is he crazy?"
00:16:52.21\00:16:54.34
Because now once
I got out the door,
00:16:54.38\00:16:57.08
I'm going to the basement,
00:16:57.11\00:16:59.15
I'm getting in a corner
00:16:59.18\00:17:00.52
and I'm in uncontrollable tears.
00:17:00.55\00:17:02.62
It's just out there, man.
00:17:02.65\00:17:03.99
I'm just gone.
00:17:04.02\00:17:05.92
And my drivers are saying,
00:17:05.95\00:17:09.06
"What's wrong with him?
00:17:09.09\00:17:10.43
You know, he's
supposed to be this director
00:17:10.46\00:17:11.79
coming over to this firm
that he can't handle this."
00:17:11.83\00:17:14.93
But the guy who knew me,
00:17:14.96\00:17:16.77
came to my rescue.
00:17:16.80\00:17:18.13
And he says, "Come
on y'all, let's go."
00:17:18.17\00:17:19.50
And explain to them
00:17:19.53\00:17:21.44
what my
challenge was on that day.
00:17:21.47\00:17:23.77
Now that father and
I became close friends
00:17:23.81\00:17:28.04
because we went
through that same experience.
00:17:28.08\00:17:31.38
Let me say this, viewers,
00:17:31.41\00:17:32.75
you know, we know, as
Seventh-day Adventist,
00:17:32.78\00:17:35.82
the state of the
dead, they know nothing.
00:17:35.85\00:17:38.99
I remember when
Arthur passed away,
00:17:39.02\00:17:42.12
and Mr. Royster, I
made one call to this man.
00:17:42.16\00:17:46.59
And that's everything
else was put in place.
00:17:46.63\00:17:49.86
Mr. Royster
handled everything for me.
00:17:49.90\00:17:53.77
When I went down to,
00:17:53.80\00:17:55.77
I was the last one
to go to the casket
00:17:55.80\00:17:58.74
before my children,
00:17:58.77\00:18:00.34
I closed it.
00:18:00.38\00:18:01.74
And don't misinterpret
00:18:01.78\00:18:04.28
when he says I wanted to
say words to my daughter.
00:18:04.31\00:18:07.18
We know that dead knows nothing.
00:18:07.22\00:18:09.32
But there are times
when people need a moment,
00:18:09.35\00:18:12.25
because that's the
last time they will see them
00:18:12.29\00:18:13.79
until that trumpet shall sound,
00:18:13.82\00:18:15.99
and the dead in
Christ shall rise.
00:18:16.02\00:18:18.49
So we know that the
dead cannot hear us.
00:18:18.53\00:18:22.16
We know that they
are sleeping in the Lord.
00:18:22.20\00:18:24.80
That's our prayer.
00:18:24.83\00:18:26.47
But there are times
when people need to stand up.
00:18:26.50\00:18:28.84
I stood next to that casket in,
00:18:28.87\00:18:31.31
you stood behind me
00:18:31.34\00:18:32.67
and I just needed that moment
to just that was the last time,
00:18:32.71\00:18:38.55
you know, and
my children came up
00:18:38.58\00:18:40.78
and you orchestrated us
closing it for the last time.
00:18:40.82\00:18:46.29
And I cannot say
00:18:46.32\00:18:48.12
how much I
appreciate all the way,
00:18:48.16\00:18:50.13
you never left my side.
00:18:50.16\00:18:52.93
From the moment we
arrived at my home,
00:18:52.96\00:18:56.40
you're at the church,
00:18:56.43\00:18:58.00
then went on to the
cemetery, went on to the repast.
00:18:58.03\00:19:03.27
And then you dismissed
the cars and everything.
00:19:03.30\00:19:06.81
Still every day
00:19:06.84\00:19:08.18
checking on me, calling
me, are you're all right.
00:19:08.21\00:19:10.58
And I remember making
the call to you and saying.
00:19:10.61\00:19:13.15
And it was early in the morning
because he passed about 1:00.
00:19:13.18\00:19:15.58
About 3 o'clock.
00:19:15.62\00:19:16.95
It was 3 o'clock in the
morning when I called you.
00:19:16.99\00:19:19.25
And I said, Bobby,
00:19:19.29\00:19:21.49
you know,
that's what I call you,
00:19:21.52\00:19:22.86
Bobby, you know,
Arthur just passed.
00:19:22.89\00:19:25.99
And you said, "All
right, let me make a call."
00:19:26.03\00:19:29.00
And by 5 AM in the morning,
00:19:29.03\00:19:32.63
Cole Funeral Home
was there at my home
00:19:32.67\00:19:34.54
to take Arthur.
00:19:34.57\00:19:36.17
So I do understand
having that moment.
00:19:36.20\00:19:40.64
And some people talk.
00:19:40.68\00:19:43.21
And we don't
want to judge people
00:19:43.24\00:19:45.58
but we know as
Seventh-day Adventist,
00:19:45.61\00:19:47.12
the state of the
dead know nothing.
00:19:47.15\00:19:48.78
Well, you know, Dr. Logan,
00:19:48.82\00:19:52.12
one of the
challenges as a director is
00:19:52.15\00:19:57.69
believers versus nonbelievers.
00:19:57.73\00:20:01.93
How do you comfort
someone that's a nonbeliever?
00:20:01.96\00:20:06.97
What the Supreme
Being tells us is
00:20:07.00\00:20:10.31
never run from your pain,
00:20:10.34\00:20:12.74
lean into the
pain and I got you.
00:20:12.77\00:20:17.05
He says the three Hebrew boys,
I could have put that fire out.
00:20:17.08\00:20:21.85
But I let them get in it.
00:20:21.88\00:20:23.62
But I got in there
with them. Yes, He did.
00:20:23.65\00:20:25.32
And what He says
is lean into the pain
00:20:25.35\00:20:28.76
and I got you.
00:20:28.79\00:20:30.13
Don't run.
00:20:30.16\00:20:31.49
I don't have time to
chase you, lean into it.
00:20:31.53\00:20:35.13
Now, nonbelievers,
00:20:35.16\00:20:38.57
well, you can't
lean into something
00:20:38.60\00:20:40.27
you know nothing about.
00:20:40.30\00:20:42.64
So you lean into things
like alcohol, tahini, smoke,
00:20:42.67\00:20:47.61
the blunts and you,
00:20:47.64\00:20:49.68
but that will soon disappear
and the pain is still there.
00:20:49.71\00:20:52.58
But when the Supreme Being says,
00:20:52.61\00:20:54.45
lean into me, and I got you.
00:20:54.48\00:20:57.82
That's what He means.
00:20:57.85\00:20:59.39
And so we know
that dead knoweth not,
00:20:59.42\00:21:02.02
but that spirit.
00:21:02.06\00:21:03.39
Well said.
00:21:03.43\00:21:04.76
And that Supreme Being God,
God is our total all in all,
00:21:04.79\00:21:09.06
there is no other God.
00:21:09.10\00:21:10.43
There's no other name,
00:21:10.47\00:21:11.80
given among men
whereby we can be saved.
00:21:11.83\00:21:14.24
Let me tell you, a
nonbeliever says things like
00:21:14.27\00:21:16.74
leave the casket
open so he can hear.
00:21:16.77\00:21:19.37
Is that right?
00:21:19.41\00:21:20.78
I had one the other day
00:21:20.81\00:21:22.18
when the gentlemen
always wore sunglasses,
00:21:22.21\00:21:26.05
and I had three daughters there,
00:21:26.08\00:21:27.85
and they just didn't
look like themselves.
00:21:27.88\00:21:30.25
So once they put his glasses on,
00:21:30.29\00:21:32.22
his sun, he always wore.
00:21:32.25\00:21:33.86
And they put the sunglasses on.
00:21:33.89\00:21:35.52
That's him.
00:21:35.56\00:21:36.89
He looks just like them.
00:21:36.93\00:21:38.26
The other one said,
00:21:38.29\00:21:39.63
No, he can't see
with the sunglasses on.
00:21:39.66\00:21:42.36
Nonbelievers view things
different than believers.
00:21:42.40\00:21:46.40
And when I direct a
service of a believer,
00:21:46.43\00:21:49.40
so much easier,
00:21:49.44\00:21:51.67
because they
understand, I miss this shell.
00:21:51.71\00:21:54.88
I miss this body.
00:21:54.91\00:21:56.64
But I know he's not lost.
00:21:56.68\00:21:58.51
I mean, we didn't lose nobody,
00:21:58.55\00:22:00.32
you know, I'm
sorry for your loss.
00:22:00.35\00:22:01.92
What do you mean?
00:22:01.95\00:22:03.28
He didn't lost,
we know where he is.
00:22:03.32\00:22:04.79
Yes, resting in the Lord.
00:22:04.82\00:22:06.39
There we go.
00:22:06.42\00:22:07.76
How do you set boundaries
being a funeral director?
00:22:07.79\00:22:09.89
Well, you know,
years ago, I had a driver
00:22:09.92\00:22:14.06
that when he got to the church,
he was dressed inappropriately.
00:22:14.10\00:22:19.70
Nothing matched.
00:22:19.73\00:22:21.70
Nothing.
00:22:21.74\00:22:23.07
And when I brought
it to his attention,
00:22:23.10\00:22:24.74
his answer was,
nothing wrong with this.
00:22:24.77\00:22:27.28
It ain't none but a job.
00:22:27.31\00:22:29.48
Well, if you view it just a job,
00:22:29.51\00:22:31.81
then your dress
like it's just a job.
00:22:31.85\00:22:34.62
Your treat the
family as just a job.
00:22:34.65\00:22:37.65
Your whole
attitude is just a job.
00:22:37.69\00:22:40.46
But if you use it as
a job, or profession,
00:22:40.49\00:22:44.99
and a ministry,
00:22:45.03\00:22:46.80
and the ministry is
00:22:46.83\00:22:48.70
to make the
hurt not hurt so bad.
00:22:48.73\00:22:52.27
And that's when you
involve the Supreme Being
00:22:52.30\00:22:56.37
that you know
about, and you share it.
00:22:56.40\00:22:59.34
Because everybody
views God in their own way.
00:22:59.37\00:23:01.68
In their own way.
00:23:01.71\00:23:03.04
Everybody pray
differently. People will praise.
00:23:03.08\00:23:05.81
And you know, because
I'm loud into, you know.
00:23:05.85\00:23:10.05
And people look at me,
like a man turned around,
00:23:10.09\00:23:12.29
looked at me the other Sabbath,
and I was so full of joy,
00:23:12.32\00:23:15.66
but I didn't let it deter me.
00:23:15.69\00:23:17.43
I just kept praising the Lord
00:23:17.46\00:23:18.86
because I've so
much to thank Him for.
00:23:18.89\00:23:21.30
And some people cry.
00:23:21.33\00:23:23.70
Some people just fan themselves
00:23:23.73\00:23:25.93
or they just
can't even say a word.
00:23:25.97\00:23:28.20
And I know that
and you knew Arthur,
00:23:28.24\00:23:31.64
he was a quiet soul.
00:23:31.67\00:23:33.04
And Arthur would say,
00:23:33.07\00:23:34.41
"Are you going to get
excited today in church?"
00:23:34.44\00:23:36.14
I said, "It just
depends on the word, all right?"
00:23:36.18\00:23:38.41
He said, "Let me know
so I can get out your way."
00:23:38.45\00:23:40.52
But it's all an understanding
of what God has done,
00:23:40.55\00:23:45.19
and what God is doing.
00:23:45.22\00:23:48.56
I know that you miss
your daughter very much.
00:23:48.59\00:23:51.76
I know that
00:23:51.79\00:23:53.13
memories aren't going
to always be there for you.
00:23:53.16\00:23:56.70
You know,
00:23:56.73\00:23:59.67
I cannot tell you,
00:23:59.70\00:24:01.80
the day she died.
00:24:01.84\00:24:04.64
Because after that
shalom period, the one year
00:24:04.67\00:24:07.41
never remember
the date of death.
00:24:07.44\00:24:09.01
It's not important.
00:24:09.04\00:24:10.38
I know it was in
August, it was hot so on,
00:24:10.41\00:24:13.08
but I can tell
you to date of birth.
00:24:13.11\00:24:15.68
And in the industry
00:24:15.72\00:24:19.52
I'm known nationwide
00:24:19.55\00:24:22.92
as the guy who has a
rose on all of his suits.
00:24:22.96\00:24:27.10
That's for my daughter.
00:24:27.13\00:24:28.63
This rose
represents her date of birth.
00:24:28.66\00:24:32.50
And on her date of birth,
00:24:32.53\00:24:33.87
our family sends
gifts out in her name.
00:24:33.90\00:24:38.27
So there are people
00:24:38.31\00:24:39.64
who literally
think she's still alive,
00:24:39.67\00:24:42.38
because we will send
flowers to nursing homes,
00:24:42.41\00:24:45.35
will give gifts to children
who need a backpack or sweater
00:24:45.38\00:24:49.98
in Shanida's name.
00:24:50.02\00:24:52.15
So the date of
birth is so important,
00:24:52.19\00:24:54.42
but I can't tell
you that date of death.
00:24:54.46\00:24:58.76
How many...
00:24:58.79\00:25:01.13
There's no way you can count
how many services you've done,
00:25:01.16\00:25:04.57
but does any particular service
00:25:04.60\00:25:08.10
when you know
somebody like myself,
00:25:08.14\00:25:10.64
what you had to do for Arthur,
00:25:10.67\00:25:12.41
when you know them?
00:25:12.44\00:25:13.78
Is it any difference when
you don't know the family?
00:25:13.81\00:25:17.45
Is it the same for you?
00:25:17.48\00:25:19.51
When it's personal,
you step it up a notch.
00:25:19.55\00:25:24.29
The
professionalism has to come in.
00:25:24.32\00:25:27.09
And the sensitivity
takes over everything.
00:25:27.12\00:25:30.79
Because you know the individual,
00:25:30.83\00:25:33.19
and you know,
when they're in pain,
00:25:33.23\00:25:36.53
and so your
professionalism comes in
00:25:36.56\00:25:38.97
and all your
training is to make her hurt,
00:25:39.00\00:25:42.40
their hurt not hurt so bad.
00:25:42.44\00:25:44.81
And so you bring
in all your resources.
00:25:44.84\00:25:47.91
So I know and I
look at your eyes.
00:25:47.94\00:25:50.61
I know if you're about to fall.
00:25:50.65\00:25:52.78
I'm not looking
just for the tears.
00:25:52.81\00:25:54.95
I'm looking because
I'm getting into your body.
00:25:54.98\00:25:57.52
And I know Kim will smile.
00:25:57.55\00:26:00.36
But it's not a smile of
joy, it's a smile of pain
00:26:00.39\00:26:03.76
because I know Kim.
00:26:03.79\00:26:05.59
And so now there's a
way I have to hold you,
00:26:05.63\00:26:07.86
I have to call for the
nurse, bring me some tissues.
00:26:07.90\00:26:10.87
Get her.
00:26:10.90\00:26:12.23
And so now it's personal.
00:26:12.27\00:26:15.14
When it's children,
00:26:15.17\00:26:16.71
it's really
personal and it hurts.
00:26:16.74\00:26:19.37
It hurts.
00:26:19.41\00:26:20.74
So how do you
get away from that?
00:26:20.78\00:26:22.21
You go, and you go
into something else.
00:26:22.24\00:26:24.91
I love comedies.
00:26:24.95\00:26:27.15
And I can't
tell you the next day
00:26:27.18\00:26:29.02
who I buried the next
day without really thinking.
00:26:29.05\00:26:32.69
You critique what you do
00:26:32.72\00:26:34.36
because you
always want to be better.
00:26:34.39\00:26:36.83
If I make a mistake,
00:26:36.86\00:26:38.63
I'll spend time kicking
myself for that mistake,
00:26:38.66\00:26:41.63
but only for a few minutes.
00:26:41.66\00:26:43.53
But then the rest of the time is
00:26:43.57\00:26:45.33
how do I correct that
00:26:45.37\00:26:47.34
because it's
going to come up again.
00:26:47.37\00:26:48.90
Gonna come up again.
00:26:48.94\00:26:50.87
We have about half a
minute closing words,
00:26:50.91\00:26:53.58
what would you say to anyone
viewing this program right now?
00:26:53.61\00:26:57.35
Hug and don't
take life for granted.
00:27:00.98\00:27:04.02
Hug, whatever
you're doing in life,
00:27:04.05\00:27:07.19
you are affecting others.
00:27:07.22\00:27:09.16
Please remember that.
00:27:09.19\00:27:10.76
So that hug you
may give to someone
00:27:10.79\00:27:13.70
could be a hug
00:27:13.73\00:27:15.06
that a person who
was contemplating suicide
00:27:15.10\00:27:17.73
the night before.
00:27:17.77\00:27:19.40
Whatever you do on this planet,
00:27:19.43\00:27:21.10
your journey is
always affecting others,
00:27:21.14\00:27:23.84
make it positive.
00:27:23.87\00:27:25.21
Make it positive.
00:27:25.24\00:27:26.68
Well, I want to
thank Mr. Robert Royster
00:27:26.71\00:27:28.58
for being my special guest
00:27:28.61\00:27:30.35
on the Dare to Dream
Network, Live To Be Well.
00:27:30.38\00:27:32.58
Not only that,
00:27:32.61\00:27:33.95
but my mentor
for many, many years
00:27:33.98\00:27:36.25
and still my mentor today.
00:27:36.28\00:27:38.42
We always need
someone to pour into us
00:27:38.45\00:27:40.69
as we pour into others.
00:27:40.72\00:27:42.62
And I know all I have
to do is pick up the phone
00:27:42.66\00:27:45.63
as I did for him
to be here today.
00:27:45.66\00:27:48.13
He's a very, very busy man,
00:27:48.16\00:27:50.03
very well-known and appreciate,
00:27:50.07\00:27:51.43
God has blessed
him tremendously.
00:27:51.47\00:27:53.57
He's enlarged his territory
and made room for his gifts.
00:27:53.60\00:27:57.27
The same thing
that God did for him,
00:27:57.31\00:27:59.57
He will do for you.
00:27:59.61\00:28:01.21
Lean on God,
and live to be well.
00:28:01.24\00:28:03.95
God bless.
00:28:03.98\00:28:05.31