The following program features
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real clients
discussing sensitive issues.
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The views and opinions
expressed in this program
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don't necessarily reflect
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that of 3ABN's
Dare to Dream Network.
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Viewer discretion is advised.
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Hi, I'm Dr. Kim Logan-Nowlin,
and welcome to Live To Be Well.
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Reaching new heights,
that is my desire every day
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to reach new heights in my
Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
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What is live to be well?
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Mind, body, and soul.
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And today, I am blessed
to have Dr. Portia Lockett.
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God bless you, Dr.
Portia, how are you?
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I am amazing.
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You look amazing.
Thank you, and you as well.
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Thank you so much.
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You know, we have
connected as sisters in Christ
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in our work,
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and you referred
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so many amazing
clients and patients to me
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and I will be forever grateful.
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Oh, you're welcome.
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Well, let's talk about
the... Who is Dr. Portia
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and the challenges that you face
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because this
awesome woman is a chaplain.
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And so we wanna talk about that.
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So share that with us?
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Okay, well, I am a chaplain
and spiritual advisor to many.
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And so in my chaplain role,
I meet the needs of individuals
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who are spiritually
hurting, emotionally hurting,
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as well as mentally hurting.
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And so I meet them
right where they are
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and escort them where
the God wants them to be.
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Are these also employees also?
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Some of them are employees,
some of them are patients,
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and some of them are
family members of the patients.
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And just sometimes it's just
people in the grocery store.
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I can be anywhere.
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And so, but mainly, you
know, in the hospital setting,
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you know, people
will be referred to me,
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you know, when they come
in because a lot of times
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when people find
out that they're sick
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or there's something going on,
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that they're not really sure of,
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they want to reach
out to a higher being.
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You know, regardless of
what their religion may be.
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And so as a chaplain,
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I have to meet
them where they are
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from an interfaith perspective
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and just supporting them
on their healing journey.
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So how many
patients do you see a day
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if say, for example, you
have four or five people.
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You have how many
people on your team?
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Are there other
chaplains on your team?
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Yes, they are.
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And so you could be
anywhere in the hospital
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and it could be someone, a
family just lost a loved one.
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Absolutely.
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And you're called,
tell us about that?
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So a lot of
times we'll get paged
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or sometimes
we'll get a consult,
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or sometimes I could
just be rounding on the floors
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and someone will
walk up to me and say,
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you know, you may
wanna stop in on the patient,
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you know, in five ICU,
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someone is in
need of your services.
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Or there's a
family that's over there,
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they just receive some bad news.
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And so again, I'll
just go and meet them
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right where they are
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and introduce myself.
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And typically, you know,
you will walk up and say,
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you know, I'm the chaplain
and I'm just stopping by,
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you know, just to support you.
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But, you know, I
try to bring life
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into every situation.
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So I'll walk in and just says,
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hi, I'm your
chaplain, Portia Lockett.
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And I just stopped by
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to drop off a
bucket full of blessings
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and an extra dose of love.
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So, you know, and I'm here
to support you on your journey.
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How can I be
here to support you?
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And that kinda
brings a softness to it
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and allows them
to be able to open up
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and explain to
me, or share with me
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whatever their challenges may be
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at that particular time.
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'Cause they
could be on the defense
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because they
don't know who you are.
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Absolutely.
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And so therefore
they're kind of, you know,
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reserved about
sharing information.
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Have you ever met a
family in the beginning stages
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and they were in
the hospital brought in,
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but then you had to go
in again after they passed?
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Oh, absolutely.
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And so a lot of times in
the palliative care doctors
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will call me and say, you
know, we need your support.
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We're gonna go in and
talk with this family,
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you know, because
the hours are numbered
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or the days are numbered
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and we would love for you
to be able to be a support
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or the patient could
have just transitioned
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and the family
doesn't know about it yet.
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And so they want me to go
in and talk with the family
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about what happened.
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It's like, as
you know, mom or dad
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or sister or
brother, your wife came in
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with these symptoms
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and we
discovered this was going on
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and this was going on.
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And now, you
know, we treated this
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and we treated that,
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but
unfortunately we did everything
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that we could possibly do.
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And unfortunately
mom did not make it.
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And so, I'm
there just to support
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and sometimes people
go into complete shock.
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Some people go into outrage
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because you know,
they're angry, you know?
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And so I'm just there
to meet them where they are
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and just to give
them some support.
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And so every
situation is different.
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Yes.
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What about when
you have children?
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You know, is it
different? Is it harder for you?
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Oh, absolutely.
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You know, I've
been there, you know,
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with families
expecting their first child
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and you know, you
make it to that ninth month
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and then something just happens
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and then the baby is
still born or the baby is born
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and then three days
later something happens
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and the baby did not make it.
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It's like, so how
do you explain that
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to a mother or a father?
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It's just like, you know,
I don't wanna talk about it,
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I don't wanna talk about God.
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I don't want to hear it.
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You know, it's
like, you know, not now,
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just come back later, you know,
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and then I'll peep back in,
you know, from time to time.
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And just, I'm
just here to support,
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you know, you don't
have a talk about that.
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I just want you to know
that I'm here to support you.
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So however you feel it's okay.
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Nobody can dictate
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how you should be
feeling right now,
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how you should grieve,
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how long you should be grieving,
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when you should be
grieving, you know?
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So, and it's different for,
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you know, for moms and for dads,
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it's all depending
on the relationship
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will determined how that
person is going to grieve.
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Go back to palliative care.
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I remember hearing that term
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before Arthur went into hospice.
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Yes.
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So let's talk
about palliative care
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and then hospice?
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Sure.
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So palliative care can be
for any type of chronic disease.
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It doesn't necessarily
mean that that person
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is in the
process of transitioning,
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but they just wanna make sure
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that there is comfort care that
that patient is comfortable.
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Because a lot of
times when patients are,
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let's just say experiencing,
you know, a cancer,
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you know, there's over 300
different types of cancers.
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And so when it
attacks your body,
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you know, it can make you
feel a certain kind of way.
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And so with that being said,
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you know,
depending on the medication,
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depending on what the diagnosis,
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the prognosis may be,
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will determine how that person
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is going to be
feeling physically.
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So we wanna make sure
that that person is cared for
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and comfortable at all times,
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no matter what
the diagnosis may be.
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And in terms of hospice,
you know, normally they'll say,
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you know, when
you go into hospice,
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we've done everything
that we can possibly do,
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but unfortunately your organs,
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you know, are
beginning to shut down,
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and physically,
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you know, through
tests, you know, the doctors,
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you know, they
can pretty much tell
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when things are
getting ready to go
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on a downward spiral.
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And sometimes hospice
could last for a year.
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You know, I know
people who have been told,
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you know, we need
to put your mother,
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we need to put
your father in hospice.
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And those people
are still living,
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it's two years
later, it's like, okay,
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what happens
like only God knows.
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Only the Lord knows.
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Yes, I remember
when we went into hospice
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it was one day
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because Arthur's
request was to go home
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and they kept saying,
he's not gonna live 24 hours.
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He lived eight days.
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And, but he wanted to be home.
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He wanted to be
in his surroundings,
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he was still talking.
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They said, "Let him eat
whatever he wanted to eat."
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And he just was comfortable,
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but I do remember the chaplain
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coming to the room
and praying with me
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and encouraging me to come
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to groups of workshops.
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Yes, talk about
that for the families?
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Sure.
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So, you know, we have sessions
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that are set up
on a regular basis.
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And sometimes we
even if we don't have them
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right there in their area,
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I will refer them out
to other organizations
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that provide grief support.
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And so depending
on what type of grief
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or depending on
the relationship.
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So for example,
you may have a family,
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you know, who needs the
whole family being there.
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You may not want to put them
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in a group setting
with other individuals
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because they need their own.
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And so, sometimes
it's just a mother
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who was just having a
really, really hard time.
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And so I may have to refer
her out or one of our chaplains
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will make a commitment to say,
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you know, over
the next four weeks,
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we're gonna sit down
with you on a regular basis.
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What about follow-up?
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I know I received
calls for a few months.
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Absolutely.
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And do you do that
follow-up with the families?
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Absolutely.
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I have some
families that, you know,
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still keep in contact with me
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when they're at the hospital
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or, you know,
sometimes in the area
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they'll reach out to me
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or some of them we've developed
long-term relationships.
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And we, you know,
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we keep in
contact with each other
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on a regular basis.
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There was one patient
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that I had had, I
think I met her in 2010
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and she lived
for about four years
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after the doctors kept
saying, there's nothing else,
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nothing else,
there's nothing else.
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And I remember her saying,
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you know, when it's
my time to transition
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and they say,
there's nothing else
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that they can do for me.
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And they go in
hospice, I want you to come,
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and I want you to be at my home,
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and I want you to sing
to me until I transition.
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And so that was
a beautiful thing.
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So I drove about
an hour and a half
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up to Metamora, Michigan.
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And I was there with her family.
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Her husband was in
the kitchen cooking
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and it was a Polish
family and the family was there.
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The dog was just laid
out and we were just singing.
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And, you know, I held
her hand and the daughter
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I think was there and,
you know, given her medication
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again to keep her comfortable
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so that she would not
be experiencing any pain.
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And she transitioned
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and I still keep in contact
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with that family.
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In the family. Absolutely.
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When we talk about transitioning
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or patient pass
away, talk about that?
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Specifically when I say
transitioning or transition,
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that means that person's in
the process of transitioning
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and the doctors can know,
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you know, they can
detect by various tests,
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you know of what's
going on with that patient
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at that particular time,
their vitals, I should say.
00:09:55.02\00:09:57.33
And then when we say transition,
00:09:57.36\00:09:58.99
that mean that
patient has passed away.
00:09:59.03\00:10:02.60
Yes.
00:10:02.63\00:10:03.97
We know in the
Seventh-day Adventist message
00:10:04.00\00:10:06.00
and in the Word of God,
00:10:06.03\00:10:07.40
the state of the dead,
00:10:07.44\00:10:08.84
when one passes away,
the dead know nothing.
00:10:08.87\00:10:12.54
And we know that the Bible says
00:10:12.57\00:10:14.98
when the trumpet shall sound
00:10:15.01\00:10:16.44
and the dead in
Christ shall rise first,
00:10:16.48\00:10:18.48
and those that remain
00:10:18.51\00:10:19.85
will be caught up to meet Him.
00:10:19.88\00:10:21.78
So we have that
blessed hope to know,
00:10:21.82\00:10:24.55
as I did with my
husband passing away
00:10:24.59\00:10:26.99
that he fell asleep.
00:10:27.02\00:10:28.36
And that is our
desire, and that is our prayer
00:10:28.39\00:10:30.96
that our loved ones pass away
00:10:30.99\00:10:33.19
and fall asleep
and rest in Jesus
00:10:33.23\00:10:36.50
and that their
election is made sure.
00:10:36.53\00:10:38.73
So let's be clear
00:10:38.77\00:10:40.10
when we talk
about transitioning,
00:10:40.14\00:10:41.74
that is not a state of
just in the air somewhere,
00:10:41.77\00:10:46.31
they are asleep,
they are in the grave.
00:10:46.34\00:10:50.25
They are exactly what
the Word of God states.
00:10:50.28\00:10:53.08
And so a lot of times
00:10:53.11\00:10:54.82
people talk about that they can,
00:10:54.85\00:10:56.72
I can talk to my
mother, I can talk to my father,
00:10:56.75\00:10:59.02
my mother and
father looking out for me,
00:10:59.05\00:11:01.52
God is looking out for you.
00:11:01.56\00:11:03.43
The Bible is very clear
that the dead know nothing
00:11:03.46\00:11:07.86
and that they are
sleeping in the grave.
00:11:07.90\00:11:11.57
So, you know, and
it's hard sometimes
00:11:11.60\00:11:13.87
to accept that because we wanna,
00:11:13.90\00:11:15.54
you know, think that,
00:11:15.57\00:11:17.14
you know, Arthur
is looking at, no, no.
00:11:17.17\00:11:19.57
A friend of
mine said that to me.
00:11:19.61\00:11:20.94
And I said, "No."
00:11:20.98\00:11:22.31
"Well, yes, he
is." I said, "No."
00:11:22.34\00:11:23.68
And I took her
right to the Word,
00:11:23.71\00:11:25.05
she says, I never saw that.
00:11:25.08\00:11:26.92
You know, so,
it's important that
00:11:26.95\00:11:29.02
we as spiritual
leaders in the care for people
00:11:29.05\00:11:32.82
that we understand
00:11:32.85\00:11:34.19
what God is
ministering through us.
00:11:34.22\00:11:36.22
Let's talk about self-care.
00:11:36.26\00:11:38.83
You know, your
work is demanding,
00:11:38.86\00:11:40.96
my work is demanding.
00:11:41.00\00:11:42.76
How do we get that
self-care in there,
00:11:42.80\00:11:45.10
exercise, rest?
00:11:45.13\00:11:46.74
Absolutely. All right.
00:11:46.77\00:11:48.40
Shame on me, Dr. Portia,
00:11:48.44\00:11:49.87
I didn't get to
bed at about 1:00 AM,
00:11:49.90\00:11:52.54
you know, doing more
sessions and crisis arise.
00:11:52.57\00:11:56.51
How do we say no?
It's so hard, help me?
00:11:56.54\00:12:00.52
How do we say no?
Well, you know what?
00:12:00.55\00:12:02.38
We have to know our limits.
00:12:02.42\00:12:03.75
Some of us require
five hours of sleep.
00:12:03.79\00:12:06.05
Some of us require six or
seven or eight hours of sleep.
00:12:06.09\00:12:08.86
You know your body,
you know your temple.
00:12:08.89\00:12:10.59
Okay?
00:12:10.63\00:12:11.96
And it's up to you to
take care of that temple
00:12:11.99\00:12:13.83
because nobody
else is gonna do it,
00:12:13.86\00:12:15.20
because the last thing you want
00:12:15.23\00:12:16.63
is to be in a
situation where somebody else
00:12:16.67\00:12:18.60
is making decisions for you.
00:12:18.63\00:12:20.44
And I don't want that
because the Bible says
00:12:20.47\00:12:22.57
that the body is the
temple of the Holy Spirit,
00:12:22.60\00:12:25.11
and we have to take
care of this temple.
00:12:25.14\00:12:27.41
So I had to stop
close up my paperwork.
00:12:27.44\00:12:30.41
I was doing phone
sessions, Skype sessions.
00:12:30.45\00:12:32.41
I said no more, but I
try to accommodate everyone,
00:12:32.45\00:12:35.75
but boundaries,
setting boundaries.
00:12:35.78\00:12:37.22
Absolutely,
that's very important.
00:12:37.25\00:12:38.72
And so you got, again,
00:12:38.75\00:12:40.09
you have to learn how to say no.
00:12:40.12\00:12:41.46
And unfortunately I'm not
able to help you at this time,
00:12:41.49\00:12:43.69
but let me give you a timeframe
that I'm able to help you,
00:12:43.73\00:12:45.89
because sometimes
they wanna text you,
00:12:45.93\00:12:47.26
they wanna call you.
00:12:47.30\00:12:48.63
I need you now.
00:12:48.66\00:12:50.00
He says, you know what?
00:12:50.03\00:12:51.37
I would really like to
be able to help you now,
00:12:51.40\00:12:52.73
but unfortunately
my schedule for today
00:12:52.77\00:12:54.10
and for the next week is filled.
00:12:54.14\00:12:55.47
So we can either set
up appointment to talk,
00:12:55.50\00:12:57.07
you know, in the next week,
00:12:57.11\00:12:58.44
I'm gonna refer
you to someone else
00:12:58.47\00:12:59.81
that might be able to help
you more immediately than I can.
00:12:59.84\00:13:02.18
And I'm going to also
pray that you get the help
00:13:02.21\00:13:05.11
that you need at
this particular time.
00:13:05.15\00:13:06.78
And so learning how to say
no and learning how to refer,
00:13:06.82\00:13:09.22
you know, there's
enough business out there
00:13:09.25\00:13:10.79
for everybody.
00:13:10.82\00:13:12.15
So it's not like we have
to hoard and just think that,
00:13:12.19\00:13:14.59
you know, if I
don't get this patient,
00:13:14.62\00:13:15.96
I don't get this
business and I'll get this,
00:13:15.99\00:13:17.59
you know, this deal is
everything's gonna fade away.
00:13:17.63\00:13:20.13
Just let go.
00:13:20.16\00:13:21.50
And just be at peace
00:13:21.53\00:13:23.43
with knowing
it's okay to say no.
00:13:23.47\00:13:25.50
And it's okay to
just to walk away
00:13:25.53\00:13:26.97
because all
money is not good money
00:13:27.00\00:13:28.60
because sometimes people
will approach you and just say,
00:13:28.64\00:13:30.24
I got this great deal.
00:13:30.27\00:13:31.61
We're gonna make a
whole lot of money.
00:13:31.64\00:13:32.97
It's like, for me,
it's not about that.
00:13:33.01\00:13:34.64
It's about doing what my purpose
00:13:34.68\00:13:36.44
is and operating in
passion and in love, you know?
00:13:36.48\00:13:39.78
And so it takes a lot for me to,
00:13:39.81\00:13:41.88
you know, I usually
start off my morning
00:13:41.92\00:13:43.25
before I even
get out of the bed,
00:13:43.28\00:13:44.62
just saying, thank you.
00:13:44.65\00:13:45.99
Thank you, Lord.
00:13:46.02\00:13:47.36
And in that
grateful state of mind,
00:13:47.39\00:13:48.72
just saying, thank you.
00:13:48.76\00:13:50.09
And then once I get up,
00:13:50.13\00:13:51.46
you know, I
drink a lot of water.
00:13:51.49\00:13:52.83
I make sure that I'm
hydrated throughout the day,
00:13:52.86\00:13:54.20
because I would say,
00:13:54.23\00:13:55.56
there's a great
percentage of individuals
00:13:55.60\00:13:57.07
who come into hospitals
or go into urgent cares
00:13:57.10\00:13:59.70
and something's wrong,
00:13:59.73\00:14:01.07
and it's because
they're dehydrated.
00:14:01.10\00:14:03.57
We don't take the time
out to drink enough water.
00:14:03.61\00:14:06.07
Yes, that happened to me. Yeah.
00:14:06.11\00:14:07.74
Not to interrupt
you. No, it's okay.
00:14:07.78\00:14:09.34
I was just running,
running, running, and running.
00:14:09.38\00:14:11.71
But what it was,
I was dehydrated,
00:14:11.75\00:14:14.45
but I had walking pneumonia.
00:14:14.48\00:14:16.48
So what
happened when I got home,
00:14:16.52\00:14:18.39
my oldest
daughter was home visiting.
00:14:18.42\00:14:20.69
No, she was on the phone.
00:14:20.72\00:14:22.19
And I was like...
00:14:22.22\00:14:24.59
She said, "Mommy,
that's not a regular cough."
00:14:24.63\00:14:26.70
I said, "I'm
fine." Aaron was home.
00:14:26.73\00:14:29.36
And I said, "I'll be
fine, just need some rest."
00:14:29.40\00:14:31.77
The next morning,
00:14:31.80\00:14:33.23
I could barely crawl out of bed.
00:14:33.27\00:14:34.87
I said, "Aaron, Aaron,"'
00:14:34.90\00:14:37.61
cause my lung was collapsing.
00:14:37.64\00:14:39.87
And I said,
00:14:39.91\00:14:41.24
"You have to drive
me to the hospital now."
00:14:41.28\00:14:43.28
They said, "If I had
waited one more hour,"
00:14:43.31\00:14:46.11
it would have been over.
00:14:46.15\00:14:47.48
And we just, you know,
00:14:47.52\00:14:49.18
I'm drinking more
water, exercising.
00:14:49.22\00:14:51.62
Absolutely. Let's
talk about stress.
00:14:51.65\00:14:54.16
Your life is
busy. My life is busy.
00:14:54.19\00:14:56.62
Setting boundaries, limitations.
00:14:56.66\00:14:58.23
Absolutely.
00:14:58.26\00:14:59.59
What does stress do
to us as human beings
00:14:59.63\00:15:02.63
and how it leads to
anxiety, depression, suicide?
00:15:02.66\00:15:05.80
Sure.
00:15:05.83\00:15:07.17
So, stress pretty much
00:15:07.20\00:15:08.54
is one of the number one causes
00:15:08.57\00:15:10.47
of any type of disease.
00:15:10.51\00:15:14.54
Because we don't, as you
said, we don't set boundaries.
00:15:14.58\00:15:17.15
We don't know how to say no.
00:15:17.18\00:15:18.55
And we need to make sure
that we're taking care of self.
00:15:18.58\00:15:21.72
Just like when you
get on an airplane,
00:15:21.75\00:15:23.08
they always tell you
to put your mask on first.
00:15:23.12\00:15:25.35
So if you're not
taking care of yourself,
00:15:25.39\00:15:28.02
spiritually,
mentally, emotionally,
00:15:28.06\00:15:31.09
physically, and
financially, guess what?
00:15:31.13\00:15:34.00
You're gonna be stressed out
00:15:34.03\00:15:35.36
because if one
of those components
00:15:35.40\00:15:37.50
are disconnected to the others,
00:15:37.53\00:15:40.07
it's gonna cause stress
in some form of fashion.
00:15:40.10\00:15:42.00
Yes.
00:15:42.04\00:15:43.37
You know, if you're
worried about something,
00:15:43.41\00:15:44.74
it's gonna
impact everything else.
00:15:44.77\00:15:46.11
If your finances are off,
00:15:46.14\00:15:47.48
it's going to
impact everything else.
00:15:47.51\00:15:49.04
If your mental wellbeing
or your emotional wellbeing
00:15:49.08\00:15:51.45
and you're all over the place,
00:15:51.48\00:15:52.81
you're on a high one
day and a low another day.
00:15:52.85\00:15:55.05
And then you have other people,
00:15:55.08\00:15:56.42
you know, who are in your lives,
00:15:56.45\00:15:57.79
you know, who are trying
00:15:57.82\00:15:59.15
to bring all
their issues to you.
00:15:59.19\00:16:00.89
And if they're not
paying you for what you do,
00:16:00.92\00:16:04.29
then that's the issue.
00:16:04.33\00:16:05.66
Because
sometimes people will know,
00:16:05.69\00:16:07.03
oh, she's a good listener.
00:16:07.06\00:16:08.40
She's always given good
advice, but I'm looking up
00:16:08.43\00:16:10.63
and I'm spending two or
three hours with this person
00:16:10.67\00:16:12.40
two or three times a week.
00:16:12.43\00:16:13.77
And I'm just
like, wait a minute.
00:16:13.80\00:16:15.14
Something's wrong
with this picture?
00:16:15.17\00:16:16.50
And so we have to
push back a little bit,
00:16:16.54\00:16:17.91
learn how to say no
00:16:17.94\00:16:19.27
and not cause
00:16:19.31\00:16:20.64
any self-inflicted
stress upon ourselves.
00:16:20.68\00:16:23.85
I remember when,
00:16:23.88\00:16:25.21
again, going back
to palliative care.
00:16:25.25\00:16:27.45
Yes.
00:16:27.48\00:16:28.82
I had to
literally stop my practice
00:16:28.85\00:16:30.82
because Arthur,
I had to be there.
00:16:30.85\00:16:33.59
I slept at the hospital.
00:16:33.62\00:16:34.96
One time I
slept at one hospital.
00:16:34.99\00:16:37.79
The first time, eight days,
00:16:37.83\00:16:40.20
the next
hospital, it was 12 days.
00:16:40.23\00:16:42.06
I said, "Can I go home?"
00:16:42.10\00:16:45.47
And he was like,
"Go get your clothes."
00:16:45.50\00:16:47.64
And then one of his
relatives came, stayed.
00:16:47.67\00:16:50.31
I showered, went
back and he said,
00:16:50.34\00:16:52.84
"Did you bring
everything you need?"
00:16:52.87\00:16:54.71
And let me tell you what I did.
00:16:54.74\00:16:56.98
One day he was
feeling pretty good.
00:16:57.01\00:16:58.91
And someone came to sit with him
00:16:58.95\00:17:01.08
and the phone rang
00:17:01.12\00:17:04.15
and it was one of my patients
and was in terrible crisis.
00:17:04.19\00:17:08.42
I said, I can't
come to my office
00:17:08.46\00:17:10.36
and shame on me
00:17:10.39\00:17:12.69
because again,
being in the will of God,
00:17:12.73\00:17:15.90
you know, I had her
come to the hospital
00:17:15.93\00:17:19.27
to do her session.
00:17:19.30\00:17:21.30
And I said, "No more. I
have to focus in on Arthur."
00:17:21.34\00:17:26.01
That's right.
00:17:26.04\00:17:27.38
"I have to focus
in on my self-care."
00:17:27.41\00:17:29.61
And do you know,
even sitting there
00:17:29.64\00:17:31.01
reading to him,
talking with him,
00:17:31.05\00:17:33.68
watching him sleep,
00:17:33.72\00:17:35.38
making sure he was
good, wiping his face
00:17:35.42\00:17:38.39
and washing his face.
00:17:38.42\00:17:40.39
But who was taking care of you?
00:17:40.42\00:17:41.76
That's the whole point.
Who was taking care of you?
00:17:41.79\00:17:43.56
So even in those situations,
00:17:43.59\00:17:45.16
you know, I'll use
an example of a mother
00:17:45.19\00:17:48.06
and I would tell
people, you know what?
00:17:48.10\00:17:49.86
If one mother can
give birth to 10 children,
00:17:49.90\00:17:52.40
surely 10 children can help
00:17:52.43\00:17:54.90
and rotate and taking
care of that one mother.
00:17:54.94\00:17:57.51
And sometimes we want
to be there for everything.
00:17:57.54\00:18:00.51
And we have to remember,
00:18:00.54\00:18:03.81
I have to get a
good night's sleep.
00:18:03.85\00:18:05.48
And just lying in one
of those recliner chairs
00:18:05.51\00:18:07.52
for days in and days
out are not good for you.
00:18:07.55\00:18:10.95
It's not good for your back
00:18:10.99\00:18:12.32
because now
your back is hurting.
00:18:12.35\00:18:13.69
And when you're in
pain, you project differently,
00:18:13.72\00:18:16.83
you act differently,
you think differently
00:18:16.86\00:18:18.59
because you're thinking
about that one little pain
00:18:18.63\00:18:20.70
while you're
trying to be focused.
00:18:20.73\00:18:22.06
And it's just
very hard to do both.
00:18:22.10\00:18:23.43
And as he felt
better, all my church family,
00:18:23.47\00:18:26.97
The City Temple
Seventh-day Adventist Church,
00:18:27.00\00:18:29.37
my pastor, people would come,
00:18:29.40\00:18:30.97
Kim, go eat, take a moment,
00:18:31.01\00:18:33.71
go home, take a few hours.
00:18:33.74\00:18:35.91
That's who took care of me?
00:18:35.94\00:18:37.28
My church family,
because my daughters were away.
00:18:37.31\00:18:39.71
And so when my
daughters came home
00:18:39.75\00:18:43.39
and they said, "Mom, go
home and get some rest."
00:18:43.42\00:18:46.42
And even when we
brought him home,
00:18:46.45\00:18:49.12
they had the
hospital bed and everything,
00:18:49.16\00:18:51.03
in one of the rooms
00:18:51.06\00:18:52.39
and we have a huge chair
and Arthur was determined.
00:18:52.43\00:18:56.30
He loved that chair.
00:18:56.33\00:18:57.83
He wanted to sit
up in that chair.
00:18:57.87\00:18:59.77
He said, "Just one more time."
00:18:59.80\00:19:01.64
That day was
Saturday, the Sabbath.
00:19:01.67\00:19:04.37
I went to church,
00:19:04.41\00:19:05.87
his nieces were
there at the home
00:19:05.91\00:19:08.31
and he was sitting
up and he said to me,
00:19:08.34\00:19:11.11
"Why? Why, Kim?"
00:19:11.15\00:19:13.18
And I said,
00:19:13.21\00:19:14.55
"I can't tell you why Arthur,
00:19:14.58\00:19:16.15
but I know God has a plan.
00:19:16.18\00:19:18.29
He is in control."
00:19:18.32\00:19:19.95
And he sat there
00:19:19.99\00:19:21.46
and I went into the family room
00:19:21.49\00:19:23.02
and I sat there
not knowing a few hours
00:19:23.06\00:19:24.96
he would pass away
early that morning.
00:19:24.99\00:19:27.73
And I went back in and I said,
"Do you want to lay back down?"
00:19:27.76\00:19:31.20
He said, "No, I
just want to sit here."
00:19:31.23\00:19:32.63
I mean, talking and
just looking out the window.
00:19:32.67\00:19:36.77
And I said that it's
gonna be all right, Arthur.
00:19:36.81\00:19:39.87
So he had a burst of energy?
00:19:39.91\00:19:41.24
He had that burst as
they talk about in hospice.
00:19:41.28\00:19:43.65
My mother had
that, my father had that,
00:19:43.68\00:19:46.08
but seeing him, but
my daughters came in,
00:19:46.11\00:19:49.28
"Mommy, rest."
00:19:49.32\00:19:50.65
But it was like, he would
look and he would call for me.
00:19:50.69\00:19:54.26
And the girl said,
"Mommy, daddy wants you."
00:19:54.29\00:19:57.63
And I said, "I'm
right here. I'm right here."
00:19:57.66\00:19:59.43
And I think, you
know what I told God?
00:19:59.46\00:20:00.80
I said,
00:20:00.83\00:20:02.16
"God, if you
are going to do this
00:20:02.20\00:20:04.70
and you're going
to take my husband,
00:20:04.73\00:20:06.67
because this is in Your hands,
00:20:06.70\00:20:08.04
I said, You are God's Supreme.
00:20:08.07\00:20:09.94
I'm asking you one thing,
00:20:09.97\00:20:12.07
could you please
let me be with him,
00:20:12.11\00:20:13.91
not at the grocery store,
not out running an errand,
00:20:13.94\00:20:16.58
not out getting
something out of the car,
00:20:16.61\00:20:19.11
not in the bathroom.
00:20:19.15\00:20:20.92
Let me be with him."
00:20:20.95\00:20:22.38
And the Lord said,
"I'm gonna do that for you."
00:20:22.42\00:20:25.09
I felt it.
00:20:25.12\00:20:26.52
And all of us was around him.
00:20:26.55\00:20:28.46
Micah was on FaceTime
00:20:28.49\00:20:30.29
and we were all there with him,
00:20:30.33\00:20:33.33
his children, his godson.
00:20:33.36\00:20:35.80
I was there holding his
hand and I said, "Sleep."
00:20:35.83\00:20:38.63
And he said,
00:20:38.67\00:20:40.00
"Now, do you
remember what I told you?"
00:20:40.04\00:20:41.44
And I said, "What?"
00:20:41.47\00:20:43.20
He said, "Don't mess up.
I'll see you when Jesus come."
00:20:43.24\00:20:46.74
And he said,
00:20:46.78\00:20:48.11
"You are not
allowed to date or remarry."
00:20:48.14\00:20:50.21
And everyone started laughing.
00:20:50.25\00:20:51.91
He was still in that good state.
00:20:51.95\00:20:54.55
And then I looked at him.
00:20:54.58\00:20:55.92
I said, "Arthur, just
sleep now, just sleep."
00:20:55.95\00:20:59.09
And I kissed him.
00:20:59.12\00:21:00.49
And while I was kissing him
00:21:00.52\00:21:02.16
and my baby, Aaron,
00:21:05.89\00:21:07.70
she just said, "Daddy, daddy."
00:21:07.73\00:21:10.87
And I said, "Daddy's gone."
00:21:10.90\00:21:12.80
So they took care of me.
00:21:12.83\00:21:15.74
And I recognized that
00:21:15.77\00:21:17.34
I had to take a
moment and step back.
00:21:17.37\00:21:19.71
And even during
the whole process,
00:21:19.74\00:21:22.08
after he passed,
there's so much involved.
00:21:22.11\00:21:25.78
You're just moving
so quickly. Absolutely.
00:21:25.81\00:21:28.05
And you don't
even have a time to...
00:21:28.08\00:21:29.58
I did grieving.
00:21:29.62\00:21:31.55
No, because you're
taking care of all the,
00:21:31.59\00:21:33.99
the whole process,
00:21:34.02\00:21:35.36
all the
application of the services,
00:21:35.39\00:21:39.69
making sure this is done
right, that is done right.
00:21:39.73\00:21:41.96
But I still had
a support system.
00:21:42.00\00:21:44.47
I wasn't even gonna
try, you know what I did?
00:21:44.50\00:21:47.67
I hired an event
coordinator, Joanne Fuller,
00:21:47.70\00:21:50.07
one of my sisters of my church.
00:21:50.11\00:21:52.07
She does events.
00:21:52.11\00:21:53.44
And I said, "I need you
00:21:53.48\00:21:54.91
to handle the
entire funeral service,
00:21:54.94\00:21:57.41
the entire
repass, be in everything,
00:21:57.45\00:22:00.72
pick up the programs.
00:22:00.75\00:22:02.08
I knew to step back and
focus on my children and I.
00:22:02.12\00:22:06.76
Because I felt the
stress, I felt the anxiety
00:22:06.79\00:22:10.76
and I felt the depression
00:22:10.79\00:22:12.83
because that first
day him not being there.
00:22:12.86\00:22:16.30
And so I was able to say,
I know now how to step back.
00:22:16.33\00:22:21.20
I know now through
this, how to say no.
00:22:21.24\00:22:24.21
Let's talk
about time management.
00:22:24.24\00:22:27.28
People need to understand
00:22:27.31\00:22:29.28
how to use their time management
00:22:29.31\00:22:31.41
and understand the importance
00:22:31.45\00:22:33.11
because you see
it in the hospital.
00:22:33.15\00:22:34.48
Absolutely.
00:22:34.52\00:22:35.85
Let's talk about that?
00:22:35.88\00:22:37.22
So, I do believe that
you have to have a schedule,
00:22:37.25\00:22:39.52
you know, and
again, setting boundaries
00:22:39.55\00:22:42.22
comes with that whole
piece of managing your time.
00:22:42.26\00:22:46.29
There's only 24 hours in a day.
00:22:46.33\00:22:47.76
You have to
sleep, you have to eat.
00:22:47.80\00:22:50.20
And so sometimes, you know,
00:22:50.23\00:22:51.57
you have to put those
things in your calendars,
00:22:51.60\00:22:53.87
it's time to eat, it's
time to take my medication
00:22:53.90\00:22:55.84
depending on what
your lifestyle is.
00:22:55.87\00:22:57.57
And so it's
really important to say,
00:22:57.61\00:22:59.57
I'm only gonna see a certain
amount of patients today.
00:22:59.61\00:23:01.88
I'm only gonna see,
00:23:01.91\00:23:03.45
do a certain
amount of activities
00:23:03.48\00:23:04.98
because sometimes you'll
get invites in your inbox.
00:23:05.01\00:23:07.22
You know, you look up
and you're invited to say,
00:23:07.25\00:23:08.92
you have three events that
you are supposed to attend today
00:23:08.95\00:23:10.65
or six events
that you're supposed
00:23:10.69\00:23:12.05
to support tomorrow.
00:23:12.09\00:23:13.42
It's like, wait a minute.
00:23:13.46\00:23:14.79
Did I commit to all this?
00:23:14.82\00:23:16.16
Yes.
00:23:16.19\00:23:17.53
And so, managing your time
00:23:17.56\00:23:18.89
and not letting time manage you.
00:23:18.93\00:23:21.23
Can you say that again?
00:23:21.26\00:23:22.60
Absolutely.
00:23:22.63\00:23:23.97
Learning to manage your time
00:23:24.00\00:23:25.33
and not allowing
time to manage you.
00:23:25.37\00:23:27.47
I love it. Love it.
00:23:27.50\00:23:28.84
Absolutely.
00:23:28.87\00:23:30.21
So, in every
situation, you know,
00:23:30.24\00:23:31.57
this, this can be, you
know, regarding time management,
00:23:31.61\00:23:33.61
stress, whatever.
00:23:33.64\00:23:35.14
I have a saying,
00:23:35.18\00:23:36.75
"Is this going to
mess me up or bless me?"
00:23:36.78\00:23:40.18
Real simple. Real simple.
00:23:40.22\00:23:41.98
What I'm putting into my temple,
00:23:42.02\00:23:43.35
what I'm eating
when it's time to eat,
00:23:43.39\00:23:44.89
is this going to
bless me up or mess me up?
00:23:44.92\00:23:47.82
Now, we're both vegans.
00:23:47.86\00:23:49.19
Absolutely. Yes, you know.
00:23:49.22\00:23:50.66
What was your determining factor
00:23:50.69\00:23:52.13
of becoming a vegan?
00:23:52.16\00:23:53.76
Why? Well, you know what?
00:23:53.80\00:23:55.46
Years ago I was
diagnosed with sarcoidosis
00:23:55.50\00:23:58.23
and that's a disease
of the pulmonary system.
00:23:58.27\00:24:01.37
And it affects different
people in different ways,
00:24:01.40\00:24:03.37
but it affected
my pulmonary system.
00:24:03.41\00:24:05.84
And so in order
for me to heal myself,
00:24:05.87\00:24:09.01
because I do believe
that God gives us everything
00:24:09.04\00:24:11.15
that we need to heal ourselves.
00:24:11.18\00:24:12.95
Sometimes we don't
want to acknowledge it,
00:24:12.98\00:24:14.32
but we have it.
00:24:14.35\00:24:15.75
And so I had to
make a conscious decision
00:24:15.78\00:24:17.35
and my son is a
health enthusiast.
00:24:17.39\00:24:19.99
And so he sat me
down one day and he says,
00:24:20.02\00:24:21.96
"Mom, you know,
you've got to eliminate
00:24:21.99\00:24:23.99
a lot of this
stuff out of your diet
00:24:24.03\00:24:25.89
in order for you
to be totally well."
00:24:25.93\00:24:27.73
And he says,
00:24:27.76\00:24:29.10
"And we're not gonna
have this conversation again,
00:24:29.13\00:24:30.47
when you're ready."
00:24:30.50\00:24:31.83
He says, "I'm not
talking to you as a mother,
00:24:31.87\00:24:33.20
I'm talking to you as a patient,
00:24:33.23\00:24:34.57
as someone that I love
00:24:34.60\00:24:35.94
and you're
coming to me for help."
00:24:35.97\00:24:37.31
And so it took me a few years.
00:24:37.34\00:24:38.67
So I started eliminating things,
00:24:38.71\00:24:40.04
you know, out of my diet.
00:24:40.08\00:24:41.41
I had already
eliminated the pork,
00:24:41.44\00:24:42.78
I had already
eliminated the steak,
00:24:42.81\00:24:44.15
but the hardest thing
for me was the seafood
00:24:44.18\00:24:45.51
'cause I love
seafood, mainly salmon.
00:24:45.55\00:24:47.55
And so, once I made
that conscious decision,
00:24:47.58\00:24:50.09
had already
eliminated the milk products.
00:24:50.12\00:24:52.05
And I said to myself, you
know, I want to live long,
00:24:52.09\00:24:56.02
but I don't
wanna just live long.
00:24:56.06\00:24:57.39
I wanna feel good. I
wanna live to be well.
00:24:57.43\00:24:59.59
Live to be well. I
wanna live to be well.
00:24:59.63\00:25:01.50
And so I made a
conscious decision
00:25:01.53\00:25:03.60
to begin to
eliminate some other things.
00:25:03.63\00:25:05.53
And so when we were
over in Kenya last year,
00:25:05.57\00:25:08.37
we lived with a family
and they were all vegans,
00:25:08.40\00:25:11.27
they grew everything.
00:25:11.31\00:25:12.91
And so they said,
00:25:12.94\00:25:14.28
"You can't bring
any meat in my home."
00:25:14.31\00:25:15.64
You can't, you know,
they had a lot of stipulations
00:25:15.68\00:25:17.28
about what could take place.
00:25:17.31\00:25:18.65
And I said, "You know what?
00:25:18.68\00:25:20.02
This is a good time,
00:25:20.05\00:25:21.38
you know, for me to completely
00:25:21.42\00:25:22.75
make this commitment to myself."
00:25:22.78\00:25:24.99
And I tell you, since
I've made that commitment,
00:25:25.02\00:25:27.49
my life has just changed.
00:25:27.52\00:25:28.92
I mean, I just, I feel vibrant.
00:25:28.96\00:25:31.89
I mean, I feel like I can go out
00:25:31.93\00:25:33.26
and conquer the world.
00:25:33.29\00:25:34.63
You know, it's just
an amazing feeling for me
00:25:34.66\00:25:37.90
of spiritually, mentally,
emotionally, and physically.
00:25:37.93\00:25:40.94
Live to be well. I
live to be well every day.
00:25:40.97\00:25:42.90
When I was
diagnosed with breast cancer
00:25:42.94\00:25:45.31
and my oncologist said,
00:25:45.34\00:25:47.44
when he came
back for my follow-up,
00:25:47.48\00:25:49.28
he said, because
I'm not using sugar.
00:25:49.31\00:25:52.21
Now let me say this.
00:25:52.25\00:25:53.98
I was sitting in the corridor
00:25:54.02\00:25:55.75
when Arthur was
taken in on April 28th,
00:25:55.78\00:25:59.55
when he called me, he
said, "I'm not feeling well."
00:25:59.59\00:26:01.19
I was in church
that Saturday came home.
00:26:01.22\00:26:04.59
I said, "Well,
let's go to the hospital."
00:26:04.63\00:26:06.26
Took him, we were
there till after midnight.
00:26:06.29\00:26:09.60
And from that
point I was sitting there
00:26:09.63\00:26:12.27
and I know it was
a spirit of the Lord.
00:26:12.30\00:26:14.60
I need you to become a vegan.
00:26:14.64\00:26:16.84
And I was like,
I'm not the one sick,
00:26:16.87\00:26:20.61
not knowing two
and a half years later,
00:26:20.64\00:26:23.31
I would be
diagnosed with breast cancer.
00:26:23.35\00:26:25.75
And the doctors told me,
00:26:25.78\00:26:27.22
because again, it
affects everybody differently,
00:26:27.25\00:26:30.15
but because I removed
00:26:30.19\00:26:31.79
so many things out of my diet,
00:26:31.82\00:26:33.76
he said, you are
going to be totally healed,
00:26:33.79\00:26:36.29
you're safe
00:26:36.32\00:26:37.66
because you've
changed your diet.
00:26:37.69\00:26:40.20
And so I praise the Lord.
00:26:40.23\00:26:42.23
We have a short time left.
00:26:42.26\00:26:44.53
Let's talk
about live to be well?
00:26:44.57\00:26:46.60
Live to be
well. Live to be well.
00:26:46.63\00:26:48.20
So how do we do that?
00:26:48.24\00:26:49.57
Yeah.
00:26:49.60\00:26:50.94
So, you know, making sure
00:26:50.97\00:26:52.31
that you're taking
good care of yourself.
00:26:52.34\00:26:53.68
Yes. You know, taking
time out for yourself.
00:26:53.71\00:26:55.04
Yes.
00:26:55.08\00:26:56.41
You know, being the
best version of yourself,
00:26:56.44\00:26:57.95
loving yourself more
than you love anybody else
00:26:57.98\00:27:00.38
after God, you love myself.
00:27:00.42\00:27:02.28
You love yourself.
00:27:02.32\00:27:03.65
'Cause the Bible says,
love thy neighbor as thyself.
00:27:03.69\00:27:06.35
So, I can't love my
neighbor unless I love myself.
00:27:06.39\00:27:08.26
Absolutely. Right.
00:27:08.29\00:27:09.62
Absolutely.
00:27:09.66\00:27:10.99
And so you have to
remind yourself every day,
00:27:11.03\00:27:12.36
you know, by
looking in the mirror
00:27:12.39\00:27:13.73
and telling yourself
00:27:13.76\00:27:15.10
today is gonna
be a wonderful day,
00:27:15.13\00:27:16.46
better than it was yesterday,
00:27:16.50\00:27:17.83
but not as great
it's gonna be tomorrow.
00:27:17.87\00:27:19.27
I'm gonna love myself
today more than I did yesterday,
00:27:19.30\00:27:22.74
but not as much as I'm
gonna love myself tomorrow.
00:27:22.77\00:27:24.81
I'm gonna take
care of myself today
00:27:24.84\00:27:26.81
more than I did yesterday,
00:27:26.84\00:27:28.41
but not as much as I'm gonna
take care of myself tomorrow.
00:27:28.44\00:27:31.41
So when we put all
those things in place,
00:27:31.45\00:27:33.55
we can begin to live
well because that's of God.
00:27:33.58\00:27:37.05
That's of God's.
00:27:37.09\00:27:38.42
Sickness and
disease is not of God.
00:27:38.45\00:27:39.79
No, it's not.
00:27:39.82\00:27:41.16
And living to be well is of God.
00:27:41.19\00:27:43.39
I wanna thank Dr.
Portia for being here.
00:27:43.43\00:27:45.49
You are beautiful.
00:27:45.53\00:27:46.93
You are my
girlfriend, my sister in Christ.
00:27:46.96\00:27:50.00
I'm so proud of you
earning a doctorate degree.
00:27:50.03\00:27:52.93
It's all God. May
God continue to use you.
00:27:52.97\00:27:55.54
Yes, it is God.
00:27:55.57\00:27:56.91
It is important for
us to live to be well.
00:27:56.94\00:27:58.84
How do we do that?
00:27:58.87\00:28:00.21
God first,
taking care of yourself,
00:28:00.24\00:28:02.34
setting boundaries
00:28:02.38\00:28:04.15
and remembering that
God is our everything.
00:28:04.18\00:28:06.98
I'm Dr. Kim, God bless.
00:28:07.02\00:28:09.28