The following
program features real clients
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discussing sensitive issues.
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The views and opinions
expressed in this program
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don't necessarily reflect
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that of 3ABN's
Dare to Dream Network.
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Viewer discretion is advised.
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Hi, I'm Dr. Kim Logan-Nowlin,
and welcome to Live to Be Well.
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What is live to be well?
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Mind, body, and soul,
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but without God, we
cannot live to be well.
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Today, I want to
welcome Mrs. Cheryl Simmons.
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How are you, Cheryl?
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I'm doing good.
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It's so good to see you.
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It's good to see you too.
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We wanna talk about
today, surviving the battle.
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Domestic
violence is very high now
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in the news, the internet.
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It's being done constantly
within the homes, on the jobs,
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in the school house,
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but you've experienced
it up close and personal.
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Can we talk about that?
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Yes, ma'am, of course.
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I got married at 22 to a man
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I thought was my
knight in shining armor.
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He was
everything you would think
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that a prince should be
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until we got married.
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And it was the
night of our honeymoon.
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And that was when it started.
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The night of our honeymoon
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we had went away on
a beautiful vacation
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to Jamaica.
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I wasn't getting
ready quick enough.
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And he decided that he
was gonna hurry me along
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by throwing a bucket
of ice cold water on me
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while I was in the shower.
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And, of course, at
that point I was stunned,
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but I didn't think much about it
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because at that time,
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you know, that wasn't
something that was horrible.
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I just thought he was stressed
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and the vacation was
taking its toll on him.
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So, I blew it off.
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And that was beginning.
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That was the
beginning of something
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that turned out
to be a very long
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marriage of violence
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and fighting back
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to make sure that
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I didn't upset
anything in his life.
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That I didn't upset
anything in his life.
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I didn't see the transition
because it happened so slowly.
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The worst part about it is
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now looking back I do know,
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I do see those signs.
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But at the time
when you love somebody,
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you just think,
oh, they love me.
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And they're doing this
for the best of us, for us.
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That's not always true.
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A person who is trying to
take control of who you are,
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they do it slowly
so you don't see it.
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Till eventually you believe
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they're doing
what's best for you
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when that's not the case.
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The case is that's control.
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That's a format
in itself a violence.
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The last incident
that happened was horrible.
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And it's hard to talk about
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when I think about surviving it.
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I think about the fact that
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I didn't know I was that strong.
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We went away for his
brother's 60th birthday
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and we were in a crowded room.
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I remember a man walking past me
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and brushing me
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and me turning around
and saying, oh, I'm sorry.
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All of a sudden
I seen my husband
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at the time switch
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and I felt my
stomach get really tight
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because mind you there was
already a very long history,
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over a decade of violence.
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So, I knew his triggers
and his facial emotions.
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So, I tightened up real quick.
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Well, he jumped up,
he grabbed me by the arm
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and he dragged me
out of that place.
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And I knew all the
way to the car that
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this was not gonna be good.
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We were approximately
five miles from the house,
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that five miles felt like 25,
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because the whole ride home
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I got my head
slammed into the dashboard.
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He was ripping at my
hair, screaming at me,
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telling me he knew that I
was making eyes at this guy
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that I didn't
even do anything to,
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all I said was, you
know, excuse me, sorry.
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Didn't mean to, you know,
be in your way or whatever.
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And when as he's pulling me
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and he's grabbing my head
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and he's slamming my
head into this dashboard,
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I could feel the seatbelt
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pulling and
pulling at my shoulder.
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And it was painful,
really, really super painful.
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So, I wasn't
hearing what he was saying.
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I wasn't seeing his expressions
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'cause I was
afraid to look at him.
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And each time it pulled,
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if my face didn't
reach towards the dashboard,
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he would grab
the side of my head
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and start bashing
it against the window.
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So, as this progressed
and we got close to the house,
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I knew I had to
get away from him.
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I just knew it.
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I was scared. I was frightened.
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I was just panicked.
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So, as he's doing all this,
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I'm trying to get
out of my seatbelt.
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And we had pulled
around the corner,
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close to my cul-de-sac
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and had got the seatbelt undone,
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I flew, I turned sideways.
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I kicked him as hard as I could.
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As hard as I
could and I jumped out
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and I ran, I ran
towards the house.
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I got into the house
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and I ran, I
locked all the doors
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and I ran
straight into my bedroom
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and my bathroom
shut and locked that door
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thinking I was safe.
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I thought I was safe.
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I thought I was safe
because I got away from him.
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But what I wasn't
thinking was he drove home.
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That meant he had
the keys to the house.
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And as that realization
hit me, I just started crying.
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I balled up into a corner
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between my toilet and my kitchen
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or my bathroom sink.
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And I sat there
waiting, frightened,
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and then I could
hear the shimming
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of the bathroom door.
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And I immediately panicked.
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I didn't know what to do.
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At this point he had
gotten into the bathroom
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and had dragged me
out throughout the house.
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I guess when I
jumped out of the car
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and when I kicked him
and I got away from him
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and jumped out of the car,
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I had kicked him in his
face and it had busted his nose.
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So, he had blood
all over his hands.
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He continued to
wipe blood on me,
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spit blood on me.
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He had me on the floor
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and he was beating
my head on our tiles.
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And he was
literally sitting on me,
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spitting blood on me.
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At that point, I
think I sort of blacked out.
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I don't remember much happening
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other than I heard my
daughter, Julie screaming,
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"Get off my
mom! Get off my mom!"
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And she's screaming.
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And she jumped on him
and she started hitting him
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in the back of his head.
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At this point, I
believe Julie was about 15 or 16
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and he jumped up
and he threw her.
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She ran out the door
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to the friend
that had drove her home
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because she had
been out with her friends
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and she dialed 911.
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And when the police arrived,
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I sat there and
I was just crying.
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I was scared, frightened.
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I don't remember much
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other than waking
up at the hospital.
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And thinking well, I
hope my daughter is okay.
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I hope my daughter is alive.
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At that point,
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I knew I had to
get away from him.
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He did go to jail.
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He ended up in jail
for quite some time.
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And the police
officers would come to me
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for an investigation
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because they had to
do an investigation.
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And they told me that
if I went back to him,
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they would take my kids.
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So, I chose my kids.
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Yes.
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I chose my kids.
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I didn't realize in that
time that I was with him,
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that I was sacrificing my kids
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to be with a man
that I thought loved me.
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That was my realization.
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All those years
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that was the one thing
that could have been said to me
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that I said, no, my
kids are more important.
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The very same
daughter that saved my life,
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three years ago
was murdered by a man
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that she was
dating for three months.
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She knew him four
and was dating him three.
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I felt the guilt.
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That was so horrible.
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Like this was the life
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that I led my daughter into.
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That I could have saved her
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by leaving my husband
at the time, much sooner.
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I could have saved her life
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by not teaching
her that it was okay
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for a man to talk down to you,
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that it was okay for a man
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to tell you what you
could wear or where you could go
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or who you could be.
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I taught her that it was
okay to be treated that way.
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That it's something
that I can never fix,
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but I can fix it
for other people.
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With my story
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and with other people's stories,
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my daughter's story,
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I can teach
people and show people
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that it is
something that can stop.
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The cycle can stop.
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And that's what I wanna do.
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I wanna teach young men,
women, men, women, children,
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that it's okay to walk away,
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that you can stand
on your own two feet.
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I don't ever want this
to happen to anybody else.
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And I don't ever
wanna see a mother
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that has to live
through losing a child
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because even after all
the abuse that I suffered,
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that is the one
thing I wish I could fix,
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was that my
daughter didn't suffer.
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I remember,
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you're so
courageous to tell your story.
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I really, really am so thankful
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for you being
here on Dare to Dream.
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I remember when I was
00:11:07.26\00:11:10.63
and I've never
really told this story.
00:11:10.67\00:11:12.30
Only my parents knew
and my oldest brother.
00:11:12.33\00:11:16.10
I was dating this young man
00:11:16.14\00:11:17.97
and I was working
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with some sports figures.
00:11:20.14\00:11:24.41
And he came into my
classroom and stopping by,
00:11:24.45\00:11:30.35
you know, I knew he
had a jealous attribute,
00:11:30.39\00:11:34.26
but I said, okay, you know,
you just ignore the red flags.
00:11:34.29\00:11:37.99
And the guys
were talking with me
00:11:38.03\00:11:41.26
and we were laughing.
00:11:41.30\00:11:42.63
I was teaching English class.
00:11:42.66\00:11:45.23
But these were
two sports figures
00:11:45.27\00:11:46.94
who had difficulty reading
00:11:46.97\00:11:48.47
and wanted to
develop their skills.
00:11:48.50\00:11:51.24
And he came in and I said,
00:11:51.27\00:11:53.01
can you all
excuse me for a second?
00:11:53.04\00:11:55.58
And I walked out. I said, hi.
00:11:55.61\00:11:57.81
He took his fist
and pulled it back
00:11:57.85\00:12:00.85
and punched me in my stomach.
00:12:00.88\00:12:03.12
"Don't you ever
embarrass me in front of anyone?
00:12:03.15\00:12:06.22
When I walk into your classroom,
00:12:06.25\00:12:08.22
you come out immediately.
00:12:08.26\00:12:10.13
Those guys can wait."
00:12:10.16\00:12:12.53
I couldn't even breathe.
00:12:12.56\00:12:13.96
I'm like, "What did I do?"
00:12:14.00\00:12:16.46
I didn't even, I
couldn't even fathom.
00:12:16.50\00:12:18.30
What did I do?
00:12:18.33\00:12:19.93
I called my father.
00:12:19.97\00:12:21.70
I called my brother
to come to the classroom.
00:12:21.74\00:12:24.87
The sports
figures got up and I said,
00:12:24.91\00:12:26.71
"No, because your
hands are legal weapons."
00:12:26.74\00:12:30.91
And he said,
00:12:30.95\00:12:32.28
"When I come back,
you better be ready to go.
00:12:32.31\00:12:34.85
And I'll follow you home."
00:12:34.88\00:12:37.02
My father and brother came
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and my father said,
00:12:39.49\00:12:40.82
"If you allow this
person in your life,
00:12:40.86\00:12:44.99
then it's going
to be a problem."
00:12:45.03\00:12:48.13
And so, when he came back,
00:12:48.16\00:12:49.76
my father and my
brother were there
00:12:49.80\00:12:51.73
and he said,
00:12:51.77\00:12:53.10
"Kim, you have
something to say."
00:12:53.13\00:12:55.10
My father didn't say it.
00:12:55.14\00:12:56.67
I had to say it.
00:12:56.71\00:12:58.04
And I said,
00:12:58.07\00:12:59.41
"I can no longer date you.
00:12:59.44\00:13:00.78
I can no longer see you.
00:13:00.81\00:13:02.71
Please do not come back
to my place of employment
00:13:02.74\00:13:05.31
or I will get a
restraining order."
00:13:05.35\00:13:07.65
At that moment, I
took my control back.
00:13:07.68\00:13:11.59
Yeah.
00:13:11.62\00:13:12.95
Because I could have said,
well, he just had a bad day.
00:13:12.99\00:13:15.32
He wasn't feeling
good or it was my fault.
00:13:15.36\00:13:20.06
I did something to
trigger his behavior.
00:13:20.10\00:13:23.26
And I promised myself
00:13:23.30\00:13:26.33
and I went to
the Lord in prayer.
00:13:26.37\00:13:28.04
I would never let
another man hit me
00:13:28.07\00:13:32.41
or disrespect me.
00:13:32.44\00:13:34.34
And when I began to date again,
00:13:34.38\00:13:38.65
if they raised their voice,
00:13:38.68\00:13:41.55
if they, one guy did
like this to the maitre d,
00:13:41.58\00:13:44.52
you, you, you
hear me calling you?
00:13:44.55\00:13:46.79
I eat my food and got I said,
00:13:46.82\00:13:48.76
thank you I had a
wonderful evening.
00:13:48.79\00:13:50.69
I watched the red flags.
00:13:50.73\00:13:52.86
And so, we as women and men,
00:13:52.89\00:13:56.46
because men are abused also.
00:13:56.50\00:13:58.00
Also.
00:13:58.03\00:13:59.37
Yup. Yes.
00:13:59.40\00:14:00.74
But it's not
reported statistically
00:14:00.77\00:14:02.10
because they are
a bit embarrassed,
00:14:02.14\00:14:03.47
they're ashamed.
00:14:03.51\00:14:05.24
Sure, let's talk
about surviving the battle
00:14:05.27\00:14:07.81
with the healing process?
00:14:07.84\00:14:09.44
How to be able to
find your wellness?
00:14:09.48\00:14:12.21
How did you find your wellness?
00:14:12.25\00:14:15.68
For the longest time I
was going through therapy,
00:14:15.72\00:14:20.46
like counseling,
psychologists, psychiatry.
00:14:20.49\00:14:23.66
And I started
going to this church
00:14:23.69\00:14:26.86
close to the home.
00:14:26.90\00:14:28.53
And I had met with another woman
00:14:28.56\00:14:30.97
who had gone through
some of the same things,
00:14:31.00\00:14:35.30
but I connected with her.
00:14:35.34\00:14:37.11
And then I
started surrounding myself
00:14:37.14\00:14:38.94
with really
positive, strong women.
00:14:38.97\00:14:42.28
And then I noticed myself
00:14:42.31\00:14:43.75
each day finding
something that I could do
00:14:43.78\00:14:46.92
to help other people
00:14:46.95\00:14:48.28
or something I could do
to make myself stronger.
00:14:48.32\00:14:51.79
I got a job.
00:14:51.82\00:14:53.19
A really good job
that is now a career.
00:14:53.22\00:14:55.26
Yes. What do you do?
00:14:55.29\00:14:56.62
I'm a dialysis tech.
00:14:56.66\00:14:58.13
Yes.
00:14:58.16\00:14:59.49
I was in college to be an RN.
00:14:59.53\00:15:00.90
And when I was
supposed to start my clinicals,
00:15:00.93\00:15:03.40
when my daughter was killed.
00:15:03.43\00:15:06.23
So, I dropped out.
00:15:06.27\00:15:07.60
You dropped out from.
00:15:07.64\00:15:08.97
What do you do on your job?
00:15:09.00\00:15:10.34
Can you explain to the viewers,
what is a dialysis tech?
00:15:10.37\00:15:12.87
A dialysis tech.
00:15:12.91\00:15:14.61
What do I not do?
00:15:14.64\00:15:16.95
I take care of
patients who have renal failure,
00:15:16.98\00:15:19.21
kidney failure.
00:15:19.25\00:15:20.65
And I do
everything for their care,
00:15:20.68\00:15:23.95
other than, you
know, administer meds.
00:15:23.99\00:15:25.99
All right.
00:15:26.02\00:15:27.36
Dialysis patients
don't have kidney functions.
00:15:27.39\00:15:29.19
So, we dialyze them
on an artificial kidney.
00:15:29.22\00:15:33.63
Yes.
00:15:33.66\00:15:35.46
And I love my patients.
00:15:35.50\00:15:36.83
You love them and
I know they love you.
00:15:36.87\00:15:38.20
I love my patients.
00:15:38.23\00:15:39.57
And that's how you came to be
00:15:39.60\00:15:40.94
at the Conant Gardens
Seventh-day Adventist Church.
00:15:40.97\00:15:42.50
Yes, ma'am.
00:15:42.54\00:15:43.87
One of the patients,
00:15:43.91\00:15:45.24
one of the members
there is your patient.
00:15:45.27\00:15:46.61
Yes, ma'am.
00:15:46.64\00:15:47.98
And I thank God
00:15:48.01\00:15:49.34
because Pat told
her story, Pat gives.
00:15:49.38\00:15:53.31
How else can women
going through this,
00:15:53.35\00:15:55.45
if they are in a
situation like this now,
00:15:55.48\00:15:58.02
and they're
viewing this program,
00:15:58.05\00:16:00.69
what can you say to them?
00:16:00.72\00:16:02.22
How do they get out?
00:16:02.26\00:16:03.73
I can't say it's gonna be easy.
00:16:03.76\00:16:05.33
It's definitely not
something that's easy.
00:16:05.36\00:16:08.03
They need to find
their inner strength.
00:16:08.06\00:16:09.53
Find that strength,
00:16:09.56\00:16:10.90
whatever it is that they
feel makes them stronger.
00:16:10.93\00:16:15.17
Connect with people,
00:16:15.20\00:16:16.77
connect with
people that love them.
00:16:16.81\00:16:18.67
Connect with family
00:16:18.71\00:16:20.34
that didn't know
what was going on
00:16:20.38\00:16:22.01
behind the scenes.
00:16:22.04\00:16:24.18
They need to protect themselves,
00:16:24.21\00:16:27.32
protect their lives.
00:16:27.35\00:16:30.09
It's definitely
not an easy road.
00:16:30.12\00:16:33.56
You know, statistically,
every six minutes,
00:16:33.59\00:16:35.39
every six seconds.
00:16:35.42\00:16:36.76
Every six seconds.
00:16:36.79\00:16:38.13
A woman is being abused
00:16:38.16\00:16:39.49
and, you know, grieving
the loss of your own life.
00:16:39.53\00:16:43.33
You lost so many
years of your life.
00:16:43.37\00:16:45.67
Let's touch on
that for a few seconds?
00:16:45.70\00:16:48.60
Trying to find my way back.
00:16:48.64\00:16:51.34
I had noticed that I
was getting depressed,
00:16:51.37\00:16:54.78
almost really hurt inside
00:16:54.81\00:16:57.38
that it was all
those years had gone by.
00:16:57.41\00:17:01.15
All those years had gone by
00:17:01.18\00:17:02.52
and I hadn't done
the things in life
00:17:02.55\00:17:05.39
that I thought I dreamed of
doing as a child growing up.
00:17:05.42\00:17:09.26
And I come from a good family.
00:17:09.29\00:17:10.93
My father was a good man.
00:17:10.96\00:17:13.40
So, why would I put
myself in that position?
00:17:13.43\00:17:16.43
Why would I put my life
on the line for a person
00:17:16.46\00:17:20.84
I thought loved me?
00:17:20.87\00:17:24.21
Young women need to
understand what love is.
00:17:24.24\00:17:28.68
Love is not
talking down to a person.
00:17:28.71\00:17:31.01
For man or a
woman in a relationship,
00:17:31.05\00:17:34.15
you don't degrade.
00:17:34.18\00:17:35.52
You don't take away your share.
00:17:35.55\00:17:37.89
Yes.
00:17:37.92\00:17:39.42
It's not my job
to take from a man
00:17:39.45\00:17:41.29
or a man's job to take from me.
00:17:41.32\00:17:42.79
Yes.
00:17:42.82\00:17:44.16
You share. Share and uplift.
00:17:44.19\00:17:45.99
And you uplift one another.
00:17:46.03\00:17:47.66
Yes. Yes.
00:17:47.70\00:17:49.40
And to me there will
never ever be a point in my life
00:17:49.43\00:17:53.10
where I will not make sure
00:17:53.13\00:17:55.60
I uplift anybody in
my life that I love.
00:17:55.64\00:17:58.21
Yes.
00:17:58.24\00:17:59.71
I wanna talk about
some of the reasons
00:17:59.74\00:18:01.71
why men and women stay
in these relationships.
00:18:01.74\00:18:05.38
And I was really...
00:18:05.41\00:18:08.42
When I was
preparing for my message
00:18:08.45\00:18:10.12
at the Conant Gardens
Seventh-day Adventist Church.
00:18:10.15\00:18:12.45
And see, we tend
not to deal with things
00:18:12.49\00:18:14.86
because it doesn't impact you.
00:18:14.89\00:18:16.22
Right.
00:18:16.26\00:18:17.59
And so, you know,
00:18:17.63\00:18:19.79
it was just really was shocking,
00:18:19.83\00:18:22.83
the statistics, the information,
00:18:22.86\00:18:25.00
all right, here we go.
00:18:25.03\00:18:26.40
Number one, I can't start over.
00:18:26.43\00:18:30.97
Number one.
00:18:31.01\00:18:32.34
Number two, I don't have
the finances or resources.
00:18:32.37\00:18:36.68
Where am I going to live?
00:18:36.71\00:18:38.15
How I take care of myself?
00:18:38.18\00:18:39.58
And if I have children.
00:18:39.61\00:18:41.78
Number three,
the honeymoon phase,
00:18:41.82\00:18:45.32
he was just having a bad day.
00:18:45.35\00:18:47.69
She apologized.
00:18:47.72\00:18:49.22
She did not mean it.
00:18:49.26\00:18:50.63
He didn't mean it.
00:18:50.66\00:18:51.99
We're good. We're good.
00:18:52.03\00:18:54.00
Okay.
00:18:54.03\00:18:55.36
Low self-esteem just destroyed.
00:18:55.40\00:18:58.87
Who's gonna ever love me.
00:18:58.90\00:19:00.37
You're no good, you're ugly.
00:19:00.40\00:19:02.14
No one is going to ever
want to be with you or love you.
00:19:02.17\00:19:05.77
You need to stay here with me.
00:19:05.81\00:19:08.54
The fear of being killed
00:19:08.58\00:19:10.55
within weeks of
leaving the abuser,
00:19:10.58\00:19:14.82
the woman or the man is killed
within weeks, within weeks.
00:19:14.85\00:19:18.99
Within weeks.
00:19:19.02\00:19:20.36
They are murdered. Murdered.
00:19:20.39\00:19:22.26
They're stalked and
then they're murdered.
00:19:22.29\00:19:24.16
Yeah.
00:19:24.19\00:19:25.53
So, we as a
community, 3ABN, Dare to Dream,
00:19:25.56\00:19:30.00
this is a way for
us to reach people
00:19:30.03\00:19:33.57
to say that
there's help out there
00:19:33.60\00:19:35.87
and then keeping the secrets.
00:19:35.90\00:19:37.61
Let's talk about
keeping the secret.
00:19:37.64\00:19:39.87
Yeah. Keeping the secret.
00:19:39.91\00:19:42.41
That's not hard to describe
00:19:42.44\00:19:43.85
because my father, my mother,
00:19:43.88\00:19:46.35
my sisters, siblings, no one,
00:19:46.38\00:19:49.08
no one knew about
what I was going through
00:19:49.12\00:19:50.59
in my home.
00:19:50.62\00:19:53.15
Not my neighbors.
00:19:53.19\00:19:55.52
Nobody.
00:19:55.56\00:19:56.89
I literally held it
00:19:56.93\00:19:58.96
as if we were this
perfect Brady Bunch family.
00:19:58.99\00:20:03.13
I held it inside of me
00:20:03.16\00:20:04.50
and the moment that it came out,
00:20:04.53\00:20:08.67
I almost felt like relief.
00:20:08.70\00:20:13.78
Yes.
00:20:13.81\00:20:15.34
Now, I can help other people.
00:20:15.38\00:20:19.48
Now, I can make sure that
00:20:19.51\00:20:22.62
there are no future women
00:20:22.65\00:20:27.59
that have to
fight their way back.
00:20:27.62\00:20:30.76
And if I help just one
00:20:30.79\00:20:33.33
that I feel like I'm succeeding.
00:20:33.36\00:20:35.13
Yes.
00:20:35.16\00:20:36.50
There's a song that
says, if I can help somebody,
00:20:36.53\00:20:39.27
then my living
shall not be in vain.
00:20:39.30\00:20:42.10
Absolutely. I
remember having a client.
00:20:42.14\00:20:45.21
She came in with her husband.
00:20:45.24\00:20:46.64
He was totally
against the therapy
00:20:46.68\00:20:49.08
and I brought her in.
00:20:49.11\00:20:50.55
He said, I'll come in with her.
00:20:50.58\00:20:52.78
And I said, all right.
00:20:52.81\00:20:54.15
And she says, okay, Dr.
Logan, she couldn't really talk.
00:20:54.18\00:20:57.22
She couldn't say anything.
00:20:57.25\00:20:59.25
And he was like
this the whole time.
00:20:59.29\00:21:01.69
Yeah.
00:21:01.72\00:21:03.06
You know, you could just,
and he would look at her like,
00:21:03.09\00:21:04.96
if you say anything,
00:21:04.99\00:21:06.80
but he had to come
because she had filed charges.
00:21:06.83\00:21:10.50
But what the problem was
00:21:10.53\00:21:12.57
the women or the
men won't press charges
00:21:12.60\00:21:15.57
or they drop the charges.
00:21:15.60\00:21:17.67
Again is that all
a part of the fear,
00:21:17.71\00:21:19.67
the self-esteem,
00:21:19.71\00:21:21.08
why drop the charges?
00:21:21.11\00:21:22.91
It is.
00:21:22.94\00:21:24.28
And several times
00:21:24.31\00:21:25.65
I dropped charges against my ex
00:21:25.68\00:21:27.88
and I'm not
talking once or twice.
00:21:27.92\00:21:29.82
Talking about
six or seven times.
00:21:29.85\00:21:32.59
The last time I
didn't have a choice.
00:21:32.62\00:21:35.52
In Michigan now
the state takes over.
00:21:35.56\00:21:39.06
There's an investigation.
00:21:39.09\00:21:41.10
The state presses charges,
00:21:41.13\00:21:42.93
the female can choose
00:21:42.96\00:21:44.33
not to testify
against the person
00:21:44.37\00:21:46.74
or the male can refuse to
testify against the female.
00:21:46.77\00:21:50.81
But the state takes over.
00:21:50.84\00:21:52.17
There'll be
charges no matter what,
00:21:52.21\00:21:53.64
how extent full
those charges will be
00:21:53.68\00:21:56.71
relies on the
testimony of the abused.
00:21:56.75\00:22:00.88
But the state
does take over now.
00:22:00.92\00:22:03.49
The hard part about that too,
00:22:03.52\00:22:06.02
is most times
00:22:06.05\00:22:08.22
you have to
literally be beaten before
00:22:08.26\00:22:13.83
the police will
go after the abuser.
00:22:13.86\00:22:17.93
You can say that
a person abused you,
00:22:17.97\00:22:20.47
but with spouse
abuse of any form,
00:22:20.50\00:22:24.17
it's hard to prove
00:22:24.21\00:22:26.34
because if the police
arrive and one person's hurt
00:22:26.37\00:22:30.58
and the other person's hurt,
00:22:30.61\00:22:32.48
and the one person
says it was him that did it.
00:22:32.51\00:22:35.02
Or he says, no, it
was her that did it.
00:22:35.05\00:22:37.49
Whose side do they pick?
00:22:37.52\00:22:40.22
My girlfriend, she was arrested.
00:22:40.26\00:22:42.99
Her husband was
beating her constantly.
00:22:43.02\00:22:45.49
And I used to go
visit them all the time.
00:22:45.53\00:22:48.10
And all of a sudden
I couldn't go visit.
00:22:48.13\00:22:50.13
I couldn't call her.
00:22:50.17\00:22:51.77
He would answer her cell phone.
00:22:51.80\00:22:53.87
So, one day she
slipped me a note.
00:22:53.90\00:22:57.37
We were, I don't
think it was at church.
00:22:57.41\00:22:59.31
We were somewhere.
00:22:59.34\00:23:00.74
She sent me a note
00:23:00.78\00:23:02.11
and she said,
"I'm being abused."
00:23:02.14\00:23:05.41
And so, I called an attorney
00:23:05.45\00:23:10.59
and she told me
what I needed to do.
00:23:10.62\00:23:13.15
And so, we went to her
home knocked on the door,
00:23:13.19\00:23:17.43
this particular day,
00:23:17.46\00:23:19.26
she was beaten so bad,
00:23:19.29\00:23:21.46
but the police arrested her
00:23:21.50\00:23:24.20
because she had a
weapon in her hand.
00:23:24.23\00:23:26.87
Self-defense
00:23:26.90\00:23:29.17
and she was in jail 30 days,
00:23:29.20\00:23:32.57
you know, and it's like,
if I stand up for myself,
00:23:32.61\00:23:36.81
you know, I'm gonna be arrested.
00:23:36.85\00:23:38.91
If I don't stand up
for myself, I'm killed.
00:23:38.95\00:23:41.68
Do I literally have to
be laying in a hospital bed
00:23:41.72\00:23:44.09
with tubes in my body,
00:23:44.12\00:23:45.89
and for you to
say, go arrest him.
00:23:45.92\00:23:49.32
You know, or
something like that.
00:23:49.36\00:23:50.69
I mean, women and
men are throwing bleach.
00:23:50.73\00:23:53.29
Can you imagine bleach
being thrown in your face?
00:23:53.33\00:23:56.60
You know, being
attacked by a knife
00:23:56.63\00:24:00.70
and stabbed
many, many, many times.
00:24:00.74\00:24:04.41
The man that killed
your daughter, Julie,
00:24:04.44\00:24:07.51
did he serve any time?
00:24:07.54\00:24:10.21
Six months.
00:24:10.25\00:24:12.01
Six months for
murdering your daughter?
00:24:12.05\00:24:14.22
Six months.
00:24:14.25\00:24:15.58
And he wasn't
arrested on the scene.
00:24:15.62\00:24:19.02
And what was the reason?
00:24:19.05\00:24:21.36
My daughter wasn't
there to tell the story.
00:24:21.39\00:24:23.12
Tell us where your
daughter was found?
00:24:28.00\00:24:30.07
She was found
laying on her front lawn
00:24:30.10\00:24:33.10
with a blanket over her.
00:24:33.13\00:24:35.77
They had to revive her.
00:24:35.80\00:24:37.77
The EMS guy revived her.
00:24:37.81\00:24:39.14
And when he did
00:24:39.17\00:24:41.58
her last words were,
00:24:41.61\00:24:42.94
"Help me, I'm dying."
00:24:42.98\00:24:45.58
That was the last
word she ever spoke.
00:24:45.61\00:24:49.85
So, sorry, Cheryl.
00:24:49.88\00:24:52.02
I'm so sorry.
00:24:52.05\00:24:54.52
Your precious baby.
00:24:54.56\00:24:57.83
That was the last
word she ever spoke.
00:24:57.86\00:25:00.06
She reached out to
you through a text.
00:25:00.10\00:25:02.23
Yeah. What did that text say?
00:25:02.26\00:25:04.17
Her text said, "Mama
have to get rid of him."
00:25:04.20\00:25:07.44
I said, "Julie, are you okay?"
00:25:07.47\00:25:09.60
She said, "No, but I
can't talk right now."
00:25:09.64\00:25:12.54
And that was the last
communication you received?
00:25:12.57\00:25:15.04
That was the last communication
I had received through texts.
00:25:15.08\00:25:18.55
There was a
phone call the day off,
00:25:18.58\00:25:21.98
and she had
called me and she said,
00:25:22.02\00:25:24.29
I said, "I have to work late.
00:25:24.32\00:25:25.65
So, I'm not gonna
be able to meet up
00:25:25.69\00:25:27.02
with you guys tonight."
00:25:27.06\00:25:29.09
And she said, "Mom,
you always do this."
00:25:29.12\00:25:31.59
I said, "I know, I'm
sorry. I'm stuck at work,"
00:25:31.63\00:25:33.46
'cause in dialysis,
your days can be really long.
00:25:33.50\00:25:35.76
Yes.
00:25:35.80\00:25:37.13
And she goes,
00:25:37.17\00:25:38.50
"I understand mom.
It's okay. I love you."
00:25:38.53\00:25:41.54
And she was killed that night?
00:25:41.57\00:25:43.07
That night.
00:25:43.10\00:25:44.97
How did you get the
call? Who called you?
00:25:45.01\00:25:47.34
It was 8:08 on Sunday morning.
00:25:47.38\00:25:50.71
You remember the time?
00:25:50.75\00:25:52.08
Yeah. 8:08.
00:25:52.11\00:25:54.15
I looked up at my clock
and my phone was ringing
00:25:54.18\00:25:55.98
and I hurried up and grabbed it.
00:25:56.02\00:25:57.89
And it was a family member.
00:25:57.92\00:26:00.06
He said, "You have to get
to McLaren Hospital right now.
00:26:00.09\00:26:04.06
Julie's in ICU."
00:26:04.09\00:26:06.53
And I felt it at that moment.
00:26:06.56\00:26:08.30
At that moment, I
knew what happened
00:26:08.33\00:26:10.77
and I knew she was gone.
00:26:10.80\00:26:12.60
She was already gone.
00:26:12.63\00:26:13.97
She was already gone.
00:26:14.00\00:26:15.34
In our last few seconds
00:26:18.14\00:26:21.24
help somebody,
00:26:21.28\00:26:22.98
give them a word
of encouragement?
00:26:23.01\00:26:24.38
Be who you are.
00:26:27.55\00:26:29.15
Find your inner strength,
00:26:29.18\00:26:31.75
find your strength or spirit.
00:26:31.79\00:26:36.32
Know that there are
people that love you.
00:26:36.36\00:26:38.66
That's so key.
00:26:38.69\00:26:40.56
Know that there are
people who love you and care.
00:26:40.60\00:26:42.70
Yes.
00:26:42.73\00:26:45.20
Well, I just want to say
how much I appreciate you.
00:26:45.23\00:26:49.30
I love you with all my heart.
00:26:49.34\00:26:52.31
I'm gonna pray
for you right now.
00:26:52.34\00:26:53.91
Can we do that?
Yes, ma'am, of course.
00:26:53.94\00:26:56.14
Our dear most
gracious kind, Heavenly Father,
00:26:56.18\00:26:58.21
we thank You for the opportunity
00:26:58.25\00:27:00.52
to have life.
00:27:00.55\00:27:01.95
Thank you for
spearing Cheryl's life.
00:27:01.98\00:27:04.15
And now she's a
testament to You and for others.
00:27:04.19\00:27:08.52
Continue to protect her
00:27:08.56\00:27:09.89
and bring healing
to she and her family.
00:27:09.92\00:27:12.13
And, Father, we thank You, Lord,
00:27:12.16\00:27:13.83
for the life and
time she had with Julie.
00:27:13.86\00:27:17.13
Now be with her,
00:27:17.17\00:27:18.50
continue to give her
strength on her job, her home,
00:27:18.53\00:27:21.04
in the community
00:27:21.07\00:27:22.40
to save others, in Jesus' name.
00:27:22.44\00:27:24.61
Amen. Amen.
00:27:24.64\00:27:27.01
It's important
for us to recognize
00:27:27.04\00:27:28.58
that domestic violence is real,
00:27:28.61\00:27:30.65
mental, verbal, psychological,
00:27:30.68\00:27:33.98
emotional, it's all there.
00:27:34.02\00:27:36.35
Physical, sexual,
human trafficking.
00:27:36.38\00:27:39.29
Do your
research, do your homework.
00:27:39.32\00:27:41.19
Know where your children are.
00:27:41.22\00:27:43.09
Be mindful and make sure
00:27:43.12\00:27:45.86
that you just don't
ignore the red flags,
00:27:45.89\00:27:48.43
never ignore the red flags.
00:27:48.46\00:27:50.73
And it could save your life.
00:27:50.77\00:27:54.34
I'm here because I
want you to live to be well.
00:27:54.37\00:27:58.54
Live to be well,
00:27:58.57\00:28:00.24
I'm Dr. Kim Logan-Nowlin.
00:28:00.28\00:28:02.28
Let's end it now,
domestic violence.
00:28:02.31\00:28:05.18
God bless.
00:28:05.21\00:28:06.55