The following
program features real clients
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discussing sensitive issues.
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The views and opinions
expressed in this program
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don't necessarily reflect
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that of 3ABN's
Dare to Dream Network.
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Viewer discretion is advised.
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Hi, I'm Dr. Kim Logan Nowlin,
and welcome to Live to be Well.
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I want to
welcome my special guest,
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Darryl Davidson.
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How are doing, Darryl?
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I'm doing all
right. How are you?
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Good.
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When you hear the
words Live To Be Well,
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what comes to mind?
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Excitement, happiness,
joy, creative thinking.
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A peace of mind?
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Definitely, a peace of mind.
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Yes.
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You reached out
and you called me
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for an appointment?
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Correct. Why did
you reach out to me?
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I was having breakdowns
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that I truly
couldn't understand.
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And I talked to a
good friend of mine
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who actually recommended you,
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And said that you helped
him through a lot of things
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that he was going through.
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And I thought to
myself for a while,
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because he gave me your number
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about weeks before
I even contacted you.
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I thought it took a
minute for you to call me.
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It took a minute.
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But it finally came down.
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I had one break down at work too
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where I had to leave
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and he was like,
bro, just called in.
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So, I asked God to guide
my hands and I called you.
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And so, it was
basically to help me understand
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where these
breakdowns were coming from.
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I see.
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Because really, you know,
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everyone does
not live to be well.
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No.
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You know, I think
about why I as a clinician,
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my impact in people's lives.
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And I remember you
walking through the door,
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I said, you know,
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this great looking
guy and well dressed.
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I said, "Why are you here?"
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But we can't judge
a book by its cover.
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Absolutely not.
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And when you sat down
with me and then started to,
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you know, even break down,
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you cried in that first session.
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I did.
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You know, and
it doesn't make you
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less of a man or a woman.
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God gave us tears to release.
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So let's talk
about your mental health.
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Can we go back
to your childhood?
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Absolutely.
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I believe my depression
started when I was a kid.
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I wouldn't say it was so
much of like abuse or bullying.
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It was more mentally,
because I was a book nerd.
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I was one of them kids
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that didn't
really play in the dirt
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or go follow the big
guys to work on cars.
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And as they call
them grease monkeys,
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I wasn't one of those.
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I was more of a sports nerd.
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Okay.
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So I will read in my books
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and try to learn
as much as about,
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because I had a
fascination with computers
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at a very young age.
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Really? Yeah.
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Okay.
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So my first
interaction with a computer
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was my grandmother not
remembering her password
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and I was able to
crack her password for her.
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Okay.
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So that led me into reading
more books about computers.
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And when I wasn't reading,
I was playing basketball.
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Okay.
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So a lot of the
things was you soft
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because I don't play with cars
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or the trunk of
trucks and worked on cars
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and things like that.
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The myths.
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Yeah.
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So that kind of gave me a
little thing about myself,
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little insecurity
about myself to figure out
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why I wasn't like everybody else
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in the neighborhood.
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So this started
impacting your self-esteem
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in a very early age?
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Absolutely.
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You know, when
we were coming out,
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we didn't know what
low self-esteem was.
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We didn't talk
about substance abuse.
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We didn't talk
about mental health.
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We didn't hear those
terms even in the church.
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And as I got older and older,
I began to see mental health,
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but I still didn't
know what mental health
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was until I began
to start studying it
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in my professional choice.
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So as you got older, you know,
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were you getting
impacted by peer pressure?
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For me, yes,
because in my neighborhood
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there were three guys that were,
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they call it
basketball phenomenals.
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One of them was a guy
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that I looked up to really well.
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He was a
neighborhood friend of mine.
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His name was Sidney Mitchell.
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He actually ended up
dying before it was time.
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He was still a
senior in high school,
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but the way he took me under
his wing to play basketball,
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I was considered the
next Sidney Mitchell.
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Who's had big time
scouts come to the city.
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So before I was even a
freshman in high school,
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it was, he going to
be this, he going to be
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that, it was just that pressure
of being the next person.
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Were you had that
height on you at that time?
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No.
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Actually I didn't.
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I didn't get my
height until I wanna say
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my freshman year of high school.
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So you had the growth spur?
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I have, I had an over summer
growth spur as they call it,
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but I was, I always can jump.
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So I was dunking
in the eighth grade.
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So it was like, I was really big
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when it came to basketball.
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So instantly you
have family members,
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oh, he is going
to get me a house.
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He is going to buy this.
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He is going to buy that.
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The peer pressure of that alone,
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especially for a
kid, a young black kid.
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Because when
you think of sports,
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you think of these
young black athletes
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and instantly becoming famous
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and have to take care
of their whole family.
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And their entourage.
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All right.
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It's overwhelming.
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Absolutely. So...
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So you were
getting those pressures
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even before you even
started the ninth grade?
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Correct.
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So when that started happening,
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it's like, I
mean, I lived up to it.
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I played my
hardest and everything,
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but when you have
that type of pressure,
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it bothers you on the
inside because it's like, is it,
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are they there
actually cheering for me
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or are they just cheering
for the money they think
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that I'm going to make.
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So you
recognized that your grades
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were still important though?
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Yeah. My grades,
I was a 4.0 student
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All the way through?
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All the way through high school.
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All the way through high school?
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All the way
through high school. So.
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I graduated with a 4.12.
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You better, there's a 4 point,
I knew it was a 4.4, 5, 6.
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So you used to have
straight A's and A pluses.
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Yes.
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So in that you
went on to college?
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Correct.
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And what was your major?
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Not technically,
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No?
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So I had a scare in high school
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to where I thought I
tore my knee, but I didn't.
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Okay.
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So around my junior year
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is when I really started getting
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those schools that I wanted to.
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My dream school of
choice was always UCLA.
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Powerhouse basketball,
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great computer science division.
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And my senior year,
my high school coach
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kind of threw it away for me.
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Because he started
asking those types of questions.
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Well, if you're
signed, can I come along?
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Oh, I see.
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So that started to deter them
from me becoming back to me.
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So eventually I got
a red shirt scholarship
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from Austin Peay State
University down in Tennessee.
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What's a red
shirt? What is that?
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So red shirt means that you're
not on a full scholarship.
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You have to pretty much
sit out and prove yourself
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that first year.
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Really?
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Yeah, it, it's
hard, but it wasn't for me
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because I knew
what I was capable of.
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Okay.
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But my mother didn't
want me to leave the state.
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She didn't want
you to leave Michigan?
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She didn't want
me to leave Michigan.
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Okay.
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So that was kind of rough.
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So I went to Wayne
County Community College
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but I didn't
stay in the semester
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because I was so sad I was.
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At this time, I
didn't know I was depressed.
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You didn't even
recognize... I didn't even...
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There was
something you didn't know.
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I didn't know what it was.
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It was always just
suck it up and keep going.
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So I ended up just
doing a semester there.
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It was crazy as my
uncle was the coach.
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He was the coach.
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He was the coach and he
knew something was wrong.
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So he actually
let me like, nope,
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go ahead and
take the semester off.
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He didn't
pressure me to do anything.
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I didn't get back
into college until,
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I mean, let me get,
let me, let me say this.
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I went off and on,
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took class here,
took class there,
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but I really didn't
get focused on college
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until 2008.
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2008 is when I really
started going back full time.
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Yes.
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And in that time I
graduated, I finished.
00:08:50.96\00:08:54.83
Once I finally declared a major
at WC3, I finished in 2013,
00:08:54.86\00:08:59.50
transferred over to university,
Detroit Mercy for scholarship,
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graduated there with my BS
00:09:03.67\00:09:05.47
in computer information systems.
00:09:05.51\00:09:07.58
And then my
mentor there talked me
00:09:07.61\00:09:09.64
into doing the fast program,
00:09:09.68\00:09:11.25
which is getting your bachelor's
00:09:11.28\00:09:12.68
and your
master's at the same time.
00:09:12.71\00:09:15.62
So I ended up getting my
master's the following year.
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What?
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In intelligent analysis. Wow.
00:09:20.42\00:09:22.16
So what is intelligent analysis?
00:09:22.19\00:09:24.53
I mean, it sounds so huge.
00:09:24.56\00:09:26.66
What is that?
00:09:26.70\00:09:28.03
In a broad
spectrum, it's cyber security.
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It's computer science on drugs.
00:09:31.37\00:09:33.34
Meaning that it's cyber
security looking for hackers,
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looking for people who try
to hack into government files,
00:09:37.54\00:09:42.68
research and development,
00:09:42.71\00:09:44.71
looking at the broad
spectrum of things with drones.
00:09:44.75\00:09:47.75
So like having a
drone fly over the city
00:09:47.78\00:09:50.29
and point out the
weak spots in the city
00:09:50.32\00:09:52.75
to where say a
terrorist attack will happen
00:09:52.79\00:09:55.72
or a violent gang can
take over that control.
00:09:55.76\00:09:59.63
We will be able to see
00:09:59.66\00:10:01.00
that and use our
analysis to figure out
00:10:01.03\00:10:03.70
how we can stop that
00:10:03.73\00:10:05.50
from even
happening before it happens.
00:10:05.53\00:10:07.34
Is that right?
00:10:07.37\00:10:08.70
Yeah, it was Terrorist attacks?
00:10:08.74\00:10:10.07
Terrorist attacks, gang attacks.
00:10:10.11\00:10:12.84
All of that?
Broad spectrum. Yes.
00:10:12.87\00:10:14.84
I remember the bombing at the...
00:10:14.88\00:10:19.31
What was that in
Boston, the marathon?
00:10:19.35\00:10:20.95
The Boston bombing?
00:10:20.98\00:10:22.32
Yeah.
00:10:22.35\00:10:23.69
We actually had to
do a research project
00:10:23.72\00:10:25.05
on that to see how we
would have been able to stop it
00:10:25.09\00:10:27.96
if we would had the
technology that we have now,
00:10:27.99\00:10:31.83
using the
technology we would have,
00:10:31.86\00:10:33.19
we have now it was,
the project was to see
00:10:33.23\00:10:35.43
if we can stop the
bombing from happening.
00:10:35.46\00:10:38.23
And with the
technology that we have today,
00:10:38.27\00:10:41.47
we absolutely could have
stopped it from happening,
00:10:41.50\00:10:43.91
because you have the
drones, you have the cameras,
00:10:43.94\00:10:46.04
you have the angles to
where you can see things
00:10:46.07\00:10:48.74
from a different spectrum.
00:10:48.78\00:10:50.38
So let me ask you this.
00:10:50.41\00:10:51.75
So your depression, you
know, were you still dealing
00:10:51.78\00:10:55.18
with bouts of depression?
00:10:55.22\00:10:56.99
Here you are, you
got your bachelor's,
00:10:57.02\00:10:58.35
you got your master's,
00:10:58.39\00:11:00.16
were you still
dealing with sadness
00:11:00.19\00:11:02.22
and of crying spells?
00:11:02.26\00:11:03.59
Absolutely.
00:11:03.63\00:11:04.96
Insomnia? Absolutely.
00:11:04.99\00:11:06.43
But you still
did not address it?
00:11:06.46\00:11:08.50
Because you know, growing up
as a black guy, a black male,
00:11:08.53\00:11:13.07
you hear, it ain't
depression, suck it up.
00:11:13.10\00:11:16.81
You just quit
being weak, be stronger.
00:11:16.84\00:11:19.51
You just, that's just,
00:11:19.54\00:11:20.88
just your mind
playing tricks on you.
00:11:20.91\00:11:22.24
We don't believe in depression.
00:11:22.28\00:11:23.85
You know, that's all we hear.
00:11:23.88\00:11:25.45
They don't understand
00:11:25.48\00:11:27.28
that depression
is actually real.
00:11:27.32\00:11:29.65
It's very real.
00:11:29.68\00:11:31.02
It's very real.
00:11:31.05\00:11:32.39
And I think that
was one of the things
00:11:32.42\00:11:34.39
that my father went through
00:11:34.42\00:11:36.83
before he ended up
eventually committed suicide.
00:11:36.86\00:11:40.40
Your father committed suicide?
00:11:40.43\00:11:41.76
My father committed suicide,
00:11:41.80\00:11:43.33
my ninth grade
year of high school.
00:11:43.37\00:11:44.97
I'm so sorry to hear that.
00:11:45.00\00:11:46.33
So it was rough,
00:11:46.37\00:11:47.70
but that, I
believe that would trigger.
00:11:47.74\00:11:50.17
That was a part of my trigger.
00:11:50.21\00:11:51.74
Of course.
00:11:51.77\00:11:53.11
Because we had
really just reconnected
00:11:53.14\00:11:56.21
and getting to know each other.
00:11:56.24\00:11:57.81
And in that same year of
us reconnecting and getting,
00:11:57.85\00:12:00.95
knowing each other, it happened.
00:12:00.98\00:12:02.98
So it was really hard.
00:12:03.02\00:12:04.99
My first year of high
school was really difficult.
00:12:05.02\00:12:08.16
I can only imagine.
00:12:08.19\00:12:09.52
I still got the
grades that I need to get.
00:12:09.56\00:12:13.19
But it was times
where I would skip school.
00:12:13.23\00:12:15.03
No.
00:12:15.06\00:12:16.40
Oh, yeah.
00:12:16.43\00:12:17.77
It was times where my
mother would drop me off
00:12:17.80\00:12:19.33
at the front door
and I'll be in her home
00:12:19.37\00:12:22.17
because I did
came out the back door.
00:12:22.20\00:12:23.54
Oh, my goodness.
00:12:23.57\00:12:24.91
And they called her
up to the school one day
00:12:24.94\00:12:26.41
and asked her, why
doesn't he like school?
00:12:26.44\00:12:29.31
She was like, what do you mean?
00:12:29.34\00:12:31.01
He's not here, but
he has straight A's
00:12:31.05\00:12:34.25
on everything in here.
00:12:34.28\00:12:36.38
She's like, how's that possible?
00:12:36.42\00:12:38.15
He don't study for tests.
00:12:38.19\00:12:39.52
He come in, he takes his test.
00:12:39.55\00:12:40.89
He has to go to the
bathroom and he leaves.
00:12:40.92\00:12:42.29
What?
00:12:42.32\00:12:43.66
And that would be your routine?
00:12:43.69\00:12:45.03
That will be my routine.
00:12:45.06\00:12:46.39
Didn't they had
school counselors?
00:12:46.43\00:12:47.76
So that was never
recommended by your counselor
00:12:47.80\00:12:51.53
to see a
therapist at the school?
00:12:51.57\00:12:53.87
When you don't know?
00:12:53.90\00:12:55.60
When you don't know,
00:12:55.64\00:12:56.97
you don't know
how to address it.
00:12:57.01\00:12:58.34
You don't know how to go at it.
00:12:58.37\00:12:59.71
You don't know how to attack it.
00:12:59.74\00:13:01.08
Okay.
00:13:01.11\00:13:02.44
And that's the thing
that I love about you
00:13:02.48\00:13:04.18
is because, coming
to you first day out,
00:13:04.21\00:13:08.15
the first question
out of the box, why?
00:13:08.18\00:13:10.95
Why?
00:13:10.99\00:13:12.32
Is this all right.
00:13:12.35\00:13:13.69
You did.
00:13:13.72\00:13:15.06
I had to sit back and say, okay,
00:13:15.09\00:13:16.42
this is going to
take about 15, 20 minutes.
00:13:16.46\00:13:18.69
I think he went through
three boxes of my tissue.
00:13:18.73\00:13:20.80
All right.
00:13:20.83\00:13:22.16
And you just, you
couldn't even speak,
00:13:22.20\00:13:24.83
you couldn't even talk.
00:13:24.87\00:13:26.20
And I sat back, I put
my pen down and I said,
00:13:26.23\00:13:29.50
it's all right, take your time.
00:13:29.54\00:13:31.31
And I'd never
heard those words before.
00:13:31.34\00:13:34.28
I never heard
those words before.
00:13:34.31\00:13:35.94
And I've never really
cried like that before.
00:13:35.98\00:13:38.71
I always was told to
suck it in, hold it back.
00:13:38.75\00:13:41.72
And when you do that and
you put stuff on the back burner
00:13:41.75\00:13:45.82
and bury it so much,
00:13:45.85\00:13:48.22
eventually it starts
attacking you from the inside.
00:13:48.26\00:13:49.76
Yeah.
00:13:49.79\00:13:51.13
That masking.
We call it masking.
00:13:51.16\00:13:52.49
I call it a facade.
00:13:52.53\00:13:53.86
Facade? Yes.
00:13:53.90\00:13:55.23
I had a conversation
00:13:55.26\00:13:56.60
with a great
friend of mine yesterday
00:13:56.63\00:13:58.60
and she was like,
00:13:58.63\00:14:00.40
"Boy, you ain't
dealing with no depression.
00:14:00.44\00:14:02.10
I see you
laughing. I see you joking.
00:14:02.14\00:14:04.21
You helped me get a job
00:14:04.24\00:14:05.87
by doing a whole
oral presentation for me."
00:14:05.91\00:14:08.71
I said, "It's a facade."
00:14:08.74\00:14:10.08
It's a facade.
00:14:10.11\00:14:11.45
I can do that for other people,
00:14:11.48\00:14:12.81
but I can't do that for myself.
00:14:12.85\00:14:14.18
That's right.
00:14:14.22\00:14:15.55
And she was like,
"Well, what triggers it?"
00:14:15.58\00:14:16.92
I said, "I don't know.
00:14:16.95\00:14:18.29
That's why I seek
professional help."
00:14:18.32\00:14:20.29
And I believe being with
you and going through this,
00:14:20.32\00:14:24.73
I believe that if we tell,
00:14:24.76\00:14:28.30
well, we are
tackling the right way.
00:14:28.33\00:14:29.66
Yes.
00:14:29.70\00:14:31.03
But it will definitely lead me
to understand what my triggers
00:14:31.07\00:14:33.34
are, what puts me
in those positions
00:14:33.37\00:14:36.37
and how I will be
able to control it
00:14:36.40\00:14:38.37
once we get to that level.
00:14:38.41\00:14:40.64
And that's why we
do testing assessment.
00:14:40.68\00:14:42.88
But you know, what
was your impression
00:14:42.91\00:14:45.11
when you came in I
asked you, would it be
00:14:45.15\00:14:47.65
all right to have prayer?
00:14:47.68\00:14:49.02
I always ask.
00:14:49.05\00:14:50.39
What was your first
impression when I said that?
00:14:50.42\00:14:51.75
It's crazy
because, a couple of things
00:14:54.59\00:14:56.59
went through my mind.
00:14:56.62\00:14:58.13
The first thing that came
to my mind was like, okay,
00:14:58.16\00:15:01.26
is it going to be one of them?
00:15:01.30\00:15:02.80
One of them what?
00:15:02.83\00:15:04.17
So most people who
claim to be counselors,
00:15:04.20\00:15:09.57
they just hit
you with Bible verse
00:15:09.60\00:15:11.67
after Bible verse,
00:15:11.71\00:15:13.04
after scripture after scripture,
00:15:13.07\00:15:14.78
and then tell you,
okay, you're going to be okay.
00:15:14.81\00:15:17.88
So, but the way you
went at it, it was different.
00:15:17.91\00:15:21.58
For some reason, it
gave me a little hope.
00:15:21.62\00:15:24.55
Like, okay, maybe this will work
00:15:24.59\00:15:26.45
because you didn't come
at it with a scripture first
00:15:26.49\00:15:30.16
and then say, let's pray.
00:15:30.19\00:15:31.53
You said let's pray.
00:15:31.56\00:15:33.53
And when you were
praying, I was listening to you.
00:15:33.56\00:15:36.73
And the words that stuck to me
00:15:36.77\00:15:38.63
was let's find a way to guide
Darryl through this problem.
00:15:38.67\00:15:42.87
It wasn't...
Let's be successful.
00:15:42.90\00:15:46.44
Let's do this.
00:15:46.47\00:15:47.81
Let's, no, it
was, let's help him,
00:15:47.84\00:15:50.15
guide him through this problem.
00:15:50.18\00:15:52.45
You will speak like, I felt like
00:15:52.48\00:15:54.55
you were speaking for me.
00:15:54.58\00:15:55.92
Yes.
00:15:55.95\00:15:57.29
And that's what made me even
more comfortable to do that.
00:15:57.32\00:16:00.02
You know, this is what
we call intercessory prayer.
00:16:00.06\00:16:02.72
We pray for people
who may be away from us.
00:16:02.76\00:16:06.13
They could be living in
another state or country
00:16:06.16\00:16:08.33
or right there in the same room.
00:16:08.36\00:16:10.80
And I know that God
guides everything I try to do
00:16:10.83\00:16:15.57
because I personally as a human,
00:16:15.60\00:16:17.84
I would do more damage.
00:16:17.87\00:16:19.21
But with the
guidance of the Holy Spirit,
00:16:19.24\00:16:21.71
He allows me and I
have to listen to God.
00:16:21.74\00:16:24.38
And then you remember,
00:16:24.41\00:16:26.38
I got your folder
from Ms. Anderson.
00:16:26.41\00:16:28.68
I said, I'll be right with you.
00:16:28.72\00:16:30.05
I went in the back.
00:16:30.09\00:16:31.42
You know what I did
when I went in the back?
00:16:31.45\00:16:32.79
What is that?
00:16:32.82\00:16:34.16
I prayed over it. Wow.
00:16:34.19\00:16:35.52
Because I said, now, God,
00:16:35.56\00:16:36.89
you know him way
better than I do.
00:16:36.93\00:16:38.79
I have no idea
what's going to happen here,
00:16:38.83\00:16:42.26
but please, Lord, help me
00:16:42.30\00:16:44.30
so that I could be Your conduit.
00:16:44.33\00:16:45.67
I could be Your vessel.
00:16:45.70\00:16:47.04
Because isn't that what
we're here to do to be a vessel.
00:16:47.07\00:16:49.90
So now let's go
back to depression.
00:16:49.94\00:16:52.04
Okay.
00:16:52.07\00:16:53.48
I know you had crying spells,
insomnia, you couldn't sleep.
00:16:53.51\00:16:57.78
You lost your appetite.
00:16:57.81\00:16:59.15
You were losing weight.
00:16:59.18\00:17:00.98
I was very concerned
about, I would call you.
00:17:01.02\00:17:04.02
And when you texted me, I
knew to call you immediately.
00:17:04.05\00:17:06.86
Did you ever have
any thoughts of suicide?
00:17:06.89\00:17:09.62
Absolutely.
00:17:09.66\00:17:10.99
Let's talk about that?
00:17:11.03\00:17:12.36
Absolutely.
00:17:12.39\00:17:13.73
Not just one or two thoughts.
00:17:13.76\00:17:15.93
Uh, I've had attempts.
00:17:15.96\00:17:17.63
I had attempts
to where it got bad
00:17:17.67\00:17:20.74
to where I didn't
want to be here at all.
00:17:20.77\00:17:24.77
I remember one incident,
I pulled into a dark alley,
00:17:24.81\00:17:29.98
hoping that nobody seeing me
and was going to do it there.
00:17:30.01\00:17:35.78
It just couldn't happen.
00:17:35.82\00:17:37.49
For some reason it
just, it wouldn't happen.
00:17:37.52\00:17:40.62
Praise God.
00:17:40.66\00:17:41.99
It wouldn't happen.
00:17:42.02\00:17:43.36
And I went home.
00:17:44.63\00:17:45.96
Yes.
00:17:45.99\00:17:47.33
Two days later,
I tried it again.
00:17:47.36\00:17:50.03
My brother, my
little brother who came in
00:17:50.07\00:17:52.73
and stopped it that time.
00:17:52.77\00:17:55.50
We actually got into a
whole physical fight, like,
00:17:55.54\00:17:59.07
This is your little brother?
00:18:01.08\00:18:02.41
Yeah, my little brother,
00:18:02.44\00:18:03.78
we got into an
actual physical fight
00:18:03.81\00:18:06.75
and he stopped it and he held me
00:18:06.78\00:18:11.55
for about two
hours, wouldn't let me go.
00:18:11.59\00:18:13.29
Just like bear hug me, tied me.
00:18:13.32\00:18:15.72
I couldn't move.
00:18:15.76\00:18:17.09
He just, just sat there.
00:18:17.13\00:18:18.66
I never cried.
00:18:18.69\00:18:20.03
I just sat there.
00:18:20.06\00:18:21.40
But the thought,
00:18:21.43\00:18:22.76
the thought
runs across your mind
00:18:22.80\00:18:24.73
and you don't know why
it runs across your mind.
00:18:24.77\00:18:26.87
You didn't know what happened.
00:18:26.90\00:18:28.94
Some people act on
it, some people don't.
00:18:28.97\00:18:32.07
Some people are lucky enough
to have that conscience to say,
00:18:32.11\00:18:36.01
what are you doing?
00:18:36.04\00:18:38.45
Why are you doing this?
00:18:38.48\00:18:40.25
You have too many
people looking for you.
00:18:40.28\00:18:42.45
You have too many
people that you can help
00:18:42.48\00:18:45.95
go through this situation
that you're going through.
00:18:45.99\00:18:49.02
But at the time you
really don't know what to do.
00:18:49.06\00:18:53.09
I think that people are blessed.
00:18:53.13\00:18:55.36
I don't believe in luck.
00:18:55.40\00:18:56.97
I believe in, you know,
the Holy Spirit stepping in,
00:18:57.00\00:19:01.07
guiding you, God
stepped in in that alley.
00:19:01.10\00:19:03.71
Absolutely.
00:19:03.74\00:19:05.07
God stepped in with
your brother, you know.
00:19:05.11\00:19:07.51
And I don't
believe in coincidence.
00:19:07.54\00:19:09.01
I believe that
God has a destined,
00:19:09.04\00:19:12.68
a destined time for each of us
00:19:12.71\00:19:14.78
and how He wants things
done if we trust in Him.
00:19:14.82\00:19:17.29
True.
00:19:17.32\00:19:18.65
And put our hands in His hands.
00:19:18.69\00:19:20.26
I think that God has a
purpose for your life, Darryl.
00:19:20.29\00:19:23.22
Well, I'm just learning that now
00:19:23.26\00:19:24.79
because yes, I'm a
Christian, but at times
00:19:24.83\00:19:28.60
when you're going
through depression,
00:19:28.63\00:19:30.50
you don't believe that.
00:19:30.53\00:19:32.23
You don't understand it.
00:19:32.27\00:19:33.70
You know, you feel
like He's given up on you
00:19:33.74\00:19:36.60
or there's a
block and it's like,
00:19:36.64\00:19:39.37
He not giving
you no sign, no help,
00:19:39.41\00:19:42.61
no nothing to figure out
how to get through this block.
00:19:42.64\00:19:46.95
And the block can be that big.
00:19:46.98\00:19:49.08
But because the
depression is this big,
00:19:49.12\00:19:52.32
that block seems huge.
00:19:52.35\00:19:54.49
Huge.
00:19:54.52\00:19:55.86
So it was a while when me
00:19:55.89\00:20:00.43
and the big G-O-D did not...
00:20:00.46\00:20:03.33
Communicate. At all.
00:20:03.37\00:20:04.93
And that's very real.
00:20:04.97\00:20:06.30
You know, we go
through things where God,
00:20:06.33\00:20:08.90
we disconnect from God.
00:20:08.94\00:20:10.27
But see, the one thing
is God never leaves us.
00:20:10.31\00:20:12.67
Absolutely.
00:20:12.71\00:20:14.04
He's, but He's a
free will God. Yes.
00:20:14.08\00:20:15.81
He will be there waiting
with arms open wide to say,
00:20:15.84\00:20:19.08
I'm ready for you.
00:20:19.11\00:20:20.45
Come on home.
00:20:20.48\00:20:21.82
Come home.
00:20:21.85\00:20:23.18
I remember the
little girl in church.
00:20:23.22\00:20:24.55
We had this song, you
know, come home, come home.
00:20:24.59\00:20:28.06
It was beautiful.
00:20:28.09\00:20:29.56
And uh, Pastor
Marshall T. Kelly would,
00:20:29.59\00:20:31.99
see he was my pastor.
00:20:32.03\00:20:33.36
He would sing this song
00:20:33.40\00:20:34.73
and you just wanted to
give your life to Christ.
00:20:34.76\00:20:36.46
And I did at a very early age.
00:20:36.50\00:20:38.53
He wants, He waits.
00:20:38.57\00:20:39.90
And, but He will not pressure
just like coming to counseling
00:20:39.93\00:20:43.37
is something that
has to be your choice.
00:20:43.41\00:20:46.21
You know, it has to
be something you need.
00:20:46.24\00:20:47.58
I remember a story real quickly.
00:20:47.61\00:20:49.28
This man was on an island.
00:20:49.31\00:20:51.11
He was stranded.
00:20:51.15\00:20:52.48
He prayed to God.
00:20:52.51\00:20:53.85
God, please send help.
00:20:53.88\00:20:55.22
Well, God sent a boat.
00:20:55.25\00:20:57.65
He said that mm-mm.
00:20:57.69\00:20:59.02
God sent a raft, he said mm-mm.
00:20:59.05\00:21:00.99
God even sent a helicopter,
but he was looking for a plane
00:21:01.02\00:21:04.13
and, he missed it.
00:21:04.16\00:21:06.16
God is there to
protect us, to help us.
00:21:06.19\00:21:10.00
Yes, depression
is real audience.
00:21:10.03\00:21:12.20
Very real.
00:21:12.23\00:21:13.57
But you, that is
not the problem, Darryl,
00:21:13.60\00:21:15.77
it's how you would
handle the problem.
00:21:15.80\00:21:18.21
I had to take you off
work for a little while
00:21:18.24\00:21:21.18
to be able to
really take a step back.
00:21:21.21\00:21:23.55
Has it helped you?
00:21:23.58\00:21:24.98
It definitely has been helping,
00:21:25.01\00:21:27.18
because work was a
trigger at a certain point.
00:21:27.22\00:21:29.28
Yeah.
00:21:29.32\00:21:30.65
So being away from things
00:21:30.69\00:21:33.89
to really sit back
and figure out your life,
00:21:33.92\00:21:37.66
because you know, growing up,
00:21:37.69\00:21:39.03
you really never get
to figure out your life.
00:21:39.06\00:21:41.43
It's elementary,
middle school, high school.
00:21:41.46\00:21:45.20
If you're lucky enough college,
00:21:45.23\00:21:47.00
after college
you have to get a job
00:21:47.04\00:21:48.77
because you got student
debts that you got to pay for.
00:21:48.80\00:21:51.54
So you never really
get to really figure out
00:21:51.57\00:21:54.11
who you are.
00:21:54.14\00:21:55.48
Some people are lucky
enough to go away to college,
00:21:55.51\00:21:58.55
to help them figure out.
00:21:58.58\00:21:59.91
Now I hear you use the
word luck all the time.
00:21:59.95\00:22:01.62
Why do you use lucky or luck?
00:22:01.65\00:22:03.79
And now I don't
know, I'm not saying
00:22:03.82\00:22:05.19
I'm not here to judge you.
00:22:05.22\00:22:06.55
This is a safe zone,
but I use the word blessed
00:22:06.59\00:22:09.49
or I use the word,
you know, unfortunate.
00:22:09.52\00:22:12.26
Why do you say luck?
00:22:12.29\00:22:14.20
Luck and blessed is
the same thing to me.
00:22:14.23\00:22:16.46
It's just, luck just
happens, it come out easier.
00:22:16.50\00:22:20.44
Okay.
00:22:20.47\00:22:21.80
But I believe in luck
00:22:21.84\00:22:23.17
and blessings are
the same thing because...
00:22:23.20\00:22:24.81
Okay, go ahead.
00:22:24.84\00:22:26.17
Because things don't just happen
00:22:26.21\00:22:29.21
just to happen.
00:22:29.24\00:22:31.01
You believe that?
00:22:31.05\00:22:32.38
I absolutely believe that.
00:22:32.41\00:22:33.75
There was no way that I
wasn't supposed to meet you.
00:22:33.78\00:22:38.05
Absolutely, no way.
00:22:38.09\00:22:39.42
So you believe that was luck
00:22:39.45\00:22:40.79
or you believe God led you
to me through your coworker?
00:22:40.82\00:22:43.53
I believe God led me
through my coworker to you,
00:22:43.56\00:22:47.66
which I call a blessing
and lucky all at the same time.
00:22:47.70\00:22:49.90
Okay.
00:22:49.93\00:22:51.27
Because when I think of
luck, I think of happiness.
00:22:51.30\00:22:55.00
When I think of blessings,
I think of encouragement
00:22:55.04\00:22:58.07
in the path to push forward.
00:22:58.11\00:22:59.44
Okay.
00:22:59.47\00:23:00.81
So I can bind
those two together.
00:23:00.84\00:23:02.18
Right.
00:23:02.21\00:23:03.55
I think it was a...
I think it's something
00:23:03.58\00:23:04.91
that I was raised with
as a Seventh-day Adventist.
00:23:04.95\00:23:07.85
And I hear a lot of my
patients use the term luck
00:23:07.88\00:23:12.82
and I tend to correct them.
00:23:12.85\00:23:14.89
But what I've
learned from you today
00:23:14.92\00:23:16.62
that, you know, God
gives us free will spirit.
00:23:16.66\00:23:20.03
And as a
clinician, I have grown.
00:23:20.06\00:23:22.56
One of my patients
said to me one time,
00:23:22.60\00:23:24.77
Dr. Logan, if you
could just listen,
00:23:24.80\00:23:26.57
you'll be a better therapist.
00:23:26.60\00:23:28.80
And she was a therapist,
00:23:28.84\00:23:30.61
that was the best
advice she could have given me.
00:23:30.64\00:23:32.47
And my listening
skills went from maybe,
00:23:32.51\00:23:34.71
you know, zero
tolerance to a 100%.
00:23:34.74\00:23:38.28
But being able to listen to
you and not being able to use
00:23:38.31\00:23:43.39
the word luck and
to criticize a person
00:23:43.42\00:23:47.26
that could do damage
to my therapy session.
00:23:47.29\00:23:49.42
Absolutely.
00:23:49.46\00:23:50.79
So let me ask you this.
00:23:50.83\00:23:52.33
In everything that
you're going through,
00:23:52.36\00:23:55.06
you know, God
has spared your life.
00:23:55.10\00:23:57.80
Your brother tackled you.
00:23:57.83\00:24:00.54
Here you are now.
00:24:00.57\00:24:02.87
What's the next level for you?
00:24:02.90\00:24:05.81
What do you want from God?
00:24:05.84\00:24:08.28
What are you asking
God to do for you now?
00:24:08.31\00:24:10.15
Right now, understanding..,
00:24:10.18\00:24:11.81
Understanding.
00:24:11.85\00:24:13.18
On where my depression stems
00:24:13.21\00:24:15.48
from and the
courage to understand it,
00:24:15.52\00:24:20.42
the courage to accept
it and the wisdom to know
00:24:20.46\00:24:24.53
that I can stop
it from happening.
00:24:24.56\00:24:29.36
Outside of the depression part,
00:24:29.40\00:24:32.80
I don't know, I'm
still working on that.
00:24:32.83\00:24:34.17
You still working on that?
00:24:34.20\00:24:35.54
I'm still working on that.
00:24:35.57\00:24:36.91
He's guiding me
through a couple of things.
00:24:36.94\00:24:39.54
Being off work has
led me to some things
00:24:39.57\00:24:42.08
that I forgot about
that I was passionate
00:24:42.11\00:24:44.38
about, which is being creative,
00:24:44.41\00:24:47.72
started wanting
to work for myself,
00:24:47.75\00:24:50.79
getting back to computers,
00:24:50.82\00:24:53.32
getting back to
actually playing basketball.
00:24:53.36\00:24:56.52
Really?
00:24:56.56\00:24:57.89
Learning that it's
okay to say I need help.
00:24:57.93\00:25:02.50
Yes.
00:25:02.53\00:25:03.87
So having this time
off work is definitely
00:25:03.90\00:25:06.77
given me a new fuel.
00:25:06.80\00:25:09.30
Not saying that
that new fuel I'm like,
00:25:09.34\00:25:11.27
I'm ready to go back to work
00:25:11.31\00:25:13.07
because there's
still more to do.
00:25:13.11\00:25:14.44
There's still a lot.
00:25:14.48\00:25:15.81
We have to do a lot more work.
00:25:15.84\00:25:17.18
There's still a lot more
to do, because I just had,
00:25:17.21\00:25:18.58
I had a breakdown recently.
00:25:18.61\00:25:20.48
Yes, and you just
recently told me about it.
00:25:20.52\00:25:22.32
And I just told you about that.
00:25:22.35\00:25:23.69
Yes, you did.
00:25:23.72\00:25:25.05
So just because a
person looks sound,
00:25:25.09\00:25:28.99
even acts like
everything is all right,
00:25:29.02\00:25:32.13
don't necessarily mean it.
00:25:32.16\00:25:33.50
You said a key word that
00:25:33.53\00:25:34.90
most people
mainly African-Americans
00:25:34.93\00:25:38.30
don't do, listen.
00:25:38.33\00:25:40.14
You know, listen.
00:25:40.17\00:25:41.50
Well, I find
that it's all people
00:25:41.54\00:25:42.87
because I have a huge
range of all ethnic backgrounds,
00:25:42.90\00:25:46.54
but what I think we need to do,
00:25:46.57\00:25:47.94
I knew I wasn't listening
and I was the clinician.
00:25:47.98\00:25:51.75
And so, but the
Lord spoke through her
00:25:51.78\00:25:54.68
and she was a Christian,
00:25:54.72\00:25:56.72
and it helped me
to make some changes.
00:25:56.75\00:25:59.32
So now when you,
as you know, I said,
00:25:59.35\00:26:01.86
tell me about you
because there's a story.
00:26:01.89\00:26:03.46
Absolutely.
00:26:03.49\00:26:04.83
And you told me once you were
able to pull yourself together,
00:26:04.86\00:26:07.70
talk a little bit.
00:26:07.73\00:26:09.06
And then even now
when we have sessions,
00:26:09.10\00:26:11.50
I noticed that
you will break down,
00:26:11.53\00:26:13.30
but it's a lot less,
00:26:13.34\00:26:14.67
but it depends on
the trigger itself.
00:26:14.70\00:26:17.27
Let's talk about your favorite
scripture, Philippians 4:13.
00:26:17.31\00:26:20.34
Yes.
00:26:20.38\00:26:21.71
"I can do all things in
Christ who strengthens me."
00:26:21.74\00:26:23.51
Why is that your favorite?
00:26:23.55\00:26:25.81
That night in alley.
00:26:25.85\00:26:27.95
That night in the alley?
00:26:27.98\00:26:29.32
That night in alley.
00:26:29.35\00:26:30.69
That's what I call it,
that night in the alley.
00:26:30.72\00:26:33.02
Because I truly
believe if it wasn't for Him,
00:26:33.05\00:26:37.83
I wouldn't be here.
00:26:37.86\00:26:39.89
And I feel,
especially during this off work
00:26:39.93\00:26:44.13
being with you
helped me realize like,
00:26:44.17\00:26:48.27
okay, He is there.
00:26:48.30\00:26:50.31
All I have to do is
continue to believe.
00:26:50.34\00:26:52.67
Believe in God.
00:26:52.71\00:26:54.04
And one thing I have noticed is,
00:26:54.08\00:26:56.78
I don't have to get
on my knees and pray.
00:26:56.81\00:26:58.55
I don't have to close my eyes.
00:26:58.58\00:26:59.91
I can be driving in the car
00:26:59.95\00:27:01.28
and just have a
complete conversation.
00:27:01.32\00:27:02.65
Yes!
00:27:02.68\00:27:04.02
People think I'll be
talking to myself, but I don't.
00:27:04.05\00:27:06.79
But it ain't necessarily
all about how you pray.
00:27:06.82\00:27:12.73
You can talk to
God like a regular,
00:27:12.76\00:27:14.16
like we're having a
conversation right now.
00:27:14.20\00:27:15.53
That's right.
00:27:15.56\00:27:16.90
You can have that
same conversation.
00:27:16.93\00:27:18.93
And out of nowhere,
00:27:18.97\00:27:20.80
you'll get some
strength to do something
00:27:20.84\00:27:22.17
that you ain't
think you were able to do.
00:27:22.20\00:27:23.94
That you
haven't been able to do.
00:27:23.97\00:27:25.31
So that's
definitely been my go-to,
00:27:25.34\00:27:30.71
especially as of late,
00:27:30.75\00:27:32.88
because like with the
breakdown that I recently had,
00:27:32.91\00:27:36.22
He helped me get
up off that couch.
00:27:36.25\00:27:37.59
Because I was on the couch
for two days like I told you.
00:27:37.62\00:27:38.95
Yes, you did.
00:27:38.99\00:27:40.32
Didn't want to move.
00:27:40.36\00:27:41.69
Didn't want to
eat and watching TV.
00:27:41.72\00:27:46.39
Well, TV was
actually watching me.
00:27:46.43\00:27:47.76
Right.
00:27:47.80\00:27:49.13
And that scripture
came out of nowhere.
00:27:49.16\00:27:51.93
I was like, okay, let's get up.
00:27:51.97\00:27:55.04
Well, listen, I know
00:27:55.07\00:27:56.91
that we all are
going to have to get up.
00:27:56.94\00:27:58.87
I want to thank Darryl Davidson
for coming on Live To Be Well
00:27:58.91\00:28:02.18
and being so transparent
00:28:02.21\00:28:04.18
about his
relationship and counseling.
00:28:04.21\00:28:06.95
Continue to Live To
Be Well, I'm Dr. Kim.
00:28:06.98\00:28:09.48
God bless.
00:28:09.52\00:28:10.85