The following program features real clients 00:00:01.36\00:00:03.20 discussing sensitive issues. 00:00:03.23\00:00:05.17 The views and opinions expressed in this program 00:00:05.20\00:00:07.60 don't necessarily reflect 00:00:07.64\00:00:09.14 that of 3ABN's Dare to Dream Network. 00:00:09.17\00:00:11.81 Viewer discretion is advised. 00:00:11.84\00:00:13.71 Hi, I'm Dr. Kim Logan Nowlin, and welcome to Live to be Well. 00:00:49.81\00:00:54.88 I want to welcome my special guest, 00:00:54.92\00:00:56.48 Darryl Davidson. 00:00:56.52\00:00:57.85 How are doing, Darryl? 00:00:57.89\00:00:59.22 I'm doing all right. How are you? 00:00:59.25\00:01:00.59 Good. 00:01:00.62\00:01:01.96 When you hear the words Live To Be Well, 00:01:01.99\00:01:03.32 what comes to mind? 00:01:03.36\00:01:04.76 Excitement, happiness, joy, creative thinking. 00:01:04.79\00:01:10.63 A peace of mind? 00:01:10.67\00:01:12.00 Definitely, a peace of mind. 00:01:12.03\00:01:13.37 Yes. 00:01:13.40\00:01:14.74 You reached out and you called me 00:01:14.77\00:01:16.10 for an appointment? 00:01:16.14\00:01:17.54 Correct. Why did you reach out to me? 00:01:17.57\00:01:20.01 I was having breakdowns 00:01:20.04\00:01:22.08 that I truly couldn't understand. 00:01:22.11\00:01:24.28 And I talked to a good friend of mine 00:01:24.31\00:01:27.22 who actually recommended you, 00:01:27.25\00:01:29.25 And said that you helped him through a lot of things 00:01:29.28\00:01:31.42 that he was going through. 00:01:31.45\00:01:33.02 And I thought to myself for a while, 00:01:33.05\00:01:34.39 because he gave me your number 00:01:34.42\00:01:35.76 about weeks before I even contacted you. 00:01:35.79\00:01:38.09 I thought it took a minute for you to call me. 00:01:38.13\00:01:39.86 It took a minute. 00:01:39.89\00:01:41.23 But it finally came down. 00:01:41.26\00:01:44.67 I had one break down at work too 00:01:44.70\00:01:46.37 where I had to leave 00:01:46.40\00:01:47.84 and he was like, bro, just called in. 00:01:47.87\00:01:49.84 So, I asked God to guide my hands and I called you. 00:01:49.87\00:01:54.24 And so, it was basically to help me understand 00:01:54.28\00:01:59.01 where these breakdowns were coming from. 00:01:59.05\00:02:00.42 I see. 00:02:00.45\00:02:01.78 Because really, you know, 00:02:01.82\00:02:03.15 everyone does not live to be well. 00:02:03.18\00:02:04.52 No. 00:02:04.55\00:02:05.89 You know, I think about why I as a clinician, 00:02:05.92\00:02:08.42 my impact in people's lives. 00:02:08.46\00:02:10.13 And I remember you walking through the door, 00:02:10.16\00:02:11.59 I said, you know, 00:02:11.63\00:02:13.09 this great looking guy and well dressed. 00:02:13.13\00:02:16.53 I said, "Why are you here?" 00:02:16.56\00:02:17.90 But we can't judge a book by its cover. 00:02:17.93\00:02:19.97 Absolutely not. 00:02:20.00\00:02:21.34 And when you sat down with me and then started to, 00:02:21.37\00:02:23.77 you know, even break down, 00:02:23.81\00:02:25.37 you cried in that first session. 00:02:25.41\00:02:27.08 I did. 00:02:27.11\00:02:28.44 You know, and it doesn't make you 00:02:28.48\00:02:30.35 less of a man or a woman. 00:02:30.38\00:02:32.18 God gave us tears to release. 00:02:32.21\00:02:34.85 So let's talk about your mental health. 00:02:34.88\00:02:38.42 Can we go back to your childhood? 00:02:38.45\00:02:39.92 Absolutely. 00:02:39.95\00:02:41.82 I believe my depression started when I was a kid. 00:02:41.86\00:02:46.33 I wouldn't say it was so much of like abuse or bullying. 00:02:46.36\00:02:50.20 It was more mentally, because I was a book nerd. 00:02:50.23\00:02:54.07 I was one of them kids 00:02:54.10\00:02:55.44 that didn't really play in the dirt 00:02:55.47\00:02:57.57 or go follow the big guys to work on cars. 00:02:57.61\00:03:01.84 And as they call them grease monkeys, 00:03:01.88\00:03:04.68 I wasn't one of those. 00:03:04.71\00:03:06.05 I was more of a sports nerd. 00:03:06.08\00:03:08.08 Okay. 00:03:08.12\00:03:09.45 So I will read in my books 00:03:09.48\00:03:10.82 and try to learn as much as about, 00:03:10.85\00:03:12.19 because I had a fascination with computers 00:03:12.22\00:03:13.56 at a very young age. 00:03:13.59\00:03:14.92 Really? Yeah. 00:03:14.96\00:03:16.29 Okay. 00:03:16.32\00:03:17.66 So my first interaction with a computer 00:03:17.69\00:03:19.03 was my grandmother not remembering her password 00:03:19.06\00:03:21.96 and I was able to crack her password for her. 00:03:22.00\00:03:23.93 Okay. 00:03:23.97\00:03:25.30 So that led me into reading more books about computers. 00:03:25.33\00:03:28.54 And when I wasn't reading, I was playing basketball. 00:03:28.57\00:03:30.37 Okay. 00:03:30.41\00:03:31.74 So a lot of the things was you soft 00:03:31.77\00:03:35.31 because I don't play with cars 00:03:35.34\00:03:37.08 or the trunk of trucks and worked on cars 00:03:37.11\00:03:39.65 and things like that. 00:03:39.68\00:03:41.02 The myths. 00:03:41.05\00:03:42.38 Yeah. 00:03:42.42\00:03:43.75 So that kind of gave me a little thing about myself, 00:03:43.79\00:03:48.16 little insecurity about myself to figure out 00:03:48.19\00:03:50.19 why I wasn't like everybody else 00:03:50.23\00:03:52.53 in the neighborhood. 00:03:52.56\00:03:53.90 So this started impacting your self-esteem 00:03:53.93\00:03:56.00 in a very early age? 00:03:56.03\00:03:57.37 Absolutely. 00:03:57.40\00:03:58.73 You know, when we were coming out, 00:03:58.77\00:04:00.10 we didn't know what low self-esteem was. 00:04:00.14\00:04:02.54 We didn't talk about substance abuse. 00:04:02.57\00:04:05.31 We didn't talk about mental health. 00:04:05.34\00:04:07.14 We didn't hear those terms even in the church. 00:04:07.18\00:04:09.94 And as I got older and older, I began to see mental health, 00:04:09.98\00:04:13.45 but I still didn't know what mental health 00:04:13.48\00:04:15.28 was until I began to start studying it 00:04:15.32\00:04:18.52 in my professional choice. 00:04:18.55\00:04:21.96 So as you got older, you know, 00:04:21.99\00:04:25.59 were you getting impacted by peer pressure? 00:04:25.63\00:04:29.56 For me, yes, because in my neighborhood 00:04:29.60\00:04:33.47 there were three guys that were, 00:04:33.50\00:04:36.44 they call it basketball phenomenals. 00:04:36.47\00:04:38.94 One of them was a guy 00:04:38.97\00:04:40.31 that I looked up to really well. 00:04:40.34\00:04:41.68 He was a neighborhood friend of mine. 00:04:41.71\00:04:43.04 His name was Sidney Mitchell. 00:04:43.08\00:04:44.95 He actually ended up dying before it was time. 00:04:44.98\00:04:48.32 He was still a senior in high school, 00:04:48.35\00:04:50.59 but the way he took me under his wing to play basketball, 00:04:50.62\00:04:54.62 I was considered the next Sidney Mitchell. 00:04:54.66\00:04:57.99 Who's had big time scouts come to the city. 00:04:58.03\00:05:01.00 So before I was even a freshman in high school, 00:05:01.03\00:05:06.23 it was, he going to be this, he going to be 00:05:06.27\00:05:08.27 that, it was just that pressure of being the next person. 00:05:08.30\00:05:13.64 Were you had that height on you at that time? 00:05:13.68\00:05:15.01 No. 00:05:15.04\00:05:16.38 Actually I didn't. 00:05:16.41\00:05:18.05 I didn't get my height until I wanna say 00:05:18.08\00:05:21.72 my freshman year of high school. 00:05:21.75\00:05:23.92 So you had the growth spur? 00:05:23.95\00:05:25.29 I have, I had an over summer growth spur as they call it, 00:05:25.32\00:05:29.62 but I was, I always can jump. 00:05:29.66\00:05:32.76 So I was dunking in the eighth grade. 00:05:32.79\00:05:35.03 So it was like, I was really big 00:05:35.06\00:05:38.23 when it came to basketball. 00:05:38.27\00:05:39.73 So instantly you have family members, 00:05:39.77\00:05:42.34 oh, he is going to get me a house. 00:05:42.37\00:05:43.71 He is going to buy this. 00:05:43.74\00:05:45.07 He is going to buy that. 00:05:45.11\00:05:46.44 The peer pressure of that alone, 00:05:46.47\00:05:49.24 especially for a kid, a young black kid. 00:05:49.28\00:05:53.08 Because when you think of sports, 00:05:53.11\00:05:54.95 you think of these young black athletes 00:05:54.98\00:05:57.35 and instantly becoming famous 00:05:57.39\00:05:58.95 and have to take care of their whole family. 00:05:58.99\00:06:01.12 And their entourage. 00:06:01.16\00:06:02.49 All right. 00:06:02.52\00:06:03.86 It's overwhelming. 00:06:03.89\00:06:05.23 Absolutely. So... 00:06:05.26\00:06:06.70 So you were getting those pressures 00:06:06.73\00:06:08.16 even before you even started the ninth grade? 00:06:08.20\00:06:10.33 Correct. 00:06:10.37\00:06:11.70 So when that started happening, 00:06:11.73\00:06:13.34 it's like, I mean, I lived up to it. 00:06:13.37\00:06:15.34 I played my hardest and everything, 00:06:15.37\00:06:17.81 but when you have that type of pressure, 00:06:17.84\00:06:20.51 it bothers you on the inside because it's like, is it, 00:06:20.54\00:06:23.98 are they there actually cheering for me 00:06:24.01\00:06:25.91 or are they just cheering for the money they think 00:06:25.95\00:06:28.08 that I'm going to make. 00:06:28.12\00:06:29.45 So you recognized that your grades 00:06:29.48\00:06:32.05 were still important though? 00:06:32.09\00:06:33.42 Yeah. My grades, I was a 4.0 student 00:06:33.46\00:06:34.79 All the way through? 00:06:34.82\00:06:36.16 All the way through high school. 00:06:36.19\00:06:37.53 All the way through high school? 00:06:37.56\00:06:38.89 All the way through high school. So. 00:06:38.93\00:06:40.26 I graduated with a 4.12. 00:06:40.30\00:06:41.63 You better, there's a 4 point, I knew it was a 4.4, 5, 6. 00:06:41.66\00:06:44.83 So you used to have straight A's and A pluses. 00:06:44.87\00:06:47.07 Yes. 00:06:47.10\00:06:48.44 So in that you went on to college? 00:06:48.47\00:06:50.11 Correct. 00:06:50.14\00:06:51.47 And what was your major? 00:06:51.51\00:06:52.97 Not technically, 00:06:53.01\00:06:54.34 No? 00:06:54.38\00:06:55.84 So I had a scare in high school 00:06:55.88\00:06:57.48 to where I thought I tore my knee, but I didn't. 00:06:57.51\00:06:59.51 Okay. 00:06:59.55\00:07:01.12 So around my junior year 00:07:01.15\00:07:03.49 is when I really started getting 00:07:03.52\00:07:06.29 those schools that I wanted to. 00:07:06.32\00:07:08.76 My dream school of choice was always UCLA. 00:07:08.79\00:07:12.06 Powerhouse basketball, 00:07:12.09\00:07:13.63 great computer science division. 00:07:13.66\00:07:15.86 And my senior year, my high school coach 00:07:15.90\00:07:20.60 kind of threw it away for me. 00:07:20.64\00:07:23.37 Because he started asking those types of questions. 00:07:23.41\00:07:25.47 Well, if you're signed, can I come along? 00:07:25.51\00:07:27.21 Oh, I see. 00:07:27.24\00:07:28.58 So that started to deter them from me becoming back to me. 00:07:28.61\00:07:33.31 So eventually I got a red shirt scholarship 00:07:33.35\00:07:37.29 from Austin Peay State University down in Tennessee. 00:07:37.32\00:07:39.49 What's a red shirt? What is that? 00:07:39.52\00:07:40.86 So red shirt means that you're not on a full scholarship. 00:07:40.89\00:07:43.86 You have to pretty much sit out and prove yourself 00:07:43.89\00:07:46.83 that first year. 00:07:46.86\00:07:48.20 Really? 00:07:48.23\00:07:49.56 Yeah, it, it's hard, but it wasn't for me 00:07:49.60\00:07:51.93 because I knew what I was capable of. 00:07:51.97\00:07:53.34 Okay. 00:07:53.37\00:07:54.70 But my mother didn't want me to leave the state. 00:07:54.74\00:07:56.50 She didn't want you to leave Michigan? 00:07:56.54\00:07:57.87 She didn't want me to leave Michigan. 00:07:57.91\00:07:59.24 Okay. 00:07:59.27\00:08:00.61 So that was kind of rough. 00:08:00.64\00:08:01.98 So I went to Wayne County Community College 00:08:02.01\00:08:04.68 but I didn't stay in the semester 00:08:04.71\00:08:06.05 because I was so sad I was. 00:08:06.08\00:08:08.52 At this time, I didn't know I was depressed. 00:08:08.55\00:08:09.88 You didn't even recognize... I didn't even... 00:08:09.92\00:08:11.25 There was something you didn't know. 00:08:11.29\00:08:12.62 I didn't know what it was. 00:08:12.65\00:08:13.99 It was always just suck it up and keep going. 00:08:14.02\00:08:15.36 So I ended up just doing a semester there. 00:08:15.39\00:08:18.99 It was crazy as my uncle was the coach. 00:08:19.03\00:08:20.40 He was the coach. 00:08:20.43\00:08:21.76 He was the coach and he knew something was wrong. 00:08:21.80\00:08:24.30 So he actually let me like, nope, 00:08:24.33\00:08:26.47 go ahead and take the semester off. 00:08:26.50\00:08:28.44 He didn't pressure me to do anything. 00:08:28.47\00:08:30.44 I didn't get back into college until, 00:08:30.47\00:08:34.84 I mean, let me get, let me, let me say this. 00:08:34.88\00:08:36.21 I went off and on, 00:08:36.24\00:08:37.58 took class here, took class there, 00:08:37.61\00:08:39.21 but I really didn't get focused on college 00:08:39.25\00:08:41.88 until 2008. 00:08:41.92\00:08:46.32 2008 is when I really started going back full time. 00:08:46.35\00:08:49.56 Yes. 00:08:49.59\00:08:50.93 And in that time I graduated, I finished. 00:08:50.96\00:08:54.83 Once I finally declared a major at WC3, I finished in 2013, 00:08:54.86\00:08:59.50 transferred over to university, Detroit Mercy for scholarship, 00:08:59.53\00:09:03.64 graduated there with my BS 00:09:03.67\00:09:05.47 in computer information systems. 00:09:05.51\00:09:07.58 And then my mentor there talked me 00:09:07.61\00:09:09.64 into doing the fast program, 00:09:09.68\00:09:11.25 which is getting your bachelor's 00:09:11.28\00:09:12.68 and your master's at the same time. 00:09:12.71\00:09:15.62 So I ended up getting my master's the following year. 00:09:15.65\00:09:19.02 What? 00:09:19.05\00:09:20.39 In intelligent analysis. Wow. 00:09:20.42\00:09:22.16 So what is intelligent analysis? 00:09:22.19\00:09:24.53 I mean, it sounds so huge. 00:09:24.56\00:09:26.66 What is that? 00:09:26.70\00:09:28.03 In a broad spectrum, it's cyber security. 00:09:28.06\00:09:31.33 It's computer science on drugs. 00:09:31.37\00:09:33.34 Meaning that it's cyber security looking for hackers, 00:09:33.37\00:09:37.51 looking for people who try to hack into government files, 00:09:37.54\00:09:42.68 research and development, 00:09:42.71\00:09:44.71 looking at the broad spectrum of things with drones. 00:09:44.75\00:09:47.75 So like having a drone fly over the city 00:09:47.78\00:09:50.29 and point out the weak spots in the city 00:09:50.32\00:09:52.75 to where say a terrorist attack will happen 00:09:52.79\00:09:55.72 or a violent gang can take over that control. 00:09:55.76\00:09:59.63 We will be able to see 00:09:59.66\00:10:01.00 that and use our analysis to figure out 00:10:01.03\00:10:03.70 how we can stop that 00:10:03.73\00:10:05.50 from even happening before it happens. 00:10:05.53\00:10:07.34 Is that right? 00:10:07.37\00:10:08.70 Yeah, it was Terrorist attacks? 00:10:08.74\00:10:10.07 Terrorist attacks, gang attacks. 00:10:10.11\00:10:12.84 All of that? Broad spectrum. Yes. 00:10:12.87\00:10:14.84 I remember the bombing at the... 00:10:14.88\00:10:19.31 What was that in Boston, the marathon? 00:10:19.35\00:10:20.95 The Boston bombing? 00:10:20.98\00:10:22.32 Yeah. 00:10:22.35\00:10:23.69 We actually had to do a research project 00:10:23.72\00:10:25.05 on that to see how we would have been able to stop it 00:10:25.09\00:10:27.96 if we would had the technology that we have now, 00:10:27.99\00:10:31.83 using the technology we would have, 00:10:31.86\00:10:33.19 we have now it was, the project was to see 00:10:33.23\00:10:35.43 if we can stop the bombing from happening. 00:10:35.46\00:10:38.23 And with the technology that we have today, 00:10:38.27\00:10:41.47 we absolutely could have stopped it from happening, 00:10:41.50\00:10:43.91 because you have the drones, you have the cameras, 00:10:43.94\00:10:46.04 you have the angles to where you can see things 00:10:46.07\00:10:48.74 from a different spectrum. 00:10:48.78\00:10:50.38 So let me ask you this. 00:10:50.41\00:10:51.75 So your depression, you know, were you still dealing 00:10:51.78\00:10:55.18 with bouts of depression? 00:10:55.22\00:10:56.99 Here you are, you got your bachelor's, 00:10:57.02\00:10:58.35 you got your master's, 00:10:58.39\00:11:00.16 were you still dealing with sadness 00:11:00.19\00:11:02.22 and of crying spells? 00:11:02.26\00:11:03.59 Absolutely. 00:11:03.63\00:11:04.96 Insomnia? Absolutely. 00:11:04.99\00:11:06.43 But you still did not address it? 00:11:06.46\00:11:08.50 Because you know, growing up as a black guy, a black male, 00:11:08.53\00:11:13.07 you hear, it ain't depression, suck it up. 00:11:13.10\00:11:16.81 You just quit being weak, be stronger. 00:11:16.84\00:11:19.51 You just, that's just, 00:11:19.54\00:11:20.88 just your mind playing tricks on you. 00:11:20.91\00:11:22.24 We don't believe in depression. 00:11:22.28\00:11:23.85 You know, that's all we hear. 00:11:23.88\00:11:25.45 They don't understand 00:11:25.48\00:11:27.28 that depression is actually real. 00:11:27.32\00:11:29.65 It's very real. 00:11:29.68\00:11:31.02 It's very real. 00:11:31.05\00:11:32.39 And I think that was one of the things 00:11:32.42\00:11:34.39 that my father went through 00:11:34.42\00:11:36.83 before he ended up eventually committed suicide. 00:11:36.86\00:11:40.40 Your father committed suicide? 00:11:40.43\00:11:41.76 My father committed suicide, 00:11:41.80\00:11:43.33 my ninth grade year of high school. 00:11:43.37\00:11:44.97 I'm so sorry to hear that. 00:11:45.00\00:11:46.33 So it was rough, 00:11:46.37\00:11:47.70 but that, I believe that would trigger. 00:11:47.74\00:11:50.17 That was a part of my trigger. 00:11:50.21\00:11:51.74 Of course. 00:11:51.77\00:11:53.11 Because we had really just reconnected 00:11:53.14\00:11:56.21 and getting to know each other. 00:11:56.24\00:11:57.81 And in that same year of us reconnecting and getting, 00:11:57.85\00:12:00.95 knowing each other, it happened. 00:12:00.98\00:12:02.98 So it was really hard. 00:12:03.02\00:12:04.99 My first year of high school was really difficult. 00:12:05.02\00:12:08.16 I can only imagine. 00:12:08.19\00:12:09.52 I still got the grades that I need to get. 00:12:09.56\00:12:13.19 But it was times where I would skip school. 00:12:13.23\00:12:15.03 No. 00:12:15.06\00:12:16.40 Oh, yeah. 00:12:16.43\00:12:17.77 It was times where my mother would drop me off 00:12:17.80\00:12:19.33 at the front door and I'll be in her home 00:12:19.37\00:12:22.17 because I did came out the back door. 00:12:22.20\00:12:23.54 Oh, my goodness. 00:12:23.57\00:12:24.91 And they called her up to the school one day 00:12:24.94\00:12:26.41 and asked her, why doesn't he like school? 00:12:26.44\00:12:29.31 She was like, what do you mean? 00:12:29.34\00:12:31.01 He's not here, but he has straight A's 00:12:31.05\00:12:34.25 on everything in here. 00:12:34.28\00:12:36.38 She's like, how's that possible? 00:12:36.42\00:12:38.15 He don't study for tests. 00:12:38.19\00:12:39.52 He come in, he takes his test. 00:12:39.55\00:12:40.89 He has to go to the bathroom and he leaves. 00:12:40.92\00:12:42.29 What? 00:12:42.32\00:12:43.66 And that would be your routine? 00:12:43.69\00:12:45.03 That will be my routine. 00:12:45.06\00:12:46.39 Didn't they had school counselors? 00:12:46.43\00:12:47.76 So that was never recommended by your counselor 00:12:47.80\00:12:51.53 to see a therapist at the school? 00:12:51.57\00:12:53.87 When you don't know? 00:12:53.90\00:12:55.60 When you don't know, 00:12:55.64\00:12:56.97 you don't know how to address it. 00:12:57.01\00:12:58.34 You don't know how to go at it. 00:12:58.37\00:12:59.71 You don't know how to attack it. 00:12:59.74\00:13:01.08 Okay. 00:13:01.11\00:13:02.44 And that's the thing that I love about you 00:13:02.48\00:13:04.18 is because, coming to you first day out, 00:13:04.21\00:13:08.15 the first question out of the box, why? 00:13:08.18\00:13:10.95 Why? 00:13:10.99\00:13:12.32 Is this all right. 00:13:12.35\00:13:13.69 You did. 00:13:13.72\00:13:15.06 I had to sit back and say, okay, 00:13:15.09\00:13:16.42 this is going to take about 15, 20 minutes. 00:13:16.46\00:13:18.69 I think he went through three boxes of my tissue. 00:13:18.73\00:13:20.80 All right. 00:13:20.83\00:13:22.16 And you just, you couldn't even speak, 00:13:22.20\00:13:24.83 you couldn't even talk. 00:13:24.87\00:13:26.20 And I sat back, I put my pen down and I said, 00:13:26.23\00:13:29.50 it's all right, take your time. 00:13:29.54\00:13:31.31 And I'd never heard those words before. 00:13:31.34\00:13:34.28 I never heard those words before. 00:13:34.31\00:13:35.94 And I've never really cried like that before. 00:13:35.98\00:13:38.71 I always was told to suck it in, hold it back. 00:13:38.75\00:13:41.72 And when you do that and you put stuff on the back burner 00:13:41.75\00:13:45.82 and bury it so much, 00:13:45.85\00:13:48.22 eventually it starts attacking you from the inside. 00:13:48.26\00:13:49.76 Yeah. 00:13:49.79\00:13:51.13 That masking. We call it masking. 00:13:51.16\00:13:52.49 I call it a facade. 00:13:52.53\00:13:53.86 Facade? Yes. 00:13:53.90\00:13:55.23 I had a conversation 00:13:55.26\00:13:56.60 with a great friend of mine yesterday 00:13:56.63\00:13:58.60 and she was like, 00:13:58.63\00:14:00.40 "Boy, you ain't dealing with no depression. 00:14:00.44\00:14:02.10 I see you laughing. I see you joking. 00:14:02.14\00:14:04.21 You helped me get a job 00:14:04.24\00:14:05.87 by doing a whole oral presentation for me." 00:14:05.91\00:14:08.71 I said, "It's a facade." 00:14:08.74\00:14:10.08 It's a facade. 00:14:10.11\00:14:11.45 I can do that for other people, 00:14:11.48\00:14:12.81 but I can't do that for myself. 00:14:12.85\00:14:14.18 That's right. 00:14:14.22\00:14:15.55 And she was like, "Well, what triggers it?" 00:14:15.58\00:14:16.92 I said, "I don't know. 00:14:16.95\00:14:18.29 That's why I seek professional help." 00:14:18.32\00:14:20.29 And I believe being with you and going through this, 00:14:20.32\00:14:24.73 I believe that if we tell, 00:14:24.76\00:14:28.30 well, we are tackling the right way. 00:14:28.33\00:14:29.66 Yes. 00:14:29.70\00:14:31.03 But it will definitely lead me to understand what my triggers 00:14:31.07\00:14:33.34 are, what puts me in those positions 00:14:33.37\00:14:36.37 and how I will be able to control it 00:14:36.40\00:14:38.37 once we get to that level. 00:14:38.41\00:14:40.64 And that's why we do testing assessment. 00:14:40.68\00:14:42.88 But you know, what was your impression 00:14:42.91\00:14:45.11 when you came in I asked you, would it be 00:14:45.15\00:14:47.65 all right to have prayer? 00:14:47.68\00:14:49.02 I always ask. 00:14:49.05\00:14:50.39 What was your first impression when I said that? 00:14:50.42\00:14:51.75 It's crazy because, a couple of things 00:14:54.59\00:14:56.59 went through my mind. 00:14:56.62\00:14:58.13 The first thing that came to my mind was like, okay, 00:14:58.16\00:15:01.26 is it going to be one of them? 00:15:01.30\00:15:02.80 One of them what? 00:15:02.83\00:15:04.17 So most people who claim to be counselors, 00:15:04.20\00:15:09.57 they just hit you with Bible verse 00:15:09.60\00:15:11.67 after Bible verse, 00:15:11.71\00:15:13.04 after scripture after scripture, 00:15:13.07\00:15:14.78 and then tell you, okay, you're going to be okay. 00:15:14.81\00:15:17.88 So, but the way you went at it, it was different. 00:15:17.91\00:15:21.58 For some reason, it gave me a little hope. 00:15:21.62\00:15:24.55 Like, okay, maybe this will work 00:15:24.59\00:15:26.45 because you didn't come at it with a scripture first 00:15:26.49\00:15:30.16 and then say, let's pray. 00:15:30.19\00:15:31.53 You said let's pray. 00:15:31.56\00:15:33.53 And when you were praying, I was listening to you. 00:15:33.56\00:15:36.73 And the words that stuck to me 00:15:36.77\00:15:38.63 was let's find a way to guide Darryl through this problem. 00:15:38.67\00:15:42.87 It wasn't... Let's be successful. 00:15:42.90\00:15:46.44 Let's do this. 00:15:46.47\00:15:47.81 Let's, no, it was, let's help him, 00:15:47.84\00:15:50.15 guide him through this problem. 00:15:50.18\00:15:52.45 You will speak like, I felt like 00:15:52.48\00:15:54.55 you were speaking for me. 00:15:54.58\00:15:55.92 Yes. 00:15:55.95\00:15:57.29 And that's what made me even more comfortable to do that. 00:15:57.32\00:16:00.02 You know, this is what we call intercessory prayer. 00:16:00.06\00:16:02.72 We pray for people who may be away from us. 00:16:02.76\00:16:06.13 They could be living in another state or country 00:16:06.16\00:16:08.33 or right there in the same room. 00:16:08.36\00:16:10.80 And I know that God guides everything I try to do 00:16:10.83\00:16:15.57 because I personally as a human, 00:16:15.60\00:16:17.84 I would do more damage. 00:16:17.87\00:16:19.21 But with the guidance of the Holy Spirit, 00:16:19.24\00:16:21.71 He allows me and I have to listen to God. 00:16:21.74\00:16:24.38 And then you remember, 00:16:24.41\00:16:26.38 I got your folder from Ms. Anderson. 00:16:26.41\00:16:28.68 I said, I'll be right with you. 00:16:28.72\00:16:30.05 I went in the back. 00:16:30.09\00:16:31.42 You know what I did when I went in the back? 00:16:31.45\00:16:32.79 What is that? 00:16:32.82\00:16:34.16 I prayed over it. Wow. 00:16:34.19\00:16:35.52 Because I said, now, God, 00:16:35.56\00:16:36.89 you know him way better than I do. 00:16:36.93\00:16:38.79 I have no idea what's going to happen here, 00:16:38.83\00:16:42.26 but please, Lord, help me 00:16:42.30\00:16:44.30 so that I could be Your conduit. 00:16:44.33\00:16:45.67 I could be Your vessel. 00:16:45.70\00:16:47.04 Because isn't that what we're here to do to be a vessel. 00:16:47.07\00:16:49.90 So now let's go back to depression. 00:16:49.94\00:16:52.04 Okay. 00:16:52.07\00:16:53.48 I know you had crying spells, insomnia, you couldn't sleep. 00:16:53.51\00:16:57.78 You lost your appetite. 00:16:57.81\00:16:59.15 You were losing weight. 00:16:59.18\00:17:00.98 I was very concerned about, I would call you. 00:17:01.02\00:17:04.02 And when you texted me, I knew to call you immediately. 00:17:04.05\00:17:06.86 Did you ever have any thoughts of suicide? 00:17:06.89\00:17:09.62 Absolutely. 00:17:09.66\00:17:10.99 Let's talk about that? 00:17:11.03\00:17:12.36 Absolutely. 00:17:12.39\00:17:13.73 Not just one or two thoughts. 00:17:13.76\00:17:15.93 Uh, I've had attempts. 00:17:15.96\00:17:17.63 I had attempts to where it got bad 00:17:17.67\00:17:20.74 to where I didn't want to be here at all. 00:17:20.77\00:17:24.77 I remember one incident, I pulled into a dark alley, 00:17:24.81\00:17:29.98 hoping that nobody seeing me and was going to do it there. 00:17:30.01\00:17:35.78 It just couldn't happen. 00:17:35.82\00:17:37.49 For some reason it just, it wouldn't happen. 00:17:37.52\00:17:40.62 Praise God. 00:17:40.66\00:17:41.99 It wouldn't happen. 00:17:42.02\00:17:43.36 And I went home. 00:17:44.63\00:17:45.96 Yes. 00:17:45.99\00:17:47.33 Two days later, I tried it again. 00:17:47.36\00:17:50.03 My brother, my little brother who came in 00:17:50.07\00:17:52.73 and stopped it that time. 00:17:52.77\00:17:55.50 We actually got into a whole physical fight, like, 00:17:55.54\00:17:59.07 This is your little brother? 00:18:01.08\00:18:02.41 Yeah, my little brother, 00:18:02.44\00:18:03.78 we got into an actual physical fight 00:18:03.81\00:18:06.75 and he stopped it and he held me 00:18:06.78\00:18:11.55 for about two hours, wouldn't let me go. 00:18:11.59\00:18:13.29 Just like bear hug me, tied me. 00:18:13.32\00:18:15.72 I couldn't move. 00:18:15.76\00:18:17.09 He just, just sat there. 00:18:17.13\00:18:18.66 I never cried. 00:18:18.69\00:18:20.03 I just sat there. 00:18:20.06\00:18:21.40 But the thought, 00:18:21.43\00:18:22.76 the thought runs across your mind 00:18:22.80\00:18:24.73 and you don't know why it runs across your mind. 00:18:24.77\00:18:26.87 You didn't know what happened. 00:18:26.90\00:18:28.94 Some people act on it, some people don't. 00:18:28.97\00:18:32.07 Some people are lucky enough to have that conscience to say, 00:18:32.11\00:18:36.01 what are you doing? 00:18:36.04\00:18:38.45 Why are you doing this? 00:18:38.48\00:18:40.25 You have too many people looking for you. 00:18:40.28\00:18:42.45 You have too many people that you can help 00:18:42.48\00:18:45.95 go through this situation that you're going through. 00:18:45.99\00:18:49.02 But at the time you really don't know what to do. 00:18:49.06\00:18:53.09 I think that people are blessed. 00:18:53.13\00:18:55.36 I don't believe in luck. 00:18:55.40\00:18:56.97 I believe in, you know, the Holy Spirit stepping in, 00:18:57.00\00:19:01.07 guiding you, God stepped in in that alley. 00:19:01.10\00:19:03.71 Absolutely. 00:19:03.74\00:19:05.07 God stepped in with your brother, you know. 00:19:05.11\00:19:07.51 And I don't believe in coincidence. 00:19:07.54\00:19:09.01 I believe that God has a destined, 00:19:09.04\00:19:12.68 a destined time for each of us 00:19:12.71\00:19:14.78 and how He wants things done if we trust in Him. 00:19:14.82\00:19:17.29 True. 00:19:17.32\00:19:18.65 And put our hands in His hands. 00:19:18.69\00:19:20.26 I think that God has a purpose for your life, Darryl. 00:19:20.29\00:19:23.22 Well, I'm just learning that now 00:19:23.26\00:19:24.79 because yes, I'm a Christian, but at times 00:19:24.83\00:19:28.60 when you're going through depression, 00:19:28.63\00:19:30.50 you don't believe that. 00:19:30.53\00:19:32.23 You don't understand it. 00:19:32.27\00:19:33.70 You know, you feel like He's given up on you 00:19:33.74\00:19:36.60 or there's a block and it's like, 00:19:36.64\00:19:39.37 He not giving you no sign, no help, 00:19:39.41\00:19:42.61 no nothing to figure out how to get through this block. 00:19:42.64\00:19:46.95 And the block can be that big. 00:19:46.98\00:19:49.08 But because the depression is this big, 00:19:49.12\00:19:52.32 that block seems huge. 00:19:52.35\00:19:54.49 Huge. 00:19:54.52\00:19:55.86 So it was a while when me 00:19:55.89\00:20:00.43 and the big G-O-D did not... 00:20:00.46\00:20:03.33 Communicate. At all. 00:20:03.37\00:20:04.93 And that's very real. 00:20:04.97\00:20:06.30 You know, we go through things where God, 00:20:06.33\00:20:08.90 we disconnect from God. 00:20:08.94\00:20:10.27 But see, the one thing is God never leaves us. 00:20:10.31\00:20:12.67 Absolutely. 00:20:12.71\00:20:14.04 He's, but He's a free will God. Yes. 00:20:14.08\00:20:15.81 He will be there waiting with arms open wide to say, 00:20:15.84\00:20:19.08 I'm ready for you. 00:20:19.11\00:20:20.45 Come on home. 00:20:20.48\00:20:21.82 Come home. 00:20:21.85\00:20:23.18 I remember the little girl in church. 00:20:23.22\00:20:24.55 We had this song, you know, come home, come home. 00:20:24.59\00:20:28.06 It was beautiful. 00:20:28.09\00:20:29.56 And uh, Pastor Marshall T. Kelly would, 00:20:29.59\00:20:31.99 see he was my pastor. 00:20:32.03\00:20:33.36 He would sing this song 00:20:33.40\00:20:34.73 and you just wanted to give your life to Christ. 00:20:34.76\00:20:36.46 And I did at a very early age. 00:20:36.50\00:20:38.53 He wants, He waits. 00:20:38.57\00:20:39.90 And, but He will not pressure just like coming to counseling 00:20:39.93\00:20:43.37 is something that has to be your choice. 00:20:43.41\00:20:46.21 You know, it has to be something you need. 00:20:46.24\00:20:47.58 I remember a story real quickly. 00:20:47.61\00:20:49.28 This man was on an island. 00:20:49.31\00:20:51.11 He was stranded. 00:20:51.15\00:20:52.48 He prayed to God. 00:20:52.51\00:20:53.85 God, please send help. 00:20:53.88\00:20:55.22 Well, God sent a boat. 00:20:55.25\00:20:57.65 He said that mm-mm. 00:20:57.69\00:20:59.02 God sent a raft, he said mm-mm. 00:20:59.05\00:21:00.99 God even sent a helicopter, but he was looking for a plane 00:21:01.02\00:21:04.13 and, he missed it. 00:21:04.16\00:21:06.16 God is there to protect us, to help us. 00:21:06.19\00:21:10.00 Yes, depression is real audience. 00:21:10.03\00:21:12.20 Very real. 00:21:12.23\00:21:13.57 But you, that is not the problem, Darryl, 00:21:13.60\00:21:15.77 it's how you would handle the problem. 00:21:15.80\00:21:18.21 I had to take you off work for a little while 00:21:18.24\00:21:21.18 to be able to really take a step back. 00:21:21.21\00:21:23.55 Has it helped you? 00:21:23.58\00:21:24.98 It definitely has been helping, 00:21:25.01\00:21:27.18 because work was a trigger at a certain point. 00:21:27.22\00:21:29.28 Yeah. 00:21:29.32\00:21:30.65 So being away from things 00:21:30.69\00:21:33.89 to really sit back and figure out your life, 00:21:33.92\00:21:37.66 because you know, growing up, 00:21:37.69\00:21:39.03 you really never get to figure out your life. 00:21:39.06\00:21:41.43 It's elementary, middle school, high school. 00:21:41.46\00:21:45.20 If you're lucky enough college, 00:21:45.23\00:21:47.00 after college you have to get a job 00:21:47.04\00:21:48.77 because you got student debts that you got to pay for. 00:21:48.80\00:21:51.54 So you never really get to really figure out 00:21:51.57\00:21:54.11 who you are. 00:21:54.14\00:21:55.48 Some people are lucky enough to go away to college, 00:21:55.51\00:21:58.55 to help them figure out. 00:21:58.58\00:21:59.91 Now I hear you use the word luck all the time. 00:21:59.95\00:22:01.62 Why do you use lucky or luck? 00:22:01.65\00:22:03.79 And now I don't know, I'm not saying 00:22:03.82\00:22:05.19 I'm not here to judge you. 00:22:05.22\00:22:06.55 This is a safe zone, but I use the word blessed 00:22:06.59\00:22:09.49 or I use the word, you know, unfortunate. 00:22:09.52\00:22:12.26 Why do you say luck? 00:22:12.29\00:22:14.20 Luck and blessed is the same thing to me. 00:22:14.23\00:22:16.46 It's just, luck just happens, it come out easier. 00:22:16.50\00:22:20.44 Okay. 00:22:20.47\00:22:21.80 But I believe in luck 00:22:21.84\00:22:23.17 and blessings are the same thing because... 00:22:23.20\00:22:24.81 Okay, go ahead. 00:22:24.84\00:22:26.17 Because things don't just happen 00:22:26.21\00:22:29.21 just to happen. 00:22:29.24\00:22:31.01 You believe that? 00:22:31.05\00:22:32.38 I absolutely believe that. 00:22:32.41\00:22:33.75 There was no way that I wasn't supposed to meet you. 00:22:33.78\00:22:38.05 Absolutely, no way. 00:22:38.09\00:22:39.42 So you believe that was luck 00:22:39.45\00:22:40.79 or you believe God led you to me through your coworker? 00:22:40.82\00:22:43.53 I believe God led me through my coworker to you, 00:22:43.56\00:22:47.66 which I call a blessing and lucky all at the same time. 00:22:47.70\00:22:49.90 Okay. 00:22:49.93\00:22:51.27 Because when I think of luck, I think of happiness. 00:22:51.30\00:22:55.00 When I think of blessings, I think of encouragement 00:22:55.04\00:22:58.07 in the path to push forward. 00:22:58.11\00:22:59.44 Okay. 00:22:59.47\00:23:00.81 So I can bind those two together. 00:23:00.84\00:23:02.18 Right. 00:23:02.21\00:23:03.55 I think it was a... I think it's something 00:23:03.58\00:23:04.91 that I was raised with as a Seventh-day Adventist. 00:23:04.95\00:23:07.85 And I hear a lot of my patients use the term luck 00:23:07.88\00:23:12.82 and I tend to correct them. 00:23:12.85\00:23:14.89 But what I've learned from you today 00:23:14.92\00:23:16.62 that, you know, God gives us free will spirit. 00:23:16.66\00:23:20.03 And as a clinician, I have grown. 00:23:20.06\00:23:22.56 One of my patients said to me one time, 00:23:22.60\00:23:24.77 Dr. Logan, if you could just listen, 00:23:24.80\00:23:26.57 you'll be a better therapist. 00:23:26.60\00:23:28.80 And she was a therapist, 00:23:28.84\00:23:30.61 that was the best advice she could have given me. 00:23:30.64\00:23:32.47 And my listening skills went from maybe, 00:23:32.51\00:23:34.71 you know, zero tolerance to a 100%. 00:23:34.74\00:23:38.28 But being able to listen to you and not being able to use 00:23:38.31\00:23:43.39 the word luck and to criticize a person 00:23:43.42\00:23:47.26 that could do damage to my therapy session. 00:23:47.29\00:23:49.42 Absolutely. 00:23:49.46\00:23:50.79 So let me ask you this. 00:23:50.83\00:23:52.33 In everything that you're going through, 00:23:52.36\00:23:55.06 you know, God has spared your life. 00:23:55.10\00:23:57.80 Your brother tackled you. 00:23:57.83\00:24:00.54 Here you are now. 00:24:00.57\00:24:02.87 What's the next level for you? 00:24:02.90\00:24:05.81 What do you want from God? 00:24:05.84\00:24:08.28 What are you asking God to do for you now? 00:24:08.31\00:24:10.15 Right now, understanding.., 00:24:10.18\00:24:11.81 Understanding. 00:24:11.85\00:24:13.18 On where my depression stems 00:24:13.21\00:24:15.48 from and the courage to understand it, 00:24:15.52\00:24:20.42 the courage to accept it and the wisdom to know 00:24:20.46\00:24:24.53 that I can stop it from happening. 00:24:24.56\00:24:29.36 Outside of the depression part, 00:24:29.40\00:24:32.80 I don't know, I'm still working on that. 00:24:32.83\00:24:34.17 You still working on that? 00:24:34.20\00:24:35.54 I'm still working on that. 00:24:35.57\00:24:36.91 He's guiding me through a couple of things. 00:24:36.94\00:24:39.54 Being off work has led me to some things 00:24:39.57\00:24:42.08 that I forgot about that I was passionate 00:24:42.11\00:24:44.38 about, which is being creative, 00:24:44.41\00:24:47.72 started wanting to work for myself, 00:24:47.75\00:24:50.79 getting back to computers, 00:24:50.82\00:24:53.32 getting back to actually playing basketball. 00:24:53.36\00:24:56.52 Really? 00:24:56.56\00:24:57.89 Learning that it's okay to say I need help. 00:24:57.93\00:25:02.50 Yes. 00:25:02.53\00:25:03.87 So having this time off work is definitely 00:25:03.90\00:25:06.77 given me a new fuel. 00:25:06.80\00:25:09.30 Not saying that that new fuel I'm like, 00:25:09.34\00:25:11.27 I'm ready to go back to work 00:25:11.31\00:25:13.07 because there's still more to do. 00:25:13.11\00:25:14.44 There's still a lot. 00:25:14.48\00:25:15.81 We have to do a lot more work. 00:25:15.84\00:25:17.18 There's still a lot more to do, because I just had, 00:25:17.21\00:25:18.58 I had a breakdown recently. 00:25:18.61\00:25:20.48 Yes, and you just recently told me about it. 00:25:20.52\00:25:22.32 And I just told you about that. 00:25:22.35\00:25:23.69 Yes, you did. 00:25:23.72\00:25:25.05 So just because a person looks sound, 00:25:25.09\00:25:28.99 even acts like everything is all right, 00:25:29.02\00:25:32.13 don't necessarily mean it. 00:25:32.16\00:25:33.50 You said a key word that 00:25:33.53\00:25:34.90 most people mainly African-Americans 00:25:34.93\00:25:38.30 don't do, listen. 00:25:38.33\00:25:40.14 You know, listen. 00:25:40.17\00:25:41.50 Well, I find that it's all people 00:25:41.54\00:25:42.87 because I have a huge range of all ethnic backgrounds, 00:25:42.90\00:25:46.54 but what I think we need to do, 00:25:46.57\00:25:47.94 I knew I wasn't listening and I was the clinician. 00:25:47.98\00:25:51.75 And so, but the Lord spoke through her 00:25:51.78\00:25:54.68 and she was a Christian, 00:25:54.72\00:25:56.72 and it helped me to make some changes. 00:25:56.75\00:25:59.32 So now when you, as you know, I said, 00:25:59.35\00:26:01.86 tell me about you because there's a story. 00:26:01.89\00:26:03.46 Absolutely. 00:26:03.49\00:26:04.83 And you told me once you were able to pull yourself together, 00:26:04.86\00:26:07.70 talk a little bit. 00:26:07.73\00:26:09.06 And then even now when we have sessions, 00:26:09.10\00:26:11.50 I noticed that you will break down, 00:26:11.53\00:26:13.30 but it's a lot less, 00:26:13.34\00:26:14.67 but it depends on the trigger itself. 00:26:14.70\00:26:17.27 Let's talk about your favorite scripture, Philippians 4:13. 00:26:17.31\00:26:20.34 Yes. 00:26:20.38\00:26:21.71 "I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me." 00:26:21.74\00:26:23.51 Why is that your favorite? 00:26:23.55\00:26:25.81 That night in alley. 00:26:25.85\00:26:27.95 That night in the alley? 00:26:27.98\00:26:29.32 That night in alley. 00:26:29.35\00:26:30.69 That's what I call it, that night in the alley. 00:26:30.72\00:26:33.02 Because I truly believe if it wasn't for Him, 00:26:33.05\00:26:37.83 I wouldn't be here. 00:26:37.86\00:26:39.89 And I feel, especially during this off work 00:26:39.93\00:26:44.13 being with you helped me realize like, 00:26:44.17\00:26:48.27 okay, He is there. 00:26:48.30\00:26:50.31 All I have to do is continue to believe. 00:26:50.34\00:26:52.67 Believe in God. 00:26:52.71\00:26:54.04 And one thing I have noticed is, 00:26:54.08\00:26:56.78 I don't have to get on my knees and pray. 00:26:56.81\00:26:58.55 I don't have to close my eyes. 00:26:58.58\00:26:59.91 I can be driving in the car 00:26:59.95\00:27:01.28 and just have a complete conversation. 00:27:01.32\00:27:02.65 Yes! 00:27:02.68\00:27:04.02 People think I'll be talking to myself, but I don't. 00:27:04.05\00:27:06.79 But it ain't necessarily all about how you pray. 00:27:06.82\00:27:12.73 You can talk to God like a regular, 00:27:12.76\00:27:14.16 like we're having a conversation right now. 00:27:14.20\00:27:15.53 That's right. 00:27:15.56\00:27:16.90 You can have that same conversation. 00:27:16.93\00:27:18.93 And out of nowhere, 00:27:18.97\00:27:20.80 you'll get some strength to do something 00:27:20.84\00:27:22.17 that you ain't think you were able to do. 00:27:22.20\00:27:23.94 That you haven't been able to do. 00:27:23.97\00:27:25.31 So that's definitely been my go-to, 00:27:25.34\00:27:30.71 especially as of late, 00:27:30.75\00:27:32.88 because like with the breakdown that I recently had, 00:27:32.91\00:27:36.22 He helped me get up off that couch. 00:27:36.25\00:27:37.59 Because I was on the couch for two days like I told you. 00:27:37.62\00:27:38.95 Yes, you did. 00:27:38.99\00:27:40.32 Didn't want to move. 00:27:40.36\00:27:41.69 Didn't want to eat and watching TV. 00:27:41.72\00:27:46.39 Well, TV was actually watching me. 00:27:46.43\00:27:47.76 Right. 00:27:47.80\00:27:49.13 And that scripture came out of nowhere. 00:27:49.16\00:27:51.93 I was like, okay, let's get up. 00:27:51.97\00:27:55.04 Well, listen, I know 00:27:55.07\00:27:56.91 that we all are going to have to get up. 00:27:56.94\00:27:58.87 I want to thank Darryl Davidson for coming on Live To Be Well 00:27:58.91\00:28:02.18 and being so transparent 00:28:02.21\00:28:04.18 about his relationship and counseling. 00:28:04.21\00:28:06.95 Continue to Live To Be Well, I'm Dr. Kim. 00:28:06.98\00:28:09.48 God bless. 00:28:09.52\00:28:10.85