Hi, I'm Dr. Kim, and
welcome to Live to be Well.
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Have you thought about
how your life is changing?
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We change, we evolve every day.
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I am so happy to
have a special guest
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Mrs. Paula Henry, welcome.
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Thank you, Dr. Kim.
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God is so good.
Thank you so much.
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Amen, yes, He is. Amen.
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You know, when I
was thinking about
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the title of your
program, I thought about
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what you've been going through,
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and the Lord put it on
my heart, I am Changing.
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And truly, you are evolving
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but you've have gone
through a lot of changes.
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Yes.
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So let's talk a little bit
about your humble beginnings,
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where you are from,
family origin, marriage,
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Detroit, you have
two beautiful children,
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and then let's
transition to what has happened.
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All right, so are
you a native Detroiter?
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I am, I was born
and raised in Detroit.
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East side? West side? West side.
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Oh, whatever. Okay, East side.
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Okay, we'll let
you have that one.
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You know, you know,
people don't understand
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outside of
Detroit what that means
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'cause they don't have
that battle in other states.
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But it's always been like that
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with East side
square and the West side.
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East side and the West side.
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You know, you got to be
from Detroit to understand.
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Absolutely.
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So how long have
you been married?
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So I have been married, it
will be 21 years this year.
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Really? Yes.
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Congratulations.
Look at that smile.
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You know, every time
I see you in pictures,
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you're just smiling, you know,
Brother Troy going this way,
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you're going that way,
you're in front of him.
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Yeah.
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Looking like
teenagers, you know.
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Yeah, that's my guy.
Yeah. So how many children?
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I have two biological
children, and we have two...
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I call them my love children.
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Yes. Wonderful. Yes.
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And you're so excited
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because your son
started college last year.
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So I have a sophomore in college
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and a sophomore in high school.
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Isn't that too cute? What!
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The cutest thing. You
know, so what is it like?
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Your son and then here
is your daughter sophomore.
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Does she miss her
brother when he's away?
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You know, they really
have a wonderful relationship.
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That's a blessing.
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Yes, you know,
'cause when I was coming up,
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we couldn't fight as siblings,
so my children cannot as well.
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And it's something, you know,
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you have an older
brother and a younger sister,
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and they go
through a little, you know.
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But they love each other.
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She misses him
when he's not at home.
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Does he miss her? He does.
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Does he? He does, yes.
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They've been together all summer
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'cause he's home from school.
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Oh, my goodness.
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You gave him the
most awesome open house.
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I could not attend
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because Arthur
was ill at the time.
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But I saw the
beautiful pictures,
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I was like, "I need to
do this, I need to do that.
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That was beautiful."
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Yeah, we had a good
time. We had a good time.
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So siblings, how
many siblings do you have?
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I have a twin sister. No!
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I do. I do.
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You know, have we
talked about that before?
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You know, I'm not sure.
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I don't think I've
ever heard you say that.
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Are you identical or
fraternal? Fraternal.
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And who's the eldest?
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And we have two
birth certificates,
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believe it or not,
one says I'm the oldest
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and the other
says she's the oldest.
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What!
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But my mother says I'm
the oldest by 12 minutes.
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So I'm taking that one.
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You're going to take in
and believe what mama says.
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Yeah.
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Well, let's talk about
your educational background
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and what you do for living.
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So currently, I am
an assistant principal
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for National Heritage Academies.
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We are called Deans,
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and I'm currently over
grades four through eight.
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Wow, those are
their serious ages.
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Yes. They're finding themselves.
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Absolutely.
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The most unique
time in their life.
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I like what you
said there, unique time.
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They're their special
individuals in that time.
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You know, what kind of
a fourth grader were you?
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You know, I was always
a quiet student, you know,
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I was the kind
that love the teacher
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and kind of want to be
near the teacher, you know.
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I had to work hard
for it. You worked hard?
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Did you
matriculate right through?
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Yeah. Passed all
your classes in...
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I did. Well, most of them.
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Most of them. Most of them.
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We'll say, we'll
get to high school,
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math wasn't my easiest, yeah.
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Okay, let's just be transparent.
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You know, let's just call it.
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And it's good
because young people
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watch the program
and they need to know
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that we too struggle.
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Yeah, absolutely.
But we didn't give up.
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Absolutely. Absolutely.
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And I went to, you know,
"Premier" Detroit School,
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I went to Castaic.
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Oh, my mom went into Cas.
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You know, I always thought
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you all were
something over there.
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Well, we were a bit special.
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You all were.
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Okay. Yeah, yeah.
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And then from Cas,
where did you attend?
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So I went to central
Michigan for undergrad,
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and I graduated with a degree
in recreation administration.
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Now did you go to Ohio?
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No, I went to
Mount Pleasant, Michigan.
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Oh, you went to
Mount Pleasant? I did.
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Three hours away,
first time I've been away
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from my twin sister.
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Really? Yeah.
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I went on the Track scholarship.
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Did you? Track? I did.
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Listen... tell me about Paula.
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I went to Central Michigan
on a Track scholarship...
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Well, you could run, girl.
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Little, some,
some, not too much.
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And my sister went to Eastern.
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And so, you know, my
parents were, you know,
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middle class, so it
was expensive to send,
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you know, both kids to college.
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So I got a Track scholarship,
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and my sister went
through the military.
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Okay.
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So I graduated from
Central, and then I came home,
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and I started
working for the Detroit,
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city of Detroit in a chain
park and with the festivals
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'cause I wanted to
work in a recreation center.
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Well, where were you
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when I needed to
get in free, okay.
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Well, back then you
could get into the festival.
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Yeah, it was, yeah.
Those were the best times.
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Yes, we had a great time.
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You know, I once
wanted worked with kids,
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but I knew before I left Central
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that I needed to get
my teacher certificate.
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But I was ready to come
home, and so I came home,
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and found that with
the recreation, you know,
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was a lot of seniority.
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So I started
substitute teaching.
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And there from subbing,
I get my bachelor's degree
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in education from
Oakland University.
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And then I went on,
you know, with teaching,
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you have to be
certified every five years.
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Yeah.
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So I got a
master's degree in reading
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from UM-Dearborn.
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And I got
another master's degree
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in special education.
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All right.
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Because working for
Detroit Public Schools
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at that time, we
needed more certified teachers
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in special education, so
they sent me to special ed.
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And then I pursued a
degree in educational leadership
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which is now afforded
me the opportunity to be
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in administration now so.
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Oh, my goodness. Yeah.
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So were you married with
children doing all of this?
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Well, when I did my
master's degree, I was.
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Yes.
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And my husband supported
me throughout the entire time.
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I couldn't have
gotten without him.
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Isn't that a
blessing? I'm so blessed.
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Does he cook?
Oh, he's wonderful.
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Ha can cook? Yes.
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Really?
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He can cook, he can
clean, he can do it all.
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He wash? Yes!
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Does he wash? My
husband is wonderful.
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He's a superman! He is. He is.
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All right. And
works at the same time.
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What do you say? Yes.
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You are all in love.
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Look at you. I am.
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I love my husband. I
love my husband so much.
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That is a
blessing. He's so good to me.
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That's a blessing.
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So let's talk
about I am Changing
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and when did the change
begin and what was this change?
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When I left
Detroit Public Schools
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which I never thought
that I would, you know,
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but with the way the
system was going, you know,
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I needed to make sure I
could take care of my family.
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I went over to
National Heritage Academies
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which is NHA
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and it was a
different set up all together.
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Is that a charter school?
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It is a public
charter organization,
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and it is very
systematic, I mean,
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everything is very organized,
and so it was different
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from what I was used to
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and so it was a little
bit stress for me going,
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coming in from the outside.
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Most people grow up
in NHAs, what we call it,
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and so me coming in from
outside public, you know,
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to charter, it
was a lot of changes,
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it was a lot of, you know,
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learning
different operating systems.
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Going from being a
teacher to an administrator
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is the big job as well.
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So it was a lot of stress,
you know, learning everything.
00:08:18.29\00:08:21.06
So I kind of noticed
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'cause at the
time I had sisterlocks,
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I had a beautiful
head of sisterlocks,
00:08:24.13\00:08:26.80
I mean, just streaming down.
00:08:26.84\00:08:28.70
And so I started going
through some, you know,
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some stress and I
noticed I would start getting,
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you know, my locks
we're starting to falling out.
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It's like, okay, I
didn't think too much of it,
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maybe it was just
me, maybe, you know.
00:08:37.75\00:08:39.95
And then that was in 2012
when I started there and then,
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you know, I was
there a couple years.
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And then my dad passed.
00:08:46.35\00:08:48.42
And so my twin
sister now lives in Texas,
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before that she was in Illinois,
00:08:51.49\00:08:53.36
my younger
sister lives in Indiana.
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And so my brother who
was killed unfortunately,
00:08:56.97\00:09:01.17
yes, I had a
brother who was murdered.
00:09:01.20\00:09:02.57
So I'm the only child here,
so it was just me and my mom.
00:09:02.60\00:09:05.97
Yes.
00:09:06.01\00:09:07.34
So after my dad died,
it was very stressful.
00:09:07.38\00:09:10.55
You don't realize how
grief can almost consume you,
00:09:10.58\00:09:14.72
how it can just
take over your life,
00:09:14.75\00:09:17.22
and how you internalize it.
00:09:17.25\00:09:19.29
And I didn't
realize that I was I think
00:09:19.32\00:09:22.19
internalizing it
inward, you know,
00:09:22.22\00:09:24.06
I'm trying to take
care of mom, you know,
00:09:24.09\00:09:25.76
making sure she's okay
'cause she's there by herself
00:09:25.79\00:09:28.76
and my sisters weren't
there and then I'm working
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'cause my mom lives in
Detroit, I live in Novi,
00:09:30.87\00:09:34.07
and I work in Bellevue.
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So of course, I'm still a wife,
I'm still a mother, and my job.
00:09:35.47\00:09:40.08
So, you know, it was
just taking a toll on me,
00:09:40.11\00:09:42.21
it was taking a toll.
00:09:42.24\00:09:43.58
So, you know,
obviously I'm here doing this
00:09:43.61\00:09:45.11
and you know, like...
00:09:45.15\00:09:46.72
and then losing that lock or...
00:09:46.75\00:09:48.98
And then I would go
and get my hair retightened
00:09:49.02\00:09:50.95
and it started up top.
00:09:50.99\00:09:54.66
It was a small circle,
00:09:54.69\00:09:56.36
then the circle got
a little bit bigger,
00:09:56.39\00:09:57.96
just smooth.
00:09:57.99\00:09:59.33
And the circle continued
to grow and then eventually,
00:09:59.36\00:10:02.63
I said, "Well, I'm going
to have to take my locks out,
00:10:02.66\00:10:04.30
'cause maybe it
was heavy, you know,
00:10:04.33\00:10:06.74
so let me cut my locks out."
00:10:06.77\00:10:08.20
And then I
started wearing a wig.
00:10:08.24\00:10:11.57
And I'm not a hair
person so, you know,
00:10:11.61\00:10:15.01
how people can go
and style and, you know,
00:10:15.04\00:10:17.38
that wasn't my forte.
00:10:17.41\00:10:19.01
My mother was
worried when I had a daughter
00:10:19.05\00:10:20.72
'cause she was like what
am I going to do with her.
00:10:20.75\00:10:23.05
And so I started to wear wigs,
00:10:23.08\00:10:24.79
I would go to the
beauty barber store,
00:10:24.82\00:10:26.42
and it was just like wow,
'cause wigs come in all colors.
00:10:26.45\00:10:30.59
Oh, yes.
00:10:30.63\00:10:31.96
All shapes, sizes, long hair,
short hair, curly, grey, black,
00:10:31.99\00:10:36.90
red, I mean, it was just...
00:10:36.93\00:10:38.27
Too many to choose from.
Yeah, too many to choose from.
00:10:38.30\00:10:39.83
So I had to try to get
used to that wearing a wig
00:10:39.87\00:10:42.20
because I was worried, you know,
00:10:42.24\00:10:44.07
when you talk about your
hair, that's who you are.
00:10:44.11\00:10:47.08
Self-image. It's your...
00:10:47.11\00:10:48.44
it is, you know.
00:10:48.48\00:10:49.81
And so going from
locks down here to no locks
00:10:49.84\00:10:53.88
and to wearing a
wig I had to find out
00:10:53.92\00:10:55.88
if a short do works for
you, if a long do works for you.
00:10:55.92\00:10:59.49
And then, you know,
00:10:59.52\00:11:00.86
you still have to
go to work everyday
00:11:00.89\00:11:02.22
and be professional.
00:11:02.26\00:11:03.63
So I was just,
you know, wearing wigs
00:11:03.66\00:11:05.66
and my family was
supporting me and, you know,
00:11:05.69\00:11:07.80
I'll try one wig and, you
know, "Oh, it looks good,"
00:11:07.83\00:11:10.90
and, you know, try
another one, and it looks good.
00:11:10.93\00:11:14.10
And finally, and
during this process,
00:11:14.14\00:11:17.17
I was still getting injections
00:11:17.21\00:11:18.54
'cause I was going to the doctor
00:11:18.57\00:11:20.34
trying to grow my hair back.
00:11:20.38\00:11:21.74
So you still
didn't know what you had?
00:11:21.78\00:11:23.65
No, I didn't know.
00:11:23.68\00:11:25.01
I started going to the
doctor and she told me then
00:11:25.05\00:11:26.98
at that point, I
started going to the doctor,
00:11:27.02\00:11:29.05
and I wrote it down
making sure I have in notes,
00:11:29.08\00:11:31.15
in August of 2013.
00:11:31.19\00:11:34.06
And she, then at that point,
00:11:34.09\00:11:35.42
told me that it
was alopecia areata.
00:11:35.46\00:11:37.73
I'm like, "Well, what is that?"
00:11:37.76\00:11:39.23
I had heard of alopecia before."
00:11:39.26\00:11:41.50
And she was saying that,
you know, it's a hair loss.
00:11:41.53\00:11:44.60
But I had heard was
that is the result of stress.
00:11:44.63\00:11:47.47
Of course, they won't
say that it is stress.
00:11:47.50\00:11:49.80
I knew I had a lot of
stress in my life at that time.
00:11:49.84\00:11:52.64
So I started
going to the doctor,
00:11:52.67\00:11:54.01
I would go once a month
for these monthly injections.
00:11:54.04\00:11:56.71
And I just kept
going and kept going,
00:11:56.75\00:11:59.65
and I went for almost two years
00:11:59.68\00:12:02.95
getting these monthly injections
00:12:02.98\00:12:04.45
while I'm still
wearing wigs and everything.
00:12:04.49\00:12:06.92
And then I changed doctors
and went to another doctor
00:12:06.96\00:12:10.96
who decided that we needed
a more intensive treatment.
00:12:10.99\00:12:15.10
And then I started getting
injections every other week,
00:12:15.13\00:12:18.40
and I did that for
almost another year and a half.
00:12:18.43\00:12:21.24
And I had just had enough.
00:12:21.27\00:12:25.17
My husband, they
were keep telling me,
00:12:25.21\00:12:26.94
you know, come home.
00:12:26.98\00:12:28.31
As soon as I get in the car
from the job, I get in the car,
00:12:28.34\00:12:30.95
take that wig off and
throw it in a back seat
00:12:30.98\00:12:33.31
'cause I'm like,
I'm just hot, you know,
00:12:33.35\00:12:36.25
come home put my durag on.
00:12:36.28\00:12:38.29
And my husband and
my kids will be like,
00:12:38.32\00:12:40.56
"You know, mom, you're okay.
00:12:40.59\00:12:41.96
You don't have to
worry about that."
00:12:41.99\00:12:43.39
You know, they
just constantly makes me
00:12:43.43\00:12:45.39
a little emotional on that
00:12:45.43\00:12:46.76
because they
constantly were supporting me.
00:12:46.80\00:12:48.93
You know, whatever I
was going through that day,
00:12:48.96\00:12:51.80
"You're fine mom,"
my daughter will say,
00:12:51.83\00:12:53.64
"You're beautiful."
00:12:53.67\00:12:55.00
Yes.
00:12:55.04\00:12:56.37
But you just had to get a place
00:12:56.40\00:12:58.14
where you have to
believe it for yourself.
00:12:58.17\00:13:00.88
Yes.
00:13:00.91\00:13:02.24
And so I finally decided I
would just shave it all off
00:13:02.28\00:13:05.21
and so I was
still wearing a wig.
00:13:05.25\00:13:07.32
And I remember,
you know, as a teacher,
00:13:07.35\00:13:09.85
we had those two weeks
off of Christmas break.
00:13:09.88\00:13:14.02
It was Friday,
December 19, 2015,
00:13:14.06\00:13:18.86
and I had decided I was
not wearing another wig.
00:13:18.89\00:13:22.70
Wow.
00:13:22.73\00:13:24.07
I said, "God, this where
I am, if this is where I am,
00:13:24.10\00:13:27.14
this is where I am."
00:13:27.17\00:13:28.50
I don't know why, you
know, I used to think like,
00:13:28.54\00:13:30.64
"Why am I going through this?
00:13:30.67\00:13:32.14
Why me?" You know.
00:13:32.17\00:13:34.91
But at that point, it was
just me and Jesus, and I said,
00:13:34.94\00:13:38.15
"Okay, this is what it is.
00:13:38.18\00:13:39.71
It could be worse." Oh, yes.
00:13:39.75\00:13:41.38
I could have breast cancer.
00:13:41.42\00:13:42.75
I could have all kind of things.
00:13:42.78\00:13:44.39
But if it's just a
matter of putting a wig on
00:13:44.42\00:13:46.52
or not wearing a wig,
00:13:46.55\00:13:47.89
then this is
where we are, Jesus.
00:13:47.92\00:13:49.26
So I haven't had on another wig
00:13:49.29\00:13:51.59
since Friday, December 19, 2015.
00:13:51.63\00:13:54.40
What do you say?
00:13:54.43\00:13:55.76
And when you embrace it,
00:13:55.80\00:13:57.77
everybody else can well with it.
00:13:57.80\00:13:59.77
I love it. I love it.
00:13:59.80\00:14:02.80
And, you know,
they were like, "Wow."
00:14:02.84\00:14:04.77
And people were just
telling me, you know.
00:14:04.81\00:14:06.47
"You're so brave." I
wasn't trying to be brave.
00:14:06.51\00:14:08.24
Yes.
00:14:08.28\00:14:09.61
I had just got to
a place I just say,
00:14:09.64\00:14:10.98
"God, if this is where we
are, this is where we are.
00:14:11.01\00:14:12.81
I don't know why."
00:14:12.85\00:14:14.48
I still don't know but
I get so many compliments,
00:14:14.52\00:14:18.35
and people are
always telling me,
00:14:18.39\00:14:20.72
"You know, you're so brave,
00:14:20.76\00:14:22.09
you're so this,
you're so courageous."
00:14:22.12\00:14:23.89
I mean, people
will just be in tears
00:14:23.93\00:14:25.66
'cause I came to the
quire, I was in quire at church,
00:14:25.69\00:14:29.80
no wig and
everything, they're just like,
00:14:29.83\00:14:31.57
"Oh, you look so beautiful."
00:14:31.60\00:14:33.54
I'm like, "Okay."
00:14:33.57\00:14:35.00
And your
co-workers are the same?
00:14:35.04\00:14:36.54
Everyone. Your students?
00:14:36.57\00:14:37.97
My principal, she's told me,
she is along with my husband,
00:14:38.01\00:14:41.58
she said, "Just wear bald."
00:14:41.61\00:14:43.48
Just go bald. My principal.
00:14:43.51\00:14:44.88
So even in that
place and time in my life,
00:14:44.91\00:14:47.15
God blessed me with
a wonderful principal
00:14:47.18\00:14:49.48
who supported me
along this journey.
00:14:49.52\00:14:51.52
She said, "Just wear bald,"
00:14:51.55\00:14:52.89
cause I will go
and take my wig off.
00:14:52.92\00:14:55.72
She's like, "It's fine.
You got a nice little head."
00:14:55.76\00:14:59.59
You do, you do.
00:14:59.63\00:15:01.16
I remember when I met you,
00:15:01.20\00:15:03.70
you had called
me for counseling.
00:15:03.73\00:15:06.43
And I said she's
such a beautiful woman
00:15:06.47\00:15:09.17
because my oldest had
gone through breast cancer.
00:15:09.20\00:15:13.01
And she had called my husband,
my late husband, and said,
00:15:13.04\00:15:16.64
"Dad, you know, I had
my first chemo treatment,
00:15:16.68\00:15:19.11
and my hair is coming out."
00:15:19.15\00:15:20.48
She had beautiful,
beautiful long hair.
00:15:20.52\00:15:22.82
And she said,
"Dad, who do I do?"
00:15:22.85\00:15:25.55
He said, "Make an appointment
with your barber, cut it off."
00:15:25.59\00:15:29.79
And she called me, and I
didn't handle it as well.
00:15:29.82\00:15:33.60
She says, "Well, mom,
what do you think I should do?"
00:15:33.63\00:15:36.20
And I froze on the
phone. And she says, "Mom?"
00:15:36.23\00:15:40.70
And I said, "I
can't talk right now."
00:15:40.74\00:15:43.74
So she was so hurt.
00:15:43.77\00:15:45.87
And at her
third chemo treatment,
00:15:45.91\00:15:47.71
we went down to see her.
00:15:47.74\00:15:49.58
And I went to hug
her, and she says,
00:15:49.61\00:15:51.85
"Can you embrace me?
00:15:51.88\00:15:53.62
Can you embrace this
because the hair is gone, mom.
00:15:53.65\00:15:58.35
But what's important is that
00:15:58.39\00:16:00.12
I'm working through this cancer.
00:16:00.16\00:16:02.76
This is what's
important, not the hair."
00:16:02.79\00:16:04.43
Right, right.
00:16:04.46\00:16:05.79
I was so ashamed 'cause I was
just concerned about the image.
00:16:05.83\00:16:09.76
Right, right,
because you're mom,
00:16:09.80\00:16:11.70
you're our mom, you want
to make sure that we're okay.
00:16:11.73\00:16:14.10
Yes. So forgive yourself.
00:16:14.14\00:16:16.24
I did. Amen.
00:16:16.27\00:16:18.07
I appreciate that. Amen.
00:16:18.11\00:16:19.44
And my husband
helped me to understand.
00:16:19.47\00:16:23.38
And to this
day, she always says,
00:16:23.41\00:16:25.75
"Mommy, daddy,
embrace my bald head,"
00:16:25.78\00:16:27.92
you know.
00:16:27.95\00:16:29.28
And she did this,
she wears the stone,
00:16:29.32\00:16:30.95
you see her, different colors
they would have, you know.
00:16:30.99\00:16:32.72
She's beautiful.
00:16:32.75\00:16:34.62
And she says you're beautiful
'cause she saw you on my page
00:16:34.66\00:16:38.79
and so she always identifies
00:16:38.83\00:16:41.76
when she see that
beautiful head, you know.
00:16:41.80\00:16:43.77
Yeah. Yeah.
00:16:43.80\00:16:45.13
I'm thinking about embracing it,
00:16:45.17\00:16:46.50
myself doing something.
00:16:46.53\00:16:47.90
Oh, what? You
don't hold me to it.
00:16:47.94\00:16:49.40
Okay. Okay.
00:16:49.44\00:16:52.24
So your husband
Troy was supportive,
00:16:52.27\00:16:55.68
your children... The entire way.
00:16:55.71\00:16:58.28
How do you feel as a woman?
00:16:58.31\00:17:00.45
You know,
initially, it was tough
00:17:00.48\00:17:02.52
because like you say your
hair is your glory and what not.
00:17:02.55\00:17:05.49
And you know, when I
first did it, you know,
00:17:05.52\00:17:09.19
I would be at home, you
know, I wouldn't wear it out.
00:17:09.22\00:17:11.69
And I'm like, "We
look so much alike now,"
00:17:11.73\00:17:13.50
I'm like, you know.
00:17:13.53\00:17:14.86
And then I wonder how did
it make him feel, you know,
00:17:14.90\00:17:16.87
having a wife
who's bald, you know.
00:17:16.90\00:17:19.83
And he, from day one
has always loved me for me.
00:17:19.87\00:17:24.94
He has always. I
mean, you know how we do.
00:17:24.97\00:17:27.21
We go through all these changes,
00:17:27.24\00:17:28.58
and he's like,
"Okay, you're good today.
00:17:28.61\00:17:31.31
Well, you know,
tomorrow is something else."
00:17:31.35\00:17:33.58
But he has just always,
he's loved me even, you know,
00:17:33.62\00:17:37.25
when there are
times especially as women,
00:17:37.29\00:17:38.82
we don't like what
we look like, you know.
00:17:38.85\00:17:41.39
But when I say
from day one, my Troy...
00:17:41.42\00:17:44.56
Your Troy, look at you. My troy.
00:17:44.59\00:17:46.90
He's been there.
00:17:46.93\00:17:48.26
He's just like,
"Just wear bald."
00:17:48.30\00:17:49.63
He kept telling me,
I'm like, "No, honey,
00:17:49.66\00:17:51.10
I can't wear like
this going to work."
00:17:51.13\00:17:52.63
Well, he's like,
"Just wear your bald,
00:17:52.67\00:17:54.00
just wear your bald."
00:17:54.04\00:17:55.37
And my kids, "Mom,
you don't need that durag.
00:17:55.40\00:17:57.31
You don't need that."
00:17:57.34\00:17:59.07
Just have them
embracing, I'm like,
00:17:59.11\00:18:00.44
"Now I have my
family," my mom, my sister...
00:18:00.48\00:18:03.24
Everyone? Everyone.
00:18:03.28\00:18:04.88
Why am I worried about
what other people think?
00:18:04.91\00:18:07.25
But again, I
believe it's human nature.
00:18:07.28\00:18:08.92
Yes, it is.
00:18:08.95\00:18:10.29
It is 'cause we
want to make sure
00:18:10.32\00:18:11.65
that we look a certain way.
00:18:11.69\00:18:13.02
Acceptable. We
want to be acceptable.
00:18:13.05\00:18:14.39
We want to be acceptable. Yes.
00:18:14.42\00:18:15.76
Exactly.
00:18:15.79\00:18:17.13
But at the end, like I
said, when you get to a place,
00:18:17.16\00:18:18.49
and I know it was God
that helped get to that place
00:18:18.53\00:18:19.86
'cause it takes time,
00:18:19.89\00:18:21.23
and everybody can't do right now
00:18:21.26\00:18:22.60
what I have done. Right.
00:18:22.63\00:18:23.97
And everybody can't do
the right now and maybe later.
00:18:24.00\00:18:25.83
Right.
00:18:25.87\00:18:27.20
You know, "Maybe, I don't know."
00:18:27.24\00:18:28.70
Right.
00:18:28.74\00:18:30.07
You know, their phases of,
you know, acquiring my growth.
00:18:30.11\00:18:33.27
Absolutely.
00:18:33.31\00:18:34.64
So I can't allow
your time to be my time
00:18:34.68\00:18:36.95
and God's time is not our time.
00:18:36.98\00:18:38.41
Amen.
00:18:38.45\00:18:39.78
Now no one else in the family
has alopecia, no one else?
00:18:39.81\00:18:43.65
Well, what's interesting
is that I had one little spot
00:18:43.69\00:18:47.62
when I was in college.
00:18:47.66\00:18:49.12
And like I said,
I was running Track
00:18:49.16\00:18:50.59
and it could have
been just like I said,
00:18:50.63\00:18:52.46
never been away from home.
00:18:52.49\00:18:54.33
And I went to the
doctor, I got some injections,
00:18:54.36\00:18:56.23
it grew right back.
00:18:56.26\00:18:57.70
My son had a little episode,
00:18:57.73\00:18:59.53
and I think it's
having to do with...
00:18:59.57\00:19:01.47
he had a little
girlfriend, little stressful.
00:19:01.50\00:19:03.41
Little girlfriend,
oh, oh. Little stressful.
00:19:03.44\00:19:05.67
Is he still with the girlfriend?
00:19:05.71\00:19:07.31
Is he still dating?
00:19:07.34\00:19:08.68
No, that's a different girl now.
00:19:08.71\00:19:10.35
Okay, somebody new.
Yeah, somebody different.
00:19:10.38\00:19:12.91
And he had a similar
episode so I don't know
00:19:12.95\00:19:16.55
if it's
hereditary, or if it's...
00:19:16.58\00:19:19.65
I really believe that
stress is what triggers it,
00:19:19.69\00:19:23.73
that brings it out, you know.
00:19:23.76\00:19:25.56
I did read that in my research.
00:19:25.59\00:19:26.93
Did you? Okay.
00:19:26.96\00:19:28.30
You know, so.
00:19:28.33\00:19:29.66
I really believe
that 'cause like I said
00:19:29.70\00:19:31.03
I was under a lot
of stress at the time.
00:19:31.07\00:19:36.44
And he's the same way.
00:19:36.47\00:19:38.17
He had a couple
episodes so I'm wondering,
00:19:38.21\00:19:40.71
so I'm always trying to
make sure, "Okay, honey,
00:19:40.74\00:19:42.34
what's going on,
let's talk about it."
00:19:42.38\00:19:43.98
So but I don't know.
00:19:44.01\00:19:45.75
But you're done
with the injections.
00:19:45.78\00:19:47.12
I'm done. Done.
00:19:47.15\00:19:49.38
What did those injections
do, were there side effects?
00:19:49.42\00:19:52.32
Not for me per se.
00:19:52.35\00:19:54.42
But it's not necessarily
the easiest thing to go and...
00:19:54.46\00:19:57.46
It's like little shot that
they're putting in your head.
00:19:57.49\00:19:59.96
And so even when I
went to the new doctor
00:20:00.00\00:20:04.43
that I went to,
they always, you know,
00:20:04.47\00:20:06.80
people think I'm the
life over the priority,
00:20:06.84\00:20:08.30
I wouldn't why.
00:20:08.34\00:20:09.67
No, you know they're
saying why, go ahead.
00:20:09.70\00:20:11.37
All right.
00:20:11.41\00:20:12.74
But I just go in and I
just, you know, "Hey, you know,
00:20:12.77\00:20:14.74
how is everybody?"
00:20:14.78\00:20:16.11
And I wouldn't wear hat,
I has stopped wearing a wig
00:20:16.14\00:20:18.98
and they were just amazed
that I came in, they are like,
00:20:19.01\00:20:22.25
"Yeah, well, hey, this is it."
00:20:22.28\00:20:24.25
And so she actually wanted me...
00:20:24.29\00:20:27.69
she wanted make it
a little bit more...
00:20:27.72\00:20:32.69
What is the word I'm
trying to use, intense.
00:20:32.73\00:20:34.66
And I was like, "No, I'm done."
00:20:34.70\00:20:37.10
You know, we need
to look at, you know,
00:20:37.13\00:20:39.30
how women view
themselves, not to say
00:20:39.33\00:20:42.37
men don't have
struggles with self esteems,
00:20:42.40\00:20:44.94
self image, you know,
we see on television now,
00:20:44.97\00:20:48.11
you can, you know,
grow your hair back,
00:20:48.14\00:20:49.98
come get these injections
and all this and that.
00:20:50.01\00:20:52.88
And they've got, you
know, wigs, wigs, and all that.
00:20:52.91\00:20:54.95
I'm not saying,
putting anybody down,
00:20:54.98\00:20:57.35
I do my thing.
00:20:57.39\00:20:58.82
Right. Right.
00:20:58.85\00:21:00.19
But my issue is
the inward character
00:21:00.22\00:21:03.79
that's under
attack 'cause, you know,
00:21:03.83\00:21:06.16
you can spend thousands
and thousands of dollars
00:21:06.19\00:21:08.96
for your hair and
outward appearance,
00:21:09.00\00:21:12.10
but if your mindset is
destroyed and crippled,
00:21:12.13\00:21:16.60
then you can't get
out of that, you know.
00:21:16.64\00:21:18.27
Yeah.
00:21:18.31\00:21:19.64
And so you have to find a
way to recognize, as a woman,
00:21:19.67\00:21:23.68
you know, your own beauty.
00:21:23.71\00:21:25.61
So if you have one
word to define your beauty,
00:21:25.65\00:21:28.12
what would it be?
00:21:28.15\00:21:29.48
One word to
define my beauty would be
00:21:29.52\00:21:35.46
maybe I would just say love.
00:21:35.49\00:21:37.36
Love? Love.
00:21:37.39\00:21:38.83
I would because you
have to get to that place
00:21:38.86\00:21:42.33
where you love who you are.
00:21:42.36\00:21:44.53
Yes.
00:21:44.57\00:21:45.93
I mean, and it's not necessarily
00:21:45.97\00:21:49.44
the easiest place to
get to because as women,
00:21:49.47\00:21:52.11
we want to be beautiful.
00:21:52.14\00:21:53.61
You see things in
the magazines and on TV.
00:21:53.64\00:21:56.11
Yes.
00:21:56.14\00:21:57.48
But you have to
get to that place
00:21:57.51\00:21:58.85
where you just love you
and because God loves me,
00:21:58.88\00:22:03.49
whatever I'm going through,
00:22:03.52\00:22:05.19
there's a purpose
and a plan for it.
00:22:05.22\00:22:06.65
Yes.
00:22:06.69\00:22:08.02
If it's to help one
sister, say, "Hey, it's okay."
00:22:08.06\00:22:11.39
Yes.
00:22:11.43\00:22:12.79
"You're beautiful." Yes.
00:22:12.83\00:22:14.40
If I had to be bald to
help that sister, then amen.
00:22:14.43\00:22:18.57
Then that's your ministry.
Then that's what it is.
00:22:18.60\00:22:20.17
You know, this is a ministry
for you, when people see you...
00:22:20.20\00:22:22.54
You think?
00:22:22.57\00:22:23.91
Yes, because you
have embraced who you are,
00:22:23.94\00:22:26.17
you don't have to...
00:22:26.21\00:22:27.54
I don't know if I
could do it, my kid did it,
00:22:27.58\00:22:29.98
other women may not be
able to be as strong or men.
00:22:30.01\00:22:33.65
But I do know is if
anything that God takes you to
00:22:33.68\00:22:37.72
and brings you through...
00:22:37.75\00:22:39.25
Amen. Come on now, can I say it?
00:22:39.29\00:22:41.09
Come on now.
00:22:41.12\00:22:42.46
Anything that God takes you to,
00:22:42.49\00:22:43.83
brings you
through is for His glory.
00:22:43.86\00:22:46.06
Amen.
00:22:46.09\00:22:47.43
And for Him to use that to
win someone to His kingdom,
00:22:47.46\00:22:51.57
to inspire someone with hope,
00:22:51.60\00:22:53.74
to give someone
a sense of pride.
00:22:53.77\00:22:56.34
And, Paula, you have a
sense of pride about you.
00:22:56.37\00:22:58.17
Oh, thank you,
doctor, to know that.
00:22:58.21\00:22:59.64
You know, I mean,
from the moment I met you,
00:22:59.67\00:23:02.01
how do you did...
00:23:02.04\00:23:03.38
you know, you see
your beautiful little girls
00:23:03.41\00:23:05.31
in your school, how
do you deal with them
00:23:05.35\00:23:07.85
when you see a
little one who may not,
00:23:07.88\00:23:10.32
maybe struggling
with self esteem,
00:23:10.35\00:23:12.62
or being bullied, or you
know, may not be as clean
00:23:12.65\00:23:16.49
and or hygiene issues,
how do you deal with that
00:23:16.52\00:23:19.29
as a woman and
as a vice principal?
00:23:19.33\00:23:21.36
You know, I start
with a very bigger one,
00:23:21.40\00:23:25.13
relationships because if
you know I care about you,
00:23:25.17\00:23:29.37
then I can win
you, I can talk to you.
00:23:29.40\00:23:31.87
You know, if you
know I have your heart,
00:23:31.91\00:23:33.61
then I think I can
have your ear as well.
00:23:33.64\00:23:36.14
So when I talk to my
kids, that's a lot of the things
00:23:36.18\00:23:38.41
that I do with
all of kids, you know,
00:23:38.45\00:23:40.75
you see this one
side, I got another side.
00:23:40.78\00:23:43.32
You got the other side, okay.
00:23:43.35\00:23:44.69
And so when they
know I'm coming like
00:23:44.72\00:23:46.15
but they know
I'm coming in love.
00:23:46.19\00:23:47.59
In love.
00:23:47.62\00:23:48.96
They know I care
enough about them to pull them
00:23:48.99\00:23:50.39
to the side and say,
"Hey, we need to work on this."
00:23:50.43\00:23:52.29
And when I see my little
girls, "You are beautiful.
00:23:52.33\00:23:55.63
It doesn't
matter what anybody say
00:23:55.66\00:23:57.47
but you have to know."
00:23:57.50\00:23:58.90
Yes. "You got to feel it."
00:23:58.93\00:24:00.64
Yes. "You got to believe it."
00:24:00.67\00:24:02.30
Yes.
00:24:02.34\00:24:03.67
"You are beautiful
and God created you
00:24:03.71\00:24:05.04
the way that you're
supposed to be created."
00:24:05.07\00:24:07.28
I feel that.
00:24:07.31\00:24:08.64
I am beautiful, I am loved,
I'm created in God's image.
00:24:08.68\00:24:12.61
Amen.
00:24:12.65\00:24:13.98
God has given me
special gifts and talents.
00:24:14.02\00:24:15.58
Well, may not be yours,
00:24:15.62\00:24:17.22
but I know God has
given me something.
00:24:17.25\00:24:19.89
And we need everybody's gifts...
00:24:19.92\00:24:22.16
To work. To make
it all work together.
00:24:22.19\00:24:24.13
You know, 'cause
we are melting part,
00:24:24.16\00:24:26.36
and no man is an island.
00:24:26.39\00:24:28.83
No man is island,
we need one another.
00:24:28.86\00:24:30.47
Yes.
00:24:30.50\00:24:31.83
In order for this to
work, I need you, you need me,
00:24:31.87\00:24:34.87
you know, we need
each other to survive.
00:24:34.90\00:24:36.84
Amen.
00:24:36.87\00:24:38.21
So, you know, I've prayed
for you, you prayed for me.
00:24:38.24\00:24:40.64
Amen.
00:24:40.68\00:24:42.01
You know, I will not speak words
00:24:42.04\00:24:43.38
against you, you
know, or harm you
00:24:43.41\00:24:45.55
because I need you to survive.
00:24:45.58\00:24:47.78
Amen. And that's a blessing.
00:24:47.82\00:24:49.72
All right, we have
about three minutes,
00:24:49.75\00:24:51.09
didn't it go fast?
00:24:51.12\00:24:52.45
Oh, my goodness, three
minutes. Three minutes, I know.
00:24:52.49\00:24:55.39
How can you help someone
else with alopecia realize
00:24:55.42\00:24:59.76
you can get through this
and you don't have to hide?
00:24:59.79\00:25:02.33
You know, the first thing that
00:25:02.36\00:25:03.70
I definitely
will suggest anybody
00:25:03.73\00:25:05.63
because I believe in therapy.
00:25:05.67\00:25:07.34
Even that's how we've met. Yes.
00:25:07.37\00:25:09.30
It makes a
difference to talk to somebody
00:25:09.34\00:25:11.67
who's been through it.
00:25:11.71\00:25:13.04
You know, people
from the outside can say
00:25:13.07\00:25:14.68
what they think,
00:25:14.71\00:25:16.04
but if you've
never gone through,
00:25:16.08\00:25:17.41
you don't know my story.
00:25:17.45\00:25:19.51
Ask me about my
story. Your story.
00:25:19.55\00:25:21.52
You know what I mean?
00:25:21.55\00:25:22.88
And talk to someone
who's been through it,
00:25:22.92\00:25:25.09
who can empathize with you,
00:25:25.12\00:25:26.55
who can share their
ups and their downs.
00:25:26.59\00:25:28.16
That's right.
00:25:28.19\00:25:29.52
You know, that
that will help them
00:25:29.56\00:25:30.93
work their way
through whatever it is,
00:25:30.96\00:25:33.03
the place that
they need to get to.
00:25:33.06\00:25:34.46
Everybody may not get
to this place, you know.
00:25:34.50\00:25:35.86
That's right.
00:25:35.90\00:25:37.23
Because the weeks and
weeks, they're beautiful,
00:25:37.27\00:25:39.60
they're expressive,
but they are beautiful.
00:25:39.63\00:25:42.47
And there's
nothing wrong with them.
00:25:42.50\00:25:43.84
"Wear your wig, wear your
wig," that's where you are.
00:25:43.87\00:25:46.14
And I used to wonder
about, to hold your thought,
00:25:46.17\00:25:48.84
she would come up
there with different artists,
00:25:48.88\00:25:51.11
and I'd say, "How did
they change the hair so fast?"
00:25:51.15\00:25:53.85
And my mother said,
00:25:53.88\00:25:55.22
"Poor child,
girl does the wigs."
00:25:55.25\00:25:56.75
I didn't know, I
mean, I was a teenager,
00:25:56.79\00:25:59.95
and I'm like different things
that were going on in society,
00:25:59.99\00:26:03.69
but as long as we
can remember, you know,
00:26:03.73\00:26:07.13
we have been
conditioned, you know,
00:26:07.16\00:26:10.63
outside of the '70 period
00:26:10.67\00:26:12.97
when we were in
our Afro movement
00:26:13.00\00:26:14.94
and we are
beautiful people, all right?
00:26:14.97\00:26:17.04
Yeah, we are.
00:26:17.07\00:26:18.41
So counseling, being
able to embrace yourself
00:26:18.44\00:26:22.41
and look at your
timing for you, all right.
00:26:22.44\00:26:26.45
Right.
00:26:26.48\00:26:27.82
And love who you
are, love who you are.
00:26:27.85\00:26:31.42
I believe like I say,
God has a purpose and a plan
00:26:31.45\00:26:34.92
for everything
that we go through
00:26:34.96\00:26:36.62
and your journey
maybe to help somebody else.
00:26:36.66\00:26:39.19
Do you put anything
special on your head now?
00:26:39.23\00:26:41.16
I do absolutely nothing.
00:26:41.20\00:26:42.56
I may get a
little oil sometimes,
00:26:42.60\00:26:44.17
get a little shine a little bit.
00:26:44.20\00:26:46.23
But when you talk
about get up and go...
00:26:46.27\00:26:48.20
You are ready to
go. I'm ready to go.
00:26:48.24\00:26:49.77
Isn't that
wonderful? It is wonderful.
00:26:49.80\00:26:51.31
No curling,
ironing, no this and that.
00:26:51.34\00:26:53.01
No, no.
00:26:53.04\00:26:54.78
But at the same
time, knowing that
00:26:54.81\00:26:58.05
you want to be
healthy, you know and...
00:26:58.08\00:27:01.22
Do you even have
some workout together,
00:27:01.25\00:27:04.09
you know, go
swimming, water aerobics,
00:27:04.12\00:27:05.89
what do you all do together?
00:27:05.92\00:27:07.29
Well, we do a lot of
fellowshipping, you know,
00:27:07.32\00:27:10.69
we eat together, we need
00:27:10.73\00:27:13.50
a little bit
more healthier things
00:27:13.53\00:27:15.20
because I do believe as well
00:27:15.23\00:27:17.17
because we want
to live to be well.
00:27:17.20\00:27:19.23
That's right. I like that.
00:27:19.27\00:27:20.80
Say that again.
00:27:20.84\00:27:22.17
We want to live to
be well. I like that.
00:27:22.20\00:27:23.67
So there are some things
that we need to take, you know,
00:27:23.71\00:27:25.64
we need to step up on and doing.
00:27:25.67\00:27:27.14
So I thank the Lord for you.
We got to step up to the place.
00:27:27.18\00:27:29.54
We do, we do, we do
because I want to make sure
00:27:29.58\00:27:32.31
that nothing, I'm
not doing anything
00:27:32.35\00:27:34.12
that's impacting it
00:27:34.15\00:27:35.48
and making my
condition may be worse.
00:27:35.52\00:27:36.99
There are some
things I need to do better,
00:27:37.02\00:27:38.45
absolutely, but we do
a lot of stuff together,
00:27:38.49\00:27:42.42
we're going to work
on that working out.
00:27:42.46\00:27:44.89
Well, listen, Miss Paula,
I want to thank you so much
00:27:44.93\00:27:47.56
for coming on Live to be Well.
00:27:47.60\00:27:49.16
Thank you so much
for having me, doctor.
00:27:49.20\00:27:51.00
You're welcome, and may
God continue to use you.
00:27:51.03\00:27:53.94
I want you to know
you don't have to hide,
00:27:53.97\00:27:55.70
you don't have to
run, embrace who you are,
00:27:55.74\00:27:58.47
and love you because God
created you in His image.
00:27:58.51\00:28:01.68
And we on Live to
be Well, we love you.
00:28:01.71\00:28:04.68
I'm Dr. Kim, God bless.
00:28:04.71\00:28:06.82