Hi, I'm Dr. Kim.
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And welcome to, Live To Be Well.
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Learning to forgive.
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My special guest,
Chaz Keys, welcome.
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- Thank you. - How you doing?
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I'm doing good.
Thank you for having me.
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I appreciate you being here.
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I've been by your side.
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I remember the
first day I met you...
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...and walking into
my office never knowing
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what you were
going to say to me.
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Can you tell me
and tell our viewers
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what happened in your life?
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I lost my daughter due
to an accidental drowning.
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I'd just came back
in town and I was tired.
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I fell asleep.
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My oldest daughter woke
me up and she said she had
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urinated herself.
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So I started the
shower and she got in.
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And while I was
waiting on her, I changed
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the 18 month baby's diaper.
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We played a little
while and she laid down.
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I assumed she was asleep,
I ended up falling asleep.
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And then some time
later my oldest daughter
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woke me up, and she
said, "Mommy, I think my
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sister is dead in the bath tub."
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So at that point I
had immediately got up.
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I ran to the bathroom
and I tried to resuscitate.
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And I had my daughter get
my phone so I could call 911.
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They immediately sent the
ambulance and the firemen.
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We got to the hospital and they
had her on a machine for hours,
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but they still
couldn't revive her, so.
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- How old was she?
- She was 18 months.
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18 months. And
what was her name?
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Nia.
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I remember hearing
the story on the news,
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not knowing my phone
would ring and I would be asked
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to take over this case.
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What happened
after that period of time
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when they told you, you
know, they could not revive her?
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What happened to you
emotionally and legally?
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I was devastated.
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I couldn't even...
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Half of the things I don't even
remember that particular night
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because I was just in a zone.
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It felt like I was in
a dream, or something.
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But that particular
night they took me to
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the police
station for questioning.
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And they had also sent
Child Protective Services
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down where they would
also question my daughter.
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And then they ended up taking
my oldest daughter from me.
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- They took your daughter?
- They took her from me.
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- That night? - That same night.
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Your baby girl
drowns accidentally.
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Then they take your...
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How old was
your oldest daughter?
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- Four. - And they took her.
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So you lost both your
daughters in one night.
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- Same night. - Okay.
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And it was a hard
thing to deal with.
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I didn't know, you know...
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I didn't know what
to do at that point.
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Because prior, you
had been a great mom.
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Absolutely.
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I've seen videos,
I've seen pictures.
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You never abused your daughters.
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There was never a Child
Protective Service case on you.
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No one filed charges on you.
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And all of a
sudden both your children.
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My world came down.
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Then what happened?
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I had appointments with
Child Protective Service.
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They basically gave me a
breakdown of what would happen
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as far as how long
they thought they may need
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to keep her, and you
know, things that I need to do
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to get ready for the court date.
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And once I started going
to court they were giving me
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threats, like she's
going to be permanently
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removed out of the home.
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Who gave you threats?
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It was the assistant
prosecutor for the state,
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if I'm not mistaken, and...
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How did it make
you feel when they were
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threatening you like that?
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You know how you just
sit back and you question,
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like, why is
everything happening to me?
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It's like, you
think it'll get better,
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and then things
just get worse every day.
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Everything in my
life just got worse.
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And it never improved.
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It never improved.
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It was just, it
was a hard battle.
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When were you able to see
Lilly, your oldest daughter?
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When were you able to see her?
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Well when my daughter died, they
kept her in my mother's home
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for about a week and a half
before I could see her again.
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So then after that,
after court they allowed me to
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do home visits every day.
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I just had to
leave by a certain time.
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I wasn't able to stay overnight.
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She couldn't go
anywhere with me.
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You know, so.
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So it was always
supervised visits.
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- Absolutely. -
With your own child.
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Only my mom or my stepfather.
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Can I go back to something?
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When your daughter
awakened you and said,
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"Mommy, I think Nia
is dead," you jumped up.
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Because she was
lying... Where was she?
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Was she lying on
you or next to you?
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She was lying right next to me.
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And she got up, and
you never felt her get up?
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Never felt her get up.
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You know, were
you extremely tired?
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I was tired.
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- Were you using drugs? - No.
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- Alcohol? - No.
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Had you been out all
night? Were you at work?
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I worked all day. I came home.
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We all fell asleep
about maybe 9:30 that evening.
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Then my daughter, the
four year old, woke me up
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around midnight saying
that she had urinated herself.
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So at that point, you
know, I always allowed her to,
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you know, shower alone.
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She always called me
when she's finished so I can
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turn off the
water and everything.
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But that particular
night she never called me
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until it was too late.
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So okay, help me to understand.
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So your baby girl gets up,
she goes into the bathroom,
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she gets into the tub.
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So your daughter
was taking a shower.
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But the drain was
closed and there was water
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that remained in the tub.
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Yes.
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And so the baby climbed
into the tub, and evidently
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fell, hit her head?
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Did they ever say
there were any injuries?
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It was not any injuries outside
of maybe the chest strains,
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and probably was
from me doing the CPR.
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But as far as the bathtub goes,
later on my daughter told me
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that she was just trying to give
her baby sister a bubble bath.
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So you know, the stopping of
the tub and the way everything
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happened, it was just an
innocent thing that she did.
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So your oldest daughter
was trying to bathe her.
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Yes.
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And could not hold
her or support her.
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She said that the baby was
too heavy for her to pick up.
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She tried to pick her up.
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Had she ever tried
to bathe her before?
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No.
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Hmm, okay.
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So in all of
this, your daughter,
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how has she been doing?
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She's been up and down.
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Right now her
behavior is out of control.
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She has her moments.
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Sometimes she cries
saying she misses her sister.
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It was hard for her,
especially when she was
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at my mother's house.
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She was out of my
home for four months.
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So being over there with
my mother and my stepdad,
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she would cry day and
night for me and for her sister.
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So it was very hard for her.
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You know, and it was
only so much that I could do.
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I remember getting, during
this process, a text from you.
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That you had taken some pills
and you just wanted to die.
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You wanted to take your life.
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- I did. - Why?
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I believe it was just the
stress, the pressure, the...
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It felt like I
had no reason to live.
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I felt like everything in
my life was just going bad.
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And the only way
that I could feel better
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is by taking my own life.
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So that way I wouldn't have
to feel any more of the pain.
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- Just wanted to be numb.
- I just wanted to be numb.
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And what happened
after you took all the pills?
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I didn't die.
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Well you didn't
die, praise God, alright.
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But were you
taken to the hospital?
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Did you go to the hospital?
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Did you have to
have your stomach pumped?
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What happened?
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You know what?
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During the time I took
it, and it took me a long time
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to even let anyone
know what was going on.
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But I took it
and I laid in my bed,
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and I started reading the Bible.
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And I started asking for
forgiveness, "Lord, I'm sorry.
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I can't believe I just did this.
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Why would I do
something like this?
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I'm sorry."
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I cried, I cried.
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And you know, I have a
friend that she was concerned,
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and she's like,
"I'm coming right now.
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If you don't
give me your address
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I'm calling the police on you."
00:10:15.61\00:10:16.95
And I was like,
"Please don't call the police.
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You know, just let me die slow."
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And she's like,
"No, I'm coming."
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So she came and she took
everything out of my house.
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I felt so robbed,
and she cussed me out,
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and she did a lot of
things that day for me.
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But all in all,
as much as I took,
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I wasn't suppose
to live after that.
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- But God had a
purpose. - Absolutely.
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And what I took, one
of them will put you out
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for at least 12 or 13 hours.
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- I took six. - You took six.
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And I couldn't sleep.
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I couldn't sleep.
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And I remember talking
with you, and praying with you,
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and asking you to
go to the hospital.
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I pleaded with you.
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And you cried.
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And I got on my
knees and I prayed.
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And I said, "God is with you."
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And prior to that,
you know, meeting with me,
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and to God be the glory,
you have grown spiritually.
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And I know little miss
Lilly, she's something else.
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And I've had to have
you to leave the session
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because I didn't want you to...
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Ooh, the little girl.
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But she's hurting.
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She's confused.
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She misses her sister.
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Can you imagine being an adult
and you're missing your child,
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and you're trying
to process all this.
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Let alone a four year old.
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How does she even
begin to process this?
00:11:46.50\00:11:48.24
And let me tell you
one day what she said
00:11:48.27\00:11:50.51
to me in therapy.
00:11:50.54\00:11:51.87
And I said, "Lilly, can
you tell me what happened
00:11:51.91\00:11:55.08
at the funeral?"
00:11:55.41\00:11:56.78
And she turned and
looked at me, and she said,
00:11:56.81\00:11:58.71
"Didn't we go
through this last week?"
00:11:58.75\00:12:00.55
And I said, "Well, I
can't find my notes."
00:12:01.28\00:12:04.69
She said, "Well,
you need to get your
00:12:04.82\00:12:06.82
notes and write this down.
00:12:06.86\00:12:08.69
Because I'm going
through this again, alright?"
00:12:08.72\00:12:11.39
So she said, "Now
I was at the funeral.
00:12:11.59\00:12:13.96
My sister wore white.
00:12:14.00\00:12:15.76
She had pony tails.
00:12:15.80\00:12:17.40
And some of the
relatives were, you know,
00:12:17.60\00:12:21.07
walking up towards her.
00:12:21.10\00:12:22.44
I was sitting down.
00:12:22.47\00:12:23.91
You know, I was sad,
I was upset, I was hurt.
00:12:24.11\00:12:27.51
I'm going to miss my sister.
00:12:27.68\00:12:29.64
And they closed the casket.
00:12:29.88\00:12:32.81
And I sat back down.
00:12:33.05\00:12:34.98
Did you get all that?"
00:12:35.15\00:12:36.58
I mean, four years old.
00:12:36.99\00:12:39.12
She called it a
going away party.
00:12:39.15\00:12:40.92
And she called it
a going away party.
00:12:40.96\00:12:42.36
I was nervous. I said, "Okay."
00:12:42.46\00:12:44.46
Now because she said to me,
00:12:44.49\00:12:46.66
"We are not going
through this again in therapy."
00:12:46.76\00:12:49.36
So every time when she
comes in for her sessions,
00:12:49.63\00:12:52.63
you know, we sit
down, and we didn't have to
00:12:52.67\00:12:55.40
go through that anymore.
00:12:55.44\00:12:56.77
And so lately
dealing with her behavior,
00:12:56.81\00:12:59.57
dealing with understanding
her loss, her pain,
00:13:00.34\00:13:04.05
and trying to
help her to process,
00:13:04.08\00:13:05.55
finding the
right words and tools.
00:13:05.65\00:13:08.38
So how do you deal with her?
00:13:08.48\00:13:10.32
Because I know you have concerns
about Child Protective Services.
00:13:10.35\00:13:15.29
- You can't just
spank her. - I can't.
00:13:15.62\00:13:17.93
You know, because they are
keeping a close eye on you.
00:13:17.96\00:13:20.90
So what and how
do you discipline her
00:13:21.16\00:13:24.13
when she acts out?
00:13:24.17\00:13:25.50
Well since she's so addicted
to television and cell phones
00:13:25.53\00:13:29.70
and tablets and
computers, and things,
00:13:29.74\00:13:32.47
I just take it all away.
00:13:32.51\00:13:33.84
- At four years old, addicted.
- At four years old, addicted.
00:13:33.88\00:13:36.71
So you think a lot of
that happened when she was at
00:13:36.75\00:13:38.51
your mother and
father's for those four months?
00:13:38.55\00:13:40.28
- Absolutely. - They
let her have her way.
00:13:40.32\00:13:42.25
Yeah she, you know, in a
sense they felt bad for her.
00:13:42.28\00:13:46.15
So they wanted to give
her anything that would
00:13:46.19\00:13:48.22
satisfy her need.
00:13:48.26\00:13:49.92
And cell phones
here heavily used.
00:13:50.13\00:13:54.13
Have you seen her pull at
her skin or pull at her hair,
00:13:54.56\00:13:58.67
bite her nails?
00:13:59.03\00:14:00.40
Oh yeah.
00:14:00.44\00:14:01.77
Have you noticed anything where
she's urinating in the bed?
00:14:01.80\00:14:05.31
Has she started any of
that? - No. - None of that.
00:14:05.34\00:14:07.81
But you've noticed
some of the other behaviors.
00:14:08.11\00:14:11.11
And you know, we've
talked about that also.
00:14:11.15\00:14:13.65
So you have to keep a
close eye, because she is
00:14:13.88\00:14:16.99
trying to divert the pain.
00:14:17.02\00:14:19.15
So if I can just
continue to pick at my skin,
00:14:19.19\00:14:22.39
pull on my hair, bite my
nails, even to the point where
00:14:22.49\00:14:26.59
they're bleeding, I
don't have to think about
00:14:26.63\00:14:29.10
the real pain of
losing my baby sister.
00:14:29.13\00:14:32.03
How many times have
you laid awake at night,
00:14:32.37\00:14:36.77
you know, I know it's numerous,
00:14:36.81\00:14:38.14
and you know,
cried out for your baby?
00:14:38.54\00:14:41.28
I spent months
doing it. I still do it.
00:14:41.31\00:14:44.31
~ You still do
it. - I still do it.
00:14:44.35\00:14:45.98
You have pictures of her up?
00:14:46.18\00:14:47.72
I have pictures. I
have a whole stand.
00:14:47.75\00:14:52.15
I have a lot of
things that I can go to
00:14:52.19\00:14:55.46
and just get my relief.
00:14:55.49\00:14:57.96
It's just all a relief.
00:14:57.99\00:14:59.36
You know, what was really
difficult about this situation
00:14:59.39\00:15:02.76
was, it was three days I
had only buried my husband,
00:15:02.80\00:15:08.24
three days, and I got a
call to take on this case.
00:15:08.27\00:15:12.87
And I was like, no.
00:15:12.91\00:15:14.94
I buried my
husband on a Thursday,
00:15:15.11\00:15:17.35
I get a call on Monday.
00:15:17.38\00:15:21.08
And I'm back in my
office attending...
00:15:21.42\00:15:23.95
Because you came on a Sunday.
00:15:23.99\00:15:26.22
I mean,
Thursday, Friday, Saturday.
00:15:26.69\00:15:29.66
I was here for you Sunday.
00:15:29.69\00:15:31.13
Two days later.
00:15:31.16\00:15:33.23
I was like,
"Can I have a moment?
00:15:33.70\00:15:37.37
Can I just have a minute
to even morn my own husband?
00:15:37.47\00:15:41.17
To grieve, to take
care of my children?"
00:15:41.20\00:15:43.37
And I could really hear the
Lord say, "Arthur... it's done.
00:15:43.71\00:15:48.61
You must go and do My work."
00:15:49.11\00:15:50.98
And I was like, "Really, Lord?"
00:15:51.31\00:15:53.28
And I got to my office
here, and I made sure I was
00:15:53.98\00:15:58.55
here before you got here.
00:15:58.59\00:16:00.06
And I'm like, I
don't want to do this.
00:16:00.36\00:16:03.26
I'm dealing with a death.
00:16:03.53\00:16:06.36
That's all I was told.
00:16:06.39\00:16:07.73
But God kept saying to
me, "You need to do this.
00:16:08.06\00:16:11.77
You need to do this."
00:16:12.03\00:16:13.37
And I want you to know, during
the process of helping you
00:16:13.44\00:16:17.21
it has helped me.
00:16:17.31\00:16:18.64
Because when you said
all that you said to me,
00:16:18.91\00:16:21.31
I said, "Well I want
you to know something.
00:16:21.34\00:16:23.24
Two days ago I laid
my husband to rest."
00:16:23.65\00:16:26.95
I remember.
00:16:26.98\00:16:28.32
And I said, "So we
can get through this.
00:16:28.35\00:16:31.09
We can get through this
together and help each other."
00:16:31.39\00:16:35.12
And sometimes as you would sit
there and talk about your baby
00:16:35.32\00:16:38.09
I just wanted to
break down and cry.
00:16:38.13\00:16:40.60
But I could not do
that because you needed me
00:16:40.63\00:16:43.33
to be strong and to
make sure that my focus,
00:16:43.37\00:16:47.64
my purpose, making
sure that I helped you
00:16:48.00\00:16:53.11
to transition, and
most of all to Jesus Christ.
00:16:53.14\00:16:57.55
Because that was a
missing component in your life.
00:16:57.85\00:17:00.88
Because you didn't know
I was a Christian therapist
00:17:01.28\00:17:03.28
when you were given my number.
00:17:03.32\00:17:06.25
- You did not know. - I didn't.
00:17:06.59\00:17:08.22
And I said, "Well,
she's going to come."
00:17:08.26\00:17:11.76
And then you made
another appointment.
00:17:11.89\00:17:13.46
And another, and another.
00:17:13.60\00:17:15.33
And we are still here together.
00:17:15.36\00:17:17.43
And when I asked you to do the
program, you were like, "Mmm."
00:17:17.93\00:17:22.40
And I said, "So many people
will be blessed by your story,
00:17:22.44\00:17:26.11
you know, of your
courage, and also your pain."
00:17:26.41\00:17:30.38
So what... How can I say this?
00:17:30.91\00:17:35.52
Have you been to the
cemetery to visit her grave?
00:17:36.22\00:17:40.36
Well I had her cremated.
00:17:40.39\00:17:42.12
- You had her cremated. - Yeah.
00:17:42.16\00:17:43.76
And I actually still have
her ashes in the box on the
00:17:43.79\00:17:48.16
dresser where I keep
all of her other things.
00:17:48.56\00:17:51.53
Like all of her first
toys and favorite toys,
00:17:51.57\00:17:55.27
and things like that, so.
00:17:55.30\00:17:56.94
Why do you hold on to
those things, you know?
00:17:57.17\00:18:00.18
Because I have my
special things I have of Arthur.
00:18:00.34\00:18:02.88
Why do you hold on
to those special things?
00:18:03.04\00:18:05.91
It's basically a
reminder when she was here.
00:18:08.05\00:18:12.05
Sometimes I might make
the toys make the noise
00:18:12.09\00:18:15.02
so I can feel like
she's in the room with me.
00:18:15.06\00:18:16.89
Or like certain hats
that she wore, I can go back
00:18:16.93\00:18:20.30
and smell the hat, and
I'm like, "Oh," you know, so.
00:18:20.33\00:18:23.06
It's the memories of everything.
00:18:23.16\00:18:25.83
I know I can still
smell Arthur's cologne in his
00:18:26.43\00:18:29.44
clothes or his closets.
00:18:29.47\00:18:31.21
Because I haven't
gotten everything out yet.
00:18:31.24\00:18:33.68
But a lot of his
things are still there.
00:18:33.81\00:18:36.48
And I remember,
about two weeks later
00:18:36.71\00:18:40.12
I came home and I pulled
everything out of our bedroom.
00:18:40.15\00:18:43.62
And I
redecorated the entire room.
00:18:43.82\00:18:45.99
But I haven't been
able to sleep in the room.
00:18:46.25\00:18:49.19
I walk past it and
I go to a guest room.
00:18:49.62\00:18:52.46
I go to another room.
00:18:52.76\00:18:54.13
But I'll look in and I'll dust.
00:18:54.36\00:18:57.37
I'll straighten out things.
00:18:57.47\00:18:59.40
I will go and pull out things.
00:18:59.60\00:19:01.90
But, but, but this is my time.
00:19:02.07\00:19:06.78
And someone said to me,
has anyone said this to you,
00:19:06.98\00:19:10.21
"You still grieving Arthur?"
00:19:10.41\00:19:12.55
~ Oh yes.
00:19:12.58\00:19:13.92
"Girl, it's been eight months.
You need to get over this."
00:19:13.95\00:19:16.95
- Oh yes. -
You've heard that too?
00:19:16.99\00:19:19.25
How does that make you feel
when someone says that to you?
00:19:19.72\00:19:22.72
It makes me angry.
00:19:22.76\00:19:25.33
I get angry because, you know,
no one can tell me how I feel,
00:19:25.36\00:19:29.50
or how I'm supposed to feel,
or what I'm supposed to do.
00:19:29.53\00:19:32.93
- Or how long. - Or how long.
00:19:32.97\00:19:34.80
Or, "Ah, you
should be over it by now."
00:19:34.84\00:19:37.01
It's like, "You
can't tell me that."
00:19:37.04\00:19:38.67
It might take me 50
years before I get over it.
00:19:38.87\00:19:41.74
If I ever do, you know.
00:19:41.78\00:19:43.65
So I can't stand
when people say that.
00:19:43.68\00:19:46.41
And all I can do
is say, "Pray for me."
00:19:46.45\00:19:50.15
- You know. - Yes, absolutely.
00:19:50.29\00:19:51.62
What about the big
question, "How are you doing?"
00:19:51.65\00:19:54.26
When I hear that,
I'm like, "Do you really
00:19:54.36\00:19:56.36
want to know that answer?"
00:19:56.39\00:19:57.73
And I say, "Day by
day. One day at a time."
00:19:57.76\00:20:00.50
That's my answer for
anyone who asks me that?
00:20:00.76\00:20:03.00
When someone asks me
that, I'm just like, "I'm okay."
00:20:03.03\00:20:05.20
~ You're okay. - I'm okay.
00:20:05.40\00:20:06.74
Even if I'm not, "I'm okay."
00:20:07.17\00:20:08.84
Alright, you're better than me.
00:20:08.87\00:20:10.21
Because I know I
can't say, "I'm okay."
00:20:10.24\00:20:12.51
I say, "Pray for me."
00:20:12.74\00:20:15.61
"One day at a time."
00:20:15.81\00:20:17.35
"I have good days
and I have better days."
00:20:17.38\00:20:19.85
That's what I say.
00:20:20.08\00:20:21.42
I learned that with
my mom and her passing.
00:20:21.45\00:20:24.55
And someone said to me,
"There will be good days
00:20:24.79\00:20:28.16
and there will be better days.
00:20:28.26\00:20:29.99
But there will be no bad days."
00:20:30.09\00:20:31.59
And I looked at the person.
00:20:31.63\00:20:33.09
"Because Jesus is soon to come.
00:20:33.13\00:20:35.26
And the trumpet shall sound,
00:20:35.36\00:20:37.20
and the dead in
Christ shall rise first."
00:20:37.30\00:20:39.73
And I'm looking forward
to the first resurrection
00:20:39.77\00:20:42.47
when we will all
be gathered together
00:20:42.60\00:20:44.84
in the sky when Jesus comes.
00:20:44.87\00:20:46.74
Your relationship
with God, you know,
00:20:46.94\00:20:50.55
do you lean on Him?
00:20:50.65\00:20:52.05
Do you pray?
00:20:52.35\00:20:53.68
I started doing it more
after the death of my baby.
00:20:53.72\00:20:58.92
Before then, it was like in
the back of my head, you know.
00:20:58.95\00:21:03.16
- He was somewhere
back there. - Yeah.
00:21:03.19\00:21:04.53
It's like, I don't
even think about it.
00:21:04.56\00:21:05.89
It's like, whatever. You know.
00:21:05.93\00:21:07.30
Doing your thing,
but God didn't register.
00:21:07.33\00:21:09.33
Yeah, and I felt like, you
know, this was my sign to start
00:21:09.36\00:21:14.70
putting Him right in
front first before anything.
00:21:14.90\00:21:19.47
Do you think He was
trying to punish you?
00:21:19.51\00:21:21.34
Do you think we serve
a God that punishes us?
00:21:21.38\00:21:23.48
You know, at first I felt
like I was being punished.
00:21:23.51\00:21:27.75
I felt like it was karma.
00:21:27.78\00:21:29.75
I felt like...
00:21:29.78\00:21:31.12
I don't know, I felt
hate towards God, honestly.
00:21:32.49\00:21:36.89
You know, I hated Him.
00:21:36.93\00:21:38.43
I was like, it can't be a God
00:21:38.46\00:21:39.79
because God
wouldn't do this to me.
00:21:39.83\00:21:41.16
- No, that's not right.
- He wouldn't take a baby.
00:21:41.20\00:21:42.66
No, not my little angel.
00:21:42.70\00:21:44.17
She's, you know,
she's just a little kid.
00:21:44.20\00:21:45.53
- And she's so
innocent. - Yeah, right, yeah.
00:21:45.57\00:21:47.44
So I spent a lot
of time hating God.
00:21:47.47\00:21:51.27
And it took me until I was
going through the court process.
00:21:52.14\00:21:58.28
And I started saying,
"You know, I'll try this little
00:21:58.75\00:22:01.32
prayer thing, God, and
see if it works," you know.
00:22:01.35\00:22:03.89
And I did it.
00:22:03.92\00:22:05.92
And eventually things started
to fall in place properly.
00:22:05.95\00:22:10.73
You know, my
daughter died in my home,
00:22:10.76\00:22:12.33
so I didn't stay in
the home after the event.
00:22:12.36\00:22:16.36
I lived in hotels, I
stayed at family member's homes.
00:22:16.40\00:22:20.74
You know, it got to
the point where I was like,
00:22:22.30\00:22:25.07
"I've got to get it together."
00:22:25.11\00:22:26.44
I came in here and you was like,
"You've got to get it together."
00:22:26.47\00:22:28.74
And I said, "Yes, Ma'am."
00:22:28.78\00:22:30.11
- So did I really fuss? - Yes.
00:22:30.15\00:22:32.58
- Really? - You were on me hard.
00:22:32.61\00:22:35.18
- Really? - Yes.
00:22:35.22\00:22:36.55
I think what I was
trying to get you to understand
00:22:36.58\00:22:39.29
is that we have
to compose ourselves.
00:22:39.32\00:22:42.26
I needed you to compose yourself
00:22:42.49\00:22:44.59
so that I could
understand what was going on.
00:22:44.63\00:22:47.16
And I just needed
you to take a deep breath
00:22:47.40\00:22:49.93
and communicate
with me what happened
00:22:50.13\00:22:53.64
so that I could get all the
facts and be able to come up
00:22:53.67\00:22:57.41
with a treatment plan
to be able to help you
00:22:57.44\00:23:00.21
and your daughter.
00:23:00.24\00:23:01.58
So from the bottom of
my heart, I meant to fuss.
00:23:01.61\00:23:04.98
- No. - I know, I know.
00:23:05.01\00:23:06.45
You know, but look at you today.
00:23:07.35\00:23:09.92
I came a long way.
00:23:09.95\00:23:11.29
You've come a long way.
00:23:11.32\00:23:13.62
And it was one of the
best decisions ever made:
00:23:13.76\00:23:16.93
to walk in my
office and meet with you.
00:23:16.96\00:23:20.63
You are a
precious, precious soul.
00:23:21.03\00:23:24.00
You belong to the
Lord. He loves you.
00:23:24.20\00:23:26.47
And you are an
outstanding mother.
00:23:26.50\00:23:28.00
I've seen you
with your daughter.
00:23:28.04\00:23:29.77
We've walked out of this office
00:23:29.80\00:23:32.11
and we went on a
little field trip.
00:23:32.31\00:23:34.14
And it was just beautiful.
00:23:34.24\00:23:36.34
She is just, it
requires patience, forgiveness.
00:23:36.44\00:23:40.98
Do you blame her?
00:23:41.02\00:23:42.52
- In the
beginning I did. - Did you?
00:23:42.98\00:23:45.09
I mean, even at the hospital
when they were trying to
00:23:45.12\00:23:47.42
revive her, I'm
like, "It's your fault.
00:23:47.46\00:23:49.39
Why didn't you wake me up?
00:23:49.42\00:23:50.83
You always wake me up.
You always come get me."
00:23:50.86\00:23:53.80
You said this to your daughter?
00:23:54.20\00:23:55.60
I did.
00:23:55.63\00:23:56.97
- I did, and I, I felt
like... - Emotions were high.
00:23:57.00\00:24:00.37
Oh, I was like, up the roof.
00:24:00.40\00:24:02.24
But I feel like, I thought at
that time because I said all of
00:24:02.27\00:24:06.24
those things that's why they
called Child Protective Service.
00:24:06.27\00:24:09.18
Because, I mean, I
didn't care who was around.
00:24:09.21\00:24:11.51
It was like police
around, the doctors, the nurses.
00:24:11.55\00:24:14.02
I didn't care, you know.
00:24:14.05\00:24:15.78
And I yelled at
her and I blamed her.
00:24:15.82\00:24:18.85
And you know, even
through the process
00:24:18.89\00:24:22.66
it was always a
thought in the back of my head
00:24:22.76\00:24:24.66
like, she did it on purpose.
00:24:24.69\00:24:26.33
It was a sibling rivalry.
00:24:26.36\00:24:27.83
I felt like, you know, she
knew what was going to happen.
00:24:27.86\00:24:30.77
But you know, in a
sense I sat back and I said,
00:24:30.80\00:24:33.23
"You know, she's four.
00:24:33.27\00:24:34.60
She doesn't understand the
concept of death and drowning.
00:24:34.64\00:24:37.91
You know, she probably
wouldn't do anything like that."
00:24:38.17\00:24:40.58
- To hurt her sister.
- Not to hurt her sister.
00:24:40.61\00:24:42.71
When you were giving your baby
mouth to mouth resuscitation,
00:24:43.58\00:24:48.58
you were trying to revive her,
00:24:48.62\00:24:50.59
did you believe
you could save her?
00:24:50.95\00:24:52.52
I was going to, I felt
like supermom at that point.
00:24:52.55\00:24:55.86
I thought I was
going to bring her back
00:24:55.89\00:24:57.79
and everything
was going to be okay.
00:24:57.83\00:24:59.16
I would have took
her to the hospital
00:24:59.19\00:25:00.53
after just to make sure.
00:25:00.56\00:25:01.93
And that would have been that.
00:25:01.96\00:25:03.30
I tried. I put my soul into it.
00:25:03.33\00:25:06.13
I was like, I'm going
to get this baby to get up.
00:25:06.17\00:25:08.60
- But nothing
happened. - Nothing happened.
00:25:08.94\00:25:11.01
You know, let's talk about
when you went to the services.
00:25:11.21\00:25:16.54
Did you say anything at
the services or did you just
00:25:16.58\00:25:20.72
sit through the whole service?
00:25:20.75\00:25:22.08
You know what, I got
tested at the services.
00:25:22.12\00:25:24.29
It was a lady in there
that just brought everything,
00:25:24.79\00:25:27.96
the fight in me that day.
00:25:27.99\00:25:29.32
I was like, uhh...
00:25:29.36\00:25:30.69
- Was she speaking or she was...
- I was going to fight the lady.
00:25:30.73\00:25:32.06
I was going to fight the lady.
00:25:32.09\00:25:33.43
She was there as a guest?
00:25:33.46\00:25:34.86
She was there to
attend another service.
00:25:34.90\00:25:40.20
And she was like,
"I'm here to see my niece."
00:25:40.54\00:25:43.41
But she thought,
for some odd reason,
00:25:43.44\00:25:45.17
that my baby was her niece.
00:25:45.21\00:25:47.18
But my baby was 18 months
and her niece is 7 years old.
00:25:47.34\00:25:50.28
So I don't know how that
mistake could have happened.
00:25:50.31\00:25:52.81
- Was she an older
woman? - She was an older woman.
00:25:52.85\00:25:55.08
She may have been
alcoholic or something.
00:25:55.12\00:25:57.09
But whatever the situation
was, it was not pleasing.
00:25:57.12\00:26:02.26
So you had to
just switch gears...
00:26:02.39\00:26:03.86
I had to switch gears.
00:26:03.89\00:26:05.23
...and focus on what
you were there to do.
00:26:05.26\00:26:06.59
I did. And you know, I was...
00:26:06.63\00:26:08.66
I thought I would be relieved
after that part was over.
00:26:08.86\00:26:12.60
But it seemed like
everything got worse.
00:26:12.63\00:26:15.64
I got better at one point,
and then it's like it got worse.
00:26:15.67\00:26:19.21
Then it got better. It
was back and forth a lot.
00:26:19.24\00:26:21.81
But I learned to stay busy.
00:26:22.01\00:26:27.48
I think staying
busy really helped me
00:26:27.52\00:26:30.22
get through a lot of it.
00:26:30.25\00:26:32.05
Oh, most definitely.
00:26:32.25\00:26:33.59
I think it's important
that you be pro-active.
00:26:33.62\00:26:38.19
That we don't sit
back and wallow in our pain
00:26:38.46\00:26:41.40
and have pity parties.
00:26:41.43\00:26:42.90
Now when you go
through something like this,
00:26:42.93\00:26:45.13
you have a right to be...
00:26:45.17\00:26:47.24
Well I'm just going to say this.
00:26:49.24\00:26:50.57
I had a little
pity party for myself.
00:26:50.61\00:26:53.48
I missed my
Arthur. I wanted him there.
00:26:53.84\00:26:57.51
But what really hurt me the most
was the phone calls stopped,
00:26:57.68\00:27:05.45
the cards stopped.
00:27:06.15\00:27:07.49
Oh yeah.
00:27:07.52\00:27:08.86
People stop checking on you.
00:27:08.89\00:27:11.89
And you know,
where is everybody now?
00:27:12.59\00:27:16.06
And I think we need to
have something put in place;
00:27:16.73\00:27:20.64
after care to recovery.
00:27:20.90\00:27:25.97
Something to
help these families.
00:27:26.71\00:27:28.78
I'm a family. My daughters.
00:27:28.81\00:27:30.68
You know, helping them
understand the importance.
00:27:30.85\00:27:33.95
I'm just thankful that
I was there to help you.
00:27:34.15\00:27:37.29
Listen, we are down
to our last few seconds.
00:27:37.72\00:27:40.89
And I just want
to say, "Thank you."
00:27:40.92\00:27:42.69
I am so proud of you.
00:27:42.99\00:27:44.66
And we will see
Nia and Arthur again
00:27:44.76\00:27:47.56
on that great day when
the trumpet shall sound.
00:27:47.76\00:27:50.67
I want to thank all of you.
00:27:50.97\00:27:52.33
And remember, there's
healing in forgiveness.
00:27:52.37\00:27:55.24
I'm Dr. Kim. God bless.
00:27:55.27\00:27:58.27