Hi, I'm Dr. Kim.
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And welcome to, Live To Be Well.
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Well, what comes to mind
when you think about patience?
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Job had patience.
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Do you have the
patience to endure
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trials and
tribulations that come your way?
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What about the patience
of being a single father
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and raising three children?
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Well today my special
guest is Stephen Tibbets.
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Welcome Steve, how you doing?
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I'm good, thank you.
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Thank you so much for
coming on Live To Be Well.
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Thank you for having me.
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Well listen, let's go
back a little bit about
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how you came to meet me.
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Alright, a friend of yours
recommended me for counseling.
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And you were having some
challenges with your children.
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Let's talk about your
children and what has happened
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in their lives over
the last 10 or 15 years.
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Where do want to begin?
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Let's begin with their
relationship with their mother.
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Okay, me and their mother
were together, we were together
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maybe 7 or 8 years.
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Were you married?
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- No we weren't married. - Okay.
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We were young,
just doing silly things.
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But then we had my
oldest son, Tyberius.
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And once that
happened, you know,
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I had to stop doing silly
things and be responsible.
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Because at that point
in time I'm responsible
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for another person.
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And as time went on
we kind of drifted apart.
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She still wanted to
kind of do the party scene,
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and she felt like she
was missing out on her life
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by not being childless
and couldn't go out anymore.
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So I mean, we kind of
took different directions.
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But yet we still had two
more children after that.
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So I stayed mainly because I
had grew up without a father.
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So one thing I wanted to do
was, when I did have children
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I wanted to make sure
that my kids had their mother
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and their father in their life.
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That it was a
two parent household.
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So I mean, a lot
of times I always say
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I should have left sooner.
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But if I would have
left sooner, I still wouldn't
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have had my
other two children, so.
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And you have no regrets
with all three of your children.
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No, no.
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They get on my nerves, but.
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I know, and I've seen
you with your children.
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So after that, how did it
come to be that you received
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physical custody
of your children?
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Uh, I don't know.
It was just a blessing.
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Everybody was
telling me to get a lawyer.
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Like, I'm just
going to tell the truth.
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Because most men do not
have, I'm not saying the time
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or the desire, but to take on
three children, small children,
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as a single father, you know.
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Why did you want the physical
custody of the children?
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Well again, for me
it was most important
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that I stay in their life.
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And so again, by me
not having a father,
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I knew exactly what I
wanted to give to my children.
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Didn't you believe it
was important for their
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mother to be in their lives and
for their mother to raise them?
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Have a mom?
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I did fell that was important,
but for me and the way that we
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kind of drifted apart,
and the scene she was in
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and the scene that I was
trying to take over from,
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it just wasn't a good fit.
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Alright, and you
knew you would be a better
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parent for the children.
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- Yes. - Alright.
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So you have two
sons and a daughter.
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How has that been
raising them since really birth,
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now that they're early teens?
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And you recently had your oldest
son graduate from high school.
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And let's talk about
the challenges there.
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Getting him through high school.
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Well with him, there was a lot
of anxiety with him growing up.
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So we had went through different
counselors and everything.
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And he was diagnosed with, what
was it, ADD; inattentive type.
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So that was a challenge also.
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Where we just try
to keep motivating him,
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keep positive
words going to him.
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So he eventually got through it.
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It was a challenge
though, but he made it.
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Yeah, I'm so excited
because when I saw the pictures
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of him crossing the
stage, I was so happy.
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Because when he first
came to me for therapy,
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he was reserved,
he was pulled back,
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he would tend
to isolate himself.
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And then he would,
like, "I need my time.
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I need my therapy
session." You know.
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And he still is
in touch with me.
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Because he's working in
Ohio. And it's a blessing.
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Let's talk about your daughter.
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Your relationship
with your daughter.
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Oh, my relationship
with my daughter is solid.
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Even though she
doesn't always feel that way.
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She doesn't feel that way?
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- Yeah. - Okay.
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Because she's semi-spoiled.
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So if I don't give
her the attention that she
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feels she deserves,
she'll cop a little attitude.
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Do you feel that
you're a good parent?
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Do you play with your children?
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Do you engage with them?
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Do you help them
with their homework?
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Are you a good parent?
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I mean, I try.
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Like, when you asked me to
do this, I was kind of confused.
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I was honored, I was
blessed, but I was, like,
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I don't know what's
so special about myself.
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I'm just trying
to do the best I can.
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Well I think, the reason
why I asked you to do this
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is because I see you
engaging with your children.
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I remember when
your daughter wanted
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to go stay with her mother.
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And you called me or
you texted me and said,
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"Dr. Logan, I'm going
to write up a contract.
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And I'm going to be
ready for this session."
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Now she cannot
wiggle out of this, her mom.
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So you're going to take
her for the whole summer.
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Oh, for the
month, for the month.
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- Yeah, it was for a
month. ~ For a month.
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And I remember asking
you when she came here,
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"Do not contact your daughter."
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You said, "Dr. Logan,
that's going to be hard."
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I said, "Don't call,
you can't pick her up,
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take her any food."
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Let her have her
time with her mother
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so that she can also see the
value of being with her mother
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for that long period of time.
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Because it's not just a weekend.
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Because they go and
see their mother how often?
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She gets the second and
fourth weekend of every month.
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Alright.
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And I remember hearing you say,
"I don't care what it will take,
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but I'm your father,
you will live with me
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until you're 18 years of age."
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Why did you make that so
emphatic with your children?
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Because
particularly with my daughter.
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The mother of my children,
she always wanted a daughter.
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And by my daughter being
the last one, she's the baby.
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So the boys kind of
have distanced themselves.
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- From their
mother? - From their mother.
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So she doesn't kind
of rely on them too much
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to come over or
anything, but she's held a
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tight rein on my daughter
with that being her baby girl
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and her only baby girl.
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So a lot of times my
daughter will feel obligated
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to be there for her mother
or do what her mother says.
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And a lot of times
they will go back and forth.
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I think a lot of it is,
my daughter wants her mother
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in her life so badly that
she wants to live with her.
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But a lot of times she'll still
complain about different things.
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But her thought
is, once she gets older
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she can't have a
relationship with her mother
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from a childhood standpoint.
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- Because those
years are gone. - Right.
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So when I tell her
eighteen, she'll say,
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"By then it's too late."
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I say, "Well Ya'll can still do
all the things you want to do."
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But as far as why
I've told her eighteen,
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it's because, again,
the mother of my children
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constantly tries to ask
them where do they want to live.
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And so it confuses my daughter.
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So to try to cut out the
confusion, I just tell her,
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"You're with me
until you're eighteen.
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And we've dealt with
the guilt that your daughter
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has dealt with to
please her mother,
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and appease her.
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And one thing that came
through therapy is, you know,
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understanding that they
both have a role in your life.
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You have a
mother, you have a father.
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But you live with your father.
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And I remember, I said,
"Now, I'm not allowing you..."
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Or, "Dr. Logan,
you need to understand.
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Dr. Logan, I want to
go be with my mother.
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Dr. Logan..."
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And I remember
meeting their mother.
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You know, very
strong person, personality.
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But allowing her
the opportunity...
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Because I'm a mom.
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And I know that
it's important for me to
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be in my children's life.
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But I want to be
a healthy, positive
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example for my children.
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What about school?
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I know school
has been challenging
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with your two younger ones.
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Doing their chores.
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How do you deal with
helping them to understand
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the importance of education?
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I don't know. I'm
still struggling with that.
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You know, them reaching teenage
years, and the cell phones,
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and all the
distractions and everything.
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But I take a lot of it
from, I try to take experiences
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from my job, by me being a
supervisor, and everything.
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So I try to explain to
them, not only am I an employee
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within this company,
but I'm also, you know,
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a boss within this company
with the power to hire and fire.
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So I try to give
them life lessons.
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Not just what
they get out of school,
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but how things are
looked at once they get
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out into the real world.
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Are you concerned about
your children academically
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that they will or will not
go to college or trade school?
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You know, are
you concerned at all?
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Uh, sometimes
because of how reserved,
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at least my youngest son is.
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My daughter, she's
real strong headed,
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so I'm not that
concerned about her.
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Do you have any concerns
about when they start dating?
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Is that an issue?
00:10:08.04\00:10:09.40
Hormones are developing.
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Your daughter is very developed,
she's very pretty, you know.
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How do you keep a
close rein on her?
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Well I try to make sure
that she knows I'm her dad
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and she's loved.
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So she doesn't have to look for
love in all the wrong places.
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- Right. - Alright.
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And that, again, goes back to
her having a father in the home.
00:10:26.42\00:10:30.49
Seeing you take her to
school, you provide for her.
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I've notice on social media that
she recently had a birthday.
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And I don't if anybody
else was there, but I only saw
00:10:38.90\00:10:42.10
you in the pictures with her.
00:10:42.14\00:10:43.81
Was it just you and
her daddy/daughter time?
00:10:44.11\00:10:46.47
No, it was me,
my middle child son,
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and her soon to be stepmom.
00:10:52.15\00:10:54.85
Okay, so it was
all of you together.
00:10:54.88\00:10:56.99
Four of you, because Tyberius
is away working in Ohio.
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Relating to that, how does
she get along with your fiancé?
00:11:01.22\00:11:05.59
- Good. - They get along well?
00:11:05.63\00:11:07.56
Yeah, depends on what day it is.
00:11:07.60\00:11:09.43
Lately it's been a lot better.
00:11:09.46\00:11:11.07
Did you say it
depends on what day it is?
00:11:11.10\00:11:12.43
- Yeah. - Alright,
that's all parents.
00:11:12.47\00:11:14.94
But she's been really
good the last couple of weeks.
00:11:14.97\00:11:17.21
A lot of times, again,
things go back to her mother.
00:11:17.24\00:11:21.28
So I think sometimes she
may feel like she's being
00:11:21.31\00:11:24.21
disloyal to her
mother if she's too close
00:11:24.25\00:11:27.88
to the woman that I'm with.
00:11:27.92\00:11:29.58
But we also try to take
it with a grain of salt.
00:11:30.19\00:11:33.19
We understand
where it's coming from.
00:11:33.22\00:11:34.66
And I remember the
meeting that we had.
00:11:34.69\00:11:37.19
Your fiancé was here, the
children's mother was here,
00:11:38.33\00:11:42.66
you, your daughter, and I.
00:11:42.70\00:11:44.03
And we didn't
know what was going to
00:11:44.10\00:11:45.93
happen out of that meeting.
00:11:45.97\00:11:47.30
But your fiancé was very clear,
00:11:47.50\00:11:50.41
"I'm not here
to take your place.
00:11:50.44\00:11:52.77
I'm here to be a support, an
asset, and whatever I can be."
00:11:53.07\00:11:59.18
But it was still
that intimidation,
00:11:59.21\00:12:01.88
or she felt uncomfortable.
00:12:01.92\00:12:03.75
And I think that the
way it was handled by her
00:12:04.95\00:12:08.02
was very good, it was healthy.
00:12:08.06\00:12:09.76
And she had to step back, she
had to step back, "Okay, fine."
00:12:10.19\00:12:13.76
Because she's been in the
children's lives for how long?
00:12:13.96\00:12:16.40
Over ten years now.
00:12:16.60\00:12:18.03
Ten years. And
they call her what?
00:12:18.07\00:12:20.04
- They call her,
mom. - They call her, mom.
00:12:20.07\00:12:22.04
I remember taking the
children, you allowed me to take
00:12:22.27\00:12:25.14
the children out to eat.
00:12:25.17\00:12:26.88
I wanted to spend some
time out of the office.
00:12:26.91\00:12:29.58
Because you know I
always say I'm not the
00:12:29.61\00:12:30.95
traditional type therapist.
00:12:30.98\00:12:32.31
"Let's go."
00:12:32.35\00:12:33.68
And it's a blessing when a
parent can trust in these times
00:12:33.72\00:12:37.95
their children with someone.
00:12:38.35\00:12:39.69
You know, I've not
know you for years,
00:12:39.72\00:12:41.82
but you know, you
recognize my character.
00:12:41.86\00:12:44.33
So you dropped the children off
and we left and we went to eat.
00:12:44.79\00:12:48.46
And great table manners.
00:12:48.50\00:12:50.33
I was so just impressed.
00:12:50.37\00:12:52.43
"Thank you." "No, thank you."
00:12:53.34\00:12:55.30
"May I have more?"
00:12:55.67\00:12:57.27
Excellent.
00:12:57.31\00:12:58.64
When we got to the
mall, Ty said to me,
00:12:58.67\00:13:02.84
"These are the things I
miss with my own mother."
00:13:03.24\00:13:06.31
And I said, "What do you mean?"
00:13:06.72\00:13:08.05
Because I was
hoping that the environment
00:13:08.08\00:13:09.92
would open them
up a little bit more.
00:13:09.95\00:13:12.05
And it did.
00:13:12.25\00:13:13.59
And oh, and Cary was like,
"Oh, I got to show you this."
00:13:13.62\00:13:17.06
"I got to show you
that." "I got to show..."
00:13:17.09\00:13:18.43
I said, "Oh, good thing
I wore my flats, alright."
00:13:18.46\00:13:21.06
And then we went to get
something for your daughter,
00:13:21.16\00:13:24.73
and they were
right there with her.
00:13:24.83\00:13:27.77
We took forever trying to
find this one shoe, alright.
00:13:27.80\00:13:30.51
But we still couldn't find it.
00:13:30.54\00:13:31.87
But he said, "I miss all of
that with my biological mother.
00:13:32.17\00:13:37.11
And I'm angry at her.
00:13:37.25\00:13:38.95
I resent that."
00:13:39.05\00:13:41.12
And I said, "Well listen,
you know, you have to understand
00:13:41.72\00:13:46.19
there were
circumstances, choices made."
00:13:46.22\00:13:48.92
He said, "I would never
treat my children like this."
00:13:48.96\00:13:51.46
I said, "But you can lean
on the fact that, you know,
00:13:51.49\00:13:54.90
you still can have a
relationship with your mother.
00:13:54.93\00:13:57.10
She's still alive."
00:13:57.23\00:13:58.57
And he said,
"But I love my father.
00:13:58.67\00:14:00.50
I love my father."
00:14:00.64\00:14:02.04
He said, "I know I've
taken him through changes.
00:14:02.07\00:14:05.17
And one of the best
things he could have done
00:14:05.21\00:14:06.54
is send me away
to this program."
00:14:06.57\00:14:08.21
And it turned his life around.
00:14:08.48\00:14:10.61
And he said,
"But I love my father.
00:14:10.91\00:14:12.71
I want to be with my father."
00:14:12.75\00:14:14.08
What happens when you hear that?
00:14:14.15\00:14:15.98
When you hear your
children say, "I love my father.
00:14:16.02\00:14:18.65
I want to be with my father."
00:14:18.69\00:14:20.16
Well it just validates that I'm
doing what I'm supposed to do.
00:14:20.19\00:14:23.59
And that
validation is important.
00:14:25.03\00:14:26.90
Yeah, yeah.
00:14:26.93\00:14:28.26
When you have kids, yeah, you...
00:14:28.30\00:14:30.07
I mean, everybody wants to know
that they're doing a good job.
00:14:30.43\00:14:33.40
- And that they're loved. - Yes.
00:14:34.04\00:14:35.37
You feel your children love you?
00:14:35.40\00:14:36.74
- Oh absolutely. - Absolutely.
00:14:36.77\00:14:38.11
You say, "Absolutely!" You know.
00:14:38.14\00:14:40.04
Why are you so absolutely
sure your children love you?
00:14:40.08\00:14:42.74
I don't know, I just do.
00:14:42.78\00:14:44.11
The relationship that we
have, the bond that we have.
00:14:44.15\00:14:45.78
- The bond. - Yes.
00:14:45.81\00:14:47.15
So even when you
agree to disagree,
00:14:47.18\00:14:48.75
that bond cannot be broken.
00:14:48.78\00:14:50.89
- No. - Alright.
00:14:50.92\00:14:52.25
Even when she was away.
00:14:52.29\00:14:53.76
Because at one point in
time she was really confused,
00:14:54.49\00:14:57.49
so she had to be
hospitalized and everything.
00:14:57.53\00:15:00.56
She was telling the staff and
everyone all types of things.
00:15:00.60\00:15:03.77
She didn't even want to see me.
00:15:03.80\00:15:05.87
She only wanted
to see her mother.
00:15:06.43\00:15:08.27
Even though her mother didn't
have custody, and everything,
00:15:08.30\00:15:11.41
I allowed that to happen.
00:15:11.44\00:15:12.91
Because I knew the relationship
between me and my daughter.
00:15:13.07\00:15:16.54
She was angry at you that
you had to make a decision
00:15:16.58\00:15:19.81
to put her in that
particular hospital?
00:15:19.85\00:15:22.08
I don't know if she was
angry at me for that because
00:15:23.32\00:15:26.15
we had
conversations prior to that.
00:15:26.19\00:15:28.12
Did it worry you that what you
saw and what happened to her,
00:15:28.72\00:15:33.86
did it scare you at that moment?
00:15:33.90\00:15:35.70
No. Because again, I
knew what was going to happen.
00:15:36.36\00:15:39.37
And at the end of
the day I've always said,
00:15:39.40\00:15:42.00
while she was away, "I
don't like where she is,
00:15:42.50\00:15:45.61
I don't like that she's away.
00:15:45.64\00:15:47.24
But if this was the
path that God has us to go
00:15:47.54\00:15:52.11
in order for her to be
better, then I'm alright.
00:15:52.15\00:15:54.85
It's only a
short period of time."
00:15:54.95\00:15:56.35
It's just a
short period of time.
00:15:56.38\00:15:57.92
You mentioned God.
00:15:58.85\00:16:00.19
Now when you came
to me, I don't know,
00:16:00.22\00:16:02.02
did you know I was
a Christian therapist?
00:16:02.06\00:16:04.26
- You didn't know. ~ No.
00:16:04.46\00:16:05.79
How did you feel about
that when I asked to have prayer
00:16:05.83\00:16:08.63
or when you found out that
I was a Christian therapist?
00:16:08.66\00:16:10.17
- I felt better
about that. - Did you?
00:16:10.20\00:16:11.53
- It felt good. - Why?
00:16:11.57\00:16:12.93
It just did.
00:16:13.47\00:16:14.80
To hear another person pray for
your children and everything,
00:16:15.30\00:16:18.64
and pray before a session.
00:16:18.67\00:16:20.28
Because I try to...
00:16:20.48\00:16:22.14
I'm not going to say
I go to church a lot.
00:16:24.51\00:16:26.82
But I do try to
live my life day to day
00:16:27.42\00:16:30.25
by following the Spirit.
00:16:30.29\00:16:31.92
Just trying to do what's right.
00:16:32.32\00:16:33.66
~ Yes, yes.
00:16:33.69\00:16:35.02
And you are a good father.
00:16:35.22\00:16:36.59
I mean, the reports I've read.
00:16:36.62\00:16:38.76
Because if not, they
would have taken the children.
00:16:39.19\00:16:41.16
Alright, because
you've been in court.
00:16:41.40\00:16:42.73
Yeah, she's called maybe
about six or seven times to CPS.
00:16:42.76\00:16:45.70
- And it's all
been for naught. - Yeah.
00:16:45.73\00:16:48.70
Recognizing the
importance of God,
00:16:49.70\00:16:51.71
when I prayed
with your children,
00:16:51.74\00:16:53.48
and they were asking me
questions about right and wrong.
00:16:53.68\00:16:59.31
They know right and
wrong because you've
00:16:59.35\00:17:00.98
taught them right and wrong.
00:17:01.02\00:17:02.35
And decisions have been made.
00:17:02.48\00:17:04.35
I am concerned
about Cary, as you are.
00:17:05.15\00:17:07.92
He's a quiet child.
00:17:07.96\00:17:09.59
But he said
something that was so profound.
00:17:09.79\00:17:12.33
And I purposely was
doing something, and I said,
00:17:12.63\00:17:16.56
"So are you thinking
about taking your life?"
00:17:16.87\00:17:19.47
And he said, "What?"
00:17:19.67\00:17:21.00
You know, and I never
made eye contact with him.
00:17:21.17\00:17:23.04
I think I was doing
something on my phone.
00:17:23.07\00:17:25.24
I was doing
something, I was like,
00:17:25.27\00:17:26.61
"So, are we
looking at suicide here?"
00:17:26.78\00:17:29.94
And he said...
00:17:29.98\00:17:31.31
And he said, "Dr. Logan, never."
00:17:32.48\00:17:35.48
He said, "Never.
00:17:36.12\00:17:37.45
I will never take my life."
00:17:37.55\00:17:39.29
He said, "I'm quiet, I'm bored,
I feel isolated at times."
00:17:39.32\00:17:44.69
And I really, you know,
want him to find his way.
00:17:44.86\00:17:49.63
So what do you
think he is in need of?
00:17:49.73\00:17:52.53
I know what we talk about,
and that's confidentiality,
00:17:52.57\00:17:55.34
but you know, things
you've shared with me
00:17:55.37\00:17:57.67
and I've shared with you.
00:17:57.71\00:17:59.04
But as a father
looking at your son,
00:17:59.07\00:18:01.01
what do you
think, what is his niche,
00:18:01.04\00:18:03.08
what have you noticed for him?
00:18:03.11\00:18:04.78
What I've noticed is television.
00:18:05.51\00:18:07.78
Television or movies.
00:18:07.82\00:18:09.48
The other day we
were watching a movie
00:18:09.58\00:18:10.95
that he had never even seen.
00:18:10.99\00:18:12.49
So when I put it on, I said,
00:18:13.05\00:18:14.69
"I bet you can't tell
me what this movie is."
00:18:14.72\00:18:16.76
Mind you, he'd
never seen this movie.
00:18:16.79\00:18:18.73
Just by listening to the
music he identified the movie.
00:18:19.36\00:18:23.03
But he'd never
watched the movie before.
00:18:23.06\00:18:25.03
So maybe he's interested
in developing movie scores
00:18:25.07\00:18:28.10
and music.
00:18:28.14\00:18:29.50
Does he have a
keyboard, any instruments?
00:18:30.01\00:18:32.37
He use to play the
guitar, but he wasn't
00:18:32.87\00:18:34.48
really into it that much.
00:18:34.51\00:18:36.18
So what we're looking at
now is maybe him taking a class
00:18:36.21\00:18:40.22
in community college that's
affiliated with television
00:18:40.25\00:18:44.22
or movies or anything like that.
00:18:44.25\00:18:46.12
And film production.
Excellent, excellent.
00:18:46.15\00:18:48.79
You are looking in the
future for your children.
00:18:49.36\00:18:52.46
Now you're going to
be getting married soon.
00:18:52.49\00:18:55.36
Has a date been set?
00:18:55.76\00:18:57.17
- No. - Not yet, alright.
00:18:57.20\00:18:58.57
I still have to
officially propose.
00:18:58.60\00:19:00.17
Oh, officially propose.
00:19:00.20\00:19:01.74
You're going to get down
on one knee, and all of that?
00:19:01.77\00:19:03.61
- Yes. - Oh really?
00:19:03.64\00:19:04.97
You'll have the
violins, you know?
00:19:05.21\00:19:07.61
- Yeah, I don't know. - Okay.
00:19:07.64\00:19:08.98
- We're on camera. - Okay.
00:19:09.01\00:19:11.28
So do you want more children?
00:19:11.51\00:19:14.18
Uh, yes.
00:19:14.48\00:19:15.82
With the woman
that I'm with, yes.
00:19:15.85\00:19:17.85
You want more children.
00:19:17.89\00:19:19.22
Because she
doesn't have any children.
00:19:19.25\00:19:20.59
So I would love to
have children with her.
00:19:20.62\00:19:22.29
She wants two.
00:19:22.32\00:19:23.66
Okay, so the ages of
your children now are what?
00:19:23.69\00:19:25.89
Cary and Leigh, yeah
because Ty had a birthday,
00:19:27.30\00:19:29.56
so they're 15, 15, and 19.
00:19:29.60\00:19:33.30
Wow!
00:19:33.34\00:19:34.67
So yeah, I'll be
starting over again.
00:19:34.70\00:19:36.04
All over again. Okay.
00:19:36.07\00:19:38.04
Well I think
that's admirable of you.
00:19:38.14\00:19:41.28
You love being a
father. You love it.
00:19:41.48\00:19:43.48
You know, but having now, being
married for the first time,
00:19:43.75\00:19:47.75
being able to have
a complete component,
00:19:47.98\00:19:52.15
that's important to you.
00:19:52.19\00:19:53.52
~ Yes, yes. - To
have that experience.
00:19:53.56\00:19:55.62
Now let me ask you,
what type of work do you do?
00:19:55.96\00:19:58.63
Because you bring
your children to therapy,
00:19:58.66\00:20:01.76
you take them to school.
00:20:02.00\00:20:04.17
When you told me a
few weeks ago, "Dr. Kim,
00:20:04.93\00:20:07.57
I get up, I go to
work at six in the morning.
00:20:07.80\00:20:11.37
I come back, get my
children, I take them to school.
00:20:11.41\00:20:15.74
I go back to work.
00:20:15.78\00:20:17.28
I go back to
school, pick my children up,
00:20:17.31\00:20:20.18
take them to their activities.
00:20:20.22\00:20:21.85
I may go back to work.
00:20:21.88\00:20:23.28
Bring them to you to therapy.
00:20:23.32\00:20:24.99
Go back to work, come back."
00:20:25.02\00:20:26.79
How do you do it?
00:20:28.02\00:20:29.42
I mean, I don't know.
00:20:30.59\00:20:31.93
It just needs to be done, so.
00:20:31.96\00:20:33.73
You do what you have to do.
00:20:33.76\00:20:35.23
And that's how I've always been.
00:20:35.90\00:20:37.93
And I think a lot of it stems
from, again, when me and their
00:20:39.13\00:20:42.40
mother was together,
I would depend on her to
00:20:42.44\00:20:45.11
do some things, and them some of
the things weren't getting done.
00:20:45.14\00:20:48.44
So I kind of took it
upon myself to make sure
00:20:49.24\00:20:53.11
I did the things
that needed to be done.
00:20:53.31\00:20:54.85
That way I know it's done.
00:20:54.88\00:20:56.22
You have a type B personality,
00:20:56.25\00:20:58.45
which is reserved
and passive/aggressive.
00:20:58.49\00:21:03.22
But you are a
type A in leadership.
00:21:03.32\00:21:05.79
Because you are a
supervisor, single father,
00:21:05.83\00:21:08.46
you take over
that leadership role.
00:21:08.50\00:21:10.47
I mean, you're not
looking away for me,
00:21:10.67\00:21:12.83
you're giving me
complete eye contact, alright.
00:21:12.87\00:21:15.70
Even when we're
one on one in my office
00:21:15.74\00:21:17.87
and when you're
communicating with me.
00:21:17.91\00:21:19.97
Why is
communication so important?
00:21:20.08\00:21:22.21
You speak very well. Were
you taught that as a child?
00:21:22.24\00:21:24.75
I mean, I just
had a regular public
00:21:26.25\00:21:28.02
education to twelfth grade.
00:21:28.05\00:21:29.65
~ You went to twelfth grade.
00:21:29.68\00:21:31.02
~ Any college. - No.
00:21:31.05\00:21:32.39
And so, but you were
able to land a very good job.
00:21:32.42\00:21:34.92
- Obtain a good job. ~ Yes.
00:21:35.26\00:21:37.06
And you worked your way up to
supervisor now in the company.
00:21:37.09\00:21:40.53
How long have you
been with the company?
00:21:40.56\00:21:42.06
Well with this
particular company, four years.
00:21:42.10\00:21:45.27
- You like your work? - Yes.
00:21:45.47\00:21:46.84
Alright. Now what
do you do for you?
00:21:46.87\00:21:50.24
I'm not talking with
your fiancé, the children.
00:21:50.27\00:21:52.44
Do you work out, do you
swim, racquetball, tennis?
00:21:52.74\00:21:56.41
What do you do for you?
00:21:56.44\00:21:57.85
Just lately got back
into going to the gym.
00:21:59.48\00:22:03.08
Like today I was telling
the kids, when I left work
00:22:03.95\00:22:07.56
we were going to go play tennis.
00:22:07.59\00:22:09.46
Because I was so, I
don't want to just keep going
00:22:10.53\00:22:12.49
to the gym when I get off work.
00:22:12.53\00:22:14.10
Because now I'm
actually supervising two shifts.
00:22:14.13\00:22:17.17
What?
00:22:17.20\00:22:18.53
So I'm managing my
shift, and then our afternoon
00:22:18.57\00:22:23.41
shift supervisor, he
went over to the mother plant.
00:22:23.44\00:22:26.88
So I just told them,
"Don't send anybody else over.
00:22:27.14\00:22:30.15
I'll manage that as well."
00:22:30.18\00:22:31.51
So you're literally
doing twelve hours a day?
00:22:31.55\00:22:33.85
Yes, yes at least.
00:22:33.88\00:22:35.52
Wow!
00:22:36.18\00:22:37.82
You do sleep? You do eat?
00:22:38.35\00:22:39.89
- Yes. - Okay.
00:22:39.92\00:22:41.32
But with that, like I
said, the past two days
00:22:41.36\00:22:45.39
I've been getting
off, racing home, changing,
00:22:45.43\00:22:47.83
then shooting to the gym.
00:22:47.86\00:22:49.26
Even though the kids
are with their mother,
00:22:50.17\00:22:51.57
because I let them
stay a little bit longer,
00:22:51.60\00:22:53.07
but I don't want
that to be the norm.
00:22:53.10\00:22:56.04
I go to work, come
home, cook something for them,
00:22:56.24\00:22:59.57
and then shoot off to the gym.
00:22:59.61\00:23:01.64
And then we don't
have any interaction, so.
00:23:01.68\00:23:04.18
I can still get exercise
in by us going to play tennis.
00:23:04.68\00:23:07.68
And I get to beat them.
00:23:07.78\00:23:09.12
And you get to beat them
because you know how to play.
00:23:09.15\00:23:10.52
Okay, and
they're running around.
00:23:10.55\00:23:12.39
Your relationship
with your daughter.
00:23:14.16\00:23:16.12
I had asked you a question.
00:23:16.66\00:23:18.43
I see you engaging
with her, you laugh,
00:23:19.59\00:23:22.30
you all play, you
hit with each other.
00:23:22.33\00:23:24.67
And I think at first, you
know, it didn't concern me.
00:23:25.07\00:23:28.97
But I saw it again, and again.
00:23:29.00\00:23:30.81
And when you were at the
door, you're playing with her.
00:23:31.14\00:23:33.94
I don't know if I'm
comfortable with that
00:23:35.34\00:23:38.78
because of the fact
that, do we cross the line of
00:23:38.81\00:23:42.08
being parent and friend.
00:23:42.12\00:23:43.85
Or playmate.
00:23:44.05\00:23:45.39
Does she understand when
it's time for you to be father?
00:23:45.49\00:23:48.42
"I'm your father, but yet I play
with you and I laugh with you."
00:23:48.46\00:23:52.93
And it's great, you know.
00:23:52.96\00:23:54.43
But can she, you
know, separate who you are?
00:23:54.46\00:23:59.07
Oh definitely.
00:23:59.43\00:24:00.77
- She can? - Oh yeah.
00:24:00.80\00:24:02.14
Maybe about a month
ago she called CPS on me.
00:24:02.37\00:24:05.47
That's right, she did. She did.
00:24:05.91\00:24:07.71
Yeah, we gave her the
phone, gave her the number,
00:24:07.74\00:24:09.74
said, "Go ahead,
give them a call."
00:24:09.78\00:24:11.11
And I stood right there
when she was talking to them.
00:24:11.68\00:24:13.68
~ Yes, because they called me.
00:24:13.72\00:24:15.05
Yeah, they came
out, came to the home.
00:24:15.08\00:24:17.39
Did their interviewed and said,
00:24:17.59\00:24:18.92
"Okay, well I don't
see anything wrong here."
00:24:18.95\00:24:20.29
I said, "Okay,
I'll see you later."
00:24:20.32\00:24:21.89
And what did you
do to your daughter?
00:24:21.92\00:24:23.63
What did I do to her that day?
00:24:24.19\00:24:25.89
Because she was being
real disrespectful to my woman.
00:24:25.93\00:24:31.33
And my woman was
always saying she says things.
00:24:31.43\00:24:35.80
She was like, "I
try to save her from you
00:24:35.84\00:24:37.61
by not telling you things."
00:24:37.64\00:24:39.31
But this time I was actually
in the home when she did it.
00:24:40.41\00:24:43.91
So I had got all up in her face.
00:24:44.35\00:24:46.31
So we were like right here.
00:24:47.12\00:24:48.92
I was like, "Say it again."
00:24:48.95\00:24:50.49
I said, "Because I've
hears all about this."
00:24:51.22\00:24:53.19
You know, I've seen different
things that she use to post on
00:24:53.22\00:24:56.32
Facebook or social media,
and different things she says.
00:24:56.69\00:25:00.76
I'm like, "But that's not you."
00:25:00.80\00:25:03.23
Because she use
to act all tough.
00:25:04.17\00:25:07.97
But that's not
who she really is.
00:25:08.34\00:25:09.94
She really a sweetheart.
00:25:09.97\00:25:11.31
Did you use a belt,
did you use your hands?
00:25:11.34\00:25:13.88
That day I didn't use anything.
00:25:14.28\00:25:15.98
I was just threatening to her.
00:25:16.31\00:25:18.21
I did, I did, I think I
grabbed her by her shirt
00:25:18.25\00:25:21.25
and took her into your room.
00:25:21.45\00:25:22.85
And as I was in the
room I flung her to her bed.
00:25:22.88\00:25:26.02
So from there she told the
people I slammed her on the bed.
00:25:26.05\00:25:30.66
Right. Because when I got the
call from protective services
00:25:31.39\00:25:34.46
and they asked me questions,
and I said, "I see the family
00:25:34.50\00:25:37.50
weekly, and I've never
seen any marks or bruises
00:25:38.13\00:25:41.17
on the child.
00:25:41.20\00:25:42.54
The father is very
loving, very caring."
00:25:42.77\00:25:44.71
But she has to learn
how to respect her father.
00:25:44.74\00:25:48.61
She does have an
issue with disrespect.
00:25:48.84\00:25:51.55
It was mainly,
it wasn't with me.
00:25:51.71\00:25:54.68
- It was with
your fiancé. - Yes.
00:25:54.72\00:25:56.69
- Or with her brothers.
- Or with her brothers.
00:25:57.05\00:25:59.25
But the issue
would be with my fiancé.
00:25:59.29\00:26:02.49
Yes, and you're not having that.
00:26:02.52\00:26:03.89
Because you would hear about
it, but this time you heard it.
00:26:03.93\00:26:07.40
And did it just like, "What?
Did I just hear something?"
00:26:07.96\00:26:10.53
Oh yeah.
00:26:10.57\00:26:11.90
She had been telling you,
but you didn't have that proof.
00:26:11.93\00:26:15.20
"Not my children."
00:26:15.24\00:26:16.57
Did you take that
attitude? "Not my daughter."
00:26:16.60\00:26:18.04
- Somewhat. - Okay.
00:26:18.64\00:26:20.38
And that caused a little rift
between you and your fiancé.
00:26:20.54\00:26:23.45
- Yes. - Alright.
00:26:23.48\00:26:24.81
Because she'll think
I'm taking their side.
00:26:24.85\00:26:26.45
Because sometimes I'm caught
in the middle with both of them.
00:26:27.35\00:26:29.15
The kids will feel
like I'm taking her side,
00:26:29.18\00:26:31.52
she'll feel like I'm
taking the kids side.
00:26:31.62\00:26:33.79
Yes, and how do you
feel about that, you know?
00:26:33.82\00:26:36.12
I'm alright with that,
because at the end of the day
00:26:36.16\00:26:37.59
I just try to do what's right.
00:26:37.63\00:26:38.96
And I've got to let everything
flow the way it's going to flow.
00:26:39.09\00:26:42.76
- Okay. - It all
works at in the end.
00:26:42.80\00:26:44.37
So, you know,
you're in good health.
00:26:44.57\00:26:46.97
Your children have
no concerns about you.
00:26:47.44\00:26:51.31
~ Nope, we don't get sick.
00:26:51.34\00:26:52.67
You don't get
sick in your house?
00:26:52.71\00:26:54.04
Uh-ho, okay.
00:26:54.08\00:26:55.41
I've kind of
instilled that in them to where
00:26:55.44\00:26:58.48
they don't get sick.
00:26:58.51\00:26:59.85
They believe that now.
00:26:59.88\00:27:01.22
I've always told them
that was actually a mindset.
00:27:01.25\00:27:05.75
- Of getting sick. - Yep.
00:27:06.22\00:27:07.56
I've always told myself I
never have time to get sick.
00:27:07.59\00:27:09.46
My mother use to say that to me.
00:27:09.49\00:27:11.06
You know, she said, but
she would make me eat oatmeal,
00:27:11.09\00:27:14.06
and put raisins in it,
and give me that, you know,
00:27:14.30\00:27:17.93
big tall glass, you
know, of almond milk.
00:27:17.97\00:27:22.10
~ Yeah, I've
never done any of that.
00:27:22.14\00:27:23.47
If I did feel ill, I would
just give my body three days.
00:27:23.84\00:27:28.41
If I still had whatever illness
or symptoms after three days,
00:27:28.98\00:27:34.62
then I would go to the doctor.
00:27:34.72\00:27:36.12
Because I just went to
the doctor and he was like,
00:27:36.75\00:27:38.35
"You don't come
around here often."
00:27:38.69\00:27:40.42
"Yeah, I was told I had to come
to the doctor, so here I am."
00:27:40.96\00:27:44.13
- But you're okay? - Yeah.
00:27:44.16\00:27:45.63
Well listen, Steve, I
can't believe we're out of time.
00:27:45.96\00:27:48.66
I want to thank you for
being on, Live To Be Well.
00:27:49.03\00:27:51.57
Continue being a good father.
00:27:51.60\00:27:53.34
I appreciate you
supporting Christian counseling.
00:27:53.37\00:27:55.74
I just want to say
to you, please implement
00:27:55.97\00:27:58.94
church attendance, and
prayer time with your children,
00:27:59.17\00:28:02.84
and studying of the Word of God.
00:28:03.04\00:28:04.41
Especially as you bring in
your fiancé into your family.
00:28:04.45\00:28:08.75
I thank God for you.
00:28:09.05\00:28:10.39
And thank you for supporting me.
00:28:10.42\00:28:12.09
I cannot tell you enough
how important it is to have a
00:28:12.39\00:28:16.49
father such as Steve in
a home with his children.
00:28:16.52\00:28:20.43
I've seen it,
and I appreciate it.
00:28:20.46\00:28:22.86
Continue to live to be
well, and be good parents.
00:28:23.13\00:28:26.74
God bless.
00:28:26.77\00:28:28.10