Hi, I'm Dr. Kim and
welcome to "Live to Be Well"
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Sometimes in life, we
have unexpected turns.
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We don't know when and where
they will happen or come from.
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Today, my special
guest, "Ennis Woods"
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unexpected turn - divorce.
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Welcome Ennis, how are you?
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I'm doing well, thank you.
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Well listen, a lot has
been going on in your life,
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I've been a part of it and
I wanted you to come on and
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tell and share how you have
learned to deal with what has
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happened in your life
and becoming a single father.
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You were married, very happy,
everything was going well,
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and then one day - your
wife comes to you and says...
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"I can't do this."
Let's talk about it.
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It was about February, 2015,
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it was right
around Valentine's Day...
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She had told me that
she was seeing an attorney,
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and she decided she
wanted to end the marriage,
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and we talked about it
and hoped and I was hoping
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this was just a bad dream,
but it wasn't so I waited,
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waited, waited and then finally
I realized she was serious,
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so I had to get an
attorney and October 2015,
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the marriage ended.
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How many years
had you been married?
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We had been married 22 years.
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Wow, and how many children?
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I have six
children. Six children. Yes
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The adjustment when the
children found out, you know,
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how did you tell your children?
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Well I don't think it was
so much the actual divorce
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that bothered
them... it was just the fact
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of the separation between
us because she had moved out,
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and that was where the
kids had the problem with that.
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The divorce was just a
legal formality for them.
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They didn't really
understand that part.
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How soon after the marriage
ended - did she move out?
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Well, she actually moved
out almost a year before that.
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Is that right? Yes.
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Oh, let's go back to that! Okay.
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So, she moved out a year
beforehand and she was still
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here within the Michigan area?
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Right, she moved out
2014, April and then she waited
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maybe almost a year
before she decided she was...
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Maybe she had already decided,
but that's when she decided
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she was going
to file the papers.
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Well did you all try
to date and communicate
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or she just wasn't open
to it? She wasn't open to it.
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I asked her about it, I
said, "Let's pray, let's date,
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let's start over, let's
talk about it," and her mind
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seemed to be
pretty much made up.
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Ennis, some people
would say, "What did you do,
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why did you let this
happen," do you blame yourself,
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and how did the
marriage come to such an end?
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Well I heard that quite often
because of the fact that she
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left the children - the
minor children - people tend to
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think that he must have
did something really bad,
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but it was a
decision she had made,
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and it was all a puzzle to me.
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Women, you know, you
hear men leaving the home,
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but a woman just to leave
her husband and six children
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and just walk away, I
mean, and does... I mean,
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did it... does... I mean,
I can't even think of a word
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how you must have felt,
and did you cry at night?
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Did you cry out to the Lord?
What was going on in your mind?
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Well every day was
almost like a nightmare;
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when you're going
to work, coming home.
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You're thinking, "Well
this has got to be a nightmare,
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maybe I'm in a coma or
something," but it was just
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beyond anything I could imagine.
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It was hard for me to accept it.
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It was almost like every day
I'm waiting this is gonna end,
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tomorrow is gonna be a
new day, she'll be back.
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You had that false
hope or did you have faith?
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Well I thought it was real hope.
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But I prayed about it all
the time and talked about it,
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I let her know
where my feelings were,
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what I was willing to
do to try to save this,
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but it was to no avail.
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Did she ever tell you why?
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Well throughout the time,
she had a variety of reasons.
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At one time, she said
she didn't think I loved her,
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and there were things
that she wanted to do that
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she didn't think... and there
were things she wanted me to do
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that I didn't do, supposedly.
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And I think she just wanted to
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move on with her life
in a different direction.
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Was there any
infidelity on your part?
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No. None at all? No.
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Never any other women? No.
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No issues gambling?
No, no gambling, no drugs,
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no fighting - any of that.
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You know, because of the
fact that I was a little older
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than her, you know, I
knew a lot of people. Yes
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And because they knew me
well and they never knew her,
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and they hadn't seen her before,
because she moved here from
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a different state - I
don't know if she had a problem
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dealing with that, but
I personally just think
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she just wanted to go
a different direction.
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Did you both have premarital
counseling before you were
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married and making
decisions even before dating?
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Yeah, we talked with
our pastor of our church,
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and he had a good
conversation with us.
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And there was a lot of people
that I knew that were married.
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My mother and father were
married 60 years, 13 children,
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so I understood
marriage and life.
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She came from a good
family background herself.
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So, like I said, this
was all puzzling to me.
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I just looked at it as
maybe just a trial in my life
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that I'm going through.
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Do you want her back?
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Do you want her to come back?
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I do because I personally
believe God wants marriages
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to work, just like in
the Bible, He talks about...
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"It's His desire that no
one perish, but they do."
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I think the same way with
marriage - I don't think it's
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a desire that
marriages fall apart.
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And so I constantly
pray that His will is done;
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I believe that's His will.
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That doesn't necessarily
mean it's gonna happen.
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You ask God - do you pray
for God to change her heart?
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I ask God to speak to her heart
because if you don't want a
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person to come back
if they don't love you,
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so I pray that God speak to her
and maybe when He speaks to her,
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and says how He loves
us and how He treats us,
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and merciful towards
us, maybe she'll see then.
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Did she ever say to you,
"I don't love you anymore?"
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Well, after the
divorce, she would say that.
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She didn't feel that she loved
the way a wife should love.
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So now, you have physical
custody of your children.
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You have sons and daughters
and being a single father,
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can you tell us what is
it like in the adjustment
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of being a single parent.
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Well the three
older are adults. Okay.
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The three
younger ones are minors.
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It's been a learning experience.
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It's been an
adjustment, but it's been fun.
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I think the main
thing is when you love,
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you don't see it as work,
you just see it as something
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you have to do - I can't
quit doing what I'm doing
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because of what happened to me.
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So I try not to let them
see much of a difference.
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So, you know, when
you are in the household,
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and you're cooking and cleaning
and doing all these things...
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Did you do that when
your wife was in the home?
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I did a little -
not as much as I do now.
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I mean, I learned how to cook.
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You know, it's different
when you have to get up
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in the morning, get the kids
up, see that they're dressed,
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got their lunch - come
home, do their homework.
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And then I'm really big
on believing letting the kids
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be kids. Hm, what do you mean?
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Letting them have a
childhood, not putting all that
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responsibility on them.
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You know, I give
them chores and duties,
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but it's important for me to
let them have their childhood.
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I see... Do you
give them allowances?
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I just give them money, I
don't call it "allowance,"
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I just give it to
them as they need it.
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Alright, so you're
a very lenient parent,
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and a very loving
parent. I believe I am.
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Are you more so because
of what they've been through
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with their mother?
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No, I think it's just the love,
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I guess I've got a soft
spot for kids, you know.
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Like I said, coming
from a large family,
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I understand how important
it is to have the stability
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and love in a family.
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Thirteen siblings! Yes.
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Did you always
want lots of children?
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Not really, but,
you know, it happened.
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I really believe when
the Bible says, "Children are
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a gift from the Lord." Yes
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So it doesn't say how it
happens or when it happens,
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He says it's a gift, so
I'm looking at them as a gift
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from God - so
that we treat it right.
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Oh, I see - I like that. Alright
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Did you have a close
relationship with your parents,
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and your siblings?
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Yes, we were very close,
we were all a close family.
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My dad passed 10-12 years ago.
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My mother, she's
still alive, she is 91.
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As-a-matter-of-fact, her
birthday is in a couple of days.
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Ninety-one! Yes.
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Aw, are you all having a
wonderful celebration for her?
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Yes, we're
looking forward to that.
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Isn't that a
blessing. Now you're a twin.
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I have an
identical twin, Dennis.
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Yes, I've met Dennis
and it's really hard to tell
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you all apart, did they put
you all in separate classrooms?
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We were in the same class
from kindergarten until about
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the fifth grade and the
teachers got so mad because they
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kept getting us mixed
up, so they separated us
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and we were never in the
same class again. Never again
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But you are very
close with him. Yes
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How did he handle you
going through your divorce.
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What kind of
support did he give you?
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He would say things encouraging,
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I think my younger
brother, Maurice, he would say,
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"Hey, it's just an adjustment."
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He said, "It's not
something that's not doable,
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you know, you pray about
it and you can adjust with it
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that's all." I see.
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Have you started
dating? Are you dating?
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Well, it depends on what
your definition of dating is.
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No, my definition of dating
may not be the same as yours!
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You're talking
about going out with...
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Going out with women...
Well I do go out with friends.
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Okay friends... you
just keep them as friends.
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Right now it's
friends. Okay, friends, alright.
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What do you do when women want
to take it a little bit further?
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Are you just
pacing yourself right now?
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You know, it's my desire to live
the way the Lord wants me to.
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You know, after this situation,
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I really want to do
things the right way.
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Why do you feel that
you didn't do it right?
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It was a choice
that your wife made.
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Because you learn things
even during trials you learn,
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you become wise with
things that I can do more of
00:11:04.99\00:11:08.13
or do better, communicate more.
00:11:08.16\00:11:11.17
And, you now,
sometimes we don't miss
00:11:11.20\00:11:13.13
things until it's gone.
00:11:13.17\00:11:14.87
You don't realize
what you don't know and so
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through conversations
with friends and others,
00:11:18.71\00:11:21.71
you realize,
"Well, did I do my best?"
00:11:21.74\00:11:24.31
And then I always think about
that Scripture that a husband
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should love a wife
like He loves the church.
00:11:26.95\00:11:29.98
And so, you look
at yourself and say...
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"Did you love that much?"
00:11:31.95\00:11:33.62
And my honest
answer is "No, I didn't,"
00:11:33.66\00:11:36.12
not that I didn't want to,
but I realize when that gage
00:11:36.16\00:11:39.09
is there, you say, "I
didn't love like that."
00:11:39.13\00:11:41.16
And so, I've been
learning from that.
00:11:41.20\00:11:43.13
So to get married again would
be something you would look
00:11:43.16\00:11:46.84
forward to or if the
Lord brought you and your wife
00:11:46.87\00:11:49.54
back together to really have
the fulfillment of a healthy,
00:11:49.57\00:11:53.34
loving, spiritual marriage.
00:11:53.38\00:11:55.48
Right, if He brought us
back together, I would really be
00:11:55.51\00:11:57.51
excited about that because
what I've learned from this
00:11:57.55\00:12:00.52
experience and then how
it's almost like I had an
00:12:00.55\00:12:03.72
awakening one night, you
know, all those little hang-ups,
00:12:03.75\00:12:07.36
and things, you know that
men look at and put a lot of
00:12:07.39\00:12:10.73
emphasis on - a lot of
those just left away so
00:12:10.76\00:12:15.10
hopefully she'll see
not a different person here,
00:12:15.13\00:12:19.40
but a better person.
00:12:19.43\00:12:20.80
So, is she still in Michigan?
00:12:20.84\00:12:24.44
No, she's not in Michigan.
00:12:24.47\00:12:25.84
Okay, so how often
does she see the children?
00:12:25.87\00:12:28.78
Because she moved away,
she doesn't see the children
00:12:28.81\00:12:32.35
as much as she used to. Okay
00:12:32.38\00:12:34.45
Do they talk about
her? Do they miss her?
00:12:34.48\00:12:37.12
Do they want to see her more?
00:12:37.15\00:12:38.52
They do, I mean
they wish she was in town
00:12:38.55\00:12:42.62
so they could see her on a
00:12:42.66\00:12:43.99
regular basis, you
know, come by there
00:12:44.03\00:12:45.63
or she can come by
there and get them.
00:12:45.66\00:12:47.50
And you never did
anything to keep her away from
00:12:47.53\00:12:49.96
the children or
them away from her.
00:12:50.00\00:12:51.53
No, never. Never...
00:12:51.57\00:12:52.90
Were you angry? Did
you ever become angry
00:12:52.93\00:12:56.30
over the situation?
00:12:56.34\00:12:57.67
I was angry because of
things that contributed to it.
00:12:57.71\00:13:02.51
Outside sources, outside
people that were involved in it
00:13:02.54\00:13:07.02
that weren't
necessarily encouraging or
00:13:07.05\00:13:08.98
looking to try to
help with the marriage.
00:13:09.02\00:13:13.39
So those things angered me and
then just the divorce in itself,
00:13:13.42\00:13:17.99
to see, you know when
you stand there in court...
00:13:18.03\00:13:20.70
they wanna tell
you... "Well, this is it,"
00:13:20.73\00:13:22.80
and I'm looking at
it, "This isn't it."
00:13:22.83\00:13:24.77
I'm not happy and I
remember the judge would ask
00:13:24.80\00:13:26.87
that question -
"Well, how do you all feel?"
00:13:26.90\00:13:28.80
I said, "I'm not
happy with this."
00:13:28.84\00:13:30.21
You said that in court? Right.
00:13:30.24\00:13:31.57
I told him, I said, "There's
nothing for me to celebrate
00:13:31.61\00:13:34.78
this - I'm not going out to
have a party and go out on a
00:13:34.81\00:13:38.11
date - I said, "This is sad!"
00:13:38.15\00:13:40.02
And she was there. She
was standing right there.
00:13:40.05\00:13:42.52
And did she say anything?
00:13:42.55\00:13:43.89
She didn't say anything.
00:13:43.92\00:13:45.25
I said, "This is
something I personally believe
00:13:45.29\00:13:47.22
can be fixed."
00:13:47.26\00:13:48.76
And did the judge
respond to that or...
00:13:48.79\00:13:51.89
He was just quiet and he
just sat there and looked.
00:13:51.93\00:13:55.46
I know one time the attorneys
asked, "Well have you all
00:13:55.50\00:13:59.97
ever sat down and
just talked about this?"
00:14:00.00\00:14:01.67
I said, "No."
00:14:01.70\00:14:03.04
You sought counseling...
did you go to counseling?
00:14:03.07\00:14:04.74
Well I've talked to a friend,
for advice and perspective...
00:14:04.77\00:14:09.48
And it mostly is a
Christian perspective,
00:14:10.41\00:14:14.42
that's where I get
my strength from. Yes
00:14:14.45\00:14:16.18
From the Biblical
perspective of marriages, of
00:14:16.22\00:14:19.39
love and commitment.
00:14:19.42\00:14:21.36
And then I also believe when
He says, "He causes all things
00:14:21.39\00:14:24.76
to work together for
your good." Um hm Romans 8:20
00:14:24.79\00:14:27.66
And then they say
there are trials that come
00:14:27.70\00:14:29.03
to build up your faith. Yes
00:14:29.06\00:14:30.40
So for that reason, I
look at it as He is guiding
00:14:30.43\00:14:34.50
my footsteps - there's
something He wants me to do
00:14:34.54\00:14:36.71
or He wants me to learn
so that I could be better
00:14:36.74\00:14:39.97
prepared for
what the future holds.
00:14:40.01\00:14:42.44
So let me ask a question...
00:14:42.48\00:14:44.45
Do you think it's fair to
date another woman and you
00:14:44.48\00:14:48.75
still have
feelings for your ex-wife?
00:14:48.78\00:14:51.42
Is that really fair
to the other person?
00:14:51.45\00:14:54.86
Well, dating to me -
if I'm going out with her,
00:14:54.89\00:14:58.33
just going out to
grab something to eat
00:14:58.36\00:15:00.23
or go for a walk - I
don't have any of those deep
00:15:00.26\00:15:04.17
feelings
established, it's just company.
00:15:04.20\00:15:06.57
But if you see her once,
twice, three times, what's that?
00:15:06.60\00:15:10.81
That's still just
having company? Yes!
00:15:10.84\00:15:14.58
I don't mean to get aggressive
here, but I think that
00:15:15.94\00:15:18.95
what has happened
with men who get divorced,
00:15:18.98\00:15:22.52
is that it's 12:1, 15:1,
you have a huge selection...
00:15:22.55\00:15:27.89
So if this doesn't work
out Monday, maybe I can date
00:15:27.92\00:15:31.26
someone Tuesday, but
if you still have feelings
00:15:31.29\00:15:34.30
for your ex-wife - do you
put that out on the table?
00:15:34.33\00:15:37.47
Listen, you know...
"I've recently got divorced,
00:15:37.50\00:15:40.54
a couple of years ago, I still
have feelings for my ex-wife,
00:15:40.57\00:15:44.54
I'm hoping to reconcile," do
you put all that on the table?
00:15:44.57\00:15:48.04
Not only do I
put it on the table,
00:15:48.08\00:15:50.18
most of them know it beforehand.
00:15:50.21\00:15:51.81
They are sitting there
waiting, but all I'm doing is
00:15:51.85\00:15:55.48
if I want to go for a
walk or go out to eat,
00:15:55.52\00:15:58.95
I may ask someone - "Hey,
I'm going up to a restaurant
00:15:58.99\00:16:02.36
to grab a bite,
do you wanna come?"
00:16:02.39\00:16:03.96
And if they wanna
come, well there are times
00:16:03.99\00:16:05.99
when I'm invited -
it's a company thing,
00:16:06.03\00:16:08.00
I'm honest and
up front with them.
00:16:08.06\00:16:09.40
So this is about, you know,
companionship or company...
00:16:09.43\00:16:12.23
do you miss having
companionship, you know,
00:16:12.27\00:16:15.60
having your wife
in the household?
00:16:15.64\00:16:17.54
I miss having
her in the household.
00:16:17.57\00:16:19.57
But did you neglect
that companionship when
00:16:19.61\00:16:21.54
she was in the household?
00:16:21.58\00:16:22.91
I don't think I neglected,
but I see areas where I
00:16:22.94\00:16:25.11
could have did better. I see.
00:16:25.15\00:16:27.38
And mainly it's
the communication...
00:16:27.65\00:16:29.25
The communication. I
mean, there were a lot
00:16:29.28\00:16:30.89
of times when I made
suggestions to do things,
00:16:30.92\00:16:33.22
and during those times,
I just thought it was just
00:16:33.25\00:16:35.49
one of those times she
just didn't really want to.
00:16:35.52\00:16:38.69
But, you know, as time goes on,
you put little things together,
00:16:38.73\00:16:41.43
you come out with a
different opinion of it.
00:16:41.46\00:16:43.40
So are you a different man now
00:16:43.43\00:16:44.93
since your divorce? Absolutely.
00:16:44.97\00:16:46.43
What kind of man are you?
00:16:46.47\00:16:47.80
I think I'm wiser,
I think I'm better.
00:16:47.84\00:16:50.51
I understand things more.
00:16:50.54\00:16:51.87
I understand a lot of things
that I've may have taken for
00:16:51.91\00:16:54.88
granted or didn't appreciate as
much as I should, I see it now.
00:16:54.91\00:16:58.51
Can you tell me,
what didn't you appreciate
00:16:58.55\00:17:01.25
or took for granted,
what - what kind of things?
00:17:01.28\00:17:03.65
Well I mean and I
hate to use cooking because
00:17:03.69\00:17:06.22
women do more than
just cook, but she would do
00:17:06.25\00:17:08.72
that on a regular basis
and coming from a large family,
00:17:08.76\00:17:12.46
what my mother did, she was a
00:17:12.49\00:17:13.83
housewife all those years.
00:17:13.86\00:17:15.23
You just expected it.
00:17:15.26\00:17:17.27
Not ex... I appreciated it,
but she did it so easily that...
00:17:17.30\00:17:22.04
Well I guess I can say
I did sort of expect it,
00:17:22.07\00:17:24.67
but not demand it.
00:17:24.71\00:17:26.04
Um hm, okay I
like that, I like that.
00:17:26.07\00:17:28.44
So, what else did
you take for granted?
00:17:28.48\00:17:31.05
A lot of the little things
she did as far as managing...
00:17:31.08\00:17:33.42
I mean it's always better
to have four eyes and two minds
00:17:33.45\00:17:36.48
working with the kids
than just me by myself.
00:17:36.52\00:17:39.82
So I realize the importance
of that - how helpful that is.
00:17:39.85\00:17:43.73
So now, you get up in the
morning, you're the supervisor,
00:17:43.76\00:17:46.26
you're manager,
you're the entertainer,
00:17:46.29\00:17:48.00
protection, everything.
00:17:48.03\00:17:50.30
You have to do it all.
00:17:50.33\00:17:52.30
Now recently, you
retired after how many years?
00:17:52.33\00:17:56.44
Thirty-seven-and-a-half
years at Detroit Edison.
00:17:56.47\00:17:58.44
And which I was not invited,
I saw it on social media.
00:17:58.47\00:18:02.24
I feel, I gotta
let that go, you know,
00:18:02.28\00:18:04.58
why I was not
invited, but it looked like
00:18:04.61\00:18:07.18
it was a wonderful party!
00:18:07.22\00:18:08.72
So 37-1/2 years, so now what
is the new direction for you?
00:18:08.75\00:18:14.72
What's going on now?
00:18:14.76\00:18:16.09
You know actually
I've turned my focus on...
00:18:16.12\00:18:19.76
right now, I'm just
taking care of my kids.
00:18:19.79\00:18:21.86
Okay, your
children is your priority.
00:18:21.90\00:18:23.50
That is my priority,
I've always had a soft spot
00:18:23.53\00:18:25.40
for children -
that's important to me.
00:18:25.43\00:18:28.17
Do you want more
children if you remarry?
00:18:28.20\00:18:30.04
Do I want more children?
00:18:30.07\00:18:31.64
If you married a younger woman
who said, "I want children,"
00:18:31.67\00:18:35.34
would you have more children?
00:18:35.38\00:18:37.41
If we loved each other,
which I would certainly expect,
00:18:37.45\00:18:41.38
if she wanted to... sure!
00:18:41.42\00:18:43.25
You would have more children?
00:18:43.28\00:18:44.62
Right, I have no
problem with that.
00:18:44.65\00:18:46.22
You're a good man,
that's alright! Okay.
00:18:46.25\00:18:47.96
You're retired now, so
what do you do every day?
00:18:47.99\00:18:51.46
Well right now, the kids are
out of school for the summer,
00:18:51.49\00:18:55.23
and they're going
to a summer camp...
00:18:55.26\00:18:56.73
So you take them
and drop them off.
00:18:57.73\00:18:59.07
I drop them off, I come
back and get them in the...?
00:18:59.10\00:19:01.20
Does anyone drive?
00:19:01.24\00:19:02.57
It's me... well, my daughter,
she's in school and she moved
00:19:02.60\00:19:06.27
back in with me,
so she helps out.
00:19:06.31\00:19:08.21
Oh, I see. My
son, Reggie, he's in
00:19:08.24\00:19:10.31
school - he's on summer
break, as-a-matter-of-fact,
00:19:10.35\00:19:12.18
he on an internship in
Florida. Oh, very nice!
00:19:12.21\00:19:14.18
So they are in the house too.
00:19:14.22\00:19:15.68
So they're a big help.
00:19:15.72\00:19:17.59
So, do they worry
about you getting out more,
00:19:17.62\00:19:21.12
being concerned about
you being in the home alone?
00:19:21.16\00:19:24.63
Well they tell me that all the
time and then when I tell them
00:19:24.66\00:19:26.90
I'm getting ready to go out,
they ask me why am I going out,
00:19:26.93\00:19:29.03
you're here with me -
that's what my daughter
00:19:29.06\00:19:31.30
tells me - you don't need to go.
00:19:31.33\00:19:32.73
I say, "What if
it's a couples' night?"
00:19:32.77\00:19:34.44
They say, "Well
I can go with you."
00:19:34.47\00:19:36.10
Really? Right.
00:19:36.14\00:19:37.51
So they're really
protective over you
00:19:37.54\00:19:39.64
because you've been
hurt! I don't know if that's
00:19:39.67\00:19:41.01
protective.
Well, what is it then?
00:19:41.04\00:19:42.38
They don't want
me to do anything.
00:19:42.41\00:19:43.75
Oh, they don't
want you to do anything?
00:19:43.78\00:19:45.11
No, they want me to be right
there. Right there where they
00:19:45.15\00:19:46.58
could keep an eye on
you. Keep an eye on me.
00:19:46.61\00:19:48.78
And maybe because they
know you've been through a lot.
00:19:48.82\00:19:51.89
You've been hurt and your
heart is fragile and they don't
00:19:51.95\00:19:55.02
want to see you get hurt again.
00:19:55.06\00:19:56.89
How old is your oldest daughter?
00:19:56.93\00:19:58.33
My daughter, Lorene, is 26.
00:19:58.36\00:20:00.26
Twenty-six, she's the one that
just moved back in with you?
00:20:00.30\00:20:04.17
Right. And so, she's helping
00:20:04.20\00:20:05.53
with the cooking and
different things like that?
00:20:05.57\00:20:07.54
Oh the helping, yes. Yes.
00:20:07.57\00:20:09.20
So do you prepare meals
for the children and what
00:20:09.24\00:20:11.41
are those meals?
00:20:11.44\00:20:12.77
I do prepare
meals for the children.
00:20:12.81\00:20:16.11
They have their favorites,
sometimes I ask them what
00:20:16.14\00:20:18.25
do they like and they do
like tilapia and they like
00:20:18.28\00:20:21.08
a lot of vegetables and we
pretty much keep it simple.
00:20:21.12\00:20:25.19
With the weather being warm,
00:20:25.22\00:20:26.55
they're really
not eating that much,
00:20:26.59\00:20:28.19
so I try to keep it light.
00:20:28.22\00:20:29.56
Now you have to be really
careful because, you know,
00:20:29.59\00:20:31.33
you're a one-income family
budgeting with the family,
00:20:31.36\00:20:35.33
and going out to
dinner, entertainment,
00:20:35.36\00:20:39.50
but did you try to
take them out at least once
00:20:39.53\00:20:42.50
or twice a month?
00:20:42.54\00:20:43.87
Well we do go out and we do
a lot of things as a family.
00:20:43.91\00:20:46.44
Sometimes, we just
do it spontaneously,
00:20:46.47\00:20:48.51
we just get in the car
and just go and, you know,
00:20:48.54\00:20:50.65
the kids like fishing. Okay
00:20:50.68\00:20:52.91
We'll go places and go for walks
and they like to play sports,
00:20:52.95\00:20:57.29
so we do a lot
of that activities.
00:20:57.32\00:20:59.12
I'm trying to
plan a trip right now.
00:20:59.15\00:21:02.16
Now you played baseball,
can we go there a minute?
00:21:02.19\00:21:05.09
Go there! I've played baseball.
00:21:05.13\00:21:07.46
I was the star pitcher of my
college, "Oakwood University,"
00:21:07.50\00:21:13.30
and you played ball - you
sent me pictures of all these
00:21:13.34\00:21:17.44
trophies and things, alright?
00:21:17.47\00:21:19.54
Baseball, to me, is a game
of the mind because everyone
00:21:19.57\00:21:24.18
cannot play baseball... so
why did you enjoy the sport?
00:21:24.21\00:21:28.45
You started at a very young age,
00:21:28.48\00:21:30.02
and do any of your
children play baseball?
00:21:30.05\00:21:32.19
Right, my son plays baseball,
a couple of sons play baseball.
00:21:32.22\00:21:36.19
My older
brothers played baseball.
00:21:36.22\00:21:38.69
And my mother again
having a large family,
00:21:38.73\00:21:41.23
it was easy for her
because even we were 8 and 9,
00:21:41.26\00:21:45.23
all we had to do
was get our gloves,
00:21:45.27\00:21:47.04
and we'd head out to the field.
00:21:47.07\00:21:48.70
That was a whole
team, two teams. Right.
00:21:48.74\00:21:50.27
We did have a family
team and we would go out there
00:21:50.31\00:21:53.94
and we'd stay out there
until she called us back in for
00:21:53.98\00:21:56.18
lunch or dinner and we'd
go right back out again...
00:21:56.21\00:21:58.91
So I guess, in a way, God
used THAT to give her the break
00:21:58.95\00:22:02.72
because, again, she was a
housewife all of that time.
00:22:02.75\00:22:05.52
She never worked? Never worked.
00:22:05.55\00:22:07.16
With 13 children, no
offence, she had to be at home
00:22:07.19\00:22:09.62
cooking that cornbread and
greens and all that, alright?
00:22:09.66\00:22:12.76
And so what position did
you play or do you still play?
00:22:12.79\00:22:17.00
I'm not playing anymore,
00:22:17.03\00:22:18.37
but I'm planning on playing
this year, I was outfielder.
00:22:18.40\00:22:21.90
You were outfielder, well see...
00:22:21.94\00:22:23.44
You know, outfielder - do they
really have a responsibility
00:22:24.07\00:22:28.41
that they hit the ball?
They have a big responsibility.
00:22:28.44\00:22:30.81
What's the big responsibility?
00:22:30.85\00:22:32.18
When pitchers
like you don't have it.
00:22:32.21\00:22:33.88
Oh excuse me... And
they have to go get it.
00:22:33.92\00:22:35.25
Oh no, you did
not, okay? Laughter
00:22:35.28\00:22:37.29
You see when I pitch that ball,
I mean I would strike them out!
00:22:37.32\00:22:40.59
And then, I had the curve
ball, I had the curve ball.
00:22:40.62\00:22:42.99
And your insurance
policy was in outfield.
00:22:43.02\00:22:44.89
You know what, hmmm, so
when they hit the ball...
00:22:44.93\00:22:47.26
She likes that... I
liked that, I got that.
00:22:47.30\00:22:49.36
So that ball would go
to the outfield, you know.
00:22:49.40\00:22:51.57
Does it bring
you a sense of peace
00:22:51.60\00:22:54.40
as you get ready to
go play, you know, ball,
00:22:54.44\00:22:56.74
do you bowl and
do anything else?
00:22:56.77\00:22:58.51
I enjoy bowling, I
enjoy sports on TV.
00:22:58.54\00:23:01.04
I still go outside and right
now, I play catch with my sons
00:23:01.08\00:23:04.05
and stuff - yeah, it's something
that I'm sort of gifted to,
00:23:04.08\00:23:07.45
so I enjoy it, so I
follow it. Oh you do, alright.
00:23:07.48\00:23:10.72
Do you ride bikes?
Do you ride a bike?
00:23:10.75\00:23:12.29
I do ride a bike.
Do you stay on it?
00:23:12.32\00:23:14.56
I go out on Hines
Drive. You didn't answer
00:23:14.59\00:23:16.39
the question, do you
stay on it? Do I stay on it?
00:23:16.42\00:23:17.76
Yes. Yes, I do stay on it.
00:23:17.79\00:23:19.13
You know, how old are
you now? I am 62 years old.
00:23:19.16\00:23:21.40
Really? I'm not
going to apologize
00:23:21.43\00:23:23.13
because I look 35.
Ooo, okay, alright,
00:23:23.16\00:23:25.30
someone told you that?
Laughter! I believe it.
00:23:25.33\00:23:28.67
Okay, you know, let's
tell the audience how we met...
00:23:28.70\00:23:32.34
I met you through your wife
and we became friends because
00:23:32.37\00:23:37.88
she was a debt collector - she
had called me regarding a debt,
00:23:37.91\00:23:41.58
that a bill I had paid and
she was trying to work it out,
00:23:41.62\00:23:46.69
figure it out, then
we became good friends.
00:23:46.72\00:23:48.82
Every year I would
get a Christmas card from
00:23:48.86\00:23:51.49
the "Woods" family - beautiful
Christmas card and family.
00:23:51.53\00:23:55.03
When I got your call to
help you through this situation,
00:23:55.06\00:24:00.34
I could not counsel
you because I was a friend,
00:24:00.37\00:24:02.90
but I referred you
elsewhere, it devastated me
00:24:02.94\00:24:06.71
because I heard your
pain and you were angry,
00:24:06.74\00:24:09.44
you were wanting to hurt
someone and I would talk to you
00:24:09.48\00:24:12.91
and you would call me,
I would try to help you,
00:24:12.95\00:24:16.05
but I had to keep my distance
because being a friend...
00:24:16.08\00:24:19.22
And that's a golden
rule, you don't counsel
00:24:19.25\00:24:21.49
friends and family.
00:24:21.52\00:24:22.99
But, I heard your
pain, saw your pain.
00:24:23.02\00:24:26.33
To this day, I've
not talked to your wife,
00:24:26.36\00:24:29.16
and I was hurt - I
was, because I just knew
00:24:30.13\00:24:35.27
and I believed in
this family's structure.
00:24:35.30\00:24:38.07
But again, it was a decision...
you cannot control other people.
00:24:38.11\00:24:42.48
Have you realized that you have
no control over your ex-wife?
00:24:42.51\00:24:46.68
Right, that's true, you know
sometimes you sit back and you
00:24:46.72\00:24:49.12
want it to work, you
want them to just come back,
00:24:49.15\00:24:51.65
but, like I said, I know
it's gotta be in her heart,
00:24:51.69\00:24:56.36
and I just put all
that in God's hands.
00:24:56.39\00:24:59.29
I looked up and I was coming
out of the church parking lot
00:24:59.33\00:25:03.73
from after Arthur's services
and you and Dennis were there,
00:25:03.77\00:25:07.90
and it just warmed my
heart and you waved at me
00:25:07.94\00:25:11.14
and you reached out to me
on different social medias
00:25:11.17\00:25:15.18
and seen how the children
and myself were doing...
00:25:15.21\00:25:18.31
I truly appreciate that.
00:25:18.35\00:25:19.98
I think that divorce is
like a death, would you agree?
00:25:20.02\00:25:25.35
Yeah, in your heart it
is because you hate to think
00:25:25.39\00:25:30.63
that a person is saying to
you, "I no longer want to be
00:25:30.66\00:25:35.00
with you, I no longer love you,
I don't care like I used to."
00:25:35.03\00:25:40.00
I mean, it's just a
terrible thought to me.
00:25:40.04\00:25:44.91
Did you lay awake at
night just pondering everything?
00:25:44.94\00:25:48.74
Plenty of days.
Plenty of days... Right.
00:25:48.78\00:25:50.21
You still had to get
up and get the children
00:25:50.25\00:25:51.65
ready and go to work.
00:25:51.68\00:25:53.05
Right, still doing
that, hoping that one day
00:25:53.08\00:25:56.99
it will just click - maybe it's
just a passing fad or something
00:25:57.02\00:26:00.72
or something she's going
through and she will realize...
00:26:00.76\00:26:04.63
when you think about
other peoples' situations,
00:26:04.66\00:26:07.33
then she'll realize
it's not as bad as I think,
00:26:07.36\00:26:09.90
it's not something
that can't be repaired. Yes
00:26:09.93\00:26:12.77
Ennis, you're a good
man, you're a kind heart,
00:26:12.80\00:26:15.87
I know we talk a lot,
we laugh, we share a lot of
00:26:15.90\00:26:19.51
different things
like baseball and bowling
00:26:19.54\00:26:22.48
and different
things that we talk about.
00:26:22.51\00:26:24.28
But I do know that God has you
in His hands and your children,
00:26:24.31\00:26:28.98
and even your ex-wife and
we don't know what God has
00:26:29.02\00:26:32.22
in store, but if you walk
with God, as you said to me
00:26:32.25\00:26:35.56
so many times, it's going to be
alright - do you believe that?
00:26:35.59\00:26:40.33
I certainly do - again
that Scripture - "He causes all
00:26:40.36\00:26:43.23
things to work
together for your good."
00:26:43.26\00:26:44.97
And again, He uses
trials to build up your faith,
00:26:45.00\00:26:48.70
that's where I get my
comfort from - knowing that
00:26:48.74\00:26:52.77
my steps are ordered,
He knows what's going on.
00:26:52.81\00:26:55.71
Just trust Him.
Just trust Him. Right.
00:26:55.74\00:26:58.48
And teaching the
children also to trust God.
00:26:58.51\00:27:01.15
Absolutely. Definitely!
00:27:01.18\00:27:02.58
Well I just want you
to be mindful, be careful,
00:27:02.65\00:27:05.29
you know as you are
in your companionship
00:27:05.32\00:27:09.72
because you're my friend
and I want you to be happy,
00:27:09.76\00:27:13.19
I really do and I'm
praying for you and that God
00:27:13.23\00:27:17.53
continues to guide and keep you.
00:27:17.57\00:27:19.90
In closing, you came to my
church for a program and you
00:27:19.93\00:27:24.07
tried our vegetarian
vegan food, how did you like it?
00:27:24.11\00:27:26.78
Well on that note... alright...
00:27:26.81\00:27:30.61
it was good! It was different!
00:27:30.65\00:27:33.18
It was different,
but it looked great!
00:27:33.21\00:27:34.88
It looked great!
It was good. And tofu.
00:27:34.92\00:27:37.05
It's an acquired taste.
It is an acquired taste.
00:27:37.09\00:27:38.72
And the tofu - I just could not
00:27:38.75\00:27:40.09
get with that. You
couldn't get with that?
00:27:40.12\00:27:41.46
I couldn't get with
that. It's an acquired taste.
00:27:41.49\00:27:42.82
We want to thank Mr. Ennis
Woods for being with us today.
00:27:42.86\00:27:46.39
Sometimes, again,
unexpected turns happen,
00:27:46.43\00:27:49.60
but you learn how
to cope with them.
00:27:49.63\00:27:51.60
May God continue to
bless you and "Live to Be Well"
00:27:51.63\00:27:54.74