The power of
choice is a precious gift
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But with each choice,
there are consequences.
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Abortion nearly
destroyed me and my marriage.
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and it took God more than
35 years to prepare my heart
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for healing.
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I want to welcome
you to Life After Choice.
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Hi, I'm David Wagner.
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There's some of my story I
am more than reluctant to share,
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in fact I loathe sharing it.
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In fact, some of it I haven't
even shared with my wife.
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But if it could have any
meaning for but one person
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so that they wouldn't
have to go through what I did
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or perhaps have some
of the stamina that I did,
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then it would be worth it to me.
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Many years ago in
southern California,
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I met a beautiful young
lady, she was 18 years old,
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southern, very
charming and we just hit it off.
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It was 1975 and I only
knew her for about 6 months
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before her family got
divorced, they split up
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and Diane, she went
back to the southeast.
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Little did I know but she
was going to be the mother
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of my children.
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We soon became good
friends and made many wonderful
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memories. But we
wouldn't meet again for 5 years.
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Time flew by, we both
finished our education
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and began our careers.
She met many fine gentleman
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and had many
meaningful relationships,
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in fact she had 3 suitors
that she was interested in
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and 3 of them proposed to her.
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She actually accepted
one of the engagements.
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But the night before she
was to meet this gentleman,
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she was so distraught, in
fact she was crying tears,
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remember it had been 5
years since she had seen me.
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She just told her mom, she
says, I know that if I follow
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through this, if
I marry this guy,
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I'll never see
Dave Wagner again.
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She was so
convinced that I was the man.
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Anyway the next day
came, she went out to dinner,
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she accepted the ring
but she was still very sick
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and that engagement was only
going to last a couple of days.
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She eventually called him back
and said she just couldn't do it
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and she gave him his ring back.
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Well she missed work for 3
days and finally when she had
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enough energy
to go back to work,
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that's when I
entered the picture.
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Meanwhile at this very time
back in Southern California,
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I was sitting in my living
room and I was reminiscing
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and I decided to rummage through
a file cabinet and pull out a
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letter that Diane had
written me years before.
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I found the letter and
thought I would give her a call.
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So, I wasn't sure where
she was at but I took a guess
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that Orlando would be a good
shot and within minutes I was
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speaking with her mother.
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You can imagine what
her mother was going through
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when she heard
me answer the phone.
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Um, she had just seen
her daughter fall apart and
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have this terrible break
up and then Dave Wagner calls.
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I mean that is so weird to me.
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But I introduced
myself and asked the question,
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is Diane married?
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Speak about cutting to the
chase. I am amazed that I had
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that kind of guts. But anyway
she said, she was able to say,
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no, she's not
married but she is at work,
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and she would like...if
you want to call back in a
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couple of hours,
she will be home.
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So when Diane returned
from work, her mother met her
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at the door and she
said, Diane, sit down.
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David Wagner called.
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It's hard for me to
imagine the energy in the room
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at that time.
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But within a few minutes
I called back and we had a
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very casual exchange and we
decided that we were going to
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correspond long distance.
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So we did, we
corresponded for about a year.
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At this time she was a traveling
nurse and she made a contract
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with a hospital in
Hawaii. It was for 3 months
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and she was finished
with that 3 month stent.
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She was going to travel
through LAX on the way home.
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So she called the airline and
she extended it for a few hours
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so that I could meet with her.
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Because she always knew that
if she met me one more time,
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she would tell her mother this,
if she would meet me one more
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time, then she would know if
I was the man God had in mind
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for her to marry.
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Well, so we met at
LAX, I picked her up,
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I remember that
moment like it was yesterday.
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Pretty intense and one
of those beautiful memories
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but anyway, I picked her
up and it was a very casual,
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very generic experience.
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Went out to dinner, talked,
drove around and I remember,
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I was tired and I let her
drive. To this very day I have
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this image in my
mind of her profile.
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She was wearing glasses
and anyways, very endearing.
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But like I said, it was casual
and generic and I took her
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to the airport and
she flew back home.
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But, with the kind of spiritual
discernment that this woman had,
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it wasn't long before
she had made a trip down to
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David's Bridal and you can
guess what she was doing there.
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That's right. She
bought a wedding dress.
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I didn't find out about
that wedding dress until
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several months later
when I finally proposed.
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So now that we had a commitment,
she made a contract at the
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hospital in Seal Beach, CA.
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That's about a little over
an hour from where I lived.
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So it was good that we
could see each other more often
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especially at this stage.
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Yet on the other
hand, it wasn't so good
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because our relationships,
perhaps with God was just
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a little upside down.
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I say that because one day
I got a call and it was Diane,
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my fiancé, and she
said she was pregnant.
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Part of me wanted to get excited
because there was nothing more
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that I wanted to do than
have a child with her and start
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a family. I adored
her, I didn't just love her,
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I adored her in a
way that is not right.
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I put her before God.
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I know that Adam
had the same problem and
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we know where that ended up.
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But either way, she was in
a quandary on how to deal with
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this issue because in
applying for that job,
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they needed to do some medical
examinations that required
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x- rays of her back. So she
was exposed to a lot of x-rays
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and she was afraid that
her baby would be damaged.
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Plus, something I never under-
stood, she said she was afraid
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of motherhood, she didn't know
if she would be a good mother.
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The crazy thing is she is an
awesome mother and her children
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love her, but that's the
way she felt at the time.
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So any way through
fear and misguided counsel,
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all the physicians she talked
to said, you better abort.
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That baby could be damaged.
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She decided to
terminate the pregnancy.
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I wish that I was able to
help her but, I had no idea
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other than just to do,
to be a support to her in
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whatever way that she chose.
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So this is why I call
it my wife's lonely...
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It was her lonely
decision to decide to go through
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with an abortion.
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Anyway, whatever the
case, it did a lot of damage
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to both of us. Well all
of a sudden, she hated me.
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Well we had many
wonderful times together,
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but at the flip of a
switch, she would turn on me
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with a hatred that
I've never seen in person.
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She would say thing to me
that seemed to be calculated
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or designed to destroy a man's
self-esteem, his self-worth,
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his courage. You
know it's interesting...
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My emotion here is... My
family knows that I am not
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a crier, but my emotion is not
because of what she said or did
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to me, it's
because she was alone.
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Anyway, I had plenty
of problems of my own,
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I was never malicious,
I had plenty of problems
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and even though I wasn't
malicious, they added fuel
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to the fires of estrangement.
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You know, I wasn't sure what
all my wife was going through,
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I just knew that
everything was broken
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but my focus was
really on myself.
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I knew I had to have healing,
I was not satisfied just
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partially loving her
or struggling to have some
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semblance of a healthy marriage.
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Everything Jesus did was real
and deep, He never did anything
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half baked. He never did
anything out of mere duty
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of principle. I mean,
who wants to be loved out of
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the mere duty of it?
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You know, that's not even love.
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So I struggled in my
own mind and heart for years
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to figure out to
love her the way Jesus did
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and pray for it and then
one day it was 2011 I believe
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we went to GYC and they had
these exhibits with a lot of the
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booths with people
advertising different ministries
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and Antoinette Duck had
a a ministry called MAFGIA
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and it had the
little baby feet you know.
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Ten weeks in utero and other
things that help to present
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the issue of the
sanctity of human life.
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My wife saw that
and it moved her.
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We'd go to other
booths, she'd come back,
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she kept coming back.
Something was going on.
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Then she started
communication with Antoinette
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and then she went to a women's
retreat about post-abortion
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recovery. I mean this is years
after this and she's still,
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it's like she's living it...
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So our healing began at that
time because in my own struggles
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I was trying to figure
out how, in different ways
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to love her. One of my favorite
activities was to look at
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my children, I'd stare at them
and they are so precious to me..
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In my mind, I would
give her credit for that,
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I would give her credit
for her part in giving me
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such beautiful gifts.
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Then one of my favorite things
is to look at a wedding picture
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of her, she looking
in the eyes of her mother
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and I see this young beautiful
girl that's so filled with
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hope for a bright fulfilling
future and I started having
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feelings of protectiveness,
feelings that made
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me want to give
her those things.
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So that became a
part of my devotional life
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and part of my prayer life.
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So through these struggles,
I found myself actually
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falling in love with her
in a way that I hadn't even
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experienced before.
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It was richer, it was
more mature, it was more
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unconditional and now when
she gets a little out of hand,
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it's like, it's
not that big a deal.
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I see her getting more involved
in sharing her testimony
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and being part of
MAFGIA and traveling literally
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across international borders.
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I've seen some changes
in her that is astounding,
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but I can't help go back to
appreciating the kind of God
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that we have that can take
utter brokenness and turn it
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around, I mean, speaking about
all things working together
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for good for them that
love God, and are called
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according to His
purpose and it's like He...
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His hand is not so short
that He cannot reach deep
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to save us, even
to the uttermost.
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So let me ask you a question.
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Are you willing to
trust God with your failures?
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Are you willing to let Him
walk with you in your suffering?
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He will mend every
wound, it will be painful,
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it will be
difficult, you will have scars
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but those scars will no longer
be a symbol of your broken past.
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They'll be trophies
of your victorious life,
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your victorious
new life in Christ.
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Trust Him! His
promises never fail.
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Everything He says, He will do.
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