Corey ten Boom often said
that there was no pit so deep
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that God was not deeper still.
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Corey suffered terribly
during World War 2 in the
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Concentration Camps due
to the cruelty of others.
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But even there, she was
able to feel God's presence,
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but what if the suffering
we endure isn't because of
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someone else? Maybe it's
because of our own choice,
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maybe a choice of abortion.
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Can God's presence
be felt even there?
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Yes indeed! God
promises us a life after choice.
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I want you to join us now for
the series, Life After Choice.
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You know every day we make
choices, some good and some
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not so good and often those
choices impact not only impact
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our life, but the
life of someone else.
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The decisions we make, can make
such a difference in the life
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of someone else. And I
can speak for that because
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when I was young
and not married yet,
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I became pregnant and I
made a choice that impacted the
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rest of my life.
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I made a choice to abort my
pregnancy. I called my fiancé,
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don't even remember what
I said, but he supported me.
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He came up and he was there
with me and he paid for it.
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I had had a series of
x-rays on my back for work
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and I called all of
the physicians in the area
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I could think of,
asking them what they would do,
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or would want me to
do if I was their wife
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and they all
encouraged me, have an abortion.
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So I called the local Abortion
Clinic, I found out how far
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along I had to be, how
much it cost and I set a date.
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The day of my appointment,
I had to see a counselor.
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The counselor was sympathetic,
she wasn't a Christian
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and she assured me at that
time it was only a fuzz ball,
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just a little fuzz ball, I
had nothing to worry about.
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Well I was a nurse and I
had taken plenty of Anatomy and
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Physiology and I could have
questioned that, but I didn't.
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I was afraid my life was
a blur and I was panicking.
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The procedure was a nightmare,
the waiting room was cold
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there was no talking, everyone
seemed to be in their own
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little world and I
can understand why now.
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They took me back and I
was shaking and I was afraid
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and I started crying.
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The physician came
up to me and he held me
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and it comforted me, he
was so nice, I remember that
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very well. But the
procedure, the pain was so bad
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I passed out. It was terrible.
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I remember getting to the
Recovery Room but then in the
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Recovery Room, I
passed out again.
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The same doctor, the one that
was nice to me in the beginning,
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now became very
irritable with me.
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I was holding his
schedule up, he had an agenda.
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Making that choice
impacted the rest of my life.
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I had no clue what would
happen to me, my marriage,
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my family, my relationships,
everything was affected by it.
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I was clueless. For many
years I resented my husband
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for not supporting me,
but he was clueless too.
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It wasn't fair for me
to hold it against him,
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we both were blind.
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Well after we got married,
I was convinced I was no good,
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I had failed at life and I
could never become a fit mother.
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So when I became
pregnant the second time,
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I had a second abortion.
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I hated myself, I
hated everything about me,
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there was to be
nothing lovely anymore about me
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and I was
constantly punishing myself.
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One night I got up in the
middle of...well, in the night
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went to the bathroom
and got a pair of scissors
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and I cut all my
hair off, really short.
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Other nights I would go in
there and sit on the toilet
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with a razor and I would run
that razor up the inside of my
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arm. It was like I
needed to feel that pain
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to still feel alive. You see I
had so much pain on the inside,
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but on the outside, I was
just existing, I was numb.
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I also started bulimic...
became bulimic about that time
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where I would stuff food, I
would stuff food down my throat
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until I couldn't
swallow any more.
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I would stuff it down until
it would all just come back up.
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A purge. What I
needed was a spiritual purge.
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What I needed was to give
all of this pain and regret
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to the Lord. Free it all
up and let my Redeemer save me
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and give me the
peace that I needed.
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Give me the
forgiveness that I needed.
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Well, I did reach out
for help in the early days.
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On the Christian Radio I
heard a 1-800 number advertised
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and they were talking
about if you are post-abortive
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to call this number for help.
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Well I called the number.
I remember it well because
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even though I was at home alone,
I went to the wash room closet
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by myself and I told her my
story, I made myself venerable
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to this woman that was
supposed to be helping me.
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The first thing out of her mouth
was...Well, you know abortion
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is murder now don't you?
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There was no grace, no
mercy. I hung up the phone,
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I wanted to just vomit.
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Now it wasn't too long after
that that my husband and I,
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we were invited to go to
church with some friends of ours
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from work. So the following
Sunday we visited their church,
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now this pastor was
very loud and animated.
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He ranted and raved
and wouldn't you know it,
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the subject he talked
about was on abortion.
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Well, he got louder and
louder and finally he proclaimed
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without a doubt, that the
Lord would not and could not
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forgive a woman
who had an abortion.
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I sat there in the pew and
just died a little more inside.
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He confirmed
everything I felt about myself.
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There was no hope. Life
became just an existence for me.
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I spent money we didn't
have, I hid food everywhere.
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I was on a survival plan.
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Well years passed and as life
goes, no one knows what you are
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going through. We did
finally start our family
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and it all caught up
with me when my oldest was
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three years old and
my twins were six months.
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My marriage was falling apart,
my sister told me I should go
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see an acquaintance of
hers, a Christian woman.
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I did and she was very
kind to me, non-condemning
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and I trusted her and I
opened up to her that night
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after several years of
not talking about my abortion.
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I told her what I had done,
well she took it very serious
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but she wasn't condemning
and she didn't shame me.
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She encouraged me
to confess that sin,
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to give it to the
Lord, repent of it.
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Well I was pretty broken
by then, so she helped me pray
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and I'll never forget it
because I knelt down beside her
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that night and I asked the Lord
to forgive me for the sins of
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abortion, not just one but two.
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It did make a difference in my
life, in fact that night at my
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sister's apartment, I
felt the Lord come over me like
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nothing before.
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He healed me of my
bulimia, that's a big deal.
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That assurance gave me
the courage to press on.
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A lot of women who confess the
sin of abortion will still feel
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miserable and often-times
they will question that.
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They'll say, am I not
forgiven because I still feel
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so miserable? No,
that's not it at all.
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You see sin comes with
consequences and unless those
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consequences are dealt with,
you will continue to feel pain.
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It was several years before
I realized this and I survived
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a very lonely, unhappy life.
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Even though I loved my children
and I had them dedicated
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to the Lord, I wanted
to live a Christian life.
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I wanted the
Lord to be everything.
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Many, many a night I would
say Lord just hold on to me,
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just hold on to me.
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Well it was 20
years past and I was at a
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Generation of Youth
for Christ meeting, GYC
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and there was a booth
there at that particular meeting
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that I had never before
and it was run by a young lady
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named Antoinette Duck, she had
recently come into the church
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and she had a burden
for the issue of abortion,
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she was there to break the
silence and the Lord used her
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to make a difference in my life
like no one else had ever done.
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She told me her story and as
I was listening to her story,
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I realized that if I had
not had my first abortion,
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my first child would
have been close to her age.
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At her booth, she had pictures
of babies at different ages
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in gestation and I saw
what my baby looked like
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when I had him aborted,
they weren't mangled pictures,
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they were
beautiful little pictures.
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A sternum, ribs, arms and
legs, not a fuzz ball like
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the counselor had told me.
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Well I left GYC that year
crying, but also realizing
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there was more needed
to be addressed in my life
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and I started doing research
on post-abortion recovery.
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I found a program
called Rachael's Vineyard.
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Made me a nervous wreck
to actually go somewhere and
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actually deal with this
issue that had been tucked away
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for so many years but I did.
I made the plans to go there
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for the weekend. The week
before I was just as afraid
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of attending that retreat
as I was for my first abortion.
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I was shaking, the enemy
did not want me to experience
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the redemption and the
restoration that was available
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to me at that retreat.
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Well I went and
it was beautiful.
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I had shed tears of
regret over what I had done
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when I confessed my
sin. But at the retreat I was
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given the opportunity
to shed tears of grief,
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tears of grief for what I
had lost and it made all the
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difference. I was
finally able to take my babies
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out of that sea of statistics
and claim them for my own.
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They were now a
part of me and my family.
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I have a scar, I
will always have a scar,
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but there will no
longer be and empty hole.
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You know, I dug my own pit
trying to deal with my issue
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and I fell into that pit.
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Corey ten Boom often
said, there was no pit so deep
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that God is not deeper still.
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She suffered terribly during
World War 2 because of the
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cruelty of others, but even
there she felt God's presence.
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Well even if the sufferings
we endure are due to our own
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choices, we can still
feel God's presence there,
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He's not going to abandon us.
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When King David found
himself at the bottom of a pit,
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he wrote this in
chapter 40 of Psalms.
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He said "I waited patiently
for the Lord to help me
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and He turned and heard my
cry and He lifted me out of
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that pit of despair."
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I want to encourage you to
give the Lord an opportunity
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to lift you out of
your pit. He will do it.
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Allow Him to do that.
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