[theme music playing]
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い
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[horn blaring]
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[gentle guitar music]
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い
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>> Welcome to It Is Written
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Canada.
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Have you ever felt like running
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away from your own life?
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Have you experienced restless
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days and nights trying to
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outrun a decision that you know
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is good for you, but you fear
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the unknown and perhaps the
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change that it may bring
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with it?
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>> Have you experienced an
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unstable yet loving home?
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A home where you had to split up
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your time between the people
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you love the most?
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Imagine a young boy seeing his
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own mother falling very ill and
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becoming addicted to the pills
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that she receives
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while in hospital care.
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>> You grow up with addiction
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being part of your vocabulary
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and experienced recovery through
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the actions of your mother.
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You catch a glimpse
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of the hopeful but distant world
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of recovery.
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>> Today on It Is Written
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Canada, Blair Nolan has agreed
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to open his heart and become
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very vulnerable, sharing his
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story of restless running to
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a life he thought was
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too good to be true.
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>> Hi, my name's Blair
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and I'm from Vancouver,
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British Columbia.
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Well, I definitely had a
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unique upbringing.
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My parents were separated
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before I have any memories,
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around one years old.
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around one years old.
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Was back and forth
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throughout my childhood.
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I started with my mom.
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I was with my mom until
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I was six years old.
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She got sick
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She got sick
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with her kidney.
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She ended up losing her,
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one of her kidneys and
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I went to live with my dad
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I went to live with my dad
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for a few years.
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And that was the first time
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away from mom as a young kid.
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That was...
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...tough years.
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I remember that.
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Looking back on those
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three or four years, those were
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really nice years to...
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...spend time with my dad,
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you know, just the guys.
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Single dad, coaching my sports
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and lots of fun, though.
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So as I was staying with my mom,
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So as I was staying with my mom,
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it's when she was sick,
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losing her kidney, that she
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really developed addiction.
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Also, I was 12 years old.
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That's when I stayed at that
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recovery house for a bit.
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But my mom had gone to
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treatment prior to that.
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I haven't thought about this
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I haven't thought about this
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stuff in a long time.
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You know, like a long time.
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It's just, first of all, it's
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not very easy.
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So looking back on my childhood,
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I definitely had a lot of
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ups and downs.
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There was difficult times,
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but there was lots of good
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times, too.
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My dad worked really hard to
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take care of, you know, take
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care of me and everything he
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needed to for the house.
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Mom gave me lots of love when
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she was available and she was
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she was available and she was
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able to.
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[pensive music]
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い
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One thing I do take from it,
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though, it did teach me about
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recovery.
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Seeing my mom struggle with
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addiction a little bit,
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I always knew that there was...
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...another way.
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And, you know, as I got
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into my teens and...
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...started to drink, 13, 14
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years old with friends, realized
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really early on that I was
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different than most of
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my friends.
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I ended up with
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consequences from drinking,
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I ended up blacking out.
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I ended up wanting more,
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embarrassing myself.
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And right away, I was able to,
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you know, diagnose myself as
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an alcoholic.
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Right away I
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sort of knew that
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I was gonna be different,
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and I was gonna be
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an addict, I guess you
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could say.
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[melancholy music]
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い
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Looking back on my
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teens and early adult life,
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that was really, you know,
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setting the stage for later on
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in my addiction.
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Starting off with smoking pot
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and drinking alcohol and...
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...as you get older, you're
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popping pills and...
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...doing other drugs,
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staying up late and...
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[ominous screeching sound]
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In 2013...
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In 2013...
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...I had stopped working and...
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...you know, met a girl and
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decided to try crystal meth
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for the first time.
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Shortly thereafter, I was
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homeless.
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homeless.
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[harsh sound]
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[ominous echo]
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You know, my dad, who was
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my biggest supporter,
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you know, who...
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...always allowed me to stay in
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his home, had finally
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decided that, you know, he
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decided that, you know, he
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couldn't do that anymore, and he
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needed to ask me to leave and...
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And I remember that first night,
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you know, homeless, not knowing
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where to go or what to do, and
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sleeping in his carport outside
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his car, you know, and I think
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his car, you know, and I think
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he told me he walked over me
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and, you know, to get into his
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car to go to work, you know, and
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there's his son, almost,
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you know, 28 years old, sleeping
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on the ground outside his car.
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And, you know, looking back on
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it, I could only imagine how
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difficult, you know, that must
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have been for him.
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[melancholy violin music]
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い
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I'm homeless.
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I think I go to Broadway and
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Commercial first and sort of get
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started there and,
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you know, that next two years of
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homelessness is a bit of a blur.
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One long marathon race
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with maybe a few breaks
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over the year and a half.
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In and out of jail, hospital...
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...non-compliant with my
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medication...
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...going on runs fuelled by
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drugs and ending up in hospital
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every six weeks or so...
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...having them nursed me back to
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health and get me back on my
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feet just to set me up
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for another run.
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Those runs got shorter and
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shorter over that two year
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period.
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When it started off, I was...
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...probably out going for 2 or 3
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months and then it was
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two months and one month and
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three weeks and, you know, and
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the next thing you know, you're
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in the hospital every two weeks
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and, you know, the desire to get
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sober was always there.
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But, you know, it's always
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tomorrow.
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You know, it's never right now.
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Once I finish this or once this
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happens, then I'll do that.
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You know, you wanna, you want
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the consequences to stop, you
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want people to not be mad at you
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anymore, you want to keep your
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job, you want to keep your
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relationship so you're
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trying to get clean,
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you're going to treatment and...
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...really, you know, putting in
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an effort but not a full
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commitment, a full buy in.
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You know, I learned later in
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life that's what it takes -
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full commitment, a willingness
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to turn over every stone,
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to do whatever suggestion is
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given to you.
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I was willing to take most the
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suggestions, I was willing to
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try to put some effort in,
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but ultimately it was, you know,
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still on my time, my way
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a bit you know.
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a bit you know.
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And that led me to more use,
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you know, more failure.
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[ominous sound]
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>> So let me ask you a question.
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Do we all have to go through our
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own process of recovery?
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Is this a thing of
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running away something new?
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Or has it been happening
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throughout the ages?
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>> In ancient times, the Bible
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tells us that Adam and Eve ran
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away from God.
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Jonah ran away from God.
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Elijah ran for his life.
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Peter turned his back on Jesus.
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Whenever God-fearing men
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and women, children of God
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run away,
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God outran them.
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>> I can remember
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walking through Hastings and
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running into a friend,
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Dave Miller.
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He was sober, he was at
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Harbour Light.
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He was telling me to come in,
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that they have space and...
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And I remember
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taking him for lunch.
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We went to get pizza.
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He was telling me that he was
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clean for, like, a month.
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And this is someone I used with
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and someone I trusted.
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I remember telling him that,
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"You'll see me there.
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I'm coming," you know,
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"I'm coming, I just gotta finish
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doing what I'm doing here, but
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I'm coming, I'm coming."
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You know, I didn't fully believe
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him, that he was clean.
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Like, I was hearing it, but I
00:10:05.20\00:10:06.87
was so beaten up in addiction at
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that point, I remember offering
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him, you know, drugs, you know,
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and he didn't want it and that
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was powerful, you know,
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that stuck with me.
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that stuck with me.
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I'd like to say that I went to
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treatment that day or I went to
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detox that day.
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I didn't.
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In the middle of that
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time there...
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time there...
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...I had my first real overdose.
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[loud whoosh]
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[train horn blaring]
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It was around 2:30 in the
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morning, just off of Hastings
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in the industrial area.
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I found a working girl.
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I offered to get her high if she
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would inject me, and she said
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sure and she injected me, and I
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overdosed.
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[rapid heart beat]
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By the grace of God, somehow I
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had a cell phone, which I never
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had really, homeless.
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She didn't rob me, you know,
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she didn't leave me.
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And she used this phone that I
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miraculously had and called
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paramedics.
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And I remember them bringing me
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back and me thinking, like, I
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just I wish I was back under,
00:11:01.12\00:11:03.06
you know, coming back to life
00:11:03.06\00:11:04.93
and all the stress and...
00:11:04.93\00:11:06.26
[sirens blaring]
00:11:06.26\00:11:08.16
That was definitely
00:11:08.16\00:11:10.70
powerful.
00:11:10.70\00:11:11.80
So that definitely I think...
00:11:11.80\00:11:14.00
...scared me or woke me up
00:11:14.77\00:11:16.44
a bit.
00:11:16.44\00:11:17.54
I had no where I could go
00:11:18.34\00:11:19.61
really to.
00:11:19.61\00:11:20.58
I had burned through everyone
00:11:20.58\00:11:22.48
I knew.
00:11:22.48\00:11:23.38
No one was willing to offer
00:11:23.38\00:11:25.58
a helping hand.
00:11:25.58\00:11:26.82
No one really wanted to see me.
00:11:26.82\00:11:28.98
You know, I didn't have many
00:11:30.82\00:11:32.05
friends left, wasn't in
00:11:32.05\00:11:33.76
communication with my family.
00:11:33.76\00:11:36.29
And ultimately, I think I
00:11:36.29\00:11:37.86
realized that I was tired.
00:11:37.86\00:11:39.59
Really tired and realizing that
00:11:39.59\00:11:41.43
I think it's time that I tried
00:11:41.43\00:11:42.83
something different
00:11:42.83\00:11:43.97
and give recovery a shot.
00:11:43.97\00:11:45.40
>> Why are you running?
00:11:49.10\00:11:51.41
Maybe it's fear or pride
00:11:51.41\00:11:54.44
or lack of faith or arrogance
00:11:54.44\00:11:57.25
or bitterness, or an addiction
00:11:57.25\00:11:59.85
to chronic busyness,
00:11:59.85\00:12:02.02
or guilt, shame,
00:12:02.02\00:12:04.12
and remorse.
00:12:04.12\00:12:05.45
Maybe you can't stop beating
00:12:05.95\00:12:07.82
yourself up for something you
00:12:07.82\00:12:09.42
said or did, or something you
00:12:09.42\00:12:12.03
didn't do or didn't say.
00:12:12.03\00:12:14.13
>> We invite you to
00:12:14.63\00:12:16.70
think about your life.
00:12:16.70\00:12:18.23
Perhaps you need to stop running
00:12:18.23\00:12:20.17
away from something and start
00:12:20.17\00:12:21.80
running towards something
00:12:21.80\00:12:23.51
greater than yourself.
00:12:23.51\00:12:24.91
God can turn us around and point
00:12:24.91\00:12:27.21
us in the right direction,
00:12:27.21\00:12:28.98
like He did with Blair.
00:12:28.98\00:12:30.58
>> Looking back at my friend,
00:12:31.51\00:12:33.98
Dave, who told me he was at
00:12:33.98\00:12:35.82
treatment, told me he was clean.
00:12:35.82\00:12:37.42
And I remember him telling me
00:12:37.42\00:12:39.52
and he was staying at
00:12:39.52\00:12:40.79
Harbour Light, which is a
00:12:40.79\00:12:42.52
Salvation Army...
00:12:42.52\00:12:43.99
...12-step based treatment
00:12:45.26\00:12:46.70
centre in the Downtown Eastside.
00:12:46.70\00:12:48.40
Shortly after that
00:12:49.60\00:12:52.33
overdose...
00:12:52.33\00:12:53.37
...a few days or maybe a week
00:12:54.54\00:12:56.50
later, I found myself
00:12:56.50\00:12:59.27
being admitted to Harbour Light.
00:12:59.27\00:13:01.74
And, you know, I was tired and
00:13:01.74\00:13:04.78
150 pounds, very sick,
00:13:04.78\00:13:07.75
but I had a desire to
00:13:07.75\00:13:09.92
but I had a desire to
00:13:09.92\00:13:10.29
change my life.
00:13:10.39\00:13:11.52
[placid music]
00:13:11.52\00:13:14.46
い
00:13:14.46\00:13:17.29
You know, there was many
00:13:22.30\00:13:23.50
suggestions that were given to
00:13:23.50\00:13:24.80
me as a newcomer to treatment.
00:13:24.80\00:13:27.07
One, that in the past,
00:13:28.54\00:13:30.67
I hadn't...
00:13:30.67\00:13:31.67
...opened up to or I hadn't
00:13:32.34\00:13:34.81
been able to take the lead
00:13:34.81\00:13:36.31
was higher power.
00:13:36.31\00:13:36.78
was higher power.
00:13:36.78\00:13:37.81
You know, early on, I opened up
00:13:38.88\00:13:40.62
The Big Book of Alcoholics
00:13:40.62\00:13:42.22
Anonymous and throughout it
00:13:42.22\00:13:44.82
was the suggestion to
00:13:44.82\00:13:46.96
find a higher power.
00:13:46.96\00:13:48.72
Growing up I...
00:13:48.72\00:13:50.06
...wasn't taught much about
00:13:51.19\00:13:52.46
God or religion
00:13:52.46\00:13:54.56
and I didn't really know how
00:13:54.56\00:13:57.50
that looked.
00:13:57.50\00:13:58.77
But I said then that I was
00:13:59.37\00:14:01.64
willing, you know, I was open
00:14:01.64\00:14:03.17
minded.
00:14:03.17\00:14:04.31
And more than anything, I was
00:14:04.31\00:14:06.01
gonna take all the suggestions.
00:14:06.01\00:14:07.54
And one of them was to find
00:14:07.54\00:14:09.21
higher power.
00:14:09.21\00:14:10.48
It started right there.
00:14:10.48\00:14:11.55
I just said I was open,
00:14:11.55\00:14:12.81
I was willing, and that was sort
00:14:12.81\00:14:15.72
of the end of that, you know?
00:14:15.72\00:14:17.62
You know, I went on with my
00:14:18.25\00:14:19.62
recovery and did a set of steps
00:14:19.62\00:14:21.79
and started going to some
00:14:21.79\00:14:23.39
fellowship on Sunday
00:14:23.39\00:14:26.19
at the Anchor Church across the
00:14:26.19\00:14:27.60
street from Harbour Light.
00:14:27.60\00:14:28.90
And that was the first time that
00:14:28.90\00:14:30.67
I connected, you know, to a
00:14:30.67\00:14:32.70
faith base, to a church and, you
00:14:32.70\00:14:34.64
know, I enjoyed the fellowship.
00:14:34.64\00:14:36.17
I didn't know much,
00:14:36.17\00:14:38.31
I didn't know it then,
00:14:38.31\00:14:39.61
that I think God was
00:14:39.61\00:14:41.61
sort of calling me.
00:14:41.61\00:14:42.74
But it was, you know, something
00:14:42.74\00:14:44.18
that I was open to.
00:14:44.18\00:14:45.38
[hopeful music]
00:14:45.38\00:14:47.88
い
00:14:47.88\00:14:49.38
Looking back, remembering to the
00:14:49.38\00:14:51.72
early days at Harbour Light and,
00:14:51.72\00:14:54.19
you know, coming off the street
00:14:54.19\00:14:55.56
and not having to be anywhere at
00:14:55.56\00:14:58.09
any given time, it was
00:14:58.09\00:15:00.13
a bit of an adjustment.
00:15:00.13\00:15:01.40
You know, life in treatment,
00:15:01.40\00:15:02.76
you're going to group,
00:15:02.76\00:15:05.17
you're having a morning
00:15:05.17\00:15:07.00
reflections where there's a
00:15:07.00\00:15:08.47
small prayer and
00:15:08.47\00:15:10.07
some songs.
00:15:10.07\00:15:11.67
One of the big things I think
00:15:12.27\00:15:13.78
about Harbour Light and
00:15:13.78\00:15:14.81
Salvation Army is the food line.
00:15:14.81\00:15:16.58
You're almost instilling a bit
00:15:16.58\00:15:18.38
of a work ethic into the guys.
00:15:18.38\00:15:20.32
A lot of us coming off the
00:15:20.32\00:15:21.58
street haven't worked in a long
00:15:21.58\00:15:23.28
time, haven't been productive,
00:15:23.28\00:15:25.95
and now twice a day you're
00:15:25.95\00:15:27.86
serving homeless people meals
00:15:27.86\00:15:30.33
in the Downtown Eastside.
00:15:30.33\00:15:31.79
And there's an accountability
00:15:31.79\00:15:33.29
to that.
00:15:33.29\00:15:34.13
Everyone gets a job and you're
00:15:34.13\00:15:35.80
expected to be there on time
00:15:35.80\00:15:38.10
and, you know, it's not for you,
00:15:38.10\00:15:40.70
it's for others and
00:15:40.70\00:15:41.70
it's for others and
00:15:41.70\00:15:42.07
just giving us that routine,
00:15:42.40\00:15:44.41
you know, that stability.
00:15:44.41\00:15:46.11
[placid music]
00:15:46.11\00:15:48.88
I think back to my last year's
00:15:48.88\00:15:50.21
I think back to my last year's
00:15:50.21\00:15:51.05
homeless and I explain it to
00:15:51.05\00:15:53.65
people like it was like I was
00:15:53.65\00:15:54.92
on a race.
00:15:54.92\00:15:55.88
You know, in my mind, I was
00:15:55.88\00:15:56.99
running to drugs, but really,
00:15:56.99\00:15:58.02
I think I was running from life,
00:15:58.02\00:16:00.19
right, I was running from
00:16:00.19\00:16:02.22
me and from what I had to do.
00:16:02.22\00:16:04.63
And getting to Harbour Light
00:16:04.63\00:16:06.39
and having somewhere safe
00:16:06.39\00:16:09.10
where I had fellowship,
00:16:09.10\00:16:10.47
you know, I had friends who I
00:16:10.47\00:16:12.37
knew who were already there, who
00:16:12.37\00:16:14.20
were further along the journey
00:16:14.20\00:16:15.74
than I was.
00:16:15.74\00:16:16.84
They guided me.
00:16:16.84\00:16:18.37
They gave me support.
00:16:18.37\00:16:20.21
I think in the past I was
00:16:20.21\00:16:21.51
pulling- I was pulled to
00:16:21.51\00:16:22.98
the wrong people,
00:16:22.98\00:16:24.55
wrong situations.
00:16:24.55\00:16:26.25
And for the first time I was
00:16:26.25\00:16:27.88
hanging out with the people
00:16:27.88\00:16:28.98
doing the right things.
00:16:28.98\00:16:30.42
I was hanging out with the
00:16:30.42\00:16:31.59
people who had more clean time
00:16:31.59\00:16:33.46
than me, who were further along,
00:16:33.46\00:16:36.42
and I just stuck close
00:16:36.42\00:16:37.96
with them.
00:16:37.96\00:16:39.03
[crow cawing]
00:16:39.03\00:16:40.56
And that year was...
00:16:40.56\00:16:42.23
...was amazing.
00:16:42.90\00:16:44.70
I was in phase three at Harbour
00:16:44.70\00:16:45.60
I was in phase three at Harbour
00:16:45.60\00:16:46.70
Light and had the opportunity to
00:16:46.70\00:16:49.30
move to a second stage recovery
00:16:49.30\00:16:51.97
facility, also run by Salvation
00:16:51.97\00:16:54.11
Army, called Grace Mansion,
00:16:54.11\00:16:56.61
where I was able to get my first
00:16:56.61\00:16:58.38
set of keys in a little while.
00:16:58.38\00:17:00.52
I remember that feeling,
00:17:00.52\00:17:01.78
when you're homeless, you don't
00:17:01.78\00:17:02.85
have keys.
00:17:02.85\00:17:04.22
To have my own keys to my own
00:17:04.22\00:17:06.42
door was a good feeling
00:17:06.42\00:17:08.59
for sure.
00:17:08.59\00:17:09.69
[gentle guitar music]
00:17:09.69\00:17:10.96
>> Blair didn't know God was
00:17:10.96\00:17:13.23
there all along watching over
00:17:13.23\00:17:15.03
him, but He was.
00:17:15.03\00:17:16.80
>> Friends, God is patiently
00:17:18.27\00:17:20.74
waiting for you, too.
00:17:20.74\00:17:23.14
Your Saviour promises you
00:17:23.14\00:17:25.94
and He promises me...
00:17:25.94\00:17:27.68
Never.
00:17:31.68\00:17:33.28
He will never leave you.
00:17:33.28\00:17:35.65
He assures you today...
00:17:35.65\00:17:37.92
>> God is with you even
00:17:53.03\00:17:55.30
if He feels far from you.
00:17:55.30\00:17:58.14
Jesus promises you...
00:17:58.14\00:17:59.67
>> When your sky is
00:18:05.48\00:18:06.92
cold and lonely and your
00:18:06.92\00:18:09.08
heart is filled with fear,
00:18:09.08\00:18:11.55
Jesus promises,
00:18:11.55\00:18:14.09
"I will wrap My arms
00:18:14.09\00:18:15.69
around you.
00:18:15.69\00:18:17.33
I want you to know that
00:18:17.33\00:18:18.83
I am here.
00:18:18.83\00:18:20.63
I will keep you
00:18:20.63\00:18:21.93
safe and sound
00:18:21.93\00:18:23.93
through the darkness
00:18:23.93\00:18:25.33
that surrounds.
00:18:25.33\00:18:27.44
I will never leave you
00:18:27.44\00:18:29.80
nor forsake you.
00:18:29.80\00:18:32.27
Know that I am with you.
00:18:32.27\00:18:35.24
You will never
00:18:35.24\00:18:37.18
be alone."
00:18:37.18\00:18:38.75
[gentle guitar music]
00:18:38.75\00:18:39.81
>> I think it was the first time
00:18:39.81\00:18:41.48
in a while my life kind of
00:18:41.48\00:18:43.12
calmed down.
00:18:43.12\00:18:44.15
You know, I had a safe space
00:18:44.65\00:18:47.39
that was my own.
00:18:47.39\00:18:49.26
There wasn't a whole lot going
00:18:49.26\00:18:50.49
on then, you know, there wasn't
00:18:50.49\00:18:53.33
a lot of social calendar events,
00:18:53.33\00:18:55.63
there was no dating, there was
00:18:55.63\00:18:57.37
none of that.
00:18:57.37\00:18:58.33
Just a lot of
00:18:58.33\00:18:59.80
sort of quiet time.
00:18:59.80\00:19:01.27
I think in that space is where I
00:19:01.27\00:19:03.57
started to develop my connection
00:19:03.57\00:19:05.34
to higher power, where I started
00:19:05.34\00:19:07.24
to shift from higher power
00:19:07.24\00:19:09.68
to God.
00:19:09.68\00:19:10.61
And in that time, that's when I
00:19:10.61\00:19:12.08
started to pray.
00:19:12.08\00:19:13.18
I found that it gave me this
00:19:13.18\00:19:14.45
sense of calm, but it also gave
00:19:14.45\00:19:16.48
me this positive outlook.
00:19:16.48\00:19:18.39
From that prayer,
00:19:18.39\00:19:20.72
I found some hope
00:19:20.72\00:19:23.12
and some trust
00:19:23.12\00:19:24.69
and some belief.
00:19:24.69\00:19:26.09
You know, these were all things
00:19:26.09\00:19:27.60
that I didn't have any of,
00:19:27.60\00:19:27.86
that I didn't have any of,
00:19:28.26\00:19:29.23
right, trust was broken
00:19:29.23\00:19:30.87
entirely.
00:19:30.87\00:19:31.83
There was very little belief,
00:19:31.83\00:19:33.20
you know, especially in myself
00:19:33.20\00:19:34.87
or, you know, in the people
00:19:34.87\00:19:36.64
around me.
00:19:36.64\00:19:37.94
Those next few years where I
00:19:37.94\00:19:40.08
really developed that
00:19:40.08\00:19:41.31
connection to God,
00:19:41.31\00:19:42.74
that belief in something greater
00:19:42.74\00:19:44.91
than myself.
00:19:44.91\00:19:46.15
[uplifting music]
00:19:46.15\00:19:48.32
い
00:19:48.32\00:19:49.58
As I started to...
00:19:49.58\00:19:52.35
...pray for things and
00:19:53.32\00:19:54.96
these prayers were answered.
00:19:54.96\00:19:56.19
It really was an
00:19:56.19\00:19:58.06
"Aha!" moment for me.
00:19:58.06\00:19:59.49
Well, it confirmed
00:19:59.49\00:20:00.96
what I was doing,
00:20:00.96\00:20:02.66
confirmed the road I was on.
00:20:02.66\00:20:04.87
It definitely told me I was
00:20:05.63\00:20:07.64
where I was supposed to be.
00:20:07.64\00:20:09.67
And I had that belief.
00:20:09.67\00:20:11.64
You know, like with my job, it's
00:20:11.64\00:20:13.68
not, you know, there's always
00:20:13.68\00:20:15.74
people talking about more money
00:20:15.74\00:20:17.05
because they don't pay us much,
00:20:17.05\00:20:18.31
right, but I never had a desire
00:20:18.31\00:20:20.02
to leave, you know, because I
00:20:20.02\00:20:21.78
knew I was where I was supposed
00:20:21.78\00:20:23.18
to be.
00:20:23.18\00:20:24.15
You know, so all these
00:20:24.15\00:20:25.29
little things
00:20:25.29\00:20:26.82
that people just went out of the
00:20:26.82\00:20:28.46
way for me because I was where I
00:20:28.46\00:20:30.36
was supposed to be.
00:20:30.36\00:20:30.89
was supposed to be.
00:20:30.89\00:20:31.53
It was a very one-on-one
00:20:32.06\00:20:34.50
connection with God,
00:20:34.50\00:20:36.83
for me especially.
00:20:36.83\00:20:39.17
It wasn't observed around other
00:20:39.17\00:20:41.40
people, it wasn't something
00:20:41.40\00:20:43.00
that...
00:20:43.00\00:20:44.11
I wasn't going to church, but I
00:20:44.11\00:20:45.41
was praying every day.
00:20:45.41\00:20:46.81
[calm piano music]
00:20:46.81\00:20:48.48
As I started to grow in my
00:20:48.48\00:20:50.91
faith, I started to pray for
00:20:50.91\00:20:51.45
faith, I started to pray for
00:20:51.58\00:20:53.58
family members.
00:20:53.58\00:20:54.82
I started to pray for
00:20:54.82\00:20:56.82
my mom who was...
00:20:56.82\00:20:58.29
...MIA for ten years in
00:20:59.45\00:21:01.29
addiction.
00:21:01.29\00:21:02.46
Here I am, a few years clean and
00:21:03.09\00:21:06.23
wanting that connection back.
00:21:06.23\00:21:08.60
Now it's something that's on my
00:21:08.60\00:21:09.96
mind and something that I'm
00:21:09.96\00:21:11.40
praying for and asking for help.
00:21:11.40\00:21:13.23
And a few years later, or a year
00:21:13.23\00:21:15.90
or two later, my mom ends up in
00:21:15.90\00:21:17.91
treatment and, you know, is back
00:21:17.91\00:21:20.21
in my life and there's
00:21:20.21\00:21:21.44
confirmation, you know, that God
00:21:21.44\00:21:23.75
is here, God is hearing me.
00:21:23.75\00:21:25.95
And that, yeah, that sense of
00:21:25.95\00:21:27.25
belief was was definitely there.
00:21:27.25\00:21:29.55
Also, just as you go through
00:21:31.65\00:21:34.56
life with work and putting
00:21:34.56\00:21:37.09
yourself out there for jobs,
00:21:37.09\00:21:39.26
for promotions...
00:21:39.26\00:21:40.83
...for me, I guess it was just
00:21:42.06\00:21:43.47
learning how to live life,
00:21:43.47\00:21:44.87
right?
00:21:44.87\00:21:45.73
I gained employment with
00:21:45.73\00:21:47.17
Salvation Army
00:21:47.17\00:21:48.80
in around year 4 or 5
00:21:48.80\00:21:51.41
of my ourney in sobriety.
00:21:51.41\00:21:54.04
And in that process, I put
00:21:54.04\00:21:56.54
myself out there for supervisor
00:21:56.54\00:21:58.98
jobs, for outreach.
00:21:58.98\00:22:00.18
So I put myself out there
00:22:00.18\00:22:01.82
sort of to be judged.
00:22:01.82\00:22:03.75
And that's the first time in a
00:22:03.75\00:22:06.25
few years, and I remember being
00:22:06.25\00:22:07.89
triggered by that
00:22:07.89\00:22:09.56
and feeling insecure or
00:22:09.56\00:22:12.09
maybe feeling stress
00:22:12.09\00:22:14.36
about not knowing if
00:22:14.36\00:22:15.80
I'll get it or not.
00:22:15.80\00:22:16.87
And I had this really "Aha!"
00:22:16.87\00:22:18.87
moment with God where I decided
00:22:18.87\00:22:20.97
to pray and accept whatever
00:22:20.97\00:22:23.81
was gonna come my way.
00:22:23.81\00:22:25.61
Not try to control it and pray
00:22:25.61\00:22:27.58
for the promotion, but pray for
00:22:27.58\00:22:30.18
whatever comes my way.
00:22:30.18\00:22:32.01
You know, if I get it, then
00:22:32.01\00:22:34.05
okay, that's what's meant to be
00:22:34.05\00:22:35.88
and I'll be of service.
00:22:35.88\00:22:37.45
But if I don't get it, then it's
00:22:37.45\00:22:39.42
because this person is prepared
00:22:39.42\00:22:41.79
in a way that maybe I'm not
00:22:41.79\00:22:43.36
quite prepared or whatever.
00:22:43.36\00:22:45.59
But just having that trust
00:22:45.59\00:22:48.13
in God's plan that God will
00:22:48.13\00:22:50.20
provide what is...
00:22:50.20\00:22:51.60
It's not so much that I got
00:22:52.17\00:22:53.67
those jobs that I applied for,
00:22:53.67\00:22:55.44
you know, the successes came,
00:22:55.44\00:22:57.41
but it was learning how to trust
00:22:57.41\00:22:59.81
and learning how to navigate
00:22:59.81\00:23:01.28
stress, learning how to navigate
00:23:01.28\00:23:03.88
things that used to baffle me,
00:23:03.88\00:23:05.61
that used to lead to use, that
00:23:05.61\00:23:08.02
used to lead to running away.
00:23:08.02\00:23:10.32
And that's what laid the
00:23:10.32\00:23:12.32
groundwork for the next
00:23:12.32\00:23:14.46
few years, you know, I'm
00:23:14.46\00:23:16.96
by the grace of God,
00:23:16.96\00:23:18.03
I've been going now nine years.
00:23:18.03\00:23:19.89
I got sober in August of 2015.
00:23:19.89\00:23:22.70
You know, that journey to faith
00:23:22.70\00:23:24.63
has been a continual one.
00:23:24.63\00:23:26.87
It wasn't [snaps fingers]
00:23:26.87\00:23:28.94
just like that for me.
00:23:28.94\00:23:30.74
It started with me having to
00:23:30.74\00:23:32.61
take suggestions,
00:23:32.61\00:23:34.08
find higher power.
00:23:34.08\00:23:35.48
I'm willing, I'll-
00:23:35.48\00:23:37.01
I'm open to that.
00:23:37.01\00:23:38.65
And then some prayer.
00:23:38.65\00:23:39.78
You know, meditation and prayer
00:23:39.78\00:23:41.22
was suggested in The Big Book.
00:23:41.22\00:23:42.75
And so I did some of that.
00:23:42.75\00:23:45.22
And I was doing it at first
00:23:45.22\00:23:47.29
because I was told to,
00:23:47.29\00:23:48.62
because I was suggested to.
00:23:48.62\00:23:50.53
Ultimately in there I found my
00:23:50.53\00:23:52.26
own connection to God though,
00:23:52.26\00:23:54.00
you know, and that's what kept
00:23:54.00\00:23:56.20
me coming back for more, right,
00:23:56.20\00:23:58.07
was my own connection.
00:23:58.07\00:23:59.67
>> When Blair's prayers were
00:24:00.50\00:24:02.20
answered, it was the deeply
00:24:02.20\00:24:04.64
profound moment that confirmed
00:24:04.64\00:24:07.21
he was on the right road.
00:24:07.21\00:24:09.54
He knew he was where
00:24:09.54\00:24:11.35
he should be, exactly where God
00:24:11.35\00:24:13.18
wanted him.
00:24:13.18\00:24:14.48
>> Blair came to the place
00:24:14.48\00:24:16.12
where he felt needed
00:24:16.12\00:24:17.89
and not needy.
00:24:17.89\00:24:19.59
And that's how he continued
00:24:19.59\00:24:21.32
to walk with God
00:24:21.32\00:24:23.09
in that one-on-one connection
00:24:23.09\00:24:25.26
between himself and God,
00:24:25.26\00:24:27.76
living to serve others.
00:24:27.76\00:24:30.13
>> And, I mean, as gut wrenching
00:24:30.90\00:24:33.00
as it was, putting my dad
00:24:33.00\00:24:35.74
through what I put him through
00:24:35.74\00:24:37.47
in addiction, I mean, him having
00:24:37.47\00:24:39.84
to kick his only child out, out
00:24:39.84\00:24:41.44
of the house and I know how
00:24:41.44\00:24:43.01
difficult that was for him.
00:24:43.01\00:24:44.38
Our journey has come
00:24:44.38\00:24:45.38
full circle.
00:24:45.38\00:24:46.45
I remember him telling me, "Son,
00:24:46.45\00:24:48.05
if you'll fight for your life,
00:24:48.05\00:24:49.48
I'll fight with you," you know?
00:24:49.48\00:24:51.55
And I wasn't willing to that
00:24:51.55\00:24:53.15
day, when he got in his car
00:24:53.15\00:24:54.26
and went to work, but years
00:24:54.26\00:24:56.36
later, I started to fight,
00:24:56.36\00:24:57.79
you know, and he's been there
00:24:57.79\00:24:59.43
with me every step of the way.
00:24:59.43\00:25:01.36
I mean, now he's my best friend.
00:25:01.36\00:25:03.23
In the book, Big Book, they had
00:25:03.73\00:25:05.43
the promises, right, or I like
00:25:05.43\00:25:07.94
to say, like, gifts of recovery.
00:25:07.94\00:25:09.80
Over the last nine years,
00:25:09.80\00:25:11.57
I got a dog
00:25:11.57\00:25:13.81
who I've kept alive for
00:25:13.81\00:25:15.14
seven years, you know,
00:25:15.14\00:25:16.71
who's been with me, you know,
00:25:16.71\00:25:18.68
it's such a blessing, right?
00:25:18.68\00:25:20.18
I have a good connection
00:25:21.05\00:25:22.42
with my family...
00:25:22.42\00:25:23.79
...connected with friends from
00:25:25.25\00:25:27.12
my youth, and...
00:25:27.12\00:25:28.36
...made lots of new
00:25:29.32\00:25:30.56
friends and new connections,
00:25:30.56\00:25:32.16
and I got my license at
00:25:32.16\00:25:34.03
38 years old.
00:25:34.03\00:25:35.43
You know, I've had different
00:25:35.43\00:25:36.83
promotions and different roles
00:25:36.83\00:25:38.80
within my job and failures,
00:25:38.80\00:25:41.20
successes, relationships lost,
00:25:41.20\00:25:44.04
you know, the ups and downs,
00:25:44.04\00:25:46.51
right?
00:25:46.51\00:25:47.48
With God in my heart, you know,
00:25:47.48\00:25:49.58
today, I know I can overcome
00:25:49.58\00:25:51.85
those ups and downs.
00:25:51.85\00:25:54.38
And they're smaller now.
00:25:54.38\00:25:55.85
It's much more steady,
00:25:55.85\00:25:57.25
you know, but...
00:25:57.25\00:25:58.42
...I think now looking forward,
00:25:59.12\00:26:01.96
you know, keeping God close to
00:26:01.96\00:26:04.13
me and knowing that, you know,
00:26:04.13\00:26:05.69
I'm with God and...
00:26:05.69\00:26:06.96
...anything is possible.
00:26:07.76\00:26:09.40
If you just keep showing up,
00:26:09.40\00:26:11.30
do the right thing and
00:26:11.30\00:26:13.13
have an open mind, life is,
00:26:13.13\00:26:15.64
life is great.
00:26:15.64\00:26:16.81
[placid music]
00:26:16.81\00:26:19.64
い
00:26:19.64\00:26:22.51
>> Friends, it all begins
00:26:23.08\00:26:24.95
with freedom of choice,
00:26:24.95\00:26:26.68
a most precious gift that God
00:26:26.68\00:26:28.72
has entrusted to you.
00:26:28.72\00:26:30.39
Unfortunately, our poor choices
00:26:31.59\00:26:34.72
often lead to destructive habits
00:26:34.72\00:26:37.26
that enslave us, damage our
00:26:37.26\00:26:39.69
relationships, our health,
00:26:39.69\00:26:42.43
and ruin our lives.
00:26:42.43\00:26:44.73
>> Friends, our free offer for
00:26:45.07\00:26:47.10
you is a special Steps to Christ
00:26:47.10\00:26:49.14
Recovery Edition.
00:26:49.14\00:26:50.31
This powerful book includes a
00:26:50.31\00:26:52.54
12-step recovery program,
00:26:52.54\00:26:54.58
empowering you to overcome
00:26:54.58\00:26:56.21
harmful habits and addictions.
00:26:56.21\00:26:58.21
Above all, you will come to know
00:26:58.21\00:27:00.85
Jesus Christ, the only one who
00:27:00.85\00:27:02.95
can heal and restore, strengthen
00:27:02.95\00:27:05.05
and encourage, as well as bring
00:27:05.05\00:27:07.26
hope, balance, and meaning
00:27:07.26\00:27:09.82
to your life.
00:27:09.82\00:27:11.33
>> We would like to offer to
00:27:11.33\00:27:12.79
pray for you.
00:27:12.79\00:27:14.20
If you would like to send us
00:27:14.20\00:27:15.86
your personal prayer request,
00:27:15.86\00:27:18.27
the information for how to
00:27:18.27\00:27:20.00
contact us is on the screen.
00:27:20.00\00:27:22.60
Tell us your request and we will
00:27:22.60\00:27:24.81
put you on our prayer lists
00:27:24.81\00:27:26.84
and pray for you personally.
00:27:26.84\00:27:29.21
>> Before you go, we would like
00:27:29.54\00:27:31.31
to thank all of you who have
00:27:31.31\00:27:33.38
supported the ministry of It Is
00:27:33.38\00:27:35.12
Written Canada with your prayers
00:27:35.12\00:27:36.48
and financial contributions.
00:27:36.48\00:27:38.69
Without your support, this
00:27:38.69\00:27:40.36
television ministry could not
00:27:40.36\00:27:42.09
have reached so many people
00:27:42.09\00:27:44.16
for so many decades.
00:27:44.16\00:27:45.76
>> Yes, thank you.
00:27:46.19\00:27:47.86
And we would like to invite you
00:27:48.53\00:27:50.67
to follow us on Instagram and
00:27:50.67\00:27:52.53
Facebook and subscribe to our
00:27:52.53\00:27:54.74
YouTube channel, and also listen
00:27:54.74\00:27:57.41
to our podcasts.
00:27:57.41\00:27:59.27
And if you go to our website,
00:27:59.27\00:28:01.58
you can see our latest programs.
00:28:01.58\00:28:04.15
>> Friends, Jesus is offering
00:28:04.38\00:28:06.38
you a life that is beyond our
00:28:06.38\00:28:09.22
ongoing struggles with
00:28:09.22\00:28:11.09
the pain, suffering, and sorrows
00:28:11.09\00:28:13.25
of this life.
00:28:13.25\00:28:15.26
We would like to recommend that
00:28:15.26\00:28:17.23
you open the Bible where it is
00:28:17.23\00:28:19.49
recorded that Jesus Himself
00:28:19.49\00:28:21.70
found his assurance to defeat
00:28:21.70\00:28:23.43
the Devil through the word of
00:28:23.43\00:28:25.63
His Father when He declared...
00:28:25.63\00:28:27.27
[uplifting music]
00:28:35.61\00:28:38.71
い
00:28:38.71\00:28:41.52