>> "Daddy...why doesn't Mommy
00:00:04.70\00:00:06.94
love you anymore?"
00:00:06.94\00:00:08.37
And that broke my heart.
00:00:09.40\00:00:10.67
That was the first time
00:00:10.67\00:00:11.74
it kind of [snaps finger]
00:00:11.74\00:00:12.64
snapped me out of that
00:00:12.64\00:00:13.98
daze or that fog or that...
00:00:13.98\00:00:15.98
We just wept together.
00:00:15.98\00:00:16.85
And I said, you know,
00:00:16.85\00:00:17.95
"I don't know."
00:00:17.95\00:00:19.31
[theme music playing]
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¤¤
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[gentle guitar music playing]
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¤¤
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>> Welcome to It Is Written
00:01:01.42\00:01:02.86
Canada.
00:01:02.86\00:01:03.46
Thank you for joining us.
00:01:03.46\00:01:04.79
Marlon and Doreen Cliffe have
00:01:04.79\00:01:07.23
been married for over 30 years
00:01:07.23\00:01:09.30
and have two beautiful grown
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children.
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Their passion is to help build
00:01:13.23\00:01:15.20
and restore relationships using
00:01:15.20\00:01:17.34
evidence-based research,
00:01:17.34\00:01:19.07
the Bible, and their own
00:01:19.07\00:01:21.31
personal experiences to share
00:01:21.31\00:01:23.71
how you can have a marriage
00:01:23.71\00:01:26.82
of your dreams.
00:01:26.82\00:01:28.02
>> Their enthusiasm for
00:01:29.48\00:01:31.09
restoring relationships comes
00:01:31.09\00:01:33.12
from their own story of a
00:01:33.12\00:01:35.22
failing marriage.
00:01:35.22\00:01:37.13
They know the frustration
00:01:37.13\00:01:39.13
of a lonely,
00:01:39.13\00:01:40.60
disconnected marriage
00:01:40.60\00:01:42.66
with the ongoing feelings
00:01:42.66\00:01:44.83
of hopelessness.
00:01:44.83\00:01:46.07
of hopelessness.
00:01:46.07\00:01:46.37
The good news is that they have
00:01:47.10\00:01:49.57
also experienced restoration and
00:01:49.57\00:01:52.54
happiness in their marriage,
00:01:52.54\00:01:54.91
and they love showing how you
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can experience it, too.
00:01:57.48\00:01:59.51
[MIKE] Marlon and Doreen Cliffe
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are our special guests on It Is
00:02:01.82\00:02:03.79
Written Canada today.
00:02:03.79\00:02:04.92
They are certified Gottman
00:02:04.92\00:02:06.62
educators for the Seven
00:02:06.62\00:02:08.69
Principles for Making Marriage
00:02:08.69\00:02:10.19
Work, certified Prepare
00:02:10.19\00:02:12.89
Enrich facilitators,
00:02:12.89\00:02:15.06
Caring For the Heart Ministries
00:02:15.06\00:02:17.40
lay counsellors, and marriage
00:02:17.40\00:02:20.00
wellness coaches.
00:02:20.00\00:02:21.74
>> Marlon and Doreen, thank you
00:02:22.60\00:02:24.71
for joining us on It Is Written
00:02:24.71\00:02:26.91
Canada today.
00:02:26.91\00:02:28.28
>> We're happy to be here.
00:02:28.28\00:02:29.54
>> Mmm, yes, it's our pleasure.
00:02:29.54\00:02:31.41
[MIKE] Marlon, Doreen,
00:02:31.41\00:02:33.18
take us back.
00:02:33.18\00:02:33.82
Tell us a bit about
00:02:33.82\00:02:34.65
how you first met.
00:02:34.65\00:02:36.22
>> Mmm, we met in school,
00:02:36.22\00:02:39.15
and I was age 15
00:02:39.15\00:02:41.96
and Doreen was age 14.
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And she was on a gymnastic team
00:02:43.86\00:02:45.83
that the school had.
00:02:45.83\00:02:47.13
And I remember going to the home
00:02:47.13\00:02:48.83
show and I saw Doreen walking
00:02:48.83\00:02:51.57
across the gymnasium floor
00:02:51.57\00:02:53.27
on her hands, and I was like,
00:02:53.27\00:02:55.27
"Wow, this girl is amazing."
00:02:55.27\00:02:57.54
She's super athletic, she was
00:02:57.54\00:02:58.81
super cute.
00:02:58.81\00:02:59.84
And I, you know, it was that
00:02:59.84\00:03:00.74
love at first sight.
00:03:00.74\00:03:01.88
I fell in love and she was just
00:03:01.88\00:03:02.81
yeah, beautiful.
00:03:02.81\00:03:03.98
>> Yeah, and then we had a
00:03:04.68\00:03:06.58
school banquet.
00:03:06.58\00:03:08.68
And Marlin came to me and he had
00:03:08.68\00:03:11.05
enough courage, you could see he
00:03:11.05\00:03:12.29
was so nervous to ask me: "Would
00:03:12.29\00:03:14.72
you go with me to this banquet?"
00:03:14.72\00:03:17.03
And I was kind of surprised
00:03:17.79\00:03:19.06
because I didn't think of going
00:03:19.06\00:03:20.53
with him.
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I was thinking of somebody else.
00:03:21.63\00:03:23.80
>> You were?
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>> But I said yes. [laughs]
00:03:24.60\00:03:26.13
>> Okay...
00:03:26.13\00:03:27.07
And I had been watching The Love
00:03:27.07\00:03:29.44
Boat, you know, and I learned
00:03:29.44\00:03:30.37
Boat, you know, and I learned
00:03:30.37\00:03:31.01
everything about love from
00:03:31.01\00:03:32.34
that series.
00:03:32.34\00:03:33.38
And, you know, when the doc
00:03:33.38\00:03:36.08
would take the lady back to the
00:03:36.08\00:03:37.65
room at night, he would always
00:03:37.65\00:03:39.71
give her a kiss, and then you
00:03:39.71\00:03:40.98
would see these fireworks over
00:03:40.98\00:03:42.08
the ship and I thought, "Wow,
00:03:42.08\00:03:43.28
okay, this..."
00:03:43.28\00:03:44.09
So after a date, it went very
00:03:44.09\00:03:45.45
well and I didn't spilled any
00:03:45.45\00:03:46.82
spaghetti sauce on me so it was
00:03:46.82\00:03:48.02
going well, I thought it was
00:03:48.02\00:03:48.89
good, so...
00:03:48.89\00:03:49.79
When I walked her home to the
00:03:49.79\00:03:50.83
door and I got to the door and I
00:03:50.83\00:03:53.56
gave her this big, beautiful,
00:03:53.56\00:03:55.63
romantic kiss and
00:03:55.63\00:03:58.10
there were fireworks.
00:03:58.10\00:03:59.87
>> Not the kind of fireworks
00:03:59.87\00:04:01.77
I was expecting.
00:04:01.77\00:04:03.51
>> Nor I.
00:04:03.51\00:04:04.44
>> It sounded like a cow pulling
00:04:04.44\00:04:06.31
its foot out of the mud.
00:04:06.31\00:04:07.44
Not what I expected my first
00:04:07.44\00:04:09.24
kiss to sound like.
00:04:09.24\00:04:10.45
>> But it was supposed to be.
00:04:10.45\00:04:11.38
That was romantic.
00:04:11.38\00:04:12.15
It was supposed to be loud.
00:04:12.15\00:04:13.15
That's what I learned.
00:04:13.15\00:04:13.82
It was supposed to be "Mm-wah!"
00:04:13.82\00:04:15.02
Like that, you know?
00:04:15.02\00:04:16.02
>> Okay. Yes.
00:04:16.02\00:04:17.65
So that just started, you know,
00:04:17.65\00:04:19.55
our five years of silent
00:04:19.55\00:04:21.69
treatment.
00:04:21.69\00:04:23.12
I really didn't wanna
00:04:23.12\00:04:25.43
speak to him.
00:04:25.43\00:04:26.39
I didn't wanna see him because
00:04:26.39\00:04:28.26
he put fear in me.
00:04:28.26\00:04:29.76
I wasn't expecting a kiss,
00:04:29.76\00:04:31.40
right, I was only 14.
00:04:31.40\00:04:33.50
I'm like, "What is going on
00:04:33.50\00:04:35.67
with this guy?
00:04:35.67\00:04:36.71
I'm afraid to even be
00:04:36.71\00:04:37.74
in his presence.
00:04:37.74\00:04:38.37
Maybe he'll kiss me again."
00:04:38.37\00:04:40.44
>> Yeah, so I wasn't expecting
00:04:40.44\00:04:41.71
the door to be shut in my face.
00:04:41.71\00:04:42.88
So it was kind- of we kind of
00:04:42.88\00:04:44.11
avoided each other in the halls.
00:04:44.11\00:04:45.81
And then we each both
00:04:45.81\00:04:46.85
ended up moving.
00:04:46.85\00:04:47.55
I went to another school
00:04:47.55\00:04:48.48
eventually, and
00:04:48.48\00:04:49.92
she went and moved away.
00:04:49.92\00:04:50.89
So we didn't see each other.
00:04:50.89\00:04:51.95
We had a kind of a silent
00:04:51.95\00:04:52.79
treatment.
00:04:52.79\00:04:53.66
For five years, we didn't talk.
00:04:53.66\00:04:55.36
>> Wow. Five years.
00:04:55.36\00:04:56.22
That's a long time.
00:04:56.22\00:04:57.09
[MARLON] It is.
00:04:57.09\00:04:57.76
>> And what broke the silence?
00:04:57.76\00:04:59.63
>> We met up in college again,
00:04:59.63\00:05:02.20
decided to go back to college
00:05:02.20\00:05:03.67
the same place, same year.
00:05:03.67\00:05:06.10
And I saw him across the room
00:05:06.10\00:05:09.57
and I wanted to turn around
00:05:09.57\00:05:11.54
and just ignore him, but I knew
00:05:11.54\00:05:13.51
he saw me.
00:05:13.51\00:05:14.81
>> So I ran over and
00:05:14.81\00:05:16.28
I'm thinking, "Wow, this girl
00:05:16.28\00:05:17.91
has turned out pretty fine."
00:05:17.91\00:05:19.28
And I wanted to get
00:05:19.28\00:05:20.28
to talk to her.
00:05:20.28\00:05:21.25
So I ran over and talked to her,
00:05:21.25\00:05:22.25
and it was a brief comment, and
00:05:22.25\00:05:23.59
that's that's how we, I guess
00:05:23.59\00:05:24.85
our first time after seeing each
00:05:24.85\00:05:25.89
other in five years.
00:05:25.89\00:05:27.16
>> And I saw him, you know, over
00:05:27.16\00:05:28.59
that year of going to college
00:05:28.59\00:05:30.23
together, some on and off and
00:05:30.23\00:05:32.26
kind of saw the life he was
00:05:32.26\00:05:33.56
living and I thought, "Boy, this
00:05:33.56\00:05:36.03
boy needs Jesus..."
00:05:36.03\00:05:37.40
>> Mmm, I did.
00:05:37.40\00:05:38.37
>> ...because I could see that
00:05:38.37\00:05:40.97
he had lost his faith.
00:05:40.97\00:05:42.57
So I decided to invite him to
00:05:42.57\00:05:44.34
church activities.
00:05:44.34\00:05:45.74
He would say yes, but he
00:05:45.74\00:05:46.81
wouldn't show up.
00:05:46.81\00:05:48.38
I'd ask him again, same
00:05:48.38\00:05:50.05
scenario.
00:05:50.05\00:05:51.28
Then one time he showed up
00:05:51.28\00:05:53.55
and then he kept showing up
00:05:53.55\00:05:55.32
every time after
00:05:55.32\00:05:57.35
when I asked him.
00:05:57.35\00:05:58.95
And we just developed this
00:05:58.95\00:06:01.06
friendship over about a year.
00:06:01.06\00:06:03.32
That's kind of where we
00:06:03.32\00:06:04.96
started our friendship.
00:06:04.96\00:06:06.73
>> And people would ask us,
00:06:07.76\00:06:09.60
"Are you guys, are you seeing
00:06:09.60\00:06:10.80
each other?"
00:06:10.80\00:06:11.50
I said, "No, we're just
00:06:11.50\00:06:12.27
friends," right?
00:06:12.27\00:06:12.93
And that's- we were, just really
00:06:13.03\00:06:13.67
truly friends.
00:06:13.67\00:06:14.77
>> At the end of the school
00:06:14.77\00:06:15.80
year, I wanted to go visit a
00:06:15.80\00:06:17.74
university, Walla Walla
00:06:17.74\00:06:19.11
University in Washington,
00:06:19.11\00:06:21.08
because I was thinking of going
00:06:21.08\00:06:22.28
there for the next year.
00:06:22.28\00:06:24.15
So I invited him, "Would you
00:06:24.15\00:06:26.82
like to come?"
00:06:26.82\00:06:27.95
So we went and I visited a
00:06:27.95\00:06:30.15
friend that was going there,
00:06:30.15\00:06:31.59
and then we went through
00:06:31.59\00:06:33.05
a park that was really beautiful
00:06:33.05\00:06:35.16
in the afternoon.
00:06:35.16\00:06:36.56
>> As we're walking along, she
00:06:36.56\00:06:38.69
grabbed me and then she tackled
00:06:38.69\00:06:40.20
me to the ground, said,
00:06:40.20\00:06:40.96
"Are we gonna date or what?"
00:06:40.96\00:06:42.70
And I'm like, "Okay, just don't
00:06:43.53\00:06:45.27
hurt me. Let's date,"
00:06:45.27\00:06:46.57
and, you know.
00:06:46.57\00:06:47.34
So yeah, that's how we began our
00:06:47.34\00:06:48.34
dating, it was...
00:06:48.34\00:06:49.54
So she asked me this time, so
00:06:49.54\00:06:51.37
I didn't have to worry about
00:06:51.37\00:06:52.37
asking her, so...
00:06:52.37\00:06:53.64
>> Yeah, no rejection, hey?
00:06:53.64\00:06:55.01
>> No fear of rejection, yeah.
00:06:55.01\00:06:56.11
>> Yes, yeah.
00:06:56.11\00:06:57.28
>> And then how did the
00:06:57.28\00:06:58.61
relationship progress
00:06:58.61\00:07:00.28
from there?
00:07:00.28\00:07:01.35
[MARLIN] Hmmm...
00:07:01.35\00:07:02.25
>> Well, it happened pretty
00:07:02.25\00:07:03.28
quickly.
00:07:03.28\00:07:04.65
Within three months, he had
00:07:04.65\00:07:06.42
asked me to marry him.
00:07:06.42\00:07:08.42
So I didn't even really...
00:07:09.16\00:07:11.69
...feel like, "Oh, this wasn't
00:07:12.49\00:07:14.03
the man for me."
00:07:14.03\00:07:15.06
I really felt like he was the
00:07:15.06\00:07:16.67
man for me.
00:07:16.67\00:07:18.20
So I said yes.
00:07:18.20\00:07:20.17
And then about a year later, in
00:07:20.17\00:07:22.04
1989, we were married.
00:07:22.04\00:07:23.07
1989, we were married.
00:07:23.07\00:07:24.47
[RENÉ] And then,
00:07:25.74\00:07:26.94
Marlon and Doreen,
00:07:26.94\00:07:28.21
was it happy ever after?
00:07:28.21\00:07:30.55
>> It was at the beginning.
00:07:31.91\00:07:34.32
However, I have to be honest,
00:07:34.32\00:07:36.65
in the first year there were
00:07:36.65\00:07:39.19
some things that came up.
00:07:39.19\00:07:41.39
So we were on a two week
00:07:41.39\00:07:43.12
honeymoon that only lasted one
00:07:43.12\00:07:44.79
week because at the end of that
00:07:44.79\00:07:47.56
week, Marlon went to the ATM
00:07:47.56\00:07:49.40
machine to withdraw money
00:07:49.40\00:07:51.77
and he looked at his bank
00:07:51.77\00:07:52.97
account and he said, "Okay,
00:07:52.97\00:07:55.37
Honey, we need to go home."
00:07:55.37\00:07:56.81
I'm like, "What do you mean we
00:07:56.81\00:07:57.87
need to go home?
00:07:57.87\00:07:59.77
We have another week."
00:07:59.77\00:08:01.61
>> We just graduated from
00:08:01.61\00:08:03.38
university and we, you know, we
00:08:03.38\00:08:04.95
didn't have a lot of money, we
00:08:04.95\00:08:05.68
didn't have jobs, we didn't
00:08:05.68\00:08:06.51
really have a place to live.
00:08:06.51\00:08:07.35
So I started to feel already the
00:08:07.35\00:08:09.75
stress of, you know, having to
00:08:09.75\00:08:11.72
be responsible for my new bride.
00:08:11.72\00:08:13.49
And so I decided, you know,
00:08:13.49\00:08:14.82
maybe we should get home and go
00:08:14.82\00:08:16.73
find a job and start before our
00:08:16.73\00:08:18.43
money depletes.
00:08:18.43\00:08:19.09
So, yeah, I was getting a little
00:08:19.09\00:08:20.20
stressed and I said, "Yes, let's
00:08:20.20\00:08:21.46
cut our honeymoon."
00:08:21.46\00:08:22.23
[DOREEN] And I realized that for
00:08:22.23\00:08:24.53
him, changing plans spur of the
00:08:24.53\00:08:26.23
moment was great, but for me, I
00:08:26.23\00:08:28.20
was a planner.
00:08:28.20\00:08:29.80
So a lot of our conflict really
00:08:29.80\00:08:32.04
revolved around this, and we
00:08:32.04\00:08:34.81
weren't sure really how to
00:08:34.81\00:08:35.98
navigate through it.
00:08:35.98\00:08:38.18
So we were married for about 12
00:08:38.18\00:08:39.91
years, started a family,
00:08:39.91\00:08:43.12
and then shortly after that
00:08:43.12\00:08:44.99
we built a house on an acreage.
00:08:44.99\00:08:47.69
And we- his job was going really
00:08:47.69\00:08:50.53
well so I decided to stay home
00:08:50.53\00:08:53.29
and take care of the kids and
00:08:53.29\00:08:54.73
homeschool them.
00:08:54.73\00:08:56.60
And it was a really tough
00:08:56.60\00:08:58.20
transition for me to leave
00:08:58.20\00:09:00.40
career behind
00:09:00.40\00:09:02.57
and then move into family life,
00:09:02.57\00:09:04.97
because I kind of felt like,
00:09:04.97\00:09:06.34
"Oh, where was my self-worth?"
00:09:06.34\00:09:08.88
And this kind of came out in our
00:09:08.88\00:09:10.41
relationship and created some
00:09:10.41\00:09:12.08
tension because I no longer was
00:09:12.08\00:09:14.65
earning an income.
00:09:14.65\00:09:16.15
So what do I have
00:09:16.15\00:09:17.82
to bring to the table in our
00:09:17.82\00:09:19.35
relationship financially?
00:09:19.35\00:09:21.36
There was all these moments of
00:09:21.36\00:09:22.72
tension that kind of built up
00:09:22.72\00:09:24.76
over time, but we were so active
00:09:24.76\00:09:27.30
in the community doing health
00:09:27.30\00:09:29.90
and wellness seminars, active in
00:09:29.90\00:09:31.67
our church, and people often
00:09:31.67\00:09:33.84
described us as the perfect
00:09:33.84\00:09:36.40
power couple.
00:09:36.40\00:09:38.27
And they just looked at us like
00:09:38.27\00:09:40.08
everything was perfect for us.
00:09:40.08\00:09:42.64
But when we walked through the
00:09:42.64\00:09:44.31
doors of our home, life started
00:09:44.31\00:09:46.95
to change year after year.
00:09:46.95\00:09:49.55
>> As we started to disconnect,
00:09:49.55\00:09:50.72
we became more like roommates
00:09:50.72\00:09:52.19
than a married couple.
00:09:52.19\00:09:53.12
And, you know, it was- it
00:09:53.12\00:09:54.62
wasn't- there were some good
00:09:54.62\00:09:55.59
times, there were some
00:09:55.59\00:09:56.46
bad times.
00:09:56.46\00:09:57.79
But overall, we just started
00:09:57.79\00:09:58.99
drifting further and further
00:09:58.99\00:10:00.10
apart and just started
00:10:00.10\00:10:00.93
disconnecting and became busier
00:10:00.93\00:10:02.40
with church activities or
00:10:02.40\00:10:03.63
helping people and
00:10:03.63\00:10:05.07
just sports, different things.
00:10:05.07\00:10:07.04
And we just started really
00:10:07.04\00:10:08.77
disconnecting over time.
00:10:08.77\00:10:10.21
[DOREEN] Chores became
00:10:10.21\00:10:11.34
a conflict
00:10:11.34\00:10:12.77
in our family life.
00:10:12.77\00:10:14.91
And I just felt like
00:10:14.91\00:10:17.21
I wasn't being turned towards,
00:10:17.21\00:10:19.11
my bids to- for help.
00:10:19.11\00:10:21.75
My love language is acts of
00:10:21.75\00:10:23.02
service so if you do something
00:10:23.02\00:10:24.59
for me, well, I feel loved.
00:10:24.59\00:10:27.56
His was quality time and
00:10:27.56\00:10:29.82
physical touch.
00:10:29.82\00:10:30.83
So I was always saying, "Come
00:10:30.83\00:10:31.99
help me, come help me," and he
00:10:31.99\00:10:33.63
was bidding, "Come, let's slow
00:10:33.63\00:10:34.76
down, let's take time."
00:10:34.76\00:10:36.90
And we would just clash
00:10:36.90\00:10:38.67
in the midst of that.
00:10:38.67\00:10:40.77
So I just kept saying,
00:10:40.77\00:10:41.90
"Be a man of action."
00:10:41.90\00:10:42.90
The louder I got,
00:10:42.90\00:10:45.21
the more he withdrew.
00:10:45.21\00:10:47.44
>> Was there a breaking point
00:10:47.44\00:10:49.44
where you just felt like
00:10:49.44\00:10:50.48
giving up?
00:10:50.48\00:10:51.38
[DOREEN] There was.
00:10:51.38\00:10:52.48
In my mind, about every five
00:10:52.48\00:10:54.25
years I would rehearse in my
00:10:54.25\00:10:56.08
mind, why am I here?
00:10:56.08\00:10:57.69
Why am I doing this?
00:10:57.69\00:10:59.55
And at 24 years,
00:10:59.55\00:11:01.46
I just felt like
00:11:01.46\00:11:03.19
I was not being heard.
00:11:03.19\00:11:06.19
I wasn't being understood.
00:11:06.19\00:11:09.13
My desires and my needs
00:11:09.13\00:11:11.80
weren't really being seen.
00:11:11.80\00:11:13.97
They were just, you know, I
00:11:13.97\00:11:15.04
would speak them, it would
00:11:15.04\00:11:15.97
bounce off of him is how
00:11:15.97\00:11:17.37
I was feeling.
00:11:17.37\00:11:19.14
And, you know, we- it created a
00:11:19.14\00:11:21.51
lot of hurt in my heart.
00:11:21.51\00:11:24.15
One of my biggest needs
00:11:24.15\00:11:25.21
was travel.
00:11:25.21\00:11:26.18
I was that little girl who would
00:11:26.18\00:11:27.55
have the atlas on my lap, and I
00:11:27.55\00:11:29.62
would point to all the areas
00:11:29.62\00:11:30.92
that I wanted to travel.
00:11:30.92\00:11:33.05
And I would make the bid to
00:11:33.05\00:11:34.59
travel, but he would reject
00:11:34.59\00:11:37.26
the bid.
00:11:37.26\00:11:39.03
And, you know, then he would
00:11:39.03\00:11:40.36
make bids for me, "Let's spend
00:11:40.36\00:11:42.00
some time.
00:11:42.00\00:11:43.00
Let's forget about the work."
00:11:43.00\00:11:44.83
And I would reject his bid.
00:11:44.83\00:11:47.64
And it just eventually put such
00:11:47.64\00:11:49.74
a wedge into our marriage that
00:11:49.74\00:11:52.71
we just, all we saw was a chasm,
00:11:52.71\00:11:55.08
and we didn't know how to get
00:11:55.08\00:11:56.14
across to each other.
00:11:56.14\00:11:57.51
[MARLON] We just became into a
00:11:57.51\00:11:58.78
negative perspective.
00:11:58.78\00:11:59.95
It just became- the wedge grew
00:11:59.95\00:12:02.02
bigger and bigger and
00:12:02.02\00:12:03.59
even though I didn't think
00:12:03.59\00:12:04.55
of ending the relationship,
00:12:04.55\00:12:06.55
I wasn't being fulfilled or I
00:12:06.55\00:12:07.69
said, "Ugh, she doesn't really
00:12:07.69\00:12:08.69
love me," and I felt, you know,
00:12:08.69\00:12:10.33
the rejection kept on getting
00:12:10.33\00:12:11.36
stronger and stronger.
00:12:11.36\00:12:12.49
But, you know, for better or for
00:12:12.49\00:12:14.20
worse, so I was in it for the
00:12:14.20\00:12:15.96
long haul and committed
00:12:15.96\00:12:17.47
even though I wasn't
00:12:17.47\00:12:18.33
necessarily happy.
00:12:18.33\00:12:19.17
[MIKE] Mm-hmm.
00:12:19.17\00:12:20.14
>> Yeah, one morning at about
00:12:20.14\00:12:21.34
2 a.m., I noticed that
00:12:21.34\00:12:24.04
Doreen wasn't in bed.
00:12:24.04\00:12:25.37
She was up.
00:12:25.37\00:12:26.37
So I went down to find her.
00:12:26.37\00:12:27.61
She was downstairs and
00:12:27.61\00:12:29.04
came downstairs and she was on
00:12:29.04\00:12:30.41
her computer, and I was saying,
00:12:30.41\00:12:31.68
"Honey, is there anything wrong?
00:12:31.68\00:12:33.35
What- you're not sleeping well."
00:12:33.35\00:12:35.12
>> Yeah, this was my opportunity
00:12:35.12\00:12:36.55
to finally tell him I was done.
00:12:36.55\00:12:38.85
So I said to him, "I want a
00:12:38.85\00:12:40.52
divorce.
00:12:40.52\00:12:41.82
I'm done."
00:12:41.82\00:12:43.66
So I went on to explain
00:12:43.66\00:12:46.43
that I had booked my flight
00:12:46.43\00:12:48.06
to Florida.
00:12:48.06\00:12:49.86
You know, I love travel.
00:12:49.86\00:12:52.20
And so, of course, where would
00:12:52.20\00:12:53.97
I go?
00:12:53.97\00:12:54.87
I would go someplace warm where
00:12:54.87\00:12:56.30
I wanted to be.
00:12:56.30\00:12:58.01
And I had enrolled in school
00:12:58.01\00:13:00.24
because I needed to change my
00:13:00.24\00:13:01.64
career, I needed to be able to
00:13:01.64\00:13:03.68
earn enough money.
00:13:03.68\00:13:04.61
So I was going into massage
00:13:04.61\00:13:06.28
therapy and making plans for the
00:13:06.28\00:13:08.78
children to come live with me.
00:13:08.78\00:13:11.05
>> So I was kind of blindsided.
00:13:11.05\00:13:12.79
I knew things, you know, we had
00:13:12.79\00:13:13.89
our problems, I wasn't thinking
00:13:13.89\00:13:15.66
divorce, so I was...
00:13:15.66\00:13:16.93
...I was shocked.
00:13:17.49\00:13:18.46
And I pleaded with her, you
00:13:18.46\00:13:20.20
know, "Please stay, Honey,"
00:13:20.20\00:13:21.30
and, you know,
00:13:21.30\00:13:22.60
"We can make this work.
00:13:22.60\00:13:23.60
We'll go to another course,
00:13:23.60\00:13:24.53
right, we can go see Mike and
00:13:24.53\00:13:25.67
René Lemon and...
00:13:25.67\00:13:26.97
We'll go to another course or
00:13:26.97\00:13:28.07
do, you know, Procedure for Love
00:13:28.07\00:13:29.14
course, or do something or take
00:13:29.14\00:13:30.37
a video or go to counselling.
00:13:30.37\00:13:31.37
There's just- we can make this
00:13:31.37\00:13:32.07
work, right.
00:13:32.07\00:13:32.87
It's, you know, what about the
00:13:32.87\00:13:33.84
kids and...
00:13:33.84\00:13:34.84
And she was pretty...
00:13:34.84\00:13:36.14
When Doreen makes up her mind,
00:13:36.14\00:13:37.98
she's made up her mind.
00:13:37.98\00:13:39.11
And I couldn't convince her
00:13:39.11\00:13:40.38
as much as I, you know, tried to
00:13:40.38\00:13:41.92
plead with her, so...
00:13:41.92\00:13:43.02
At that point, I was actually
00:13:43.02\00:13:44.85
going through Crohn's disease,
00:13:44.85\00:13:46.15
I'd been diagnosed the year
00:13:46.15\00:13:47.16
before, so I was actually having
00:13:47.16\00:13:48.69
some health consequences
00:13:48.69\00:13:50.43
and I lost a lot of weight,
00:13:50.43\00:13:51.63
so I wasn't feeling well
00:13:51.63\00:13:52.73
at that time.
00:13:52.73\00:13:54.30
So, you know, this whole
00:13:54.30\00:13:55.66
process, I was really- I fell
00:13:55.66\00:13:57.23
into a deep state of depression.
00:13:57.23\00:13:59.23
And, there was, for several,
00:13:59.23\00:14:01.94
it was one or two months where
00:14:01.94\00:14:03.37
I remember just going to work.
00:14:03.37\00:14:05.41
I'd drive to work
00:14:05.41\00:14:06.74
and I'd get to work,
00:14:06.74\00:14:07.94
I would open my office door,
00:14:07.94\00:14:09.64
and then I would close my
00:14:09.64\00:14:11.18
office door and sit in front o-
00:14:11.18\00:14:12.38
turn my computer on and stare
00:14:12.38\00:14:13.65
for eight hours at my screen,
00:14:13.65\00:14:15.28
not being able to focus, not
00:14:15.28\00:14:16.58
being able to think, not being
00:14:16.58\00:14:17.65
able to concentrate and just
00:14:17.65\00:14:19.19
thinking, "I have no hope.
00:14:19.19\00:14:21.56
I have no life.
00:14:21.56\00:14:22.59
My wife is gone.
00:14:22.59\00:14:23.73
My health is gone.
00:14:23.73\00:14:25.26
My career was gonna
00:14:25.26\00:14:26.80
come to an end.
00:14:26.80\00:14:27.60
They had actually just given us
00:14:27.60\00:14:28.40
notice that we were bought out
00:14:28.40\00:14:29.30
by another corporation so I was
00:14:29.30\00:14:30.77
possibly losing my job.
00:14:30.77\00:14:32.57
So I just felt hopeless,
00:14:32.57\00:14:34.07
despair.
00:14:34.07\00:14:34.94
And I'm just, yeah, I broke
00:14:34.94\00:14:37.41
really hard and fell into really
00:14:37.41\00:14:39.67
deep state of depression.
00:14:39.67\00:14:41.14
And that month, I don't even
00:14:41.14\00:14:43.45
remember hardly anything
00:14:43.45\00:14:44.51
about it.
00:14:44.51\00:14:45.28
I just remember feeling hopeless
00:14:45.28\00:14:46.48
and no hope.
00:14:46.48\00:14:47.82
>> So you were feeling hopeless.
00:14:47.82\00:14:49.25
What brought you out of that
00:14:49.25\00:14:51.49
and kind of woke you up and
00:14:51.49\00:14:52.59
said, "Hey, I gotta work on
00:14:52.59\00:14:53.86
this, I've got to do something
00:14:53.86\00:14:55.36
about it?"
00:14:55.36\00:14:56.49
[MARLON] Right.
00:14:56.49\00:14:57.46
Yeah, one morning I was getting
00:14:57.46\00:14:58.43
up to make waffles and went to
00:14:58.43\00:14:59.89
get my children, and my daughter
00:14:59.89\00:15:01.26
was missing.
00:15:01.26\00:15:02.26
And we lived on an acreage, so I
00:15:02.26\00:15:03.30
thought, "Oh no, what happened?"
00:15:03.30\00:15:04.67
So I went outside, I was looking
00:15:04.67\00:15:06.10
around for my daughter, and I
00:15:06.10\00:15:07.27
found her on the stairs.
00:15:07.27\00:15:08.80
And she was she was weeping.
00:15:08.80\00:15:10.24
She was just sobbing and taking
00:15:10.24\00:15:11.71
these deep breaths and she
00:15:11.71\00:15:12.64
finally spit it out and said,
00:15:12.64\00:15:14.31
"Daddy, why doesn't Mommy love
00:15:14.31\00:15:16.75
you anymore?"
00:15:16.75\00:15:17.98
And that broke my heart.
00:15:18.88\00:15:20.18
That was the first time it
00:15:20.18\00:15:21.15
kind of [snaps fingers]
00:15:21.15\00:15:21.98
snapped me out of that
00:15:21.98\00:15:23.45
daze or that fog or that...
00:15:23.45\00:15:25.05
And I- we just wept together.
00:15:25.05\00:15:26.22
And I said, you know,
00:15:26.22\00:15:27.42
"I don't know."
00:15:27.42\00:15:28.76
It triggered me.
00:15:29.46\00:15:30.46
After we got up and had
00:15:30.46\00:15:31.59
breakfast, I went down to my
00:15:31.59\00:15:32.76
office and I just started
00:15:32.76\00:15:34.93
praying, "Lord, what is
00:15:34.93\00:15:36.36
happening?" and you know, "Why
00:15:36.36\00:15:37.97
doesn't my wife love me?
00:15:37.97\00:15:39.23
Show me."
00:15:39.23\00:15:40.24
And, at that point, He led me to
00:15:40.24\00:15:42.64
three scriptures that I
00:15:42.64\00:15:44.97
started reading.
00:15:44.97\00:15:46.31
And the first one was the Love
00:15:46.31\00:15:47.58
Chapter, right, I Corinthians
00:15:47.58\00:15:49.51
13, you know, verses 4 through
00:15:49.51\00:15:51.75
7, you know, "Love is patient,
00:15:51.75\00:15:53.31
love is kind..."
00:15:53.31\00:15:54.58
And I'm reading through that
00:15:54.58\00:15:56.45
and a lot of times we don't read
00:15:56.45\00:15:58.72
verse 8, "Love never
00:15:58.72\00:16:01.36
fails."
00:16:01.36\00:16:02.39
And I said, "That's not true,
00:16:02.39\00:16:04.26
God, love fails.
00:16:04.26\00:16:06.19
Look at my marriage."
00:16:06.19\00:16:07.56
Everybody around us was getting
00:16:07.56\00:16:08.70
divorced and I just didn't see
00:16:08.70\00:16:10.50
an example of love.
00:16:10.50\00:16:12.13
So I said, "Yeah, love fails."
00:16:12.13\00:16:14.14
And, you know, that quiet,
00:16:14.14\00:16:15.24
still, small voice when God
00:16:15.24\00:16:16.47
speaks to us, He says, "Marlon,
00:16:16.47\00:16:19.17
My love doesn't fail.
00:16:19.17\00:16:21.68
Your love failed.
00:16:21.68\00:16:24.11
Go back and read it again.
00:16:24.11\00:16:25.91
You know, "Love is patient.
00:16:25.91\00:16:27.62
Love is kind..."
00:16:27.62\00:16:28.75
"Marlon, were you always patient
00:16:28.75\00:16:30.15
with Doreen?"
00:16:30.15\00:16:31.42
"Mmm, okay, Lord, maybe a
00:16:31.42\00:16:33.66
six out of ten."
00:16:33.66\00:16:35.19
"Were you always kind
00:16:35.19\00:16:36.83
to Doreen?"
00:16:36.83\00:16:38.13
"Ugh, you know, okay..."
00:16:38.13\00:16:39.96
So as I started reading through
00:16:39.96\00:16:41.03
each one and I came to, you
00:16:41.03\00:16:43.33
know, "Love is not
00:16:43.33\00:16:44.33
self-seeking."
00:16:44.33\00:16:46.10
I thought, "Oh man," I realized
00:16:46.10\00:16:47.74
I had been selfish.
00:16:47.74\00:16:49.54
You know, sometimes we
00:16:49.54\00:16:51.27
want to be loved,
00:16:51.27\00:16:53.51
not to love.
00:16:53.51\00:16:55.38
And as I keep reading through
00:16:55.38\00:16:56.51
that, I think I understand,
00:16:56.51\00:16:58.31
I have not been loving my wife.
00:16:58.31\00:17:00.32
And as I was reading Ephesians
00:17:00.32\00:17:01.78
5:25, it just says...
00:17:01.78\00:17:04.09
A life of giving,
00:17:11.09\00:17:13.09
not getting.
00:17:13.09\00:17:14.56
You know, as I read that, again,
00:17:14.56\00:17:16.73
I had not loved my wife as
00:17:16.73\00:17:18.17
Christ loved the church, and it
00:17:18.17\00:17:20.07
was about getting, not giving.
00:17:20.07\00:17:21.84
So again, it reminded me that
00:17:21.84\00:17:23.04
love is about giving.
00:17:23.04\00:17:24.14
And that's where I first started
00:17:24.14\00:17:24.97
to, "Okay, Lord..."
00:17:24.97\00:17:26.47
I started to understand the
00:17:26.47\00:17:27.68
concept of what real love is,
00:17:27.68\00:17:29.38
is I give 100% not expecting
00:17:29.38\00:17:32.01
anything in return.
00:17:32.01\00:17:33.55
At that point, you know, I
00:17:33.55\00:17:34.82
decided to pursue love.
00:17:34.82\00:17:36.05
Verse 14, er, chapter 14,
00:17:36.05\00:17:38.15
verse one goes on, you know,
00:17:38.15\00:17:39.92
"Pursue love."
00:17:39.92\00:17:41.89
And I made that point in that
00:17:41.89\00:17:43.09
decision at that time, "I'm
00:17:43.09\00:17:44.76
gonna pursue love, I'm gonna
00:17:44.76\00:17:45.73
pursue my wife."
00:17:45.73\00:17:47.13
And I went to Google and I typed
00:17:47.13\00:17:48.73
in, you know, the next step, you
00:17:48.73\00:17:49.83
know, like all men do, "How to
00:17:49.83\00:17:50.83
get your wife back."
00:17:50.83\00:17:52.27
And amazingly, I actually came
00:17:52.27\00:17:53.54
across an ad that says,
00:17:53.54\00:17:55.44
you know, "How to get your
00:17:55.44\00:17:56.27
wife back."
00:17:56.27\00:17:57.07
And, so I signed up to the
00:17:57.07\00:17:59.31
program and I reached out, it
00:17:59.31\00:18:01.08
was a program down in Weimar,
00:18:01.08\00:18:02.88
California, Dr. Nedley, a
00:18:02.88\00:18:04.55
depression and anxiety program.
00:18:04.55\00:18:06.08
But at the time, I didn't
00:18:06.08\00:18:06.88
realize it was strictly for
00:18:06.88\00:18:09.15
depression, anxiety.
00:18:09.15\00:18:10.19
At that time, I thought it was
00:18:10.19\00:18:11.42
for getting your wife back,
00:18:11.42\00:18:13.09
a relationship program.
00:18:13.09\00:18:14.09
So I invited my wife to attend
00:18:14.09\00:18:16.46
and she said no.
00:18:16.46\00:18:18.43
I asked three times and finally
00:18:18.43\00:18:19.59
she said, "If you're gonna pay
00:18:19.59\00:18:20.96
for it, I've always wanted to go
00:18:20.96\00:18:22.23
there and check it out anyways.
00:18:22.23\00:18:23.63
So yeah, I'll come."
00:18:23.63\00:18:25.17
You know, after we got there,
00:18:25.17\00:18:27.00
she realized she made a mistake
00:18:27.00\00:18:28.44
because it was like boot camp.
00:18:28.44\00:18:29.50
They took our cell phones, our
00:18:29.50\00:18:30.94
computers, and she gets to the
00:18:30.94\00:18:32.71
room, it was one bed and she
00:18:32.71\00:18:33.91
says, "Okay, this is not good."
00:18:33.91\00:18:36.08
And during that time,
00:18:36.08\00:18:38.01
you know, I began to
00:18:38.01\00:18:40.22
exercise three hours per day.
00:18:40.22\00:18:43.32
I began doing hot and cold
00:18:43.32\00:18:44.95
therapy.
00:18:44.95\00:18:45.89
I began doing psychotherapy.
00:18:45.89\00:18:48.76
And we were talking to
00:18:48.76\00:18:49.86
me counselings, and
00:18:49.86\00:18:50.79
read a book that I fell in love
00:18:50.79\00:18:52.39
with was Telling Yourself the
00:18:52.39\00:18:54.00
Truth by William Backus.
00:18:54.00\00:18:55.66
And as I started, you know,
00:18:55.66\00:18:57.67
healing physically,
00:18:57.67\00:18:59.87
spiritually, emotionally,
00:18:59.87\00:19:02.84
and I started to become,
00:19:02.84\00:19:04.54
you know, healthier,
00:19:04.54\00:19:06.01
all of a sudden that depression,
00:19:06.01\00:19:07.74
by the end of that ten days,
00:19:07.74\00:19:09.78
my depression had lifted
00:19:09.78\00:19:12.05
and I was back to myself.
00:19:12.05\00:19:14.22
And now I can start focusing on
00:19:14.22\00:19:15.82
not instead of getting what I
00:19:15.82\00:19:18.25
needed, I was actually to give
00:19:18.25\00:19:20.36
what my wife needed.
00:19:20.36\00:19:21.32
That was the first time I
00:19:21.32\00:19:22.29
learned that concept, and then
00:19:22.29\00:19:23.43
I learned that I could actually
00:19:23.43\00:19:24.33
manage and regulate my emotions
00:19:24.33\00:19:26.26
and not allow my emotions to
00:19:26.26\00:19:27.66
drive my behaviours.
00:19:27.66\00:19:29.43
>> This is something that I was
00:19:29.43\00:19:31.73
not used to, and it kind of
00:19:31.73\00:19:33.84
scared me because he was
00:19:33.84\00:19:35.47
becoming the man that I wanted
00:19:35.47\00:19:38.51
in my life.
00:19:38.51\00:19:40.11
He was pursuing me, he was
00:19:40.11\00:19:41.81
listening, all of my bids
00:19:41.81\00:19:43.41
weren't bouncing off of him
00:19:43.41\00:19:44.71
anymore, he was doing the things
00:19:44.71\00:19:46.61
I was wanting him to do.
00:19:46.61\00:19:48.48
He even was
00:19:48.48\00:19:50.45
entertaining going to do some
00:19:50.45\00:19:52.35
travelling, which shocked me.
00:19:52.35\00:19:54.46
So I just- but he kept
00:19:55.29\00:19:57.63
pursuing me, and
00:19:57.63\00:19:59.19
for a time,
00:19:59.19\00:20:00.96
I just kept pushing back
00:20:00.96\00:20:02.70
because I was doing everything
00:20:02.70\00:20:04.47
to leave the relationship,
00:20:04.47\00:20:06.87
not to stay in it.
00:20:06.87\00:20:08.64
All of this because at this
00:20:08.64\00:20:10.37
point I had come home
00:20:10.37\00:20:12.51
because our son had gotten sick.
00:20:12.51\00:20:15.58
And I was only in Florida for a
00:20:15.58\00:20:17.31
month and I just couldn't
00:20:17.31\00:20:19.38
be away.
00:20:19.38\00:20:20.58
So I came home.
00:20:20.58\00:20:21.75
We were now back into the same
00:20:21.75\00:20:23.59
house together.
00:20:23.59\00:20:24.99
I was living downstairs,
00:20:24.99\00:20:26.22
he was upstairs
00:20:26.22\00:20:27.96
and he was changing,
00:20:27.96\00:20:30.16
and it actually made me more
00:20:30.16\00:20:31.39
angry because I didn't want
00:20:31.39\00:20:34.30
him to love me.
00:20:34.30\00:20:36.06
>> So, Doreen, what do you think
00:20:36.06\00:20:38.03
held you back?
00:20:38.03\00:20:39.50
>> I was so fearful nothing was
00:20:39.50\00:20:41.90
going to change.
00:20:41.90\00:20:43.41
Because we had gone to marriage
00:20:43.41\00:20:45.07
seminars, we had done all of
00:20:45.07\00:20:47.21
these things to try and enrich
00:20:47.21\00:20:48.98
our marriage.
00:20:48.98\00:20:50.28
It would last for two weeks and
00:20:50.28\00:20:51.48
we'd go right back to the
00:20:51.48\00:20:53.05
way it was.
00:20:53.05\00:20:54.72
And of course, I'm blaming him
00:20:54.72\00:20:56.92
for my grief
00:20:56.92\00:20:58.35
within the marriage.
00:20:58.35\00:21:00.39
So I was just in this
00:21:00.39\00:21:02.49
blame mode.
00:21:02.49\00:21:03.56
"If you would change, if you
00:21:03.56\00:21:04.73
would do this..." not looking at
00:21:04.73\00:21:07.30
myself and my part to play.
00:21:07.30\00:21:09.13
[MARLON] And I was blaming her
00:21:09.13\00:21:10.30
for all those 24 years, it was
00:21:10.30\00:21:11.57
all her fault.
00:21:11.57\00:21:12.27
If she would just change.
00:21:12.27\00:21:13.54
If we could just take her to
00:21:13.54\00:21:14.54
some program that would fix her
00:21:14.54\00:21:15.67
then everything would be better,
00:21:15.67\00:21:16.50
right?
00:21:16.50\00:21:17.14
So that was in our mindset.
00:21:17.14\00:21:18.24
We- kind of that "You're the
00:21:18.24\00:21:19.74
problem."
00:21:19.74\00:21:20.54
>> Yes, but as I saw him taking
00:21:20.54\00:21:22.78
100% responsibility for his part
00:21:22.78\00:21:25.41
to play in our marriage, over
00:21:25.41\00:21:27.42
time it softened me
00:21:27.42\00:21:29.62
and my heart.
00:21:29.62\00:21:31.22
And I had a very close friend
00:21:31.22\00:21:32.95
who was going through a divorce
00:21:32.95\00:21:34.32
at the time who was saying to
00:21:34.32\00:21:36.26
me, "Doreen, do you really
00:21:36.26\00:21:38.06
want this?
00:21:38.06\00:21:39.09
Your husband is pursuing you.
00:21:39.09\00:21:41.33
He wants you back in your life
00:21:41.33\00:21:43.10
and he's changing.
00:21:43.10\00:21:44.17
He's being the man you always
00:21:44.17\00:21:45.30
wanted him to be.
00:21:45.30\00:21:46.53
Do you really wanna do this?"
00:21:46.53\00:21:48.74
So I feel like God was
00:21:48.74\00:21:50.04
using her
00:21:50.04\00:21:52.04
to really get me to think.
00:21:52.04\00:21:54.68
And then one day I chose.
00:21:54.68\00:21:57.68
I said to my husband, "I choose
00:21:57.68\00:21:59.88
to love you."
00:21:59.88\00:22:01.32
>> Amen!
00:22:01.32\00:22:02.15
[Mike chuckles]
00:22:02.15\00:22:03.82
>> But then I said, "I don't
00:22:03.82\00:22:05.32
know what that looks like,
00:22:05.32\00:22:07.79
but I'm just making the choice.
00:22:07.79\00:22:10.86
So don't get too excited
00:22:10.86\00:22:12.73
because I'm not sure what this
00:22:12.73\00:22:14.56
is gonna look like."
00:22:14.56\00:22:16.73
So over time, probably about
00:22:16.73\00:22:19.37
six months of time,
00:22:19.37\00:22:21.84
I started to warm up
00:22:21.84\00:22:24.64
to this man who was being
00:22:24.64\00:22:26.61
who I needed him to be.
00:22:26.61\00:22:28.31
And he's still the same man
00:22:28.31\00:22:29.61
today, 11 years later.
00:22:29.61\00:22:31.95
And it's just been such
00:22:33.18\00:22:35.15
an amazing transformation.
00:22:35.15\00:22:37.59
And we often say that it only
00:22:37.59\00:22:39.52
takes one person to save a
00:22:39.52\00:22:41.39
marriage.
00:22:41.39\00:22:42.39
Marlon decided he wanted to save
00:22:43.06\00:22:44.93
the marriage.
00:22:44.93\00:22:46.09
And we often say that
00:22:46.63\00:22:48.03
you can't change anyone,
00:22:48.03\00:22:51.03
but he changed me.
00:22:51.03\00:22:53.30
His love changed me,
00:22:53.30\00:22:55.84
changed my heart to be able to
00:22:55.84\00:22:57.91
love him back fully.
00:22:57.91\00:22:59.51
>> Yes, and this is during the
00:23:00.84\00:23:02.84
time of our 25th anniversary,
00:23:02.84\00:23:04.58
time of our 25th anniversary,
00:23:04.58\00:23:05.18
had come and gone.
00:23:05.18\00:23:07.18
[DOREEN] So it was maybe two
00:23:07.18\00:23:08.88
months after that, beyond our
00:23:08.88\00:23:11.29
25th anniversary date,
00:23:11.29\00:23:14.02
that I realized I had fallen
00:23:14.02\00:23:15.92
head over heels in love
00:23:15.92\00:23:18.19
with my husband again,
00:23:18.19\00:23:19.46
more than I loved him before.
00:23:19.46\00:23:21.96
I had not experienced this kind
00:23:22.96\00:23:24.80
of love.
00:23:24.80\00:23:26.00
And I said to him as he was
00:23:26.94\00:23:28.24
leaving for work that morning,
00:23:28.24\00:23:31.24
I said, "Honey, I love you."
00:23:31.24\00:23:33.91
[MIKE] So you found
00:23:34.51\00:23:36.04
help on Google
00:23:36.04\00:23:37.88
and you got your wife back.
00:23:37.88\00:23:39.71
>> Yes, I did.
00:23:39.71\00:23:40.95
And actually, about six, seven
00:23:40.95\00:23:43.08
years ago, Dr. Neil Nedley, the
00:23:43.08\00:23:44.62
director of the program, had
00:23:44.62\00:23:45.69
called us and asked if we would
00:23:45.69\00:23:46.99
give our testimony at an EQ
00:23:46.99\00:23:49.36
Summit on marriage and
00:23:49.36\00:23:50.69
sex that year.
00:23:50.69\00:23:51.53
And so we first said no, because
00:23:51.53\00:23:53.06
we didn't really want to talk
00:23:53.06\00:23:54.00
about, you know...
00:23:54.00\00:23:55.43
>> Our mess.
00:23:55.43\00:23:56.03
>> ...our failed marriage
00:23:56.03\00:23:56.67
and our mess.
00:23:56.67\00:23:57.27
We kind of had got over and we
00:23:57.37\00:23:58.27
were having, you know, we've
00:23:58.27\00:23:59.57
been on a honeymoon for the last
00:23:59.57\00:24:00.67
10, 11 years since we repaired.
00:24:00.67\00:24:02.07
So it's like, we don't wanna
00:24:02.07\00:24:03.10
bring that up and talk about it.
00:24:03.10\00:24:04.34
But he encouraged us, called us
00:24:04.34\00:24:05.84
back a couple times.
00:24:05.84\00:24:06.84
He said, you know, "I strongly
00:24:06.84\00:24:07.91
recommend it.
00:24:07.91\00:24:08.61
Please come down.
00:24:08.61\00:24:09.38
I think your testimony could
00:24:09.38\00:24:10.65
help people."
00:24:10.65\00:24:11.75
So we finally, we said yes and
00:24:11.75\00:24:13.11
we went down there.
00:24:13.11\00:24:13.95
In the middle of the interview,
00:24:13.95\00:24:15.22
Dr. Nedley is asking us,
00:24:15.22\00:24:16.22
"So what made you choose to come
00:24:16.22\00:24:18.09
to a depression and anxiety
00:24:18.09\00:24:19.62
program to repair your
00:24:19.62\00:24:20.59
marriage?"
00:24:20.59\00:24:21.66
And at that point I said, "Well,
00:24:21.66\00:24:22.99
because you're ad, you know,
00:24:22.99\00:24:24.63
'How to get your wife back.'"
00:24:24.63\00:24:26.13
And he said, "We've never run
00:24:26.13\00:24:27.76
that ad.
00:24:27.76\00:24:28.36
We've never had an ad saying
00:24:28.36\00:24:29.83
"How to get your wife back."
00:24:29.83\00:24:30.83
It was "How to get your
00:24:30.83\00:24:32.23
life back."
00:24:32.23\00:24:33.77
You know, and as I got my life
00:24:33.77\00:24:35.74
back, I did get my wife back.
00:24:35.74\00:24:37.37
back, I did get my wife back.
00:24:37.37\00:24:38.41
[DOREEN] Yes.
00:24:38.41\00:24:39.61
[RENÉ] But that's amazing,
00:24:39.61\00:24:40.84
though, Marlon, because when you
00:24:40.84\00:24:42.88
looked on the computer, you saw
00:24:42.88\00:24:45.61
"How to get your wife back."
00:24:45.61\00:24:47.62
[MARLON] Yes.
00:24:47.62\00:24:48.28
>> And so God had changed that,
00:24:48.28\00:24:50.82
"L" to look like a "W..."
00:24:50.82\00:24:53.12
[MARLON] Yes, I believe He did.
00:24:53.12\00:24:54.22
[RENÉ] ...for you, right?
00:24:54.22\00:24:54.99
>> Yes, otherwise I wouldn't
00:24:54.99\00:24:55.86
have gone.
00:24:55.86\00:24:56.56
[RENÉ] Exactly, exactly. Wow.
00:24:56.56\00:24:58.99
We- God is awesome.
00:24:58.99\00:25:01.40
>> God is amazing, yes.
00:25:01.40\00:25:02.93
>> So we've come to the end of
00:25:03.57\00:25:04.93
our time together,
00:25:04.93\00:25:05.90
Marlon and Doreen.
00:25:05.90\00:25:06.90
I wonder if you could pray for
00:25:06.90\00:25:08.20
our viewers.
00:25:08.20\00:25:08.84
Maybe there's someone who is
00:25:08.84\00:25:09.94
struggling and saying, you know,
00:25:09.94\00:25:11.91
"I want what they've got."
00:25:11.91\00:25:13.68
Maybe they're going through this
00:25:14.54\00:25:16.08
right now.
00:25:16.08\00:25:16.88
Maybe they're like, feeling like
00:25:16.88\00:25:18.58
it's done, like it's
00:25:18.58\00:25:20.88
no more.
00:25:20.88\00:25:21.88
There's no more help.
00:25:21.88\00:25:23.62
But pray for them
00:25:23.62\00:25:25.82
that they can see
00:25:25.82\00:25:27.26
that there's still hope,
00:25:27.26\00:25:29.16
even when it seems like
00:25:29.16\00:25:30.33
it's hopeless.
00:25:30.33\00:25:31.29
>> Yes, He can take our ashes
00:25:31.29\00:25:32.93
and turn them into beauty
00:25:32.93\00:25:34.30
as we did in our relationship.
00:25:34.30\00:25:35.86
So sure.
00:25:35.86\00:25:36.80
Let's pray.
00:25:36.80\00:25:37.80
Dear Heavenly Father,
00:25:38.33\00:25:39.63
we just want to thank You for
00:25:39.63\00:25:41.94
the gift of marriage.
00:25:41.94\00:25:43.91
We wanna thank You for
00:25:43.94\00:25:45.84
the gift of wives and husbands
00:25:45.84\00:25:47.58
in that relationship that You've
00:25:47.58\00:25:48.84
provided for us.
00:25:48.84\00:25:50.31
Lord, we know there's many
00:25:50.31\00:25:51.38
couples that are hurting, and
00:25:51.38\00:25:53.05
they maybe are roommates
00:25:53.05\00:25:54.88
that have not experiencing the
00:25:54.88\00:25:57.19
joy and the peace and love that
00:25:57.19\00:25:59.62
You designed for them, Lord.
00:25:59.62\00:26:01.22
So whatever stage the
00:26:01.22\00:26:02.39
relationships are, if You're
00:26:02.39\00:26:03.66
listening, we just want to pray
00:26:03.66\00:26:05.66
that You give you hope and
00:26:05.66\00:26:07.30
courage, that all things are
00:26:07.30\00:26:08.96
possible, that You can restore.
00:26:08.96\00:26:11.63
[DOREEN] Heavenly Father,
00:26:11.63\00:26:13.44
Lord, love is such a gift.
00:26:13.44\00:26:15.84
And we just thank You that when
00:26:16.84\00:26:18.27
we embrace that gift, that
00:26:18.27\00:26:19.47
we embrace that gift, that
00:26:19.47\00:26:21.28
changes happen in our marriage.
00:26:21.28\00:26:23.48
And we thank You for the gift of
00:26:24.21\00:26:25.71
restoration, which is really
00:26:25.71\00:26:26.35
restoration, which is really
00:26:26.35\00:26:28.18
what You're all about.
00:26:28.18\00:26:29.52
Amen.
00:26:29.52\00:26:30.29
[MIKE & RENE] Amen.
00:26:30.29\00:26:31.42
>> Marlon and Doreen, thank you
00:26:33.72\00:26:35.32
so much for joining us on
00:26:35.32\00:26:37.33
It Is Written Canada today.
00:26:37.33\00:26:39.56
>> Thank you for the invitation.
00:26:39.56\00:26:40.73
>> Yes, thank you.
00:26:40.73\00:26:41.90
>> Marlon and Doreen honestly
00:26:43.13\00:26:45.10
shared how they experience the
00:26:45.10\00:26:47.24
frustrations of a lonely,
00:26:47.24\00:26:49.37
disconnected marriage with the
00:26:49.37\00:26:51.27
ongoing feelings of
00:26:51.27\00:26:53.17
hopelessness.
00:26:53.17\00:26:54.78
>> The good news is that they
00:26:54.78\00:26:56.64
also revealed how it's never too
00:26:56.64\00:26:59.05
late to experience restoration
00:26:59.05\00:27:02.02
and happiness, even when their
00:27:02.02\00:27:04.39
marriage looked hopeless
00:27:04.39\00:27:06.29
and helpless.
00:27:06.29\00:27:07.89
>> The title of our free offer
00:27:07.89\00:27:09.52
for you is How to Love
00:27:09.52\00:27:12.23
Your Marriage.
00:27:12.23\00:27:14.03
>> If you're looking for
00:27:14.03\00:27:15.43
meaningful solutions, How to
00:27:15.43\00:27:17.93
Love Your Marriage offers
00:27:17.93\00:27:19.60
biblical answers and practical
00:27:19.60\00:27:22.47
tips for improving your
00:27:22.47\00:27:24.84
marriage.
00:27:24.84\00:27:26.01
Learn how to reclaim intimacy
00:27:26.68\00:27:29.44
with your spouse and ten ways to
00:27:29.44\00:27:32.21
renew your marital happiness.
00:27:32.21\00:27:35.42
>> Before you go, we would like
00:27:36.28\00:27:38.35
to thank all of you who have
00:27:38.35\00:27:40.12
supported the ministry of It Is
00:27:40.12\00:27:41.52
Written Canada with your prayers
00:27:41.52\00:27:43.63
and financial contributions.
00:27:43.63\00:27:46.16
Without your support, this
00:27:46.16\00:27:47.96
television ministry could not
00:27:47.96\00:27:50.03
have reached so many people
00:27:50.03\00:27:52.53
for so many decades.
00:27:52.53\00:27:54.67
>> Yes, thank you.
00:27:54.67\00:27:57.01
And we would also like to invite
00:27:57.01\00:27:58.97
you to follow us on Instagram
00:27:58.97\00:28:01.31
and Facebook and subscribe to
00:28:01.31\00:28:03.78
our YouTube channel, and also
00:28:03.78\00:28:06.28
listen to our podcasts.
00:28:06.28\00:28:08.58
And if you go to our website,
00:28:08.58\00:28:11.05
you can see our latest programs.
00:28:11.05\00:28:13.62
>> Friends, to be honest, Jesus
00:28:14.16\00:28:16.09
is offering you a life that is
00:28:16.09\00:28:18.69
beyond our ongoing struggles
00:28:18.69\00:28:21.00
with the pain, suffering and
00:28:21.00\00:28:23.26
sorrows of this life.
00:28:23.26\00:28:25.53
We would like to recommend that
00:28:25.53\00:28:27.97
you open this book,
00:28:27.97\00:28:30.11
the Bible,
00:28:30.11\00:28:31.34
where it is recorded that Jesus
00:28:31.34\00:28:33.21
Himself found His assurance to
00:28:33.21\00:28:35.71
defeat the Devil through the
00:28:35.71\00:28:37.51
Word of His Father when He
00:28:37.51\00:28:39.55
declared...
00:28:39.55\00:28:40.68
[gentle music playin]
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¤¤
00:28:52.36\00:28:55.23