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>> Welcome to It Is Written
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Canada.
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Falling in love and getting
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married can be filled with fun,
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I know that this is the case
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for the two of us, however,
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there are also bound to be
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frustrations or even
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irritations after a while
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because after all, you are
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sharing your life with another
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human being who has his or her
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own way of negotiating life.
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>> Today we're going to
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introduce you to three young
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couples: Ceri and Nathan
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Johnson, Abigail and James
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Cleveland, Kevin and Shannon
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Corrigan.
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They are going to share their
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personal journeys of how they
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met, fell in love, got married
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and now are negotiating both
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the fun and the frustrations of
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married life.
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>> Ceri and Nathan, we're going
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to begin with you, welcome to
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It Is Written Canada.
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>> Thanks for having us.
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>> Yeah, thank you.
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>> Ceri and Nathan, how long
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did you know each other before
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you got married?
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>> We've known each other
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almost half our lives.
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>> Yeah.
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We were both students at
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Fountainview Academy in
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Lillooet, British Columbia
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and...
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...we knew each other, but we
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weren't really friends and it
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wasn't until we came back a few
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years later to work at
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Fountainview as-- me as a boys
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dean and her as a girls dean in
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the dormitories here.
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>> Yeah, so we really got to
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know each other then because we
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were working on the same
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projects, you know, going on
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mission trips together,
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camping, and that really gave
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us the time and space to know
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the good things and the bad
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things and the stressful things
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and our talents and God's gifts
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and...yeah.
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So...
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>> So yeah, we worked with each
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other for about eight years and
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got to know each other well
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before we got married, so...
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>> I think we knew each other
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before we got married about 20
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years, a little more than 20
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years.
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Yeah, so it's been a long,
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been a while.
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My dad worked at Fountainview
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Academy since I was about six
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months old, maybe four months
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old and so I've spent most of
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my life here.
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And then a couple years later,
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Abigail's family moved to
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Fountainview and that's when we
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met each other I guess you
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could say and we got to know
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each other from then 'cause,
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yeah, living on a campus that's
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pretty small, you get to know
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everybody so...
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>> Yeah, for sure.
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[chopping sounds and chatter]
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[KEVIN] I think the first time
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we met was in 2017 when
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Shannon's family moved here to
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Fountainview to work here.
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But then we didn't spend time
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together probably until the
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summer before last, that's
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probably when we started
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hanging out together.
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>> 'Cause he was at school so
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we didn't-- yeah, in the U.S.
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so we didn't see each other at
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all until then and then came
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back and started visiting a bit.
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>> There was less than a year
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before-- between when we
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officially dated and got
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married, right?
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>> A few days over a year.
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>> Few days over a year, so...
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[NATHAN] I saw her
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through the thick and the thin.
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You know, we went on mission
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trips together as staff with
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the school, we
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worked on lots of projects
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together and...
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You know there's a quote that
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I've heard by a friend that
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says, "Run the race that God
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has for you and when you see
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somebody running next to you,
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you know that that's the one
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for you."
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And I saw her running
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next to me.
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>> Knowing if it's the one
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I think has been something that
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I worried about for a long time.
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Actually when I was quite
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little, like when I was
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probably 4 or 5, I had a pretty
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massive crush on Abigail and I
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actually, my brother and I had
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this little fort in the back
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yard that we would play in and
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one day I remember I had this
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little secret note pad of paper
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that we'd keep stashed in the--
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we had, like, a hole dug in the
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ground...
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...and it's kind of embarrassing
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to tell, but we-- I actually
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wrote one day, "I will marry
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Abigail some day," and I
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stashed it in that paper and
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stuffed it in the dirt.
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[KEVIN] I knew Shannon was the
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one over time, obviously,
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wasn't all at once, but I think
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an important thing for me was
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before we even started dating,
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I had been praying about it a
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lot and I just wasn't certain
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and I just asked God for direct
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guidance, I felt like I didn't
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wanna get into something that
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wasn't the right thing.
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And this quote from Messages to
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Young People actually came to
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mind where it says, "If the
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relationship will help you
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towards heaven, if it's gonna
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be useful in this life..."
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I actually went and got the
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book out and started reading it
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and I found it and I was like,
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"Okay, I think God's saying,
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'Move forward with this.'"
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[CERI] He just felt like home
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to me, you know...
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He's similar to my dad, we also
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had spent so much time
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together, obviously, you feel
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comfortable with the person you
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spend a lot of time with.
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Like he said, we did projects
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together, we worked closely
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together, I think those showed
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our strengths and our
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weaknesses and it just...
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...it just made it, yeah,
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obvious.
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[JAMES] I knew that I wanted to
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marry her for a while and I
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was-- I thought she was really
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cute and she was a fun girl
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'cause we did a lot of fun
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things, our families together,
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and...
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>> We hung out a lot.
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>> Yeah, we did.
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And she was always able to hang
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with the boys and, like, she
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was as crazy as her brother and
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my brother were so I thought
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that was cool.
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>> There's always those moments
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you wonder, "Oh," you know,
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"This doesn't seem right," or
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whatever it is, but I was
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encouraged, I felt like God was
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leading me to it.
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And I think the other important
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thing for me was looking at
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Shannon and realizing how
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committed she was spiritually,
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I knew that God was leading her
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and I just knew for sure since
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God was leading me, I could
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feel it in my life that we
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would know whether it'd be the
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right thing or not as we went
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along.
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>> So did you know about this
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5-year-old crush that James had
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on you and that he had written,
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"I want to marry Abigail
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Corrigan?"
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>> I didn't know at the time.
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I think it kind of trickled
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through the siblings a little
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bit later.
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I think your brother told one
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of my sisters and she--
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The story I got is
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that you said you loved me or
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something, you wanted to tell
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me that you loved me
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or something like that.
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Anyways, and I was a little
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surprised, but I think in high
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school I had a crush on you
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for a while.
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I didn't tell you that, but...
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>> Nope.
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>> ...and then...
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>> We didn't talk about
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anything...
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>> No we hadn't.
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>> ...until we were dating.
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[laughs]
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[ABIGAIL] Yeah.
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>> I wasn't sure if Shannon
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knew I liked her or not.
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I think I had dropped a few
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hints, but they weren't that
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overly obvious.
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We live in a tight-knit campus
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here and I didn't want it to
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really come back through the
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back door that I liked Shannon
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so I wanted to tell her dad
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directly.
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So I went and just said, "Hey,
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I like Shannon and I don't know
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her that well, but I wanna get
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to know her."
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>> I had gone to college in the
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States and I moved back and
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that's kinda when things
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started.
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And I worry a lot just in
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general about everything so I
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think I was really worried that
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I would know if James was the
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one or not.
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>> I think I knew Kevin was
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the one...
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...a lot of different things,
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I think.
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I had a list... [laughs]
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...that-- of things I thought
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was really important to have in
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someone.
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You know, stuff was like, "Must
00:08:10.22\00:08:11.39
have, like, he must believe the
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same as I believe and, you
00:08:13.49\00:08:15.76
know, love Jesus a lot," and
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just other different things I
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had, like, "Be active with me,"
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and, you know, just different
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stuff like that that was really
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important and when I started
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getting to know him better and
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I looked at the list, I was
00:08:26.74\00:08:27.50
like, "Oh yeah, he, like, ticks
00:08:27.50\00:08:28.94
everything."
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>> I prayed about it a lot and
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asked God to give me peace in
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my heart if we should get
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married and I did, I felt like
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I had perfect peace about it so
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I was like, "Yeah, he's
00:08:38.45\00:08:39.61
definitely the one."
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That's definitely how I knew.
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[RENÉ] And, Ceri, what is the
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best part of being married
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for you?
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[CERI] Definitely just having a
00:08:50.73\00:08:51.73
best friend to do everything
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with, you know?
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You don't have to say good bye
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to them ever, really, I mean,
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you go to work, but we work
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together so... [laughter]
00:08:57.97\00:08:59.90
But just someone to eat with,
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someone to sit with when you go
00:09:01.00\00:09:02.50
to an event or sit down at
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church...
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...someone to brush your teeth
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with... [laughter]
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Someone, you know, when you're
00:09:07.78\00:09:09.04
busy, they fold the laundry for
00:09:09.04\00:09:10.11
you or someone you would get up
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early and make breakfast for.
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Yeah, just a best friend.
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>> I think it's not having to
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say goodbye every evening.
00:09:18.72\00:09:20.22
We hung out a lot in the
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evenings because you had work
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during the day and I had school
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during the day so you'd always
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come over for supper often and
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then we'd hang out in the
00:09:29.50\00:09:30.17
evening.
00:09:30.17\00:09:30.83
And we just always hated having
00:09:30.83\00:09:32.30
to say goodbye and then you had
00:09:32.30\00:09:33.80
a cold dirt bike ride back to
00:09:33.80\00:09:35.27
your house.
00:09:35.27\00:09:36.07
[laughs]
00:09:36.07\00:09:36.77
>> That's true.
00:09:36.77\00:09:37.84
>> So I think it's just really
00:09:37.84\00:09:39.44
special just to be able to live
00:09:39.44\00:09:40.88
together.
00:09:40.88\00:09:41.88
[SHANNON] I just think it's
00:09:43.24\00:09:44.01
really cool how you can have
00:09:44.01\00:09:45.41
someone that you, like, are
00:09:45.41\00:09:47.28
really dedicated to serving
00:09:47.28\00:09:48.35
Jesus together.
00:09:48.35\00:09:49.45
I just feel like being married
00:09:49.45\00:09:50.55
makes it so much more open
00:09:50.55\00:09:52.49
'cause you really see the bad
00:09:52.49\00:09:53.82
stuff and the things you
00:09:53.82\00:09:55.16
struggle with and you can work
00:09:55.16\00:09:56.69
through those things together
00:09:56.69\00:09:58.23
and just being with your best
00:09:58.23\00:10:00.16
friend every day.
00:10:00.16\00:10:01.26
Like, it's best friend, but, to
00:10:01.26\00:10:02.60
me, being married makes it,
00:10:02.60\00:10:04.10
like, a new meaning to best
00:10:04.10\00:10:06.17
friend, I don't know.
00:10:06.17\00:10:07.60
It's, like, way better.
00:10:07.60\00:10:08.77
>> When you'd get talking with
00:10:10.31\00:10:11.51
your best friend, it's so hard
00:10:11.51\00:10:12.91
to stop and there's always
00:10:12.91\00:10:14.44
something to talk about.
00:10:14.44\00:10:15.81
It's nice to just be at home
00:10:15.81\00:10:17.21
when we're talking and we can
00:10:17.21\00:10:18.85
talk as late as we wanna stay
00:10:18.85\00:10:19.98
up. [laughs]
00:10:19.98\00:10:21.25
[KEVIN] One thing is just being
00:10:22.68\00:10:23.85
able to live my life with my
00:10:23.85\00:10:25.12
best friend 'cause we get to
00:10:25.12\00:10:26.25
see each other so much more
00:10:26.25\00:10:27.46
often being married.
00:10:27.46\00:10:28.59
It's just nice to be able to be
00:10:28.59\00:10:29.99
close physically and mentally
00:10:29.99\00:10:33.43
and spiritually and hang out
00:10:33.43\00:10:35.03
with our friends and things
00:10:35.03\00:10:36.13
together and...
00:10:36.13\00:10:37.17
Yeah, just nice to be together
00:10:37.17\00:10:39.20
more.
00:10:39.20\00:10:40.07
[NATHAN] Just somebody to come
00:10:41.64\00:10:42.64
home to in the evening,
00:10:42.64\00:10:44.41
somebody who you can share your
00:10:44.41\00:10:45.44
day with, spend time with.
00:10:45.44\00:10:47.48
Just somebody who's your best
00:10:48.58\00:10:50.48
friend, yeah.
00:10:50.48\00:10:51.45
>> That is so critical.
00:10:51.98\00:10:54.78
John Gottman, well-known
00:10:54.78\00:10:56.25
researcher on marriage, he
00:10:56.25\00:10:58.29
talks about friendship as being
00:10:58.29\00:11:01.09
a very key component in making
00:11:01.09\00:11:04.09
a marriage work.
00:11:04.09\00:11:05.46
So I wanna ask you how-- what
00:11:05.46\00:11:08.10
kind of things do the two of
00:11:08.10\00:11:09.20
you do to make it work for you
00:11:09.20\00:11:11.93
to keep that fondness, that
00:11:11.93\00:11:13.74
closeness, and that friendship
00:11:13.74\00:11:16.37
growing and alive?
00:11:16.37\00:11:17.94
>> I think we're fortunate to
00:11:19.07\00:11:20.21
have a lot of the same hobbies
00:11:20.21\00:11:22.28
and our hobbies are very
00:11:22.28\00:11:23.21
practical, things that we need
00:11:23.21\00:11:24.31
to get done.
00:11:24.31\00:11:24.98
Gardening, we love gardening.
00:11:24.98\00:11:26.65
>> Trying to grow in our
00:11:27.82\00:11:30.09
friendship every day
00:11:30.09\00:11:31.82
intentionally I think is very
00:11:31.82\00:11:33.32
important.
00:11:33.32\00:11:34.49
For me, I'm busy, I like to
00:11:34.49\00:11:35.96
work so I have to actually
00:11:35.96\00:11:37.79
spend time--
00:11:37.79\00:11:38.43
So in the morning I like to do
00:11:38.49\00:11:39.83
things that are helpful for
00:11:39.83\00:11:41.30
Shannon before I leave the
00:11:41.30\00:11:42.20
house, I think that's important
00:11:42.20\00:11:43.63
to her.
00:11:43.63\00:11:44.30
Like, if I remember to make the
00:11:44.30\00:11:45.17
bed, for example, or try to do
00:11:45.17\00:11:46.84
the dishes if I have extra time
00:11:46.84\00:11:48.04
or whatever it is, to make her
00:11:48.04\00:11:49.74
life a little easier.
00:11:49.74\00:11:51.61
>> I think one thing that helps
00:11:52.71\00:11:54.08
us continue to grow our
00:11:54.08\00:11:55.21
friendship and to get to know
00:11:55.21\00:11:56.58
each other is just literally
00:11:56.58\00:11:58.41
doing everything together.
00:11:58.41\00:12:00.38
So right now we're kinda
00:12:00.38\00:12:02.08
finishing up building our house
00:12:02.08\00:12:03.85
that we've-- that we live
00:12:03.85\00:12:04.69
in now.
00:12:04.69\00:12:05.69
It's a project I started a
00:12:05.69\00:12:06.45
couple years ago and when I'm
00:12:06.45\00:12:08.06
working on it, she'll just come
00:12:08.06\00:12:08.72
out and help me work on it.
00:12:08.72\00:12:10.03
When we were dating we'd do
00:12:10.63\00:12:11.46
that and even now and
00:12:11.46\00:12:12.96
if I have to go, you know, get
00:12:12.96\00:12:14.60
the boat ready for the summer,
00:12:14.60\00:12:15.73
like, we're out there doing it
00:12:15.73\00:12:16.70
together because it's
00:12:16.70\00:12:18.50
together fun.
00:12:18.50\00:12:19.53
[CERI] I love to grow all the
00:12:20.20\00:12:21.44
vegetables, garlic and onions
00:12:21.44\00:12:24.04
and raspberries and anything we
00:12:24.04\00:12:26.91
can grow here in our zone,
00:12:26.91\00:12:28.81
anything we can grow and eat.
00:12:28.81\00:12:30.65
We love processing food, we can
00:12:30.65\00:12:33.35
tons of fruit, pears for pear
00:12:33.35\00:12:37.15
sauce, we put on our waffles in
00:12:37.15\00:12:39.29
the fall.
00:12:39.29\00:12:40.62
But I-- what I like to grow
00:12:40.62\00:12:42.12
that maybe not everyone grows
00:12:42.12\00:12:43.19
is a lot of cut flowers, a cut
00:12:43.19\00:12:44.99
flower garden.
00:12:44.99\00:12:45.99
So dahlias and...
00:12:45.99\00:12:47.03
...yeah, all of the flowers.
00:12:48.13\00:12:50.10
So the more the merrier.
00:12:50.10\00:12:51.23
We try to do a farmer's market
00:12:51.23\00:12:52.50
and bless a lot of people with
00:12:52.50\00:12:54.80
our bouquets.
00:12:54.80\00:12:55.74
>> You know, I wouldn't say
00:12:56.14\00:12:57.11
that flowers is necessarily my
00:12:57.11\00:12:59.07
passion...
00:12:59.07\00:12:59.94
>> Why not?
00:13:00.74\00:13:01.51
[laughter]
00:13:01.51\00:13:02.74
>> But...
00:13:02.74\00:13:03.38
...but making Ceri happy is,
00:13:04.68\00:13:05.95
you know?
00:13:05.95\00:13:06.78
And I enjoy farming and so to
00:13:06.78\00:13:09.65
help her with that, I really
00:13:09.65\00:13:10.69
enjoy it.
00:13:10.69\00:13:11.49
[CERI] I couldn't do the garden
00:13:11.85\00:13:13.19
like I do without him.
00:13:13.19\00:13:15.49
You know what I mean?
00:13:15.49\00:13:16.32
So every day when I'm out there
00:13:16.32\00:13:17.63
gardening, I'm singing his
00:13:17.63\00:13:18.83
praises because I'm like, "If I
00:13:18.83\00:13:20.83
had to dig this trench like I
00:13:20.83\00:13:22.90
did before by hand, there's no
00:13:22.90\00:13:25.60
way I could have as much as I
00:13:25.60\00:13:27.40
have now."
00:13:27.40\00:13:28.34
So it just, by doing our
00:13:29.20\00:13:30.64
projects together, it just
00:13:30.64\00:13:31.57
makes us
00:13:31.57\00:13:32.91
appreciate each other more,
00:13:32.91\00:13:34.44
really.
00:13:34.44\00:13:35.28
[KEVIN] We like to do a lot of
00:13:37.61\00:13:38.65
things together, as many things
00:13:38.65\00:13:41.15
as possible.
00:13:41.15\00:13:42.48
Working out as often as we can,
00:13:42.48\00:13:44.45
we try to work together so if
00:13:45.59\00:13:46.55
we can both do the dishes
00:13:46.55\00:13:47.39
together and both do the
00:13:47.39\00:13:48.06
laundry together instead of one
00:13:48.06\00:13:49.06
doing the laundry and one doing
00:13:49.06\00:13:50.06
the dishes, that's more time
00:13:50.06\00:13:51.43
spent with each other.
00:13:51.43\00:13:53.06
Same with work, I'll try to
00:13:53.06\00:13:54.40
help her if she's behind on the
00:13:54.40\00:13:55.56
cooking on a day and she'll try
00:13:55.56\00:13:57.43
to help me if I need help.
00:13:57.43\00:13:58.87
Say, P.E. grades, for example,
00:13:58.87\00:14:00.87
it takes me forever, I'm a P.E.
00:14:00.87\00:14:02.20
teacher and doing that takes me
00:14:02.20\00:14:03.67
forever and she'll enter the
00:14:03.67\00:14:04.94
numbers on the computer while I
00:14:04.94\00:14:06.21
tell her what they're supposed
00:14:06.21\00:14:06.94
to be or whatever it is.
00:14:06.94\00:14:08.64
So just trying to be together
00:14:08.64\00:14:10.35
as often as possible, I think
00:14:10.35\00:14:12.18
helps a lot because we tend to
00:14:12.18\00:14:13.25
communicate a lot better that
00:14:13.25\00:14:14.28
way, a lot more often at least.
00:14:14.28\00:14:15.82
>> And you love dirt biking...
00:14:16.62\00:14:18.32
>> I do and she does, too.
00:14:18.32\00:14:19.82
>> Oh, that's what I wanted to
00:14:19.82\00:14:20.56
know!
00:14:20.56\00:14:21.02
>> I like to ride, better
00:14:21.19\00:14:21.79
than-- his bike rather than
00:14:21.86\00:14:23.39
riding my own.
00:14:23.39\00:14:24.06
>> She likes to ride behind me,
00:14:24.06\00:14:24.86
but I'm convincing her to learn
00:14:24.86\00:14:27.83
to ride.
00:14:27.83\00:14:28.33
She's pretty good now, so...
00:14:28.46\00:14:30.13
We're working on it.
00:14:30.13\00:14:30.77
[ABIGAIL] It's fun.
00:14:30.77\00:14:31.67
>> My dad, for most of his
00:14:34.84\00:14:37.01
career, was a-- was the music
00:14:37.01\00:14:38.54
director here at Fountainview
00:14:38.54\00:14:40.01
and so music has been a big
00:14:40.01\00:14:41.24
part of my life and
00:14:41.24\00:14:42.74
Abigail's, too.
00:14:42.74\00:14:43.78
She grew up singing and playing
00:14:43.78\00:14:45.55
violin and piano, too, so
00:14:45.55\00:14:47.62
we-- that's one thing that
00:14:47.62\00:14:49.25
brings us together as well.
00:14:49.25\00:14:50.65
>> A common interest for sure.
00:14:51.55\00:14:52.69
>> Yeah, a common interest and
00:14:52.69\00:14:54.12
now it's a common career 'cause
00:14:54.12\00:14:55.79
we both work to make the music
00:14:55.79\00:14:57.79
continue here at Fountainview.
00:14:57.79\00:14:58.99
[NATHAN] When we do projects
00:15:01.33\00:15:02.86
together, especially with
00:15:02.86\00:15:04.80
being-- working at a school,
00:15:04.80\00:15:07.47
Ceri's in charge of decorating
00:15:07.47\00:15:08.60
for events and stuff like that
00:15:08.60\00:15:10.34
and so she'll come up with the
00:15:10.34\00:15:11.47
idea for it and then I'll help
00:15:11.47\00:15:13.21
her make that idea.
00:15:13.21\00:15:14.58
So, you know, in that aspect
00:15:15.51\00:15:16.78
where, you know, like, she was
00:15:16.78\00:15:17.78
mentioning with the gardening,
00:15:17.78\00:15:19.28
she has the big picture and
00:15:19.28\00:15:21.78
then I help it come together.
00:15:21.78\00:15:23.32
I like to do the mechanical
00:15:23.95\00:15:24.72
stuff and get out in the field
00:15:24.72\00:15:26.19
and do it and she does more
00:15:26.19\00:15:27.86
like, you know, "Let's come up
00:15:27.86\00:15:28.92
with a cool name for it," or
00:15:28.92\00:15:30.76
"Let's package it this way."
00:15:30.76\00:15:32.16
>> You know, if we have to do
00:15:33.23\00:15:34.40
some recording in the evenings
00:15:34.40\00:15:35.76
together, I'll have her come
00:15:35.76\00:15:37.23
help me because she's my best
00:15:37.23\00:15:39.20
sound engineer so
00:15:39.20\00:15:40.30
that's...that's the way I think
00:15:40.30\00:15:42.97
that we continue to trust each
00:15:42.97\00:15:45.01
other more is because I think I
00:15:45.01\00:15:47.08
know her thought process better
00:15:47.08\00:15:49.24
than I would just some other
00:15:49.24\00:15:51.58
co-worker.
00:15:51.58\00:15:52.58
But, yeah, it also brings its
00:15:54.58\00:15:55.78
own challenges of knowing, you
00:15:55.78\00:15:57.39
know, we're working now and
00:15:57.39\00:15:59.15
then when you go home, we're at
00:15:59.15\00:16:00.82
home now, we're--
00:16:00.82\00:16:01.62
>> To leave work.
00:16:01.62\00:16:02.26
>> It's hard to leave work,
00:16:02.26\00:16:03.06
too, especially when you're
00:16:03.06\00:16:03.79
both involved in it, so...
00:16:03.79\00:16:05.16
'Cause we could be doing work
00:16:05.16\00:16:06.46
all evening just, if we look at
00:16:06.46\00:16:08.43
our emails, I mean, there's...
00:16:08.43\00:16:09.63
You-- I think you can
00:16:10.37\00:16:11.40
understand how it-- that's--
00:16:11.40\00:16:12.60
that brings its own...
00:16:12.60\00:16:13.67
>> Challenges.
00:16:13.67\00:16:14.34
>> Challenge, yeah, for sure,
00:16:14.34\00:16:15.34
but, I think it's--
00:16:15.34\00:16:16.04
[RENÉ] We know what that's like,
00:16:16.10\00:16:16.77
don't we? [laughter]
00:16:16.77\00:16:17.67
'Cause we work together, too,
00:16:17.67\00:16:19.37
so we also have to--
00:16:19.37\00:16:20.68
But I understand what you're
00:16:20.68\00:16:21.68
saying, like, when you come
00:16:21.68\00:16:22.51
home, work has to stay at the
00:16:22.51\00:16:26.18
building or at the office,
00:16:26.18\00:16:27.65
right, so no emails because
00:16:27.65\00:16:29.52
otherwise it can go on all
00:16:29.52\00:16:32.79
night, you know?
00:16:32.79\00:16:33.76
Especially for us now, because
00:16:33.76\00:16:35.19
we don't have children at home
00:16:35.19\00:16:36.93
anymore and you don't have
00:16:36.93\00:16:38.43
children yet and so, you know,
00:16:38.43\00:16:40.60
so you can get so wrapped
00:16:40.60\00:16:42.16
up in it.
00:16:42.16\00:16:42.86
>> Yeah.
00:16:42.86\00:16:43.63
>> How important is laughter in
00:16:46.13\00:16:48.44
your marriage?
00:16:48.44\00:16:49.67
>> It's very important, I think.
00:16:50.11\00:16:52.81
But I think what gives us the
00:16:53.48\00:16:54.98
ability to have that laughter
00:16:54.98\00:16:56.48
and that joy is having a
00:16:56.48\00:16:57.91
general sense of happiness.
00:16:57.91\00:16:59.55
So if I myself am willing to do
00:16:59.55\00:17:01.78
what it takes to make our
00:17:01.78\00:17:02.98
marriage just generally happy,
00:17:02.98\00:17:04.85
it makes it easy for the
00:17:04.85\00:17:06.39
laughter to flow out.
00:17:06.39\00:17:07.79
>> I think if I was not
00:17:09.72\00:17:11.23
laughing I think I would notice
00:17:11.23\00:17:12.63
it after a while, like, that
00:17:12.63\00:17:14.00
something was...
00:17:14.00\00:17:14.93
...off in my heart because,
00:17:15.86\00:17:17.50
I mean, I think laughter is
00:17:18.13\00:17:19.23
just...
00:17:19.23\00:17:19.93
...me releasing some of my
00:17:20.97\00:17:23.17
stupidity out. [laughs]
00:17:23.17\00:17:25.61
>> For me, I don't know, like,
00:17:27.54\00:17:28.64
having fun together is really
00:17:28.64\00:17:30.25
important, you know?
00:17:30.25\00:17:31.25
It's good to be able to, like,
00:17:31.25\00:17:32.75
have serious conversations and,
00:17:32.75\00:17:35.05
like, be serious together about
00:17:35.05\00:17:37.42
stuff, but I think it's fun--
00:17:37.42\00:17:39.12
it's good when we can just
00:17:39.12\00:17:40.72
laugh together and laugh at the
00:17:40.72\00:17:42.72
silly mistakes we make and, you
00:17:42.72\00:17:44.66
know, I think laughing is a big
00:17:44.66\00:17:46.29
part of having fun.
00:17:46.29\00:17:47.40
>> You know, I-- you know, we
00:17:48.53\00:17:50.03
try to pick up on what the
00:17:50.03\00:17:51.07
other person enjoys, right?
00:17:51.07\00:17:53.27
So I know that she enjoys, you
00:17:53.27\00:17:56.17
know, having a clean house and
00:17:56.17\00:17:57.67
so we try to strive to have
00:17:57.67\00:17:59.01
that because, you know, when
00:17:59.01\00:18:00.84
the house is a clutter, it can
00:18:00.84\00:18:02.21
be stressful for her, right?
00:18:02.21\00:18:03.55
>> Everything else falls apart.
00:18:03.55\00:18:04.48
>> Yeah. [laughs]
00:18:04.48\00:18:05.95
>> So, and then we're able to
00:18:05.95\00:18:07.78
have that happiness and that
00:18:07.78\00:18:09.35
laughter comes out naturally,
00:18:09.35\00:18:11.05
right?
00:18:11.05\00:18:11.82
>> I think we all have a bit of
00:18:12.99\00:18:13.92
a front and the closer you get
00:18:13.92\00:18:15.86
to someone, the more you realize
00:18:15.86\00:18:17.36
that sometimes and it's just,
00:18:17.36\00:18:18.73
it's good to know who the other
00:18:18.73\00:18:19.73
person is and actually
00:18:19.73\00:18:21.96
experience close moments
00:18:21.96\00:18:24.47
together and laughing is just
00:18:24.47\00:18:25.77
one of those things that
00:18:25.77\00:18:27.04
happens when you're being
00:18:27.04\00:18:29.44
causal and just being with the
00:18:29.44\00:18:31.87
other person.
00:18:31.87\00:18:32.81
>> So how similar is your sense
00:18:33.68\00:18:36.31
of humour?
00:18:36.31\00:18:37.25
>> I don't think it's very
00:18:38.01\00:18:38.81
similar.
00:18:38.81\00:18:39.58
[laughter]
00:18:39.58\00:18:41.25
I feel like I laugh because I
00:18:41.58\00:18:43.72
think you laughing at something
00:18:43.72\00:18:45.05
is funny and I don't know how
00:18:45.05\00:18:46.22
you find it so funny.
00:18:46.22\00:18:47.82
>> And do you have the same
00:18:49.52\00:18:51.33
sense of humour?
00:18:51.33\00:18:52.56
>> I don't think entirely,
00:18:52.83\00:18:54.46
although I definitely-- if
00:18:54.46\00:18:56.00
Shannon's trying to be funny on
00:18:56.00\00:18:57.47
purpose, I definitely end up
00:18:57.47\00:18:58.93
laughing at it.
00:18:58.93\00:19:00.10
[laughter]
00:19:00.10\00:19:02.10
>> Are you different in your
00:19:03.81\00:19:05.07
sense of humour?
00:19:05.07\00:19:06.11
Is it the same?
00:19:06.11\00:19:07.08
>> It's... [laughter]
00:19:07.08\00:19:08.34
It's definitely different,
00:19:08.34\00:19:09.84
but as we...
00:19:09.84\00:19:11.91
...well, even dating, but even
00:19:12.55\00:19:13.68
more in our marriage, it's been
00:19:13.68\00:19:15.85
kinda merging, you know?
00:19:15.85\00:19:17.35
It's cool how it has been, but
00:19:18.02\00:19:20.02
yeah, it's been kinda merging.
00:19:20.02\00:19:21.72
>> I used to be stressed about
00:19:21.72\00:19:22.72
that before we were dating,
00:19:22.72\00:19:24.39
like, "Is our humour enough the
00:19:24.39\00:19:25.29
same, are we gonna laugh
00:19:25.29\00:19:26.39
enough?" 'cause that is really
00:19:26.39\00:19:27.40
important.
00:19:27.40\00:19:28.50
But now that we're married,
00:19:28.50\00:19:31.10
it's just so much easier.
00:19:31.10\00:19:32.53
When you're dating, you're
00:19:32.53\00:19:33.37
trying to figure out, do I
00:19:33.37\00:19:34.04
really wanna marry this person?
00:19:34.04\00:19:35.34
Like, is this for sure
00:19:35.34\00:19:36.14
God's will?
00:19:36.14\00:19:36.87
You know, you're a little
00:19:36.87\00:19:37.87
stressed on some of those
00:19:37.87\00:19:38.87
things, but now that we're
00:19:38.87\00:19:40.71
married, like, all of those
00:19:40.71\00:19:41.88
questions are, you know, we
00:19:41.88\00:19:43.24
decided and now we just flow
00:19:43.24\00:19:44.75
and it's so much fun.
00:19:44.75\00:19:46.05
>> One area of challenge that
00:19:47.68\00:19:50.69
many couples face is
00:19:50.69\00:19:52.05
resentments and it's kind of
00:19:52.05\00:19:53.66
like a pebble that gets in your
00:19:53.66\00:19:55.02
shoe and it's very annoying to
00:19:55.02\00:19:57.39
begin with, but if those
00:19:57.39\00:19:58.89
resentments grow, then it
00:19:58.89\00:20:00.73
becomes painful.
00:20:00.73\00:20:02.46
I mean, we are different from
00:20:02.46\00:20:03.57
each other, but how do we keep
00:20:03.57\00:20:04.97
them from overwhelming us and
00:20:04.97\00:20:08.50
removing that love that you
00:20:08.50\00:20:09.84
once had for each other?
00:20:09.84\00:20:11.41
>> We, early on, established
00:20:11.41\00:20:14.11
the fact that if things aren't
00:20:14.11\00:20:16.41
how we expect them to be, we'll
00:20:16.41\00:20:18.08
talk about it.
00:20:18.08\00:20:19.61
When we were dating, we would
00:20:19.61\00:20:20.98
talk about all sorts of things,
00:20:20.98\00:20:22.35
like, it was-- I think talking
00:20:22.35\00:20:24.89
about things that were, you
00:20:24.89\00:20:27.16
know, maybe something that in
00:20:27.16\00:20:28.09
my mind I was, like, concerned
00:20:28.09\00:20:29.12
about or, you know, like, I was
00:20:29.12\00:20:30.36
unsure about, at first it's
00:20:30.36\00:20:32.39
like, "Okay, I'm not sure, this
00:20:32.39\00:20:33.80
is kinda awkward," but once you
00:20:33.80\00:20:34.96
talk about it, it's not
00:20:34.96\00:20:35.86
awkward, like, that's-- then I
00:20:35.86\00:20:38.17
had the answer to my question
00:20:38.17\00:20:39.13
or I had the background to the
00:20:39.13\00:20:41.77
way she thought about
00:20:41.77\00:20:43.74
something, yeah, or related to
00:20:43.74\00:20:44.94
some things.
00:20:44.94\00:20:45.74
>> I think communicating has
00:20:46.94\00:20:48.91
been very important for us.
00:20:48.91\00:20:50.68
It's easy, at least for the two
00:20:50.68\00:20:53.35
of us, to tell the other
00:20:53.35\00:20:54.22
person, "Oh," you know, "thanks
00:20:54.22\00:20:55.95
so much, that was so sweet of
00:20:55.95\00:20:57.12
you, it was so nice," but to
00:20:57.12\00:20:58.82
tell the other person, "Hey,
00:20:58.82\00:21:00.42
when you do such-and-such I
00:21:00.42\00:21:01.49
find it kind of annoying" or,
00:21:01.49\00:21:03.19
you know, "Why did you work out
00:21:03.19\00:21:05.53
in the morning without me?
00:21:05.53\00:21:06.46
Like, I wanted to work out with
00:21:06.46\00:21:07.50
you this evening."
00:21:07.50\00:21:08.76
You know, communicating
00:21:08.76\00:21:10.47
negative things in a way that's
00:21:10.47\00:21:12.63
not too emotional, but allows
00:21:12.63\00:21:14.47
the other person to know you
00:21:14.47\00:21:15.57
weren't impressed is very
00:21:15.57\00:21:16.71
helpful 'cause then we can talk
00:21:16.71\00:21:18.11
about them.
00:21:18.11\00:21:18.94
>> There's definitely
00:21:20.41\00:21:21.24
communication that needs to
00:21:21.24\00:21:22.34
happen in there.
00:21:22.34\00:21:23.88
But I think it's also what some
00:21:24.88\00:21:27.35
people call, like, "the crazy
00:21:27.35\00:21:28.52
cycle" where I don't love her
00:21:28.52\00:21:30.35
because she doesn't show me
00:21:30.35\00:21:31.22
respect, she doesn't show me
00:21:31.22\00:21:32.65
respect because I don't love
00:21:32.65\00:21:33.72
her and so it's just continuous
00:21:33.72\00:21:35.36
cycle and so when you get in
00:21:35.36\00:21:37.49
that, that's how I think that
00:21:37.49\00:21:39.03
pebble can get worse and worse
00:21:39.03\00:21:40.46
and worse.
00:21:40.46\00:21:41.26
But when you look at it, "What
00:21:41.26\00:21:43.37
can I do to make her happy?"
00:21:43.37\00:21:45.13
"What can she do to respect
00:21:45.13\00:21:47.20
me?" that changes it, right?
00:21:47.20\00:21:50.37
And so if you're focused on the
00:21:50.37\00:21:51.67
other person and not self,
00:21:51.67\00:21:53.51
I think that's the best...the
00:21:53.51\00:21:55.31
best way.
00:21:55.31\00:21:56.31
>> Everybody does things in a
00:21:57.11\00:21:58.71
different way, like, the way I
00:21:58.71\00:22:01.18
clean the bathroom might bother
00:22:01.18\00:22:02.68
Abigail, but if she doesn't tell
00:22:02.68\00:22:04.52
me that, I'm gonna keep doing
00:22:04.52\00:22:05.62
it the same way, like, that's--
00:22:05.62\00:22:07.52
I mean, it's just a dumb
00:22:07.52\00:22:08.29
example, but...
00:22:08.29\00:22:09.19
Yeah, talking about things
00:22:10.29\00:22:12.63
before they become a problem.
00:22:12.63\00:22:14.46
>> It's just important to be
00:22:15.23\00:22:16.16
able to talk about positive and
00:22:16.16\00:22:17.63
negative things and especially
00:22:17.63\00:22:19.20
when you talk about negative
00:22:19.20\00:22:20.04
things, not to have an
00:22:20.04\00:22:21.30
emotional fuss that keeps you
00:22:21.30\00:22:23.00
from actually communicating
00:22:23.00\00:22:25.04
about them.
00:22:25.04\00:22:26.07
I know I find that helpful for
00:22:27.08\00:22:28.61
me, we've gotten better for
00:22:28.61\00:22:29.71
sure as-- over the last six
00:22:29.71\00:22:31.48
months at saying negative
00:22:31.48\00:22:33.62
things in a way that we can
00:22:33.62\00:22:35.32
actually talk about them so we
00:22:35.32\00:22:37.99
can get past those things.
00:22:37.99\00:22:39.49
>> There's the other side of
00:22:41.02\00:22:41.92
it, too, knowing what things
00:22:41.92\00:22:43.56
are pebbles and what things
00:22:43.56\00:22:44.46
aren't pebbles, too, 'cause
00:22:44.46\00:22:45.46
there's some things that, like,
00:22:45.46\00:22:46.90
I might just not do the same
00:22:46.90\00:22:49.53
way, but is that gonna be a
00:22:49.53\00:22:51.97
pebble?
00:22:51.97\00:22:52.57
Like, sometimes you have to
00:22:52.63\00:22:53.54
just decide, "Am I gonna say
00:22:53.54\00:22:54.90
something about that or am I
00:22:54.90\00:22:56.47
just gonna let that not even
00:22:56.47\00:22:57.57
bother me?"
00:22:57.57\00:22:58.71
>> So let's take the cleaning
00:22:59.37\00:23:01.94
the bathroom example, okay?
00:23:01.94\00:23:04.18
So say Abigail likes you to
00:23:04.18\00:23:06.51
clean the bathroom a certain
00:23:06.51\00:23:07.78
way, could she-- if she were to
00:23:07.78\00:23:10.02
say to you, "James, I really
00:23:10.02\00:23:11.72
don't like it when you do it
00:23:11.72\00:23:13.25
this way."
00:23:13.25\00:23:14.32
Is there a better way of her
00:23:14.32\00:23:15.79
approaching you do you think?
00:23:15.79\00:23:17.33
>> Maybe not, I mean, for me
00:23:19.16\00:23:21.00
she's just gonna have to
00:23:21.00\00:23:21.86
tell me. [laughter]
00:23:21.86\00:23:23.60
I might be like, "Are you
00:23:23.60\00:23:24.83
kidding me?" at first because,
00:23:24.83\00:23:26.27
like, this is how all bathrooms
00:23:26.27\00:23:28.07
are cleaned, forever, amen,
00:23:28.07\00:23:29.47
but...
00:23:29.47\00:23:30.47
It doesn't cause me any damage,
00:23:30.84\00:23:32.87
like, I can change, I mean, for
00:23:32.87\00:23:36.04
the sake of the example, I
00:23:36.04\00:23:37.08
could change how I clean the
00:23:37.08\00:23:38.05
bathroom, it doesn't bother me.
00:23:38.05\00:23:39.85
It's not a deal, it's just a
00:23:39.85\00:23:41.12
thing, like, it's just a
00:23:41.12\00:23:42.75
conversation before--
00:23:42.75\00:23:44.25
It goes back to that pebble in
00:23:44.25\00:23:45.49
the shoe thing, it's like, I
00:23:45.49\00:23:46.82
haven't developed a blister
00:23:46.82\00:23:48.82
yet, it's just, "Oh, I noticed
00:23:48.82\00:23:51.19
it... [laughs]
00:23:51.19\00:23:52.23
...gonna deal with it."
00:23:52.23\00:23:53.16
>> Yeah, so not getting into
00:23:53.16\00:23:54.13
that area of contempt where
00:23:54.13\00:23:55.66
you're putting the other person
00:23:55.66\00:23:56.97
down, but you're saying, "This
00:23:56.97\00:23:58.33
is how I feel and how do you
00:23:58.33\00:24:00.70
feel about it?"
00:24:00.70\00:24:01.60
Having those difficult
00:24:01.60\00:24:02.37
conversations, not an easy
00:24:02.37\00:24:03.57
thing to do.
00:24:03.57\00:24:04.57
>> I also think to overcome
00:24:07.31\00:24:09.91
that gridlock is to share your
00:24:09.91\00:24:11.91
dreams with each other, you
00:24:11.91\00:24:13.95
know, and if you have a dream,
00:24:13.95\00:24:16.58
Nathan will want to fill it,
00:24:16.58\00:24:18.35
like, you're, "Absolutely,
00:24:18.35\00:24:19.85
let's do that!" and I think if
00:24:19.85\00:24:21.79
we share dreams and not keep
00:24:21.79\00:24:24.96
our dreams a secret from each
00:24:24.96\00:24:26.53
other and this is where the
00:24:26.53\00:24:27.86
communication comes in, like
00:24:27.86\00:24:29.56
you mentioned, Nathan, you need
00:24:29.56\00:24:31.30
to communicate and share dreams
00:24:31.30\00:24:34.30
and help each other, you know,
00:24:34.30\00:24:35.80
to fulfill those dreams.
00:24:35.80\00:24:37.44
>> And I know that's something
00:24:37.91\00:24:38.91
that we realized, right, and we
00:24:38.91\00:24:40.78
talked about, we're like, "We
00:24:40.78\00:24:42.08
need to work on communication,"
00:24:42.08\00:24:43.68
and so we have been striving
00:24:43.68\00:24:45.45
'cause we realize that that was
00:24:45.45\00:24:46.58
a weak point and so we have
00:24:46.58\00:24:48.12
been working in that area and
00:24:48.12\00:24:50.25
we have seen huge improvements.
00:24:50.25\00:24:52.89
You know, it's just every
00:24:52.89\00:24:53.72
month, every day, there's just--
00:24:53.72\00:24:55.82
we love each other more
00:24:55.82\00:24:56.59
and more.
00:24:56.59\00:24:57.43
>> I wanna ask you about your
00:24:58.19\00:24:59.83
dreams.
00:24:59.83\00:25:01.10
Individually your dreams, but
00:25:01.66\00:25:02.80
your dreams for your future,
00:25:02.80\00:25:04.27
for your marriage.
00:25:04.27\00:25:05.60
>> Yeah, I think something that
00:25:05.60\00:25:06.53
we've talked about that we
00:25:06.53\00:25:07.60
would really like, we both
00:25:07.60\00:25:08.84
enjoy, like, I have my own farm
00:25:08.84\00:25:12.04
and she has the flower
00:25:12.04\00:25:13.27
business, we would like to have
00:25:13.27\00:25:14.71
some kind of small business
00:25:14.71\00:25:17.18
that reaches out to the
00:25:17.18\00:25:18.61
community and to those around.
00:25:18.61\00:25:21.62
I feel like, you know, you can
00:25:21.62\00:25:23.08
reach a lot of people through
00:25:23.08\00:25:25.32
lots of different ministries,
00:25:25.32\00:25:26.82
through door-to-door work and
00:25:26.82\00:25:27.82
stuff, but I feel like one way
00:25:27.82\00:25:29.59
that we reach people easily is
00:25:29.59\00:25:32.36
one-on-one conversations,
00:25:32.36\00:25:33.80
people we work with.
00:25:33.80\00:25:35.50
So that's kinda something that
00:25:35.50\00:25:36.50
we would like to have a
00:25:36.50\00:25:37.60
business that's focused on, you
00:25:37.60\00:25:40.44
know, farming business,
00:25:40.44\00:25:41.60
whatever, but that's focused on
00:25:41.60\00:25:43.84
the people in the community and
00:25:43.84\00:25:44.97
reaching out to them.
00:25:44.97\00:25:46.37
And plus, you know, we like to
00:25:46.37\00:25:47.98
live in the country so...
00:25:47.98\00:25:49.31
>> We were both raised in the
00:25:49.31\00:25:50.21
country and we don't think we
00:25:50.21\00:25:52.15
can do it any other way, so...
00:25:52.15\00:25:53.58
[both laugh]
00:25:53.58\00:25:54.32
>> So we've come to the end of
00:25:54.82\00:25:56.72
our time on this episode
00:25:56.72\00:25:58.39
together and I just wanna thank
00:25:58.39\00:26:01.09
you for being so vulnerable and
00:26:01.09\00:26:03.69
for sharing and for actually
00:26:03.69\00:26:06.09
encouraging others through your
00:26:06.09\00:26:08.10
example of how to love
00:26:08.10\00:26:10.90
your marriage.
00:26:10.90\00:26:12.17
Let's pray.
00:26:12.17\00:26:13.37
Father in heaven, we thank You
00:26:13.37\00:26:14.77
so much that You have told us
00:26:14.77\00:26:16.54
in Your Word that You are love
00:26:16.54\00:26:20.51
and that it is not good for
00:26:20.51\00:26:23.01
man, for a woman to be alone
00:26:23.01\00:26:25.45
and so You have created
00:26:25.45\00:26:27.15
marriage and You have shown us
00:26:27.15\00:26:31.39
how through these three
00:26:31.39\00:26:33.96
wonderful couples, these young
00:26:33.96\00:26:35.52
couples, how You are making
00:26:35.52\00:26:38.33
them happy and through them
00:26:38.33\00:26:41.76
that You want to tell the
00:26:41.76\00:26:44.37
world, to tell all those who
00:26:44.37\00:26:45.57
are watching and encourage them
00:26:45.57\00:26:47.77
within their marriages that
00:26:47.77\00:26:49.00
they can have the same kind of
00:26:49.00\00:26:50.51
happiness through a commitment
00:26:50.51\00:26:52.57
to You and trusting You to lead
00:26:52.57\00:26:54.61
them day by day.
00:26:54.61\00:26:56.11
We thank You for hearing us and
00:26:56.11\00:26:57.65
for answering our prayer.
00:26:57.65\00:26:58.75
In Jesus' name, amen.
00:26:58.75\00:27:00.55
[NATHAN] Amen.
00:27:00.55\00:27:01.42
>> Those three young couples,
00:27:03.69\00:27:05.82
Ceri and Nathan, Abigail and
00:27:05.82\00:27:07.79
James, and Kevin and Shannon,
00:27:07.79\00:27:09.79
have honestly shared how they're
00:27:09.79\00:27:12.16
negotiating both the fun and
00:27:12.16\00:27:14.10
the frustrations of married
00:27:14.10\00:27:16.33
life and it's obvious that they
00:27:16.33\00:27:19.07
really do love being married.
00:27:19.07\00:27:22.07
So the title of our free offer
00:27:22.07\00:27:24.07
for you is How To Love Your
00:27:24.07\00:27:26.44
Marriage.
00:27:26.44\00:27:27.54
>> If you are looking for
00:27:27.54\00:27:28.84
meaningful solutions, How To
00:27:28.84\00:27:31.38
Love Your Marriage offers
00:27:31.38\00:27:32.95
Biblical answers and practical
00:27:32.95\00:27:35.98
tips for improving your
00:27:35.98\00:27:37.59
marriage.
00:27:37.59\00:27:38.75
Learn how to reclaim intimacy
00:27:38.75\00:27:41.12
with your spouse and ten ways t
00:27:41.12\00:27:44.13
renew your marital happiness.
00:27:44.13\00:27:46.66
Before you go, we would like to
00:27:49.20\00:27:51.00
invite you to follow us on
00:27:51.00\00:27:52.83
Instagram and Facebook and
00:27:52.83\00:27:55.00
subscribe to our YouTube
00:27:55.00\00:27:56.57
channel and also listen to our
00:27:56.57\00:27:59.07
Podcasts.
00:27:59.07\00:28:00.64
And if you go to our website,
00:28:00.64\00:28:02.64
you can see our latest programs.
00:28:02.64\00:28:04.91
>> Friends, we want you to
00:28:05.95\00:28:08.18
experience the truth that is
00:28:08.18\00:28:09.68
found in the words of Jesus
00:28:09.68\00:28:11.52
when He said, "It is written,
00:28:11.52\00:28:13.59
'Man shall not live by bread
00:28:13.59\00:28:15.59
alone, but by every word that
00:28:15.59\00:28:17.83
proceeds out of the mouth
00:28:17.83\00:28:19.49
of God.'"
00:28:19.49\00:28:20.73
¤¤
00:28:20.73\00:28:51.79