中
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>> Hello and welcome to It Is
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Written Canada.
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He wasn't exactly sure what he
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was looking for, but he knew
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that he wasn't happy with his
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young life.
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>> Drugs, alcohol, and a life
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of crime left Mathew Feeley
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emptier than ever before.
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>> Today Mathew Feeley, an
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ordained pastor and
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evangelist, shares his story
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of how his family struggled to
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help him without much success.
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Pastor Mathew Feeley, welcome
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to It Is Written Canada.
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>> Thank you, I'm honoured to
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be here with you.
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>> So, Pastor Mathew, can you
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tell us where it all started
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for you?
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>> Yeah, definitely.
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I would say it started at
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Kingston and Galloway which is
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a neighbourhood in
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Scarborough, Ontario.
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I was born and raised in that
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neighbourhood and it was
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challenging because it's a
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low-income neighbourhood, it's
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a metro-housing neighbourhood
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and I was the only one of the
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six children in my family born
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in that neighbourhood.
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The rest of my family grew up
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not too far from the beaches
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in Toronto and a more affluent
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neighbourhood and my father
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was very wealthy at that time.
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He was a business man, he did
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mining expeditions and he also
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was involved in illegal
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gambling in Toronto, he had
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gambling houses.
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And he was part of a network
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that was, you know, I guess
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facilitating illegal gambling
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in Toronto and Mimico, where
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he was originally from.
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And his empire crashed one day
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and he went to jail, he had
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federal charges against him
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and you can read about him in
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the news papers, you can go to
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the Toronto reference library
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and you can find information
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about his story and
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his journey.
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And he went to jail and, you
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know, he came out and he tried
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to change his life, but he was
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never able to recoup the money
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that he lost, he was never
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able to maintain that standard
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of living.
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And my mother, my father, they
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had, like, a very beautiful
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wedding and my mother had fur
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coats and she had a Cadillac
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and, you know, she lived kind
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of a lavish life, but it was
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also a very broken life where
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they had good things on the
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outside, but they were
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struggling on the inside.
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And my mom came home one day
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and saw that their house was
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for sale and my dad explains
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it by saying that-- he would
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explain it, he's passed now,
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but he would explain it by
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saying, "You know, the box was
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full of money and then...
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there was less money and then
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one day there was no money in
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the box," and everything was
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gone and they sold the house,
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and they--
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He knew somebody that got him
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a town house at Kingston
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road and Galloway and he moved
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into this metro housing
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neighbourhood.
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For my siblings, it was quite
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devastating.
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They were, you know, twelve
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and ten and nine and eight and
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six and they have memories of
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moving into that neighbourhood
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and just trying to figure out,
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like, "What, wait a second. We
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had this big back yard, we had
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this beautiful house, why is
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it changed? Why is my school
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changed? Why has everything
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changed?"
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It was devastating for them,
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but for me, that's all I knew
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is life in that neighbourhood
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and so it was challenging in a
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different way and I grew up as
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the youngest, I was the baby.
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My parents were really in what
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you could call a toxic
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relationship and because they
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were good, strong Catholics,
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they refused to get divorced
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so they stuck together, but it
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was really hard on the family.
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So our environment overall as
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far as how we lived and where
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we lived, was extremely
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challenging.
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>> So you had everything, I
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mean your dad had an airplane,
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he was flying around all over
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the place, going down to the
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Caribbean, going to northern
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Canada, he had it all and your
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mother had it all so that
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really affected you.
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How did that environment now
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that you were in, that you
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grew up in, how did that
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affect your life?
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>> Yeah, it was different, I
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would say I didn't have the
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same opportunities so that was
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very challenging.
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You don't grow up with money
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or even as far as vehicles and
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transportation, my father
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still worked until the end of
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his life and he worked for his
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brother who was my uncle and a
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very nice uncle, and he had a
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real estate company and he
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worked for him and when he
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didn't work for the real
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estate company, he ran his
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laundromat downtown at Church
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and Wellesley.
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So it was, you know, these two
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men that were just very
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interesting and they would
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kinda help each other, support
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each other.
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But he was gone all the time
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and if he wasn't doing real
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estate, he was at this
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laundromat and he was gone and
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maybe home wasn't a place he
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wanted to be at anyways, maybe
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he wasn't very happy, but
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there's no vehicle even just
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to get a ride to school.
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So you're on the TTC or just
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walking everywhere and there
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just wasn't money, like, there
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wasn't money to do things that
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your friends were doing, to go
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places that your friends were
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going.
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>> So, Mat, what choices did
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you make at this time?
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>> Well, I would say I started
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to make some poor choices with
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good intentions.
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I think-- I don't think I
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fully understood what I was
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doing, you know, even now, I'm
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much older, but I have to
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pause to really think about
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what I'm doing and why I'm
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doing it and I don't think I
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did that at all at that age.
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I think I was reacting and my
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home was broken and I was
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hurting as a young person,
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I was looking for an escape,
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I was looking to medicate and
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I saw people around me
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self-medicating.
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People in my family, my father
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historically was an alcoholic,
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my mother, she had a long-term
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addiction to medication,
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different types of medication
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where she would self-medicate
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and it was really hard to deal
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with, but it was also learned
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behaviour, it's what I saw.
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And as much as I hated it, I
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kinda went down the same path
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and, you know, my siblings,
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you know, I love them and I
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don't blame them for anything,
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I think they were hurting in
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their own way and going
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through their own things, but
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they were kinda
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self-medicating and escaping
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because they were partying and
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I was young and I could see
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it, right?
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I remember one of my brother's
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friends was over one evening
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and there was a bunch of them
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together and this particular
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guy, he said, you know, "Let's
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have some cocaine."
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It's the first I had ever
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heard something like that and
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I couldn't believe it was even
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in my house and, you know...
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Another time another brother
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was about to get in trouble
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with the police and they came
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to our house looking for him.
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He handed me a bag of drugs
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and told me to go hide it,
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you know.
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So I was starting to see
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things, the older I got, I
00:09:05.74\00:09:07.41
could see it in my siblings
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and I could see it in my
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parents and my dad was like,
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you know, in a way, he was
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kinda addicted to religion
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because he went to mass like
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twice a day every, day but he
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was never home and, you know,
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the-- his family was hurting
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and he wasn't kind of being
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the leader he needed to be, he
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wasn't reconciling the broken
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relationships and maybe he
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didn't know how so what he
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knew how to do was to go to
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church twice a day.
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And so for me, my brother,
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one of my older brothers said
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to me, "No matter what
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happens, if anyone offers you
00:09:50.49\00:09:52.59
drugs, just say no," you know,
00:09:52.59\00:09:54.49
it was like a catch phrase in
00:09:54.49\00:09:56.73
the 90's, right, "Just say no."
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And I thought to myself,
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"That's what I'm gonna do,"
00:10:01.20\00:10:02.90
you know, "if anything I'll
00:10:02.90\00:10:04.07
drink because it's OK to
00:10:04.07\00:10:05.73
drink," and, you know, again,
00:10:05.73\00:10:07.94
that's kinda numbing the pain,
00:10:07.94\00:10:09.67
right, but I did drink as
00:10:09.67\00:10:14.68
early as elementary school.
00:10:14.68\00:10:18.05
You can kinda get your hands
00:10:19.05\00:10:20.85
on whatever you want,
00:10:20.85\00:10:23.99
especially depending where you
00:10:23.99\00:10:25.39
live or who your friends are,
00:10:25.39\00:10:26.96
their family may have a liquor
00:10:26.96\00:10:28.46
cabinet and I had a friend and
00:10:28.46\00:10:30.49
she had a liquor cabinet at
00:10:30.49\00:10:31.89
her house.
00:10:31.89\00:10:33.19
We would go, we would drink
00:10:33.19\00:10:34.63
and we would just like, we
00:10:34.63\00:10:35.90
would drink something clear
00:10:35.90\00:10:37.23
like vodka and then we would
00:10:37.23\00:10:38.53
fill it up with water, you
00:10:38.53\00:10:39.83
know, and we would do stuff
00:10:39.83\00:10:40.90
like that and just drink a
00:10:40.90\00:10:42.24
little bit of this, a little
00:10:42.24\00:10:43.27
bit of that.
00:10:43.27\00:10:44.61
We would drink and experiment
00:10:44.61\00:10:46.41
and then I started smoking
00:10:46.41\00:10:48.44
weed and then I was invited
00:10:48.44\00:10:50.71
one day to a rave which was
00:10:50.71\00:10:56.45
really popular in Toronto at
00:10:56.45\00:10:59.25
the time, Toronto and the UK,
00:10:59.25\00:11:01.62
these rave parties at
00:11:01.62\00:11:03.96
warehouses downtown, at the
00:11:03.96\00:11:06.23
docks and the warehouse and
00:11:06.23\00:11:08.13
different venues.
00:11:08.13\00:11:09.66
There was a place called
00:11:09.66\00:11:11.07
Comfort Zone that we would go
00:11:11.07\00:11:12.17
to after the party.
00:11:12.17\00:11:13.77
So you'd go to the rave on
00:11:13.77\00:11:16.07
Saturday night and you go to
00:11:16.07\00:11:17.67
Comfort Zone on Sunday morning
00:11:17.67\00:11:19.31
and then you go to your
00:11:19.31\00:11:20.98
friend's house on Monday and
00:11:20.98\00:11:22.71
you go on a binge and I would
00:11:22.71\00:11:24.55
be awake for sometimes three
00:11:24.55\00:11:26.78
days without food and just
00:11:26.78\00:11:31.29
crystal meth and ecstasy,
00:11:31.29\00:11:34.12
cocaine.
00:11:34.12\00:11:35.79
I was about 14 or 15.
00:11:35.79\00:11:37.56
And I was doing this,
00:11:38.43\00:11:41.60
eventually I was addicted, but
00:11:41.60\00:11:43.40
I was just...
00:11:43.40\00:11:44.93
I was just trying to run away
00:11:46.10\00:11:48.34
and it's the only way I
00:11:48.34\00:11:49.50
knew how.
00:11:49.50\00:11:50.51
>> So you were the youngest
00:11:50.51\00:11:53.04
sibling and how did your older
00:11:53.04\00:11:55.21
siblings relate to this?
00:11:55.21\00:11:57.65
>> Well, you know, they could
00:11:57.65\00:11:59.38
see for sure that it was, you
00:11:59.38\00:12:04.05
know, a crisis situation.
00:12:04.05\00:12:06.59
They would find things in my
00:12:07.59\00:12:09.86
pockets like drug
00:12:09.86\00:12:11.39
paraphernalia and I'd be gone
00:12:11.39\00:12:14.30
for days and I'd come back
00:12:14.30\00:12:17.20
and, you know, they could
00:12:17.20\00:12:18.47
smell it on me and even
00:12:18.47\00:12:21.04
though, in a way, they were
00:12:21.04\00:12:23.24
somewhat a little hypocritical
00:12:23.24\00:12:26.37
because of their own choices.
00:12:26.37\00:12:28.24
They were very concerned so a
00:12:28.24\00:12:31.05
few of them in particular
00:12:31.05\00:12:33.45
would talk to me
00:12:33.45\00:12:36.69
or tell my parents.
00:12:36.69\00:12:39.29
In those days we didn't have
00:12:39.29\00:12:41.06
phones and I used to like to
00:12:41.06\00:12:43.76
purchase disposable cameras
00:12:43.76\00:12:47.73
and then take pictures at
00:12:47.73\00:12:49.30
parties and then get them
00:12:49.30\00:12:50.90
developed and then I would
00:12:50.90\00:12:52.27
keep the pictures carelessly
00:12:52.27\00:12:53.60
in my room or something and
00:12:53.60\00:12:54.97
they would find these pictures
00:12:54.97\00:12:56.81
and I was in a really bad state.
00:12:56.81\00:13:00.04
And they knew it was bad, they
00:13:00.04\00:13:03.38
could see the change in my
00:13:03.38\00:13:05.71
life because I was a very pure
00:13:05.71\00:13:08.45
and innocent child, but there
00:13:08.45\00:13:11.69
wasn't a lot they could do.
00:13:11.69\00:13:14.79
They were trying to help me,
00:13:14.79\00:13:16.46
but I didn't wanna be helped
00:13:16.46\00:13:18.09
and that's part of the
00:13:18.09\00:13:20.10
struggle for someone who has
00:13:20.10\00:13:21.93
addiction is you have to wanna
00:13:21.93\00:13:24.90
change.
00:13:24.90\00:13:26.84
And even though your addiction
00:13:26.84\00:13:28.67
affects your family, it will
00:13:28.67\00:13:31.47
continue to do so until you
00:13:31.47\00:13:33.04
really feel the need for
00:13:33.04\00:13:35.38
something more and at that
00:13:35.38\00:13:37.05
time, I didn't have that
00:13:37.05\00:13:39.45
desire for something
00:13:39.45\00:13:41.18
different, I was comfortable
00:13:41.18\00:13:42.95
with what I was doing.
00:13:42.95\00:13:44.69
I was making a lot of money
00:13:44.69\00:13:46.89
stealing bikes and selling
00:13:46.89\00:13:50.23
them, I had people that would
00:13:50.23\00:13:55.20
purchase other stolen goods
00:13:55.20\00:13:57.20
that I would steal from
00:13:57.20\00:13:58.63
people's properties and
00:13:58.63\00:13:59.73
garages and stuff.
00:13:59.73\00:14:01.40
I had a little enterprise of
00:14:01.40\00:14:03.00
my own and I was doing, I
00:14:03.00\00:14:05.01
guess kinda like my dad, my
00:14:05.01\00:14:06.78
own illegal business to
00:14:06.78\00:14:08.74
support my habits.
00:14:08.74\00:14:10.68
And so, you know, this went on
00:14:10.68\00:14:12.35
for some time and my siblings
00:14:12.35\00:14:13.95
would continue to talk to me.
00:14:13.95\00:14:15.65
My oldest sister, she, you
00:14:15.65\00:14:19.32
know, she found out some of my
00:14:19.32\00:14:21.46
behaviour and some of the
00:14:21.46\00:14:23.49
things I had done and some
00:14:23.49\00:14:25.66
trouble I got into and she
00:14:25.66\00:14:28.26
drove down from where she
00:14:28.26\00:14:29.86
lived four hours away and
00:14:29.86\00:14:31.57
said, "You're coming to live
00:14:31.57\00:14:33.10
with me," and she tried to
00:14:33.10\00:14:34.54
take charge of the situation.
00:14:34.54\00:14:36.94
But at that point, you know, I
00:14:36.94\00:14:39.41
was set in my ways and I said,
00:14:39.41\00:14:41.21
"I'm not going anywhere," and
00:14:41.21\00:14:42.68
I wasn't afraid of my sister
00:14:42.68\00:14:44.58
anymore, I used to be kind of
00:14:44.58\00:14:46.21
intimidated by everybody, but
00:14:46.21\00:14:47.88
now I was kind of a changed
00:14:47.88\00:14:49.62
person.
00:14:49.62\00:14:50.92
So I didn't accept the help
00:14:50.92\00:14:54.12
right away, but I would say
00:14:54.12\00:14:55.96
that it was like a seed sown,
00:14:55.96\00:14:58.26
you know, and even biblically
00:14:58.26\00:14:59.83
there's a principle of one man
00:14:59.83\00:15:01.43
sows and another waters, but
00:15:01.43\00:15:03.40
God gives the increase.
00:15:03.40\00:15:05.20
And so these were like seeds
00:15:05.20\00:15:07.27
sown and then they would be
00:15:07.27\00:15:09.54
watered by different people.
00:15:09.54\00:15:11.21
I had a really good guidance
00:15:11.21\00:15:12.64
counsellor at school, she
00:15:12.64\00:15:13.98
would just let me talk about
00:15:13.98\00:15:15.41
all my problems and cry.
00:15:15.41\00:15:17.51
And, you know, there is
00:15:17.51\00:15:20.32
different influential people
00:15:20.32\00:15:22.52
who each had some wisdom,
00:15:22.52\00:15:24.79
some patience and love, and
00:15:24.79\00:15:26.96
eventually God did bring about
00:15:26.96\00:15:29.02
a change.
00:15:29.02\00:15:30.13
>> Pastor Mathew, did your
00:15:30.69\00:15:32.63
friends have the same kind of
00:15:32.63\00:15:35.23
family support as you did?
00:15:35.23\00:15:37.93
>> Well, I mean, it's an
00:15:37.93\00:15:39.50
interesting question, I had
00:15:39.50\00:15:40.84
different friends, I had
00:15:40.84\00:15:43.37
friends that I went to school
00:15:43.37\00:15:45.07
with and, not to say that they
00:15:45.07\00:15:47.38
had perfect families, very few
00:15:47.38\00:15:49.61
people do, but, you know, they
00:15:49.61\00:15:53.05
had maybe more of a family
00:15:53.05\00:15:55.38
structure, more support, more
00:15:55.38\00:15:57.59
opportunity than the friends
00:15:57.59\00:16:00.12
in my neighbourhood where I
00:16:00.12\00:16:01.49
grew up and some of the
00:16:01.49\00:16:02.92
surrounding neighbourhoods
00:16:02.92\00:16:04.63
which were also low-income or,
00:16:04.63\00:16:07.10
you know, neighbourhoods where
00:16:07.10\00:16:09.03
a lot of kids were getting
00:16:09.03\00:16:10.60
into trouble.
00:16:10.60\00:16:12.20
They tended not to have much
00:16:12.67\00:16:16.07
of a family.
00:16:16.07\00:16:17.87
So, for instance, one of my
00:16:17.87\00:16:20.11
friends where we would
00:16:20.11\00:16:21.88
frequent his home and we would
00:16:21.88\00:16:25.45
party, like, do all kinds of
00:16:25.45\00:16:27.55
drugs and chemicals and drink,
00:16:27.55\00:16:30.25
he lived with his mom who was
00:16:30.25\00:16:32.65
a schizophrenic and she often
00:16:32.65\00:16:35.09
didn't have awareness as to
00:16:35.09\00:16:37.23
what was going on in her
00:16:37.23\00:16:38.66
apartment.
00:16:38.66\00:16:39.89
And so we would just cram into
00:16:39.89\00:16:41.20
this back bedroom in his
00:16:41.20\00:16:42.66
apartment and people would be
00:16:42.66\00:16:43.70
coming and going all
00:16:43.70\00:16:44.93
throughout the day and all
00:16:44.93\00:16:46.33
hours of the night and drug
00:16:46.33\00:16:47.60
deals and--
00:16:47.60\00:16:49.17
So it was sad because they
00:16:49.17\00:16:51.17
didn't have the support and I
00:16:51.17\00:16:55.41
had support even though it was
00:16:55.41\00:16:58.48
a struggling family and a
00:16:58.48\00:16:59.91
broken family.
00:16:59.91\00:17:01.48
You know, my father cared in
00:17:01.48\00:17:02.88
his own way.
00:17:02.88\00:17:05.09
I struggle with some of the
00:17:05.09\00:17:06.65
things that he did and I
00:17:06.65\00:17:09.66
forgive him, but, you know,
00:17:09.66\00:17:12.16
it's hard to really process
00:17:12.16\00:17:16.36
some of the things my family
00:17:16.36\00:17:18.33
went through.
00:17:18.33\00:17:19.80
I was arrested one night with
00:17:19.80\00:17:21.64
one of the friends that I grew
00:17:21.64\00:17:23.10
up with and I don't think he
00:17:23.10\00:17:26.37
had the same supports that I
00:17:26.37\00:17:28.38
had and I think the outcomes
00:17:28.38\00:17:30.95
of our lives were much
00:17:30.95\00:17:32.58
different.
00:17:32.58\00:17:33.92
You know, he still struggles
00:17:33.92\00:17:35.92
with alcoholism and we've
00:17:35.92\00:17:38.59
reconnected.
00:17:38.59\00:17:39.89
He's a very broken individual,
00:17:39.89\00:17:41.46
but he's actually trying to
00:17:41.46\00:17:43.16
turn things around late in life.
00:17:43.16\00:17:45.49
We were both arrested, we were
00:17:45.49\00:17:47.30
strip-searched and embarrassed
00:17:47.30\00:17:50.17
and really humiliated and
00:17:50.17\00:17:51.93
mistreated and that experience
00:17:51.93\00:17:53.94
as young people arrested in
00:17:53.94\00:17:57.17
Scarborough and, you know,
00:17:57.17\00:18:00.18
maybe if nowadays we would do
00:18:00.18\00:18:01.84
something different when we
00:18:01.84\00:18:03.35
think about justice and how we
00:18:03.35\00:18:04.91
were treated, but we didn't
00:18:04.91\00:18:06.45
really have a voice and we
00:18:06.45\00:18:08.15
didn't really know what to do
00:18:08.15\00:18:10.19
and we both were charged.
00:18:10.19\00:18:13.86
I was charged for having a
00:18:13.86\00:18:16.83
concealed weapon, he was
00:18:16.83\00:18:19.03
charged with drug trafficking.
00:18:19.03\00:18:22.23
And our lives turned out very
00:18:22.23\00:18:25.70
different and I think a big
00:18:25.70\00:18:28.44
part of that is the supports
00:18:28.44\00:18:30.27
we had.
00:18:30.27\00:18:31.47
My father received the letter
00:18:31.47\00:18:33.24
in the mail about my charges,
00:18:33.24\00:18:35.18
but he's not the person I
00:18:35.18\00:18:36.71
called that night when I was
00:18:36.71\00:18:37.71
at the police station, I
00:18:37.71\00:18:39.05
called my mother and I could
00:18:39.05\00:18:40.75
count on my mother to show me
00:18:40.75\00:18:42.05
love, even in the worst of
00:18:42.05\00:18:43.45
times.
00:18:43.45\00:18:44.75
But he got the letter by
00:18:44.75\00:18:46.39
accident and he found out, he
00:18:46.39\00:18:48.82
was very upset and he took me
00:18:48.82\00:18:51.43
to court.
00:18:51.43\00:18:52.89
And I went to court with
00:18:52.89\00:18:54.50
another concealed weapon in my
00:18:54.50\00:18:56.13
possession and I didn't
00:18:56.13\00:18:58.80
realize that there would be a
00:18:58.80\00:19:01.50
security system and metal
00:19:01.50\00:19:03.67
detector and it was winter and
00:19:03.67\00:19:06.68
so I quickly hid the knife in
00:19:06.68\00:19:10.31
a glove that I put in a plate
00:19:10.31\00:19:11.85
that didn't go through the
00:19:11.85\00:19:13.38
metal detector and somehow I
00:19:13.38\00:19:15.88
escaped further charges.
00:19:15.88\00:19:19.02
But it just shows you, like, I
00:19:19.02\00:19:22.02
was playing with fire even
00:19:22.02\00:19:24.56
after getting into trouble and
00:19:24.56\00:19:27.40
even after that experience, I
00:19:27.40\00:19:29.53
was still struggling, heading
00:19:29.53\00:19:31.90
downward.
00:19:31.90\00:19:33.27
>> So you were playing with
00:19:33.27\00:19:35.74
fire, as you said, is that
00:19:35.74\00:19:38.04
what got you out of this cycle
00:19:38.04\00:19:40.54
of partying and living kind of
00:19:40.54\00:19:42.74
with crime and alcohol and
00:19:42.74\00:19:44.48
with drugs?
00:19:44.48\00:19:45.65
Is that what stopped it?
00:19:45.65\00:19:47.78
>> Well, you know, my oldest
00:19:47.78\00:19:49.32
brother got me a job at Music
00:19:49.32\00:19:50.82
World, which, you know, today
00:19:50.82\00:19:53.09
it's like Spotify and Apple
00:19:53.09\00:19:54.82
Music and iTunes and YouTube,
00:19:54.82\00:19:56.86
but then it was, you know,
00:19:56.86\00:19:58.53
CD's and tapes and whatever,
00:19:58.53\00:20:01.10
you remember those days?
00:20:01.10\00:20:02.96
And, yeah, and I had a job
00:20:02.96\00:20:07.30
there and I had to be sober to
00:20:07.30\00:20:10.54
go to work and one time I went
00:20:10.54\00:20:13.04
to work and I was pretty high
00:20:13.04\00:20:15.54
and my boss knew and he said,
00:20:15.54\00:20:17.41
"If you come to work like that
00:20:17.41\00:20:18.81
one more time, you're gonna be
00:20:18.81\00:20:19.98
fired."
00:20:19.98\00:20:20.98
So it kept me, you know,
00:20:20.98\00:20:23.49
moving in a more positive
00:20:23.49\00:20:24.95
direction, I was making money
00:20:24.95\00:20:26.79
and I was doing it honestly,
00:20:26.79\00:20:28.42
that was really good.
00:20:28.42\00:20:29.99
Another major turning point
00:20:29.99\00:20:32.19
was meeting my wife who, at
00:20:32.19\00:20:33.90
the time, became my
00:20:33.90\00:20:35.80
girlfriend, my wife, Christy.
00:20:35.80\00:20:38.67
You know, she was just-- she
00:20:38.67\00:20:40.54
was not into the partying so
00:20:40.54\00:20:42.27
much, like, she liked a lot of
00:20:42.27\00:20:43.91
the same things, the music and
00:20:43.91\00:20:45.34
the culture and the clothing
00:20:45.34\00:20:46.54
and stuff, but she wasn't
00:20:46.54\00:20:47.78
into, like-- we were into this
00:20:47.78\00:20:49.51
very intense, you know, you
00:20:49.51\00:20:51.55
just went out every night and
00:20:51.55\00:20:54.68
every opportunity to get, you
00:20:54.68\00:20:56.55
know, as high as possible, to
00:20:56.55\00:20:58.69
really just be totally
00:20:58.69\00:21:00.59
destroyed and that's how we
00:21:00.59\00:21:02.29
lived and it was just, like,
00:21:02.29\00:21:06.29
what we knew and people from
00:21:06.29\00:21:08.53
that day that I grew up with,
00:21:08.53\00:21:10.47
even now, some of them are
00:21:10.47\00:21:12.10
dying at a very young age
00:21:12.10\00:21:13.54
because they've just partied
00:21:13.54\00:21:15.14
so hard for so long.
00:21:15.14\00:21:17.17
And she wasn't into that, you
00:21:17.17\00:21:19.14
know, she was maybe
00:21:19.14\00:21:21.94
experimenting a little bit as
00:21:21.94\00:21:23.75
a young teenager, but she
00:21:23.75\00:21:26.05
wasn't into that lifestyle and
00:21:26.05\00:21:28.32
so we spent time together and
00:21:28.32\00:21:30.79
when we were together I wasn't
00:21:30.79\00:21:32.32
doing those things and it was
00:21:32.32\00:21:35.06
very positive.
00:21:35.06\00:21:36.66
Her mom used to study the
00:21:36.66\00:21:38.53
Bible and I would study with
00:21:38.53\00:21:40.70
her, even though I was pretty
00:21:40.70\00:21:42.16
sure she didn't know what she
00:21:42.16\00:21:43.80
was talking about. [chuckles]
00:21:43.80\00:21:45.77
But she was new to her faith
00:21:45.77\00:21:49.04
and it was really good, but I
00:21:49.04\00:21:51.21
decided in my heart that I
00:21:51.21\00:21:52.81
wanted to go back to partying
00:21:52.81\00:21:54.51
eventually and I loved going
00:21:54.51\00:21:57.05
to raves and I actually became
00:21:57.05\00:22:00.35
just kind of what you would
00:22:00.35\00:22:01.85
call a "bedroom DJ" where I
00:22:01.85\00:22:03.45
was DJ-ing some of the music,
00:22:03.45\00:22:05.05
but just for my own pleasure
00:22:05.05\00:22:06.55
and I had some equipment and
00:22:06.55\00:22:08.29
stuff and I got into that and
00:22:08.29\00:22:11.56
my favourite DJ was coming
00:22:11.56\00:22:13.23
back to Toronto after being
00:22:13.23\00:22:15.53
there a year or two before and
00:22:15.53\00:22:17.97
I was determined to go and
00:22:17.97\00:22:20.00
hear this DJ so I snuck behind
00:22:20.00\00:22:21.77
Christy's back and bought a
00:22:21.77\00:22:24.04
ticket to the party and I was
00:22:24.04\00:22:26.78
tying my shoes at the front
00:22:26.78\00:22:30.21
door of my house to go out
00:22:30.21\00:22:33.25
with friends.
00:22:33.25\00:22:35.28
Christy wasn't going and I was
00:22:35.28\00:22:37.02
gonna go with my friends and I
00:22:37.02\00:22:38.55
was gonna go to this party, I
00:22:38.55\00:22:40.09
was waiting to be picked up
00:22:40.09\00:22:41.82
and my mom answered the phone
00:22:41.82\00:22:44.06
and she said, "Mathew, please.
00:22:44.06\00:22:46.73
Mathew come right now."
00:22:46.73\00:22:49.10
She said, "Something's
00:22:50.20\00:22:51.37
happened to James."
00:22:51.37\00:22:53.07
And that was a major
00:22:53.70\00:22:55.14
turning point.
00:22:55.14\00:22:56.71
>> Mathew, I have to apologize.
00:22:57.74\00:23:00.34
We have come to the end of our
00:23:00.34\00:23:02.31
time with you, but I hope you
00:23:02.31\00:23:03.85
will be able to come back next
00:23:03.85\00:23:04.98
week and you can continue
00:23:04.98\00:23:06.51
sharing your story with us.
00:23:06.51\00:23:08.82
Would you be able to do that?
00:23:08.82\00:23:10.32
I feel really bad that we're
00:23:10.32\00:23:11.75
kind of cutting you off
00:23:11.75\00:23:12.95
right now.
00:23:12.95\00:23:13.66
>> For sure, yeah, I'd be
00:23:13.66\00:23:15.16
happy to, yeah.
00:23:15.16\00:23:16.42
>> So you heard your mother
00:23:16.42\00:23:18.39
say that there was-- something
00:23:18.39\00:23:20.80
happened to James and so we'll
00:23:20.80\00:23:22.76
continue with it next week.
00:23:22.76\00:23:24.37
So, thank you.
00:23:24.37\00:23:25.57
[REN巿 But, Pastor Mathew,
00:23:25.57\00:23:26.80
before we let you go, I wonder
00:23:26.80\00:23:28.44
if you could please pray for
00:23:28.44\00:23:30.01
our viewers.
00:23:30.01\00:23:31.77
There might be some who are
00:23:31.77\00:23:33.38
feeling like they're in the
00:23:33.38\00:23:35.08
depths of despair and they're
00:23:35.08\00:23:37.28
in a very, very dark place.
00:23:37.28\00:23:39.31
[MATHEW] For sure, let's pray.
00:23:39.31\00:23:41.05
Loving Father, we thank You
00:23:41.72\00:23:43.32
because You love us when we
00:23:43.32\00:23:46.32
are close to You and even when
00:23:46.32\00:23:48.36
we are in the far country and,
00:23:48.36\00:23:51.03
God, I just thank You for
00:23:51.03\00:23:54.00
loving me and helping me and
00:23:54.00\00:23:55.76
rescuing me.
00:23:55.76\00:23:57.73
But I know there's others.
00:23:57.73\00:23:59.20
They're hurting because their
00:23:59.20\00:24:01.00
families are broken, their
00:24:01.00\00:24:02.64
relationships are broken,
00:24:02.64\00:24:04.24
their marriages are broken,
00:24:04.24\00:24:06.01
maybe they have addiction,
00:24:06.01\00:24:07.74
maybe they have depression.
00:24:07.74\00:24:09.78
Lord, there is nothing too
00:24:09.78\00:24:11.68
hard for You.
00:24:11.68\00:24:13.21
So as You rescued me, I pray
00:24:13.65\00:24:15.88
that You would rescue them.
00:24:15.88\00:24:17.99
Bless us and keep us.
00:24:17.99\00:24:19.82
We ask in Jesus' name, amen.
00:24:19.82\00:24:21.79
[MIKE & REN巿 Amen.
00:24:21.79\00:24:23.16
[MIKE] Thank you so much,
00:24:23.16\00:24:24.63
Mathew, for sharing from your
00:24:24.63\00:24:26.16
heart and honestly telling us
00:24:26.16\00:24:28.43
what you were going through at
00:24:28.43\00:24:29.83
that time and we look forward
00:24:29.83\00:24:31.70
to talking with you again
00:24:31.70\00:24:33.54
next week.
00:24:33.54\00:24:34.74
[gentle piano music]
00:24:37.14\00:24:40.78
儿n the morning
00:24:41.64\00:24:45.48
已hen I rise
00:24:45.48\00:24:49.25
儿n the morning
00:24:49.25\00:24:53.59
已hen I rise
00:24:53.59\00:24:57.39
儿n the morning
00:24:57.39\00:25:01.43
已hen I rise
00:25:01.43\00:25:05.47
二ive me Jesus
00:25:05.47\00:25:13.91
乙nd when I
00:25:13.91\00:25:17.81
勺ome to die
00:25:17.81\00:25:21.18
力h, when I
00:25:21.18\00:25:25.59
勺ome to die
00:25:25.59\00:25:29.56
力h, when I
00:25:29.56\00:25:33.83
勺ome to die
00:25:33.83\00:25:37.67
二ive me Jesus
00:25:37.67\00:25:45.01
二ive me Jesus
00:25:45.71\00:25:52.88
二ive me Jesus
00:25:53.38\00:26:01.62
丸ou can have all this world
00:26:01.62\00:26:09.36
二ive me Jesus
00:26:09.36\00:26:17.37
二ive me Jesus
00:26:17.87\00:26:25.11
二ive me Jesus
00:26:25.51\00:26:33.66
丸ou can have all
00:26:33.66\00:26:38.29
川his world
00:26:38.29\00:26:41.36
丸ou can have all
00:26:41.36\00:26:46.20
川his world
00:26:46.20\00:26:49.34
丸ou can have all
00:26:49.34\00:26:54.51
川his world
00:26:54.51\00:26:57.81
二ive me Jesus
00:26:57.81\00:27:05.69
中
00:27:05.69\00:27:10.69
>> Freedom of choice is one of
00:27:15.50\00:27:17.20
the most precious gifts God
00:27:17.20\00:27:18.87
has entrusted to us.
00:27:18.87\00:27:20.74
Unfortunately, we too often
00:27:20.74\00:27:23.00
make poor choices which may
00:27:23.00\00:27:25.71
lead to destructive habits
00:27:25.71\00:27:27.71
that enslave us, damage our
00:27:27.71\00:27:29.51
health, and even ruin our lives.
00:27:29.51\00:27:33.25
>> Friends, our free offer for
00:27:33.25\00:27:35.05
you is the special Steps To
00:27:35.05\00:27:37.15
Christ Recovery Edition.
00:27:37.15\00:27:39.59
This powerful book includes a
00:27:39.59\00:27:42.09
twelve-step recovery program,
00:27:42.09\00:27:44.26
empowering you to overcome
00:27:44.26\00:27:46.59
harmful habits and addictions.
00:27:46.59\00:27:49.53
Above all, you will come to
00:27:49.53\00:27:51.53
know Jesus Christ, the only
00:27:51.53\00:27:53.80
one who can heal and restore,
00:27:53.80\00:27:56.77
strengthen and encourage, as
00:27:56.77\00:27:59.31
well as bring true balance and
00:27:59.31\00:28:01.44
meaning to your life.
00:28:01.44\00:28:03.41
[MIKE] You, too, can
00:28:03.88\00:28:05.38
experience the fullness of
00:28:05.38\00:28:06.61
life found in the words of
00:28:06.61\00:28:08.12
Jesus when He said, "It is
00:28:08.12\00:28:09.78
written, 'Man shall not live
00:28:09.78\00:28:12.29
by bread alone, but by every
00:28:12.29\00:28:14.32
word that proceeds out of the
00:28:14.32\00:28:16.02
mouth of God.'"
00:28:16.02\00:28:18.23
中
00:28:18.23\00:28:53.16