>> Welcome to It Is Written
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Canada.
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Thank you for joining us in
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beautiful Kelowna, British
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Columbia.
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Our special guest again is Don
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Straub, a practising clinical
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counsellor who helps people
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struggling with everyday
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problems by giving them
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powerful, practical solutions.
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>> Don is going to look at the
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topic of emotional dishonesty.
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Don, welcome again to It Is
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Written Canada.
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>> Thank you, it's awesome to
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be here with you.
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>> Can you explain to us,
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what do you mean by
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"emotional dishonesty?"
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>> Well, for starters, our
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society holds many myths
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about emotions.
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For example, in our society,
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emotional dishonesty is not
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just common, it's something to
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be sought after.
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Like: "How are you today?"
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"Fine," even though I'm
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anything but fine.
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And what I've discovered is
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that this takes place in other
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cultures, too.
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When I went to Africa, I
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discovered I wanted to know
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how to greet people first off
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and so they said, "Well, this"
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"is what you do: you say,"
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"'Habari gani'" which means
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"Any news," or "What's the"
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"news," literally "What's the"
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"news" and you must always
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say, "Nzuri," which means
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"good, "it's always gotta be
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good news.
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And so here's the thing about
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emotions, I think that many
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Christians begin to equate
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certain emotions like
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uncomfortable emotions, like
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sadness, anxiety, worry, fear,
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even anger, as being negative
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or sinful and they equate when
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you have joy and happiness and
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calmness that you're
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righteous.
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And that's too bad because all
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of the emotions serve a
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purpose, they have a function.
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There aren't negative or
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positive emotions, just
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comfortable and uncomfortable
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emotions.
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>> So, Don, what does the
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Bible say about emotions?
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>> When I started to
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understand the biology of
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emotions and how they're
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produced by the brain and the
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hormones, I realized that,
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"Hey, this is just how the"
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"body works, this is just how"
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"God created us," and I began
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to pay attention to emotions
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in the scriptures.
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And there's emotion all
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through the scriptures.
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Psalms, especially, are just
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filled with strong emotions, I
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mean there's crying, there's,
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like, wailing, there's tears,
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and there's huge emotions of
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fear and anxiety, there's--
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oh, there's strong emotions of
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anger in the book of Psalms.
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In the Bible, the Bible refers
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to God as having anger,
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there's 44 scriptures that say
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God is angry.
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And so there's a lot of
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emotion in scripture.
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The shortest verse in the
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Bible is so profound,
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it simply says, "Jesus wept."
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And when I think of those
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words, it just meets my needs
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because when both of my wifes
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died, I would imagine Jesus
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weeping right with me when I
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was weeping, that He was there
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with me, that Jesus is always
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abiding with us through all of
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this pain.
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¤¤
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¤Abide with me¤
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¤fast falls the eventide¤
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¤The darkness deepens¤
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¤Lord, with me abide¤
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¤When other helpers¤
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¤fail and comforts flee¤
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¤Help of the helpless¤
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¤oh, abide with me¤
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¤¤
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¤I fear no foe¤
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¤with Thee at hand to bless¤
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¤Ills have no weight¤
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¤and tears no bitterness¤
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¤Where is death's sting¤
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¤Where, grave, thy victory¤
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¤I triumph still¤
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¤if Thou abide with me¤
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¤¤
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>> It is so true.
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When you open your heart to
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God, Jesus says that He will
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abide with you and He will
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never leave you.
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And we've been talking to Don
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Straub who is a practising
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clinical counsellor and he's
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been talking about what the
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Bible reveals about emotions
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and about how God is with you
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in your times of sorrow.
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Don, what about myths?
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Do people have certain myths
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when it comes to emotions?
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>> Well, one myth about
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emotions is that we are
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responsible for other
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people's emotions.
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That may sound logical, but
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it's not really helpful.
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And it can start innocently,
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like, let's just say we have a
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little toddler and he walks
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into his mommy's bedroom
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and Mommy's crying.
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To the toddler, his mommy
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could be dying in his
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little mind.
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And Mommy sees the toddler
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and says, "Oh, come here,"
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"Honey, give Mommy a big hug,"
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and they hug and she says,
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"Oh, you make Mommy"
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"feel so much better."
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Sounds really endearing,
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doesn't it?
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But actually it's the opposite
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of endearing.
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What's happening there is the
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toddler will probably get the
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idea that he has the power to
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change his mommy's feelings
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and he might even become to
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believe that he's responsible
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for his mother's feelings and
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then through his life he's
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always trying to make Mom feel
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better, if she's not,
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it's his fault.
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See, the truth is that it
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would be better for Mommy to
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say, "Oh, come here, honey."
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"Give Mommy a big hug."
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"It's OK for mommies to cry."
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"We get sad sometimes and"
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"that's OK."
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That way the child learns that
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it's OK to be sad, it's OK not
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to be happy all the time.
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But let's say this child feels
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that he has to be responsible
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for his mother's feelings,
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that child could easily grow
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up and now in his adult
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relationships, such as his
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marriage relationship, he
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might feel responsible for his
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partner's feelings.
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And, you know, we don't like
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to be told, "You shouldn't"
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"feel this way," or we wanna
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fix it.
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People don't wanna be fixed,
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sometimes they just wanna be
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held, understood, listened to.
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It's not about making us feel
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differently or better.
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>> So, Don, aren't some
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emotions better than other
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emotions?
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>> I used to think that way,
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I think it's sort of natural
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for us to think that way.
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I used to call negative
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emotions and positive
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emotions, but I don't anymore.
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There are comfortable emotions
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and uncomfortable emotions
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and each of these emotions
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have a purpose.
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Let's take sadness for
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instance.
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So sadness is what we call an
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emotion and an emotion is an
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action signal, every emotion
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is an action signal so we take
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some action.
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So sadness is an action signal
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to chill out, take a rest,
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slow down your life, and get
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this: it's an action to shed
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some tears, it's a signal
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to cry.
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There are two kinds of tears:
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there's tears of lubrication
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which we need to keep from
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getting dry eyes, then there
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are tears of emotion and these
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tears of emotion could be sad
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or happy-sad, as you know, and
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these tears actually contain
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toxic chemicals, they can
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measure them, and these are
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the toxins produced by the
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brain when we're stressed and
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this is the way the brain gets
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rid of those toxins is through
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the tear ducts.
00:10:15.58\00:10:16.91
So it's important to cry to
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de-stress.
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Let's talk about anxiety,
00:10:20.85\00:10:22.32
that's another example of
00:10:22.32\00:10:23.69
an emotion.
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We don't like to feel anxiety,
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but it's actually your friend.
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Anxiety is my friend because
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anxiety is an action signal
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to keep myself safe.
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If I had no anxiety, I
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wouldn't probably live more
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than a few years of life
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because the action signal to
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stay safe is an important
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signal.
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If I had no anxiety, I
00:10:44.97\00:10:46.68
wouldn't study for a test.
00:10:46.68\00:10:48.41
If I had no anxiety, I
00:10:48.41\00:10:50.05
probably wouldn't check my
00:10:50.05\00:10:51.21
smoke alarms
00:10:51.21\00:10:52.51
or I wouldn't drive safely.
00:10:52.51\00:10:54.18
See, it's an action signal
00:10:54.18\00:10:55.85
that keeps me safe.
00:10:55.85\00:10:57.62
But let me explain something
00:10:57.62\00:10:59.12
here, we have these two words
00:10:59.12\00:11:00.32
in the English language, we
00:11:00.32\00:11:01.76
have the word, "fear," and the
00:11:01.76\00:11:03.46
word, "anxiety."
00:11:03.46\00:11:05.36
So just for definition's sake,
00:11:05.36\00:11:06.86
we have to look at it this
00:11:06.86\00:11:07.96
way: they feel the same.
00:11:07.96\00:11:09.66
Maybe fear can sometimes be
00:11:09.66\00:11:11.17
more intense, but for some
00:11:11.17\00:11:12.43
people, anxiety can be as
00:11:12.43\00:11:13.64
intense as fear.
00:11:13.64\00:11:15.24
But fear is what we feel when
00:11:15.24\00:11:18.04
there is a danger right now,
00:11:18.04\00:11:21.04
in the room, in this moment,
00:11:21.04\00:11:22.58
there's a rattle snake on the
00:11:22.58\00:11:23.85
floor right now.
00:11:23.85\00:11:25.18
It's a good thing we feel fear
00:11:25.18\00:11:26.58
We wanna feel fear or we might
00:11:26.58\00:11:28.18
pick it up.
00:11:28.18\00:11:29.25
It keeps us safe.
00:11:29.25\00:11:31.22
Anxiety is when we're in the
00:11:31.22\00:11:33.59
future, so it's kind of like
00:11:33.59\00:11:37.39
I'm feeling anxiety about the
00:11:37.39\00:11:40.60
idea that I might run across a
00:11:40.60\00:11:43.13
rattle snake in the parking
00:11:43.13\00:11:44.90
lot when I go home today.
00:11:44.90\00:11:47.70
Now, if there were rattle
00:11:47.70\00:11:49.47
snakes in this area, that may
00:11:49.47\00:11:52.47
be an appropriate thing and I
00:11:52.47\00:11:54.21
can take action, I can stomp
00:11:54.21\00:11:56.08
my feet, look for rattle
00:11:56.08\00:11:57.85
snakes, but if there's no
00:11:57.85\00:11:59.75
rattle snakes at all in this
00:11:59.75\00:12:01.18
area, that anxiety serves
00:12:01.18\00:12:03.39
no purpose.
00:12:03.39\00:12:04.95
We call it a perceived fear,
00:12:04.95\00:12:07.16
it's just only a perceived
00:12:07.16\00:12:08.62
fear and-- but it can get me
00:12:08.62\00:12:10.29
into trouble and sometimes
00:12:10.29\00:12:11.79
these perceived fears, this
00:12:11.79\00:12:13.63
anxiety, can just put us
00:12:13.63\00:12:15.36
instantly into fight, flight,
00:12:15.36\00:12:16.83
or freeze mode.
00:12:16.83\00:12:18.40
And for some people, they
00:12:18.40\00:12:21.24
have, like, a chronic anxiety
00:12:21.24\00:12:23.24
in which they're continuously
00:12:23.24\00:12:25.21
anxious, continually fearful
00:12:25.21\00:12:27.54
and this is often the result
00:12:27.54\00:12:29.31
of PTSD, Post Traumatic
00:12:29.31\00:12:31.18
Stress Disorder.
00:12:31.18\00:12:33.21
In other words, their brains
00:12:33.21\00:12:34.95
have been now programmed to be
00:12:34.95\00:12:36.48
in a high state of alert for
00:12:36.48\00:12:38.19
danger because of what they've
00:12:38.19\00:12:39.65
experienced in their past,
00:12:39.65\00:12:41.29
they can never feel comfortable
00:12:41.29\00:12:43.09
or safe in the present.
00:12:43.09\00:12:45.53
God knows that we're human,
00:12:45.53\00:12:47.86
He understands our condition.
00:12:47.86\00:12:49.90
He's not gonna, like, judge us
00:12:49.90\00:12:52.10
for that kind of feeling in
00:12:52.10\00:12:53.47
the body.
00:12:53.47\00:12:55.04
But it's an action signal to
00:12:55.04\00:12:56.77
probably go see a
00:12:56.77\00:12:58.27
professional, get some help
00:12:58.27\00:13:00.31
with that trauma.
00:13:00.31\00:13:02.61
>> So, Don, what happens if
00:13:02.61\00:13:05.08
you can't calm down and you're
00:13:05.08\00:13:08.55
constantly in this state of
00:13:08.55\00:13:11.52
fight, flight, or freeze?
00:13:11.52\00:13:14.09
>> Well, I like to teach my
00:13:16.12\00:13:19.09
clients a way of managing that
00:13:19.09\00:13:21.76
emotion because there are
00:13:21.76\00:13:25.00
times where emotions get out
00:13:25.00\00:13:26.90
of control and we're almost
00:13:26.90\00:13:28.60
helpless to do anything about
00:13:28.60\00:13:30.14
it in that moment, and, like,
00:13:30.14\00:13:31.81
normal spiritual disciplines
00:13:31.81\00:13:34.04
don't work, nothing seems
00:13:34.04\00:13:35.68
to work.
00:13:35.68\00:13:37.31
But let me explain emotion
00:13:37.31\00:13:38.85
this way, I'm gonna talk about
00:13:38.85\00:13:41.12
the "window of tolerance," OK?
00:13:41.12\00:13:44.59
So let's just say that right
00:13:44.59\00:13:46.86
here, at this level here, is a
00:13:46.86\00:13:50.36
minimum amount of emotion that
00:13:50.36\00:13:52.33
a human needs to be healthy.
00:13:52.33\00:13:55.36
Now below this level, in this
00:13:55.36\00:13:57.53
area down here, we're not
00:13:57.53\00:14:00.27
safe, we're not living in
00:14:00.27\00:14:02.57
healthy ways because in this
00:14:02.57\00:14:04.44
area, we're probably
00:14:04.44\00:14:06.07
intoxicated, drunk,
00:14:06.07\00:14:07.78
high on drugs.
00:14:07.78\00:14:09.51
[MIKE] So your emotions are
00:14:09.51\00:14:11.18
being suppressed by
00:14:11.18\00:14:12.81
the alcohol...
00:14:12.81\00:14:14.08
[DON] Exactly.
00:14:14.08\00:14:15.15
>> ...or the drugs.
00:14:15.15\00:14:16.05
>> Exactly.
00:14:16.05\00:14:17.49
And so when we're in this area
00:14:17.49\00:14:19.19
with our emotions, we're not
00:14:19.19\00:14:20.32
healthy, we're gonna do
00:14:20.32\00:14:21.82
dangerous things.
00:14:21.82\00:14:23.36
Now, let's talk about maybe a
00:14:23.36\00:14:25.33
metaphor here to kinda
00:14:25.33\00:14:26.46
illustrate this.
00:14:26.46\00:14:28.06
I can have spaghetti and I can
00:14:28.06\00:14:30.07
put it into ice cold water and
00:14:30.07\00:14:31.90
let it sit there for a few
00:14:31.90\00:14:33.34
hours and it gets soft, I could
00:14:33.34\00:14:35.64
eat it, but it's disgusting.
00:14:35.64\00:14:37.71
Like, if you want to enjoy
00:14:37.71\00:14:39.14
spaghetti, you have to have
00:14:39.14\00:14:40.84
heat, you have to cook the
00:14:40.84\00:14:42.61
spaghetti, OK?
00:14:42.61\00:14:44.48
So it's like that.
00:14:44.48\00:14:46.31
All of our emotions, all of
00:14:46.31\00:14:48.15
the emotions have a purpose
00:14:48.15\00:14:49.88
and we need to have those
00:14:49.88\00:14:51.39
emotions in our lives, like
00:14:51.39\00:14:53.69
spaghetti needs heat, we need
00:14:53.69\00:14:55.69
these emotions to be healthy.
00:14:55.69\00:14:58.19
So we need to stay within this
00:14:58.19\00:15:01.13
zone right here to feel some
00:15:01.13\00:15:05.53
emotions to be healthy
00:15:05.53\00:15:07.87
human beings.
00:15:07.87\00:15:09.87
But just like spaghetti, if
00:15:09.87\00:15:11.71
you aren't watching and you
00:15:11.71\00:15:13.24
don't turn the heat down
00:15:13.24\00:15:14.78
before the temperature gets to
00:15:14.78\00:15:16.38
a certain point, what a mess
00:15:16.38\00:15:19.08
all over the stove.
00:15:19.08\00:15:20.52
And that's what happens
00:15:20.52\00:15:21.98
with emotions.
00:15:21.98\00:15:23.02
When we reach this upper level
00:15:23.02\00:15:25.42
here, the window of tolerance,
00:15:25.42\00:15:29.09
and we go over that, our lives
00:15:29.09\00:15:31.03
can fall apart, we can't
00:15:31.03\00:15:32.76
function, we can't think
00:15:32.76\00:15:34.50
properly, we can't reason
00:15:34.50\00:15:36.16
logically, we just come apart,
00:15:36.16\00:15:38.40
so to speak, and we have words
00:15:38.40\00:15:39.53
in the English language
00:15:39.53\00:15:40.40
for this.
00:15:40.40\00:15:41.20
And this is where we fear, we
00:15:41.20\00:15:42.87
fear arriving here so we numb
00:15:42.87\00:15:45.17
ourselves with alcohol and
00:15:45.17\00:15:46.31
drugs to stay--
00:15:46.31\00:15:48.28
but it goes down here.
00:15:48.28\00:15:50.51
So this is the point we don't
00:15:50.51\00:15:52.95
want to exceed and we need to
00:15:52.95\00:15:54.55
manage our emotions in order
00:15:54.55\00:15:56.18
to stay within this window of
00:15:56.18\00:15:57.62
tolerance.
00:15:57.62\00:15:59.02
>> So how do you manage
00:15:59.02\00:16:01.42
your emotions?
00:16:01.42\00:16:03.22
>> Well when the usual things,
00:16:03.89\00:16:05.59
usual spiritual disciplines
00:16:05.59\00:16:07.10
like prayer and stuff doesn't
00:16:07.10\00:16:08.33
work, and sometimes it doesn't,
00:16:08.33\00:16:10.13
I make sure that all my
00:16:10.13\00:16:11.80
clients have an exercise that
00:16:11.80\00:16:13.57
really works to manage
00:16:13.57\00:16:14.84
emotions so I'm gonna quickly
00:16:14.84\00:16:15.87
go through this.
00:16:15.87\00:16:17.31
I tell people to go to a calm
00:16:17.31\00:16:18.84
place which a place they've
00:16:18.84\00:16:20.24
been in the past that has just
00:16:20.24\00:16:22.51
been a calm, happy experience,
00:16:22.51\00:16:23.95
nothing bad happened in this
00:16:23.95\00:16:25.31
place, and I tell them to go
00:16:25.31\00:16:26.95
there and imagine this place,
00:16:26.95\00:16:28.32
what they see, what they hear,
00:16:28.32\00:16:29.62
what they feel on their body,
00:16:29.62\00:16:30.95
temperature, maybe what they
00:16:30.95\00:16:32.32
smell and to stay in
00:16:32.32\00:16:33.62
that place.
00:16:33.62\00:16:34.89
And generally if it's a calm
00:16:34.89\00:16:36.39
place, their breathing rate
00:16:36.39\00:16:38.66
goes slow and kinda shallow
00:16:38.66\00:16:41.70
and it's down in this area
00:16:41.70\00:16:43.40
instead of up here when you're
00:16:43.40\00:16:44.63
anxious, and then once they
00:16:44.63\00:16:46.47
have that calm place, I tell
00:16:46.47\00:16:48.14
them to memorize their breath,
00:16:48.14\00:16:49.90
remember it because we do have
00:16:49.90\00:16:51.31
some control over the breath
00:16:51.31\00:16:52.54
with our conscious mind, we
00:16:52.54\00:16:53.88
can force ourselves to breathe
00:16:53.88\00:16:55.14
that way, and then I tell them
00:16:55.14\00:16:56.85
to pick a word or a phrase
00:16:56.85\00:16:59.21
that they can link to this
00:16:59.21\00:17:00.65
place like "peace," "serenity,"
00:17:00.65\00:17:03.45
maybe "God is with me," and to
00:17:03.45\00:17:05.95
remember that word, it's like
00:17:05.95\00:17:07.12
a cue word.
00:17:07.12\00:17:08.99
After that, I tell them to do
00:17:08.99\00:17:10.93
this: take your hands, looking
00:17:10.93\00:17:13.36
at your palms, cross your
00:17:13.36\00:17:15.16
fists-- your wrists with your
00:17:15.16\00:17:17.17
thumbs up and when you do this
00:17:17.17\00:17:19.17
it's like a butterfly.
00:17:19.17\00:17:20.64
This is called a butterfly hug
00:17:20.64\00:17:22.30
You put the thumbs at the top
00:17:22.30\00:17:23.91
of your rib cage and you start
00:17:23.91\00:17:25.84
to use left-right bilateral
00:17:25.84\00:17:27.44
stimulation and you tap your
00:17:27.44\00:17:28.98
chest, left, right, left,
00:17:28.98\00:17:30.48
right, left right.
00:17:30.48\00:17:32.05
This bilateral stimulation of
00:17:32.05\00:17:33.82
the brain has a very calming
00:17:33.82\00:17:35.55
effect on the brain because,
00:17:35.55\00:17:37.02
you see, your left brain
00:17:37.02\00:17:38.42
controls your right hand which
00:17:38.42\00:17:40.16
tells your left arm that you've
00:17:40.16\00:17:42.79
touched it which is received
00:17:42.79\00:17:44.26
by your right brain and vice
00:17:44.26\00:17:45.76
versa, it really calms
00:17:45.76\00:17:47.40
the brain.
00:17:47.40\00:17:48.50
So to do this exercise, we do
00:17:48.50\00:17:50.33
it backwards.
00:17:50.33\00:17:51.80
So if you're getting to this
00:17:51.80\00:17:53.23
place where you're just going
00:17:53.23\00:17:54.80
over the top, you start with a
00:17:54.80\00:17:57.54
butterfly hug and you start
00:17:57.54\00:17:58.87
tapping left-right like this
00:17:58.87\00:18:00.61
and then you say the cue word.
00:18:00.61\00:18:03.18
"God is with me," "peace,"
00:18:03.18\00:18:05.11
whatever the cue word is, and
00:18:05.11\00:18:06.65
then you force yourself to
00:18:06.65\00:18:08.12
breathe in that slow, shallow
00:18:08.12\00:18:09.78
way and then you go to this
00:18:09.78\00:18:11.59
place, you see it, you feel
00:18:11.59\00:18:13.62
it, you hear it, you smell it
00:18:13.62\00:18:15.59
and you cycle around the cue
00:18:15.59\00:18:17.56
word, the breath, the calm
00:18:17.56\00:18:19.09
place, the cue word, the
00:18:19.09\00:18:20.80
breath, the calm place, all
00:18:20.80\00:18:22.16
the while doing the
00:18:22.16\00:18:23.33
butterfly hug.
00:18:23.33\00:18:25.07
And what happens here is you
00:18:25.07\00:18:27.44
cannot be in the future,
00:18:27.44\00:18:29.74
remember that's what anxiety
00:18:29.74\00:18:31.11
is, you're in the future, you
00:18:31.11\00:18:32.71
cannot stay in the future when
00:18:32.71\00:18:33.98
you're doing all this.
00:18:33.98\00:18:35.38
It brings you to the present
00:18:35.38\00:18:36.81
and as long as there's no
00:18:36.81\00:18:38.01
rattle snake on the floor, as
00:18:38.01\00:18:39.55
long as you're safe, you're
00:18:39.55\00:18:40.75
gonna come down in your
00:18:40.75\00:18:42.02
emotions.
00:18:42.02\00:18:43.35
And guess what you're doing:
00:18:43.35\00:18:44.79
you're using your thoughts and
00:18:44.79\00:18:46.39
your behaviours, remember the
00:18:46.39\00:18:47.96
BFT sandwich?
00:18:47.96\00:18:49.32
Thoughts create feelings and
00:18:49.32\00:18:50.86
behaviours create feelings.
00:18:50.86\00:18:52.76
So you're using your breath,
00:18:52.76\00:18:54.60
that's a behaviour, and you're
00:18:54.60\00:18:56.67
using your butterfly hug,
00:18:56.67\00:18:58.27
that's a behaviour, you're
00:18:58.27\00:18:59.87
using your thought, "God is"
00:18:59.87\00:19:01.54
"with me," "calm," "peace,"
00:19:01.54\00:19:03.34
"serenity," and you're using
00:19:03.34\00:19:05.07
the calm place, you're
00:19:05.07\00:19:06.54
thinking about this calm place.
00:19:06.54\00:19:08.04
So you're using thoughts and
00:19:08.04\00:19:09.78
behaviours to bring your
00:19:09.78\00:19:11.95
feelings down below the window
00:19:11.95\00:19:14.38
of tolerance level there.
00:19:14.38\00:19:16.62
>> So, Don, can you use this
00:19:17.79\00:19:19.72
to manage other emotions that
00:19:19.72\00:19:22.02
are troubling you?
00:19:22.02\00:19:23.49
>> Absolutely.
00:19:23.49\00:19:24.79
Any emotion that starts to
00:19:24.79\00:19:26.43
send you into a place where
00:19:26.43\00:19:28.03
you're starting to feel
00:19:28.03\00:19:29.36
flooded, raises your heart
00:19:29.36\00:19:30.57
rate, you can use this
00:19:30.57\00:19:32.67
exercise to keep yourself
00:19:32.67\00:19:34.40
within the window of tolerance.
00:19:34.40\00:19:36.24
Let's talk about anger for
00:19:36.24\00:19:38.04
example, OK?
00:19:38.04\00:19:39.44
A lot of people are afraid of
00:19:39.44\00:19:41.21
anger, they don't think it's a
00:19:41.21\00:19:43.18
good emotion to have, but
00:19:43.18\00:19:45.48
actually, like all the other
00:19:45.48\00:19:47.22
emotions, anger is an action
00:19:47.22\00:19:49.05
signal, it has a purpose.
00:19:49.05\00:19:50.75
The action signal of anger is
00:19:50.75\00:19:52.65
to protect yourself and the
00:19:52.65\00:19:54.46
people you love from injustice.
00:19:54.46\00:19:58.59
You see, if I don't feel any
00:19:58.59\00:20:00.43
anger when there's an
00:20:00.43\00:20:02.20
injustice, I would be deemed
00:20:02.20\00:20:04.73
sociopathic because it's very
00:20:04.73\00:20:07.20
appropriate to be angry when
00:20:07.20\00:20:09.37
there's an injustice.
00:20:09.37\00:20:11.07
It's an action signal to
00:20:11.07\00:20:12.64
protect myself and the people
00:20:12.64\00:20:14.14
I love, like I said.
00:20:14.14\00:20:15.54
So maybe I see racism.
00:20:15.54\00:20:17.28
Perhaps I could write an
00:20:17.28\00:20:19.45
article to the newspaper,
00:20:19.45\00:20:20.68
maybe I could work towards
00:20:20.68\00:20:22.48
passed laws that help people
00:20:22.48\00:20:24.62
from, you know, that are being
00:20:24.62\00:20:25.99
picked on because of
00:20:25.99\00:20:27.22
their race.
00:20:27.22\00:20:28.69
People have invented cures
00:20:29.29\00:20:31.09
for diseases because they
00:20:31.09\00:20:32.36
were angry that their
00:20:32.36\00:20:33.46
loved-one died.
00:20:33.46\00:20:34.86
So anger's a very appropriate
00:20:34.86\00:20:36.56
emotion when there's injustice.
00:20:36.56\00:20:38.23
No wonder God gets angry, no
00:20:38.23\00:20:39.60
wonder there's 44 verses
00:20:39.60\00:20:40.84
because think of all the
00:20:40.84\00:20:42.14
injustices that God
00:20:42.14\00:20:43.14
experiences.
00:20:43.14\00:20:44.61
Now let's take the emotion of
00:20:45.61\00:20:47.24
guilt, it's a very appropriate
00:20:47.24\00:20:49.64
emotion.
00:20:49.64\00:20:51.11
Think of what would happen if
00:20:51.11\00:20:52.31
no one felt guilty.
00:20:52.31\00:20:53.65
What a terrible world we'd be
00:20:53.65\00:20:55.15
living in because guilt is an
00:20:55.15\00:20:56.99
action signal to apologize,
00:20:56.99\00:21:01.52
make amends, ask forgiveness,
00:21:01.52\00:21:03.86
and to change what you're
00:21:03.86\00:21:05.73
doing, to do it differently.
00:21:05.73\00:21:09.00
Unfortunately, some people
00:21:09.00\00:21:10.60
feel guilty when they're
00:21:10.60\00:21:12.73
not guilty.
00:21:12.73\00:21:14.44
Now this happens especially
00:21:14.44\00:21:15.77
with children because they
00:21:15.77\00:21:16.97
don't have that ability to
00:21:16.97\00:21:18.31
reason logically.
00:21:18.31\00:21:20.34
They're egocentric, it's all
00:21:20.34\00:21:21.68
about me, you see.
00:21:21.68\00:21:23.58
So for a child, for instance,
00:21:23.58\00:21:26.48
if, maybe if a parent leaves
00:21:26.48\00:21:29.48
them, there's a divorce and
00:21:29.48\00:21:32.02
they never see their dad
00:21:32.02\00:21:33.59
hardly at all, they begin to
00:21:33.59\00:21:35.46
feel it's their fault for
00:21:35.46\00:21:37.16
the divorce.
00:21:37.16\00:21:38.23
And maybe they heard--
00:21:38.23\00:21:39.43
overheard parents arguing
00:21:39.43\00:21:40.56
about them, how to discipline
00:21:40.56\00:21:41.53
and they begin to feel
00:21:41.53\00:21:42.66
they're guilty, they're the
00:21:42.66\00:21:44.07
guilty one, it's their fault.
00:21:44.07\00:21:46.50
I even found that some
00:21:46.50\00:21:48.14
children will believe it's
00:21:48.14\00:21:49.84
their fault that Grandma died
00:21:49.84\00:21:51.91
because they go to this place
00:21:51.91\00:21:53.34
of, "Well, I must not be a"
00:21:53.34\00:21:54.88
"good child, I must have done"
00:21:54.88\00:21:56.58
"something wrong and made God"
00:21:56.58\00:21:58.35
"angry and killed my grandma."
00:21:58.35\00:22:00.45
This is how children think.
00:22:00.45\00:22:02.35
But sometimes adults do the
00:22:02.35\00:22:03.55
same thing.
00:22:03.55\00:22:04.82
I've met many adults that feel
00:22:04.82\00:22:06.22
guilty because of a friend's
00:22:06.22\00:22:07.59
suicide, they feel guilty
00:22:07.59\00:22:09.22
because they believe that if
00:22:09.22\00:22:10.63
they'd just seen it, if they
00:22:10.63\00:22:12.29
just saw the symptoms, they
00:22:12.29\00:22:13.70
could have done something
00:22:13.70\00:22:15.00
about it, but they're not
00:22:15.00\00:22:16.13
professionals, but they
00:22:16.13\00:22:17.57
believe that it's their fault.
00:22:17.57\00:22:19.03
Of course the Devil loves us
00:22:19.03\00:22:20.57
to feel guilty when we're not
00:22:20.57\00:22:21.77
guilty 'cause he likes to beat
00:22:21.77\00:22:23.04
us up with this false guilt.
00:22:23.04\00:22:24.71
>> So, Don, earlier on you
00:22:25.47\00:22:27.31
mentioned shame.
00:22:27.31\00:22:29.94
Where does shame come in?
00:22:29.94\00:22:31.98
Aren't guilt and shame
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the same thing?
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>> What's interesting is that
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in scripture it doesn't
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differentiate between the two,
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but when it comes to
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definitions, it's important in
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the field of counselling to be
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able to define their
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differences, OK, or you could
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perhaps use other words, but
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we've chosen to use "shame"
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for the word for "false guilt"
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'cause they feel identical
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when you're guilty and you
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feel guilty or when you're not
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guilty and you still feel
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guilty, you're feeling guilt,
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false guilt, so we just call
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that shame.
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Shame is a very icky, icky
00:23:03.75\00:23:05.31
feeling, a very painful
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feeling that we get when we
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feel we're flawed, we're not
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good enough.
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When I sin, I might feel
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unworthy to myself,
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but never to God.
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John Newton wrote these words
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in Amazing Grace, he said...
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Now, John Newton, being human,
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I'm sure felt like a wretch
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after all the wretched things
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that he did.
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And so with Isaac Watts, he
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penned these words in a song.
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He said...
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This is probably a reference
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to Psalms 22:6 where it says,
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"But I am a worm and"
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"not a man."
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Now I'm sure that Isaac Watts
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felt like a worm for his sins,
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but that is not the truth
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because this is what Zechariah
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says in chapter 2, verse 8:
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Wow!
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Another translation says
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again-- "Anyone who harms"
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"you harms my most precious"
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"possession."
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You see, the truth is we're
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not a wretch, we're not a
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worm, we're the apple, we're
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God's most precious possession.
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And so when we start to feel
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this way, like, "I'm unworthy,"
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"I'm not valuable, because"
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"I'm a-- I've sinned..."
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We need to say the truth:
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"I am worthy, I am valuable"
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"to God, I'm the apple of His"
00:25:04.23\00:25:06.17
"eye, I'm His most precious"
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"possession," because speaking
00:25:08.24\00:25:10.24
these truths sets us free.
00:25:10.24\00:25:13.61
>> Don, that is so encouraging
00:25:16.75\00:25:19.01
that we are the apple of God's
00:25:19.01\00:25:21.05
eye and we all make mistakes,
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but even though we make
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mistakes, we are not
00:25:25.82\00:25:27.62
a mistake...
00:25:27.62\00:25:28.62
>> That's right.
00:25:28.62\00:25:29.76
>> ...in the eyes of God.
00:25:29.76\00:25:31.33
So, Don, we've come to the end
00:25:31.33\00:25:33.43
of our program and I wonder if
00:25:33.43\00:25:35.30
you could please pray for us.
00:25:35.30\00:25:36.80
>> Absolutely.
00:25:36.80\00:25:38.33
Father God in heaven,
00:25:39.47\00:25:43.00
thank You for telling us how
00:25:43.00\00:25:47.78
You see us through Your eyes
00:25:47.78\00:25:50.55
as Your most precious
00:25:50.55\00:25:52.01
possession.
00:25:52.01\00:25:53.78
And, Lord, help us to remember
00:25:53.78\00:25:55.72
that when we're not feeling
00:25:55.72\00:25:58.25
like we're worthy at all,
00:25:58.25\00:26:00.39
to remember these truths and
00:26:00.39\00:26:02.06
to claim them.
00:26:02.06\00:26:04.26
In Jesus' name we pray, amen.
00:26:04.26\00:26:06.49
>> Amen, amen.
00:26:06.49\00:26:07.93
Thank you, Don, for sharing
00:26:07.93\00:26:09.30
with us about emotions today.
00:26:09.30\00:26:11.00
>> You're welcome.
00:26:11.00\00:26:12.40
>> Friends, as Don Straub
00:26:13.77\00:26:15.17
shared with us, God wants you
00:26:15.17\00:26:17.74
to experience the freedom that
00:26:17.74\00:26:19.27
comes from knowing that you
00:26:19.27\00:26:21.48
are a valued child of God.
00:26:21.48\00:26:25.18
And we want to give you a
00:26:25.18\00:26:26.98
chance to learn more about
00:26:26.98\00:26:28.52
this freedom by sending you
00:26:28.52\00:26:31.02
our free offer which is Don
00:26:31.02\00:26:33.66
Straub's book entitled,
00:26:33.66\00:26:35.52
Bridges to Freedom: Creating
00:26:35.52\00:26:37.49
Change Through Science and
00:26:37.49\00:26:39.39
Christian Spirituality.
00:26:39.39\00:26:41.70
>> Move closer to the Lord,
00:26:41.70\00:26:43.63
get past your setbacks, and
00:26:43.63\00:26:45.57
learn life lessons with the
00:26:45.57\00:26:47.27
essential bridges to freedom
00:26:47.27\00:26:49.64
described in this book.
00:26:49.64\00:26:52.17
>> To request today's offer,
00:26:53.41\00:26:54.74
just log onto
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www.ItIsWrittenCanada.ca,
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that's www.ItIsWrittenCanada.ca.
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If you prefer, you may call
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Call anytime!
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financial support.
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>> Before you go, we would also
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Experiencing Life.
00:27:40.99\00:27:42.89
>> We want you to experience
00:27:44.06\00:27:45.56
the truth found in the words
00:27:45.56\00:27:47.30
of Jesus when He said,
00:27:47.30\00:27:49.83
"It is written, man shall not"
00:27:49.83\00:27:51.90
"live by bread alone, but by"
00:27:51.90\00:27:54.40
"every word that proceeds out"
00:27:54.40\00:27:57.04
"of the mouth of God."
00:27:57.04\00:27:58.74
¤¤
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¤¤
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