Participants:
Series Code: IIWC
Program Code: IIWC201728A
|
01:19 ♪♪ ♪♪
01:36 >> Dear friend, thank you for watching "It Is Written Canada." 01:39 We are in part 2 of a series on sex and mental health. To help me along in this topic, 01:46 want to welcome our guest, Dr. Neil Nedley. Dr. Nedley, thank you for being 01:51 here with us again. >> Thank you. It's great to be here. 01:54 >> You know, Dr. Nedley, just very briefly, want to talk about your work as the president of 01:59 Weimar Institute, an institute of learning, an institute of healing. 02:04 Somebody wants to find more information about Weimar, they're a student interested in 02:09 pursuing some of your programs or they are a patient interested in experiencing healing for all 02:15 kinds of different diseases, where would they go to find out information about Weimar? 02:21 >> Weimar.edu for the students and NewStart.org for those 02:27 wanting to go to the health sites. >> And I'll tell you, I've been 02:31 to Weimar. It is a fantastic place up in the mountains there. 02:35 And wonderful walking trails, wonderful accommodations, fantastic meals, good company, 02:42 and a wonderful staff there. So I would encourage people to check out Weimar. 02:46 >> It really is healing a hurting world. >> Absolutely. 02:51 Now, Dr. Nedley, we are in part 2 of this topic. And to our audience, we're 02:57 dealing with a mature topic, but we are dealing with it in an appropriate way, and so, as we 03:04 talk about sex and mental health, it seems that the world is just spiraling out of control 03:14 when it comes to this issue of sexual problems and sexually related problems. 03:22 Is there a solution to all this sex problem? >> There is a solution. 03:28 But first, we need to understand the problem more. 03:33 But, yes, there's actually a solution that's not near as 03:37 difficult as what people might think. One of the issues that's facing 03:42 us today with this sexual revolution is that marriage is at an all-time low. 03:49 One out of three people, in their 20s in Canada and the United States, will never get 03:56 married. And out of those that do, the divorce rates, of course, are 04:02 high, and so there's a lot of singleness from divorce, as well. 04:06 And this is a dramatic change from the way it was a generation or two ago and even more 04:13 dramatic from multiple generations ago, before the sexual revolution materialized. 04:20 >> And let's talk about that a little bit, because, you know, it used to be that there was, 04:27 really, a process of individuals in pursuit and things like that, and you've been showing me some 04:34 of the literature, where they talked about, in days past, there used to be what was called 04:42 costly sex. Why don't you talk a little bit about that and what has actually 04:47 transitioned over the course of time? >> Yeah, well, in the days of 04:52 costly sex, females, who were the natural gatekeepers of this area, would make a man wait 05:03 until marriage until he could have sex. And, of course, there was no 05:08 pornography back then, or very little of it. There wasn't the ways of getting 05:16 sex that there is today. And so, in order for a man to get that, he had to be 05:22 respectable, he had to be clean, he had to have a good job, he had to have some sort of career 05:30 where the woman felt secure, and then, marriage would take place, and then sex would occur. 05:37 We would call that costly sex. And in the era of costly sex, marriages stayed together much 05:43 more, as well. The divorce rates were far lower. 05:47 But, you know, along came the free love movement. You know, the Beatles helped 05:53 start it and the rock 'n' roll movement and those sorts of things. 05:57 And free love, the encouragement was, "Women, you need to be more free about this. 06:02 You know, it shouldn't be costly. So the real word, or the real 06:06 phrase that should've been used instead of "free love" should've been "cheap sex." 06:13 And so, since women were supposed to, you know, participate in this just as much 06:20 as men wanted them to do so, we started to run into the problems of cheap sex. 06:28 First, you had oral contraceptives, where there weren't going to be 06:31 consequences. And then, later on the line, you had pornography. 06:35 And then you had the ability of getting sex just about anywhere, in front of any screen with 06:41 masturbation and those sorts of things, and as a result, men are not interested in marriage like 06:48 they were before. And it's very clear -- the studies show women who are 06:53 single, under 40, have a much greater desire to be married than men who are under 40 and 06:59 are single. And so, you know, in reality, men control the marriage market. 07:07 And as a result, women have lost, to a great degree, as a result of this cheap-sex 07:14 movement. >> And despite that, it is interesting, because in our last 07:22 program, we talked a lot about the male libido and the real challenge with men having an 07:30 unhealthy relationship to sex and the idea of sex. It's not just a problem for men, 07:37 though, is it? >> No. You know, we talked about 07:40 masturbation being at an all-time high in men. It's also at an all-time high in 07:45 women, as well. And studies show 30% -- almost 1/3 -- of women have 07:51 masturbated in the last six days. And as a result of this 07:56 cheap-sex movement, they also are running into the three adverse brain changes that take 08:04 place from supernormal stimuli or having sex too frequently. >> So, let's talk about that. 08:10 You've used that before -- supernormal stimuli. >> Yes. 08:14 >> What do you mean by that? >> Well, supernormal stimuli means having sex too often, and 08:19 we define that particularly if you're having it more than every four days, although, ideally, we 08:24 can get more brain-chemistry benefit by waiting an entire seven days or a little more. 08:31 But, also, it's sex acts that are supernormal -- in other words, not the natural sex acts. 08:40 And, of course, one of the reasons why people progress into the supernormal stimuli is, 08:46 they're not able to climax anymore when they are doing either too frequently or using 08:53 these supernormal methods. They're going to have to try to use even more and more 08:58 supernormal methods in order to even climax and have the relaxing opioid effect. 09:05 >> And so, is this seemingly vicious cycle that an individual seems to need a more frequent 09:15 bas-- more frequent times of sex or a more extreme experience in that sex to have pleasure, but, 09:23 in fact, by doing so too frequently or more intensely, so to speak, you're actually 09:32 decreasing the ability to have enjoyment or pleasure? >> Exactly. 09:38 They're decreasing their pleasure significantly, and they have to orchestrate all sorts of 09:43 things, you know, in order to try to climax. And you'll see these things -- 09:50 the swapping of mates and all sorts of types of things that are happening with the novelty 09:57 aspect in order to try to undergo this experience, which was unnecessary when sex was 10:04 costly. >> And so, for the individual that's watching -- and maybe 10:08 there's somebody watching, saying, "I'm not really buying into this, Dr. Nedley. 10:11 I don't think it's possible to have too much sex." Let's talk about it. 10:14 And we talked about this in the last program, but I think it's important to review. 10:18 What three changes are happening to an individual that is having too much sex or too much 10:25 supernormal activity when it comes to sex? >> Well, first of all, there's a 10:31 desensitization, and this is what we talked about earlier, but there's actually receptors 10:39 that are going down. Your dopamine receptors are going down and your D2 receptors 10:43 are going down. And the reason why we have the desire to pursue sex to begin 10:48 with actually has to do with dopamine. And so -- And when those 10:53 dopamine receptors go down, more pleasure has led now to less pleasure. 10:59 And the person now begins to seek out things and sexual experiences and decrease their 11:09 motivation for other areas of life that they used to have engaging interest and motivation 11:14 in. And so, that desensitization is not a healthy thing. 11:21 And then, on top of that, they become more sensitized, as far as the usual nuisances of life. 11:27 And so they become much more irritable, they're much more able to or easily fly off the 11:34 handle, anxiety levels go up. And you'll notice that they're in that stage when common, 11:41 everyday conversation can sometimes have sexual connotations for them. 11:46 And they're twisting things over into sexual connotations. This is where you have sexual 11:51 harassment in the workplace. Sexual harassment in the workplace would never happen if 11:55 the people were not in that stage of the "too much sex" or the "too stimulating" of sex. 12:02 And so, all of those problems with the #MeToo movement and all of this, this is underneath it, 12:08 what's actually driving it. And then, the third aspect is, the hypofrontality. 12:13 This is where the gray matter in the frontal lobe shrinks, and so the person has a decreased 12:18 ability to foresee consequences. And it also can have some thinking problems with them. 12:26 This is where they are not able to make really sound decisions anymore and they're much more 12:33 likely to relapse into a previous addiction when their frontal lobe goes down. 12:39 >> And so, we have this -- just this vicious cycle of -- and I don't want to overstate the 12:46 case -- that starts with, really, an addiction -- an addiction to sex, whether that 12:52 be intimacy with someone too frequently, whether that be self-intimacy through 12:58 masturbation or through the viewing of pornography, it begins with this addiction. 13:04 And as that addiction advances, it creates the desensitization, the sensitizing, and then a 13:14 frontal lobe that shrinks and actually causes you to continue to make poor decisions. 13:20 And there have been some well-documented cases in the news of individuals whose 13:26 behaviors are so absolutely bizarre. You say, "How is that possible?" 13:32 But in understanding what you're teaching us, it actually is not really that bizarre when you 13:39 understand this cycle of desensitization, sensitizing, and the shrinking -- 13:44 >> And the hypofrontality. >> And hypofrontality. >> Yeah. And, you know, what 13:49 we're seeing in this #MeToo movement is actually just the tip of the iceberg. 13:54 These are the ones that are actually talking and coming forward with this. 14:00 But underneath it, there's a far bigger picture here that many people, unfortunately, are 14:07 identifying with, and they don't know how to get out of this cycle. 14:12 >> And want to talk about that there is hope to come out of that cycle, but we begin -- and 14:18 when I use the word "understand," I want to be very clear -- not excusing -- but you 14:23 begin to understand why we've arrived where we have. >> Correct. 14:26 >> And these poor victims, and just not too long ago, in Michigan, there was a doctor 14:33 with some very deviant behaviors, but you begin to understand this just spiral of 14:40 not getting help, where it's going to eventually lead to extremely unhealthy situations 14:48 when it comes to sex and mental health. >> Mm-hmm. 14:51 >> So, now, one of the things that I think it's important for us to talk to as we're -- talk 14:55 about, rather, as we are discussing this is, dopamine. >> Mm-hmm. 15:01 >> So, you talked about dopamine. And is dopamine a bad thing? 15:05 >> No, dopamine is actually a good thing. It's our seeking chemical. 15:09 It's what makes us want to have interest and to seek out things. And so, there's a dopamine 15:17 reward system in our brain implanted in regards to sex but not just sex. 15:25 Food, for instance, also has that dopamine response. And so we can also get into 15:31 unhealthy food just like we can get into unhealthy sex. For instance, you know, in 15:38 regards to the dopamine surge that occurs, when we eat celery, not so much. 15:45 Chocolate cake and ice cream? A big blast. And so, even when we're full and 15:51 we've had satiety, when someone presents us with a tantalizing dessert, the dopamine reward 15:59 circuitry starts to surge, and then, we can actually make a decision to have this 16:06 tantalizing dessert despite what our rational brain might think about overeating. 16:12 Or, of course, infidelity. And this is where we can get ourself in that vicious cycle 16:17 that can lead to the obesity epidemic, as well. >> And it would almost -- 16:21 And I don't want to overstate, and I hate to invent a word, but you talked about being satiated 16:28 and having satiation, you're full. >> Mm-hmm. 16:33 But there's that cake, and my desire for that cake and the desire to experience the 16:38 dopamine boost outweighs -- no pun intended -- the fact that my belly is already full? 16:45 >> Correct. >> In the same way, can we become sexually satiated and 16:51 then have a desire for inappropriate and unusual and bizarre activity? 16:56 >> Absolutely. We call that the Coolidge effect. 16:59 And what happens is, sexual satiation lasts for four days in someone who's doing it 17:06 healthfully. So, within four days of the act, they really don't have much 17:11 desire, but if there's a tantalizing presentation of some sort, which, of course, the 17:17 media can present with or some provocatively clothed female who's dancing in a certain way 17:23 right in front of the man, even though their rational brain isn't for infidelity, there's a 17:29 temptation for them to imbibe, and when they do, that's when they're gonna have those three 17:35 adverse brain changes. So the sexual satiation is there so that we don't overdo it. 17:40 It's a protective mechanism. And sexual satiation will actually drive mates apart. 17:46 This is one of the reasons why the lingerie business has made it in the marriage world, 17:51 because if you want to do it more frequently, in order to be able to have that libido, it has 17:57 to be presented in a novel way. And so you need the new outfit, make it look like a new type of 18:02 thing, and, of course, people think they're benefiting from that on the short term, but on 18:07 the long term, when they're doing it more than every four days, it is going to produce 18:12 those three adverse brain changes. >> And let's talk about that -- 18:16 the four stages of marriage. Because, again, it'll help an individual understand what's 18:20 happening in a relationship as we start having these unhealthy relationships to sex. 18:24 What are those four stages that individuals go through? Well, the first stage of 18:29 marriage is a stage of euphoria. And this is also driven by a healthy chemical called 18:35 phenylethylamine. When we get a new relationship -- and, by the way, 18:39 we didn't go through all the dopamine things. We talk about food and sex, but 18:42 friendship is one of the things that can drive dopamine. >> Okay. 18:46 >> Love, that's really compassionate love can also drive dopamine, and the fifth 18:50 one is novelty. And, of course, the sex and the novelty and the food and the 18:56 novelty tend to work together to produce these adverse brain changes in being too satiated 19:03 too frequently. >> No, we're gonna come back to these four stages of marriage, 19:06 but on this natural dopamine, so, it's not unhealthy to have -- 19:12 Because you need dopamine to function, which can be found through food, through sex, 19:19 through loving relationships, through friendships, and through this novelty, but it 19:23 must be done in a healthful respect... >> Correct. 19:27 >> ...and in healthful quantities, for lack of a better word. 19:31 >> And that's true -- both groups, the ones that are doing it healthfully and the ones that 19:35 are doing it unhealthfully, they're both getting their dopamine. 19:39 The difference is, the healthful people that are getting their dopamine, their dopamine levels 19:45 last for much longer. So they're actually getting more dopamine over the course of time 19:50 that's in a healthy way. And these are people that can experience a wonderful dopamine 19:56 surge from watching a sunset, you know? Or if are going on a walk or 20:02 cooking a meal or, you know, a dinner with a friend, you know? It can just be a very fulfilling 20:08 experience as the simple pleasures in life. But the ones who are doing the 20:13 dopamine spikes through the supernormal stimuli or doing it too frequently, they're no 20:18 longer going to enjoy those types of things. They might watch someone 20:21 watching a beautiful sunset, and they'll say, "You know, I used to kind of enjoy things like 20:26 that, but that's doing nothing for me right now." And it's really a sad state of 20:31 existence. And so they're actually going into false ways of trying to 20:35 alter the way they feel, which actually compounds the problem. >> So, let's go back to these 20:42 four stages of marriage and how it relates to the mental health and sex. 20:48 >> So, the first stage of marriage is that stage of euphoria. 20:51 Phenylethylamine is coming out, as well. And this actually helps you to 20:55 be less aware of the faults of the other person. >> Okay. 20:58 >> When the person is in love, they'll often say, "Are you blind?" 21:02 And they actually are blind, because phenylethylamine is pouring out in large quantities, 21:06 and they think their mate can do no wrong. And this is when you see them in 21:10 a pickup truck, and you're going down the highway, and you think there's one person in there, and 21:15 then you get close, and you realize, no, there's two people in there. 21:19 They're just right next to each other. They can't get enough of each 21:22 other. But after about 3 1/2 years of marriage, where you have been 21:27 overdoing it, in regards to the satiety and those type of things, you then go into the 21:32 non-euphoria stage. And when the non-euphoria stage is met, you'll see those people 21:37 on a bench seat in a pickup truck, one's on one side, and one's not even close to the 21:42 other one. They're pretty separate. And it turns out, in the 21:46 non-euphoria stages and the stages after that, often these people will not engage in 21:52 conscious affection unless they're in the pursuit of orgasm. 21:56 And that's a really sad state of existence. And a lot of mature married 22:01 people think that everybody's gonna go through those stages. They see the stage of euphoria, 22:06 and they're thinking, "Eh, just wait," you know? "It's gonna go away." 22:11 It was never really meant to go away. We were meant to actually stay 22:16 in that euphoric stage, and we weren't meant to be sexually satiated all the time. 22:21 Sexual satiation drives mates apart over time. And so it's actually good to 22:27 actually feel a little bit deprived and to wait until it's time, and then, the female 22:32 desire is just as much as the male, and in between times, they can't get enough of each other. 22:38 They're hugging each other, they're caressing each other, they're into each other not for 22:43 the pursuit of sex but just because of love and affection and companionship. 22:48 >> And then, what are the third and fourth stages? >> Well, the third stage, as 22:53 this progresses, is the despicable stage. This is where you can look 22:58 across your room at your mate and say, "You know, there's some things that I just hate about 23:02 him." And it is disappointing, but yet that's when people think, "Well, 23:10 love's no longer there. You know, might as well get a divorce. 23:14 And some people are wise enough to go through marriage counseling and those sorts of 23:18 things, and then they come out of it with stage four, which is the "mature" stage, and that's 23:24 the stage of toleration, where they decide, you know, "It's better that we stay together. 23:30 "Things aren't gonna be better if I choose another mate, necessarily. 23:33 This whole process is gonna start again. But, you know, we'll just 23:38 tolerate each other and go through our 50 years of marriage this way." 23:43 That's not what marriage was meant to be. We were meant to stay in that 23:47 euphoric stage, and once people understand this whole issue of sex and mental health -- it's 23:52 actually good to understand it earlier than later, but if you understand it later, you can go 23:57 through the 90-day sex fast that we talked about last program and then decrease the frequency to 24:04 once a week, then that stage of euphoria can come right back again, and all of the nice 24:09 sensitivities will come back in both partners. >> And so you've brought us 24:13 right back around, because we began by asking, "Is there a solution?" 24:16 There is a solution. It's a very simple solution. We talked about it in the last 24:21 program -- a 90-day fast from sex. During that 90-day fast, there 24:27 are some physical and mental changes that begin to happen to the individual going through 24:32 that. What are those changes, and what happens? 24:35 >> Physically, the skin gets clearer, the posture actually gets better, 24:40 muscle-strengthening goes up. This is why the males who are in competition that have to do with 24:46 strength, like fighting and those type of things, they realize the person most likely 24:52 to win is the one who has gone the longest before having sex. So even if they're married, 24:58 they'll stay away from their partner for a long period of time to get those testosterone 25:02 levels up and get those testosterone receptors up. The voice becomes more manly. 25:07 When men overdo it, they actually become more feminine. And their voice will become a 25:14 higher pitch, they'll actually develop estrogen receptors from overdoing it, their testosterone 25:22 receptors will go down, and they actually lose some of the focus and concentration and creativity 25:29 that would've been there had they kept their masculine side of things. 25:34 >> Mm. And how about mentally? What's happening, mentally, 25:37 changes that go on during this sex fast, to begin repair? >> Yeah, emotionally, they 25:44 become far more stable. They are actually interested in people socially. 25:51 And men will talk about how they're not just looking at women and wondering what they 25:56 look like naked or in bed anymore, either. They want a connection with 26:00 people. It's not just about the sex anymore. 26:04 And they will talk about how their motivation for bigger-picture things goes up. 26:10 And so, they won't be on video games all day long anymore, they'll notice how silly and 26:16 foolish that is, and they will actually be able to start overachieving even in a work 26:21 environment. Engineering problems will become easier, math problems become 26:25 easier. And so, it's pretty dramatic. And then, in women, they'll talk 26:31 about how their clitoral sensitivity gets far better and they're able to much more easily 26:38 climax, and they're able to also notice that they're attracting -- both men and women 26:46 will talk about how they attract people of the opposite gender much easier after they've gone 26:51 through that. There's much more of a social connection and engagement that 26:55 others even notice about them once they've gone through this sex fast. 27:00 And women will talk about their depression going away, much easier for them to lose weight, 27:06 the obesity problem isn't there anymore. But it's tough, for women and 27:11 men, to do this, but it's well worth the effort. >> And it's hard to believe, 27:17 Dr. Nedley, that we are out of time. >> Oh, wow. 27:20 >> But we have seen that there is a great deal of hope that God desires us to be in a healthy 27:27 relationship, in regards to sex, and that healthy relationship will lead us to better mental 27:33 health and to experience the abundant life that Jesus offers. Dr. Nedley, would you pray for 27:38 us as we conclude today? >> Yes, Father in Heaven, we thank you that you are the 27:44 inventor of the family, you are the inventor of relationships, and you are the inventor of sex. 27:50 But we thank you that, through science and inspiration, you have showed us how we can have 27:57 life more abundantly and how even our sex lives can be far more abundant by following your 28:03 plan for our life. We pray that each viewer today will not only learn this 28:09 information but apply it in their own lives so they can experience a life more abundant 28:15 in you. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen. 28:19 >> Amen. Dear friend, God desires that we would be in good health. 28:25 He wants us to have an abundant life and to live life to its fullest. 28:29 And in order to do that, we have to have a healthy relationship towards sex, and that healthy 28:35 relationship towards sex will, in turn, help us to have a healthy brain, a healthy mental 28:41 outlook. These two programs that we've done with Dr. Nedley have been 28:47 interesting but, more than interesting, have provided a pathway where we can find hope 28:53 in Jesus to having a healthy mental and sexual relationship. I want to offer you the DVD of 29:01 those two programs. Here's the information you need 29:04 to receive today's offer. >> To request today's offer, 29:08 just log on to www.ItIsWrittenCanada.ca. 29:12 If you prefer, you may call, toll-free, at 1-888-CALL-IIW. 29:17 >> Friend, if you are interested in more resources from 29:20 Dr. Nedley, you can check out a number of different websites. 29:25 You can go to weimar.edu. You can go to NewStart.org. 29:30 You can go to optimizeyourbrain.com or 29:33 depressionthewayout.com. There, you can find plentiful 29:38 resources on mental health. And if you would like additional 29:43 information on how you can grow spiritually and experience a 29:46 life with Jesus to its fullest, you can to ItIsWrittenCanada.ca. 29:52 Thank you for watching. I encourage you to join us again 29:55 next week. Until then, remember, "It is 29:57 written: 'Man shall not live by bread alone but by every word 30:02 that proceeds from the mouth of God.'" 30:06 ♪♪ |
Revised 2018-08-09