>>ANNOUNCER: IT HAS STOOD THE TEST OF TIME... 00:00:11.57\00:00:14.31 GOD'S BOOK, THE BIBLE. 00:00:14.81\00:00:17.81 STILL RELEVANT IN TODAY'S COMPLEX WORLD. 00:00:18.55\00:00:22.42 IT IS WRITTEN . . . 00:00:24.55\00:00:25.69 SHARING MESSAGES OF HOPE AROUND THE WORLD. 00:00:26.15\00:00:30.46 Chris: Thank you so much for watching It Is Written. Today we are in the sixth part of a 00:00:38.63\00:00:44.41 series on depression. Now, maybe you're not depressed and you're about to turn off the 00:00:44.51\00:00:49.24 TV. Don't turn off that TV because depression is a subject that not only touches 00:00:49.34\00:00:53.72 every family, but the principles we've been learning help any 00:00:53.82\00:00:58.85 individual have better brain function and really a better life in general. And I'm 00:00:58.95\00:01:04.86 absolutely thrilled to have with me in studio Dr. Neil Nedley. Dr. Nedley, thank you so much 00:01:04.96\00:01:10.53 for joining me today. Dr. Nedley: Thank you, Chris. It's great to be here. Chris: You 00:01:10.63\00:01:13.74 know, Dr. Nedley has joined us for all of this series. Dr. Nedley is a physician that's 00:01:13.84\00:01:19.71 been practicing for 27 years. He is an internal medicine doctor with a specialty in 00:01:19.81\00:01:27.05 mental health and the hard-to-diagnose patient. In 00:01:27.15\00:01:33.02 addition to those responsibilities and seeing patients, Dr. Nedley is the 00:01:33.12\00:01:39.39 president of Weimar Institute. Dr. Nedley, tell me, what is Weimar Institute? Dr. Nedley: 00:01:39.49\00:01:44.67 Weimar Institute is an institute of higher education. We have a college, we have advanced 00:01:44.77\00:01:51.84 degrees. But it is. its motto is to heal a hurting world, physically, mentally, socially, 00:01:51.94\00:02:00.55 spiritually. And so the students that go there learn how they can actually do that as part of 00:02:00.65\00:02:08.22 their career. But we also have a NEWSTART program. And of course, that's part of their education, 00:02:08.32\00:02:12.93 but people come from all over the world that have diabetes or heart disease or other 00:02:13.03\00:02:17.87 physical diseases, cancer, for instance, and need additional approaches. And so we treat 00:02:17.97\00:02:25.04 things through nutrition and lifestyle approaches there, plus 00:02:25.14\00:02:29.04 some traditional approaches as well. Chris: Okay, now, I want to hit a pause button there. You 00:02:29.14\00:02:31.95 said "NEWSTART program." Dr. Nedley: Yeah. Chris: Now, many of our viewers would be 00:02:32.05\00:02:35.28 familiar with NEWSTART because Bev Haines has gone through the NEWSTART acronym, which is 00:02:35.38\00:02:40.89 an acronym, as I understand it, an acronym that actually was. originated at Weimar, 00:02:40.99\00:02:47.03 actually trademarked by Weimar Institute. Dr. Nedley: That's right. Anyone who uses the 00:02:47.13\00:02:51.23 term actually is supposed to be checking with us and getting permission because it 00:02:51.33\00:02:55.80 is trademarked. Chris: Okay. Dr. Nedley: And of course, it stands for things. That what 00:02:55.90\00:02:59.91 an acronym is. So nutrition, exercise, water, sunlight, temperance, air, rest, trust 00:03:00.08\00:03:05.88 in God. Those are the eight natural remedies that are utilized in the NEWSTART 00:03:05.98\00:03:10.55 program that bring about pretty profound results. Chris: Okay. 00:03:10.65\00:03:15.69 And if someone was interested, maybe somebody's watching and they say, "Yeah, I'd be really 00:03:15.79\00:03:18.63 interesting in getting into a program that's going to help me in my lifestyle." How would 00:03:18.73\00:03:22.56 they find out more about the NEWSTART program? Dr. Nedley: 00:03:22.66\00:03:26.53 NEWSTART.com. Chris: That simple, just go to NEWSTART.com, find out. Now, if somebody was 00:03:26.63\00:03:30.47 interested in Weimar and the higher learning institution that's there, how would they 00:03:30.57\00:03:36.71 find out more about that? Dr. Nedley: That would be Weimar.edu. Chris: Now, is there 00:03:36.81\00:03:40.72 anything else that happens at Weimar that might be helpful to somebody watching? Dr. Nedley: 00:03:40.82\00:03:43.82 Well, we put on the mental health program, the depression and anxiety recovery program. 00:03:43.92\00:03:47.56 And for that program, you need to log onto d e pressionthewayout.com. 00:03:47.66\00:03:52.39 Chris: Okay. That's easy to remember. And so anyone that's interested in those things, 00:03:52.49\00:03:56.83 depressionthewayout.com; NEWSTART.com; and Weimar.edu Dr. 00:03:56.93\00:04:04.84 Nedley: Correct. Chris: Very good. Well, Dr. Nedley, as we've been talking about depression, 00:04:04.94\00:04:11.51 how big of a problem in the world is depression? Dr. Nedley: It's a big enough problem that 00:04:11.61\00:04:15.45 one out of four women at some point in their life in the western world are going to 00:04:15.55\00:04:21.62 suffer from it. One out of eight men. And that's actually old data. Newer data shows 00:04:21.72\00:04:28.46 it's probably going to be more likely than that even in the future. So that's going to 00:04:28.56\00:04:32.03 touch a large segment of society. Chris: And it is a big problem here in Canada. 00:04:32.13\00:04:37.14 And how is depression traditionally treated? Dr. Nedley: Number one treatment, 00:04:37.24\00:04:44.35 even today, is medication. Chris: Okay. How successful is treating depression through 00:04:44.45\00:04:50.49 medication? Dr. Nedley: Medications have their limitations, unfortunately. 00:04:50.59\00:04:54.46 Medicines can help. The drug company data shows up to 70% of the time, it might produce 00:04:54.56\00:05:01.10 some benefit, but only 20% or maybe up to 28%, depending on the study, will actually have 00:05:01.20\00:05:12.07 a remission as a result of taking medicine. Chris: 20 to 28% actually experience 00:05:12.17\00:05:19.58 remission through taking medication. We've talked about this before, and I want to be 00:05:19.68\00:05:24.15 careful making too much of a joke at it. But you know, a traditional doctor, an 00:05:24.25\00:05:30.23 orthopedic surgeon that was only 25% of the time successful in 00:05:30.33\00:05:37.17 fixing a knee, fixing an elbow, fixing a shoulder, not going to be practicing very long, are 00:05:37.27\00:05:41.94 they? Dr. Nedley: They wouldn't. The medical associations would 00:05:42.04\00:05:45.04 eliminate them pretty quick. Chris: Okay. And to the view that's watching that might be 00:05:45.14\00:05:49.98 taking medication, we're not advocating that they need to go take, you know, just stop 00:05:50.08\00:05:53.85 taking their medication or anything like that. Nothing radical. Dr. Nedley: No, they 00:05:53.95\00:05:56.42 still need to be seeing their doctor. Chris: Okay. But we've been going through this 00:05:56.52\00:06:01.56 process here and through this series of programs here where we've found that there is a 00:06:01.66\00:06:06.80 way out of depression and ways to address it actually. and I hate to use the word 00:06:06.90\00:06:13.23 "naturally" but addressing it with practical steps that I can do right today through 00:06:13.34\00:06:19.01 lifestyle change. Dr. Nedley: That's right. Chris: And if 00:06:19.11\00:06:22.31 you've missed any of those shows, you can go to our youtube channel, youtube.com/iiwcanada, 00:06:22.41\00:06:28.52 and you can watch any of these programs. Now, today, we're going to talk about another 00:06:28.62\00:06:34.29 way to address the issue of depression and a way to address actually mental health 00:06:34.39\00:06:40.73 in general. And we're talking about emotional intelligence. Dr. Nedley: Yes. Chris: Now, 00:06:40.83\00:06:45.90 I've heard about IQ. Dr. Nedley: Yeah. Chris: Okay, but EQ. Emotional intelligence. 00:06:46.00\00:06:52.14 What is emotional intelligence? Dr. Nedley: Emotional 00:06:52.24\00:06:56.14 intelligence is knowing and understanding your emotions and the emotions of others and 00:06:56.24\00:07:03.65 responding to those emotions in a healthy way. Chris: Knowing and understanding my emotions. 00:07:03.75\00:07:08.29 Knowing and understanding others' emotions. And responding in a healthful way. 00:07:08.39\00:07:13.63 Dr. Nedley: In a healthy way. Chris: In a healthy way, okay. Dr. Nedley: Mmhmm. Chris: Now, 00:07:13.73\00:07:20.44 why is emotional intelligence important, then? Dr. Nedley: Well, it has more to 00:07:20.54\00:07:23.10 do with our success and happiness than even our IQ does. In fact, how successful 00:07:23.20\00:07:30.55 you are in life as well as how happy you are has been intricately tied to your EQ or 00:07:30.65\00:07:40.36 your emotional quotient or emotional intelligence. So it's a very important mental 00:07:40.46\00:07:46.29 health factor. So important that we measure it in every patient that comes in to see 00:07:46.39\00:07:52.27 me for mental health issues, and after they're treated, measure it again to see where 00:07:52.37\00:07:57.31 they're at in this process. Chris: So emotional intelligence, or EQ, the 00:07:57.41\00:08:02.51 emotional quotient, is more important than IQ in having a successful life. Dr. 00:08:02.61\00:08:08.72 Nedley: Correct. Chris: Okay. And you've addressed some of that, but let's expand a 00:08:08.82\00:08:11.72 little. Why is that and what are you seeing as you see patients with. and you analyze 00:08:11.82\00:08:16.32 their EQ? Dr. Nedley: Well, it gets into the five aspects of emotional intelligence. First 00:08:16.42\00:08:22.96 one is knowing our emotions. In other words, being able to identify precisely the emotion 00:08:23.06\00:08:29.34 that we're feeling at that time. But not only identifying the emotion, but knowing why 00:08:29.44\00:08:35.64 we're feeling that way. And if we blame the why on just what someone else did to us, or 00:08:35.74\00:08:42.35 what happened to us, we actually don't have a very high emotional 00:08:42.45\00:08:48.79 intelligence, because it's not only what happens to us, but our role in what happens to us, in 00:08:48.89\00:08:55.03 other words, what we think about what happened to us, that then plays a direct bearing on our 00:08:55.13\00:09:01.74 emotions and our behaviour. See, Chris, it's our thoughts that cause our emotions and 00:09:01.84\00:09:08.64 behaviour. And so emotionally intelligent people are actually 00:09:08.74\00:09:15.75 disciplining their thoughts. They're not only knowing their emotions and why they're feeling 00:09:15.85\00:09:19.62 that way; the second aspect is they're managing their emotions. People with low emotional 00:09:19.72\00:09:24.26 intelligence are simply managed by their emotions, moment by moment, day by day. 00:09:24.36\00:09:31.23 People with high emotional intelligence still have powerful emotions, but they're 00:09:31.33\00:09:35.87 managing those emotions. Quite different. Chris: Okay. So knowing is the first step. And 00:09:35.97\00:09:41.44 then managing. And then what are those other aspects? Dr. Nedley: The other aspects are 00:09:41.54\00:09:46.01 recognizing emotions in others. And the fourth part is managing 00:09:46.11\00:09:52.62 relationships with others. And you might guess this is why it has a lot to do with our 00:09:52.72\00:09:58.09 happiness, 'cause our happiness has so much to do with our social relations. Chris: Yes. 00:09:58.19\00:10:01.46 Dr. Nedley: And the fifth aspect is motivating ourselves to achieve our goals. In the word 00:10:01.56\00:10:06.80 "emotion" is the word "motion." If our emotions are based on what's true and accurate, it can 00:10:06.90\00:10:12.87 powerfully motivate us to achieve our goals. And that's why it's also very much 00:10:12.97\00:10:18.08 intricately connected with our success. Chris: Okay. So when we talk about emotional 00:10:18.18\00:10:24.02 intelligence, the aspects of emotional intelligence, it's knowing; it's managing; 00:10:24.12\00:10:29.99 recognizing in others; managing; and what was that last one? Dr. 00:10:30.09\00:10:33.66 Nedley: Motivating ourselves to achieve our goals. Chris: So we 00:10:33.76\00:10:37.10 understand what emotional intelligence is. Dr. Nedley: Yes. Chris: We understand the 00:10:37.20\00:10:41.34 aspects of emotional intelligence. What influences emotional intelligence? Dr. 00:10:41.44\00:10:46.98 Nedley: Well, our genetics have a role to play. Our current 00:10:47.08\00:10:51.85 level of emotional support has a role to play. Even how much sleep we've gotten in the last 00:10:51.95\00:10:56.38 48 hours can influence us. Our nutrition, what we're eating can have an influence over us. 00:10:56.48\00:11:02.12 But for most people, the most important aspect of emotional intelligence is simply our 00:11:02.22\00:11:11.50 beliefs, our evaluation of events, the way we think about problems, and our silent 00:11:11.60\00:11:18.97 self-talk. Those are the moment-by-moment messages that we're giving ourselves. 00:11:19.07\00:11:25.45 Chris: So our beliefs. How we're evaluating things. And how we're 00:11:25.55\00:11:31.29 thinking. That is the most important influence on emotional intelligence. Dr. Nedley: Yes. 00:11:31.39\00:11:37.23 Chris: Okay. So. and if emotional intelligence is going to dictate. and by the way, this 00:11:37.33\00:11:43.80 is very hopeful for individuals because you know, if we don't 00:11:43.90\00:11:50.77 score high on the IQ test, now, another show, we're going to talk about how to improve that 00:11:50.87\00:11:59.18 IQ. But not as a part of this series. But what you're saying, though, is even more important 00:11:59.28\00:12:03.22 than your IQ is your EQ, or your emotional intelligence. Dr. Nedley: Correct. Chris: And 00:12:03.32\00:12:07.42 that emotional intelligence, the things that are going to influence it the most are our 00:12:07.52\00:12:11.33 beliefs, how we evaluate, and how we think. Dr. Nedley: Yes. 00:12:11.43\00:12:16.50 Chris: So then, how can someone improve their emotional intelligence? Dr. Nedley: Our 00:12:16.60\00:12:23.54 feelings actually result from the messages we give ourselves. Our thoughts have much more to 00:12:23.64\00:12:30.91 do with how we're feeling than what is actually happening in our life. And research has 00:12:31.01\00:12:36.08 documented that negative thoughts which cause emotional turmoil nearly always contain 00:12:36.18\00:12:42.36 gross distortions. The thoughts on the surface appear rational, 00:12:42.46\00:12:49.93 but they are often just plain wrong, and twisted thinking is a major cause of suffering. So the 00:12:50.03\00:12:57.27 answer to your question is, we need to correct distorted thoughts, and our emotional 00:12:57.37\00:13:04.51 intelligence will dramatically improve. Chris: Okay. So we're going to come to this distorted 00:13:04.61\00:13:10.79 thoughts, but what you're saying, because I want to make sure we're hearing this and 00:13:10.89\00:13:16.29 I'm hearing this. What happens in my life and how I feel is actually directly related to 00:13:16.39\00:13:24.03 how I think about what's happening. And so, I could be going through a bad situation, 00:13:24.13\00:13:31.07 and if I'm thinking right, then my feelings would be better. Dr. 00:13:31.17\00:13:36.95 Nedley: Exactly. You know, Paul and Silas are a good example. They were taken against their 00:13:37.05\00:13:42.28 will. They were beaten 39 times with cat o' nine tails. Their backs were laid open. They were 00:13:42.38\00:13:48.66 then put on an irregular dirt floor with rocks, feet put up in stocks. And there they were, 00:13:48.76\00:13:55.03 crying uncontrollably in prison and sang, "Why us, Lord?" Chris: 00:13:55.13\00:14:00.80 Now, Dr. Nedley, I know you're doing that a little tongue in cheek. Actually, we find them 00:14:00.90\00:14:03.81 singing songs. Dr. Nedley: Yeah. Chris: And you know, the Bible doesn't necessarily convey 00:14:03.91\00:14:11.18 emotions, but they seem. they're not complaining at all. Dr. 00:14:11.28\00:14:14.85 Nedley: They have happy looks on their faces. Chris: Yes. Dr. Nedley: And they were singing 00:14:14.95\00:14:17.45 praises to God. Now, why could they be doing that? Because their thoughts had much more to 00:14:17.55\00:14:23.56 do with how they were feeling than what was actually happening 00:14:23.66\00:14:28.50 in their life. And they weren't thinking fantasy thoughts. It wasn't pop psychology that they 00:14:28.60\00:14:32.37 were on a beach on Lake Ontario somewhere, you know. They were thinking true and accurate 00:14:32.47\00:14:37.87 thoughts. And those true and accurate thoughts were so powerful that under the most 00:14:37.97\00:14:42.11 adverse circumstances, they could still have great emotional 00:14:42.21\00:14:48.58 stability. Chris: Okay. So what we need to do is we need to change thinking errors or 00:14:48.68\00:14:55.96 distorted thinking or cognitive distortion. Dr. Nedley: Correct. 00:14:56.06\00:15:00.60 Chris: Okay. So what would be an example of distorted thinking or cognitive distortion? Dr. 00:15:00.70\00:15:05.57 Nedley: Well, mental filter, for instance. There's actually ten 00:15:05.67\00:15:10.77 different ways of distorted thinking. Chris: Okay. So ten different ways. Dr. Nedley: I'm 00:15:10.87\00:15:14.41 just going to name a few of them here. So a mental filter, this is where you're just looking 00:15:14.51\00:15:17.81 at one side of the equation. Chris: Okay. Dr. Nedley: I'll tell you about a gentleman who 00:15:17.91\00:15:21.35 came to our program. He said, "Nothing is going right in my life." Chris: Okay. Dr. 00:15:21.45\00:15:27.49 Nedley: He said, "My boss yells at me almost constantly. My roof is leaking. I don't 00:15:27.59\00:15:33.50 have even enough money to pay for this program. I had to take it out on credit cards. 00:15:33.60\00:15:38.20 My wife nags almost constantly. Furthermore, I'm short and fat 00:15:38.30\00:15:44.31 and now I'm going bald. Nothing good in my life." But yet as I talked to him, I realized that 00:15:44.41\00:15:51.45 he had a beautiful wife, even though he was short and fat. He still slept well. He could still 00:15:51.55\00:15:57.02 feed himself, he could still walk. He actually enjoyed his church. He had some good 00:15:57.12\00:16:02.82 friends. And he had the potential to do a lot of good things. But here he was on the 00:16:02.92\00:16:07.20 one side of the equation. Nothing good in my life. A mental filter. Chris: Okay. So 00:16:07.30\00:16:13.77 a mental filter is going to prevent us to think positively about near anything. Dr. 00:16:13.87\00:16:20.78 Nedley: Yeah, rationally, really. It's not going to get us thinking rationally. And 00:16:20.88\00:16:24.68 the solution to that mental filter is you have to be intentional and forceful at 00:16:24.78\00:16:29.95 finding evidence to support a different way of thinking. So it requires some thought 00:16:30.05\00:16:36.49 process yourself in regards to, "Wait a minute. I'm not looking at just one side of 00:16:36.59\00:16:41.36 the equation. Let's be intentional and forceful. Is there a different way I can 00:16:41.46\00:16:45.60 think about this?" Chris: Okay. And so yeah, and you said it 00:16:45.70\00:16:49.34 twice, but I want to make sure we caught that. So the way I deal with an intentional. excuse 00:16:49.44\00:16:53.34 me. The way I deal with a mental filter is I think the two words 00:16:53.44\00:16:56.68 you used were "intentional" and "forceful." Dr. Nedley: Yes. Chris: Okay. So if I have a 00:16:56.78\00:17:02.62 mental filter and I think nothing good can happen to me. My life is awful. My life is 00:17:02.72\00:17:08.69 terrible. Whatever that mental filter is that now is going to set the stage for everything in 00:17:08.79\00:17:13.43 my life, intentional and forceful. Maybe discuss a little bit more. What does it 00:17:13.53\00:17:17.57 mean to be intentional and forceful? How am I going to change that mental filter? 00:17:17.67\00:17:21.07 Somebody's watching right now today saying, "That's my life. Nothing good happens in my 00:17:21.17\00:17:27.14 life." How can they change their thinking on that? Dr. Nedley: 00:17:27.24\00:17:29.98 Well, they need to stop and realize, is there anything good in my life? You know, and you 00:17:30.08\00:17:35.55 know, this guy's wife, for instance, he said nags, but you know, she was a beautiful girl 00:17:35.65\00:17:39.52 and he loved her and she had a lot of positive things about her. Chris: Okay. Dr. Nedley: 00:17:39.62\00:17:42.82 But yet, you know, nothing good? Wait a minute. There's some good things about that woman. 00:17:42.92\00:17:47.03 Otherwise, you wouldn't have married her to begin with. And you know, even though you're 00:17:47.13\00:17:52.40 going bald, I mean, there's still lots of things that you can. actually, he was a 00:17:52.50\00:17:58.27 good-looking guy. So it does require some pausing, some 00:17:58.37\00:18:06.92 stopping, and some re-analyzation and trying to just look at the other side. 00:18:07.02\00:18:11.39 "Now, wait a minute. Can I look at the other side?" And yeah, sometimes it's tough and you're 00:18:11.49\00:18:15.02 just thinking on one side. So yes, it requires you to take some time. Maybe you need to go 00:18:15.12\00:18:19.16 out and take a walk. Take a few deep breaths and then say, "Okay, I'm going to be 00:18:19.26\00:18:24.73 intentional. Let's see what I can fill out on the other side here." Chris: And then you take 00:18:24.83\00:18:29.30 the walk. You're going to get some exercise, which is going to help you to have some frontal 00:18:29.40\00:18:33.61 lobe activity, which is going to help you to think more logically 00:18:33.71\00:18:36.98 and have better judgement so you can make a better decision. Dr. Nedley: Exactly. Chris: And 00:18:37.08\00:18:41.25 you know, it's an amazing thing. And as we talk about things in 00:18:41.35\00:18:46.42 the realm of the Bible and spiritual things, it's amazing in our society that the devil 00:18:46.52\00:18:53.50 has used things that can be used for good, but to use them, to keep us so busy, that we never 00:18:53.60\00:18:59.07 have a moment to think. And what you're saying there is we need to take a pause. And I know 00:18:59.17\00:19:04.34 it's not the same thing, but all I can remember is from my childhood, you know, when they 00:19:04.44\00:19:08.01 teach you about fire, if you're ever on fire, stop, drop, and 00:19:08.11\00:19:12.71 roll. And what you're saying is, is if we have a mental filter, and we've said, "Nothing good 00:19:12.81\00:19:17.05 can happen in my life," or whatever the mental filter is, "I am this way," I need to 00:19:17.15\00:19:20.36 stop, I need to pause, I need to think, and I need to be intentional and forceful in 00:19:20.46\00:19:28.30 changing how I think. Dr. Nedley: Exactly. Chris: Okay. Now, you said there's ten 00:19:28.40\00:19:32.33 different. now, we don't have time to go through all ten, but maybe we can do at least 00:19:32.43\00:19:36.10 one or two more. What's another cognitive distortion? Dr. 00:19:36.20\00:19:39.37 Nedley: Overgeneralization. Chris: Okay. Dr. Nedley: Now, intelligent people have a 00:19:39.47\00:19:45.05 tendency to do this because to generalize, you have to be intelligent. Chris: Okay. Dr. 00:19:45.15\00:19:50.85 Nedley: But there's a tendency to overgeneralize. And I'll just tell you an example of 00:19:50.95\00:19:55.32 another case. Chris: Please. Dr. Nedley: This was actually a suitemate of mine, actually 00:19:55.42\00:19:59.89 lived in the same dorm when I was in my pre-med years, you know, my second year. And he 00:20:00.00\00:20:05.97 had his eye on a girl for about six months because he mustered up enough courage to 00:20:06.07\00:20:11.27 ask her out. Chris: Okay. Dr. Nedley: And he came to ask me. I gave him some advice. He was 00:20:11.37\00:20:16.54 kind of shy. And afterwards, he was walking back to the dorm. Looks like he's about 00:20:16.64\00:20:21.12 ready to cry. And I said, "Glen, what happened?" He said, "Neil, 00:20:21.22\00:20:25.05 I'm destined to be lonely and miserable for the rest of my life." Chris: Okay. Dr. 00:20:25.15\00:20:29.16 Nedley: "What did she say?" "She said she had another event and couldn't go." And I 00:20:29.26\00:20:33.19 said, "So you conclude that?" And he said, "I just got to thinking, if she just thought 00:20:33.29\00:20:37.43 half as much about me as I think about her, she would've cancelled that event and gone 00:20:37.53\00:20:41.57 with me, so I'm destined to be lonely and miserable the rest of my life." Now, Glen 00:20:41.67\00:20:46.78 overgeneralized in two ways. Because she turned him down once, he thought she was 00:20:46.88\00:20:51.35 always going to turn him down. Did he really know that to be true? He was assuming it, but 00:20:51.45\00:20:55.58 no, he didn't know that to be true. And secondly, he assumed that 100% of eligible women 00:20:55.68\00:21:01.82 had identical taste to hers. And thus, he would be endlessly rejected the rest of 00:21:01.92\00:21:07.03 his life. People with overgeneralization have a fear of rejection, a fear of trying 00:21:07.13\00:21:11.83 new things. And another example. Chris: And in the same way, do 00:21:11.93\00:21:18.21 you deal with that the same way? Intentional and forceful? Stop, pause, and be intentional and 00:21:18.31\00:21:23.51 forceful to change that thinking? Dr. Nedley: Yes, that's right. It does require 00:21:23.61\00:21:26.82 some stopping and some pausing and seeing if there's a different way in which you can 00:21:26.92\00:21:30.99 think about it that's more accurate. Chris: As we're closing, and it's hard to 00:21:31.09\00:21:34.76 believe we're running out of time here, but maybe, what are the characteristics, as we close 00:21:34.86\00:21:39.46 out, of someone with high emotional intelligence? Dr. Nedley: They're going to be 00:21:39.56\00:21:43.43 curious about other people, the people that they don't know. They also know their 00:21:43.53\00:21:50.67 limitations. They're going to know their strengths and they're going to know their 00:21:50.77\00:21:54.44 weaknesses. They're going to be very much interested in what is 00:21:54.54\00:22:00.42 true and accurate. Truth is a foundational principle for those who are emotionally intelligent. 00:22:00.52\00:22:06.09 They are also going to be willing to stop and help others, but they'll also know when to 00:22:06.19\00:22:13.16 say no when they're not the best one to be helping others. And they will. if they have those 00:22:13.26\00:22:20.67 things and other talents, they're going to have a good leadership potential. And they 00:22:20.77\00:22:26.47 are very interested in being moral and good. Chris: It's hard to believe we're out of 00:22:26.57\00:22:34.62 time, Dr. Nedley. But you gave those characteristics. And someone's going to want to 00:22:34.72\00:22:40.29 watch next week 'cause we're going to give practical examples 00:22:40.39\00:22:43.76 of that. Let's end today with a word of prayer. Heavenly Father, we're so grateful that we don't 00:22:43.86\00:22:49.80 have to be trapped, that there is a way out, and there is a way for us each to think 00:22:49.90\00:22:55.10 differently. Please give us the strength today to think differently and have high 00:22:55.20\00:22:59.84 emotional intelligence. We pray this in Jesus' name, amen. 00:22:59.94\00:23:04.78 "Great is Thy faithfulness," O God my Father, 00:23:22.90\00:23:31.41 There is no shadow of turning with Thee; 00:23:32.21\00:23:40.28 Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not 00:23:40.58\00:23:48.79 As Thou hast been Thou forever wilt be. 00:23:49.29\00:23:58.10 Great is Thy faithfulness! 00:24:00.14\00:24:04.31 Great is Thy faithfulness! 00:24:04.67\00:24:08.48 Morning by morning new mercies I see; 00:24:08.91\00:24:16.79 All I have needed Thy hand hath provided 00:24:17.15\00:24:25.56 Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me! ummer and winter, and 00:24:25.93\00:24:43.14 springtime and harvest, 00:24:43.24\00:24:44.95 Sun, moon and stars in their courses above, 00:24:45.55\00:24:53.15 Join with all nature in manifold witness 00:24:53.52\00:25:01.03 To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love. reat is Thy 00:25:01.60\00:25:16.31 faithfulness! Great is Thy faithfulness! 00:25:16.91\00:25:20.65 Morning by morning new mercies I see; 00:25:21.25\00:25:29.02 All I have needed Thy hand hath provided 00:25:29.52\00:25:37.67 Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me! 00:25:38.07\00:25:47.04 Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth, 00:25:49.94\00:25:58.12 Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide; 00:25:58.72\00:26:06.86 Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow, 00:26:07.20\00:26:15.14 Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside! 00:26:15.50\00:26:25.61 Great is Thy faithfulness! 00:26:26.58\00:26:30.89 Great is Thy faithfulness! 00:26:31.19\00:26:35.46 Morning by morning new mercies I see; 00:26:35.69\00:26:43.97 All I have needed Thy hand hath provided 00:26:44.37\00:26:52.87 Great is Thy faithfulness, 00:26:53.24\00:26:57.81 Great is Thy faithfulness, 00:26:58.15\00:27:04.02 Lord, unto me! 00:27:05.85\00:27:16.97 Chris: Dear friend, Jesus desires for us to have abundant 00:27:25.61\00:27:32.05 life. And part of I'd like to make an offer to you today. I 00:27:34.42\00:27:36.35 want to offer the Dr. Nedley introductory DVD where he'll give practical steps on how to 00:27:36.45\00:27:42.72 have good emotional health. I'd like to also offer to you for any size donation the full 00:27:42.82\00:27:49.50 "Depression: The Way Out" series. Here's the information you need for today's offer. 00:27:49.60\00:27:55.47 Chris: Dr. Nedley, thank you so much for joining us today. Dr. Nedley: It's been great 00:28:21.36\00:28:24.40 being here. Chris: Will you join us again next week? Dr. Nedley: Yes. Chris: All right. 00:28:24.50\00:28:27.14 And I thank you, friend, for joining us. Please join again next week. Until then, 00:28:27.24\00:28:31.81 remember, it is written: "Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every Word that 00:28:31.91\00:28:37.95 proceeds from the mouth of God." 00:28:38.05\00:28:39.98