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>>John Bradshaw:
This is "It Is Written."
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I'm John Bradshaw.
Thanks for joining me.
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In Germany people might
gather together before a wedding
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to break objects
made of porcelain.
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At a Jewish wedding, the
groom, or the bride and groom,
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might step on a glass inside
a cloth bag and smash the glass.
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I attended a wedding where the
newlyweds sawed a log together.
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Traditions like these are
intended to bring good fortune
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to the couple getting married.
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The point being, we
want marriages to work out.
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We want a happy
couple to remain happy
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and to have a long
and blessed marriage.
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Wedding vows typically
include a line that says,
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"For as long as
you both shall live."
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For almost 500 years,
"till death do us part"
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has been associated
with getting married.
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But how is that working
out? The truth is, not great.
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Even though the divorce rate
in the United States has dropped
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in recent times,
it's still sky high.
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In 2021 there were 1,985,072
marriages in the United States
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and 689,308 divorces.
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While first marriages fail
at a rate of around 40 percent,
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67 percent of
second marriages fail,
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and 73 percent
of third marriages.
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In southern states, often
said to be more conservative
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and more religious than
the rest of the country,
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divorce rates hover right
around the national average,
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even though every
Bible in the South says
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that God hates divorce.
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In Britain and Australia,
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the divorce rate has
increased in recent years.
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And while we
recognize there are times
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people can no longer
safely stay in a marriage
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due to their own safety or
the welfare of the children,
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those cases are the exception,
and they're not the rule.
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The Annie E.
Casey Foundation reports
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that in the United States today
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one in three children
lives in a single-parent family,
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and the number is rising.
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Most of those kids live
in a home without a father.
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Now, God bless single parents
who do their best and work hard,
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we thank God for that,
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but it's certainly
not the ideal situation.
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"Nearly 30% of single
parents live in poverty,"
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as compared to "6%
of married couples."
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And while many children raised
in one-parent homes do well
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and go on to succeed,
it's true that, generally,
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children who
come through divorce
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have a harder time in life.
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"Girls whose
fathers left the home
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"before they were five years old
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"[are] eight times more
likely to become pregnant
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as adolescents than
girls from intact families."
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The NIH cites
research that shows
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kids whose parents divorce or
separate are at "increased risk
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"[of] child and
adolescent adjustment problems,
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"including
academic difficulties...,
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disruptive behaviors"--
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that's conduct and
substance abuse problems--
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and depression and
other mental health issues.
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The same research says that
"children and adult offspring
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"of separated
parents are over-represented
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in the mental health system."
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"Psychology Today" said,
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"Research shows
that children of divorce
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"are more likely to
experience a divorce themselves.
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"The statistics vary,
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"but one study by researchers
Paul Amato and Danelle Deboer
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"indicated that if a
woman's parents divorced,
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"her odds of
divorce increased by 69%,
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"while if both a husband
and wife's parents divorced,
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the risk of
divorce increased by 189%."
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Frederick Douglass once said,
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"It is easier to
build strong children
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than to repair broken men."
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Again, I want to emphasize
that some kids come through
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the divorce of their
parents okay, but we're not wise
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to ignore the fact that parental
divorce is really hard on kids.
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Marriage was God's idea.
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In the beginning, God created
Adam, and after creating Eve,
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Genesis says He
"brought her to the man.
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"And Adam said: 'This
is now bone of my bones
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"and flesh of my flesh....'
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"Therefore a man shall
leave his father and mother
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and be joined to his wife, and
they shall become one flesh."
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Adam described Eve as
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"the woman whom You
gave to be with me."
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Now, the marriage
landscape is changing.
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People are
marrying later than ever.
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The median age for a
first marriage is now 30 for men
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and 28 for women.
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The number of U.S.
adults cohabiting with a partner
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is on the rise.
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In 2016, 18 million
Americans were "living with
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an unmarried partner," up 30
percent in less than 10 years.
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Since 1972, marriage
rates in the U.S. have fallen
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by almost 50 percent
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and are currently at the lowest
point in recorded history.
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"In 1960, the rate of marriage
for women was 76.5 per 10,000."
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But by 2008, that number
was down to 37.4 per 10,000.
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So, is there any
hope for marriage,
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an institution
that's on shaky ground?
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We're going to look together
at a divine prescription
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for saving marriage.
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Marriage is worth fighting for.
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The family was set up
by God to be the place
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in which children can be
raised safely and successfully,
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where both husband
and wife can flourish,
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where parents and children can
experience love and security.
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Marriage creates the family.
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And the family is the
building block of society.
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In marriage, two become one.
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And keep in mind,
marriage is not a contract.
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It's a covenant.
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Online legal service UpCounsel
described a covenant like this:
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"While a contract
is legally binding,
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"a covenant is a
spiritual agreement....
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"A [contract] is an
agreement you can break,
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"while a covenant is
a perpetual promise....
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"A contract
exchanges one good for another,
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"while a covenant is
giving oneself to the other....
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"Covenants are...a
trust-based promise that relies
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"on your
integrity and discipline.
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"While contracts are
enforceable by the courts,
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covenants
depend on your values."
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So how can you
make marriage work?
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Now, be sure you hear this.
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I don't say any of
this to be critical
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of people who have
gone through divorce.
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It's painful. It
turns lives upside down.
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It's hard on kids.
It's hard on in-laws.
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And pretty much everyone
has divorce in their family.
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Half of my
siblings have been divorced.
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So this isn't to criticize.
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We're looking to see
if there's a way forward,
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a way to avoid divorce and
to save a marriage and a family.
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Okay, first, you want
to marry the right person.
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Do your homework and
be calculating about it--
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not coldhearted but coolheaded.
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When you're young
and in love--or in lust--
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or even if you're
older and you're infatuated,
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it isn't easy to make
a well-reasoned decision.
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And "in love" is such a
nebulous concept these days.
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Love needs to
be thought through.
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Love is a
principle, not an emotion.
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And what is taken to be love
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is often simply
misplaced need or desire.
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It's important to go beyond
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"good-looking and
makes lots of money."
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I can already tell you
what you're looking for,
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if you're looking.
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You're looking for
someone who is honest;
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someone who's trustworthy;
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someone who, if a man,
treats his mother with respect,
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or, if a female, treats
her father with respect;
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someone's who employable,
responsible, hard-working;
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and if you're a person of faith,
someone who believes like you.
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If he or she is not the
right person, move on, quickly.
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And I've told many people
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that when they're
considering marriage,
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they need to find someone really
attractive, like my wife...did.
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Okay, I have nine more
points to share with you
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about saving marriage.
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Have you heard it said
that marriage is hard work?
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Well, I don't agree.
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And I'll tell you
why in just a moment.
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¤[upbeat music
swells and ends]¤¤
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>>Announcer: The
family is under attack.
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Marriage, established
in the Garden of Eden,
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is not nearly as
popular as it used to be.
00:08:50.73\00:08:53.43
Yet God has provided principles
to protect and strengthen
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marriage and the family.
00:08:56.87\00:08:58.17
Discover these biblical
principles in our free resource,
00:08:58.20\00:09:01.17
"Family Matters."
00:09:01.20\00:09:02.20
To receive your free
copy of "Family Matters,"
00:09:02.24\00:09:04.17
call 800-253-3000,
00:09:04.21\00:09:07.11
800-253-3000,
00:09:07.14\00:09:09.58
or visit us
online at iiwoffer.com.
00:09:09.61\00:09:12.91
Learn how the Bible reveals
that, to God, family matters.
00:09:12.95\00:09:16.08
>>John Bradshaw: Thanks for
joining me on "It Is Written."
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The institution of
marriage has been under attack
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ever since it was introduced
by God in the Garden of Eden.
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How can you safeguard marriage?
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I've got nine more
points to share with you.
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I mentioned a moment
ago that before marriage,
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it's important to make sure
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you're marrying
the right person.
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That leads us to point two:
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Marry someone who
believes as you do.
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Second Corinthians 6:14 says,
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"Do not be unequally
yoked together with unbelievers.
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"For what fellowship has
righteousness with lawlessness?
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And what communion
has light with darkness?"
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If your faith is
important to you,
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and it's
certainly important to God,
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marrying someone
who does not believe
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is a surefire
recipe for complication.
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Now, I know, someone's going
to tell me their grandma married
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an atheist, and she
was perfectly happy,
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or their brother
married a Zoroastrian,
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and they're like
two peas in a pod.
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Except...they're not.
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Grandma missed out on so much,
and her children were confused,
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at least by having one
parent who reverenced God
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and one parent who did not.
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Finding someone who
shares your spiritual values
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is vital to the
stability of your home--
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someone you can pray
with, who will pray for you,
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who will instill in children the
values you want transmitted--
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more importantly, the
values God wants transmitted.
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Third, the person who marries
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should be sure they're marrying
someone of good character.
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As the woman in
Song of Solomon said,
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"Your name is
ointment poured forth."
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He had a good name.
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People liked him because
he was a man of character.
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And when it comes to
marriage, character counts.
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And there's
something just as important
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as finding the right
person-- maybe more important.
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And that
is...being the right person.
00:11:03.66\00:11:06.96
You're a male, and
you don't have a job?
00:11:07.00\00:11:09.20
You better get one, if you can.
00:11:09.23\00:11:10.93
You drink too
much? You ought to quit.
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You need to be the right person.
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Not a grump, not
bitter, not lazy,
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and most importantly, you
want to be right with God.
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Now, you hear people say,
"Oh, it's hard work, marriage."
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I don't buy that at all.
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Hard work being married
to the love of your life?
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How is that hard work?
00:11:30.79\00:11:31.99
Now, life can be hard work.
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You'll go through
some stuff together.
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It's hard when someone
has an accident or loses a job
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or gets sick or is tired
or is having a tough time.
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But it's not
marriage that's hard work.
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What's hard work is you--
keeping yourself in check,
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controlling your feelings and
emotions, biting your tongue;
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turning off the
football, getting off the sofa,
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and cutting the grass;
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not spending money
that you don't have;
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helping around the
house when you don't want to.
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Now, those are "you"
issues. But marriage?
00:12:02.02\00:12:05.85
If marriage is hard
work, you're doing it wrong.
00:12:05.89\00:12:08.82
Solve the "you" issues
00:12:08.86\00:12:11.16
and marriage gets
a whole lot easier,
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irrespective of what
the other person is doing.
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Now, this is point
five, if you're keeping count:
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Be nice.
00:12:20.74\00:12:23.74
You hear story after story
of people who marry someone
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that they think
is a gift from God,
00:12:26.91\00:12:29.81
only to find out later
the person is a monster.
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No one has the right to
mistreat another person.
00:12:33.78\00:12:37.89
No one has the right
to yell at their spouse.
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Absolutely never
should there be anything
00:12:41.92\00:12:44.49
approximating physical violence.
00:12:44.53\00:12:47.10
And because you can't
always tell what you're getting
00:12:47.13\00:12:49.30
when you marry,
ask around beforehand.
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Talk to people. Find
out about the person's past.
00:12:53.44\00:12:57.54
And don't ignore warning signs.
00:12:57.57\00:12:59.81
His last
girlfriend said he hit her?
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That's that, then.
Over. See you later.
00:13:01.98\00:13:04.81
One or the other was
irresponsible with money?
00:13:04.85\00:13:07.22
You don't need that.
00:13:07.25\00:13:08.48
Too possessive?
00:13:08.52\00:13:09.75
Nah, leave that
trouble for someone else.
00:13:09.78\00:13:12.72
You don't need it. Move on.
00:13:12.75\00:13:15.49
Otherwise you're
begging for trouble.
00:13:15.52\00:13:18.36
You know, you're special to God.
00:13:18.39\00:13:20.63
You don't have to settle
when it comes to marriage.
00:13:20.66\00:13:23.23
You have every right to
ask God for the right person
00:13:23.26\00:13:26.94
and then not compromise.
00:13:26.97\00:13:28.80
No one should marry
a bunch of problems.
00:13:28.84\00:13:31.54
That's one life sentence
you are better off without.
00:13:31.57\00:13:35.98
Now, related to this:
00:13:36.01\00:13:37.45
Don't say it. You
can't unspeak words.
00:13:37.48\00:13:40.52
You'll always regret
00:13:40.55\00:13:41.85
saying something
unkind or inappropriate.
00:13:41.88\00:13:44.85
You can't take back
words once they're out,
00:13:44.89\00:13:46.52
so don't let them out
if they shouldn't be said.
00:13:46.55\00:13:48.96
Don't be unkind. Don't
belittle the other person.
00:13:48.99\00:13:52.19
Don't criticize. Just don't.
00:13:52.23\00:13:55.76
Love is like a tender plant.
00:13:55.80\00:13:57.40
You've got to treat it gently.
Nurture it. It's delicate.
00:13:57.43\00:14:01.60
Don't say the things you
know that you'll regret later.
00:14:01.64\00:14:04.61
And if that person is
denigrating or ridiculing
00:14:04.64\00:14:07.41
or cutting in what they say,
00:14:07.44\00:14:09.71
then you should
never let them say, "I do."
00:14:09.74\00:14:14.42
Which leads me to seven:
00:14:14.45\00:14:17.05
Keep it clean. No
infidelity, never.
00:14:17.09\00:14:21.76
If you're tempted to get
into something you shouldn't,
00:14:21.79\00:14:24.26
run--fast. Don't play
with fire. Just don't.
00:14:24.29\00:14:28.60
"She doesn't satisfy me."
Nonsense. That's no excuse.
00:14:28.63\00:14:32.23
"He isn't there for me anymore."
00:14:32.27\00:14:33.90
Now, that's serious, but
infidelity isn't the solution.
00:14:33.94\00:14:37.41
Get counseling. Talk to a
pastor. Talk to each other.
00:14:37.44\00:14:40.94
Pray together. But
don't be unfaithful.
00:14:40.98\00:14:44.51
It'll hurt you, and
it'll hurt your children.
00:14:44.55\00:14:47.65
And no porn--
it's always damaging.
00:14:47.68\00:14:51.79
It will always cause issues.
00:14:51.82\00:14:53.89
And if you say it
hasn't caused issues for you,
00:14:53.92\00:14:56.93
I'm telling you it has, because
you are sinning against God,
00:14:56.96\00:15:00.40
and that itself is an issue.
00:15:00.43\00:15:01.66
"The wages of sin is death."
00:15:01.70\00:15:04.50
Just read about the
marriages that have been ruined
00:15:04.53\00:15:06.87
by what today is
an absolute plague.
00:15:06.90\00:15:09.90
Pornography will
destroy a marriage,
00:15:09.94\00:15:12.11
and you shouldn't need
me to tell you why that is.
00:15:12.14\00:15:14.94
"Oh, we look at it together."
No, no, no, don't do that.
00:15:14.98\00:15:18.61
You're essentially
committing adultery together.
00:15:18.65\00:15:21.62
And it won't be long
before one of you wants
00:15:21.65\00:15:23.52
to take it to a place that the
other isn't comfortable with.
00:15:23.55\00:15:26.35
And now you're
looking at major issues.
00:15:26.39\00:15:29.42
Polyamory and all that?
Only ever create problems.
00:15:29.46\00:15:34.56
It's degrading, and it
should never be considered.
00:15:34.56\00:15:38.73
Now, here's one.
The guy who says,
00:15:38.77\00:15:40.57
"I'm not happy with
the way my spouse looks."
00:15:40.60\00:15:43.74
Look in the mirror, brother.
00:15:43.77\00:15:44.94
You'll almost certainly find
00:15:44.97\00:15:46.98
that you're no
pageant winner yourself.
00:15:47.01\00:15:48.81
Or, you have three children
and see how your body changes.
00:15:48.84\00:15:53.58
Once you stand at the altar and
say, "For better and for worse,"
00:15:53.62\00:15:57.59
you stand by that. "In
sickness and in health,"
00:15:57.62\00:16:01.09
for younger and for older--
00:16:01.12\00:16:03.73
you don't change because
you get tired of someone.
00:16:03.76\00:16:07.36
As someone once said,
00:16:07.40\00:16:08.70
"Choose your love,
and love your choice."
00:16:08.73\00:16:12.20
And keep in mind
that studies show
00:16:12.23\00:16:13.74
that the more people you've been
intimate with before marriage,
00:16:13.77\00:16:17.57
the greater your likelihood that
your marriage won't work out,
00:16:17.61\00:16:21.98
which goes to show that planning
to have a successful marriage
00:16:22.01\00:16:24.95
should begin long
before you walk down the aisle.
00:16:24.98\00:16:29.28
Now, point number eight:
00:16:29.32\00:16:31.65
Be a Christian.
00:16:31.69\00:16:32.99
Don't just call
yourself one. Be one.
00:16:33.02\00:16:36.49
Even the devil
believes there's a God.
00:16:36.52\00:16:39.89
You want to be
committed to Christ. And pray.
00:16:39.93\00:16:43.37
If you want to lead a
family, support a spouse,
00:16:43.40\00:16:45.77
financially or
emotionally, raise children,
00:16:45.80\00:16:49.10
you want to be filled
with the Spirit of God
00:16:49.14\00:16:51.71
and have Jesus
living His life in you.
00:16:51.74\00:16:54.28
Marriage is not a game.
It's a lifelong commitment.
00:16:54.31\00:16:57.98
It takes everything you've got,
00:16:58.01\00:17:00.22
and it takes
the blessing of God.
00:17:00.25\00:17:02.05
Psalm 127, verse 1 says,
00:17:02.08\00:17:04.49
"Except the
Lord build the house,
00:17:04.52\00:17:06.89
they labour in
vain that build it."
00:17:06.92\00:17:09.22
You need God in this.
00:17:09.26\00:17:12.39
A family should pray together.
00:17:12.43\00:17:15.00
Husbands and wives
should pray for each other
00:17:15.03\00:17:17.20
and with each other.
00:17:17.23\00:17:18.80
And pray
honestly about yourself.
00:17:18.83\00:17:21.57
It's easy to pray that
your spouse should change.
00:17:21.60\00:17:24.81
But if your husband or
wife is just what they were
00:17:24.84\00:17:27.74
when you married them, then
you got what you bargained for,
00:17:27.78\00:17:31.18
and you should
not be disappointed.
00:17:31.21\00:17:33.05
Don't think you're
going to change someone.
00:17:33.08\00:17:34.75
Instead, pray that you'll
be a gracious, kind, loving,
00:17:34.78\00:17:39.32
and patient person in whose
arms the other one will find
00:17:39.35\00:17:42.69
safety and dignity and the
opportunity to be themselves.
00:17:42.72\00:17:47.36
You know what the Bible says?
00:17:47.40\00:17:48.36
Proverbs 21, verse 9:
00:17:48.40\00:17:50.50
"Better to dwell in
a corner of a housetop,
00:17:50.53\00:17:53.60
than in a house shared
with a contentious woman."
00:17:53.64\00:17:56.84
If you're a
contentious woman, don't be.
00:17:56.87\00:17:59.67
That's not Christian.
00:17:59.71\00:18:01.11
And this cuts both
ways. Proverbs 26:21 says,
00:18:01.14\00:18:04.38
"As charcoal is to
burning coals, and wood to fire,
00:18:04.41\00:18:08.65
so is a contentious
man to kindle strife."
00:18:08.68\00:18:12.15
If you're a contentious
man, you've got to grow up.
00:18:12.19\00:18:15.96
You've got to be a man,
00:18:15.99\00:18:17.53
someone who
rules his own spirit.
00:18:17.56\00:18:20.63
Now, if you were
raised in a home where the man
00:18:20.66\00:18:22.26
was the tough guy who treated
everyone around him like dirt,
00:18:22.30\00:18:25.53
then you should have learned
then what you shouldn't be.
00:18:25.57\00:18:28.87
That was a good lesson.
Don't repeat those mistakes.
00:18:28.90\00:18:33.31
If your dad was a
drunk, don't be one yourself.
00:18:33.34\00:18:36.18
If your mother was
immoral, you don't have to be.
00:18:36.21\00:18:39.25
Learn from that.
00:18:39.28\00:18:40.82
You don't get to blame
your actions on your DNA,
00:18:40.85\00:18:44.69
because God is
greater than all that.
00:18:44.72\00:18:47.66
"Greater is He that is in you,
than he that is in the world."
00:18:47.69\00:18:51.63
That's 1 John 4 and verse 4.
00:18:51.66\00:18:53.66
So, who in the
world can live up to this?
00:18:54.56\00:18:58.60
How can you be the right person?
Now, here's the good news.
00:18:58.63\00:19:02.67
What is impossible for
you is possible for God.
00:19:02.70\00:19:06.51
And I'll tell you more
about that in just a moment.
00:19:06.54\00:19:10.05
¤[upbeat music
swells and ends]¤¤
00:19:10.08\00:19:17.09
>>Eric Flickinger:
Do you love the Psalms?
00:19:19.19\00:19:20.72
Then don't miss the full
season of "Sabbath School"
00:19:20.76\00:19:23.16
on It Is Written TV.
00:19:23.19\00:19:24.93
We're taking a 13-week journey
through the book of Psalms
00:19:24.96\00:19:27.76
with the author of
the Sabbath school lesson,
00:19:27.76\00:19:29.93
Dr. Dragoslava Santrac.
00:19:29.96\00:19:31.97
Slava, why are
we studying Psalms?
00:19:32.00\00:19:34.20
>>Dragoslava Santrac: Eric, the
book of Psalms has given hope
00:19:34.24\00:19:36.77
to millions of people
for thousands of years.
00:19:36.81\00:19:40.64
I'm excited to share the
world of the Psalms with you.
00:19:40.68\00:19:44.45
>>Eric: So join us
here on It Is Written TV
00:19:44.48\00:19:47.15
as we study the Psalms.
00:19:47.18\00:19:48.35
>>John: Thank you for
remembering that It Is Written
00:19:49.18\00:19:51.12
exists because of the kindness
of people just like you.
00:19:51.15\00:19:54.46
To support this international
life-changing ministry,
00:19:54.49\00:19:57.73
please call us
now at 800-253-3000.
00:19:57.76\00:20:01.93
You can send your
tax-deductible gift
00:20:01.96\00:20:03.40
to the address on your screen,
00:20:03.43\00:20:04.90
or you can visit us
online at itiswritten.com.
00:20:04.93\00:20:08.70
Thank you for your prayers
and for your financial support.
00:20:08.74\00:20:11.57
Our number
again is 800-253-3000,
00:20:11.61\00:20:15.71
or you can visit us
online at itiswritten.com.
00:20:15.74\00:20:18.75
>>John: It seems as
though every day you hear about
00:20:20.18\00:20:22.62
another
celebrity marriage breakup.
00:20:22.65\00:20:24.92
Yet Denzel Washington
and his wife, Pauletta,
00:20:24.95\00:20:27.16
have been married for 40 years.
00:20:27.19\00:20:29.72
Dolly Parton got
married about 10 miles
00:20:29.76\00:20:31.99
from where I'm
standing right now back in 1966.
00:20:32.03\00:20:35.90
So marriages don't
have to fall apart.
00:20:35.93\00:20:39.47
Marriage is the
building block of society.
00:20:39.50\00:20:42.44
When marriage
goes, so does society.
00:20:42.47\00:20:45.54
It's where
values are transmitted,
00:20:45.57\00:20:47.58
where people can find security
and develop their self-worth.
00:20:47.61\00:20:51.15
Now, I'm not saying
everybody should be married.
00:20:51.18\00:20:53.18
Singlehood is valid.
00:20:53.21\00:20:54.62
There's nothing
wrong with being single.
00:20:54.65\00:20:56.38
But we're looking at
when two people get together.
00:20:56.42\00:20:58.52
The context for
that is marriage,
00:20:58.55\00:21:01.36
and we want that to work.
00:21:01.39\00:21:03.73
Now, two more points.
00:21:03.76\00:21:05.26
You don't want to
hurry into marriage.
00:21:05.29\00:21:07.86
Song of Solomon 2, verse
7 in one translation says,
00:21:07.93\00:21:11.47
"Promise me, O
women of Jerusalem,
00:21:11.50\00:21:13.37
"by the gazelles and wild deer,
00:21:13.40\00:21:15.90
not to awaken love
until the time is right."
00:21:15.94\00:21:20.71
Marriage shouldn't be rushed.
00:21:20.74\00:21:22.74
And when you plan to
get married, point 10,
00:21:22.78\00:21:26.82
get marriage counseling from a
pastor or a Christian counselor
00:21:26.85\00:21:29.98
who can help you consider the
issues you'll face in marriage.
00:21:30.02\00:21:33.32
Preparation for
marriage is important.
00:21:33.36\00:21:35.76
You learn to drive--you
study the rules of the road.
00:21:35.79\00:21:38.73
You want to study and
learn before you get married.
00:21:38.76\00:21:42.26
It's vital, and it's better to
marry no one than the wrong one.
00:21:42.30\00:21:49.20
Marriage is worth fighting for.
00:21:49.24\00:21:50.57
It was established
in the Garden of Eden
00:21:50.61\00:21:52.97
for the benefit of those
being married, for children,
00:21:53.01\00:21:55.51
and for society.
00:21:55.54\00:21:57.31
God? He intended
marriage to last a lifetime.
00:21:57.35\00:22:01.32
When King David didn't
respect his marriage, disaster.
00:22:01.35\00:22:05.12
Solomon? Just like his daddy.
00:22:05.15\00:22:08.39
But then you have
people who stuck with it,
00:22:08.42\00:22:10.43
even in
challenging circumstances.
00:22:10.46\00:22:13.29
Joseph, who married
Mary, the mother of Jesus;
00:22:13.33\00:22:16.16
Salmon, who married Rahab in
spite of her former occupation--
00:22:16.20\00:22:21.60
Rahab became one
of Jesus' ancestors.
00:22:21.64\00:22:24.51
Hosea married Gomer and stuck
by her through thick and thin.
00:22:24.54\00:22:30.01
You know it's been
said that marriage is 50-50?
00:22:30.05\00:22:32.71
Well, it isn't. It's 100-100.
00:22:32.75\00:22:36.58
If you're giving it 50
percent, that's not enough.
00:22:36.62\00:22:39.99
And you don't want to expect
too much of the other person.
00:22:40.02\00:22:43.06
The person you married
or will marry is imperfect.
00:22:43.09\00:22:47.40
There has to be some
understanding of that,
00:22:47.40\00:22:49.20
some working with that.
00:22:49.23\00:22:50.93
It's no one's job to
make their spouse perfect.
00:22:50.97\00:22:54.20
It is your privilege to love
and be loved by that person.
00:22:54.24\00:22:59.21
And even if marriage gets
rocky, it can be successful.
00:22:59.24\00:23:03.38
What's impossible for
you is possible with God.
00:23:03.41\00:23:07.78
You read in 1 Corinthians
13 that "love suffers long
00:23:07.82\00:23:10.82
"and is kind;
love does not envy;
00:23:10.85\00:23:13.12
"love does not parade
itself, is not puffed up;
00:23:13.15\00:23:15.89
"does not behave
rudely, does not seek its own,
00:23:15.92\00:23:19.03
"is not
provoked, thinks no evil;
00:23:19.06\00:23:21.60
"does not rejoice in iniquity,
but rejoices in the truth;
00:23:21.63\00:23:25.67
"bears all things, believes
all things, hopes all things,
00:23:25.70\00:23:28.87
endures all
things. Love never fails."
00:23:28.90\00:23:32.54
And you say,
"Wow, who can do that?"
00:23:32.57\00:23:36.71
The truth is, no human being.
00:23:36.75\00:23:39.61
Not one ever
has, except for Jesus.
00:23:39.65\00:23:44.69
A successful
marriage, therefore,
00:23:44.72\00:23:46.15
depends entirely upon Jesus
being the center of the home
00:23:46.19\00:23:50.23
and the center of the
life of both husband and wife.
00:23:50.26\00:23:54.56
Paul wrote,
"Husbands, love your wives,
00:23:54.56\00:23:57.60
"just as Christ
also loved the church
00:23:57.63\00:24:00.70
and gave Himself for her."
00:24:00.74\00:24:03.34
Paul wrote about unbelieving
husbands being won to faith
00:24:03.37\00:24:06.84
by the witness of
their believing wives.
00:24:06.88\00:24:09.91
Let your heart be
open to God's leading,
00:24:09.94\00:24:12.65
open to the
power of God's Spirit.
00:24:12.68\00:24:15.02
Let your heart be
surrendered to Jesus.
00:24:15.05\00:24:19.82
The key to a
successful marriage is the same
00:24:19.85\00:24:22.79
as the key to a
successful Christian experience:
00:24:22.82\00:24:26.53
"Christ in you,
the hope of glory,"
00:24:26.56\00:24:30.23
God working "in you
both to will and to do
00:24:30.27\00:24:33.27
of His good pleasure."
00:24:33.30\00:24:34.94
It's only God who
can calm an angry spirit.
00:24:34.97\00:24:38.44
Only God can give you
grace to swallow hurtful words.
00:24:38.47\00:24:42.01
Only God can give you patience
00:24:42.04\00:24:43.75
to deal with the
idiosyncrasies of your spouse,
00:24:43.78\00:24:46.25
to the extent that
you won't love that person
00:24:46.28\00:24:49.02
in spite of them
but because of them.
00:24:49.05\00:24:52.39
He can give you grace to
ride out the rough waters
00:24:52.42\00:24:54.86
and bring the ship of marriage
00:24:54.89\00:24:56.83
into the calm
waters of a safe haven.
00:24:56.86\00:24:59.86
And be sure you
get the free resource
00:24:59.89\00:25:01.53
I'm offering
you in this program.
00:25:01.56\00:25:03.30
It'll help you
or someone you know
00:25:03.33\00:25:05.33
who needs God's blessing
and presence in their home.
00:25:05.37\00:25:10.34
God can do what you cannot.
00:25:10.37\00:25:12.31
If you want Him
to, He can; He will.
00:25:12.34\00:25:14.98
And if your spouse isn't willing
to pull in the same direction,
00:25:15.01\00:25:18.41
don't stop praying.
00:25:18.45\00:25:20.05
I know a couple who once
absolutely hated each other.
00:25:20.08\00:25:24.32
But then they met Jesus
and committed themselves
00:25:24.35\00:25:26.89
to saving their marriage.
00:25:26.92\00:25:28.52
Today they are as
happy as anyone you know.
00:25:28.56\00:25:32.33
All those promises--
"life more abundantly,"
00:25:32.36\00:25:35.10
"that your joy may be
full," "perfect peace"?
00:25:35.13\00:25:38.30
They're real. It's
what God can do for you.
00:25:38.33\00:25:41.47
Marriage is worth
it. Family is worth it.
00:25:41.50\00:25:45.07
The honor of God is worth it.
00:25:45.11\00:25:46.61
There's a lot we
haven't talked about.
00:25:46.64\00:25:48.04
We haven't talked
about communication,
00:25:48.08\00:25:50.01
any number of other
really important things.
00:25:50.05\00:25:52.91
But I want you to
remember what Jesus said:
00:25:52.95\00:25:55.55
"What therefore God
hath joined together,
00:25:55.58\00:25:59.45
let not man put asunder."
00:25:59.49\00:26:01.92
>>Announcer: The
family is under attack.
00:26:02.92\00:26:04.86
Marriage, established
in the Garden of Eden,
00:26:04.89\00:26:07.03
is not nearly as
popular as it used to be.
00:26:07.03\00:26:09.66
Yet God has provided principles
to protect and strengthen
00:26:09.70\00:26:13.20
marriage and the family.
00:26:13.23\00:26:14.54
Discover these biblical
principles in our free resource,
00:26:14.57\00:26:17.44
"Family Matters."
00:26:17.47\00:26:18.61
To receive your free
copy of "Family Matters,"
00:26:18.64\00:26:20.51
call 800-253-3000,
00:26:20.54\00:26:23.31
800-253-3000,
00:26:23.35\00:26:25.81
or visit us
online at iiwoffer.com.
00:26:25.85\00:26:29.25
Learn how the Bible reveals
that, to God, family matters.
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>>John: Can we pray
together about this?
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Let's pray right now.
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Our Father in heaven, we
thank You today for marriage.
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It was Your idea.
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You said in the book of Hebrews
that marriage is honorable.
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Clearly You are
committed to its success,
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but right now there are
some contemplating marriage,
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and they're concerned.
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Someone is in a
marriage that's rocky, shaky.
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They're, they're worried.
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They're not sure
they can see a way out.
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I'm praying You work
miracles-- miracles of guidance,
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miracles of deliverance,
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miracles of
reconciliation, because You can.
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Father, I pray You'd remind
those in a difficult place
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to press Your throne
and, and not stop praying,
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to expect You
to do great things.
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There's someone right now
who's a little hardhearted,
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won't go to counseling.
Move that person to do so.
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There's somebody right
now who's mean or selfish,
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and they could change
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if only they would let
You give them a new heart.
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I pray, Lord, that that
individual will allow You
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to make a new
creature of him or her.
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Lord, save
marriage. It's worth saving.
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Let mothers and fathers and
husbands and wives and children
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be happy and
fulfilled and close to You.
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This is our prayer,
in Jesus' name, amen.
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¤[dramatic,
uplifting theme music]¤
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Thanks so much for joining me.
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I'm looking forward to
seeing you again next time.
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Until then, remember:
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"It is written, 'Man
shall not live by bread alone,
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but by every word that proceeds
from the mouth of God.'"
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¤[dramatic,
triumphant theme music]¤
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¤[music ends]¤¤
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