>>John Bradshaw: This is It Is Written. 00:00:20.42\00:00:22.22 I'm John Bradshaw. 00:00:22.25\00:00:23.65 Thanks for joining me. 00:00:23.69\00:00:25.42 There's nothing like the joy of pregnancy, 00:00:25.45\00:00:29.19 the thrill of expecting, the excitement of preparing, 00:00:29.22\00:00:32.69 the unique challenges and adjustments that come with it, 00:00:32.73\00:00:35.50 sometimes the struggles that have been experienced 00:00:35.53\00:00:38.00 just to get to this place. 00:00:38.03\00:00:39.90 There's nothing like it, and then the big day, 00:00:39.93\00:00:43.44 and a life enters the world with all of the hope and expectation 00:00:43.47\00:00:46.64 that that involves. 00:00:46.68\00:00:48.51 Childbirth is a miracle. 00:00:48.54\00:00:51.65 It's a miracle every last one of us have been the beneficiary of. 00:00:51.68\00:00:56.69 That process, from conception to birth, 00:00:56.72\00:00:59.15 it's an incredible succession of intricate, 00:00:59.19\00:01:01.92 delicate, extremely precise developments. 00:01:01.96\00:01:05.89 Except...it doesn't always work out. 00:01:05.93\00:01:09.60 And when it doesn't, it can be crushing, 00:01:09.63\00:01:13.17 devastating. 00:01:13.20\00:01:14.54 When it doesn't work out, processing that, 00:01:14.57\00:01:17.71 learning to live with that, 00:01:17.74\00:01:19.44 working through that... can be extremely difficult. 00:01:19.47\00:01:24.65 Miscarriage is more common than most people would ever realize. 00:01:24.68\00:01:28.92 The Mayo Clinic says that up to 20 percent 00:01:28.95\00:01:31.19 of all known pregnancies end in a miscarriage. 00:01:31.22\00:01:34.69 Other authorities say up to 25 percent. 00:01:34.72\00:01:37.76 That's 1 in 4, or 1 in 5, 00:01:37.79\00:01:41.06 and that's known pregnancies. 00:01:41.10\00:01:43.93 Many miscarriages happen so early in the pregnancy 00:01:43.97\00:01:46.77 that the mother never realized she was pregnant. 00:01:46.80\00:01:49.90 Some experts say that up to three-quarters 00:01:49.94\00:01:52.44 of all pregnancies result in miscarriage. 00:01:52.47\00:01:56.21 Which means there is an awful lot of women 00:01:56.24\00:01:58.51 who have experienced a miscarriage. 00:01:58.55\00:02:01.12 Miscarriage is the spontaneous loss of a pregnancy 00:02:01.15\00:02:04.12 before the 20th week. 00:02:04.15\00:02:05.95 Most miscarriages, in fact, the vast majority, 00:02:05.99\00:02:08.82 occur within the first 12 weeks of a pregnancy. 00:02:08.86\00:02:12.13 And unlike almost anything else, miscarriage raises questions 00:02:12.16\00:02:16.77 that are very difficult to answer, 00:02:16.80\00:02:19.03 questions like, "Why me?" "What did I do wrong?" 00:02:19.07\00:02:22.84 and "Why did God let this happen?" 00:02:22.87\00:02:25.71 And then there's the question that for many people 00:02:25.74\00:02:27.54 is the biggest one of all: "Will my baby be in heaven?" 00:02:27.58\00:02:33.35 We're going to do our best to answer those questions 00:02:33.38\00:02:35.45 in the next few minutes, and we'll meet a woman 00:02:35.48\00:02:37.85 who's had a lot of experience with this, 00:02:37.89\00:02:39.85 and talk with a physician who's had an awful lot of experience 00:02:39.89\00:02:42.92 dealing with the issues surrounding what truly is 00:02:42.96\00:02:46.70 a tragedy of immense proportions. 00:02:46.73\00:02:49.23 ¤[soft music]¤ 00:02:49.26\00:02:51.47 So does God care when a miscarriage occurs? 00:02:51.50\00:02:56.10 Of course He does. 00:02:56.14\00:02:57.77 Isaiah 44, verse 2: 00:02:57.81\00:02:59.67 "Thus says the Lord who made you and formed you from the womb..." 00:02:59.71\00:03:03.95 Isaiah 44, same chapter, verse 24: 00:03:03.98\00:03:07.55 "Thus says the Lord, your Redeemer, 00:03:07.58\00:03:10.09 and He who formed you from the womb..." 00:03:10.12\00:03:12.75 Isaiah 49:1, 00:03:12.79\00:03:14.52 "Listen, O coastlands, to me, 00:03:14.56\00:03:17.09 and take heed, you peoples from afar! 00:03:17.13\00:03:20.33 The Lord has called me from the womb; 00:03:20.36\00:03:23.06 from the matrix of my mother He has made mention of my name." 00:03:23.10\00:03:26.77 You get the idea here. 00:03:27.60\00:03:29.30 In fact, it becomes very clear that God is very much aware 00:03:29.34\00:03:33.34 of what takes place inside the womb. 00:03:33.38\00:03:36.24 The Bible does not say that a person is formed at childbirth, 00:03:36.28\00:03:41.28 but within the womb, inside the mother. 00:03:41.32\00:03:44.85 That's a baby. 00:03:44.89\00:03:46.76 That's a person. 00:03:46.79\00:03:48.62 That's a human being; at least, that's the way God sees it. 00:03:48.66\00:03:54.30 And God had this to say to Jeremiah, 00:03:54.36\00:03:56.43 in Jeremiah 1 in verse 5: 00:03:56.46\00:03:59.20 "Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you; 00:03:59.23\00:04:02.94 before you were born I sanctified you." 00:04:02.97\00:04:06.24 So if God knew Jeremiah in the womb, 00:04:06.27\00:04:09.01 if God knew Isaiah in the womb, 00:04:09.04\00:04:11.85 then God knows what's going on within every pregnant woman. 00:04:11.88\00:04:15.75 So, yes, God cares, and He cares deeply. 00:04:15.78\00:04:19.45 God feels the pain of every grieving mother, 00:04:20.46\00:04:24.49 which is important to know, because women who miscarry 00:04:24.53\00:04:27.96 frequently find that those around them 00:04:27.96\00:04:30.63 don't always empathize or sympathize or, or show concern 00:04:30.67\00:04:34.74 or support like they... like they really should. 00:04:34.77\00:04:38.71 Now, we know how to react basically 00:04:38.74\00:04:40.11 when someone's grandma dies. 00:04:40.14\00:04:42.08 We show concern. 00:04:42.11\00:04:43.24 It's sad. 00:04:43.28\00:04:44.21 There's grieving that needs to take place. 00:04:44.25\00:04:46.61 When someone loses a parent or a sibling or a spouse, 00:04:46.65\00:04:49.82 we get that. 00:04:49.85\00:04:51.02 Not that everyone is especially helpful 00:04:51.05\00:04:53.19 or always says the right thing, 00:04:53.22\00:04:55.49 but we understand the dynamic of a person dying. 00:04:55.52\00:04:58.23 We understand the loss of someone who no longer sits 00:04:58.26\00:05:00.96 across the dining room table, 00:05:00.96\00:05:03.03 someone who isn't there in church anymore, 00:05:03.06\00:05:05.63 or isn't there when you go home to visit. 00:05:05.67\00:05:08.00 That's a loss. We kind of get that. 00:05:08.04\00:05:10.47 That person is no longer there. 00:05:10.51\00:05:13.01 But the loss of someone you've never seen, 00:05:13.04\00:05:16.21 someone you've never met, someone without a name, 00:05:16.24\00:05:20.55 how do you truly appreciate a loss like that? 00:05:20.58\00:05:23.85 For a lot of people, even for a lot of husbands 00:05:23.89\00:05:26.52 whose wives miscarry, it's not easy. 00:05:26.55\00:05:30.23 Which is why people will say things like, 00:05:30.26\00:05:31.69 "Well, at least it happened early," 00:05:31.73\00:05:33.33 or, or "Don't feel bad." 00:05:33.36\00:05:35.86 Don't feel bad? 00:05:35.90\00:05:37.63 That's exactly how an expectant mother is going to feel 00:05:37.67\00:05:41.67 when she loses her child. 00:05:41.70\00:05:44.21 Loss is difficult for humans to bear. 00:05:44.24\00:05:47.31 God didn't create us to experience loss, to grieve. 00:05:47.34\00:05:51.01 Death came into the world as the result of sin. 00:05:51.05\00:05:54.55 And 6,000 years later, it still doesn't sit well with us. 00:05:54.58\00:05:58.39 And in this case, the death of dreams, 00:05:58.42\00:06:01.22 the death of potential, the death of joy, 00:06:01.26\00:06:04.06 the death of a future, 00:06:04.09\00:06:05.96 that's its own kind of difficult. 00:06:05.99\00:06:08.53 Imagine being the woman who for so long has been trying 00:06:08.56\00:06:10.60 to get pregnant, and now people are congratulating you. 00:06:10.63\00:06:13.97 It's fun. 00:06:14.00\00:06:15.20 You're starting to shop for strollers and decorate a room, 00:06:15.24\00:06:17.61 and you start to think about picking a name. 00:06:17.64\00:06:19.61 Maybe friends have started giving you gifts. 00:06:19.64\00:06:22.41 You've started to dream about what the future holds: 00:06:22.44\00:06:24.78 Will she play the piano? 00:06:24.81\00:06:26.11 Will she become a teacher or a doctor or an engineer? 00:06:26.15\00:06:29.15 Will he be a carpenter or a physical therapist 00:06:29.18\00:06:31.99 or an accountant? 00:06:32.02\00:06:33.25 One day you'll go to games. 00:06:33.29\00:06:34.99 You'll play basketball together at the local court. 00:06:35.02\00:06:37.63 You'll ice skate. 00:06:37.66\00:06:38.56 You'll eat ice cream. 00:06:38.59\00:06:39.53 You'll be there for that first lost tooth, 00:06:39.56\00:06:41.86 take them to school on that first day at school. 00:06:41.90\00:06:44.60 There'll be pets and grazed knees 00:06:44.63\00:06:46.77 and learning to ride a bike, and then high school, and one day, 00:06:46.80\00:06:50.51 boyfriends or girlfriends, and one day, a wedding. 00:06:50.54\00:06:54.71 But miscarriage ends that, right when you're daring to dream, 00:06:54.74\00:06:59.78 when your future is offering you so much. 00:06:59.81\00:07:03.02 It's all...gone. 00:07:03.05\00:07:07.56 So how do you get through this in a healthy way, 00:07:07.59\00:07:10.43 your marriage still strong, your faith in God intact? 00:07:10.46\00:07:15.96 And will you ever get to meet that baby? 00:07:16.00\00:07:20.07 I'll be right back. 00:07:20.10\00:07:21.40 ¤[music]¤ 00:07:21.44\00:07:27.04 >>John: I want to encourage you to get today's free offer. 00:07:30.11\00:07:32.65 It's my little book called "Coping With Grief." 00:07:32.68\00:07:35.88 If you are trying to deal with grief or you know somebody else 00:07:35.92\00:07:38.59 who is grieving, this little book will be invaluable to you. 00:07:38.62\00:07:42.32 We look at biblical principles for dealing with grief, 00:07:42.36\00:07:44.96 and we'll discover that God is with us in those tough times. 00:07:44.99\00:07:48.33 To get "Coping With Grief," 00:07:48.36\00:07:49.43 visit us online at iiwoffer.com 00:07:49.46\00:07:52.83 or call 800-253-3000, 00:07:52.87\00:07:55.77 800-253-3000. 00:07:55.80\00:07:58.41 Call now. It's free. 00:07:58.44\00:08:00.11 >>John Bradshaw: Thanks for joining me on It Is Written. 00:08:01.44\00:08:04.45 Some of the great stories of the Bible center around pregnancy 00:08:04.48\00:08:07.55 and childbirth. 00:08:07.58\00:08:08.98 The greatest story of the Bible could well be that of an angel 00:08:09.02\00:08:12.52 visiting a young, unmarried woman and telling her 00:08:12.55\00:08:15.32 she's going to have a baby. 00:08:15.36\00:08:17.83 Mary then visits her pregnant cousin, Elizabeth, 00:08:17.86\00:08:20.96 who's going to be the mother of John the Baptist. 00:08:20.96\00:08:23.53 There's the story of Hannah, the wife of Elkanah, 00:08:23.57\00:08:26.80 weeping before the Lord because she couldn't conceive. 00:08:26.84\00:08:29.64 And then the miracle child Samuel was born. 00:08:29.67\00:08:32.84 There's that great Old Testament story of Abraham and Sarah, 00:08:32.87\00:08:36.34 who in their old age became the parents of Isaac. 00:08:36.38\00:08:39.75 Genesis 25:21 says, 00:08:39.78\00:08:41.98 "Now Isaac pleaded with the Lord for his wife, 00:08:42.02\00:08:45.39 because she was barren; and the Lord granted his plea, 00:08:45.42\00:08:49.29 and Rebekah his wife conceived." 00:08:49.32\00:08:51.66 Another birth that came as a result 00:08:51.69\00:08:53.56 of God's direct intervention: 00:08:53.60\00:08:55.83 Isaac's son Jacob married Rachel, 00:08:55.86\00:08:58.37 and Genesis 30, verse 1 says, 00:08:58.40\00:09:00.80 "Now when Rachel saw that she bore Jacob no children, 00:09:00.84\00:09:04.61 Rachel envied her sister, and said to Jacob, 00:09:04.64\00:09:07.88 'Give me children, or else I die!'" 00:09:07.91\00:09:10.18 And she conceived. 00:09:10.68\00:09:12.15 Both Moses and Hosea wrote that Jacob took hold of his brother 00:09:12.18\00:09:15.65 "by the heel in the womb." 00:09:15.68\00:09:18.09 Pregnancy is a huge deal in the Bible. 00:09:18.12\00:09:21.46 The gift of life is precious. 00:09:21.49\00:09:24.33 And that's understood by expecting parents, 00:09:24.36\00:09:27.20 especially expecting mothers. 00:09:27.23\00:09:29.86 But when all that disappears so unexpectedly, 00:09:29.90\00:09:33.07 when something as inexplicable as miscarriage strikes 00:09:33.10\00:09:36.27 from out of nowhere, it can be devastating. 00:09:36.30\00:09:41.01 Almost 20 years ago my wife miscarried what would have been 00:09:41.04\00:09:43.88 our second child, somewhere around eight to 10 weeks. 00:09:43.91\00:09:47.68 It was devastating for her. 00:09:47.72\00:09:49.75 Sad for me, devastating for her. 00:09:49.78\00:09:53.59 And almost two decades later, the pain is just about this far 00:09:53.62\00:09:57.83 beneath the surface when the subject comes up. 00:09:57.86\00:10:01.00 Becky Nordquist knows something of the pain of miscarriage 00:10:01.03\00:10:04.50 and loss. 00:10:04.53\00:10:06.00 I spoke to her about her experience. 00:10:06.03\00:10:08.24 >>Becky Nordquist: We experienced five pregnancy 00:10:09.24\00:10:11.31 losses and one stillbirth, 00:10:11.34\00:10:14.54 after hoping to have a family of our own. 00:10:14.58\00:10:19.38 >>John: A question many people, uh, are wanting an answer to is, 00:10:19.41\00:10:22.82 how do you endure that? 00:10:22.85\00:10:24.45 Just how do you get through that much loss? 00:10:24.49\00:10:28.36 >>Becky: Well, there was a lot of wrestling, 00:10:28.39\00:10:30.56 a lot of questioning God. 00:10:30.59\00:10:32.06 I really was wrestling with my faith, and so was my husband. 00:10:32.09\00:10:35.30 We, we wrestled together. 00:10:35.33\00:10:36.70 We ended up one morning laying in bed, saying, 00:10:36.73\00:10:39.47 "God, are You mad at us? Did You leave us?" 00:10:39.50\00:10:42.34 You know, "Have we left, you know, have we walked out 00:10:42.37\00:10:44.87 from underneath Your hand of blessing? What's going on?" 00:10:44.91\00:10:47.41 Because there was just loss after loss. 00:10:47.44\00:10:50.11 And so you find yourself in those really dark places. 00:10:50.15\00:10:53.55 You find yourself asking questions that you feel 00:10:53.58\00:10:55.75 almost ashamed that you're asking, as a believer, 00:10:55.78\00:10:58.52 but they're crucial to ask. 00:10:58.55\00:11:00.76 They're, they're so important to growing our faith deeper. 00:11:00.79\00:11:05.33 And so, clinging to the truth of God's Word, 00:11:05.36\00:11:08.06 even when your heart doesn't feel it, 00:11:08.10\00:11:10.87 was absolutely the most important thing 00:11:10.90\00:11:13.27 we could have found. 00:11:13.30\00:11:14.94 >>John: And you waited, 00:11:14.97\00:11:16.84 and then you might have had to wait again. 00:11:16.87\00:11:18.67 And now you look back over multiple pregnancy losses, 00:11:18.71\00:11:24.01 and during that time, 00:11:24.05\00:11:25.88 two beautiful, healthy babies were born. 00:11:25.91\00:11:27.78 You look back over that period... 00:11:27.82\00:11:32.22 how, how do you, how do you view it? 00:11:32.25\00:11:34.89 >>Becky: A very bittersweet journey. 00:11:34.92\00:11:38.56 Uh, bitter when I think of things in the terms of 00:11:38.59\00:11:43.37 the tears wept and the empty arms that I experienced, 00:11:43.40\00:11:50.27 the difficult things that people would say, 00:11:50.31\00:11:53.54 that were well-intentioned, but very poor--poorly-worded. 00:11:53.58\00:11:57.95 Um, but sweet, because who God has become for me: 00:11:57.98\00:12:04.55 the God of Becky. 00:12:04.59\00:12:06.12 Not just the God of Moses 00:12:06.15\00:12:07.82 or the God of David or the God of Abraham. 00:12:07.86\00:12:10.83 He became the God of Becky in that dark period, 00:12:10.86\00:12:16.10 and who He is to me today, 00:12:16.13\00:12:18.60 I wouldn't trade that for anything. 00:12:18.63\00:12:21.80 It is a treasure that nothing else in this earth 00:12:21.84\00:12:27.04 could compare to that. 00:12:27.08\00:12:29.08 >>John: Two questions: 00:12:29.11\00:12:30.45 How do women typically deal with this? 00:12:30.48\00:12:34.72 How would you suggest a woman, a family-- 00:12:34.75\00:12:38.89 let's not forget husbands are impacted here as well-- 00:12:38.92\00:12:42.36 how would you suggest families deal with this in a healthy way? 00:12:42.39\00:12:45.59 Firstly, what's typical? Second, what's healthy? 00:12:45.63\00:12:49.16 >>Becky: Hmm. I'm not sure I can speak to what's typical, 00:12:49.20\00:12:52.10 because it is such an individual journey. 00:12:52.13\00:12:55.14 Um, many, many try to go it alone, though. 00:12:55.17\00:13:00.04 There's a lot of people that just don't want to talk about it 00:13:00.08\00:13:02.18 for multiple reasons. 00:13:02.21\00:13:03.68 Everyone has a different reason. 00:13:03.71\00:13:05.18 Sometimes it's just, you know, a little embarrassment. 00:13:05.21\00:13:07.68 We told everyone we're pregnant; now suddenly we're not. 00:13:07.72\00:13:09.78 What do we say now? 00:13:09.82\00:13:10.99 And then it's awkward 00:13:11.02\00:13:12.29 because people don't know how to respond. 00:13:12.32\00:13:14.52 Uh, but I think the most important thing 00:13:14.56\00:13:16.42 is that you do at least find one person to talk with 00:13:16.46\00:13:19.53 and process through it with. 00:13:19.56\00:13:21.96 And certainly, you know, honest struggling with the Lord 00:13:22.00\00:13:24.50 is important. 00:13:24.53\00:13:25.43 ¤[soft piano music]¤ 00:13:25.47\00:13:26.70 >>John: There are some pretty normal responses to miscarriage 00:13:26.74\00:13:29.67 that aren't especially helpful. 00:13:29.70\00:13:31.77 A woman is going to be tempted to blame herself: 00:13:31.81\00:13:34.54 "Maybe I shouldn't have eaten that fast food." 00:13:34.58\00:13:37.01 "Maybe it was the mountain biking." 00:13:37.05\00:13:38.68 "If I'd exercised more..." 00:13:38.71\00:13:40.22 "If I'd drunk more water..." 00:13:40.25\00:13:42.55 No. Except for very rare exceptions, 00:13:42.58\00:13:46.12 it's not the things that you do that ever cause the miscarriage. 00:13:46.15\00:13:50.09 And when something goes wrong, 00:13:50.13\00:13:51.03 we want to find someone to blame. 00:13:51.06\00:13:52.96 "It was my fault." 00:13:52.99\00:13:54.83 No, it wasn't. 00:13:54.83\00:13:55.90 "I failed." 00:13:55.93\00:13:57.00 Oh, no, you didn't fail. 00:13:57.03\00:13:58.60 Pregnancy is a high-risk proposition. 00:13:58.63\00:14:01.34 Consider how many pregnancies end in miscarriage, 00:14:01.37\00:14:03.67 both known and unknown miscarriage, 00:14:03.71\00:14:06.31 and considering all of the things that have to go right 00:14:06.34\00:14:09.08 in order for a child to be born, 00:14:09.11\00:14:11.18 pregnancy as a whole is a high-risk thing. 00:14:11.21\00:14:14.75 >>Dr. Donald Taylor: Genetically, when a baby 00:14:15.78\00:14:18.29 is formed, there's so much information that's being passed 00:14:18.32\00:14:22.72 from sperm to egg. 00:14:22.76\00:14:24.56 Everything that's developing initially has to be just right, 00:14:24.59\00:14:29.53 because it's such a critical foundation for the development 00:14:29.56\00:14:32.77 of that baby, 00:14:32.80\00:14:34.07 that if it doesn't, the baby's not going to survive, 00:14:34.10\00:14:36.60 it's not going to do well, and then a miscarriage occurs. 00:14:36.64\00:14:40.24 >>John: Post-miscarriage, what's important, 00:14:40.28\00:14:43.31 what's healthy for that woman to be able to move forward? 00:14:43.35\00:14:47.22 >>Dr. Taylor: First of all, I think being able to talk 00:14:47.25\00:14:49.42 about it openly, to share her feelings. 00:14:49.45\00:14:52.95 Because every pregnancy carries much more emotions 00:14:52.99\00:14:56.56 than most people realize, even early pregnancies. 00:14:56.59\00:15:00.50 It's easy to conceive a fetal death further along 00:15:00.53\00:15:03.87 into pregnancy and how much grief that would bring, 00:15:03.90\00:15:06.90 but you'd be surprised how much grief the early part of it is. 00:15:06.94\00:15:11.17 >>John: So what advice do you have for husbands? 00:15:11.21\00:15:15.01 >>Dr. Taylor: For Dad, the main thing that I encourage them 00:15:15.84\00:15:18.81 to do is to listen. 00:15:18.85\00:15:21.65 Be close to them. 00:15:21.68\00:15:22.98 Don't draw away from them, because it's easy to do that, 00:15:23.02\00:15:26.76 or try to take over in the sense of, 00:15:26.79\00:15:29.36 "Okay, this is how we're going to fix--" 00:15:29.39\00:15:31.33 because that's what guys like to do; they like to fix things. 00:15:31.36\00:15:34.63 And that's not what she needs. 00:15:34.66\00:15:36.33 She needs that listening ear and that gentle touch from Dad. 00:15:36.36\00:15:40.87 >>John: What do you think are one or two things 00:15:40.90\00:15:42.57 that most people, even most moms, 00:15:42.60\00:15:45.24 don't understand about miscarriage? 00:15:45.27\00:15:48.24 >>Dr. Taylor: The frequency, 00:15:48.28\00:15:49.71 as to how common it is, in our cur--in our local community, 00:15:49.74\00:15:53.92 in our society. 00:15:53.95\00:15:55.12 And then secondly, how they can take care of themselves 00:15:55.15\00:15:58.32 with exercise, with diet, and rest. 00:15:58.35\00:16:02.76 Most don't realize how important that is. 00:16:02.79\00:16:05.53 And those are probably the major factors, 00:16:05.56\00:16:08.00 uh, that we go over with them. 00:16:08.03\00:16:10.47 ¤[soft music]¤ 00:16:10.50\00:16:11.73 >>John: So how do you support a woman who has had a miscarriage? 00:16:11.77\00:16:14.44 Of course, not everybody processes a loss like this 00:16:14.47\00:16:17.01 in exactly the same way. 00:16:17.04\00:16:18.71 But generally speaking, being as a grieving process is going on, 00:16:18.74\00:16:23.11 you do what you do to help someone who is grieving: 00:16:23.14\00:16:26.48 You don't try to fix it. It can't be fixed. 00:16:26.51\00:16:29.72 A loss is a loss, and it cannot be undone. 00:16:29.75\00:16:33.36 You don't try to ignore it. 00:16:33.39\00:16:34.59 It's real. 00:16:34.62\00:16:36.16 What people need is an ear. 00:16:36.19\00:16:38.29 We've looked at the subject of grief before on It Is Written. 00:16:38.33\00:16:41.13 Grief is difficult. 00:16:41.16\00:16:42.86 People process grief in different ways, 00:16:42.90\00:16:44.87 but pretending that what has happened hasn't happened 00:16:44.90\00:16:47.87 or failing to acknowledge a crushing loss 00:16:47.90\00:16:49.97 as just what it is, that's just not helpful. 00:16:50.01\00:16:53.88 Yes, life will get back to normal, as it were, eventually, 00:16:53.91\00:16:59.58 just like it did after your dad died. 00:16:59.61\00:17:02.08 But it takes time, and the sense of loss is always there. 00:17:02.12\00:17:08.59 Look at the grief David expressed for his son Absalom. 00:17:08.62\00:17:11.76 Oh, very different circumstances, 00:17:11.79\00:17:13.96 but David's grief was enormous. 00:17:14.00\00:17:16.77 "Then the king was deeply moved, 00:17:16.80\00:17:18.50 and went up to the chamber over the gate, and wept. 00:17:18.53\00:17:22.24 And as he went, he said thus: 'O my son Absalom--my son, 00:17:22.27\00:17:27.91 my son Absalom--if only I had died in your place! 00:17:27.94\00:17:32.91 O Absalom my son, my son!'" 00:17:32.95\00:17:36.89 That's 2 Samuel 18:33. 00:17:36.92\00:17:39.79 David lost a child. 00:17:39.82\00:17:41.99 You could say that a lost pregnancy is in some ways 00:17:42.02\00:17:45.66 more cruel because it's the death of hope, 00:17:45.69\00:17:49.23 the death of dreams. 00:17:49.26\00:17:51.30 The unborn are the innocent, 00:17:51.33\00:17:53.67 and the loss of the innocent is tough. 00:17:53.70\00:17:58.17 So, do we see those unborn babies in eternity? 00:17:58.21\00:18:03.04 I'll be back in just a moment. 00:18:03.08\00:18:04.45 ¤[music]¤ 00:18:04.48\00:18:10.49 ¤[upbeat music]¤ 00:18:13.05\00:18:15.29 >>Announcer: Planning for your financial future 00:18:15.32\00:18:17.03 is a vital aspect of Christian stewardship. 00:18:17.06\00:18:20.96 For this reason, It Is Written is pleased to offer 00:18:20.96\00:18:23.60 free planned giving and estate services. 00:18:23.63\00:18:26.43 For information on how we can help you, 00:18:26.47\00:18:28.67 please call 800-992-2219. 00:18:28.70\00:18:33.51 Call today 00:18:33.54\00:18:34.38 or visit our website: hislegacy.com. 00:18:34.41\00:18:37.95 Call 800-992-2219. 00:18:37.98\00:18:41.92 [train sounds] 00:18:43.25\00:18:44.29 >>John Bradshaw: In 1931, nine boys started out 00:18:44.32\00:18:46.72 from Chattanooga, Tennessee, in search of a new life. 00:18:46.76\00:18:49.99 They made it as far as Scottsboro, Alabama, 00:18:50.03\00:18:52.53 where they were accused of crimes they didn't commit 00:18:52.56\00:18:55.33 and were sentenced to death. 00:18:55.36\00:18:57.17 [gavel strikes block] 00:18:57.20\00:18:58.53 >>Sheila Washington: It was the Jim Crow era. 00:18:58.57\00:19:00.84 If somebody said a black did it, a black didn't have a chance 00:19:00.87\00:19:05.24 of even making it inside of a courtroom 00:19:05.27\00:19:08.01 before he was hung on a tree. 00:19:08.04\00:19:10.11 I don't know how they survived. 00:19:10.15\00:19:12.11 >>John: In separate trials, guilty verdicts were returned, 00:19:12.15\00:19:14.85 even though it was apparent to everyone looking on 00:19:14.88\00:19:17.49 that the defendants were not guilty. 00:19:17.52\00:19:20.59 In that miscarriage of justice the civil rights era was born. 00:19:20.62\00:19:25.29 Join It Is Written on location in Scottsboro, Alabama, 00:19:25.33\00:19:28.73 for "The Scottsboro Nine." 00:19:28.76\00:19:31.07 We'll look into the Bible and see what it says about justice, 00:19:31.10\00:19:34.07 about false accusation, and about finding true freedom. 00:19:34.10\00:19:38.31 "The Scottsboro Nine," 00:19:38.34\00:19:39.77 brought to you by It Is Written TV. 00:19:39.81\00:19:42.34 >>John Bradshaw: As many as a quarter of all known pregnancies 00:19:44.11\00:19:46.75 end in miscarriage. 00:19:46.78\00:19:48.85 The Cambridge Dictionary defines miscarriage as 00:19:48.88\00:19:51.15 "an early, unintentional end to a pregnancy 00:19:51.19\00:19:54.62 when the baby is born too early and dies 00:19:54.66\00:19:57.09 because it has not developed enough." 00:19:57.13\00:20:00.60 So where is God when all of this takes place? 00:20:00.63\00:20:03.16 Well, that's a good question. 00:20:03.20\00:20:04.93 I'm glad that there's a good answer. 00:20:04.97\00:20:07.27 Whether it's miscarriage or infant death or the death 00:20:07.30\00:20:10.17 of a grandparent, God is present when we grieve. 00:20:10.21\00:20:14.24 The presence of bad things 00:20:14.28\00:20:15.41 doesn't mean that God was absent. 00:20:15.44\00:20:18.18 Awful things happen, 00:20:18.21\00:20:19.65 and they happen as a result of sin in the world. 00:20:19.68\00:20:22.75 We were created to live forever. 00:20:22.78\00:20:24.59 There was no sin in the beginning, 00:20:24.62\00:20:26.62 but with the advent of sin there came the advent of death 00:20:26.65\00:20:29.92 and illness and crime and hate. 00:20:29.96\00:20:33.13 Imagine the earth before sin. 00:20:33.16\00:20:35.46 God said that it was good; He then said, "very good." 00:20:35.50\00:20:39.10 But after sin, things began to change. 00:20:39.13\00:20:42.37 Imagine Adam and Eve seeing a leaf die for the first time, 00:20:42.40\00:20:47.04 then an animal die, 00:20:47.08\00:20:48.74 and then seeing a person die. 00:20:48.78\00:20:52.15 This wasn't what God was thinking of 00:20:52.18\00:20:54.25 when He created the world. 00:20:54.28\00:20:55.48 It wasn't what He wished for. 00:20:55.52\00:20:58.02 Our own choices of human beings have brought about the decay, 00:20:58.05\00:21:01.29 the degeneration of the world, 00:21:01.32\00:21:03.76 so that now things happen that we have no control over, 00:21:03.79\00:21:06.83 like cancer, very often, 00:21:06.86\00:21:09.03 accidents. 00:21:09.06\00:21:10.27 You can be the victim of a crime 00:21:10.30\00:21:11.47 through absolutely no fault of your own. 00:21:11.50\00:21:14.30 And tragedies like miscarriage or stillbirth, 00:21:14.34\00:21:18.04 painful things that are beyond your control, 00:21:18.07\00:21:21.48 it's the price we pay for living in a sinful world. 00:21:21.51\00:21:25.01 Tragically, things happen. 00:21:25.05\00:21:28.25 And miscarriage brings with it all kinds of challenges 00:21:28.28\00:21:31.09 that people outside of that world don't always consider. 00:21:31.12\00:21:35.92 What's it like going home from the doctor's office 00:21:35.96\00:21:38.29 when she's told you the news that you didn't want to hear, 00:21:38.33\00:21:41.66 and going back to that, that room you've prepared? 00:21:41.70\00:21:46.10 Having to tell the nice lady at the store that, 00:21:46.13\00:21:48.20 "Actually, I'm not pregnant now, so..."? 00:21:48.24\00:21:51.74 Everywhere you turn there are young mothers pushing strollers, 00:21:51.77\00:21:54.54 pregnant women evidently very excited 00:21:54.58\00:21:56.38 about their rather obvious future. 00:21:56.41\00:21:59.35 And then there's the fear that accompanies your next pregnancy, 00:21:59.38\00:22:02.55 when all you can do is worry that it's going to happen again. 00:22:02.58\00:22:06.76 Now, there are things a person can do, though. 00:22:06.79\00:22:08.92 Read. Read about the subject. 00:22:08.96\00:22:11.23 Get involved in a support group. 00:22:11.26\00:22:13.46 Find friends who will actually be supportive. 00:22:13.50\00:22:16.97 Listen to a good podcast on the subject. 00:22:17.00\00:22:19.77 And trust in God. 00:22:19.80\00:22:21.90 Difficult experiences don't have to mean the end of your faith 00:22:21.94\00:22:25.21 in God. 00:22:25.24\00:22:26.54 God isn't a villain. 00:22:26.57\00:22:28.28 God didn't do this to anyone. 00:22:28.31\00:22:31.25 This is simply life in a world that for thousands of years 00:22:31.28\00:22:33.82 has been wrestling with sin and its effects. 00:22:33.85\00:22:36.92 God is there for you in any crisis, in any trying time. 00:22:36.95\00:22:41.36 Remember those promises in the Bible? 00:22:41.39\00:22:43.56 They'll help you to move forward. 00:22:43.59\00:22:45.59 Now, you don't have to move on, 00:22:45.63\00:22:47.56 but you do want to be able to move forward. 00:22:47.60\00:22:50.53 Matthew 11:28, 00:22:50.57\00:22:52.43 "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, 00:22:52.47\00:22:56.94 and I will give you rest." 00:22:56.97\00:22:59.34 Isaiah 26:3, 00:22:59.37\00:23:01.28 "You will keep him in perfect peace, 00:23:01.31\00:23:02.78 whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You." 00:23:02.81\00:23:07.62 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart." 00:23:07.65\00:23:09.72 That's Proverbs 3:5. 00:23:09.75\00:23:11.79 "I am with you always, even to the end of the age." 00:23:11.82\00:23:15.96 Matthew 28:20. 00:23:15.99\00:23:17.69 "Be still, and know that I am God." 00:23:17.73\00:23:21.40 Psalm 46:10. 00:23:21.43\00:23:23.10 And Matthew 5, verse 4: 00:23:23.13\00:23:24.77 "Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted." 00:23:24.80\00:23:29.50 The question many people wrestle with is, 00:23:29.54\00:23:32.91 "Will I see my baby again?" 00:23:32.94\00:23:35.81 Now, that's an important question. 00:23:35.84\00:23:38.38 When an adult dies or a child dies, 00:23:38.41\00:23:40.28 we're given very real promises in the Bible 00:23:40.32\00:23:42.45 about what we have to look forward to. 00:23:42.48\00:23:44.75 1 Thessalonians chapter 4, 16 and 17 says: 00:23:44.79\00:23:48.36 "For the Lord Himself shall descend from heaven 00:23:48.39\00:23:50.46 with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, 00:23:50.49\00:23:52.83 and with the trump of God: 00:23:52.86\00:23:54.60 and the dead in Christ shall rise first: 00:23:54.63\00:23:57.33 then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up 00:23:57.37\00:23:59.93 together with them in the clouds, 00:24:00.04\00:24:01.47 to meet the Lord in the air: 00:24:01.50\00:24:03.87 and so shall we ever be with the Lord." 00:24:03.91\00:24:06.37 Now, what's that? 00:24:06.91\00:24:08.24 That's the resurrection: "The dead in Christ shall rise." 00:24:08.28\00:24:12.88 That's clear. 00:24:12.91\00:24:14.12 Jesus said much the same in John chapter 5, verses 28 and 29: 00:24:14.15\00:24:19.02 "Marvel not at this: 00:24:19.05\00:24:20.99 for the hour is coming, in the which all that are in the graves 00:24:21.02\00:24:24.66 shall hear His voice, and shall come forth; 00:24:24.69\00:24:27.86 they that have done good, unto the resurrection of life; 00:24:27.86\00:24:30.73 and they that have done evil, 00:24:30.77\00:24:32.50 unto the resurrection of damnation." 00:24:32.53\00:24:34.87 Paul wrote to the Corinthians in 1 Corinthians chapter 15: 00:24:35.37\00:24:38.57 "Behold, I shew you a mystery; we shall not all sleep, 00:24:38.61\00:24:43.14 but we shall all be changed, in a moment, 00:24:43.18\00:24:45.75 in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trump: 00:24:45.78\00:24:48.78 for the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised 00:24:48.82\00:24:51.65 incorruptible, and we shall be changed." 00:24:51.69\00:24:55.16 The dead shall be raised. 00:24:55.66\00:24:58.76 Did Paul or Jesus distinguish between the dead who died 00:24:58.79\00:25:02.90 in the womb and the dead who died after having been born? 00:25:02.93\00:25:08.24 No. No, they did not. 00:25:08.27\00:25:10.47 ¤[soft music]¤ 00:25:11.47\00:25:12.84 So who will be saved? 00:25:12.87\00:25:14.51 Well, those sinners who repented of their sins 00:25:14.54\00:25:17.31 and accept Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. 00:25:17.35\00:25:20.55 But those in the womb have not sinned. 00:25:20.58\00:25:23.05 There's nothing for them to repent of. 00:25:23.08\00:25:25.55 Now, now, careful, does that mean that every unborn child 00:25:25.59\00:25:28.99 has a free pass to everlasting life? 00:25:29.02\00:25:31.93 I don't think it would be wise or even necessary to say that. 00:25:31.96\00:25:35.46 The Bible isn't entirely clear about this, 00:25:35.50\00:25:38.37 which means we should tread carefully and with respect. 00:25:38.40\00:25:41.97 But if you're wondering about the eternal destiny 00:25:42.00\00:25:43.81 of your unborn child, you have every reason to be hopeful, 00:25:43.84\00:25:48.44 every reason to look forward to meeting your baby 00:25:48.48\00:25:51.78 and to raising your child in heaven. 00:25:51.81\00:25:54.98 We've got a lot to look forward to when we get to heaven, 00:25:55.02\00:25:57.95 and meeting those little ones we never knew, 00:25:57.99\00:26:01.29 the innocents that were lost to us, 00:26:01.32\00:26:04.69 that's going to be one of the most special blessings 00:26:04.73\00:26:07.40 God has for us. 00:26:07.40\00:26:09.06 >>John: I want to encourage you to get today's free offer. 00:26:09.93\00:26:12.37 It's my little book called "Coping With Grief." 00:26:12.40\00:26:15.54 If you are trying to deal with grief or you know somebody else 00:26:15.57\00:26:18.21 who is grieving, this little book will be invaluable to you. 00:26:18.24\00:26:21.94 We look at biblical principles for dealing with grief, 00:26:21.98\00:26:24.68 and we'll discover that God is with us in those tough times. 00:26:24.71\00:26:28.02 To get "Coping With Grief," 00:26:28.05\00:26:29.18 visit us online at iiwoffer.com 00:26:29.22\00:26:32.42 or call 800-253-3000, 00:26:32.45\00:26:35.46 800-253-3000. 00:26:35.49\00:26:38.16 Call now. It's free. 00:26:38.19\00:26:39.66 >>John: Thank you for remembering that It Is Written 00:26:40.26\00:26:42.23 exists because of the kindness of people just like you. 00:26:42.26\00:26:45.60 To support this international life-changing ministry, 00:26:45.63\00:26:48.87 please call us now at 800-253-3000. 00:26:48.90\00:26:53.07 You can send your tax-deductible gift 00:26:53.11\00:26:54.58 to the address on your screen, 00:26:54.61\00:26:56.04 or you can visit us online at itiswritten.com. 00:26:56.08\00:26:59.88 Thank you for your prayers and for your financial support. 00:26:59.91\00:27:02.78 Our number again is 800-253-3000, 00:27:02.82\00:27:06.96 or you can visit us online at itiswritten.com. 00:27:06.99\00:27:09.99 >>John Bradshaw: Let's pray together now. 00:27:11.26\00:27:12.79 Our Father in heaven, we thank You in the name of Jesus 00:27:12.83\00:27:15.03 that though we live in a world filled with sadness and pain 00:27:15.06\00:27:17.67 and heartbreak and loss, 00:27:17.70\00:27:19.37 that we look forward to a world where there'll be no such thing. 00:27:19.40\00:27:23.07 Right now there are people dealing with the pain of loss 00:27:23.10\00:27:25.74 and grief, and I pray You'd be especially close to them. 00:27:25.77\00:27:29.08 Through their tears, 00:27:29.11\00:27:30.31 help them to see that there is hope in Jesus. 00:27:30.35\00:27:33.05 Through their pain, 00:27:33.08\00:27:34.28 give them the very real promise and assurance that one day, 00:27:34.32\00:27:37.45 no more pain. 00:27:37.49\00:27:39.22 We thank You for Jesus, who died for our sins. 00:27:39.25\00:27:41.39 We thank You for Jesus, who one day will gather us up 00:27:41.42\00:27:44.26 and take us to be with Him forever. 00:27:44.29\00:27:45.96 Let that day come soon, we pray, and we thank You for it, 00:27:45.99\00:27:50.53 in Jesus' name. 00:27:50.57\00:27:52.13 Amen. 00:27:52.17\00:27:53.64 Thanks so much for joining me. 00:27:53.67\00:27:54.74 I'm looking forward to seeing you again next time. 00:27:54.77\00:27:57.07 Until then, remember: 00:27:57.11\00:27:59.74 "It is written, 'Man shall not live by bread alone, 00:27:59.77\00:28:04.45 but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.'" 00:28:04.48\00:28:08.95 ¤[theme music]¤ 00:28:08.98\00:28:12.99