JB: This is It Is
Written. I'm John Bradshaw,
00:00:19.51\00:00:22.35
thanks for joining me.
When it comes to matters
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of faith, matters of
the Bible, faith in God is,
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by very definition, a
rather intellectual exercise,
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that is to say,
what does the Bible say?
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And beyond that,
what does the Bible mean?
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However, faith in
God is faith in God.
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It's not just
about a belief system.
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A person who has faith in
God enters into a relationship
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with an individual. So
far from simply the intellect
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being involved, the emotions
are and must be involved when
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it comes to matters of faith.
How can a person be emotionally
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healthy, and how does
that, or even does that, affect
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our relationship with God?
We're going to find that out
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today, because my
guest, my special guest,
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is Dr. Neil
Nedley, the president of
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Nedley Health Solutions.
Dr. Nedley, thanks for being
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here, welcome to It Is
Written. NN: Thank you.
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Great to be here,
John. JB: Intelligence.
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NN: Yes. JB: It's
not just about the
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mind, it's about the emotions,
because I'm hearing more
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and more, and I'm hearing
quite a bit of it from you,
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about emotional
intelligence. NN: Yes.
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JB: Now, what's that?
NN: Emotional intelligence
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is really five
things. Knowing our emotions,
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in other words, being
aware of what we are feeling
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and why, precisely,
why we're feeling that way.
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Secondly, managing our emotions.
People with low emotional
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intelligence are
managed by their emotions.
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People with high
emotional intelligence still
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have emotions, but they
are managing those emotions.
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JB: That's a really
key point, that, isn't it?
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NN: It is. JB: Not
being controlled by,
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but controlling your emotion.
NN: Exactly. And controlling
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your emotions is also vital
for part of the psychological
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good life that's been
emerging in a lot of studies,
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called self-control.
Those who have self-control
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actually psychologically are far
better off than those who don't.
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The key element of that
is managing our emotions.
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That's part of self-control.
JB: And what are the
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other three? NN: The
third one is recognizing
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emotions in others and
really having some empathy
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towards others, which is part of
recognizing emotions in others.
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Fourth is managing
relationships with others.
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And then five, in the word
"emotion" is the word "motion."
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And so the fifth part
of emotional intelligence
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is motivating
yourself to achieve your goals.
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JB: What do we talk about
when we talk about our emotions?
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They are joy,
sadness, you tell me.
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NN: Sure. Actually,
calm is an emotion too.
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Sometimes we think
calm is not feeling. But no,
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the emotion of feeling calm is
actually normally a good thing.
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Bitterness,
sadness, disappointment.
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JB: Okay. So why is
emotional intelligence
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important? NN:
Well, IQ is our capacity
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to learn, retain,
and apply knowledge.
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And emotional intelligence
is being able to manage our
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emotions, to know them, manage
our relationships with others,
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and proper motivation.
JB: Do we need to make
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a big deal out of this, or
can't people just be people?
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NN: Oh, people can be people.
I'm not saying that we shouldn't
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be ourselves and be
people. But we should, actually,
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be balanced people
and in control of ourself.
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JB: It's not being
managed by your emotions
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but managing your emotions.
NN: Exactly. We all go through
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nuisances of life.
Studies show that successful
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and enjoyable living
is much more connected
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to emotional intelligence
than general intelligence.
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JB: Okay, that's key.
You can be someone who's
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emotionally intelligent,
but you can lose your grip.
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NN: You can lose your
grip. JB: With bad consequences.
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NN: And what is ideal, I mean,
not only is it ideal, but it
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really ramps it up, is when
we have comprehensive emotional
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intelligence all the
time. And it's possible.
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Not only is it possible; it is
something that every human being
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can actually achieve. JB:
How do you take this thing
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under, get your emotions
under control and function
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really positively?
NN: There's two main ways.
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One of the ways that often,
you know, studies focus in onto
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is what we're putting
into our body and what
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we're doing with our body.
So, for instance, if you're on
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a regular exercise
program, it helps your emotional
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intelligence. If you're
getting adequate sleep, it helps
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your emotional
intelligence. If you're eating
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the right foods, it helps
the emotional intelligence.
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So those are
important, but, it turns out,
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not the most important.
As important as those are,
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the most important
thing affecting our emotional
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intelligence is our beliefs,
our evaluation of events,
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the way we think about problems,
and our silent self-talk.
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This is the moment-by-moment
messages we give ourself.
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That is the most crucial aspect
to emotional intelligence.
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JB: But you can eat your
way to healthier emotions?
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NN: A few years ago there was a
businessman who won the contract
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for the California prisons.
The first thing he did was
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he had a nutritionist interview
the prisoners coming in
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to the California state prison.
And the nutritionist told them
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what they were eating
could actually have an effect
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on their emotions and
emotional intelligence.
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And it turns out that the
diet that she was recommending--
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and, of course, there's
scientific backing for this--
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was a plant-based diet.
And some prisoners thought
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it was punishment enough to
be in prison, but to be on a
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plant-based diet would be cruel
and unusual punishment, so they
00:06:06.43\00:06:09.60
chose the typical
American diet. But it turns out
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over 90% of the prisoners
chose the plant-based diet,
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meaning that she was a
good educator, and they were
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motivated to try this
diet. Within a few weeks, they
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mentioned how, you know, for
anyone who's been in a prison,
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there are stressful things
that happen in that prison,
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from the other prisoners
and from the guards and herding
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the prisoners around,
and... lot of stressful things.
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But they noticed that they were
able to manage their emotions,
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and they were able to talk to
the security guard, even if they
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were upset, they were able to
talk to him in measured tones,
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and the security guard
actually listened to them.
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And they said, "You know
what, I think if I were eating
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like this on the outside,
I probably never would have
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ended up in there."
The people that got out--
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it was actually a
correctional facility.
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And so they were
corrected, to a large part,
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in regards to what they
were putting into their bodies.
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So it can have a crucial impact.
JB: Controlling your emotions,
00:07:04.72\00:07:07.99
you can control your emotions
and be emotionally intelligent.
00:07:07.99\00:07:13.53
And that's gonna
have a powerful impact
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on your relationship with God.
Don't go away. We'll have more
00:07:15.63\00:07:18.57
in just a moment. ¤[chime]¤
00:07:18.57\00:07:22.34
JB: Christianity builds its hope
of forgiveness and eternal life
00:07:23.74\00:07:26.81
on a relationship.
It's kind of sad, then,
00:07:26.81\00:07:29.84
that we find ourselves rushing
through life, checking the news
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or social media while
we're inhaling our breakfast.
00:07:32.58\00:07:34.92
We often don't have time
for God. Doesn't a relationship
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as important as this
one deserve quality time?
00:07:38.69\00:07:42.96
To learn more, request our
free booklet, "Quality Time."
00:07:42.96\00:07:46.59
Just call 800-253-3000 and ask
for your copy of "Quality Time."
00:07:46.59\00:07:52.80
If the line's
busy, please try again.
00:07:52.80\00:07:54.97
Or you can write to It
Is Written, P.O. Box 6,
00:07:54.97\00:07:58.24
Chattanooga, Tennessee 37401.
We'll mail a free copy to your
00:07:58.24\00:08:02.68
address in North America.
Again, our toll-free number
00:08:02.68\00:08:06.35
is 800-253-3000,
and our web address is
00:08:06.35\00:08:10.52
ItIsWritten.com.
00:08:10.52\00:08:12.72
JB: This is It Is
Written. I'm John Bradshaw.
00:08:13.86\00:08:16.52
Thank you for joining me
today. I'm being joined by
00:08:16.52\00:08:18.86
Dr. Neil Nedley, the president
of Nedley Health Solutions,
00:08:18.86\00:08:21.86
and today we're discussing
emotional intelligence.
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We hear about IQ,
but what about EQ?
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We're learning that a person can
be in control of their emotions
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rather than be controlled by
their emotions. And, Dr. Nedley,
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there are so many
people who loathe themselves
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because they lose their
temper, or there are people
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who wish that they could
be up because they continually
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seem to be in a funk. And
I know that right now lights
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are going on, and people are
saying, "You mean I don't have
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to be a slave to my emotions?"
NN: No, absolutely not.
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In fact, we have the
evidence. In just 10 days--now,
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it's a comprehensive program,
but, you know, for instance,
00:09:00.47\00:09:03.61
right now even as we're
speaking here, I'm running
00:09:03.61\00:09:06.21
a 10-day program for
those with severe depression
00:09:06.21\00:09:09.28
and anxiety. One of
the tests they take is
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an emotional intelligence
test when they come in.
00:09:11.98\00:09:14.95
And when they leave, they'll
take it again, 10 days later.
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Our program enhances the frontal
lobe, analyzes the way they
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think, those sorts of things.
It's not specifically for EQ,
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but what happens in the
average mentally ill individual
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is their emotional intelligence
goes up by well over
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two standard deviations.
They start out below average
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in general, and they end
up in the top 20 percentile
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of the country
in most instances.
00:09:43.75\00:09:46.18
So not only do they leave
depression- and anxiety-free;
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they also are poised for success
on a level that's far higher
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than people who've
never suffered from depression
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and anxiety. So the
point is, in 10 days,
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if you focus in on it in the
right way, it can dramatically
00:10:01.70\00:10:04.97
change for the better.
So emotional intelligence
00:10:04.97\00:10:07.57
can be learned.
It's not just inherited.
00:10:07.57\00:10:09.67
JB: If I believe a certain race
of people have no right to live,
00:10:09.67\00:10:15.74
this is going to dramatically
affect the way I express
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my emotions--hate,
persecutional--that may be
00:10:19.45\00:10:22.42
not an emotion--and that's
going to affect how I act out
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towards people. NN: Yes.
00:10:25.85\00:10:27.36
JB: If I believe in "love
your neighbor as yourself,"
00:10:27.36\00:10:30.73
surely then that's
going to impact my emotions.
00:10:30.73\00:10:32.89
NN: Exactly. JB:
What was number 2?
00:10:32.89\00:10:35.83
NN: Our evaluation of events.
JB: Meaning something happened,
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and how do I perceive
that and weigh that up.
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NN: Exactly. JB: Explain that.
00:10:40.67\00:10:41.70
NN: What we want to do
is to be very objective
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in our evaluation of events.
JB: For instance, that lady
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who served me at the
checkout, she was rude;
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she had an attitude
towards me. I'm so ticked off.
00:10:52.88\00:10:56.92
However, somebody else says,
"You know, I saw that she had
00:10:56.92\00:11:01.19
just dropped a box on her toe
and she was under some stress,
00:11:01.19\00:11:03.86
and therefore..." Is
this what we're talking
00:11:03.86\00:11:06.19
about, evaluating
events? NN: Our bad emotions
00:11:06.19\00:11:09.00
are not caused by things
outside of ourself entirely.
00:11:09.00\00:11:13.67
JB: Okay. NN: For
instance, if the person
00:11:13.67\00:11:16.50
was very rude to you at
the counter, what you need
00:11:16.50\00:11:19.37
to recognize is for you to
get upset at that, you have
00:11:19.37\00:11:24.71
to actually not only be
treated rudely, but you have
00:11:24.71\00:11:28.35
to allow that
individual to get you upset.
00:11:28.35\00:11:31.29
JB: That's true. You
have to make a decision--
00:11:31.29\00:11:33.12
NN: There's a decision
and there's a thought-making
00:11:33.12\00:11:35.26
process there. JB:
That's really interesting.
00:11:35.26\00:11:36.99
NN: And part of emotional
intelligence is recognizing
00:11:36.99\00:11:39.96
that we are actually responsible
for our own emotions.
00:11:39.96\00:11:44.20
JB: Point three and
point four. Evaluating events,
00:11:44.20\00:11:46.03
that's learning to
look objectively at things
00:11:46.03\00:11:47.90
that have taken place,
and not loading an event with
00:11:47.90\00:11:50.97
the kind of baggage that's going
to weigh you down emotionally.
00:11:50.97\00:11:53.81
What was three and
four? NN: The way we think
00:11:53.81\00:11:55.64
about problems.
When you have a practical
00:11:55.64\00:11:57.98
problem, for instance, your car
breaks down, and you're in the,
00:11:57.98\00:12:01.28
you know, you're in the
middle of having to get to work
00:12:01.28\00:12:04.99
on time, and it's very crucial
for you to get to work on time.
00:12:04.99\00:12:08.26
That's a practical problem.
But if you have an emotional
00:12:08.26\00:12:11.33
reaction to that problem,
of such where you're so angry
00:12:11.33\00:12:15.03
and upset that you can't
even wisely help direct people
00:12:15.03\00:12:19.67
to get your car off of the
road and to the side, and you're
00:12:19.67\00:12:24.41
so emotionally upset that
you can't think properly to how
00:12:24.41\00:12:28.78
it's going to get fixed, that's
going to be a major issue.
00:12:28.78\00:12:32.45
And so, often people,
when they have a problem,
00:12:32.45\00:12:35.18
they actually introduce
another problem that is
00:12:35.18\00:12:37.65
often worse, and that is
their emotional reaction to it.
00:12:37.65\00:12:41.32
And when they realize, hey, that
practical problem is going to be
00:12:41.32\00:12:43.89
there whether I'm miserable
about it or not, so why not just
00:12:43.89\00:12:49.16
give up my misery over it?
And then they can actually think
00:12:49.16\00:12:52.97
far better, actually be far more
better relationship partners,
00:12:52.97\00:12:57.94
and they can actually get to
the root of the problem often
00:12:57.94\00:13:01.31
and correct it far
better. JB: Point four?
00:13:01.31\00:13:03.95
NN: Point four is
our silent self-talk.
00:13:03.95\00:13:06.48
Those are the moment-by-moment
messages we give ourself.
00:13:06.48\00:13:08.92
JB: Okay. NN:
And here's the issue
00:13:08.92\00:13:10.25
in regards to that.
Our feelings, actually,
00:13:10.25\00:13:15.02
what we think has more to do
with our emotions than what is
00:13:15.02\00:13:18.86
happening in our life.
And what a lot of people
00:13:18.86\00:13:23.83
don't realize is
research has documented that
00:13:23.83\00:13:27.30
negative thoughts, which cause
emotional turmoil, nearly always
00:13:27.30\00:13:31.84
contain gross distortions.
On the surface it appears valid,
00:13:31.84\00:13:36.34
but often when we have
these very negative emotions,
00:13:36.34\00:13:39.45
we have some irrational beliefs,
our thinking often is twisted
00:13:39.45\00:13:44.69
or just plain wrong, and,
actually, twisted thinking
00:13:44.69\00:13:48.16
is a major cause of suffering.
JB: Boy, there's so much
00:13:48.16\00:13:51.03
we could talk about here, but
I want to get to how we think,
00:13:51.03\00:13:55.63
how a person can learn to think
positively and productively.
00:13:55.63\00:14:02.27
And we're going to see
how this powerfully impacts
00:14:02.27\00:14:05.17
one's relationship with
God. Learning to think straight
00:14:05.17\00:14:09.11
and be emotionally intelligent.
More in just a moment.
00:14:09.11\00:14:13.08
"Every Word" is a one-minute
Bible-based daily devotional
00:14:13.98\00:14:17.62
presented by Pastor
John Bradshaw and designed
00:14:17.62\00:14:19.99
especially for busy people
like you. Look for "Every Word"
00:14:19.99\00:14:24.03
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00:14:24.03\00:14:26.73
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00:14:26.73\00:14:29.70
¤[upbeat melody]¤
00:14:30.37\00:14:33.34
JB: A Mayo Clinic study
has found that pessimists
00:14:37.44\00:14:40.68
have higher death
rates over a 30-year period
00:14:40.68\00:14:43.38
than do optimistic people.
The Mayo Clinic says optimism is
00:14:43.38\00:14:47.48
the belief that good things will
happen to you and that negative
00:14:47.48\00:14:50.42
events are temporary
setbacks to be overcome.
00:14:50.42\00:14:53.69
That's a lot like Romans
8:28, isn't it, which says that
00:14:53.69\00:14:56.36
"all things work together
for good to them that love God,
00:14:56.36\00:14:59.23
to them who are called
according to His purpose."
00:14:59.23\00:15:01.66
That's not to say everything
that happens is going to
00:15:01.66\00:15:04.47
make you happy. But
faith in God enables you
00:15:04.47\00:15:07.14
to believe that things are going
to work out okay in the end.
00:15:07.14\00:15:09.47
Why? Because God's in
charge. You can afford to look
00:15:09.47\00:15:12.71
on the bright side, because
God is ultimately going to work
00:15:12.71\00:15:15.11
things out okay. And
that kind of optimism
00:15:15.11\00:15:18.81
can lead to a very
long life. I'm John Bradshaw
00:15:18.81\00:15:23.82
for It Is Written. Let's
live today by every word.
00:15:23.82\00:15:27.76
JB: This is It Is
Written. I'm John Bradshaw,
00:15:30.56\00:15:33.36
joined today by Dr. Neil Nedley.
Dr. Nedley, we're talking about
00:15:33.36\00:15:37.33
emotional intelligence, how to
manage your emotions rather than
00:15:37.33\00:15:41.10
being governed by
your emotions. NN: Yes.
00:15:41.10\00:15:45.01
JB: We've talked about
some fascinating things.
00:15:45.01\00:15:47.44
In just a second I want you to
tell me how to think straight.
00:15:47.44\00:15:49.84
NN: (laughs) Okay. JB:
But give me an example of
00:15:49.84\00:15:51.85
somebody who was confronted with
a negative situation, rather
00:15:51.85\00:15:55.62
than caving into the situation
and just bottoming out,
00:15:55.62\00:16:00.36
they approached it in a positive
light with good consequences.
00:16:00.36\00:16:06.06
NN: Well, a good ancient example
is actually Paul and Silas.
00:16:06.06\00:16:08.80
You know, they were taken
against their will; they were,
00:16:08.80\00:16:12.07
they had done nothing
wrong deserving of this.
00:16:12.07\00:16:14.40
They were beaten 39 times with a
cat-o'-nine-tails, and then they
00:16:14.40\00:16:18.24
were put on an irregular dirt
floor, not a nice even floor,
00:16:18.24\00:16:23.55
their feet were
put up in stocks.
00:16:23.55\00:16:25.48
JB: Yeah, that's a bad
scene. NN: And you would think
00:16:25.48\00:16:28.45
that they would be
crying uncontrollably in prison
00:16:28.45\00:16:31.92
and saying, "Why us, Lord?"
JB: And in fact, they had gone--
00:16:31.92\00:16:35.09
this was in Philippi,
and they had gone there--
00:16:35.09\00:16:37.29
I think it's Acts,
chapter 16-- they'd gone there
00:16:37.29\00:16:39.96
to do God's work. NN: Yes.
00:16:39.96\00:16:41.40
JB: They followed God's
leading to this city to do
00:16:41.40\00:16:43.57
this great work for God,
and all they get for it is this.
00:16:43.57\00:16:46.53
NN: Exactly. JB: And how would--
00:16:46.53\00:16:48.14
how would you react? NN: Yeah.
00:16:48.14\00:16:50.34
JB: You know? NN:
Instead, they had happy
00:16:50.34\00:16:52.14
looks on their faces, and they
were singing praises to God.
00:16:52.14\00:16:56.21
And what that demonstrates is
that our thoughts have much more
00:16:56.21\00:17:01.78
to do about how we're feeling
than what is actually happening
00:17:01.78\00:17:06.92
in our life. So what
was happening in their life,
00:17:06.92\00:17:09.49
they should be feeling terrible.
But their thoughts were not
00:17:09.49\00:17:13.36
pop psychology thoughts.
Pop psychology might say,
00:17:13.36\00:17:15.96
imagine you're on a beach
in Hawaii. That would have
00:17:15.96\00:17:18.30
worked for no
more than 1.2 seconds.
00:17:18.30\00:17:20.17
JB: That's right. NN:
But they were thinking true
00:17:20.17\00:17:21.87
and accurate thoughts.
And those true and accurate
00:17:21.87\00:17:24.11
thoughts were so powerful that,
even under the most torture-some
00:17:24.11\00:17:27.64
conditions, they could have
a happy look on their face, and
00:17:27.64\00:17:31.55
they could sing praises
to God. That's how powerful
00:17:31.55\00:17:34.28
the thoughts are. JB:
Isn't it true--I've done
00:17:34.28\00:17:36.69
this in group sittings--
isn't it true that you can
00:17:36.69\00:17:39.42
choose to feel
miserable, and very quickly
00:17:39.42\00:17:42.76
you're
miserable? NN: That's right.
00:17:42.76\00:17:44.19
JB: If you focus in on something
and you think of something
00:17:44.19\00:17:46.19
negative, very quickly-- at
the same time, you can choose
00:17:46.19\00:17:50.20
to think positive
thoughts, and I mean productive,
00:17:50.20\00:17:52.87
not airy-fairy
stuff. NN: No, that's right.
00:17:52.87\00:17:55.10
They have to be accurate
thoughts, but they can be
00:17:55.10\00:17:58.61
on the positive side.
And what we have a tendency
00:17:58.61\00:18:02.24
to do is think of only
one side of the equation
00:18:02.24\00:18:06.41
and not balance it out
with the whole better worldview
00:18:06.41\00:18:10.35
that would help our emotions.
JB: There's a lot of "Poor me,
00:18:10.35\00:18:12.95
"I didn't deserve this;
Life is so unfair." And that
00:18:12.95\00:18:15.99
doesn't tend to make positive,
productive, healthy people.
00:18:15.99\00:18:19.56
NN: No. And what we need
to realize is, if we live
00:18:19.56\00:18:22.43
in this world, we are
going to be treated unfairly.
00:18:22.43\00:18:24.17
JB: That's true.
NN: Sometimes very
00:18:24.17\00:18:25.73
significantly. I mean,
this is a world of sin.
00:18:25.73\00:18:28.27
To me, I get excited when
I actually am treated fairly,
00:18:28.27\00:18:33.01
because I expect that in this
world of sin we're just going
00:18:33.01\00:18:36.31
to be treated unfairly at times.
But how we deal with the fact
00:18:36.31\00:18:39.35
that we are being treated
unfairly has a lot to do with
00:18:39.35\00:18:42.25
our emotional intelligence.
JB: So how do we learn to
00:18:42.25\00:18:44.32
think straight, to think
right, to think healthily?
00:18:44.32\00:18:47.82
Because this here is going to--
00:18:47.82\00:18:50.03
this is
life-changing stuff! NN: Yes.
00:18:50.03\00:18:52.66
JB: Walk us through some
of these ways that we can
00:18:52.66\00:18:56.00
think straight.
That's my terminology.
00:18:56.00\00:18:58.10
NN: The first thing we need to
do is to analyze our thoughts.
00:18:58.10\00:19:01.64
So we're not going to be
able to think straight unless
00:19:01.64\00:19:04.27
we are able to actually analyze
the thoughts that we have.
00:19:04.27\00:19:08.21
JB: That sounds like something
only someone with a PhD
00:19:08.21\00:19:10.68
could do. NN: (laughs) Sometimes
00:19:10.68\00:19:12.81
the people that
have the most difficulty,
00:19:12.81\00:19:14.68
I've noticed, are really into
the National Football League.
00:19:14.68\00:19:18.19
So I'll give them an example
that they can understand.
00:19:18.19\00:19:20.19
JB: All right. NN:
I'll say, listen to the
00:19:20.19\00:19:22.12
John Madden in your thoughts.
You know how there's a big,
00:19:22.12\00:19:25.93
you know, event that
occurs, you know, the big play.
00:19:25.93\00:19:28.80
And John Madden goes, and then
he explains and slows it down
00:19:28.80\00:19:31.63
and says, "Okay, now
this happened because of this,
00:19:31.63\00:19:34.27
and this
happened because of that,"
00:19:34.27\00:19:35.67
and so it's all
laid out. JB: All right.
00:19:35.67\00:19:37.97
NN: So when things happen,
listen to the John Madden
00:19:37.97\00:19:40.51
in your thoughts and
analyze what happened.
00:19:40.51\00:19:43.41
JB: What really
happened. NN: Secondly, you have
00:19:43.41\00:19:46.08
to look for
distortions in your thoughts.
00:19:46.08\00:19:48.92
JB: What is a
distortion in your thoughts?
00:19:48.92\00:19:50.72
NN: Turns out
there's ten different ways
00:19:50.72\00:19:52.42
of distorted thinking. And
so all-or-nothing thinking,
00:19:52.42\00:19:56.39
for instance-- JB: What's that?
00:19:56.39\00:19:58.19
NN: ...most of the time
it's distorted. An example
00:19:58.19\00:20:00.03
of that would be a patient
that I had that came to me
00:20:00.03\00:20:03.16
who was a successful
businessperson, but he ran for
00:20:03.16\00:20:06.40
Congress, and he lost the race.
And he comes to me and he says,
00:20:06.40\00:20:10.54
"Dr. Nedley, I lost the race
for Congress. I am a big zero."
00:20:10.54\00:20:15.28
That's all-or-nothing thinking.
Just because you lose a race
00:20:15.28\00:20:18.05
doesn't mean you're a big zero.
Just because you get a divorce
00:20:18.05\00:20:20.98
doesn't mean you're a big zero.
Just because you flunked a test
00:20:20.98\00:20:23.75
doesn't mean you're a big zero.
But that's where all-or-nothing
00:20:23.75\00:20:26.59
thinking leads
to. JB: Mmm, okay.
00:20:26.59\00:20:29.02
NN: And it can happen the other
way around as well, where just
00:20:29.02\00:20:31.49
because I hit a home run, that
my team won the World Series,
00:20:31.49\00:20:35.20
I'm the most valuable player and
there's nobody better than me.
00:20:35.20\00:20:39.30
That's actually a setup for
an emotional disaster as well.
00:20:39.30\00:20:42.64
And so both of them are
actually distorted thoughts
00:20:42.64\00:20:46.51
that are gonna lead
to problems. JB: Okay.
00:20:46.51\00:20:48.18
NN: And then there's other
things, like a mental filter.
00:20:48.18\00:20:50.78
You know, an example of
this is someone who came to one
00:20:50.78\00:20:52.98
of our programs recently.
He says, "You know, my life
00:20:52.98\00:20:56.18
is just, it's just terrible."
And I said, "Well, explain."
00:20:56.18\00:20:58.95
He says, "You
know, my wife nags,
00:20:58.95\00:21:01.96
I've got bills piling
up, my boss yells at me
00:21:01.96\00:21:05.96
almost constantly. And
furthermore, I'm going bald,
00:21:05.96\00:21:11.27
and I'm short and
fat," and, you know, that was
00:21:11.27\00:21:14.57
his side of the
equation. As we continued the
00:21:14.57\00:21:17.14
conversation, I realized he had
a wife who was very attractive,
00:21:17.14\00:21:21.04
he actually had kids that he
had a good relationship with,
00:21:21.04\00:21:26.31
he actually enjoyed his church,
he had good friends, and even
00:21:26.31\00:21:29.98
though he was short and
fat, he could still walk
00:21:29.98\00:21:32.19
and feed himself. JB: So
how did he get this thing
00:21:32.19\00:21:34.99
so far out of whack, and
what could he do to adjust this?
00:21:34.99\00:21:37.63
This just takes looking
at this with new eyes, right?
00:21:37.63\00:21:40.93
NN: That's right. When
you have a mental filter,
00:21:40.93\00:21:42.90
you have to be intentional
and forceful for looking
00:21:42.90\00:21:46.37
for evidence that supports
a different way of thinking.
00:21:46.37\00:21:49.70
JB: Glass half
full, glass half empty?
00:21:49.70\00:21:52.47
NN: That's right.
JB: You can learn to look
00:21:52.47\00:21:53.68
on the positive side. NN: Yes.
00:21:53.68\00:21:55.18
JB: Wow. NN: And sometimes
00:21:55.18\00:21:56.51
it does take time.
It has to be intentional
00:21:56.51\00:21:58.18
and forceful. You know,
Joseph suffered from PTSD,
00:21:58.18\00:22:01.88
post-traumatic stress disorder.
He could smell the smells
00:22:01.88\00:22:05.65
of the pit; he could
hear the exact voices;
00:22:05.65\00:22:08.19
he knew what those brothers did.
When he was faced with them,
00:22:08.19\00:22:11.23
of having all of that poor
emotional reaction, he refused
00:22:11.23\00:22:14.63
to have a mental
filter, and he was intentional
00:22:14.63\00:22:18.13
and forceful for searching
for a different way of thinking
00:22:18.13\00:22:21.04
about his brothers.
And it took him time,
00:22:21.04\00:22:23.47
but he found that different way
of thinking about his brothers,
00:22:23.47\00:22:25.64
and that's when he
revealed himself, and that great
00:22:25.64\00:22:28.14
family moment occurred.
JB: What are some other ways
00:22:28.14\00:22:31.28
to learn to
think-- to learn to think?
00:22:31.28\00:22:33.38
NN: Over-generalization
would be another one.
00:22:33.38\00:22:35.98
JB: They're all
alike. They all treat me bad.
00:22:35.98\00:22:37.89
Is that an over-generalization?
NN: That's an
00:22:37.89\00:22:39.35
over-generalization.
My roommate in college,
00:22:39.35\00:22:41.59
I remember he had his eye
on a girl for about six months
00:22:41.59\00:22:44.23
before he mustered up
enough courage to ask her out.
00:22:44.23\00:22:47.30
And when he comes back, and
she turned him down, you know,
00:22:47.30\00:22:50.87
he's ready to cry, and
he says, "Neil, I'm destined
00:22:50.87\00:22:54.47
to be lonely and
miserable the rest of my life."
00:22:54.47\00:22:56.81
JB: All right. NN:
And he over-generalized
00:22:56.81\00:22:57.87
two ways. One way is because
she turned him down once;
00:22:57.87\00:23:00.51
he knew she was always
going to turn him down.
00:23:00.51\00:23:02.84
Did he really know
that to be true? No.
00:23:02.84\00:23:04.78
Secondly, 100% of eligible women
had identical taste to hers,
00:23:04.78\00:23:08.32
and thus he would
be endlessly rejected.
00:23:08.32\00:23:10.22
JB: Uh-huh. NN:
And so people with
00:23:10.22\00:23:11.92
that cognitive distortion
have a fear of rejection,
00:23:11.92\00:23:14.16
fear of trying new
things. And it's actually
00:23:14.16\00:23:17.16
the cognitive distortion that
can affect even great people.
00:23:17.16\00:23:19.76
JB: Yeah, that is a
distortion, isn't it?
00:23:19.76\00:23:22.13
NN: When we have the ability
to generalize, which is high IQ,
00:23:22.13\00:23:25.27
we have a tendency
to over-generalize.
00:23:25.27\00:23:27.90
And over-generalization is going
to cause emotional problems.
00:23:27.90\00:23:31.77
JB: In Philippians chapter
2, verse 5, the Bible says,
00:23:31.77\00:23:35.14
"Let this mind be in you,
which was also in Christ Jesus."
00:23:35.14\00:23:40.98
Verse 13: "It is God which
worketh in you both to will
00:23:40.98\00:23:45.49
and to do of His good
pleasure." So is the key here
00:23:45.49\00:23:48.02
being connected to God and
remaining connected to God?
00:23:48.02\00:23:50.66
NN: The Bible says, "Be
transformed by the renewing
00:23:50.66\00:23:54.00
of your mind."
That means correcting
00:23:54.00\00:23:55.96
the distorted
thoughts. And David said to God,
00:23:55.96\00:23:59.07
"Search me," "try
me," "know my thoughts!"
00:23:59.07\00:24:02.07
What he was saying is, see
if there's any distorted way.
00:24:02.07\00:24:04.74
I want to know about it. I
may not see the distortions,
00:24:04.74\00:24:07.28
but see if You can point out the
distorted ways, so that I can
00:24:07.28\00:24:11.51
be led to life everlasting.
And so it's not just
00:24:11.51\00:24:15.35
knowing the truth as
far as doctrinal teaching.
00:24:15.35\00:24:19.79
The psalmist also said,
well, who's going to dwell in
00:24:19.79\00:24:22.19
Thy tabernacle, Thy holy hill?
Those that walk uprightly and
00:24:22.19\00:24:25.99
state the truth to themselves.
Not just telling others
00:24:25.99\00:24:29.86
the truth, but
telling themselves the truth.
00:24:29.86\00:24:32.23
That is really those that
will be ultimately successful.
00:24:32.23\00:24:35.77
JB: The wonderful thing is, we
can, we can take responsibility,
00:24:35.77\00:24:41.51
implement some theoretically
simple steps and practices.
00:24:41.51\00:24:47.78
We can have new
minds. NN: Exactly.
00:24:47.78\00:24:50.52
JB: Think new thoughts, and
it can certainly be done as we
00:24:50.52\00:24:53.86
allow Christ into our mind.
We can start thinking His way
00:24:53.86\00:24:58.26
and be healthy emotionally.
NN: "Bringing every thought" to
00:24:58.26\00:25:01.26
"the captivity...of Christ."
JB: Amen. Dr. Nedley, thanks.
00:25:01.26\00:25:05.27
NN: Thank you. JB:
What a blessing to know
00:25:05.27\00:25:07.34
that emotional intelligence
is something you can possess,
00:25:07.34\00:25:09.84
and when your mind is renewed,
your relationship with God
00:25:09.84\00:25:13.21
is going to be like
it's never been before.
00:25:13.21\00:25:16.51
¤[music]¤ JB: It's basic.
00:25:17.21\00:25:22.05
While most world religions are
built around the idea of earning
00:25:22.05\00:25:25.99
your way to a better future,
Christianity builds its hope of
00:25:25.99\00:25:29.26
forgiveness and
eternal life on a relationship.
00:25:29.26\00:25:32.86
It's kind of sad,
then, that we find ourselves
00:25:32.86\00:25:34.66
rushing through
life, checking the news
00:25:34.66\00:25:36.60
or social media while
we're inhaling our breakfast.
00:25:36.60\00:25:39.00
We often don't have time
for God. Doesn't a relationship
00:25:39.00\00:25:42.44
as important as this
one deserve quality time?
00:25:42.44\00:25:46.68
That's what God longs
for, and He invites you
00:25:46.68\00:25:49.64
to spend meaningful,
life-changing time with Him.
00:25:49.64\00:25:53.28
To learn more, request our
free booklet, "Quality Time."
00:25:53.28\00:25:57.42
Just call 800-253-3000
and ask for your copy
00:25:57.42\00:26:01.79
of "Quality Time."
If the line's busy,
00:26:01.79\00:26:04.59
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Or you can write to
00:26:04.59\00:26:06.90
It Is Written, P.O. Box 6,
Chattanooga, Tennessee 37401.
00:26:06.90\00:26:11.80
We'll mail a free copy to
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00:26:11.80\00:26:15.54
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00:26:15.54\00:26:19.41
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00:26:25.68\00:26:29.72
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00:26:29.72\00:26:33.15
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00:26:33.15\00:26:36.93
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00:26:36.93\00:26:40.60
JB: Dr. Nedley, we've
covered some ground today,
00:26:41.73\00:26:44.07
and I wish we could've
covered a whole lot more.
00:26:44.07\00:26:45.63
What a magnificent
topic. Thank you very much
00:26:45.63\00:26:48.50
for joining me
today. NN: Thank you.
00:26:48.50\00:26:50.17
It's been great being
here. JB: I think we'll take
00:26:50.17\00:26:51.61
the opportunity to pray
now. Join us, would you,
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as we pray
together. ¤[gentle melody]¤
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Our Father in
heaven, we can be transformed
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by the renewing of our
mind. By Your grace we can bring
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"into captivity" every thought
"to the obedience of Christ."
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And I ask You that You would
take possession of us to such
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an extent that our minds would
be one, the mind of the believer
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and the mind of the
great God of the universe.
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So, Sovereign Lord, I
pray, give us a new mind,
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let us think Your way,
transform us emotionally,
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and grow us that we
can be one with You now
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and for all eternity.
In Jesus' name we pray,
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amen.
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¤[gentle melody fades]¤¤
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JB: Thank you so
much for joining me today.
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I'm looking forward to
seeing you again next time.
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Until then, please remember:
"It is written, 'Man shall
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not live by bread alone,
but by every word that proceeds
00:27:54.20\00:27:59.07
from the mouth of God.'"
¤[swelling orchestral theme]¤
00:27:59.07\00:28:07.95