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>>John Bradshaw:
This is It Is Written.
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I'm John Bradshaw.
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Thanks for joining me.
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Father's Day rolls
around once every year.
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It's a time when
we celebrate our dads
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or our grandfathers
too, for that matter.
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And it's an opportunity
to reflect on the blessing
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that fathers can be
and are in our lives.
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It's also an opportunity
for fathers to reflect upon
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their role as fathers and what
sort of father they are being
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as God's man here on this earth.
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I have several
guests with me today,
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including my associate
speaker at It Is Written,
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Pastor Eric Flickinger;
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Pastor Yves
Monnier from It Is Written,
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and Dr. Ron Smith, who has a
doctor of ministry in counseling
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and a Ph.D. in psychology.
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Gentlemen, thanks very
much for joining me today.
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Dr. Smith, we're
going to start with you.
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Take a moment to talk
about the special role
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that is the role of a father.
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What is it that
fathers bring to a family
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or to a relationship to the
life of a child that's unique?
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>>Ron Smith: I think
it's important to note
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from the outset that there
is a female as well as a male
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dimension of who
God is compositely.
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But fathers have the opportunity
to showcase before our children
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in a very real way the image
of God from the masculine side.
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And that side is pregnant
with so many implications
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of positive thinking,
assuming responsibility.
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>>John: Now, when you stop and
when you put it in those terms,
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that a father
demonstrates to the child
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the characteristics of God,
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that places pretty
heavy responsibility on dads,
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doesn't it?
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>>Dr. Smith: Absolutely.
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And on parents.
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But in this particular
case, on fathers, absolutely.
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>>John: Now, when we
speak about fatherhood,
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I think it's key to
realize that as we speak
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about the role of a father,
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the role of a father
and the role of a mother
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overlaps an awful lot.
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It's not always easy to draw
a clean line between the two.
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But let's begin, we've got to
do our best to speak to fathers
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and fatherhood today.
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Let me ask this question:
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what does it take
to be a good father?
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Who wants to have
a run at that first?
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I should point out that
I'm the father of two children.
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Eric, you're the
father of two children.
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Yves, you're the
father of two children.
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Dr. Smith, you don't
break the mold at all.
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>>Dr. Smith: I'm the
father of two children.
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>>John: Two children.
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All right.
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So eight kids between us.
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I'm sure we have our
share of successes and,
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I'm positive,
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more than our
fair share of failures.
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What does it
take to be a good dad?
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Who wants to take a run at that?
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>>Eric: One of the things that
you absolutely have to have is,
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if you want to be a good father,
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is time to spend
with your children.
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You know, good
relationships are built on time,
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whether it's between us and
our children or us and our God.
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Just like Dr. Smith
mentioned a moment ago,
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they get a pretty good
idea who God is from us.
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And if we don't
spend time with them,
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they're going to
get an idea that maybe
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God doesn't want to
spend time with them either.
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>>John: All right.
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You're a pastor
and an evangelist.
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You're a pastor and a
departmental director.
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I'm a pastor and an evangelist
and I lead a ministry.
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Dr. Smith, you're a
church administrator
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with enormous responsibilities,
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but you're a pastor and
an evangelist and a writer
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and, and, and, and, and.
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So you're talking about
spending time with children.
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It is every parent's
battle, or many parents' battle.
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How in the world do you
find enough time for your kids,
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especially when
you're a very busy person?
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And then let's talk about this,
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this thing about
quality time and quantity time.
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First, how do you find the time?
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>>Yves: Well, John,
what I've discovered
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is that uh, quality
time comes with quantity.
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There's no way on earth that you
can get to the point of quality
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with your children if you have
not invested that quantity time.
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You asked the question,
how do you take that time?
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Well, you make a choice.
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I had a wise
elder who came to me.
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My children were young.
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He put his arm
around me, and he said,
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“Listen to me very carefully.
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One day when you're old,
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if the Lord
doesn't return before then,
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one day when you're old,
you're not going to wish,
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oh, if only I had gone
to one more board meeting.
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If only I had gone to one
more school board meeting.
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If only I had
done one more visit.”
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He said,
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“Those will not be the
‘if onlys' in your life.”
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That opened my
eyes, and I determined,
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this is my priority, my family.
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>>John: So you've, you've
just got to make that time.
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What happens when
you don't make that time?
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Have you seen anything?
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Dr. Smith, you've,
you've, as a mentor to many,
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as a church leader, you've
seen undoubtedly what happens
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when fathers don't take
enough time for their kids.
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So there's a dad now,
he's listening to us talk,
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he's watching us, and
he's thinking, mmm, time.
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But he's saying to himself,
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man I'm busy, and
I've got this great career,
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and that sucks
up a lot of my time.
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What will he learn one day
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because he didn't take
enough time for his kids?
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>>Dr. Smith: I think when
we understand the importance
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of building our
children into our routine,
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whatever that is, whether
it's a heavy responsibility
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or a lighter responsibility,
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it could be very lonely
to have a parental obligation
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and responsibility, and our
children aren't engaged with us,
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and we aren't engaged with them.
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By joining each other,
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the journey can be a
fun one and a sweet one.
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>>John: As a father, what have
you learned from your father?
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Might be all good, might be all
bad, might be a little of each.
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What lessons did
you learn from your dad?
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Yves?
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>>Yves: Well, two
things I learned from my dad.
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Number one, my dad
never had any worries.
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At least that's what I believed.
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Because the moment he would walk
inside the threshold of the home
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he was with us
and he focused on us,
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and never thought
that he had any concerns,
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any burdens in his life.
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Now, later on, of course,
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as I became older
and became a pastor,
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I realized, oh, my
dad had a lot of worries.
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But he never let on.
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And that was, that was
very gracious on his part.
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Number two, my dad traveled
a lot, and I missed him.
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And so I determined, you know,
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I'm not going to do
this with my children.
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He, uh, he had a calling,
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and I respected that calling
and respect that calling.
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But uh, I determined
that I'm not going to be
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so often an absentee father.
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So that's why I made
a, a, a conscious decision
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for the time that my
children are at home,
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living under the same roof,
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this will be the time
that I will give to them.
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>>John: I look at my dad's life.
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My dad was an
uncomplicated sort of a man,
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uh, from an
uncomplicated background.
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And I, I doubt that I could say
my father was the perfect father
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or the perfect person.
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But I learned a lot of
what I learned about parenting
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from my dad,
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reflecting on my dad's
role as a father in our family.
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And you know what I found?
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Some of the most helpful things
I've learned from my father
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I've learned from
the mistakes he made.
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I don't mean
cataclysmic mistakes.
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I mean maybe some of
those smaller mistakes.
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Rather than be embittered by the
things my dad didn't get right,
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I've simply taken
those on board and said,
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okay, I see what didn't work.
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And I'm determining to,
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you know, not
to perpetuate that,
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whatever that might have been.
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I don't mean there's
anything really dark.
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But I believe
that you can learn,
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if your eyes are open, you can
learn a lot from the mistakes
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of the people that
you've, that you've seen
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and that you've
observed up close.
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Um, what I did learn from my
father was religious commitment,
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commitment to God.
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Now, my dad was of a
faith that I am now not.
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Uh, nevertheless, his life was
a picture of devotion to God,
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and he modeled for me how
important it is to be faithful
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to God and have God at
the very center of your life.
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Dr. Smith, what'd you
learn from your father?
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>>Dr. Smith: First and foremost,
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he advised me to factor God in.
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He says, “if you
really want to be cool,
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I sense you want to be cool son,
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factor God into your life.”
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Then he cited:
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In all thy ways acknowlege him,
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and he wil direct your path.
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Secondly, he said, you know,
practice being accountable.
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Work hard.
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Work hard.
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And go to the
ant, thou sluggard,
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the proverbial
statement. >>John: Sure.
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>>Dr. Smith:
Consider her ways and be wise.
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And the third one that
sticks with me, he says,
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“Dream big.
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There's nothing you
can, that you can't do.”
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Um, without a
vision, the people perish.
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That third proverbial statement.
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So, in that three-prong approach
to life, he sustained me.
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And some of our moments in Coney
Island in Brooklyn, New York,
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eating ice cream, he
would share that, that,
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those principles with me.
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>>John: One of the things I've,
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I've been careful to
instill in my children,
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and they have yet to
make their mark in the world,
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so we're going to
see how well this sticks:
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think big.
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You can be
whatever you want to be.
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I've made it
very clear to my kids,
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if you choose to fail,
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then you'll probably
be pretty good at that.
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But if you reach for the stars,
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if you, if you
throw yourself into life
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and you purpose to get, to do
the very best that you can be.
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And I don't mean
because I aspire for my children
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to live in a mansion
and drive a Rolls Royce.
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The better my kids do,
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the better they excel
in their chosen field,
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the more use
they're going to be to God,
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because they've got
more talent and gifts to, uh,
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to put into serving God
in whatever field that is.
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But I've found, and
it's so far been a help,
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believe in your kids,
00:11:16.64\00:11:18.74
tell them you believe they can.
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There is no limit
to what you can do.
00:11:20.41\00:11:23.48
Think big.
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Work hard.
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Strive.
00:11:24.75\00:11:25.98
Uh, if they take hold of
just a little bit of how,
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well I've them they
can do in this life,
00:11:29.12\00:11:31.25
they'll end up
doing pretty well.
00:11:31.29\00:11:33.02
Eric, we'll get
you in just a moment.
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Fatherhood, from a
biblical perspective.
00:11:34.32\00:11:36.59
We'll open up the
Bible in a moment and look
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at a couple of Bible passages,
and fathers from the Bible.
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We'll be right back.
00:11:42.43\00:11:43.93
¤[Music]¤
00:11:43.97\00:11:50.27
>>John: Some of the most famous
words ever written tell us that
00:11:51.51\00:11:55.01
“God so loved the world.”
00:11:55.04\00:11:58.05
The same book in which those
words are written tell us that
00:11:58.08\00:12:00.32
“God is love.”
00:12:00.35\00:12:02.45
Go deep into the love of
God with today's free offer,
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“A Father's Love.”
00:12:07.49\00:12:08.86
To receive “A Father's Love,”
00:12:08.89\00:12:10.46
call us on 800-253-3000
00:12:10.49\00:12:13.60
or visit us online at
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itiswritten.com
00:12:15.03\00:12:16.73
You can write to the address
on your screen and receive free
00:12:16.77\00:12:20.17
“A Father's Love.”
00:12:20.20\00:12:21.90
¤[Music]¤
00:12:22.64\00:12:29.04
>>John: Thanks for joining
me today on It Is Written.
00:12:29.08\00:12:30.95
I'm John Bradshaw.
00:12:30.98\00:12:32.01
With me, Pastor Yves
Monnier from It Is Written,
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Dr. Ron Smith
00:12:34.38\00:12:35.62
and Pastor Eric Flickinger,
00:12:35.65\00:12:37.65
my associate
speaker at It Is Written.
00:12:37.69\00:12:39.55
We're talking about fatherhood.
00:12:39.59\00:12:41.72
It's that
Father's Day time of year.
00:12:41.76\00:12:43.32
What does it
mean to be a father,
00:12:43.36\00:12:44.59
and how can a dad
be a successful dad?
00:12:44.63\00:12:47.66
So Dr. Smith, let me ask
you about the importance of,
00:12:47.66\00:12:50.10
of a father
bonding with his kids.
00:12:50.13\00:12:52.07
How important is that?
00:12:52.10\00:12:54.00
>>Dr. Smith:
It's very important.
00:12:54.04\00:12:55.20
And through our
bonding I learned that my dad
00:12:55.24\00:12:58.07
was very much
about relationship.
00:12:58.11\00:13:01.18
Relationships.
00:13:01.21\00:13:02.44
I grew up with two
siblings, two sisters,
00:13:02.48\00:13:05.45
and he emphasized the importance
of caring for my sisters,
00:13:05.48\00:13:08.52
but more importantly,
00:13:08.55\00:13:10.12
uh, doing to others
what I want done to me.
00:13:10.15\00:13:13.39
>>John: So I want
to ask this question:
00:13:13.42\00:13:14.62
how do you bond
with your children?
00:13:14.66\00:13:17.26
How do you form that strong
relationship with your kids?
00:13:17.29\00:13:20.80
Yves.
00:13:20.83\00:13:22.10
>>Yves: Well, I
have a 26-year-old son
00:13:22.13\00:13:24.47
who's very busy in his career,
00:13:24.50\00:13:26.84
but we find time very often to
talk to each other on the phone.
00:13:26.87\00:13:30.81
And on a recent
phone call, I said,
00:13:30.84\00:13:33.14
“Daniel, so why are we pretty
close, because I think we are?”
00:13:33.17\00:13:38.38
And he said, “Dad,
00:13:38.41\00:13:40.32
it's because you
spent a lot of time with me.
00:13:40.35\00:13:44.15
You went to all of
my club activities.
00:13:44.19\00:13:47.59
When we had
trips, you were there.
00:13:47.62\00:13:49.92
Uh, when I had
a basketball game,
00:13:49.96\00:13:52.73
a football game,
you were present.
00:13:52.76\00:13:55.23
You made sure that that
time with me was a priority.
00:13:55.26\00:13:59.27
And Dad, those times with me
have made a huge difference.”
00:13:59.30\00:14:03.97
And uh, and he said,
00:14:04.01\00:14:05.87
“That's why we are as
close as we are to this day.”
00:14:05.91\00:14:09.21
>>John: It seems like it keeps
coming back to this question
00:14:09.24\00:14:11.11
of time with the kids.
00:14:11.15\00:14:12.15
Here's what I've
found as, as a way.
00:14:12.18\00:14:14.52
How do I bond with my kids?
00:14:14.55\00:14:16.25
However I have to.
00:14:16.28\00:14:17.65
However I can.
00:14:17.69\00:14:18.85
I remember when my son decided
he wanted to learn to fish
00:14:18.89\00:14:21.26
or be a fisherman.
00:14:21.29\00:14:22.72
I don't know where he got that.
00:14:22.76\00:14:24.33
Now, look, I don't want
to upset the fisher folk,
00:14:24.36\00:14:26.36
but, man, I hate fishing.
00:14:26.39\00:14:28.20
What a perfectly good way
to ruin an otherwise great day,
00:14:28.23\00:14:31.40
sitting around,
waiting for a fish to bite.
00:14:31.43\00:14:35.17
Color me odd, but I
just, I don't get it.
00:14:35.20\00:14:37.44
I never have.
00:14:37.47\00:14:38.57
Now, if you fish, I
respect you and that's okay.
00:14:38.61\00:14:41.04
But it's just
never been my thing.
00:14:41.08\00:14:42.64
My son says,
“Dad, I want to fish.
00:14:42.68\00:14:45.75
I want to go fishing.”
00:14:45.78\00:14:46.78
You know what?
00:14:46.82\00:14:47.65
Suddenly I was a fisherman.
00:14:47.68\00:14:49.65
We were getting the
right kind of fishing poles
00:14:49.68\00:14:51.42
and the right
gear, and all the lures.
00:14:51.45\00:14:52.99
And I bought my
son a tackle box,
00:14:53.02\00:14:54.82
and we filled it
with the right stuff.
00:14:54.86\00:14:56.32
And we went fishing.
00:14:56.36\00:14:57.93
We even caught some fish.
00:14:57.96\00:15:00.20
But it's in moments like,
00:15:00.23\00:15:01.10
if he, if he
wanted to ride a unicycle,
00:15:01.13\00:15:03.93
I would have been right there
riding a unicycle with him.
00:15:03.97\00:15:06.27
Uh, for me it was about
doing whatever was there to do,
00:15:06.30\00:15:09.84
whatever you needed to do.
00:15:09.87\00:15:11.74
And, going back to
what you said, Dr. Smith,
00:15:11.77\00:15:13.58
including my son in my life.
00:15:13.61\00:15:15.08
He would go with me.
00:15:15.11\00:15:16.04
We'd travel together.
00:15:16.08\00:15:17.21
He'd be present
for this and for that.
00:15:17.25\00:15:19.15
I would be
present in his moments,
00:15:19.18\00:15:20.78
but I wanted to make sure that
he was also present in mine.
00:15:20.82\00:15:23.32
There wasn't a time where it
came to the place where I said,
00:15:23.35\00:15:26.39
“Hey, son, I
don't need you with me.”
00:15:26.42\00:15:28.46
How about you?
00:15:28.49\00:15:29.52
Bonding with the children,
how did you pull it off?
00:15:29.56\00:15:30.86
>>Dr. Smith: My wife
shared something with me
00:15:30.89\00:15:32.53
that brought tears to my eyes.
00:15:32.56\00:15:34.20
When my son was a younger
boy, uh, he's a pastor now.
00:15:34.23\00:15:38.13
He considers
himself a spiritual giant.
00:15:38.17\00:15:40.07
But he was a young boy then.
00:15:40.10\00:15:42.24
And she brought tears to my
eyes when she shared with me
00:15:42.27\00:15:45.41
what he said to her one day.
00:15:45.44\00:15:47.68
Uh he said, “Mommy, I don't
just love Daddy. I like Daddy.”
00:15:47.71\00:15:53.05
>>John: Oh, Amen.
00:15:53.08\00:15:53.95
>>Dr. Smith: And basically,
00:15:53.98\00:15:55.38
I just placed a
premium on being friends.
00:15:55.42\00:15:58.35
Let's just be
pals, let's be friends.
00:15:58.39\00:16:00.16
But not, not friends so,
to the point where we blur
00:16:00.19\00:16:04.59
uh, the guidelines of
order and accountability.
00:16:04.63\00:16:08.46
But let's enjoy one another.
00:16:08.50\00:16:09.93
And that happens
through spending time
00:16:09.96\00:16:11.90
and doing things together.
00:16:11.93\00:16:13.27
>>John: You know, you have this
thing where there are parents
00:16:13.30\00:16:14.94
who want to be
their children's buddy
00:16:14.97\00:16:16.67
but they don't
want to be dad or mom.
00:16:16.71\00:16:18.47
And that, when those lines blur,
that's, that's destructive.
00:16:18.51\00:16:22.71
But when you can be a
friend as well as a parent,
00:16:22.74\00:16:25.55
now you've got a warm
relationship there, haven't you?
00:16:25.58\00:16:28.32
I want to ask you
about fathers in the Bible.
00:16:28.35\00:16:30.49
Point to a father in
the Bible who impresses you,
00:16:30.52\00:16:32.72
either for good or for
bad, and something we can learn
00:16:32.75\00:16:35.49
from that biblical father.
00:16:35.52\00:16:37.96
Dr. Smith, you first.
00:16:37.99\00:16:38.96
>>Dr. Smith: I think
of, uh, Jairus in the Bible.
00:16:38.99\00:16:42.70
Um, in Mark, in
the book of Mark,
00:16:42.73\00:16:44.97
we have a clear showcasing
of a man who was accustomed
00:16:45.00\00:16:48.40
to being in charge.
00:16:48.44\00:16:49.67
Not just at the church,
but he was in charge of some
00:16:49.70\00:16:51.87
very important
things in culture.
00:16:51.91\00:16:54.08
And he was
accustomed to fixing things.
00:16:54.11\00:16:57.08
People came to him for solutions
when they needed solutions.
00:16:57.11\00:17:00.82
And he was the guy that pretty
much resolved people's problems.
00:17:00.85\00:17:05.35
Uh, he encountered
a problem of his own
00:17:05.39\00:17:08.09
one day that he couldn't fix.
00:17:08.12\00:17:10.39
In his encounter with Jesus, he
wanted to tell Jesus what to do.
00:17:10.43\00:17:14.30
“Come to my house.
00:17:14.30\00:17:15.76
Put your hands on her like this.
00:17:15.80\00:17:17.30
And if you
follow my instructions,
00:17:17.33\00:17:18.57
if you take your
hands out of your pocket
00:17:18.60\00:17:20.27
and do what I ask you
to do, she'll be healed.”
00:17:20.30\00:17:22.67
And she, and, and, you
know, Jesus is a gentleman.
00:17:22.70\00:17:25.17
Eventually he did that.
00:17:25.21\00:17:26.78
But he frustrated Jairus along
the way by making him wait.
00:17:26.81\00:17:31.35
It was a long, it was a
very short distance to the house
00:17:31.38\00:17:34.12
where the daughter was
sick, but Jesus took his time
00:17:34.15\00:17:36.12
and he moved slowly.
00:17:36.15\00:17:37.79
And he got there, and
basically we learn from,
00:17:37.82\00:17:40.49
from the story of Jairus
that there are a lot of things
00:17:40.52\00:17:42.92
in culture that we can fix, fix,
00:17:42.96\00:17:45.16
but there are some
things we cannot fix.
00:17:45.19\00:17:47.96
What a wonderful lesson
00:17:48.00\00:17:48.90
to convey to our
boys and our girls.
00:17:48.93\00:17:50.60
>>John: Amen.
00:17:50.63\00:17:51.60
>>Dr. Smith: Only
God can fix all problems.
00:17:51.63\00:17:53.17
We can't fix everything.
00:17:53.20\00:17:54.44
>>John: Amen. That's so true.
00:17:54.47\00:17:55.80
Eric, a father from the Bible.
00:17:55.84\00:17:57.47
>>Eric: I think of Jacob.
00:17:57.51\00:17:58.84
You know, Jacob had,
00:17:58.87\00:17:59.94
he came from a household
where there was favoritism.
00:18:00.04\00:18:03.75
He was the less favored son.
00:18:03.78\00:18:06.25
But when it came
to his own household,
00:18:06.28\00:18:08.05
he showed favoritism as well.
00:18:08.08\00:18:10.22
You know, he showed
favoritism to his son Joseph,
00:18:10.25\00:18:12.39
and that caused a great deal
of problems within that family.
00:18:12.42\00:18:15.16
So we have a
tendency, if we're not careful,
00:18:15.19\00:18:17.26
to, to bring things
down from our own fathers,
00:18:17.29\00:18:19.86
whether good or bad.
00:18:19.89\00:18:21.63
So we have to look at
each of those things and say,
00:18:21.66\00:18:24.27
“Is this a
characteristic that I want to
00:18:24.30\00:18:26.43
bring down from my father,
00:18:26.47\00:18:27.74
or is this a characteristic that
I hope my child takes from me?”
00:18:27.77\00:18:31.84
Because they do tend to pass
from generation to generation
00:18:31.87\00:18:34.01
if we're not careful.
00:18:34.04\00:18:35.08
>>John: You know, I
think of David in the Bible.
00:18:35.11\00:18:36.58
David who had massive
problems among his kids.
00:18:36.61\00:18:39.35
He had problems
in his household.
00:18:39.38\00:18:41.42
And it seems to me that
when Absalom went off the rails,
00:18:41.45\00:18:44.42
that may have
been headed off if,
00:18:44.45\00:18:46.09
when there was a
problem in the family,
00:18:46.12\00:18:48.36
David had, A: handled it.
00:18:48.39\00:18:50.83
We had, we had a terrible thing
going on in David's family,
00:18:50.86\00:18:54.30
and it appears he
just sort of let it go.
00:18:54.30\00:18:57.13
And then when he
realized that Absalom was,
00:18:57.17\00:18:59.17
was in rebellion mode,
00:18:59.20\00:19:01.07
he had a hands-off policy
rather than a hands-on policy.
00:19:01.10\00:19:03.91
There was a problem in his
family with one of his kids,
00:19:03.94\00:19:06.47
and instead of going
to the kid and saying,
00:19:06.51\00:19:08.34
hey, how about we go fishing?
00:19:08.38\00:19:10.35
Or let's just take
a long drive together.
00:19:10.38\00:19:12.15
Grab your glove.
I've got the ball.
00:19:12.18\00:19:13.85
Let's spend some time.
00:19:13.88\00:19:14.98
And bonding with that child,
00:19:15.02\00:19:17.62
bringing a problem out of
the open and discussing it.
00:19:17.65\00:19:20.29
David, it seems,
ignored what was going on,
00:19:20.32\00:19:23.96
and it just about
cost him his kingdom,
00:19:23.99\00:19:25.76
and it jeopardized
the future of Israel.
00:19:25.79\00:19:27.83
Yves, I'll come
back to you in a moment,
00:19:27.86\00:19:29.40
and we'll ask you
about a dad from the Bible.
00:19:29.43\00:19:31.80
Then we'll
discuss a little bit more
00:19:31.83\00:19:33.30
this very important
thing called fatherhood.
00:19:33.34\00:19:37.31
Back with more in a moment.
00:19:37.34\00:19:38.84
¤[Music]¤
00:19:38.87\00:19:46.68
>>Announcer: In Matthew
4:4, the Word of God says:
00:19:46.72\00:19:49.28
“It is written,
00:19:49.32\00:19:50.32
‘Man shall not
live by bread alone,
00:19:50.35\00:19:52.32
but by every word that proceeds
from the mouth of God.'”
00:19:52.35\00:19:55.99
“Every Word”
00:19:56.02\00:19:57.23
is a one-minute, Bible-based
daily devotional presented by
00:19:57.26\00:20:00.06
Pastor John Bradshaw,
00:20:00.10\00:20:01.63
and designed especially
for busy people like you.
00:20:01.66\00:20:04.67
Look for Every Word
on selected networks,
00:20:04.70\00:20:07.44
or watch it online
every day on our website,
00:20:07.47\00:20:09.84
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00:20:09.87\00:20:11.81
Receive a daily spiritual
boost. Watch “Every Word.”
00:20:11.84\00:20:15.28
You'll be glad you did.
00:20:15.31\00:20:18.68
¤[Theme music]¤
00:20:18.71\00:20:25.29
>>John: Thanks for joining me.
00:20:25.32\00:20:26.45
In 2007, a 20-year-old
film student suffered a seizure
00:20:26.49\00:20:29.72
on the platform of a
subway station in New York City
00:20:29.76\00:20:32.46
and fell onto the tracks.
00:20:32.49\00:20:33.86
A construction
worker named Wesley Autry
00:20:33.90\00:20:36.06
tried unsuccessfully to
get the man off the tracks.
00:20:36.10\00:20:38.63
So with the train approaching,
00:20:38.67\00:20:40.34
he threw himself
on top of the man
00:20:40.37\00:20:42.07
in a drainage trench
right between the tracks.
00:20:42.10\00:20:44.74
The train passed
over them so close,
00:20:44.77\00:20:47.74
it left grease
on Mr. Autry's cap.
00:20:47.78\00:20:50.31
Galatians 6:2 says:
Bear one another's burdens,
00:20:50.35\00:20:53.11
and so fulfill
the law of Christ.
00:20:53.15\00:20:55.48
Few people ever
have the opportunity
00:20:55.52\00:20:57.32
to do something like that.
00:20:57.35\00:20:59.12
But most every day we
get the chance to intervene
00:20:59.15\00:21:01.79
in someone's life,
to make a difference,
00:21:01.82\00:21:04.39
to bear someone's
burden and to show a love
00:21:04.43\00:21:06.53
that helps someone
see the love of God.
00:21:06.56\00:21:08.96
Pray that God will
give you the opportunity
00:21:09.00\00:21:10.97
to reveal him and
his love to others.
00:21:11.00\00:21:13.40
I'm John Bradshaw
for It Is Written.
00:21:13.44\00:21:15.34
Let's live today by every word.
00:21:15.37\00:21:18.01
¤[Music]¤
00:21:18.04\00:21:27.12
Thanks for joining me
today on It Is Written.
00:21:27.15\00:21:29.65
Fatherhood.
00:21:29.68\00:21:30.62
It must be one of
the most important jobs
00:21:30.65\00:21:33.46
ever committed
to any human being.
00:21:33.49\00:21:35.89
Yves Monnier, a father from
the Bible who impresses you,
00:21:35.92\00:21:38.96
for good or for bad.
00:21:38.99\00:21:40.83
>>Yves: Well, this
one impresses me for good.
00:21:40.86\00:21:42.46
This is the
father from the story,
00:21:42.50\00:21:44.43
the parable, of
the prodigal son.
00:21:44.47\00:21:46.53
We have the father
here, prominent in the story.
00:21:46.57\00:21:49.84
This father, of
course, represents God.
00:21:49.87\00:21:53.38
And one must
assume that in this home,
00:21:53.41\00:21:56.11
it was a good home,
and the father was perfect.
00:21:56.14\00:22:00.72
Well, even in a
perfect home, in a good home,
00:22:00.75\00:22:04.82
in a good Christian
home, sad things can happen.
00:22:04.85\00:22:09.16
The son, as we know, wandered,
00:22:09.19\00:22:11.33
and it probably broke
the father's heart for sure.
00:22:11.36\00:22:15.43
Lesson number one, bad things
can happen even in good homes.
00:22:15.46\00:22:19.70
But don't lose heart.
00:22:19.73\00:22:21.54
And that's lesson number
two: the father never stopped
00:22:21.57\00:22:24.97
believing that
his son would return.
00:22:25.01\00:22:27.28
And the story, of
course, has a wonderful ending.
00:22:27.31\00:22:29.71
>>John: And when
the son did return,
00:22:29.74\00:22:30.95
the father did not
read him the riot act.
00:22:30.98\00:22:33.11
He welcomed him with love.
00:22:33.15\00:22:34.65
You know, you
mention that because,
00:22:34.68\00:22:36.82
undoubtedly, there are fathers
who are hanging their heads
00:22:36.85\00:22:38.99
and saying, I wish I'd
done it this way or that way.
00:22:39.02\00:22:41.06
And while that may be the case,
00:22:41.09\00:22:43.56
uh, we remember
that our heavenly Father
00:22:43.59\00:22:45.59
lost a third of his children
00:22:45.63\00:22:47.83
in a perfect place where
there's never been any sin.
00:22:47.86\00:22:50.73
And a third of them just
said, “We're outta here.”
00:22:50.77\00:22:53.47
Dr. Smith, how can we as fathers
invest in our sons and daughters
00:22:53.50\00:22:58.17
so that they
grow up to love God?
00:22:58.21\00:23:00.64
>>Dr. Smith: I think
those three principles
00:23:00.68\00:23:02.71
really, really matter.
00:23:02.74\00:23:04.41
But Micha 6:8, as I
emphasize, you know,
00:23:04.45\00:23:07.28
doing justly, love mercy,
and walking humbly with God.
00:23:07.32\00:23:10.79
But also those three
principles of factoring God
00:23:10.82\00:23:13.32
into your journey,
dreaming big, and working hard.
00:23:13.36\00:23:17.86
>>John: Yves, you've raised
a couple of kids to adulthood.
00:23:17.89\00:23:20.76
They both love God.
00:23:20.80\00:23:22.50
They're still
faithful in the church.
00:23:22.53\00:23:24.73
This does not
happen by accident.
00:23:24.77\00:23:27.07
What did you do to deliberately
invest in your children
00:23:27.10\00:23:30.34
so that they, so
that they were Christians
00:23:30.37\00:23:33.74
after they'd left your home?
00:23:33.78\00:23:35.44
>>Yves: I think
sometimes the problem with, uh,
00:23:35.48\00:23:37.51
certain children, they see
their father saying one thing,
00:23:37.55\00:23:42.12
and they see then their
father doing something else.
00:23:42.15\00:23:45.52
So in my life I
did my very best.
00:23:45.55\00:23:48.59
And, to be honest,
00:23:48.62\00:23:49.62
I don't think that I
was successful all the time.
00:23:49.66\00:23:52.63
But I believe,
a lot of the time.
00:23:52.66\00:23:56.03
And that is to make sure
that my words and my actions
00:23:56.06\00:23:59.83
were in harmony.
00:23:59.87\00:24:01.20
And I believe that has had
a profound impact upon them.
00:24:01.24\00:24:04.17
My children still, thank God,
00:24:04.21\00:24:06.84
to this day love
and walk with Jesus.
00:24:06.88\00:24:09.51
>>John: It's
been important to me,
00:24:09.54\00:24:10.41
raising my two kids, to, uh,
00:24:10.45\00:24:13.05
to try to give them a picture
of what God is really like.
00:24:13.08\00:24:17.65
I think, I think,
I might say I know,
00:24:17.69\00:24:20.86
but I think many kids
are put off Christianity
00:24:20.89\00:24:26.03
by the picture of
God that is taught them
00:24:26.06\00:24:28.83
or portrayed to them.
00:24:28.86\00:24:30.83
We mustn't teach our children
that God is angry with them
00:24:30.87\00:24:34.04
or he's a hard taskmaster.
00:24:34.07\00:24:35.57
The Bible says that God is love.
00:24:35.60\00:24:38.41
Um, and I think it's
crucial to transmit values
00:24:38.44\00:24:42.48
to our kids that teach them that
God loves them no matter what.
00:24:42.51\00:24:47.05
Okay, let's be quick
now. We have little time.
00:24:47.08\00:24:49.08
What not to do as a father.
00:24:49.12\00:24:51.12
>>Eric: Don't
belittle your children.
00:24:51.15\00:24:52.69
You know, even if you
are frustrated with them,
00:24:52.72\00:24:54.56
if you get angry,
but if you belittle,
00:24:54.59\00:24:56.96
belittle them, it takes a
lot of wind out of their sails.
00:24:56.99\00:25:00.43
Now, it's
important to, to correct,
00:25:00.46\00:25:02.43
but, but not to speak down to.
00:25:02.46\00:25:04.23
There's a big difference.
00:25:04.27\00:25:05.20
>>John: You know, I
wish fathers would think
00:25:05.23\00:25:06.43
about the impact of
their actions and their words.
00:25:06.47\00:25:08.90
What is saying
this or doing this
00:25:08.94\00:25:10.44
actually going to do to my kid?
00:25:10.47\00:25:12.51
And when you
belittle your children,
00:25:12.54\00:25:14.44
you put a wall
between you and your child.
00:25:14.48\00:25:16.04
They don't trust you.
00:25:16.08\00:25:17.38
They don't think that you have
their best interests in mind.
00:25:17.41\00:25:20.42
Dr. Smith, what are the do nots?
00:25:20.45\00:25:21.95
>>Dr. Smith: Do not
leave discouragement unmanaged.
00:25:21.98\00:25:25.25
>>John: Explain.
00:25:25.29\00:25:26.42
>>Dr. Smith: One of
the most detrimental things
00:25:26.45\00:25:27.79
that can happen is to try to
be a parent while discouraged,
00:25:27.82\00:25:30.69
and not managing it.
00:25:30.73\00:25:31.56
We manage
discouragement by praying
00:25:31.59\00:25:33.56
and teaching our children to
pray, dealing with our anger.
00:25:33.60\00:25:36.36
Anger can go so
many different ways,
00:25:36.40\00:25:38.07
but dealing with it
responsibly helps us.
00:25:38.10\00:25:41.00
And there are a
battery of principles, um,
00:25:41.04\00:25:43.47
dealing with dependency needs.
00:25:43.51\00:25:46.24
Stop playing God, which simply
means if God forgives you,
00:25:46.27\00:25:49.18
you have to forgive yourself
00:25:49.21\00:25:50.35
so that you can
forgive others as well.
00:25:50.38\00:25:52.48
>>John: Yves,
what are the do nots?
00:25:52.51\00:25:54.22
>>Yves: Do not affirm
your children only when
00:25:54.25\00:25:56.99
they do something good.
00:25:57.02\00:25:58.79
Oh, I'm so proud
of you; you got an A.
00:25:58.82\00:26:01.82
Oh, I'm so proud of
you because you played
00:26:01.86\00:26:04.26
so well your musical instrument.
00:26:04.29\00:26:06.93
Because then they will
equate that with, well,
00:26:06.96\00:26:10.07
he only affirms
me, he only loves me,
00:26:10.10\00:26:12.80
because of things that I do.
00:26:12.83\00:26:14.84
So I made sure
that I affirmed them
00:26:14.87\00:26:17.24
even when they
did not do as well.
00:26:17.27\00:26:19.31
I love you; I'm proud of you;
00:26:19.34\00:26:20.91
keep at it; you
will do better next time.
00:26:20.94\00:26:23.51
>>John: I would say
do not yell at your kids.
00:26:23.55\00:26:26.35
Do not. That
doesn't mean you, there are,
00:26:26.38\00:26:28.15
you better yell if they're
standing on the railroad track
00:26:28.18\00:26:30.49
and a train is coming.
00:26:30.52\00:26:31.72
Do yell.
00:26:31.75\00:26:32.99
But the child
dropped food on the floor
00:26:33.02\00:26:35.02
or left a sock on the staircase.
00:26:35.06\00:26:37.49
Come on, man.
00:26:37.53\00:26:38.93
Don't yell.
00:26:38.96\00:26:40.06
I think it's really,
really important that a father,
00:26:40.10\00:26:42.50
who is the
clearest picture of God
00:26:42.53\00:26:45.13
many children have growing up
00:26:45.17\00:26:46.47
you understand
what I mean by that.
00:26:46.50\00:26:47.47
You spoke about it earlier.
00:26:47.50\00:26:49.27
It's, it's important, uh,
00:26:49.30\00:26:52.14
that we control our emotions,
00:26:52.17\00:26:54.94
and that we, that we, uh,
00:26:54.98\00:26:57.11
don't just blow up or
lose it around our kids.
00:26:57.15\00:27:01.12
Uh, it's just destructive.
00:27:01.15\00:27:03.35
From my point of
view, it's destructive.
00:27:03.39\00:27:04.75
Man, there's more we could say,
00:27:04.79\00:27:05.82
but I'm grateful
that you've been here.
00:27:05.85\00:27:06.82
Eric, thanks so much.
00:27:06.86\00:27:08.22
Yves Monnier,
appreciate it very much.
00:27:08.26\00:27:09.99
Dr. Smith, thank you for
taking your time with us today.
00:27:10.03\00:27:13.23
Deeply appreciate it.
00:27:13.26\00:27:15.13
¤[Music]¤
00:27:15.16\00:27:20.67
>>John: Some of the most famous
words ever written tell us that
00:27:22.24\00:27:25.94
“God so loved the world.”
00:27:25.97\00:27:28.94
The same book in which
those words are written
00:27:28.98\00:27:30.61
tell us that “God is love.”
00:27:30.65\00:27:33.21
Go deep into the love of
God with today's free offer,
00:27:33.25\00:27:38.15
“A Father's Love.”
00:27:38.19\00:27:39.52
To receive “A Father's Love,”
00:27:39.55\00:27:41.02
call us on 800-253-3000
00:27:41.06\00:27:44.23
or visit us online at
00:27:44.26\00:27:45.76
itiswritten.com
00:27:45.79\00:27:47.23
You can write to the
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00:27:47.23\00:27:49.36
and receive free
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00:27:49.40\00:27:52.50
Thanks for
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00:27:52.53\00:27:54.50
is a faith-based ministry.
00:27:54.54\00:27:56.50
And your support
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00:27:56.54\00:27:58.41
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00:27:58.44\00:28:01.81
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00:28:01.84\00:28:03.01
can be sent to the
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00:28:03.04\00:28:04.98
or through our website at
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ItIsWritten.com
00:28:06.68\00:28:08.42
Thank you for your
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00:28:08.45\00:28:11.15
Again, our toll-free number is
00:28:11.19\00:28:12.49
800-253-3000
00:28:12.52\00:28:14.92
That's 800-253-3000
00:28:14.96\00:28:17.63
And our web
address, that's easy:
00:28:17.66\00:28:19.86
ItIsWritten.com
00:28:19.89\00:28:21.80
>>John: I'm glad
you joined me today.
00:28:22.73\00:28:23.73
Let's take a moment to
pray together right now.
00:28:23.77\00:28:26.37
Our Father in Heaven, we
thank you today for Jesus.
00:28:26.40\00:28:30.07
Your Son, our Savior.
00:28:30.11\00:28:32.64
We thank you for
you, our heavenly Father,
00:28:32.67\00:28:36.61
our perfect, unfailing, always
patient, always wise father
00:28:36.64\00:28:42.02
who knows what is best
for us in every situation.
00:28:42.05\00:28:46.52
I pray for every father,
00:28:46.55\00:28:48.89
that you would bless
the dads and the grandpas
00:28:48.92\00:28:51.29
and the great-grandpas,
to model faith in God,
00:28:51.33\00:28:55.56
to be patient and kind,
00:28:55.60\00:28:59.10
and to share Jesus and model
Jesus as wisely as possible.
00:28:59.13\00:29:04.64
Lord, bless the fathers.
00:29:04.67\00:29:06.47
Even when we fail,
we need your help then.
00:29:06.51\00:29:09.71
And give us grace that
we can point our children
00:29:09.74\00:29:12.28
to you and encourage
in them faith in you.
00:29:12.31\00:29:15.72
Bless us now, we
pray, and we thank you,
00:29:15.75\00:29:17.49
in Jesus' name,
00:29:17.52\00:29:18.85
Amen.
00:29:18.89\00:29:20.66
Thank you so much
for joining us today.
00:29:20.69\00:29:22.59
I'm looking forward to
seeing you again next time.
00:29:22.62\00:29:24.23
Until then, remember:
00:29:24.26\00:29:25.79
“It is written,
00:29:25.83\00:29:27.10
man shall not
live by bread alone
00:29:27.13\00:29:30.07
but by every word that
proceeds from the mouth of God.”
00:29:30.10\00:29:34.00
¤[Theme Music]¤
00:29:34.04\00:29:49.05