¤[Theme music]¤ 00:01:30.29\00:01:40.33 ¤[Theme music]¤ 00:01:40.33\00:01:47.60 >>John Bradshaw: This is It Is Written. 00:01:49.04\00:01:50.71 I'm John Bradshaw. 00:01:50.74\00:01:51.71 Thanks for joining me. 00:01:51.74\00:01:52.71 Father's Day rolls around once every year. 00:01:52.74\00:01:55.81 It's a time when we celebrate our dads 00:01:55.84\00:01:57.75 or our grandfathers too, for that matter. 00:01:57.78\00:02:00.32 And it's an opportunity to reflect on the blessing 00:02:00.35\00:02:02.82 that fathers can be and are in our lives. 00:02:02.85\00:02:05.42 It's also an opportunity for fathers to reflect upon 00:02:05.45\00:02:08.16 their role as fathers and what sort of father they are being 00:02:08.19\00:02:12.06 as God's man here on this earth. 00:02:12.09\00:02:15.00 I have several guests with me today, 00:02:15.03\00:02:16.93 including my associate speaker at It Is Written, 00:02:16.97\00:02:19.07 Pastor Eric Flickinger; 00:02:19.10\00:02:20.67 Pastor Yves Monnier from It Is Written, 00:02:20.70\00:02:22.94 and Dr. Ron Smith, who has a doctor of ministry in counseling 00:02:22.97\00:02:25.74 and a Ph.D. in psychology. 00:02:25.77\00:02:27.31 Gentlemen, thanks very much for joining me today. 00:02:27.34\00:02:29.81 Dr. Smith, we're going to start with you. 00:02:29.84\00:02:32.01 Take a moment to talk about the special role 00:02:32.05\00:02:34.35 that is the role of a father. 00:02:34.38\00:02:36.92 What is it that fathers bring to a family 00:02:36.95\00:02:39.19 or to a relationship to the life of a child that's unique? 00:02:39.22\00:02:42.26 >>Ron Smith: I think it's important to note 00:02:42.29\00:02:43.59 from the outset that there is a female as well as a male 00:02:43.63\00:02:47.23 dimension of who God is compositely. 00:02:47.23\00:02:49.93 But fathers have the opportunity to showcase before our children 00:02:49.96\00:02:53.27 in a very real way the image of God from the masculine side. 00:02:53.30\00:02:57.91 And that side is pregnant with so many implications 00:02:57.94\00:03:01.91 of positive thinking, assuming responsibility. 00:03:01.94\00:03:05.71 >>John: Now, when you stop and when you put it in those terms, 00:03:05.75\00:03:08.35 that a father demonstrates to the child 00:03:08.38\00:03:11.35 the characteristics of God, 00:03:11.39\00:03:13.89 that places pretty heavy responsibility on dads, 00:03:13.92\00:03:17.63 doesn't it? 00:03:17.66\00:03:18.79 >>Dr. Smith: Absolutely. 00:03:18.83\00:03:19.56 And on parents. 00:03:19.59\00:03:20.70 But in this particular case, on fathers, absolutely. 00:03:20.73\00:03:23.16 >>John: Now, when we speak about fatherhood, 00:03:23.20\00:03:24.33 I think it's key to realize that as we speak 00:03:24.37\00:03:26.50 about the role of a father, 00:03:26.53\00:03:27.80 the role of a father and the role of a mother 00:03:27.84\00:03:29.34 overlaps an awful lot. 00:03:29.37\00:03:30.64 It's not always easy to draw a clean line between the two. 00:03:30.67\00:03:34.18 But let's begin, we've got to do our best to speak to fathers 00:03:34.21\00:03:36.75 and fatherhood today. 00:03:36.78\00:03:38.51 Let me ask this question: 00:03:38.55\00:03:40.92 what does it take to be a good father? 00:03:40.95\00:03:43.08 Who wants to have a run at that first? 00:03:43.12\00:03:44.32 I should point out that I'm the father of two children. 00:03:44.35\00:03:47.62 Eric, you're the father of two children. 00:03:47.66\00:03:49.96 Yves, you're the father of two children. 00:03:49.99\00:03:52.06 Dr. Smith, you don't break the mold at all. 00:03:52.09\00:03:54.20 >>Dr. Smith: I'm the father of two children. 00:03:54.20\00:03:55.36 >>John: Two children. 00:03:55.40\00:03:56.13 All right. 00:03:56.16\00:03:56.77 So eight kids between us. 00:03:56.80\00:03:58.00 I'm sure we have our share of successes and, 00:03:58.03\00:04:00.80 I'm positive, 00:04:00.84\00:04:02.37 more than our fair share of failures. 00:04:02.40\00:04:04.57 What does it take to be a good dad? 00:04:04.61\00:04:05.74 Who wants to take a run at that? 00:04:05.77\00:04:07.01 >>Eric: One of the things that you absolutely have to have is, 00:04:07.04\00:04:09.14 if you want to be a good father, 00:04:09.18\00:04:10.28 is time to spend with your children. 00:04:10.31\00:04:11.95 You know, good relationships are built on time, 00:04:11.98\00:04:14.28 whether it's between us and our children or us and our God. 00:04:14.32\00:04:17.39 Just like Dr. Smith mentioned a moment ago, 00:04:17.42\00:04:19.29 they get a pretty good idea who God is from us. 00:04:19.32\00:04:21.79 And if we don't spend time with them, 00:04:21.82\00:04:23.96 they're going to get an idea that maybe 00:04:23.99\00:04:25.79 God doesn't want to spend time with them either. 00:04:25.83\00:04:27.13 >>John: All right. 00:04:27.13\00:04:27.96 You're a pastor and an evangelist. 00:04:27.96\00:04:30.63 You're a pastor and a departmental director. 00:04:30.67\00:04:33.90 I'm a pastor and an evangelist and I lead a ministry. 00:04:33.94\00:04:36.77 Dr. Smith, you're a church administrator 00:04:36.81\00:04:39.04 with enormous responsibilities, 00:04:39.07\00:04:40.84 but you're a pastor and an evangelist and a writer 00:04:40.88\00:04:44.85 and, and, and, and, and. 00:04:44.88\00:04:47.28 So you're talking about spending time with children. 00:04:47.32\00:04:50.65 It is every parent's battle, or many parents' battle. 00:04:50.69\00:04:53.72 How in the world do you find enough time for your kids, 00:04:53.76\00:04:57.89 especially when you're a very busy person? 00:04:57.93\00:05:00.16 And then let's talk about this, 00:05:00.20\00:05:02.73 this thing about quality time and quantity time. 00:05:02.76\00:05:05.87 First, how do you find the time? 00:05:05.90\00:05:08.64 >>Yves: Well, John, what I've discovered 00:05:08.67\00:05:09.97 is that uh, quality time comes with quantity. 00:05:10.01\00:05:14.68 There's no way on earth that you can get to the point of quality 00:05:14.71\00:05:19.41 with your children if you have not invested that quantity time. 00:05:19.45\00:05:24.72 You asked the question, how do you take that time? 00:05:24.75\00:05:28.56 Well, you make a choice. 00:05:28.59\00:05:30.73 I had a wise elder who came to me. 00:05:30.76\00:05:34.60 My children were young. 00:05:34.63\00:05:35.80 He put his arm around me, and he said, 00:05:35.83\00:05:38.10 “Listen to me very carefully. 00:05:38.13\00:05:40.20 One day when you're old, 00:05:40.24\00:05:41.80 if the Lord doesn't return before then, 00:05:41.84\00:05:44.21 one day when you're old, you're not going to wish, 00:05:44.24\00:05:47.61 oh, if only I had gone to one more board meeting. 00:05:47.64\00:05:50.88 If only I had gone to one more school board meeting. 00:05:50.91\00:05:53.35 If only I had done one more visit.” 00:05:53.38\00:05:55.32 He said, 00:05:55.35\00:05:56.58 “Those will not be the ‘if onlys' in your life.” 00:05:56.62\00:05:59.45 That opened my eyes, and I determined, 00:05:59.49\00:06:02.09 this is my priority, my family. 00:06:02.12\00:06:05.23 >>John: So you've, you've just got to make that time. 00:06:05.26\00:06:09.36 What happens when you don't make that time? 00:06:09.40\00:06:12.83 Have you seen anything? 00:06:12.87\00:06:13.97 Dr. Smith, you've, you've, as a mentor to many, 00:06:14.00\00:06:17.31 as a church leader, you've seen undoubtedly what happens 00:06:17.34\00:06:21.74 when fathers don't take enough time for their kids. 00:06:21.78\00:06:25.05 So there's a dad now, he's listening to us talk, 00:06:25.08\00:06:28.35 he's watching us, and he's thinking, mmm, time. 00:06:28.38\00:06:30.99 But he's saying to himself, 00:06:31.02\00:06:32.35 man I'm busy, and I've got this great career, 00:06:32.39\00:06:34.52 and that sucks up a lot of my time. 00:06:34.56\00:06:36.83 What will he learn one day 00:06:36.86\00:06:39.53 because he didn't take enough time for his kids? 00:06:39.56\00:06:41.73 >>Dr. Smith: I think when we understand the importance 00:06:41.76\00:06:44.00 of building our children into our routine, 00:06:44.03\00:06:47.54 whatever that is, whether it's a heavy responsibility 00:06:47.57\00:06:50.11 or a lighter responsibility, 00:06:50.14\00:06:52.17 it could be very lonely to have a parental obligation 00:06:52.21\00:06:56.41 and responsibility, and our children aren't engaged with us, 00:06:56.44\00:06:59.58 and we aren't engaged with them. 00:06:59.61\00:07:01.02 By joining each other, 00:07:01.05\00:07:02.78 the journey can be a fun one and a sweet one. 00:07:02.82\00:07:05.02 >>John: As a father, what have you learned from your father? 00:07:05.05\00:07:11.36 Might be all good, might be all bad, might be a little of each. 00:07:11.39\00:07:15.50 What lessons did you learn from your dad? 00:07:15.53\00:07:20.90 Yves? 00:07:20.94\00:07:21.97 >>Yves: Well, two things I learned from my dad. 00:07:22.00\00:07:23.61 Number one, my dad never had any worries. 00:07:23.64\00:07:27.21 At least that's what I believed. 00:07:27.24\00:07:29.21 Because the moment he would walk inside the threshold of the home 00:07:29.24\00:07:34.05 he was with us and he focused on us, 00:07:34.08\00:07:36.85 and never thought that he had any concerns, 00:07:36.89\00:07:39.69 any burdens in his life. 00:07:39.72\00:07:41.62 Now, later on, of course, 00:07:41.66\00:07:42.82 as I became older and became a pastor, 00:07:42.86\00:07:46.33 I realized, oh, my dad had a lot of worries. 00:07:46.36\00:07:49.16 But he never let on. 00:07:49.20\00:07:50.57 And that was, that was very gracious on his part. 00:07:50.60\00:07:53.54 Number two, my dad traveled a lot, and I missed him. 00:07:53.57\00:07:58.11 And so I determined, you know, 00:07:58.14\00:07:59.37 I'm not going to do this with my children. 00:07:59.41\00:08:02.38 He, uh, he had a calling, 00:08:02.41\00:08:04.08 and I respected that calling and respect that calling. 00:08:04.11\00:08:07.15 But uh, I determined that I'm not going to be 00:08:07.18\00:08:10.65 so often an absentee father. 00:08:10.69\00:08:13.22 So that's why I made a, a, a conscious decision 00:08:13.25\00:08:17.03 for the time that my children are at home, 00:08:17.06\00:08:20.26 living under the same roof, 00:08:20.30\00:08:22.16 this will be the time that I will give to them. 00:08:22.20\00:08:25.40 >>John: I look at my dad's life. 00:08:25.43\00:08:26.37 My dad was an uncomplicated sort of a man, 00:08:26.40\00:08:29.24 uh, from an uncomplicated background. 00:08:29.27\00:08:32.17 And I, I doubt that I could say my father was the perfect father 00:08:32.21\00:08:35.51 or the perfect person. 00:08:35.54\00:08:37.25 But I learned a lot of what I learned about parenting 00:08:37.28\00:08:40.45 from my dad, 00:08:40.48\00:08:41.65 reflecting on my dad's role as a father in our family. 00:08:41.68\00:08:46.02 And you know what I found? 00:08:46.05\00:08:47.62 Some of the most helpful things I've learned from my father 00:08:47.66\00:08:49.69 I've learned from the mistakes he made. 00:08:49.72\00:08:52.09 I don't mean cataclysmic mistakes. 00:08:52.13\00:08:53.70 I mean maybe some of those smaller mistakes. 00:08:53.73\00:08:57.33 Rather than be embittered by the things my dad didn't get right, 00:08:57.37\00:09:01.24 I've simply taken those on board and said, 00:09:01.27\00:09:02.90 okay, I see what didn't work. 00:09:02.94\00:09:04.87 And I'm determining to, 00:09:04.91\00:09:07.28 you know, not to perpetuate that, 00:09:07.31\00:09:09.54 whatever that might have been. 00:09:09.58\00:09:10.85 I don't mean there's anything really dark. 00:09:10.88\00:09:13.15 But I believe that you can learn, 00:09:13.18\00:09:14.62 if your eyes are open, you can learn a lot from the mistakes 00:09:14.65\00:09:16.79 of the people that you've, that you've seen 00:09:16.82\00:09:19.05 and that you've observed up close. 00:09:19.09\00:09:22.26 Um, what I did learn from my father was religious commitment, 00:09:22.29\00:09:27.23 commitment to God. 00:09:27.23\00:09:28.90 Now, my dad was of a faith that I am now not. 00:09:28.93\00:09:33.00 Uh, nevertheless, his life was a picture of devotion to God, 00:09:33.03\00:09:37.61 and he modeled for me how important it is to be faithful 00:09:37.64\00:09:41.91 to God and have God at the very center of your life. 00:09:41.94\00:09:44.11 Dr. Smith, what'd you learn from your father? 00:09:44.15\00:09:46.01 >>Dr. Smith: First and foremost, 00:09:46.05\00:09:47.15 he advised me to factor God in. 00:09:47.18\00:09:49.35 He says, “if you really want to be cool, 00:09:49.38\00:09:51.05 I sense you want to be cool son, 00:09:51.09\00:09:53.02 factor God into your life.” 00:09:53.05\00:09:54.22 Then he cited: 00:09:54.26\00:09:55.26 In all thy ways acknowlege him, 00:09:55.29\00:09:57.33 and he wil direct your path. 00:09:57.36\00:09:58.69 Secondly, he said, you know, practice being accountable. 00:09:58.73\00:10:03.50 Work hard. 00:10:03.53\00:10:05.23 Work hard. 00:10:05.27\00:10:06.84 And go to the ant, thou sluggard, 00:10:06.87\00:10:08.94 the proverbial statement. >>John: Sure. 00:10:08.97\00:10:10.11 >>Dr. Smith: Consider her ways and be wise. 00:10:10.14\00:10:12.41 And the third one that sticks with me, he says, 00:10:12.44\00:10:14.88 “Dream big. 00:10:14.91\00:10:15.94 There's nothing you can, that you can't do.” 00:10:15.98\00:10:18.41 Um, without a vision, the people perish. 00:10:18.45\00:10:21.08 That third proverbial statement. 00:10:21.12\00:10:22.45 So, in that three-prong approach to life, he sustained me. 00:10:22.48\00:10:26.45 And some of our moments in Coney Island in Brooklyn, New York, 00:10:26.49\00:10:29.22 eating ice cream, he would share that, that, 00:10:29.26\00:10:31.69 those principles with me. 00:10:31.73\00:10:33.66 >>John: One of the things I've, 00:10:33.70\00:10:34.63 I've been careful to instill in my children, 00:10:34.66\00:10:36.03 and they have yet to make their mark in the world, 00:10:36.06\00:10:38.17 so we're going to see how well this sticks: 00:10:38.20\00:10:40.77 think big. 00:10:40.80\00:10:41.57 You can be whatever you want to be. 00:10:41.60\00:10:45.24 I've made it very clear to my kids, 00:10:45.27\00:10:46.71 if you choose to fail, 00:10:46.74\00:10:48.08 then you'll probably be pretty good at that. 00:10:48.11\00:10:50.21 But if you reach for the stars, 00:10:50.25\00:10:51.98 if you, if you throw yourself into life 00:10:52.01\00:10:54.18 and you purpose to get, to do the very best that you can be. 00:10:54.22\00:10:57.49 And I don't mean because I aspire for my children 00:10:57.52\00:11:00.39 to live in a mansion and drive a Rolls Royce. 00:11:00.42\00:11:02.59 The better my kids do, 00:11:02.62\00:11:04.09 the better they excel in their chosen field, 00:11:04.13\00:11:05.99 the more use they're going to be to God, 00:11:06.03\00:11:07.30 because they've got more talent and gifts to, uh, 00:11:07.30\00:11:09.96 to put into serving God in whatever field that is. 00:11:10.00\00:11:12.93 But I've found, and it's so far been a help, 00:11:12.97\00:11:16.60 believe in your kids, 00:11:16.64\00:11:18.74 tell them you believe they can. 00:11:18.77\00:11:20.38 There is no limit to what you can do. 00:11:20.41\00:11:23.48 Think big. 00:11:23.51\00:11:24.15 Work hard. 00:11:24.18\00:11:24.71 Strive. 00:11:24.75\00:11:25.98 Uh, if they take hold of just a little bit of how, 00:11:26.01\00:11:29.08 well I've them they can do in this life, 00:11:29.12\00:11:31.25 they'll end up doing pretty well. 00:11:31.29\00:11:33.02 Eric, we'll get you in just a moment. 00:11:33.05\00:11:34.29 Fatherhood, from a biblical perspective. 00:11:34.32\00:11:36.59 We'll open up the Bible in a moment and look 00:11:36.62\00:11:37.99 at a couple of Bible passages, and fathers from the Bible. 00:11:38.03\00:11:42.40 We'll be right back. 00:11:42.43\00:11:43.93 ¤[Music]¤ 00:11:43.97\00:11:50.27 >>John: Some of the most famous words ever written tell us that 00:11:51.51\00:11:55.01 “God so loved the world.” 00:11:55.04\00:11:58.05 The same book in which those words are written tell us that 00:11:58.08\00:12:00.32 “God is love.” 00:12:00.35\00:12:02.45 Go deep into the love of God with today's free offer, 00:12:02.48\00:12:07.46 “A Father's Love.” 00:12:07.49\00:12:08.86 To receive “A Father's Love,” 00:12:08.89\00:12:10.46 call us on 800-253-3000 00:12:10.49\00:12:13.60 or visit us online at 00:12:13.63\00:12:15.00 itiswritten.com 00:12:15.03\00:12:16.73 You can write to the address on your screen and receive free 00:12:16.77\00:12:20.17 “A Father's Love.” 00:12:20.20\00:12:21.90 ¤[Music]¤ 00:12:22.64\00:12:29.04 >>John: Thanks for joining me today on It Is Written. 00:12:29.08\00:12:30.95 I'm John Bradshaw. 00:12:30.98\00:12:32.01 With me, Pastor Yves Monnier from It Is Written, 00:12:32.05\00:12:34.35 Dr. Ron Smith 00:12:34.38\00:12:35.62 and Pastor Eric Flickinger, 00:12:35.65\00:12:37.65 my associate speaker at It Is Written. 00:12:37.69\00:12:39.55 We're talking about fatherhood. 00:12:39.59\00:12:41.72 It's that Father's Day time of year. 00:12:41.76\00:12:43.32 What does it mean to be a father, 00:12:43.36\00:12:44.59 and how can a dad be a successful dad? 00:12:44.63\00:12:47.66 So Dr. Smith, let me ask you about the importance of, 00:12:47.66\00:12:50.10 of a father bonding with his kids. 00:12:50.13\00:12:52.07 How important is that? 00:12:52.10\00:12:54.00 >>Dr. Smith: It's very important. 00:12:54.04\00:12:55.20 And through our bonding I learned that my dad 00:12:55.24\00:12:58.07 was very much about relationship. 00:12:58.11\00:13:01.18 Relationships. 00:13:01.21\00:13:02.44 I grew up with two siblings, two sisters, 00:13:02.48\00:13:05.45 and he emphasized the importance of caring for my sisters, 00:13:05.48\00:13:08.52 but more importantly, 00:13:08.55\00:13:10.12 uh, doing to others what I want done to me. 00:13:10.15\00:13:13.39 >>John: So I want to ask this question: 00:13:13.42\00:13:14.62 how do you bond with your children? 00:13:14.66\00:13:17.26 How do you form that strong relationship with your kids? 00:13:17.29\00:13:20.80 Yves. 00:13:20.83\00:13:22.10 >>Yves: Well, I have a 26-year-old son 00:13:22.13\00:13:24.47 who's very busy in his career, 00:13:24.50\00:13:26.84 but we find time very often to talk to each other on the phone. 00:13:26.87\00:13:30.81 And on a recent phone call, I said, 00:13:30.84\00:13:33.14 “Daniel, so why are we pretty close, because I think we are?” 00:13:33.17\00:13:38.38 And he said, “Dad, 00:13:38.41\00:13:40.32 it's because you spent a lot of time with me. 00:13:40.35\00:13:44.15 You went to all of my club activities. 00:13:44.19\00:13:47.59 When we had trips, you were there. 00:13:47.62\00:13:49.92 Uh, when I had a basketball game, 00:13:49.96\00:13:52.73 a football game, you were present. 00:13:52.76\00:13:55.23 You made sure that that time with me was a priority. 00:13:55.26\00:13:59.27 And Dad, those times with me have made a huge difference.” 00:13:59.30\00:14:03.97 And uh, and he said, 00:14:04.01\00:14:05.87 “That's why we are as close as we are to this day.” 00:14:05.91\00:14:09.21 >>John: It seems like it keeps coming back to this question 00:14:09.24\00:14:11.11 of time with the kids. 00:14:11.15\00:14:12.15 Here's what I've found as, as a way. 00:14:12.18\00:14:14.52 How do I bond with my kids? 00:14:14.55\00:14:16.25 However I have to. 00:14:16.28\00:14:17.65 However I can. 00:14:17.69\00:14:18.85 I remember when my son decided he wanted to learn to fish 00:14:18.89\00:14:21.26 or be a fisherman. 00:14:21.29\00:14:22.72 I don't know where he got that. 00:14:22.76\00:14:24.33 Now, look, I don't want to upset the fisher folk, 00:14:24.36\00:14:26.36 but, man, I hate fishing. 00:14:26.39\00:14:28.20 What a perfectly good way to ruin an otherwise great day, 00:14:28.23\00:14:31.40 sitting around, waiting for a fish to bite. 00:14:31.43\00:14:35.17 Color me odd, but I just, I don't get it. 00:14:35.20\00:14:37.44 I never have. 00:14:37.47\00:14:38.57 Now, if you fish, I respect you and that's okay. 00:14:38.61\00:14:41.04 But it's just never been my thing. 00:14:41.08\00:14:42.64 My son says, “Dad, I want to fish. 00:14:42.68\00:14:45.75 I want to go fishing.” 00:14:45.78\00:14:46.78 You know what? 00:14:46.82\00:14:47.65 Suddenly I was a fisherman. 00:14:47.68\00:14:49.65 We were getting the right kind of fishing poles 00:14:49.68\00:14:51.42 and the right gear, and all the lures. 00:14:51.45\00:14:52.99 And I bought my son a tackle box, 00:14:53.02\00:14:54.82 and we filled it with the right stuff. 00:14:54.86\00:14:56.32 And we went fishing. 00:14:56.36\00:14:57.93 We even caught some fish. 00:14:57.96\00:15:00.20 But it's in moments like, 00:15:00.23\00:15:01.10 if he, if he wanted to ride a unicycle, 00:15:01.13\00:15:03.93 I would have been right there riding a unicycle with him. 00:15:03.97\00:15:06.27 Uh, for me it was about doing whatever was there to do, 00:15:06.30\00:15:09.84 whatever you needed to do. 00:15:09.87\00:15:11.74 And, going back to what you said, Dr. Smith, 00:15:11.77\00:15:13.58 including my son in my life. 00:15:13.61\00:15:15.08 He would go with me. 00:15:15.11\00:15:16.04 We'd travel together. 00:15:16.08\00:15:17.21 He'd be present for this and for that. 00:15:17.25\00:15:19.15 I would be present in his moments, 00:15:19.18\00:15:20.78 but I wanted to make sure that he was also present in mine. 00:15:20.82\00:15:23.32 There wasn't a time where it came to the place where I said, 00:15:23.35\00:15:26.39 “Hey, son, I don't need you with me.” 00:15:26.42\00:15:28.46 How about you? 00:15:28.49\00:15:29.52 Bonding with the children, how did you pull it off? 00:15:29.56\00:15:30.86 >>Dr. Smith: My wife shared something with me 00:15:30.89\00:15:32.53 that brought tears to my eyes. 00:15:32.56\00:15:34.20 When my son was a younger boy, uh, he's a pastor now. 00:15:34.23\00:15:38.13 He considers himself a spiritual giant. 00:15:38.17\00:15:40.07 But he was a young boy then. 00:15:40.10\00:15:42.24 And she brought tears to my eyes when she shared with me 00:15:42.27\00:15:45.41 what he said to her one day. 00:15:45.44\00:15:47.68 Uh he said, “Mommy, I don't just love Daddy. I like Daddy.” 00:15:47.71\00:15:53.05 >>John: Oh, Amen. 00:15:53.08\00:15:53.95 >>Dr. Smith: And basically, 00:15:53.98\00:15:55.38 I just placed a premium on being friends. 00:15:55.42\00:15:58.35 Let's just be pals, let's be friends. 00:15:58.39\00:16:00.16 But not, not friends so, to the point where we blur 00:16:00.19\00:16:04.59 uh, the guidelines of order and accountability. 00:16:04.63\00:16:08.46 But let's enjoy one another. 00:16:08.50\00:16:09.93 And that happens through spending time 00:16:09.96\00:16:11.90 and doing things together. 00:16:11.93\00:16:13.27 >>John: You know, you have this thing where there are parents 00:16:13.30\00:16:14.94 who want to be their children's buddy 00:16:14.97\00:16:16.67 but they don't want to be dad or mom. 00:16:16.71\00:16:18.47 And that, when those lines blur, that's, that's destructive. 00:16:18.51\00:16:22.71 But when you can be a friend as well as a parent, 00:16:22.74\00:16:25.55 now you've got a warm relationship there, haven't you? 00:16:25.58\00:16:28.32 I want to ask you about fathers in the Bible. 00:16:28.35\00:16:30.49 Point to a father in the Bible who impresses you, 00:16:30.52\00:16:32.72 either for good or for bad, and something we can learn 00:16:32.75\00:16:35.49 from that biblical father. 00:16:35.52\00:16:37.96 Dr. Smith, you first. 00:16:37.99\00:16:38.96 >>Dr. Smith: I think of, uh, Jairus in the Bible. 00:16:38.99\00:16:42.70 Um, in Mark, in the book of Mark, 00:16:42.73\00:16:44.97 we have a clear showcasing of a man who was accustomed 00:16:45.00\00:16:48.40 to being in charge. 00:16:48.44\00:16:49.67 Not just at the church, but he was in charge of some 00:16:49.70\00:16:51.87 very important things in culture. 00:16:51.91\00:16:54.08 And he was accustomed to fixing things. 00:16:54.11\00:16:57.08 People came to him for solutions when they needed solutions. 00:16:57.11\00:17:00.82 And he was the guy that pretty much resolved people's problems. 00:17:00.85\00:17:05.35 Uh, he encountered a problem of his own 00:17:05.39\00:17:08.09 one day that he couldn't fix. 00:17:08.12\00:17:10.39 In his encounter with Jesus, he wanted to tell Jesus what to do. 00:17:10.43\00:17:14.30 “Come to my house. 00:17:14.30\00:17:15.76 Put your hands on her like this. 00:17:15.80\00:17:17.30 And if you follow my instructions, 00:17:17.33\00:17:18.57 if you take your hands out of your pocket 00:17:18.60\00:17:20.27 and do what I ask you to do, she'll be healed.” 00:17:20.30\00:17:22.67 And she, and, and, you know, Jesus is a gentleman. 00:17:22.70\00:17:25.17 Eventually he did that. 00:17:25.21\00:17:26.78 But he frustrated Jairus along the way by making him wait. 00:17:26.81\00:17:31.35 It was a long, it was a very short distance to the house 00:17:31.38\00:17:34.12 where the daughter was sick, but Jesus took his time 00:17:34.15\00:17:36.12 and he moved slowly. 00:17:36.15\00:17:37.79 And he got there, and basically we learn from, 00:17:37.82\00:17:40.49 from the story of Jairus that there are a lot of things 00:17:40.52\00:17:42.92 in culture that we can fix, fix, 00:17:42.96\00:17:45.16 but there are some things we cannot fix. 00:17:45.19\00:17:47.96 What a wonderful lesson 00:17:48.00\00:17:48.90 to convey to our boys and our girls. 00:17:48.93\00:17:50.60 >>John: Amen. 00:17:50.63\00:17:51.60 >>Dr. Smith: Only God can fix all problems. 00:17:51.63\00:17:53.17 We can't fix everything. 00:17:53.20\00:17:54.44 >>John: Amen. That's so true. 00:17:54.47\00:17:55.80 Eric, a father from the Bible. 00:17:55.84\00:17:57.47 >>Eric: I think of Jacob. 00:17:57.51\00:17:58.84 You know, Jacob had, 00:17:58.87\00:17:59.94 he came from a household where there was favoritism. 00:18:00.04\00:18:03.75 He was the less favored son. 00:18:03.78\00:18:06.25 But when it came to his own household, 00:18:06.28\00:18:08.05 he showed favoritism as well. 00:18:08.08\00:18:10.22 You know, he showed favoritism to his son Joseph, 00:18:10.25\00:18:12.39 and that caused a great deal of problems within that family. 00:18:12.42\00:18:15.16 So we have a tendency, if we're not careful, 00:18:15.19\00:18:17.26 to, to bring things down from our own fathers, 00:18:17.29\00:18:19.86 whether good or bad. 00:18:19.89\00:18:21.63 So we have to look at each of those things and say, 00:18:21.66\00:18:24.27 “Is this a characteristic that I want to 00:18:24.30\00:18:26.43 bring down from my father, 00:18:26.47\00:18:27.74 or is this a characteristic that I hope my child takes from me?” 00:18:27.77\00:18:31.84 Because they do tend to pass from generation to generation 00:18:31.87\00:18:34.01 if we're not careful. 00:18:34.04\00:18:35.08 >>John: You know, I think of David in the Bible. 00:18:35.11\00:18:36.58 David who had massive problems among his kids. 00:18:36.61\00:18:39.35 He had problems in his household. 00:18:39.38\00:18:41.42 And it seems to me that when Absalom went off the rails, 00:18:41.45\00:18:44.42 that may have been headed off if, 00:18:44.45\00:18:46.09 when there was a problem in the family, 00:18:46.12\00:18:48.36 David had, A: handled it. 00:18:48.39\00:18:50.83 We had, we had a terrible thing going on in David's family, 00:18:50.86\00:18:54.30 and it appears he just sort of let it go. 00:18:54.30\00:18:57.13 And then when he realized that Absalom was, 00:18:57.17\00:18:59.17 was in rebellion mode, 00:18:59.20\00:19:01.07 he had a hands-off policy rather than a hands-on policy. 00:19:01.10\00:19:03.91 There was a problem in his family with one of his kids, 00:19:03.94\00:19:06.47 and instead of going to the kid and saying, 00:19:06.51\00:19:08.34 hey, how about we go fishing? 00:19:08.38\00:19:10.35 Or let's just take a long drive together. 00:19:10.38\00:19:12.15 Grab your glove. I've got the ball. 00:19:12.18\00:19:13.85 Let's spend some time. 00:19:13.88\00:19:14.98 And bonding with that child, 00:19:15.02\00:19:17.62 bringing a problem out of the open and discussing it. 00:19:17.65\00:19:20.29 David, it seems, ignored what was going on, 00:19:20.32\00:19:23.96 and it just about cost him his kingdom, 00:19:23.99\00:19:25.76 and it jeopardized the future of Israel. 00:19:25.79\00:19:27.83 Yves, I'll come back to you in a moment, 00:19:27.86\00:19:29.40 and we'll ask you about a dad from the Bible. 00:19:29.43\00:19:31.80 Then we'll discuss a little bit more 00:19:31.83\00:19:33.30 this very important thing called fatherhood. 00:19:33.34\00:19:37.31 Back with more in a moment. 00:19:37.34\00:19:38.84 ¤[Music]¤ 00:19:38.87\00:19:46.68 >>Announcer: In Matthew 4:4, the Word of God says: 00:19:46.72\00:19:49.28 “It is written, 00:19:49.32\00:19:50.32 ‘Man shall not live by bread alone, 00:19:50.35\00:19:52.32 but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.'” 00:19:52.35\00:19:55.99 “Every Word” 00:19:56.02\00:19:57.23 is a one-minute, Bible-based daily devotional presented by 00:19:57.26\00:20:00.06 Pastor John Bradshaw, 00:20:00.10\00:20:01.63 and designed especially for busy people like you. 00:20:01.66\00:20:04.67 Look for Every Word on selected networks, 00:20:04.70\00:20:07.44 or watch it online every day on our website, 00:20:07.47\00:20:09.84 ItIsWritten.com 00:20:09.87\00:20:11.81 Receive a daily spiritual boost. Watch “Every Word.” 00:20:11.84\00:20:15.28 You'll be glad you did. 00:20:15.31\00:20:18.68 ¤[Theme music]¤ 00:20:18.71\00:20:25.29 >>John: Thanks for joining me. 00:20:25.32\00:20:26.45 In 2007, a 20-year-old film student suffered a seizure 00:20:26.49\00:20:29.72 on the platform of a subway station in New York City 00:20:29.76\00:20:32.46 and fell onto the tracks. 00:20:32.49\00:20:33.86 A construction worker named Wesley Autry 00:20:33.90\00:20:36.06 tried unsuccessfully to get the man off the tracks. 00:20:36.10\00:20:38.63 So with the train approaching, 00:20:38.67\00:20:40.34 he threw himself on top of the man 00:20:40.37\00:20:42.07 in a drainage trench right between the tracks. 00:20:42.10\00:20:44.74 The train passed over them so close, 00:20:44.77\00:20:47.74 it left grease on Mr. Autry's cap. 00:20:47.78\00:20:50.31 Galatians 6:2 says: Bear one another's burdens, 00:20:50.35\00:20:53.11 and so fulfill the law of Christ. 00:20:53.15\00:20:55.48 Few people ever have the opportunity 00:20:55.52\00:20:57.32 to do something like that. 00:20:57.35\00:20:59.12 But most every day we get the chance to intervene 00:20:59.15\00:21:01.79 in someone's life, to make a difference, 00:21:01.82\00:21:04.39 to bear someone's burden and to show a love 00:21:04.43\00:21:06.53 that helps someone see the love of God. 00:21:06.56\00:21:08.96 Pray that God will give you the opportunity 00:21:09.00\00:21:10.97 to reveal him and his love to others. 00:21:11.00\00:21:13.40 I'm John Bradshaw for It Is Written. 00:21:13.44\00:21:15.34 Let's live today by every word. 00:21:15.37\00:21:18.01 ¤[Music]¤ 00:21:18.04\00:21:27.12 Thanks for joining me today on It Is Written. 00:21:27.15\00:21:29.65 Fatherhood. 00:21:29.68\00:21:30.62 It must be one of the most important jobs 00:21:30.65\00:21:33.46 ever committed to any human being. 00:21:33.49\00:21:35.89 Yves Monnier, a father from the Bible who impresses you, 00:21:35.92\00:21:38.96 for good or for bad. 00:21:38.99\00:21:40.83 >>Yves: Well, this one impresses me for good. 00:21:40.86\00:21:42.46 This is the father from the story, 00:21:42.50\00:21:44.43 the parable, of the prodigal son. 00:21:44.47\00:21:46.53 We have the father here, prominent in the story. 00:21:46.57\00:21:49.84 This father, of course, represents God. 00:21:49.87\00:21:53.38 And one must assume that in this home, 00:21:53.41\00:21:56.11 it was a good home, and the father was perfect. 00:21:56.14\00:22:00.72 Well, even in a perfect home, in a good home, 00:22:00.75\00:22:04.82 in a good Christian home, sad things can happen. 00:22:04.85\00:22:09.16 The son, as we know, wandered, 00:22:09.19\00:22:11.33 and it probably broke the father's heart for sure. 00:22:11.36\00:22:15.43 Lesson number one, bad things can happen even in good homes. 00:22:15.46\00:22:19.70 But don't lose heart. 00:22:19.73\00:22:21.54 And that's lesson number two: the father never stopped 00:22:21.57\00:22:24.97 believing that his son would return. 00:22:25.01\00:22:27.28 And the story, of course, has a wonderful ending. 00:22:27.31\00:22:29.71 >>John: And when the son did return, 00:22:29.74\00:22:30.95 the father did not read him the riot act. 00:22:30.98\00:22:33.11 He welcomed him with love. 00:22:33.15\00:22:34.65 You know, you mention that because, 00:22:34.68\00:22:36.82 undoubtedly, there are fathers who are hanging their heads 00:22:36.85\00:22:38.99 and saying, I wish I'd done it this way or that way. 00:22:39.02\00:22:41.06 And while that may be the case, 00:22:41.09\00:22:43.56 uh, we remember that our heavenly Father 00:22:43.59\00:22:45.59 lost a third of his children 00:22:45.63\00:22:47.83 in a perfect place where there's never been any sin. 00:22:47.86\00:22:50.73 And a third of them just said, “We're outta here.” 00:22:50.77\00:22:53.47 Dr. Smith, how can we as fathers invest in our sons and daughters 00:22:53.50\00:22:58.17 so that they grow up to love God? 00:22:58.21\00:23:00.64 >>Dr. Smith: I think those three principles 00:23:00.68\00:23:02.71 really, really matter. 00:23:02.74\00:23:04.41 But Micha 6:8, as I emphasize, you know, 00:23:04.45\00:23:07.28 doing justly, love mercy, and walking humbly with God. 00:23:07.32\00:23:10.79 But also those three principles of factoring God 00:23:10.82\00:23:13.32 into your journey, dreaming big, and working hard. 00:23:13.36\00:23:17.86 >>John: Yves, you've raised a couple of kids to adulthood. 00:23:17.89\00:23:20.76 They both love God. 00:23:20.80\00:23:22.50 They're still faithful in the church. 00:23:22.53\00:23:24.73 This does not happen by accident. 00:23:24.77\00:23:27.07 What did you do to deliberately invest in your children 00:23:27.10\00:23:30.34 so that they, so that they were Christians 00:23:30.37\00:23:33.74 after they'd left your home? 00:23:33.78\00:23:35.44 >>Yves: I think sometimes the problem with, uh, 00:23:35.48\00:23:37.51 certain children, they see their father saying one thing, 00:23:37.55\00:23:42.12 and they see then their father doing something else. 00:23:42.15\00:23:45.52 So in my life I did my very best. 00:23:45.55\00:23:48.59 And, to be honest, 00:23:48.62\00:23:49.62 I don't think that I was successful all the time. 00:23:49.66\00:23:52.63 But I believe, a lot of the time. 00:23:52.66\00:23:56.03 And that is to make sure that my words and my actions 00:23:56.06\00:23:59.83 were in harmony. 00:23:59.87\00:24:01.20 And I believe that has had a profound impact upon them. 00:24:01.24\00:24:04.17 My children still, thank God, 00:24:04.21\00:24:06.84 to this day love and walk with Jesus. 00:24:06.88\00:24:09.51 >>John: It's been important to me, 00:24:09.54\00:24:10.41 raising my two kids, to, uh, 00:24:10.45\00:24:13.05 to try to give them a picture of what God is really like. 00:24:13.08\00:24:17.65 I think, I think, I might say I know, 00:24:17.69\00:24:20.86 but I think many kids are put off Christianity 00:24:20.89\00:24:26.03 by the picture of God that is taught them 00:24:26.06\00:24:28.83 or portrayed to them. 00:24:28.86\00:24:30.83 We mustn't teach our children that God is angry with them 00:24:30.87\00:24:34.04 or he's a hard taskmaster. 00:24:34.07\00:24:35.57 The Bible says that God is love. 00:24:35.60\00:24:38.41 Um, and I think it's crucial to transmit values 00:24:38.44\00:24:42.48 to our kids that teach them that God loves them no matter what. 00:24:42.51\00:24:47.05 Okay, let's be quick now. We have little time. 00:24:47.08\00:24:49.08 What not to do as a father. 00:24:49.12\00:24:51.12 >>Eric: Don't belittle your children. 00:24:51.15\00:24:52.69 You know, even if you are frustrated with them, 00:24:52.72\00:24:54.56 if you get angry, but if you belittle, 00:24:54.59\00:24:56.96 belittle them, it takes a lot of wind out of their sails. 00:24:56.99\00:25:00.43 Now, it's important to, to correct, 00:25:00.46\00:25:02.43 but, but not to speak down to. 00:25:02.46\00:25:04.23 There's a big difference. 00:25:04.27\00:25:05.20 >>John: You know, I wish fathers would think 00:25:05.23\00:25:06.43 about the impact of their actions and their words. 00:25:06.47\00:25:08.90 What is saying this or doing this 00:25:08.94\00:25:10.44 actually going to do to my kid? 00:25:10.47\00:25:12.51 And when you belittle your children, 00:25:12.54\00:25:14.44 you put a wall between you and your child. 00:25:14.48\00:25:16.04 They don't trust you. 00:25:16.08\00:25:17.38 They don't think that you have their best interests in mind. 00:25:17.41\00:25:20.42 Dr. Smith, what are the do nots? 00:25:20.45\00:25:21.95 >>Dr. Smith: Do not leave discouragement unmanaged. 00:25:21.98\00:25:25.25 >>John: Explain. 00:25:25.29\00:25:26.42 >>Dr. Smith: One of the most detrimental things 00:25:26.45\00:25:27.79 that can happen is to try to be a parent while discouraged, 00:25:27.82\00:25:30.69 and not managing it. 00:25:30.73\00:25:31.56 We manage discouragement by praying 00:25:31.59\00:25:33.56 and teaching our children to pray, dealing with our anger. 00:25:33.60\00:25:36.36 Anger can go so many different ways, 00:25:36.40\00:25:38.07 but dealing with it responsibly helps us. 00:25:38.10\00:25:41.00 And there are a battery of principles, um, 00:25:41.04\00:25:43.47 dealing with dependency needs. 00:25:43.51\00:25:46.24 Stop playing God, which simply means if God forgives you, 00:25:46.27\00:25:49.18 you have to forgive yourself 00:25:49.21\00:25:50.35 so that you can forgive others as well. 00:25:50.38\00:25:52.48 >>John: Yves, what are the do nots? 00:25:52.51\00:25:54.22 >>Yves: Do not affirm your children only when 00:25:54.25\00:25:56.99 they do something good. 00:25:57.02\00:25:58.79 Oh, I'm so proud of you; you got an A. 00:25:58.82\00:26:01.82 Oh, I'm so proud of you because you played 00:26:01.86\00:26:04.26 so well your musical instrument. 00:26:04.29\00:26:06.93 Because then they will equate that with, well, 00:26:06.96\00:26:10.07 he only affirms me, he only loves me, 00:26:10.10\00:26:12.80 because of things that I do. 00:26:12.83\00:26:14.84 So I made sure that I affirmed them 00:26:14.87\00:26:17.24 even when they did not do as well. 00:26:17.27\00:26:19.31 I love you; I'm proud of you; 00:26:19.34\00:26:20.91 keep at it; you will do better next time. 00:26:20.94\00:26:23.51 >>John: I would say do not yell at your kids. 00:26:23.55\00:26:26.35 Do not. That doesn't mean you, there are, 00:26:26.38\00:26:28.15 you better yell if they're standing on the railroad track 00:26:28.18\00:26:30.49 and a train is coming. 00:26:30.52\00:26:31.72 Do yell. 00:26:31.75\00:26:32.99 But the child dropped food on the floor 00:26:33.02\00:26:35.02 or left a sock on the staircase. 00:26:35.06\00:26:37.49 Come on, man. 00:26:37.53\00:26:38.93 Don't yell. 00:26:38.96\00:26:40.06 I think it's really, really important that a father, 00:26:40.10\00:26:42.50 who is the clearest picture of God 00:26:42.53\00:26:45.13 many children have growing up 00:26:45.17\00:26:46.47 you understand what I mean by that. 00:26:46.50\00:26:47.47 You spoke about it earlier. 00:26:47.50\00:26:49.27 It's, it's important, uh, 00:26:49.30\00:26:52.14 that we control our emotions, 00:26:52.17\00:26:54.94 and that we, that we, uh, 00:26:54.98\00:26:57.11 don't just blow up or lose it around our kids. 00:26:57.15\00:27:01.12 Uh, it's just destructive. 00:27:01.15\00:27:03.35 From my point of view, it's destructive. 00:27:03.39\00:27:04.75 Man, there's more we could say, 00:27:04.79\00:27:05.82 but I'm grateful that you've been here. 00:27:05.85\00:27:06.82 Eric, thanks so much. 00:27:06.86\00:27:08.22 Yves Monnier, appreciate it very much. 00:27:08.26\00:27:09.99 Dr. Smith, thank you for taking your time with us today. 00:27:10.03\00:27:13.23 Deeply appreciate it. 00:27:13.26\00:27:15.13 ¤[Music]¤ 00:27:15.16\00:27:20.67 >>John: Some of the most famous words ever written tell us that 00:27:22.24\00:27:25.94 “God so loved the world.” 00:27:25.97\00:27:28.94 The same book in which those words are written 00:27:28.98\00:27:30.61 tell us that “God is love.” 00:27:30.65\00:27:33.21 Go deep into the love of God with today's free offer, 00:27:33.25\00:27:38.15 “A Father's Love.” 00:27:38.19\00:27:39.52 To receive “A Father's Love,” 00:27:39.55\00:27:41.02 call us on 800-253-3000 00:27:41.06\00:27:44.23 or visit us online at 00:27:44.26\00:27:45.76 itiswritten.com 00:27:45.79\00:27:47.23 You can write to the address on your screen 00:27:47.23\00:27:49.36 and receive free “A Father's Love.” 00:27:49.40\00:27:52.50 Thanks for remembering that It Is Written 00:27:52.53\00:27:54.50 is a faith-based ministry. 00:27:54.54\00:27:56.50 And your support makes it possible for us 00:27:56.54\00:27:58.41 to share God's good news with the entire world. 00:27:58.44\00:28:01.81 Your tax-deductible gift 00:28:01.84\00:28:03.01 can be sent to the address on your screen, 00:28:03.04\00:28:04.98 or through our website at 00:28:05.01\00:28:06.65 ItIsWritten.com 00:28:06.68\00:28:08.42 Thank you for your continued prayerful support. 00:28:08.45\00:28:11.15 Again, our toll-free number is 00:28:11.19\00:28:12.49 800-253-3000 00:28:12.52\00:28:14.92 That's 800-253-3000 00:28:14.96\00:28:17.63 And our web address, that's easy: 00:28:17.66\00:28:19.86 ItIsWritten.com 00:28:19.89\00:28:21.80 >>John: I'm glad you joined me today. 00:28:22.73\00:28:23.73 Let's take a moment to pray together right now. 00:28:23.77\00:28:26.37 Our Father in Heaven, we thank you today for Jesus. 00:28:26.40\00:28:30.07 Your Son, our Savior. 00:28:30.11\00:28:32.64 We thank you for you, our heavenly Father, 00:28:32.67\00:28:36.61 our perfect, unfailing, always patient, always wise father 00:28:36.64\00:28:42.02 who knows what is best for us in every situation. 00:28:42.05\00:28:46.52 I pray for every father, 00:28:46.55\00:28:48.89 that you would bless the dads and the grandpas 00:28:48.92\00:28:51.29 and the great-grandpas, to model faith in God, 00:28:51.33\00:28:55.56 to be patient and kind, 00:28:55.60\00:28:59.10 and to share Jesus and model Jesus as wisely as possible. 00:28:59.13\00:29:04.64 Lord, bless the fathers. 00:29:04.67\00:29:06.47 Even when we fail, we need your help then. 00:29:06.51\00:29:09.71 And give us grace that we can point our children 00:29:09.74\00:29:12.28 to you and encourage in them faith in you. 00:29:12.31\00:29:15.72 Bless us now, we pray, and we thank you, 00:29:15.75\00:29:17.49 in Jesus' name, 00:29:17.52\00:29:18.85 Amen. 00:29:18.89\00:29:20.66 Thank you so much for joining us today. 00:29:20.69\00:29:22.59 I'm looking forward to seeing you again next time. 00:29:22.62\00:29:24.23 Until then, remember: 00:29:24.26\00:29:25.79 “It is written, 00:29:25.83\00:29:27.10 man shall not live by bread alone 00:29:27.13\00:29:30.07 but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.” 00:29:30.10\00:29:34.00 ¤[Theme Music]¤ 00:29:34.04\00:29:49.05