>: It has stood
the test of time.
00:00:06.60\00:00:10.61
God's book, the Bible.
00:00:11.21\00:00:15.34
Still relevant in
today's complex world.
00:00:16.01\00:00:20.45
It Is Written,
sharing hope around the globe.
00:00:21.42\00:00:27.59
JB: This is It Is
Written. I'm John Bradshaw,
00:00:36.63\00:00:39.80
thanks for joining
me. When it comes to
00:00:39.80\00:00:42.17
matters of faith,
matters of the Bible,
00:00:42.17\00:00:45.37
faith in God is by very
definition a rather intellectual
00:00:45.37\00:00:48.78
exercise, that is to
say, what does the Bible say?
00:00:48.78\00:00:53.98
And beyond that,
what does the Bible mean?
00:00:53.98\00:00:57.09
However, faith in
God is faith in God.
00:00:57.09\00:01:00.99
It's not just
about a belief system.
00:01:00.99\00:01:03.89
A person who has faith in God
00:01:03.89\00:01:05.59
enters into a
relationship with an individual.
00:01:05.59\00:01:09.03
So far from simply the intellect
being involved, the emotions are
00:01:09.03\00:01:14.94
and must be involved when
it comes to matters of faith.
00:01:14.94\00:01:19.27
How can a person be emotionally
healthy, and how does that,
00:01:19.27\00:01:24.05
or even does that, affect
our relationship with God?
00:01:24.05\00:01:27.38
We're going to find that
out today, because my guest,
00:01:27.38\00:01:29.58
my special guest,
is Dr. Neil Nedley,
00:01:29.58\00:01:32.49
the president of
Nedley Health Solutions.
00:01:32.49\00:01:35.46
Dr. Nedley, thanks for being
here, welcome to It Is Written.
00:01:35.46\00:01:38.36
NN: Thank you.
Great to be here, John.
00:01:38.36\00:01:40.20
JB: Intelligence. NN: Yes.
00:01:40.20\00:01:42.56
JB: It's not just about the
mind, it's about the emotions,
00:01:42.56\00:01:45.47
because I'm hearing more
and more, and I'm hearing quite
00:01:45.47\00:01:48.67
a bit of it from you,
about emotional intelligence.
00:01:48.67\00:01:52.81
NN: Yes. JB: Now, what's that?
00:01:52.81\00:01:54.58
NN: Emotional intelligence
is really five things.
00:01:54.58\00:01:57.51
Knowing our
emotions, in other words,
00:01:57.51\00:02:00.22
being aware of what we
are feeling and why, precisely
00:02:00.22\00:02:05.02
why we're feeling that way.
Secondly, managing our emotions.
00:02:05.02\00:02:10.36
People with low emotional
intelligence are managed
00:02:10.36\00:02:13.56
by their emotions.
People with high emotional
00:02:13.56\00:02:16.67
intelligence still have
emotions, but they are managing
00:02:16.67\00:02:19.77
those emotions. JB:
That's a really key point
00:02:19.77\00:02:22.70
that, isn't it? NN: It is.
00:02:22.70\00:02:24.04
JB: Being controlled by,
but controlling your emotion.
00:02:24.04\00:02:26.44
NN: Exactly. And
controlling your emotions is
00:02:26.44\00:02:28.14
also vital for part of the
psychological good life that's
00:02:28.14\00:02:33.31
being emerging in a lot of
studies, called self-control.
00:02:33.31\00:02:37.35
Those who have self-control
actually psychologically are far
00:02:37.35\00:02:41.79
better off than those who don't.
The key element of that is
00:02:41.79\00:02:45.46
managing our emotions.
That's part of self-control.
00:02:45.46\00:02:48.66
JB: And what
are the other three?
00:02:48.66\00:02:50.17
NN: The third one is recognizing
emotions in others and really
00:02:50.17\00:02:53.97
having some empathy
toward others, which is part of
00:02:53.97\00:02:56.67
recognizing emotions in others.
Fourth is managing relationships
00:02:56.67\00:03:00.51
with others. And
then five, in the word
00:03:00.51\00:03:04.01
emotion is the word
motion. And so the fifth part of
00:03:04.01\00:03:08.22
emotional intelligence is
motivating yourself to achieve
00:03:08.22\00:03:11.75
your goals. JB: What
do we talk about when
00:03:11.75\00:03:13.62
we talk about our
emotions? They are joy, sadness,
00:03:13.62\00:03:17.59
you tell me. NN: Sure. Actually,
00:03:17.59\00:03:18.73
calm is an emotion
too. Sometimes we think calm
00:03:18.73\00:03:21.56
is not feeling. But
no, the emotion of feeling
00:03:21.56\00:03:24.27
calm is actually
normally a good thing.
00:03:24.27\00:03:26.74
Bitterness,
sadness, disappointment.
00:03:26.74\00:03:30.67
JB: Okay. So why is
emotional intelligence
00:03:30.67\00:03:36.24
important? NN: Well,
IQ is our capacity to
00:03:36.24\00:03:39.21
learn, retain
and apply knowledge.
00:03:39.21\00:03:42.02
And emotional intelligence
is being able to manage our
00:03:42.02\00:03:47.26
emotions, to know them, manage
our relationships with others,
00:03:47.26\00:03:51.23
and proper motivation.
JB: Do we need to make a big
00:03:51.23\00:03:53.50
deal out of this, or
can't people just be people?
00:03:53.50\00:03:56.43
NN: Oh, people can be people.
I'm not saying that we shouldn't
00:03:56.43\00:04:00.07
be ourselves and be
people. But we should, actually,
00:04:00.07\00:04:03.24
be balanced people and
in control of ourselves.
00:04:03.24\00:04:06.61
JB: It's not being
managed by your emotions
00:04:06.61\00:04:09.04
but managing your
emotions. NN: Exactly.
00:04:09.04\00:04:11.65
We all go through
nuisances of life.
00:04:11.65\00:04:13.82
Studies show that successful
and enjoyable living is
00:04:13.82\00:04:17.82
much more connected
to emotional intelligence
00:04:17.82\00:04:20.52
than general intelligence.
JB: Okay, that's key.
00:04:20.52\00:04:22.49
You can be someone
who's emotionally intelligent,
00:04:22.49\00:04:25.69
but you can lose your grip.
NN: You can lose your grip.
00:04:25.69\00:04:27.96
JB: And pay consequences.
NN: And what is ideal, I mean,
00:04:27.96\00:04:30.70
not only is it ideal, but it
really ramps it up, is when we
00:04:30.70\00:04:33.17
have comprehensive emotional
intelligence all the time.
00:04:33.17\00:04:38.51
And it's possible. Not
only is it possible, it is
00:04:38.51\00:04:41.84
something that every human
being can actually achieve.
00:04:41.84\00:04:46.38
JB: How do you take this thing
under, get your emotions under
00:04:46.38\00:04:49.05
control and
function really positively?
00:04:49.05\00:04:52.32
NN: There's two main ways.
One of the ways that often,
00:04:52.32\00:04:56.86
you know, studies
focus in onto is what
00:04:56.86\00:04:59.96
we're putting into our body and
what we're doing with our body.
00:04:59.96\00:05:03.10
So, for instance, if you're
on a regular exercise program,
00:05:03.10\00:05:06.67
it helps your
emotional intelligence.
00:05:06.67\00:05:08.40
If you're getting adequate
sleep, it helps your emotional
00:05:08.40\00:05:10.87
intelligence. If
you're eating the right
00:05:10.87\00:05:13.07
foods, it helps the
emotional intelligence.
00:05:13.07\00:05:15.91
So those are
important but, it turns out,
00:05:15.91\00:05:18.31
not the most important.
As important as those are,
00:05:18.31\00:05:22.05
the most important
thing affecting our emotional
00:05:22.05\00:05:25.02
intelligence is our beliefs,
our evaluation of events,
00:05:25.02\00:05:30.79
the way we think about problems,
and our silent self-talk.
00:05:30.79\00:05:36.97
This is the moment-by-moment
messages we give ourselves.
00:05:36.97\00:05:42.07
That is the most crucial aspect
to emotional intelligence.
00:05:42.07\00:05:45.71
JB: But you can eat your
way to healthier emotions?
00:05:45.71\00:05:48.88
NN: A few years ago there was a
businessman who won the contract
00:05:48.88\00:05:53.38
for the California prisons.
The first thing he did was he
00:05:53.38\00:05:58.39
had a nutritionist interview
the prisoners coming in to the
00:05:58.39\00:06:02.02
California state prison.
And the nutritionist told them
00:06:02.02\00:06:06.63
what they were eating could
actually have an effect on their
00:06:06.63\00:06:09.26
emotions and
emotional intelligence.
00:06:09.26\00:06:11.93
And it turns out that the diet
she was recommending-- and, of
00:06:11.93\00:06:15.50
course, there's scientific
backing for this-- was a
00:06:15.50\00:06:17.24
plant-based diet. And
some prisoners thought it
00:06:17.24\00:06:20.78
was punishment enough to
be in prison, but to be on a
00:06:20.78\00:06:23.88
plant-based diet would be cruel
and unusual punishment, so they
00:06:23.88\00:06:26.75
chose the typical American diet.
But it turns out over 90% of the
00:06:26.75\00:06:32.45
prisoners chose the plant-based
diet, meaning that she was a
00:06:32.45\00:06:36.62
good educator, and they
were motivated to try this diet.
00:06:36.62\00:06:41.83
Within a few weeks, they
mentioned how, you know, for
00:06:41.83\00:06:45.70
anyone who's been in a prison,
there are stressful things that
00:06:45.70\00:06:48.54
happen in that prison, from
the other prisoners and from the
00:06:48.54\00:06:50.84
guards, and herding
the prisoners around,
00:06:50.84\00:06:53.48
and a lot of stressful things.
But they noticed that they were
00:06:53.48\00:06:56.14
able to manage their emotions,
and they were able to talk to
00:06:56.14\00:06:59.48
the security guard, even if they
were upset, they were able to
00:06:59.48\00:07:01.88
talk to him in measured tones,
and the security guard actually
00:07:01.88\00:07:04.65
listened to them. And
they said, you know what?
00:07:04.65\00:07:07.16
I think if I were eating
like this on the outside,
00:07:07.16\00:07:09.56
I probably never would
have ended up in there.
00:07:09.56\00:07:12.43
The people who got
out, it was actually a
00:07:12.43\00:07:14.50
correctional facility.
And so they were corrected,
00:07:14.50\00:07:19.20
to a large part,
in regard to what they
00:07:19.20\00:07:20.90
were putting into their bodies.
So it can have a crucial impact.
00:07:20.90\00:07:24.07
JB: Controlling your emotions.
You can control your emotions
00:07:24.07\00:07:27.78
and be emotionally intelligent.
And that's going to have a
00:07:27.78\00:07:31.88
powerful impact on
your relationship with God.
00:07:31.88\00:07:34.22
Don't go away. We'll have more
00:07:34.22\00:07:35.78
in just a moment.
¤ [Gentle Melody] ¤
00:07:35.78\00:07:38.82
>: "Every Word" is a
one-minute, Bible-based daily
00:07:38.82\00:07:40.92
devotional presented by Pastor
John Bradshaw, and designed
00:07:40.92\00:07:43.96
especially for
busy people like you.
00:07:43.96\00:07:46.53
Look for "Every Word" on
selected networks or watch it
00:07:46.53\00:07:49.70
online every day on our
website, ItIsWritten.com.
00:07:49.70\00:07:53.67
¤ [Rythmic Melody]  ¤
00:07:54.74\00:07:57.77
JB: A Mayo Clinic study
has found that pessimists have
00:08:01.94\00:08:05.61
higher death rates over
a 30-year period than do
00:08:05.61\00:08:08.25
optimistic people. The
Mayo Clinic says optimism is
00:08:08.25\00:08:12.05
the belief that good things will
happen to you and that negative
00:08:12.05\00:08:15.29
events are temporary
setbacks to be overcome.
00:08:15.29\00:08:18.33
That's a lot like Romans 8:28,
isn't it, which says that "all
00:08:18.33\00:08:21.43
things work together for good to
them that love God, to them who
00:08:21.43\00:08:23.93
are called according to
His purpose." That's not to say
00:08:23.93\00:08:27.67
everything that happens
is going to make you happy.
00:08:27.67\00:08:29.84
But faith in God enables you to
believe that things are going to
00:08:29.84\00:08:32.87
work out okay in the end. Why?
00:08:32.87\00:08:34.61
Because God's in charge.
You can afford to look on the
00:08:34.61\00:08:37.45
bright side, because God is
ultimately going to work things
00:08:37.45\00:08:39.91
out okay. And that
kind of optimism can
00:08:39.91\00:08:43.59
lead to a very long
life. I'm John Bradshaw
00:08:43.59\00:08:48.39
for It Is Written. Let's
live today by every word.
00:08:48.39\00:08:52.66
JB: This is It Is
Written. I'm John Bradshaw.
00:08:55.36\00:08:57.67
Thank you for joining me today.
I'm being joined by Dr. Neil
00:08:57.67\00:09:01.00
Nedley, the president of Nedley
Health Solutions, and today
00:09:01.00\00:09:03.57
we're discussing
emotional intelligence.
00:09:03.57\00:09:07.78
We hear about IQ,
but what about EQ?
00:09:07.78\00:09:12.45
We're learning that a person can
be in control of their emotions
00:09:12.45\00:09:17.75
rather than be
controlled by their emotions.
00:09:17.75\00:09:21.02
And Dr. Nedley, there are so
many people who loath themselves
00:09:21.02\00:09:24.33
because they lose their temper,
or there are people who wish
00:09:24.33\00:09:27.20
that they could be up because
they continually seem to be
00:09:27.20\00:09:30.03
in a funk. And I
know that right now lights
00:09:30.03\00:09:32.53
are going on, and people are
saying, "You mean I don't have
00:09:32.53\00:09:34.70
to be a slave to my emotions?"
NN: No, absolutely not.
00:09:34.70\00:09:37.67
In fact, we have the evidence,
in just ten days-- now,
00:09:37.67\00:09:42.14
it's a comprehensive program
but, you know, for instance,
00:09:42.14\00:09:44.98
right now even as we're
speaking here I'm running a
00:09:44.98\00:09:48.05
ten-day program for
those with severe depression
00:09:48.05\00:09:50.79
and anxiety. One of
the tests they take is an
00:09:50.79\00:09:53.59
emotional intelligence
test when they come in.
00:09:53.59\00:09:56.29
And when they leave they'll
take it again, ten days later.
00:09:56.29\00:09:59.79
Our program enhances the frontal
lobe, analyzes the way they
00:09:59.79\00:10:04.63
think, those sorts of things.
It's not specifically for EQ,
00:10:04.63\00:10:08.74
but what happens in the average
mentally ill individual is their
00:10:08.74\00:10:14.68
emotional intelligence goes
up by well over two standard
00:10:14.68\00:10:19.11
deviations. They
start out below average
00:10:19.11\00:10:22.02
in general, and
they end up in the
00:10:22.02\00:10:23.59
top 20 percentile of the
country in most instances.
00:10:23.59\00:10:27.69
So not only do they leave
depression- and anxiety-free,
00:10:27.69\00:10:31.39
they also are poised for success
on a level that's far higher
00:10:31.39\00:10:36.80
than people who've
never suffered from depression
00:10:36.80\00:10:39.10
and anxiety. So the
point is, in ten days,
00:10:39.10\00:10:43.27
if you focus in on it in the
right way, it can dramatically
00:10:43.27\00:10:46.71
change for the better.
So emotional intelligence
00:10:46.71\00:10:49.14
can be learned.
It's not just inherited.
00:10:49.14\00:10:51.25
JB: If I believe a certain
race of people have no rights
00:10:51.25\00:10:55.98
to live, this is going to
dramatically affect the way I
00:10:55.98\00:11:00.46
express my emotions, hate,
persecutional, that may be not
00:11:00.46\00:11:03.99
an emotion, and that's
going to affect how I act out
00:11:03.99\00:11:07.76
toward people. NN: Yes.
00:11:07.76\00:11:09.23
JB: Okay, if I believe in "love
your neighbor as yourself,"
00:11:09.23\00:11:12.03
surely then that's
going to impact my emotions.
00:11:12.03\00:11:14.44
NN: Exactly. JB:
What was number 2?
00:11:14.44\00:11:17.41
NN: Our evaluation of events.
JB: Meaning something happened,
00:11:17.41\00:11:20.08
and how do I perceive
that and weigh that up.
00:11:20.08\00:11:22.24
NN: Exactly. JB: Explain that.
00:11:22.24\00:11:23.28
NN: What we want to do is be
very objective in our evaluation
00:11:23.28\00:11:27.62
of events. JB: For
instance, that lady who
00:11:27.62\00:11:30.79
served me at the
check-out, she was rude,
00:11:30.79\00:11:34.52
she had an attitude
toward me, I'm so ticked off.
00:11:34.52\00:11:38.56
However, somebody
else says, you know,
00:11:38.56\00:11:41.33
I saw that she had just
dropped a box on her toe and she
00:11:41.33\00:11:44.23
was under some
stress, and therefore...
00:11:44.23\00:11:46.74
Is this what we're talking
about, evaluating events?
00:11:46.74\00:11:48.64
NN: Our bad emotions are
not caused by things outside of
00:11:48.64\00:11:53.34
ourselves entirely. JB: Okay.
00:11:53.34\00:11:56.98
NN: For instance, if the person
was very rude to you at the
00:11:56.98\00:11:59.65
counter, what you need to
recognize is for you to get
00:11:59.65\00:12:04.12
upset at that, you
have to actually not only be
00:12:04.12\00:12:08.16
treated rudely, but you
have to allow that individual
00:12:08.16\00:12:11.29
to get you
upset. JB: That's true.
00:12:11.29\00:12:13.70
You can make a decision--
NN: There's a decision
00:12:13.70\00:12:15.76
and there's a
thought-making process there.
00:12:15.76\00:12:17.67
JB: That's really interesting.
NN: And part of emotional
00:12:17.67\00:12:19.87
intelligence is recognizing
that we are actually responsible
00:12:19.87\00:12:24.57
for our own emotions. JB:
Point three and point four.
00:12:24.57\00:12:26.98
Evaluating events,
that's learning to look
00:12:26.98\00:12:28.71
objectively at things
that have taken place,
00:12:28.71\00:12:30.98
and not loading an event with
the kind of baggage that's going
00:12:30.98\00:12:33.78
to weigh you down emotionally.
What was three and four?
00:12:33.78\00:12:36.08
NN: The way we
think about problems.
00:12:36.08\00:12:38.49
When you have a practical
problem, for instance, your car
00:12:38.49\00:12:41.09
breaks down and you're in the,
you know, you're in the middle
00:12:41.09\00:12:44.19
of having to get to work on
time, and it's very crucial for
00:12:44.19\00:12:47.86
you to get to work on time.
That's a practical problem.
00:12:47.86\00:12:51.57
But if you have an emotional
reaction to that problem of such
00:12:51.57\00:12:54.97
where you're so angry and upset
that you can't even wisely help
00:12:54.97\00:13:00.44
direct people get your car off
the road and to the side, and
00:13:00.44\00:13:05.78
you're so emotionally upset that
you can't think properly to how
00:13:05.78\00:13:10.09
it's going to get fixed, that's
going to be a major issue.
00:13:10.09\00:13:14.19
And so often people,
when they have a problem,
00:13:14.19\00:13:16.59
they actually introduce
another problem that is
00:13:16.59\00:13:18.93
often worse, and that is
their emotional reaction to it.
00:13:18.93\00:13:22.90
And when they realize, hey, that
practical problem is going to be
00:13:22.90\00:13:25.43
there whether I'm miserable
about it or not, so why not just
00:13:25.43\00:13:30.64
give up my misery over it?
And then they can actually think
00:13:30.64\00:13:34.64
far better, actually be far more
better relationship partners,
00:13:34.64\00:13:39.61
and they can actually get to
the root of the problem often,
00:13:39.61\00:13:42.92
and correct it far
better. JB: Point four?
00:13:42.92\00:13:45.15
NN: Point four is
our silent self-talk.
00:13:45.15\00:13:47.89
Those are the moment-by-moment
messages we give ourselves.
00:13:47.89\00:13:50.53
JB: Okay. NN: And
here's the issue in
00:13:50.53\00:13:51.86
regard to that. Our
feelings, actually, what we
00:13:51.86\00:13:56.83
think has more to do with our
emotions than what is happening
00:13:56.83\00:14:01.07
in our life. And
what a lot of people don't
00:14:01.07\00:14:05.71
realize is, research
has documented that negative
00:14:05.71\00:14:09.38
thoughts which cause emotional
turmoil nearly always contain
00:14:09.38\00:14:14.25
gross distortions. On
the surface it appears valid,
00:14:14.25\00:14:18.09
but often when we have these
very negative emotions we have
00:14:18.09\00:14:21.52
some irrational beliefs,
our thinking often is twisted
00:14:21.52\00:14:26.43
or just plain
wrong, and actually,
00:14:26.43\00:14:28.86
twisted thinking is a
major cause of suffering.
00:14:28.86\00:14:31.97
JB: Boy, there's so much we
could talk about here, but I
00:14:31.97\00:14:33.84
want to get to how we think,
how a person can learn to think
00:14:33.84\00:14:41.18
positively and productively.
And we're going to see how this
00:14:41.18\00:14:45.68
powerfully impacts
one's relationship with God.
00:14:45.68\00:14:48.92
Learning to think straight
and be emotionally intelligent.
00:14:48.92\00:14:53.02
More in just a moment.
00:14:53.02\00:14:54.79
¤ [Thoughtful Melody]  ¤
00:14:55.49\00:14:57.66
JB: Planning for your financial
future is a vital aspect of
00:14:57.89\00:15:00.36
Christian stewardship.
For this reason, It Is Written
00:15:00.36\00:15:03.00
is pleased to offer free planned
giving and estate services.
00:15:03.00\00:15:06.80
For information on how
we can help you, please call
00:15:06.80\00:15:09.20
1 (800) 992-2219. Call
today, or visit our special
00:15:09.20\00:15:15.38
website, www.HisLegacy.com.
00:15:15.38\00:15:21.95
JB: This is It Is Written.
I'm John Bradshaw, joined today
00:15:25.79\00:15:28.79
by Dr. Neil Nedley. Dr.
Nedley, we're talking about
00:15:28.79\00:15:32.06
emotional intelligence, how to
manage your emotions rather than
00:15:32.06\00:15:35.86
being governed by
your emotions. NN: Yes.
00:15:35.86\00:15:40.37
JB: We talked about
some fascinating things.
00:15:40.37\00:15:42.67
In just a second I want you to
tell me how to think straight.
00:15:42.67\00:15:45.47
NN: (laughs) Okay. JB:
But give me an example of
00:15:45.47\00:15:48.08
somebody who was confronted with
a negative situation, rather
00:15:48.08\00:15:51.08
than caving into the situation
and just bottoming out,
00:15:51.08\00:15:55.38
they approached it in a positive
light with good consequences.
00:15:55.38\00:16:01.12
NN: Well, a good ancient example
is actually Paul and Silas.
00:16:01.12\00:16:04.03
You know, they were taken
against their will, they were,
00:16:04.03\00:16:07.13
they had done nothing
wrong deserving of this.
00:16:07.13\00:16:09.30
They were beaten 39 times with a
cat-o-nine-tails, and then they
00:16:09.30\00:16:13.00
were put on an irregular dirt
floor, not a nice even floor,
00:16:13.00\00:16:18.61
their feet were
put up in stocks.
00:16:18.61\00:16:21.28
JB: Yeah, that's a bad scene.
NN: And you would think that
00:16:21.28\00:16:24.01
they would be crying
uncontrollably in prison,
00:16:24.01\00:16:26.92
and saying, "Why us, Lord?"
JB: And, in fact, they had
00:16:26.92\00:16:29.88
gone-- this was in Philippi,
and they had gone there,
00:16:29.88\00:16:32.15
I think it's Acts,
chapter 16-- they had gone there
00:16:32.15\00:16:34.89
to do God's work. NN: Yes.
00:16:34.89\00:16:36.56
JB: They followed God's leading
to this city to do this great
00:16:36.56\00:16:38.86
work for God, and all
they get for it is this!
00:16:38.86\00:16:42.00
NN: Exactly. JB: And how would--
00:16:42.00\00:16:43.40
how would you react? NN: Yeah.
00:16:43.40\00:16:45.37
JB: You know. NN:
Instead, they had happy
00:16:45.37\00:16:47.34
looks on their faces, and they
were singing praises to God.
00:16:47.34\00:16:51.67
And what that demonstrates is
that our thoughts have much more
00:16:51.67\00:16:56.71
to do about how we're
feeling than what is actually
00:16:56.71\00:17:01.25
happening in our
life. So what was happening
00:17:01.25\00:17:04.05
in their life, they
should be feeling terrible.
00:17:04.05\00:17:05.95
But their thoughts were
not pop psychology thoughts.
00:17:05.95\00:17:09.86
Pop psychology might
say, imagine you're on a beach
00:17:09.86\00:17:12.03
in Hawaii. That
would have worked for
00:17:12.03\00:17:14.00
no more than 1.2 seconds.
But they were thinking true
00:17:14.00\00:17:16.80
and accurate thoughts.
And those true and accurate
00:17:16.80\00:17:19.33
thoughts were so powerful that
even under the most torture-some
00:17:19.33\00:17:22.70
conditions they could have
a happy look on their face and
00:17:22.70\00:17:26.44
they could sing praises
to God. That's how powerful
00:17:26.44\00:17:29.18
the thoughts are.
JB: Isn't it true--
00:17:29.18\00:17:31.18
I've done this
in group sittings--
00:17:31.18\00:17:33.11
isn't it true that you
can choose to feel miserable
00:17:33.11\00:17:36.72
and very quickly
you're miserable.
00:17:36.72\00:17:39.09
NN: That's right. JB: If
you focus in on something
00:17:39.09\00:17:40.69
and you think of something
negative, very quickly.
00:17:40.69\00:17:42.56
At the same time, you can choose
to think positive thoughts,
00:17:42.56\00:17:46.80
and I mean productive,
not airy-fairy stuff.
00:17:46.80\00:17:49.50
NN: No, that's right.
They have to be accurate
00:17:49.50\00:17:51.40
thoughts, but they can
be on the positive side.
00:17:51.40\00:17:55.40
And what we have a tendency to
do is think of only one side of
00:17:55.40\00:17:59.91
the equation and not balance it
out with the whole better world
00:17:59.91\00:18:04.91
view that would
help our emotions.
00:18:04.91\00:18:06.61
JB: There's a lot of "poor
me," "I didn't deserve this,"
00:18:06.61\00:18:09.12
"Life is so unfair." And that
doesn't tend to make positive,
00:18:09.12\00:18:12.92
productive,
healthy people. NN: No.
00:18:12.92\00:18:14.92
And what we need to realize is,
if we live in this world we are
00:18:14.92\00:18:18.09
going to be treated
unfairly. JB: That's true.
00:18:18.09\00:18:20.10
NN: Sometimes
very significantly.
00:18:20.10\00:18:21.70
I mean, this is a world of
sin. To me, I get excited when
00:18:21.70\00:18:26.10
I actually am treated fairly,
because I expect that in this
00:18:26.10\00:18:30.24
world of sin we're just going
to be treated unfairly at times.
00:18:30.24\00:18:32.27
But how we deal with the
fact that we are being treated
00:18:32.27\00:18:35.31
unfairly has a lot to do
with our emotional intelligence.
00:18:35.31\00:18:38.48
JB: So how do we learn to
think straight, to think right,
00:18:38.48\00:18:40.45
to think
healthily? Because this here
00:18:40.45\00:18:44.05
is going to-- this
is life-changing stuff!
00:18:44.05\00:18:46.92
NN: Yes. JB: Walk
us through some of
00:18:46.92\00:18:48.66
these ways that we
can think straight.
00:18:48.66\00:18:52.29
That's my terminology.
NN: The first thing we need to
00:18:52.29\00:18:54.30
do is to analyze our thoughts.
So we're not going to be able
00:18:54.30\00:18:57.53
to think straight unless we
are able to actually analyze
00:18:57.53\00:19:01.84
the thoughts that we
have. JB: That sounds like
00:19:01.84\00:19:04.31
something only
someone with a Ph.D. could do.
00:19:04.31\00:19:06.47
NN: (laughs) Sometimes
the people who have the most
00:19:06.47\00:19:08.81
difficulty, I've
noticed, are really into the
00:19:08.81\00:19:12.11
National Football
League. So I'll give them
00:19:12.11\00:19:13.75
an example they can
understand. JB: All right.
00:19:13.75\00:19:15.88
NN: I'll say, listen to the
John Madden in your thoughts.
00:19:15.88\00:19:19.45
You know how there's a big,
you know, event that occurs,
00:19:19.45\00:19:22.66
you know, the big play.
And John Madden goes, and then
00:19:22.66\00:19:25.16
he explains and slows it
down and says, "Okay, now this
00:19:25.16\00:19:27.66
happened because of
this, and this happened
00:19:27.66\00:19:29.90
because of that,"
and so it's all laid out.
00:19:29.90\00:19:32.23
JB: All right. NN:
So when things happen,
00:19:32.23\00:19:34.04
listen to the John
Madden in your thoughts,
00:19:34.04\00:19:36.54
and analyze what happened.
JB: What really happened.
00:19:36.54\00:19:39.31
NN: Secondly, you have
to look for distortions
00:19:39.31\00:19:42.81
in your thoughts.
JB: What is a distortion
00:19:42.81\00:19:44.91
in your thoughts?
NN: Turns out there's
00:19:44.91\00:19:46.65
ten different ways
of distorted thinking.
00:19:46.65\00:19:49.45
And so all-or-nothing
thinking, for instance...
00:19:49.45\00:19:52.59
JB: What is that?
NN: ...most of the time
00:19:52.59\00:19:53.92
is distorted. An
example of that would be a
00:19:53.92\00:19:56.02
patient that I had who
came to me who was a successful
00:19:56.02\00:20:00.06
businessperson, but he ran for
Congress and he lost the race.
00:20:00.06\00:20:03.80
And he comes to me and he says,
00:20:03.80\00:20:05.60
"Dr. Nedley, I lost
the race for Congress.
00:20:05.60\00:20:08.10
I am a big zero."
That's all-or-nothing thinking.
00:20:08.10\00:20:11.64
Just because you lose a race
doesn't mean you're a big zero.
00:20:11.64\00:20:14.51
Just because you get a divorce
doesn't mean you're a big zero.
00:20:14.51\00:20:17.38
Just because you flunked a test
doesn't mean you're a big zero.
00:20:17.38\00:20:20.32
But that's where all-or-nothing
thinking leads to.
00:20:20.32\00:20:23.69
JB: Ah, okay. NN: And
it can happen the other
00:20:23.69\00:20:25.32
way around as well, where just
because I hit a home run that my
00:20:25.32\00:20:28.86
team won the World Series,
I'm the most valuable player and
00:20:28.86\00:20:32.29
there's nobody better than me.
That's actually a setup for an
00:20:32.29\00:20:35.70
emotional disaster as well.
And so both of them are actually
00:20:35.70\00:20:40.54
distorted thoughts that
are going to lead to problems.
00:20:40.54\00:20:42.90
JB: Okay. NN: And
then there's other
00:20:42.90\00:20:44.24
things, like a mental filter.
You know, an example of this is
00:20:44.24\00:20:47.08
someone who came to one
of our programs recently.
00:20:47.08\00:20:49.58
He says, "You
know, my life is just,
00:20:49.58\00:20:51.88
it's just terrible." And I said,
00:20:51.88\00:20:53.58
"Well, explain." He
says, "You know, my wife nags,
00:20:53.58\00:20:56.75
I've got bills piling
up, my boss yells at me
00:20:56.75\00:21:01.19
almost constantly. And
furthermore, I'm going bald,
00:21:01.19\00:21:06.53
and I'm short and
fat," and, you know, that was
00:21:06.53\00:21:09.46
his side of the
equation. As we continued the
00:21:09.46\00:21:12.03
conversation, I realized he had
a wife who was very attractive,
00:21:12.03\00:21:16.27
he actually had kids that he
had a good relationship with,
00:21:16.27\00:21:21.41
he actually enjoyed his church,
he had good friends, and even
00:21:21.41\00:21:24.91
though he was short and
fat, he could still walk
00:21:24.91\00:21:27.28
and feed himself. JB: So
how did he get this thing
00:21:27.28\00:21:30.05
so far out of whack, and
what could he do to adjust this?
00:21:30.05\00:21:32.75
This just takes looking
at this with new eyes, right?
00:21:32.75\00:21:35.89
NN: That's right. When
you have a mental filter,
00:21:35.89\00:21:38.06
you have to be intentional
and forceful for looking
00:21:38.06\00:21:41.50
for evidence that supports
a different way of thinking.
00:21:41.50\00:21:45.00
JB: Glass half
full, glass half empty.
00:21:45.00\00:21:47.44
NN: That's right.
JB: You can learn to look
00:21:47.44\00:21:48.57
on the positive side. NN: Yes.
00:21:48.57\00:21:50.07
JB: Wow. NN: And sometimes
00:21:50.07\00:21:51.54
it does take time.
It has to be intentional
00:21:51.54\00:21:53.21
and forceful. You know,
00:21:53.21\00:21:54.44
Joseph suffered from PTSD,
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder.
00:21:54.44\00:21:58.61
He could smell the
smells of the pit, he could hear
00:21:58.61\00:22:02.18
the exact voices, he
knew what those brothers did.
00:22:02.18\00:22:04.85
When he was faced with
them, of having all of that poor
00:22:04.85\00:22:07.62
emotional reaction, he
refused to have a mental filter,
00:22:07.62\00:22:11.46
and he was an intentional
and forceful for searching
00:22:11.46\00:22:14.93
for a different way of
thinking about his brothers.
00:22:14.93\00:22:17.27
And it took him time, but
he found that different way
00:22:17.27\00:22:19.57
of thinking about his brothers,
and that's when he revealed
00:22:19.57\00:22:21.77
himself and that great
family moment occurred.
00:22:21.77\00:22:24.37
JB: What are some other
ways to learn to think--
00:22:24.37\00:22:27.21
to learn to think?
NN: Over-generalization
00:22:27.21\00:22:30.25
would be another one.
JB: They're all alike.
00:22:30.25\00:22:31.98
They all treat me bad. Is
that an over-generalization?
00:22:31.98\00:22:33.82
NN: That's an
over-generalization.
00:22:33.82\00:22:35.65
My roommate in college,
I remember he had his eye
00:22:35.65\00:22:38.15
on a girl for about six
months before he mustered up
00:22:38.15\00:22:40.39
enough courage to ask her out.
And when he comes back, and she
00:22:40.39\00:22:44.69
turned him down, you know,
he's ready to cry, and he says,
00:22:44.69\00:22:47.93
"Neil, I'm destined to
be lonely and miserable
00:22:47.93\00:22:50.83
the rest of my
life." JB: All right.
00:22:50.83\00:22:52.43
NN: And he
over-generalized two ways.
00:22:52.43\00:22:53.67
One way is because she turned
him down once, he knew she was
00:22:53.67\00:22:56.04
always going to turn him
down. Did he really know that
00:22:56.04\00:22:58.34
to be true? No.
00:22:58.34\00:22:59.51
Secondly, 100% of eligible women
had identical taste to hers,
00:22:59.51\00:23:03.38
and thus he would
be endlessly rejected.
00:23:03.38\00:23:05.28
JB: Uh-huh. NN:
And so people with
00:23:05.28\00:23:06.82
that cognitive distortion
have a fear of rejection,
00:23:06.82\00:23:09.22
fear of trying new things.
And it's actually the cognitive
00:23:09.22\00:23:12.22
distortion that can
affect even great people.
00:23:12.22\00:23:14.82
JB: Yeah, that is a
distortion, isn't it?
00:23:14.82\00:23:16.93
NN: When we have the ability
to generalize, which is high IQ,
00:23:16.93\00:23:20.36
we have a tendency
to over-generalize.
00:23:20.36\00:23:22.96
And over-generalization is going
to cause emotional problems.
00:23:22.96\00:23:26.84
JB: In Philippians chapter
2, verse 5, the Bible says,
00:23:26.84\00:23:30.07
"Let this mind be in you,
which was also in Christ Jesus."
00:23:30.07\00:23:36.11
Verse 13: "It is
God which worketh in you
00:23:36.11\00:23:39.28
both to will and to do of His
good pleasure." So is the key
00:23:39.28\00:23:42.35
here being connected to God
and remaining connected to God?
00:23:42.35\00:23:45.79
NN: The Bible says, "Be
transformed by the renewing
00:23:45.79\00:23:48.96
of your mind."
That means correcting
00:23:48.96\00:23:51.13
the distorted
thoughts. And David said to God,
00:23:51.13\00:23:54.20
"Search me, try
me, know my thoughts."
00:23:54.20\00:23:57.13
What he was saying is, see
if there's any distorted way.
00:23:57.13\00:23:59.63
I want to know about it. I
may not see the distortions,
00:23:59.63\00:24:02.10
but see if you can point out the
distorted ways, so that I can be
00:24:02.10\00:24:05.71
led to life everlasting.
And so it's not just knowing
00:24:05.71\00:24:10.58
the truth as far
as doctrinal teaching.
00:24:10.58\00:24:15.02
The psalmist also said,
well, who's going to dwell in my
00:24:15.02\00:24:17.42
tabernacle, thy holy hill,
those that walk uprightly and
00:24:17.42\00:24:21.22
state the truth to themselves.
Not just telling others
00:24:21.22\00:24:25.13
the truth, but
telling themselves the truth.
00:24:25.13\00:24:27.50
That is really those who
will be ultimately successful.
00:24:27.50\00:24:30.77
JB: The wonderful thing is, we
can, we can take responsibility,
00:24:30.77\00:24:36.81
implement some theoretically
simple steps and practices,
00:24:36.81\00:24:43.08
we can have new
minds. NN: Exactly.
00:24:43.08\00:24:45.68
JB: Think new thoughts, and
it can certainly be done as we
00:24:45.68\00:24:49.15
allow Christ into our minds.
We can start thinking His way
00:24:49.15\00:24:53.39
and be healthy emotionally.
NN: Bringing every thought to
00:24:53.39\00:24:56.36
the captivity of
Christ. JB: Amen.
00:24:56.36\00:24:58.73
Dr. Nedley,
thanks. NN: Thank you.
00:24:58.73\00:25:01.16
JB: What a blessing to know
that emotional intelligence is
00:25:01.16\00:25:03.53
something you can possess,
and when your mind is renewed,
00:25:03.53\00:25:07.04
your relationship with
God is going to be like
00:25:07.04\00:25:09.77
it's never been before.
¤ [Musical Interlude]  ¤
00:25:09.77\00:25:14.91
JB: It's basic. While
most world religions are
00:25:21.55\00:25:24.62
built around the idea of earning
your way to a better future,
00:25:24.62\00:25:28.39
Christianity builds its hope
of forgiveness and eternal life
00:25:28.39\00:25:31.86
on a relationship.
It's kind of sad, then,
00:25:31.86\00:25:34.66
that we find
ourselves rushing through life,
00:25:34.66\00:25:36.40
checking the news or
social media while we're
00:25:36.40\00:25:38.67
inhaling our breakfast.
We often don't have time
00:25:38.67\00:25:40.84
for God. Doesn't
a relationship as
00:25:40.84\00:25:43.20
important as this
one deserve quality time?
00:25:43.20\00:25:47.48
That's what God longs for,
and He invites you to spend
00:25:47.48\00:25:50.65
meaningful,
life-changing time with Him.
00:25:50.65\00:25:54.08
To learn more, request our
free booklet, "Quality Time."
00:25:54.08\00:25:58.22
Just call 800-253-3000
and ask for your copy of
00:25:58.22\00:26:02.52
"Quality Time."
If the line's busy,
00:26:02.52\00:26:05.16
please try again.
Or you can write to
00:26:05.16\00:26:07.46
It Is Written, P O Box 6,
Chattanooga, Tennessee 37401.
00:26:07.46\00:26:12.53
We'll mail a free copy to
your address in North America.
00:26:12.53\00:26:15.64
It Is Written is a faith-based
ministry, and your support makes
00:26:15.64\00:26:19.44
it possible for us to share
God's Good News with the world.
00:26:19.44\00:26:22.68
Your tax-deductible gift can
be sent to the address on your
00:26:22.68\00:26:25.28
screen, or through our
website at ItIsWritten.com.
00:26:25.28\00:26:29.85
Thank you for your
continued prayerful support.
00:26:29.85\00:26:32.62
Again, our toll-free number
is 800-253-3000, and our web
00:26:32.62\00:26:38.26
address is ItIsWritten.com.
JB: Dr. Nedley, we've covered
00:26:38.26\00:26:43.83
some ground today, and I
wish we could have covered
00:26:43.83\00:26:46.03
a whole lot more.
What a magnificent topic.
00:26:46.03\00:26:48.34
Thank you very much
for joining me today.
00:26:48.34\00:26:50.04
NN: Thank you. It's
been great being here.
00:26:50.04\00:26:51.71
JB: I think we'll take
the opportunity to pray now.
00:26:51.71\00:26:53.34
Join us, would you,
as we pray together?
00:26:53.34\00:26:55.61
¤ [Gentle Melody] ¤
Our Father in Heaven,
00:26:55.61\00:26:57.91
we can be transformed by
the renewing of our mind.
00:26:57.91\00:27:01.25
By your grace we can bring into
captivity every thought to the
00:27:01.25\00:27:04.75
obedience of Christ.
And I ask you that you would
00:27:04.75\00:27:07.89
take possession of us to such an
extent that our minds would be
00:27:07.89\00:27:11.19
one, the mind of the believer
and the mind of the great God
00:27:11.19\00:27:14.76
of the universe. So
sovereign Lord, I pray,
00:27:14.76\00:27:18.93
give us a new mind,
let us think your way,
00:27:18.93\00:27:22.57
transform us emotionally,
and grow us that we can
00:27:22.57\00:27:27.74
be one with you now,
and for all eternity.
00:27:27.74\00:27:31.98
In Jesus' name we pray, Amen.
00:27:31.98\00:27:38.09
¤ [Theme Music] ¤
JB: Thank you so much for
00:27:44.69\00:27:47.56
joining me today. I'm
looking forward to seeing
00:27:47.56\00:27:49.40
you again next time.
Until then, please remember,
00:27:49.40\00:27:53.10
It Is Written:
Man shall not live
00:27:53.10\00:27:56.24
by bread alone,
but by every word
00:27:56.24\00:27:59.91
that proceeds
from the mouth of God.
00:27:59.91\00:28:02.04
¤ [music swells]  ¤
00:28:02.04\00:28:06.18