¤[Music]¤ 00:01:30.05\00:01:40.10 ¤[Music]¤ 00:01:40.10\00:01:47.14 >>John: Thanks for joining me today on It Is Written. 00:01:49.34\00:01:52.11 Today, we're discussing the very important 00:01:52.14\00:01:55.38 and very biblical subject of forgiveness. 00:01:55.41\00:01:58.88 And I have a special guest with me today; 00:01:58.91\00:02:01.45 his name is Dick Tibbits. 00:02:01.48\00:02:02.72 He's a speaker; he is an author. 00:02:02.75\00:02:05.32 He's also the Chief People Officer for Florida Hospital. 00:02:05.35\00:02:08.19 And he's written a book called “Forgive to Live.” 00:02:08.22\00:02:11.73 Dick, thank you so much for taking time today. 00:02:11.76\00:02:14.30 >>Dick: It's good to be back again, thank you. 00:02:14.36\00:02:15.83 >>John: This subject of forgiveness, 00:02:15.86\00:02:17.97 such an important subject. 00:02:18.00\00:02:20.44 Such a biblical subject. 00:02:20.47\00:02:22.64 Now, let's dive into this by going straight 00:02:22.67\00:02:24.11 to the Lord's Prayer. 00:02:24.14\00:02:24.94 Jesus taught us to say, 00:02:24.97\00:02:26.27 “Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.” 00:02:26.31\00:02:30.18 That's interesting, isn't it? 00:02:30.21\00:02:31.18 >>Dick: Yes, in fact, at the end of the prayer 00:02:31.21\00:02:33.28 there's even a commentary that clarifies that and it says, 00:02:33.31\00:02:35.92 “If you do not forgive others, 00:02:35.95\00:02:38.45 your heavenly Father will not forgive you.” 00:02:38.49\00:02:40.46 Now, that is scary to think 00:02:40.49\00:02:42.56 that there's something I could fail to do, 00:02:42.59\00:02:45.29 and all of a sudden God's gonna to withhold 00:02:45.33\00:02:47.10 His forgiveness from me? 00:02:47.13\00:02:48.50 >>John: It seems to me that as Jesus was saying this, 00:02:48.53\00:02:50.93 He was very, very clear. 00:02:50.97\00:02:52.20 He was clear. 00:02:52.23\00:02:53.07 If you don't forgive, uh, others, 00:02:53.10\00:02:55.64 you can't really expect God to forgive you. 00:02:55.67\00:02:58.97 It doesn't seem to me like Jesus is saying, 00:02:59.01\00:03:01.01 "Now, there's a way for you to earn forgiveness." 00:03:01.04\00:03:03.78 So clearly what He's doing is He's linking this attitude that 00:03:03.81\00:03:08.38 we might have with others, and saying that this attitude 00:03:08.42\00:03:11.22 we do or don't have, uh, 00:03:11.25\00:03:13.56 somehow perhaps makes it impossible for us 00:03:13.59\00:03:16.26 to receive the grace and goodness of God. 00:03:16.29\00:03:17.69 >>Dick: Yeah, because God's forgiving me 00:03:17.73\00:03:20.53 gives me a future benefit in eternal life. 00:03:20.56\00:03:23.50 My forgiving someone else gives me a benefit today. 00:03:23.53\00:03:27.30 Because today when I practice forgiveness I can be released 00:03:27.34\00:03:31.24 from the bitterness that has kept me entrapped for decades. 00:03:31.27\00:03:35.58 So it's really what God is saying is not, 00:03:35.61\00:03:38.25 "I won't do this if you don't do that." 00:03:38.28\00:03:40.35 What He's saying is, 00:03:40.38\00:03:41.55 "I can't give you the blessing that forgiveness entails 00:03:41.58\00:03:45.09 unless you're willing to receive that by forgiving others." 00:03:45.12\00:03:49.76 >>John: Forgiveness is good for a person. 00:03:49.79\00:03:51.36 >>Dick: Yes. 00:03:51.39\00:03:52.06 >>John: On all kinds of levels. 00:03:52.09\00:03:53.03 >>Dick: Yes. 00:03:53.06\00:03:54.20 >>John: Interpersonally, emotionally, physically even. 00:03:54.20\00:03:55.63 Even good for you physically to forgive. 00:03:55.66\00:03:57.43 That's remarkable. 00:03:57.47\00:03:58.43 >>Dick: Yep, and we've discussed that, how, 00:03:58.47\00:04:00.94 how forgiveness can change my blood pressure and improve it, 00:04:00.97\00:04:04.37 how forgiveness can change my outlook on life 00:04:04.41\00:04:06.68 so that I move from bitterness to better. 00:04:06.71\00:04:09.31 Which is a whole good way to do life. 00:04:09.34\00:04:12.45 I really feel for people who have experienced pain 00:04:12.48\00:04:15.35 who don't know how to get out of bitterness. 00:04:15.38\00:04:17.52 That's why I teach forgiveness, to give them a way out. 00:04:17.55\00:04:19.92 >>John: Well, let's do some teaching right now. 00:04:19.95\00:04:21.99 We've established, even today, and last time we met together, 00:04:22.02\00:04:26.29 that forgiveness is good for a person, on all those levels. 00:04:26.33\00:04:29.63 It's biblical, Jesus mandated it, 00:04:29.66\00:04:31.87 He, He said to, it was Peter, no, not seven times, 00:04:31.90\00:04:35.97 seventy times seven. 00:04:36.00\00:04:37.17 We talked in the past about how forgiveness, 00:04:37.21\00:04:39.11 really it's kind of a process, really. 00:04:39.14\00:04:41.61 You might be able to forgive someone right away; 00:04:41.64\00:04:43.41 they burned the toast, you can get over that pretty quickly. 00:04:43.45\00:04:45.31 If someone causes some terrible, grievous injury, 00:04:45.35\00:04:48.18 you know, that's going to be harder to work through. 00:04:48.22\00:04:51.62 Let's talk about the how of forgiveness. 00:04:51.65\00:04:54.59 I don't know that there would be very many people, 00:04:54.62\00:04:56.69 there'd be some, 00:04:56.73\00:04:57.93 but there will not be very many people who would say, 00:04:57.96\00:05:00.86 “I do not want to forgive.” 00:05:00.90\00:05:02.60 >>Dick: Right. 00:05:02.63\00:05:03.77 >>John: I think the vast majority of people would say, 00:05:03.80\00:05:04.83 “I want to forgive.” 00:05:04.87\00:05:06.53 But some things are easier said than done. 00:05:06.57\00:05:09.24 Help me to understand, how to forgive. 00:05:09.27\00:05:12.44 >>Dick: Well, the first step is the most obvious, 00:05:12.47\00:05:15.94 but it's the most important, and that is, 00:05:15.98\00:05:18.11 I must choose forgiveness. 00:05:18.15\00:05:21.28 You see, when something happens to me, 00:05:21.32\00:05:23.18 I frequently react. 00:05:23.22\00:05:24.72 Um, psychologists call it the famous stimulus response. 00:05:24.75\00:05:29.72 Stimulus, something occurs; response, I react. 00:05:29.76\00:05:33.46 And in that thing, so somebody hurts me 00:05:33.50\00:05:35.63 or somebody does something mean to me, 00:05:35.66\00:05:37.23 I react in pain and suffering. 00:05:37.27\00:05:39.80 Forgiveness adds to that by saying, 00:05:39.83\00:05:43.00 “I have a choice to make.” 00:05:43.04\00:05:44.97 And this is critically important, 00:05:45.01\00:05:46.31 because we now know it's choice, 00:05:46.34\00:05:49.94 not circumstance, that determines our life. 00:05:49.98\00:05:52.88 It's not the things that happen to me 00:05:52.91\00:05:54.38 that determine what my life will become. 00:05:54.42\00:05:56.32 It's the choices that I make. 00:05:56.35\00:05:57.89 >>John: It's how you respond to those stimuli. 00:05:57.92\00:06:00.19 >>Dick: Yeah. 00:06:00.22\00:06:01.46 And so, I teach people to almost become Shakespearian in this. 00:06:01.49\00:06:04.73 When someone happens to, something happens to you, 00:06:04.76\00:06:07.66 the question to ask yourself is this: 00:06:07.73\00:06:10.50 to forgive or not to forgive, that is the question. 00:06:10.53\00:06:14.84 >>John: Well, let me ask you a question about that. 00:06:14.87\00:06:16.81 When do you ask that question? 00:06:16.84\00:06:18.34 Um, someone backs into my car in the parking lot, 00:06:18.37\00:06:22.18 my lovely vehicle, I just had it painted, 00:06:22.21\00:06:24.85 causes terrible damage. 00:06:24.88\00:06:27.15 When do I want to be asking myself about forgiveness? 00:06:27.18\00:06:29.85 Right then? 00:06:29.88\00:06:31.19 Or after we've called insurance? 00:06:31.22\00:06:32.45 >>Dick: [chuckles] You want to start the forgiveness process 00:06:32.49\00:06:35.72 as soon as it comes to your mind that you can forgive. 00:06:35.76\00:06:40.26 You see, most of us do things, um, 00:06:40.30\00:06:42.56 without thinking about it. 00:06:42.60\00:06:43.77 It's called consciousness and unconsciousness. 00:06:43.80\00:06:46.80 And John, I'd like to invite you to do something 00:06:46.84\00:06:49.20 that'll help us to always remember this, 00:06:49.24\00:06:51.14 and I want to invite our viewing audience to do the same. 00:06:51.17\00:06:54.04 I simply want us to clasp our hands together like that, 00:06:54.08\00:06:56.54 if you could do that, and just stop, 00:06:56.58\00:06:58.65 and ask and look, which thumb is on the top? 00:06:58.68\00:07:01.92 Is it the left thumb or the right thumb? 00:07:01.95\00:07:04.15 And let me tell you the secret to this. 00:07:04.19\00:07:07.59 Half of the world will have their left thumb on top 00:07:07.62\00:07:10.89 and half of the world will have their right thumb on top. 00:07:10.93\00:07:13.26 It has nothing to do with whether you're left-handed 00:07:13.29\00:07:14.93 or right-handed. 00:07:14.93\00:07:16.06 It simply has to do with how you did it the first time, 00:07:16.10\00:07:19.27 and then how you do it every time. 00:07:19.30\00:07:21.80 So John, when you put your hands together, 00:07:21.84\00:07:23.67 did you think, which thumb will I put on top? 00:07:23.71\00:07:26.27 >>John: No, I did not. 00:07:26.31\00:07:27.21 And I tell you what, every time I do it, 00:07:27.24\00:07:28.71 same thing. 00:07:28.74\00:07:29.98 >>Dick: Same thing. 00:07:30.01\00:07:31.28 >>John: It doesn't feel right to have my left thumb on top. 00:07:31.31\00:07:32.91 It's right on top every single time. 00:07:32.95\00:07:34.28 >>Dick: When you do it backwards, 00:07:34.32\00:07:35.62 it feels very awkward. 00:07:35.65\00:07:36.58 >>John: No, no, if I did that I would change. 00:07:36.62\00:07:38.69 I would say, that's just not right. 00:07:38.72\00:07:40.02 >>Dick: And yet half the world does it that way 00:07:40.06\00:07:41.72 and thinks the way you do it is awkward. 00:07:41.76\00:07:43.69 My point being is, when we did this, 00:07:43.73\00:07:46.16 we didn't think. 00:07:46.19\00:07:47.13 That was an unconscious action. 00:07:47.20\00:07:50.60 When we've been hurt, we are going to unconsciously react. 00:07:50.63\00:07:54.00 So when, when somebody bangs into my car, 00:07:54.04\00:07:56.60 I might not think of forgiveness right away. 00:07:56.64\00:07:59.51 But when the thought comes in, and we, 00:07:59.54\00:08:01.41 and we can say a prayer that, "God, 00:08:01.44\00:08:03.35 when I have been hurt, please remind me to forgive," 00:08:03.38\00:08:05.95 God will bring the thought of forgiveness. 00:08:05.98\00:08:08.75 When the thought comes, that's when I choose to forgive. 00:08:08.78\00:08:12.29 >>John: You spoke a moment ago and said, 00:08:12.32\00:08:16.49 you referenced the forgiveness process. 00:08:16.52\00:08:20.23 You know, I think one of the difficult things about 00:08:20.26\00:08:23.50 forgiveness is people have all of these mis- 00:08:23.53\00:08:25.50 misconceived ideas or misperceptions 00:08:25.53\00:08:27.67 about what forgiveness is. 00:08:27.70\00:08:28.67 Forgiveness doesn't happen in an instant. 00:08:28.70\00:08:30.54 Forgive and forget, 00:08:30.57\00:08:31.71 last time we spoke we talked about forgive and forget. 00:08:31.74\00:08:33.54 >>Dick: Yeah. 00:08:33.58\00:08:34.31 >>John: That's not even reality. 00:08:34.34\00:08:36.08 Um, so how does this forgiveness process work? 00:08:36.11\00:08:40.85 >>Dick: Easy. 00:08:40.88\00:08:41.88 I choose to forgive, 00:08:41.92\00:08:44.12 and I have that sense that I've made that decision. 00:08:44.15\00:08:46.19 However... 00:08:46.22\00:08:47.09 >>John: You backed into my car, I said, 00:08:47.12\00:08:48.19 I really need to forgive that guy, 00:08:48.22\00:08:49.52 and I'm going to do this. 00:08:49.56\00:08:50.19 >>Dick: Yep. 00:08:50.23\00:08:51.19 However, two hours later or the next day, um, 00:08:51.23\00:08:53.33 I have to call my insurance company, 00:08:53.36\00:08:55.30 and all of a sudden I'm aware, wow, 00:08:55.33\00:08:56.63 this came, this took money out of my pocket. 00:08:56.67\00:08:58.17 >>John: Oh, yeah. 00:08:58.20\00:08:59.30 >>Dick: I thought I was covered, but I have a deductible. 00:08:59.33\00:09:00.84 This person just cost me $500, or whatever. 00:09:00.87\00:09:03.54 And I'm upset again. 00:09:03.57\00:09:04.41 >>John: I'm mad now. 00:09:04.44\00:09:05.01 >>Dick: I'm mad again. 00:09:05.04\00:09:06.37 Ah, choose to forgive again. 00:09:06.41\00:09:10.05 And so I forgive again and I'm fine, 00:09:10.08\00:09:12.25 until a couple days, I go to the body shop, 00:09:12.28\00:09:14.88 and they talk about, you know, 00:09:14.92\00:09:16.82 matching the paint, and they do it, 00:09:16.85\00:09:18.22 and it doesn't quite look as perfect as it did new. 00:09:18.25\00:09:20.32 And so now I've got a car 00:09:20.36\00:09:21.72 that's always going to have this defect. 00:09:21.76\00:09:24.43 And it upsets me again. 00:09:24.46\00:09:25.53 >>John: And as long as I've got that car, 00:09:25.56\00:09:27.50 every time I look at it... 00:09:27.56\00:09:28.63 >>Dick: I'm going to remember. 00:09:28.66\00:09:29.80 >>John: Yeah. 00:09:29.83\00:09:31.07 >>Dick: However, every time I can feel the upsetness coming, 00:09:31.10\00:09:34.64 the hurt or the anger rising, I choose to forgive again. 00:09:34.67\00:09:39.84 And that's why I think, um, Christ's, um, 00:09:39.87\00:09:43.24 advice was, I tell you not to forgive seven times. 00:09:43.28\00:09:46.45 I wish I could tell you to forgive 00:09:46.48\00:09:47.78 once or twice and it's over. 00:09:47.82\00:09:49.72 Some things it is over. 00:09:49.75\00:09:50.82 It is that easy. 00:09:50.85\00:09:52.49 But there are other things that it'll be forgiveness 00:09:52.52\00:09:55.72 and forgiveness. 00:09:55.76\00:09:56.56 So let me offer you this assistance. 00:09:56.59\00:09:59.79 When I forgive, it can be discouraging because 00:09:59.83\00:10:02.56 I just forgave yesterday and I forgave the day before, 00:10:02.60\00:10:04.63 and it keeps coming back. 00:10:04.67\00:10:05.53 Nothing's getting better. 00:10:05.57\00:10:06.67 >>John: Sure. 00:10:06.70\00:10:07.37 >>Dick: Does forgiveness work? 00:10:07.40\00:10:09.14 What I tell people is there's two things 00:10:09.17\00:10:11.77 that will begin to occur each time you forgive. 00:10:11.81\00:10:15.54 One is the intensity will become less and less. 00:10:15.58\00:10:19.41 It still might be upsetting but it won't be as upsetting. 00:10:19.45\00:10:22.55 Every time I reduce that intensity, 00:10:22.58\00:10:24.35 I'm benefiting from the gift of forgiveness. 00:10:24.39\00:10:27.16 And the second thing that'll change is frequency. 00:10:27.19\00:10:30.06 Yeah, I'll remember it again. 00:10:30.09\00:10:31.66 But I was remembering it every hour, 00:10:31.69\00:10:33.63 now I'm only remembering it every day, 00:10:33.66\00:10:35.40 and a time will come when I'll only recall it every month, 00:10:35.43\00:10:38.23 and then maybe once or twice a year, 00:10:38.27\00:10:40.70 and then maybe, maybe I‘ll remember it and maybe I won't. 00:10:40.74\00:10:43.81 Intensity and frequency 00:10:43.84\00:10:45.91 are the indicators of the effectiveness of forgiveness. 00:10:45.94\00:10:49.18 >>John: In your book “Forgive to Live,” 00:10:49.21\00:10:51.81 you write about something that is a key component 00:10:51.85\00:10:56.58 in practicing forgiveness. 00:10:56.62\00:10:59.09 That's something called reframing. 00:10:59.12\00:11:00.86 >>Dick: Yes. 00:11:00.89\00:11:02.09 >>John: We're going to talk about that in just a moment. 00:11:02.12\00:11:03.32 >>Dick: Good. 00:11:03.36\00:11:03.99 >>John: Just a moment. 00:11:04.03\00:11:04.66 Reframing. 00:11:04.69\00:11:05.46 You will not want to miss this. 00:11:05.49\00:11:07.30 I'll be right back. 00:11:07.36\00:11:08.40 >>John: There are hundreds, even thousands of promises 00:11:09.56\00:11:11.77 in the Bible, 00:11:11.80\00:11:12.90 all made by God to be a blessing, 00:11:12.93\00:11:14.80 and an encouragement for you. 00:11:14.84\00:11:17.17 Receive today's free offer. 00:11:17.21\00:11:18.91 It's “Promises of Peace.” 00:11:18.94\00:11:21.28 Be blessed by the promises of God. 00:11:21.31\00:11:23.95 To receive “Promises of Peace,” 00:11:23.98\00:11:25.35 call us at 800-253-3000 00:11:25.38\00:11:28.65 or visit us online at iiwoffer.com, 00:11:28.68\00:11:33.29 and receive our free offer, 00:11:33.32\00:11:35.29 “Promises of Peace.” 00:11:35.32\00:11:38.73 >>John: Thanks for joining me on It Is Written. 00:11:40.36\00:11:42.13 My guest today, Dick Tibbits, the author of “Forgive to Live” 00:11:42.16\00:11:45.47 and the chief people officer at Florida Hospital. 00:11:45.50\00:11:48.40 Dick, in your book “Forgive to Live,” 00:11:48.44\00:11:50.01 you talk about something that's a key component 00:11:50.04\00:11:52.64 in the process of forgiveness, 00:11:52.67\00:11:55.08 and that's something you call reframing. 00:11:55.11\00:11:57.98 Explain that to me. 00:11:58.01\00:11:59.01 >>Dick: Well, reframing is taking an event 00:11:59.05\00:12:03.65 and seeing it from a different perspective. 00:12:03.69\00:12:05.52 Um, we all view life from our frame of reference. 00:12:05.55\00:12:09.52 >>John: Sure. 00:12:09.56\00:12:10.76 >>Dick: You know, depending on our background, our history. 00:12:10.79\00:12:12.39 So reframing is taking that frame of reference that 00:12:12.43\00:12:15.80 I'm used to viewing things as and looking at them differently. 00:12:15.83\00:12:19.10 Um, good illustration, when you go to the art shop 00:12:19.13\00:12:22.84 and you put a frame around a picture. 00:12:22.87\00:12:25.01 I can bring the frame in close and get just the portrait. 00:12:25.04\00:12:28.18 Or I can expand the frame and get a family picture. 00:12:28.21\00:12:31.41 What I see, what I choose to see in my frame is how I see life. 00:12:31.45\00:12:36.48 >>John: Let's see if we can work this 00:12:36.52\00:12:38.99 with a few concrete examples. 00:12:39.02\00:12:40.59 I mentioned before, you backed into my car. 00:12:40.62\00:12:42.16 Okay, you backed into my car and I'm madder than a wet hen 00:12:42.19\00:12:45.66 because you backed into my car. 00:12:45.69\00:12:47.30 Maybe if I pulled the frame out a little bit I would see, what? 00:12:47.30\00:12:51.60 >>Dick: Part of it is you could see, 00:12:51.63\00:12:53.27 maybe, a circumstance in my life. 00:12:53.30\00:12:55.40 Um, I may have just gotten a phone call that my, um, 00:12:55.44\00:12:59.34 my mother was in critical condition, 00:12:59.37\00:13:01.34 and all's I can think about is what do I say to her, 00:13:01.38\00:13:04.15 and what do I need to say, is she going to be alive? 00:13:04.18\00:13:06.58 And I'm so distracted with that thought 00:13:06.61\00:13:08.25 as I'm not driving as I normally would carefully drive. 00:13:08.28\00:13:11.22 And so while I'm thinking about that, 00:13:11.25\00:13:13.19 you stop, I didn't see it, my reaction is delayed, 00:13:13.22\00:13:16.06 and I hit you. 00:13:16.09\00:13:17.09 Now, I still hit you, and it wasn't your fault 00:13:17.13\00:13:20.06 and you still deserve the right to, um, 00:13:20.10\00:13:22.66 collect from my insurance. 00:13:22.70\00:13:23.93 And none of that changes. 00:13:23.97\00:13:25.60 But rather than you seeing me as a stupid, 00:13:25.63\00:13:27.60 what were you thinking, what were you doing, 00:13:27.64\00:13:29.54 you now see me as maybe something 00:13:29.57\00:13:31.11 you can understand yourself. 00:13:31.14\00:13:32.27 >>John: Someone is shot dead, there's a grieving family. 00:13:32.31\00:13:39.05 Let's see if we can pull the frame back. 00:13:39.08\00:13:41.42 Um, dead loved one, mad man with a gun. 00:13:41.45\00:13:47.46 But perhaps, perhaps the guy was high on, 00:13:47.49\00:13:50.76 on drugs, wasn't in control of his capacities. 00:13:50.79\00:13:55.03 Uh, then you could talk about perhaps his upbringing and 00:13:55.06\00:13:57.80 some of the other unfortunate circumstances of his life. 00:13:57.83\00:14:00.44 Would that be reframing? 00:14:00.47\00:14:01.67 >>Dick: That would be reframing. 00:14:01.70\00:14:03.27 And part of reframing is how large we make our frame. 00:14:03.30\00:14:06.47 >>John: Let me ask you a question. 00:14:06.51\00:14:07.81 >>Dick: Yes. 00:14:07.84\00:14:09.04 >>John: Because I hear someone who's watching us saying, 00:14:09.08\00:14:10.85 you're letting the guy off the hook. 00:14:10.88\00:14:12.28 Am I letting the guy off the hook by reframing? 00:14:12.31\00:14:14.88 Well, the poor dear, he had a drug problem and he had, 00:14:14.92\00:14:17.99 he didn't have a daddy, and poor fellow. 00:14:18.02\00:14:21.02 Is that what I'm doing? 00:14:21.06\00:14:21.72 >>Dick: No. 00:14:21.76\00:14:22.49 A couple of things. 00:14:22.52\00:14:23.49 Number one, the facts are the facts. 00:14:23.53\00:14:25.06 Reframing doesn't change the facts. 00:14:25.09\00:14:27.30 Number two, every action has consequences. 00:14:27.30\00:14:30.27 And so reframing doesn't change the consequences to an act. 00:14:30.30\00:14:33.57 The person may need to serve time in jail 00:14:33.60\00:14:35.87 to reflect upon what they did, 00:14:35.90\00:14:37.97 so they don't do it again with the thoughtfulness 00:14:38.01\00:14:40.04 that they might have done that time. 00:14:40.08\00:14:42.44 But the other thing reframing does is, 00:14:42.48\00:14:44.81 I live a world of sin. 00:14:44.85\00:14:46.48 I live in a world where evil happens, 00:14:46.51\00:14:48.85 where hurt happens. 00:14:48.88\00:14:50.19 I cannot live in a protected world 00:14:50.22\00:14:52.05 where nothing bad happens to me. 00:14:52.09\00:14:54.32 You know, good, bad things happen to good people. 00:14:54.36\00:14:56.66 >>John: Yeah. 00:14:56.69\00:14:57.76 >>Dick: So I need to have a perspective that says, 00:14:57.79\00:15:00.40 you know, at some point it's in God's hands. 00:15:00.43\00:15:03.23 God has a view of the world different than mine. 00:15:03.26\00:15:05.43 And if I can turn it over to God, 00:15:05.47\00:15:07.97 then I'm not stuck with all the difficulties 00:15:08.00\00:15:11.34 and trials of this world, but I share it. 00:15:11.37\00:15:14.14 It's almost like the yoke. 00:15:14.18\00:15:15.84 God takes some of my burden and shares it with me 00:15:15.88\00:15:18.51 because I'm bringing Him into my world. 00:15:18.55\00:15:20.65 >>John: So reframing helps me to step back a little bit, 00:15:20.68\00:15:25.25 look at the big picture, and then, I'm going to suggest, 00:15:25.29\00:15:29.42 what it enables me to do is to perhaps more easily 00:15:29.46\00:15:33.96 choose the forgiveness option, 00:15:34.00\00:15:35.66 rather than seeing someone as a, as a tyrant or a moron or a, 00:15:35.70\00:15:39.43 or an idiot or whatever; I'm now seeing that person who, 00:15:39.47\00:15:43.34 like me, is subject to various, 00:15:43.37\00:15:45.24 um, dynamics in his or her life and maybe was under stress, 00:15:45.27\00:15:49.14 strain, reaction, whatever. 00:15:49.18\00:15:50.78 >>Dick: Exactly. 00:15:50.81\00:15:51.98 In fact, what I tell people is that reframing is really, 00:15:52.01\00:15:54.62 uh, seeing the person in a more, um, holistic view. 00:15:54.65\00:15:58.75 When I'm upset at someone, I notice all of your bad points. 00:15:58.79\00:16:02.59 I, I've experienced this when 00:16:02.62\00:16:04.06 I get into an argument with a friend. 00:16:04.09\00:16:05.79 They bring back all the things they can think of 00:16:05.83\00:16:07.96 that I've done wrong. 00:16:07.96\00:16:09.20 And when someone's hurt us, we tend to make them all bad. 00:16:09.23\00:16:12.27 Well, I got to tell you, there is no one all good, 00:16:12.30\00:16:15.10 and there is no one all bad. 00:16:15.14\00:16:17.01 Reframing is bringing the good and the bad. 00:16:17.04\00:16:20.01 Because if I don't, I get so locked into all the terrible 00:16:20.04\00:16:23.08 things they do, is that's all I see the person. 00:16:23.11\00:16:26.08 And you see that. 00:16:26.11\00:16:26.95 Best friends, and something happens, 00:16:26.98\00:16:29.32 and all of a sudden that best friend becomes my worst enemy. 00:16:29.35\00:16:31.29 >>John: Mmm. 00:16:31.32\00:16:32.25 >>Dick: Before I saw their good and the bad, 00:16:32.29\00:16:33.59 and now I only see their bad 00:16:33.62\00:16:35.06 and I don't want anything to do with them. 00:16:35.09\00:16:36.99 You know, I'm thankful, John, 00:16:37.03\00:16:38.43 that God sees the good in me and not just the bad. 00:16:38.46\00:16:42.60 Because if He didn't, we'd be in a terrible predicament. 00:16:42.63\00:16:46.20 >>John: Yeah, we sure would, wouldn't we? 00:16:46.23\00:16:48.74 “If we confess our sins, 00:16:48.77\00:16:51.14 He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins.” 00:16:51.17\00:16:55.74 And again back to the Lord's prayer, 00:16:55.78\00:16:58.48 “Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.” 00:16:58.51\00:17:03.82 This really isn't up for grabs, is it? 00:17:03.85\00:17:05.69 This is not optional, it's a must. 00:17:05.72\00:17:07.06 >>Dick: It is a must. 00:17:07.09\00:17:08.02 Because when I'm angry, I'm blinded. 00:17:08.06\00:17:10.76 You've heard the expression, “Love is blind”? 00:17:10.79\00:17:12.73 >>John: Um-hmm. 00:17:12.76\00:17:14.00 >>Dick: I mean, I really got in touch with that when my daughter 00:17:14.00\00:17:14.93 had her first boyfriend, and I go, 00:17:14.93\00:17:16.33 what are you thinking! 00:17:16.36\00:17:17.10 >>John: [laughs] 00:17:17.13\00:17:18.13 >>Dick: But when you're in love with someone, 00:17:18.17\00:17:19.00 what's all you see in that person? 00:17:19.03\00:17:20.77 >>John: Yeah, all the good, all the wonderful things. 00:17:20.80\00:17:22.54 >>Dick: All the good. And you don't see the bad. 00:17:22.57\00:17:24.21 Well, I'm going to tell you, anger is equally as blind. 00:17:24.24\00:17:26.64 Because when I'm angry at someone, 00:17:26.68\00:17:28.51 I only see their bad; I don't see their good. 00:17:28.54\00:17:32.11 And that's why we cannot relate to the world 00:17:32.15\00:17:34.32 or even another individual out of anger, 00:17:34.35\00:17:36.48 because we will distort our picture. 00:17:36.52\00:17:39.05 That's why I say, forgiveness is reframing. 00:17:39.09\00:17:41.32 It's getting the picture more accurate, 00:17:41.36\00:17:43.89 more complete. 00:17:43.93\00:17:44.93 >>John: Do you think that forgiveness helps us 00:17:44.96\00:17:47.10 to have a more complete picture of who God is? 00:17:47.13\00:17:49.40 >>Dick: Oh, absolutely. 00:17:49.43\00:17:51.00 It, well, first of all, my forgiving others 00:17:51.03\00:17:55.10 and understanding how difficult that is helps me 00:17:55.14\00:17:58.11 not to take God's forgiveness for granted. 00:17:58.14\00:18:01.04 He went to Calvary so that I could be forgiven. 00:18:01.08\00:18:04.68 I need to recognize that God struggled with that forgiveness. 00:18:04.71\00:18:09.78 “If it be possible, let this cup...” 00:18:09.82\00:18:12.42 But He chose, He stayed with His choice because He knew 00:18:12.45\00:18:17.09 that the alternative to forgiveness is destruction. 00:18:17.13\00:18:20.33 >>John: So, so it's okay if someone says, 00:18:20.36\00:18:25.60 "I really want to forgive X, but I find it so difficult"? 00:18:25.63\00:18:29.80 It's okay? 00:18:29.84\00:18:30.77 >>Dick: In fact, not okay, that's reality. 00:18:30.81\00:18:33.21 If it's not difficult, I tell people, it's not forgiveness. 00:18:33.24\00:18:36.48 It's denial. 00:18:36.51\00:18:37.85 To quickly forgive someone like it didn't happen, 00:18:37.88\00:18:40.55 that, that's just denial. 00:18:40.58\00:18:42.42 Forgiveness deals right head on with the struggle. 00:18:42.45\00:18:45.89 So when I forgive someone, 00:18:45.92\00:18:47.06 it doesn't mean I have to smile and say, 00:18:47.09\00:18:48.39 the world is wonderful. 00:18:48.42\00:18:49.96 I can forgive you and yet tell you, 00:18:49.99\00:18:51.73 John, that what you did hurt me deeply. 00:18:51.76\00:18:54.56 And I'm going to have to work to get over this pain, 00:18:54.56\00:18:56.73 I'm going to work to get over it, 00:18:56.77\00:18:58.33 but I want you to know, I'm not gonna blame you. 00:18:58.37\00:19:01.14 I'm not gonna come to the place where I believe 00:19:01.17\00:19:03.37 that my life is your fault. 00:19:03.41\00:19:05.41 I'm gonna seek forgiveness so that I can live my life. 00:19:05.44\00:19:08.01 And I want you to know that. 00:19:08.04\00:19:09.04 >>John: Forgiveness is such a powerful thing. 00:19:09.08\00:19:12.11 Jesus encouraged us to forgive others; 00:19:12.15\00:19:14.72 every day we receive forgiveness from the God of heaven. 00:19:14.75\00:19:18.05 More on forgiveness with Dick Tibbits in just a moment. 00:19:18.09\00:19:21.52 >>John: Thursday, August the fifth, 2010 00:19:22.62\00:19:25.36 was not a happy day for 33 men, 00:19:25.39\00:19:29.36 when a collapse in a mine in Chile 00:19:29.40\00:19:32.13 buried them 2,300 feet below ground. 00:19:32.17\00:19:37.54 No matter how much they tried to escape, 00:19:37.57\00:19:39.87 there was no way out. 00:19:39.91\00:19:41.58 Rescue would have to come from above. 00:19:41.61\00:19:46.15 On the outskirts of the San Jose Mine, 00:19:46.18\00:19:48.55 over two and a half thousand people gathered, 00:19:48.58\00:19:52.12 and with each failed rescue attempt, 00:19:52.15\00:19:54.32 despair increased. 00:19:54.36\00:19:57.16 Families gathered together to pray for a miracle. 00:19:57.19\00:20:02.56 From the Atacama Desert comes a story of tragedy, 00:20:02.60\00:20:05.77 a story of uncertainty, yet a story of courage, 00:20:05.80\00:20:09.54 hope, and ultimately, a story of salvation. 00:20:09.57\00:20:13.54 Wait on the Lord, and the miracle will come. 00:20:13.58\00:20:17.91 “Trapped.” 00:20:17.95\00:20:19.05 Watch now on itiswritten.tv. 00:20:19.08\00:20:22.72 >>John: Today on It Is Written, how to forgive. 00:20:24.39\00:20:27.79 Thanks so much for being with me today. 00:20:27.82\00:20:30.23 I'm with Dick Tibbits, Chief People Officer 00:20:30.26\00:20:32.09 at Florida Hospital and the author of 00:20:32.13\00:20:34.46 “Forgive to Live.” 00:20:34.46\00:20:36.63 The benefits of forgiveness, Dick. 00:20:36.67\00:20:39.67 >>Dick: Um-hmm. 00:20:39.70\00:20:40.74 >>John: What are they and how do we realize them? 00:20:40.77\00:20:42.47 >>Dick: Well, that's the whole crux. 00:20:42.50\00:20:44.54 I forgive because it makes my life better. 00:20:44.57\00:20:47.31 I tell people, you can either complain and blame 00:20:47.34\00:20:50.51 or you can forgive and live. 00:20:50.55\00:20:52.48 Because forgiveness, 00:20:52.51\00:20:53.68 once it sets me free from the control of the past, 00:20:53.72\00:20:56.95 then invites me to say, where do I want my life to go? 00:20:56.99\00:21:00.92 What goals do I want to set for my life? 00:21:00.96\00:21:02.79 What do I want to become? 00:21:02.82\00:21:04.23 Or, from a spiritual perspective, 00:21:04.26\00:21:06.63 what does God want me to be, and how do I get there? 00:21:06.66\00:21:09.83 So it releases me from the past 00:21:09.86\00:21:12.00 to give me an open playing field for where my life can go. 00:21:12.03\00:21:14.64 >>John: Let me jump in on that. 00:21:14.67\00:21:15.87 That's reality, there are people who aren't realizing 00:21:15.90\00:21:17.81 what they should be realizing in their life because, 00:21:17.84\00:21:19.81 because of unforgiveness? 00:21:19.84\00:21:20.78 >>Dick: Yes. Yes. 00:21:20.81\00:21:21.88 They're trapped. 00:21:21.91\00:21:23.24 And when you live in the past, by repeating that story 00:21:23.28\00:21:26.21 and story and story, over and over again, 00:21:26.25\00:21:28.62 then your life repeats itself. 00:21:28.65\00:21:30.75 So a year from now I can be in the same place I am today 00:21:30.79\00:21:33.62 because I haven't broken that chain, 00:21:33.66\00:21:35.52 I haven't released myself. 00:21:35.56\00:21:37.33 And forgiveness is the way to freedom. 00:21:37.36\00:21:40.33 It is the way to peace. 00:21:40.36\00:21:41.76 >>John: What would you say to somebody watching us today, 00:21:41.80\00:21:44.10 and they're saying, yeah, 00:21:44.13\00:21:45.30 but I'm dealing with like a really, really big thing. 00:21:45.33\00:21:48.90 This isn't you backing into my car. 00:21:48.94\00:21:51.07 This is my child, uh, 00:21:51.11\00:21:53.81 is disabled because of someone's negligence, 00:21:53.84\00:21:58.11 or someone, whatever. 00:21:58.15\00:22:00.18 This is big stuff. 00:22:00.22\00:22:01.95 What would you say to that person 00:22:01.98\00:22:03.22 struggling with a forgiveness issue on a subject like that? 00:22:03.25\00:22:06.49 >>Dick: Well, I can share from my own experience, 00:22:06.52\00:22:09.06 having, um, well, in fact, 00:22:09.09\00:22:12.46 I went to work one day and my boss called me in, 00:22:12.49\00:22:15.76 and I thought, what's this about? 00:22:15.80\00:22:17.73 And I must admit, I had that little adolescent feeling, 00:22:17.77\00:22:21.04 you know, when the principal calls you, 00:22:21.07\00:22:22.37 I must have done something wrong. 00:22:22.40\00:22:23.71 >>John: I'm familiar with that. 00:22:23.74\00:22:24.41 >>Dick: Yes. 00:22:24.44\00:22:25.47 But I didn't know what I could have done wrong, 00:22:25.51\00:22:27.81 and so I went in, and my boss didn't look me in the eye, 00:22:27.84\00:22:30.65 and had a sheet of paper on the desk, 00:22:30.68\00:22:32.48 and read to me a script that went something like this: 00:22:32.51\00:22:36.69 As a result of the reengineering of this organization, 00:22:36.72\00:22:39.89 we have eliminated some positions, 00:22:39.92\00:22:42.09 and your position is no longer a part of this company. 00:22:42.12\00:22:44.73 You will pick up your final paycheck today. 00:22:44.76\00:22:47.60 Thank you for your service. 00:22:47.60\00:22:49.06 Good day. 00:22:49.10\00:22:50.77 And that was it. 00:22:50.80\00:22:52.57 Well, I walked out of there devastated. 00:22:52.60\00:22:55.27 My world was turned upside down. 00:22:55.30\00:22:57.57 Now, I know there are different events 00:22:57.61\00:22:59.07 that turn different people's worlds upside down. 00:22:59.11\00:23:01.34 >>John: Sure. 00:23:01.38\00:23:02.54 >>Dick: And I know that one of the blessings of life is, 00:23:02.58\00:23:05.21 no matter how much you suffer, 00:23:05.25\00:23:06.45 you can always find someone suffering more than you 00:23:06.48\00:23:09.18 and be thankful that by the grace of God. 00:23:09.22\00:23:11.92 But for me, that turned my world upside down. 00:23:11.95\00:23:15.02 I, my life and my work were so intertwined; 00:23:15.06\00:23:17.79 I loved my work, 00:23:17.83\00:23:19.13 and now I couldn't come back to work the next day. 00:23:19.16\00:23:22.00 So I remember going home that evening 00:23:22.03\00:23:23.40 and having to tell my wife, um, 00:23:23.43\00:23:25.63 who had just quit her job to start her schooling, 00:23:25.67\00:23:29.10 and my daughter who was just going away to college, 00:23:29.14\00:23:31.67 that our world had changed. 00:23:31.71\00:23:34.48 What was devastating about that is how it gripped me. 00:23:34.51\00:23:37.75 You know, you'd expect that in a week or so 00:23:37.78\00:23:39.38 I'd start applying for jobs and just move on. 00:23:39.41\00:23:42.05 >>John: Um-hmm. 00:23:42.08\00:23:43.12 >>Dick: But I couldn't move on; I was frozen. 00:23:43.15\00:23:44.75 I was angry. 00:23:44.79\00:23:45.99 I was bitter. 00:23:46.02\00:23:47.16 I felt betrayed. 00:23:47.19\00:23:48.29 These were not only my bosses; they were my friends. 00:23:48.32\00:23:51.16 And they just threw me away. 00:23:51.19\00:23:53.23 And, and I couldn't get past that. 00:23:53.26\00:23:55.83 My health began to suffer; my blood pressure went up; 00:23:55.86\00:23:58.40 I was putting on weight; I wasn't exercising; 00:23:58.43\00:24:00.97 I wasn't eating properly. 00:24:01.00\00:24:02.74 My mood had changed. 00:24:02.77\00:24:04.07 I was always a very optimistic, cheerful person, 00:24:04.11\00:24:06.74 and now I was withdrawn and bitter 00:24:06.78\00:24:08.34 and didn't want to talk to people. 00:24:08.38\00:24:10.28 My spiritual nature had changed. 00:24:10.31\00:24:12.85 I struggled to go to church 00:24:12.88\00:24:14.38 because I didn't know how to face people. 00:24:14.42\00:24:16.18 I was a failure, 00:24:16.22\00:24:17.49 and how could I preach the Gospel when I was failing? 00:24:17.52\00:24:20.66 And so my whole world spiraled down. 00:24:20.69\00:24:25.19 And I had people tell me, Dick, get over it. 00:24:25.23\00:24:28.26 Move beyond. 00:24:28.30\00:24:30.17 I didn't know what to do. 00:24:30.20\00:24:32.87 I was experiencing anger and the dark side of anger, 00:24:32.90\00:24:36.57 which was depression. 00:24:36.60\00:24:37.97 And I was, I was out of control, 00:24:38.01\00:24:41.31 until finally a friend of mine came to me and said, 00:24:41.34\00:24:44.71 “Have you tried forgiveness?” 00:24:44.75\00:24:46.72 And I thought, I went to seminary; I studied forgiveness. 00:24:46.75\00:24:50.95 Why didn't I think of that? 00:24:50.99\00:24:53.09 But you know, that changed my life, 00:24:53.12\00:24:55.92 and today I'm doing a job I love, 00:24:55.96\00:24:58.73 my family is together, 00:24:58.76\00:25:00.96 I have a life that I didn't think I could live, 00:25:01.00\00:25:04.03 because forgiveness released me from that bitterness, 00:25:04.07\00:25:08.60 and so I could find a better life. 00:25:08.64\00:25:10.67 >>John: This subject of forgiveness, 00:25:10.71\00:25:12.47 it's, it's central to the Gospel, isn't it? 00:25:12.51\00:25:14.74 >>Dick: It is absolutely central. 00:25:14.78\00:25:16.38 It is Genesis to Revelation. 00:25:16.41\00:25:19.05 It is what changes our lives. 00:25:19.08\00:25:21.42 It is the gift that God has given to us, 00:25:21.45\00:25:24.59 to forgive one another and to receive God's forgiveness. 00:25:24.62\00:25:29.96 >>John: Dick, in South Africa a number of years ago, 00:25:29.99\00:25:31.69 there was this remarkable Truth and Reconciliation Commission 00:25:31.73\00:25:35.93 to help South Africa get from apartheid 00:25:35.96\00:25:39.53 to the post- apartheid era, um, in a somewhat healthy fashion. 00:25:39.57\00:25:44.54 And, uh, South African President Nelson Mandela 00:25:44.57\00:25:47.11 had some remarkable things to say about forgiveness. 00:25:47.14\00:25:49.78 >>Dick: Yeah, we've been talking about forgiveness 00:25:49.81\00:25:51.68 at an individual level, 00:25:51.71\00:25:52.81 but here we have it at a national level. 00:25:52.85\00:25:55.75 You see, Nelson Mandela knew that over the years 00:25:55.78\00:25:58.92 all the suppression that took place, 00:25:58.95\00:26:01.36 if that was released all at once, 00:26:01.39\00:26:03.02 all of that anger and hurt and bitterness 00:26:03.06\00:26:05.43 would come crashing into the streets with looting and, 00:26:05.46\00:26:08.30 and killing even. 00:26:08.33\00:26:10.03 And so he knew that if this transition 00:26:10.07\00:26:12.50 was to make the government stronger, 00:26:12.53\00:26:14.70 that forgiveness would be necessary 00:26:14.74\00:26:16.34 to deal with all of that hurt and anger. 00:26:16.37\00:26:19.24 In fact, his close friend, Bishop Desmond Tutu, 00:26:19.27\00:26:22.18 said this: “Without forgiveness there is no future.” 00:26:22.21\00:26:26.28 >>John: If that was true for South Africa, 00:26:26.31\00:26:29.85 that's certainly true for me and you, 00:26:29.88\00:26:31.19 anybody watching today. 00:26:31.22\00:26:32.15 >>Dick: Absolutely. 00:26:32.19\00:26:33.02 >>John: Without forgiveness there's, 00:26:33.05\00:26:34.32 there's really, there's really no future, is there? 00:26:34.36\00:26:35.79 >>Dick: There is no future; there's only reliving the past. 00:26:35.82\00:26:38.49 >>John: I just can't thank you enough, 00:26:38.53\00:26:40.20 Dick, for taking the time to join me today. 00:26:40.23\00:26:42.70 And I, I know that I know that I know many, 00:26:42.73\00:26:45.50 many people watching today 00:26:45.53\00:26:48.30 are going to have their lives transformed 00:26:48.34\00:26:51.41 because they've taken what you've put together, 00:26:51.44\00:26:53.74 what the Lord led you to, 00:26:53.78\00:26:54.81 they're going to apply it in their own lives, 00:26:54.84\00:26:56.61 and they're gonna be free and forgiving and forgiven. 00:26:56.64\00:27:00.52 >>Dick: It'll change your life. 00:27:00.55\00:27:01.98 Forgiveness is the one thing that changes everything. 00:27:02.02\00:27:05.09 >>John: Amen. 00:27:05.12\00:27:05.95 Let's pray together, can we do that? 00:27:05.99\00:27:06.69 >>Dick: Let's do that. 00:27:06.72\00:27:08.42 >>John: Father in Heaven, 00:27:08.46\00:27:09.56 I thank You so much that You are a God who forgives. 00:27:09.59\00:27:13.46 We thank You the Bible tells us, 00:27:13.50\00:27:15.03 assures us, 00:27:15.06\00:27:16.26 that we can come to You with all of our mess and baggage and, 00:27:16.30\00:27:19.43 and all the stuff, 00:27:19.47\00:27:21.80 and know that You'll forgive us 00:27:21.84\00:27:23.27 and You'll forgive us freely. 00:27:23.30\00:27:24.47 I pray, help us to be forgiving people 00:27:24.51\00:27:28.78 and to experience the blessings 00:27:28.81\00:27:30.98 that flow when forgiveness takes place in our lives. 00:27:31.01\00:27:35.85 I thank You, Lord, for this time, 00:27:35.88\00:27:37.92 knowing that You will bless greatly as a result of it. 00:27:37.95\00:27:40.42 And we pray together in Jesus' name, 00:27:40.46\00:27:42.82 Amen. 00:27:42.86\00:27:43.46 >>Dick: Amen. 00:27:43.49\00:27:45.46 ¤[Music]¤ 00:27:45.49\00:27:55.50 ¤[Music]¤ 00:27:55.50\00:28:11.02 >>John: There are hundreds, 00:28:11.99\00:28:12.89 even thousands of promises in the Bible, 00:28:12.92\00:28:15.69 all made by God to be a blessing and an encouragement for you. 00:28:15.72\00:28:20.00 Receive today's free offer. 00:28:20.03\00:28:21.70 It's “Promises of Peace.” 00:28:21.73\00:28:24.03 Be blessed by the promises of God. 00:28:24.07\00:28:26.74 To receive “Promises of Peace,” 00:28:26.77\00:28:28.14 call us at 800-253-3000 00:28:28.17\00:28:31.41 or visit us online at iiwoffer.com, 00:28:31.44\00:28:36.04 and receive our free offer, “Promises of Peace.” 00:28:36.08\00:28:41.45 >>John: Thank you for remembering that It Is Written 00:28:42.25\00:28:44.19 exists because of the kindness of people just like you. 00:28:44.22\00:28:47.66 To support this international life-changing ministry, 00:28:47.69\00:28:50.89 please call us now at 800-253-3000. 00:28:50.93\00:28:55.10 You can send your tax-deductible gift 00:28:55.13\00:28:56.60 to the address on your screen, 00:28:56.63\00:28:58.07 or you can visit us online at itiswritten.com. 00:28:58.10\00:29:02.10 Thank you for your prayers and for your financial support. 00:29:02.14\00:29:04.87 Our number again is 800-253-3000. 00:29:04.91\00:29:09.01 Or you can visit us online at itiswritten.com. 00:29:09.04\00:29:12.21 >>John: Friend, until next time, I'd like you to remember this. 00:29:13.48\00:29:15.72 The Bible says, 00:29:15.75\00:29:17.25 “It is written, 00:29:17.29\00:29:18.85 man shall not live by bread alone, 00:29:18.89\00:29:20.49 but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.” 00:29:20.52\00:29:23.46 ¤[Music]¤ 00:29:23.49\00:29:38.47