The following program
discusses sensitive issues
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related to sexuality.
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Parents are cautioned
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this
presentation may be too candid
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for younger audiences.
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Welcome to Intimate Clarity.
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I'm Jason Bradley, and I'm here
with Jennifer Jill Schwirzer.
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And she is a licensed
professional counselor.
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And today, we
are going to discuss
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a very sensitive topic,
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but it's a
conversation we need to have.
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You know, because
of Internet technology,
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pornography is becoming
more and more prevalent today.
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You know, what are
some of the effects, Jen?
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Yeah, good question.
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We're going to go into that.
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I want to talk, first,
about God's plan for sexuality.
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I always like to start with Eden
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and then show the
effects of deviating
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and then how we get back.
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Far away off the
path. Yeah, exactly.
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So this is a real
far fall, this one.
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So when a couple come
together in holy matrimony
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and they have their
first sexual experiences,
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what happens is in that process
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there is just boatload
of hormone called oxytocin
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that floods the system.
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And that oxytocin
is designed by God
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to do a lot of different
things involving bonding.
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But one of the things it does
is it imprints that man's brain
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with his wife, and his
wife, because of that oxytocin
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becomes the most
beautiful person in the world
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if I can say it that way.
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I think which is
how it should be.
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That's right.
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And so she,
thereafter, if it's done right,
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she becomes his
standard of beauty
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once he consummates
his marriage with her.
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You know, when men
look at other women
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to lust after them,
this process goes awry,
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and that beautiful
plan God put in place
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is blown off course.
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And this is why
Jesus condemned lust
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as a form of adultery.
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He said, "If you look
at a woman to lust after,
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you've already
committed adultery
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with her in your heart.
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I didn't say go
ahead and just have,
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you know, just be
intimate with her."
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He didn't say that. Yeah.
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But you would be adding
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another layer
to the sin problem.
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But He did want to identify lust
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as a sin problem, and He did so.
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So lustful looks are
usually the beginning
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but that ends up
not being enough.
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Yeah.
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Unfortunately, because
of Internet technology,
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for all the good
things that have come to us
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through the Internet.
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One of the negative things is
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we have too
much available to us,
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and in particular
pornography is out of control.
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It's pandemic
in our world today.
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There really
aren't words to describe
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the seriousness of
the pornography problem
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and of the
sexual addiction problem
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that has corresponded
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to the
accessibility of new images.
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You see, because male sexuality,
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and I'm going to
simplify this discussion
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by really focusing
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in on men's
experience of pornography use,
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even though women do
become addicted to pornography,
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it's both a male
and female problem,
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but by and large, men struggle
more with this kind of thing
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because as we've
talked about before,
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men are visually wired
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and their sexuality
is accessed strongly
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through visualization.
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So because of
Internet technology,
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we have a new partner available
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to us every
second if we want it.
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Wow!
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And male sexuality
is driven by novelty.
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Let me give you
some examples of this.
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They did studies with rats,
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and male rat,
female rat in a cage,
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the rats would
be engaging sexually
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and then they would tire
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and they'd just be
hanging out in the cage.
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Well, then they would
drop a new female into the cage
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and suddenly the male rat
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would feel ready all over again.
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That's right.
That's how that works.
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So male sexuality
is driven by novelty.
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So that feed of
novelty of new sexual partners
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is constant in
Internet technology.
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Isn't that kind of tragic?
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Yeah.
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And it's crazy that...
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You know, when you
bring up the point,
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like someone's going to
have a different partner
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essentially every minute.
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Every second. Every second.
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Wow! Yeah. Yeah.
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So let's go into some
statistics about this.
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Porn created $13.3 billion
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in revenue as far back as 2006,
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$13.3 billion in 2006.
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Thirteen point
three billion dollars!
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And that was in 2006
more than the NFL, the NBA,
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and major league
baseball combined.
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That's right.
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The breast implants were
at, like what, one billion?
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Yeah. Yeah.
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The amount of money
we're putting into stuff.
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Every second more than $3000
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is spent on pornography.
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And in order to wrap
your mind around that,
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you have to realize that
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a lot of pornography is free.
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I'm not recommending this.
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Don't try this at home.
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Never go down that road, ever.
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But there's a lot
of free pornography
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on the internet.
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But still, over
$3000 every second.
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Not every minute, every
second spent on pornography.
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So that doesn't
even begin to include
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all of the free
stuff that's out there.
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Every 39 minutes, a
new porn film is made,
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over $4.2 million
porn websites exist,
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68 million daily search
engine requests for pornography,
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that's 25% of the
total search engine request.
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Wait. Wait. What
percentage of the total?
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Twenty-five percent
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of the total
search engine requests
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are pornography.
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Wow! Like this is pandemic.
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We're talking a
major plague here.
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Put the security thing on
your internet at your home,
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get all that going, everything.
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And let's just take a pause
one moment and talk about that.
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There are several, you
know, products available,
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one is called Covenant Eyes.
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And the company
will actually come in
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and not only put these
filters on your computer,
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but they'll send
your search history
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to an accountability partner.
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And sometimes, they'll have
the search history sent to them
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as well, and they will call you,
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the company will call you
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to make you
accountable for what you did.
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Wow! Nice.
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They're like really
serious because they know
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when you're talking
about the accessibility
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of the drug and the
intensity of the addiction,
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you have to pull
out all the stops
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and really handle
this thing seriously.
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Yeah. Head on.
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That's right. That's right.
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So the Covenant Eyes is one.
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There are ones for
children called Net Nanny.
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There are a number of
different products out there.
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And I'm sure they're getting
more and more sophisticated.
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It says the rest
in the name Covenant.
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Yeah, that's
right. That's right.
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The Lord made a
covenant with you.
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He promised to never
leave you nor forsake you.
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And you accept that covenant.
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And like
Abraham, you believe God
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and it's accounted
to you for righteousness
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and then you're
given power to obey.
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Over 100,000 websites
online have child pornography,
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feature child pornography.
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That's when bad goes to worse.
Hundred thousand websites.
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Yeah. Wow!
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And we're
seeing a horrible surge
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in sex trafficking.
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That's right.
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Ninety percent of
eight to sixteen year olds
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have viewed pornography.
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Younger and younger ages
are falling into the porn trap.
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But here's the good
thing is that God's plan
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can protect us,
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not just by stopping
us from doing bad things,
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in terms of
putting up a barrier wall
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saying that's wrong.
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But actually
God's kind of sexuality
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is much more
pleasurable in the long run.
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So let me read a statement
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from a book called
The God Attachment.
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The author is named Tim Clinton.
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And he says...
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He's talking
about sexual addiction.
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And he says, "Though dopamine,"
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that brain chemical
that mediates pleasure,
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"maybe the hormone that creates
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the instinctive
pleasure of love and attachment.
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It is oxytocin
that makes it possible
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for that pleasure to last
for longer periods of time."
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So the significance of
that is that when you experience
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that dopamine rush of sexuality
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in the context of a
bonded relationship,
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it's actually going
to be more pleasurable.
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Wow!
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So you know, like it says,
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you know, "At his right
hand are pleasures forevermore."
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Lasting pleasure
is what God gives us.
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The enemy gives
us fleeting pleasure
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which is very
intense in the moment
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but leads to
unrest, and dissatisfaction,
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and depravity of soul,
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and then the shame
compiles and the problems mount,
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and then those things
drive us to want to escape again
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and we're even more incentivized
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to pursue the drug of choice,
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and we end up doing
it more and using more
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and we end up in an addiction
cycle very, very quickly,
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and it can be so
difficult to escape.
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If you're in that
situation, get help.
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You know, AbideCounseling.com
is a good place to start.
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I tell people to make sure
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to structure their
life around recovery.
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If I were to sum up what works
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in overcoming
pornography addiction,
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I would say structure
your life around recovery.
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And what do you mean by
that? Unpack that a little bit?
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Yeah.
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What I mean is that you've been
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devoting your energies,
your resources, your time,
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your money, in some cases,
your efforts to your addiction.
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Now all of the time,
resources, efforts, money,
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you're going to
devote to recovering
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from the addiction.
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Jesus told a very vivid story.
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He talked about a man
casting a devil out of his home
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and sweeping it clean.
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But He said it was left empty
and seven more devils came in.
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Don't be content with just,
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"I'm going to try to cold
turkey my way out of this."
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You've got to have
replacement behaviors.
00:10:05.07\00:10:07.44
So what I recommend is that
people find a good counselor
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and that they see
that counselor weekly.
00:10:10.31\00:10:13.01
With Abide Counseling,
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you can counsel a
coach on the phone.
00:10:14.41\00:10:17.71
So we can come to
you where you are.
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It's my idea.
00:10:20.22\00:10:21.58
And so I recommend that you
see a good counselor weekly.
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I recommend that you
go to a support group
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for addiction recovery.
00:10:27.99\00:10:29.89
Celebrate Recovery is
a great place to start.
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They are in most major cities.
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Attend the group
faithfully every week
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if not twice a
week if you need that.
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I had a guy come to me.
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Let me just tell
you the story in brief.
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He was downloading
pornographic images
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on 12 computers in
his home all day long,
00:10:44.81\00:10:48.01
and he'd come home
and consume those images
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until he killed over in
the wee hours of the night,
00:10:50.78\00:10:53.31
and he'd get up the next
day and do the same thing.
00:10:53.35\00:10:56.18
True story. On 12?
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Twelve computers. Yes.
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So he came to counseling.
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He was married
and his wife died,
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and that was the wakeup call
God used 'cause he genuinely,
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in some way,
loved her and decided
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he wanted out of the prison,
00:11:10.33\00:11:11.93
and he came to
counseling weekly.
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He went to three different
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support groups
for a period of time.
00:11:15.57\00:11:17.47
He had an
accountability partner.
00:11:17.51\00:11:18.87
He had a net, the
filter. He went back to church.
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He went to Bible study.
00:11:21.88\00:11:23.21
This man did
everything he could to get well.
00:11:23.24\00:11:25.95
And guess what happened?
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He walked out of that lifestyle.
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Wow! Praise the Lord.
00:11:28.82\00:11:30.19
He had a more
clear line to recovery
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than I have seen in anyone,
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and I've worked
with a number of people
00:11:34.79\00:11:36.32
addicted to pornography.
00:11:36.36\00:11:38.03
And he had a
clear line of recovery
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because he structured
his life around recovery.
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It's very interesting,
right around the same time,
00:11:42.13\00:11:44.37
a man came with a
much lesser addiction
00:11:44.40\00:11:47.80
in terms of the severity of it.
00:11:47.84\00:11:49.64
And I told him,
"Yeah, you structure
00:11:49.67\00:11:51.01
your life around recovery.
00:11:51.04\00:11:52.37
This is what works."
00:11:52.41\00:11:53.74
And I explained
what had happened
00:11:53.78\00:11:55.11
with this other fellow
00:11:55.14\00:11:56.48
and I said you've got to get
a group, counseling every week,
00:11:56.51\00:11:57.85
and you know kind of...
00:11:57.88\00:11:59.21
And he looked at me
like I had two heads.
00:11:59.25\00:12:00.58
He was like, "What!
00:12:00.62\00:12:01.95
I have to do...
00:12:01.98\00:12:03.32
You mean, you can't just like
00:12:03.35\00:12:04.69
hose me down with
holy water or pray for me,
00:12:04.72\00:12:06.05
and the demons gonna go,
00:12:06.09\00:12:07.42
or just make it go
away right now, you know?"
00:12:07.46\00:12:09.59
I was like, "No."
00:12:09.62\00:12:10.96
I said this, "You
put a lot of effort
00:12:10.99\00:12:12.33
into developing this addiction.
00:12:12.36\00:12:13.70
You think it's going
to go away without effort?
00:12:13.73\00:12:15.20
Like you're not
thinking correctly, you know?"
00:12:15.23\00:12:17.67
And I don't know how
things ended up with him
00:12:17.70\00:12:19.73
because he
didn't like what I said.
00:12:19.77\00:12:21.10
He never came back.
But I stand by what I said.
00:12:21.14\00:12:24.37
You structure your
life around recovery,
00:12:24.41\00:12:26.88
you get with the
people that can help you,
00:12:26.91\00:12:29.21
you be open in a group,
00:12:29.24\00:12:30.85
you be open with your counselor,
00:12:30.88\00:12:32.61
you put a net on your
computer, you go back to church,
00:12:32.65\00:12:35.12
you get into Bible study,
00:12:35.15\00:12:36.69
you replace those
addictive behaviors
00:12:36.72\00:12:40.06
with healthy behaviors,
00:12:40.09\00:12:41.62
and I believe that
God will bless you.
00:12:41.66\00:12:43.02
So in other words,
be intentional about it.
00:12:43.06\00:12:45.83
And physiology has
a big part in this.
00:12:45.86\00:12:48.36
We need to exercise,
00:12:48.40\00:12:49.73
particularly young
males need hard exercise
00:12:49.76\00:12:52.83
to be able to
metabolize all those hormones
00:12:52.87\00:12:55.54
that are coursing
through their veins,
00:12:55.57\00:12:57.41
and to increase
their self-control.
00:12:57.44\00:13:00.24
They also need to be
reading the Bible daily,
00:13:00.28\00:13:01.84
they need to be
utilizing the part of your brain
00:13:01.88\00:13:05.21
that reasons
through a connected thoughts
00:13:05.25\00:13:07.45
which is the Bible
is just calculated for,
00:13:07.48\00:13:10.32
and deep spiritual thoughts.
00:13:10.35\00:13:11.89
And first and foremost,
00:13:11.92\00:13:13.25
you need to come to
Jesus with your brokenness
00:13:13.29\00:13:15.82
and with your addiction
and ask Him to deliver you
00:13:15.86\00:13:19.56
from the demon
of sexual addiction
00:13:19.59\00:13:21.76
and pornography,
00:13:21.80\00:13:23.13
and make you hate
what you once loved
00:13:23.16\00:13:26.40
and love what you once hated.
00:13:26.43\00:13:28.47
And Jesus is able
to do that for you.
00:13:28.50\00:13:30.44
He can change...
00:13:30.47\00:13:31.81
Overtime, He can
change our taste.
00:13:31.84\00:13:33.78
You know, there's a statement
in the writings of Ellen White.
00:13:33.81\00:13:36.54
She says, "A true conversion
will change hereditary
00:13:36.58\00:13:42.52
and cultivated
tendencies to evil."
00:13:42.55\00:13:46.32
And usually, with
pornography addiction,
00:13:46.35\00:13:47.72
it's the cultivated tendencies.
00:13:47.76\00:13:49.62
God can change that.
00:13:49.66\00:13:51.13
Ask Him to change your
heart first and foremost.
00:13:51.16\00:13:53.93
Amen. Yeah.
00:13:53.96\00:13:56.60
He wants us to come
to Him with our problems.
00:13:56.63\00:14:00.37
He knows what our problems are.
00:14:00.40\00:14:01.84
He knows what
we're dealing with,
00:14:01.87\00:14:03.20
what we're struggling with,
00:14:03.24\00:14:04.57
and He just wants us
to bring them to Him.
00:14:04.61\00:14:06.44
Amen.
00:14:06.47\00:14:07.81
Well, Jen, I know people
are going to need resources.
00:14:07.84\00:14:10.35
And if you are
one of those people
00:14:10.38\00:14:12.75
that need resources,
00:14:12.78\00:14:14.18
make sure you go
to IntimateClarity.TV,
00:14:14.22\00:14:17.75
and join us on the next episode.
00:14:17.79\00:14:20.09
God bless.
00:14:20.12\00:14:21.46