The following program discusses sensitive issues 00:00:01.36\00:00:03.16 related to sexuality. 00:00:03.20\00:00:05.00 Parents are cautioned 00:00:05.03\00:00:06.37 this presentation may be too candid 00:00:06.40\00:00:08.70 for younger audiences. 00:00:08.74\00:00:10.07 Welcome to Intimate Clarity. 00:00:30.53\00:00:32.06 I'm Jason Bradley, and I'm here with Jennifer Jill Schwirzer. 00:00:32.09\00:00:35.86 And she is a licensed professional counselor. 00:00:35.90\00:00:38.90 And today, we are going to discuss 00:00:38.93\00:00:41.37 a very sensitive topic, 00:00:41.40\00:00:43.71 but it's a conversation we need to have. 00:00:43.74\00:00:47.24 You know, because of Internet technology, 00:00:47.28\00:00:49.48 pornography is becoming more and more prevalent today. 00:00:49.51\00:00:53.92 You know, what are some of the effects, Jen? 00:00:53.95\00:00:56.02 Yeah, good question. 00:00:56.05\00:00:57.39 We're going to go into that. 00:00:57.42\00:00:58.75 I want to talk, first, about God's plan for sexuality. 00:00:58.79\00:01:01.62 I always like to start with Eden 00:01:01.66\00:01:03.63 and then show the effects of deviating 00:01:03.66\00:01:05.39 and then how we get back. 00:01:05.43\00:01:06.76 Far away off the path. Yeah, exactly. 00:01:06.80\00:01:08.80 So this is a real far fall, this one. 00:01:08.83\00:01:11.23 So when a couple come together in holy matrimony 00:01:11.27\00:01:15.47 and they have their first sexual experiences, 00:01:15.50\00:01:18.74 what happens is in that process 00:01:18.77\00:01:20.68 there is just boatload of hormone called oxytocin 00:01:20.71\00:01:25.68 that floods the system. 00:01:25.71\00:01:27.52 And that oxytocin is designed by God 00:01:27.55\00:01:29.98 to do a lot of different things involving bonding. 00:01:30.02\00:01:32.65 But one of the things it does is it imprints that man's brain 00:01:32.69\00:01:36.69 with his wife, and his wife, because of that oxytocin 00:01:36.73\00:01:40.56 becomes the most beautiful person in the world 00:01:40.60\00:01:42.46 if I can say it that way. 00:01:42.50\00:01:43.83 I think which is how it should be. 00:01:43.87\00:01:45.20 That's right. 00:01:45.23\00:01:46.57 And so she, thereafter, if it's done right, 00:01:46.60\00:01:48.24 she becomes his standard of beauty 00:01:48.27\00:01:50.77 once he consummates his marriage with her. 00:01:50.81\00:01:53.48 You know, when men look at other women 00:01:53.51\00:01:55.91 to lust after them, this process goes awry, 00:01:55.94\00:01:59.21 and that beautiful plan God put in place 00:01:59.25\00:02:01.28 is blown off course. 00:02:01.32\00:02:02.95 And this is why Jesus condemned lust 00:02:02.98\00:02:05.45 as a form of adultery. 00:02:05.49\00:02:06.82 He said, "If you look at a woman to lust after, 00:02:06.86\00:02:08.62 you've already committed adultery 00:02:08.66\00:02:10.36 with her in your heart. 00:02:10.39\00:02:11.76 I didn't say go ahead and just have, 00:02:11.79\00:02:13.46 you know, just be intimate with her." 00:02:13.50\00:02:15.90 He didn't say that. Yeah. 00:02:15.93\00:02:17.33 But you would be adding 00:02:17.37\00:02:18.70 another layer to the sin problem. 00:02:18.73\00:02:20.30 But He did want to identify lust 00:02:20.34\00:02:22.10 as a sin problem, and He did so. 00:02:22.14\00:02:24.37 So lustful looks are usually the beginning 00:02:24.41\00:02:27.68 but that ends up not being enough. 00:02:27.71\00:02:29.38 Yeah. 00:02:29.41\00:02:30.88 Unfortunately, because of Internet technology, 00:02:30.91\00:02:33.65 for all the good things that have come to us 00:02:33.68\00:02:35.35 through the Internet. 00:02:35.38\00:02:36.82 One of the negative things is 00:02:36.85\00:02:38.85 we have too much available to us, 00:02:38.89\00:02:41.96 and in particular pornography is out of control. 00:02:41.99\00:02:45.36 It's pandemic in our world today. 00:02:45.39\00:02:47.50 There really aren't words to describe 00:02:47.53\00:02:50.13 the seriousness of the pornography problem 00:02:50.17\00:02:53.64 and of the sexual addiction problem 00:02:53.67\00:02:55.44 that has corresponded 00:02:55.47\00:02:57.37 to the accessibility of new images. 00:02:57.41\00:02:59.17 You see, because male sexuality, 00:02:59.21\00:03:01.98 and I'm going to simplify this discussion 00:03:02.01\00:03:05.01 by really focusing 00:03:05.05\00:03:07.08 in on men's experience of pornography use, 00:03:07.12\00:03:09.85 even though women do become addicted to pornography, 00:03:09.88\00:03:12.19 it's both a male and female problem, 00:03:12.22\00:03:13.62 but by and large, men struggle more with this kind of thing 00:03:13.66\00:03:16.76 because as we've talked about before, 00:03:16.79\00:03:18.86 men are visually wired 00:03:18.89\00:03:20.46 and their sexuality is accessed strongly 00:03:20.50\00:03:22.80 through visualization. 00:03:22.83\00:03:24.40 So because of Internet technology, 00:03:24.43\00:03:28.94 we have a new partner available 00:03:28.97\00:03:30.91 to us every second if we want it. 00:03:30.94\00:03:32.97 Wow! 00:03:33.01\00:03:34.34 And male sexuality is driven by novelty. 00:03:34.38\00:03:37.65 Let me give you some examples of this. 00:03:37.68\00:03:40.12 They did studies with rats, 00:03:40.15\00:03:42.22 and male rat, female rat in a cage, 00:03:42.25\00:03:45.02 the rats would be engaging sexually 00:03:45.05\00:03:48.19 and then they would tire 00:03:48.22\00:03:49.69 and they'd just be hanging out in the cage. 00:03:49.72\00:03:51.59 Well, then they would drop a new female into the cage 00:03:51.63\00:03:54.13 and suddenly the male rat 00:03:54.16\00:03:56.70 would feel ready all over again. 00:03:56.73\00:03:59.43 That's right. That's how that works. 00:03:59.47\00:04:01.40 So male sexuality is driven by novelty. 00:04:01.44\00:04:04.47 So that feed of novelty of new sexual partners 00:04:04.51\00:04:07.98 is constant in Internet technology. 00:04:08.01\00:04:10.95 Isn't that kind of tragic? 00:04:10.98\00:04:12.35 Yeah. 00:04:12.38\00:04:13.72 And it's crazy that... 00:04:13.75\00:04:15.08 You know, when you bring up the point, 00:04:15.12\00:04:16.45 like someone's going to have a different partner 00:04:16.48\00:04:18.82 essentially every minute. 00:04:18.85\00:04:21.59 Every second. Every second. 00:04:21.62\00:04:23.29 Wow! Yeah. Yeah. 00:04:23.32\00:04:25.83 So let's go into some statistics about this. 00:04:25.86\00:04:29.66 Porn created $13.3 billion 00:04:29.70\00:04:34.87 in revenue as far back as 2006, 00:04:34.90\00:04:38.97 $13.3 billion in 2006. 00:04:39.01\00:04:41.74 Thirteen point three billion dollars! 00:04:41.78\00:04:44.35 And that was in 2006 more than the NFL, the NBA, 00:04:44.38\00:04:49.92 and major league baseball combined. 00:04:49.95\00:04:54.26 That's right. 00:04:54.29\00:04:56.22 The breast implants were at, like what, one billion? 00:04:56.26\00:04:59.56 Yeah. Yeah. 00:04:59.59\00:05:00.93 The amount of money we're putting into stuff. 00:05:00.96\00:05:03.06 Every second more than $3000 00:05:03.10\00:05:06.60 is spent on pornography. 00:05:06.63\00:05:09.37 And in order to wrap your mind around that, 00:05:09.40\00:05:11.14 you have to realize that 00:05:11.17\00:05:12.64 a lot of pornography is free. 00:05:12.67\00:05:17.25 I'm not recommending this. 00:05:17.28\00:05:18.68 Don't try this at home. 00:05:18.71\00:05:20.05 Never go down that road, ever. 00:05:20.08\00:05:21.78 But there's a lot of free pornography 00:05:21.82\00:05:23.72 on the internet. 00:05:23.75\00:05:25.45 But still, over $3000 every second. 00:05:25.49\00:05:30.29 Not every minute, every second spent on pornography. 00:05:30.33\00:05:35.70 So that doesn't even begin to include 00:05:35.73\00:05:37.47 all of the free stuff that's out there. 00:05:37.50\00:05:39.73 Every 39 minutes, a new porn film is made, 00:05:39.77\00:05:44.37 over $4.2 million porn websites exist, 00:05:44.41\00:05:50.35 68 million daily search engine requests for pornography, 00:05:50.38\00:05:53.82 that's 25% of the total search engine request. 00:05:53.85\00:05:58.15 Wait. Wait. What percentage of the total? 00:05:58.19\00:06:00.62 Twenty-five percent 00:06:00.66\00:06:03.56 of the total search engine requests 00:06:03.59\00:06:06.59 are pornography. 00:06:06.63\00:06:07.96 Wow! Like this is pandemic. 00:06:08.00\00:06:09.63 We're talking a major plague here. 00:06:09.66\00:06:11.23 Put the security thing on your internet at your home, 00:06:11.27\00:06:14.80 get all that going, everything. 00:06:14.84\00:06:17.34 And let's just take a pause one moment and talk about that. 00:06:17.37\00:06:21.48 There are several, you know, products available, 00:06:21.51\00:06:25.11 one is called Covenant Eyes. 00:06:25.15\00:06:27.02 And the company will actually come in 00:06:27.05\00:06:29.18 and not only put these filters on your computer, 00:06:29.22\00:06:31.95 but they'll send your search history 00:06:31.99\00:06:35.19 to an accountability partner. 00:06:35.22\00:06:36.96 And sometimes, they'll have the search history sent to them 00:06:36.99\00:06:39.69 as well, and they will call you, 00:06:39.73\00:06:41.16 the company will call you 00:06:41.20\00:06:42.53 to make you accountable for what you did. 00:06:42.56\00:06:43.90 Wow! Nice. 00:06:43.93\00:06:45.27 They're like really serious because they know 00:06:45.30\00:06:47.30 when you're talking about the accessibility 00:06:47.34\00:06:49.40 of the drug and the intensity of the addiction, 00:06:49.44\00:06:52.44 you have to pull out all the stops 00:06:52.47\00:06:53.81 and really handle this thing seriously. 00:06:53.84\00:06:55.18 Yeah. Head on. 00:06:55.21\00:06:56.54 That's right. That's right. 00:06:56.58\00:06:57.91 So the Covenant Eyes is one. 00:06:57.95\00:06:59.58 There are ones for children called Net Nanny. 00:06:59.61\00:07:02.32 There are a number of different products out there. 00:07:02.35\00:07:04.09 And I'm sure they're getting more and more sophisticated. 00:07:04.12\00:07:06.09 It says the rest in the name Covenant. 00:07:06.12\00:07:07.99 Yeah, that's right. That's right. 00:07:08.02\00:07:09.49 The Lord made a covenant with you. 00:07:09.52\00:07:11.19 He promised to never leave you nor forsake you. 00:07:11.23\00:07:13.63 And you accept that covenant. 00:07:13.66\00:07:15.10 And like Abraham, you believe God 00:07:15.13\00:07:17.27 and it's accounted to you for righteousness 00:07:17.30\00:07:18.87 and then you're given power to obey. 00:07:18.90\00:07:21.20 Over 100,000 websites online have child pornography, 00:07:21.24\00:07:25.37 feature child pornography. 00:07:25.41\00:07:26.78 That's when bad goes to worse. Hundred thousand websites. 00:07:26.81\00:07:29.94 Yeah. Wow! 00:07:29.98\00:07:31.31 And we're seeing a horrible surge 00:07:31.35\00:07:34.08 in sex trafficking. 00:07:34.12\00:07:35.52 That's right. 00:07:35.55\00:07:36.89 Ninety percent of eight to sixteen year olds 00:07:36.92\00:07:38.82 have viewed pornography. 00:07:38.85\00:07:40.19 Younger and younger ages are falling into the porn trap. 00:07:40.22\00:07:44.16 But here's the good thing is that God's plan 00:07:44.19\00:07:47.86 can protect us, 00:07:47.90\00:07:49.36 not just by stopping us from doing bad things, 00:07:49.40\00:07:52.67 in terms of putting up a barrier wall 00:07:52.70\00:07:54.57 saying that's wrong. 00:07:54.60\00:07:55.94 But actually God's kind of sexuality 00:07:55.97\00:07:58.37 is much more pleasurable in the long run. 00:07:58.41\00:08:01.68 So let me read a statement 00:08:01.71\00:08:03.04 from a book called The God Attachment. 00:08:03.08\00:08:04.71 The author is named Tim Clinton. 00:08:04.75\00:08:06.61 And he says... 00:08:06.65\00:08:07.98 He's talking about sexual addiction. 00:08:08.02\00:08:09.72 And he says, "Though dopamine," 00:08:09.75\00:08:11.89 that brain chemical that mediates pleasure, 00:08:11.92\00:08:14.36 "maybe the hormone that creates 00:08:14.39\00:08:15.99 the instinctive pleasure of love and attachment. 00:08:16.02\00:08:20.13 It is oxytocin that makes it possible 00:08:20.16\00:08:22.66 for that pleasure to last for longer periods of time." 00:08:22.70\00:08:25.70 So the significance of that is that when you experience 00:08:25.73\00:08:28.00 that dopamine rush of sexuality 00:08:28.04\00:08:29.97 in the context of a bonded relationship, 00:08:30.01\00:08:32.01 it's actually going to be more pleasurable. 00:08:32.04\00:08:33.58 Wow! 00:08:33.61\00:08:34.94 So you know, like it says, 00:08:34.98\00:08:36.78 you know, "At his right hand are pleasures forevermore." 00:08:36.81\00:08:41.82 Lasting pleasure is what God gives us. 00:08:41.85\00:08:44.32 The enemy gives us fleeting pleasure 00:08:44.35\00:08:46.39 which is very intense in the moment 00:08:46.42\00:08:48.42 but leads to unrest, and dissatisfaction, 00:08:48.46\00:08:51.16 and depravity of soul, 00:08:51.19\00:08:53.70 and then the shame compiles and the problems mount, 00:08:53.73\00:08:57.40 and then those things drive us to want to escape again 00:08:57.43\00:09:00.90 and we're even more incentivized 00:09:00.94\00:09:02.57 to pursue the drug of choice, 00:09:02.60\00:09:04.41 and we end up doing it more and using more 00:09:04.44\00:09:08.01 and we end up in an addiction cycle very, very quickly, 00:09:08.04\00:09:11.31 and it can be so difficult to escape. 00:09:11.35\00:09:13.25 If you're in that situation, get help. 00:09:13.28\00:09:16.35 You know, AbideCounseling.com is a good place to start. 00:09:16.38\00:09:20.39 I tell people to make sure 00:09:20.42\00:09:24.83 to structure their life around recovery. 00:09:24.86\00:09:27.00 If I were to sum up what works 00:09:27.03\00:09:29.66 in overcoming pornography addiction, 00:09:29.70\00:09:31.27 I would say structure your life around recovery. 00:09:31.30\00:09:34.40 And what do you mean by that? Unpack that a little bit? 00:09:34.44\00:09:36.24 Yeah. 00:09:36.27\00:09:37.61 What I mean is that you've been 00:09:37.64\00:09:38.97 devoting your energies, your resources, your time, 00:09:39.01\00:09:41.61 your money, in some cases, your efforts to your addiction. 00:09:41.64\00:09:45.71 Now all of the time, resources, efforts, money, 00:09:45.75\00:09:48.88 you're going to devote to recovering 00:09:48.92\00:09:50.62 from the addiction. 00:09:50.65\00:09:51.99 Jesus told a very vivid story. 00:09:52.02\00:09:53.52 He talked about a man casting a devil out of his home 00:09:53.56\00:09:56.79 and sweeping it clean. 00:09:56.83\00:09:58.59 But He said it was left empty and seven more devils came in. 00:09:58.63\00:10:01.60 Don't be content with just, 00:10:01.63\00:10:03.06 "I'm going to try to cold turkey my way out of this." 00:10:03.10\00:10:05.03 You've got to have replacement behaviors. 00:10:05.07\00:10:07.44 So what I recommend is that people find a good counselor 00:10:07.47\00:10:10.27 and that they see that counselor weekly. 00:10:10.31\00:10:13.01 With Abide Counseling, 00:10:13.04\00:10:14.38 you can counsel a coach on the phone. 00:10:14.41\00:10:17.71 So we can come to you where you are. 00:10:17.75\00:10:20.18 It's my idea. 00:10:20.22\00:10:21.58 And so I recommend that you see a good counselor weekly. 00:10:21.62\00:10:25.45 I recommend that you go to a support group 00:10:25.49\00:10:27.96 for addiction recovery. 00:10:27.99\00:10:29.89 Celebrate Recovery is a great place to start. 00:10:29.92\00:10:31.89 They are in most major cities. 00:10:31.93\00:10:33.56 Attend the group faithfully every week 00:10:33.60\00:10:36.36 if not twice a week if you need that. 00:10:36.40\00:10:38.90 I had a guy come to me. 00:10:38.93\00:10:40.84 Let me just tell you the story in brief. 00:10:40.87\00:10:42.57 He was downloading pornographic images 00:10:42.60\00:10:44.77 on 12 computers in his home all day long, 00:10:44.81\00:10:48.01 and he'd come home and consume those images 00:10:48.04\00:10:50.75 until he killed over in the wee hours of the night, 00:10:50.78\00:10:53.31 and he'd get up the next day and do the same thing. 00:10:53.35\00:10:56.18 True story. On 12? 00:10:56.22\00:10:57.92 Twelve computers. Yes. 00:10:57.95\00:11:00.32 So he came to counseling. 00:11:00.36\00:11:02.42 He was married and his wife died, 00:11:02.46\00:11:04.69 and that was the wakeup call God used 'cause he genuinely, 00:11:04.73\00:11:07.93 in some way, loved her and decided 00:11:07.96\00:11:10.30 he wanted out of the prison, 00:11:10.33\00:11:11.93 and he came to counseling weekly. 00:11:11.97\00:11:14.17 He went to three different 00:11:14.20\00:11:15.54 support groups for a period of time. 00:11:15.57\00:11:17.47 He had an accountability partner. 00:11:17.51\00:11:18.87 He had a net, the filter. He went back to church. 00:11:18.91\00:11:21.84 He went to Bible study. 00:11:21.88\00:11:23.21 This man did everything he could to get well. 00:11:23.24\00:11:25.95 And guess what happened? 00:11:25.98\00:11:27.32 He walked out of that lifestyle. 00:11:27.35\00:11:28.78 Wow! Praise the Lord. 00:11:28.82\00:11:30.19 He had a more clear line to recovery 00:11:30.22\00:11:32.62 than I have seen in anyone, 00:11:32.65\00:11:34.76 and I've worked with a number of people 00:11:34.79\00:11:36.32 addicted to pornography. 00:11:36.36\00:11:38.03 And he had a clear line of recovery 00:11:38.06\00:11:39.69 because he structured his life around recovery. 00:11:39.73\00:11:42.10 It's very interesting, right around the same time, 00:11:42.13\00:11:44.37 a man came with a much lesser addiction 00:11:44.40\00:11:47.80 in terms of the severity of it. 00:11:47.84\00:11:49.64 And I told him, "Yeah, you structure 00:11:49.67\00:11:51.01 your life around recovery. 00:11:51.04\00:11:52.37 This is what works." 00:11:52.41\00:11:53.74 And I explained what had happened 00:11:53.78\00:11:55.11 with this other fellow 00:11:55.14\00:11:56.48 and I said you've got to get a group, counseling every week, 00:11:56.51\00:11:57.85 and you know kind of... 00:11:57.88\00:11:59.21 And he looked at me like I had two heads. 00:11:59.25\00:12:00.58 He was like, "What! 00:12:00.62\00:12:01.95 I have to do... 00:12:01.98\00:12:03.32 You mean, you can't just like 00:12:03.35\00:12:04.69 hose me down with holy water or pray for me, 00:12:04.72\00:12:06.05 and the demons gonna go, 00:12:06.09\00:12:07.42 or just make it go away right now, you know?" 00:12:07.46\00:12:09.59 I was like, "No." 00:12:09.62\00:12:10.96 I said this, "You put a lot of effort 00:12:10.99\00:12:12.33 into developing this addiction. 00:12:12.36\00:12:13.70 You think it's going to go away without effort? 00:12:13.73\00:12:15.20 Like you're not thinking correctly, you know?" 00:12:15.23\00:12:17.67 And I don't know how things ended up with him 00:12:17.70\00:12:19.73 because he didn't like what I said. 00:12:19.77\00:12:21.10 He never came back. But I stand by what I said. 00:12:21.14\00:12:24.37 You structure your life around recovery, 00:12:24.41\00:12:26.88 you get with the people that can help you, 00:12:26.91\00:12:29.21 you be open in a group, 00:12:29.24\00:12:30.85 you be open with your counselor, 00:12:30.88\00:12:32.61 you put a net on your computer, you go back to church, 00:12:32.65\00:12:35.12 you get into Bible study, 00:12:35.15\00:12:36.69 you replace those addictive behaviors 00:12:36.72\00:12:40.06 with healthy behaviors, 00:12:40.09\00:12:41.62 and I believe that God will bless you. 00:12:41.66\00:12:43.02 So in other words, be intentional about it. 00:12:43.06\00:12:45.83 And physiology has a big part in this. 00:12:45.86\00:12:48.36 We need to exercise, 00:12:48.40\00:12:49.73 particularly young males need hard exercise 00:12:49.76\00:12:52.83 to be able to metabolize all those hormones 00:12:52.87\00:12:55.54 that are coursing through their veins, 00:12:55.57\00:12:57.41 and to increase their self-control. 00:12:57.44\00:13:00.24 They also need to be reading the Bible daily, 00:13:00.28\00:13:01.84 they need to be utilizing the part of your brain 00:13:01.88\00:13:05.21 that reasons through a connected thoughts 00:13:05.25\00:13:07.45 which is the Bible is just calculated for, 00:13:07.48\00:13:10.32 and deep spiritual thoughts. 00:13:10.35\00:13:11.89 And first and foremost, 00:13:11.92\00:13:13.25 you need to come to Jesus with your brokenness 00:13:13.29\00:13:15.82 and with your addiction and ask Him to deliver you 00:13:15.86\00:13:19.56 from the demon of sexual addiction 00:13:19.59\00:13:21.76 and pornography, 00:13:21.80\00:13:23.13 and make you hate what you once loved 00:13:23.16\00:13:26.40 and love what you once hated. 00:13:26.43\00:13:28.47 And Jesus is able to do that for you. 00:13:28.50\00:13:30.44 He can change... 00:13:30.47\00:13:31.81 Overtime, He can change our taste. 00:13:31.84\00:13:33.78 You know, there's a statement in the writings of Ellen White. 00:13:33.81\00:13:36.54 She says, "A true conversion will change hereditary 00:13:36.58\00:13:42.52 and cultivated tendencies to evil." 00:13:42.55\00:13:46.32 And usually, with pornography addiction, 00:13:46.35\00:13:47.72 it's the cultivated tendencies. 00:13:47.76\00:13:49.62 God can change that. 00:13:49.66\00:13:51.13 Ask Him to change your heart first and foremost. 00:13:51.16\00:13:53.93 Amen. Yeah. 00:13:53.96\00:13:56.60 He wants us to come to Him with our problems. 00:13:56.63\00:14:00.37 He knows what our problems are. 00:14:00.40\00:14:01.84 He knows what we're dealing with, 00:14:01.87\00:14:03.20 what we're struggling with, 00:14:03.24\00:14:04.57 and He just wants us to bring them to Him. 00:14:04.61\00:14:06.44 Amen. 00:14:06.47\00:14:07.81 Well, Jen, I know people are going to need resources. 00:14:07.84\00:14:10.35 And if you are one of those people 00:14:10.38\00:14:12.75 that need resources, 00:14:12.78\00:14:14.18 make sure you go to IntimateClarity.TV, 00:14:14.22\00:14:17.75 and join us on the next episode. 00:14:17.79\00:14:20.09 God bless. 00:14:20.12\00:14:21.46