Do you know what
the top ten strengths
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of a happy marriage are,
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and how media is
undermining those?
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Join us today on
Issues and Answers
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as we address this topic.
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Hello, I'm Shelley Quinn,
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and we're so glad that
you're joining us once again
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for Issues and Answers.
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Today we're gonna be talking
about media and the family,
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and what it is
doing to marriages
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and to familial relations.
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So let me
introduce our special guest.
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We have returning with
us Pastor Octavian Poenaru.
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You are the pastor for
the Colville Washington
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Seventh-day Adventist Church
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and then your
second church is where?
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Ione. Ione.
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Yes. Okay.
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Oh, we're so glad that you
can return and discuss this.
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Let me ask you a question. Sure.
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How did you get into,
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I mean you, I know
you are a busy pastor,
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but I know that you've
done a lot of research on media
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and that you actually go out
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and speak at other
churches from time to time,
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doing seminars
on this very topic.
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Sometime.
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What was, what drew
your interest to this?
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Well, it's a progression,
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and probably the first
things is that in my youth,
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my dream was to
study electronics,
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then I was studying electronics.
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My first training
was in electronics then,
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I had the passion
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for the electric
and electronic field
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then and it's easy,
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you know, in many ways
I'm familiar with media
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and my way of
thinking is very pragmatic,
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then I'm looking
even in theology,
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in theology even though I
enjoy definitely the Bible
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and the profound
thinking and philosophy,
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but I'm much drawn
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to the practical
aspects of Christianity
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than probably I
was always like this,
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then one of the first classes
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I took when I took my
master in Public Health
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at Loma Linda was
Adolescence Health.
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And I remember we
studied with a professor
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we discussed a
lot about at that time
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about the influence of media
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in the family life
and the youth life,
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and then when I got
my demean at Andrews,
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we got into family life.
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And you look at
different angles,
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then it was the combination
I would say over the years
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that drew my
attention to this area,
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plus that I
think you can't escape
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the reality around you if...
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Wherever you go, you see
people with electronic devices,
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everywhere, and it
takes most of the time
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to basically a lot of us.
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Yes, amen.
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And you know there is something
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that it has become so prevalent.
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I was in the
doctor's office here today
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and it doesn't matter
if somebody's in there
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on medicate or if they're,
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you know, what
your economic status is,
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they still have their
smart phones and everybody
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is on there playing games
or they're doing something,
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nobody is talking to
anybody more it seems.
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So how does media,
we spoke last time about
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how media is
effecting the spiritual life,
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how is media
effecting the family life?
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I'd like to read a
favorite Bible passage
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which actually had a
great impact on my life
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and it's in Joshua 24:15.
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Those who read their
Bible may be familiar
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with this passage.
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And it says,
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"And if it seems evil
to you to serve the Lord,
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choose for yourself
this day whom you will serve,
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whether the gods
which your fathers served
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that were on the
other side of the river,
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or the gods of the Amorites,
in whole land you dwell.
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But as for me and my
house, we will serve the Lord."
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Joshua made this profound
and fundamental statement.
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I don't know about you,
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you can choose these
gods or the other gods
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because there are many
gods in the land of Canaan,
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but Joshua says,
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for me and my house
which was to serve the Lord.
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I think media has,
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has changed
dramatically the life,
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the family life today.
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And before actually
diving in the subject,
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I'd like to read a statement
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which was made
by Susan Greenfield,
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she is a scientist,
an English scientist
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and she spoke a few times
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in front of the
English parliament,
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and she says this,
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"One of the most exciting
concepts in neuroscience
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is that all experience,
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every single moment
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leaves its mark almost
literally on your brain.
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It is this evolving
personalization of the brain
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that we could view as the mind.
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And it is this mind that could
therefore be radically changed
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by prolonged exposure to a new
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and unprecedented type
of ongoing environment,
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that of the screen."
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That's Hansard.
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I read this passage a few times,
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basically what she says is,
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you watch whatever you watch
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and what you put
in front of your eyes,
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it actually changes who we
are, who you are fundamentally.
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And it follows the
principle of 2 Corinthians 3:18
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that we become what we behold,
but it also when you said that,
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I was thinking that Paul said,
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let this mind be in you
that was in Christ Jesus.
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So here media is
changing us so much,
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changing the way we think,
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but one of the
biggest problem it seems
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is that it's the
breakdown of communication
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between the people
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because everyone is
so involved in media.
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When it comes to family,
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I'll divide the topic
into one is that relationship,
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the marital
relationship, husband and wives,
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and then as we as the
family parents and children.
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And probably the first concern,
I have two major concerns
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probably the first concern
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is that it
breaks the communication
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between the husbands and wives.
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Obviously we all enjoy,
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I enjoy having a an
iPhone and talking to my wife
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and you see each
other face to face
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and keep in touch of messaging
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and it's great, wonderful.
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But at one point, I think with,
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with the large
segment of population
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it goes on the other way.
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And I read this
funny, funny joke,
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it's called Electricity Outage.
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And it says, "I had an
outage at my place this morning
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and my PC, laptop, TV, DVD,
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iPad and my new
sound system won't work.
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Then I discovered that
my iPhone battery was flat
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and to top it off
it was raining outside,
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so I couldn't play golf.
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I went into the
kitchen to make coffee
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and then I remembered
that this also needs power,
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so I talked to my
wife for a few hours.
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She seems like a nice person."
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That's a great one. Yeah. Yes.
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Actually they did a
national survey on 21,
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more than 21,000 couples.
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The purpose of
this survey was to see
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what are the key
elements of happy families.
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They came up with
about 5,000 happy couples
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and they looked into what were
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the characteristics
of these happy families.
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And the number one,
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the number one quality
of these happy families
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was the ability to
communicate to each other.
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Amen. Quality
time spend together.
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Having this very unique time
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to speak to your
husband or to your wife,
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otherwise I believe
the natural process happen
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and that is of going
further and further away.
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Busy with jobs,
business, going here and there.
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I think that today society,
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the way it's structured
doesn't bring us closer
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but pulls us away.
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That means that they
have to be very intentional
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about keeping my relationship
with my wife, with my friend.
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And as it's in
the spiritual life,
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if there is no prayer,
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there is no
relationship with God.
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If there is no
communication with your spouse,
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I doubt that there is
a quality relationship
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in that marriage.
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A friend told me once,
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her husband came in from work
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to went straight
to the television,
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didn't talk to her and she said,
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"I've never been more lonely
than when he's in the room."
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Yeah. Yeah.
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And then another friend
is having problems right now,
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his wife is
constantly on Facebook,
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so there is no talk time
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and you're seeing just between
the television and the iPhone
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and the Facebook,
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I see two marriages
that are being destroyed,
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they're on the rocks.
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Yeah.
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The second concern I
will have is the fact
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that media makes us believe
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that there is this
idealistic marriage
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and you have
this unrealistic view
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on how the way
marriage should like,
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or how my wife should be,
or how your husband should be,
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I call it forever
young and forever in love.
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You know, in the
movies and this is,
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you have this very romantic
portrayal of relationships
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which are not really realistic.
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If you have a real life,
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you have to wake up
in the morning to work,
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if you're a
mother, have children,
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have washes to...
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Have dishes to wash and
plenty of responsibilities.
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You are not that romantic
guy or that romantic lady.
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I mean there is definitely place
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for romance in marriage
and don't misunderstand me.
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But I think what
you see in the movies
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is not, is not real.
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And we tend to believe well,
my life should be like that.
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Well, it shouldn't.
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And as I'm saying, I think,
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these virtual relationships
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we have with other
people on Facebook,
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on social media
also create this...
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idealistic
relationships or views
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on how
relationship should look like.
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I remember
reading one day on PBS
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the comment done by
one of the producers
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Therese Borchard, and
she asks the question,
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does the internet promote
or damage marital relationship?
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And she says,
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"Although the
internet and social media
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can foster
intimacy in a marriage,
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it seems to do
more harm than good.
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Of all the comments I've read,
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90 percent of the
opposite-sex relationships
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that were damaging
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to the marriage
happened online."
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And she...
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Again this is one of Satan's
subtleties, don't you think?
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It's just like, he
offers this temptation
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and it doesn't seem all that bad
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when people first
connect with old friends
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from high school or something,
00:11:45.83\00:11:47.44
and then suddenly
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just because they're
communicating and some often
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and a little secrecy it
becomes like a little real
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and then they go over the line
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and they're actually
having emotional affairs,
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if not leading
to physical affairs.
00:11:59.65\00:12:01.98
Well, it happens, it
happens in my periods,
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in one of my districts
that I had this couple,
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I knew them well.
00:12:07.49\00:12:08.89
They both came from a
very rough background,
00:12:08.92\00:12:10.93
but they were now committed
Christian both of them,
00:12:10.96\00:12:13.13
Christians both of them.
00:12:13.16\00:12:14.50
And it happened that a husband
had to go, it was winter time,
00:12:14.53\00:12:17.13
didn't find work in
the place where he lived,
00:12:17.17\00:12:19.60
and he had to go
work somewhere else.
00:12:19.63\00:12:21.54
Well, his wife was home,
staying home, not much to do.
00:12:21.57\00:12:26.07
And somehow, I don't know
exactly how did that happened,
00:12:26.11\00:12:28.38
she connected with
someone, guess how?
00:12:28.41\00:12:30.81
Facebook.
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Internet, chat room or
some kind of communication.
00:12:32.21\00:12:37.25
I remember that...
00:12:37.29\00:12:40.29
I think the husband came
and talk to me about this,
00:12:40.32\00:12:42.89
and I talked to
this lady and I said,
00:12:42.92\00:12:44.59
"Well, maybe, maybe
this is not healthy."
00:12:44.63\00:12:49.00
And she said, "Oh,
I'm just teaching him
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guitar lessons online."
00:12:51.47\00:12:55.37
I said, "It doesn't
look too good to me."
00:12:55.40\00:12:57.97
And I said, "Just be aware."
00:12:58.01\00:12:59.34
And she says, "Oh, I know, I
know, I know what I'm doing."
00:12:59.37\00:13:01.61
Well, the sad story is
that marriage broke apart
00:13:01.64\00:13:05.11
because she developed a
relationship with this guy,
00:13:05.15\00:13:07.52
and she began to send him
pictures of herself and so.
00:13:07.55\00:13:10.85
You understand where she goes
00:13:10.89\00:13:12.22
and the marriage was
completely destroyed.
00:13:12.25\00:13:16.66
And I remember the man
coming to my home one morning
00:13:16.69\00:13:18.86
at 7 o'clock and
this was a rough guy.
00:13:18.89\00:13:21.90
Big strong guy, but
he came to our door,
00:13:21.93\00:13:24.77
rang my bell at 7
o'clock in the morning.
00:13:24.80\00:13:26.47
I invited him, we had
breakfast together and we talk.
00:13:26.50\00:13:29.17
And then I said, "Is there
anything I can do for you."
00:13:29.20\00:13:31.87
And he said,
"Kill the internet."
00:13:31.91\00:13:34.18
That's what he said, I
remember him saying that.
00:13:34.21\00:13:37.68
And I think this might not be...
00:13:37.71\00:13:41.05
I don't have percentages
to justify what I'm saying,
00:13:41.08\00:13:44.92
but my concern is that media
instead of bringing us closer
00:13:44.95\00:13:48.99
in many circumstances
actually breaks the relationship
00:13:49.02\00:13:53.36
as far as the
marital relationship.
00:13:53.40\00:13:55.63
But there are big concerns
when it comes to children.
00:13:55.66\00:13:58.87
And I have a statistic
done by Dr. Norman Herr.
00:13:58.90\00:14:03.47
He is a professor
of Science Education
00:14:03.51\00:14:05.21
at California State University,
00:14:05.24\00:14:07.01
and he gives us a few statistics
00:14:07.04\00:14:09.01
which really, really amazed me.
00:14:09.04\00:14:11.68
He says this,
00:14:11.71\00:14:13.05
"Number of minutes per
week that parents spend
00:14:13.08\00:14:14.82
in meaningful conversation
with their children, 3.5."
00:14:14.85\00:14:18.35
That blows my mind.
00:14:18.39\00:14:20.06
That what he says,
00:14:20.09\00:14:21.49
"Number of minutes per week
00:14:21.52\00:14:22.86
that the average child
watches television, 1,680."
00:14:22.89\00:14:27.46
So that means, can I just
say something real quickly.
00:14:27.50\00:14:29.10
Sure, yes.
00:14:29.13\00:14:30.47
That means that the...
00:14:30.50\00:14:34.77
The influence that Hollywood
is having over children
00:14:34.80\00:14:38.81
is what 500 and somewhat times
00:14:38.84\00:14:42.18
the influence that
parents are having.
00:14:42.21\00:14:44.35
If they're listening,
00:14:44.38\00:14:45.71
if children are
listening 1680 hours a week,
00:14:45.75\00:14:48.88
and only 3 or a
1680 minutes a week to TV
00:14:48.92\00:14:53.22
and 3.5 to their
parents, that's amazing.
00:14:53.25\00:14:55.96
And I don't know
where he has this statistic,
00:14:55.99\00:14:57.53
but I think that
what he means by that
00:14:57.56\00:14:59.06
is meaningful conversation.
00:14:59.09\00:15:01.06
Meaningful
conversation doesn't mean,
00:15:01.10\00:15:02.50
oh, have you done your homework,
00:15:02.53\00:15:03.87
have you done
this, how was this?
00:15:03.90\00:15:05.43
It means meaningful,
truly meaningful conversations.
00:15:05.47\00:15:07.90
Then he continues,
00:15:07.94\00:15:09.44
"The percentage
of day care centers
00:15:09.47\00:15:11.01
that use TV during a
typical day, 70 percent."
00:15:11.04\00:15:13.41
It means our kids,
even in the day care center,
00:15:13.44\00:15:16.21
there a lot are
exposed to media.
00:15:16.24\00:15:19.01
"Hours per year
00:15:19.05\00:15:20.38
that the average
American school youth
00:15:20.42\00:15:22.05
spends in school is
900 hours in school.
00:15:22.08\00:15:25.15
Hours per year the
average American youth
00:15:25.19\00:15:29.32
watches television is 1500."
00:15:29.36\00:15:31.63
Yeah, so nearly twice as much
00:15:34.66\00:15:36.63
compared to what they're
being educated in school,
00:15:36.67\00:15:40.10
nearly twice as much
they're getting their mind.
00:15:40.14\00:15:42.47
The plasticity of
the mind is being shaped
00:15:42.50\00:15:45.91
by what they're
watching on television.
00:15:45.94\00:15:47.84
That's amazing.
00:15:47.88\00:15:49.21
And I'm going to make
probably very strong statement
00:15:49.24\00:15:51.88
here in today.
00:15:51.91\00:15:53.35
I cannot understand
the parents, I cannot.
00:15:53.38\00:15:56.28
They're putting
their in the hands
00:15:56.32\00:15:57.75
of the their little children
the very powerful devices
00:15:57.79\00:16:00.99
like a phone or an iPad,
I cannot understand that.
00:16:01.02\00:16:04.76
Without, it seems to me,
without any kind of monitoring,
00:16:04.79\00:16:08.86
we are very careful
with medicine, we put labels,
00:16:08.90\00:16:13.74
the safety caps,
and we're very careful
00:16:13.77\00:16:15.87
that kids don't have
access to medication.
00:16:15.90\00:16:20.28
But when it comes to what
they feed their mind with.
00:16:20.31\00:16:24.38
When I think a lot
of parents are careless.
00:16:24.41\00:16:28.02
When you give a knife
or a smart phone to a child
00:16:28.05\00:16:33.86
with
unrestricted access to data,
00:16:33.89\00:16:37.33
meaning movies or
internet sites or games,
00:16:37.36\00:16:43.06
in my opinion the parent
takes a huge, huge, huge risk,
00:16:43.10\00:16:48.24
and I cannot understand
why would they do that.
00:16:48.27\00:16:52.91
I would call that child abuse.
00:16:52.94\00:16:55.14
When you give to
your child or to someone
00:16:55.18\00:16:58.51
at a very early
age and even to the...
00:16:58.55\00:17:03.45
It's hard for me to say, well,
this is the age you should give
00:17:03.49\00:17:07.72
or you shouldn't give,
I don't dare to say that.
00:17:07.76\00:17:11.33
But I think the
parents take a huge risk
00:17:11.36\00:17:13.19
when they give to their children
00:17:13.23\00:17:14.60
these very powerful devices.
00:17:14.63\00:17:17.13
I saw children...
00:17:17.17\00:17:19.50
I remember one day I saw a girl,
00:17:19.53\00:17:22.20
she was there on a
bench with a phone,
00:17:22.24\00:17:28.44
let's see, less than
a foot from her eyes,
00:17:28.48\00:17:33.48
I mean her foot may be
intently watching something.
00:17:33.52\00:17:37.45
She was just watching.
00:17:37.49\00:17:38.92
She was completely absorbed
by what she was watching.
00:17:38.95\00:17:42.89
I passed by her
and when she saw me
00:17:42.92\00:17:45.03
she kind of, was kind of,
00:17:45.06\00:17:47.83
I don't know she
had a feeling of guilt
00:17:47.86\00:17:49.26
because she will take it.
00:17:49.30\00:17:50.77
I was just passing by
00:17:50.80\00:17:52.27
and she will hide it
kind of then she would back,
00:17:52.30\00:17:54.80
go back and watch
it again very intently.
00:17:54.84\00:17:59.54
And she was, she
was in another world.
00:17:59.57\00:18:04.08
And then I was, I just wanted
to do an experiment, I said,
00:18:04.11\00:18:07.78
"Well, how are you doing?'
00:18:07.82\00:18:09.15
' She says, "Good.
Very brief, short answers.
00:18:09.18\00:18:12.22
And what is that that you watch?
00:18:12.25\00:18:15.16
A movie.
00:18:15.19\00:18:16.93
I said, "What kind of a move?"
00:18:16.96\00:18:18.89
About a family.
00:18:18.93\00:18:20.56
And what happens in the family?
00:18:20.60\00:18:21.93
The parents are divorcing.
00:18:21.96\00:18:24.43
And I said to myself, why would
the parent or a grandparent,
00:18:24.47\00:18:27.67
I don't know who would
give to a child a phone
00:18:27.70\00:18:30.71
with the movie about
parents who are divorcing.
00:18:30.74\00:18:33.54
I do not understand that.
00:18:33.58\00:18:35.04
Why do they have to go
through this emotional trauma?
00:18:35.08\00:18:39.11
There is a
wonderful book which I love,
00:18:39.15\00:18:40.92
it's called Child Guidance.
00:18:40.95\00:18:42.52
I recommend this
book to every parent.
00:18:42.55\00:18:45.79
Was written by one of my
favorite authors Ellen White
00:18:45.82\00:18:50.63
and she says this,
00:18:50.66\00:18:52.33
"What the child sees and
hears is drawing deep lines
00:18:52.36\00:18:56.97
upon the tender mind,
00:18:57.00\00:18:58.93
which no after circumstances
in life can entirely efface.
00:18:58.97\00:19:03.71
The intellect is
now taking shape,
00:19:03.74\00:19:06.24
and the affections receiving
direction and strength.
00:19:06.27\00:19:11.38
Repeated acts in a
given course become habits."
00:19:11.41\00:19:16.65
What the child sees and
hears is drawing deep lines
00:19:16.69\00:19:20.49
upon the tender mind,
00:19:20.52\00:19:21.92
which no after circumstances
in life can entirely efface.
00:19:21.96\00:19:26.49
I think I am a, I am...
00:19:26.53\00:19:29.00
I have experience in my
own life this because I...
00:19:29.03\00:19:31.77
When I was a child,
I was, I watched movies
00:19:31.80\00:19:34.90
and the impact of those movies
00:19:34.94\00:19:36.27
probably are
still on my life today.
00:19:36.30\00:19:39.67
And these were
somewhat wholesome movies
00:19:39.71\00:19:43.01
back in that day.
00:19:43.04\00:19:44.48
You may call them today...
00:19:44.51\00:19:48.58
General audience
movies and everybody can...
00:19:48.62\00:19:52.19
But they're not. In
my opinion they're not.
00:19:52.22\00:19:57.09
Another concern is that,
00:19:57.13\00:19:59.39
we expose our children
talking about too fast.
00:19:59.43\00:20:01.96
They're too fast too
old, too fast too old.
00:20:02.00\00:20:04.90
Too fast too
old, too fast too old.
00:20:04.93\00:20:07.57
And focus on the family.
00:20:07.60\00:20:09.40
Dr. Dobson started this
program and talking on media,
00:20:09.44\00:20:14.64
he has a very
powerful statement and he says,
00:20:14.68\00:20:19.78
"You can't walk through
the grocery checkout aisle
00:20:19.81\00:20:22.98
without seeing
the latest shenanigans
00:20:23.02\00:20:24.82
of youth celebrities.
00:20:24.85\00:20:26.55
Media push young
starlets to move beyond
00:20:26.59\00:20:28.99
"precocious and cute
to sensual and sexy."
00:20:29.02\00:20:32.13
All the while,
00:20:32.16\00:20:33.50
impressionable tween fans
stand by in wide-eyed wonder,
00:20:33.53\00:20:39.20
wanting to be just like them."
00:20:39.23\00:20:41.54
Yes, they want to emulate this.
00:20:41.57\00:20:43.41
Yeah.
00:20:43.44\00:20:44.77
And it's not,
they're pushing now
00:20:44.81\00:20:47.11
these kids, 15, 16
to play different roles
00:20:47.14\00:20:53.55
and to be there and it changes,
00:20:53.58\00:20:56.25
it completely changes
the minds of our kids.
00:20:56.28\00:20:58.39
In the same focus on the family,
00:21:03.06\00:21:05.09
there are few guidelines.
00:21:05.13\00:21:07.00
One of them is know your kids.
00:21:07.03\00:21:11.00
And I'd say pray and play.
00:21:11.03\00:21:13.77
Pray and play
with your children.
00:21:13.80\00:21:17.07
I think they
will enjoy much more
00:21:17.11\00:21:19.51
the time we as parents
spend with them in playing
00:21:19.54\00:21:23.55
than just letting
them watch something
00:21:23.58\00:21:25.78
while we watch something else.
00:21:25.81\00:21:29.68
I think the investment,
00:21:29.72\00:21:31.12
the investment in
playing with our children
00:21:31.15\00:21:33.56
is absolutely worth
the time and the energy.
00:21:33.59\00:21:38.03
I like to play, and
I always love to play.
00:21:38.06\00:21:42.23
And when I had our
son, I play with him,
00:21:42.26\00:21:45.43
hide and seek and
just invent, whatever.
00:21:45.47\00:21:47.67
It doesn't matter what you play,
00:21:47.70\00:21:49.04
just play with your kids,
00:21:49.07\00:21:50.41
they'll teach you
what to play with them.
00:21:50.44\00:21:52.37
And take away
the computer games,
00:21:52.41\00:21:54.14
I mean just throw
them away I would say.
00:21:54.18\00:21:57.61
Bring some science, some history
00:21:57.65\00:21:59.98
if you really want to help
them develop intellectually,
00:22:00.02\00:22:03.65
and take time to play with them.
00:22:03.69\00:22:06.15
I remember our son growing
up when he was seven, eight,
00:22:06.19\00:22:09.39
we lived in
Norway, we'd go out skiing,
00:22:09.42\00:22:11.39
cross-country skiing a lot.
00:22:11.43\00:22:12.76
We moved to California then.
00:22:12.79\00:22:14.36
I remember, I'll always
make time to play badminton.
00:22:14.40\00:22:17.30
When he would
come back from school,
00:22:17.33\00:22:18.67
we'll play badminton
everyday, almost everyday,
00:22:18.70\00:22:20.77
we played badminton,
00:22:20.80\00:22:22.67
and it did good to
me, it did good to him.
00:22:22.70\00:22:26.84
He as all the
kids faced challenges
00:22:26.88\00:22:30.01
from the peer
pressure and others,
00:22:30.05\00:22:32.98
but I think, I
believe the fact that
00:22:33.01\00:22:35.02
we took the time to
pray with him as a family,
00:22:35.05\00:22:39.12
and the fact that I
took time to play with him,
00:22:39.15\00:22:40.89
it was worth in time.
00:22:40.92\00:22:44.26
We still have a
good relationship
00:22:44.29\00:22:46.13
and fortunately
he's doing well for now.
00:22:46.16\00:22:48.70
Praise God.
00:22:48.73\00:22:50.97
Another recommendation
done by focus on the family,
00:22:51.00\00:22:54.50
know their hangouts,
know who their friends are,
00:22:54.54\00:22:57.17
know who they are with?
00:22:57.21\00:23:00.58
Where do they spend their time?
00:23:00.61\00:23:02.04
What are they doing
while they are there?
00:23:02.08\00:23:05.55
And I have to say this, I
have to give this example,
00:23:05.58\00:23:09.52
even I can be
embarrassed by this.
00:23:09.55\00:23:11.82
At one point in our lives,
we had a friend of our son,
00:23:11.85\00:23:17.03
the same age with him
coming and visiting and...
00:23:17.06\00:23:20.60
I don't want to give
too many details about this,
00:23:20.63\00:23:23.87
but I remember
that he would say,
00:23:23.90\00:23:27.54
well, dad, can I go and spend
some time to this kid's home,
00:23:27.57\00:23:31.37
I say, well, I
was very reluctant,
00:23:31.41\00:23:35.71
and I said, no,
00:23:35.74\00:23:37.08
I don't think
so, but he insisted.
00:23:37.11\00:23:38.45
I said, okay, you go
00:23:38.48\00:23:39.81
and from time to
time he would go.
00:23:39.85\00:23:42.72
And I'm gonna say this because
00:23:42.75\00:23:44.19
I think a lot of
parents, for the sake of parents
00:23:44.22\00:23:47.36
one day I came
home and I found him
00:23:47.39\00:23:49.62
on our computer
watching something
00:23:49.66\00:23:51.93
which I was not happy about.
00:23:51.96\00:23:56.63
And I said how,
who taught you this?
00:23:56.67\00:23:59.23
Where did you get this from?
00:23:59.27\00:24:00.84
And he told me, from my friend.
00:24:00.87\00:24:04.57
Then being very much
aware, where your kids are,
00:24:04.61\00:24:07.64
what are they doing,
what happens to them,
00:24:07.68\00:24:10.48
I mean it's your...
00:24:10.51\00:24:11.85
I believe it is my
responsibility as a parent,
00:24:11.88\00:24:14.62
100 percent of the time,
00:24:14.65\00:24:15.98
I need to know where my child is
00:24:16.02\00:24:17.82
and what is he
doing where he is.
00:24:17.85\00:24:20.16
If you think that I'm
paranoid in controlling,
00:24:20.19\00:24:22.42
forget about that
00:24:22.46\00:24:23.79
because our kids
are exposed today
00:24:23.83\00:24:26.53
to so much and so
many influences that...
00:24:26.56\00:24:31.23
And I have plenty
of examples to use.
00:24:31.27\00:24:32.93
And you have to
also remember that
00:24:32.97\00:24:34.64
even if they're going,
maybe it's a Christian family.
00:24:34.67\00:24:38.37
Some parents don't
parent in the same style,
00:24:38.41\00:24:41.01
so they may be
a Christian family
00:24:41.04\00:24:42.44
and they allow
internet in their kids' room
00:24:42.48\00:24:45.58
and children, may be their child
00:24:45.61\00:24:47.58
has not been
supervised the way he should
00:24:47.62\00:24:50.19
and introduce to such stuff.
00:24:50.22\00:24:51.55
Another advice that's
given, know their friends
00:24:51.59\00:24:53.39
and have access to
their private lives,
00:24:53.42\00:24:55.59
email, Facebook accounts.
00:24:55.62\00:24:57.49
As a parent I
think that up to the age
00:24:57.53\00:25:00.00
when they would be adults, 18.
00:25:00.03\00:25:03.00
We as parents, we need to
have, we need to have access
00:25:03.03\00:25:06.37
to their means of communication.
00:25:06.40\00:25:07.74
You need to know the
password of their emails,
00:25:07.77\00:25:10.31
to have access to
their Facebook accounts
00:25:10.34\00:25:11.77
to see who are they talking
to, what are they talking about.
00:25:11.81\00:25:15.01
I know that
they are smart enough
00:25:15.04\00:25:16.41
and they can
fool you, I know that.
00:25:16.44\00:25:19.01
There's applications,
00:25:19.05\00:25:20.38
there's apps where
they can hide things.
00:25:20.42\00:25:22.35
They can, yes, I know
that, but at least as a parent
00:25:22.38\00:25:26.25
and I'll try to explain to them,
00:25:26.29\00:25:27.69
I don't this because I
want to invade your privacy.
00:25:27.72\00:25:30.16
I just love you too much.
00:25:30.19\00:25:32.09
And may I say just something
00:25:32.13\00:25:33.46
that I heard a
parent say recently,
00:25:33.50\00:25:34.86
they were having some problems
because they found their child
00:25:34.90\00:25:37.57
had gotten involved in something
00:25:37.60\00:25:39.43
so what they did is
00:25:39.47\00:25:40.84
they take the
cell phones at night.
00:25:40.87\00:25:44.54
There's a
certain hour, 8 o'clock
00:25:44.57\00:25:46.17
and the parents plug
them in, in their room
00:25:46.21\00:25:49.81
and they will
not allow their kids
00:25:49.84\00:25:51.18
to use it during
night, that's not a bad idea.
00:25:51.21\00:25:53.21
Yes, yes.
00:25:53.25\00:25:54.58
There are some
home life guidelines,
00:25:54.62\00:25:55.95
seem to have few minutes left.
00:25:55.98\00:25:57.65
Have a program,
00:25:57.69\00:25:59.19
have a daily
schedule and routines.
00:25:59.22\00:26:01.42
I think that's very important.
00:26:01.46\00:26:04.09
Have a set time
and place for worship,
00:26:04.13\00:26:05.96
family worship.
00:26:05.99\00:26:07.33
Have a set time for family
life or family fun activities.
00:26:07.36\00:26:10.73
Spending time with our children,
00:26:10.77\00:26:12.57
going outside in the
nature, playing with them.
00:26:12.60\00:26:15.40
Have clear home
rules and guidelines,
00:26:15.44\00:26:17.67
a few but very clear
and with clear consequences.
00:26:17.71\00:26:22.54
Keeping our kids busy.
00:26:22.58\00:26:25.31
It is also very important,
the leisure time that kids have
00:26:25.35\00:26:27.98
too much time on their
hands, they, we know that,
00:26:28.02\00:26:31.89
I know that by experience,
you get into foolish things.
00:26:31.92\00:26:34.99
Idle hands are
the devil's workshop.
00:26:35.02\00:26:37.96
FBI has guidelines
00:26:37.99\00:26:41.80
and I'm going to
read them quickly.
00:26:41.83\00:26:43.77
You can find this in the website
00:26:43.80\00:26:47.20
with www.fbi.gov.
00:26:47.24\00:26:50.74
A few of them says, let
media for later in life.
00:26:50.77\00:26:54.51
I was surprised
that this people,
00:26:54.54\00:26:58.25
they said let
media for later in life.
00:26:58.28\00:27:01.02
In other words,
00:27:01.05\00:27:02.38
don't introduce it too
young to your children.
00:27:02.42\00:27:03.75
Right, right.
00:27:03.79\00:27:05.15
And you may say, well,
how long my kids have to wait?
00:27:05.19\00:27:08.66
Well, it depends very much
on your lifestyle as a family.
00:27:08.69\00:27:11.36
But number one,
00:27:11.39\00:27:12.73
have let media
for later in life.
00:27:12.76\00:27:14.43
No media in the bedroom.
00:27:14.46\00:27:16.13
You mentioned no media
in the bedroom of kids.
00:27:16.16\00:27:18.53
No media for them. No
private media for them.
00:27:18.57\00:27:21.50
Computer in the living room
00:27:21.54\00:27:23.00
to be used only
with adult supervision,
00:27:23.04\00:27:24.87
screen to be in a
visible position at all time.
00:27:24.91\00:27:27.48
Internet
connection to be limited then,
00:27:27.51\00:27:29.74
a controlled
password for the network
00:27:29.78\00:27:32.15
and have access to
their social media.
00:27:32.18\00:27:34.08
And this is from the
FBI, they see all of these,
00:27:34.12\00:27:37.29
so these are wonderful tips,
00:27:37.32\00:27:39.29
and thank you so much
for sharing them with us.
00:27:39.32\00:27:40.99
Thank you for having me.
00:27:41.02\00:27:42.36
And I should call
you doctor but I don't,
00:27:42.39\00:27:45.39
but thank you so much, Octavian,
00:27:45.43\00:27:46.96
for being with us.
00:27:47.00\00:27:48.33
For those of you at home,
I hope that we've discussed
00:27:48.36\00:27:51.70
a number of things very rapidly,
00:27:51.73\00:27:54.14
but I hope you
took some good notes.
00:27:54.17\00:27:56.10
If not, you can always
get a copy of this program,
00:27:56.14\00:27:58.77
but we also want to
invite you to join us next time
00:27:58.81\00:28:01.91
as we're going to be
talking about the effect
00:28:01.94\00:28:04.25
that media has on our health.
00:28:04.28\00:28:07.62
We pray that God will bless you,
00:28:07.65\00:28:09.22
and we thank you
for joining us today.
00:28:09.25\00:28:12.02
Look forward to
seeing you next time.
00:28:12.05\00:28:13.96