Participants: Shelley Quinn (Host), Marie Fischer
Series Code: IAA
Program Code: IAA000451A
|
00:29 Hello, I'm Shelley Quinn.
00:30 And we welcome you again to Issues and Answers. 00:33 This is a program where we're talking about 00:35 problems of today's society, 00:37 things that are happening to all of us really, 00:40 and some biblical solutions. 00:42 Today we're going to be speaking about 00:44 something that we don't really 00:46 I don't recall talking to this topic very much. 00:50 We're going to be talking about step parenting 00:54 and doing it God's way. 00:55 Returning to us today is Marie Fischer 00:58 from Jay, Oklahoma. 00:59 And we're so glad you're back. 01:01 I have to say, you're lot of fun. 01:03 We've had a lot of fun on this set 01:05 and it's a good thing we are today 01:06 because I've had very little sleep 01:09 and you're keeping me awake. 01:11 Praise God. Amen. 01:14 You have weird number of children. 01:17 And some of whom, most of whom are stepchildren or adopted, 01:22 you don't have any biological children. 01:24 So explain to us how you ended up with all these stepchildren? 01:28 From a very messy life 01:30 that God blessed me to have the children through, 01:31 but I had multiple marriages 01:35 and so, therefore, I ended up with stepchildren from them 01:38 and also adopted children from them. 01:41 And those multiple marriages, 01:42 I want to, just for some that may not know you 01:44 or because of you had a whole pattern of abuse in your life, 01:50 you were sexually molested, you were physically abused, 01:53 verbally abused, mentally abused, 01:55 spiritually abused. 01:57 So this was something 01:58 that you made wrong choices in your life. 02:01 Marrying people who weren't God's ideal for you, right? 02:04 That's correct. 02:06 But I don't want to blame my bad choices 02:11 on my life, on my messed life either 02:13 because I did make these choices, 02:15 you know, I manipulated my life and made excuses for my life 02:19 and chose the people that I chose 02:21 because I was living a sinful life. 02:23 I wasn't living a life for the Lord. 02:25 So I can't just blame it on my past. 02:28 I've to take full responsibility 02:30 that I made those choices. 02:31 Absolutely. That's good. That's good. 02:33 But you ended up... 02:35 You always prayed 02:36 and that's something else we have in common. 02:39 I always wanted six children 02:40 and I prayed so hard for children. 02:43 But I also prayed, "Lord, if I would outlive them, 02:45 then I just do not have any." 02:47 And unfortunately, we were not able to have children. 02:51 Tell us your story 02:52 about your heart's desire for children. 02:54 Well, ever since I was about ten years old, 02:56 I started praying for children. 02:58 And I think I prayed for them 03:00 because I felt like that would be an unconditional love 03:02 that that child would love me no matter what. 03:04 And so I was trying to fill a void really. 03:07 At that young age, I wanted children. 03:09 I babysat, I wanted children. 03:11 And I wanted to have 12, and I told the Lord, 03:13 I said I want 12 children, Lord. 03:15 I want a whole dozen of children. 03:17 I want them to love me and I want to love them. 03:19 And I started praying that way, 03:20 but I too had a really hard time conceiving. 03:25 And so you ended up... 03:27 You did have what you were... 03:28 You did go through one pregnancy, 03:30 but unfortunately you miscarried that baby, 03:32 is that correct? 03:33 I had an ectopic, what is tubular pregnancy. 03:36 So which had developed up to almost nine weeks 03:40 which is really unheard of, but I had eight children 03:43 and I used to say eight is enough, 03:45 that's what I had at that time 03:47 when I found out I was pregnant at 36. 03:49 And I was devastated because my youngest one was 13, 03:52 so I was like I don't want another child, 03:55 you know, eight is enough and everything. 03:57 But I truly believe the Lord 03:58 allowed me to be pregnant long enough 04:00 because my little Dylan needed a home. 04:03 You know, and I was not going to... 04:06 My mother had already asked me, this is her great grandchild. 04:08 This is my brother 04:10 who was murdered when he was 28, his grandson. 04:13 And my mom was begging me to take him. 04:15 I said, "Mom I've raised eight children 04:17 that are not mine that I adore and love, 04:19 and I'm so grateful to have them 04:20 but I'm done." 04:22 You know, and she says "Well, I'm too old." 04:24 Then I said, "Well, find somebody 04:25 that really needs a child." 04:27 Well, then I found out I was pregnant. 04:29 And I think the Lord allowed me to be pregnant, 04:32 ectopic pregnant long enough 04:34 so that I would resign myself to the fact 04:37 and get excited about having another child, 04:39 having a baby, you know. 04:40 And with that being said, 04:43 after it ruptured and I nearly died, 04:46 and I got Dylan two weeks later and he was 13 months old. 04:51 A beautiful boy, he's such a beautiful, beautiful baby. 04:55 He's not a baby, but he's my baby. 04:57 No longer a baby. 04:59 No longer a baby, but he'll always be my baby 05:01 and I tell him that every day. 05:02 You'll always be my baby. 05:03 Okay, so you have six stepchildren 05:05 and you adopted three children. 05:07 And then there is, you always... 05:09 When I talk to you, you always talk about ten. 05:11 So where's number ten? 05:12 Well, that's Jamie. 05:14 And Jamie was a neighbor child and she was the same age 05:17 as my youngest stepdaughter Tara. 05:19 And Tara and Jamie came home one time and said, 05:23 "Kathy and West don't want her anymore." 05:25 And I'm like, "What?" 05:27 She was 12 at the time. 05:29 And I said, "What!" And I said, "That can't be so." 05:31 So I ended up taking Jamie 05:34 I ended up getting custody of Jamie and raising her. 05:37 She is what the courts labeled "a throwaway child." 05:41 Bless her little heart. 05:42 And bless her little heart. 05:43 And she is a wonderful, wonderful, 05:45 wonderful young lady, a Christian young lady 05:49 and has two beautiful children of her own 05:50 and she has been a blessing to my life, 05:53 a wonderful blessing to my life. 05:55 Praise the Lord. 05:56 I know for me not having children 05:59 was probably the biggest disappointment of my life. 06:03 But the Lord has given me many spiritual children 06:06 and then we are nana and papa 06:08 or some of them call us nanny and dado to their children. 06:13 JD and I is who I'm referring to. 06:15 But I think that one thing that I have always believed 06:21 and I noticed is that parenting techniques 06:26 aren't something that you can just say, 06:27 "Here's one through twenty of the way you should parent." 06:31 Because every child's personality is so different 06:35 and every child needs something a little bit differently. 06:38 When you are parenting six adopted children 06:42 or excuse me six stepchildren, 06:45 three adopted and then one for whom you had custody, 06:48 what was your greatest challenge in learning 06:53 how to meet the needs of these various personalities? 06:58 Well, at the very beginning, 06:59 I have to tell you, I was only 21. 07:02 So I was 21 07:04 and took on five of those children all at one time. 07:07 And so the oldest one 07:08 was only four and a half years younger than me 07:11 and the youngest one was five. 07:14 So what, that's 16 years? 07:16 So I had a 5, and 8, 13, 14, and 16 year old. 07:21 So the biggest challenge for me was learning how to be a parent 07:26 all at one time and a good one. 07:31 And it's very difficult when you have teenagers, 07:33 and you don't really know them 07:34 and you're throwing all together. 07:36 Especially when you're not that much... 07:37 The age difference was pretty narrow margin... 07:41 Minimal. 07:42 Yeah, minimal, it's a good word. 07:44 You're almost could be like considered sister to the old. 07:49 So how did God lead you? 07:53 Well, what's really challenging 07:54 was that their dad worked on the railroad 07:56 so he was gone a lot, 07:58 so I was kind of just thrown into the situation. 08:00 But I've always had a deep love for people. 08:04 You know, I have always felt connection to people. 08:07 And I could always see their need, 08:08 it's a gift that God gave me. 08:10 And I wanted them to have 08:14 something that they didn't have. 08:15 I wanted them to have a stable home 08:17 and an environment that they could be part of 08:20 like a whole family, not just a mom, and a dad that was gone, 08:24 and a step mom that was there to tell them what to do. 08:26 I wanted to mingle with them and I didn't know how. 08:31 Like you said, kids don't come with a manual. 08:33 And step parenting especially isn't easy, 08:36 especially to teenagers. 08:37 And I had one, Lisa, 08:39 she was the oldest of the three girls. 08:43 And she turned around when she was about 14 08:45 and told me, "You can't tell me what to do. 08:47 You're not my mother." 08:50 And I handled it all wrong. 08:53 I got angry and retaliated. 08:54 I was 21 or 22 at the time, you know. 08:56 We'd only been a family for a year, 08:59 and I handled it all wrong. 09:01 But later on after about a year of being a stepparent, 09:04 I went to them and I asked them biblically, 09:07 I always kind of turn to God 09:08 because I wanted to know how to be a good stepparent, 09:13 not just a stepparent that said... 09:15 The wicked stepmother that said, "Okay. 09:17 Well, you live here, you have to do it this way." 09:19 So I went to God and then I went to them. 09:21 And I said, "I'm sorry, I've done things wrong. 09:26 I know that I've done things wrong, 09:28 I've handled that situation, 09:29 God's just as disappointed with me as He is with you 09:33 because I handled it wrong. 09:36 But I've never been a parent before 09:37 and I've never been a stepparent before. 09:38 And so can you help me? 09:41 Can we do this together? 09:42 Can you help me? 09:43 Show me what you need. 09:45 Show and I'll try to fill in the gaps 09:48 and be a family unit for you." 09:50 And that was the turning point for us. 09:52 We started learning about each other differently 09:56 and each child I started looking at 09:58 and trying to find out their personality 10:00 and what their greatest gift was to my life. 10:04 So one had humor that I just adored, 10:06 and so I lifted him up with that humor, you know. 10:09 And one had a need 10:11 that she needed to feel like daddy's little girl 10:13 because she wasn't the baby of the family. 10:16 And that little girl is with the babies 10:17 and they were daddy's babies, you know. 10:20 And so I made her feel special, 10:22 I'd go and envelop her and love her 10:24 and she'd say, "I hate my mom." 10:25 And I'd say, "No, you don't. 10:27 You don't hate your mom, 10:28 you hate the things that maybe she's done 10:29 but you love your mother." 10:31 And I stopped trying to be a mother, 10:33 I started trying to be just what they needed. 10:37 That's kind of a sacrificial type thing 10:39 that when you're having to, I mean, it takes sacrificial, 10:43 unconditional love to be a parent. 10:45 But to be a stepparent, 10:46 even I would say you have to magnify that. 10:49 And you do, 10:50 and you have to spend a lot of time on your knees, 10:52 and going back and saying, "I'm sorry. 10:54 I messed up again," you know. 10:56 But I think even as a natural parent, 10:57 when I stopped looking at myself and saying, 10:59 "Oh, they're only doing this because I'm their step mom." 11:02 When I stop looking at that 11:04 and realize that even if I was their natural parent, 11:08 they have issues, they have arguments, 11:11 they have all these things that happen in a real life, 11:14 you know, in a real biological parenting. 11:17 So I stopped looking at that as, 11:19 "Oh, if I was their real mom." 11:20 Because their friends didn't treat their mothers any better 11:23 than they treated me. 11:24 And I started looking at it, "This is parenting. 11:28 This is a class, 11:29 like I kind of looked at it as parenting one on one. 11:31 This is a class I'm taking 11:33 and I'm going to get good at it, 11:34 just like I did all my life. 11:36 I had to be perfect at everything." 11:37 So I started looking at that in that way. 11:40 And what child needed the most of what particular thing. 11:45 But, you know, to me, 11:46 it seems like it would be much more difficult in that, 11:50 you can't always just walk in and be the mother, 11:53 especially, when they're older. 11:54 And your case is an unusual case 11:57 where there was such a minimal amount of difference in age 12:00 for the oldest and you. 12:02 But you can't step up to the plate and say suddenly, 12:06 you know, "Well, I'm your mother, 12:07 you're going to treat me like your mother." 12:09 This is something that for children, 12:13 you want to be a parent, 12:15 you know, and often people will say, 12:17 "Well, kids don't need a friend, 12:19 they need a parent." 12:20 But with step-parenting, you have to befriend them. 12:24 How did you gain their respect 12:27 so that you could exercise 12:32 a certain degree of authority if you will? 12:35 Yes, that's a good question. 12:38 Because at the beginning of the relationship, 12:41 I never wanted to be their mom. 12:43 I wanted to love them. 12:45 And I told them straight out. 12:46 I said, "I'm not here to replace your mom, 12:49 I'm not here to be your mom. 12:51 I'm here to help you and to be a family unit. 12:54 And your dad's gone, you need someone that will be there 12:57 to take you to school, to help you eat at night." 12:59 And when you say dad's gone, 13:00 he traveled in his business a lot. 13:02 Yes, he was a railroader. 13:04 So he was gone quite a bit, you know, on the road. 13:08 So I try to look at their needs and say, 13:10 "This is what I am here for, to fill those needs for you. 13:14 I don't care if you call me Mom, 13:16 I don't care if you call me Marie. 13:18 But you will respect me, and I learn to respect you too. 13:21 I mean, it's a mutual give and take, 13:23 and we had to learn that together. 13:25 You know, each one of the children added something 13:28 so beautiful and unique to my life, 13:30 and changed me into the person I am today 13:33 that I wouldn't change one child for one of my own. 13:38 Yeah. 13:40 And it's something that, you know, you've said 13:43 that you're still very much attached to them, 13:46 they're still very much attached to you. 13:48 You told me once that you had written a letter 13:51 to each one of them that hasn't been delivered yet. 13:53 Tell me about that? 13:55 Well, one day and this was probably, 13:59 I would guess probably 20 years ago, 14:01 I wrote these letters. 14:03 And one day, I was just thinking about the children 14:05 and all of them 14:06 and how unique my life has been because of them, 14:10 and how blessed my life has been because of them, 14:12 and what special trait each one of them have. 14:15 And I wanted them to know how valuable they were to me, 14:19 and how important those kids were to me, 14:21 and how precious they are to God. 14:24 And so I sat down one day and I wrote a letter to Gary, 14:28 to Raymond, to Lisa, to Regina, and to Tara, 14:31 you know, just the five step kids, 14:33 those five, those first five. 14:35 And because I didn't have the sixth one yet. 14:40 Anyway, so I wrote those letters to them 14:42 and I sealed them. 14:43 And my intent was, I had watched an Opera, 14:48 mother's day thing. 14:49 And it was children that were supposed to be 14:51 writing in letters about their mother. 14:54 And I was like, "Oh, Lord. 14:56 I would never be a mother 14:59 if it wasn't for the children that you gave me." 15:02 I want them to know that how special that is to me. 15:04 How blessed I was to have them in my life. 15:07 And how each one of them have just added something 15:11 so unique and I sealed it. 15:13 And I never intended to send it to Opera 15:15 because she wasn't doing a show on that. 15:17 Had she been doing it, I might have sent them in 15:19 and let my children all know how treasured they were. 15:23 But I just thought what an awesome thing to do 15:26 and so I wrote those for those children 15:28 and I stuck them in a drawer. 15:30 And I just recently saw them maybe a year ago. 15:32 And I was like, "Oh, well when I die." 15:35 When I die, they'll have a little surprise or whatever. 15:38 But you know, to me, the reason I wanted to talk about that is 15:41 because that was your focus 15:43 is that you looked for their strengths, 15:47 you looked for the things 15:50 for which you could affirm them, 15:52 that you could hold them up and tell them 15:55 this is what's good about you. 15:58 Now what happens though 16:01 when there is discord in the home? 16:05 What, I mean, there is with all children and their parents, 16:09 so how did you go about picking your battles? 16:13 You know, you have to be... 16:16 You have to really want to love the children. 16:19 You really have to take your focus on your own self 16:22 and put it aside. 16:24 And that doesn't always happen. 16:25 Even in a biological family situation, 16:29 it doesn't happen that you don't 16:31 put your selfish desires first and you say, 16:33 "I'm the mother and that's what I said 16:34 and that's why it's going to be the way it is." 16:36 So you have to look at that child 16:39 and you have to look at yourself and say, 16:42 "God what is it 16:45 that's really worth fighting over? 16:48 Is this really worth tearing apart that child 16:51 or yelling at that child, 16:52 or is this really worth telling their dad that this happened 16:55 because he responded so violently sometimes 16:59 in different things? 17:00 Is this really worth it?" 17:01 And when I would do that, 17:03 I would find myself saying 90% of the stuff wasn't worth it. 17:08 You know, that is so true even in marriage. 17:11 I mean, most relationships, there are... 17:13 When we first married, I would think, "Okay." 17:17 And this shows you how my mind worked. 17:19 I had a scale from 1 to 100 is, 17:22 if it weren't at least in 80 or above, 17:24 I'd say, "Okay, then it isn't worth arguing over," 17:27 if it's not an 80 or above. 17:29 And I cannot tell you how often that I would go to bed, 17:33 something would be right up there 17:35 and I think this is a 78 to 79, Lord, it's getting close. 17:40 And I would pray about it and by the next morning, 17:44 the Lord would just handle it. 17:45 I mean, within 24 hours, he would handle the situation. 17:49 But I think sometimes, we argue over with... 17:53 We see parents arguing with their children 17:55 and making life miserable 17:59 because parents want control. 18:03 That's exactly right. 18:05 And I think that's basically what it is. 18:07 It's surrendering your parental position 18:10 to win their hearts 18:11 especially, when you're in a step-parenting situation. 18:14 I would surrender my parental position... 18:17 Okay, what do you mean 18:18 by surrendering your parental position? 18:21 Well, a lot of parents would simply say, 18:24 "Because I said so." Okay. 18:26 You know, do this because I said so. 18:28 Because I'm the mom, or I'm the dad, 18:30 or I'm your parent and that's way it is. 18:32 And I, as a child, was probably antagonistic 18:36 because I would always say, "Give me a reason. 18:39 Why?" 18:41 You know, "Why can't I do such and such, 18:42 or why can't I eat that if I want it?" 18:45 Because I said so, you know. 18:47 And that's not good enough. 18:49 And so when I realized that I was making so many mistakes 18:52 as a stepparent, 18:54 I started looking at my own life. 18:56 And the things that I really hated that my parents stood on 18:59 because they were my parents, 19:01 you know, that didn't make any sense. 19:02 And I was doing the same things to my children, 19:05 my stepchildren. 19:07 And I said, "No, you need to give up 19:09 that parental position to win their hearts. 19:13 Because if you want to love them 19:15 and you want them to love you, 19:16 it can't be like this all the time." 19:19 Now naturally, natural children love their parents 19:22 even if they fight 19:23 and even if they're abused by them. 19:25 Especially if they're abused by them, 19:26 they want to love that parent even more, 19:28 they want their love even more. 19:30 But a stepchild and a stepparent 19:34 have other issues. 19:35 They don't naturally love them. 19:37 You have to look for ways to get into their heart. 19:41 And so I started looking for their needs, 19:43 individual needs and trying to meet those individual needs. 19:46 And I tried to separate myself as being a parent, 19:50 even though I still need to fulfill that role. 19:52 I still need to let them trust me that I did love them, 19:56 that I was there for them, I wasn't against them. 20:00 I wanted to make their life better not worse. 20:02 And we actually enjoyed each other's company. 20:05 We would go horseback riding, 20:08 and we would float down the river, 20:09 and we would do things that were fun as well. 20:12 And that was really a bonding for us 20:15 that I didn't always have to be that parent standing 20:18 on that position. 20:20 You know, David Asscherick said something 20:22 so fascinating one day when he was preaching 20:24 at one of our camp meetings. 20:26 He said that his children know 20:29 that whatever they're going to ask him, 20:31 they can assume that the answer is yes, 20:34 unless it's breaking a biblical principle 20:37 or it's unhealthy for them. 20:39 You know, if it's dangerous or unhealthy for them 20:41 or breaking a biblical principle, 20:44 they can assume yes. 20:45 He said most people's mindsets are no, no, no, no, no. 20:50 And kids just get to where they're fighting 20:52 that no all the time. 20:54 He said but, you know, God's mindset 20:56 when we go to Him, 20:57 He's just like yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, 20:59 unless it's dangerous for us 21:01 or it's not good for our health, 21:03 or it breaks one of His scriptural principles. 21:07 And I think that's just fabulous advice 21:10 because I think most parents do. 21:11 It's kind of like, "No, why not, because I said so." 21:15 This is something that quite often parents 21:17 don't realize how antagonistic they are being. 21:22 You know, they look at their child 21:23 as being antagonistic. 21:25 But if you are in a frame of saying yes 21:28 for the child's benefit most of the time, 21:30 then I believe that when they come to you 21:33 and you have to say, "No," 21:35 that they're going to understand, "Oh, okay. 21:37 This really is dangerous for me. 21:39 Or this is breaking a principle of God. 21:40 Or, you know, this is something that is not good for me." 21:44 So I think that there's some real sound advice. 21:47 I believe that totally is true. And I look at Matthew 7:9. 21:53 And I kind of think about this as being a stepparent 21:55 because I did look back at that and it says, 21:58 "For what man is there of you, whom a son ask a bread, 22:02 and you will give him a stone?" 22:03 And instead of being a parent that was like no, no, no, 22:07 or I don't want to do this, or I don't want you to do that, 22:09 and I want to be in control of everything that you do, 22:12 I start asking God, 22:13 "What can I do to give this child 22:16 that will make them a better person 22:17 or that will show them that I love them? 22:20 How can I show them Christ?" 22:21 And I wanted them to go to church 22:23 and I wanted them to go 22:24 into church schools and all this stuff. 22:26 But how can I show them Christ if I'm the evil stepmother. 22:28 You know, I need to look at their best interests. 22:30 And I took that verse as this God saying, 22:33 "I want to give you all great things, 22:34 why would I give you bad things?" 22:36 And so I started wanting to give the children good things. 22:40 I do have to say though. 22:41 Being from an abusive background, 22:44 I was overprotective, I was over controlling, 22:47 I didn't want anything to hurt them, 22:49 I didn't want anything to get near to them 22:51 that could cause them pain. 22:53 And so that is a form of abuse as well 22:56 when you manipulate situations 22:57 to keep your children too close to you, 22:59 you don't allow them to explore things. 23:02 You don't allow them to go places 23:03 that could possibly hurt them 23:05 because they could go down the lake 23:07 and drowned, you know. 23:09 So you don't let them go with their friends. 23:10 "No, I don't think you should go with your friends." 23:12 They're 15 and 16 years old. 23:15 They're 16 and 17 years old now, 23:17 you know, 18 and 16 or whatever they grew up." 23:20 And I still wanted to protect them. 23:23 And that causes them to pull away from you. 23:25 And we do that even without step-parenting, 23:28 even in real parenting, we overprotect them sometimes 23:31 because we think we're doing the best thing for them. 23:35 But we haven't taught them how to make those choices. 23:37 We haven't given them wings on how to be responsible 23:41 or make good choices 23:42 because we don't inform their whole entire life. 23:44 And I did that with my babies that I adopted. 23:47 I didn't want anything to hurt them. 23:50 Well, and especially coming from your background, 23:52 I can see that, that protective desire would be 23:56 even more magnified 23:58 because of the abuse that you suffered, 24:00 so I understand that. 24:02 But as you are working with these, I mean, in really, 24:05 we're talking about step-parenting, 24:07 but you also were an adoptive mother, 24:10 a little different relationship 24:12 but it's still a challenge sometimes. 24:17 As you are learning to love these children 24:21 and that's what you're asking the Lord to show you 24:23 what they need, you're learning to love them, 24:25 to meet their needs. 24:27 How easy was it for them to reciprocate 24:30 that love for you? 24:32 I think, you know, 24:33 the first year is always difficult. 24:36 But I think after a couple of years, 24:39 we were very close. 24:41 My oldest stepdaughter 24:42 and I are six years apart, Lisa. 24:44 And we're like best friends today, 24:47 and I'm divorced from her dad for almost 30 years. 24:50 And we're like best friends, 24:52 we talk to each other on a regular basis. 24:54 She's a nurse, 24:55 she's a wonderful Christian woman. 24:56 She has beautiful children, 24:58 you know, and we're very, very close. 25:00 She still introduces me to this day as her step mom. 25:04 And I love her to death. 25:05 I can't even imagine my life without Lisa in my life. 25:08 Same thing with all of my children 25:09 in a unique way. 25:11 I don't have a close, close relationship with the ones 25:14 that have moved away to Idaho and stuff but I love them 25:17 and they have added things to my life 25:19 that I can't even go into depth with that have taught me 25:23 to be a Christian in a way 25:25 that I would have never been able to be without them. 25:28 And I want to just touch for one second 25:32 on one of your adoptive sons because that's a special need 25:39 is learning how to mother someone who is serving time 25:45 in a penal institution. 25:46 Tell us about that just briefly? 25:50 He is my son, his name is Anthony, we call him TJ. 25:54 And he has been spending 25:55 the last eleven and a half years 25:57 in prison for murder. 25:59 And he was the very child that I protected the most, 26:03 because he had been in six different foster homes, 26:07 in different families. 26:08 I should say, not all of them were foster homes. 26:10 But some family members and some foster homes 26:13 before I got him. 26:15 And so I took him in and I protected him. 26:18 God literally had to let me let go of him 26:22 and put him in a place 26:23 where I could love him from a distance 26:25 and let God work on him. 26:27 But I loved him. 26:28 No matter what your child does, it's just like Christ. 26:31 He loves you no matter what. 26:33 And this child was actually sexually assaulted 26:37 and he murdered someone 26:39 because he was protecting his wife and child 26:41 from the same thing. 26:43 But my point is in asking this question, 26:45 we're running out of time, you wrote him a letter recently 26:48 that I just want you to touch on 26:50 and we've got about 30 seconds. 26:51 Tell us about that letter? 26:53 I let him know how precious he was to me 26:55 and how special he was to me 26:57 because he said he felt all his life 26:58 that he was a curse and that he cursed us. 27:01 And I said, "Absolutely not, God brought you into my life 27:04 to help me to grow as a mother and as a Christian 27:07 and I wouldn't trade a thing." 27:09 And his response was? 27:11 That was the best letter... 27:12 It was a Christmas letter, and he said, 27:14 "That was a best letter I have ever gotten from you, mom, 27:15 because I needed to know that." 27:17 Praise the Lord. 27:18 And I just wanted to point that out because to me, 27:20 that it shows your loving heart 27:22 and how God has taught you to meet 27:25 the needs of your children and your stepchildren, 27:27 that's what it's all about. 27:29 Marie, we're already out of time, 27:30 we can't believe it but thank you 27:32 so much for being here. 27:33 I hope for those of you at home that if you know somebody 27:37 who is trying to stepparent, have them get this program 27:41 because I think there's a lot of wisdom here. 27:43 May God bless you richly. Bye-bye. |
Revised 2017-09-11