Hello, I'm Shelley Quinn
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and we welcome you
again to Issues and Answers.
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This is a program
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where we talk about issues
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that are relevant
to today's society,
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to problems that you and I have,
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and then we look
at biblical answers.
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And today we have someone
who is just a dear sister,
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I don't know her,
haven't known her that long,
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but I feel like
I've known her forever.
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And her name is Marie Fischer,
she's from Jay, Oklahoma.
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She's going to be talking to us
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about the ABC's
of abuse recovery.
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And, Marie, I
just want to thank you
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for coming today.
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It's a privilege.
Thank you for having me.
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You have an amazing testimony
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and before we get into
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the topic of
recovery from abuse,
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let's talk about your
testimony, just a moment,
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because that's
what qualifies you.
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That's why God chose you
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to do these ABC's of
abuse recovery workshops.
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So tell us about your testimony.
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Well, I was a third
generation Adventist
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but I didn't
know Jesus personally.
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I had head knowledge
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but I did not
have heart knowledge,
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I didn't know
him, I didn't love him
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because I didn't
really believe he loved me.
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And you can't love
someone unless you understand
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how much they love you.
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Amen.
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And so I was a victim
of abuse since of time,
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I was four years old.
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And what type of
abuse are you speaking of.
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There are fourteen
different types of abuse.
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I have had them all
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but they fall under
five different categories
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which is physical,
emotional, spiritual, verba...
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And sexual. And sexual.
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And I've had them all. Yes.
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And so with that being said,
the Lord has taken my life,
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and turned it around,
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and I had a
burden for so many people
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that have experienced
the same things that I have.
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And I wanted to let them
know that God can set them free.
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He can make their
mess into a message
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just like he's done for me.
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And I love that terminology.
What a great phrase.
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"God can take your mess
and turn it into a message."
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And he certainly is
using you in marvelous ways,
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but because our
time is so short,
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what I'd like to do
is get into the backbone
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if you will of the
ABC's of abuse recovery.
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God really did,
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you made a lot of
mistakes in your life,
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just bad choices
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because of what happened to you
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and the
consequences of that impact,
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if you will, on your own psyche,
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in your own behavior.
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But God, how did he
first get your attention
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to bring you out of the mess?
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How did God get your attention
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where you understood
how much he loved you?
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I had a horrific
accident in 1999,
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on November 11,
1999, it was Veterans Day,
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where two of my
sons were involved,
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and it was a rollover accident.
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I was supposed to be a
quad and my six year old son...
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When you say quad,
because some people...
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Paralyzed.
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A quadriplegic. A quadriplegic.
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They thought you
would be paralyzed
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from the neck down...
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Yeah I had a broken neck.
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I have had surgery
and I have metal plates,
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and screws, and
brackets in my neck.
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My spinal cord was
already pinched at the time
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and they weren't sure
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if it was going
to sever and kill me
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but an option to
walk was not something
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they were giving me at that time
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and my son, the six year old,
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they weren't giving
him hope for life at all.
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They were actually asking
for his organs at that time.
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But God, I love our God.
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We'll, you find that
in the scriptures too,
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when you're
reading along it is like,
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then you'll say, "But God."
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But God had a
different plan and it's so funny
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because a lot of the
people that I worked with said,
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"Oh, we knew that if
anybody would make it
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through it would be you
because of your faith in God."
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And I'm like,
"Are you kidding me?"
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I'm not special to God,
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not in any way
other than anyone else is.
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And at the time
when they're saying
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that about your faith in God,
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you grew up in a
religious environment
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and you were
walking in obedience,
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but it was more out
of fear or more out of,
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this is what
was expected of you.
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You were, like
many abuse victims,
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you had the verbal camouflage,
you said the right things,
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you did the right things,
put on the good happy face...
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We tend to want to be perfect
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because we don't
want anyone to know
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that there's such a
horrible hidden secret
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in our life
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that we tend to
want to excel in school.
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I had to have straight A's,
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I had to be the
best cheerleader,
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I had to be the best
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whatever it was
that I was doing,
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I had to be the best
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because that way people
would see me as a good person
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and not an abused person.
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You know, I didn't
want the abuse to show,
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I wanted everything to be hidden
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and I couldn't love myself,
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or anyone else
really because I was hiding.
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I didn't even know who I was.
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So people were sitting here
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saying we knew
you would be healed
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because of your faith and yet,
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your faith was really just,
kind of, hanging by a thread.
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The faith in the mustard
seed, but they didn't see it.
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You know, I talked the talk,
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and I walked the walk
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that looked for
all intense purposes,
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good on the outside.
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Yes.
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You know, but on the
inside I wore so many masks
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and one of my
favorites was Snow White
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and I always called
it the snow white mask.
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The one that looked so
good that took care of everybody
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and everybody's
problems and I was the fixer
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and I would do everything good.
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But I really wasn't, I
was dying on the inside.
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Yes.
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I felt like I had a
big scarlet letter on me
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that said, "Leprosy."
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You know, because you literally
feel like you're unclean,
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unclean, unclean, unclean,
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and like I
should have been crying
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that out everywhere.
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But instead I hid it
because I knew that my church,
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and my family, and
the people that I love,
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the dearest wouldn't understand.
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Yes.
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You know, and if
God couldn't love me,
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how could they?
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And you didn't think
that God could love you.
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So as you said, the
Bible says that we love God
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because He first loved us.
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It's not until we understand,
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how much God loves us
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that we can really
experience that reciprocal love.
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But to fast forward,
you have this accident,
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it looks from all
intents and purposes
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that this is going to
be perhaps the end of life,
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as you know it,
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that you will be
paralyzed from the neck down,
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your son is going to die,
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but God showed up
and totally reversed it.
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Everything. Yeah.
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And I believe that
my injuries to my body
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were from my growth
spiritually with God.
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The injuries
that my son suffered
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were actually to
help other people
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find the Lord
through his injuries,
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but I needed to
know that Jesus loved me
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and I needed to slow down.
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I'm very busy and
I have 10 children
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and I live for them,
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and my
grandchildren, and my husband,
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and, you know, I
just always was busy, busy
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and I worked and everything,
and it was as if God said,
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"Be still and know that I am god
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and not only that I am God
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but I'm beside
you and I love you."
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So what you're saying
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is it was during the
time of your recovery
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that you really
got into the word...
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Absolutely.
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That you had this time to,
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you know, I love
Jeremiah 29:11-14
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and we often quote that.
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You know, God says that,
"I have a plan for your life.
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Plan to prosper
you, not to harm you."
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But he says,
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"Then you will seek
me and you will find me.
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When you seek for me
with all of your heart."
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And when you think about
it, what you mean "then?"
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It is once we recognize
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that God has
planned for our life
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that we do seek Him
and you begin seeking him
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at that point.
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I began seeking
him because, I had...
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I really think
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that I began
seeking him as a child,
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because I always talked to
him and I always asked him,
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"Where are you?
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Where were you
when this happened?
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How come this happened?
How come that happened?"
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But I believe that
when I had the accident,
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it was God reached down to me
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and said, "I want
you to know where I was.
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I want you to know
that I was right beside you,
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I want you to know
that I felt the pain
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that you were going through.
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And I want you to know
that you are priceless to me
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that I died for you, you alone."
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And I'm like,
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"Me, I'm so
filthy, I'm so dirty."
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And God was like,
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"But you're mine and I
can give you so much more
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and I can give you joy
and peace in your life."
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And I said,
"Really, Lord? How? Show me."
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Because I always had
this image that I was dirty
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and he was unapproachable.
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Unapproachable.
Exactly, thank you.
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Unapproachable
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that I could never
ever come to the throne
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and he would and envelop me
and wrap his arms around me.
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Yes.
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So it was like I had to cry out,
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I'm so unclean
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before I could
ever let anyone love me,
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especially God.
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So God got your attention.
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He turned you around,
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and now he has you
giving abuse recovery seminars.
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Your brother told you
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that he knew you
would be doing this
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and when God did give it to you,
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you rejected that at first,
00:09:43.31\00:09:44.65
but when God gave you
the material for this,
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I know your
brother happened to call
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the very same day and said,
00:09:49.18\00:09:50.52
"Did you ever put
this together, sis."
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A miracle. Here you had it.
00:09:52.39\00:09:54.16
So tell us what the
ABC's of recovery from abuse
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because there are so many people
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who are suffering from abuse
00:10:00.23\00:10:02.16
whether it's sexual, or
physical, mental, emotional,
00:10:02.20\00:10:05.53
or verbal abuse,
or spiritual abuse
00:10:05.57\00:10:08.34
there are so many
people who suffer from this,
00:10:08.37\00:10:11.37
not just in the
world, but in the church.
00:10:11.41\00:10:14.51
What is the A? The A is admit.
00:10:14.54\00:10:19.31
And all of it is a workshop,
00:10:19.35\00:10:21.18
so everybody is
handed out a pamphlet
00:10:21.22\00:10:23.89
and A worksheet
that they can work out.
00:10:23.92\00:10:27.79
Everybody works
it out themselves
00:10:27.82\00:10:29.49
and no one has to talk about it.
00:10:29.52\00:10:31.29
So when they're admitting,
00:10:31.33\00:10:32.66
which is a very
difficult thing to do,
00:10:32.69\00:10:35.83
they have to admit that
they have been a victim.
00:10:35.86\00:10:37.90
They have to admit
00:10:37.93\00:10:39.27
that they have
even been a perpetrator,
00:10:39.30\00:10:40.84
maybe, perhaps,
00:10:40.87\00:10:42.20
because God
loves the perpetrator
00:10:42.24\00:10:44.14
and that's very
difficult for a victim
00:10:44.17\00:10:46.37
to accept a lot of times.
00:10:46.41\00:10:48.91
But God loves the perpetrator
and the victim equally.
00:10:48.94\00:10:52.51
He's no respecter of persons,
00:10:52.55\00:10:54.32
He is our Father
00:10:54.35\00:10:55.68
and He wants all of
his children to repent.
00:10:55.72\00:10:57.15
Amen.
00:10:57.19\00:10:58.52
He wants them all
to come to know him.
00:10:58.55\00:10:59.89
So until we get to the
first step of admitting,
00:10:59.92\00:11:04.23
we can't finally let the masks
00:11:04.26\00:11:05.76
and the hiding
behind mask fall away.
00:11:05.79\00:11:08.56
So we have to admit
that it has happened
00:11:08.60\00:11:11.20
and there are biblical verses
that go along with all of that
00:11:11.23\00:11:13.77
when they're in the program.
00:11:13.80\00:11:15.14
Okay.
00:11:15.17\00:11:16.50
Now the mission part
00:11:16.54\00:11:18.47
is actually the
turning point when...
00:11:18.51\00:11:21.48
because there are
many people who...
00:11:21.51\00:11:23.81
It's the confession
00:11:23.85\00:11:25.18
where it says
confess your faults
00:11:25.21\00:11:26.82
and confess that you've sinned.
00:11:26.85\00:11:28.78
It's the same thing in meaning.
00:11:28.82\00:11:30.15
It's confessing that
it's actually happened.
00:11:30.19\00:11:32.25
And you have to
confess to God too,
00:11:32.29\00:11:33.89
you have to admit
that it's happened,
00:11:33.92\00:11:35.39
you have to
admit that you're angry
00:11:35.42\00:11:36.76
you have to admit
that you're bitter.
00:11:36.79\00:11:38.13
You can even be angry
at God for all of this.
00:11:38.16\00:11:40.70
Oh, well, most
people are. Mm-hm.
00:11:40.73\00:11:43.10
So we're not saying
that the victim has sinned
00:11:43.13\00:11:46.10
in the act of the abuse
but that the victim is sinning
00:11:46.13\00:11:51.44
because they hold on
to bitterness and rage
00:11:51.47\00:11:54.24
because they have
closed God out of this area
00:11:54.28\00:11:58.11
of their life quite often.
00:11:58.15\00:11:59.48
They're never admitting guilt
because it's never their fault.
00:11:59.51\00:12:02.58
It's never a victim's fault
that they have been victimized.
00:12:02.62\00:12:04.55
Amen.
00:12:04.59\00:12:05.92
So they're never
admitting guilt to that.
00:12:05.95\00:12:08.39
They're admitting
that their carrying guilt,
00:12:08.42\00:12:10.66
and they're carrying shame,
00:12:10.69\00:12:12.03
and that they have actually
had this happen to them.
00:12:12.06\00:12:13.70
Right.
00:12:13.73\00:12:15.06
You have to start somewhere
00:12:15.10\00:12:16.43
and in order to start healing
00:12:16.46\00:12:17.80
you have to admit
that it actually happened.
00:12:17.83\00:12:19.57
Okay. So what
does the B stand for?
00:12:19.60\00:12:22.10
Believe.
00:12:22.14\00:12:23.47
Believe that you must
forgive and you must be forgiven
00:12:23.51\00:12:28.04
and it works for both again.
00:12:28.08\00:12:29.41
Every step works for
perpetrator and victim
00:12:29.44\00:12:31.95
because God
gave us all the tools
00:12:31.98\00:12:33.85
in scriptures to
be used, to be healed,
00:12:33.88\00:12:36.45
to be set free,
00:12:36.48\00:12:37.82
to be to be a new
creature in Christ
00:12:37.85\00:12:40.02
Amen.
00:12:40.06\00:12:41.39
You know, and to be
filled with His Spirit,
00:12:41.42\00:12:42.82
we must empty
ourselves of all that garbage
00:12:42.86\00:12:44.83
that we keep hiding behind.
00:12:44.86\00:12:47.00
So the believe is,
00:12:47.03\00:12:48.76
believe that
you've been forgiven
00:12:48.80\00:12:51.10
for your part and
even if you didn't...
00:12:51.13\00:12:54.10
If you weren't the perpetrator,
00:12:54.14\00:12:55.70
believe that
you've been forgiven
00:12:55.74\00:12:57.07
for all the
mistakes that you've made
00:12:57.11\00:12:58.44
because you've been a victim,
00:12:58.47\00:12:59.81
all the things that
you've done because you know
00:12:59.84\00:13:01.44
that you've carried
all this bitterness,
00:13:01.48\00:13:02.81
and you've made bad choices
00:13:02.84\00:13:04.18
because of this
you justified it.
00:13:04.21\00:13:05.55
You have to admit
your part of that.
00:13:05.58\00:13:07.95
You've justified your behavior.
00:13:07.98\00:13:09.95
So when you believe
that you've been forgiven
00:13:09.98\00:13:13.25
and you believe
that you have to forgive,
00:13:13.29\00:13:16.16
you can go forward.
00:13:16.19\00:13:17.53
Yeah, I just want to
reiterate one more time.
00:13:17.56\00:13:19.93
We're not saying
00:13:19.96\00:13:21.30
that you have to be
forgiven for the act
00:13:21.33\00:13:22.90
if you're the victim,
there's no guilt on your part.
00:13:22.93\00:13:25.33
No.
00:13:25.37\00:13:26.70
But the shame that comes
00:13:26.74\00:13:28.07
with this often causes you to do
00:13:28.10\00:13:30.84
some pretty crazy things.
00:13:30.87\00:13:32.41
Very crazy things.
00:13:32.44\00:13:33.78
Get into various addictions,
make a lot of wrong choices.
00:13:33.81\00:13:38.98
So first you have
to as 1 John 1:9 says,
00:13:39.01\00:13:42.88
believe that God,
00:13:42.92\00:13:44.32
when you ask God for forgiveness
00:13:44.35\00:13:46.89
that you have been
forgiven and cleansed
00:13:46.92\00:13:48.76
of all unrighteousness.
00:13:48.79\00:13:50.33
But there's a part, a
second part to forgiveness,
00:13:50.36\00:13:54.46
and that it is what?
00:13:54.50\00:13:59.80
The second part
of forgiveness...
00:13:59.83\00:14:01.17
The second part of forgiveness
00:14:01.20\00:14:02.54
is once you are
receiving forgiveness
00:14:02.57\00:14:06.04
but to be forgiven...
00:14:06.07\00:14:07.41
You must forgive in
order to be forgiven.
00:14:07.44\00:14:11.21
Christ says, "I
cannot go before the Father
00:14:11.25\00:14:13.85
and forgive you,
00:14:13.88\00:14:15.22
if you cannot
forgive your brother."
00:14:15.25\00:14:17.09
It is a
requirement to be forgiven
00:14:17.12\00:14:19.72
to forgive others
00:14:19.75\00:14:21.16
and in order to
truly love the Lord
00:14:21.19\00:14:23.36
it's something
that he requires of us
00:14:23.39\00:14:25.56
we can't just pick the
pieces that we want to do.
00:14:25.59\00:14:28.40
We are required
by God to forgive.
00:14:28.43\00:14:29.86
Amen.
00:14:29.90\00:14:31.23
He does tell us that,
00:14:31.27\00:14:32.60
and especially in the
Parable of the Rich Man,
00:14:32.63\00:14:35.00
who owed 10,000 talents
00:14:35.04\00:14:37.17
and then he was
forgiven by his master
00:14:37.21\00:14:41.44
would be forgiven much
and then he turns around
00:14:41.48\00:14:44.18
and will not forgive someone
who owes him a smaller debt.
00:14:44.21\00:14:47.22
Mm-hm.
00:14:47.25\00:14:48.58
And then Jesus says
this in the parable,
00:14:48.62\00:14:50.79
he tells this story
00:14:50.82\00:14:52.15
how this rich man
then ends up in jail
00:14:52.19\00:14:54.86
over the whole thing
00:14:54.89\00:14:56.22
and he says so will
your Father do to you,
00:14:56.26\00:14:58.76
if you will not forgive,
your sins won't be forgiven.
00:14:58.79\00:15:01.03
That's right.
00:15:01.06\00:15:02.40
And that's even
in the Lord's Prayer,
00:15:02.43\00:15:05.07
"Forgive us as
we forgive others."
00:15:05.10\00:15:07.80
But that's
easier said than done.
00:15:07.84\00:15:10.31
You don't forget and
sometimes people think
00:15:10.34\00:15:14.98
that you're going to
forget that it's going to wipe
00:15:15.01\00:15:16.48
your whole past clean.
00:15:16.51\00:15:17.85
No, it's not,
00:15:17.88\00:15:19.28
but it is going to set
you free in order to forgive
00:15:19.31\00:15:22.92
and move on and move forward,
00:15:22.95\00:15:25.15
to forgive those people
who have sinned against you,
00:15:25.19\00:15:27.29
just as you have forgiven,
that's the Lord's Prayer.
00:15:27.32\00:15:29.99
You know, you have to forgive
your debtors that they have...
00:15:30.03\00:15:35.23
you know what I'm saying.
00:15:35.26\00:15:36.70
So forgiveness is essential,
Christ came to show that to us.
00:15:36.73\00:15:41.07
Forgiveness is
an essential part.
00:15:41.10\00:15:42.44
Yes.
00:15:42.47\00:15:43.81
And it's one of
the most vital parts
00:15:43.84\00:15:45.17
and a lot of people
have a problem with that
00:15:45.21\00:15:46.54
because they're like I
don't want to forgive someone
00:15:46.57\00:15:48.24
who's done this to
me and done that to me.
00:15:48.28\00:15:49.84
I don't want to forgive.
00:15:49.88\00:15:51.21
I was I was raped at 15,
00:15:51.25\00:15:54.25
I didn't want to
forgive that person.
00:15:54.28\00:15:55.82
He took something from me
00:15:55.85\00:15:57.19
that was vital and yet I
lived with that for all my life
00:15:57.22\00:16:00.82
and never shared it
until the Lord said,
00:16:00.86\00:16:02.42
"I want you to help others
00:16:02.46\00:16:04.26
that have
experienced these things.
00:16:04.29\00:16:05.63
I want you to bury your soul."
00:16:05.66\00:16:07.00
I don't think that...
00:16:07.03\00:16:08.40
In fact, most
people are never called
00:16:08.43\00:16:10.27
to bear everything
out like I have been
00:16:10.30\00:16:12.80
and I'm not and
that's not required of them
00:16:12.83\00:16:14.17
to do that.
00:16:14.20\00:16:15.54
Everything that they need to do
00:16:15.57\00:16:16.91
they can do in the
privacy between them and God.
00:16:16.94\00:16:19.24
And, you know,
that's interesting
00:16:19.27\00:16:20.61
that you said that,
00:16:20.64\00:16:21.98
because that's something similar
00:16:22.01\00:16:23.35
when I went into ministry.
00:16:23.38\00:16:24.91
I suffered a lot.
00:16:24.95\00:16:27.05
I grew up in a very
dysfunctional environment
00:16:27.08\00:16:28.78
and suffered some abuse as well
00:16:28.82\00:16:30.35
but that's
something the Lord told me
00:16:30.39\00:16:32.72
that I needed to quit
painting this rosy picture.
00:16:32.75\00:16:36.19
I needed to share from my heart,
00:16:36.22\00:16:37.76
admit what had happened
00:16:37.79\00:16:39.13
because it would be
healing for other people
00:16:39.16\00:16:41.86
and as you see it
00:16:41.90\00:16:43.23
not everyone is
required to do that
00:16:43.26\00:16:44.80
but I think when
God puts his hand
00:16:44.83\00:16:46.84
on you for ministry
00:16:46.87\00:16:48.37
particularly, you know,
in your case your ministering
00:16:48.40\00:16:51.14
to abuse victims,
00:16:51.17\00:16:53.31
people need to know
that yeah I've been there
00:16:53.34\00:16:56.88
and this is what God did for me.
00:16:56.91\00:16:58.31
Absolutely.
00:16:58.35\00:16:59.68
Now, for you I don't
know but I remember a time
00:16:59.71\00:17:03.18
when I was praying
00:17:03.22\00:17:05.32
and the Lord
impressed upon my heart
00:17:05.35\00:17:07.56
that I had to forgive someone
who had threatened to kill me,
00:17:07.59\00:17:10.69
who put us deep into
debt, it's a long story,
00:17:10.73\00:17:13.16
but the bottom line is this:
00:17:13.19\00:17:15.03
I didn't want
him to be forgiven.
00:17:15.06\00:17:17.07
I didn't want to forgive him
00:17:17.10\00:17:18.43
and I didn't want
God to forgive him either
00:17:18.47\00:17:20.64
because I was telling the Lord
would he said to forgive him.
00:17:20.67\00:17:24.47
I said, "I don't know how to."
00:17:24.51\00:17:26.17
He said, "Pray
for his salvation."
00:17:26.21\00:17:28.21
And I remember
saying to the Lord,
00:17:28.24\00:17:30.25
"I don't want him to
be saved, let him rot."
00:17:30.28\00:17:32.75
You know where and
I may as well say it
00:17:32.78\00:17:35.58
because God knew what
I was thinking, right?
00:17:35.62\00:17:38.19
And I know that
sounds very unlovely
00:17:38.22\00:17:39.59
and unchrist like
00:17:39.62\00:17:40.96
but I was pretty much
00:17:40.99\00:17:42.46
of a baby Christian at the time.
00:17:42.49\00:17:44.83
And I finally said, "Okay, Lord,
00:17:44.86\00:17:47.60
I will pray for his forgiveness
but you know I don't mean it."
00:17:47.63\00:17:52.00
In other words,
00:17:52.03\00:17:53.37
I was gonna be
obedient to the Lord
00:17:53.40\00:17:55.34
but I didn't mean
what I was saying.
00:17:55.37\00:17:57.57
You know, it's interesting
that after two weeks of praying
00:17:57.61\00:17:59.94
for this man's forgiveness,
00:17:59.97\00:18:02.24
I don't know when God did this
00:18:02.28\00:18:05.05
but all of a
sudden one day I realized
00:18:05.08\00:18:06.88
I was praying and I meant it.
00:18:06.92\00:18:08.75
I saw him as the lost
and suffering person he was.
00:18:08.78\00:18:14.09
I saw that, you
know, God forgives me
00:18:14.12\00:18:19.23
for all of my faults
00:18:19.26\00:18:20.66
that I needed
to forgive this man
00:18:20.70\00:18:22.80
not that I was going to
reestablish a relationship
00:18:22.83\00:18:26.23
with someone who's
threatened to kill you,
00:18:26.27\00:18:28.57
it wasn't that.
00:18:28.60\00:18:29.94
But it was something
that when I let go of that,
00:18:29.97\00:18:33.71
do you think that he cared?
00:18:33.74\00:18:36.28
Not at all, he didn't
care if I forgave him.
00:18:36.31\00:18:38.71
But it
absolutely changed my life.
00:18:38.75\00:18:40.82
It's a healing process for you.
00:18:40.85\00:18:42.78
That's why God tells us to...
00:18:42.82\00:18:45.29
It's a healing process for you
00:18:45.32\00:18:46.76
because you cannot go forward
00:18:46.79\00:18:48.76
if you're holding
all that bitterness,
00:18:48.79\00:18:50.26
and you're holding
all that resentment,
00:18:50.29\00:18:51.63
and you're holding
all that anger inside,
00:18:51.66\00:18:53.63
and you can't forgive
them, you can't go forward,
00:18:53.66\00:18:56.16
and you can't
finalize anything with God
00:18:56.20\00:18:58.23
because you're still
in that victim situation.
00:18:58.27\00:19:02.34
And I don't want to be a victim,
00:19:02.37\00:19:03.71
I want to be a
vessel for the Lord
00:19:03.74\00:19:05.67
and you can't be both.
00:19:05.71\00:19:08.98
The victim
mentality I can always tell
00:19:09.01\00:19:10.95
when somebody tells their story,
00:19:10.98\00:19:12.75
you tell your story
and you're so vibrant.
00:19:12.78\00:19:16.48
You've got, you know,
a lot in your background
00:19:16.52\00:19:19.29
but you're always so exuberant
00:19:19.32\00:19:21.69
because you're telling
what the Lord has done for you.
00:19:21.72\00:19:25.23
When someone still tells
their story from the past
00:19:25.26\00:19:28.43
and it's painful,
and it's a struggle,
00:19:28.46\00:19:30.53
and it's something that they,
00:19:30.57\00:19:32.53
you know, you could see
the resentment in their eyes
00:19:32.57\00:19:35.60
when they're telling it.
00:19:35.64\00:19:36.97
You know, they haven't
finished the healing process.
00:19:37.01\00:19:39.51
And it's not a
quick fix. No it isn't.
00:19:39.54\00:19:41.58
Scripture is given to us
for all types of healing,
00:19:41.61\00:19:44.61
but it's a process it's in here
00:19:44.65\00:19:47.28
that you can use it
over and over and over again
00:19:47.32\00:19:49.42
because we as victims tend
to fall back in our safety net
00:19:49.45\00:19:52.52
and fall back and
hiding behind the things
00:19:52.55\00:19:54.96
that our comfort zones
are to make us feel good.
00:19:54.99\00:19:58.19
And these are three steps
00:19:58.23\00:19:59.86
that you can use
over and over again
00:19:59.89\00:20:01.36
when you feel
yourself falling back
00:20:01.40\00:20:02.86
into that pattern
of being the victim,
00:20:02.90\00:20:05.43
and not being used for God.
00:20:05.47\00:20:07.57
And it's something I
don't even think about now
00:20:07.60\00:20:10.47
and it's something
that has gone so many years
00:20:10.51\00:20:12.61
that I don't fall
back into that pattern.
00:20:12.64\00:20:15.34
But so many people will do it
00:20:15.38\00:20:16.78
for years and years and years
00:20:16.81\00:20:18.15
but they can pick up their Bible
00:20:18.18\00:20:19.68
and use those steps
again and again and again
00:20:19.71\00:20:22.95
and be set free every
time that they want to regress,
00:20:22.98\00:20:25.45
every time they want to go back,
00:20:25.49\00:20:26.82
every time they want to bad.
00:20:26.86\00:20:28.19
And I will tell you
00:20:28.22\00:20:29.56
the step of
forgiveness was the part
00:20:29.59\00:20:31.23
where I found out,
00:20:31.26\00:20:32.59
I had multiple
personality disorder
00:20:32.63\00:20:34.26
because I did
not want to forgive
00:20:34.30\00:20:36.73
one of the people,
00:20:36.77\00:20:38.10
one of the perpetrators
00:20:38.13\00:20:39.47
in my life
threatened my life also
00:20:39.50\00:20:41.97
and was very close to
me and I loved very dearly,
00:20:42.00\00:20:45.41
but he also was
my worst perpetrator
00:20:45.44\00:20:48.98
and to forgive
him was very difficult
00:20:49.01\00:20:50.85
because he was dead by the time
00:20:50.88\00:20:52.38
I was going through my recovery.
00:20:52.41\00:20:55.85
And that's where C
came in confront the people
00:20:55.88\00:21:00.32
that have hurt you.
00:21:00.36\00:21:01.69
Now I'm not saying you
go out and you tell people
00:21:01.72\00:21:03.22
and you ruin people's lives
00:21:03.26\00:21:04.59
because God has
specific rules on that as well.
00:21:04.63\00:21:07.33
You never go and
destroy someone's home
00:21:07.36\00:21:09.30
or someone's life just so
that you feel satisfaction
00:21:09.33\00:21:12.53
or that you feel
00:21:12.57\00:21:13.90
that you need to
be healed that way.
00:21:13.94\00:21:15.64
You confront the issue
00:21:15.67\00:21:17.01
whether it's in
a letter because,
00:21:17.04\00:21:18.84
I wrote a letter to
the deceased person.
00:21:18.87\00:21:21.04
You can write a letter,
we burn those at the end.
00:21:21.08\00:21:23.61
No one reads those letters,
but you need to confront,
00:21:23.65\00:21:25.98
you need to expose
yourself and say all the things
00:21:26.01\00:21:28.25
that you needed to say.
00:21:28.28\00:21:29.62
And one of the letters
that they will have to write
00:21:29.65\00:21:31.39
is a letter to God.
00:21:31.42\00:21:32.82
You have to confront God,
00:21:32.85\00:21:34.52
you have to let
him and open him up
00:21:34.56\00:21:36.22
and say this is how I
felt about all of this.
00:21:36.26\00:21:39.03
Where do you stand on that, God?
00:21:39.06\00:21:40.40
Where are you?
00:21:40.43\00:21:41.96
Where were you when
this is happening to me?
00:21:42.00\00:21:43.63
And where do you
stand with me now?
00:21:43.67\00:21:45.53
You know, am I worthy
to be called your daughter
00:21:45.57\00:21:48.60
because there are so many people
00:21:48.64\00:21:50.51
that have gone through all this
00:21:50.54\00:21:51.87
that just don't see themselves
as heirs to the kingdom.
00:21:51.91\00:21:56.44
Right.
00:21:56.48\00:21:57.81
They still can't accept the fact
00:21:57.85\00:21:59.28
that God's blood
has purified them.
00:21:59.31\00:22:02.58
He has made them new and whole,
and it's an awesome thing,
00:22:02.62\00:22:05.99
and I just...
00:22:06.02\00:22:07.36
I have a burden for those people
00:22:07.39\00:22:08.72
because I know
it took me 42 years
00:22:08.76\00:22:10.69
to be set free from that.
00:22:10.73\00:22:12.53
And I don't want
people to go 42 years
00:22:12.56\00:22:14.33
without knowing
the love of Jesus.
00:22:14.36\00:22:15.76
I don't want them to go a day
00:22:15.80\00:22:17.13
without knowing how
precious they are to God.
00:22:17.17\00:22:19.97
So let me ask you a question
00:22:20.00\00:22:21.34
because there are
some personalities
00:22:21.37\00:22:22.70
when you said confront,
00:22:22.74\00:22:24.07
I was thinking
could I go and confront,
00:22:24.11\00:22:27.74
I mean, I'm that person
00:22:27.78\00:22:29.41
who doesn't care
for confrontation.
00:22:29.44\00:22:32.81
Mm-hm.
00:22:32.85\00:22:34.18
So if I'm hearing you correctly,
00:22:34.22\00:22:36.28
if someone does not want to go
00:22:36.32\00:22:38.15
and have a
conversation with someone,
00:22:38.19\00:22:40.06
you can just
write the letter out,
00:22:40.09\00:22:42.79
which is very
cathartic just getting it out.
00:22:42.82\00:22:44.43
First of all let's
back up a little bit.
00:22:44.46\00:22:45.79
All right.
00:22:45.83\00:22:47.16
When you confront
you're not going to go
00:22:47.20\00:22:48.53
and confront and
ruin somebody's life.
00:22:48.56\00:22:50.37
You are also
going to go with God.
00:22:50.40\00:22:52.37
You would pray about it
00:22:52.40\00:22:53.74
before you would
ever do anything,
00:22:53.77\00:22:55.44
before you ever confront
that person face to face,
00:22:55.47\00:22:57.44
and God may never have you go
face to face with that person.
00:22:57.47\00:23:00.71
And God may simply
say a letter is fine,
00:23:00.74\00:23:02.84
sometimes he will say
I want you to call them,
00:23:02.88\00:23:05.08
it's between you and
God, how he leads you.
00:23:05.11\00:23:07.95
And now I had a gentleman
00:23:07.98\00:23:09.32
because I do seminars
that are for men and women.
00:23:09.35\00:23:12.32
And I had a gentleman
00:23:12.35\00:23:14.42
who actually went
out of that C meeting,
00:23:14.46\00:23:16.59
the confronting meeting,
00:23:16.62\00:23:17.96
called his dad
00:23:17.99\00:23:19.33
who he hadn't
spoken to in 10 years
00:23:19.36\00:23:21.36
and talked to his
dad and came in weeping
00:23:21.40\00:23:23.77
and, you know,
they had healed a rift
00:23:23.80\00:23:26.37
in their relationship.
00:23:26.40\00:23:28.24
Whatever it was, I
still don't know to this day
00:23:28.27\00:23:30.81
but he just was so thankful.
00:23:30.84\00:23:33.54
I had another man and his wife
who had been married 50 years
00:23:33.58\00:23:37.21
who thanked me that
that I did this for the men
00:23:37.25\00:23:40.65
that I let them
come to this workshop
00:23:40.68\00:23:42.02
so they could know how
00:23:42.05\00:23:43.39
they could help their
wives biblically with God.
00:23:43.42\00:23:45.55
Yes.
00:23:45.59\00:23:46.92
For healing
because a lot of times
00:23:46.96\00:23:48.66
we just tend to
reach out to women
00:23:48.69\00:23:51.23
but victimization
includes two people includes
00:23:51.26\00:23:55.46
the whole family.
00:23:55.50\00:23:56.83
If there is healing process
there needs to be the knowledge
00:23:56.87\00:24:00.07
of how to help those people.
00:24:00.10\00:24:01.50
And as we're
finding now statistically
00:24:01.54\00:24:03.97
even though
that women are abused
00:24:04.01\00:24:05.87
about twice as often as men,
00:24:05.91\00:24:07.24
we're finding that
00:24:07.28\00:24:08.61
there are whole
lot of abused men.
00:24:08.64\00:24:09.98
Absolutely.
00:24:10.01\00:24:11.48
But often at you're workshops
00:24:11.51\00:24:13.75
what you will do
is take these letters
00:24:13.78\00:24:16.69
and then have a big
bonfire, tell you about.
00:24:16.72\00:24:19.02
We have a bonfire to freedom,
I call it a bonfire to freedom.
00:24:19.05\00:24:22.12
These messages that
I usually do for abuse
00:24:22.16\00:24:24.99
I call on my freedom messages.
00:24:25.03\00:24:26.73
They're freedom messages,
00:24:26.76\00:24:28.10
they're to set you free I
use all the freedom messages
00:24:28.13\00:24:30.80
that God gives you to
have a newness in Christ,
00:24:30.83\00:24:33.07
to walk in the spirit
00:24:33.10\00:24:34.44
to be a
different person made new,
00:24:34.47\00:24:36.87
and cleanse and
create in me a new heart,
00:24:36.91\00:24:39.41
Lord, what David
had said in Psalms,
00:24:39.44\00:24:41.21
I just love that.
00:24:41.24\00:24:42.58
And that's what we yearn
for but we just don't know
00:24:42.61\00:24:44.48
how to get but
once we have the tools
00:24:44.51\00:24:47.68
that we can work
with over and over again,
00:24:47.72\00:24:49.58
we can have with that new heart,
00:24:49.62\00:24:50.95
we can have that
newness of spirit,
00:24:50.99\00:24:52.42
we can walk with God,
00:24:52.45\00:24:53.96
and so when they
have done those processes
00:24:53.99\00:24:56.52
and they have
written those letters
00:24:56.56\00:24:57.89
no one is ever going
to see those letters.
00:24:57.93\00:24:59.73
People are afraid to write
00:24:59.76\00:25:01.53
what they feel
towards their perpetrator.
00:25:01.56\00:25:04.53
So I say write them
00:25:04.57\00:25:05.90
no one is ever going to see them
00:25:05.93\00:25:07.27
we're going to go
to a bonfire freedom,
00:25:07.30\00:25:09.17
and we sing around the
bonfire, and we praise God,
00:25:09.20\00:25:11.71
and we weep and we
pray for one another
00:25:11.74\00:25:14.54
and we share
because we understand
00:25:14.58\00:25:17.81
where we've been and
that sets the freedom
00:25:17.85\00:25:19.85
and I will tell you.
00:25:19.88\00:25:21.22
We have people in my
church in Ketchum, Oklahoma,
00:25:21.25\00:25:24.39
that started at my seminar,
00:25:24.42\00:25:26.69
that started in the workshop,
that were never Adventist so...
00:25:26.72\00:25:29.32
Praise the Lord.
00:25:29.36\00:25:30.69
I praise God,
00:25:30.73\00:25:32.06
you know, it's to his glory
00:25:32.09\00:25:33.43
it's for it's one of his babies
00:25:33.46\00:25:34.80
and this is what
my deepest desire
00:25:34.83\00:25:36.16
is to help one of his babies
00:25:36.20\00:25:38.70
find him that he can bring home.
00:25:38.73\00:25:41.47
Amen.
00:25:41.50\00:25:43.61
Now if someone,
00:25:43.64\00:25:45.34
I do want to put
up your e-mail address
00:25:45.37\00:25:48.68
because if
someone needs these ABC's
00:25:48.71\00:25:51.55
and would like to
get in touch with Marie,
00:25:51.58\00:25:54.35
you can reach
00:25:54.38\00:25:55.72
or at Rioverdefischer.
00:25:55.75\00:26:01.12
At MSN. At MSN.com.
00:26:01.16\00:26:03.63
That's
00:26:03.66\00:26:04.99
Rioverdefischer@amazon.com.
00:26:05.03\00:26:12.47
Yes, no at MSN.com.
00:26:12.50\00:26:17.04
Can't buy me at Amazon. No
we can't buy you at Amazon.
00:26:17.07\00:26:20.28
You know, it is
amazing how God is using you,
00:26:20.31\00:26:23.31
and I know that
you go to many churches
00:26:23.35\00:26:25.15
and do this,
00:26:25.18\00:26:26.51
and he's using you as
a speaker in the minute
00:26:26.55\00:26:29.72
that we have left tell me
00:26:29.75\00:26:31.45
how long was
the process for you?
00:26:31.49\00:26:34.92
This healing process.
00:26:34.96\00:26:36.29
This healing process for me
00:26:36.32\00:26:38.09
probably took me the whole year,
00:26:38.13\00:26:41.46
a whole year of
really my recovery
00:26:41.50\00:26:44.83
from the accident
took me a whole year
00:26:44.87\00:26:46.20
to go back to work.
00:26:46.23\00:26:47.57
It took me that
whole year and nine months,
00:26:47.60\00:26:49.47
I wrote the ABC's of healing,
9 months after the accident,
00:26:49.50\00:26:53.27
so within 10 months I
had given my first one
00:26:53.31\00:26:56.14
and so it probably
took a whole year for me
00:26:56.18\00:26:58.21
to implement into my life
00:26:58.25\00:26:59.75
and really find that
God can do amazing things.
00:26:59.78\00:27:04.29
Amen.
00:27:04.32\00:27:05.69
It has been said
that we learn to teach
00:27:05.72\00:27:10.56
and we teach to learn.
00:27:10.59\00:27:12.29
It's usually as
you're sharing with others
00:27:12.33\00:27:14.86
what you've learned
00:27:14.90\00:27:17.00
that you've
really, really learned.
00:27:17.03\00:27:19.23
I can't believe
how fast our time
00:27:19.27\00:27:20.87
has gone by but, Marie,
00:27:20.90\00:27:22.24
we'd like for you to come back
00:27:22.27\00:27:23.61
because there
are some other topics
00:27:23.64\00:27:24.97
we'd like for you to speak to.
00:27:25.01\00:27:26.34
Thank you so much
for being with us today.
00:27:26.37\00:27:27.71
Thank you for having me.
00:27:27.74\00:27:29.08
And for those of you at home
as always our prayer for you
00:27:29.11\00:27:31.88
is that the grace of our
Lord and savior Jesus Christ,
00:27:31.91\00:27:34.68
the love of the Father
00:27:34.72\00:27:36.08
and the
fellowship of the Holy Spirit
00:27:36.12\00:27:37.95
will be with you always.
00:27:37.99\00:27:39.95
Thanks for joining us.
00:27:39.99\00:27:41.36