Hello, I'm Shelley Quinn 00:00:29.86\00:00:31.19 and we welcome you again to Issues and Answers. 00:00:31.23\00:00:33.46 This is a program 00:00:33.50\00:00:34.83 where we talk about issues 00:00:34.86\00:00:36.20 that are relevant to today's society, 00:00:36.23\00:00:38.90 to problems that you and I have, 00:00:38.93\00:00:41.20 and then we look at biblical answers. 00:00:41.24\00:00:43.54 And today we have someone who is just a dear sister, 00:00:43.57\00:00:47.04 I don't know her, haven't known her that long, 00:00:47.08\00:00:50.45 but I feel like I've known her forever. 00:00:50.48\00:00:52.28 And her name is Marie Fischer, she's from Jay, Oklahoma. 00:00:52.31\00:00:55.85 She's going to be talking to us 00:00:55.88\00:00:57.52 about the ABC's of abuse recovery. 00:00:57.55\00:01:01.82 And, Marie, I just want to thank you 00:01:01.86\00:01:04.33 for coming today. 00:01:04.36\00:01:06.16 It's a privilege. Thank you for having me. 00:01:06.19\00:01:07.93 You have an amazing testimony 00:01:07.96\00:01:09.83 and before we get into 00:01:09.86\00:01:12.27 the topic of recovery from abuse, 00:01:12.30\00:01:15.54 let's talk about your testimony, just a moment, 00:01:15.57\00:01:18.67 because that's what qualifies you. 00:01:18.71\00:01:20.91 That's why God chose you 00:01:20.94\00:01:22.94 to do these ABC's of abuse recovery workshops. 00:01:22.98\00:01:26.55 So tell us about your testimony. 00:01:26.58\00:01:29.72 Well, I was a third generation Adventist 00:01:29.75\00:01:32.82 but I didn't know Jesus personally. 00:01:32.85\00:01:35.02 I had head knowledge 00:01:35.06\00:01:36.39 but I did not have heart knowledge, 00:01:36.42\00:01:37.76 I didn't know him, I didn't love him 00:01:37.79\00:01:39.89 because I didn't really believe he loved me. 00:01:39.93\00:01:42.60 And you can't love someone unless you understand 00:01:42.63\00:01:44.70 how much they love you. 00:01:44.73\00:01:46.07 Amen. 00:01:46.10\00:01:47.44 And so I was a victim of abuse since of time, 00:01:47.47\00:01:51.11 I was four years old. 00:01:51.14\00:01:52.47 And what type of abuse are you speaking of. 00:01:52.51\00:01:54.21 There are fourteen different types of abuse. 00:01:54.24\00:01:56.88 I have had them all 00:01:56.91\00:01:58.25 but they fall under five different categories 00:01:58.28\00:02:01.38 which is physical, emotional, spiritual, verba... 00:02:01.42\00:02:06.29 And sexual. And sexual. 00:02:06.32\00:02:07.92 And I've had them all. Yes. 00:02:07.96\00:02:09.92 And so with that being said, the Lord has taken my life, 00:02:09.96\00:02:14.93 and turned it around, 00:02:14.96\00:02:16.30 and I had a burden for so many people 00:02:16.33\00:02:19.03 that have experienced the same things that I have. 00:02:19.07\00:02:22.04 And I wanted to let them know that God can set them free. 00:02:22.07\00:02:24.77 He can make their mess into a message 00:02:24.81\00:02:27.38 just like he's done for me. 00:02:27.41\00:02:28.78 And I love that terminology. What a great phrase. 00:02:28.81\00:02:32.15 "God can take your mess and turn it into a message." 00:02:32.18\00:02:35.98 And he certainly is using you in marvelous ways, 00:02:36.02\00:02:39.09 but because our time is so short, 00:02:39.12\00:02:41.19 what I'd like to do is get into the backbone 00:02:41.22\00:02:45.26 if you will of the ABC's of abuse recovery. 00:02:45.29\00:02:49.36 God really did, 00:02:49.40\00:02:51.13 you made a lot of mistakes in your life, 00:02:51.17\00:02:53.20 just bad choices 00:02:53.23\00:02:54.57 because of what happened to you 00:02:54.60\00:02:57.01 and the consequences of that impact, 00:02:57.04\00:03:00.41 if you will, on your own psyche, 00:03:00.44\00:03:03.08 in your own behavior. 00:03:03.11\00:03:04.58 But God, how did he first get your attention 00:03:04.61\00:03:08.28 to bring you out of the mess? 00:03:08.32\00:03:11.65 How did God get your attention 00:03:11.69\00:03:13.02 where you understood how much he loved you? 00:03:13.05\00:03:15.29 I had a horrific accident in 1999, 00:03:15.32\00:03:19.33 on November 11, 1999, it was Veterans Day, 00:03:19.36\00:03:23.97 where two of my sons were involved, 00:03:24.00\00:03:25.87 and it was a rollover accident. 00:03:25.90\00:03:27.80 I was supposed to be a quad and my six year old son... 00:03:27.84\00:03:31.31 When you say quad, because some people... 00:03:31.34\00:03:34.18 Paralyzed. 00:03:34.21\00:03:35.54 A quadriplegic. A quadriplegic. 00:03:35.58\00:03:36.91 They thought you would be paralyzed 00:03:36.95\00:03:39.15 from the neck down... 00:03:39.18\00:03:40.52 Yeah I had a broken neck. 00:03:40.55\00:03:41.88 I have had surgery and I have metal plates, 00:03:41.92\00:03:45.05 and screws, and brackets in my neck. 00:03:45.09\00:03:48.16 My spinal cord was already pinched at the time 00:03:48.19\00:03:50.43 and they weren't sure 00:03:50.46\00:03:51.79 if it was going to sever and kill me 00:03:51.83\00:03:53.16 but an option to walk was not something 00:03:53.19\00:03:55.10 they were giving me at that time 00:03:55.13\00:03:57.40 and my son, the six year old, 00:03:57.43\00:04:00.30 they weren't giving him hope for life at all. 00:04:00.34\00:04:02.24 They were actually asking for his organs at that time. 00:04:02.27\00:04:06.64 But God, I love our God. 00:04:06.68\00:04:10.85 We'll, you find that in the scriptures too, 00:04:10.88\00:04:12.68 when you're reading along it is like, 00:04:12.71\00:04:14.22 then you'll say, "But God." 00:04:14.25\00:04:16.28 But God had a different plan and it's so funny 00:04:16.32\00:04:19.79 because a lot of the people that I worked with said, 00:04:19.82\00:04:22.52 "Oh, we knew that if anybody would make it 00:04:22.56\00:04:24.83 through it would be you because of your faith in God." 00:04:24.86\00:04:26.59 And I'm like, "Are you kidding me?" 00:04:26.63\00:04:28.53 I'm not special to God, 00:04:28.56\00:04:30.67 not in any way other than anyone else is. 00:04:30.70\00:04:33.03 And at the time when they're saying 00:04:33.07\00:04:34.54 that about your faith in God, 00:04:34.57\00:04:36.30 you grew up in a religious environment 00:04:36.34\00:04:38.91 and you were walking in obedience, 00:04:38.94\00:04:41.74 but it was more out of fear or more out of, 00:04:41.78\00:04:45.21 this is what was expected of you. 00:04:45.25\00:04:46.95 You were, like many abuse victims, 00:04:46.98\00:04:49.58 you had the verbal camouflage, you said the right things, 00:04:49.62\00:04:53.56 you did the right things, put on the good happy face... 00:04:53.59\00:04:54.92 We tend to want to be perfect 00:04:54.96\00:04:56.52 because we don't want anyone to know 00:04:56.56\00:04:57.89 that there's such a horrible hidden secret 00:04:57.93\00:05:00.66 in our life 00:05:00.70\00:05:02.03 that we tend to want to excel in school. 00:05:02.06\00:05:04.90 I had to have straight A's, 00:05:04.93\00:05:06.27 I had to be the best cheerleader, 00:05:06.30\00:05:07.64 I had to be the best 00:05:07.67\00:05:09.00 whatever it was that I was doing, 00:05:09.04\00:05:10.37 I had to be the best 00:05:10.41\00:05:11.74 because that way people would see me as a good person 00:05:11.77\00:05:14.34 and not an abused person. 00:05:14.38\00:05:19.61 You know, I didn't want the abuse to show, 00:05:19.65\00:05:21.35 I wanted everything to be hidden 00:05:21.38\00:05:23.45 and I couldn't love myself, 00:05:23.49\00:05:26.99 or anyone else really because I was hiding. 00:05:27.02\00:05:30.83 I didn't even know who I was. 00:05:30.86\00:05:32.66 So people were sitting here 00:05:32.69\00:05:34.16 saying we knew you would be healed 00:05:34.20\00:05:35.70 because of your faith and yet, 00:05:35.73\00:05:37.53 your faith was really just, kind of, hanging by a thread. 00:05:37.57\00:05:42.34 The faith in the mustard seed, but they didn't see it. 00:05:42.37\00:05:45.67 You know, I talked the talk, 00:05:45.71\00:05:47.94 and I walked the walk 00:05:47.98\00:05:49.31 that looked for all intense purposes, 00:05:49.34\00:05:50.75 good on the outside. 00:05:50.78\00:05:52.11 Yes. 00:05:52.15\00:05:53.48 You know, but on the inside I wore so many masks 00:05:53.52\00:05:55.68 and one of my favorites was Snow White 00:05:55.72\00:05:57.65 and I always called it the snow white mask. 00:05:57.69\00:05:59.75 The one that looked so good that took care of everybody 00:05:59.79\00:06:01.59 and everybody's problems and I was the fixer 00:06:01.62\00:06:03.59 and I would do everything good. 00:06:03.63\00:06:04.96 But I really wasn't, I was dying on the inside. 00:06:04.99\00:06:07.23 Yes. 00:06:07.26\00:06:08.60 I felt like I had a big scarlet letter on me 00:06:08.63\00:06:10.70 that said, "Leprosy." 00:06:10.73\00:06:12.73 You know, because you literally feel like you're unclean, 00:06:12.77\00:06:15.60 unclean, unclean, unclean, 00:06:15.64\00:06:16.97 and like I should have been crying 00:06:17.01\00:06:18.34 that out everywhere. 00:06:18.37\00:06:19.71 But instead I hid it because I knew that my church, 00:06:19.74\00:06:21.81 and my family, and the people that I love, 00:06:21.84\00:06:24.28 the dearest wouldn't understand. 00:06:24.31\00:06:25.98 Yes. 00:06:26.01\00:06:27.35 You know, and if God couldn't love me, 00:06:27.38\00:06:28.98 how could they? 00:06:29.02\00:06:30.49 And you didn't think that God could love you. 00:06:30.52\00:06:33.12 So as you said, the Bible says that we love God 00:06:33.15\00:06:37.33 because He first loved us. 00:06:37.36\00:06:38.69 It's not until we understand, 00:06:38.73\00:06:40.06 how much God loves us 00:06:40.10\00:06:41.43 that we can really experience that reciprocal love. 00:06:41.46\00:06:45.03 But to fast forward, you have this accident, 00:06:45.07\00:06:50.54 it looks from all intents and purposes 00:06:50.57\00:06:53.11 that this is going to be perhaps the end of life, 00:06:53.14\00:06:55.58 as you know it, 00:06:55.61\00:06:56.95 that you will be paralyzed from the neck down, 00:06:56.98\00:06:58.98 your son is going to die, 00:06:59.01\00:07:02.02 but God showed up and totally reversed it. 00:07:02.05\00:07:05.85 Everything. Yeah. 00:07:05.89\00:07:07.22 And I believe that my injuries to my body 00:07:07.26\00:07:11.49 were from my growth spiritually with God. 00:07:11.53\00:07:14.30 The injuries that my son suffered 00:07:14.33\00:07:15.93 were actually to help other people 00:07:15.96\00:07:19.07 find the Lord through his injuries, 00:07:19.10\00:07:21.20 but I needed to know that Jesus loved me 00:07:21.24\00:07:23.74 and I needed to slow down. 00:07:23.77\00:07:25.11 I'm very busy and I have 10 children 00:07:25.14\00:07:27.38 and I live for them, 00:07:27.41\00:07:28.98 and my grandchildren, and my husband, 00:07:29.01\00:07:30.78 and, you know, I just always was busy, busy 00:07:30.81\00:07:32.98 and I worked and everything, and it was as if God said, 00:07:33.01\00:07:36.08 "Be still and know that I am god 00:07:36.12\00:07:37.75 and not only that I am God 00:07:37.79\00:07:39.39 but I'm beside you and I love you." 00:07:39.42\00:07:41.62 So what you're saying 00:07:41.66\00:07:42.99 is it was during the time of your recovery 00:07:43.02\00:07:46.09 that you really got into the word... 00:07:46.13\00:07:47.83 Absolutely. 00:07:47.86\00:07:49.20 That you had this time to, 00:07:49.23\00:07:51.80 you know, I love Jeremiah 29:11-14 00:07:51.83\00:07:55.70 and we often quote that. 00:07:55.74\00:07:58.37 You know, God says that, "I have a plan for your life. 00:07:58.41\00:08:01.61 Plan to prosper you, not to harm you." 00:08:01.64\00:08:03.21 But he says, 00:08:03.24\00:08:04.58 "Then you will seek me and you will find me. 00:08:04.61\00:08:08.92 When you seek for me with all of your heart." 00:08:08.95\00:08:11.55 And when you think about it, what you mean "then?" 00:08:11.59\00:08:14.19 It is once we recognize 00:08:14.22\00:08:15.56 that God has planned for our life 00:08:15.59\00:08:17.49 that we do seek Him and you begin seeking him 00:08:17.53\00:08:20.73 at that point. 00:08:20.76\00:08:22.10 I began seeking him because, I had... 00:08:22.13\00:08:23.87 I really think 00:08:23.90\00:08:25.23 that I began seeking him as a child, 00:08:25.27\00:08:27.07 because I always talked to him and I always asked him, 00:08:27.10\00:08:28.84 "Where are you? 00:08:28.87\00:08:30.21 Where were you when this happened? 00:08:30.24\00:08:31.57 How come this happened? How come that happened?" 00:08:31.61\00:08:33.34 But I believe that when I had the accident, 00:08:33.38\00:08:35.74 it was God reached down to me 00:08:35.78\00:08:38.11 and said, "I want you to know where I was. 00:08:38.15\00:08:40.92 I want you to know that I was right beside you, 00:08:40.95\00:08:43.55 I want you to know that I felt the pain 00:08:43.59\00:08:44.95 that you were going through. 00:08:44.99\00:08:46.32 And I want you to know that you are priceless to me 00:08:46.35\00:08:49.46 that I died for you, you alone." 00:08:49.49\00:08:52.19 And I'm like, 00:08:52.23\00:08:53.56 "Me, I'm so filthy, I'm so dirty." 00:08:53.60\00:08:56.87 And God was like, 00:08:56.90\00:08:58.23 "But you're mine and I can give you so much more 00:08:58.27\00:09:01.70 and I can give you joy and peace in your life." 00:09:01.74\00:09:04.07 And I said, "Really, Lord? How? Show me." 00:09:04.11\00:09:06.84 Because I always had this image that I was dirty 00:09:06.88\00:09:08.98 and he was unapproachable. 00:09:09.01\00:09:11.38 Unapproachable. Exactly, thank you. 00:09:11.41\00:09:13.35 Unapproachable 00:09:13.38\00:09:14.72 that I could never ever come to the throne 00:09:14.75\00:09:17.99 and he would and envelop me and wrap his arms around me. 00:09:18.02\00:09:20.82 Yes. 00:09:20.86\00:09:22.19 So it was like I had to cry out, 00:09:22.22\00:09:23.83 I'm so unclean 00:09:23.86\00:09:25.19 before I could ever let anyone love me, 00:09:25.23\00:09:27.00 especially God. 00:09:27.03\00:09:28.36 So God got your attention. 00:09:28.40\00:09:29.80 He turned you around, 00:09:29.83\00:09:31.70 and now he has you giving abuse recovery seminars. 00:09:31.73\00:09:36.27 Your brother told you 00:09:36.30\00:09:39.14 that he knew you would be doing this 00:09:39.17\00:09:41.04 and when God did give it to you, 00:09:41.08\00:09:43.28 you rejected that at first, 00:09:43.31\00:09:44.65 but when God gave you the material for this, 00:09:44.68\00:09:47.72 I know your brother happened to call 00:09:47.75\00:09:49.15 the very same day and said, 00:09:49.18\00:09:50.52 "Did you ever put this together, sis." 00:09:50.55\00:09:52.35 A miracle. Here you had it. 00:09:52.39\00:09:54.16 So tell us what the ABC's of recovery from abuse 00:09:54.19\00:09:58.03 because there are so many people 00:09:58.06\00:10:00.20 who are suffering from abuse 00:10:00.23\00:10:02.16 whether it's sexual, or physical, mental, emotional, 00:10:02.20\00:10:05.53 or verbal abuse, or spiritual abuse 00:10:05.57\00:10:08.34 there are so many people who suffer from this, 00:10:08.37\00:10:11.37 not just in the world, but in the church. 00:10:11.41\00:10:14.51 What is the A? The A is admit. 00:10:14.54\00:10:19.31 And all of it is a workshop, 00:10:19.35\00:10:21.18 so everybody is handed out a pamphlet 00:10:21.22\00:10:23.89 and A worksheet that they can work out. 00:10:23.92\00:10:27.79 Everybody works it out themselves 00:10:27.82\00:10:29.49 and no one has to talk about it. 00:10:29.52\00:10:31.29 So when they're admitting, 00:10:31.33\00:10:32.66 which is a very difficult thing to do, 00:10:32.69\00:10:35.83 they have to admit that they have been a victim. 00:10:35.86\00:10:37.90 They have to admit 00:10:37.93\00:10:39.27 that they have even been a perpetrator, 00:10:39.30\00:10:40.84 maybe, perhaps, 00:10:40.87\00:10:42.20 because God loves the perpetrator 00:10:42.24\00:10:44.14 and that's very difficult for a victim 00:10:44.17\00:10:46.37 to accept a lot of times. 00:10:46.41\00:10:48.91 But God loves the perpetrator and the victim equally. 00:10:48.94\00:10:52.51 He's no respecter of persons, 00:10:52.55\00:10:54.32 He is our Father 00:10:54.35\00:10:55.68 and He wants all of his children to repent. 00:10:55.72\00:10:57.15 Amen. 00:10:57.19\00:10:58.52 He wants them all to come to know him. 00:10:58.55\00:10:59.89 So until we get to the first step of admitting, 00:10:59.92\00:11:04.23 we can't finally let the masks 00:11:04.26\00:11:05.76 and the hiding behind mask fall away. 00:11:05.79\00:11:08.56 So we have to admit that it has happened 00:11:08.60\00:11:11.20 and there are biblical verses that go along with all of that 00:11:11.23\00:11:13.77 when they're in the program. 00:11:13.80\00:11:15.14 Okay. 00:11:15.17\00:11:16.50 Now the mission part 00:11:16.54\00:11:18.47 is actually the turning point when... 00:11:18.51\00:11:21.48 because there are many people who... 00:11:21.51\00:11:23.81 It's the confession 00:11:23.85\00:11:25.18 where it says confess your faults 00:11:25.21\00:11:26.82 and confess that you've sinned. 00:11:26.85\00:11:28.78 It's the same thing in meaning. 00:11:28.82\00:11:30.15 It's confessing that it's actually happened. 00:11:30.19\00:11:32.25 And you have to confess to God too, 00:11:32.29\00:11:33.89 you have to admit that it's happened, 00:11:33.92\00:11:35.39 you have to admit that you're angry 00:11:35.42\00:11:36.76 you have to admit that you're bitter. 00:11:36.79\00:11:38.13 You can even be angry at God for all of this. 00:11:38.16\00:11:40.70 Oh, well, most people are. Mm-hm. 00:11:40.73\00:11:43.10 So we're not saying that the victim has sinned 00:11:43.13\00:11:46.10 in the act of the abuse but that the victim is sinning 00:11:46.13\00:11:51.44 because they hold on to bitterness and rage 00:11:51.47\00:11:54.24 because they have closed God out of this area 00:11:54.28\00:11:58.11 of their life quite often. 00:11:58.15\00:11:59.48 They're never admitting guilt because it's never their fault. 00:11:59.51\00:12:02.58 It's never a victim's fault that they have been victimized. 00:12:02.62\00:12:04.55 Amen. 00:12:04.59\00:12:05.92 So they're never admitting guilt to that. 00:12:05.95\00:12:08.39 They're admitting that their carrying guilt, 00:12:08.42\00:12:10.66 and they're carrying shame, 00:12:10.69\00:12:12.03 and that they have actually had this happen to them. 00:12:12.06\00:12:13.70 Right. 00:12:13.73\00:12:15.06 You have to start somewhere 00:12:15.10\00:12:16.43 and in order to start healing 00:12:16.46\00:12:17.80 you have to admit that it actually happened. 00:12:17.83\00:12:19.57 Okay. So what does the B stand for? 00:12:19.60\00:12:22.10 Believe. 00:12:22.14\00:12:23.47 Believe that you must forgive and you must be forgiven 00:12:23.51\00:12:28.04 and it works for both again. 00:12:28.08\00:12:29.41 Every step works for perpetrator and victim 00:12:29.44\00:12:31.95 because God gave us all the tools 00:12:31.98\00:12:33.85 in scriptures to be used, to be healed, 00:12:33.88\00:12:36.45 to be set free, 00:12:36.48\00:12:37.82 to be to be a new creature in Christ 00:12:37.85\00:12:40.02 Amen. 00:12:40.06\00:12:41.39 You know, and to be filled with His Spirit, 00:12:41.42\00:12:42.82 we must empty ourselves of all that garbage 00:12:42.86\00:12:44.83 that we keep hiding behind. 00:12:44.86\00:12:47.00 So the believe is, 00:12:47.03\00:12:48.76 believe that you've been forgiven 00:12:48.80\00:12:51.10 for your part and even if you didn't... 00:12:51.13\00:12:54.10 If you weren't the perpetrator, 00:12:54.14\00:12:55.70 believe that you've been forgiven 00:12:55.74\00:12:57.07 for all the mistakes that you've made 00:12:57.11\00:12:58.44 because you've been a victim, 00:12:58.47\00:12:59.81 all the things that you've done because you know 00:12:59.84\00:13:01.44 that you've carried all this bitterness, 00:13:01.48\00:13:02.81 and you've made bad choices 00:13:02.84\00:13:04.18 because of this you justified it. 00:13:04.21\00:13:05.55 You have to admit your part of that. 00:13:05.58\00:13:07.95 You've justified your behavior. 00:13:07.98\00:13:09.95 So when you believe that you've been forgiven 00:13:09.98\00:13:13.25 and you believe that you have to forgive, 00:13:13.29\00:13:16.16 you can go forward. 00:13:16.19\00:13:17.53 Yeah, I just want to reiterate one more time. 00:13:17.56\00:13:19.93 We're not saying 00:13:19.96\00:13:21.30 that you have to be forgiven for the act 00:13:21.33\00:13:22.90 if you're the victim, there's no guilt on your part. 00:13:22.93\00:13:25.33 No. 00:13:25.37\00:13:26.70 But the shame that comes 00:13:26.74\00:13:28.07 with this often causes you to do 00:13:28.10\00:13:30.84 some pretty crazy things. 00:13:30.87\00:13:32.41 Very crazy things. 00:13:32.44\00:13:33.78 Get into various addictions, make a lot of wrong choices. 00:13:33.81\00:13:38.98 So first you have to as 1 John 1:9 says, 00:13:39.01\00:13:42.88 believe that God, 00:13:42.92\00:13:44.32 when you ask God for forgiveness 00:13:44.35\00:13:46.89 that you have been forgiven and cleansed 00:13:46.92\00:13:48.76 of all unrighteousness. 00:13:48.79\00:13:50.33 But there's a part, a second part to forgiveness, 00:13:50.36\00:13:54.46 and that it is what? 00:13:54.50\00:13:59.80 The second part of forgiveness... 00:13:59.83\00:14:01.17 The second part of forgiveness 00:14:01.20\00:14:02.54 is once you are receiving forgiveness 00:14:02.57\00:14:06.04 but to be forgiven... 00:14:06.07\00:14:07.41 You must forgive in order to be forgiven. 00:14:07.44\00:14:11.21 Christ says, "I cannot go before the Father 00:14:11.25\00:14:13.85 and forgive you, 00:14:13.88\00:14:15.22 if you cannot forgive your brother." 00:14:15.25\00:14:17.09 It is a requirement to be forgiven 00:14:17.12\00:14:19.72 to forgive others 00:14:19.75\00:14:21.16 and in order to truly love the Lord 00:14:21.19\00:14:23.36 it's something that he requires of us 00:14:23.39\00:14:25.56 we can't just pick the pieces that we want to do. 00:14:25.59\00:14:28.40 We are required by God to forgive. 00:14:28.43\00:14:29.86 Amen. 00:14:29.90\00:14:31.23 He does tell us that, 00:14:31.27\00:14:32.60 and especially in the Parable of the Rich Man, 00:14:32.63\00:14:35.00 who owed 10,000 talents 00:14:35.04\00:14:37.17 and then he was forgiven by his master 00:14:37.21\00:14:41.44 would be forgiven much and then he turns around 00:14:41.48\00:14:44.18 and will not forgive someone who owes him a smaller debt. 00:14:44.21\00:14:47.22 Mm-hm. 00:14:47.25\00:14:48.58 And then Jesus says this in the parable, 00:14:48.62\00:14:50.79 he tells this story 00:14:50.82\00:14:52.15 how this rich man then ends up in jail 00:14:52.19\00:14:54.86 over the whole thing 00:14:54.89\00:14:56.22 and he says so will your Father do to you, 00:14:56.26\00:14:58.76 if you will not forgive, your sins won't be forgiven. 00:14:58.79\00:15:01.03 That's right. 00:15:01.06\00:15:02.40 And that's even in the Lord's Prayer, 00:15:02.43\00:15:05.07 "Forgive us as we forgive others." 00:15:05.10\00:15:07.80 But that's easier said than done. 00:15:07.84\00:15:10.31 You don't forget and sometimes people think 00:15:10.34\00:15:14.98 that you're going to forget that it's going to wipe 00:15:15.01\00:15:16.48 your whole past clean. 00:15:16.51\00:15:17.85 No, it's not, 00:15:17.88\00:15:19.28 but it is going to set you free in order to forgive 00:15:19.31\00:15:22.92 and move on and move forward, 00:15:22.95\00:15:25.15 to forgive those people who have sinned against you, 00:15:25.19\00:15:27.29 just as you have forgiven, that's the Lord's Prayer. 00:15:27.32\00:15:29.99 You know, you have to forgive your debtors that they have... 00:15:30.03\00:15:35.23 you know what I'm saying. 00:15:35.26\00:15:36.70 So forgiveness is essential, Christ came to show that to us. 00:15:36.73\00:15:41.07 Forgiveness is an essential part. 00:15:41.10\00:15:42.44 Yes. 00:15:42.47\00:15:43.81 And it's one of the most vital parts 00:15:43.84\00:15:45.17 and a lot of people have a problem with that 00:15:45.21\00:15:46.54 because they're like I don't want to forgive someone 00:15:46.57\00:15:48.24 who's done this to me and done that to me. 00:15:48.28\00:15:49.84 I don't want to forgive. 00:15:49.88\00:15:51.21 I was I was raped at 15, 00:15:51.25\00:15:54.25 I didn't want to forgive that person. 00:15:54.28\00:15:55.82 He took something from me 00:15:55.85\00:15:57.19 that was vital and yet I lived with that for all my life 00:15:57.22\00:16:00.82 and never shared it until the Lord said, 00:16:00.86\00:16:02.42 "I want you to help others 00:16:02.46\00:16:04.26 that have experienced these things. 00:16:04.29\00:16:05.63 I want you to bury your soul." 00:16:05.66\00:16:07.00 I don't think that... 00:16:07.03\00:16:08.40 In fact, most people are never called 00:16:08.43\00:16:10.27 to bear everything out like I have been 00:16:10.30\00:16:12.80 and I'm not and that's not required of them 00:16:12.83\00:16:14.17 to do that. 00:16:14.20\00:16:15.54 Everything that they need to do 00:16:15.57\00:16:16.91 they can do in the privacy between them and God. 00:16:16.94\00:16:19.24 And, you know, that's interesting 00:16:19.27\00:16:20.61 that you said that, 00:16:20.64\00:16:21.98 because that's something similar 00:16:22.01\00:16:23.35 when I went into ministry. 00:16:23.38\00:16:24.91 I suffered a lot. 00:16:24.95\00:16:27.05 I grew up in a very dysfunctional environment 00:16:27.08\00:16:28.78 and suffered some abuse as well 00:16:28.82\00:16:30.35 but that's something the Lord told me 00:16:30.39\00:16:32.72 that I needed to quit painting this rosy picture. 00:16:32.75\00:16:36.19 I needed to share from my heart, 00:16:36.22\00:16:37.76 admit what had happened 00:16:37.79\00:16:39.13 because it would be healing for other people 00:16:39.16\00:16:41.86 and as you see it 00:16:41.90\00:16:43.23 not everyone is required to do that 00:16:43.26\00:16:44.80 but I think when God puts his hand 00:16:44.83\00:16:46.84 on you for ministry 00:16:46.87\00:16:48.37 particularly, you know, in your case your ministering 00:16:48.40\00:16:51.14 to abuse victims, 00:16:51.17\00:16:53.31 people need to know that yeah I've been there 00:16:53.34\00:16:56.88 and this is what God did for me. 00:16:56.91\00:16:58.31 Absolutely. 00:16:58.35\00:16:59.68 Now, for you I don't know but I remember a time 00:16:59.71\00:17:03.18 when I was praying 00:17:03.22\00:17:05.32 and the Lord impressed upon my heart 00:17:05.35\00:17:07.56 that I had to forgive someone who had threatened to kill me, 00:17:07.59\00:17:10.69 who put us deep into debt, it's a long story, 00:17:10.73\00:17:13.16 but the bottom line is this: 00:17:13.19\00:17:15.03 I didn't want him to be forgiven. 00:17:15.06\00:17:17.07 I didn't want to forgive him 00:17:17.10\00:17:18.43 and I didn't want God to forgive him either 00:17:18.47\00:17:20.64 because I was telling the Lord would he said to forgive him. 00:17:20.67\00:17:24.47 I said, "I don't know how to." 00:17:24.51\00:17:26.17 He said, "Pray for his salvation." 00:17:26.21\00:17:28.21 And I remember saying to the Lord, 00:17:28.24\00:17:30.25 "I don't want him to be saved, let him rot." 00:17:30.28\00:17:32.75 You know where and I may as well say it 00:17:32.78\00:17:35.58 because God knew what I was thinking, right? 00:17:35.62\00:17:38.19 And I know that sounds very unlovely 00:17:38.22\00:17:39.59 and unchrist like 00:17:39.62\00:17:40.96 but I was pretty much 00:17:40.99\00:17:42.46 of a baby Christian at the time. 00:17:42.49\00:17:44.83 And I finally said, "Okay, Lord, 00:17:44.86\00:17:47.60 I will pray for his forgiveness but you know I don't mean it." 00:17:47.63\00:17:52.00 In other words, 00:17:52.03\00:17:53.37 I was gonna be obedient to the Lord 00:17:53.40\00:17:55.34 but I didn't mean what I was saying. 00:17:55.37\00:17:57.57 You know, it's interesting that after two weeks of praying 00:17:57.61\00:17:59.94 for this man's forgiveness, 00:17:59.97\00:18:02.24 I don't know when God did this 00:18:02.28\00:18:05.05 but all of a sudden one day I realized 00:18:05.08\00:18:06.88 I was praying and I meant it. 00:18:06.92\00:18:08.75 I saw him as the lost and suffering person he was. 00:18:08.78\00:18:14.09 I saw that, you know, God forgives me 00:18:14.12\00:18:19.23 for all of my faults 00:18:19.26\00:18:20.66 that I needed to forgive this man 00:18:20.70\00:18:22.80 not that I was going to reestablish a relationship 00:18:22.83\00:18:26.23 with someone who's threatened to kill you, 00:18:26.27\00:18:28.57 it wasn't that. 00:18:28.60\00:18:29.94 But it was something that when I let go of that, 00:18:29.97\00:18:33.71 do you think that he cared? 00:18:33.74\00:18:36.28 Not at all, he didn't care if I forgave him. 00:18:36.31\00:18:38.71 But it absolutely changed my life. 00:18:38.75\00:18:40.82 It's a healing process for you. 00:18:40.85\00:18:42.78 That's why God tells us to... 00:18:42.82\00:18:45.29 It's a healing process for you 00:18:45.32\00:18:46.76 because you cannot go forward 00:18:46.79\00:18:48.76 if you're holding all that bitterness, 00:18:48.79\00:18:50.26 and you're holding all that resentment, 00:18:50.29\00:18:51.63 and you're holding all that anger inside, 00:18:51.66\00:18:53.63 and you can't forgive them, you can't go forward, 00:18:53.66\00:18:56.16 and you can't finalize anything with God 00:18:56.20\00:18:58.23 because you're still in that victim situation. 00:18:58.27\00:19:02.34 And I don't want to be a victim, 00:19:02.37\00:19:03.71 I want to be a vessel for the Lord 00:19:03.74\00:19:05.67 and you can't be both. 00:19:05.71\00:19:08.98 The victim mentality I can always tell 00:19:09.01\00:19:10.95 when somebody tells their story, 00:19:10.98\00:19:12.75 you tell your story and you're so vibrant. 00:19:12.78\00:19:16.48 You've got, you know, a lot in your background 00:19:16.52\00:19:19.29 but you're always so exuberant 00:19:19.32\00:19:21.69 because you're telling what the Lord has done for you. 00:19:21.72\00:19:25.23 When someone still tells their story from the past 00:19:25.26\00:19:28.43 and it's painful, and it's a struggle, 00:19:28.46\00:19:30.53 and it's something that they, 00:19:30.57\00:19:32.53 you know, you could see the resentment in their eyes 00:19:32.57\00:19:35.60 when they're telling it. 00:19:35.64\00:19:36.97 You know, they haven't finished the healing process. 00:19:37.01\00:19:39.51 And it's not a quick fix. No it isn't. 00:19:39.54\00:19:41.58 Scripture is given to us for all types of healing, 00:19:41.61\00:19:44.61 but it's a process it's in here 00:19:44.65\00:19:47.28 that you can use it over and over and over again 00:19:47.32\00:19:49.42 because we as victims tend to fall back in our safety net 00:19:49.45\00:19:52.52 and fall back and hiding behind the things 00:19:52.55\00:19:54.96 that our comfort zones are to make us feel good. 00:19:54.99\00:19:58.19 And these are three steps 00:19:58.23\00:19:59.86 that you can use over and over again 00:19:59.89\00:20:01.36 when you feel yourself falling back 00:20:01.40\00:20:02.86 into that pattern of being the victim, 00:20:02.90\00:20:05.43 and not being used for God. 00:20:05.47\00:20:07.57 And it's something I don't even think about now 00:20:07.60\00:20:10.47 and it's something that has gone so many years 00:20:10.51\00:20:12.61 that I don't fall back into that pattern. 00:20:12.64\00:20:15.34 But so many people will do it 00:20:15.38\00:20:16.78 for years and years and years 00:20:16.81\00:20:18.15 but they can pick up their Bible 00:20:18.18\00:20:19.68 and use those steps again and again and again 00:20:19.71\00:20:22.95 and be set free every time that they want to regress, 00:20:22.98\00:20:25.45 every time they want to go back, 00:20:25.49\00:20:26.82 every time they want to bad. 00:20:26.86\00:20:28.19 And I will tell you 00:20:28.22\00:20:29.56 the step of forgiveness was the part 00:20:29.59\00:20:31.23 where I found out, 00:20:31.26\00:20:32.59 I had multiple personality disorder 00:20:32.63\00:20:34.26 because I did not want to forgive 00:20:34.30\00:20:36.73 one of the people, 00:20:36.77\00:20:38.10 one of the perpetrators 00:20:38.13\00:20:39.47 in my life threatened my life also 00:20:39.50\00:20:41.97 and was very close to me and I loved very dearly, 00:20:42.00\00:20:45.41 but he also was my worst perpetrator 00:20:45.44\00:20:48.98 and to forgive him was very difficult 00:20:49.01\00:20:50.85 because he was dead by the time 00:20:50.88\00:20:52.38 I was going through my recovery. 00:20:52.41\00:20:55.85 And that's where C came in confront the people 00:20:55.88\00:21:00.32 that have hurt you. 00:21:00.36\00:21:01.69 Now I'm not saying you go out and you tell people 00:21:01.72\00:21:03.22 and you ruin people's lives 00:21:03.26\00:21:04.59 because God has specific rules on that as well. 00:21:04.63\00:21:07.33 You never go and destroy someone's home 00:21:07.36\00:21:09.30 or someone's life just so that you feel satisfaction 00:21:09.33\00:21:12.53 or that you feel 00:21:12.57\00:21:13.90 that you need to be healed that way. 00:21:13.94\00:21:15.64 You confront the issue 00:21:15.67\00:21:17.01 whether it's in a letter because, 00:21:17.04\00:21:18.84 I wrote a letter to the deceased person. 00:21:18.87\00:21:21.04 You can write a letter, we burn those at the end. 00:21:21.08\00:21:23.61 No one reads those letters, but you need to confront, 00:21:23.65\00:21:25.98 you need to expose yourself and say all the things 00:21:26.01\00:21:28.25 that you needed to say. 00:21:28.28\00:21:29.62 And one of the letters that they will have to write 00:21:29.65\00:21:31.39 is a letter to God. 00:21:31.42\00:21:32.82 You have to confront God, 00:21:32.85\00:21:34.52 you have to let him and open him up 00:21:34.56\00:21:36.22 and say this is how I felt about all of this. 00:21:36.26\00:21:39.03 Where do you stand on that, God? 00:21:39.06\00:21:40.40 Where are you? 00:21:40.43\00:21:41.96 Where were you when this is happening to me? 00:21:42.00\00:21:43.63 And where do you stand with me now? 00:21:43.67\00:21:45.53 You know, am I worthy to be called your daughter 00:21:45.57\00:21:48.60 because there are so many people 00:21:48.64\00:21:50.51 that have gone through all this 00:21:50.54\00:21:51.87 that just don't see themselves as heirs to the kingdom. 00:21:51.91\00:21:56.44 Right. 00:21:56.48\00:21:57.81 They still can't accept the fact 00:21:57.85\00:21:59.28 that God's blood has purified them. 00:21:59.31\00:22:02.58 He has made them new and whole, and it's an awesome thing, 00:22:02.62\00:22:05.99 and I just... 00:22:06.02\00:22:07.36 I have a burden for those people 00:22:07.39\00:22:08.72 because I know it took me 42 years 00:22:08.76\00:22:10.69 to be set free from that. 00:22:10.73\00:22:12.53 And I don't want people to go 42 years 00:22:12.56\00:22:14.33 without knowing the love of Jesus. 00:22:14.36\00:22:15.76 I don't want them to go a day 00:22:15.80\00:22:17.13 without knowing how precious they are to God. 00:22:17.17\00:22:19.97 So let me ask you a question 00:22:20.00\00:22:21.34 because there are some personalities 00:22:21.37\00:22:22.70 when you said confront, 00:22:22.74\00:22:24.07 I was thinking could I go and confront, 00:22:24.11\00:22:27.74 I mean, I'm that person 00:22:27.78\00:22:29.41 who doesn't care for confrontation. 00:22:29.44\00:22:32.81 Mm-hm. 00:22:32.85\00:22:34.18 So if I'm hearing you correctly, 00:22:34.22\00:22:36.28 if someone does not want to go 00:22:36.32\00:22:38.15 and have a conversation with someone, 00:22:38.19\00:22:40.06 you can just write the letter out, 00:22:40.09\00:22:42.79 which is very cathartic just getting it out. 00:22:42.82\00:22:44.43 First of all let's back up a little bit. 00:22:44.46\00:22:45.79 All right. 00:22:45.83\00:22:47.16 When you confront you're not going to go 00:22:47.20\00:22:48.53 and confront and ruin somebody's life. 00:22:48.56\00:22:50.37 You are also going to go with God. 00:22:50.40\00:22:52.37 You would pray about it 00:22:52.40\00:22:53.74 before you would ever do anything, 00:22:53.77\00:22:55.44 before you ever confront that person face to face, 00:22:55.47\00:22:57.44 and God may never have you go face to face with that person. 00:22:57.47\00:23:00.71 And God may simply say a letter is fine, 00:23:00.74\00:23:02.84 sometimes he will say I want you to call them, 00:23:02.88\00:23:05.08 it's between you and God, how he leads you. 00:23:05.11\00:23:07.95 And now I had a gentleman 00:23:07.98\00:23:09.32 because I do seminars that are for men and women. 00:23:09.35\00:23:12.32 And I had a gentleman 00:23:12.35\00:23:14.42 who actually went out of that C meeting, 00:23:14.46\00:23:16.59 the confronting meeting, 00:23:16.62\00:23:17.96 called his dad 00:23:17.99\00:23:19.33 who he hadn't spoken to in 10 years 00:23:19.36\00:23:21.36 and talked to his dad and came in weeping 00:23:21.40\00:23:23.77 and, you know, they had healed a rift 00:23:23.80\00:23:26.37 in their relationship. 00:23:26.40\00:23:28.24 Whatever it was, I still don't know to this day 00:23:28.27\00:23:30.81 but he just was so thankful. 00:23:30.84\00:23:33.54 I had another man and his wife who had been married 50 years 00:23:33.58\00:23:37.21 who thanked me that that I did this for the men 00:23:37.25\00:23:40.65 that I let them come to this workshop 00:23:40.68\00:23:42.02 so they could know how 00:23:42.05\00:23:43.39 they could help their wives biblically with God. 00:23:43.42\00:23:45.55 Yes. 00:23:45.59\00:23:46.92 For healing because a lot of times 00:23:46.96\00:23:48.66 we just tend to reach out to women 00:23:48.69\00:23:51.23 but victimization includes two people includes 00:23:51.26\00:23:55.46 the whole family. 00:23:55.50\00:23:56.83 If there is healing process there needs to be the knowledge 00:23:56.87\00:24:00.07 of how to help those people. 00:24:00.10\00:24:01.50 And as we're finding now statistically 00:24:01.54\00:24:03.97 even though that women are abused 00:24:04.01\00:24:05.87 about twice as often as men, 00:24:05.91\00:24:07.24 we're finding that 00:24:07.28\00:24:08.61 there are whole lot of abused men. 00:24:08.64\00:24:09.98 Absolutely. 00:24:10.01\00:24:11.48 But often at you're workshops 00:24:11.51\00:24:13.75 what you will do is take these letters 00:24:13.78\00:24:16.69 and then have a big bonfire, tell you about. 00:24:16.72\00:24:19.02 We have a bonfire to freedom, I call it a bonfire to freedom. 00:24:19.05\00:24:22.12 These messages that I usually do for abuse 00:24:22.16\00:24:24.99 I call on my freedom messages. 00:24:25.03\00:24:26.73 They're freedom messages, 00:24:26.76\00:24:28.10 they're to set you free I use all the freedom messages 00:24:28.13\00:24:30.80 that God gives you to have a newness in Christ, 00:24:30.83\00:24:33.07 to walk in the spirit 00:24:33.10\00:24:34.44 to be a different person made new, 00:24:34.47\00:24:36.87 and cleanse and create in me a new heart, 00:24:36.91\00:24:39.41 Lord, what David had said in Psalms, 00:24:39.44\00:24:41.21 I just love that. 00:24:41.24\00:24:42.58 And that's what we yearn for but we just don't know 00:24:42.61\00:24:44.48 how to get but once we have the tools 00:24:44.51\00:24:47.68 that we can work with over and over again, 00:24:47.72\00:24:49.58 we can have with that new heart, 00:24:49.62\00:24:50.95 we can have that newness of spirit, 00:24:50.99\00:24:52.42 we can walk with God, 00:24:52.45\00:24:53.96 and so when they have done those processes 00:24:53.99\00:24:56.52 and they have written those letters 00:24:56.56\00:24:57.89 no one is ever going to see those letters. 00:24:57.93\00:24:59.73 People are afraid to write 00:24:59.76\00:25:01.53 what they feel towards their perpetrator. 00:25:01.56\00:25:04.53 So I say write them 00:25:04.57\00:25:05.90 no one is ever going to see them 00:25:05.93\00:25:07.27 we're going to go to a bonfire freedom, 00:25:07.30\00:25:09.17 and we sing around the bonfire, and we praise God, 00:25:09.20\00:25:11.71 and we weep and we pray for one another 00:25:11.74\00:25:14.54 and we share because we understand 00:25:14.58\00:25:17.81 where we've been and that sets the freedom 00:25:17.85\00:25:19.85 and I will tell you. 00:25:19.88\00:25:21.22 We have people in my church in Ketchum, Oklahoma, 00:25:21.25\00:25:24.39 that started at my seminar, 00:25:24.42\00:25:26.69 that started in the workshop, that were never Adventist so... 00:25:26.72\00:25:29.32 Praise the Lord. 00:25:29.36\00:25:30.69 I praise God, 00:25:30.73\00:25:32.06 you know, it's to his glory 00:25:32.09\00:25:33.43 it's for it's one of his babies 00:25:33.46\00:25:34.80 and this is what my deepest desire 00:25:34.83\00:25:36.16 is to help one of his babies 00:25:36.20\00:25:38.70 find him that he can bring home. 00:25:38.73\00:25:41.47 Amen. 00:25:41.50\00:25:43.61 Now if someone, 00:25:43.64\00:25:45.34 I do want to put up your e-mail address 00:25:45.37\00:25:48.68 because if someone needs these ABC's 00:25:48.71\00:25:51.55 and would like to get in touch with Marie, 00:25:51.58\00:25:54.35 you can reach 00:25:54.38\00:25:55.72 or at Rioverdefischer. 00:25:55.75\00:26:01.12 At MSN. At MSN.com. 00:26:01.16\00:26:03.63 That's 00:26:03.66\00:26:04.99 Rioverdefischer@amazon.com. 00:26:05.03\00:26:12.47 Yes, no at MSN.com. 00:26:12.50\00:26:17.04 Can't buy me at Amazon. No we can't buy you at Amazon. 00:26:17.07\00:26:20.28 You know, it is amazing how God is using you, 00:26:20.31\00:26:23.31 and I know that you go to many churches 00:26:23.35\00:26:25.15 and do this, 00:26:25.18\00:26:26.51 and he's using you as a speaker in the minute 00:26:26.55\00:26:29.72 that we have left tell me 00:26:29.75\00:26:31.45 how long was the process for you? 00:26:31.49\00:26:34.92 This healing process. 00:26:34.96\00:26:36.29 This healing process for me 00:26:36.32\00:26:38.09 probably took me the whole year, 00:26:38.13\00:26:41.46 a whole year of really my recovery 00:26:41.50\00:26:44.83 from the accident took me a whole year 00:26:44.87\00:26:46.20 to go back to work. 00:26:46.23\00:26:47.57 It took me that whole year and nine months, 00:26:47.60\00:26:49.47 I wrote the ABC's of healing, 9 months after the accident, 00:26:49.50\00:26:53.27 so within 10 months I had given my first one 00:26:53.31\00:26:56.14 and so it probably took a whole year for me 00:26:56.18\00:26:58.21 to implement into my life 00:26:58.25\00:26:59.75 and really find that God can do amazing things. 00:26:59.78\00:27:04.29 Amen. 00:27:04.32\00:27:05.69 It has been said that we learn to teach 00:27:05.72\00:27:10.56 and we teach to learn. 00:27:10.59\00:27:12.29 It's usually as you're sharing with others 00:27:12.33\00:27:14.86 what you've learned 00:27:14.90\00:27:17.00 that you've really, really learned. 00:27:17.03\00:27:19.23 I can't believe how fast our time 00:27:19.27\00:27:20.87 has gone by but, Marie, 00:27:20.90\00:27:22.24 we'd like for you to come back 00:27:22.27\00:27:23.61 because there are some other topics 00:27:23.64\00:27:24.97 we'd like for you to speak to. 00:27:25.01\00:27:26.34 Thank you so much for being with us today. 00:27:26.37\00:27:27.71 Thank you for having me. 00:27:27.74\00:27:29.08 And for those of you at home as always our prayer for you 00:27:29.11\00:27:31.88 is that the grace of our Lord and savior Jesus Christ, 00:27:31.91\00:27:34.68 the love of the Father 00:27:34.72\00:27:36.08 and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit 00:27:36.12\00:27:37.95 will be with you always. 00:27:37.99\00:27:39.95 Thanks for joining us. 00:27:39.99\00:27:41.36