Participants: Shelley Quinn (Host), Nicole Parker
Series Code: IAA
Program Code: IAA000447A
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00:30 Hello, I am Shelley Quinn
00:31 and we welcome you to Issues and Answers. 00:34 Today we're going to be talking about something 00:37 that is actually a very, 00:41 it's a tender topic, let me put it that way. 00:44 But it is going to bring relief to so many people. 00:47 We will be talking about healing 00:49 from sexual abuse. 00:51 Now even if you've not been sexually abused, 00:53 there is certainly within our church, 00:56 within your neighborhood 00:58 there are so many people that you can reach out to 01:01 that I would recommend you watch this, 01:03 so that you can be one 01:06 who introduces people to the healing process. 01:10 Our special guest returning 01:12 is Nicole Parker and Nicole you are... 01:15 have a master's degree in biblical counseling. 01:18 And on our last program 01:21 you talked about your own abuse, 01:24 the childhood abuse you suffered, 01:26 how that distorted your picture of God 01:30 made you fiercely independent 01:31 where you didn't want to trust on the Lord. 01:33 Absolutely. 01:34 But you also suffered 01:36 from a great deal of anxiety and depression 01:40 and God brought you out of all of that. 01:43 Yes, what's amazing 01:45 is that when you're in the midst 01:47 of being very unhealthy, 01:49 it feels totally normal and healthy to you. 01:51 And God is so gracious to us, 01:53 He leads us gently along the path of healing. 01:55 Ooh wait, but I want to go back to what you just said, 01:58 when you're in the midst of it this seems normal, 02:01 it seems natural. 02:02 When you're in a bad... 02:04 If you're in a relationship that you're getting battered 02:06 and you're in the middle of it, 02:07 it can seem like this is a normal pattern. 02:09 Or if you're in the middle of this abuse 02:12 and you're reacting 02:13 with "Okay, I'm going to take care of myself," 02:16 then this all seems very normal 02:20 because you can't see the forest for the trees. 02:23 Exactly. Okay. 02:24 In the midst of what I was going 02:26 through even though I was doing things 02:28 that made no sense, 02:29 you know, if there was a man walking 02:30 toward me on a sidewalk, 02:32 I would get off the sidewalk 02:33 and act like I wanted to pick up a leaf 02:34 or a dandelion or something 02:36 so that he wouldn't get close enough to me 02:37 to trigger a panic attack 02:39 and yet this was just the way I lived. 02:41 When I would stand in line somewhere I'd make sure 02:43 I was leaning against something with my back protected 02:47 because I knew if someone walked behind me 02:48 it might trigger a panic attack. 02:50 Wow. 02:51 But no one had any idea, 02:53 you know, I was going to school and laughing with my friends 02:55 and spending time with people 02:56 and I was just very good at putting on the mask, 03:00 but behind the mask was something very different. 03:02 And there were periods of time that I cried myself to sleep 03:05 every single night for months on end 03:08 because I didn't know 03:10 how to deal with the severe depression, 03:11 the darkness that just never left. 03:14 But God broke through and healed you 03:17 of anxiety and depression. 03:18 Yes, I don't struggle with those things, 03:20 now I won't say I'm not tempted 03:22 but the devil comes to me and says, 03:25 "This is what you're worth, this is how much you're loved," 03:28 and he lies, he always has the same lies 03:31 that he likes to manufacture for us. 03:33 So when the devil comes to you to say, 03:35 "This is what you're worth," 03:36 he is diminishing your worth, he is diminishing you, 03:41 but you know that your value to God 03:44 is that God gave His Son 03:47 because He put such a high value on you 03:49 and you are worth nothing less than the price 03:50 He paid for you 03:52 with the precious blood of Jesus Christ. 03:53 That's right. 03:54 You see all the devil's temptations 03:57 are temptations toward unbelief and pride. 04:00 That's always the root of whatever fruit is manifest 04:04 in our lives that the devil's working. 04:06 Unbelief in the character of God. 04:07 Right, unbelief in the character of God. 04:09 So if the devil comes to me and says, 04:11 you never do anything right. 04:13 What that really means is you are worthless 04:17 unless you accomplish things, 04:19 unless you achieve 04:21 and I have to meet it with the Word of God. 04:23 God says, I am priceless in His sight. 04:25 Amen. 04:26 He says He has created me in His image 04:28 and redeemed me by His blood. 04:30 These are the measures of my worth. 04:32 When you meet the devil's lies with that kind of truth, 04:35 the temptations melt away. 04:37 Now I've counseled with so many people 04:39 that in five or ten minutes 04:40 of repeating the devil's lies to themselves, 04:42 they'll send themselves spiraling. 04:43 It may take them weeks or months 04:45 to recover from that spiral because of course, 04:47 once you spiral down into it it's so much easier 04:50 just to stay at the bottom of that pit. 04:51 Now, and let me be more specific there 04:54 because I think I understand what you're saying 04:56 is that when you believe the devil's lies, 04:58 this is just five minutes of mistrusting God 05:02 is what you're saying. 05:03 Right. 05:05 Five minutes of thinking something that isn't, 05:08 that doesn't align itself with the true character of God. 05:11 If you start thinking well, 05:12 God doesn't really love me He plays favorites, 05:16 I'm this, I'm that, yes, 05:17 that is we know Satan 05:19 but if that's your thought process 05:22 it only takes five minutes 05:23 of that to plunge someone into a depression 05:25 that can last weeks or months. 05:27 Right. 05:28 You start down the slide, 05:29 you don't know where you're gonna end up 05:31 but you know 05:32 it's always gonna be a lot worse than you 05:34 thought you would when you started out. 05:35 Yeah. 05:36 Temptation is always on the thought level 05:38 because the battle is for the heart. 05:40 The Bible makes it clear, God is always after the heart. 05:42 He's not after us behaving correctly. 05:44 Behavior follows our hearts. 05:47 So the devil's always gonna attack us 05:49 in our thought life first, 05:50 he's going to say, 05:52 "God is not good, God is not love, 05:54 God doesn't love you," what really he says... 05:56 Or he's going to say 05:57 as with my case 05:59 that God doesn't save, you have to save yourself. 06:02 You have to be perfect to be loved by God 06:05 and then that is something when you believe that then, 06:09 you know, I counsel with so many people 06:12 who feel like, "Oh, if I could only, 06:13 you know, I'm not good enough for God. 06:15 I don't know if I'm gonna be ready 06:16 for the second return." 06:18 And they'll never just surrender 06:20 and allow God to work in them to will 06:22 and to act according to His good pleasure. 06:24 It's always a battle about the character of God. 06:27 Is He really who He says He is in His Word. 06:29 Right. 06:30 Or is He who I feel He is or is He who the circumstances 06:33 of my life seem to indicate that He is. 06:36 The faith heroes of scripture like Joseph and Moses, 06:40 they were people who said, "God is who He says He is, 06:42 no matter what my circumstances seem to say." 06:44 Amen. "I'm going to follow Him." 06:46 And so the battles 06:48 that we go through 06:49 even the things that aren't the will of God, 06:50 abuse, addiction, terrible things 06:52 that happen to people in this world, 06:54 things that aren't the will of God 06:56 become opportunities for us to become faith heroes. 06:58 Amen. 06:59 And, you know, I'm just sitting here, 07:01 it's just really resonating with me 07:03 because I think how important it is for us 07:05 to get the truth out about the nature of God 07:08 because I do know one thing, 07:09 I grew up believing that God was worse than Hitler, 07:15 worse than the torture of Hitler 07:16 that He was going to burn us eternally, 07:20 constantly this burning hell 07:22 that we would never escape from. 07:24 So I always kept God at arm's length 07:26 because of that, 07:28 so that is when Satan creates a lie 07:32 and something that the church 07:34 then even actually propagates the lie, 07:36 boy, you're setting people up for all of this. 07:38 So... 07:39 That's right. 07:40 Now he is, we know that sin destroys 07:43 any kind of a healthy relationship 07:45 we can have with God. 07:46 And you're saying that actually this anxiety and depression 07:52 is because we're believing a lie about God, 07:55 so our unbelief leads us then to pride, 07:59 trying to do something for our self 08:01 which damages the relationship with God. 08:04 Now how does someone... 08:06 if someone particularly has suffered, 08:09 there's probably not a more personal... 08:13 I don't know how to say this, personal is a word, 08:17 a personal affront or sin against, 08:19 committed against someone than sexual abuse, that is... 08:22 That's right. 08:24 That violates someone as far as sins 08:27 that are committed against us that violates us in a way 08:31 that cannot be explained 08:33 unless you have suffered through it. 08:35 How does someone who has suffered this abuse, 08:40 what is the process to overcoming 08:43 this unbelief, to overcoming... 08:46 How do they connect with God for healing? 08:50 You know I... 08:51 This is why I'm so passionate about biblical counseling 08:54 because I have discovered 08:56 that the gospel heals any heart 08:59 from any kind of effective sin. 09:00 The true gospel. 09:01 The true gospel and the gospel is that God is love 09:05 that when we really grasp that He is love, by His love, 09:10 love will be awakened in our hearts. 09:11 The love of God is simple, love God first, 09:14 love your neighbor as yourself but no one can love God 09:17 if they believe that He is an evil, 09:18 hateful, horrible being. 09:20 Yes. 09:21 So as we understand the love of God 09:23 that awakens love in our hearts for Him 09:26 and, you know, 09:27 sin wherever it touches is a breaker of relationship. 09:31 It destroys our relationship with God by unbelief about Him. 09:34 If I cannot believe 09:35 He is who He says He is in His Word, 09:37 then I'm going to create a monster in some way 09:40 and then I cannot worship Him. 09:42 But, you know, Nicole, isn't the first step to healing... 09:49 For you it had to be, 09:51 you know, you blocked it off and I mean, 09:53 and often we'll hear 09:54 that when something truly traumatic happens. 09:57 It's like your memory is cocooned somewhere 10:02 and it will sometimes be totally blocked 10:04 because it's too traumatic to deal with. 10:07 Now the first step though is in reaching that, 10:10 admitting your pain and brokenness, isn't it? 10:13 Yes and that, that happens naturally 10:16 when we grasp the character of God. 10:17 Okay. 10:19 The more that I can believe that God is who He says He is, 10:22 the more I can relax my grip on my life 10:25 and I can say maybe he can take care of it. 10:28 You see depression and anxiety happen 10:31 because they're rooted in our unbelief and pride. 10:34 If I can't believe 10:35 that I'm really deeply, totally loved, 10:38 I'm going to be depressed 10:40 and I'm going to be an idolater 10:41 looking for somebody somewhere who can make me feel loved 10:44 or something that can help me escape temporarily 10:47 from that sense of being unloved. 10:49 So when you say idolatry, 10:50 you're gonna find something 10:52 to put in place of God in your life. 10:53 Right, because we have two great cravings, 10:56 every human soul does, 10:58 to be loved and to be worthwhile. 11:01 If I don't have any value, 11:03 I'm going to try to achieve value 11:05 by my works, by my accomplishments, 11:07 by my perfection, by my workaholism, 11:10 whatever it is, but it's really rooted 11:13 in my inability to believe that God says, "Wow! 11:17 You are my daughter, you are my son. 11:19 I love you like there's nobody else 11:20 in the universe for me to even notice. 11:23 You have no idea how I love you." 11:24 When I grasp that 11:26 and this is the eternal process of the gospel, 11:28 grasping over and over how much He loves us, 11:30 how much we're worth, 11:32 those two things are revealed 11:34 in the two great themes of the Bible 11:35 creation and redemption, 11:37 that He created me in His image and He recreates me 11:40 in His image every time I surrender to Him. 11:41 Amen. 11:43 You know, I'm glad you said that 11:44 because as you're talking about this 11:47 "Wow, God loves me," 11:48 I know that there's someone out there watching right now 11:51 or listening on the radio who is saying, 11:55 "That's not true, you know, He may love her 11:58 but He doesn't love me." 11:59 And that's the lie that he tells us. 12:00 And that's exactly 12:02 what we're talking to right now, isn't it? 12:04 So how did you get to that point 12:06 of was it just, 12:08 I know last time 12:09 you mentioned reading the book the Desire of Ages. 12:13 Yes, that was this single transformative book 12:16 that turned me around. 12:17 I read the Bible 12:18 but my misperceptions of the character of God 12:20 were so strong 12:21 that I couldn't even see Him in there. 12:23 When I read the Desire of Ages 12:25 that pulled together the gospels 12:26 into one single story of the life of Jesus 12:29 and showed me His love that was when I thought, 12:32 "This is a God I could love, this is a God I could trust." 12:35 And that was the turning point for me. 12:37 As I started reading that book, 12:38 I also started understanding in new ways 12:41 how the scriptures apply to my life 12:43 and the Bible became a book of color 12:46 where before it was just black and white for me. 12:49 Oh, that's good. 12:50 But how did you... 12:52 So the Desire of Ages, you can tell 12:54 that we highly recommend the book the Desire of Ages, 12:57 it was written by the author Ellen White 12:59 and this is a book on the life of Christ 13:01 and it is, again, we hear so many testimonies 13:04 of how God has used that book to as a turning point. 13:09 But let me ask this, how did you then... 13:12 Okay, you begin to see God who He really is. 13:17 How did you overcome the guilt and the shame? 13:21 You know, guilt and shame are two different things 13:24 that feel very much the same. 13:28 When we are abused 13:30 we have a sense of shame that I'm dirty. 13:34 And guilt is a legitimate message 13:37 from God saying, "You have sinned. 13:38 There's something standing between you and me, 13:41 let me get it out of the way 13:42 so you and I can be close again," 13:43 that's guilt. 13:45 So guilt is a healthy thing. 13:46 It's a message of hope from God saying we can get rid of this, 13:48 you can be pure any moment that you give me your sin, 13:51 let me cover you with My righteousness. 13:54 Shame though is much more insidious. 13:56 It's a message of the devil, 13:57 it says, "You are defiled, you are so dirty 14:01 that not even the blood of Jesus 14:03 can cleanse you." 14:05 This is where we need the promises of God 14:07 to battle both guilt and shame. 14:10 Guilt, we can meet with 1 John 1:9, 14:13 "If we confess our sins, 14:14 He is faithful 14:15 and just to forgive us of our sins 14:17 and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." 14:19 Guilt is a message that drives me 14:22 to my knees, 14:23 a message of hope that says 14:25 come and surrender this to Jesus. 14:26 So guilt is when the Holy Spirit 14:29 is convicting you of the sin in your life 14:32 and offering you a godly sorrow. 14:37 Right. Okay. 14:38 And offering to cover me with His righteousness. 14:40 Yes, so that's where... 14:41 Now, sexual abuse often leads to sexual addiction 14:44 and to obsession with sex and unhealthy other behaviors. 14:47 There's a whole slew of behaviors and attitudes 14:50 that come as a result. 14:51 When I'm sinned against, 14:53 I have a natural sinful response 14:54 to want to sin back 14:56 and that sin is gonna cause brokenness 14:57 in every area of my life it touches. 14:59 But righteousness is the opposite of sin. 15:03 Sin is the breaking of God's law, 15:04 the law that says to love Him and to love others. 15:07 Righteousness is the healing, 15:09 the ability to love God after all 15:11 and then to love others, 15:12 so righteousness comes in a like a flood 15:14 and heals everything it touches. 15:17 And in righteousness God shows us what He's like. 15:21 So guilt is a message saying 15:23 that righteousness of Jesus will cover you. 15:25 When I go to my knees and I pray, 15:27 I must believe the promise of God, 15:29 He says in His Word 15:30 that He cleanses me if I confess and repent. 15:33 So when I stand up from my knees, 15:35 I am pure as though I had never sinned. 15:38 Shame is what comes in right then, 15:40 shame is a lie from the devil, it's a message of hopelessness. 15:43 It says, "Not even the blood of Jesus can cover you." 15:46 But then shame offers its own hope, 15:48 it says, "But there's good news, 15:49 you can atone 15:51 if you'll supplement the righteousness of Christ 15:52 with your own sacrifice," 15:54 so those who have sin... 15:56 That's the lie of the devil. 15:57 Will come back and either they'll go, 15:59 "There's no use, 16:00 there's no hope for somebody like me," 16:01 or they'll go, "Maybe I can achieve it, 16:03 maybe if I study the Bible more, 16:05 maybe if I pray harder, 16:06 maybe if I go out and do good works, 16:08 I will atone." 16:10 Or if I pray and pray for a while 16:11 and eventually I start feeling like 16:13 I've crawled back to God and He's going, 16:15 "All right, all right, 16:16 I'll let you in this time but don't do it again." 16:18 When I come back to God with that sense, 16:21 I've already crippled my relationship with Him 16:24 because I've atoned for my sin. 16:25 It's pride. 16:27 I want to add one little caveat here 16:29 as a qualifier if you will that praying 16:33 more, reading, studying the Bible more 16:35 it's not bad thing, we're not saying that. 16:36 Oh, no, they're wonderful. 16:38 It's if you are trying to atone for your own sin, 16:42 if you are trying to, 16:45 if you think it's meritorious that by doing these things 16:48 you're gaining ground with God 16:52 as a merit badge that's when it's, 16:55 it's really something that, you're becoming your own god. 17:00 Because the battle is always for the heart. 17:02 Right. 17:03 It's not about behavior, 17:04 I can do the right thing for the wrong reason 17:06 and it's the wrong thing. 17:07 So if I am studying and praying in order to achieve God saying, 17:11 "I don't want to have anything to do with it. 17:12 All right, all right, all right, I guess I will." 17:14 Okay. I'm doing the wrong thing. 17:16 If I'm studying and praying 17:17 because I want to connect more deeply 17:19 with the God of love, 17:20 then that's when His righteousness 17:23 can cleanse me and heal me. 17:25 So studying the Bible and praying were the things 17:28 that pulled me out of my brokenness, 17:30 that healed me 17:31 and that brought me close to Christ 17:32 because they were the ways 17:34 that I finally understood that God was really 17:35 who He says He is in His Word 17:37 and not who I felt He was 17:38 and who my circumstances seem to indicate He was. 17:40 Amen. 17:41 But now once you've gotten to that point 17:44 where you've dealt with the shame, 17:46 I mean, you recognized the problem, 17:47 admitted the problem, you have dealt with the shame. 17:51 How did you get, because to me I think in the healing process, 17:55 forgiveness is critical. 17:57 Yes. 17:58 If you hold on to unforgiveness, 18:01 the life of the Spirit cannot flow through you 18:05 and you become bitter and resentful. 18:08 How did you get to that point of forgiveness? 18:12 You know, Hosea 2 has a beautiful passage 18:16 where it talks about 18:19 how God takes us to the valley of Achor 18:23 and it becomes the door of hope for us. 18:27 And the valley of Achor when you look at up, 18:30 Achor means trouble. 18:32 It's the valley of trouble 18:33 that brings us to the door of hope. 18:36 Now when I studied the valley of Achor, 18:38 I realized what had happened in the valley of Achor. 18:40 Achor is where Achan was stoned, 18:43 and for me that was so liberating. 18:45 Here is a man who sinned, who sneaked into Jericho, 18:49 took garments and gold for himself 18:51 and hid them in the floor of his tent 18:53 and because of that other people suffered 18:55 when they went to battle with the... 18:57 at the City of Ai, they were defeated, 18:59 it was unfair. 19:01 Achan sinned and others suffered. 19:03 Achan's sin was... 19:08 He went exactly against the counsel of God. 19:12 Exactly. 19:13 Achan's sin was where he defied the will of God. 19:16 That's what the word I was looking for. 19:18 And what happened in that story 19:20 is others were affected by Achan's sin. 19:23 Now I don't believe 19:24 that the children of Israel stoned 19:25 Achan's whole family 19:27 because Achan was the only one who sinned, 19:29 all the rest of the family had to have known 19:30 that was hidden in the floor of their tent. 19:32 Yes. 19:33 Otherwise they could have, they could have been spared. 19:36 But what happened with the story of Achan 19:38 is that innocent people did suffer 19:40 and this is what happens in abuse. 19:41 Someone else sins against me but I'm the one who suffers. 19:44 If you take a knife and you cut my arm, 19:47 you sinned but I suffer. 19:48 Right. 19:49 This is what happens with abuse. 19:51 But the problem 19:52 is when someone sins against me, 19:54 I want to cover it, 19:55 I want to pretend like it didn't happen 19:56 and sin festers. 19:58 We're always systemically infected with sin 20:02 because we are sinners, it's just in our natures. 20:05 All of us have sinned 20:06 and come short of the righteousness of Christ. 20:08 So that wound 20:09 that someone else sins against me 20:11 is going to fester 20:12 and I'm going to refuse to forgive you 20:15 when I'm wounded 20:16 but that infection starts happening 20:18 that's my sin of when I'm wounded response. 20:20 You know, the principles of healing emotionally 20:23 and healing physically work exactly the same. 20:25 We can follow that as a general guideline 20:27 when we're wanting to find emotional healing. 20:29 If there is some sin 20:30 that someone else has done against me 10 years ago, 20:33 someone cut me with a knife 20:35 but 10 years later you come over and say, 20:36 "What's wrong with your arm?" 20:37 "Oh, you can't come close to that." 20:39 It's not because 20:41 this is gone through a normal process of healing, 20:43 there's infection, there's festering. 20:45 And what you're saying essentially 20:47 is that unforgiveness is a sin. 20:49 Unforgiveness is a sin. 20:50 It doesn't mean that God says, "You haven't forgiven, 20:52 I'm not going to let you into heaven," 20:54 just like if I live in fear, 20:56 fear is a sin and that it separates me 20:58 from the peace that God wants me to have, 21:00 but it doesn't mean that God says 21:02 to a five year old who's living cringing in fear 21:04 because they've been abused, 21:05 "I'm not letting you into heaven," 21:07 rather God is appealing to us," Let me have it. 21:10 Let me lance that wound. 21:11 Let me heal you from the inside out 21:13 and then all you'll have is the scar, 21:15 it won't hurt anymore." 21:17 When I studied the story of Achan, 21:19 I realized, "Wow, God will deal justly. 21:24 I don't have to." 21:25 Here I was living in constant anguish 21:29 because my abuser was already dead. 21:31 Every day I was tortured by the sense 21:33 it was as though his bony hand was reaching out 21:36 from the grave and gripping me everywhere I went, 21:38 I was suffering he had sinned 21:40 but he got off scot-free, he never apologized, 21:42 never made things right 21:44 and I felt I needed to somehow hold on to his injustice 21:48 because nobody would ever fix it. 21:50 Right. 21:51 But the story of Achan set me free. 21:53 I realized he doesn't have a grip on me anymore. 21:56 I don't have to try to punish him 21:58 for what he did to me. 21:59 God will deal justly 22:01 and God will be much more effective 22:02 at dealing with him than I ever could. 22:05 What I was doing in effect was saying, 22:07 "I hate what the devil has done to me 22:09 in such an intense way 22:12 that I'm going to join his side and fight in his army 22:14 and do everything I can to help his cause win," 22:17 and I realized let it go. 22:19 Let it go 22:20 because God will be just and I can let go. 22:24 I can leave the justice to Him. 22:26 That opened up 22:27 the power of forgiveness to me, 22:29 and today I don't have to live in anger, 22:31 I don't have to live in bitterness. 22:33 That poison no longer affects me, I'm free. 22:36 He'll deal, God will deal justly 22:39 with abusers. 22:40 So essentially it was understanding 22:42 the great controversy that there is, 22:46 there is a great battle between good and evil, 22:50 between God and Satan. 22:52 This is where you began 22:56 to really be able to let go 23:01 of the insults and the sins 23:05 that were committed against you. 23:06 Your aim is to forgive. 23:07 You see what the Bible does for us 23:09 is it helps us zoom out 23:11 to get the bigger picture, God's picture. 23:13 In the midst of things 23:15 when we're suffering from abuse and injustice, 23:17 we're just trying to survive, 23:19 we're trying to keep our heads above water 23:20 and we're just going, "God, this makes no sense." 23:23 God helps us to zoom out 23:24 to look down at the big picture and say, "God's got this. 23:28 He's gonna make things right." 23:30 Satan has come in like a flood and has destroyed my life 23:35 and everyone's lives, 23:37 all of us are suffering from the effects of sin, 23:39 but whenever I hand that to God, 23:41 whenever I say, "Here is my wound, 23:43 do whatever you need to do, lance it, 23:45 get the garbage out, 23:46 put in the antibiotic of Your Word, heal me." 23:50 He does, and it's a process, it's not an event generally. 23:54 We see in the gospels Jesus healed people 23:56 by touching them and they were healed 23:58 but that's not usually how healing works. 24:00 No, there were other ways 24:01 where He put the salve on the man's eyes, 24:03 made him go wash, there is a process. 24:04 In many places in scripture we hear, 24:07 we see that healing is a process 24:09 and certainly in the illustrations 24:11 of how our bodies heal and how our minds heal. 24:13 Right. 24:15 You know, no matter how much I pray, 24:16 if I have a broken leg 24:18 I'm probably gonna get put in a cast 24:19 and I'm going to take some time off of it. 24:20 Absolutely, I love that you said that. 24:22 We have to understand sometimes there's a process of grieving 24:26 and it's necessary, it's healing. 24:28 One of the turning points for me 24:30 was when I finally went to a counselor 24:32 when I was probably about 24 years old 24:34 which was miraculous. 24:36 I would never have gone to a counselor on my own, 24:38 but one of my friends just got me there. 24:41 It was sheer miracles of God. 24:43 And when I talked 24:44 it was the look on this man's face, 24:46 he said, "You have really suffered." 24:48 It gave me permission to grieve. 24:49 All this time I've been telling myself, 24:51 "You're just making a big deal about nothing. 24:53 You just need to get on with life 24:54 and stop thinking about it," 24:56 but I couldn't shake the anxiety, the depression. 24:58 the things that had... 24:59 The Lord was healing me bit by bit 25:01 but I still lived in fear. 25:04 I could never get married, I could never have a family, 25:07 I could never let somebody hold my little girl's hand 25:10 because I would be so consumed with fear and anger. 25:13 But when I finally grasped, it's okay to grieve, 25:16 it's okay to let go, 25:17 it's okay to admit what happened, 25:20 that was when my leg 25:21 was as if it was finally put into a cast, 25:24 the break was set properly and I could begin... 25:27 And they were still, 25:29 still that time of healing though, 25:32 I mean that was the... 25:33 It was a segue if you will 25:35 or it was the point at which there you began 25:39 but it still took some time. 25:40 You know, there's... 25:41 That's one thing. 25:43 Sometimes people think that pain 25:45 as soon as we know truth 25:46 that pain will immediately go away, 25:48 the physical pain was gone from your life 25:50 but the emotional and mental pain 25:52 took some while, a while, you know, it's... 25:55 I'm sure it was a day by day turning it over to the Lord 25:58 for quite some time. 25:59 And healing is always a process. 26:01 It's not just an event. 26:03 What matters is not where 26:04 we are on the journey of healing, 26:06 the journey toward becoming like Jesus, 26:07 completely living in faith with no pride, 26:10 no self-reliance 26:11 which is another word for pride. 26:14 What matters is what direction am I facing? 26:16 What direction am I stepping every day? 26:18 As I'm looking on to Jesus, 26:20 the author and finisher of my faith, 26:22 He severs the things that hold me back bit by bit, 26:25 moment by moment. 26:27 And that's the journey all the way to the kingdom. 26:29 Moment by moment 26:30 He'll come to me in my devotional time 26:32 as I pray and study, He'll say, 26:34 "This is the area I want to heal you next, Nicole. 26:36 This is the area 26:37 you need to let go of your self reliance." 26:39 And I'll go, "Wow, I didn't even realize 26:40 that was there." 26:41 "Yes..." 26:43 And after all these years of walking with the Lord 26:44 those things still come up. 26:45 It's right, it's always a journey of growth. 26:47 Any healthy plant is continuing to grow, 26:49 any healthy Christian is continuing to realize areas 26:52 that the Lord wants to heal them in new ways. 26:54 Nicole Parker, thank you so much. 26:56 I know that your ministry is called Heart Thirst, 27:00 and that's a ministry she does with her husband Alan Parker 27:03 who is a professor at Southern University. 27:06 And we're still... 27:07 We want you to come back because we want to talk 27:09 about the sexual addiction that kind of, 27:12 is connected or is an outgrowth if you will of sexual abuse. 27:17 Thank you so much for being here today. 27:20 And I just want to talk to you from my heart 27:22 for just a second there. 27:24 If you are, no matter how you're hearing my voice, 27:27 please know that there is a God in heaven 27:30 who loves you and please know 27:32 that you can reach out to Him at any moment 27:35 and He is there to run to you, He will save you. 27:39 Bye-bye. |
Revised 2017-09-05