Have you ever wondered about the
Christian and his self-esteem?
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Stand by. We'll be right back.
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Music playing.
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Welcome to Issues and
Answers. My name is J.D. Quinn.
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Today we are going to talk about
self-esteem and the Christian.
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I have a special guest and it's
Dr. Magna Parks from Georgia.
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Tell us a little bit about
yourself. Where in Georgia?
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I'm from Atlanta, Georgia,
right outside of Atlanta,
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in the land of the south.
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The land of the
south, I like it now.
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I've been in this field for
over 20 years as a psychologist.
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And you have a Ph. D.
Yes, in counseling psychology.
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I am also licensed for
the state of Georgia. Yes.
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Amen. And you have a
lovely husband who I met today.
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Yes, his name is Al and we
have a ministry together called
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Be In Good Health.
Be in Good Health. Yes.
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Well I must say that you
are a wonderful looking couple.
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Oh, thank you. You are
very striking. You know
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some people look like
they go together; some you know
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that they have to work on
it. Y'all just really look good
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together. Thank you so much
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Today we have a very important
topic and that is dealing with
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self-esteem. First of all,
let's look at the definition.
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Self-esteem is defined
by people in different ways.
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The definition I like the most
has to do with how we evaluate
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ourselves, how we appraise
our selves and that's something
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that we need to look at times.
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Now when you say appraise
ourselves exactly what does
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that mean? You
know when you appraise
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something, you determine its
worth, you determine the value
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of it and so self-esteem has
to do with looking at what we're
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worth, what is our value.
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Amen. Now we're touching on
secular psychology, we're also
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talking about our
Christian walk with the Lord.
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How do these things fit?
Normally what does secular
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psychology do to
promote self-esteem?
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Well when I was going through
my graduate training I was
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taught that it was all
about self-esteem, how much we
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evaluated and appraised
ourselves. And that people's
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problems were basically due
to the fact that they had a low
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self-esteem. So we would often
say when people would come in
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we would attribute their
problems to self-esteem and
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work on ways to raise
self esteem. In fact, secular
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psychologists, many of
them don't even like some of the
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texts in the Bible that say
there is no one good and, you
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know all our righteousness is
as filthy rags, because in their
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view that just really puts self
down. If you believe that when
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you put self down you're going
to have problems these kinds of
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verses can cause a problem for
secular psychologists, so the
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goal is to raise this view of
self believing that if we raise
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this view of self all our
problems will go away in a
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simplistic way. I'm
certainly going to try not
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to get ahead of myself here
because, boy, when we're talking
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about self-esteem I guess
with every different personality
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there's a different value
system there, our score card is
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different. So basically how
has this thinking dealt with
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Christianity. It's
come in various ways.
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I think on a previous program
I mentioned how the contemporary
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Christian music movement is
based on the idea that worship
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should make me feel good. When
I leave the worship service I
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should feel good about myself.
Again, we talked about the truth
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and error there. There's some
truth there. You want to leave
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service having some good
thoughts, but that should not be
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the whole focus. Because what
has happened is as we focus more
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on the self-esteem, words like
sin, repentance and all of that
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can get put on the back burner.
Because to talk about sin you
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have to talk about the sinner
and to talk about the sinner
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points to our lack of goodness
and our unrighteousness and all
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of that. So what has come into
the church subtly is this idea
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that don't talk about these
things so much because people
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won't feel too good about
themselves. Does that make sense
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what I'm saying? It makes sense.
Then on the individual level
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what I have seen happening
is Christians coming into the
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office when I was in private
practice saying, You know, the
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reason that I'm here is that
I need to raise my self-esteem.
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So I want you to help me with
that because I know the problems
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I'm having with my husband,
my child is having problems, my
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problems at work are because
I don't feel good about myself.
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So I'm coming in here so you
can teach me some technique so I
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can feel better about myself.
And these are Christians talking
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about this. So those are
just some examples of how this
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thinking of self-esteem has
come into the Christian church.
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It kind of gets a
little complicated doesn't it?
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It does, it really does, because
as you'll see later, as we
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talked about this earlier, there
is truth and error there. That's
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how Satan deceives us. So
we want to tease out what's the
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truth about that and we want
to tease out the error so that I
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can be open about this self-
esteem movement. There was a
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time you would go into
book stores and all you'd see on
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shelves was how do I love
myself, how do you make yourself
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feel better about yourself.
It died down a little but it's
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still there, that people believe
that we have problems because
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we don't esteem ourselves high
enough. So that is an issue.
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Dr. Parks, exactly what does the
Bible say about how we should
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view self? Well we
have some graphics with
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some Bible texts on there and
if we could look at that, we'll
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see an example of what the Bible
tells. In Matthew 16:24, Christ
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says, If any man will come after
me, let him deny himself, and
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take up his cross and follow me.
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There's that sentence in
there, let him deny himself.
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Yes, yes. Denying self is so
much different than esteeming
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self. I started to say better.
It actually is better than
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esteeming self. It's interesting
I read something by a Christian
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author, he was a psychologist,
and he said, We are less prone
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to be affected by insults,
by people who offend us and by
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criticism if we deny self than
if we esteem self. I thought
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that was powerful. It is
powerful. The world tells us to
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esteem thinking that makes us
feel better but really it does
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not. It's when we
deny self, self is dead.
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Exactly. There's that firsts
cousin in pride. Once pride
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gets in there then it's a one
upmanship and then you certainly
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are not denying yourself. You're
getting into this argument to
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sit there to see who's going
to win out and you many not even
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believe in what
you're arguing about.
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I can relate to
that on a personal level.
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Well, I think that we all can.
That is a human characteristic
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that we all need to work on
and take up that cross daily,
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I mean, that's a daily walk you
know. I think there are other
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scriptures involved. Yes
there are. Let's go to the
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next scripture. In Romans
12:3 the apostle Paul tells us
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For I say to every man that
is among you not to think of
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himself more highly
than he ought to think.
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I want to follow that up
by actually going into the New
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King James because this takes us
a little bit further and I have
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a thought here. For I say
through the grace given to me
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to everyone who is among you not
to think of himself more highly
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than he ought to think, but to
think soberly as God has dealt
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to each one a measure of faith.
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That's a powerful explanation.
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It's a powerful explanation
isn't it, but I love anything
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that has to do with measure
or proportion. What we give we
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receive. So here we certainly
know that we are not supposed
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to think of ourselves more
highly, but if we do there is a
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penalty to be paid.
That's right, that's right.
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And that's why I love how the
Bible looks at self. You know,
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it places us on that proper
level that we should be on.
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Actually there are a few more
verses we have. Let's put those
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up. Let each esteem the
other better than themselves.
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That's found in Philippians 2:3.
Now we see such a difference
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again between what the world is
telling us, secular psychology
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says esteem yourself, but God
says to us through Paul, esteem
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others better than yourself.
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I know that certainly works well
in my marriage, and it's always
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been there. I think it's called
respect and it's always been
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my ambition the more that I can
do for Shelley to lift her up
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to try to promote the best that
there is in her even whenever
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she's down. And it is work
because I have a lady that loves
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me deeply. It is that sharing,
it's esteeming that other person
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and we have this in friendship.
Does that mean that we can't
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disagree? No not at all.
But esteem is a whole different
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category. I really
like that example you
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just gave, J.D., about
esteeming others better than
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yourself in
marriage. If we would do that,
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our marriages
would be so much better
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Not if we seek to raise
self but if we seek to esteem
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our partner
better than ourselves.
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There's somebody out there right
now that needs to hear that.
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Just surrender. Surrender,
now that gets to be an
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interesting topic right there
because that means, well I don't
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want anybody to control me; or
wait a minute here, I give up,
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I give up. That's not what he's
saying right here, not at all.
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I love it - Let each esteem
the other better than himself.
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Wow! Fantastic! There
are a couple more verses
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if we could look at those, put
those up and read those quickly.
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Now Abraham had a view of
self that is in the Bible:
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Genesis 18:27: And Abraham
answered and said, Behold now
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I have taken upon me to speak
unto the Lord, which am but dust
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and ashes. So Abraham wasn't
about esteeming self. Abraham
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had a realistic view: I'm
but dust and ashes. We look at
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ourselves being created from
what - dirt. We are but dust and
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ashes. It does not fit with
what we are told esteeming self,
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does it? That's
about as bottom-line as
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you can get right there.
That's about as bottom-line.
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So much different than what the
Bible tells us. I think there
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was one more graphic we had
on that: Job 25:6: This is Job
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speaking: How much less man that
is a worm? And the son of man,
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which is a worm. You can see
how secular psychologists won't
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exactly like the Bible, because
the Bible just gives us a
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realistic view of who we are
and what self is. So different
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to esteeming self. But the thing
is, we have to realize, if we
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God's view of the Bible we
will be so much more mentally
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healthy. Exactly,
and there is one more:
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I Corinthians 15:31.
Wow, let's read that one.
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I Corinthians
15:31: I die daily.
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We talked about the importance
of dying to self, surrendering
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self daily and not spending
a lot of time esteeming self.
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So these are just some examples
of the Bible and what the Bible
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tells us about the
proper view of self.
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It's a balanced view. It
is, a very balanced view.
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It is, a very balanced view.
That's what I love about God,
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he's a balanced God.
Amen. We've all heard the verse
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that thou shalt love thy
neighbor as thyself. Some people
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use that to support
the notion of self-esteem.
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I did that for a long time. I
used to do self-esteem workshops
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in the church and out of
the church and that was my motto
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verse. The Bible says, love your
neighbor as yourself, so you see
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you should love yourself. But if
we really looked at that verse
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and really studied it out, Jesus
made that comment based on the
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understanding that we naturally
have an inclination to take care
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of and look out for self.
His thing was, Magna, you're
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naturally inclined to look out
for self so I want you to look
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out for others and love them the
way you're naturally inclined to
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do. So God wasn't giving us
an injunction to love ourselves.
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The injunction and the command
was love others in the way that
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you are naturally prone to love
yourself. So I no longer use
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that verse because as I
understood it better, it helped
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me to understand he's not
commanding us to love ourselves
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so much as he is saying love
others as you naturally love
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yourself. I would
assume there is that
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innateness in each one of
us that wants to take care of
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ourselves. That's
right. And that's not all
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bad, it's just how far we carry
that. We're built with that.
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So what's the problem
with the notion of self-esteem?
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Well, we've kind of touched
on that a little. The problem is
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when we exalt self, for one
we are more prone to be affected
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what others think about us.
When we exalt self we're more
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prone to be hurt easily,
criticized easily, offended
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easily and then when we promote
self where does God come in?
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If I feel good about myself and
as a results of me feeling good
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life is so much better, why is
there a need for God? All I have
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to do is make myself feel good
and life will be so much better
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and God and the Holy Spirit
just go out the window when
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we promote and
exalt self like this.
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And I would think that you would
get pretty lonely after a while.
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I believe so. Actually within
psychology in a weird kind of
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way there is a recognition that
some people are too much into
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themselves. They call that
narcissism and we recognize
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that that could be a problem
at times. So secular psychology
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does have some things
that we can learn from.
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You know, going back to the
pastoral department, we do get
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quite a few calls from people
that are identifying perhaps
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their mate or someone in
the family who is narcissistic
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and that's becoming a term that
is taking on a life of its own
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today because people are
beginning to see the selfishness
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involved and that it's all me,
it's all me. So there is that
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thin line between the
self esteem and narcissism.
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I'm glad to hear that
people are recognizing that.
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Does this mean that Christians
should look down on themselves?
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Not at all, not at all.
Some people can take concepts
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sometimes and just take it to
the extreme. There is an actual
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graphic that puts up a quote
that I just love that I think is
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a proper view of self. It says:
It is not pleasing to God that
00:14:40.62\00:14:44.57
you should demerit yourself. You
should cultivate a self-respect
00:14:44.60\00:14:48.52
by living so that you will be
approved by your own conscience,
00:14:48.55\00:14:52.24
and before men and angels...
That's the key right there.
00:14:52.28\00:14:55.82
While we should not think of
ourselves more highly than we
00:14:55.85\00:15:00.18
ought, the word of God does not
condemn a proper self-respect.
00:15:00.22\00:15:04.18
As sons and daughters of God, we
should have a conscious dignity
00:15:04.21\00:15:08.49
of character, in which pride and
self-importance have no part.
00:15:08.53\00:15:13.61
That's the key. God wants us to
look at ourselves and based on
00:15:13.65\00:15:18.70
how much we're following
conscience, how much we're
00:15:18.74\00:15:21.28
following his word, how much we
are following the principles he
00:15:21.32\00:15:24.53
has laid out for us to
live. That's how he wants us to
00:15:24.56\00:15:27.36
evaluate ourselves; not by the
clothes we wear, how well we do
00:15:27.40\00:15:31.21
in school, how many people like
us, how many positive things we
00:15:31.24\00:15:34.13
can say to ourselves...I'm
throwing out all the things that
00:15:34.16\00:15:37.98
secular psychology in some way
tends to support and uphold, but
00:15:38.01\00:15:41.80
how we live before God.
Self- respect is so important. I
00:15:41.83\00:15:45.81
remember recently...actually
I was watching a 3ABN program...
00:15:45.85\00:15:49.31
and Dr. Anthony Paul, who is the
founder of MAPS, was saying that
00:15:49.34\00:15:52.90
they're going back the Haiti to
help them, but what they want to
00:15:52.94\00:15:56.60
do instead of handing out food
and clothing, they want them to
00:15:56.64\00:16:00.38
earn that food and clothing.
He said the reason for that...
00:16:00.42\00:16:03.63
and I just jumped up out of
my seat because of my focus on
00:16:03.67\00:16:06.39
self-esteem...he says the
reason for that is because we
00:16:06.42\00:16:09.11
want them to build self-respect.
So God wants us to have a sense
00:16:09.14\00:16:13.28
of self-respect by what we
do and how well we live. We have
00:16:13.32\00:16:16.42
to even be careful when we are
helping people that we keep that
00:16:16.46\00:16:19.53
principle in mind, this is
an aside, that we don't just
00:16:19.57\00:16:21.83
always hand things out. We want
them to be able to realize that
00:16:21.87\00:16:24.98
they've played a part in earning
what they have. And that's what
00:16:25.01\00:16:27.90
God wants us to have. He doesn't
want us going around with our
00:16:27.93\00:16:30.78
heads down saying, Oh I'm a
Christian, I feel so bad, Woe
00:16:30.82\00:16:34.42
is me. But he wants us to look
up because he has paid such a
00:16:34.46\00:16:38.03
precious price for us. I
love this right here, I just
00:16:38.06\00:16:41.25
absolutely love this. You should
cultivate a self-respect by
00:16:41.29\00:16:45.02
living so that you will be
approved by your own conscience,
00:16:45.06\00:16:48.18
and not only before men but
also before the angels. Amen.
00:16:48.21\00:16:52.29
So boy, now that does bring in
a healthy self-esteem if you can
00:16:52.32\00:16:58.86
work within the
confines of your own conscience.
00:16:58.89\00:17:00.80
I mean, it's just
wow, thank you Jesus.
00:17:00.84\00:17:06.05
Okay, is there any secular
evidence that self-esteem is not
00:17:06.08\00:17:13.74
a healthy concept? Oh
yes, there is. Not all
00:17:13.78\00:17:17.35
secular psychology embraces
this idea that we should push
00:17:17.38\00:17:20.98
self-esteem. There was actually
a task force in California over
00:17:21.02\00:17:24.21
20 years ago that went to people
who were juvenile delinquents,
00:17:24.25\00:17:27.84
people who were in prison, women
who were getting pregnant early,
00:17:27.88\00:17:31.44
the whole set of different
things where people say, Oh
00:17:31.47\00:17:33.82
it's because of low self-esteem.
They went through that study and
00:17:33.86\00:17:36.80
what they found was that it
had little to nothing to do with
00:17:36.84\00:17:40.45
self-esteem and that's the
secular world telling that.
00:17:40.48\00:17:44.26
There's also a graphic that I
have, a study that was done by
00:17:44.30\00:17:47.84
a psychologist that shows the
true meaning of self-esteem and
00:17:47.87\00:17:51.04
we're going to read that now.
College students who base their
00:17:51.07\00:17:54.43
their self-worth on external
sources including appearance,
00:17:54.47\00:17:58.01
approval from others, and even
academic performance reported
00:17:58.05\00:18:02.91
high stress, anger, academic
problems, relationship conflicts
00:18:02.94\00:18:06.92
and had high levels of drug
and alcohol use and symptoms of
00:18:06.96\00:18:10.67
eating disorders. They
were basing their self-worth on
00:18:10.71\00:18:14.35
external sources. But let's go
on to see what the rest of the
00:18:14.38\00:18:17.88
study says. It tells us in
the next graphic, it goes on to
00:18:17.92\00:18:21.17
continue with the study...
Students who based their
00:18:21.21\00:18:24.39
self-esteem on internal sources
such as being a virtuous person
00:18:24.43\00:18:29.79
or adhering to moral standards
were found to have higher grades
00:18:29.82\00:18:35.15
and were less likely to use
alcohol and drugs to develop
00:18:35.18\00:18:38.24
eating disorders. Do we see
what's happening here? They're
00:18:38.28\00:18:41.08
saying that those who base
their self-esteem on some of the
00:18:41.12\00:18:43.88
things that secular
psychologists say we should,
00:18:43.92\00:18:45.76
high grades, looking good, they
had more problems with drugs,
00:18:45.80\00:18:49.22
alcohol, relationship and those
who based their self-esteem by
00:18:49.26\00:18:52.87
what you kind of capitalized
on earlier, their own conscience
00:18:52.91\00:18:56.13
and adhering to the moral
standards and virtues that they
00:18:56.17\00:18:59.32
knew, they had less problems in
those areas. So this is what the
00:18:59.36\00:19:03.44
psychologist researchers came
up with. In the last graphic, we
00:19:03.48\00:19:07.86
will read the results. They
concluded: We really think that
00:19:07.89\00:19:12.24
if people could adopt
goals not focused on their own
00:19:12.28\00:19:16.44
self-esteem but on something
larger than their self, then
00:19:16.48\00:19:20.32
they would be less susceptible
to some of the negative effects
00:19:20.35\00:19:24.08
of pursuing self-esteem. When
I read that study, it blew my
00:19:24.11\00:19:27.84
mind. I said, Lord, again here
is research telling us what the
00:19:27.88\00:19:31.58
Bible tells us; that we should
live according to what God
00:19:31.61\00:19:35.25
commands us and in that way
we won't have as much problems.
00:19:35.29\00:19:38.89
Did that study make sense?
I kind of went through that
00:19:38.93\00:19:41.57
quickly. We did go
through it quickly,
00:19:41.60\00:19:42.89
but it makes lots of sense.
How do we tie that together?
00:19:42.93\00:19:48.13
How do we tie it together? Well
we're working with people, the
00:19:48.17\00:19:51.70
goal is not to help them
raise their self-esteem based on
00:19:51.73\00:19:54.91
external sources. When I was
going through graduate school
00:19:54.95\00:19:58.10
I would tell people...not when
I was in graduate school, but
00:19:58.13\00:20:00.58
after graduate school what I was
taught in graduate school, now
00:20:00.61\00:20:02.91
wake up in the morning,
look into the mirror and say
00:20:02.94\00:20:05.20
I feel good about myself.
I'm a good person. Aren't you
00:20:05.24\00:20:09.47
beautiful, your hair is lovely
your lips are lovely. Do you see
00:20:09.50\00:20:12.33
what I'm saying; all these
external sources. What these
00:20:12.37\00:20:15.34
researchers found is when people
focus on that they have more
00:20:15.37\00:20:20.27
problems. Because
there's somebody always
00:20:20.30\00:20:22.30
that's a little prettier, her
hair is a little bit nicer, her
00:20:22.34\00:20:26.69
teeth are a little bit
straighter, so consequently
00:20:26.72\00:20:29.78
now you're striving
for the wrong things.
00:20:29.82\00:20:32.21
There you are. But then if you
work on people and say, Okay,
00:20:32.24\00:20:35.21
we're going to help you learn
how you can build your sense of
00:20:35.24\00:20:38.93
self-respect, how you can live
based on the standards that you
00:20:38.96\00:20:42.62
learned from your parents.
If you're working with a non
00:20:42.65\00:20:45.07
Christian you can still use
biblical principle and say to
00:20:45.11\00:20:47.46
them, what your parents taught
you, what you know is right, if
00:20:47.50\00:20:50.34
you live based on those you will
feel much better about yourself
00:20:50.37\00:20:53.73
than if you base it on all these
external things. So they're
00:20:53.76\00:20:57.08
saying we could pursue self-
esteem based on these internal
00:20:57.11\00:21:00.88
standards versus the outside
standards, and we can be much
00:21:00.92\00:21:04.69
better people.
That's what that's saying.
00:21:04.72\00:21:09.65
Amen, wow. And it's
so true. It is true.
00:21:09.68\00:21:14.54
I think that some people
mistake the influence that they
00:21:14.57\00:21:21.46
can have for other people in
growing up. What I've recognized
00:21:21.50\00:21:26.07
is that these people that
get caught up in the facade of
00:21:26.11\00:21:31.27
growing into the person that
they think that they want to
00:21:31.30\00:21:35.33
be because the next door
neighbor is doing it, the person
00:21:35.36\00:21:39.35
down the street is doing
it, whatever, so there's a
00:21:39.39\00:21:41.58
misunderstanding of what self-
esteem really is. Now as we
00:21:41.61\00:21:46.67
started off, you gave us
the definition of self-esteem.
00:21:46.70\00:21:51.72
Yes, appraising
or evaluating self.
00:21:51.76\00:21:52.95
Exactly. So there's where
it kind of gets very complex.
00:21:52.98\00:21:58.16
Because some people have a
misconception of who they think
00:21:58.20\00:22:02.72
that they want to be until
they can get there and have some
00:22:02.75\00:22:06.66
experiences and they find out,
well this is not who I am. This
00:22:06.69\00:22:10.74
is not who I choose to be.
This is not what my grandmother,
00:22:10.78\00:22:14.64
these are not the morals
that she said and she was right.
00:22:14.67\00:22:18.93
So then it kind of takes a
different direction there and
00:22:18.96\00:22:22.16
this is where the Holy Spirit
comes in and becomes our best
00:22:22.20\00:22:25.74
friend, becomes our comforter
and it says, Hey, wait a minute,
00:22:25.78\00:22:29.64
there's a wakeup call here.
We're going to give you another
00:22:29.67\00:22:33.50
chance. The Holy
Spirit speaks through
00:22:33.53\00:22:34.60
that and if we listen to him
he won't lead us the wrong way.
00:22:34.64\00:22:38.63
Amen. One of the things that we
were talking about earlier that
00:22:38.67\00:22:42.63
caught my attention was talking
about self-esteem in maybe
00:22:42.66\00:22:45.84
maybe people that
were incarcerated.
00:22:45.88\00:22:47.40
Yes, Ah-ha, interesting you
should bring that up. There are
00:22:47.43\00:22:51.03
studies showing that many
prisoners have a high self
00:22:51.06\00:22:54.80
esteem. They think so much of
themselves that it's gotten them
00:22:54.83\00:22:59.42
into trouble. That is so
opposite to what I was taught.
00:22:59.45\00:23:03.45
I was taught that people who
end up in prison don't feel good
00:23:03.48\00:23:06.17
about themselves and that's why
they go out and rob and kill or
00:23:06.20\00:23:08.85
whatever they do. But it's
completely opposite. Studies
00:23:08.89\00:23:11.38
there show that people who are
more hostile, people who might
00:23:11.42\00:23:14.84
act out in the classroom, all of
these people when you give them
00:23:14.88\00:23:18.27
scales, they have high
self- esteem. So the studies are
00:23:18.30\00:23:22.23
showing us again that this
popular notion of self-esteem is
00:23:22.27\00:23:26.12
not cracked up to what we think
it should be and it's just again
00:23:26.16\00:23:30.83
going back to what the word
of God tells us, denying self,
00:23:30.87\00:23:34.02
esteeming others better than
than themselves, not thinking of
00:23:34.05\00:23:37.04
ourselves more highly than we
ought. All of this is just going
00:23:37.07\00:23:40.02
back to God's word, just
confirming what he has told us
00:23:40.05\00:23:43.02
years ago. That's what I said
when I mentioned in a previous
00:23:43.05\00:23:47.32
show secular psychology does
have some things it can offer is
00:23:47.36\00:23:51.03
as long as we always compare it
to the word of God. That's what
00:23:51.07\00:23:54.78
we constantly have to do when
we're looking at what secular
00:23:54.81\00:23:58.10
psychology says to us. If it
goes along with the word of God,
00:23:58.13\00:24:01.66
we're going down the right road,
if not, we're headed down a road
00:24:01.70\00:24:05.20
that may throw us off a
cliff and we don't realize that.
00:24:05.23\00:24:08.92
I can see that. Let's talk about
God's desire. What do you think
00:24:08.95\00:24:16.98
is God's desire for us
in the arena of self-esteem?
00:24:17.02\00:24:22.12
You know, when I was growing up
in the Christian church I grew
00:24:22.16\00:24:24.85
up in they used to say
joy, there was a song that they
00:24:24.88\00:24:28.04
would use the word joy and I
don't remember the name of that
00:24:28.08\00:24:31.94
song but in it they would
say Jesus first, others second,
00:24:31.98\00:24:36.79
you last. That is God's desire
for us. God should be first in
00:24:36.83\00:24:41.56
our decisions, others should
be next and our expectation and
00:24:41.59\00:24:45.52
desires should be at the bottom
of the scale. Notice that he
00:24:45.56\00:24:49.56
puts it in there, but it's
just how we prioritize it. God's
00:24:49.60\00:24:53.33
desire for us is that whatever
we do needs to be laid before
00:24:53.36\00:24:57.05
him, that whatever we decide
others should be thought of more
00:24:57.09\00:25:00.75
highly than we should be
thought of and that what we
00:25:00.78\00:25:04.41
think of self should be at
the bottom of the level there.
00:25:04.44\00:25:07.78
You know, I think those out
there who may be dealing with
00:25:07.82\00:25:11.17
this issue it really takes
a retraining of the mind. I am
00:25:11.20\00:25:14.48
still retraining my mind to get
this concept because I grew up
00:25:14.51\00:25:18.42
from a little girl thinking it's
about you, what you're going to
00:25:18.45\00:25:21.76
do, what you're going to achieve
in life, whether people please
00:25:21.79\00:25:25.14
you and I'm still asking the
Lord to help me kind of retrain
00:25:25.17\00:25:28.18
those thoughts and that's
something we have to constantly
00:25:28.22\00:25:32.24
do. But it's what God's desire
is for us and if we do that we
00:25:32.27\00:25:36.25
will find our lives so much more
easy to deal with. People would
00:25:36.28\00:25:40.23
be easy to deal with. Folks
would find us easier to deal
00:25:40.26\00:25:43.70
with. It would just be a
completely new and wonderful
00:25:43.73\00:25:47.28
way if we follow God's desire
for us. What I said to you
00:25:47.31\00:25:50.65
earlier is so true. We don't
have to quote the scripture.
00:25:50.68\00:25:53.94
I've worked with atheists before
I left my practice and just used
00:25:53.98\00:25:57.77
the biblical principles. Some of
them don't like it. They figured
00:25:57.80\00:26:01.11
it out and said you're using the
Bible on me. But for those who
00:26:01.14\00:26:04.67
are open they recognize these
principles are things that I can
00:26:04.70\00:26:08.21
live by. That's what the good
thing is about the Bible and
00:26:08.25\00:26:11.20
when they apply the principles,
those who come in with
00:26:11.23\00:26:14.11
depression and anxiety, these
same principles when they apply
00:26:14.15\00:26:18.29
them it helps them function much
better than just using secular
00:26:18.32\00:26:22.43
psychology. I know
in pastoral we get so
00:26:22.46\00:26:24.76
many calls on this. I don't
know where this came from but
00:26:24.79\00:26:28.15
the Lord just impressed me one
day about the scriptures that
00:26:28.19\00:26:33.05
I was giving out from a biblical
counseling standpoint, he was
00:26:33.09\00:26:37.49
saying get out a 3 x 5 card
and write these scriptures down
00:26:37.53\00:26:42.23
because if this is an issue
right now this will probably
00:26:42.27\00:26:46.32
be an issue later and you'll
have a little cheat sheet right
00:26:46.35\00:26:49.53
there in front of you that
you can pick up and that you can
00:26:49.56\00:26:52.62
follow accordingly. Then
the Lord's going to lead you to
00:26:52.66\00:26:55.72
someone else to comfort others
as you have been comforted.
00:26:55.76\00:26:59.59
So this works fantastic because
the people that call daily
00:26:59.63\00:27:02.95
their hearts are broken,
whatever the issue is, we can
00:27:02.98\00:27:06.27
go from suicide to a
narcissistic person down to
00:27:06.31\00:27:12.08
just having cancer. But they all
need the comfort from the Lord
00:27:12.12\00:27:16.82
Jesus Christ and it all comes
from getting that self-esteem
00:27:16.85\00:27:21.52
right. See who you
are in Jesus Christ
00:27:21.56\00:27:24.70
Paul says I glory not
but in the cross; I'm kind of
00:27:24.73\00:27:28.34
paraphrasing that verse. There's
nothing he can boast of except
00:27:28.37\00:27:31.87
for the Lord Jesus Christ and if
we can recognize that and share
00:27:31.90\00:27:35.36
that with others, how
much better our lives will be.
00:27:35.40\00:27:37.33
Amen. I just want you to know
how much we appreciate you being
00:27:37.37\00:27:42.20
with us on Issues and
Answers today, Dr. Parks.
00:27:42.23\00:27:44.28
It's been a blessing
to be here. Very much so.
00:27:44.32\00:27:46.30
Amen, amen. Self-esteem. Self-
esteem is one of those I guess
00:27:46.34\00:27:51.44
in trying to find out who we are
in Jesus Christ, if we'll get on
00:27:51.48\00:27:56.54
our knees at that particular
time, I'm sure that the Holy
00:27:56.58\00:27:59.84
Spirit will be your director,
that he'll give you the
00:27:59.87\00:28:02.57
information that you need
to make the changes in your
00:28:02.60\00:28:06.96
life. We love each and
every one of you. God bless.
00:28:06.99\00:28:11.31