Many times we have the question,
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how does surrender
impact your marriage?
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Stay with us,
we'll be right back.
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Welcome to "Issues and Answers."
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My name is J.D. Quinn.
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As I mentioned while ago
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how does surrender
impact your marriage?
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I want to go to
Matthew 19 and verses 4 and 5
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and read those to you.
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"Have you not read
that He who made them
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at the beginning
made them male and female,
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and said, 'For this reason
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a man shall leave
his father and mother
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and be joined to his wife
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and the two shall
become one flesh?"'
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That's what we're going
to be sharing today with you
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and I have a special
guest Pastor Gregory Jackson.
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I welcome you to
Issues and Answers.
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Thank you, thank you. Tell
us a little about yourself.
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Well, I'm a pastor in the
Allegheny West Conference.
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I've been pastor for 31 years.
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I now pastor the Bethel
Seventh-Day Adventist Church
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in Cleveland, Ohio.
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I'm married, Marilyn
Jackson for 14 years.
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We have five
children, five grand children
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and that's basically pretty much
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in raising Adventist.
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You know, the old story,
go through Adventist education
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and then go out and
Lord rear as you back in.
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Amen, amen.
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And you know, while I
hear that quite often,
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but and it's like
I've said many times,
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thank you Jesus,
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it's not a
hundred yard dash. Yes.
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But it's a marathon. Yes.
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You know, I mean, it's wonderful
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if, if you can run
that hundred yard dash
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and keep your
eyes focus on the Lord
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at all time. Yes.
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But sometimes is
the wiles of the evil
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want to grab a hold of us now.
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But we find our way back. Yes.
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Thank you Jesus.
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I know that
you've written this book,
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"How Surrender
Makes Marriage Happier,
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how it makes Divorce a Blessing,
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and the Single Life Fulfilling.
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Can you tell us kind of
why you wrote this book?
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What motivated
this book right here?
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What motivated
the book was again
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I wanted, I wanted
people to experience
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the fullness of
God's power in every area
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or whatever phase in life.
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And in relationships
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and that covers
out the whole gamete.
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You're either
married, or you're divorced,
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or you're single and
I've been in all three.
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So I'm speaking from experience.
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Okay, I know that you've devoted
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one full chapter to why marry?
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It seems like, that's something,
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expand on that, why marry?
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Yes, okay, that seems like,
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that's a question
that has a given answer.
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Because, people say why marry,
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because you're in love. Amen.
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But that's, not why
and usually what we call
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love is in emotion
more than the real thing.
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I've found something.
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It's a very key
principle for me.
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And that is the
purpose for which you marry,
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will be the strength
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that will hold
that marriage together.
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For instance, if you marry for,
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what we call
"Love," that fuzzy feeling,
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you know that, that
warm feeling you have.
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They are going to be days
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as you go along
in that marriage,
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you won't have
that fuzzy feeling.
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And if that's
what your purpose is,
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that it's going to
make you feel loved,
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when you don't feel loved,
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you're gonna be
ready to end that marriage.
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And it's not a
strong enough thing
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to bond, to hold it.
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Lot of times people
marry because they say,
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"Well, the clock
is winding down."
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Well, the clock is
always winding down
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and if that's the
case, when it winds down
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and you're ready to end it.
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I mean, you can go on
and on if you're trying to,
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if you're trying to feel secure.
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So lot of people do, they say,
well I feel more secure if I--
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Well, you'll find that
when you're in that marriage,
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you mean, I feel more secure.
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And if that is the purpose
for which you get married,
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then when that marriage no
longer serves that purpose,
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you're ready to end it.
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Or even if you
stay, you're not happy.
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And a lot of people
have never ended marriages,
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but they're
living two separate lives
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in the same home.
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That's not a marriage,
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it's not a
marriage in God saying,
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it's not a
marriage to the two of you.
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There's only one
purpose that is strong enough
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to hold the marriage
and that reason is this.
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You should marry only because
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you feel that's God's
will for your life. Amen.
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And I can get more into
and I have, I do in the book.
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I don't have
time to get into them.
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But that's my first question,
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whenever I am
doing marriage counseling
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and it usually throw people off.
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So why you don't
want to get married?
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Well, that's a way
we love each other.
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I've heard many people say that.
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I've heard many people say that.
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They say, I can't
live without this person,
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they say that
and six months later
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in my office saying I
can't live with this person.
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I said, there has to be
something better than that.
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And then, and you
can stay off with that,
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but you have to move from that
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if you really
want that marriage.
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And that's what I
encourage them to do.
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I say, well,
that's good, that's,
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but that's not
gonna be strong enough
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to weather the storms
that you're going to face.
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If you want to
weather the storms
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that you're going to face
and I didn't understand this
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in my first marriage.
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You're gonna have to,
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you're gonna have to
move to a higher purpose.
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And that higher
purpose is got to be,
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because it's God's will, because
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if you marry for that reason.
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When things go all
right, you'll go to the God
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that He's impressed
you and speak with Him
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and surrender to
Him and deal with Him
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and He will give you
what you need to do His will.
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And the only reason that
marriage will ever dissolve.
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If that's the purpose for which
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both of you are getting married.
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It will only be because
that's God's will. Amen.
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And when people
really deal with that,
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here is where I'm
on this issue now.
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When you have two
people that understand that
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and have come together
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because God has
led them together.
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And then they consistently
surrender to God's will
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throughout that marriage.
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In my opinion, I feel
that there will be no divorce.
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The only reason
divorce happens is
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because of the
hardness of the heart.
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And we'll get into that possibly
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little later, hopefully.
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But if we stay open
to the spirit of God
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and God has led us together,
He'll keep us together.
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And so if we both
do that and that's what
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my wife and I have
come to, I told her,
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when we were courting,
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I said, even when we
first start I told her,
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"That I'm looking for a woman
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who loves God more
than she love me." Amen.
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And I know that doesn't sound
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as romantic as
we like for it to.
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And it's not as traditional,
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it's not the
traditional thinking,
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but I totally agree with you.
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Yes, and as you measure in it
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and there is a-- You can
even look at it for selfish,
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because I know this.
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If you love God
more than you love me.
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You're going to love me
the way I need to be loved.
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If you love me
more than you love God,
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then you're gonna use me
like a junky use his drugs.
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I need for you to make me happy.
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I need for you
to make me secure,
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and you're gonna wear me out.
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And that's what is
happening in a lot of marriages.
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I know it sounds
good when they says,
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you are the sunshine of my life.
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Well, I told you,
if I'm your sunshine,
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you're gonna
have many dark days.
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And that's true with anybody.
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I don't care how good they are,
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they're human beings. Amen.
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They are faulty human beings
with needs and personalities
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that are different from our own.
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And even when
you're not trying to do
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what's wrong, even if
you're being the best you can,
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because you're
different from that person.
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There are gonna be
things that you conflict on
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for as little
simple things in mind--,
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you know, we've got into them,
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there are some big ones over.
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I want the window
up, but I want it down.
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I want the covers
on and I want them off.
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You know, I want
the air conditioner on,
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and I want it off, I mean.
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And those things can grow into
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and if you don't let,
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if you don't let
God deal with you.
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So it needs more than
just your love for me.
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It has to be a higher source,
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a higher part, a
higher kind of love. Amen.
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And only God can give it.
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And one thing that
I've, that I've counsel on,
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pastor, is that,
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is that the
foundation has to be secure,
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because if you had truly
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are building your
foundation on that rock. Yes.
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Then you can add
other rooms. Yes.
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Without having to
worry constantly about going,
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dissolving
underneath your feet. Yes.
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And then just going
out into the ocean. Yes.
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So, is that foundation that
is and you're exactly right.
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I mean, I love the way
that you're putting this.
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Yes. Amen.
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And so that's something that,
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you know, it really, it
really meant a lot to me,
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really means a
lot to me and it has,
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it has more
impact on the marriage.
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You know, and let
me read this to you.
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I mean, I really
appreciate your book here.
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"How Surrender
Makes Marriage Happier,
00:10:14.30\00:10:16.18
Divorce a f Blessing,
the Single Life Fulfilling."
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Let me read this right here
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'cause this kind
of show our audience,
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kind of some of your style.
00:10:23.43\00:10:25.93
When we stop
trying to find love,
00:10:25.94\00:10:28.57
security, significance,
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and fulfillment
in another person
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and start seeking to
know and surrender fully
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to God's will for our lives.
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We will begin to
experience the truth
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in Psalms 37:4
and 5, which says,
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"Delight thyself
also in the Lord,
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and He shall give the
desires of your heart.
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Commit your way unto
the Lord, trust in Him,
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and He shall bring it to pass.
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This is the sure
result of daily surrender
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to God's purpose for marriage."
00:10:57.39\00:10:59.39
Yes, yes, and
that something that,
00:10:59.40\00:11:02.50
you know, it's
hard for us to come to--
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It sounds good to us,
but we say, I don't know,
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if that can
truly work in--it does
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and I want to get into
that, but there's something
00:11:14.96\00:11:19.06
that I like to
get into before that.
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And that, you know,
because in this marriage thing,
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we dealt what's here.
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The next thing I say,
you have to why marry?
00:11:28.93\00:11:32.79
I dealt with, how do
you become one? Amen.
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Because again marriage
00:11:37.71\00:11:39.52
is a process of God making
those two individuals one.
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And in today's world,
00:11:45.73\00:11:48.16
it has become
very, very complicated
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because this word
of submitting and,
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you know, is involved
in this oneness thing.
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I mean, if we're
gonna become one,
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how does that happen?
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Do I have to give up being
me for you to run the show?
00:11:59.96\00:12:04.86
Or and, you know, then
it's a battle with that.
00:12:04.87\00:12:08.90
So it's very important of
how we go about that process
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and God has the
way of becoming one.
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And I, in the book used
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mathematical examples to do it.
00:12:17.40\00:12:20.63
So I just want to
hit that real quick. Yes.
00:12:20.64\00:12:24.33
You know, there are
mathematical examples
00:12:24.34\00:12:29.87
that I used to
talk about oneness.
00:12:29.88\00:12:33.46
I used the addition,
subtraction, and division
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to display the
way we go about it
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and they are the wrong ways.
00:12:42.45\00:12:44.07
One is the way of addition,
which sounds very romantic,
00:12:44.08\00:12:48.00
its addition is
bringing two incomplete numbers
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to form the whole number one.
00:12:55.13\00:12:57.87
As for example,
one-half and one-half,
00:12:57.88\00:13:01.50
neither are complete in
order o for them to be complete,
00:13:01.51\00:13:05.33
you have to join
them with the other.
00:13:05.34\00:13:06.69
And, you know, and there was,
00:13:06.70\00:13:08.21
there was, I
think, it's J. McGuire
00:13:08.22\00:13:11.11
that has a very
popular line where he say,
00:13:11.12\00:13:14.45
you complete me,
and we love that,
00:13:14.46\00:13:17.28
we love that, it's so romantic.
00:13:17.29\00:13:19.02
It fits us and hits
00:13:19.03\00:13:20.62
and specially women
hit to the heart, you know.
00:13:20.63\00:13:25.06
But it's not a good,
00:13:25.07\00:13:26.40
it's not a good way because it,
00:13:26.41\00:13:29.17
it has three problems for
me. It has the wrong source.
00:13:29.18\00:13:35.34
It depends on a wrong
source to meet their needs.
00:13:35.35\00:13:38.91
It also has the
wrong purpose for marriage
00:13:38.92\00:13:42.72
and I cover the right purpose.
00:13:42.73\00:13:44.03
Again the purpose of marriage
00:13:44.04\00:13:46.31
is to develop the
image of God in us.
00:13:46.32\00:13:50.18
That's God's purpose.
00:13:50.19\00:13:51.99
And as we surrender to God,
00:13:52.00\00:13:53.43
then we
surrender to that purpose.
00:13:53.44\00:13:55.02
And I don't have
time to cover that fully,
00:13:55.03\00:13:57.29
but it depends
on the wrong source
00:13:57.30\00:14:01.25
to meet their
need, because it's human.
00:14:01.26\00:14:04.33
It depend, it has the
wrong purpose for marriage
00:14:04.34\00:14:06.68
and that's why the
marriage is on shaky ground,
00:14:06.69\00:14:09.08
plus it has the
wrong kind of love,
00:14:09.09\00:14:11.73
it raise the wrong
kind which is self centered.
00:14:11.74\00:14:14.30
I need you to complete me,
00:14:14.31\00:14:16.42
therefore I'm going to
use you to meet my needs
00:14:16.43\00:14:21.85
and it has become user friendly,
00:14:21.86\00:14:23.50
what I call it a
user friendly marriage.
00:14:23.51\00:14:25.11
I use you and listen you use me,
00:14:25.12\00:14:27.25
I use you, you use me
and it doesn't work out.
00:14:27.26\00:14:30.77
You know, and many
marriages are suffering,
00:14:30.78\00:14:34.25
because there are
two incompletes I can't--
00:14:34.26\00:14:36.93
And as you see people
that kill other people.
00:14:36.94\00:14:40.10
I can't live without
you. I love you too much.
00:14:40.11\00:14:42.86
Well, that's the kind
of love you have for me,
00:14:42.87\00:14:44.97
don't love me, please.
00:14:44.98\00:14:47.20
What really be is, is
you love yourself too much,
00:14:47.21\00:14:50.28
to see them happy without you.
00:14:50.29\00:14:52.39
And you've been using
them for your happiness
00:14:52.40\00:14:54.31
and you can't make
it anymore without them,
00:14:54.32\00:14:56.59
so you'll kill him.
00:14:56.60\00:14:57.84
That's not good and it's
miserable and even the best.
00:14:57.85\00:15:01.92
Now there are some of us
that have married like that
00:15:01.93\00:15:04.18
and because we have
similar personalities,
00:15:04.19\00:15:06.46
we can find a
degree of happiness.
00:15:06.47\00:15:08.91
But never can we find the
joy, the fullness of the joy,
00:15:08.92\00:15:13.71
where the Lord describes,
when the Lord is my shepherd
00:15:13.72\00:15:16.58
I shall not want. Amen.
00:15:16.59\00:15:18.15
I shall not want.
00:15:18.16\00:15:19.54
When we understand
that because when our mates
00:15:19.55\00:15:22.02
aren't meeting our needs,
00:15:22.03\00:15:24.36
we note it they
are not the source
00:15:24.37\00:15:25.74
and we can go to the source,
00:15:25.75\00:15:27.23
receive that and
love them in spite of,
00:15:27.24\00:15:31.04
you know, the fact that
they're not meeting that need.
00:15:31.05\00:15:33.42
Because there's no human
being on the face of this earth
00:15:33.43\00:15:36.42
that's going to be so perfect
00:15:36.43\00:15:37.77
that they meet all of our needs,
00:15:37.78\00:15:38.97
all of us are needy.
00:15:38.98\00:15:40.89
That means when
I marry a person,
00:15:40.90\00:15:42.55
they have their
issues, I have mine
00:15:42.56\00:15:45.14
and they can't be my all in all
00:15:45.15\00:15:46.71
and I can't be
their all in all. Amen.
00:15:46.72\00:15:48.48
And there are places
we're gonna meet in the middle
00:15:48.49\00:15:50.24
and really, but
there are other place
00:15:50.25\00:15:51.74
where we're gonna rub.
00:15:51.75\00:15:53.18
And if we don't have a buffet,
00:15:53.19\00:15:55.09
if we don't have
somewhere else to go,
00:15:55.10\00:15:57.48
to receive what we need.
00:15:57.49\00:15:59.37
Like when my wife
and I have fallen,
00:15:59.38\00:16:01.69
and I have a good wife.
00:16:01.70\00:16:03.11
You know, I had a,
00:16:03.12\00:16:04.64
you know, I don't
want to fault the wife
00:16:04.65\00:16:06.83
I had before, you know.
00:16:06.84\00:16:08.47
I didn't fully understand
what I understand now.
00:16:08.48\00:16:10.78
We were two individuals,
that love the Lord at a time
00:16:10.79\00:16:14.09
and try to do what's right,
00:16:14.10\00:16:15.28
but we were
depending on the wrong source
00:16:15.29\00:16:18.53
for happiness,
00:16:18.54\00:16:19.60
depending on the wrong
power to make it happen
00:16:19.61\00:16:22.80
and relating with
the wrong kind of love.
00:16:22.81\00:16:24.90
And it went to
the--and never and
00:16:24.91\00:16:28.81
we didn't have a
kind of personalities
00:16:28.82\00:16:30.69
that were so meshed,
00:16:30.70\00:16:32.07
that we could survive like that.
00:16:32.08\00:16:33.88
Unlike, I say, even
the ones that do survive,
00:16:33.89\00:16:35.82
they don't reach the pinnacle
of what God wants for them,
00:16:35.83\00:16:38.08
because we limit. So
that one doesn't work.
00:16:38.09\00:16:41.80
Then there is
subtraction measure
00:16:41.81\00:16:43.03
which is more popular one.
00:16:43.04\00:16:44.46
Which is subjecting a
lesser number to a more,
00:16:44.47\00:16:49.21
a higher number two minus one,
00:16:49.22\00:16:53.13
one is more
powerful than the other.
00:16:53.14\00:16:54.70
And they're both together
not for a need to feel loved.
00:16:54.71\00:17:00.40
They're both together
00:17:00.41\00:17:02.19
for a need to feel
powerful and in control.
00:17:02.20\00:17:05.32
Even though the one
that's not they're submitting,
00:17:05.33\00:17:08.06
because they feel so powerless
00:17:08.07\00:17:09.66
that they have to get somebody
00:17:09.67\00:17:10.66
more powerful than themselves.
00:17:10.67\00:17:11.95
And through them
and submitting to them,
00:17:11.96\00:17:13.92
they can receive their power.
00:17:13.93\00:17:15.90
Both for user
friendly as same thing
00:17:15.91\00:17:18.53
is just that is more degrading,
00:17:18.54\00:17:20.64
because and that's
the more traditional.
00:17:20.65\00:17:22.83
I'm the man of the house and,
00:17:22.84\00:17:25.10
you know, we're going to--
00:17:25.11\00:17:26.88
And that sounds
like the right way,
00:17:26.89\00:17:28.77
but the problem again is,
you know, the wrong source,
00:17:28.78\00:17:32.85
the wrong purpose and
the wrong kind of love.
00:17:32.86\00:17:35.97
Now then there is the--
Then there is the division
00:17:35.98\00:17:39.54
and their purpose for
coming together is two equals,
00:17:39.55\00:17:43.80
you know, one
divided by one equals one.
00:17:43.81\00:17:47.33
And there the issue is,
00:17:47.34\00:17:48.33
now you have to
treat me like an equal.
00:17:48.34\00:17:50.04
That's more the
modern kind of marriage.
00:17:50.05\00:17:51.71
You know, I'm your
equal, and no longer
00:17:51.72\00:17:53.05
you're degrading to me.
00:17:53.06\00:17:54.54
I you know-- I
don't want to hear that.
00:17:54.55\00:17:56.56
And so the thing that bonds them
00:17:56.57\00:17:59.80
is you make me feel equal,
00:17:59.81\00:18:02.85
you don't make me feel less than
00:18:02.86\00:18:04.17
and I'll keep you with that.
00:18:04.18\00:18:06.24
But anytime you
make me feel less than,
00:18:06.25\00:18:08.56
I'm through with you
or with the other one
00:18:08.57\00:18:11.40
anytime you make
me feel not in control
00:18:11.41\00:18:14.28
and powerful, I'm going to.
00:18:14.29\00:18:16.84
And the other one is anytime
you don't make me feel loved,
00:18:16.85\00:18:20.22
you know, and complete.
00:18:20.23\00:18:22.30
You know, I'm-- So all of them,
00:18:22.31\00:18:24.51
you know, that need is there,
depending on the wrong source
00:18:24.52\00:18:27.73
because that
source is gonna fail you.
00:18:27.74\00:18:29.93
I'm okay, how good a
source, they even like I said,
00:18:29.94\00:18:31.72
the best marriages,
you have issues when
00:18:31.73\00:18:33.97
they don't make you feel.
00:18:33.98\00:18:35.11
And if you don't really have
00:18:35.12\00:18:36.97
the right kind of
relationship with God,
00:18:36.98\00:18:38.30
you just deal with it.
00:18:38.31\00:18:40.17
And you move on,
because it's not as painful,
00:18:40.18\00:18:43.29
because they do
meet it pretty good,
00:18:43.30\00:18:46.13
you just deal
with that and move off.
00:18:46.14\00:18:48.37
But there are
pains and there are scars
00:18:48.38\00:18:51.73
that haven't been
healed, because you're not,
00:18:51.74\00:18:53.81
you haven't gone to the Lord.
00:18:53.82\00:18:54.82
Now, and so let me get
to the one that does work
00:18:54.83\00:18:57.99
or that I feel is that reflects
00:18:58.00\00:19:01.03
what God has for us
00:19:01.04\00:19:02.33
and that's the
exponential math tested,
00:19:02.34\00:19:05.13
new math, they didn't
have when I was there,
00:19:05.14\00:19:06.60
so I'm glad, is up
one, but I know this,
00:19:06.61\00:19:10.90
it--and without you know,
00:19:10.91\00:19:14.03
I really deal with
it more in the book,
00:19:14.04\00:19:16.05
but let me just-- Some of it--
00:19:16.06\00:19:17.23
I will let through that one is,
00:19:17.24\00:19:20.70
is not two
incompletes coming together,
00:19:20.71\00:19:24.29
neither is more powerful,
00:19:24.30\00:19:27.11
you know, it's
taking away from the other.
00:19:27.12\00:19:29.81
Or neither it is two equals
that duplicate each other,
00:19:29.82\00:19:34.15
duplicate, duplicate.
00:19:34.16\00:19:37.83
It is two whole
numbers coming together
00:19:37.84\00:19:44.27
increasing the power of both.
00:19:44.28\00:19:47.64
It is one raised
to the power of two.
00:19:47.65\00:19:52.16
Where they go
through life as one,
00:19:52.17\00:19:54.76
but they had the
impact on life as two. Amen.
00:19:54.77\00:19:58.81
It doesn't take
away from either one,
00:19:58.82\00:20:00.43
it enhances and
makes the whole great up.
00:20:00.44\00:20:06.15
And it is--they depend on
they know for that to happen,
00:20:06.16\00:20:09.57
they have to depend
on the right source,
00:20:09.58\00:20:12.47
because to feel complete,
00:20:12.48\00:20:15.68
to feel whole,
to meet their need.
00:20:15.69\00:20:18.17
Because there's
two complete people,
00:20:18.18\00:20:20.25
you have to behold, you can't
come to the marriage needy.
00:20:20.26\00:20:25.00
Oh, I need for you to do this
00:20:25.01\00:20:26.20
or you can't--and even
being in control is needy
00:20:26.21\00:20:29.24
when you come with
this subtraction measure.
00:20:29.25\00:20:30.98
Even the one that
sounds equal is needy,
00:20:30.99\00:20:33.84
because I need for
you to make me feel equal.
00:20:33.85\00:20:36.35
When you make me feel less than,
00:20:36.36\00:20:38.65
I can't handle that.
00:20:38.66\00:20:40.36
That's needy,
you have to behold,
00:20:40.37\00:20:43.44
you have to be such that
00:20:43.45\00:20:44.54
even when your mate
doesn't make you feel,
00:20:44.55\00:20:47.44
like you feel you
need to be treated,
00:20:47.45\00:20:49.35
you can love them anyway.
00:20:49.36\00:20:51.59
That's because you have a source
00:20:51.60\00:20:54.77
that is meeting
your needs all the time
00:20:54.78\00:20:58.27
and inspite of the fact, that
00:20:58.28\00:20:59.99
you're not being allowed
to used right now to meet,
00:21:00.00\00:21:02.40
I like for you
to, but if you don't,
00:21:02.41\00:21:04.59
I'm not walking around
like a beggar with my cup,
00:21:04.60\00:21:07.45
please make me feel secure,
00:21:07.46\00:21:09.09
please make me feel more whole,
00:21:09.10\00:21:10.85
please make me feel
powerful and control.
00:21:10.86\00:21:13.16
My God makes me
feel that way. Amen.
00:21:13.17\00:21:15.13
You know, and so when you don't,
00:21:15.14\00:21:16.96
I can love you anyway. Amen.
00:21:16.97\00:21:19.13
And so you have that and
then, and that's in Christ,
00:21:19.14\00:21:24.65
that's only way it's
possible for that to happen.
00:21:24.66\00:21:27.22
You know, that's the only way,
you have to be surrendering.
00:21:27.23\00:21:30.09
You have to be dealing
with God on a regular basis,
00:21:30.10\00:21:32.75
because you cannot do that.
00:21:32.76\00:21:34.90
And my wife and I, you
know, we've had our fall outs,
00:21:34.91\00:21:38.59
but because we
both understand that,
00:21:38.60\00:21:40.60
we've had some and
specially the first
00:21:40.61\00:21:42.35
there were some
things where I walked away,
00:21:42.36\00:21:44.35
I see and it wasn't because
of the something terrible,
00:21:44.36\00:21:46.03
it's just that,
their personality
00:21:46.04\00:21:48.37
and my personality clash.
00:21:48.38\00:21:50.66
And I went to the kitchen
00:21:50.67\00:21:52.51
and I said, O Lord,
what I've got myself into.
00:21:52.52\00:21:54.90
Am I into this thing
again, what's going on,
00:21:54.91\00:21:57.14
I had a let Him deal with me.
00:21:57.15\00:21:58.97
And the Lord had to deal,
let me know--discuss we had.
00:21:58.98\00:22:03.06
She went and did the same thing.
00:22:03.07\00:22:05.43
It brought us back together.
00:22:05.44\00:22:06.91
As result of
those kinds of things,
00:22:06.92\00:22:09.52
our marriage bond
has gotten stronger,
00:22:09.53\00:22:11.18
we've bonded even more--
00:22:11.19\00:22:12.24
Now those kind of
things that we overcome those,
00:22:12.25\00:22:14.38
those come up they had no issue.
00:22:14.39\00:22:16.87
See, so what
doesn't break the marriage,
00:22:16.88\00:22:18.74
only makes it stronger.
00:22:18.75\00:22:20.01
And when we went to God,
He gave me, because there,
00:22:20.02\00:22:23.13
I'll tell you, my nature,
just being totally honest.
00:22:23.14\00:22:26.67
My natural nature
because of the way I am,
00:22:26.68\00:22:29.94
because the way of my lifestyle,
00:22:29.95\00:22:31.63
I've dealt when I was out there.
00:22:31.64\00:22:35.66
If you make me feel
00:22:35.67\00:22:39.27
that you're going
to be a hassle for me,
00:22:39.28\00:22:42.73
and you're not
gonna, I'm pretty, I'm done.
00:22:42.74\00:22:44.74
I don't need you, I can
move on quickly to someone
00:22:44.75\00:22:48.75
who I feel will, there's a
lot of more fish in the sea.
00:22:48.76\00:22:51.60
That's mean it by nature.
00:22:51.61\00:22:53.28
God is changing that. Amen.
00:22:53.29\00:22:55.26
Because see,
that's self centered.
00:22:55.27\00:22:57.35
God is making me like Him. Amen.
00:22:57.36\00:23:00.71
Relating with a love
that's not self centered,
00:23:00.72\00:23:03.35
but a love that
is other centered.
00:23:03.36\00:23:05.26
Not based on what
you do for me lately,
00:23:05.27\00:23:08.34
but what God
through me can do for you.
00:23:08.35\00:23:11.63
It is not what you
give me, it's what,
00:23:11.64\00:23:14.06
it I have not come
to be ministered unto,
00:23:14.07\00:23:16.22
but to minister.
00:23:16.23\00:23:17.59
And in giving I
receive more joy. Amen.
00:23:17.60\00:23:19.60
Because I'm
getting the love from God
00:23:19.61\00:23:22.80
and God's love is so
full and complete in me,
00:23:22.81\00:23:26.70
that it just bubbles open
my desire to just minister
00:23:26.71\00:23:29.40
and be a blessing to you.
00:23:29.41\00:23:30.96
You know, and if you get
two people to understand that,
00:23:30.97\00:23:33.39
you got a little
bit of heaven on earth.
00:23:33.40\00:23:35.31
You know, because
God's love in them
00:23:35.32\00:23:36.87
is empowering them
to love you like that
00:23:36.88\00:23:39.05
and even when your
human frailty is come in
00:23:39.06\00:23:41.17
and they will, you know,
00:23:41.18\00:23:42.63
because even though I'm
like this you better believe,
00:23:42.64\00:23:44.40
O great comes
out, you know still,
00:23:44.41\00:23:46.42
but because my wife is dealing,
00:23:46.43\00:23:48.38
she can handle and move on
and then the Lord checks me
00:23:48.39\00:23:50.91
and works with me on that
00:23:50.92\00:23:52.04
and that's a
beautiful thing. Amen.
00:23:52.05\00:23:53.57
It's a beautiful thing.
00:23:53.58\00:23:54.60
And that's almost so,
and so how we become one?
00:23:54.61\00:23:59.01
In order to
become one like that,
00:23:59.02\00:24:01.10
you have to be dealing
with surrender on a daily basis.
00:24:01.11\00:24:04.44
I know that, I
get quite a few calls,
00:24:04.45\00:24:07.03
I'm looking for a godly man.
00:24:07.04\00:24:09.57
Can we pray for a godly man
00:24:09.58\00:24:11.35
and my counsel is I think
that I'll start with yourself.
00:24:11.36\00:24:14.39
Why don't you just ask the Lord
00:24:14.40\00:24:15.87
to prepare you to
be a godly wife? Yes.
00:24:15.88\00:24:18.08
Prepare you to be a
scriptural wife. Yes.
00:24:18.09\00:24:20.70
The gentleman call and
says, oh, I just would look,
00:24:20.71\00:24:22.87
I'm looking for a godly wife.
00:24:22.88\00:24:24.59
Why don't you ask the
Lord to help prepare your heart
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to be a godly husband? Yes.
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And then leave it up to God
to bring the two together. Yes.
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You know, that's His work. Yes.
00:24:34.22\00:24:36.20
And I like that
because here once again
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as you're saying, you know,
you put him back in charge.
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Everything comes,
everything continues to go back.
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Put God in-charge, let
Him work through you. Yes.
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For His perfect will. Yes.
00:24:50.36\00:24:51.95
You know, you're
also, you're also
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and your book deal with
00:24:55.00\00:24:56.25
the three
aspects of oneness. Yes.
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Okay, exactly what are
you talking about here?
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Well, I'm dealing with
the three aspects of oneness
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because oneness
includes certain things,
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bonding, control, submission.
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I mean, when you
deal with oneness,
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you're gonna
deal with the bonding,
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because you're coming together.
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Go and deal with control,
because as you're one now,
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who's gonna control?
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And you're gonna
deal with submission.
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And I'm trying to say
this as quickly as possible.
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Bonding is, is
going in the thing
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that brought you together.
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Now if the a thing
brought you together,
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the need to be may complete,
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the more they
make you feel complete,
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the more you bond. Amen.
00:25:44.38\00:25:46.03
The more they make you
feel powerful and in control,
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the more you bond.
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The more you did
make me feel equal,
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the more you bond.
00:25:51.37\00:25:52.40
The more they make
you not feel like that,
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less you bond. Those don't work.
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If what brought you
together is God's will.
00:25:59.30\00:26:05.80
Then what's going
to cause you to bond,
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is submitting to God's will.
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And the more you
submit to God's will which is,
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you know, what
brought you together
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so you're gonna
continue to do that.
00:26:15.90\00:26:18.82
The more you're gonna bond.
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Then the control, that's again,
00:26:22.32\00:26:24.56
if you use the
other one to control
00:26:24.57\00:26:26.98
is more about manipulation.
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I'll give you control as
long as you meet my needs.
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You know, and I manipulate you
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and you use manipulation
to get control, you know.
00:26:34.52\00:26:37.81
I fix breakfast for
you, I'll dress up you know,
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why are doing that?
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So I can get you
to do what I want.
00:26:41.35\00:26:43.47
You know, and there are people
00:26:43.48\00:26:44.51
that would--people say,
"I want to buy this for you,"
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I said, "Why," you know,
if you're doing it for me,
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I don't want that.
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Well, that's what I
want to get for you.
00:26:50.09\00:26:51.32
Well, I thought you
are doing this for me.
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See you're doing that
because it make you feel good.
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And if you're doing
it for me then here is
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how I would like for you do it.
00:26:56.72\00:26:57.97
But that's what we
do, you know, we say,
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well, I'm a giving person,
my problem is, I give too much.
00:26:59.52\00:27:02.44
What if you're
giving for the right reason,
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you didn't give, because
it's in your heart to give.
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So why is that a problem?
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'cause you didn't expect
anything that you gave it,
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just the giving was the reward.
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You gave for a certain response
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that's why it has now.
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So that, you know, control,
00:27:14.86\00:27:18.21
if--again I'll say with control,
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but when it comes
to the right method,
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control is given to
whoever best ministers
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to the marriage
hold in that area.
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And you both because
you're submitting to God,
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you submit, you're
able to submit to the other,
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because God will
work, I said, this one,
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you know, because
you're both submitting.
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You know, this one has
more capacity in that area,
00:27:40.36\00:27:43.25
to bless the marriage,
00:27:43.26\00:27:44.68
not them, you know. Yeah.
00:27:44.69\00:27:48.17
Well here again, we're just flat
00:27:48.18\00:27:50.57
run out of time, pastor. Okay.
00:27:50.58\00:27:52.68
I just want to thank you so much
00:27:52.69\00:27:54.32
for being here
with us today. Yes.
00:27:54.33\00:27:56.24
I mean, it's
obvious that you know your,
00:27:56.25\00:27:59.87
you know what we're
talking about today.
00:27:59.88\00:28:01.98
And I just want to
thank each one of you
00:28:01.99\00:28:04.50
for joining us at
Issues and Answers.
00:28:04.51\00:28:07.05
I just ask that God
be with each one of you
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and bless you abundantly.
00:28:09.11\00:28:11.16